0:00

Hey, it's White Boy Chris. If the Pat-Down's

0:02

ever made you laugh, then join our Patreon

0:04

and support us. Get bonus content, a t-shirt,

0:06

or an autographed copy of Rabbit, Miss Pat's

0:09

Autobiography. Visit misspatcomedy.com for the link to the

0:11

Patreon, and while you're there, join our Facebook

0:13

group. Welcome to another episode of the

0:15

Pat-Down. I'm here with Chris, who was in

0:17

his car earlier, but fucking fucked

0:19

up his zone. And I'm here

0:22

with Deon, old deadly dick-ass nigga. For

0:24

real, fuck it. I

0:30

got the meats, bitch. You

0:34

know what I hate? I hate when little niggas

0:36

get fat people to leave. That shit is just

0:38

soul. Do you have gout?

0:43

I been... I

0:46

told one tingling the other day. Oh,

0:50

with that said, listen to us after the music. You

0:53

better get up, get out, and tune in

0:55

to this podcast. Miss Pat spit the truth,

0:57

spit the real fact. Nothing

1:00

but the ugly classy at the same time. Pat

1:03

got the flavor, these are not your

1:05

same lines. That's the politics, she been

1:07

on the real grind. It could be

1:09

pretty but ugly at the same time.

1:11

Just tune in, put your lock on

1:13

the spin dial. Ain't no need for

1:15

the weight, and turn it up now.

1:17

What you talking about? Is it

1:19

real though? And cut the game, you get no

1:22

play like Nintendo. You wait till

1:24

time, turn it up, nothing but the ugly. Straight

1:26

off the top, everything she say, you know it's funny.

1:29

Bull plans, this is taste of the future. Listen

1:32

on your iPhone, on your desktop computer.

