0:04

Happy Halloween time. I'm

0:06

RAS Hernandez. I'm a comedian

0:08

and the host of the paranormal comedy

0:11

podcast hosted by Ross

0:13

Hernandez produced by Starburn's

0:15

audio On my podcast, I

0:17

talked to famous

0:18

people, comedians, experts,

0:21

and listeners about all things.

0:23

paranormal. We're talking,

0:25

Wegib boards, polter guys,

0:27

aliens, psychics, demons,

0:30

bigfoots, and of course, goes.

0:32

My podcast is weekly all year

0:34

long, and I've got over three years

0:37

of episodes currently available for

0:39

all your spooky needs. Recent

0:41

guests include patent Oswald.

0:43

But it felt like the minute

0:45

I walked away from the monitors and couldn't see

0:47

anything. That's when the Ghost started

0:49

moving around. Naomi Ek Paragon.

0:52

A ghost isn't like somebody it's not

0:54

like a

0:54

return. It's like somebody who was like,

0:57

I don't feel like leaving. And Chris Kullfer,

0:59

whatever it was slowly just disappeared.

1:02

And that's when I knew, oh, that

1:04

that was that was not a person.

1:06

Subscribe to Go did by RAS

1:08

Hernandez on

1:09

Apple Podcasts and everywhere you

1:11

get podcasts.

1:21

Hey,

1:22

it's White Boy Chris. If the PatDown's ever made

1:24

you laugh, then join our Patreon and support

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or an autograph copy of rabbit, miss

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Pat's autobiography. Visit miss pat comedy

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dot com for the link to the Patreon, and while you're

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there, join our Facebook group. Welcome to

1:36

another episode of the Pat now. You know I'm here

1:38

with my Fibro's family, Chris

1:40

Deanna. Hi. I'm back.

1:43

He's racial. By

1:47

rachel, he blagged you white together. Bye

1:49

rachel. Oh. And nigga. Stay

1:53

tuned out of the music, and we're gonna tell

1:55

you, we sign up there.

1:57

Chris is no longer What'd

1:59

you call of people burn. What what are you

2:01

wearing this? Ginger? Ginger? Ginger. He

2:03

needs no longer a ginger. We

2:06

need something else. It has to

2:08

do with me. Stay

2:11

tuned. You better

2:13

get up, get out and jump into

2:15

this bucket.

2:16

Yes. That's been the truth. It's been the

2:18

real fact. Right. Nothing but the ugly,

2:20

Cassie, at the same time. Same fact.

2:22

Got the flavor. These are not the same life.

2:24

It's probably she's sheep is

2:26

on real brine. Real brine. It could be

2:28

pretty okay. At the same time,

2:31

you saw him, put your luck on the

2:33

spin down. Ain't a need for the

2:35

wait. It's on the hook now. On

2:37

the back. It's real, all real.

2:39

Cut again. get it on play a late night

2:41

thing though. You wait a time sign

2:43

it up. Nothing but literally. I wait

2:45

on the time. Every day should say, you know,

2:48

fun. Four plan this is a slow

2:50

future. Listen all your alpha, all your

2:52

desktop acuity. There,

2:54

sweet, sweet, and wait, baby. I

3:00

Recording in progress. Recording

3:03

in Christmas. Come again.

3:06

So I

3:10

didn't realize hitting record on a podcast

3:12

was racism. I'm so sorry. Please

3:14

forgive me. He only cares about Black

3:16

mermaids, miss Beth. That's right. All black

3:18

mermaids, ma'am. Or even if he was a

3:20

half fishy bit, she would give it down. Oh,

3:24

god. You know, like me because I'm

3:26

not a half fish beach cruise. Did

3:28

you see the mermaid meme

3:30

that McDuffin made

3:32

of Dion is the black mermaid? Nike

3:36

Nikea as Ursula. That's

3:38

when I knew conservatives were right about this casting

3:40

shit. It was disturbing.

3:45

They're wood, ham on the black

3:48

mermaid. I see. I ain't paying attention.

3:51

They have, like, one point one point two

3:53

million down likes on

3:55

the YouTube trailer, and they just shut

3:57

the there's so much racism they turned

3:59

off the comments.

4:01

d

4:03

delicious. Why

4:07

people are so mad and they're losing their

4:09

characters?

4:11

the you

4:12

know, somebody had this fucking thing

4:14

for that. They said, well, as many names as

4:16

you do wanna see. Do you really think a

4:18

mermaid is white? That

4:24

makes sense. She should be black.

4:27

I'm just

4:27

disappointed you support ginger erasure?

4:30

I don't know what that mean, but it makes

4:32

sense when he said it.

4:36

So, you know, get over to mermaid

4:38

people live and she's just coming back. I think

4:40

we talked about this in like, I think

4:42

we talked about it when we were at

4:44

helium way back when they announced

4:46

it. The same shit happened then too.

4:49

Everything

4:50

to anything that you take away

4:52

from the good old white people is telling you

4:54

that they you

4:55

know, well, what people don't understand

4:57

is No.

