0:02

She's. A.

0:06

Liar Liar. Hello! Guy and welcome

0:08

for a brand new episode

0:10

of your receipt stackable from.

0:13

Your receipts for those that don't know of

0:16

the episodes where we hope you guys out

0:18

with your issues, your problems, your. Your.

0:20

Your situation. Ship your what problems

0:22

Go away from potential Delphi problems. Will

0:24

they friend problems? Anything that you're going

0:27

going through we are hayes you how?

0:29

Yeah. But today it's not just honey

0:31

and I know it's know. I hate

0:33

how. We're. Joined by the

0:35

absolutely gorgeous and by the name

0:37

Honey running in the flesh I

0:40

am I see is that in

0:42

hundred. You live,

0:44

skinny or other like Anthrax. we want to

0:46

know all the t on the scale as

0:48

a beautiful spring. Ah,

0:51

the. Gun to shoot him

0:53

that introduced last time I was on. I

0:55

guess I'm a funny. what was I hear?

0:59

It's all it's and just. Go to the

1:01

I'm Animalia every I'm an

1:03

American ballet. O J. The

1:05

Iberian though gas to be here. I can

1:08

have an eight hour day with the I

1:10

feel I have made it officially. I mean

1:12

we fly, we've made it. You have not

1:14

heard the have. No

1:16

way on the I would be The this

1:19

I will be dreaded isn't justice set me

1:21

apart? people? If I happy when the

1:23

podcast and it's or knocks the question I've when

1:25

it's aren't cheap about four years or is it

1:28

okay. I. Love. Love! Oh.

1:30

I love I love life long partners. I'm

1:32

a relationship I love with that. But.

1:34

Ain't no way the nice as announce

1:37

maybe the deadly disease going. My.

1:39

Food Medicine. And

1:42

the herbs that they next important. You

1:44

have been hold it all levels. Of

1:49

our really hard for me I know I've I've

1:51

got the early cleared up as they are gonna

1:53

ask. Okay is it love that made you stay

1:55

given carried away because if you guys had not

1:57

seen it. When. A when the.

2:00

The shirt private have an interest

2:02

cook. Cook

2:04

a day. I'm like he just like

2:06

how to say about therapy and could

2:08

be There's lots of my me almost

2:10

publicize him fast know that is a

2:12

disease decision. And

2:15

it was gay but let me let me to sit. Nice eye.

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Imagine you see to definitely

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a capella.edu. Edges.

3:05

Last basically three days before he got

3:08

a D and Santa Fe right? A

3:10

day after he had last. I'm on my way ahead

3:13

and layover in Atlanta. He.

3:15

Goes! They're making me test for cove

3:17

it because. Justin. Trudeau which

3:19

is a Canadian Prime minister. My or

3:21

minister's wife tested positive they were together.

3:23

did I like a cave anomaly of

3:25

right. And. I'm like says no way

3:27

you have that you'd be segment you find a

3:29

way that you don't have any system. You're funny

3:31

that all you Sherman finds I so up. The

3:34

next morning he gets to test results. so. I

3:37

mean at that point and like, why did we

3:39

don't out again. I. Have

3:41

this sickness and is how.

3:47

Could you. Have unless they could. You have been like

3:49

okay, we've made out than a for. Like or

3:51

disclosure? what? I don't know if you have and I

3:53

have. It did you do a test know? So

3:55

once his test came back positive yeah morning and

3:57

they they basically said we'll see has it that.

4:00

Yeah, you have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But

4:02

it could have been, what if I gave it to

4:04

him? Who knows? And we were together so soon before

4:06

that. Yeah, that's true. And that same day. But overall,

4:09

people were like... And you know what's funny? It started off like a lot of

4:11

people were like, oh, why would you stay? Duh, duh, duh. And

4:14

I get it because it was so scary back then, right?

4:16

But now... We need to learn a little about it as well. I guess I

4:18

need to learn it as well. Now all the mentions I get are

4:20

like, oh, I want that Sabrina album. It's just

4:22

your COVID-type love. Yeah. It

4:24

turned into its own thing. I said

4:26

it to people. Like, I think, do

4:29

you love me like this? Yeah, yeah,

4:31

yeah. At that time, we was...

4:33

Obviously, it was an awful thing. But

4:35

it was so scary. When we

4:37

found out... When I look

4:39

at that video, you saw it in my outfit. Yeah,

4:41

you saw it in your outfit. I was

4:43

like, he might not be here tomorrow. Oh,

4:45

my mom. And then we were talking to

4:48

Oprah the next day. And I was like, my life is ending,

4:50

but at least I told Oprah. Oh,

4:52

bless you. And we

4:55

were all so scared because I think people

4:57

just make such a big... Yeah, yeah, yeah,

4:59

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then my auntie

5:01

was like, drink pepper and ginger. Oh,

5:03

my God. I was so glad it wasn't your

5:05

shot. It was here as well. My mom's home.

5:08

I tracked so many things. A pineapple pill. She was

5:10

like boiling it. She was like drinking it. Yeah, same.

5:13

My mom did the exact same thing. I was so scared.

5:15

I just did it all. Same. I

5:17

was like, wait, I've got nothing to lose. Whatever. I'm

5:19

going to the corner of the room. I was like,

5:21

sure. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. She

5:24

was coming. She said,

5:26

yeah, she's like audience in the corner of the room. I

5:28

don't know what it chases away, but apparently

5:30

it chases away something. I like that. But I'm

5:32

so happy to answer that. I'm so happy to

5:34

answer that because it's been in my mind. I

5:36

wanted to say this up. So thank you for

5:38

allowing me to. I love that to you.

5:40

I kind of just let people run with it. I was like, what

5:42

am I going to say? So thank you. And how are you? How

5:45

have you been? Good. A little

5:47

tired. My voice is a little, so I apologize. That's okay. I'm

5:49

really frustrated. I'm going to say you're at a party the other

5:51

night and I just say, you know, you know what I'm really

5:53

frustrated with lately? I realize when you go to a party in

5:55

the music cloud. Yes. You have

5:57

to yell. I think. Why am I

5:59

out of. He was yelling for

6:01

like an hour. Yeah. Yeah.

6:04

DJ, I understand you want a vibe, but

6:07

we need to chat. People want to talk. Please turn

6:09

the music on. No, but I can't do that. You

6:11

are getting all intense. I mean, I

6:13

am also getting old, but I'm like, you are a

6:15

party. Like stop trying to make contact. Yeah, but everyone

6:17

talks. Because you see people haven't

6:20

seen until long. Yeah, but this is not the time to

6:22

ask me the projects I'm working on. They are saying bashments.

6:24

They are saying bashments. I've got to ask you, Jason. I'm going

6:26

to ask you Jason. Not

6:28

right now. We can do lunch another time. But I think now

6:30

my voice is gone. I like to love voice. It sounds sexy.

6:33

Yeah, it sounds sexy. Don't worry. Baby has been

6:35

sexy. This is the place for me. and

6:38

questions all the time. I'm not going to say anything. Because you

6:40

have such an amazing skin. Thank you. Also,

6:42

so do you. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to

6:44

say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say

6:47

anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say

6:49

anything. I'm not going to say anything. I

6:51

think the secret to good skin apart from jeans

6:53

and whatever is money. And

6:56

nobody talks about that. The kids. I say this

6:58

to say it allows you facials. It allows you good

7:01

product. That good active product. It

7:03

just allows you better things than what it is. And consistently as well. Because

7:05

I feel like sometimes you can buy good products and

7:07

you're like, oh, do I really want to buy that next month, next month,

7:09

next month, next month. I feel like the way that I feel is

7:11

it's not that hard. It's not really so.

7:14

It's not really that hard. It's just not the greatest thing

7:16

I've ever done. You can buy good products and you're like,

7:18

oh, do I really want to buy that next month, next month?

7:21

Yeah. Yeah. And

7:25

like, there were so many out there and it's

7:27

just like, why did you decide to like a

7:29

call? What

7:31

is that also jeans as well? Or is it the kids of

7:33

years? I had really bad skin. I had my phone here. I'd

7:35

pull out a picture. Like no one believes me anymore. Like my

7:37

skin has been acne prone my whole life. And

7:39

one of the reasons I started the business

7:41

was because I was like that clear sell,

7:43

Neutrogena girl, same as Africa. I

7:47

will go to hell for their crimes. Clear sell. I

7:49

remember clear sell. The crimes are long. That's the club

7:52

of you go to jail. Yeah, it

7:54

was bad. And because I had such like my

7:56

thought was I'm just going to scrub my face

7:58

off. And that will make it

8:01

better. But it made my hyperpigmentation worse.

8:03

And then I realized as I was growing up, like I

8:05

didn't, first of all, I was also the only like black girl

8:07

in my high school. My friend who's here

8:09

was the only other black girl and makes me

8:11

that I knew. Oh wow. He used to live

8:13

in London with me. Oh that's right. No,

8:16

I love her a bit. Shout out to Jillian.

8:18

But we didn't understand our skin. Nothing was marketed

8:20

to us. My mom was like mixing up stuff

8:22

in the kitchen from Africa and I

8:24

was like, you don't know what you're doing. Like I'm going to

8:26

Sephora and buying things that weren't even good for me. And

8:29

I realized at one point in my life, it's

8:31

because brands don't consider melanin rich

8:33

skin. But here's the best

8:35

part. If you actually start formulations with melanin rich

8:37

skin in mind, because our skin is more sensitive,

8:39

because it needs more ceramides, because it's bougie, the

8:42

skin care is better for everyone. So they're

8:44

thinking their bottom line, but actually if you

8:47

just make it more democratized and more inclusive, you're making

8:50

a better product, which I believe in the long one

8:52

will keep a better customer, even if it's a more

8:54

expensive route to take. Because you need more good stuff,

8:56

right? So I was super frustrated,

8:58

which is why I started it. And I agree,

9:02

everything's expensive now. So look,

9:04

there's only like maybe six skin care

9:06

ingredients that actually work, right? So

9:09

if you're benchmarking, I always tell people like start

9:11

with like drugstore, figure out what ingredients work for

9:13

you, because everyone's different, and then work your way

9:16

up from there and start investing when you know

9:18

and you can recognize ingredients. We have to educate

9:20

ourselves. And now that it's so easy to find

9:22

a TikTok video on melanin rich skin or- I

9:25

worry about that sometimes, because I think- And the

9:27

misinformation. I don't actually do it, because I'm like,

9:29

I think it's so individual. But I think the

9:31

problem is if you watch one video, if

9:33

you're watching a wide network and you're constantly

9:35

reading it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but if

9:37

you see one influence and you're like, oh,

9:39

I'll take that as like gospel, that's probably not

9:41

gonna work out. Because you're right, skin is so

9:43

individual. But yeah, that's why we

9:46

started the brand. And I was just so frustrated now,

9:48

having the conversation, people go, well, you've

9:50

made products for black skin. So, oh, I would love to

9:52

try it, but it's for black skin, right? Just

9:55

because it's black owned, like don't buy it just because it's a

9:57

nice thing to do buy it because it works. Because we are

9:59

the- experts in hyperpigmentation. We've been dealing

10:01

with it for so long. Buy

10:04

it because it's better. And also using

10:06

ingredients from the continent, which I used to make fun

10:08

of my mom for using. And I realized, because your

10:10

new stuff has got ochre in it, right? So

10:12

I'm so... That is such a healer. Ochre is a

10:14

bad bitch. And I'm so glad she's back. A multipurpose

10:16

tool. Yeah. She deserves to have had it now. She

10:18

deserves to be back. Am I supposed to love ochre?

