0:00

All rise. I'm Miss Pat, and I'm the

0:02

judge of my new show, Miss Pat Settles

0:04

It. The way you cut that wig, baby,

0:06

you had glue coma. Because your eyes was

0:09

glue shut. I will be

0:11

bringing the realness with some off-the-wall cases. I

0:13

think she got your rent money on her

0:15

hands. And my own jury made up of

0:17

friends and guest stars. Is there any way

0:19

for us to see the video? He know all about

0:21

videos. Y'all may have

0:24

started, but I'm finna settle it. Miss Pat

0:26

Settles It, new series Wednesday, October 18th

0:28

at 10 on BET. Hey, it's

0:30

white boy Chris. If the Pat-Downs ever made

0:32

you laugh, then join our Patreon and support

0:35

us. Get bonus content, a t-shirt, or an

0:37

autographed copy of Rabbit, Miss Pat's autobiography. Visit

0:39

misspatcomedy.com for the link to the Patreon, and

0:41

while you're there, join our Facebook group. Welcome

0:44

to another episode of the Pat-Down,

0:46

and I'm here with my friend,

0:50

Chris. And Spangler. Close.

0:55

And Dionne Griffin. What up, y'all? I

0:57

blanked the fuck out. My

1:01

lunch. I'm here on set at the Miss

1:03

Pat Show. So we're gonna make this sweet, fast,

1:08

short, and a little gay. Get it

1:11

like them. Get it like them. I

1:14

gotta go back to goddamn work. But

1:16

I had to come and talk to y'all,

1:18

cause I love you guys. So y'all stay

1:21

tuned after the music, and we're gonna learn

1:23

how Dionne lost his dick in

1:25

an alligator pond. I'm out.

1:27

Bye. You

1:30

better get up, get out and tune

1:32

into this podcast. Miss

1:34

Pat spit the truth, spit the real

1:36

fact. Nothing but the other classy at

1:38

the same time. Pat got the flavor.

1:40

These are not your same line. That's

1:42

the politics, she been on a real

1:44

grind. It could be pretty, but ugly

1:46

at the same time. Just tune in,

1:48

put your lock on the spindown. Ain't

1:50

no need for the wait. And turn

1:52

up now. Let's talk about it. It's

1:55

real though, they cut the game. You get

1:58

no play like Nintendo. But

4:00

not to get used to that because that shit

4:02

only lasts eight to ten weeks. Mm-hmm.

4:04

And I

4:07

just, I don't want to start nothing I can't keep

4:09

up. You can, I can see

4:11

how people get sucked into that and start thinking

4:14

they're very special. When

4:16

you live, if you lived on set like that, you

4:19

could see how that happened easy. Especially

4:22

if you are, if you are a

4:24

child actor, actor, actress

4:27

or whatever the fuck. Yeah,

4:30

we have to start young. We

4:33

have to really get a guest cast. What's

4:36

the lady name? Deborah

4:39

Wilson. Y'all know who that is? And can you say that?

4:41

Do I need to edit that out? Okay.

4:45

I know that for Mad TV. Always

4:47

flake Whitney Houston. Oh my gosh. Yeah,

4:50

she's fantastic. Yeah. I

4:53

won't tell y'all the road to Shoozle, but daddy,

4:56

when I tell you she is selling it, she's

4:58

getting shit out of me. She

5:01

was great with her feud with Bret Hart. Y'all

5:06

remember that? What? She had a

5:08

feud with Bret Hart on Mad TV. Oh

5:10

really? The rest of it hurt. Yeah. Her

5:15

and that fat white dude that was on Mad TV.

5:19

Will's last name. Yeah. Him and,

5:22

him, her and Bret Hart had a

5:24

feud on Mad TV. I don't know if it was real or

5:26

not, but that shit was funny. Really?

