0:00

Wrong Bug Podcast.

0:04

It's fun podcast.

0:10

And hey, boys and girls, Uncle

0:12

Ron's back in town and I

0:14

hope that couch is a pullout because

0:17

he's gonna crash here for a while. We're

0:19

back for season three. That's right. My

0:22

heart tried to get us off the air.

0:26

They said we were getting too political. But

0:28

the fans out there, that's right, you people,

0:31

they protested. You guys did to get

0:33

us back in the studio. You rioted,

0:35

You took days off from work to

0:37

storm the streets. You screamed,

0:40

you cried, and now we're here. We're actually

0:42

just renewed for a third season. We

0:44

talked to my heart, we negotiated another

0:47

contract and here we are. So there was just

0:49

for our listeners, there was no crisis. Well

0:52

okay, that's the cliff Notes version,

0:54

which completely discounts

0:56

the people's revolution. But yes, uh

0:59

please welcome back my co host Carolina.

1:02

Everyone, let's hear it for Carolina. Okay,

1:10

yeah, thank you, thank you.

1:13

Happy to be back, happy to be back, and I'm happy

1:15

to have you back. I am, and I do

1:17

not regret for a second that I chose

1:19

you as my co host again, despite

1:22

our mostly contentious relationship.

1:25

Wait, so you don't regret bringing me

1:27

back, or you do. I do.

1:32

Yes, I don't very

1:35

happy you're here, and we're

1:38

definitely not waiting

1:40

to hear on Angie Harmon's availability.

1:45

Wait what, it's just we

1:49

we reached out to her to see if

1:51

she could. It doesn't matter, Okay, I'm

1:53

just going to pretend it didn't hear that you said

1:55

to me that you had an announcement for season three.

1:57

Yes, this maybe the season

2:00

that I find el you

2:02

v love. That's

2:05

right. I don't know. I don't want to give it away, but

2:08

yeah, I am tired of making

2:10

love too many women, balancing schedules,

2:12

trying to remember fifteen names and even

2:15

more phone numbers. And I can't even

2:17

enjoy a dinner party with some of my closest male

2:19

friends without having one of their wives

2:22

jump me in the laund room and put me

2:24

in their hamper. Okay, I don't know if that's sexual

2:26

or like a hostage situation.

2:28

I also haven't had time to eat. Yep,

2:31

you guessed it. Too much love making, too

2:33

much, too much kissing, you know. And

2:36

I don't like to eat big meals before love making.

2:38

I think that's common when I'm at Chipotle

2:41

gearing up for a time with one of my dates, I

2:43

usually turned to a burrito bowl

2:45

instead of just a burrito. Taking

2:48

the tortilla out is my diet secret.

2:50

Interesting. Yes, I've dropped fifteen pounds

2:52

scaredline from switching to the Chippotle burrita

2:55

bowl. It still has like sour cream and avocado,

2:57

and so my goal for this season is

3:00

to lose weight with Chipotle's

3:02

burrito bold diet and

3:05

defined love. Well, that might be harder

3:07

than you expect. Well, it's simple.

3:09

I'd like to meet two nice women

3:11

and start a relationship with him. Okay,

3:14

I want no more drama. Mary J. Blige,

3:16

I mean unless you're into polyamory.

3:19

What what what was that word, Mama's

3:21

spaghetti. No, I said polyamory.

3:24

Oh sorry, I thought we were going to talk about Eminem's

3:27

performance at the Oscars, which was honestly

3:30

completely expected. I predicted

3:32

it. So polyamory is when you're

3:34

romantically involved with multiple people at

3:36

once. It's a state or a philosophy.

3:40

Carolina, I hate to break it to you, but that's called

3:42

dating. Well, no, it's different.

3:44

Some polyamorousts are married and date

3:47

people on the side. That's just called marriage.

