0:03

Hi , I'm Riley and I'm Ryder , and

0:05

this is my dad show . Hey

0:12

, everybody , it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad

0:14

cast , and , as I promised , we do finally

0:17

have a new and exciting sponsor that's

0:19

going to be joining us over the next 13 weeks or so

0:21

, and they it is called the authentic edge

0:23

podcast , which is going to be launching very

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, very soon . It is a podcast that is led

0:28

by the fantastic and successful Jason

0:30

DeLuca and executive sales

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and people leader at Dexian , as

0:34

well as with a Paul DeFrancenzo

0:36

, who is a global

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sales leader at indeedcom

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. This podcast , authentic edge

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and it's really about a journey into

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the heart and genuine relationships into the

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the profound impact that authenticity

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long-term partnerships , as well as creating serendipitous

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connections that evolve into endearing

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business and personal relationships , which

1:04

is exactly how I would describe

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my relationship with Jason and Paul

1:08

. So , without further ado , let's get right

1:11

to the next episode , and I hope that you check out the authentic

1:13

edge wherever you consume your podcasts

1:15

. Well , hey , everybody , it is Casey Jay

1:17

Cox with the quarterback dad cast . We are in season

1:19

five , continuing this journey of growth

1:21

as dads . And our

1:24

next guest is someone I met

1:26

through the wide world of LinkedIn and

1:28

someone who is . We have so many connections

1:30

in common . We actually both spent time

1:33

at the , the luxurious grounds

1:35

of K-Force , but we did not . It was like a high

1:37

five to the locker room never really . He was like

1:39

the the captain . I was the

1:41

young freshman , but he was . We

1:44

passed cross where our paths

1:46

crossed , but we didn't have a chance to really get to know each other

1:48

. Currently , he is the vice president

1:50

of professional development at Health Trust

1:52

. He's the co-host of a great podcast

1:55

called Recruiters With no Limits . He is

1:57

the author of two books , specifically

1:59

the latest book called Quest for Alex , which we're

2:01

going to hear all about , which was a

2:03

number one bestseller . He's a Maryland

2:05

Terp . He's a former basketball referee

2:08

, but , more importantly , we're going to have John on today to

2:10

talk about John the dad and

2:13

how he's working hard to become an ultimate quarterback or leader

2:15

of his household . So , without further ado , mr Ruffini

2:17

, welcome to the quarterback . Dad cast Casey

2:20

, thanks for having me man First take . I

2:23

fumbled a little bit , but we got through it . It's

2:27

all good , that's what makes it natural right there we

2:29

go , All right . So we always start out each

2:31

episode with gratitude . So tell me , what are you most

2:33

grateful for as a dad today ?

2:35

As a dad today . You know I'm

2:37

grateful it might sound corny

2:40

, but I'm grateful for the

2:42

privilege of just being a dad , having

2:44

the opportunity to be a dad to help

2:47

do it . You know , I spend my the majority

2:49

of my life now trying

2:51

to impact others' lives and I'm

2:53

grateful that there's three lives

2:55

in this world that hopefully I'm impacting in a positive

2:57

way .

2:58

Love it . That's why I love asking that question

3:00

, because it slows us down and

3:03

it's not corny . I think it's authentic , it's

3:05

real . That's

3:07

why every time I do an episode , I

3:10

do gratitude . I do gratitude every morning , but

3:12

today what I'm most grateful for is

3:16

a couple of things . One I told

3:18

you I played hooky yesterday . So sorry

3:21

to homeless school district . I pulled my son

3:23

out of school to play golf with me . How about

3:25

that ? That's on the air . Secondly

3:27

, I'm grateful for my daughter and

3:29

I are going to go watch a kind

3:31

of an all-star basketball game tonight . She told me about

3:33

it . One of her she's a sophomore on this team . A couple

3:35

of her senior teammates have graduated . They're going to be in this little

3:37

all-star game tonight . She's

3:44

like little small all-star game in our area . That's

3:46

awesome , yeah . So it's like anytime

3:49

you get to be in the gym watching hoops , right , because

3:51

we're recording in March . This episode will come out in a couple of

3:53

months , so it's just March

3:56

madness , and being in the gym , I don't know

3:58

. It's the best I really enjoy it there .

4:00

About a gymnasium , you know , every

4:02

time I walk in one , it's just the smell , the

4:04

sounds , yeah .

4:06

Well , the best part about the gymnasium is it's

4:08

always 70 degrees and never rains .

4:13

Unlike the golf courses you found out yesterday .

4:15

Right , Exactly , I'm glad my , I

4:18

always joke with my buddies who have kids that played

4:20

soccer . I'm like God , I'm glad that it's

4:22

always 70 where I go watch my kid and I'm about you

4:24

. But that's

4:31

awesome , Um , well , cool . Well , tell me um , or tell us , bring us inside , uh the Rafini huddle

4:33

, Talk about each member of the squad , Um , because your , your

4:36

, uh , your form of fatherhood is is

4:38

a little unique compared to some of the other dads I've interviewed . I

4:40

can't wait for you to share the story .

4:43

So my wife , my best friend

4:45

, life partner for 32 years now Congrats

4:48

, let's go . She is my rock

4:50

and don't know what I would

4:52

have been without her . So talk

4:55

about gratitude every day for her , and

4:58

we've been through thick and thin . Yeah , I've got three wonderful

5:00

children . I have a 28-year-old

5:02

son , a 25-year-old

5:05

daughter and a 23-year-old

5:08

daughter , and they are

5:10

all obviously natural

5:12

siblings , but not obviously , because they're not

5:14

genetically ours . They're all adopted

5:16

, they're from South America , but

5:19

they all , thankfully and

5:21

through the grace of God , is how it happened . They're all natural siblings

5:24

and that's how we built our family

5:26

.

5:27

So cool . I can't wait to learn more about the story

5:29

and for everybody at home . John and I connected

5:31

maybe a month ago and I

5:33

was so curious . I was like I got to stop asking questions

5:35

. I can't , I'm going to wait , I'm going to hold them because I

5:38

want to learn more about the story . Well

5:46

, tell ?

5:46

Um ? Well , tell us what ? What little bit about each , each child . What are they up to these days ? So , um , my son

5:48

still lives in Maryland . That's where I grew up and where

5:50

we live for most of our lives . I've been anchored

5:52

in South Florida for the last seven

5:55

years , um , but he

5:57

still lives in Maryland and he is a

5:59

solopreneur , has his own landscaping and pressure

6:01

washing business . Um in

6:04

uh , up through high school he was quite the lacrosse

6:06

player , got

6:08

a chance to play a little bit in college , which

6:10

was nice . Really enjoyed the sport , Loves

6:14

hunting , loves being outdoors , and the Eastern Shore

6:16

of Maryland is perfect for that . So

6:18

he's up there with his yellow lab

6:21

, sadie , and they're having a good old time . My

6:24

oldest daughter is

6:26

going to graduate in May and

6:29

she'll graduate with a degree in graphic design

6:31

from Central Florida , and

6:33

my youngest daughter graduated last December from

6:36

Central Florida and is still

6:38

in pursuit of being

6:41

a registered nurse . She's going to enroll in LPN

6:43

school later this year . They've

6:46

been the two girls are only 17

6:48

months apart and they have grown up ever

6:50

since , probably midway

6:52

through their high school years , they've

6:55

been like twins . They've been inseparable and

6:57

it's kind of cool because they

6:59

graduated high school together . The younger one wanted

7:03

to graduate with her sister , so she

7:05

got all her state requirements

7:07

done a year ahead of time and

7:09

they walked the stage together and then came

7:12

down to Florida room together , went to school

7:14

together . They're still rooming together . We're

7:16

all joking like what's going to happen when , if and

7:18

when they go their separate ways . It's going to be like culture

7:20

shock for them . Um , but

7:22

you know they're . They're great kids . They all get

7:25

along really well . As

7:27

you know , being a dad , it's not always peachy and

7:29

perfect , but you know they love each other

7:31

, which which is all you can ask for .

