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right, this week we have Daniel Sherrell on

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1:33

currently campaign director of

1:35

the climate jobs, National Resource Center.

1:37

Where is working with the American Labor Movement to

1:40

tackle the climate crisis, reverse

1:42

income inequality and when

1:44

millions of unionized clean

1:46

energy jobs are? Daniel

1:49

Shroud and, you're listening to story

1:52

bound. gonna read a little

1:54

excerpt from my bookmarks coming

1:57

of age At the end of our.

2:42

When? I was seven we thought a salamander

2:45

in the stream near our house the,

2:48

stream crap to unnoticed through the verges

2:50

of our neighborhood, descending

2:52

inexorably towards the polluted. Rivers to

2:56

find it you had to walk to the end of our blocks

2:59

were yellow sign with a double headed

3:01

arrow indicated each of the two directions

3:03

you. could go if

3:05

you ignored the sign which on that day we

3:07

did and ducked under the fence

3:09

behind it you arrives at

3:12

a trickle of arrives creek that disappeared quickly

3:14

into the mouth of a corrugated iron

3:16

drain pipe

3:27

My sister and I were fixated

3:29

on the idea that something lived in this creek

3:32

and, begged our baby sitter to investigate

3:34

with us. we found a small

3:36

net and bucket in the basement

3:39

and climbed down to the bushes out of sight

3:41

of our house The

3:45

baby sitter dip the net in an hour of the water

3:47

while my sister and I crouched on the banks

3:49

clenching our fists in anticipation our.

3:53

legs had started to cramp and prick oh by

3:55

the time the baby sitter pulled up to

3:57

his surprise and hours as

4:00

Brown. Salamander it,

4:02

regal the vigorously in the net, and

4:04

in our excitement we imitated it's panicked

4:07

gleeful little, dance we

4:10

went about collecting water and stones from the creek.

4:13

And at home we placed these and the salamander

4:15

in a large tupperware with large lid we'd

4:17

punched full of. air holes the

4:20

whole habitat was displayed proudly on

4:22

the front table next to the shah the scandal

4:27

Then the salamander disappeared.

4:30

Looking through the sides of the tupperware we

4:32

could detect no movement the,

4:35

salamander could have been any one of the tons

4:38

of mud priests between the students

4:42

This went on for several days. Western:

4:45

I checking in rejecting the tupperware, waiting

4:48

for some event to confirm the existence

4:50

of the thing we knew we had cooked. The

4:54

salamander waited us out denying

4:56

us dissatisfaction venturing.

4:58

not even a flick of its tail Yeah

5:02

my mother why the salamander wouldn't move

5:04

and she told me quite reasonably

5:06

I thought that. since we'd put it

5:08

next to the shop is candles the salamander

5:10

was napping "The think

5:12

the everyday as a day of rest", she said.

5:18

When Friday night did come the candle flame

5:21

cast slithering amphibious shadows

5:23

all over this town.

5:27

At last we relented and brought the tupperware

5:30

back to the creek I.

5:32

held the container at an angle in the water

5:34

and my sister peeled off the lid And

5:37

though we empty all of it's contents, we never

5:40

saw the salamander leave. Just

5:43

a cloud of mud and then the

5:45

creek as it was.

5:49

As I grew older I came to understand

5:52

that this was not a fluke disappear,

5:55

was what animals did My

5:57

relationship to them to the extent that.

6:00

The existed at all was.

6:02

strung together from glimpses The

6:04

sudden seconds before they darted into

6:06

a bush or scurried the back

6:08

of an enclosure.

6:10

This was hard for me to take specially

6:13

as a child.

6:15

Weaned, as I was on Disney or

6:17

animals, could be your sidekick or your Nemesis

6:19

your best friend or your comic

6:21

relief. I was surprised

6:23

to learn the denizens of the New Jersey woods

6:26

wanted nothing to do with me. On

6:29

those first hikes I remember feeling like a

6:31

pariah. Chipmunks and

6:33

dear sprinting through the undergrowth to get away

6:35

from me. They would

6:37

always freeze for a second first or. bodies

6:40

tensed eyeball swimming in their heads

6:43

before beating their abrupt retreat leaving.