4:58

No. No. Some white people. Most

5:00

white people don't give a fuck. No.

5:03

Not not the the people who listen to

5:05

us don't give a fuck. Now it's your

5:07

great granddads. It's a gift's fuck.

5:09

Right? Okay. other great great.

5:11

And it's some it's not even some of y'all great

5:13

granddad. Some

5:14

shit is supposed to be black.

5:17

Or if if they should make a care

5:19

to represent

5:20

everybody on earth. You know,

5:22

you you see this person, a little, little girl

5:24

faced when they see that little black mermaid. It's

5:26

nothing like seeing something or somebody

5:29

that represents you. They

5:31

did make a character all herbs to represent

5:33

everybody. His name was Jesus, and then they

5:35

turned to one minute. How about how

5:37

there were Chinese Jesuses too? No.

5:40

I it's just like the people who are not

5:42

gonna watch it and don't give a shit, don't they

5:44

can't go to watch it. My my three

5:46

year old and her biracial friend

5:48

watched a trailer and they're like, this is

5:50

awesome. That's who it's for.

5:53

You know? Like But but, you know, you

5:55

go you have to have

5:56

people. It's some people ain't got

5:59

no life. So the

5:59

best thing they could do would be races on the Internet

6:02

and go in and be pro

6:04

black at work.

6:06

I don't know. I mean, I've heard about

6:09

Dion's work experiences. It doesn't sound like

6:11

that spreads to work.

6:12

No,

6:15

miss tactical Fuck you, Christie. There's

6:17

a lot of people that would go to fucking

6:20

fucking black

6:22

rally would you. But at home right

6:24

now, that's stupid shit on the internet.

6:26

because you just never know

6:29

what motherfucker is. It's okay. me

6:31

something everybody need a job. So,

6:33

you know, races gotta have a job

6:35

too. And their job is to be races.

6:38

You know? Let me

6:40

have an opinion. Who gives

6:42

a fuck? I think I laid off

6:44

at the factory. I need to judge.

6:47

Now who's gonna do talk on the now

6:49

who's gonna do talk radio? Exactly.

6:53

So Who gives a fuck

6:55

if they don't like a black mermaid? Turn your

6:57

TV to the white mermaid.

6:59

And I'm quite sure little Mexican

7:01

keys and

7:02

to aging kids are feeling

7:04

the same. They need to make the mermaid and their

7:06

cares. When they come up with the dogs,

7:08

they should, it should be a caretaker

7:10

of every race. that

7:12

represents everybody. And it just should

7:14

be Jesus DI.

7:17

No.

7:17

I agree. It

7:18

should be up. It

7:19

should be whatever I mean, you know

7:22

what was kids are not racism.

7:24

Peace

7:24

racism is taught.

7:26

We already know that you I've won I'm in

7:28

airport every day. You don't have any

7:30

beautiful keys white

7:31

keys that I see that has

7:34

black baby dolls. They parents

7:36

didn't pick a big dog. that child

7:38

innocent picked up that dog because

7:40

that's what they like.

7:41

You told that that child that that

7:44

that that that dog is different.

7:46

That's why they get rid of a portion.

7:49

I said, that's why they

7:51

get rid of a portion. Wow.

7:55

because little white kids are picking black people.

8:03

Ain't gonna be no more wipes left.

8:05

The card's gonna be plain

8:07

old wipes now. He

8:09

let them tell us the way out of white people

8:11

don't be gone. People don't be gone.

8:13

I may have to I may have to adopt someday. I

8:15

can't come. Well,

8:21

it's okay. We

8:23

need the races to be in the world. We'll

8:25

talk them. We wouldn't have no racism to

8:27

talk about. It's

8:29

just, you know, every week now, it's Lord of the

8:31

Rings, it's Game of Thrones, it's just get over it.

8:33

What's wrong with Lord of the Rings? They

8:35

have a black character and, you know,

8:37

the same suspect back to Matt Walsh and all of them

8:39

are mad, but it's, like, you know, like, you know,

8:41

like, Disney stuff. Whoa. Matt Walsh, I'm

8:43

not even gonna get into. He's a Republican

8:46

commentator who makes a living off of stirring

8:48

up this bullshit. But

8:49

the thing is, you had ten

8:51

million people watched that

8:53

from all nationality. Nobody gives a

8:55

fuck about Matt Walsh. So let

8:57

him let him feed he gotta

8:59

feed his family. So he got a group of

9:01

people that listen to him, they talk

9:02

bullshit. It ain't he knows. But, you

9:04

know, some people don't eat that bullshit, and

9:06

they can't get it if they come to the pat

9:09

down or or any other place. So they

9:11

have to get it somewhere. So everybody

9:13

needs a seat. It's like buying a certain type

9:15

of pussy on a certain type of coin. You

9:17

know what I'm saying?

9:19

Did it

9:20

make sense? corn.

9:21

Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn.