10:21

Seafood, ochre stew, I'm in. I've always loved ochre as

10:23

an edible. I've always loved ochre as an edible. I've

10:25

always loved ochre as an edible. I've always loved ochre as

10:27

an edible. And I thought it was easy in my dream.

10:29

And then I thought I was Indian Miss Love and it's

10:31

like a circus on the menu day with love. And I

10:33

think it'd be nice. What? Why

10:36

don't you take a sip? Have you not been drinking

10:38

ochre water? Oh my gosh. I've heard about it, but

10:41

I haven't. I don't like the taste of ochre. But

10:43

I'm openly hearing what else it does.

10:45

With the water, you don't actually taste

10:48

it. It's slimy though. The wine becomes

10:50

a thick, lime consistency. Like it

10:52

will literally slime out the thing. So I

10:54

didn't even realize this was a trend. I

10:56

think so long to formulate. We started this

11:00

a year ago. And then when I saw the

11:02

TikTok rabbit hole, I was like, oh

11:04

my God, everyone's going to think we were doing this. But I

11:06

do not put the serum in your pum pum. Don't put it

11:08

in your pum pum. Because when ochre water is in your pum

11:10

pum, people will put it in the dunes. So you don't put

11:13

it in your pum pum. Please love ochre. You

11:15

cut up ochre. You put it

11:17

in the water. And

11:19

you sit over it. That's amazing. You've

11:21

got your steamy over that, isn't it? No!

11:24

Oh, sorry. I'll let you guys land, folks. I

11:28

just want to say yes. Oh, you did? Yes!

11:30

You came for some hot water. Okay,

11:33

okay. I'll let you guys land. You want to cut

11:35

it in the water? I'm going to go now. Let's

11:37

be honest. You let it sit for

11:40

24 hours and then you drink the water. What

11:43

that water gives you is a slip of life. Oh.

11:45

That good, good slip of life. It does actually

11:48

work. It's so multifunctional. It's

11:50

a good group, isn't it? Yeah. So why is

11:52

it so often? So it's packed with a leisure

11:54

prep size. Right. But also it has this natural

11:56

Botox-like effect on the skin. So you feel these

11:59

black people... Okra is the real deal

12:01

and Okra does deserve its credit. It actually decreases

12:03

mechanical functions of the skin at like the cellular

12:05

level. So all your expression lines, it helps prohibit

12:07

that and it gets better over three weeks. So

12:09

you get this beautiful sort of clean

12:11

expression. Did we get that in the good bag? Not to

12:14

be a bad girl. You did. Fantastic.

12:16

You did. But it only has 120%

12:19

reduction in hyperpigmentation. And I haven't seen any other...

12:21

I'd like to see your favorite brands do that

12:23

because I haven't seen that anywhere. So I'm super

12:25

excited about it. We put this non-irritating retinol called

12:27

Simony HPR, which I feel like is just going

12:30

to switch up the game because it's non-irritating

12:32

so you can use it AMPM, Bioavailable, left

12:35

conversion stab. So for anyone who is

12:37

like, I can't use retinol. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

12:39

think it's a really good starter. Ok,

12:41

that's nice. Just a quick question. Because you know Okra

12:43

is kind of like through me. Is

12:46

that what I initially wanted? Because

12:49

you know how people slug? Yeah. Like vegan

12:51

slugging could be a thing with Okra, right?

12:53

Because you have that same texture. It's like,

12:56

what are you getting out of the

12:58

slug? Which grosses me out anyways. You

13:00

get the same benefits. I wanted to retain that slime,

13:02

but that's really hard to do by the time you

13:04

get the outfit out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it

13:06

still has a beautiful glass-like finish in the same way

13:08

that if you literally rub Okra on your hands, put

13:10

it on your skin. Yeah, you can give none of

13:12

them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was sitting in my kitchen

13:14

being like, my mother-in-law was nagging me about my Okra

13:17

stew and I was like, you know what? I bet this

13:19

is good for your skin. No, no. I've got...

13:21

Now I can use Okra stew though. Yeah, yeah, no. I

13:23

can... I mean, it feels really like

13:26

my dad used to do this really weird thing. So

13:28

Okra normally had it with like solids, but he used

13:30

to have it with white rice. That's what it was

13:32

like, that's what it was like. Really? Yeah. That's

13:35

what my dad used to do. And like every time I

13:37

see a point, my mom's going to think it was disgusting

13:39

as a kid, what it was with white rice. Like, it's

13:41

meant to be... I've never had it fried. I have had

13:43

it fried. I really like it fried. I have had

13:45

it fried at a restaurant, but I... I've had it

13:47

fried at a restaurant, but I... Oh my

13:50

God, wait, wait. Was it the shroom? It was

13:52

the shroom. No, it wasn't. It was another place.

13:54

It was another local place in South London. You

13:56

didn't like it? I just...

13:58

I don't like the place. I didn't like

14:00

the added. My face it, if I'm sounds

14:02

easy it for other purposes you know, I'm

14:04

really happy about i feel like the old

14:06

fogy out as node me he suggests same

14:08

with the food I'm from. Funds would be

14:11

so happy housing and bad to be other

14:13

bag regents now. We be

14:15

a bit like oh as yeah my mom is even

14:17

though for one another human a suit up in a.

14:20

Mood? Yes. And

14:22

officers about this is a rattle ever used

14:25

to say about a lot of as sort

14:27

of. Pan. African cultures? Yeah yeah exactly

14:29

like when I was growing up as the music

14:31

was not yet home. And how good is another?

14:33

That's with saying in on the radio. if I

14:35

will guide you, teach them and are behaving. Know

14:38

a i lot on how while no one could ever

14:40

hope would you updated eyes it would be a thing

14:42

when I was going up to than I am told

14:44

me that now is not when. It was like

14:46

Abdullah been insisting that avail but we

14:49

didn't I will say as said he

14:51

was ago he was a book Absolute

14:53

makes it any more of the if

14:55

I got going on Saigon satellites. And

14:57

I would help to your Finca isn't as as actually

14:59

to go to watch your mouth and I'm one of

15:01

our parliament today. I love that have this works is

15:03

will be the Panama and will depart as he get

15:06

I hundreds them so canadian and so glass half full.

15:08

I'm just gonna tell you what it's all right I'm

15:10

good at china family it really isn't allowed. yeah you

15:12

have to be honest. Yeah so the about you see

15:14

if planes how can they can. Like Audrey

15:16

Fast Animal says. That Emma. And.

15:19

Can hike our allies. I

15:21

really wish I was. Kid

15:23

at the hobby stocks and thing but sobs

15:25

he by more. Pressing the com your way

15:28

in Jesus' name A man okay so

15:30

is this is long by everything these

15:32

days to seems. Law on.

15:34

The. Twenty nine year old black guy

15:36

who enjoys making contents the content is

15:38

fashion skyn cast lifestyle. On a Budget. Saw.

15:41

These Haim. These people pocket aimed the same

15:43

as much as I can have been on

15:45

and off with my son's head of that.

15:47

That's not the simply because I'm inconsistent apart

15:49

because I so ugly. Like

15:52

all the time I feel oddly. That.

15:54

Story I was and still am. The guys in

15:56

Doesn't. Get girls or guys laugh out loud yet.

15:59

He's. Already. flag but that's neither

16:01

here nor there. All my life I've been told

16:03

you'll be better if you do this change that.

16:06

When I go out with friends girls literally come up

16:08

to my guys and make themselves available but with me

16:10

you can tell it's a pity conversation or they make

16:12

it so obvious they're not interested. I know you're

16:15

thinking what does this have to do with that but

16:17

I say all of this to ask how do I

16:19

not be the ugly friend? How do I get out

16:22

of my ugly stage? Laugh out live right now I

16:24

can see all these faces looking at the camera with

16:26

that well it is what it is.

16:28

I don't personally think I'm ugly

16:30

but it seems like

16:32

everyone's reaction to both my content and me

16:34

physically in person makes me seem ugly. Figuestay

16:38

from the maybe ugly duckling. I honestly

16:41

think a chapter that

16:43

is such an attitude

16:52

thing. I think it's how you cover yourself

16:54

it's how you maneuver

16:57

in life. I think it's so much

16:59

about that and also you have to

17:01

remember the self-concentrated thing and putting yourself

17:03

out there it will make you... I

17:05

said it in the group the other day I

17:07

was like when I look at a picture too long I'm like

17:09

this is disgusting. Literally I'll be fine with it and then I'll

17:12

stare at it for like 30 minutes and I

17:14

pick up every single thing anyone can say wrong

17:16

with it before anybody else says anything. So I

17:19

think that's what it is when you're putting yourself

17:21

out there in the content world it

17:23

feels like your your parents have been judged. Yeah

17:25

and also I don't think we're supposed to

17:27

look at ourselves as much as

17:30

we do. Honestly. And now especially

17:32

if you're making content I feel like even if

17:34

someone that's not making content we see ourselves so

17:36

often but when you're making content especially if

17:38

you're editing videos or you know you're uploading

17:40

things you're constantly looking at stuff you have

17:42

to go through the content. It's not there

17:44

and I feel like naturally... I

17:47

remember when I first had like my first pat pictures and stuff

17:49

I was like that's what the back of my head looks like.

17:52

I'm not meant to see all these different kinds

17:54

of things. Yeah. I love myself. You know what

17:56

I mean? I guess we see the absolutes as

17:58

well. Yeah. Especially Monday. I don't know

18:01

if you notice in LA they all

18:03

look really amazing. Yeah, they're good. They're

18:05

good. They're good. It's

18:07

just honestly, it's an attitude thing. Like you said,

18:10

you don't think you're ugly, so why are you

18:12

sitting in this? I think sometimes we tell ourselves

18:14

true stories. Like, as in, tell

18:16

yourself a true narrative. It's the same one as people

18:18

are like, oh, I don't have anyone. You

18:20

do. I'm by yourself. You're not.

18:22

I'm ugly. You know

18:24

you're not ugly. Stop wearing clothes that don't

18:26

fit. It might have fit before. It's what my therapist

18:28

told me once about myself. She was like, you keep

18:30

trying to put on jeans that you were wearing when

18:32

you were 18. It

18:35

doesn't fit you anymore. Take that label

18:37

off and rework a new

18:39

label. Buy new jeans. Like,

18:43

do things that fit who you are now. And

18:45

that's what I would say. And do things that make you

18:48

feel good. Because when you feel good, I don't even know

18:50

that you look good. Yeah, 100%. You always

18:52

talk about aesthetic. Not everyone is for

18:54

you. I feel like we also need to

18:56

accept that not everybody. I feel like you

18:58

walk into a space and you want

19:00

everyone to find you attractive. But it's just not

19:03

going to be the case. There's

19:05

going to be somewhere you go where

19:07

everybody loves your look. They value you

19:09

and they appreciate you. And maybe when you're at

19:11

with your friends in those spaces, you're

19:14

just not their type. And that's okay. Yeah. We

19:16

move. Go where you appreciate it. Exactly.

