0:01

I

0:03

always

0:06

tell couples, use I when you're entering into a

0:08

problem. I don't feel safe with how you

0:10

spend money. Or even more

0:12

importantly, I don't feel safe because you agree on

0:14

a budget, it goes way over, I don't feel

0:16

okay. Now what you've done, that's an invitation. You're

0:18

saying, hey, will you help me? Welcome

0:22

to this episode of the Rachel Cruze Show

0:24

podcast. I'm so glad that you're here. So

0:27

in this episode, we're going to talk about how

0:29

to manage your money and use it as a

0:31

tool instead of letting it use you. Then

0:34

I'll go over the why behind one of

0:36

my most hated financial tips, a

0:38

little sneak peek. It involves combining

0:40

finances with your spouse. But

0:43

first, I want to share a

0:45

special Valentine's Day themed interview with

0:47

my friend and fellow Ramsey personality,

0:50

Dr. John Deloney, where we answer

0:52

your burning questions about money and

0:54

relationships. Take a listen. Today

0:57

I'm excited because I'm joined by my good friend

0:59

and co-host of the Ramsey Show, Partner in Crime,

1:02

when it comes to money and marriage, our event,

1:04

Dr. John Deloney. What's up? How

1:06

are you? Good. Good. Welcome

1:09

back to the Rachel Cruze world. I know you love when you come here.

1:12

It is. It's all happy and joyful.

1:14

It's so happy and joyful. It's so great. It's

1:16

so great. If you're new around here,

1:18

John and I, we're both married, not to each

1:20

other, but we are very

1:22

passionate about helping couples when it comes

1:24

to their marriage, when it comes to

1:27

them growing emotionally and financially. Statistically, money

1:29

remains one of the number one causes

1:31

of divorce in America today. We

1:34

want to help when it comes to the subject. We've

1:36

done money and marriage a few times, the

1:39

event. We had one huge event last year,

1:41

which was so incredible. We

1:43

actually had a lot of questions from the audience during

1:45

that event that we were answering. We didn't get to

1:48

all of them because there were a lot of questions.

1:50

John, got a little surprise

1:52

for you. Oh, we're taking live questions. We're

1:54

going to take some live questions. These were actual

1:57

questions from those of you that came to

1:59

our Money and Marriage event. last year

2:01

and questions we did never answer from

2:03

stage. Let's do it. Because we didn't have time.

2:05

So we're gonna do this. And

2:07

if you have questions as you're watching

2:09

this and you're thinking, hmm, I may

2:11

want this answered, drop in the

2:13

comment section, because we may do another video, come

2:15

back around and answer more questions. So I'll

2:18

let you. You do it. No, no, no,

2:20

no. Ladies first. No, guests first. I'm

2:22

a selfless host. All

2:26

right, let's see here. What

2:29

is the best approach if my spouse

2:31

has a serious spending problem? Did Winston

2:33

say that? I've

2:35

tried to start the conversation before, but

2:37

they get defensive and I eventually give

2:39

up. Should we go to counseling? Well,

2:43

I think every couple should go

2:45

to some level of counseling and therapy in

2:47

general. Yeah, I mean, I

2:49

do feel like if one spouse has something,

2:52

it's obvious maybe it's a spending problem. I

2:54

feel like sometimes the other spouse can feel accusatory

2:57

and they don't respond well. But even

2:59

if the spouse is an accusatory and genuinely wants to

3:01

know, the other spouse still gets

3:03

defensive, what do they do? Often

3:06

the most important deal here is when somebody

3:08

gets defensive, instead of

3:10

thinking that there's something wrong with them, I

3:13

wanna think, what have I done to set them off? What

3:16

can I own? Because I can't control what they're doing. I

3:18

can get mad and get frustrated, but at least I wanna

3:20

look in the mirror real quick and say, did I just

3:23

start throwing grenades? And so a good way is, oh

3:25

my God, what did you buy this week on Amazon? I've

3:28

just thrown a grenade and you have to fight

3:30

me back. I started a fight and

3:32

you gotta start fighting me back. Or, oh my

3:35

gosh, why did you spend so much money? You see

3:37

how little I spent last month and you

3:39

went, now we're in a fight. There's

3:42

something different about it. I always tell couples, use I when

3:45

you're entering into a problem. I don't feel safe with

3:47

how you spend money. Or

3:49

even more importantly, I don't feel safe because every month

3:52

we make a plan, we

3:54

end up spending way too much money. You

3:56

agree on a budget, it goes way over. I don't

3:58

feel okay. Now what you've done, That's an invitation.