6:46

me squinting after them into them trees

6:50

The only way to prevent it I found was

6:52

to stand still and make almost no

6:54

noise. The pretend,

6:56

in essence, that I wasn't there at all.

7:02

By the time I entered middle school. This

7:04

was no longer cause for much surprise.

7:07

Then I had undergone the predictable

7:10

loss of innocence that I assume the cell

7:12

many of the children who came of age in the

7:14

waning decades of the twentieth century. The

7:17

realization, specifically. That

7:20

all the fantastic animals we'd learned about the

7:22

science class. The ones

7:24

with pencil, then in our coloring books. And

7:27

as and jaguars, the around get hands

7:29

and the elephants. The being

7:31

wiped off the face of the pushed. The

7:35

rain forests were burning, their savannas

7:37

were being crops. And that

7:39

we were the agents of this extermination.

7:43

In this light, a made abundant sense to me

7:45

that most animals. The even more

7:47

prosaic species of New Jersey. The

7:49

do everything in their power to avoid us.

7:53

I began to feel rueful every time

7:55

I encountered so much as a squirrel or

7:57

a sparrow. Then.

8:00

There scurrying retreats were more than

8:02

just an instinctual response. If

8:05

it was all, in fact, a very deliberate

8:08

snubbing. An animal

8:10

kingdom wide packed to shun

8:12

the humans and protest of what we'd done.

8:15

And in fear of what we might still

8:17

do. Later

8:20

I learned the precise scope of our obliteration

8:24

humanity. it's or more specifically

8:27

that blinkered strain of economic sought

8:29

that had transformed all ecosystems

8:31

into resources into be harvested

8:33

are paved over Had

8:35

triggered the sixth mass extinction, his

8:38

pads and biological life.

8:42

This was a deeper during the disappearance

8:46

die. off rates were rates thousand times above

8:48

normal and dozens of species

8:50

entire species Or be

8:52

snuffed out every day during.

8:55

holes and my picture of the planet I.

8:59

Got the where every time I got into bed

9:01

that I'd lost in irretrievable opportunity

9:04

to witness a whole host of creatures

9:06

that I hadn't even known existed and,

9:09

that the. Same thing would happen tomorrow and

9:11

the next day and so on into

9:13

Infinity to Infinity, this

9:16

made me feel very sad though

9:18

the same time I took it in. Stride

9:20

the avenues available to me for learning

9:23

about the non, human world outlets

9:25

like National Geographic, an animal planet

9:28

are always focusing on the last

9:30

remained last remaining acts. Or

9:32

an extremely rare, why we are like

9:35

so their coverage with. usually meant for

9:37

mode conservation the

9:40

message i took away with that conservation should avoid getting

9:42

took excited chavan rhinoceros

9:45

a silky ceasar That

9:47

likely never see one, and there might

9:49

soon be none less to see. implicit

9:53

in all of this was an equation of scarcity

9:56

which I internalized early on the.

9:59

more him The boeing animals are.

10:01

likelier it was to vanish

10:07

This isn't surprising to me probably

10:10

because I'd already as most similar

10:12

lesson growing up under late capitalism

10:15

scarcity, produced value and

10:17

vice versa, so

10:19

although it was, sad it made

10:21

sense to me that of in our in our services.