19:19

Go where you're celebrating, not celebrating. Yeah. I

19:22

don't know how to find that. Yeah, exactly. I'm just like,

19:25

I don't want to. Yeah. Exactly.

19:27

It's only black girls in places. You know that this is not my

19:29

audience. Exactly. I'm like, no, that's not real. The

19:31

moment I realize it's not me, it's just I'm in spaces that

19:33

are not for me. Yeah.

19:38

And I started placing myself in place.

19:40

Like, listen, I used to be, I

19:42

used to get no love. I grew up in Essex.

19:44

I predominantly white schools. No one ever fancied me. I

19:46

remember being in like year six and actually asking myself,

19:49

who's going to love me? Like at 11 years old, I asked

19:51

myself, I was like, oh my God, who's going to love me?

19:53

And then when I got to uni, I was like, I don't know. I

19:56

got the uni. I got the uni. And

20:00

I was quite cleaning up, and I honestly, and I remember the

20:02

summer, I didn't know how to act, so I was quite cleaning

20:04

up. And I remember I got home

20:06

and I had gone to uni, this like, nerdy

20:08

little girl who was never left Woodford, you know,

20:10

never left Ettie, and I came back a baddie,

20:12

and my sister was like, and I remember being at

20:14

home, like, from uni, just on my phone, my sister

20:17

was like, who are you talking to? I was just

20:19

like, keeping, staying for a while. And

20:22

I was like, thank you for holding them for a time.

20:25

Like, literally there was so many

20:27

guys on my line, and my

20:29

sister was like, who are you?

20:33

But what I went where I was celebrated

20:35

and appreciated, I realised there was nothing ugly

20:37

about me, I was like, in the wrong place, in the wrong

20:39

place. So

20:41

yeah, good. And on the main content, your

20:43

audience will find you. Like, I already find

20:45

you, your audience will absolutely find you, so

20:47

you're not ugly, I'm sitting there. OK? Right,

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community relations by responsibility. Hi,

21:51

beautiful ladies. Let me start by giving you

21:53

your flowers. You are amazing, beautiful women, and

21:56

deserve nothing but success. Out to

21:58

my dilemma. Hopefully it will be short. For

22:00

context, I mixed African and white in my

22:02

early 20s, and my boyfriend is

22:04

a white European in his early 30s. All

22:07

our relationship, the most part, is happy

22:09

and loving, and we have hit some

22:11

pretty major milestones together. I love

22:14

my boyfriend. However, I have this

22:16

nagging voice in the back of my head.

22:19

Since I was a little girl, around 10 or

22:21

even younger, my dad, he was African, has told

22:23

me he would love me to marry someone from

22:25

his home country. If not, then at

22:28

least African, and if not African, I'm

22:30

sorry. What kind of... Your

22:33

dad has my cheekbones. Your mum's white. Sorry.

22:38

You don't have any... Sorry?

22:41

Shut up. I do feel like that pretty

22:43

much answers that one. I know.

22:45

He has also told me this countless, and I've

22:47

never heard him say anything similar to my oldest

22:49

brothers. Also, my dad, primarily, dates

22:51

white women and I've phoned in my older

22:53

brothers. A part of me understanding

22:56

where he's coming from, as all of his

22:58

children are mixed, and will most likely have

23:00

very fair grandchildren. So I guess he says,

23:02

there's no African identity. And he couldn't have

23:04

cared that much. Exactly. In the generations to

23:06

come, especially as he has not taught us

23:08

a lot about heritage, I can't

23:10

help but feel like I'm letting the side down by

23:12

dating a white man. I have this nagging feeling that

23:15

I'm disappointed in my dad and she looked for someone

23:17

who did my own ethnic group. My

23:19

dad tells me that he's happy as long

23:21

as I am happy. However, after years of

23:23

being told to date within my race and

23:25

that I'll be setting the standards for my

23:27

younger sisters, I find it hard to believe.

23:29

I will defend the fact that it's affecting

23:31

my relationship. Any advice would be greatly

23:34

appreciated now and loyal listener. So yes, about no

23:36

question, my younger sister is 14 and I want

23:38

to introduce her to the podcast at WebR. I

23:40

wonder if she's too young for some content. Yeah,

23:42

wait till she's like- Yeah, exactly. Leave it out

23:44

for now. Give it out for now. Not

23:46

enough. She's too young and reasonable. That's like her child's away from

23:48

me. Yeah. But yeah, so-

23:52

Well, I can kind of relate

23:54

to this. Okay. I think someone from

23:56

the Somali community, Somali is generally Mary Somali. That's

23:58

the thing, right? I

24:00

remember it was like a big thing,

24:02

particularly my family, when I married outside

24:04

of my group. And Somalis

24:07

are very particular about literally marrying, not just

24:09

Somalis, but within your tribe within you. Like,

24:11

it's a whole thing. And I

24:13

was so nervous to like, tell my mom. I mean,

24:15

I feel her, I

24:17

feel her pain. But at the end of the day, I found

24:20

someone who I love so much. And we related

24:22

in so many other ways. Like he's African, I'm

24:24

African, he's Muslim. Like, I think that

24:27

was so much more important to me. And when I

24:29

built up that courage and was finally had the conversation

24:31

with her to hear her say, I'm so happy that

24:33

you're happy. It just let that

24:35

voice go out of my head. And I feel like

24:37

until she has a conversation with him, like straight up,

24:39

this is what you told me my whole life. And

24:41

now it's affecting my relationship. She might get

24:43

a different answer. Yeah, absolutely. I

24:46

feel like you've got good leverage

24:48

because your dad is being a big hit right

24:50

now. So

24:52

you can probably lead with that. But one thing I've

24:55

realised is getting older is that like, you know, your

24:57

parents can put things on you, but ultimately it's your

24:59

life. And it's like,

25:02

I, you have to get to a point where

25:04

you have to cut the cord, like, and you just have to

25:06

live yourself. You just have

25:08

to because ultimately your dad can want things for you.

25:10

And I feel like there's a difference between your

25:12

parents forcing something on you and them putting their suggestions

25:14

out there. And if so long as it's not for

25:16

it doesn't sound like your dad's forcing and it sounds

25:18

like you just have like this desire to want to

25:20

please your parents. And I get that that's innate, especially

25:23

when your parents have been given, you want to make them

25:25

proud. But ultimately you're going to fall in love with who

25:27

you fall in love with. And you might happen to just

25:29

fall in love with someone from your tribe or whatever, or

25:31

you know, where you're from your specific country. But

25:33

I wouldn't lead with that. You have to lead with your

25:35

own happiness. And then your parents want

25:37

to have to come secondary. And

25:40

also you could date someone in your culture and

25:42

still lose your culture with your children. Like, you

25:44

know, it's up to you. Exactly. Exactly.

25:47

And I thought that maybe sometimes you might be more

25:49

inclined. And I feel like your dad's projecting because maybe

25:51

he hasn't held on to his culture a little bit

25:53

by dating out and trying to put that onto you.

25:56

But it's up to it. It's down to you as the

25:58

individual who like how you hold on. your culture.

26:00

I don't think dating within your culture makes you more.

26:02

You don't have to carry the weight of your lineage.

26:05

Yeah, no you don't. You actually don't. You actually don't.

26:07

You actually don't. You're

26:09

black people carry on the heavy lifting of the back

26:11

of your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. And it

26:13

doesn't stop and start with you and your family. Like

26:15

you really drop that weight.

26:17

That's way too much for sure. It's very true

26:19

like you are in a happy relationship. You didn't say

26:21

anything about the relationship being weird because of your cultural

26:24

difference. Yeah. The fact you said it was great. Yeah.

26:26

So go into that and you're lucky to

26:28

be in a family that it's been accepted. Some people in

26:30

their lifetimes are like we don't do this in our family.

26:32

Like you said, like it was so new for you to

26:34

be like hey I met someone that's single. Your dad has done

26:36

it before. So I don't carry

26:39

that weight. If you love the person you're

26:41

with and you're happy where you are, drop that.

26:43

My mum wanted me to be a doctor. Yeah.

26:45

I can't spell scapulars folks.

26:47

I can't even pronounce it.

26:50

Many things I mum wanted but it's not that. My

26:52

mum wanted me to be married at 24. I'm

26:55

34. I understand these troubles. It's

26:58

fine. Nothing happens. Don't like stop carrying

27:01

that weight. It's absolutely fine. And they'll honestly go.

27:03

It'll be fine. I know sometimes they can like

27:05

weaponise like emotions and stuff like that and it

27:07

can make you feel like if you don't do

27:09

this thing you're going to make them unhappy

27:11

or they're not going to be as positive. I

27:13

promise you there's nothing that a good mum or

27:15

a good parent wants to see in their child's

27:17

happiness. You know what I mean? And I feel

27:19

like once you're that which you are, then that

27:21

will come first and he'll let all the other

27:23

stuff go eventually. Have a look when your partner

27:25

met your parents. They actually met

27:27

by accident. Okay. It's kind of

27:29

a crazy story but I was picking up my

27:31

mum and Idris messaged

27:34

me and he's like hey could you drop something

27:36

off at my trailer because he'd left something

27:38

in the house and I was like all right and I hadn't told

27:40

my mum at this point. I was even talking to him. I mean

27:42

she kind of had an idea because I was never home. Yeah. Somewhere. I

27:44

was like in my head I was like okay I'm gonna park like

27:46

a little

27:48

bit away and then they won't see each other. It'd be fine.

27:50

Like that would no intention for them to meet at that point.

27:52

Oh my gosh. And then I get out

27:55

the car and I go this way around his trailer.

27:57

He goes this way and him and my

27:59

mum meet up. And I'm knocking on his cellos. This is like

28:01

a good like minute of being like, why didn't you ask him

28:03

to do it? And I come back around to go back to

28:05

the car. Like literally when I gave up and they're there chatting.

28:07

And I was like, ah. But

28:09

the craziest part was my mom had like

28:11

gone back to school to,

28:14

you know, refine her English and stuff like that. Like do stuff she

28:16

couldn't do because she had us. And she

28:18

did an essay the week before on Idris.

28:22

Like it was like, talk about somebody who's inspired

28:24

you. Oh, but you were taking him. No. That's

28:27

why she was okay with it. No, I had to. I

28:31

had to still have that

28:33

conversation when I was getting serious.

28:35

But she was like, she literally thought

28:37

he'd just shown up. And then

28:40

she started to push me. She was like, hey, I'm a big fan of yours.

28:44

I just wrote about you. It

28:46

was so funny. So mortifying. Oh

28:50

my God. He was like,

28:52

bloody makeup on from the still. So

28:54

funny. I'm

28:56

on this is my boyfriend. I

28:58

didn't actually say that the whole way. I

29:02

didn't do that. He was like, go on girl.