4:01

It's not a punch. You're saying hey, will

4:03

you help me? Yeah, that's good. That's a

4:05

different way into the conversation if they then

4:07

respond to I don't care how you feel

4:09

I'm buying these shoes or this car or

4:12

I'm getting my truck jacked up or whatever

4:14

the thing is Yeah,

4:16

now you've got somebody who looks at you and says I don't care what

4:18

you need I don't care what you feel like I don't care what you

4:20

think I'm gonna do what I

4:22

want to do. Yeah, your relationship's got some major issues

4:24

and I feel like when you approach a

4:27

spouse The old

4:29

Ted lasso don't be judgmental be curious,

4:31

but that idea of like be

4:33

curious ask questions What's the trend with

4:35

the solving your life? Yes in an

4:37

authentic real way of wanting to understand

4:39

them and put yourself in their

4:41

shoes and usually that Somewhat level of humility

4:44

helps you but okay so good What's

4:48

one thing at your spouse has taught you

4:50

or made you better at over time? Oh

4:53

Oh Man, let's think

4:56

my wife has taught me a lot. So

4:58

taught me about the importance of I

5:01

wouldn't have gone to grad school if wasn't for my

5:03

wife. I thought I knew everything at 24 I

5:06

thought I knew everything. No, not you John. Yeah,

5:08

and she's

5:10

taught me the importance of Reality

5:14

and I don't mean that in a funny way, but I tend

5:16

to think hey It's

5:18

858 and my meeting starts at 9 and

5:20

it's 30 minutes away I still have time

5:22

to shower and after I get

5:24

out of shower I'm gonna go ahead and iron my clothes and

5:27

then we go mow the yard real quick and then I'll By

5:29

the time I get halfway through mowing it's 11 45

5:32

and I'm super mad at the at time, right?

5:34

Not at me. So what she

5:37

has taught me to do. I guess is the best

5:39

way is to count the cost, right? Yeah, yeah, if

5:41

you want to do X and Y and Z, that's cool We

5:44

don't have houses for this price in this market in

5:46

this location. Yeah, it's not real. Yeah, and I get

5:48

mad It's not real. So let's look over here. Right?

5:50

So I think it's counting the cost those two things

5:52

are big. That's good That's good. I

5:55

was even more recently Winston's

5:57

perspective on just like parts of life,

5:59

but there's like this kind of element of

6:01

like everything belongs. So whether it's beautiful,

6:04

whether it's hard, whether it's suffering or

6:06

it's a gift, like everything, there's

6:08

this comfortability he has in life

6:11

where I find I want to avoid the hard

6:14

or the struggle or whatever, right? And I've

6:16

realized that more when I'm mirrored

6:18

against him where he's, he

6:20

can be, he's so, I

6:23

don't even think it's the confidence is the word, it's

6:25

a comfortability with all of life.

6:27

And that's so huge for me, where I've like realized

6:29

that and I'm like, oh man, I

6:32

could do better at that. It all belongs.

6:34

It all belongs. It all belongs. That's a good word.

6:36

It's a good word. My

6:41

husband spends hours on the toilet

6:44

scrolling through the wheels. Help,

6:47

help. I

6:50

have, I don't, I have no experience with this

6:52

at all. I do, I do. It

6:55

could be any number of things. I

6:58

know in my house and with the men I talk to,

7:02

that's the only place you can

7:04

go where you don't feel

7:06

like you're doing something wrong. You

7:08

don't feel like somebody has a problem with you.

7:10

You don't feel like somebody's demanding something from you.

7:13

It's a place where you can just go hide

7:15

and nobody, everybody will leave you alone, right? That's

7:18

not always a good thing, right? It's a place

7:20

to escape. It can be a Xanax too, right?

7:22

A place to avoid, to numb out. But

7:25

that's the most common thing. So you

7:29

can talk about it directly. The

7:32

second thing is you can look in the mirror and

7:34

ask, like, are we creating a world where my husband

7:36

feels like he has to escape from it, right? Maybe,

7:38

maybe not. After 12

7:40

hour day, I know home has been

7:43

wild too, but after a

7:45

12 hour day, he's exhausted. Is

7:47

there a way that we can connect before he feels

7:49

like he's just got to go hide from our, his

7:51

family, right? And then the bigger question Sheila and I

7:53

have asked before in our house is, what

7:55

do we want this house to feel like when you get home? And

7:58

what do we want this house to feel like when she gets home? And

8:00

how do we build that? And

8:03

the more we've worked on that solution, my feeling

8:05

like I need to get out of here out

8:07

of my own house has really diminished. What do

8:09

you think? Well, it's

8:11

nice, but dads can escape. Moms, nowhere,

8:14

everywhere. They're everywhere. They're everywhere.

8:18

All right, next. Money

8:21

stress is still one of the leading causes

8:23

of divorce. Why do you think that is?

8:25

And what is the most powerful way to

8:27

fight against it? What do you think?

8:30

Yeah, I could see it being for sure

8:32

in the top because I think money plays

8:35

a role in our life that it

8:38

is a tool to help enhance

8:40

our life. And when our life and our marriage

8:42

and things are at a tension point, money naturally

8:44

is going to be. Because

8:46

if everything else, if other decisions in our life, it's

8:49

feeling like it's just tension filled

8:52

and money is the avenue. Oh, it

8:55

doesn't enhance, it's like it's an amplifier of

8:57

what already is. Yes, yes. Okay, okay, okay.