9:23

Who knew miss Phattles, a

9:25

capitalist racist. Tree

9:29

might have ever played. Have you hanging out

9:32

with own Benjamin? Coming

9:34

up on a Anthony

9:36

Camilla show, miss Pat. I

9:39

don't know to look that he's like, you

9:41

gotta make them how they lose face to

9:43

don't be racist nigga. You don't

9:45

spend now that good energy when you could have

9:47

built your dollar dollar house.

9:49

That's right. Representation matters.

9:52

Yeah. How the energy you

9:54

build on worried about it. There's a black mirror

9:56

made. You could have built, like, a really nice

9:58

luxury doll passed him on such a

10:00

doubt. When we were in the Dominican last

10:02

year, in December, this guy was showing

10:04

us pictures of his eight year old daughter's birthday

10:06

party, and she was Moana. and he

10:08

said she loved Moana because

10:10

it it was she looked like her. She

10:12

lived in a tropical place. She

10:15

had black skin. Like,

10:17

she loved Moana dresses like

10:19

Moana all the time and I'm like,

10:21

why would I not, like, as a

10:23

white person, what we've had

10:25

Cinderella. You got frozen.

10:28

Like, why wouldn't you want other

10:30

people's kids to have, you know,

10:32

the same sort of recognition, you

10:34

know. III just don't want you to

10:36

have their gut feeling. They don't

10:38

want all black babies to have their gut

10:40

feeling See, they

10:40

found niggas can swims and

10:43

bam, a black mermaid

10:44

feed. And we had it

10:45

all pissed off. And

10:47

that mermaid got locked.

10:49

so I'll pee.

10:52

Quisha do her hair under the ceiling.

10:57

I'm, like, who've been doing this this lockdown

11:00

now? Did you see the did you see Dude,

11:02

Nemo has been doing this. The man may

11:04

have. Did Quisha catch the

11:06

criminal? She posted a

11:08

video it's a video of some criminal killing you.

11:10

We see. We cast Jesus stealing. Yes.

11:12

You can always. So she posted on her end to

11:14

grab a video of this woman coming in

11:16

and basically stealing a wig from her

11:18

daughter. And she alerted

11:20

the FBI. She dug up Jag or

11:22

Hoover, put him on the case. So

11:25

Put them on with the king on the speech, a

11:28

massive egg on the road, and

11:31

something on on the food.

11:35

I'll check another food. It just didn't

11:37

have a vegan shit now. If

11:41

they don't, It's about don't tell our

11:43

children to eat something

11:45

that needs

11:47

something that you can choose on KB.

11:50

I gotta ask I gotta say, thing for the young

11:52

business.

11:59

Well, I

11:59

think a little I don't fucking a

12:02

big e p. like,

12:09

hell, you gotta eat some

12:11

nuke. Fuckers' wrong.

12:14

He's from nuke. that

12:17

nigga suits. He later throw in

12:19

him old suit. He's like he brought him

12:21

down too. And He's wearing his toe on a

12:23

really suit. Yeah. I

12:25

know them the same foods because

12:28

of a bun. Those are fat people

12:30

buttons on the same institution.

12:34

Doo buns. Hope for Miggas

12:36

built like me, not you, dear. Little

12:38

Miggas got little buttons like that

12:40

only. That button like

12:42

this. I now, niggas' homes.

12:45

See, I can have you for god and tell them

12:47

to split the buttons in hand.

12:49

They're my plus size buttons. on a

12:51

small mess. Dion

12:54

can afford plastic buttons. We

12:56

keep wow

13:01

See, I tell you.

13:03

You see the plus side button. They transfer

13:05

out of mobile app. You see they even sold the

13:08

hole upon that jacket. because the

13:10

buttonhole were too big. He

13:12

looked like when he was he looked like he

13:14

looked like playing on the

13:16

top ten. He laced you know, but

13:18

we're down. You

13:21

know, we all too busy for this

13:23

thing called

13:24

household things sometime.

13:26

but I got you. I I know some of y'all gotta

13:29

get to back to back

13:29

meeting, errands to rise and

13:32

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13:48

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13:50

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13:52

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subject

15:03

change terms apply. You know

15:05

who he looks like? Mister Mackay

15:07

is who he look like. He's like Nikea.

15:12

So do they're like, not cute.

15:15

Look at it. I definitely

15:17

got it. But that's that same suit

15:19

they don't die. and see

15:21

so but home. I know we gotta talk about

15:23

the Emmys, but the best thing on social media this

15:25

week was you and Nike on a trampoline.

15:29

Did you even post that video? No.

15:31

I see that. You didn't see Nike

15:33

jumping out of trampoline about four

15:35

inches high. That

15:37

was o too. It popped up in my store, so

15:39

I posted. I'll

15:42

find it real quick. Oh.

15:44

I was That was so much fun.

15:46

It took everybody to

15:48

give me a thought they got them through. Right. Remember

15:52

that time you were in Phoenix and you tried to

15:54

ride the bull? Oh,

15:56

I think oh, please tell me there's

15:58

a video.

15:59

No. That nigga too. There was. But

16:03

It was in my old phone. brought it back up.

16:05

No.