1:34

Cherry, tweeted, ain't no way to beat

1:36

it. Nothing but the ugly, turn it

1:38

up, and don't repeat it. I

1:40

got it, I mean, I mean, I got it. Yeah,

1:43

I know you got it. You

1:46

got probably too much, right? They working

1:48

you. Shit, man. They

1:50

working the shit out of me. Been

1:53

busy, busy, busy, busy. You look

1:55

great. Sorry, you look great. Well,

1:58

we tape it in the back. So that's

2:00

all okay. I don't look like I

2:03

feel out of Walmart today. I know

2:05

how you It's

2:10

crazy cuz it's Show

2:12

and people see you on TV. They automatically

2:14

think he's supposed to be glammed all the

2:16

time and I walk in here No, bro Hell

2:20

down ain't done it. They'd be

2:22

looking like what the fuck and I'm

2:24

like Sir, I'm not

2:26

gonna pick my titties up and there's no

2:28

need to put pick my titties up I'm

2:30

very heavy and they're at their best when

2:33

they're laying down on my stomach There's

2:36

always a good reason to pick some titties

2:38

up, but I understand what you're saying There's

2:43

always somebody just stared at me. I'm like, what

2:45

the fuck are you looking at? Cuz you know,

2:47

I know I'm not kidnappable So,

2:50

you know, I don't even got it

2:52

in your head whatever you thinking about

2:54

me You shouldn't even be

2:56

thinking about me because it's just it might

2:58

it ain't gonna work out I

3:03

don't sit in trunks You

3:06

can't give me your cuff or sneaker what

3:08

if they got one of them handicap vans with the

3:10

lift on it But

3:14

then that's a problem Let

3:18

me meet you for one second, okay Hello

3:22

Hey, hi, I just remind you do you

3:24

know that today is the pre-sale for your four

3:26

extra days that we added to

3:29

the screen Tell Jasmine and I do something right now Okay

3:34

Always fucking company man is always

3:36

done We heard

3:38

that. I don't know if you know, we heard that

3:40

but we heard that so that

3:42

wasn't on mute. No That

3:47

is the pre sales of all my for

3:49

my new shows that we just added

3:51

and I thought I hear me So it was

3:53

my agent. So I'm like, well, what are you telling

3:55

me for? I didn't I could do about it I

3:57

said, okay, I make a video and tell everybody hey New

4:00

York and Dakes coming. Well, there it is,

4:02

live in real time. You know what's

4:04

crazy? Cause you know, I mean, you've been knowing me now

4:06

for almost at least 16, 17 years. It's

4:09

18, it'll be 18 this year. Is

4:12

it 18? I've

4:14

been knowing coming about 23, 24 years. You

4:19

know, to look at all of this shit, the

4:21

comp that, you know, that

4:23

started to happen after all that long period of

4:25

time, like, cool, I see why some people

4:27

get to Hollywood and

4:30

really get drunk and on drugs. Take

4:34

you to fuck away. It's like when

4:36

they want you, everybody wants, thank God I'm

4:38

fat so everybody can peel a piece of

4:40

me and you know, I'm not that

4:42

way. But when

4:45

everybody wants you, then you know, you just got, you

4:48

want to do this, you want to do that. And I'm

4:50

like, you know, some shit I say

4:52

yes to it. Some shit, I can't do that, I

4:55

can't do that. Can you talk about

4:57

your process a little bit, how

4:59

you pick some of the projects that you choose to

5:01

do and the reasons why you say yes versus some

5:03

ones you say no to? We

5:07

don't need to, Chris Spengel. I was gonna say that. Fucked

5:12

up a good conversation. Look, you

5:14

said you didn't want to, Chris Spengel, and so

5:16

I aborted that chat. Talk

5:19

shit about me and I said goodbye. The

5:22

abortion is illegal, bro. EK just be. You

5:27

think motherfucker. Sorry,

5:30

I was driving, we had a school visit

5:32

for my kid and

5:34

I was listening on the Zoom, but then when

5:36

I tried to get in, it messed it all

5:38

up. But you asked actually a

5:41

really interesting question because

5:43

I wondered that, how do you pick what projects you're gonna

5:45

do? See

5:48

you on our lunch break, y'all, so that's why. Yeah,

5:51

we literally have 25 minutes a week to

5:53

record the podcast right now. I

5:59

mean, you make my. agents them they take

6:01

a look at it and see what fits

6:03

me and if

6:05

it works out then they'll take it like it they'll

6:07

send it to me. So

6:11

before it gets to me the agents and the

6:13

manager are already ready to see if it fits

6:15

who I am. Do you

6:17

send them any type of direction on what type

6:19

of projects to get you in? I

6:25

tell them what like comedy is most

6:27

definitely first. Second

6:30

I want some drama roles and

6:32

more serious roles just to you

6:35

know to push

6:37

my acting chops. So

6:40

you know like

6:42

I take anything I'm not gonna get naked I'm

6:44

not doing porn you know I'm

6:47

not taking no man I'm not doing the careful

6:50

the calls guys. I love you hanging

6:52

up again. Did they ever ask you

6:54

how did the pat down get through

6:56

our process? You know this project isn't

6:59

right for you. So you know it's

7:01

just things like

7:07

that my manager my agent and lawyer

7:09

they all scream line and if they

7:11

don't think it'll fit then they don't

7:13

give it to me. So I mean

7:15

I've had a few things that this ain't me you

7:17

know I don't see myself doing

7:19

this. I don't feel you know the more that

7:22

the more you learn how to act the

7:24

more when you read a project you can tell

7:27

if it's for you. Like I'm working on something

7:29

and I was like damn this kind of sound

7:31

like me. So

7:33

you know once I read it a couple times and

7:35

get it in my bones you know hopefully

7:37

you know I can deliver the lines and the way

7:39

they want me to. What's

7:42

cool is the people that like your comedian friends have

7:44

kind of gotten to the level where they're making a

7:46

bunch of projects so they probably are writing for you

7:49

and thinking pat would be perfect for

7:51

this. Yeah but

7:53

it's also that also has a lot to do

7:56

with who doing the project and you

7:58

know what's the budget. I don't

8:00

know if I'm joking. So

8:03

you ask a lot is what you're asking me. I'm

8:06

not doing any backyard videos. I

8:09

can't be doing no iPhone movie. I

8:13

haven't told you this but I had somebody reach

8:15

out from Plainfield and they wanted you to come

8:17

and host the Plainfield

8:20

Awards banquet for the city.