7:33

Love it so cool . Before

7:37

I dive into the journey of adoption

7:39

, I'd love to learn what was life like for John

7:42

growing up and talk about the impact your

7:44

parents had on you now that you're a dad .

7:47

Wow , I was incredibly

7:49

fortunate . So my parents were first generation

7:51

Italian . They totally

7:54

, when you talk about you , know what gifts can you

7:56

give your kids , you know

7:58

showing them how

8:00

to love and whether it's tough

8:02

love or soft love . But

8:04

they showed us the definition

8:07

of unconditional love . Um , I feel

8:09

very fortunate to have grown up in

8:11

a household , um , with them . My dad was

8:13

, uh , he was in world war II

8:15

and he was a government worker for the department

8:18

of the Navy for 35 years . Um

8:21

, mom was a , a , a

8:23

, a home , uh , you know , a stay at home

8:25

, mom , um , and

8:27

it was like your , your , for that generation , your

8:30

traditional household , uh

8:32

, had four siblings , um , but I'm

8:34

the youngest . So there was , really it

8:36

was . It was like I was an only child for a while , because

8:38

the closest sibling I have is six years older than me

8:40

. But they were awesome , um

8:42

, and unfortunately

8:46

they passed really young . My dad was 69 . My

8:48

mom , my dad was 66 . My dad , my mom

8:50

was 69 . So they died really young

8:52

, um , but they

8:54

lived long enough to see all their kids get anchored and settled

8:57

and married and through school and all that

8:59

kind of good stuff . So , um , you

9:01

know we were , we were taught real

9:03

good basic morals and values

9:06

and we

9:08

were taught to treat everybody equally and respectfully

9:11

, and I'm really really grateful for

9:13

that foundation

9:15

which again now , as a dad , you

9:18

know throughout my kids' upbringing that's what I've tried

9:20

to pass on to them .

9:23

How , when you said unconditional love , that

9:25

means a lot to different people . Tell me what it

9:27

meant to you .

9:29

What it meant to me is that , no matter as

9:32

a kid , no matter if

9:34

you were following the rules

9:36

or breaking the rules or pissing

9:39

off your parents or getting straight A's

9:41

, you always knew that they

9:43

still loved you , or getting straight A's , you

9:45

always knew that they

9:48

still loved you , even when they were mad at you . You

9:52

knew that they were upset , they were disappointed , but they never

9:55

stopped loving you . You

9:57

know the type of thing where you know , when all is said and done , you might have some friction , but

9:59

it never got to a point where you know that's it . That's unacceptable

10:02

. I'm not going to talk to you for three months . It was

10:04

, you know . You

10:06

took your lumps , you spoke your piece

10:08

. You didn't always agree or see eye to eye

10:10

, but at the end of the day you kissed each other goodnight

10:12

and said see you in the morning . You

10:16

know , I always knew that my parents loved me and

10:18

I feel very fortunate for that .

10:28

Love it . Yeah , it's good . It's being , uh , being a parent's hard , as we all know and um , it's

10:30

not always easy , like you said , and I think it's funny . Like one of the things I work with my son

10:32

on , um , or my daughter , is like the one

10:34

thing I'm very , very hard and tough with my kids on his body

10:36

language . That's like a

10:38

non non-negotiable for me . Um

10:41

, you want to see this podcast host ? Loses

10:43

, loses part of my friends , loses

10:45

shit . That's body

10:47

language . I always and and

10:49

I always tell them like , listen , I'm

10:52

going to get on you because that's the , that's

10:54

the easiest way . A coach , a boss , a teacher

10:56

, a friend was like I'm out on you Because

10:58

if you can't control your emotions and

11:01

the highs or the lows , and you and they

11:03

think of you as someone who's going to be go schizo

11:06

or bananas or off the radar , whatever it might be , it's , you

11:08

can't .

11:09

And it's a great life lesson to learn , because

11:12

you're absolutely right . And that goes that's you know on

11:14

or off the court . That's you know , something you take

11:16

with you through every aspect of life , because the

11:19

first thing people recognize is , or notice is

11:22

, your body language . So how is you know , how's that

11:24

person taking that ? Ooh , they're pissed . Ooh

11:26

they're upset . Ooh they're . They're ignoring

11:28

me Ooh , they're , you know . It makes a huge difference

11:30

. So that's , that's a great life lesson .

11:36

Yeah , well , thank you , it's , you know it's . And whether it's on the golf course

11:38

, it doesn't matter where it is , it's like those are

11:41

. You can say , oh , it's the moment . Well , no , you

11:43

, you have control over your thoughts and I

11:45

believe , at least my opinion . And um

11:47

, I'm not saying it's easy , but , um

11:49

, you know , you made me think of that story cause we were walking

11:51

up the one of the last holes and , um

11:54

, he did something . He was , I'd

11:56

give him an , a minus on body language , but I'm , I

11:58

, I'm , fortunately fair and unfair , I'm looking for

12:00

perfection . And and then I remember saying

12:02

I said , listen , but I said I get

12:04

on you because I got six months more before you're off

12:06

to college and I only do

12:08

this because I love you and I want to make sure you

12:10

know that this is what I expect

12:13

and this is what you know . When I was hiring people , this is what

12:15

I expected , this is what I , whatever

12:17

, whatever it is it's . You never want to see it , let your competitor

12:19

see a bad side or anybody , and

12:21

just it's . It's a form of leadership

12:23

too , and you can just find the positive in anything you're

12:26

going through . I think you people will rally around

12:28

you you know people will rally around

12:30

you more , and so , anyway you , you

12:32

now triggered me to say that story . But um

12:34

, before

12:36

I go in I got . Now I'm curious how'd you get into basketball

12:38

?

12:39

You know it's interesting , casey , because of

12:41

the five children my parents had , I was the

12:43

only one who was into sports . I don't know how

12:46

that happened .

12:47

Wow .

12:48

I don't know how it happened , but from a

12:50

very young age I was just always

12:52

playing sports . I didn't do the football

12:55

thing , I did basketball and baseball , ran track

12:57

a little bit . I am slow as hell , so that didn't work out

12:59

too good , but

13:07

you know , I just always loved it . And it's funny because I got my parents into it , because they weren't

13:10

that . I mean , my sisters were cheerleaders , but they didn't play

13:12

sports . My brothers didn't play sports and

13:14

basketball I always , I

13:17

don't know it it it became

13:19

my favorite sport very early on , and

13:21

I can't pinpoint where , why or how or how

13:23

, but it's probably because

13:25

I grew up . So the house I grew up in was six blocks

13:27

from the campus of the University of Maryland . So

13:30

from the time I was six

13:32

years old my parents were

13:35

taking me to Maryland

13:37

basketball games and

13:39

just that excitement

13:41

and the pace of the game and

13:43

the drama , all

13:45

that stuff , I guess , had an impact on me as

13:48

a kid . So then all of a sudden it's like , oh , I want to play

13:50

for Maryland one day . Obviously that didn't happen , but

13:53

it instilled for me a love of the game and

13:55

I loved watching as much as I could .

13:59

Did your dad play hoop growing up ?

14:00

No , not at all . My dad was not an athlete

14:02

at all .