16:06

It was in my old phone. I didn't I didn't

16:08

post it or anything. I

16:10

that phone anymore. So I can't

16:12

Video's gone. But

16:14

that shit was funny. We went

16:16

to who's at the house

16:18

of comedy, and then after a show, he wouldn't next door

16:20

to the barn and had, like, a mechanical blow,

16:22

he's all hanging out.

16:25

This is before he was even drinking, Pat. He

16:27

was like, I would've arrested. He

16:30

couldn't even get owned by the fuck.

16:33

That could. nigga and she

16:35

it won't explain my name. I've heard so

16:37

many creaks and cracks. And the

16:39

inside, like, a nigga will open AAAAU

16:42

hole short. The man entire

16:47

accident was happening. And

16:49

somebody was sliding on brakes.

16:52

Well, I can't find it. But I had to open

16:54

my mouth up a minute, so high. I think it's

16:56

till, like, nine minutes to get me on every little

16:58

bit. And one and once turn and

17:00

boom. Slow and we didn't slow. I

17:02

don't fucking

17:03

know. Boy. And because, you

17:05

know, I'm

17:05

fixing that. So you open my legs while

17:08

they sit. they sound like

17:10

balls, cold, cold. The

17:15

game has come out. The hardest thing

17:17

about being getting old is not

17:19

being able to control your gaze.

17:22

You know, like, you be you

17:24

be wanna hold it. but it's so

17:26

painful. I go to Pilates

17:28

and it's all these eighty year old women and they

17:30

fart the whole time. They drenched

17:35

themselves. They opened up their lady. They do

17:37

exactly what you're talking about. Negative.

17:39

And you have to pretend you're serious. So people

17:41

can't just stay full right in the crack of the

17:43

haze. and bring it back. And

17:45

you're young. You got specter

17:48

control. Yeah. You could guess that

17:50

far roundabout about a rip, and it You it

17:52

back. Your booty hole suck it back in.

17:54

No. Ain't no suck back

17:57

in. My booty

18:00

hole from this. It you'd be like,

18:02

damn ass. Rayo.

18:08

Rayo

18:08

or right now, asshole.

18:10

You didn't go you didn't go do that shit to me as

18:12

home. No as

18:13

home. So it

18:15

just really worked

18:17

like, I used to couldn't understand what my

18:19

dad used to say. I've got a

18:21

shit.

18:23

up up But

18:26

now I don't understand. I

18:29

found myself. You'll stay, whoa. We are

18:31

jazz. Like you'll say, heard of

18:33

me. You're not doodle. Yeah.

18:35

It's the last thing I got. We're

18:40

gonna work. You said

18:42

water burn. waterbird. I

18:44

don't know. God damn sick. I'm a fucking

18:46

lie. Okay. I will eat waterbird. I will eat the

18:48

fucking salad. My name,

18:49

I had that she's so fucking bad.

18:51

And, you

18:51

know, when you owe and you got a

18:54

dude, that's just touching me your

18:56

motherfucking lawn good. Like, you had a

18:58

fucking box of mess. and you and you can feel

19:00

whatever trying to get out of it, you said, fuck you. I

19:02

don't care if you're sitting down and coming

19:04

out. You feel

19:05

all of it. when when you

19:07

were young, you could change your mind and your shit

19:09

will go away. You

19:13

can't change your

19:16

mind. You

19:19

you know, your Buddha would change

19:21

your mind. What are you eating? Did

19:24

y'all guys shit? Siresealed

19:28

a little bit. I'm young. I

19:31

didn't understand why my dad used to carry on,

19:33

like, my ass home. Like I said, daddy. You

19:35

can't be saying you have a shit out

19:37

in public like this. Now, you know,

19:39

and I'm feeling like I got shit.

19:47

Well, you know, you

19:49

get old. You know, you get old. You're

19:51

you're from what you say or how you say

19:54

it. The

19:54

last Please write that into an

19:57

episode. You see

19:59

the whole episode where you will have to shit the whole

20:01

episode, but you can't. Yeah.

20:05

And ain't there, like, constipation when you get

20:07

a certain day? Ugh. You've been so

20:09

constipation

20:09

and knee cancer a lot.

20:11

I'm very

20:13

regular. I ship morning and

20:16

night. Day one

20:18

time, my leak has a swollen look.

20:21

And the doctor told me to rub me, so to

20:23

bow him, what?

20:27

Doctor Nick from the Simpsons?

20:31

using Elvis' doctor. Doctor,

20:34

you're going to. She got a hand

20:36

to bone her knees and a bolster to thighs.

20:40

You gotta shit.

20:44

Man, you get

20:46

a certain age. I'm telling you you just don't

20:48

wanna shit cracking. I don't

20:50

know. Some of these, they don't stay. I say, you know, regular day,

20:53

you you could

20:53

walk around with no underwear. That's why I

20:55

don't understand how people will fit to walk around

20:58

no underwear.

20:59

they got I won't be naked.

21:00

Like, see, it will be following me down the

21:03

street. If I didn't have one

21:05

Your asshole's your asshole's Chernobyl.

21:09

Chanel. Don't you down?