8:59

Yeah, probably gonna explain that while. That's one of the

9:02

reasons I think. I think the other is that we're really

9:04

bad at communicating about it because I think it can be

9:06

a really sensitive subject. And so

9:08

when you feel like, oh no, this is the way I

9:10

feel like money should work or how I see money, my

9:13

habits around money, my knee-jerk reaction of how

9:15

to do this with money is this way

9:17

and yours is this way, that feels so foreign

9:19

to me. And if I don't have the

9:21

tools and the capability to even communicate that, naturally

9:24

that's gonna cause stress and tension. Yeah. And

9:27

I think you can- And how opposite we are. We

9:29

talk a lot about, you can tell a

9:31

lot about somebody by their calendar and their

9:33

checking account. And there's something

9:36

very personal about

9:38

what I think has enough value for me to

9:40

part with my money. And

9:43

when that comes into conflict and you don't have the

9:45

tools, how to talk about it, how do we align

9:47

goals? My mom did it this way, well, my dad

9:49

didn't do it this way, so I'm gonna do it

9:51

this way. It just throws it all into

9:53

a big pot. And then you've got granddad

9:55

telling you, if you rent, you're an idiot, and this guy's

9:57

saying, well, you gotta drive a new car. And you have-

10:00

many other voices too and

10:02

it just creates chaos. Yeah and when it's

10:04

mismanaged money, which when we look at

10:06

the stats sadly that is so common

10:08

in our world today, then

10:11

there's usually less of it. So there's not

10:13

a lot of margin. And so when you're

10:15

stressed about having to literally

10:18

pay the rent or the mortgage, put food on

10:20

the table, that's gonna cause a level of stress.

10:22

And again, whether it's an, it amplifies everything

10:24

or it's the first indicator that everything else, well

10:27

we can't do this then we can't do that because

10:29

of money as tight, then our life doesn't

10:31

look like the way we should. And there's a

10:33

lot of shame around that, right? Like I

10:35

wanted to be able to get my kid

10:37

these shoes and because the bonus didn't come

10:39

through or my hours got cut, I

10:42

can't. What does that say about me?

10:44

Yeah and you and your spouse gets like, oh

10:47

I got the new whatever

10:49

Taylor Swift t-shirt or whatever in her

10:51

office she's always buying. But like I

10:53

got the new thing and that shame

10:55

plus that lack, that scarcity, that's just

10:58

combustible, right? Crazy. All right, last one,

11:00

we'll do one more. I

11:04

know you recommend using every dollar for a

11:06

monthly budget with your spouse, but I hate

11:08

numbers and my wife is naturally

11:11

good at them. Can she take the

11:13

lead on that and just fill me in? Yeah,

11:15

I would say to a degree, yes. I mean, I always

11:17

want you guys to be a team, but

11:19

there's always gonna be one person who's better at

11:21

it for in our house with Winston. Like he

11:23

naturally loves doing that and we

11:25

like sit down and we look at last year, we

11:28

look at this coming year and he like writes down

11:31

the trips we wanna go on, any purchases

11:33

we have, any goals we have, I mean

11:35

like he like goes through. What's the organ cost? Oh, and then

11:37

he does the Excel and he just kinda like, and

11:39

I'm like, go for it, you just tell me what

11:41

to do. So naturally

11:43

someone's gonna lead it because they

11:45

enjoy it more than your spouse and I think

11:47

that's great. But the whole idea

11:49

of like, oh she's just gonna hand it to

11:51

me and that's gonna be it. No, I want

11:53

you to be part of the discussion because I

11:56

don't want her to feel like she's on an

11:58

island and isolated doing it by herself. as a

12:00

teammate, but yeah, I think it's a

12:02

very natural thing to say one of you is gonna be more

12:04

excited and better at it and take the lead on it

12:06

than someone else. I also want you to lean

12:08

into the things in your marriage that

12:10

have to get done that are an important part of

12:12

a relationship and you say, oh, I hate

12:15

doing that part. That's not

12:17

always a good excuse. We've talked about

12:19

this privately before, but I've just sat with people

12:21

and their spouse has passed away and

12:23

they have a very hollowed out look and

12:25

they ask the same question, I

12:27

don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't

12:30

know where the money is. I don't know even

12:32

though who is our electrical company is. I don't

12:34

know anything. And so even if

12:36

you hate it, that's not a

12:38

license to just do nothing. That's

12:40

a signal to you. I'm

12:43

gonna have to dig in and learn at least some

12:45

of this. You take the lead. You're the pitcher on

12:47

the team. I play outfield, but center field still is

12:49

an important role. You're throwing every pitch, but I gotta

12:51

be back there because the ball may

12:54

get hit. I want if you ever have something in

12:56

your marriage, like, uh-uh, that's actually

12:58

something you gotta lean into and head towards, get away

13:00

from. And John, honestly, Winston and I had this conversation.