29:08

Go on girl. All right. Next

29:12

time. Next dilemma. Hey

29:14

girl, love your podcast and enjoy listening on

29:16

my car rides to work. My man

29:18

and I have been together for two years and we are both 22. We

29:21

went out on Valentine's Day for dinner, which didn't go

29:23

well. We had a horrible time.

29:25

The conversation was not flowing like usual, which

29:27

made my mood go down a little on our

29:30

car ride back home. He told me that he

29:32

had noticed the change in my mood and that he

29:34

wanted us to have a good time, but clearly the

29:36

night got ruined. We spoke about it the next day

29:38

and things were back to normal. OK. However,

29:43

there are a couple of things that have

29:45

been bothering me that he had

29:47

done since then. He posted a story saying

29:49

good morning before even sending me a text,

29:51

which he usually does each morning. He went

29:53

to see his friends at a house party

29:55

with, without, and didn't mention

29:57

it to me until I asked him

29:59

about. when last he was in contact with

30:01

his friend. It's not that somebody's done this, which

30:03

I have told him I don't like, as I'd like

30:06

to know what he's up to since

30:08

we don't live together. We talked several

30:10

times today, so

30:12

I don't understand why he didn't mention that he went

30:14

to be his friend at the house party. I'm starting

30:17

to get concerned that my mood swings have started to

30:19

put him off and he might be doing something shady.

30:21

Ladies, should I be concerned or am I tripping? Can

30:24

I just say one thing? Yes. I

30:26

get so frustrated when people percolate thoughts. Have

30:29

you had a conversation? Have you asked? We

30:31

build this stuff up in our heads so

30:33

much. You don't know until you say something.

30:36

He might be thinking something completely different. He might have

30:38

done something and he didn't even realize that hurt him

30:40

in some way. Don't let

30:43

it percolate. Yeah, exactly. I hardly agree with

30:45

that. I'm so big on communication. Hey, I

30:47

feel like there's myself. Or

30:49

I know the mood recently is not affecting anything.

30:51

Or as in what it is, do you know what I

30:53

hate though? Sometimes I don't sound good at immature. It's like

30:55

I can't help my mood and I hate when

30:58

my mood is a good thing. But that's all.

31:00

I just want to be this person. You can't

31:02

even perform. I can't perform. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

31:04

can't perform. I can't even be perform. I'm

31:06

trying to be happy but I can't. That's

31:08

an expectation. It happens. But

31:10

that's why communication is so important. Exactly. Because you

31:12

can say, look, I'm so sorry. It's not you.

31:14

I've just been having one of those days. Yeah,

31:16

definitely. I think she's jumping the gun massively. Massive.

31:19

There's so much in between. You had a horrible date

31:21

night and he's doing something shady. There's

31:23

so many things that need to be discussed, explored,

31:25

brought up before you can even possibly put

31:28

that on him. And I don't really usually

31:30

like to give men the benefit of the doubt. But

31:32

on this one, I wouldn't lead with that. I wouldn't

31:34

go straight to that. Yes. You

31:36

need to talk to this guy. Get it off your chest. Tell

31:39

him how you're feeling. Find out what he's saying.

31:41

Chance is why he's probably just trying to avoid you

31:43

because you've been moody. You've been moody. Yeah. And

31:46

you're getting me in the back of him having a

31:48

trickle down effect because you're getting moodier. The moodier you

31:50

are, the shadier he's getting. Yeah, yeah. It's all just

31:52

all over the place. That's good. It's good

31:54

to talk. Yeah. That was a good

31:56

thing. Stop. This

31:58

is such a nice place to come for advice. We've

32:01

actually got these ones there. Sometimes

32:03

they're a bit old. We've

32:07

had two weeks that you'll be like, I've got a kid but I

32:09

don't think it's my partner. The paternity

32:11

thing. Yeah, it's been. They were that, so you

32:13

know, we're giving it to you nice and easy.

32:16

Hi big sisters, I hope you're both having

32:18

a wonderful day. Congratulations to all of you,

32:20

you're a beautiful baby. A fantastic success and

32:22

joy to continue to the place of you,

32:24

you deserve it. So my partner

32:26

and I have been together for five years. We live

32:28

together, etc. I'm a communicator, I

32:31

like to talk, he's the opposite. This

32:33

is often a point of contention in our relationship

32:35

because he uses fewer words than me and sometimes

32:38

won't bring things up that he should. I'm also

32:40

the extra person in the relationship that gets things

32:42

done and pants tripped, etc. Now,

32:44

let me tell you, since she puts in

32:47

caps, the dawn of time. I've

32:51

told this man that the best gift he could

32:53

give me is to write me a card or

32:55

a letter telling me how he feels about me

32:57

and why he loves me. To me, this is

33:00

not a big deal, it's an easy ask. And

33:02

I tell him how I feel about him just

33:04

because it's the Tuesday. So really, you're getting off

33:06

lightly for birthdays and Christmas, LOL. So Valentine's

33:09

Day has caused many issues. Come and see Valentine's Day.

33:11

I booked the rest of the month for us to

33:13

go to, which I don't mind doing, as

33:15

he clearly wasn't going to take the initiative to do it. And

33:18

I said to him, have Valentine's Day idea, why don't

33:20

we write each other letters? To

33:23

which he responded, well, you ruined it now, because that's what I

33:25

was going to do. I don't want to

33:27

do something just because you say I

33:29

have to. I hate men's letters. Yeah,

33:31

they'll just come back for no reason. Just

33:34

write the damn letter. Just write it. Honestly, I was

33:36

very shocked and really upset. It felt like he was

33:38

creating a reason in his head to not do it.

33:40

And he often reacts badly when I tell him how

33:42

I'd like to be loved, Iyer, like flowers. The

33:45

bell will never get me flowers, no matter how many times I

33:47

tell him. And we spoke

33:49

about his reaction more. Oh, that's

33:52

such a subtle amazing thing. So I got back to his reaction

33:54

more and he said that he didn't feel any type of way

33:56

about it. But it's not a big deal. And that it felt

33:58

as if I was telling him how to be loved. him what

34:00

to do. Fast forward to Valentine's Day. I'm

34:02

waiting at home for him to get back from work

34:04

so we can go for dinner. His train is late.

34:06

He gets back 15 minutes before we have to leave.

34:09

He's rushing to get ready and then we go. On the

34:11

train there he hands me a shiny

34:13

enamelade but let him inside. I started

34:16

crying immediately because I was so happy

34:18

that he finally did it what I've

34:20

been wanting for years. The

34:22

writing on the paper is in pink and

34:24

I start to notice that he has pink

34:26

ink all over his hands. Girls, I know

34:28

for a fact he came home and quickly

34:31

wrote it in five minutes left before we

34:33

had to leave. When I asked

34:35

him this he told me a stupid lie that

34:38

was easy to see through. Plus I find all

34:40

the stuff he had written on the table when

34:42

we got home later. Left it was sweet but

34:44

I could tell it was rushed. Girl you got it. My

34:47

God. He

34:52

does make an effort and do cute things for my

34:54

birthday but aside from that I feel like the effort

34:56

to make romance and actually listening to what I'm saying

34:58

and I know I need to feel love is not

35:01

all the way there. We have a beautiful relationship but

35:03

I feel like he's so easily pleased in the relationship

35:05

that he doesn't really get it when I

35:07

ask for more. The fact that he wrote it in

35:09

five minutes makes me feel like it was homeless he

35:11

didn't want to do and didn't take seriously. Also he

35:13

thinks that I get annoyed too easily and I've got

35:15

him about a lot of small things so I'm hesitant

35:17

to bring it up to him as if he is

35:19

being told that I am a diva. I'm not a

35:22

diva at all by the way. I'm very low maintenance

35:24

compared to the other girls. Should

35:26

I be happy that you even did it or just keep quiet

35:28

or should I voice how I feel? This is an

35:30

indication of a bigger problem in our relationship.

35:32

Thanks Névranse. Love you both. Wow. Okay. Oh

35:35

that's a lot. Well I

35:38

think a couple of things. I think when

35:40

two people don't speak the same love language you

35:43

need to recognize that and not expect the other

35:45

person to fit into your box. That

35:48

is so toxic because he's just going to build

35:50

expectation after expectation and what's he feeling on the

35:52

other side? I can never make her happy. Exactly.

35:55

And can you imagine from his side that would

35:57

suck. I mean I could just imagine on the

35:59

bus he's thinking, oh, but I really wanted to do this.

36:01

I'm doing this for you. It's

36:04

not something I need from you. Yeah.

36:06

So I kind

36:08

of want to say that they need to have some serious

36:10

conversation. This isn't about the

36:12

Valentine's Day letter. Because I think he's doing all the

36:14

things he's trying. He's maxing himself out for how much

36:16

effort he can do. And if that's not enough for

36:18

you, that's OK, by the way. I'm not saying that

36:20

you should have to take less. That's OK if that's

36:22

not enough for you. But if it's not enough for

36:25

you, consider do you want to be in this? If

36:27

you're not being loved, how you want to be loved?

36:29

Yeah, I do think, though, I'm not trying to be horrible.

36:31

But I do think because I was going to say exactly what Breena

36:34

said, like literally, their love languages

36:36

are not the same. And he could easily turn around and just

36:38

be like, you know what, I'm not a Words of Affirmation guy.

36:40

I don't have it in me and not do it. But the

36:42

fact that he did

36:44

and he tried, like me, the fact that like if

36:47

I've got a guy and I know

36:49

he is the complete polar opposite

36:51

to maybe being a bit soppy and he does

36:53

something, even if it was just a messy little

36:55

handwritten note five minutes before where I need to

36:57

go out, I would still be

36:59

happy that he's going out to do something

37:01

for me that doesn't come naturally to him.

37:04

And that for me, that's where I would

37:06

personally find the romance. The romance isn't in

37:08

like pages and pages of telling me how

37:10

amazing I am. It's the fact that I'm not this

37:12

person and I'm still going to do it because I

37:14

don't know you want to do that much joy. For

37:16

me, that would make me happy enough. But like Tony

37:18

said, Jim, have to settle if you think that there's

37:20

someone out there that can get it perfect to a

37:22

T, then completely.

37:24

But the relationship is beautiful.

37:27

Yeah. And she's generally really

37:29

happy. I don't know

37:31

if I. Yeah. I

37:33

also feel like even if she's happy now,

37:35

you know, that feeling of like when you're

37:37

the one spending of a background, a background,

37:40

you're being really flexible. You're changing things about

37:42

you. You are going to build resentment. And

37:44

even if she's happy now, she's not going

37:46

to appreciate it. Exactly. Very true. And that's

37:48

why I've always been fascinated by nice people.

37:51

Most nice people don't enjoy being nice. I

37:53

think I think I don't believe that I

37:55

can't live in a country that has kindness.

38:00

like in 18, niceness is

38:02

often performative and I often question that because I'm like do

38:04

you want to do this or do you want praise for

38:06

doing it? No!