14:03

Wow , nor was my mom , but he liked going to the games though .

14:05

He loved going to the games and when I played they'd come

14:08

watch me , obviously . But

14:10

, it wasn't like

14:13

they were coaching me at home because they

14:15

didn't know .

14:16

Right

14:19

Values . You

14:22

said they had great values , they taught you great values , which you've obviously

14:24

have three children that are thriving

14:28

. They're , they're , they're making it happen , they're graduating , they're

14:30

doing great things . Um , talk

14:32

about . Talk about two or

14:34

three really important values that you learned as a child

14:36

, that you and your wife passed down to your kids .

14:38

Only three . Um so

14:41

well , if it is a value

14:44

and I'm trying to think , is this a value ? But

14:46

my parents always instilled in all of all of

14:48

us kids that you

14:51

know family's family and

14:53

you got to stick together through

14:55

good times and bad , because that's your , your

14:58

closest support network , so

15:00

to always value your

15:02

family and maintain , you know , foster

15:05

those relationships . You

15:16

know , another value that they instilled in us , casey , was something that you know my parents and

15:18

you know they taught us to treat everybody equally and my mom had this great

15:20

tradition Every Christmas Eve

15:22

we'd go to midnight mass and

15:26

then after mass we'd walk down the church was a block up

15:28

the street and we'd walk down and mom would

15:30

serve breakfast to anybody who wanted to come . And

15:34

it got to a point where there

15:36

were hundreds of people in

15:38

our house every Christmas Eve and

15:41

mom's mission was always okay

15:43

, who knew can I get to come this year . And

15:45

it didn't matter who you were or where you came from , or what

15:48

walk of life , race , creed

15:50

, color , religion , whatever . There were people

15:52

that showed up just for the breakfast because they

15:54

knew it was there . They didn't go to church , but they were friends of ours

15:56

and it was like hey , come on over and have

15:58

some breakfast . So that concept of

16:00

I always tell my kids I feel very fortunate that

16:03

I was raised in a house that didn't see color and

16:06

in a world that we live in today

16:08

you hope that that

16:11

passes on . It's like no , everybody's people , so

16:14

respect everybody equally and treat everybody equally

16:16

. And

16:18

the concept of faith I

16:21

mean we had a pretty strong faith . When

16:23

all else fails , if you don't have anything else to lean

16:25

on , that's always there .

16:30

As someone who's in the staffing business has done . Well in the

16:32

staffing business now , leading staffing teams

16:34

, leading companies like you're , like you're doing now I

16:38

feel like my gut's telling

16:40

me .

16:40

I don't know why I'm telling it , but my gut says a

16:56

lot of that leadership skills you got from your mom , maybe your

16:58

dad too , but executive

17:01

vice president for a government contracting firm and

17:04

I had the chance I

17:11

saw him in action at work . I saw how he treated folks . He taught me a lot about managing and

17:13

treating people in the office and things like that . So

17:16

professionally , I would say my dad

17:18

taught me more Personally

17:20

as far as managing the household . I

17:23

mean when you're in an Italian household , mom rules the roost

17:25

. So , I got a lot

17:27

of that for mom .

17:29

I just the reason , what is on my heart when

17:31

I said that is just you know . Inclusion

17:33

I mean belonging

17:35

, making people

17:38

feel . I mean I

17:40

can see your house , I can literally

17:42

see hundreds of people and

17:44

just a happy

17:46

lady , even though I've never we don't know each other at all

17:48

, really , but never met your mom . But what a cool

17:50

visual to think about .

17:52

She was someone that when you

17:54

met her , she made

17:56

you feel like she knew you her whole life . She'd

17:59

walk up to total strangers and be

18:01

hugging before the conversation

18:03

was end was it was over . She was just

18:06

that type of person always made you feel welcome . It's

18:08

pretty wild .

18:10

So cool . Well , let's

18:12

, let's talk about , let's transition and talk about

18:14

um , the adoption

18:17

, the process , and

18:19

for those that have never been through it , for

18:21

those that have been through it , maybe , maybe , take

18:23

us back to the day when you and your wife said you know

18:25

what we're going down this path , and maybe

18:28

talk about some of the highs and then some of the challenges .

18:31

Sure , so we

18:33

my sister-in-law

18:36

, so my wife's sister , her

18:38

oldest , is adopted from Chile

18:40

, south America , and

18:43

so my wife and I had always talked about it and we

18:45

said , hey , that's pretty cool . Even if you know , even if we can

18:47

have our own kids naturally , it'd be kind of

18:49

cool to adopt . So it was always out

18:51

there during the courting

18:53

process . And

18:55

then you don't know what life is going to deal you . So , not

18:58

for lack of trying , we just weren't conceiving naturally

19:01

and every

19:03

medical test said , yeah , nothing seems to be wrong

19:05

, it's just not happening . So now part

19:07

of you sidebar says maybe

19:10

this is God's way of telling me you really shouldn't be a

19:12

parent . But

19:14

we said , no , this

19:17

is God's way of telling us that we've got to form our family

19:19

a different way . So

19:22

we tried for five years . Nothing was happening . We

19:24

didn't want to do the in vitro thing . It just wasn't for us . So

19:27

at that point we said you know what , let's

19:31

adopt some kids . So

19:34

the only baseline we knew was

19:36

my sister-in-law . So we actually contacted

19:38

the same agency , same people that she worked with

19:41

and started

19:43

the process and we figured well , let's adopt

19:46

a child from Chile , because that way the

19:48

cousins will have a common bond of both being from the

19:50

same origin . So that was the philosophy

19:52

behind that , and

19:55

so the first adoption that

19:57

we were assigned actually

20:00

fell apart , fell through , which

20:02

was gut-wrenching , because

20:04

as soon as we , you know , they sent us a picture of this little

20:07

girl and we had a name

20:09

picked out . I'm telling everybody

20:11

at work , hey , I'm going to be a dad , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah

20:13

. And the

20:15

birth mother reclaimed her . So

20:18

it's like , okay , lesson

20:20

learned , let's not put the cart before the horse

20:23

. So the next child that we got

20:25

a call on was a little boy , and

20:27

that was my son . And

20:29

the adoption process takes

20:31

a while . It's very invasive , so

20:34

you've got to be prepared to open

20:36

up your whole world and

20:38

be scrutinized to the nth degree . So

20:41

we're talking case studies

20:43

, people visiting your house , making

20:46

sure you're fit parents , getting letters of recommendation

20:48

from your friends , psychological

20:51

exams , medical exams , financial

20:53

analysis . I mean the whole

20:55

works . I always tell the story when we were adopting Tony

20:58

, my oldest , as

21:00

part of the home exam , they tested our water

21:02

for drinkability and I

21:04

lived on an

21:06

old farm . It was my father-in-law's farm and I was living

21:09

in one of his houses at the time and

21:11

it's a 100-year-old house and the water

21:13

tested high for nitrates . So

21:16

I said , okay , I'll put in a water cooler

21:18

, that's fine , we'll have purified water drink

21:20

. But that wasn't acceptable . So

21:23

we actually had to dig a new well before

21:26

we were deemed an

21:28

okay home . So there's a lot that goes into it and

21:32

when you look at it , on

21:37

the one hand you say , okay , that's good , so they're really checking

21:40

to see that these parents are ready

21:42

in the household is appropriate . On the other hand , as I

21:44

say in the book , if a convicted felon who's

21:46

murdered three people and

21:48

a drug addict girlfriend go

21:51

and do the nasty and have a child… no

21:55

one's questioning that they can do that . So

21:58

part of you says , well , gee

22:00

, why am I having to go through all this ? But

22:03

then you know when , when you bring your

22:05

kid home , it's like you don't think about

22:07

it anymore . Um , so

22:09

we brought Tony home and he was 18

22:12

months old at the time when we brought

22:14

him home . Um , so

22:16

with all my kids , I totally missed the diapers

22:19

sleeping , eating

22:22

, crapping , crawling , first

22:24

steps . You miss all that . So

22:26

we didn't adopt from infant . You can adopt from

22:28

infant infancy , um

22:30

, but we just we didn't do that . No-transcript

23:04

, and she's being put up for adoption . Are

23:06

you interested ? Sure

23:08

, that was like a no brainer . It's like we're going

23:10

back to . Chile , Um , and

23:14

her adoption process was without

23:17

a hitch , smooth as silk brought

23:20

her home . She was 16 months old and

23:24

then , while we were adopting her Casey

23:26

, we were told that the birth mother was pregnant again

23:28

. And two weeks after

23:30

we brought her home we got a call saying had

23:33

another daughter , she's being put up for

23:35

adoption . Are you interested ? So

23:39

I'm like , okay , I just got number two

23:41

. Now you're asking

23:43

me if I want number three . So I

23:45

needed a little bit of time to

23:47

process this . My wife was like all in from

23:50

the get-go . She's like yes , I'm

23:52

like ho , ho , ho , ho , you know , Because

23:54

you can't play man defense anymore . Thank

23:57

you . You got to go to zone and

24:00

so when that happens , you're like , okay

24:02

, well , wait a minute , Can we do

24:04

this as parents

24:06

? Can we do this financially ? Because

24:09

it's not cheap , Right ? And

24:11

at the end of the day it was you know what . Let's

24:15

do it . You know it'd be great to have another

24:17

child who's a sibling , and have these kids grow up together

24:19

. So

24:25

then we went back to Chile again , and that's that . Last adoption

24:27

is what the book is about , because hers was was a three-year ordeal

24:30

before we could bring her home .

24:32

So let's , let's transition . Talk about , talk about the

24:34

, the , the book , so

24:37

Alex three years . The

24:43

book , so Alex three years . That's insane . I can't even

24:45

imagine the stress , the challenge , maybe for

24:47

what you feel comfortable . Talk about some of those challenges

24:49

.

24:52

And then when the moment you said I'm writing a book

24:54

, I got to do it . So

24:56

I had journaled each of the first two adoptions , just because I like to write , so I would

24:58

always journal everything so I could look back and kind of share with our

25:00

kids hey , this is what was going on on this day and

25:02

when we first met you , and this , that and the other , so

25:06

it's funny , we get the call . Things are

25:08

going . Now the laws

25:10

in Chile changed so they had a really

25:12

good foster care system , but

25:14

it was expensive , expensive

25:24

, and there were rumors probably in some cases very correctly so rumored that there was some trafficking

25:26

going on . So the country wanted to get more control over it . So they institutionalized

25:29

it . Six months into Alex's

25:31

life she was taken out of foster care and put in

25:33

an orphanage and they

25:35

changed the laws because they wanted all

25:37

the adoptions then to go through the government

25:40

. There are the equivalent of what

25:42

our Department of Health and Human Services

25:44

would be . And so

25:46

we tried to go that route with Alex . But

25:49

we weren't getting responses and the law still allowed

25:51

for private adoptions , although

25:53

they didn't really prefer it . So we just started the process

25:55

and thought everything was moving along just fine . So we get the call to come to Chile to appear

25:57

before the judge , just like we had started the process and thought everything was moving along just

25:59

fine . So we get the call to come to Chile to appear before

26:01

the judge , just like we had with the other two , and we're thinking , okay

26:04

, great , We'll go down there , spend a couple of weeks

26:06

, come home with our daughter , and

26:09

the day

26:11

we got there we meet our attorney

26:13

for lunch and it's kind of like Houston

26:16

, we have a problem . We're

26:18

like what's going on ? And , unbeknownst

26:20

to us , the government

26:22

agency had started an adoption process

26:24

under the radar in

26:26

a separate suburb

26:28

jurisdiction with a Chilean family

26:31

for the same child

26:33

.

26:35

Wow .

26:39

Wow . So

26:50

at that moment you're

26:53

like hmm , what now ? Is this going to be worth it ? So

26:55

we met with the judge

26:57

and the judge is like you know , it's going birth town

26:59

of the child , which in this case was Santiago

27:01

. Well , for some reason

27:03

probably not to try to be found out they

27:07

were conducting their process in a suburb

27:09

and when that judge was

27:11

about to move things forward , she

27:15

saw that the child was born in Santiago . So she

27:17

just called down to the court of orphans in

27:19

Santiago just to see if they had any records

27:21

. And that's when the other judge

27:23

said wait a minute , I'm processing adoption

27:26

for the same child . And

27:28

, thank God . So it was the judges who communicated

27:30

that kind of halted things

27:33

and said wait a minute , we got an issue here . So

27:37

that started the process of determining

27:40

. All right , are we going to fight for this child ? Is

27:42

it fair to the child Because the child's going to stay in an orphanage

27:45

for as long as the battle goes . The

27:48

government tried to intimidate us

27:50

, held

27:53

a meeting with us . We had cabinet members telling us

27:55

hey , you can adopt any child , just not this one

27:57

, saying things like oh

27:59

, your son and daughter won't know the difference . They haven't met

28:02

their next sibling so you can just bring any child

28:04

home . And that's

28:06

when I kind of got pissed and I'm like , no

28:08

, no , you don't get it . And

28:11

during that first two week trip in Chile

28:13

, when all this was unfolding , that's

28:15

when I said to myself I've got to journal because I wasn't

28:18

going to journal this one , because I was just like , ah , it's a third

28:20

one , I won't journal it . I

28:23

said because this is just surreal , what's happening here

28:25

? And so we spent those two weeks

28:27

Casey meeting with justices

28:29

all the way up to the appellate level , putting faces

28:32

with our names , because we knew they were going to get our case

28:34

, learning the law , studying

28:37

the law , doing

28:39

as much as we could to figure

28:41

out all right , what's our plan of attack here ? And

28:44

over the next two and a

28:46

half years after that , there

28:49

were many ups and downs , many roadblocks

28:51

that it

28:53

seemed like the government agency was always

28:56

a step ahead of us , appealing

28:59

every step of the way . And

29:01

the initial judge , when we first met with her

29:03

, she said you

29:05

know , our law states that a

29:08

child's best place is with the mother and

29:11

if not with the mother , the next best place is with siblings

29:13

. And she said , if

29:15

you can stick it out , our law

29:17

will probably ultimately prevail , but

29:20

it's going to take years and

29:23

so again , what do you do ? Part of us was saying

29:25

is it fair to the child ? Should we just kind of say

29:28

, hey , put her in a home , let her be

29:30

loved and move on ?

29:35

What age was Alex when this fight started ?