13:02

I was probably maybe a year or two ago, but

13:05

I ended up looking up and being

13:07

like, I have no idea what

13:09

to pause it. I don't know

13:11

what bills he like physically opens and pays

13:13

or which ones go out or when

13:16

to do this or when to do, oh yeah, I mean, I looked

13:19

up because he just pays everything, right? He does

13:21

it. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I

13:23

teach this every day. But literally if something happened

13:25

to him, I'm like, I don't know if I have a list of

13:27

like what gets paid when and all of

13:29

it. So I made, I'm like, list everything out. I mean,

13:31

even down to like things like the oil change. He's like,

13:34

you need to change the oil when the car comes

13:36

out. Yeah, he's like, it's like all this. I'm

13:38

like, okay, I don't know because it is helpful

13:40

because you can get in a pattern and a

13:43

rhythm that yeah, you look up

13:45

and you're like, yeah, we're on the same team and

13:47

all of it. But even the tactical side of money,

13:49

you guys, be in the know

13:51

on both of you, passwords, accounts, I mean, all

13:53

of it, yeah. I remember sitting with a couple

13:55

who the husband had passed away and it was the older couple.

13:59

And he. He had taken care of all the banking

14:01

stuff. He was the only name

14:03

on the account. Inside that

14:05

account, she could see it, how

14:08

much money was in there. And

14:10

they said, after we get the death certificate, after we

14:12

get this, after we get this, then

14:15

we'll be able to release this money to you. And

14:18

she looked at me and said, I have to get groceries.

14:21

And it was so scary because there's all

14:23

the money and it is technically yours, just

14:25

not yet. And nobody

14:28

knew how to do any of it. And so it's

14:30

just the importance. And it's not always somebody died, it's

14:32

that sense of that gnawing thing in the back, like,

14:34

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I

14:36

feel like you're losing control of your own household. So,

14:40

or you feel like you're living in somebody else's

14:42

house, right? And so there's just something settling

14:44

about, I don't love numbers, but I know how

14:46

to do them when I need to. And I

14:48

think that's important. And it is funny though, I'm like, and for

14:50

those of you that are married, or maybe you have a roommate

14:52

that is good at stuff and you guys kind of

14:54

tag team. But yeah, I just think about even asking,

14:57

there's stuff that I do that Winston would have no

14:59

idea. Like, he's like, oh my gosh, I dropped them

15:01

all. We've had all the snow in Nashville. He

15:03

walks in, I'm like reading, he walks into our room.

15:05

He was like, what noise is that? And

15:07

I was like, I

15:09

don't hear a noise. It's like Rachel, I hear, oh

15:12

gosh, the faucet, the faucet. And he like ran outside

15:14

and it froze, but he was hearing the water, that

15:16

linking in the, I don't know, all of that, I was like,

15:18

oh, if you're Lord, if that was just me, it would

15:20

have been flooded. I would have no clue, I wouldn't have even know there was

15:23

a- But on the other side, I called my wife today.

15:25

I said, I texted her and said, call me. And she called

15:27

and said, what's up? And I told my wife,

15:29

I said, hey, I know this

15:31

week has been really hard and you've carried all of it, right?

15:34

I mean, in a house full of kids, all the dogs

15:37

have to be inside. There's chaos. Food

15:39

has just magically appeared when I got home.

15:41

It hasn't magically appeared. I know she took

15:43

care of all of that. And I know

15:45

intellectually, I think I kind of know what,

15:47

I have no idea what she's been through.

15:49

Violin, practice, meh, all of it,

15:52

right? Here's the deal. Like, at

15:55

least know about each other's world. It's just so

15:57

important. Yes, and be thankful and know, yeah, so

15:59

great. Well, John, thanks again for

16:01

joining me. And if you guys

16:04

want to check out more of what he's doing,

16:06

make sure you go to the Dr. Don Deloni

16:08

show here on YouTube and podcasts. He's on all

16:10

the socials. I encourage you,

16:12

if you are married out

16:14

there, you want to better your marriage, come hang

16:16

out with us in Nashville this October, because

16:19

we are talking about the real stuff,

16:21

you guys, everything from communication and budgeting,

16:24

intimacy, all of this. But this

16:26

October, we are doing another money

16:29

and marriage getaway here in Nashville, come hang

16:31

out with me and John. The last event

16:33

we did, which was the first big weekend event, we

16:35

had so much fun. We loved it. So if you

16:37

want tickets, go to ramsosolutions.com slash

16:39

marriage to claim at your spot. Hey

16:45

guys, it's Rachel. The new year

16:47

means that we're all looking for ways to

16:49

trim our budgets. And if you want an

16:52

affordable healthcare option, make sure to check out

16:54

Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM isn't

16:56

health insurance, they're a health cost sharing

16:58

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17:01

of thousands of families across the

17:03

country satisfy nearly $10 billion

17:06

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17:10

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17:12

out how you can

17:15

make the switch to

17:17

CHM and save your

17:19

family money at chmministries.org/budget.

