0:06

where's your argument you hired

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, in no time for myself life

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the hard life and while it can

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be hard in full of lots of showing up

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for others the idea that being

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a mom means living a joyless stale

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or shit show life all the time

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is something i am passionate about putting

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0:25

plaza and i'm about to make your life

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so much tighter and

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the best selling author of books declutter like

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another another creator of several life

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at tens of thousands tens students have

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you been feeling chronically behind if

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be like you don't have time for the things that really

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matter to you i've got you i

0:49

went from being a completely overwhelmed

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depressed ugly mom of three babies

0:54

and toddlers who are be honest

0:56

with you didn't want be mom anymore

0:58

because i felt like i was feeling so hard

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2:00

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love guys glad you're here and

2:35

enjoy this episode i

2:38

love welcome to the purpose so i

2:40

am coming to you from my super professional

2:42

studios no i'm not

2:45

but i am looking at it because i'm

2:47

sitting in our van in

2:49

my driveway the seen

2:51

my office slash recording studio

2:54

i cannot use right now because we're having a million

2:56

things and of house and it's super loud

2:59

for recording from the car again and

3:01

it is becoming thing and it's fine to the

3:03

sounded great and i'm very thankful for that

3:07

they

3:07

were going to have a little chat about anxiety

3:09

and worry i have quite

3:12

a history with anxiety maybe

3:15

that's the an episode for another day

3:17

anxiety

3:21

i've been part of my life and part of my

3:23

my journey and there's something

3:26

about it that i've been thinking

3:28

of thinking about about lately and came

3:30

up in conversation with

3:32

my friend danielle who is on t

3:34

molly and if you've ever dm

3:36

me on instagram you've probably communicated

3:38

with her we were just chatting about

3:40

anxiety and worry and

3:43

a couple of specific situations in each of

3:45

our lives where we really just noticed that

3:48

we were at each

3:50

and i'm just playing out scenarios

3:54

that may happen or

3:57

may not happen and that's really what anxiety

4:00

from my it's like our it's our thoughts and

4:02

are wary and

4:04

we're talking about this may just a hit me after

4:06

we after we ended our conversation that this

4:08

would a really great episode because i know

4:10

that whether you identify as someone

4:12

who struggles with anxiety or is diagnosed

4:15

with generalized anxiety disorder

4:17

or not in a we all worry

4:19

we all play scenarios over in our

4:21

heads really almost kind of like

4:23

in voluntarily it just sort of happens

4:26

worry in some way shape

4:28

or form is a part of the human experience

4:31

right

4:32

and so what happened thinking about

4:34

lately, and what we were talking about in that conversation with

4:36

danielle, is just like

4:38

how anxiety and worry come

4:40

from like the root of it? is

4:43

a desire for control, we

4:46

want to be in control and

4:48

really, you know, sometimes maybe

4:50

even all the time, depending on, you know, what

4:53

you this is like very philosophical but depending on

4:55

like what you believe, you know, we're

4:57

not in control of everything and we,

4:59

we really, we want to be not being in

5:01

control kind of freaked us out and

5:04

anxiety comes from a desire

5:06

to be in control to be in control of a situation

5:08

you know, we might get anxious

5:10

taking our kids somewhere because we

5:12

don't know how they're going to act if

5:14

they're going to embarrass us or

5:17

have a temper tantrum and an inconvenient

5:19

place or whatever

5:21

we might get anxious about going somewhere

5:23

with someone because in we wanna

5:25

be in control of everything indices are

5:27

not really in control does this involves other

5:29

people and there's all kinds different

5:32

situations and situations feel like everyone's

5:34