38:10

I know what you mean. I

38:12

don't want to believe that. Because you're doing all these things, if

38:14

it came to you innately you won't be like I'm the one

38:16

all those looking things I'm the one. I

38:18

think for some people being nice and

38:20

people having moments of niceness I don't

38:22

think that people are nice all the time. I don't

38:25

think that's natural. Yeah, natural. Some

38:28

people really enjoy making other people feel good. Which

38:30

is fine but then don't complain like you're doing

38:32

it and not being single. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're

38:36

doing it in action personally. I know this

38:38

is the world I take and I do it all the time. But don't

38:40

be like it's always me doing stuff. You

38:42

said you like it. You said you're an

38:44

action person. Some people

38:46

do get off of giving and giving and then those people

38:48

aren't going to ask for anything in return because it's from

38:50

the heart. There's an episode of Friends

38:52

where they said there's no everything in life. I

38:56

mean, the episode then what? Jodie

38:58

and Phoebe were going back and forth because

39:00

Jodie was saying that there's no such thing

39:02

as a good deed. I believe that. That

39:05

there's not a single thing. I

39:07

don't believe it. I don't believe

39:10

it. What do you

39:12

find on this? Is there

39:14

a thing as a good deed? I think there is but you

39:16

can't prove that it's not selfish. Okay, why don't you believe that's

39:18

true? I don't think there's a

39:21

thing. I don't think you can do that.

39:23

I only don't believe it's true because I love

39:25

to do something nice for someone. I don't want

39:28

anything in return. What does

39:30

it feel good when you've done

39:32

that? It feels good. I see what you're saying.

39:35

It feels good because the other person feels good. So in a

39:37

way, is it selfish or is it just like would

39:40

you ever do something that actually would not make

39:42

you feel good but it makes the other person

39:44

feel good? I mean, I'm in a marriage. I

39:47

do not. I have

39:49

to say, I've probably made something good. Oh, time,

39:51

I love you. That

39:53

is my every time. That's

39:56

okay. But you do

39:58

compromise. Compromise everything. If you

40:00

look at a bigger picture for a side view, you're

40:02

doing that because you want to make it. Yeah, yeah,

40:04

yeah. Good because you believe in the relationship and you feel

40:06

the other person does the same. When it's

40:08

imbalanced like that is when it's,

40:10

I think, a big problem. But is it a problem that he wrote it

40:12

five minutes ago? No, because he's not

40:14

that person. He made an effort.

40:16

No, because exactly. Because I don't think if

40:19

it's not organic to him, it wouldn't have mattered

40:21

whether he wrote it two weeks before or five minutes

40:23

before. You weren't going to get the words of affirmation

40:25

to the level that you desire because he's not

40:27

that person. Do you know what I mean? I remember there

40:29

was an episode, sorry, there was an episode of Married

40:32

at First Sight and

40:35

they had to write the vows and the guy

40:37

wrote, downloaded the vow from the incident. And

40:41

the bride was really upset, but then I'm

40:43

like, but you'll also marry a complete stranger online.

40:46

How can you have expectations? What did you expect to say

40:48

she does not know you? Coming to

40:50

the altar to marry you. How did she know? She

40:52

was really offended. How did she find out? He said

40:54

it. He said it. He said, oh, you know,

40:56

I got my vows from online and she was really upset. You

40:59

don't have to be truthful. He did. He's not

41:01

every day honest with you, you could have paid that

41:03

that for a sated draft. At least he's honest. But

41:05

yeah, yeah, I wouldn't have, wouldn't have offended me. What's

41:07

your love language? I think it

41:10

actually is words of affirmation. Mine is too. I

41:12

don't think it is. I think it is. Action.

41:15

What's the word? Action. Action.

41:18

Action. I literally love an act. Access

41:20

service means change. Idris is access service. Do

41:22

it today. Put petrol in my car. Oh, God. Put

41:24

the bins out. Just little things, just things so I

41:27

don't have to do. I

41:29

don't even I feel bad because I don't notice that

41:31

stuff. I do. You

41:33

know, I really don't. You're thinking because I do it and

41:35

don't think about it. I will just do things like if

41:37

I see stuff on the ground, I'll just pick it up.

41:39

Yeah. Yeah. Someone

41:42

does it and they expect you to notice like, yeah,

41:44

you see that. I'm kind of oh, and then I

41:46

start to feel bad. I'm like, yeah, I'm kind of

41:48

the same because if someone says something to me, oh, my

41:50

God, I won't forget that shit. Right. I mean,

41:52

if someone gives me like a compliment or

41:54

gives me words of affirmation that can play

41:56

off my mind all day, I'll be so

41:58

happy. Like say for example,

42:00

like one time the lights on my vanity went

42:03

out, I came back and they were just six. Yeah.

42:06

In my mind, I'm just like, yeah, you're the man. Oh my God, that would have

42:08

been the happiest thing. You know what I mean? Like, I would have been so happy.

42:10

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

42:14

Kind of thing. But had there been a love night attached to

42:16

it? Oh my God. Yeah. I

42:18

would have been like, oh my man, my man. Do you want what you give? Like

42:20

what do you give? Finally question. What

42:23

do I give? Because I know

42:25

I'm, I'm a big, I want words of affirmation. I give words of

42:27

affirmation. But I try to

42:29

give touch more. I'm a very like

42:31

cuddly, like back rubs and my massages.

42:33

So I don't think you always give

42:35

what you want. I don't think

42:38

you should give what that person desires.

42:40

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's the best way to

42:42

do it. Exactly. As I'm getting older, I'm trying to

42:44

do that more because my husband, our love languages are very different. Like

42:46

he's a touch person and a quality time

42:48

person. Yeah. And I'm not,

42:51

not that I don't like time, but it's not like I

42:54

don't need loads of time kind of thing. I

42:56

know that he values that. So if it's like something

42:59

as simple as just sitting down and

43:01

watching Marvel, I don't like Marvel at all.

43:03

What? I'm not into it. I'm

43:05

not into superheroes and Marvel. But he loves

43:07

all of that. But if I sit

43:09

down and watch Iron Man with him, oh my God. Oh,

43:12

that's cute. You know what I mean? Not

43:14

that I don't. Yeah, I don't think you should do it.

43:16

It's like, it's all my civilians. I discovered

43:18

a new one recently that I never thought Gif was

43:20

a thing for me. I know I, I give gifts.

43:23

Yeah. I'd like to know, because I

43:25

think it's such an easy love language to fill. Yeah. It

43:28

doesn't require just give something. Yeah. And I

43:30

didn't think I was that bothered by it because I was like, it doesn't actually mean much

43:32

whatever. And I was told somebody recently and in that art or

43:34

something, they were like, oh, I'll buy you whatever you want. And I

43:36

basically had butterflies. I was like, oh my God, I'm a thief. That's

43:38

just good. I remember my formations. I was like,

43:40

I'm so happy. My

43:44

buddy loved that for you though. I'll buy you whatever you

43:46

want. I was like, how

43:48

are you a thief? I like that. I

43:50

love that. I love you. I

43:52

love you. I love the

43:54

gift. I did that. But it is an easy

43:56

nice thing to do. It's a nice thing to do. Yeah. and

44:00

like this person says they need this and the next time you

44:02

see them you've given it to them. Yeah that is, oh that

44:05

is very exciting. You mentioned that

44:07

your thing, here you are. Oh yeah. Even

44:09

if that's someone that you're not romantic with, like

44:11

even to a friend. Yeah absolutely. Yeah this is

44:13

a nice thing to do. Yeah. Right next dilemma.

44:16

Next dilemma. Okay so we're telling her, what are

44:18

we telling her? To just go. Oh

44:20

yeah, oh yeah. I think we

44:22

need to have a very serious conversation

44:24

outside of this one incident, whether she's

44:27

happy to stay in this

44:29

because she hasn't, I think she has to understand

44:31

that maybe he's just not that person. Yeah

44:34

and also how he feels about it. Yeah. Because I

44:36

think sometimes when you do like nag

44:38

all the time, that person eventually is like I'm never going to make you

44:40

happy. Yeah. Yeah just like. You want to make him feel like that? Yeah

44:42

like I'm never going to, what do you want from me? There's actually nothing

44:44

I can do to make you happy. So I think that's worth considering

44:47

his thoughts. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. Am I done? Am

44:50

I done? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah baby. ABC

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45:53

ladies. Hello. Love you both. You make

45:55

Mondays and Wednesdays that ever sweeter. Keep

45:57

shining in this piss pot of hell.

46:00

because your queen energy and honesty keep the

46:02

masses alive and well. Aww. That

46:05

worked. Now onto my goal.

46:16

Wait, say it

46:18

was light work would be a lie. And prior to

46:20

that, my partner never made comments about my weight gain

46:23

other than perhaps lower my BMI would increase

46:25

our chances of having a healthy baby. Agreed.

46:28

We're still in the baby making phase, which isn't as

46:30

easy as it was made out to be. It's

46:32

made me think about the importance of keeping an

46:34

active lifestyle and passing this message onto my children

46:36

one day. But how do I tell my partner

46:39

to go to the gym without telling him to

46:41

go to the gym? He

46:43

isn't overweight, but could become more

46:45

henny for the summer. Henny?

46:48

Is that a... I think that means hench. But it

46:50

makes sense. I think she means hench. Yeah.

46:52

Not the alcohol. I tried being passive

46:55

aggressive, banterful, direct, indirect, all the forms

46:57

of communication, but he's a stubborn boy.

46:59

I know this stems from his own

47:01

body issues, but I want him to

47:03

get fit and look good, Cha. Any

47:06

advice? P.S. he's a good man, so leaving isn't

47:08

an option. I'm sorry, because we want to leave you

47:10

fit. That's hard. I think

47:12

that's really hard. I don't know. You've done all the direct

47:14

things. You've done all of the things. She's done all of

47:16

the things. Oh, she's done direct things. Damn, I don't know

47:18

why. me

47:21

faithfully, and I'm still not going. But I genuinely think if you love

47:23

someone, you need to accept them for however they look, whenever they look. Yeah.

47:27

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

47:29

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

47:31

sorry. Yeah.

48:00

I don't actually know that a nice response would be

48:02

like, hey, I think you should go to the gym.

48:05

But I wonder if she's tried inviting him

48:08

to something together. Like maybe they could

48:10

pick up ten assassins together. Or, you know. Something that's ex-sus,

48:12

it doesn't feel like it. But you know what I think

48:14

is funny? Before I assumed,

48:16

before she did her health sickness,

48:19

they were being lazy together. Like, yeah, she never thought

48:22

anything wrong with her fitness experience. I assume. I

48:24

might be wrong. No, I think you're still here

48:26

for us. But I just assumed that before he

48:28

got into her fitness and wet air pod, now

48:30

that she's like, oh yeah, match me a bit.

48:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't think that's fair. I

48:35

remember I watched this, like, I think it was

48:37

a documentary about a guy who had murdered his wife.

48:40

It was a Hans-Paul Morgan. But

48:42

it was a true story in America. And the cops

48:44

said that they knew one of the signs that they

48:46

thought he was guilty with, because he'd

48:49

gotten fit and he'd gotten, and then he cheated. Yeah,

48:51

I watched that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when people get,

48:53

like, or have a big... When

48:56

it's not working out. When it's a killer, it can happen. No, not

48:58

that it's a killer. But

49:00

there tends to be more infidelity, because then they start seeing, well,

49:03

the other person's not matching my... And

49:06

that shook me. I would say, yeah, yeah, yeah.