8:23

Like on some Thursday night six

8:25

months ago and I'm like I'm sorry. I didn't

8:28

say this but I'm like you have Dion and Chris

8:30

money. She

8:33

lives in Atlanta. I'm here

8:36

to pay me. I'm here to play for

8:38

you. Did y'all see my next

8:40

door neighbor got locked up? No,

8:43

they arrested him. The guy that got his

8:45

wife. Hold on. I'm

8:47

sorry. I'm on my iPhone. He got locked

8:49

up. Somebody sent me a

8:51

picture saying is this your neighbor? I don't know him.

8:54

So I was taping and I went back and I said oh

8:57

my God that's my next door neighbor. He was

8:59

the weed man. The

9:01

weed man. What's his name? I'll look him up. Um.

9:08

Gentlemen ain't it? John

9:10

the weed man. Type that in. No,

9:14

I got his picture right here. He

9:16

didn't turn in. He said

9:18

it to Chris. He got Chris number. Yeah.

9:23

She said it to you now Chris. So

9:27

so we're gonna say his name. So I

9:29

get a call and they said.

9:33

So you say Chris. So they say

9:35

your neighbor. That's not my fucking neighbor. What

9:37

are you talking about? Not putting two and

9:39

two together. Make

9:42

sure you erase his man. What?

9:47

Forty six. Five

9:49

hair. He's

9:52

the one that crossed the house. He

9:54

looked like he's scalloped concert tickets. right

10:00

across the street. They must because you know, I live

10:02

right across the street from the jet. They must have

10:04

walked right across the street. They didn't even burn no

10:06

gas for me.

10:08

So he was selling weed or what?

10:10

Look at the charges. I mean, pull

10:13

it up. It was like all kinds

10:15

of, all kinds of shit. How did

10:17

you get hodge? Oh,

10:20

that was my African friend who told on him. Oh,

10:23

okay. Can you stand up? I'm talking to

10:25

you. He talks to me like I ain't

10:32

talking to y'all. What's

10:35

up back here? Okay. So he

10:37

was arrested for dealing a marijuana

10:40

hash oil. Has she solved the

10:42

law and have mercy possessive

10:45

of marijuana. Let me get the

10:48

cactus. Talk about lifting. I

10:59

want that cactus with no oil and it would

11:03

know it's going to be a dry summer baby. Yeah.

11:27

So my, cause I,

11:29

you know, I kind of, but they, I was just caught

11:31

on fire too. It was

11:33

so crazy. It is this

11:36

crazy. Breaking bad shit. That

11:38

was the same guy. Okay. That

11:40

guy's house did not burn down an

11:42

accident. No, that nigga was cooking up

11:44

the cold, cold. You

11:47

didn't get a right. So you said it after

11:49

a podcast, cause there was unfortunately a death

11:51

in your neighborhood

11:56

and then the same day your neighbor's

11:58

house burned down. And

12:01

it was the

12:03

weed man, his house burn, come on. I

12:06

didn't even know that. Cause to me he worked

12:08

in social security office. So I didn't even know,

12:10

you know, I was like, what the fuck

12:12

is going on in playing field? They're

12:15

really gotten white. What

12:18

do you mean gotten? Gotten. That's

12:21

not always been. We

12:24

were white until you guys moved to town. I

12:29

was looking through my yearbook the other day of my senior

12:32

class. There was not one black person

12:34

in my senior class. There's

12:37

literally Nikea. I think you were the first black person

12:40

in like 50 years. You

12:51

know, I'm the type of person where I don't want to

12:53

be in a space where it's

12:55

all one type of people. They don't get

12:58

me wrong. I love my black people. I

13:00

love N and I love Nick Rose,

13:02

but I'm gonna need some hunches, some crackers, some

13:05

whites and all of that good stuff.

13:08

I'm gonna need everything. I just like

13:11

to be around different people, you

13:13

know, cause it's just when

13:15

it's just one type of people, it's one

13:18

type of conversation. When it's all

13:20

type of people, I can leave a conversation to

13:22

walk over here to you. And so you really

13:24

look nice today with your knees out and the

13:26

snow on the ground today, Chris. So

13:31

thank you. You look nice with the snow on your elbows,

13:33

Miss Pat. Yes. I

13:37

can't have them conversations if it's,

13:39

you know, if it's just one type of people

13:41

at a function. So I like, I like

13:43

to go somewhere with all types of people.

13:46

I just like different people. I love to

13:48

see what people look like. So

13:50

the older I get, the more I just start looking

13:52

at people. And I ask myself

13:54

some time, I say, why did God do

13:57

his teeth like that? Why

14:01

did God do they nose like that? I

14:04

got a lot of questions for the good Lord.

