0:04

Ron Burguny Podcast. Hello

0:11

and welcome to the Ron

0:13

Burgundy Podcast. Carolina,

0:16

how are you doing. I'm

0:19

fine. I've just been waiting here for two

0:21

hours. I thought was everything

0:24

okay, everything was fine. We said

0:26

twelve o'clock, didn't we Yeah,

0:29

I just um, it's two

0:31

o'clock, is it? Oh?

0:34

My watch is two hours

0:36

slow? Not my

0:40

apologies, and I usually

0:43

remember when I wear this watch. Remember, Ronnie,

0:45

this one's two hours slow.

0:47

So keep that in mind. I

0:50

can help me get that fixed, or we can get you a

0:52

new I don't know. It's kind of a a

0:54

little superstitious. I'm like a ball player, you

0:56

know that way where hey,

0:59

if it ain't broke, it is, it's

1:02

just runs slow, that's

1:05

it. Because I'm afraid they're gonna take a look

1:07

underneath the hood, so to speak, and replace

1:09

it with Chinese

1:11

parts or something. I don't know. Regardless,

1:15

we're here, we're

1:17

queer. Get used right, which

1:20

is a classic classics saying

1:22

from the revolutionary wartimes. Um,

1:24

I'd like to open up the old mail bag

1:26

and pick out some letters from our fans.

1:29

We have a mail bag? Did someone give us I

1:32

didn't know that we have one? Hello, Carolina,

1:34

Back from the beach. Yes, we

1:36

have a mail bag. Of course, we have

1:38

a mail bag. We've always had a mail bag.

1:40

This is a real podcast, you know. I

1:43

get a lot of letters about all kinds

1:46

of subjects, furniture repair, dog

1:48

grooming, skincare, book

1:51

binding, chemistry. I've

1:53

been asked how to pick combination

1:55

locks, how to make your own lumber

1:57

mill, how to make love as a popular

2:00

a question of course, and how to be

2:02

classy, just to name a few. So I try and

2:04

respond to every letter I get with at least

2:06

ten to fifteen pages. But some

2:08

subjects deserve a whole book, and

2:11

believe me, I'm working on it. When

2:13

I'm done, i'll have a whole encyclopedia,

2:15

twenty volumes of information on

2:18

just about everything under the sun. Look

2:21

out, Wiggy Waggy, I'm coming for you, twenty

2:23

eight or twenty nine volumes, weighing over

2:26

a hundred and forty pounds

2:28

of solid book weight, leather

2:30

bound and available on the installment

2:32

plan. The Ron Burgundy Encyclopedia will

2:35

have so much information you'll never need

2:37

to look at your phone again. I'm

2:39

so sorry you're writing an encyclopedia. Yes,

2:42

yes, I am, okay, And how far have you gotten.

2:44

I don't know. Gosh,

2:47

if I had to guess, maybe fifty pages

2:51

pages, Well, I mean they need

2:53

to be typed up. We're talking

2:55

to my tape requorder almost every day while

2:57

I'm driving, or playing golf, or at the

2:59

movie ease in the supermarket,

3:01

even even when I'm sleeping. You talk into

3:03

a tape recorder at the movies. Sure,

3:06

you never know when a great

3:09

idea or or some knowledge

3:11

is going to pop into your brain. You have to be ready to

3:14

to get it down. And anyway,

3:16

Yeah, so I've recorded reams

3:18

and reams of information

3:20

and someone just needs to type it up to Dada

3:25

Encyclopedia. Yes, okay,

3:27

so but I'm getting off subject, which I hate

3:30

to do. Back to the mail

3:32

bag, Um, okay, let's

3:34

see here. Here is a letter I got

3:36

only last week from one of my fan

3:40

club Premium gold members. Do

3:42

people pay to be in your fan club?

3:45

There's different levels.