10:23

were disappearing they

10:25

were too good to lands with and land that

10:28

lands this seemed less that consequence of the problem

10:31

than a guiding principle of the world

10:37

Now I look at the sheer number of extinctions

10:40

and they appear to pretend the end of the world

10:43

that, this isn't how the problem works exactly,

10:47

exactly problem doesn't operate at the level of the

10:49

whole, world which anyway

10:51

can't be reduced to a. singular saying

10:54

story to be concluded climax ugly

10:56

and all at once solid It

10:59

finds it's tracks him instead in the smaller

11:01

world's the sub worlds. A

11:04

system of brackish creaks draped

11:06

in Mangrove. The narrow

11:08

band of dwarf spruce huddled just

11:10

below tree line ah the

11:12

heady two weeks between the birth of the V

11:15

and, the will have small red flower

11:18

the only it and pollinate, world's

11:21

that often pass beneath our. notice that

11:23

which have for millennia made up the absolute

11:26

outer boundaries of subjective experience

11:29

for the many other species with whom

11:31

we share our planet

11:35

These are the world's, the problem is ending

11:37

blinking out one by one in messy,

11:40

staggered successor. Like

11:42

most people I've grown accustomed to these gangs

11:46

and, am now almost completely numb by

11:48

statistics on extinction and biodiversity

11:51

loss The

11:54

shocked me as a child but,

11:56

I can no longer fathom there are cruel. cannot

11:59

make them mean

12:01

We are sometimes try to do is inhabit a single

12:04

example and,. apocalypse in miniature

12:09

Recently for instance the snow that

12:11

once blanketed the house you.

12:13

can see it in the upper right hand corner of burgos

12:16

painting softening the peaks beyond

12:18

the town Have begun to

12:20

melt drastically. The

12:22

even in winter. I

12:26

read that there's a species as hair living in

12:28

these mountains and is evolves turn

12:30

it's coat white in the winter as

12:32

a form of camouflage when,

12:35

bridal sat down and fifteen sixty five

12:38

to paint hunters in the snow. dozens

12:41

of these hairs might have been nosing their way across

12:43

their scene entirely invisible

12:45

to him. Imagine

12:49

them traversing an environment of simple slopes

12:51

and planes padding across

12:53

fragile crusts of snow squeezing.

12:56

down blind tunnels lit by a

12:58

cold son filtered there's

13:02

is a glittering muffled world, where

13:04

every sound is both faint and pronounced

13:06

like a single stroke on

13:08

a blank All

13:11

movement here is dangerous. So they try

13:14

stay frozen and immobility

13:16

belied only by breath discernible

13:18

in the slight lift and sigh of

13:21

the fur on their haunches. What

13:25

food there is they exhume, from beneath

13:27

the snow Banks, small portions

13:29

of freezing grass shattered down

13:31

the throat? Centuries

13:34

passed this way. Silent

13:37

furtive white

13:40

on white. Ben,

13:43

the whole world. The high

13:45

white world that lent them it's color.

13:49

begins to break into pieces. There's

13:53

no comes, but it doesn't last.

13:55

melting first on the meadows. Then

13:58

receding to the David's and trend. They

14:00

had the mountain. What

14:02

had once been a single expansive

14:04

camouflage? They suddenly a

14:06

chain of disconnected islands. The

14:09

each of them steadily shrinking. And

14:12

against the bare ground the hairs

14:14

stand out like targets it's,

14:17

as if the mountains once they're safeguard

14:20

has betrayed them disclosing the

14:22

secret of their vulnerability, dress

14:26

for a world that no longer exists

14:29

the hairs dark between the remaining. brief

14:32

pause crunching on gravel and splash

14:34

puddles snow melt Everything

14:37

is muddy and course now. In

14:41

the photo negative country, the wolves

14:43

devour the harris, snatching

14:45

them from the mud in a frenzy too

14:48

full to keep eating. Perhaps

14:51

in the shopping ease of the hunt even,

14:54

the predators sense that something is off

14:56

that the feast can't last That

14:59

as the hairs begin to disappear. Though

15:02

to will they? The simple

15:04

reason that the same snow protecting

15:06

the hairs from their hunters has.

15:08

protected the hunters from their own appetites

15:16

In the wake of this localized apocalypse,

15:18

the hair's world would grow truly unrecognizable.

15:22

The warm. The empty. void

15:25

of but safety and danger.

15:29

From bridal advantage, it would look more or less

15:31

the same. Phoenix

15:33

and Remote. Maybe

15:35

just a shade browner.