21:12

This is the

21:15

hoover dam. Notre dame.

21:17

That's the church. Okay. fucking.

21:23

It did catch on fire a few years

21:26

ago. That's what I

21:28

thought about, Dion, and then I was like,

21:30

I think she fakes

21:33

it today. And

21:36

you live and know to do for

21:38

fifteen years, two hours away from

21:40

another name. The

21:42

damn cake gets old, eyes warm.

21:44

It did though. Hoover Dam caught on

21:46

fire like a month ago. What

21:48

happened to it? It was just some

21:50

sort of battery burned up or something. It

21:53

was an electrical fire. there

21:55

was a You could fast fall in the morning?

21:57

No.

21:57

I don't

21:59

think so. Let me see. No.

22:01

I can show you video here.

22:03

Did you see did you

22:06

see that Chinese building that was on fire for,

22:08

like, twenty five minutes yesterday?

22:10

Mm-mm.

22:10

Yeah. We What

22:12

are you following? Chinese weather reports

22:14

or what? You you know my Twitter as

22:16

well. Right. So

22:19

there

22:19

was a a apartment building

22:21

caught on fire or I don't know

22:23

if it was apartment building. It was a giant building

22:25

in China. The old fucking thing was just

22:28

on fire. And all these Chinese people

22:30

were saying shit in Chinese. I had no idea

22:32

what they would say. But let

22:34

me see

22:34

if I could find him to deal for you. Hold on.

22:36

I

22:37

see issues. Yeah. Here

22:39

here holy shit. Hold on. You

22:41

see it? Yeah. Yeah.

22:44

You think it is. What the

22:47

fuck? The whole damn

22:49

thing.

22:50

That's like

22:53

nine eleven. That way you

22:55

look like? This this

22:57

video I'm glad you said that, Chris. because

22:59

then the nine eleven conspiracy theories

23:01

underneath square feet way.

23:03

Of course. This is

23:05

USA Today, flames and gold skyscraper in

23:07

China if you wanna see it.

23:10

Man. Yeah. It

23:12

was burning for, like,

23:13

twenty minutes. They're like,

23:14

how come that

23:15

bill did it fall down?

23:17

It's

23:18

China Nagel.

23:20

China got the smartest

23:22

shit. It's like they make they people

23:24

work all day long all night long.

23:27

come up with new shit. Like, I saw this thing

23:29

that I was I gotta order this. I I

23:31

need it. And, like, you take your what? Went

23:33

on the road and you bring it in

23:35

a house. and it's this whole compartment thing you stick

23:37

it in. Okay.

23:39

Look at

23:39

this look at this billboard. I saw this

23:41

in China yesterday. Look at it.

23:44

This is A3D billboard for

23:46

Nike in China. Mhmm. And

23:48

it moves. It's the Nike

23:50

dragon three d billboard in China.

23:53

Yeah. How

23:53

to fuck

23:54

that dragging. Don't wear Nike's now. Got

23:56

a sneakers. I don't

23:59

still how did they make the

24:01

sign move? If if

24:02

we had that, needs to

24:04

be trying to survive the motherfucking your

24:07

ass. See,

24:09

channel whoop them people. We we all

24:12

whoop off people. We include a big

24:14

deal. There's still a there's still in

24:16

COVID lockdown.

24:18

oh Who? China. Certain parts of

24:20

China still are locked in their apartments. Three

24:23

years old. I mean, I've been I've been a all their

24:25

eyelashes. If you tell them they

24:27

work, you It's

24:29

a big country.

24:33

put it together

24:37

, lesson from just turned turned

24:40

so you so gone up old hunt

24:43

for it's the

24:45

system Oh,

24:48

no. That's fun. I don't know why it

24:50

was so fun. Let me tell you. He plays a or

24:52

his own way next That's it's a

24:55

refrigerator. Yeah.

24:57

I'm still waiting on my fucking refrigerator.

24:59

Oh, my god. It's been a year now.

25:02

They got them. Just

25:04

made the first left of my house.

25:06

Hey. We should take a break,

25:08

but when we come back, we gotta talk about the

25:11

Emmys. No, we don't. What's I mean, how long we've been on here? Twenty.

25:14

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26:52

Well, let's finish it out.

26:54

And and the next episode will be the ambulance. Alright?

26:56

What else was going on with me?

26:58

Just a lot of traveling. Y'all make sure y'all

27:00

come check me out. I am in Where

27:03

am I? North Carolina?

27:04

I'm I'm in text. Let me say that in Tokyo,

27:07

taste. I always show the soul. I

27:09

thank you so much for round. It's the show

27:11

y'all's like it is. all the

27:13

shows. That was sold out. Cleveland

27:15

on my way when? The

27:18

twenty ninth and the thirtieth.

27:20

I need y'all to show y'all as and sell out

27:22

all of those shows too. I

27:24

would appreciate y'all oh my god. I've been having so

27:26

much fucking fun out here. I'm

27:28

really putting together my new hour

27:30

and I'm gonna

27:30

sit down and take some stuff away and add some

27:32

stuff and really make it strong and I'm

27:35

excited. I'm excited about this new album.