3:47

There's Premium Gold is the

3:50

top level. We may start

3:53

platinum uh

3:55

next fall, but right now it's Premium Gold

3:59

and you can all the perks that come with Premium

4:01

Gold. Dear Ron, my

4:04

name is Timmy Wilson and I'm eleven

4:06

years old and next week me and

4:08

some of my friends are going camping. That's

4:11

adorable, right, I've never been

4:13

camping. My father is a pussy who

4:16

works in an office making coffee and

4:18

eating doughnuts and doesn't have time

4:20

for me or my sister. You can't

4:22

even throw a football or ride a bike or do

4:24

anything. He mainly sits in a chair

4:26

at home and watches news. And I guess I

4:28

love him, but sometimes I think he's not my

4:30

real father because my mother is around

4:32

a lot. Anyway, if you

4:35

have any tips on camping, I

4:37

sure would like it, because my dad is

4:39

a real never mos the lawn

4:41

or fixes anything, and doesn't know a

4:43

thing about anything fun. Your

4:46

friend Timmy Wilson, is

4:48

he okay? Oh my god,

4:50

what was that letter? Well it was in the

4:52

Premium Gold He's a Premium Gold member, so

4:55

he's got to be doing pretty good. Uh

4:58

well, Timmy, you're in because

5:00

I know just about everything you

5:02

need to know about camping an outdoor life,

5:05

and today I'm gonna give you some fast

5:07

tips that'll make you look like a

5:09

real little outdoorsman. Your friends

5:11

will think you must have some kind of great

5:13

father, even if you and I know he's a real

5:17

So, without further ado, here's the Ron Burgundy

5:19

Ultimate Short Guide to Camping. And

5:21

I say short guide because there's a book

5:23

coming, but it's several years away. Now.

5:30

Today, I have a simplest of five

5:32

things you'll need for any

5:34

camping trip. Carolina. Are you ready?

5:37

Yes? Okay, Well we'll be right

5:40

back with that after these

5:43

messages. Right

5:45

well, right back after these messages left,

5:56

and we are back on the Ron Burgundy Podcast.

5:58

Carolina, you got your head in the game. I don't

6:01

know why you keep checking on me doing a

6:03

camping to do list for one of our Premium

6:06

Gold Fan club members, Timmy Wilson.

6:08

Yes, sorry, I thought

6:10

we were going to interview Richard Dreyfust today.

6:13

Dry Fust will have to wait. This Timmy

6:15

Wilson camping situation needs immediate

6:18

attention called drive us up, and you

6:21

know, do one of your lies. Don't

6:24

play dumb over there. You're a classic

6:26

liar. Your mouth is like a lying

6:28

factory, assembling lie after lie

6:31

after lies. So don't play dumb with me. Okay.

6:34

Camping tips for a little Timmy Wilson never

6:36

said he was little. Camping Tip

6:38

number one, Timmy, if you're

6:40

going to go camping. The first thing you'll

6:42

need to buy is a good RV, preferably

6:45

a fter, but you can go as

6:48

small as fourteen and still haul a boat

6:50

trailer without too much trouble. Without

6:53

a solid recreational vehicle timmy

6:55

camping will be a real yeah.

7:00

Ok uh, No one wants

7:02

to put up a tent and sleep on the dirt.

7:04

That's for long hairs and Civil War reenactors,

7:06

not for real campers. A good

7:08

RV will have at least eight power

7:11

outlets for the usual camping

7:13

supplies stove, toaster, blender,

7:16

emergency radio, pleasure

7:18

radio, TV, and wine refrigerator.

7:21

I prefer the longer to fort r

7:24

vs because you get the large living

7:26

room area for entertaining and watching the

7:28

game. Don't cheap out and look for an

7:30

old school bus. That's not camping. That's

7:32

called being in a rock and roll band,

7:34

and it has nothing to do with the appreciation of nature.

7:37

I'm sorry. What's pleasure radio? Pleasure

7:40

radio is just for

7:43

you know, listening to music

7:46

stations and

7:48

then emergency radio. You just keep dialed

7:51

to more AM news stations,

7:53

or you can keep it on like an emergency frequency

7:57

for emergency information, or

8:00

you can get a Bobcat scanner. All

8:03

right, Tip number two skip

8:06

the big parks. As an

8:08

American, I couldn't be more proud of

8:10

our great national park system

8:12

with all its many glorious parks,

8:15

from Yellowstone to Big ben from

8:17

Sequoia to the Everglades. We

8:19

live in the eighth greatest country in the

8:21

world, and I actually

8:24

get choked up thinking about

8:26

our national parks. Run

8:30

m Are you okay? Is

8:34

it? Is it the nature? Yeah,

8:37

I'm okay. I just get a little

8:40

choked up. What they think about

8:42

a majestic bald eagle soaring

8:44

on the wings of freedom or large

8:48

mouth bass? Is it leaps

8:51

from a cool lake? The

8:53

call of the wolves and the cry of the

8:55

bobcat. We live

8:59

in a

9:02

great country.