29:38

She was about

29:42

a year and a half . Okay

29:44

, so

29:46

we're a year and a half into it and she's

29:50

been in the orphanage for about a year and

29:55

we had talked openly with our other children about

29:58

their sister and that we were going to adopt

30:00

their sister and bring her home . And so

30:02

she lived in our household

30:05

, even though she wasn't physically there , and that's one thing

30:07

that you know . For anybody listening who is

30:09

an adoptive parent or is considering

30:12

adoption , it's strange , like

30:14

and you can help me relate

30:16

to natural childbirth , so you

30:18

know , when your wife was carrying each

30:20

of your children , the excitement you felt

30:22

, the bond you felt with that child , even

30:24

though it wasn't physically there , yet you

30:27

weren't holding them . You go through the same emotions

30:29

as an adoptive parent

30:34

. This person , well

30:37

before you meet them , well before you

30:39

know anything about them , it's , it's , it's

30:41

unique and and it's , it's it's

30:43

hard to describe , but it's , it's there , and

30:46

so , yeah

30:55

, so we pushed through and it ultimately went . You know , they appealed all the

30:57

way up to the Supreme Court once the

31:00

adoption was awarded and , thankfully , the law prevailed

31:02

and we brought her home and then , two weeks

31:04

after we brought her home , she celebrated her third birthday

31:06

.

31:08

Did you get a talk to Alex at all during

31:11

the time of trying to get her ?

31:13

We had decided , casey , that with all

31:15

that was going on and this other family we were told

31:17

was visiting her , was taking her out

31:19

, was bringing her into their home . We

31:23

told them we didn't want to meet her unless

31:26

we were going to bring her home .

31:27

Yeah , I understand .

31:29

We didn't think it was fair to her . The

31:31

first time we met her was when we left

31:33

the court with our official

31:37

adoption decree

31:40

a couple of years and three trips to

31:42

Chile and

31:45

we walked into the orphanage and said

31:47

here's the paper we're

31:50

taking her . And that's when we met

31:52

her for the first time .

31:54

Now was the

31:57

dual mix up . Was

32:00

it pure luck ? Was there some

32:02

shadiness going on ? Was it um

32:04

?

32:06

I don't . I don't know if it was

32:09

shady . Um , all

32:11

I can say is we

32:13

had contacted them expressing our interest

32:15

. They never responded . Once

32:19

they found out that we were interested

32:22

, I

32:25

would like to have thought they would have done what's best for the child

32:27

and said hey , as much as this other family is going

32:29

to be disappointed , because that's the part

32:31

that's not lost on my wife and I either , that other family

32:33

must have been devastated . So

32:37

now they had natural kids

32:39

of their own and they were going to adopt Alex . They

32:41

didn't bring her home and they had been visiting her , they had gotten to

32:43

know her , so I'm sure that was devastating

32:46

for them .

32:47

Yeah .

32:48

And that doesn't go unnoticed on our part

32:51

. But

32:53

it's funny because

32:55

initially , when we first found out that

32:58

she was born , that two week after we brought my

33:00

oldest daughter home , my wife was

33:02

really gung-ho and I was like , oh , okay

33:04

, we're going to do this , aren't we ? Okay , I'll

33:06

do it , help me through this . And

33:09

I was thinking more

33:11

of the hey , this is going to break us a little

33:14

bit , but we'll get through

33:16

it . Then , as the

33:18

adversity mounted up , my

33:21

wife was more like gosh , I don't know if I can keep

33:23

doing this . And I was the one saying , oh , no

33:25

, now it's , it's

33:29

, it's going to happen and we're not giving up . Um

33:31

, so lots out of your control

33:33

. Uh , that's where the faith came in . Lots

33:36

of praying , um , lots

33:38

of support from friends and family . And

33:41

you know , I lived in a

33:43

small town at the time , so literally

33:45

most of the town knew what was going on and knew what we were going

33:47

through . And

33:50

when we brought her home it was like , you know , everybody

33:54

was waiting for her . So

33:56

it was pretty cool . But yeah , because of the

33:58

uniqueness of it , I started writing

34:00

the book almost immediately and

34:02

you know , my wife said to me

34:04

she said you realize , this is their story , not

34:06

yours . So you

34:09

need to wait until they're of age before

34:11

this thing goes out in the

34:13

market in the free world . So I did

34:15

, I waited till they were all

34:18

over 18 and aware

34:20

and I talked to each one about them , collectively and independently

34:22

, and

34:25

I said would you let me tell your story and

34:27

share it with the world ? And they

34:30

did . Now my oldest daughter is very

34:32

private , as

34:34

is my wife for the most part , so

34:36

they asked that we change

34:38

names . I said that's fine . I

34:40

said you know it's , it's , it's based on a

34:42

true story . So I can . I can

34:44

change names and this , that and the other , and everybody that we

34:46

worked with is obviously the names are changed in the book , um

34:49

, but the story is still there and

34:52

you know it's . I

34:55

tell people it's , it's , it's . It reads like a

34:59

suspense novel because you never

35:01

know what's going to happen next . And

35:03

that's really the way we felt . And

35:06

it , you know it has a bunch of twists and turns

35:08

, um , very emotional . People

35:11

who have read it have come up to me and said you know , I laughed

35:13

, I cried , um , and

35:16

it had a happy ending , thankfully , which

35:18

which makes it a little bit , you know , if

35:21

it didn't have a happy ending , I don't know that I would have written a book .

35:24

Right .

35:24

Hello everybody . My name is Craig Coe

35:27

and I'm the Senior Vice President of Relationship

35:29

Management for Beeline . For

35:31

more than 20 years , we've been helping Fortune 1000

35:34

companies drive a competitive advantage

35:36

with their external workforce . In fact

35:38

, Beeline's history of first-to-market

35:40

innovations has become today's industry

35:42

standards . I get asked

35:44

all the time what did Casey do for

35:46

your organization ? And I say this

35:49

it's simple . The guy flat out gets

35:51

it . Relationships matter . His

35:53

down-to-earth presentation , his real-world

35:55

experience apply to every area

35:57

of our business . In fact , his

36:00

book Win the Relationship and Not the Deal

36:02

has become required reading for

36:04

all new members of the global relationship

36:06

management team . If you'd like

36:08

to know more about me or about Beeline

36:11

, please reach out to me on LinkedIn . And

36:13

if you don't know Casey Jaycox , go

36:16

to CaseyJaycoxcom and learn

36:18

more about how he can help your organization

36:20

. Now let's get back

36:22

to today's episode .

36:24

One thing that , when you were telling the story that

36:26

hit me was the empathy of the judges .

36:30

Yeah .

36:31

Yeah , you

36:33

know I think

36:35

too often sometimes maybe

36:38

judges fair or unfair get put in that box . Well , this is the

36:40

law , but like they could have . They said wait a

36:42

minute , something's not right here , like

36:44

if they didn't slow down . This is a totally different story .

36:47

We owe everything to

36:49

this the judge

36:51

of the seventh court of minors in Santiago , chile

36:53

, who , she , was

36:56

an amazing individual and

36:58

had such compassion and empathy . She

37:00

put her career on the line

37:02

because

37:04

they have magistrates

37:07

in Chile , so every circuit court judge

37:09

is mentored , if you will , by a magistrate

37:11

at the next level and

37:13

when she put forth that

37:16

she wanted to pursue and

37:18

you know , pursue

37:20

in the sense of hey , this family should get

37:22

the child , she's putting her career on the line

37:24

Because if the magistrate

37:26

doesn't support her , she's blackballed . I

37:30

was , my wife and I were amazed not only

37:32

at the compassion of the judges , even

37:35

the judge that we met with in the other jurisdiction

37:37

, who was processing the adoption for the other family we

37:39

met with her as well . We

37:42

had the access that you had to

37:45

justices was unbelievable . We

37:47

went to the appellate court judges because

37:50

we knew that this would get to them at some point . The

37:52

only one we didn't get to was the Supreme . How

37:55

did you find them ? Asking I

37:58

mean , this is like your , I'm

38:10

a recruiter , casey , I know I was going to

38:14

say how did you find them ? Ton of questions and said , while

38:16

we're here , let's make good use of the time because we were going to be

38:18

there for a couple of weeks . So who do we need to

38:20

meet ? And we said to the one judge . We

38:23

said we'd like to put our

38:25

faces in front of these folks so that when they get the document

38:27

it's not just words on a paper they can

38:29

see who we are . We had pictures of the

38:31

kids and our family and this , that and

38:33

the other , so we wanted to make it as real as

38:35

possible for them so , as they were deciding

38:37

on this , they would have these

38:39

visions in their head .