27:37

It was mostly about my daddy

27:39

you know,

27:39

making them know my daddy for the first time

27:42

because I never really know that nigga. And

27:44

so I'm excited

27:46

to talk about a little bit something

27:48

different. and I'm talking

27:49

about the west side of work

27:52

program that I went through,

27:54

which is interesting

27:54

because I never really talked about that

27:57

on stage. I'm building this new hour that

27:59

I think

27:59

when I get when

28:00

they get really, really tight, people are really gonna

28:03

appreciate it.

28:05

I love

28:06

that. Yeah.

28:07

Yeah. I just

28:10

go ahead. Go ahead. I'm just having fun.

28:12

That's what I was gonna

28:13

say. I just said,

28:15

I've

28:15

been teaching Brighton classes. We had

28:17

a graduation show this

28:20

past Wednesday. and I'm gonna be honest with I

28:22

thought they were gonna buy my ass off, but they

28:24

all did pretty good. I was I was, like, I

28:26

don't think they're ready, but they show their ass

28:28

is on Wednesday, and it was really

28:30

good show. was so proud. I was like,

28:32

oh, there's something

28:33

people came out. It was about

28:35

twenty five thousand upstairs room. So it was small.

28:37

It was like family and friends.

28:39

And one of the one of the ladies

28:41

was sixty nine years old, just starting

28:43

comedy. Sweet old Nancy,

28:46

and she she kicked as I was

28:48

so happy for her. tell us It was stand

28:50

up writing. Just stand up writing. How to

28:52

how to structure jokes and how to

28:55

tag jokes

28:56

and make jokes better.

28:58

basically what the class was about. because people all

29:00

the time are, like, how do how do I get

29:02

into stand up? How do I get into stand up? I'm, like,

29:04

I'll tell them a message. Yeah. Just go I'll

29:06

tell them the message you. I've

29:09

gone gone on twice. Don't

29:11

ask me. I've had

29:13

so many fucking messages

29:16

from people. that

29:18

you have sent to me, Chris, that if I see you

29:20

in person, I think I'm a slap you like to

29:22

do McDuffin. I'm

29:25

actually putting a when my house is

29:27

down, I'm putting a nice park. And

29:29

I haven't built a whole studio, but there might be

29:31

a change of mine. But we're

29:34

we're canceled, Dion. We're canceled. Uh-huh.

29:37

What do we what do you're not

29:39

building the podcast studio. What are you canceling

29:41

us for? are you building instead?

29:43

No. I don't know.

29:45

But it's it's gonna be a nice podcast location.

29:48

and I can't work because we're gonna do, like,

29:50

a grand opening. So y'all y'all don't

29:52

have to see us like this anymore for

29:54

a while. I get the guys that come

29:56

to Atlanta, like, twice a month,

29:59

and we get together

29:59

and put some in the banks. And, you know, so we

30:02

could look like a whole podcast. Especially when we

30:04

get interviews, because I would

30:06

like to I've run into a lot of people, and I would like

30:08

to start talking to a lot of

30:10

people.

30:11

there Yeah.

30:12

Yeah. So

30:13

I'm looking forward to that. But

30:16

that's good. You finished your first class. I was I was wondering

30:18

too, boy. I was like, deep people

30:20

going, eat hot, eat, eat,

30:21

and eat them. wanna

30:25

drink the aroma. You know, I know what to do

30:27

when they get a bed and get and get but, you

30:29

know, and I was a friends and family too.

30:31

Did anybody win a hosting? Do you

30:33

get the club? Not

30:35

that I know of. I haven't

30:37

done any follow-up with

30:39

with the club as far as what they're gonna

30:41

do with students. But I was just I was

30:44

surprised because a couple of students had changed

30:46

their their sets midway

30:47

through the week. You know? It's like, what do

30:50

y'all y'all need to stick with it just because you

30:52

have one bad week. because I told them, you

30:54

know, during the week, try to find an open

30:56

mic to keep working on it.

30:58

And some of them would go up, not do

31:00

well. And then when they would come back to class, they

31:02

were like, This didn't work. This didn't work. And I'm

31:04

like, well, why didn't it work? Were you doing

31:06

it this way? Were you doing it that way? Whatever.

31:08

Whatever. And so when

31:10

a graduation show came. I was kinda worried that

31:12

a couple of students who had changed their

31:14

mind near the end of the class, but they weren't

31:16

gonna do well. And you

31:19

know, I'm

31:19

a tough critic on on stand

31:21

up

31:21

comedy, but they all did pretty fucking decent

31:24

considering how much time

31:26

they had to because they they started

31:28

six weeks ago, most of them on the material

31:30

that they did in the class. And

31:32

so them to

31:33

do five to six minutes. I was

31:35

impressed. I was like, you know,

31:37

they wouldn't

31:37

I mean, they're not ready to to work or

31:40

anything, but They

31:41

have solid I was very proud of that. Just Now

31:44

when you see this class, do you have

31:46

a blackboard? Do

31:48

you stand up with the

31:50

podium, what do you what does it look like when you're

31:52

teaching the class? No.