15:40

There is a near endless supply of these

15:42

examples in,

15:44

the cloud forests of Costa Rica. the

15:47

heat pushes a certain species of tree frog

15:49

up the slopes in the mountains

15:52

They climb higher and higher in search

15:54

of cooler temperatures that.

15:56

the elevation runs out and the temperatures

15:59

keep for Then. In

16:03

my head I picture these frogs poised

16:05

on the highest branches of the tallest trees

16:08

stranded. on their dwindling peaks

16:11

Their skin would slowly dry to A has.

16:14

Pulling their mouths open in their eyes wide

16:16

after finding them in the gargoyles.

16:20

Or conversely. I. Picture: The Pine

16:22

Forests of Vermont where warming

16:24

winters are unveiling new territory

16:27

allowing ticks to push northward ticks,

16:30

being along with disease

16:32

bearing mosquitoes when of the few

16:34

species I've. Ever read about benefiting

16:36

from the props, which

16:38

lends and area sense that there's something

16:40

inherently pasture land show about? it

16:43

and it doesn't simply adhere to the cascading

16:46

rules of physics but his additionally

16:48

propelled by something deliberate

16:50

and retributive like deliberate biblical

16:53

plague

16:56

And increasingly large numbers the

16:58

ticks crawl through the tall grass

17:01

attaching. themselves to moose and boring

17:03

into their hides I've

17:06

read about a dead moose sound with ninety

17:08

thousand ticks on it's body I've.

17:11

read that some moose scratch so

17:13

hard in an attempt to be rid of the itching

17:16

They rub parts of their skin off on

17:18

the trees. Their

17:22

numbers have shrunk dramatically in recent

17:24

years. The held by infections

17:27

and blood loss. The that their

17:29

likenesses still stamped

17:31

into maple candies and emblazoned on

17:33

postcards across for Mont. Increasingly

17:36

changed with nostalgia. If

17:38

every souvenir who were a little memorial.

17:42

Even as I picture them know. This

17:45

every souvenir. We're

17:48

a little memorial. I'm

17:50

wary of the way these stories are deployed

17:54

how. they are passed around like around form

17:56

of currency a tender of

17:58

loss I

18:03

know there is a long history of environmentalists

18:06

using charismatic animals on the brink.

18:08

The block the heartstrings of they're mostly

18:10

white middle class donor bases.

18:14

That these appeals have often subsumed

18:16

replace the voices of millions of

18:18

poor people at risk from the problem.

18:23

That I also can't dismiss them entirely.

18:27

The media stories of a meeting deeper than

18:29

fundraising deeper, even

18:32

and sadness

18:35

Like that scene in a movie where all the pigeons

18:37

fly away before an earthquake. Where

18:40

the rats dash down the drain

18:42

pipes before a big flood? I

18:45

think the they're fundamentally stories about

18:47

fear. About being

18:49

left alone in a dangerous

18:52

place though, they are

18:54

often package safely into bite

18:56

sized tragedies. taken

18:58

as the whole they look more like a jittery

19:01

collectivized unease The

19:04

big inkling that were being abandoned

19:06

on an increasingly am deeply. In

19:11

a way this is good we,

19:13

are long past the point where we should be putting

19:15

starving polar bears on wall calendars.

19:18

hitting ma'am like their fate has no relation

19:21

to hours The

19:23

rhetoric of trying to protect animals

19:26

serves only to imply their expend ability.

19:29

Casting them as fragile as that a size

19:31

treasures so, we can avoid

19:33

seeing them for the bellwethers they really

19:35

are. less worthy of pity

19:38

that of Now,

19:41

when I read about extinction, this is something

19:44

I try to hold on to. That,

19:46

in every regrettable loss, there

19:48

is a seed of paranoia. That

19:52

at some point, their disappearance

19:55

may start to feel like a desertion.

20:24

I. Dunno, if it's the accents, the t are the driving

20:26

on the wrong side of the road, but no matter what it

20:28

is, I love British TV and I'm

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Now, hello, the day to day to

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as time. The story. Mr.