38:42

So yeah , but yeah

38:44

hats off to the judicial system

38:47

, biggest deal you've ever

38:49

closed in your life .

38:52

By far , by far . Wow yeah

38:55

, kind of crazy when I look back on it .

38:59

How long did it take you to write the book ?

39:01

When I got serious about it , probably the better part

39:03

of two years . So I had a bunch of notes

39:05

. Then got real serious

39:07

, probably when COVID

39:09

hit . I said this is

39:12

a good time to hunker

39:14

down and use my time wisely , connected

39:16

, again through the beauty of LinkedIn , with a wonderful woman

39:19

who did

39:21

an editorial review she's a ghostwriter and an

39:24

author herself and

39:26

my first draft . She literally goes through line by

39:28

line and tells you what's good , what's

39:30

bad , what to make different , what you need

39:32

. It was incredibly

39:34

eyeopening and

39:37

the finished product looked night and day from that

39:40

first draft . So it

39:42

was a process from that point

39:44

on , evolving

39:47

and taking her advice and

39:50

really developing it . It was funny she said she

39:53

goes . When I read this , she goes , it's a good story . She goes , but it's

39:55

all from your point of view . She's

39:57

like I need your wife's point of view in there

39:59

. She goes , I need more , more of your wife

40:01

. And she was right

40:03

. So I had my wife go through it and I said every

40:06

step , I said just start making notes of what you remember

40:08

and what your emotions , you were feeling and what was going on

40:10

there , and then I would take that and

40:12

formulate it into you

40:15

know , the manuscript . Um , so

40:18

it was a , it was a joint process with

40:20

me and my wife many , many revisions , many edits

40:22

, um , and

40:24

a lot of help , but , uh , yeah , so about two years

40:26

.

40:27

Did the ? Did all three children speak

40:29

English when they came home ?

40:31

No , um , the , but

40:34

they didn't speak Spanish either . So

40:37

, my , my , so Alex the youngest one , she

40:39

spoke a little bit of Spanish , cause she was almost three years old . So , my , my , so , alex , the youngest one , she spoke a little bit

40:41

of Spanish because she was almost three years old , so she would communicate

40:43

, and we spoke a lot of Spanglish with her , and

40:46

I took four years of Spanish

40:48

. I know enough to be borderline dangerous . Um

40:51

, so we would speak as much

40:53

as we could to make that transition easier

40:55

, cause all of a sudden you take this child who is used

40:58

to being around nothing but Spanish speaking people

41:00

, um , mostly dark

41:02

haired people like me . My wife is very fair

41:04

skinned and blonde , so now you throw in

41:06

an environment where she's got that and

41:08

she's hearing English . So

41:11

big trauma . Um

41:13

, my , my other two children they

41:16

were toddlers , so they were 16 and 18 months

41:18

, so , um , and

41:21

Tony didn't speak much at all , and

41:23

Adrian , I think , could say , um

41:26

, hola , you know wasn't , wasn't

41:28

talking a whole lot , so English

41:30

was really the only language they knew . How

41:33

often do you go back to Chile ? Haven't

41:35

been back yet ? Um

41:37

, it's on the list again that the . They've

41:40

gone through some some rough times , um

41:42

, from a stability of of

41:44

the country standpoint ? Um , but

41:47

we we've told our kids that

41:49

we'd like to take them all back there . Um , the

41:51

, the foster mother who

41:53

took care of both of my daughters . Um

41:56

cause , when Alex was placed in foster

41:58

care for the first six months of her life , she

42:01

went to the same home as my other daughter and

42:04

we still keep in touch with her to this day through

42:06

the beauty of social media . So

42:08

I'd love to bring them back so they could

42:10

visit with her in person

42:12

and they could see , you

42:14

know , firsthand where they came from , because

42:17

they've known , you know , since we

42:19

brought them home , where they came from . That's been , you

42:22

know , kind of out there . We didn't hide that

42:24

at all , so they knew how our family was formed

42:26

.

42:27

As you think through this whole journey , um

42:29

, for a parent at home that's thinking about

42:31

doing this like what's what

42:33

? What's been the most rewarding part

42:35

and maybe what's been the biggest lesson

42:37

learned .

42:39

I will quote my sister-in-law Um

42:41

, I take no credit for their successes

42:44

. I take no credit for their

42:46

failures , if

42:49

that makes sense . And

42:51

what I mean by that is , it's interesting

42:53

. The most rewarding thing is just

42:55

and I don't look at it as being an adoptive parent , I just

42:57

look at it as being a parent , because

42:59

the most rewarding thing has been watching

43:03

them develop and watching

43:05

them mature and watching them succeed

43:08

and watching them fail and learn from their failures

43:10

All the normal stuff that parents go through , the

43:14

challenges you face . And when you're

43:16

going through stuff , you start asking yourself , okay

43:19

, is this happening

43:21

because they're an adoptive child

43:23

or is this happening because they're just a child ? So

43:25

you go through all that , those emotions too , and

43:27

it's usually just the latter , that they're just

43:30

a kid and they're going through the normal life phases

43:32

. So the most rewarding

43:34

thing has just been watching them evolve

43:36

into adults . And

43:39

the most challenging is

43:41

just , it's just parenthood . Like you said

43:43

before , it's the hardest job in the world . And you

43:46

know , I wish there was a manual where you know

43:48

oh , not doing your homework , go to chapter six

43:51

, page two , that'll tell you how to get

43:53

them to do their homework . Um , you

43:55

know it's . It's hard when you you see

43:58

your kids struggle . Um

44:00

, you know , my oldest

44:02

had a ton of physiological

44:05

challenges , no fault of his own . Um

44:08

but , Um

44:11

, no , just genetically . Um

44:13

, he , you know , he just had

44:16

a really tough time in

44:18

school and so that was

44:20

really hard to get him . When we , when he graduated

44:22

high school , we were elated , um

44:25

, because it was really

44:27

a challenge . It was just one of those kids where

44:29

he had a hard time learning and

44:33

they've all got a little bit of that , but

44:36

he had it the hardest . And

44:40

just different personalities . My oldest daughter she

44:43

could have been on her own at 13 . She's

44:45

Miss , independent , self-confident

44:47

, strong-willed , bright , knows

44:50

what she wants , won't take any crap . And

44:53

the youngest is the biggest

44:55

hearted , pleasing person in the world . So

44:58

no surprise that she wants to be a nurse . She

45:01

wants to take care of people . So

45:03

it's kind of cool . You see a lot

45:05

of similarities , but , like with any

45:07

family , they each have their own personalities .

45:10

Yeah , I think it's so cool . I mean

45:12

, I've met people who have adopted , but I've

45:15

never met someone who's been able to adopt

45:17

all three siblings . I mean it's a fantastic story . It's

45:19

Didn't

45:21

plan it that way , but it worked out . Oh

45:24

yeah , I mean that'd be

45:26

a really interesting if you did plan it Like but

45:29

but sometimes when you , when you sit back and reflect

45:31

, it's like , ah , it makes total sense , you

45:34

just took time to get there .