5:30

Let's see if I can find it. What

5:32

happened to Mad TV? I guess nobody can

5:34

really compete against Saturday Night Live, huh? I

5:38

liked it better a lot of the time. They

5:40

changed the cast. Yeah. And

5:44

I think that's what killed it. Like they

5:46

got a bunch of new, because it was

5:49

Aries Spear, Deborah Wilson. What's

5:53

that black dude's name? I Just saw

5:55

him. He was in the Leo on Netflix.

5:58

He does a shit ton of voices. Yeah.

6:01

What's his second day I wouldn't use and co

6:03

that I remember. That. Can

6:06

what she'd known for from that. Was.

6:08

The. One Alamo answer the the

6:10

where did the real with the news. Level

6:12

collier with a bit. This.

6:18

Is that? I

6:20

wanted it real with a new several call of them have

6:22

been so that they are may have. To.

6:25

Veto I have a rather see another

6:27

scheduled in said in Iraq. as good

6:29

as their My Last gallo. Really want

6:31

them on. Yeah.

6:34

They did simpli safe. Bet.

6:36

I agree. Say you know where you

6:38

hours the A mother's love What? I.

6:40

Was yeah I'll stay so like weeds

6:42

out. The

6:45

only time they're not safe in burn in

6:47

that. Michael J. and Carlin said

6:49

a segment. Yeah, well, you know why there's

6:52

a half or I just learned this like

6:54

last week. The reason as a half time

6:56

Superbowl show. Is. The used to

6:58

have like marching bands and all kinds

7:00

of dumb shit and then in Living

7:02

Color had a from right after Fox's

7:05

premiering they Counter program The Superbowl. They

7:07

said hey, during the halftime show we're

7:09

going to have dancing and music and

7:11

sketches. Come on over And like thirty

7:13

five million people. Switched. Over and

7:15

that's the next year. They got Michael Jackson to

7:18

do the halftime show because everybody realized oh, there's

7:20

an audience for this It was in living color

7:22

That totally changed it. Madden.

7:25

I know that. Yes, Already

7:28

came family black get it is. no.

7:33

Hope with number her. Enjoy

7:40

using number one zero.

7:45

zero golden boys to bring

7:48

is so great american classics

7:50

with her double cd said

7:52

he screws up the classics

8:00

is and

8:10

as Whitney sprues up your favorite

8:12

classics over and over again who

8:15

told you to stop music? who told

8:17

you to stop? bitch who told you

8:19

to stop? oh yeah

8:21

tell him Bobby's cosplay is not

8:23

for bail I'm not playing smoking

8:27

on a dog in a vase she's

8:30

a crazy you

8:35

think she would quit? oh

8:37

but no, not with me

8:39

she's high and we recorded her

8:41

on her double-aided collection listen

8:45

as she screws up one song ever did

8:47

they say she was high? yes you

8:50

need to get off this thing you're not

8:52

gonna get off this thing you're not gonna

8:54

get off this thing did they

8:56

say she was high? yes you

8:59

need to get off this boring crap you're

9:02

not gonna get off this yo,

9:06

I said six books even

9:09

her pimp, I knew husband for husband this

9:12

is the end of the act like

9:17

sweet mountains do that's not

9:20

what we want like

9:22

plain sea you

9:25

like to live burgundy I

9:27

dare take my life I

9:30

don't have time for

9:33

this to be to

9:35

pay with the secret look

9:38

at his nose, it's

9:41

white Bobby,

9:44

you ain't had a hit in ten years well I'm about to have one

9:46

right now girl move out to make it no wait a minute no, no,

9:48

no, no, no go for it she

9:50

started choking her and kissing her hahahahaha

9:54

no No.

10:05

Around. Anymore. Oh

10:08

man, Nineties television. The people that

10:10

oh is this so cancer is

10:12

way more conservative now that I've

10:14

been watching Married With Children again

10:16

and always. The. Night is

10:18

T V was not joking around.

10:20

Also one holistic right? I will

10:22

be right back. Yeah.

10:24

You gotta ask her if with every sad about

10:27

that that was spicy. Com

10:29

I ng said so. I'm Deborah Gonna

10:31

exit. And law and the

10:34

when or the fuck out. But

10:36

then segment was the the for everybody

10:38

went south. That's

10:40

Oakland real. I have a stash of

10:43

did active and bad both it is.