14:10

I don't know that I would have moved downtown,

14:12

downtown if it hadn't been for the Pat-Down. But

14:16

now that we live here, I'm glad we

14:18

live here because it's way more fun. When

14:23

you live in suburbia, like Plainfield, it's boring.

14:28

When you live in Plainfield, I used to get

14:30

defensive about that, but when I lived

14:32

in Greenwood or Plainfield or Southport, it's

14:34

just boring. It's just shopping malls. Now

14:37

that we're downtown, I have a

14:39

black neighbor, a Korean neighbor, white

14:41

neighbor, Muslim neighbor, and we have

14:44

block parties. You learn a shit

14:46

ton from each other, and then you go, don't

14:48

trust it. I can

14:50

hear the whites today talking about, you just don't know

14:52

how to party. That's

14:55

true. I did go

14:57

to bonfires. Not

14:59

kill me until a bonfire at a

15:01

friend's house. They were like, they would

15:04

send around and tell spooky stories. I

15:06

think I told them. You remember Hawkins?

15:09

You remember Hawkins? Yes. I

15:11

went to their house, and we were sitting

15:14

in the back, and a momma never really came out and said, I

15:17

used to say my name, settle around and tell us spooky stories.

15:19

I was like, I used to say a crack, and

15:21

everybody froze. Yeah,

15:24

like I lived. A lot of people get

15:26

killed. For reference, Mike

15:29

Epps just moved in, and three

15:31

blocks over, he's revitalizing a whole

15:33

corridor of houses. Probably five blocks

15:35

over. But

15:37

there's always something to do here. You

15:41

always used to say there's nothing to do in

15:43

Indiana. I think if you had

15:45

lived downtown kind of where I'm at, I think you would

15:47

have felt a little bit different about it versus Flint. Let's

15:49

tell you. Not

15:52

like Atlanta. If you

15:54

would come to Atlanta and live for one year, you would

15:56

never go back to the Indy. And

15:59

you can come and do it. I'd be like

16:01

Kate, I'd go back. Okay. Kate

16:04

is different. Kate

16:08

is different. Trust me. I

16:10

lived there for about six

16:12

months total. Yeah. Every

16:14

podcast, Deon, you were like, I can't wait to

16:17

get the fuck out of here. It's just too

16:19

many people. Too many people.

16:22

Well, that's what happened when you from home grown into,

16:24

yeah, there's nothing to fucking do. Deon ain't seen anything to

16:27

me for a different life. Yeah. I mean,

16:29

Deon never seen that many people wear different outfits.

16:31

He's so used to being in the same outfit

16:33

for two weeks. So he started running

16:35

check. He was like, what

16:37

is going on? Where is everybody going?

16:42

I mean, it's country. They're pretty great. Why

16:48

everybody got more than four outfits? What is going on?

16:50

Why y'all so busy? Yeah,

16:55

I changed everything down there. Y'all change

16:57

your sex. Y'all change your clothes. I

16:59

change the way y'all don't give a

17:01

fuck. We don't give

17:03

a fuck. Why did they have

17:05

to be hats there? Yeah,

17:08

that's what Deon was saying. What is

17:10

going on? She

17:13

took me to the worst place you could take a

17:15

nigga who ain't never been that letter before. I'm

17:18

gonna go to the mall, get my eyebrows done real quick. We

17:22

walk in and nigga getting kicked out the mall. I

17:28

was cracking and she running back and forth with

17:30

the scary girl like, go on with that bullshit.

17:36

Well, that's a West End. If

17:40

I was taking the landings, they would have

17:42

been snatching people over time bags and Gucci

17:44

bags and you know, different shit.

17:46

So it's different from some different folks.

17:48

Probably took you to Afro-retta, everybody been like,

17:51

I did. So

17:54

I try to take you where,

17:56

you know, you fit

17:58

in. The.

18:00

Guy beta to dig about. Alexandra

18:03

Gaijin kicked out of his well

18:05

as a big so highly of

18:07

it as. An As is wanted

18:10

to give you some is as allows

18:12

families you know if you know get

18:14

robot of water boy and nobody is

18:16

double tap your cause the what are

18:18

your one didn't cry his mouth of

18:20

the that to get the whole. Southern.