3:49

Okay, Well, all I'm saying is, maybe find a

3:51

nice lady who you respect and admire

3:54

and reach out to her, and then and then see

3:56

what happens. Before you know,

3:58

you try to introduce her to someone else you're dating.

4:01

That's good, that's real good.

4:03

Hide them from each other, honest

4:06

to that. Then after a few months, maybe

4:08

during a romantic outing, reveal

4:11

that there is someone else. No, no, that's

4:13

not what I'm trying to say. In the meantime,

4:16

our guest today is my new girlfriend,

4:18

Lisa. No. No,

4:20

we're going to interview Jonathan Franz and today,

4:22

the novelist. It took me like six

4:25

months to schedule. I canceled him. Yeah,

4:27

last night I called his house at eleven

4:29

PM and I said, it's not gonna happen

4:32

Johnny, and I hung up. Run

4:35

why would you do that? I'll tell you why.

4:37

I recently started finding outer space

4:40

interesting. I've I've recently heard

4:42

that space last forever.

4:45

Think about that. Also, that

4:47

we are on a round blue,

4:50

greenish white.

4:53

Oh, how would you describe our Earth, Carolina? It's

4:56

a planet, No, something more catchy, you

4:58

know, modern vernacular. Earth is

5:00

the planet we live on. Okay, why

5:02

don't you work on that. Today's episode

5:05

is on outer space? Do

5:07

we have too much of it? How

5:09

much should it cost? How

5:11

high is it? But also how low

5:13

is it? And later we'll be meeting with

5:15

an astronaut. So I don't get the connection

5:18

between this and your love life. And the guest

5:20

is my girlfriend, Lisa, and

5:22

she's an astronaut. She's an astronaut,

5:25

full on astronaut. Where did you meet an astronaut?

5:27

She happens to have studied

5:30

at the NASA Training Facility in

5:32

Houston, Texas, where

5:35

she completed candidate training in two

5:37

thousand fourteen. And guess

5:39

what Caroline, out of a class of eighty applicants

5:42

guests who graduated top of her class?

5:45

She did. She graduated top

5:47

of her class. She even served

5:49

as a flight engineer on Expedition

5:52

three seven two to nine, six

5:55

four eight, five eleven

5:57

DASH Alpha Bravo Dash

6:00

E four seven DASH Jim and

6:02

I I was just curious, you want to

6:04

look that up just to double check my

6:06

work? Yeah, and that was that

6:08

was an expedition to guess where the

6:11

space station outer space? So

6:13

she's an astronaut. I wasn't happy

6:15

to get a copy of her driver's license if you want to check

6:18

that too. I'm

6:20

just curious, where did you meet

6:22

an astronaut? Where did I meet an astronaut?

6:26

My girlfriend Lisa? Yeah, where did

6:28

you meet her? In a shop?

6:31

In the shop, Yes,

6:33

in a shop in a strip

6:36

mall got it? You want me to draw

6:38

you a map. I'm not trying to give you the third

6:40

degree or anything. I really thought I was asking a

6:42

simple question. Don't you mean the fifth

6:44

degree? No, it's the third

6:46

degree. I think you might be thinking of the

6:48

fifth element. Oh

6:53

yep, that's

6:55

what I was thinking of. Yes,

6:57

okay. Anyway, so after you guys met in the shop,

7:00

Yes, then we went on one

7:02

date, just one. I'm

7:06

not a cat, so I

7:08

didn't try to, you know, sleep with her.

7:11

No, no, no, I

7:13

didn't try to pay for dinner. I

7:16

didn't pay for dinner. I didn't want to offend her.

7:19

She said, I think we can

7:21

both get this. That's

7:23

really generous of her. And then I winked

7:25

at her and I said, how about I get it

7:28

next time? You know, she

7:30

works for NASA, so she's pulling

7:32

down some major coin and

7:34

I'm I'm stuck in the

7:36

USS bunker with you after

7:40

day. Well, it's sinking

7:42

to the bottom of the ocean. I

7:45

might be dramatic, but just

7:49

bolt us in, send us

7:51

to our deaths. Anyway,

7:53

she left our way to a great tip, which led

7:55

me to believe that I may be dating

7:57

a very classy astrona lady.