45:35

Well , it's funny because so often

45:37

people would come up to and say , oh , it's

45:41

such a beautiful thing you did for those kids , and that's

45:44

not what we were thinking . You know it's

45:46

it's like well , no , that's how we built our

45:48

family . It's like it's it's

45:50

a beautiful thing that we had , we were

45:52

able to get these kids and have

45:54

a family . So yeah a

45:56

side benefit , I guess , is sure they're growing up together

45:58

and I don't think they you know they don't they'll

46:01

tell you , you know , I don't know what it would have been like growing up without my

46:03

siblings . So thank

46:06

God for that . But you know we didn't

46:08

do it with that in mind , as far as you know

46:10

. Oh , this wasn't , you know , an act of kindness . It was , it

46:12

was how we built a family . It was , you

46:14

know , it was what we chose to do . So it it

46:17

served us selfishly as much as it served

46:19

them .

46:21

There's a lot of faith signs throughout this journey

46:23

that happened like serendipitous

46:26

signs . So , check this

46:28

out .

46:29

So my dad's name is Antonio Joseph

46:31

Ruffini . My oldest son's birth

46:33

name was Antonio Kind of cool

46:37

. All my kids' names we kept . They're

46:39

their names . The only one we changed

46:41

was Alejandra

46:44

was her middle name and

46:47

we made it her first name and Americanized it into

46:49

Alexandra . But we kept

46:51

her birth

46:54

first name , which was Anais . We made that her middle

46:56

name . So it

46:58

all kind of . You know , they all look like me , which

47:01

is kind of crazy . I'm Italian , so

47:03

I'm dark haired , a little darker

47:05

complexion , brown eyes . They've all got the same thing

47:07

. So when we're out in public it's like oh they all look like their dad

47:09

. Yeah , they do .

47:10

Kind of cool , that's

47:14

so cool . What , um

47:16

, if you think about one area

47:19

of uh growth

47:21

as a dad that you can go look back and say , man

47:23

, this is an area I was not my best Cause I was like asking

47:25

dads an area that where they can , we can , we can help dads

47:27

improve or get better . What's an area of your dad

47:29

game that maybe wasn't your best that you're ? You

47:31

can look back on and say that , man , that was an area I could have been

47:34

a better .

47:34

And Casey I was . I was the best dad in the world before

47:36

I had kids . I

47:47

always like , don't know . So the area that I , if I could go back

47:49

, I would work on and improve tremendously , I picked too many

47:51

battles . My wife would always tell me

47:53

she's like you

47:58

know , you can't pick every battle . You gotta . You gotta decide which battles

48:00

you want to fight and which ones you're just going to not

48:02

fight as hard .

48:03

What would be an example that you can relate

48:05

?

48:06

You know , if my son was wearing his baseball

48:09

cap to the side , I'd

48:12

get on him . I'd be like front or back , no

48:14

side . I don't go for that . Just

48:17

a personal pet peeve . In

48:20

reality , would that

48:22

have made a damn bit of difference ? Probably not . So

48:25

you know why did I choose to pick every

48:27

little battle of things that I thought I could ? You

48:29

know , and maybe , like you said , maybe I had a little

48:31

bit of what you have and I was striving for perfection

48:33

. There's no such thing . So

48:36

you

48:38

know , it took me a while . I grew up in

48:40

a household where it was you go to school , you

48:43

go to college , you

48:45

get a degree that will allow you to get to work

48:47

and support your family . And

48:50

then my oldest comes along and college

48:53

wasn't for him . He's just

48:55

not , you know , it's not for him . And

48:57

it took me a while to come to grips with that . At first I

48:59

fought it and I was like no , you're going to

49:01

school , you're going to school . And then lacrosse

49:03

allowed him to get to school and you

49:05

know what happened ? Academically , it wasn't for him , it

49:07

was too much . And so , again

49:11

, tuning into learning

49:14

what makes your kids tick and

49:16

what drives them and what makes them happy and

49:19

then supporting and cultivating that , instead

49:22

of trying to push them

49:24

in a direction that you think is right for them

49:26

, where there's

49:28

a happy medium . Right , because in their younger

49:30

years you got to push them in the direction . But

49:33

as they evolve and you start to see what they're

49:35

passionate about , I was

49:37

able to do that much more successfully with my daughters

49:39

than I was my son , yeah . So if

49:42

I could go back and work on one

49:44

thing , I'd I'd work on that . Plus

49:46

, I'm Italian , so I used to yell a lot and

49:50

I wish I grew up in a household where mom yelled all the

49:52

time . It was just the way of the way of the world

49:54

. Um , and I

49:56

? I wouldn't yell as much rest

50:01

in peace .

50:01

My pops passed away December 29th 2021

50:05

. And he could drop . I'll

50:07

put a little Enex this episode , john , but he could drop the best

50:09

. God damn it's at me . God damn it , casey

50:12

. Oh , he would just lose his mind and

50:14

my sister and I would laugh sometimes because he

50:16

would just . It's when you hear someone , it

50:19

was kind of scared us , but then it made us laugh and

50:21

I remember I didn't want to ever

50:23

swear at my kids , but there's

50:25

times , you know , I think

50:27

every parent , what you said speaks to them

50:29

. We sweat the small stuff sometimes and

50:32

it is good to sweat the small stuff , but

50:34

in the end , one of my great friends , who I've

50:36

given love multiple times , bert Noctegal , on the

50:38

East Coast . He always said man , what's your end game ? Kenny

50:41

Lofton , he shared , he's a performer , he

50:44

listened and he talked about what's the end game

50:46

, and to me it's an easy

50:48

answer . I want a great human being who

50:50

shows up on time , who's respectful

50:53

, who's going to be a great husband , a father , a

50:55

wife , a mother , a friend , a

50:57

good employee , a good boss , someone

51:00

who brings positivity in the world . Now

51:03

, however , they get to that point . Whether it's through

51:05

karate , ceramics , welding

51:07

, basketball , it doesn't matter . Yet

51:10

we as parents get wrapped up in oh

51:13

, we got to do this , get to that . And I always

51:15

have to just check myself and it's like I'm asking

51:17

my kids all the time hey , are you happy doing what you're doing ? Do you like

51:19

doing this ? That's awesome . You're doing a lot

51:23

. A

51:27

because awesome you're doing a , you know one . A because it's expensive , but b it's you know whether

51:29

it's a basketball here or a golf here or do that

51:31

it's like . But I think when , once

51:33

you help them find it , find their passion , man

51:35

, it's rewarding . Yeah , agreed

51:38

, like I played football college

51:40

. There's uncle rico moment right there from deploying dynamite

51:42

. Uh , my son never played . I

51:44

mean , he played flag football . Now I could have easily

51:47

pushed him into . You know you're playing tackle I

51:49

. This is why you're doing it , cause I look he

51:51

saw dad's body kind of breaking down at times . He's

51:53

like , yeah , I don't want to do that . I don't blame you

51:55

Right .

51:57

Right

52:00

. So I love hearing you talk about your kids , because

52:02

I can . You can totally see . I mean your

52:04

eyes light up and you can

52:06

tell that there's there's a really solid foundational

52:09

relationship there , which is

52:12

great to see .

52:12

I appreciate you saying that it's for everybody at home this

52:18

is an audio only podcast , but maybe I can screenshot my eyes and send them

52:20

to you . Okay

52:23

, Before we go into some fun

52:25

, if you were to summarize everything

52:27

we've talked about whether

52:29

you've adopted kids well , you've not adopted kids , don't

52:32

matter . But dads , if

52:37

you could summarize what we've talked about , John , that dads or moms or anybody can take from

52:39

our episode to become that better , ultimate leader of their household , Tell me a couple of things that

52:41

come to mind . A couple of things that come to mind .