18:22

This beer is so looking for in a

18:24

crucible of in particular who gave me a

18:26

has a selection. Of

18:30

is that the same place where there is

18:32

a crack head mom with the baby know

18:34

super as a. Ladder

18:37

like Arabia have to have as well as

18:39

I don't know what it is. he will.

18:42

Helium like the they're always a nice

18:44

places but like comedy clubs are always

18:46

in. The worst part. Of

18:49

why. the

18:51

an hour and know forget that would I would have

18:53

a small that I'm a lot of. A

18:57

Sit. Down

19:00

as I feel lucky. Be honest,

19:04

Oh I thought about over this method I love

19:06

they might they might ease and date the I

19:08

didn't look straight ahead. Spell out

19:10

around decoder we've been. We've

19:12

been doing this for five

19:14

years. Almost. And

19:17

your career and life is insane. We

19:19

different from where we were like during

19:21

voted for instance is their part of

19:23

you that kind of misses the like,

19:25

the like, the little weird stuff that

19:27

happens on the road when you're out

19:29

now that you've been doing for the

19:31

last year. Who

19:34

do you mean we're says i don't know like.

19:37

The. Road being out in the front of

19:39

the club seem to game and having sex

19:41

at eleven pm and out the only does

19:43

like weird little things that happen on the

19:45

road. the probably don't happen to you when

19:47

you're on Dewar. Like.

19:50

Ah, Now. I

19:52

may Amazon Forest and it's all

19:54

the. No ads is seen as as

19:56

a little red all bars. many

19:58

if you're lucky i thought call. All I

20:00

ask is you don't fucking my call. I

20:03

still respond the same way. I don't say,

20:06

oh my God. Let me ask this. I

20:08

feel like you have less time to hang out. I

20:11

don't hang out. I do not. I

20:14

wish. I've been talking about going to open

20:16

mic for the last two months because I'm writing

20:18

a whole new album. I

20:20

just don't have time. I don't have time to do

20:22

shit. By the time I get home from

20:25

recording this show, I'm

20:28

fucking exhausted. By the time I come out the row,

20:30

I got one day a week when the show

20:32

ends, then I'm off to the next thing. Yeah,

20:35

I was in the clip of you talking about me

20:38

on Rogan and thinking about that trip to LA. It's

20:40

like, man, I miss Miss Pat. We haven't talked in

20:42

a while. We don't get to hang out, but it's

20:44

like she doesn't get to hang out with anybody. I

20:46

wonder if that bugs her. I

20:50

keep saying I got to take some time for myself.

20:53

You know, my house is almost done. I

20:56

got a call about some time. Yeah,

21:03

I need to give everybody some time off to me. We

21:07

just working. My schedule is coming in now.

21:09

I think we booked through May. Uh-oh.

21:17

She just fell off. I

21:20

think it's love for Miss Pat, maybe. I think

21:22

she posted the clip. There's a bunch of awesome

21:26

Miss Pat. And so she was talking about her white

21:28

friend, Chris, on Rogan, which still is surreal about

21:31

how I was scared to go over to her

21:33

house. I was like, man, I don't think I've talked to Miss

21:37

Pat on the phone.

21:39

Three months. You know, so

21:41

you just sort of, I can't

21:43

wait till she builds her studio

21:45

so we can actually all get together and hang out.

21:47

Because we haven't been able to hang out together in

21:49

a while. Was it Butler? Butler, yeah. Yeah. Oh,

22:01

that was in September?

22:04

Yeah, my isn't the ninth birthday. I

22:06

just think her schedule has to be

22:09

so tiring. It

22:11

is tiring, but I'm 51 two years old

22:13

in April. So I got to work. But

22:16

you got you got it like, I don't

22:18

get no rest is died on me. In your

22:21

in your line of work, you got to get it while

22:23

it's good. You got to get

22:25

it while it's good. So you see that man on the

22:27

internet who's floating all around who just left that 50 some

22:29

of your home. And for some reason, when we get a

22:31

little dust and a few little gray house down there, me,

22:33

you want a motherfucking younger pussy. So I

22:35

got to get it. What?

22:39

Hollywood is going to leave you like I'm going to

22:42

be like, y'all didn't see about what's the name?