experience is different with what causes

5:36

them worry and anxiety and what doesn't

5:39

the root of it as that we want control

5:41

and so when we feel

5:43

worried that we're not going to be in control

5:45

or something going to happen that outside of our

5:47

control in we start to play

5:50

these scenarios over and our minds like okay

5:52

if this happens and going into this what if

5:54

this happens what will i do that on my gosh there's

5:56

no option for me is that happened full than what will

5:58

i do that happens

6:00

your third of such spiral and as

6:02

we're trying to solve

6:04

the problem so we work filling out

6:06

of control the want to solve the problem by giving

6:08

ourselves a bigger sense of control

6:10

by planning ahead and running through these

6:12

scenarios and remained scenarios the

6:14

don't even exist by the way say nothing

6:17

happens yes are leaving the present

6:19

moment and putting ourselves into a possible

6:22

future reality and playing scenario

6:24

over and find plan for what we would do to

6:26

give ourselves a sense of greater control

6:29

and the problem with that is that when

6:31

we're doing that were usually freaking

6:33

are sold out more as a plane as scenarios

6:35

over and coming up with all these what is and

6:38

it's freaking at that more and this may

6:40

not even serpent

6:42

and is what i

6:44

want to say is

6:46

what i've been doing that i've been practicing

6:48

a my own journey with anxiety which is so

6:51

long i i remember being

6:53

says as a kid and i have hired

6:55

really extreme of

6:58

experiences with anxiety including

7:00

panic attacks a diagnosis

7:02

of ptsd and twenty seven seen

7:05

from , oh god

7:07

so many things and that some serious

7:10

that some that i don't think

7:12

it's i am i can explain well

7:14

enough to as a make you understand how

7:16

hard membranes life was

7:19

before the business

7:21

and of trauma and all kinds of things contributing

7:23

to just as a generalized sense

7:25

of anxiety and then specific situations

7:28

that would send me straight into panic and

7:30

something that i've been doing over the last

7:33

like year on that i've just been kind of

7:36

tuning in myself is rather

7:38

than playing this scenario in my

7:40

head over and over again sign

7:42

plan of what i do this have intimately

7:44

do that happens because that's you know how

7:46

anxiety on a says brain works

7:48

nights rather than doing that

7:50

i think about the fact is what

7:53

i really want is can for all right

7:55

and so that's

7:56

not go through all the different scenarios know the

7:58

different possibilities and instead

8:01

i think what is the ultimate

8:03

outcome of how i want to

8:05

feel in this situation

8:07

where i'm going in sales this party ambling

8:10

sales this trip and pagan this

8:12

on social event i'm going to

8:15

whatever it is for me it's a in when involves

8:18

kids if it is involves just me

8:20

or whatever it is

8:21

let's skip over over over thinking

8:24

and what is because we're not in that situation

8:26

right now i'm not there i'm here

8:28

right now i'm sitting in my house right

8:30

now thinking about the trip that

8:32

i have an account or whatever it is it's coming up

8:35

and so it does isn't it

8:37

you try to get into the future

8:39

when i'm not bears but what

8:41

i can do for myself is think what

8:43

is the ultimate result how do

8:45

i wanna feel in

8:47

that situation when i'm

8:49

we then when it's done i did and

8:52

i were and it's over how

8:54

do a once you feel how do i want

8:56

have seldom a situation maybe it's

8:58

grounded maybe you're

9:00

feeling a says about seeing someone

9:02

that you have a really complicated

9:04

history with mental the

9:06

ultimate result you want is to feel really

9:08

grounded and confident in yourself

9:10

and who you are maybe you're

9:12

going into a social situation and you have some

9:15

social anxiety how do you want

9:17

to feel in the social situation are

9:19

at the end of this maybe you wanna

9:21

feel com maybe

9:23

you wanna feel like you're just you're okay

9:26

with anxiety coming with you to this event

9:28

this is another thing that i've done on that's

9:30

helped me tremendously i mean this is probably

9:32

the biggest thing with anxiety for

9:34

me it's just been like okay i'm

9:37

not going to get rid of this anxiety

9:39

i'm not going to suppress it i'm not going to pretend

9:41

it's not their i'm not gonna try to change

9:43

s i'm just going to allow it to come

9:45

with me may and dissing zeit

9:47

he comes with me

9:49

certain events and this apparently

9:51

is one of them because they're it is stamina

9:53

let it come with me so maybe

9:56

my ultimate outcome that i desire is

9:58

i'm going to just be okay

10:00

the fact that anxiety is coming with

10:02

me to the social events and