10:47

My days as the it is night

10:49

Tv with assortments battle when you can.

10:52

Be. I they're all. Everybody's

10:55

afraid of the it's the old church

10:57

ladies that used to cancel. Bob and

10:59

Tom and Howard Stern never went away. They're

11:02

still around you just now. You've added.

11:04

Young. White progressive when. I.

11:09

Think the understanding was different back

11:11

in the nineties like. Those

11:14

old flirt made to hurt people's feelings. They

11:16

are made to be funny Whereas now see

11:18

make those jokes people assume it's out had

11:20

somebody seal is instead of just make that

11:23

joke that that there. Are

11:26

no They called a shift in thinking

11:28

process of who decided to be funny

11:30

to the sony. nothing about hurt people's

11:32

feelings whereas nowadays. Everybody

11:34

so self conscious and afraid I'm

11:36

send people get was and then

11:38

that also concrete this whole. You.

11:41

Know group of people who are intentionally

11:43

offensive and trying to say Isis yes

11:45

and I saw John Cleese lives use

11:47

really good is the Monty Python guy

11:50

and he was saying you know, You.

11:53

Make. Racial. jokes used to make

11:55

polish jokes and jewish jokes all that and it

11:57

was because you were is like you make him

11:59

You're making fun of your cousin. You're

12:02

not making fun of, I forget the term

12:04

he used, but like... Oh, racist people. Yeah,

12:06

it's like we all lived next

12:08

to each other. We were ethnically identifying as one

12:10

thing, but we weren't being mean. You weren't trying

12:13

to hurt people's feelings. You were just sort of

12:15

like making jokes like you would

12:17

as your brother when we were writing Monty

12:19

Python. And he's like, now everybody

12:21

takes everything as if you're trying to be

12:24

intentionally hurtful as opposed to just sort of...

12:27

Like, you love Nikea. You don't think he's

12:29

really that stupid or fat. He

12:35

can't put words in people's mouth, Chris. I

12:41

figured she'd follow it up with,

12:43

no. She

12:49

looked at me like the Grinch. You've

12:52

heard her say she don't love you like

12:54

Jesus do. She want her goddamn money. I

12:58

just think the world is just... fucking...

13:02

You know, I'm not saying you

13:04

got to be rude. I

13:07

mean, you wouldn't say... I

13:14

mean, you can't say stuff like, you know,

13:17

all gay people should die. But

13:20

you definitely should be able to make a gay joke and

13:22

not all gay people cry about. Yeah,

13:24

like the Senate guy. There's lots of comedy in

13:26

the Senate guy getting fucked in the Senate. Was

13:29

he... Did he work there? Yes.

13:34

I had to be a dream for him to

13:36

get fucked there. Who fucked him? It

13:38

was a German guy. It

13:42

was a German guy who's here on Exchange.

13:46

Who recorded it? Them.

13:49

They did it. He uploaded his own

13:51

Snapchat. So

13:53

I'm at the work Christmas party yesterday, and

13:55

somebody goes, oh, congratulations on your kids. Can

13:58

I see a picture? And

14:00

I go, sure, so I pull out my phone,

14:03

and this is the photo that popped up. Oh

14:07

my God. It's him. That's

14:09

the guy, he was the bottom. Yeah. So

14:12

his name, Aiden

14:15

was the staffer for a Democratic

14:17

Senator and they were in the House

14:19

Judiciary Committee room and he put it

14:21

up on Snapchat, on

14:23

the closed private circle Snapchat. So

14:25

somebody snitched and it said, this is

14:28

where Justice, what's his

14:30

face, testified and this is where she

14:32

testified. And then this is where I

14:34

got a German sausage covered

14:36

in Jager sauce. And

14:39

somebody sent that to the Daily

14:41

Caller who then put it out and

14:43

posted the video of him getting slammed from behind.