52:44

Tell me a couple of things that come to mind . A couple of

52:46

things that come to mind Embrace the

52:48

individuality of each child . It's

52:50

okay to be tough . I

52:56

always said . You know , when they're

52:58

younger it's not your job to be their friend . As

53:02

my kids have gotten older , it's kind of fun because now I'm in that yeah , I'm still

53:04

dad , but I'm kind of on the friend zone level also

53:06

, which is a nice transition . I remember when I

53:08

had that , when I transitioned with my parents , so

53:11

I wouldn't worry about being liked , I'd worry about

53:14

setting a good example and preparing

53:16

them , Even

53:26

if even if it's not something that you're used to , because it's so hard to find what you love in

53:28

this world . And if you're , if your kid knows it and they're passionate about it , man

53:32

, they're a step ahead of the game .

53:34

Yeah , love it so

53:36

good . Okay , if

53:39

people have . I want to make sure we give some

53:42

love to what you do at Health Trust . If people

53:44

have never heard of that company , maybe talk a little bit

53:46

about what you do there and how can people learn more about what you guys

53:48

do .

53:49

Sure Health Trust is in

53:52

the healthcare staffing space . You

53:54

go to healthtrustjobscom to learn more

53:56

about the types of opportunities we have . We're

53:59

part of HCA Healthcare , which is the largest for-profit

54:01

hospital system in the country and

54:04

for lack of a better comparison is we

54:06

place clinicians at their hospitals

54:08

. We're also the largest MSP

54:10

in the healthcare space , so we provide

54:13

a lot of service to a lot of hospital systems

54:15

across the country , trying

54:17

to help find solutions for the shortage

54:19

of clinical staff that exists today .

54:22

Very cool . And how

54:25

can we make sure people know how to find your

54:27

book ? Where can they go ? Where

54:29

can they learn more about you ?

54:30

Thankfully it is available wherever they

54:32

want it . So obviously it's on

54:34

Amazon , because everything in the world is on Amazon and

54:38

it can also be found . If

54:41

you go to your local library , local bookstore

54:43

, you can ask them to order it . It's

54:45

in the database where they can just tap in and get it . I

54:48

just got in my first Barnes Noble , so I'm really excited

54:50

about that . Let's go . They

54:53

can go to barnesandnoblecom , they can go to

54:55

goodreadscom , so

54:57

pretty much wherever books are sold they

55:00

can access it . But the easiest , of

55:02

course , is just to get it through Amazon and

55:04

what formats is it in besides paperback

55:06

or hardcover ? It is a Kindle

55:09

or ebook paperback , hardcover

55:11

and later

55:14

this year will be audio book . I haven't I haven't

55:16

recorded the audio book yet , but that's

55:18

on the list of goals

55:20

to do this year .

55:22

Are you going to do it ?

55:23

Oh yeah .

55:24

Good , nice job . Absolutely . I

55:27

did my audio book on mine and it's such a cool

55:29

experience .

55:30

I'm looking forward to it . Such a cool experience . I haven't finished your book

55:33

yet , but I am . I am in the process of reading . It's very

55:35

good .

55:36

I appreciate that . Okay Is

55:38

now time to go into what I call the lightning round , where

55:41

I ask you just random , random

55:44

questions that have no really meaning no stock

55:46

picks like Kramer though . No , okay

55:49

.

55:49

Just making sure .

55:50

But we might you never know what to expect

55:52

later on . Your job is

55:54

to answer these questions ideally as quickly

55:56

as you can .

55:58

And with our editing .

55:58

I can make them sound , even answer them quicker , so don't worry

56:00

, if you take the time , my job

56:02

is to try to get a giggle out of you . Try

56:05

to get a . What A giggle . Okay

56:08

, get you to laugh . Are

56:10

you ready ? I think so . Okay

56:12

, true or false . You

56:15

were supposed to play Rocky Balboa , but

56:17

Sylvester Sloan replaced you

56:19

instead .

56:20

He giggled False .

56:23

See I'm random . I have no idea why I would ask that . Okay

56:25

, True or false ? You once played a

56:28

wide receiver for the Washington football team .

56:30

False again .

56:32

Okay , um , if

56:34

I was to come to your house tonight for

56:36

dinner , tell me what we'd have .

56:38

We would have baked ziti . Ooh

56:40

, that sounds good .

56:41

Maybe with some chicken cutlets on the side . Okay

56:45

, now I'm getting hungry .

56:46

I had chicken parm last night .

56:47

It's delicious . Yeah

56:50

, tell me the last book you read

56:52

, other than mine right now . What's the last book you read

56:54

?

56:54

Last book I read doesn't

56:57

okay . I'm almost through one , so the last book I finished

56:59

was a book called Own the Room

57:01

.

57:03

Very cool , it was very good , it's all about

57:05

executive presence . Okay

57:07

, If I was to go into your phone right

57:09

now , and what would be one song you listened to

57:11

that your kids would be like dang dad , you listened to that . That's pretty

57:13

cool .

57:14

The one that would make my kids shake their head or

57:17

surprised or surprised , because

57:21

they're not surprised at anything I listen to . I'll

57:25

just say , michael Jackson , don't stop till you get enough . There

57:28

we go .

57:28

Good cut , very good cut , if

57:31

you were to book a vacation right now , you

57:33

and your lovely bride no kids . Where are you going

57:35

? Italy , okay

57:37

. If there was to be a book written about

57:40

your life , tell me the title Make it Happen

57:42

. The

57:47

title Make it happen . Okay . Now , john , make it happen is crushing it . It's crushing it more than

57:50

your book . You wrote and Hollywood's found out about it , and now we're

57:52

going to make a movie out of it . You're the casting director and you

57:54

need to know who's going to star John Ruffini , in this hit

57:56

new movie .

57:57

Well , by the time that happens , the actor I chose

57:59

today is probably going to be too old . Um

58:02

, who's going to play John Ruffini ? Mark

58:05

Wahlberg .

58:06

Oh here , we go A little tough . Tough East Coast

58:09

guy . I like it . Okay . Last question

58:11

Tell me two words to describe your wife Loving

58:13

Kind

58:15

. There we go , lightning round's

58:18

over . I giggled . I laughed at my own jokes

58:20

. John giggled We'll call it a tie . This

58:22

has been fantastic getting to know you , brother . I'm

58:24

grateful that our paths have crossed . I'm grateful that

58:26

you spent time here on this podcast and I

58:28

can't wait for everybody to go pick up a copy

58:30

of A Quest for Alex . I can't wait to read

58:33

it . I just finished a book , so it's now a time

58:35

for me to go get John's . I can't wait . When

58:41

this episode comes out , I will have read John . Connect him on LinkedIn

58:43

. We'll make sure that all that's linked

58:46

in the show notes . We'll make sure that you can learn more about what

58:48

he does at Health Trust as well . But

58:51

, more importantly , everybody , just keep supporting us

58:53

dads . Keep listening to these episodes . If

58:55

you know a dad out there , share it with someone else , and

58:58

if you think of someone that could benefit from

59:00

listening to John's story if they're going

59:02

through a tough time with the adoption

59:06

process . If you're not , this

59:08

is a guarantee to be inspired by his story , because it's a

59:10

great , great outcome

59:12

for him and his family . So , without further ado

59:14

, john , thanks so much for spending time with us and

59:16

I look forward to hopefully meeting you in person soon , brother .

59:18

Likewise , casey . Thanks for having me Really really thankful

59:21

that our paths crossed and keep up

59:23

the good work . Thanks , man .