0:03

And hello to you, and welcome to

0:05

the Richard Nicholls Podcast, the

0:07

personal development podcast series that's

0:09

here to help inspire, educate,

0:12

and motivate you to be the best

0:14

you can be! I'm

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psychotherapist Richard Nicholls, and

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this episode is titled Self

0:21

Discipline. And

0:24

if you're ready We'll

0:26

start the show! Alright

0:31

everybody peeps, welcome to

0:33

a new month. It's nearly Easter,

0:35

so we've got a bank holiday weekend at the

0:37

end of the month. Good to know

0:39

about that in advance. Because

0:42

I've got certain jobs in my diary on

0:44

repeat. On Fridays and Mondays,

0:46

that I need to make sure I've moved

0:50

to other days throughout the month. Otherwise

0:52

I'll book in my therapy clients and

0:54

suddenly find that there's no room for all my podcast

0:57

work. So I need to stick to a plan,

1:00

otherwise I'm going to run out of time at the end of the month and

1:02

then get stressed. But

1:04

sticking to a plan isn't always easy.

1:07

We know what to do. But

1:09

we often get distracted, don't we? Well,

1:11

I do. Or we prioritise the wrong thing

1:14

and that's where self discipline and

1:16

willpower has to come in. It's

1:18

the same for choosing an apple over

1:20

a Cadbury's cream egg, isn't it? You

1:23

know what's the right thing to do, but

1:25

the pull of what you want right now

1:28

is usually greater than the desire to look

1:30

after the future you. Because future

1:33

you doesn't exist, does it? If

1:35

you ask someone if they want

1:38

£10 now, or £20

1:40

in a year's time, almost everyone

1:42

takes the £10 now. Even

1:45

if the 20 quid is absolutely

1:47

100 percent guaranteed.

1:50

Future you, in a year's

1:52

time, doesn't even exist yet.

1:54

So it's hard to do the right thing.

1:56

It takes proper discipline. But

1:58

it pays off, it really does.

2:00

Having control over yourself, being

2:03

disciplined in the right way for you,

2:05

can create better relationships

2:08

with other people, as well as a better relationship

2:10

with yourself, better health,

2:13

better finances, just

2:15

a better you. If

2:18

you know that practicing some

2:20

mental relaxation exercises for

2:22

20 minutes each evening is going to make

2:24

it easier to deal with your partner's annoying

2:27

habits, then stick with

2:29

it. If you know that 10

2:31

minutes of Pilates for beginners every

2:33

morning is going to make it easier to sit

2:35

in front of a computer screen all day without getting

2:37

tight muscles, then stick with

2:40

it. If you know

2:42

that the Skoda Fabia that

2:44

you decided to buy, that's only going

2:46

to cost you £250 a month,

2:49

but isn't available for a couple of months,

2:51

is going to be better for you in the long

2:53

run than the 350,

2:57

400 a month Audi that's ready now,

2:59

then stick to your decision. But

3:02

sticking to things means being disciplined,

3:04

doesn't it? And that can drain

3:06

us, it really, really can. Because

3:09

it's a skill to be learned and practiced.

3:12

If self discipline is easy to you, then

3:14

that's because you've practiced it. And

3:16

that's the same for the opposite. It's

3:19

the same for recklessness, impulsivity.

3:22

If that's what you've practiced, then that

3:25

becomes a skill. Something you can

3:27

do without thinking, literally.

3:29

Because everything you practice becomes

3:32

unconscious to you. Walking.

3:34

Talking. Everything. And that's

3:36

the same for self discipline. But you

3:38

have to practice. From

3:41

a neurological perspective, it's

3:43

to do with the prefrontal cortex. The front

3:45

of the brain. The frontal

3:47

lobes above the eyes that we think with

3:50

and make decisions with. It's

3:52

the part of the brain that wasn't really understood

3:54

until good old Phineas Gage.