17:21

That's chministries.org/budget. Let's

17:25

have a little come to Jesus moments about our

17:27

money. Now listen, you're not in trouble, but I am

17:29

here to help you when it comes to

17:33

getting your spending habits in order because

17:36

it can be so easy to lose sight on where

17:38

our money should fall in comparison to other parts of

17:40

our lives. So I just want you to think about

17:42

this question. Do you have control over your money, or

17:45

does your money have control over you? Hmm,

17:48

it's an interesting one. I

17:51

mean, you might be thinking, golly, I

17:53

kind of like the latter. I feel like my money controls me.

17:55

And listen, we've all been there, even though this is my job,

17:58

and I talk about money day in and day out. There

18:00

are times that, yeah, my money gets in

18:02

a place that in my life, then I'm

18:04

like, no, no, no, that's not where you

18:06

should be. So today I'm sharing my number

18:09

one tip for using money as a tool

18:11

instead of letting it be the ruler of

18:13

your entire world. And be sure to say

18:15

to the end so that you can hear

18:17

how you can apply this mindset to your

18:19

life and avoid making things way more complicated

18:22

than they should be. So when you're trying

18:24

to take control of your money and truly

18:26

use it as a tool, it all comes

18:28

down to one mindset shift, defining your needs

18:30

versus your wants. Now, some of you

18:32

are probably thinking, well, Rachel, I already

18:34

know the difference between the four walls

18:36

and the fund subscription category in my

18:38

budget, but there's actually more to it

18:41

than you may think. And I'm actually gonna tell

18:43

you exactly what I mean, but first, let's

18:46

go a little bit deeper and talk about

18:48

why so many of us feel so stretched

18:50

to afford our basic lifestyle expenses. Personally, I

18:52

think it all boils down to overexposure. Just

18:55

think about how much we are exposed to

18:57

in 2024. Versus

18:59

10 years ago, 20 years ago, even 50 years

19:01

ago. I

19:03

mean, we have access to thousands of

19:06

books and movies, TV shows, podcasts, social

19:08

media, where we get a taste of

19:10

other ways of life that we may

19:12

not have known even existed 100 years

19:14

ago. I mean,

19:16

back in the day, I used to

19:18

go buy like Us Weekly magazines and

19:20

look through and see. And like, that

19:22

was the extent basically of celebrity culture.

19:25

But now it's like reality TV shows

19:27

galore and Instagram and TikTok. And you

19:29

just see extravagant lifestyles, not just from

19:31

celebrities, but also like the everyday mom

19:33

in Dallas. So you're like, oh my

19:36

gosh, she's living a great life. So

19:38

again, you could open up any social

19:40

media account and instantly see vacations and

19:42

cars and homes and growing families. And

19:44

we were not meant to consume that

19:47

much material, you guys, we were made

19:49

for small scale communities. Like we were

19:51

not supposed to know what was going

19:53

on on the other side of

19:55

the world from somebody we've never even met. And

19:57

I don't care how many boundaries you set up.

20:00

around technology, everyone, everyone

20:02

is at risk into slipping into this

20:04

comparison culture in our existing world today.

20:06

Okay, deep breath everyone. So I wanted

20:08

to paint that picture, not to stress

20:10

you out and feel doomed for the

20:12

rest of your life, but to remind

20:15

you that if you struggle to have

20:17

perspective, sometimes you're not a terrible person.

20:19

You are just human in our world

20:21

today. And it's normal to see what

20:23

other people have and want it to.

20:26

And being able to fight back against

20:28

that tendency is a really powerful skill

20:30

to help you build wealth. And part of

20:32

fighting back of that means, hey, they have

20:35

what they have and good for them. But

20:37

this is my life and really putting your

20:39

energy in there. So let's talk about how

20:42

you can put money back in its proper

20:44

place and use it as a tool in

20:46

your life instead of a weapon in this

20:48

comparison culture battle. Okay, step one in separating

20:51

your needs versus wants is

20:53

in detail. So like I said

20:55

earlier, most people understand food, shelter,

20:57

transportation, utilities, basic necessities.

21:00

But are you vigilant about drawing

21:03

smaller boundaries within that larger boundary?

21:05

So for example, yes, you

21:07

need to afford to eat dinner every night.

21:09

But does that mean it has to be

21:11

at a fancy steakhouse or some bougie to

21:13

go sushi place? No. Or

21:16

with transportation? Yes, you need to get to and from work,

21:18

get your kids to and from school, go to the grocery

21:20

store. That doesn't mean

21:22

that you have to have a $700 car

21:24

payments to be able to do

21:26

that. Or even housing. Yes, you need a

21:29

roof over your head. But no, it doesn't

21:31

have to be in the best part of

21:33

town with the picture perfect kitchen. So remember,

21:35

within your choices that you make about money,

21:38

there's often a lot of seasons in your

21:40

life that correlate to it. And

21:42

you can do anything for a period of time

21:44

if you have a larger goal in mind. Maybe

21:46

it's a season of sacrifice for you. And

21:48

that all looks different. Or maybe it's a

21:51

season, you know, everything things that you've done

21:53

and sacrifices you've made in the past. But

21:55

you want to draw boundaries around your necessary

21:57

expenses again to go further with your money.