49:08

I would say, yeah, yeah. It's a thing when, like, they start changing

49:10

their, like, the person they're with now doesn't feel... I'm going to

49:12

assume it's a men thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

49:14

yeah. But clearly, it happens to women sometimes. Oh

49:16

my God. I can imagine though,

49:18

she's felt like I've left all these ways. I've lost it.

49:20

I'm more healthy. She's thinking, why don't you want to be

49:23

on the same level? To be better, better as well. Yeah. Like,

49:26

maybe that's what it is. That's a techie one. You've done all

49:28

of the things. There's nothing else you can do. Yeah, because I would

49:30

just say sit him down and just tell him directly, depending on the

49:32

kind of relationship you have. Because some people have relationships

49:34

like that, where they can be like, bro, you're

49:37

putting on a few pounds. Yeah. So some people,

49:39

you have to be a bit more tactile about how you do it. But

49:42

this has done everything. Yeah. But

49:44

I wonder when she says direct, has she just been like, oh,

49:46

you should go to the gym. Or, hey, it's just making me

49:48

feel like, you know, I want to be more attracted to you.

49:50

I wonder how that conversation. I also

49:52

know. I mean, you're taking it to some of us. You're a

49:54

dissident. Yeah. Your magazine

49:56

is a magazine. You

50:00

don't have to have a conversation like, hey, I'd like you to be more

50:02

attractive. But if you really don't want to her,

50:04

then you need to just say it. You should be comfortable.

50:06

I'm going to have to say it. I've lost it. All

50:09

right. We've all seen it. I'm not. I've

50:12

not. I'm not. Actually, no, that's actually

50:14

a perfect example. Because someone that used to have it

50:16

and now loses it is like, shit, like, you

50:19

can go back there. I may just not have lost it. I

50:21

like to think that I would love him cuddly as well. But

50:24

I would genuinely say, look, I

50:28

want to set myself up. I set

50:30

myself up. It would be

50:32

in the world of, look,

50:35

fitness is something we used to really enjoy together. And

50:37

I miss you taking care of yourself. And

50:40

I feel like I just want to make sure from the

50:42

health perspective that you're OK. It does actually bother me sometimes.

50:44

I think this is something we could do together. You

50:47

don't, I'm healthy. There's nothing wrong with health.

50:50

No one's told you I'm sick. I'm not in a

50:52

film right now. I'm

50:55

not acting right now. I've just got some time off. I

50:57

don't want to work out. Fair enough. But if you just

50:59

put it how it is, you will think about it, right? Yeah,

51:01

it will say in your head. And I think it is if

51:03

you say it just doesn't care. But do you know? Because what

51:06

if her director was like, oh, do you want to go to

51:08

the gym? Yeah, exactly. You can't be

51:10

like it. No, you can't be passive.

51:12

You have told him how it makes

51:14

you feel. Yeah, absolutely. A suggestion. Yeah.

51:16

Yeah. To try the direct. But it's bothering

51:18

her enough that she wrote to you. Yeah. It's boring.

51:20

Yeah. I think the thing I can just think about

51:23

is like going to work out together. And

51:26

then you like that? No, because then maybe she could suggest

51:28

that. Because I would hate, I don't like working out with

51:30

people. And maybe it doesn't need to be gym gym. It

51:32

could be lifestyle. It's not the right thing to do. Yeah.

51:34

Because being active is a lifestyle. It's not just about. Yeah.

51:36

And who does the cooking in the house? Maybe you should

51:38

just make the meals a little bit healthier. Yeah.

51:40

Oh, yeah. As well. It's so madder than

51:42

me. It's so madder than me. I know.

51:44

I see. You know? Yeah. How they can

51:46

eat it. Exactly. More clean. Because my

51:48

brother-in-law is convinced he hates onions and he

51:51

never eats onions. They were trying to see

51:53

my sister's like, yeah, chill. She

51:55

was like, there's an onion in every one of us.

51:57

Yeah, exactly. I don't know how to

51:59

cook that. I don't know what he said. I've

52:02

never had onions with this stuff and I hate them.

52:05

She's like, for sure. Do you think you were

52:07

back in? There was something to eat onions there. I

52:10

knew it really isn't everything. I get a lot

52:12

of onions. Most meals I start by chopping garlic

52:14

and onions. I don't know. If someone told me

52:16

you were going to hate onions, I'd be like...

52:18

I don't know how to cook it out. Unless

52:20

I'm making a cake. I don't know where to

52:22

be. Yeah, I know. And when you start chopping

52:24

onions, there's a smell of why you're onion. It's

52:26

like you were doing the most onion. You're a

52:28

Michelin-star chef. I know what you're doing. I know

52:30

nothing is cocky. It's just onions and garlic in

52:32

a pot. It's so powerful now. So so does.

52:34

So powerful. Right, next item up. Oh,

52:37

God, OK. Oh, no. Hi, girlies. Please

52:40

keep me anonymous. You've never said anyone's name ever. I

52:42

wanted to see your views on the situation. Me

52:44

and my friend of five years went on

52:46

holiday to Spain. My friend was the

52:48

lead passenger. So a lot of information about our activities.

52:51

We bought sweats for her. We missed one of the

52:53

trips. I was excited for, but I admit I was

52:55

a bitch and acted along with his

52:57

situation. As I blamed her for us missing the

52:59

trip and said that if I was a lead

53:01

passenger, I would have made sure that we got

53:03

there on time because I would

53:05

have taken on extra sense of responsibility. Me

53:08

and my friend's answer could be quite harsh. So my

53:10

attitude and words at the time I didn't think would

53:12

affect her. When I said it, she didn't make

53:14

a fuss or any indication that she was annoyed. The

53:17

holiday carried on as normal. On the way home,

53:19

I brought up the moment and apologized if I wasn't nice.

53:21

Reflecting back, my period came a week after I saw my

53:23

Nima hormones played a part in me. She

53:26

took the apology well. We heard everything was fine. However,

53:28

a week later, she sent me a message and that she doesn't

53:30

want to talk to me again. Oh, and

53:33

we haven't spoken in over a year. Oh, wow. Last

53:36

month I called her to reach out and apologize again and see

53:38

if we could make amends. She

53:40

was driving at the time, but she answered the call but said

53:42

she would call me back. What didn't? I

53:45

think you don't forget about a call like that.

53:47

So I believe it was intentional that she didn't call

53:49

me back. This is the only blip in our friendship.

53:51

And if she was on the other foot, I don't

53:53

think I would have significantly cut a lot of friendship.

53:56

I understand that people are not perfect

53:58

and think too many times. We give our

54:01

boyfriends grace and we'll kick our friend to

54:03

the curb and didn't even hear them out

54:05

I think I deserve another chance every business

54:07

adventure family function birthday I've celebrated with her

54:09

and I've been her biggest cheater So it's

54:12

so hurtful because none of that was second

54:14

in consideration. What do you think? Wait,

54:16

so the whole passenger thing so she was

54:18

the leader on the holiday. Yeah, and then

54:20

she snapped at her Yeah, so

54:22

do you know how she wasn't the lead on the holiday?

54:24

So, do you know how you fought the Harvies in truth?

54:28

Yeah And then let's say I missed that flight number I'll

54:30

tell you if I want to organize this, you would be

54:32

the best I thought maybe in harsh shape I feel her

54:34

friend is too harsh I think so But

54:37

also, as someone that's kind

54:39

of been in the position of someone that

54:41

has to cut someone off I think

54:43

that this was a build up and that passenger

54:45

thing was That's not the reason I think that

54:48

that was all that broke the camel's back for

54:50

her Maybe And if she's guilty of anything, it's

54:52

of not communicating Because I always think you should

54:54

tell people what they've done to you I think it's

54:56

so unfair to just those people cut them off and

54:58

they don't know what they've done But I could almost

55:00

guarantee you that was a short break the camel's back

55:02

That's probably been their dynamic in their friendship for a

55:04

long time And she didn't even realize and I

55:06

think for her to realize that actually in this situation

55:09

I maybe I went a bit too far You've probably

55:11

been doing that your whole friendship and she's had enough

55:13

and she's cut you off Like I can almost guarantee

55:15

it because that happened to me But I

55:17

had to cut someone off like that Yeah exactly,

55:20

it's nice to be done with you But

55:23

what should she have given you the opportunity

55:25

to address it? Absolutely And that hurts,

55:27

I'm sorry I'm sorry sis Yeah that's not nice

55:29

It's been a reoccurring thing even in my life

55:32

recently There's always a fun I speak about here

55:34

that I like We were best friends, grew up

55:36

together and then we don't talk anymore And I

55:38

saw her very recently that ran into each other

55:40

And it was just really emotional and really

55:42

like in that moment And then I was

55:45

like I'm gonna call you and I haven't

55:47

And I can't get myself to do

55:49

it But in that friendship did you guys naturally

55:51

grow apart or was there a thing? No there was a thing

55:54

Okay, fair Yeah yeah there was a thing And

55:56

I think you should take that in that she hasn't called

55:58

you because she doesn't want it anymore Yeah sure And

56:00

it's sad. And maybe

56:02

she like answered, cause I think if she ever called

56:04

me, I'd answer. Cause it'd be like, hey, are you

56:06

okay? Cause it feels like innate love, but you have

56:08

to make sure that person is okay. And if it

56:10

was like, I think of she needed me, I

56:12

would go. Losing sense is so hard.

56:14

Yeah, yeah, because it's so hard. But I think

56:17

for her to not call back, I

56:19

don't think she will, I think she will. And it's really hard sometimes

56:21

except that it's over for the person and it's

56:23

not over for you. Like you've still got unresolved

56:25

issues and things, but for the other person it's

56:27

done. And I can imagine that being a horrible,

56:29

hard pill to swallow, but that's very

56:31

much what it's given. She's done. I

56:34

think she answered to see if you were okay.

56:36

Yeah. And since you were, she was

56:38

like, okay, I called that's all I needed. Yeah, I'm still

56:40

done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that I'm still done. But I just

56:43

wanted to make sure you were okay. I think you guys

56:45

nailed that one. You think? Yeah. Yeah. I've

56:47

got one more. One more, we've got one more. Let

56:49

me check the list. And cause we went

56:51

to play a little game with you. We've got a

56:53

will. I know about the will. You know about the

56:55

will. Okay. If you have naughty, too much. Oh, we

56:57

do have one more. Yeah, one more. Okay. Last

57:00

one. Okay. Hi, Tolly and

57:03

Audrey. Hello. I hope you were both

57:05

doing well. Your podcast make my walk to and

57:07

from uni much easier. It makes it easy to

57:09

get up in the morning. Congratulations to Audrey for

57:11

your baby girl. And thank you Tolly for

57:13

being so vulnerable. Oh, thank you. Anyway, to

57:15

my dilemma. I'm a 19 year old girl

57:17

who's in uni and loving the uni experience.

57:19

And so is my friend. Let's call her Hannah.

57:22

Maybe enjoying it a little bit too much. She

57:24

decided to go to a uni far away from home

57:26

due to family issues. And I don't blame her. But

57:29

the men that she chooses A in. She

57:31

recently got with someone, a white male. Let's call

57:33

him Leo. And he seemed to be a nice

57:36

guy. In quotes. Nice guy.