8:01

So, since she paid for this meal, where are

8:03

you going to take her next? Oh? God? Great

8:05

question is is dippin' dots

8:07

still around? That's

8:09

cheap right? Well? Yeah, I mean

8:12

it's like a space ice cream, you know.

8:15

Yeah, you know what, give me a reservation for

8:17

eight pm tomorrow night at

8:20

the closest dippin Dots. So

8:23

for today, do you have any specific questions

8:25

about space? You want to ask her? For

8:28

our listeners? Yeah? Yeah, of course

8:30

yes. I wrote a few of them

8:32

down on this legal

8:35

pad here. Let me see, yes,

8:38

all right, Um,

8:41

what does NASSA stand for?

8:43

Oh that's a good. Well, that's a great question. I

8:46

actually know what it stands for. It stands for the National

8:48

Yeah, I think I'll ask the astronaut. But thanks,

8:52

it's this card. I

8:55

noticed that you have blue

8:57

bags under your eyes. You look so

9:00

tired. Do you think you have an iron deficiency?

9:02

Is this a real question? You're gonna you can't ask her

9:04

that. Yeah, well, I'm interested to hear more about

9:07

that because I have an iron deficiency,

9:09

and I think a lot of our listeners have

9:12

hired deficiencies. Nothing wrong

9:14

with that. You should never tell a woman she looks tired,

9:17

well, what am I supposed to say when she's

9:19

good? I mean that's like saying you should never

9:21

tell a woman

9:23

with a large stomach that they look pregnant.

9:26

You should never tell a woman with large You shouldn't

9:29

like never ever. Okay,

9:32

you I have seen you, because you know me, I'm

9:34

an open book. I always walk in,

9:37

you know, scour the room. Excuse

9:41

me, pregnant six months? Let

9:43

me guess I've personally

9:46

seen you do this, or you look like you're

9:48

having twins. Still,

9:50

Yeah, you've got to be really careful. I think people appreciate

9:53

the odesty kind of address

9:55

the elephant in the room. So

9:58

read the next she's oh

10:01

my god, Ron, you can't ask her these questions.

10:03

What goes on down there? When you're all the way

10:05

up there, you've only been on one day?

10:08

Shut up, shut up. She's here, she's here.

10:11

Look look out the window. Oh my

10:13

god, Wow, she's so pretty.

10:15

She really is? Does she know she's here super

10:17

early. Alright, gotta get ready,

10:19

pass me my comb. Okay, you know

10:22

your hair looks great. Wait,

10:24

oh my gosh, now it looks really good. You really

10:27

do know how to grown. And she'd probably

10:29

get my pants on. You're not wearing

10:31

pants when my legs are sitting under the

10:33

table. No, do you wear shoes

10:35

to bed? God, I'm

10:37

a little jittery. I

10:39

just want a nice step mom for my son.

10:42

You literally never talked about your son. Oh,

10:46

Lisa, Hey, Hi, why

10:49

do you go ahead and have a seat right there? Welcome,

10:52

Welcome to the party. I am Carolina

10:54

co host. Nice to meet you. Say

10:57

you're the one.

11:03

Yeah, okay,

11:08

okay, let's take a commercial break. We'll be right

11:10

back with the Ron Burgundy Podcast.

11:13

My astronaut girlfriend Lisa needs

11:15

a kiss, and Carolina is

11:17

getting a little cranky. Not Welcome

11:33

back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Today's

11:36

episode is on outer space.

11:39

Neil Armstrong, Sandra

11:41

Bullock, Buzz Aldrin,

11:44

Kevin Bacon. These are some of

11:46

the most famous astronauts of all

11:48

time. Well, I think there's some confusion because

11:50

Kevin Bacon played an astronaut in a

11:52

movie, so did Sandra boul look in a different

11:55

movie. Yes, and they're famous.