22:00

in the future. And speaking of long-term, the

22:02

next step is to take your needs at

22:04

versus want to step further and start intentionally

22:06

planning for the future. So ask yourself this

22:08

question. What are the non-negotiable experiences that you

22:10

want out of life? So if you're single

22:12

and you could do this with a friend

22:14

or a mentor, if you're married, you know,

22:16

or you're in a serious relationship, have this

22:18

conversation with your significant other. But think about,

22:20

do I want kids? If so, what kind

22:22

of experiences do I want to give them?

22:24

Do you want to travel? Am I going

22:27

to want to work? Do I have to

22:29

pay for childcare? Do we want

22:31

to pay for their college and stay towards that?

22:33

We need to think about basic things like doctor's

22:35

visits or even camps in the summer that they're

22:37

going to go to. But if kids maybe are

22:39

not in the equation, then think about other things

22:41

like travel. I mean, how many vacations do you

22:43

want to take a year? Do you want to

22:45

improve the comfort of your day-to-day life? Maybe you

22:47

want, you know, a great new kitchen and you're

22:49

going to do a home renovation. Or maybe you

22:51

want a nice car and you want to save

22:53

up cash for it. Whatever it looks like for

22:55

you, just daydream about the

22:58

future and then adjust your budget and the

23:00

present to make that happen. And defining

23:02

your needs versus wants is powerful and

23:04

it puts you back in control of

23:06

your money. And we're still at the

23:08

beginning of a brand new year, you

23:10

guys. So I really encourage you to

23:12

spend some time defining what is important

23:14

to you in this season of life.

23:16

So remember, separating your budget into needs

23:18

and wants means nothing if you don't

23:20

actually have a place to organize those

23:22

categories. So I would encourage you

23:24

to download every dollar. This is our budgeting app

23:26

and it's amazing. It's a great place to organize

23:28

all of your spending and keep yourself

23:30

accountable as you work through the big steps. Hey

23:37

guys, it's Rachel Cruz on Valentine's Day.

23:39

Let's be honest, on any day, getting

23:41

on the same page with money is

23:43

my love language. That's why I can't

23:45

wait to tell you about money and

23:47

marriage. Getaway 2024. That's right. The event

23:49

you guys love last year is back

23:51

and this fall, October 24 through the

23:53

26th, grab your spouse

23:56

for a weekend getaway in

23:58

Nashville. spend two and a

24:01

half days with Dr. John Deloni and me

24:03

and get the tools that you need to

24:05

set goals, dream about your future and win

24:07

with money together. We'll do live Q&A and

24:10

it's a pretty incredible date night in the

24:12

works too. Here's the thing you

24:14

guys, when couples hit their money goals together,

24:16

they feel more in sync than ever before

24:18

because they see themselves as one and that

24:21

can happen for you too. Tickets start at

24:23

just $7.99 and we

24:26

have a few VIP spots left that include

24:28

a meet and greet with John and me. So

24:31

call a budget meeting, start a

24:33

sinking fund and get your tickets

24:35

at ramsysolutions.com/ marriage. We're

24:39

going to get a little controversial today. You

24:41

know, do it for the plot as the

24:44

kids say. Obviously document money,

24:46

it can be complicated regardless of

24:48

the topic, but one of my

24:50

most hated pieces of financial advice

24:52

by far is when I tell

24:54

people to combine their bank accounts

24:56

with their spouse. I

24:59

know. I mean, what a crazy suggestion

25:01

that is. And maybe,

25:03

you know, we can go even further on

25:05

the topic, but obviously there are some exceptions

25:07

to this role. Okay. So we'll just say

25:09

it off the bat. Okay. If you are

25:11

in an abusive relationship, if you've dealt with

25:13

financial infidelity, if you're married with someone with

25:15

a crippling addiction that they're not taken care

25:17

of, I mean, there are certain circumstances for

25:20

sure that you want to protect yourself. All

25:22

I'm saying though is if you're sharing a

25:25

bed, if you're sharing genetics with little kids

25:27

running around, you can share a bank account.

25:30

And I am a firm believer in combining

25:32

accounts with your spouse when you get married.