3:57

The guy who probably had the Most famous

4:00

brain injury in history, he speared

4:03

it with an iron rod in an accident building

4:05

a railway. If you don't know

4:08

his story, I'll go into it briefly.

4:11

In 1848, back

4:13

in the days when scientists thought

4:15

that the prefrontal cortex didn't do anything,

4:18

in Vermont, USA, Phineas

4:21

Gage was a 25

4:23

year old railroad foreman. Part

4:25

of his job was to excavate rock

4:28

to make way for the railway to be laid. And

4:30

to do this, they would drill a hole a

4:32

meter deep, fill it with explosive

4:34

powder and a fuse, squash some

4:36

sand and clay on top of the powder with

4:38

a heavy iron rod, So that when

4:41

it went off the energy would take out the rock

4:43

and not just blow air out the hole. So

4:45

they really needed a heavy tamping

4:48

iron, as it was called, to do this

4:50

with. It was a metre long, inch and a quarter

4:52

thick, and fortunately for Phineas,

4:55

it was decorated with a spike on the top.

4:58

I say fortunate, because when this rod made

5:00

a spark as it was bashed into the ground

5:02

against some rock. It ignited the

5:04

blasting powder and shot the meter

5:06

long six kilo spike up through

5:09

the left side of poor Phineus' face,

5:12

behind his eye and up through the top of his head.

5:15

And it flew off, landed about 80 feet away. With

5:17

his left frontal lobe attached to it.

5:20

If the blacksmith who'd made it hadn't put a

5:22

point on the top, it would have probably taken

5:24

his head off. But it didn't. It just

5:26

gave him a partial lobotomy instead.

5:30

And after a few brief convulsions

5:32

of the arms and legs He was

5:34

able to walk a bit. He was helped

5:36

onto a cart, taken back to his

5:39

lodgings in the local town

5:41

where a doctor was summoned.

5:43

And the records of the time are hilarious.

5:46

This was a massive deal for those

5:48

days. People didn't survive

5:50

accidents like that, let alone be awake

5:52

enough that, despite literally

5:55

having his brain on show for

5:57

anyone to see, Poking out of the top

5:59

of his head, he was able to say

6:01

to the local doctor, probably

6:04

one of the greatest understatements of medical

6:06

history. "Doctor,"

6:09

he said, "here is business enough

6:11

for you." Yes it was,

6:13

thought the doctor, and soon after called

6:15

for help from a more senior doctor.

6:18

Because he realised he was well out of his

6:20

league, when, after explaining

6:23

what had happened, Phineas stood

6:25

up. He was sick, and the

6:27

effort of which, I quote from these medical

6:29

records. Pressed about half

6:31

a teacup full of the brain through

6:33

the exit hole at the top of the skull, which

6:36

fell upon the floor. And it was amazing

6:38

that he survived. But he did. But

6:40

leaving some of his brain behind at the railroad

6:43

had a significant influence upon his personality.

6:46

Now, a lot has been

6:49

exaggerated over time. Because people

6:51

like stories like his. There

6:53

are some reports that say he became a psychopath.

6:56

Unable to control his impulses

6:58

with a total lack of forethought

7:01

or concern for the future.

7:03

And other reports say that he was a violent

7:06

man who would beat his wife and children. Now,

7:09

I am going to question some of this. Especially

7:11

as Phineas Gage never married

7:13

and he had no children. So we

7:15

need to be careful. I don't want to fall into the

7:17

same trap of telling exaggerated

7:19

stories for effect that help

7:21

keep a myth alive. That's how

7:24

religions start. But exaggerated

7:26

as they are, those stories

7:29

come from somewhere. Because we

7:31

now know that the prefrontal cortex

7:34

is the part of the brain that's responsible

7:36

for forethought and decision

7:38

making. So Phineas Gage

7:40

probably did struggle in those areas

7:42

afterwards, as have many

7:45

people since. But,

7:47

as with Phineas Gage, not

7:50

forever. The brain

7:52

repairs, heals,

7:54

rewrites itself so that the

7:56

other areas of the brain can take over

7:58

the responsibility. It's amazing.