11:58

Yeah, okay, I see weak man. Let's

12:00

just move on. But today I am joined by Lisa,

12:03

my girlfriend, who is out

12:05

of this world cool. She's

12:07

been in outer space. Ron,

12:09

we've been on one date. One.

12:12

I mean, that doesn't really make his boyfriend and girlfriend

12:14

yet? Ron? Why are you shuffling in your seat

12:17

like that? Are you scooting? Are you

12:19

excited? I'm not. I have

12:21

to pee. I got excited

12:23

and held it. Okay, Ron, just

12:25

go pee? Okay, thanks,

12:28

we can cut this. Hi,

12:35

Hi, thanks, thank you so much for

12:37

doing this. It's so amazing to meet an

12:40

actual astronaut. Thanks. Yeah, it's it's awesome.

12:42

How's it going with Ron? He's so

12:44

much better than my ex? Oh?

12:48

Good to year? Is that an over? Sure? No? No,

12:50

that's totally fine. Yeah he was a psycho.

12:52

I almost killed him. Girl

12:56

talk, girl talk?

12:59

What were you guys talking about? Where you buy

13:01

your wigs? Ron?

13:07

What were you going to say? What about? Just now?

13:09

You were talking about your ex? And what? What? Sorry?

13:13

Never mind? Okay, Ron, why don't you ask Lisa

13:15

one of your space questions? Oh?

13:18

Sure, yes, good idea?

13:20

Okay, Lisa, who

13:23

shot the moon landing, Stanley

13:25

Kubrick or the director mcg no

13:29

ron that was real. The

13:32

moon landing was real. It's

13:34

a common conspiracy theory. Um,

13:36

Lisa, I want to ask you. I'm curious about floating

13:38

water in space. Is that a real phenomenon?

13:40

Yes, that's actually one of my favorite tidbits. Astronomers

13:43

have found a massive water vapor cloud which holds

13:46

one and forty trillion times the

13:48

massive water in the Earth's oceans. It's

13:50

about ten billion light years

13:52

away. Sounds like how long it takes Carolina

13:54

to grab me a coffee in billion

13:57

light years? Okay, yeah,

14:00

Bixter, Well, at least he's not a cheater. What

14:03

the only thing I've ever cheated on is

14:05

my diet? Sorry, he

14:09

was a cheater, so I'm sorry.

14:12

Ah,

14:15

Okay, it's okay. People have you

14:17

don't have to be a first boyfriend. Okay,

14:22

let's let

14:24

me just take a knee here for a second. Just

14:30

let this moment pass. Didn't

14:34

anticipate that piece of informacione

14:39

than Um.

14:42

All right, you know what, do you actually have coffee

14:44

here? Yeah? Okay, yeah we do. If you just

14:46

leave the room and there's a pod thing, if you just make

14:48

a right, Okay, great? Thanks? Who

14:55

are a bit of a gut punch. I'm

14:58

not gonna lie to you U. But

15:00

hey, other than that, what do you think?

15:03

Right? She's great? Do you

15:05

want her to be your mommy? Know

15:08

what? No, she's not going to be my mommy.

15:11

If you guys date, no, I know. But

15:13

but if you could choose a new mommy,

15:16

wouldn't you want it to be her? Lisa the

15:18

astronaut? That astronaut. No, she

15:20

seems a little dark, maybe a little um

15:23

obsessed with her ax? No, no,

15:25

no, I believe me. Tell me about a girlfriend.

15:28

But I just you know, I tuned her out when she starts

15:31

talking about him. That's what I was doing there at least

15:36

fresh hot coffee. Oh yeah,

15:39

delicious. So any more space questions?

15:42

How was your experience up

15:44

there? You know, when you when you

15:46

went in your your shiny rocket

15:48

ship? Did

15:52

something? Did something happen? Lisa?