25:34

And I think it's one of the best

25:36

things you can do financially, emotionally, and even

25:38

spiritually. So let's talk about the why behind

25:40

this tip and see if some of the

25:42

skeptics out there may have a little change

25:44

of heart. Plus, if you stick around to

25:46

the end, I'll share the one account that

25:48

I don't think you should combine with your

25:50

spouse. So stay tuned. All right. So let's

25:52

start off strong. The first

25:54

reason why you should combine your bank

25:56

accounts with your spouse is because it's

25:59

more financially beneficial. So regardless

26:01

of religion or culture or even

26:03

marriage, it's literally proven in

26:05

the numbers. So at Ramsey Solutions, we've

26:07

seen time and time again through our research and through

26:09

real people that we talk

26:11

to on the Ramsey Show all the

26:13

time are couples who, when they are

26:16

on the same page financially, they reach

26:18

their goals faster. When two people have

26:20

a united purpose, there's

26:22

more accountability, there's more discipline, and if

26:24

you're both making income, it's

26:26

more money coming together. And so when you look

26:29

to say, hey, we are just going

26:31

to get there faster and do things bigger

26:33

and better, when we say, yeah, we

26:35

are all on the same team, let's put it all

26:37

in one pile, figure out what we want to do with

26:39

that pile of money, and you get there so much

26:41

faster. So that's rule number one, reason number one. Now

26:44

reason number two, what I think it's wise to

26:46

combine your finances with your spouse is

26:49

just for the practicality and simplicity of

26:51

life. It's way easier to do a

26:53

budget together when you're functioning

26:55

out of one account, and budgeting is literally one

26:57

of the first steps that you need to take

26:59

when it comes to winning with your money.

27:01

So again, if you're joining forces, but

27:04

you're constantly trying to figure out, well,

27:06

this is your purchase, that's mine, comes

27:08

out of here, there, there, there. I

27:11

mean, who has time for that? I

27:13

can barely get my kids out the door for school, let

27:15

alone try to split every little purchase between me and Winston,

27:17

and was that fund money, was that for the house? Are

27:19

we both going to use it? No. So

27:22

listen, when you just say, hey, we are all going to

27:24

function out of one account, it just

27:26

makes life easier. It really does. And

27:28

you can still have your independence when

27:31

you're doing that, because you're not having to ask, you know,

27:33

for every single little purchase you make, you have a budget,

27:35

and it says, yeah, the Rachel and Line item. So when

27:37

I go get my nails done, I'm not texting Winston, like,

27:39

is it okay if I, dah, dah, dah, dah, I have

27:41

money to spend that month, so I'm going to spend it.

27:43

And if I want more or need more for something, I

27:45

text someone and we talk about it, or we look to

27:48

say, hey, what's going on here? Again,

27:50

communication there is so key. But

27:52

any secrecy, I mean, of any

27:54

kind, is an enemy of unity. So

27:57

be open and be honest with your spouse, even

27:59

with a- little things. The third

28:01

benefit of combining finances with your spouse has

28:04

to do with your emotional health as

28:06

a couple. So it may sound silly,

28:08

but I promise you guys sharing the

28:10

ins and outs of your spending can

28:12

actually create a lot of intimacy between

28:15

you. It can be very vulnerable to

28:17

show somebody, Hey, here's what I spent

28:19

my money on and here's how much

28:21

I spent. So again, being unified together

28:23

and actually saying, Hey, we can learn

28:25

from each other. Like Winston's natural tendency,

28:27

it's the same. I can learn from

28:29

that. My natural tendency is to spend and

28:32

he can learn from that and have some fun

28:34

in life, right? We want to support each other

28:36

and who we are, but also know that your

28:38

spouse can teach you something. So whether you're a

28:40

spender or a saver, a nerd or a free

28:42

spirit, everyone has their preferences when

28:44

it comes to money, but having that

28:46

built in accountability with somebody and that they

28:48

know the ins and outs of your life

28:51

and what's going on, including your money, that

28:53

creates a deep, deep connection. And the fourth

28:55

benefit of combining at your bank account with

28:57

your spouse is better communication skills. So kind of

29:00

what we just talked about. But again, when you're looking

29:02

through life, which money is a tool for your life,

29:04

you end up talking more. And Winston and I, we

29:06

find constantly that when we look at next month's budget,

29:08

we're looking at our calendar as well. We're like, okay,

29:11

we're going here, here, here, spring break, coming up in

29:13

March. Okay. We're going to be looking at that. How

29:15

much you want to spend on food, how many times

29:17

do you think we're going to eat? And that's going

29:19

to play into what, you know, what food we need

29:21

to buy at the grocery store, what our trip's going

29:24

to look like. I mean, it ends up just being

29:26

about life. And so when you really do start to

29:28

communicate about life and your money, you guys,

29:30

there is a unity that is created.