9:05

You said it was the eighth greatest country in the

9:07

world. Eighth

9:09

greatest country, Yes, but

9:12

number eight is pretty

9:14

high up. However,

9:18

it's better to park the RV in

9:21

a state park where there are a few rules

9:23

and regulations. If you get my

9:25

drift your you're gonna want to keep

9:27

the music and wine flowing late into the

9:30

night. And those national parks can be a real

9:32

wet blanket for fun. Sometimes

9:34

I'll park in a Walmart parking lot. That

9:36

way, you're right next to supplies, and you

9:39

you tend to meet all kinds of interesting folks

9:41

in a Walmart parking lot late

9:43

at night. And I can tell you from experience

9:45

though, do not start a fire in

9:47

a Walmart parking lot. That that's a big no

9:49

no. Just something to keep in mind. Tip

9:52

number three. If you're gonna steal

9:55

picnic baskets, look out for

9:57

those sneaky park rangers. The

9:59

number one crime in all national and state

10:01

parks, and people don't know this is picnic

10:04

basket theft. And as

10:06

fun as it is to snag a picnic

10:09

basket and run from a ranger, the

10:11

consequence can be fatal. Gun

10:14

happy park rangers are taught to shoot first

10:16

and ask questions later if they suspect

10:18

a basket robbery. That said, there's

10:20

nothing more exhilarating than grabbing a basket

10:23

of sandwiches and potatoes salad

10:25

making a break for it. I've probably stolen

10:27

over a hundred baskets in it. It never

10:30

gets old. Picnic

10:32

baskets. One hundred at

10:34

least picnic baskets.

10:37

Yes. In fact, there's one family I

10:39

target every July when

10:42

they go up to Yosemite for their family reunion.

10:44

So see you soon, Mr and Mrs

10:46

Anderson. Uh.

10:49

Tip number four, wear a

10:51

suit. Most people who go

10:53

camping think camping means never looking good.

10:56

I've seen men and women out there wearing the

10:58

same pair of shorts for days.

11:01

No socks, no vests, no jackets, just

11:03

t shirts and shorts. Sometimes

11:05

they're they're barefoot. If you can believe it, it's

11:07

probably the way you dress when you go camping.

11:09

Carolina. Well, yeah, I mean I like camping,

11:12

and I dressed pretty casual because

11:14

you're you're gonna get dirty anyway,

11:16

So why get all do all that? You know, boy,

11:19

no one is listening out there. Don't listen to Carolina.

11:22

Camping is no time to skimp on

11:24

style and class. You You can wear

11:26

a suit. They make nice leisure

11:28

suits with plenty of stretch and bold colors

11:30

for outdoor living. It doesn't have to be

11:32

a three piece suit, although I prefer all

11:34

three pieces. But you really should

11:36

wear a suit. The only time you wouldn't

11:39

wear a suit, of course, is when you go for

11:41

a swim in the lake or the other of

11:43

you wear a bathing suit. Wrong again, young

11:45

lady. Tip number four always swim in the

11:47

nude when you're out in the wild always,

11:51

it's invigorating and liberating and makes

11:53

you feel it one with nature. When

11:56

you're hitting parts are free, you feel free.

11:58

It's that simple. It's probably illegal

12:00

though, you know this. Um,

12:03

we just have to keep in mind what we're telling Timmy

12:05

because he's eleven, and we told him to buy an

12:07

RV and to wear a suit free p suit,

12:10

and now we're telling him to you know, get naked

12:12

in National Park. Okay, well,

12:14

then I'm also happy

12:16

to tell Timmy this. If it's illegal

12:18

to be free and wild, then

12:20

what kind of constitution did George

12:22

Washington? Right? Does he say we're

12:24

supposed to be free and wild? I'm

12:27

pretty sure because

12:29

I you know, I don't know how you

12:31

feel, but I don't want to live in a country

12:33

where men and women can't swim in the nude and

12:35

sunbathe in the nude and walk through

12:37

town nude. I just don't. And Timmy,

12:40

if you're listening, and I know you are, you're

12:42

listening out there, never be afraid to take your clothes

12:44

off and walk around town. It's the best advice

12:47

I can give. I just want to know that Timmy

12:49

is okay, I mean his dad's

12:51

his mom's number

12:53

five. When telling ghost stories

12:55

around the fire at night, remember the

12:58

sound effects. Ghost

13:00

stories are not scary without

13:03

proper sound effects. Here's an example.