15:54

Nothing? No, everything's

15:56

fine. I don't have to pee either either.

16:02

You're cookie. Gotta

16:04

love you? Sorry? Can you just tell me

16:06

what happened with your ex? Carolina? Why

16:08

is wrong with you? Where

16:11

is that music coming from my chest?

16:13

I'm so sorry, guys, that's actually my daughter playing

16:16

Magilla. Don't. I'm

16:18

sorry. Oh that's okay. She sounds great.

16:20

Nick, You've got a talented kid. I'm leaving.

16:22

You make me sick. Carolina, what

16:24

Lisa? I warned you about this? Why

16:27

are you acting so surprised? I said. Everyone at

16:29

the studio is nice, but Carolina

16:31

may try to pry into your personal life,

16:34

and she'll make you sick. I'm sorry. There were just

16:36

so many teases about your

16:38

past. It just felt like you wanted to talk about.

16:40

Yes, I was an astronaut, a brilliant astronaut,

16:43

the likes of which you've never seen. But while

16:45

I was up there looking at the moon and

16:47

the planets and all that, my husband

16:49

was cheating on me. I'm so sorry.

16:51

So when I found out, I did what any normal woman

16:53

would do. Are you the astronaut who wore the diapers?

16:56

I bought a wig and a trench coat and disguised

16:58

myself sexiest staff And then I

17:00

put on my Space diapers and

17:03

I drove nine miles before getting pulled over

17:05

by authorities. And I

17:07

never thought i'd find love again. And then you

17:09

met me. No, I met this other

17:11

guy who was great, but he broke

17:13

up with me when he saw my space diapers. And

17:16

then Ron and I met at the silver ware shop and it just felt

17:18

right. Yeah. I was at the silver ware

17:21

shop looking for an oyster

17:23

fork. It's what Baxter

17:25

uses to eat spaghetti. Got it.

17:28

It's now becoming clear to me that this is never

17:30

going to work out. Hold hold on, hold on, listen.

17:32

This makes sound crazy, but I don't judge

17:34

a thing. Just so you know, Lisa, I mean, we've

17:37

we've all taken a road trip

17:39

in a diaper seeking

17:41

revenge. Oh no, I haven't done that.

17:43

I've never done that. Okay, well hold on. Let me clarify

17:45

that people who date regularly have got

17:48

it, Lisa, Can I ask, I'm sorry to

17:50

ask, are you wearing a diaper right now? What

17:55

do you think?

17:59

All right, she's aating in her shorts. I

18:01

can hear it dripping onto the carpet.

18:05

Yep, I recognize your in shorts anywhere.

18:08

So you're not wearing a diaper. We got it? Nick,

18:10

can we cut to a commercial and we'll be right

18:12

back. Welcome

18:22

back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. I

18:25

honestly think today went very well.

18:27

You do a great normal start

18:30

to season three. Nothing weird

18:32

happened, and I may have found

18:35

love. I truly think that I'm

18:37

I am not delusional. I am what

18:39

they call in the medical profession,

18:42

a stable genius. I'm sorry

18:44

you think today went well, Yes, I

18:47

really do. You met my girlfriend and

18:49

we both got to know a little

18:52

more about her. It was easy, peasy.

18:54

I don't think she ever was your girlfriend.

18:56

I'm going to be honest with you, and

18:59

I think if she was, I think I think it's over.

19:01

I think I just lost your train of thought.

19:03

So when security was carrying her out right,

19:06

she screamed, and I repeat, she

19:09

screamed, never contact me again.

19:12

Go to a different silver ware shop.