31:54

So they were I will

31:56

have them get on stage

31:58

would just say pick a topic and then

31:59

start talking talking. And I

32:02

would take notes for them and

32:05

then the other members of the class, we

32:07

would just would picture my idea. What do

32:09

you guys think about this? What should they add? What

32:11

should they take away? That sort of thing? Just to see

32:13

where everybody was at. And

32:15

then we SpiderWeb

32:18

premises.

32:20

So I was like, you know, your first joke

32:22

should be something personal.

32:25

So one, nobody can steal it. Two, you know it

32:27

better than anybody else. And

32:28

three, you'll have an attachment to

32:30

it. And so

32:31

they all picked things that were personal

32:34

to them. and then we just

32:36

workshopped it that way. And

32:37

it

32:38

for the most part, it went good. A couple

32:40

of the students didn't feel comfortable after they

32:42

really started getting to the motions of it, like

32:44

the woman who was married to the cracker.

32:46

Like, she just wasn't she thought she was

32:48

over it, but as she was writing about it,

32:50

talking about it, things started coming up

32:52

that she would remember. Kinda like you, Pat, where

32:55

you're like, oh, I forgot all about that because of the

32:57

trauma behind it, some of the shit. So

32:59

she's like, she's not comfortable, she's

33:01

not ready. One of the

33:03

students was a quaker, and

33:05

I was like,

33:06

she was telling me about

33:08

how she had

33:10

to be quiet in church and

33:12

eat all those oats.

33:16

Basically, they, like,

33:18

have a church decide

33:20

who you can marry. Like,

33:22

it's like a group committee. So when somebody

33:24

wants to marry you,

33:26

the whole, like, little community

33:29

together. And if anybody says, no, I don't think y'all should

33:31

get married. You can't marry that person.

33:34

and

33:36

that was the strangest shit I ever heard in

33:38

my life. Like She's still a quaker that

33:40

she run away. I don't know. I think

33:43

I think I

33:44

think she's still a quaker. I I

33:46

think she still works at the factory. But I just

33:48

thought it was crazy that you could be in a relationship

33:50

with somebody for ten years and then on

33:52

your wedding day. or the time

33:54

the person wants to propose, some asshole

33:56

would be like, nah. And then y'all just

33:59

done.

34:01

I tried

34:02

her to get her right about that, but she wasn't

34:04

talking about talking about it. So But,

34:06

see,

34:06

that's the stuff that'll be the great -- Yeah. -- in the

34:09

prior years. How did they

34:10

let her out to be normal if he was a quaker?

34:13

Well, they're not an Amish. I

34:14

think are you thinking, like, their Amish? Like,

34:17

Quaker people are like,

34:19

around. It's not yeah. It's

34:21

it's it's they're their own little So

34:24

what happened? She

34:24

got married. You know, by the way? She she is

34:26

she is married. She she got married.

34:28

but she

34:29

was talking about somebody else in the community. And she was I was just like, tell me more. Tell me more

34:31

because there was some interest in shit I had never heard

34:33

of. because I don't know any

34:36

fucking quakers. But

34:38

she didn't wanna talk about it. She I think she would get in trouble with

34:40

the Quaker community if they found out

34:43

she has some

34:43

Quaker issues. Well,

34:46

there's no violence that's gonna happen. They

34:48

won't wait her. Who they gonna do

34:50

here with a fucking buggy? Not

34:54

it. Now what's funny about miss

34:56

Pat miss Pat lived in

34:58

Plainfield Indiana, which was where the National

35:00

Quaker Meeting was. It's the fighting

35:02

quakers is the mascot of her

35:04

kids school. It's the quaker

35:06

capital of the United States and you learn

35:08

nothing about the quakers while

35:10

you're there. I I think I thought I was a

35:12

mascot. I didn't know many white white

35:14

people were quakers. I thought this and shit

35:16

y'all made up so y'all gonna have a

35:18

fighting Irish legal.

35:20

No. No. It was it

35:22

was actually people they're they

35:25

were really big abolitionists

35:28

and they fled North Carolina because of slavery and settled in

35:31

Indiana and founder playing field and then

35:33

founded the media media. What

35:35

the fuck? They They they they

35:37

were in the slavery. And then they well, they

35:39

were more They were morally opposed to it and

35:41

then came up here and set up the underground railroad.

35:44

The quakers were huge. They didn't wanna

35:46

be owners. they didn't wanna be paying taxes to an

35:48

evil government. taxes to an evil government

35:50

I'm

35:55

a quaker in that regard.

35:58

Yeah. But

36:00

they're also pacifist, so they, like, don't

36:02

go to war or fight or anything, which is

36:04

why now. But it's it's one of those things

36:06

where, you know, if you speak

36:08

out against the community, they

36:10

treat you like lepper, you know, the

36:12

scarlet letter. So they didn't do about ever

36:13

being a comedian. I

36:16

don't know

36:17

if they know. Who came

36:19

out to support her? Nobody? Her just her husband. I didn't

36:21

know quakers were like that. They're usually

36:23

pretty liberal. So let me ask you something. Let

36:25

me ask you something. So

36:27

it's quite good to why people tattooing

36:29

real tight.