13:06

I could hear each footstep

13:09

as the headless man slowly

13:12

comes up the stairwell towards

13:14

my room. Great, great

13:18

squeak, craig.

13:21

See. With the proper sound effect, the

13:23

storytelling is elevated. It

13:25

puts you right in the scene. You try,

13:28

you try, airline, do the footsteps cree

13:33

cree

13:35

c Holy, that's

13:37

terrible. It sounds like you're

13:39

singing. I'm

13:41

sorry, it's not scary at all. Here's

13:44

one inside

13:47

the walls. I could hear the

13:49

ideous sound of the cold

13:52

beating heart. But but

13:54

dump, but dump, but

13:56

dump? Huh? Pretty scary, right,

13:59

It's not just the storytelling, it's

14:01

the sound effects. People will jump out of their

14:03

skin. Here's a cat sound. I make

14:06

me tell

14:12

me that doesn't scare the Carolina.

14:15

Okay, you try a cat's okay?

14:19

Oh my god, not to sell. Do not invite

14:21

Carolina to the ghost storytelling time

14:24

around the fire. Seriously about

14:26

this. You call out the ghost story sound

14:28

effect you want to hear and I'll give

14:30

it to you. Okay, I'll give it to you. Good um.

14:33

Okay, creaky door here

14:39

which I'm

14:41

an old witch and I need

14:43

to children. Demon

14:46

dog howl, oh good one um,

14:53

rattling chains, scantle scantle

14:55

skins, gettle scantle skills, blood

14:58

curdling scream, oh

15:03

um, eating human flesh,

15:09

ghost noise. Okay,

15:16

I need to stuff this. Stuffs

15:19

getting too scary. But I think

15:21

you see what I mean, right, Yeah,

15:23

I was terrifying. We had great sound effects

15:26

to your ghost stories. I mean it really

15:29

will make you the hit of the camp and

15:31

and you know that's about it for

15:33

camping tips. Now, Timmy,

15:35

get out there and have fun, all

15:38

right, Carolina, what's next from the

15:40

old mail bag? Okay, so the thing is

15:42

that we don't have a mail bag or a fan club. I don't

15:44

even know where you got that letter from that little

15:46

kid, because that's such a messed up life

15:49

from Timmy. Yeah, well,

15:51

then it's on to the next

15:53

segment. Let's say the podcast

15:55

is humming along just fine. When

15:57

we get back, we'll play our celebrated

16:00

animal names song and

16:13

welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Let

16:16

me just take a pause

16:18

here and ask Carolina a question. Have

16:22

you ever thought that some

16:25

animal names were just stupid? What

16:27

do you mean, like the names we call

16:30

animals like dog and

16:32

moves and shark? Like like

16:34

who came up with these names? I

16:37

don't know who came up with any names. You know, they're

16:39

just part of the language. I guess, Yeah,

16:42

that's what I'm talking about. It's pretty pretty random,

16:44

you know. I mean, why don't we call

16:46

dogs squinks? Have

16:49

you been? Are you smoking pot? I'm

16:51

sorry, I don't know what's going on? Or sharks wouldn't

16:54

wouldn't a better name be dragoons?

16:57

I just feel like if you called sharks dragoons, people

16:59

wouldn't know what you were talking about. And well

17:01

that's why we have to change things to get it right.

17:04

Raccoon isn't right at all, but double

17:07

wins, that is,

17:09

See what I'm saying. I don't really name

17:12

an animal with a bad name. Um,

17:15

woodpecker. Oh right, that's

17:17

a terrible name. It should be called

17:19

a lanceer ROI okay,

17:21

how about an elephant? Um,

17:23

I wouldn't want to change that one. They nailed

17:25

that one. But an eagle, I

17:27

mean, give me a break. An eagle should be called

17:29

a Tanta Martin. See, this

17:32

is fun. What about a coyote?