10:04

i'm gonna be calm about that and allow

10:06

it because only allowing the idea just

10:08

kind of runs through us and does

10:10

what it is doing finishes once

10:12

your brains realizes it's okay

10:15

it's safe we don't need a fire fighter

10:17

freeze than excited

10:19

size down and get more comfortable

10:22

so basically instead

10:24

of focusing on all these different scenarios

10:26

and what ifs and freaking out and making yourself

10:28

more anxious really needlessly

10:31

and hurting yourself and making harder for yourself

10:34

and said think

10:36

what

10:36

is the ultimate outcome that i want and

10:38

how can i focus on said

10:41

because you know if you believe in

10:43

manifestation i believe we're all

10:45

creating our reality through

10:47

our thoughts all the time

10:50

i think that are words and our thoughts are

10:52

incredibly incredibly powerful and i don't

10:54

think enough people realize exactly how

10:56

powerful that is and

10:58

they are and so if you're

11:01

if you're thinking if you're playing

11:03

in your mind all these different scenarios

11:05

there are things going wrong you're basically

11:08

calling that endear existence you're basically

11:10

creating that reality when you go about

11:12

of that are take your kids who this and tibbs

11:15

the theme park or go on this road trip or

11:17

whatever you're anxious about right go to the doctor

11:19

appointment go meet with this person for lunch

11:21

whatever you're basically creating

11:23

not reality you're thinking about you're playing

11:26

out your head and at so powerful which

11:28

is why it's giving you the more anxiety

11:30

so instead let's stay calm

11:32

realize that anxieties is gonna hang

11:35

out with us for a little while is this a part

11:37

of our experience right now that's

11:39

okay and then saying or

11:41

saying or i my thoughts really powerful and

11:44

worrying about specific what it is not going

11:46

help me so what i'm going to do is decide

11:48

what the outcome that i want is

11:50

how do i want this feels not

11:52

the outcome of what's going happen

11:54

because you can't control that right

11:57

you really can't mary

11:59

you can't country

12:00

that you can think positive

12:02

thoughts decide what you wine and called

12:04

out and but ultimately there may be something

12:06

else happens right we don't have

12:08

control over what other people saying do

12:11

have different experiences go down but

12:13

we do have control over ourselves over

12:15

our thoughts and over how we feel and over

12:18

what we are proceedings and

12:20

what we are experiencing the internally

12:22

in any given situation

12:23

no matter what anyone else says or does right

12:26

so how do you want to steal decide

12:28

that then instead

12:30

of playing over the worst case scenarios in situation

12:33

play over and over in your head it's

12:35

feeling that way going to this

12:37

lunch going to this event going on this

12:39

track betting on that plane lab or it is

12:42

and feeling the way you desire

12:44

to see and plays that situation

12:46

hours and stay in those feelings

12:48

and really see as clear as

12:51

you possibly can kind of create movie

12:53

in your mind about that

12:55

going down you don't have situation

12:58

and feeling the way you decided you

13:00

really want to feel and play it

13:02

over and over and over again

13:04

as many times as you can and silverstone

13:06

actually happens that

13:09

is taking habit of the

13:11

mines and then anxious brain

13:14

and using it for guy using

13:16

it actually help you and

13:18

do something and so much better

13:20

than suppressing the thoughts are trying to just

13:23

like

13:23

them here divert your attention and citizen

13:26

be busy and think about something else that is so anxious

13:28

what that's gonna deal with it's all gonna volcano

13:30

out right before you're going the thing

13:32

or before the that are thing happens have

13:34

a conversation takes place and you

13:36

know that are we get to panic and

13:39

sell this exercises is really helped

13:41

me it's so much better and more productive

13:43

than the up the in the alternate the

13:45

thought i would share our this help someone

13:48

else that has an anxious brain and

13:50

it did help you please take please screenshot and share

13:52

it on instagram and tied me a helps me and

13:54

the purpose so so much and gets

13:56

the message in front of other women

13:58

who need here in south i

14:00

am

14:07

mind you so much for hanging out with me and

14:09

letting me be a part of your day it means so

14:11

much me if you have like more

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the regular like my third test

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time i'm alex gaza and

15:13

this is the purpose show