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Allow, the. money

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Members of Animal An Emergency Room

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Doctor Six,

21:51

it's radio lab sent me away

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That daughters have been asking us more questions

22:02

about our life when we were kids. The

22:04

and their mother was telling them a story

22:06

and got me thinking. Or

22:08

I hadn't heard that story before. How

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many other stories do I not know about this

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the.

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You are listening to story bound with

23:10

author Daniel Shrill and,

23:12

he's reading from his books war. coming

23:15

of age at the end of the world

23:22

It was almost two years before the United

23:25

States withdrew from the treaty

23:28

by. then trump had been elected with a minority

23:30

of votes and was systematically destroying

23:33

systematically attempts to contain the hyper object

23:36

The hijackers would rested the controls

23:38

and the pilot and was flying the plane

23:40

straight into the ground except.

23:43

with many more lives

23:45

at stake As

23:48

with everything he did, his utmost to

23:50

turn the withdrawal into a raiding, spectacular

23:53

building suspense for weeks by hinting

23:55

at various courses of action. For

23:58

finally announcing in a tale of. The

24:00

dress suggestive of the season

24:02

finale on "The Darkest Reality

24:04

TV Show in the World" That

24:06

he would be withdrawing completely.

24:11

The announcement was made, I was up in Buffalo

24:14

meeting with several coalition organizers.

24:16

Among them the friend whose grandmother

24:18

had been killed during Hurricane Maria.

24:23

The enough it was playing on Mute in one corner

24:25

of their office. The no one could bring

24:27

themselves to watch. On

24:30

screen, Trump looks smog and

24:32

board. Pruitt stood

24:34

behind him like a Mannequin. Finished

24:37

up into his tie. As

24:40

soon as the speech began, my friend walked

24:42

out of the room. I got the

24:44

first few minutes, then turned back

24:46

to my pile of email. The only reading

24:48

the transcript once it was over. I

24:51

could feel the farce congealing over the tragedy.

24:54

The numbing it down I.

24:57

decided to take a walk around the block to

24:59

see if i could cry

25:02

I came upon the lot of a small church

25:05

deserted on a Thursday and,

25:07

sat down on one of the concrete strips

25:09

bordering a parking spot My

25:12

sadness felt more like dizziness

25:14

the, seat of the world swinging wildly

25:16

back and forth, while my

25:19

own my Scott meted out and days

25:21

one after another effectively.

25:23

unchanged here with

25:25

solid concrete warm weather

25:28

a white steeple The oblivious

25:31

rectitude of the moment. I

25:35

wanted, in that instance, a tear, it all to shreds.

25:38

The get out of it for even a second.

25:41

I took out my phone and decided to cause of my father.

25:44

The high school we began to talk more openly

25:46

about the problem. The was

25:48

no longer just the subject of his research,

25:51

it was all over the news. The

25:53

somehow made him more capable of talking

25:56

about it. The mounting

25:58

public alarm let him. Framework

26:00

through which to seal the facts he'd

26:02

helps produce. He

26:05

picked up on the first rings as he often

26:07

does on I call. The

26:10

was angry, he told me, live it.

26:13

His voice sounded like this is something he was

26:15

still trying to muster. I

26:18

loved him so much then. The

26:20

way he thought to transcend his natural gentleness.

26:23

We'll himself into indignation. Loved

26:26

him because he tried loved.

26:28

him because he couldn't

26:31

I wish I could feel angry, I told him. I

26:35

feel right now is sad. Then,

26:38

like at issued a summons, the tears

26:40

arrived and I was not in control of them anymore.