17:34

Awful name, just awful. We

17:36

should be calling coyotes char nips.

17:39

That's what they look like. You try

17:41

one. How about a cat? I would

17:43

call a cat a gravel t it wonderful,

17:46

Carolina, A gravel t it is the best name

17:48

ever for a cat. How about

17:50

a pig? My new name for a pig is a gorrant.

17:53

Nice. We'll start calling pigs gorrants

17:55

today. There

17:57

are so many names we can

18:00

change. Animals

18:02

have stupid names. Let's

18:05

make them new. It's a fun thing to

18:07

do. Let's change the names

18:10

of animals like pan

18:13

or lizard or even

18:16

a vampire bath.

18:19

Let's change all the names. It's

18:21

a fun, fun game. Let's change

18:23

the names of animals. Wasn't

18:30

that fun? Uh,

18:34

we'll be right back after this. Alright,

18:47

we're back to the Ron Burgundy podcast. Well, Carolina,

18:49

we've done it again. No guests,

18:52

me talking, you listening a complete

18:54

show. Actually we're a little short run

18:57

short. No, it's impossible. I got a custom

18:59

made real Lex Aviation special

19:01

edition time piece that hasn't missed a

19:03

second of its life guaranteed.

19:06

See is not the watch that says

19:08

that yeah, two hours. Yeah,

19:11

it's a rule X. Role

19:13

x is spelled with one L and an X at

19:15

the end. So what's not mine?

19:18

Mine is spelled r O L

19:20

l e k S. So that's

19:22

not a rule X. That's actually some kind of knockoff. Dare

19:25

you? I bought this legitimately from a guy

19:27

who desperately needed a bus ticket to get

19:29

back to his wife and kids who were being held

19:32

at gunpoint by Russian agents.

19:34

That sounds like a scam, Carolina,

19:37

Who in their right mind would make up

19:39

a story like that to just try and

19:41

get two thousand dollars? You paid two

19:43

thou dollars for that watch? I did,

19:45

and I lend in my car. The situation

19:47

seemed pretty desperate, I mean, Russian

19:50

agents. Can you imagine your family being held

19:52

by Russian agents and not being able

19:55

to help? You? Lent this guy your car?

19:57

When was this about? Oh, let's

19:59

see eight years ago? Um? And has

20:01

he returned the car? Not yet? You will?

20:03

Okay? He left me his name and number

20:06

and it's right here in my wallet, let's

20:08

hear Justin

20:10

Blieber four nine six seven

20:14

three. Okay, Yes, that sounds legit.

20:16

You did not get taken for two thou dollars in

20:18

your car. I am sorry. No need to apologize

20:21

to me. It's Mr Blieber. You should

20:23

apologize to well. Even though that's a legit

20:25

role X watch. We are still short

20:27

on time. I've got an idea. Let's show our

20:29

listeners my one of a kind

20:32

legendary knife collection. It's a podcast,

20:34

so we can't really show them anything. Well, you describe

20:37

the knives and I'll tell people a little bit about

20:39

each one. When I worked in radio, we had

20:41

to paint pictures for our audience all the time.

20:43

So you can do it. It'll be fun. Okay,

20:45

sure, I guess if it gets us through the show.

20:47

Um, where is this one of a kind

20:49

knife collection? Where I always

20:52

keep it in the trunk of my

20:54

car? So I'll just I'll just go

20:56

get it and we can we can take

20:58

a Breakay,

21:11

here we go. Oh my god, Oh

21:13

my god, you

21:17

keep all of those knives in the trunk

21:20

of your car? Yes, I do. I need them in

21:22

the trunk because I have to take

21:24

them to knife shows all over Southern

21:26

California to display and trade with other

21:29

knife collectors. It's it's a hobby and

21:31

I enjoy it. Pick one anyone.

21:33

Okay that one? Oh boy,

21:35

did you? Did you not understand me? You need to paint

21:38

a picture of the knife you're pointing

21:40

at and then I'll talk about it. Okay,

21:43

yes, right, talk about that one. It doesn't

21:45

even have a blade, and

21:48

um, it's kind of wooden looking,

21:50

but it doesn't have a blade and there's a metal

21:53

ring on it. This is going to be rough. Yikes.