8:01

It's called neuroplasticity and

8:03

is this incredible ability that the brain has

8:05

got to adapt when you

8:07

force it to change. And that's

8:10

the key. It doesn't

8:12

do it by itself. You

8:14

do it. You change it. Injured

8:17

or not, you have the ability to

8:19

change and strengthen areas of

8:21

the brain responsible for anything and

8:23

everything. Including the

8:25

prefrontal cortex. Including

8:27

the areas responsible for forethought

8:30

and decision making. But you

8:32

need to practice it. You need

8:34

to practice self discipline.

8:38

One way of helping with that is something that

8:40

psychologists advise for people with ADHD.

8:43

If you've got a lot of what they call transitions

8:46

in your day, use an alarm

8:49

to remind you of the transition.

8:52

By transition, they mean moving from

8:54

one thing onto another, like first

8:57

thing in the morning, there's a series of transitions.

8:59

Once you're up, there's breakfast,

9:02

shower, brush your teeth, get dressed, get

9:04

your stuff together, and these transitions

9:06

can go on all day. Someone

9:09

with ADHD can get stuck really

9:12

easily in one of the transitions

9:14

that we go through throughout our day. And

9:16

they'll just stare out of the window and not realise

9:19

that 10 minutes has gone by. It feels like 30 seconds.

9:22

And even without ADHD, that

9:24

can happen. So it's a good idea

9:27

to set a timer to go off

9:29

every 3 or 4 minutes or whatever's

9:31

appropriate, that gives you a jolt

9:34

back into the real world. To get you

9:36

to check if you needed to transition on

9:38

to the next thing. I've suggested

9:40

that to procrastinators to quite good effect

9:42

a few times. They've got an essay to

9:44

write or whatever, but they'll just scroll

9:46

through Instagram first and

9:48

the alarm that goes off every five minutes

9:51

is like an exclamation mark at

9:53

the end of it. It helps them to go,

9:55

oh, yeah, alright, off. And

9:58

they transition then on to what they should be

10:00

doing. Sometimes the

10:02

internet rabbit hole is convenient,

10:05

I did it when researching this episode, hence

10:07

why I went on about Phineas Gage, because

10:09

I found the doctor's medical reports

10:12

on Google Books and spent 20

10:14

minutes longer than is probably necessary

10:16

reading it. I could have

10:18

just read it all on Wikipedia. And

10:20

if you fall into a YouTube rabbit hole

10:23

of one video after another,

10:26

then an alarm that goes bing

10:28

every five minutes on your phone can

10:30

be a real wake up call. It

10:33

wasn't that long ago that if you were sitting

10:35

on the sofa and a thought popped into your

10:37

head like What's that actor been

10:40

in? I've seen him in something before. You'd

10:42

think to yourself, next

10:44

time I turn my computer on and log

10:46

onto the internet, I'll have a look.

10:49

And you probably wouldn't. You'd

10:51

forget, and the world would still spin,

10:53

and we'd all live happily ever after. Not

10:56

so nowadays, is it? What

10:59

starts off with, oh, he was in

11:01

Buffy, leads you into a half

11:03

an hour trawl of the internet that

11:05

started with Buffy the Vampire

11:08

Slayer and then became a

11:10

rabbit hole of things like the Goldblend

11:12

advert. And before you know

11:14

it, you're reading about the most expensive coffee

11:16

in the world, of beans that are passed through

11:18

the digestive system of an Asian mongoose.

11:21

And then an hour has gone by. But

11:24

if you'd use the repeat alarm, or just

11:26

a one off alarm that you snooze for

11:28

five minutes each time, it gets

11:30

you back on track. Honestly, it does. Do

11:33

it if you need to. But,

11:36

when it comes to handling those immediate

11:39

urges to Google a song

11:41

lyric or an actor or whatever, as

11:44

soon as you pick your phone up to do

11:46

it the best thing to do is

11:48

simply make a note of it instead,

11:51

and come back to it when you've got the time.