22:46

Yeah, Louis. So is this lady on the internet? She

22:48

goes on there and say she called her husband with

22:50

his mysteries. They've been married for 20 some years. And

22:53

this thing blew the fuck up. Oh,

22:56

Walmart lady. No,

22:58

this man left for somebody who looked just

23:01

like her. I would ask Gary, if you're

23:03

going to leave me, don't

23:05

let the bitch resemble me. Okay.

23:09

Don't get your whole nother face looking at

23:11

it. Don't get nobody who

23:14

act like me, who smell like me,

23:16

talk like me, look like

23:18

me. Matter of fact, they don't even get a fat

23:21

bitch. I want you to get a bitch and

23:23

throw up every day. So you ain't got to

23:26

leave Wesley Jones alone, Garrett. That'll

23:31

be all right. Yeah, just

23:33

go get a bitch that looks totally different.

23:39

Matter of fact, I want your next bitch to be blind

23:41

so she can't know you. That's

23:47

exactly what I want. So leave

23:50

me the fuck alone. You're going to, I don't,

23:52

like I always say, I hate when old men's

23:54

cheap because they don't got that 20 year old

23:56

date 30 year old guys don't even got that

23:58

20 year old date. Why you out here

24:00

sharing that soft meat? You

24:04

out here motherfucking giving bitches daily sandwich

24:06

dicks. Why

24:09

do you- That's what very clean is

24:12

that. Daily

24:15

sandwich, daily meat is soft. I

24:19

thought you said- I

24:22

was trying to say, you

24:24

out here giving people daily

24:26

sandwich dicks. Daily

24:29

sandwich, you know like the daily meat is soft. Okay,

24:31

yeah, not a daily bar sandwich.

24:36

We took a school tour at a kindergarten class

24:38

and that's exactly how the teacher was talking. Daily

24:42

dick meat. Somebody

24:45

was sharing daily dick meat. Keep

24:47

that shit at home in the fridge. They

24:51

don't have shit, wake up on a weekend. They

24:56

got- they've got Viagra now. Viagra

24:59

don't help everybody, okay? Viagra

25:02

helps some people, not everybody. If

25:05

his dick don't work, why you mad? He cheating. I

25:08

don't even understand that. Yeah, he can get home

25:10

talking to me. You know what I'm saying? I'm

25:13

mad. Now you gonna share the conversation? That's

25:15

all I got for me is conversation. You

25:17

gonna share that too? Now you're

25:19

talking a mint to its

25:21

top. I already motherfucker. Don't

25:24

share the conversation. That's all you got. Don't

25:29

talk to nobody. I

25:32

know you've got to go at 335. We

25:34

got to start wrapping up. I just heard that you

25:36

are adding dates. What's

25:41

on sale, Jasmine? All

25:45

right, so I just added new dates to my tour.

25:48

Lexington, Kentucky. I'm on my fucking

25:50

way. New Orleans.

25:53

Woo, bitch! It's time to get

25:55

some food. I ain't never

25:57

performed in New Orleans before. I'm on my

25:59

fucking- Wait, what's the date for New Orleans? Don't

26:02

know it. Give me an agency Cincinnati

26:05

Ohio, I'm on my fucking way. Did you see

26:07

no takes over? Llamas

26:10

Ohio I'm

26:12

on my fucking way So

26:15

make sure y'all get y'all tickets Go

26:18

to miss pat company calm and

26:20

I got some big news coming up. I cannot wait

26:22

to tell y'all what I'm up to Or

26:25

what I got coming, but I can't wait to show

26:27

y'all it is so fucking exciting I

26:30

can't wait. So make sure y'all go to miss

26:32

that comedy calm and get your tickets and thank

26:34

you for supporting the podcast Thank you

26:36

for everybody in the patreon I truly

26:38

beyond and Chris truly we all truly

26:40

appreciate for supporting us our podcast house

26:43

is almost up When that's

26:45

it, y'all have a great fucking night Thank

26:48

y'all so much for tuning in to another

26:50

episode of the pat-down Make sure you check

26:52

out my website at miss pat comedy calm

26:54

for all of my social media my tour

26:56

dates my book Make sure you

26:58

spread the word about my podcast. Please rate

27:01

and review Please rate

27:03

and review and share. Thank you so much.

27:05

I love you, Miss