26:43

They were just falling down my face, wedding

26:46

the screen of the food. The

26:49

long one sense of the parking lot was a flowering

26:51

hydrangea bush, and I begin plucking

26:53

it's leaves and blowing my nose into them,

26:56

dabbing my eyes with the sleeve. For

26:59

a moment I felt like I was eight years old again

27:01

trying to my father in disbelief like

27:03

I was reliving that conversation with perhaps

27:05

never had. But even

27:07

as I experienced it. The even if

27:09

the force of it made me sit down and slumped

27:12

against the sense. Part of me

27:14

was already bored with my Greece. It

27:17

felt repetitive and does. An

27:19

exact replay of my reaction to Melancholia

27:22

and to Hurricane Sandy and all

27:24

the other moments when the weight of the hyper object

27:27

had ruptured discs resolve.

27:30

We'd like the problem in place to my emotions

27:32

on an endless tape loop. And

27:35

they were going to keep playing back at me forever.

27:38

The same know it's the same sequence.

27:42

The feeling came the equally predictable

27:44

guilty of having never occupied a position

27:46

of real vulnerability to the problem. Like

27:49

if your father killed himself after another crop

27:51

failure or a hurricane, shredded

27:54

the house where you'd grown up. The

27:56

guilt exhausted me. doubly

27:59

so because I see. It it actual purpose.

28:01

The to exercise the descendants of privilege.

28:05

Seconding immoral catharsis that

28:07

would mean absolutely nothing to,

28:09

anyone beyond myself Sitting

28:13

there in that church parking lot it,

28:16

was like my whole life was being stretched out

28:18

in front of me just one long sinusoid

28:21

of elation and despair. an

28:23

infinite rerun of whatever i'd

28:25

already felt Maybe all the other countries

28:28

will rally around and now and make the accord

28:30

even stronger. Then.

28:41

I do have hoped I told him. And

28:43

it was true. I

28:45

felt it like a sliver in my side.

28:48

The whole thing they're beating.

28:51

my breasts in defiance of my brain

28:55

Sometimes I wished I could extract it and

28:58

let the wound bleed and he'll until

29:00

I didn't feel anything there anymore.

29:03

They have anything I had to attend do

29:06

would. hope possessed me with a terrible vigilance

29:10

Even after the worst news it

29:13

made my heart bounce back like a reflex

29:15

no. less exhausting that it was automatic

29:20

I do have hope", I said again. And

29:23

we both sat silently there on the phone.

29:26

Like we were waiting to see if it

29:28

would hold.

29:33

It was June and the sun was shining hot

29:35

on my shoulders. pictured

29:38

the tiny photons like dust mites

29:41

trillions, of them glancing offered me, sifting

29:44

through the we've of my shirt and falling

29:46

into the forest of my, hair they

29:50

were almost nothing, I. knew merely

29:52

massless sinking into

29:54

everything always

30:00

This is the crux this,

30:02

is what we were all litigating. the

30:04

sunlight itself and how much of it would

30:06

be trapped here with us

30:11

I. Shouldn't have, but I felt then

30:13

for a moment like a was all very simple

30:16

beneath, the text of the treaties

30:19

and the crack of the gavel and

30:21

the ever bobbing. Derricks, and

30:23

was just the density of, sunlight a,

30:25

single quest, was

30:28

also clear the problem

30:30

could be seen was in fact the means,

30:32

by which we. Saw and

30:34

from out, of this thought. came hoop seeping

30:37

back into me unbidden

30:40

and indomitable Or

30:43

maybe that's not where it came from.

30:46

Maybe it was just a beautiful day and,

30:48

I was out for a walk in a quiet neighborhood,

30:52

maybe it was just, spring the

30:55

thing is I never quite new. it's provenance

30:59

he would just always combat offering

31:01

its hand saying trust me And

31:05

once again I'd take it feeling tired

31:07

but a little thrilled he,

31:10

came back I'd think. even

31:13

after all this it came back

31:38

The a horse returning we,

31:41

right back up to the spinal torsion for

31:43

it

31:49

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31:58

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32:02

Nickelodeon official companion podcast

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32:07

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and Dante Bass, go the voice of Zuko

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or ever you are listening to this podcast.

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You are listening

33:34

to story bound with author Daniel

33:36

Shrill and, is reading from

33:38

his book was. coming

33:41

of age at the end of the world

33:51

That night I lay in bed and

33:53

it was like I was being pressed into the earth. Flattened

33:57

against it's skin I.