11:53

Because if you're genuinely interested,

11:56

then denying yourself of the answer

11:58

when you've got a question will keep

12:00

it gnawing away at the back

12:02

of your mind. But if you 100

12:05

percent know That you will

12:07

come back to it later, your brain

12:09

lets you park it. Like

12:12

I've said before about worrying, make

12:14

time for it. If you're a worrier,

12:17

then schedule worry time

12:19

for a particular time of the day. And

12:21

because you know that you can worry about it later.

12:24

It makes it easier to not worry

12:26

about it now. It's

12:28

important to understand yourself. I say it so

12:30

often that there are no real

12:33

rules to personal development.

12:35

You have to do what's right for you.

12:38

Play to your strengths and be aware

12:40

of your weaknesses. If you're trying

12:43

to start a new habit of

12:45

eating healthy snacks in between meals,

12:49

and you know that when something's

12:51

out of sight, it's out of mind,

12:54

then don't buy two kilos of chocolate

12:56

covered peanuts and raisins from that lovely

12:58

place in Ludlow that you like, and then put

13:00

them in a see through mason jar, and put

13:02

it on show next to the kettle. Because guess

13:05

what? They'll be gone in a fortnight!

13:07

Although I've got to be honest, they were bloody lovely. Thank

13:10

you, Ludlow Nut Company! But

13:13

if I wanted them to last longer than two

13:15

weeks, then they needed to be in

13:17

the cupboard. And in a container that you can't

13:19

see through, so as to

13:22

not be constantly reminded that

13:24

they're there. They need to be out

13:26

of sight and out of mind. I

13:30

mean, it's done now, and hopefully I've learned my lesson.

13:32

Maybe that's the last tip I'll say here about that, actually.

13:35

Don't beat yourself up about

13:37

making mistakes along the way. If

13:40

you're learning anything,

13:42

whether that's Welsh on

13:44

Duolingo. Oh, happy St

13:46

David's Day, by the way. Sut dych

13:49

chi wrandawyr? Whether you're learning to

13:51

ride a bike, whether you're learning

13:53

self discipline, whatever

13:56

you're learning. You will get

13:58

it wrong as you practice.

14:00

Be okay with that. It's

14:04

100 percent part of the process

14:06

and something to embrace. If

14:09

you never make a mistake, then

14:11

you learn nothing. You

14:13

have to be okay with that. There

14:16

is no place for guilt

14:18

or shame in the learning

14:20

process. That's not how we learn. Activating

14:24

emotions like that would mean activating

14:26

a different area of the brain than the prefrontal

14:28

cortex, which stops it from being

14:31

strengthened. But it doesn't

14:33

stop learning. The

14:35

basal ganglia area of the brain, which

14:37

gets activated when we get emotional, does

14:39

encourage learning. But what

14:41

you'd be learning isn't what works

14:44

and what doesn't. You already probably

14:46

know what works and what doesn't. What

14:49

you'd be learning instead is how to

14:51

feel ashamed of yourself, and

14:53

that's really not going to help you strengthen your self

14:55

discipline. Right,

14:59

time's up folks. As always,

15:01

there's a weekly episode just like this

15:03

every Monday morning on my Patreon

15:05

page. Subscribe on there if you want

15:07

access to those. There are

15:10

hundreds of episodes. Hours

15:12

and hours and hours of stuff to help

15:14

you with your mental health and personal development.

15:17

And for the absolute bargain

15:19

price of just 6 a month,

15:22

which is far cheaper than therapy.

15:24

And although it might not replace therapy, it's a

15:26

blooming good leg up, I've been told.

15:28

So, have a great month, and I will speak

15:31

to you somewhere, either on here or

15:33

on Patreon again, very, very soon.

15:36

Take care, everyone. Bye for now.