14:45

They posted the actual video of him getting, and

14:49

then they noted that it was unprotected

14:51

sex, so he got fired. And

14:55

then the, the liberal said, he got fired

14:57

because he didn't put on a condom. No,

14:59

he got fired because he fucked in the

15:02

judiciary room on some Senator's desk. You

15:04

can't do that. He didn't put out a

15:06

statement saying that that dick don't have nothing to do

15:08

with the work he do. He put

15:11

out a statement basically saying, I think

15:13

it's unfortunate that I'm getting backlash because

15:15

of homophobia. No motherfucker,

15:17

you fucked in the judiciary room. Yeah.

15:19

That's you got a fire for where

15:22

you got fucked and I fucked you.

15:26

But they, that they identified the guy who

15:28

was fucking him and it was this

15:30

German exchange student who was like, he's

15:33

really handsome too. I'll see if I can find a picture.

15:38

So they, they know each other. Did he come all the

15:40

way to America for that bully? Uh,

15:42

I think they met, you

15:44

know, that's a long way

15:46

to try to fuck a lady. They

15:48

done that down the street. I run out of gas.

15:51

That's a long way to travel. Who

15:55

are you fucking that right out of gas? Oh,

15:59

he's been crazy. Onlyfans. Yeah, he's on

16:01

a Reddit. He's

16:03

got a subreddit

16:06

where he's very

16:08

out, very proud.

16:12

I see what I think, like,

16:15

why would you screw up your life by putting

16:17

it on Snapchat? He must

16:19

have an Onlyfans that he's trying to

16:21

promote because for Google, the rest of his

16:23

life, he will be this guy. Hey.

16:30

I want to be in charge. But the

16:32

whole thing that gets me is you saying that

16:34

they only took it down because

16:36

they realized it was unprotected. Who

16:38

was looking like this? The

16:40

conservative bloggers were. So

16:43

the conservative blogger wrote and said, he ain't

16:46

got no crime. Is

16:49

that a crime? No,

16:52

it's not a crime. Not in

16:54

Texas anymore. It is. All

16:57

lives matter. Yeah,

17:02

you'll get the booty pregnant when they carry out a

17:04

condom bust. It's

17:06

pooping there. No STD

17:08

is floating around in this good old. Is

17:11

he gonna fuck you too?

17:14

Like, I'm not sharing the

17:16

same penis. I don't understand. Have

17:19

you seen the video, Pat? No.

17:22

Do you want to? Yeah, let me see the video. No. No,

17:25

you don't. We

17:27

see the video. All right, hold on. Let

17:30

me find it. I

17:33

can hear the YouTube comments right now. Why can't

17:35

we see the video? You

17:39

can find it. It's

17:42

over at the Daily Caller. Kind of

17:44

trying to find it here. I can find it up on

17:46

the Senate to get banging by Russians. They

17:50

all do it. I don't understand why they're so mad

17:52

at this guy. Yeah, this is not the first person.

17:55

He's not the first person to have sex in

17:57

that room. I Can guarantee you that. Yeah, they

17:59

were having. Second, their way back in

18:01

the day. Bambee! See that Very. Due.

18:04

To give up in the but never

18:06

leave with all the taxpayers get the

18:08

sense that the precipitous Earth day so

18:11

do. They.

18:13

Photos ever that. I'd.

18:15

So here is the article's title of

18:17

senate staffer caught filming gay sex tape

18:19

and senate hearing room. Look.

18:22

At the Archon that vaccines path. Of

18:25

know that out of the the on

18:28

it also have had that kind of

18:30

arts and sports of of gotta be

18:32

B S. oh my god put. Us

18:35

A. Lot of.

18:39

Everybody over there. You

18:42

know others that are gods that my

18:45

desk. Who.

18:52

Oh nothing real pages, the ability

18:54

to settle the matter the of.

18:58

Of. Patents.

19:02

The he's really crazy. Girls

19:05

they were like he was like butt

19:08

naked. They get our this make them

19:10

the his had a pin down again

19:12

no close though as though at all.

