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Hey there, you! Happy Friday!

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Time for a bonus public episode.

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Quick reminder that if you like these short

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episodes every Friday, there are longer

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episodes on Mondays on Patreon

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to help keep your mental health topped up,

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along with weekly hypnotherapy sessions.

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I once worked out that there's the equivalent

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of about a hundred hours of

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therapy content always available,

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which for Six pounds a month

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is a bit of a bargain, if you ask me.

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And we can get to chat then as well, which is

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always nice. Someone asked

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me on Patreon once, how

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can I balance looking after

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myself with looking after both my

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children and my parents,

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my aging parents? And

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I thought, that's a funny old sandwich,

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being stuck in the middle like that, and more

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and more of us are gonna go through it.

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All because Children are stopping

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at home a little bit longer than

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they used to. People are having

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children a bit later. We're living

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longer. Now, having both

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kids and parents to look after

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used to be called the sandwich

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generation back in the 80s.

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And back then it was about people who were in their

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30s and 40s. It's now

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about people in their 50s. There

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was a study a couple of years ago that showed

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that, on average, A quarter of people

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aged 20 to 34

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are still living with their parents, so we've

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got a lot of people in their mid 50s

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looking after a 30 year old at home maybe,

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possibly two of them, and also trying to

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look after a pair of 80 year old parents

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who aren't as nimble as they used to be. And

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on top of that, we've got to look after ourselves

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as well, haven't we? It's

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tiring, it's exhausting, so

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how do we manage this? Well,

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first off, you need to remember

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that you're not alone. Delegate

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if you have to. You can instruct

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if you have to, but you don't have to be doing

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everything. Otherwise, you'll end up dropping

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everything because you can't cope. So,

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can your children do more than you think?

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Especially if they're adults, still living at home.

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And even if they're not, even if they're young

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They can pull their weight if they're old enough to do

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some things. And if you've got siblings,

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but they're not local, that's a common help.

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Be specific. When you

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need help with something, you can't be vague. You

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can't just say, I need you

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lot to pull your weight. They might

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end up doing a load of things that don't need. There

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was a study a few years ago into

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social support and caregiver distress

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that tried to explain some inconsistencies

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in previous research that was done during the

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90s. I think the government were looking

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at ways to help support carers

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but they couldn't figure out why sometimes

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support helped and sometimes

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it didn't. And it's quite obvious,

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really. It was because the support

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people need varies

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from person to person. No

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one support package fitted

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everyone. So don't be

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vague. Ask specifically

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for the type of help that you need. And

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here's the important part. Let

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them do it. Don't

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micromanage it. Don't get involved.

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It might not be done the way that You

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would do it. It might not be perfect. Tough.

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Release the responsibility. Having

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a job not done as well as you like is still going

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to feel better than the feelings of resentment

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that you might carry around for not being

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supported. One

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thing worth remembering is something that we call

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unified detachment. It's a

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phrase that comes up in couples counselling a

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lot. And it's used really as a

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way to help people To see

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things from somebody else's perspective.

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So that when arguments happen, it's

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not that it's you versus them,

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it's the two of you versus

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the problem. And we all need that

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attitude at times. If

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your kids can't get motivated to do their homework,

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because it's a nice day, and after a miserable

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wet week, the sun comes out for a few hours

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and all they want to do is kick a football about

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in the park or something, then it's not

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you against them. It's

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you and them. So

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for many areas of your life, you need to phrase

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things that way. Ask the people involved

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in the delegating thing. What can

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we do about this? How can

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we make it easier? How

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can we support mum? Dad's

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dementia and her knackered hip. You

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can come up with some solutions together that way.

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Right then, I need to love you and leave you

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for another day. Look me up on

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Patreon if you want to support what I do

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or you want to chat, because if people don't,

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then this podcast series doesn't happen, because

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there's no way I'm putting adverts on it and you

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can quote me on that. Anyway,

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enjoy your weekend, folks. See

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ya!