21:55

Okay, say it's wooden and has a ring on

21:57

it. It does, however, have a

22:00

aid. It's a Boy Scout

22:02

pocket knife. See the blade

22:04

folds out like this, I

22:06

cut myself. I'm

22:10

gonna need a band aid. No, biggie, are

22:12

you okay? It's nothing, barely got the skinned?

22:14

Keep going. Uh? So you

22:16

were in the Boy Scouts. Of course I was. It's

22:18

a wonderful, time honored institution

22:21

that teaches young boys to be men through

22:24

camping and woodcraft and first

22:27

aid and bird watching. I was an Eagle

22:29

Scout for your information, Is that special?

22:31

It's a very big deal. Yes.

22:33

So that's not really a rare knife, not really,

22:36

but it does have an interesting story behind it.

22:38

I joined the Boy Scouts when I

22:40

was about nine. I had been

22:42

a Cub Scout of course, so the transition

22:44

was fairly easy. I waited

22:47

with heart pounding anticipation

22:49

all summer long for our first big inter

22:51

troop jamboree. Every

22:53

troop from the whole state would be there, and not

22:55

just the twenty boys in my troop,

22:57

but thousands of eager young scouts.

23:00

Our scout master was a man's man

23:02

who knew everything about camping and

23:04

boating and making fires. We

23:06

we called him Mr Safely because

23:10

if you ever were doing something dangerous,

23:12

he would come up from behind and hug you real

23:14

tight to keep you safe. Anyway,

23:17

one night, after we had roasted marshmallows

23:19

and told scary stories, everyone went

23:21

to bed. Mr Safely asked

23:23

if I could come to his tent before going

23:25

to bed. It was something a lot of

23:28

the boys did and was considered a real honor.

23:30

There was something you wanted to show me. Um,

23:33

maybe we can cut the story short. It doesn't seem

23:35

like such a good idea. Anyway, I got my PGS

23:38

and I went off to Mr. Safely's tent. He

23:40

had a big tent filled with candy and magazines

23:43

and cool stuff, and he offered me a candy and

23:45

asked if I had a girlfriend. Then

23:47

he said he had something he wanted to show me,

23:49

something he was hiding in his shorts.

23:52

He told me to close my eyes, and then I heard

23:54

some rustling. When I opened my eyes, guess

23:56

what was sticking right in

23:58

my face? Um?

24:02

A wiener? Huh

24:04

what a wiener? No,

24:07

no, you dummy? This pocket knife? Oh

24:09

my god, a wiener. Where did you get that

24:11

from? No? He gave me my

24:14

very first pocket knife. Yeah,

24:16

he gave him out to all the boys that we're doing good,

24:19

a weener. It's just you hear these stories

24:21

about these scout masters. I don't know what kind

24:23

of stories you're talking about. Pick

24:26

another knife, weener, really, mr

24:28

safely, seriously, here, pick

24:31

another knife. Describe

24:34

it. Um, it's long, has

24:37

leather, and it's some jewels.

24:41

Carolina. You really cannot

24:43

paint a picture, can you. That's

24:46

called a gladius, and it's actually

24:48

a short Roman sword, or sometimes

24:50

referred to incorrectly as a dagger.

24:54

I have daggers, hundreds of daggers,

24:56

and this is no dagger.

25:00

The leather case is called a scabbard.

25:02

And believe me, you need the case because

25:05

these things are two sided and very

25:07

sharp. This one I paid a pretty

25:09

penny for how much I bought

25:11

it for around four dollars. The

25:14

jewels encrusted on the handles alone

25:17

are worth maybe a million dollars.

25:19

A million dollars, I said, maybe, who

25:21

knows. But pay attention to the intricate

25:23

details on the blade when I when

25:26

I take it out of the scabbard.

25:28

Oh my gosh, darn it, I cut

25:30

myself again. It's smart,

25:33

really does anyway. Ah,

25:37

that's a beautiful knife and very

25:39

sharp. That's a sharp knife. Pick

25:42

another one. What's the rusty

25:44

old one there? Don't just point

25:47

well, it's long and kind of rusty and has a

25:49

weird, crooked looking handle. What

25:51

you're looking at is not the handle,

25:54

but a clip for sticking on the

25:56

end of a gun. It's called a

25:58

bannet and was used in this nation's

26:01

bloodiest war, the Civil

26:04

War. Why would you put a knife on a gun?