29:32

And so that communication of combining accounts,

29:34

working out of the same bucket, it

29:37

helps with just communicating about your overall

29:39

life in general. Okay. Here's what

29:41

it looks like practically speaking to

29:43

combine your accounts. Number one, combine your

29:45

short term savings to your emergency funds,

29:48

any sinking funds you have, any funds that

29:50

are out there that are short term savings

29:52

that are in money market accounts or high

29:54

yield savings or a savings account at your

29:56

bank. Combine those together. Because again, you may

29:58

realize, oh my gosh. We have three to

30:00

six months of expensive sales. We come all together and we

30:02

put all of our money, high five

30:04

and hallelujah, I mean it's amazing. And number

30:07

two, combine your checking accounts. And this is

30:09

what we were talking about earlier, that when

30:11

you're living life, but you're seeing yourself as

30:13

one, you're working on a one budget and

30:15

one account, it makes life not just easier,

30:17

but you end up having more unity with

30:19

your spouse. So if you've not downloaded every

30:22

dollar, do that, because once in

30:24

a while we have the same login information. So our

30:26

budgets look the exact same on our phones. If one

30:28

of us makes a change, it comes up on the

30:30

others and we're able to really see where we're at

30:32

financially and it is so helpful. All right, number

30:34

three, and this one might surprise you, but

30:36

there is one account that I recommend that

30:39

you build completely separate from your spouse. And

30:41

that is retirement. There

30:44

are so many great advantages, especially with taxes and

30:46

stuff. When you say, hey, I have my own

30:48

account with my own income and I'm gonna grow

30:50

it over here. And then you get to double

30:53

it with your spouse, by them

30:55

doing one as well, it works best for

30:57

everyone. So do not combine retirement or say,

31:00

oh, one of you just says retirement. If you're both working especially, be able

31:03

to say, hey, we're gonna both build retirement

31:05

and that will double your retirement when it

31:07

gets to that point in life. All right,

31:09

before we wrap up, I wanna address two

31:11

common complaints I hear. So

31:13

again, I hear y'all all the time, have

31:16

the drama, all the things about combining accounts. So

31:18

number one, the first one I always hear is,

31:20

how do I buy my spouse a gift? Oh

31:22

no. Well, first and foremost, if

31:24

it's Christmas or an anniversary and you know you're

31:26

gonna buy a gift, take out a Visa gift

31:29

card, like, yeah, here's a couple hundred bucks or

31:31

whatever you're gonna spend on a gift, then take

31:33

that money, buy a Visa gift

31:35

card with it, then they don't know where you're spending

31:37

it. Or if you want it to be an ultra

31:39

surprise, if you have a friend or a parent who

31:41

will give you the money to buy the gift and

31:43

you said, yep, I will Venmo you or here's a

31:45

check for it, old fashioned, write a check, but don't

31:48

cash it or I won't Venmo you until I actually

31:50

give the gift. And again, there's trust in

31:52

the relationship and all of that, do that. Winston

31:55

did that for me on our last anniversary, completely surprised

31:57

me. We said we weren't doing gifts, like, how did

31:59

you do it? and his friend bought the

32:01

gas, and went to some bid modal that

32:03

night. And it was great, so there's ways

32:05

around it. Okay, don't let gifts and all

32:07

that hold you up in keeping

32:09

accounts separate, okay? Combine them and work your way through

32:11

it. Now the second one is how do I get

32:14

my spouse on board if they disagree with how I'm

32:16

wanting to handle money? So this is a big one

32:18

too. So if you and your spouse are not on

32:20

the same page when it comes to money, I would

32:22

recommend sitting down first explaining your why. Why do you

32:25

wanna do this? Why do you wanna combine accounts? Why

32:27

do you wanna get out of debt? Why do you

32:29

wanna budget? What's your why? And hopefully if you're in

32:31

a somewhat healthy relationship, your spouse is gonna hear that

32:34

and you guys are gonna have dialogue about it. Also,

32:36

if it's something you wanna do, like a big goal

32:38

like getting out of debt, I always tell

32:40

people to go ahead and like put the numbers out there.

32:43

Go ahead and build your debt snowball or a budget. Go

32:45

ahead and create the budget and present it to them. Not

32:47

as like this is what we're gonna do, but

32:50

hey, here's what this looks like. Can we

32:52

sit down and have a conversation about it

32:54

and actually kind of look at the numbers?

32:56

Because sometimes it's way less intimidating when you

32:58

actually see facts on paper versus like this

33:00

idea in your head. But again, you guys,

33:02

it is so, so crucial. Now, if they

33:04

are completely opposed, won't even talk about it,

33:06

I'm telling you, that's when I would bring

33:08

in the third party. I would

33:10

go to a counselor or a therapist because that's

33:12

probably the mindset in other areas of your marriage,

33:14

which could indicate, hey, there's some issues there that

33:16

we need to talk through. It may not just

33:18

be about money. It may be about other things

33:20

as well. Okay, so that is why I believe

33:22

what I believe when it comes to your money.

33:24

Now, if you still don't wanna do it and

33:26

you're gonna live your own life, that's great. You're

33:28

an adult. You get to make your decisions. I

33:31

know people hate that advice, combining finances

33:33

with yourself, but you guys, it helps

33:35

you not just financially, but also in

33:37

your marriage. And thank you guys

33:39

so much for listening to this episode. And

33:41

if you love this podcast, make sure to

33:44

leave a review because we want to hear

33:46

your feedback. And subscribe to this podcast, share

33:48

this podcast. Spread the words to

33:50

your friends and family because it helps us out

33:52

so much. And remember to

33:55

take control of your money and create

33:57

a life you love. you