36:32

What? Nicole,

36:35

what does that

36:38

even mean?

36:43

You see, white people with

36:45

a shoe tire. Real tight.

36:48

Like, they try to run from

36:50

the police. I'm I'm quite wholesome. How

36:52

did that association take place

36:54

here? And even

36:56

what?

36:56

the How did

36:57

you get there? Can we replace

36:59

one now? Who who would have

37:01

white people? What else?

37:04

The shirt.

37:08

Oh, done the white people. I'm

37:10

curious, would they double not touch

37:12

you real

37:14

real tight Like, they look like

37:16

blood pressure so well, they ain't a

37:20

couple quakers. You know what? Go

37:22

fuck yourself. because

37:24

I have my shoes double tied.

37:26

My brooks look like hospital shoes.

37:31

What are you calling about? Are

37:33

you mad to don't

37:37

know. Not like that. I'm talking

37:39

about they tired, so tired break straight. You ain't no scene on

37:41

white paper. And I'm sitting there like I'm

37:43

like, I know you

37:46

in pain. I know you can

37:48

feel that she's trying to

37:50

talking about your fucking ankle,

37:52

oh no quite years un equators. She

37:55

never wore shoes with laces, so I couldn't

37:58

tell you.

38:01

we need to discover new white people with

38:03

a tight, tight shoes.

38:06

Somebody's got to write in

38:08

and help illuminate this because Who

38:11

is the white people? What the extra tight shoe strike? Like, they

38:13

run from the police for a limb.

38:15

because I'm sitting there who's tied their shoes

38:17

up before they take off

38:20

run. you know, it's it's for balance, speed, make sure

38:22

your shoes on top of your feet. But

38:24

white

38:25

people can't run. just

38:27

got the huge tires, but no reason. See,

38:30

I'm thinking I was a black person there. We

38:32

can't have shit. They didn't even took the

38:34

shoe strain time tight

38:36

from us. You don't tie your

38:38

shoes. Make a sheet cake.

38:42

Oh, yeah. That's

38:44

what Jasmine's for. And

38:46

I appreciate you so much

38:48

Jasmine. Take your attention. Not

38:52

really. Hi. You ain't

38:54

no see people take out their shoes in the shoe

38:56

strand more on top of AC?

39:00

Yeah. They're white people.

39:01

Oh, wait. I'm kind of one of those people.

39:03

I like my shoes tied

39:05

tight.

39:07

oh Oh, That's

39:08

what I'm saying. I'm super

39:10

anglers. I feel that too. They

39:13

fucking personally attacked. Double

39:16

knotted shoes tied tight. I went

39:18

to You're not alone. You're not alone, Spanking. I

39:20

went to the gym. Yeah. I used to tie

39:23

my shoes super tight too. I

39:25

went to the gym today, and I was on the treadmill, and

39:27

they felt like they were coming

39:30

off. Good. Yeah. She was outside.

39:32

When they went there to catch you in the house, I mean,

39:34

it's funny. I didn't have sex

39:36

till I was twenty. What are you

39:38

talking about? and

39:42

the top of my car rolled out. Oh my

39:44

god. This has been a funny end episode. Do I

39:46

miss you guys? Yes, I do.

39:49

Yes, I do. Hi, John. I'm a rep

39:51

this thing. Make sure y'all catch me in

39:54

Indiana. I will be there for one night. I'll let

39:56

me deal

39:58

you believe. along with LaDuval, Eric is

39:59

Smiley, what's the date?

40:02

September twenty fourth. September

40:03

twenty fourth, gonna be at

40:05

the Marat for two shows.

40:08

get your tickets because I'm almost sold out. I can always wait and

40:10

be coming to my second home. And

40:13

with that said, Chris

40:16

starts

40:16

I finally figured out

40:18

your race. You were fucking quaker.

40:25

I'll take it. Welcome to

40:27

another episode of the Pat down. You know I'm here

40:29

with my Irish family, Chris and

40:32

Diana. I I buy.

40:34

He's racial. By

40:38

racial. He bled you white together

40:40

by racial. Oh, nigga. Okay.

40:43

Stay tuned out of the music, and we're gonna tell you,

40:46

we find out that

40:48

Christmas, no longer what you

40:50

call them people burn. what are you

40:52

wearing? It's ginger. Ginger?

40:54

Indeed. No longer ginger. We

40:56

it's something else that has

40:58

to do with all meal.

41:01

Stay tuned.

41:04

Thank y'all so much for tuning in to another episode

41:06

of the Pat down. Make sure you check

41:08

out my website at misspac comedy

41:10

dot com for all of my social media,

41:12

my tour dates, my book. Make sure

41:14

you spread the word about my

41:17

podcast. Please rate every deep. Please rate

41:19

and review and share. Thank you all so much all.

41:21

I've been miss Pat.

41:27

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