19:14

Well that is crazy. That is

19:16

crazy because there is one good silverware

19:19

shop in all of San Diego, and

19:21

that's fork It up right on the corner

19:23

of Bernwood Street. So if

19:25

she thinks I'm going anywhere else, she's really

19:28

messed up. Yeah, she

19:30

she is. Listen, If she doesn't want

19:32

to see me again, that that may be

19:35

a red flag for me. I may

19:37

have to break up with her, you know what. You

19:39

may have to call her and tell her. I

19:41

think we should take some time off. Do

19:44

you mind, You don't mind? Yeah,

19:47

I'll handle it. Oh my goodness, that

19:49

would be great. And

19:52

I still believe season three will

19:54

be this season I find love. Sure

19:58

you don't believe that, No I do. I

20:01

do you? You

20:04

don't look like you believe it. But

20:06

but then again, your face always looks sort

20:08

of grimacing like that, like you like

20:11

you just saw something horrible, like two feral

20:14

dogs fighting over a toddler's

20:17

dress. You my face is completely

20:19

neutral anyway. If I

20:21

don't find love this season, no,

20:24

I'll find love. Absolutely, it'll

20:26

happen. I can't believe I doubted

20:28

myself even for a second. Just please don't

20:30

fall in love with all of our guests.

20:33

You know what now, I

20:36

I won't fall in love with any of our

20:38

guests. These will be women in the

20:40

outside world, women I meet

20:42

in silverware shops, mirror

20:45

stores, outside by

20:47

that truck that sells black market ivory

20:49

combs. I don't want to know about that. And then I'll

20:52

bring them into the studio so the audience can

20:54

go on this ride with me. And I won't

20:56

bring someone in every week. That's the mistake

20:58

I made today. But this season and I

21:00

will meet the woman I am going

21:02

to marry In the meantime. I'd love

21:04

if we could focus on our episodes topic.

21:07

Well, I think we learned a lot about

21:09

outer space today, you do. I mean

21:11

we didn't even talk about stars or you

21:13

know the controversy over Pluto. I'm still speaking,

21:16

thank you. Okay. To learn more about

21:18

space, please visit Google

21:20

dot com and type in a question. That's

21:23

the website I used to learn more about space.

21:25

You can type in other stuff too. They're

21:28

the best. They're absolutely the best. They read

21:30

a first class operation there. Or

21:33

you can also watch the movie

21:36

Rocket Man. I think

21:38

that's the Elton John biopic starring

21:41

Taran ed Edgerton. Okay,

21:44

The Edge nicknamed

21:46

The Edge. I think that movie came out

21:49

last year in May May.

21:52

I sure did. Do you have a promo

21:55

deal with them, tarn Edgerson.

21:58

Rocketman brought to you by Paramount Pictures

22:01

Viacom Company. You really should include us

22:03

all in those sales. You can't

22:05

do under the table. One. Whenever I go to see a movie,

22:07

I see a movie by Paramount Pictures. Dune,

22:10

Dune, Dune, Dun Dune, Paramount

22:14

number one in movie makings. It's rocket

22:18

Man. In theaters, we

22:20

have a commercial break for this reason. That's my

22:22

man. Tear An Edgeton, thank

22:27

you as always for listening, and

22:30

I love you, Hm. I

22:34

love you all. It's true. I

22:37

love you, not

22:39

just say that anything

22:42

you want to say, Carolina, I love you too.

22:44

I love our listeners. I love you,

22:47

But do you mean it the way I mean it? Well, that's

22:49

hard to say. I don't know. I

22:52

saw you once say I love you too,

22:54

because I get a get a mental

22:56

image of every single one of our

22:58

listeners when I say I love you, HM,

23:03

all the all the cartoon faces. When

23:05

I have a mental limit, when I picture all

23:07

of our listeners, it's pretty much

23:09

the cast of Peanuts. Peanuts

23:12

cartoons. Yeah,

23:14

I can see that. Well, then I love you. I'm

23:16

featuring every member. Well

23:19

it's a it's settled. We love

23:22

you, Thank you. Got

23:24

you next time on the Iron Burgundy

23:26

podcast. Tell all

23:28

your friends and neighbors to listen.