26:06

Wouldn't you just shoot the gun? It was

26:08

used in tight hand to hand combat

26:10

when men were upon each other so thick

26:13

in battle that a loaded gun was useless.

26:16

Many men died from the steel

26:18

of a bayonet like this one.

26:20

Oh Carolina,

26:24

The vengeance that looks in the

26:26

black bosom of mankind

26:30

has caused untold mysteries

26:32

over the centuries. What evil

26:35

dough men do with in the name

26:37

of righteous balla a blood

26:39

red history is red larger

26:42

palmer winds of tibe.

26:45

Here inscribing this bayonet

26:48

lies the deadly cost of

26:50

all shameful wickedness.

26:53

Okay, So how does it go on a gun? Simple?

26:56

You grab the bayonet here, and

26:58

you make sure not to touch the boy, don't.

27:02

I got myself again, more

27:04

band aids. Please, let's just stop. Stop

27:07

pick that one, okay.

27:09

Uh, tell me something about that knife. It looks

27:11

like a butter knife. It is a butter knife, and

27:13

as you know, butter knives are not

27:15

sharp. They are for spreading butter

27:18

on toast. I swiped this

27:20

butter knife from a fancy five star

27:22

seafood restaurant called the Red

27:24

Lobster. It's pure silver and worth

27:26

quite a lot of money. The restaurant closed

27:29

down some time ago, so I don't

27:31

think they'll be coming after me. Really, I

27:33

think there are red Lobsters everywhere. Well,

27:36

I'm sure you don't know what you're talking

27:38

about. No, it's a chain. There are thousands of them.

27:40

Agree to disagree anyway. It's a one

27:42

of a kind. Butter knife from that hard

27:46

to believe it, but I just cut myself with a

27:48

butter knife. Your hands are looking really bad.

27:51

It's normal whenever I show my knife collection,

27:53

I get cut up. I

27:55

can't be helped. Moving on. What's

27:57

the round thing with like five

28:00

knives coming out of it? Yes, it's

28:02

a Japanese throwing star, one

28:05

of the deadliest silent killers

28:07

in all of combat. My friend ken

28:10

Yashimoto sold that to me for

28:12

ten thousand dollars. It's lineage is uncertain,

28:15

but goes back to the earliest

28:17

days of the Samurai warriors.

28:20

Don't pick that up. It says made in

28:22

China. Here on this side, right

28:24

here that sticker as

28:27

was true. I'm sure some of the some of the best

28:29

metal smiths from the twelfth century

28:32

were from mainland China. Put

28:35

it down carefully, Carolina. Each blade is

28:37

its own, meticulously sharpened

28:39

knife. I thought maybe I should hold

28:41

the knives from now on. Don't be an idiot

28:43

give me that. I don't want to give it to me.

28:45

Now you cut

28:48

me that time, that's on you. We quit.

28:51

No pick

28:53

another knife. I'm slur

28:56

everyone is interested. Pig

28:59

one, you're

29:01

a little white Okay, that one that

29:03

looks like a metal bat. It's called a caral

29:06

Bit knife is the tech

29:09

tactical knife for

29:13

I've lost a lot of blood.

29:15

I can see it now. It's it's an old

29:17

dirt road leading to a little country

29:19

church. I want to go there, Carolina,

29:22

it's it looks beautiful. Run run,

29:25

Carolina. What are you doing here? Why

29:28

are in this white room? My head

29:30

feels like a spongy balloon area?

29:35

Look at all. The

29:43

Ron Burgundy Podcast is a production of

29:45

I Heart Radio. I'm Ron Burgundy.

29:48

The host, writer and executive

29:50

producer. Carolina Barlow is

29:52

my co host, writer and producer.

29:54

Our producer is Nick Stump. Our

29:57

talent coordinator is an a host.

29:59

Gang writers are Andrew Steele

30:01

and Jake Fogoless. This episode

30:03

was engineered, mixed, and edited by

30:06

Nick Stuff. Until next Time, Mrs

30:08

Ron Burgundy, m