57:38

On one random day, she called me saying that

57:40

Leo was coming down to Leicester to go clubbing

57:42

with his friend. Okay. He doesn't

57:44

know anyone down here. So we both found it

57:47

a bit weird. I was at my friend's uni

57:49

accommodation and we go uni in Leicester. So

57:52

we suggested to play a private investigator to see what

57:54

he was up to. And Hannah had

57:56

his location the whole time. So we knew which club

57:58

he went to. Fast

58:00

forward, we pulled up to the club and spotted him

58:03

right away. We kept our distance. I

58:05

mean, that's a gadget. We

58:09

kept our distance so he didn't notice, but I

58:11

think he did because he was whispering something to

58:13

his friend and decided to change location since his

58:15

club had three floors. We

58:18

still managed to follow him to find out what he was up

58:20

to. And

58:22

when we got to the section of the club

58:25

he was at, we saw him dancing with

58:27

a girl. So,

58:29

so to see what he was going to do. Two

58:32

minutes later, he's kissing her in the middle of the club.

58:34

Get over as f***. And best believe, my

58:36

ass recorded it and said, it's Hannah. Me

58:39

and my friends went to the toilet to see what Hannah

58:42

wanted to do. And she

58:44

just wanted us to tell him that

58:46

she knows everything. My friend, who was kind of

58:48

drunk at the time, tapped him on the shoulder

58:50

and what Hannah said, he was

58:53

in complete shock. We walked to message Hannah to

58:55

see if she was OK, but she didn't

58:57

reply. So we decided to find him and tell

58:59

him what he was doing wasn't right. And he

59:01

better leave my friend alone. My

59:04

firecracker friend wasn't having it and was ready

59:06

to f*** him up because he was

59:09

smoking like something was funny and like it was

59:11

a joke. All he was

59:13

saying was that he and Hannah weren't exclusive, which

59:15

they were, as he introduced her as his girlfriend

59:18

to his friends and they were getting each other

59:20

Valentine's Day gift. So

59:22

young. Yes, actually,

59:25

we decided to leave him as

59:27

he wasn't worth it. But as we were leaving,

59:29

he made a sly comment which sent my firecracker

59:31

friend off, which caused him to get smacked in

59:33

the face by her. What? She

59:35

said something I should have recorded. After

59:40

finding out that she stopped talking to him, after

59:43

finding out she stopped talking to

59:45

him, but found out that he was sleeping with

59:47

multiple other girls while they were together and found

59:49

that she was known by people in his

59:52

course as the girl who always forgives. He

59:55

blocked her on everything except Instagram. So

59:58

she deemed telling him she knows. everything and

1:00:00

that she was pissed that he had put her health

1:00:02

at risk and they were having unprotected sex together and

1:00:04

he was probably doing the same with several other girls.

1:00:06

Okay, so who put your health at risk? He

1:00:09

was, I assume. What? You,

1:00:12

sister? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This happened maybe a

1:00:14

week ago and is now talking to his ex-best

1:00:16

friend so that she can get her lick back.

1:00:19

She doesn't need to do that. Exactly, like,

1:00:21

I feel like she hasn't healed from this guy

1:00:24

and she's moving on too fast. Am I wrong

1:00:26

for telling her to slow down and let her

1:00:28

learn to love herself or should I let her

1:00:30

move on? Sorry for the long time, Emma, but

1:00:33

your advice is much needed. Love you

1:00:36

guys. Sabrina. Thanks. I

1:00:39

don't think that you are wrong for

1:00:42

telling her what you feel, you care

1:00:44

about her a lot. Absolutely.

1:00:46

You are invested. You are a

1:00:48

good friend. But I

1:00:50

do believe that people's relationships are their own.

1:00:52

You have to let people go through whatever

1:00:54

they're going to go through and come to

1:00:56

the point of where they're going to get

1:00:58

to themselves because I remember when

1:01:00

I was in a bad relationship, I wasn't hearing it from

1:01:03

anyone else. It was when I realized, I was like, I

1:01:05

need to get out of this for me. When I got

1:01:07

out of it and I healed. It didn't

1:01:09

matter how many people told me that. And actually what

1:01:11

you don't want it to do is cause a divide.

1:01:13

Like be there for her, be there for her. Because

1:01:15

as a friend, you're supposed to be there for

1:01:18

her when she's down, right? But

1:01:20

don't start to dictate how she should act because

1:01:23

I think it's slightly intrusive. Absolutely.

1:01:25

I want to tell you girls to stop doing what you're doing.

1:01:27

Yeah, please. But then it's also like your

1:01:29

mind is so massive. Like

1:01:31

a gentle type of a guy that's setting your

1:01:34

phone up, cheating your phone. It's always a white

1:01:36

up. Like we've all had this night. Me and

1:01:38

our friend's boyfriend doing something stupid and it's

1:01:40

also not taking this. It feels like the

1:01:42

biggest deal in the world. It's not. He

1:01:44

told her they were exclusive. Yeah, but he

1:01:46

should forget about it. You will all forget.

1:01:48

And one day it will be a funniest.

1:01:50

We all have this story. My Lord in

1:01:53

Cause. Like I said, like every single person

1:01:55

has this story. We say yours was in

1:01:57

cause. In cause, in our holiday, grace

1:01:59

cause. I feel

1:02:01

like sometimes when you do get yourself

1:02:03

too involved in your friends' relationships, sometimes

1:02:07

it can work against you. I just think...

1:02:10

He builds unhealthy buildings. Exactly. I

1:02:12

just think if you're a girl, you're not going to

1:02:14

be able to do it. I think it's a good

1:02:16

thing. I think it's a good thing.

1:02:19

I think it's a good thing. I

1:02:21

think it's a good thing. I

1:02:23

think it's a good thing. I

1:02:25

think it's a good thing. I think it's

1:02:27

a good thing. It builds

1:02:30

unhealthy buildings. Exactly. I just think

1:02:32

it's not for anyone to dictate, she has

1:02:34

to just find out for herself, unfortunately, and

1:02:38

just be a support system. I just appreciate my friends that are there

1:02:40

for me through the bullshit, through the good time, through

1:02:42

bad time, through dark time. Just be

1:02:44

there, but don't dictate what she shouldn't do. Also,

1:02:46

guys, don't go around slapping men in the face. Yeah,

1:02:49

don't follow them. Some

1:02:51

men will slap you back, and then you're shocked. It's like

1:02:53

you don't do that. I mean,

1:02:55

there are people that are like, I don't know if you

1:02:57

get this wrong, but it's basically like when your best friend calls you

1:02:59

about this guy for like the 12th time, and the face is like...

1:03:03

I do that face every time. I

1:03:05

mean, the face is okay and valid, but... You need

1:03:07

to listen through thick and thin. Yeah, it's an

1:03:09

hour. I said it a couple of weeks

1:03:11

ago on here. Friendships, yeah, even though we

1:03:14

choose them, they still come with their downsides, and

1:03:16

sometimes hearing the same story over and over

1:03:18

and over, it's just a downside of friendship. Friendships

1:03:20

aren't always going to be up, exactly, but you're

1:03:22

going to need your turn. Your turn is going

1:03:24

to come where it might not be a relationship

1:03:27

thing, it might be a work colleague. Your

1:03:29

friend's going to have to listen to you complain.

1:03:31

So I think it just comes with the territory, really. Yeah,

1:03:33

but this girl was like, left this guy, she's with a new guy.

1:03:36

Yeah, and now she's still not happy. But I

1:03:38

never understood the idea of getting your lips back.

1:03:40

I don't think it's... What do

1:03:42

you mean? In terms

1:03:44

of this, someone cheats on you, and then you go to sleep

1:03:46

with their friend. I don't think it... That

1:03:49

doesn't mean. I

1:03:51

feel icky. You don't get the

1:03:53

answer you want either, because now they just look at you like...

1:03:55

You want to have a better person. Yeah, the

1:03:57

best form of event is looking at you.

1:04:00

good and just genuinely moving on. I have never

1:04:02

been like fucking their friends are form of revenge.

1:04:04

I think it makes you look quite lame. It's

1:04:06

not and like and also nine times out of

1:04:09

ten they've decided which girls is okay to do that with.

1:04:11

I'm not saying it's okay but men talk amongst

1:04:13

themselves. Yep. They've they've decided that if the

1:04:15

guy is going to go there chances are

1:04:17

he knows it's going to yeah okay yeah

1:04:20

and so you're not. And now you're past the past. Yeah it's not a

1:04:22

win. It's not the win you're thinking. It's not

1:04:24

the win you're thinking. Yeah no. It's not a win. No

1:04:27

it's not. It's not a win. And

1:04:29

now you can never go back there. Now the door

1:04:31

is closed. The door is closed. I want you to

1:04:33

sleep with a friend. The door is closed forever. I also

1:04:35

think that like if you're gonna scratch a

1:04:37

car do something stupid like it just it's not worth it.

1:04:39

It's not worth it. Yeah. It's not worth it. It's definitely

1:04:41

not good for like 3.5 seconds. Yeah exactly. No.

1:04:45

How about you think about it? I have to think about

1:04:47

it. I've never keyed a car. No. I have the worst

1:04:49

I've done I think is I

1:04:51

called my ex's sister and

1:04:53

told him he cheated. What did you

1:04:56

think she was gonna do about that? Exactly. Exactly.

1:04:59

Because nothing. But

1:05:04

it was more that like. You thought that woman to woman

1:05:06

like yeah. Yeah I don't know why I was doing such

1:05:08

a stupid thing in hindsight. I'm like how would I even

1:05:10

do that? And now I'm like it was never worth it.

1:05:12

I called the sister as well. Because I think you think

1:05:14

that women as well don't feel they're brother. Yeah exactly. I

1:05:16

realized I haven't keyed a car because

1:05:22

a lot of the guys I was saying didn't have cars too key.

1:05:25

Glad they're gone. Yeah. Exactly.

1:05:30

No no. I also don't think I was

1:05:32

having a conversation with a friend about cars

1:05:35

and material things like that as well. That's

1:05:37

I don't want to say because I just spoke about this with

1:05:39

my friend. It's okay they didn't have cars. Yeah.

1:05:43

Perfect. They were young boys. Yeah. These

1:05:45

were small boys. No but even living in London

1:05:47

at an older age do you think it's necessary

1:05:49

someone have a car? If you're not living

1:05:51

in the West. Yes. W1. If

1:05:57

you're living in those areas. So what if you're living in a shortage? Yeah,

1:06:00

maybe you don't need a car, but having license, I

1:06:02

think that's nice. I think there's other priorities. Say

1:06:05

they have an apartment, but they don't have a car. That's absolutely

1:06:07

fine. But you can't live with your mom

1:06:09

and have no car. No. Okay.

1:06:12

Yeah. But I don't know what

1:06:14

I even say that to say, it

1:06:17

always depends on the guy. Yeah, because there

1:06:19

were some guys, honestly, that they've got a

1:06:21

bigger plan and you could tell. We're

1:06:23

not talking to those guys. You can tell.