19:14

No brown bear but they have. They

19:16

have videotape of every January Six protests

19:19

are invading begin their nose but this

19:21

guy they didn't get on tape. Nobody

19:24

saw saw him walk ins. In

19:27

know what's crazy is. I

19:31

I think nothing of the onset

19:33

what he was fucking idiot. A

19:35

good riddance. Here for recess. Any

19:38

any the barn owls. Cut

19:41

that these the carpet out. What? I've

19:44

done all played that make me happy. Come

19:46

on. Well.

19:50

He that was while was. You can

19:52

definitely say we get thought didn't Andras

19:54

have you ever had sex at work

19:56

that. I

19:59

never really had a. The great teacher you

20:01

did distributor Jasmine Go to. Assess

20:05

Assess. As

20:07

the My Nail Lady get you get never

20:09

walked into your trailer, gave you that look

20:11

and new kicked everybody out. Now

20:14

waiting for him. adults are able. To

20:18

the the a while for we can

20:20

pull up a little enough bequeath. Know.

20:25

I've never had a sailor's are pretty

20:27

close the town i'm ill says a

20:29

major subs. Dion you

20:31

added that? the sex pickle in the freezer,

20:33

right? I

20:35

never has sex. Ed Stag

20:38

Pickle put out old more

20:40

days earlier a lot of

20:42

sex Edward Heath were add

20:44

up his abilities A upstairs

20:46

says oh stage in degree

20:48

room in office I am.

20:52

The. Her back to the kids is.

20:54

Am. Oh.

20:57

My. God. Sc.

21:00

Arab. I was lucky to have more

21:02

success I believe more than. The

21:05

smell is fucking movies s you

21:08

didn't hear him he just said

21:10

he fucked in the kitchen on

21:12

the stage assist assist of everywhere.

21:15

Before. They tore down here. And

21:20

look, Michael says it's in. Her.

21:23

The. Disease. Now don't forget the old

21:25

Morty Nice of sushi place or

21:28

just the Mexican border Hit a

21:30

deer. One

21:33

or more employees so dirty look and

21:35

the president or to approach. As

21:38

L and Casualty I have never came on

21:40

the carpet. Oh

21:43

that was the and and some I'm gonna dig

21:45

for. A

21:47

minute can be any number of. Reports

21:50

that I've literally got three games

21:52

that my father. And

21:56

you know of ours is always try and. What

22:01

is Bowers doing now? He's doing great.

22:03

Last time I saw him on social media he

22:05

was hunting. He lost a bunch of weight. Yeah,

22:08

living in LA, doing rooms. Chris

22:11

Bowers, owner of Morty's. Former owner of Morty's. He

22:14

gained 200 pounds. No, he's skinny,

22:16

skinny. He's

22:18

kept it off. He's

22:21

kept it off. You look skinny too. Like

22:24

I saw a picture of you, Pat, the other day and I went, Holy shit.

22:29

I'm trying. I'm

22:32

trying. I

22:35

ain't officially there yet, but I'm trying.

22:39

Well, unfortunately we have to cut this one short because Pat has

22:41

to go back on set and I've got a meeting at 4. I'm

22:45

on my way back to set, so make sure

22:47

y'all go to misspatcoming.com for tickets for your girl

22:49

that I made it to. I'm on my way

22:51

to Connecticut and I'm on my way over to

22:53

New York for New Year's. And

22:56

make sure you keep watching Miss Pat's television.

22:59

Yeah, congrats on the great ratings. I saw you

23:01

post something that it was doing well and your

23:03

other show was in the top ratings too. Yeah,

23:06

we was 10 of the black shows.

23:08

We two of them. And

23:11

with that said, I will see y'all next week. Thank

23:15

y'all so much for tuning in to another

23:17

episode of the Pat Down. Make sure you

23:20

check out my website at misspatcomedy.com for all

23:22

of my social media, my tour dates, my

23:24

book. Make sure you spread

23:26

the word about my podcast. Please rate

23:29

and review. Please rate and

23:31

review and share. Thank y'all so much y'all. I've

23:33

been Miss Pat.