33:59

counted The breath and ten is pushing

34:02

my lungs up toward the dark. And

34:04

then letting them fall back into my ribs.

34:09

When I finally drifted off to sleep I,

34:11

dream that I was boarding train at

34:13

the center of the planet. it's

34:16

tracks radiating outward into

34:18

space The

34:21

journey began in the tunnel, dark

34:23

of the core. Silent

34:26

but for the click. The track.

34:32

After a while the train emerged

34:34

into the hot light of the mantle and,

34:37

we trudge through it for hours and

34:39

monotony of rock and slain,

34:42

all of it melting and crystallizing

34:44

and or email,. thing and we were passing

34:46

through the guts of a lava lamp

34:50

They seem to go by this way with

34:52

nothing to see fairly. a hint

34:54

that we are even moving The

34:57

dream I watched myself fall asleep

35:00

in my birth my. head smudging

35:02

against the window my hands falling

35:04

limped falling my lap And

35:07

in the middle of this, I'll timed nath it

35:09

happened. The

35:11

sudden appearance as tree roots

35:13

and basements the. eruption

35:16

that to sunlight The forests

35:18

and the waves the billions of gangly

35:20

creatures scuttling down streets

35:22

and over seabeds feeding.

35:24

their arcs through the air

35:30

In a flash, I watch the train shoot past

35:32

the golden super fast defines

35:35

as to sleeping figure lumped beneath

35:37

a quilt in an unlit room. Then

35:41

in a few moments along link it.

35:44

was all behind us I

35:48

watched my dream self wake up much later

35:51

again. into a darkness this one

35:53

emptier area than the core

35:56

The realized with the paying. That

35:58

he admitted all. That he was

36:00

unaware their been anything else to see

36:03

besides scorching heat or crushing

36:05

cold or. that even

36:07

if he had caught had glimpse The soon

36:09

be compelled to dismiss the sin helical

36:12

as something fleeting and forgettable a.

36:15

strange and tiny exception to

36:17

the suffocating default out his window

36:20

I night in to which the train would plummet

36:22

for years. Maybe forever.

36:29

When I actually woke up, it was dark in my room.

36:32

The wind was at the windows and,

36:35

the sun was still hours from the horizon

36:39

For a moment I felt wildly exposed.

36:43

lying there on the exact surface of

36:45

the planet suspended, precariously

36:48

in precariously critical zone between ambitious

36:51

Then it struck me that I'd only ever have a tree's

36:54

worth of space brutes to crown

36:56

give or take. In which to raise high

36:59

the roof beam and lower down the coffin

37:02

and conduct all the affairs that might

37:04

reasonably be said. The

37:06

comprise a life. The

37:09

thought frightened me. I spent

37:11

the rest of the night taking shallow breaths under

37:13

my quilt trying. not to do

37:15

anything that might disturb the delicate

37:18

on flow between ground and sky

37:21

into which I had been sealed.

37:28

Thank you to Dangle Shrill for reading.

37:30

You can purchase a copy of his book, warmth

37:32

coming of Age" at the end of the world, available now,

37:35

your favorite local bookseller. Thank

37:37

you to Veronica Goldstein, a fletcher and

37:39

company. They'll Banton our friends

37:41

at Penguin Random House.

37:43

Production assistants by Matt Keeley, Donny

37:46

Deutsch Madison Richards and Morgan

37:48

Swift from the Park glamour it social

37:50

media help from so be a bell till. our

37:53

production coordinators jordan aaron This

37:55

episode's editing sound design scoring,

37:58

arranging, hosting, mixing and man. During

38:00

were done by me dude Brewer are,

38:02

executive producers or myself just

38:05

ambrose the pa agglomerate and

38:07

just and Alvarez of lit have, follow

38:10

us on Twitter and Instagram at Story bound,

38:12

pod you can tweet at. me

38:14

directly at dude a brewery

38:17

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38:20

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39:13

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