1:06:25

Like, exactly. You've got a bigger plan. Yeah,

1:06:27

that's fine. You focus on the money. Yeah,

1:06:29

yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The fact that guy

1:06:31

is living at home because he's going

1:06:33

to buy a six bedroom house in a year or

1:06:37

he's got bigger plans. You can tell the difference is

1:06:39

his levels, his layers. It's very layered. Yeah, it is.

1:06:41

It's not as simple as any other. It's not as

1:06:43

simple as any other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much, I've

1:06:45

realised I'm getting older. I've never keyed a car, but

1:06:47

I have been assaulted by the police and listen to

1:06:49

them tell. Damn it, guys. But I know it was

1:06:51

serious. I know it was serious. I know it was

1:06:54

serious. It was. I've

1:06:56

done state ups before. But isn't it funny

1:06:58

how your instinct is to hate that person? I'm not going

1:07:00

to like him. Yeah, you know, you should. I know he's

1:07:02

in the wrong. You should not like that was the moment

1:07:04

when I like not just opened in a picnic. I can

1:07:06

do it. So his child is that. And

1:07:09

then she said his name. And

1:07:12

I was like, well, I'm not leaving this house. I would have had to be escorted.

1:07:14

Exactly. But you know what?

1:07:17

My mum and aunt did that back in the day.

1:07:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My uncle. Too much family.

1:07:22

Basically, my uncle was having an affair. Yeah.

1:07:27

And they went and trashed the side chick's house. And the thing

1:07:30

is, my mum is like, what I asked my mum, my mum swears blind. It

1:07:32

didn't happen, but I was there. I

1:07:35

remember it. I remember people went and they trashed

1:07:37

it. They broke it to the house. But she probably doesn't want you to

1:07:39

know because she didn't think it was a good idea. Now

1:07:41

in hindsight for her, she's like, no, I don't want her to think that was true. No, it's

1:07:43

not what I wanted it was. But

1:07:45

they did what? But my mum was there. But my grand was

1:07:48

there. My aunt, my mum. My grand was

1:07:50

there. My dad was

1:07:52

leading the charge. They were all there. And I speak

1:07:54

to my cousins. They were like, yeah, I remember they

1:07:56

packed us up in the car. We all went and

1:07:58

they did that. Which is very bad

1:08:01

behaviour and very picky behaviour. I know. Not

1:08:03

the side check. I remember my aunt doing it

1:08:05

to her husband and she said he can't see

1:08:07

without his husband. Literally like, he can't. So as

1:08:09

soon as he came in, she felt so uncomfortable. She broke his arm.

1:08:14

She said fucking... Oh my

1:08:16

god! And he went through the spring

1:08:18

of humming. And he was like, oh my god! So

1:08:20

much fun. He thought about that. She was like... It

1:08:22

was pretty many-lated. I loved that for her. She

1:08:24

planned it. I loved that for her. She

1:08:26

was like, swing, you're not going to see me coming. You

1:08:28

wait there. I kind of like her and... She

1:08:31

did it really well. No, no, no. But aunties,

1:08:33

as soon as they found out... They did things

1:08:35

back in the day. Like,

1:08:37

fuck me. There's a reason why that aunt's not around no

1:08:39

moment. But they went through some things, you know? So you

1:08:42

understand. I'm not mad. I'm not mad at different times.

1:08:44

And it was also so much harder to find out

1:08:46

stuff. Yeah. So when you get in right now... You

1:08:48

knew that always, now. And it's probably gone really

1:08:50

far by the time you found out. Yeah,

1:08:52

exactly. A kid involved. Or something that's quite

1:08:54

insane. So it's gone too far now. But

1:08:56

yeah. Right, let's see the werewolves. This

1:08:58

is a werewolf. Thank you for having me.

1:09:00

I love being an agony act. Yeah. Thanks,

1:09:05

Brent, for bringing the will on. So,

1:09:07

have it right, because I will spin it. Whatever it

1:09:09

lands on, we do or you

1:09:11

do, to be fair. And

1:09:14

then you get a spin and then we do it. Oh, no,

1:09:16

I don't want it to be told to joke. Oh,

1:09:21

that was a long spin. True. Yeah,

1:09:23

OK. You can ask us anything. Oh.

1:09:28

Always happens. It's not mine. Exactly.

1:09:31

Anything. Anything. Anything.

1:09:34

Anything. You're sure?

1:09:36

Anything. Yeah. Um...

1:09:40

No, I want to know how you're genuinely

1:09:42

feeling about the, at this

1:09:44

point, looking high inside, the member of the flat. Oh,

1:09:47

oh! Sabrina! Sabrina! You

1:09:50

are insane! And I see a lot of people

1:09:52

that want to check out front of you. It's insane for

1:09:54

me, you are! Oh, my God! People thought it. I've seen

1:09:56

it. I know they got it. But maybe they still thought

1:09:58

it. I know they got it. had time to

1:10:01

reflect. Do you know what? I

1:10:03

will talk about what it's now like doing this,

1:10:06

right? Without. Just the two

1:10:08

of us. And I will say I feel a

1:10:10

sense of freedom. I think it's

1:10:12

a sense that like me and Audrey have always been

1:10:14

a lot closer and I think that had to be

1:10:18

not hidden but tamed out of someone else's

1:10:20

feelings. Or it's looking like. Perception. Oh perception

1:10:22

or it looks like. I think everyone has

1:10:24

relate to that. Yes and I feel freedom

1:10:26

of light. I can say so Josh up.

1:10:28

No that's not you. Haha. And it's not

1:10:30

deemed as anything else but banter.

1:10:32

That's what I would say.

1:10:34

I feel a sense of freedom. Like I

1:10:36

feel so much more relaxed

1:10:38

in this. Yeah. Do you know

1:10:40

what? My answer is not that dissimilar as some

1:10:43

of you would probably think. No

1:10:45

but honestly my answer is that

1:10:47

I feel like really back

1:10:49

at peace and enjoying this now. Because

1:10:52

when we were really going through the motions of

1:10:54

it. Like I don't think

1:10:56

we when we came back and addressed it.

1:10:58

I don't think we actually really spoken how

1:11:00

horrible of a time it was. Like I

1:11:02

don't think we really spoken how much

1:11:04

of a horrible time it was and I was

1:11:07

genuinely so scared and nervous to come back and

1:11:09

do the podcast. Like really really scared and now

1:11:11

that I feel like we found our feet again

1:11:13

I'm loving it again. Yeah. And I'm just like

1:11:16

really enjoying it and remembering why I'm here. Yeah.

1:11:18

Because things happen for a reason. Yeah exactly. And

1:11:20

I genuinely believe that. Like I think it's probably

1:11:22

the best thing. Yeah

1:11:24

exactly. I think you took

1:11:27

it there. Yeah. I love being

1:11:29

flown off. I love it. I

1:11:31

love being flown off. I

1:11:33

love a surprise. I still do think you were

1:11:35

going to go there. Nobody has gone there.

1:11:38

I find when we had Jordan who had been here

1:11:40

before as a guest when we were three and then

1:11:42

he came back as a table he just didn't mention

1:11:45

it. It was like I didn't know anything. It

1:11:48

was like everywhere. Just carry on. Yeah. Because

1:11:50

it's actually quite new. But I think everyone

1:11:52

brought it. Yeah of course. Yeah yeah. Yeah

1:11:54

exactly. Right last little spin. I'm

1:12:00

nervous. Now you have to do your part. I'm nervous.

1:12:02

Perfect. The last message that was sent to

1:12:04

you. I don't have my phone in my pocket. Damn.

1:12:07

Oh, damn it, man. You should have got it to keep your phone.

1:12:09

I mean, it was probably something born from Addison

1:12:11

Lee career. Yeah. So, you know

1:12:13

what? Oh, your phone's

1:12:15

not on your desk, actually. Yeah. Oh,

1:12:21

okay, good. A song that puts you in a love

1:12:23

mood. Love on the brain, Rihanna. Cause

1:12:26

you got me like, oh. She

1:12:28

was in her bag. Yeah, she was in her

1:12:30

bag of albums. Like she was like,

1:12:32

That song just makes me wanna squint at

1:12:34

my face. Ow! Ow!

1:12:37

Ow! Ow! Sorry.

1:12:39

It's so funny. It's so funny. Absolutely.

1:12:42

Oh, I love that song. Oh, perfect. You guys,

1:12:44

this was so fun. That was so fun. Thank

1:12:46

you. So fun. Thank you. We

1:12:48

were so good. Okay, good. I'm holding you to

1:12:50

it. Can I actually come back? Of course. You're

1:12:52

welcome, anytime. When you've got more time. Yeah,

1:12:54

exactly. You can have a good chat. I

1:12:56

love that. That would be amazing. Thank you

1:12:58

so much. I

1:13:00

feel like we're like besties now. No, literally. We

1:13:03

literally are. The reason people's problems will bring you closer together.

1:13:05

Yeah, I think that's what it is as well. True. We're

1:13:07

talking about the wet work is the upper part of the wet work. We can

1:13:10

use it as well. We do. We're in

1:13:12

it now. Exactly. So here's where we are.

1:13:14

Guys, thank you so much for listening. We hope

1:13:16

us and Sabrina helped you guys out of your

1:13:18

dynamics. Indeed. If we didn't, sorry. Yeah.

1:13:21

All we can do is try. I've been your

1:13:23

girl, Toni T. Just call me Audrey. And I'm

1:13:25

Sabrina Alba. And! Sabrina,

1:13:28

just in case people, I don't

1:13:30

know, don't know. Live on the road. Where can they find you?

1:13:32

Where can they buy all the products you've been talking about? I

1:13:34

love you for that one. That's it. You're

1:13:36

up, Toni. That's a supportive sit. You know? Sabrina

1:13:39

Alba on Instagram, but also sablelabs.com if

1:13:42

you want to buy the products. We're also at Space and K in

1:13:44

London. Nice! Yeah. So much

1:13:46

Space and K. Thank you

1:13:48

so much. Get down there ASAP. Thank you. Small

1:13:50

family run business. So you know. Support

1:13:52

it. Let's get behind it. And also wait because it's good.

1:13:55

It's like, look at her skin. You know what?

1:13:58

I'm going to, since you guys all just want to think, How

1:14:00

am I doing about it? You know what you're gonna do?

1:14:02

Some content. Oh, where would you? I'm doing

1:14:04

it. Would you do like a 30 day chat with me?

1:14:06

Yeah, I actually would. Yeah, I would. Okay cool. I

1:14:09

need the whole thing. You both wanna do it. Yeah, I

1:14:11

would. I would get wrong. And then

1:14:13

I'll say definitely. I'd love to see that. And then I'll

1:14:15

come back. I'll talk about the result. And that was it.

1:14:18

There you go. There you go. I

1:14:20

love that bra. But also, honesty only.

1:14:22

Definitely. Yeah, and of course. Yeah, yeah,

1:14:24

yeah. I'll tell you what I'm saying.

1:14:27

Yeah, that's nice. Thank

1:14:29

you guys so much. Alright, bye guys. This

1:14:32

episode is brought to you by Spotify. Bye. Bye.