0:05

He's a sexy sexy man, sexy

0:08

sexy plan because he ain't

0:11

no stuck us looking so flighty. You could

0:13

try like a trucker, clean like a plank,

0:15

just solim yunger fool wheel try

0:17

so we never gets to play

0:20

so far, ticking up a lot of band winds.

0:23

And he's a guy. Ye he ain't no stand

0:25

and he doesn't have cheese on a nighttime sandwich

0:27

because everybody knows he's the Fergens. He bandit

0:30

the Ron Burgundy podcast

0:35

Largo and how they want Tafarta

0:38

put your han stick out of the Ron burgo

0:59

right here. Thank you so much.

1:02

That is that

1:07

is lovely.

1:10

That is nice to hear. I'm

1:13

joined by Carolina, of course, my wonderful

1:16

co host. And

1:20

let me guess, were you applauding for

1:22

me or for her? Give

1:24

me both. I think it was predominantly

1:27

me, though I'm

1:30

just teasing. Oh

1:34

that felt good, though Daddy

1:37

needed that. I

1:39

was changing a tire on the four oh five

1:41

in the suppu to pass less

1:44

than fifteen minutes ago, and

1:47

I'm like, I'm not going to make the show,

1:51

and the car collapsed on me, but

1:54

luckily Oh

1:57

bushed it off me and got here and

1:59

then you gave me that wonderful ovation, So thank you, thank

2:01

you so much. We

2:06

also just want to tell you, guys that all

2:08

the proceeds to tonight's ticket sales are

2:10

going to the International Medical Corps, which

2:12

is a great charity that's helping families

2:14

in the Ukraine right now. And thank you to Larger

2:17

and thank you to Largo for evening to

2:19

Largo because Flanny

2:22

here, he's not getting his grubby paws on it. So

2:26

it's going to charity

2:32

and it goes all to charity, right. I don't get like a

2:34

little nothing, just a sweet little,

2:37

a little morsel. Do you want me to

2:39

ask for that five maybe? Oh

2:41

no, no, no, no, I don't

2:43

get none, nothing, nothing nothing.

2:46

I thought we've been just saying that. No,

2:49

No, I

2:53

feel like you're upset. Can

2:56

I have twenty bucks? Look

2:59

what I found next stage? And abba

3:01

Zaba, you guys remember Abbasaba's.

3:05

It's a delicious little treat and I think

3:07

I'm gonna gonna pop one

3:09

in my mouth. We just want to stand

3:11

by everyone. For those listening at

3:13

home, I'm opening is Abazaba

3:16

Rapper right now. M

3:20

hm m hmm. Is

3:26

it going to be a little bit of a second. Yeah,

3:31

it's in the toffee family of confession,

3:36

injected with a peanut butter, right,

3:40

really dragging me back. You

3:43

need a second, not

3:47

swallow bal yet not all

3:51

right? There she goes right

3:54

into the cup. That is a terrible piece of candy.

3:56

The Appasaba. And I

3:58

hope the Abbasaba company listens to this podcast

4:00

and they know how I feel. We're

4:03

not scared. Abba zabbas can suck

4:05

it, Okay, I hope they don't steal

4:07

that as a like a slogan. Oh that is that

4:09

a good slogan. Aba you can

4:11

suck it, can suck it, meaning us

4:13

are candy. It's too long, we'll

4:15

figure it out. Hollywood,

4:19

California. Where's

4:22

everyone from

4:25

Chicago? Hello? Oklahoma

4:28

City? Out

4:34

of car Cot

4:38

car Not that many

4:40

people. No, Oh

4:47

Santedro a

4:50

thriving Greek community in San Pedro

4:54

from what I remember. H

4:57

Mexico. Oh

5:01

do you wanna Okay, you don't have to

5:03

be so cocky about it, jeez, do

5:05

you wanna

5:10

Australia, Well,

5:12

don't struga well

5:19

boom England.

5:24

The English are blue arts, they really

5:26

are. I

5:31

hate the British. I just do no.

5:33

I do. I don't hate the strong

5:35

word, but I hate the

5:37

British. We

5:40

have stop what's going

5:42

on? I don't know, it's

5:44

just what you're feeling. This is the way I'm feeling. So

5:48

but those of you in Hollywood probably

5:51

we have to address the elephant in the room.

5:54

I mean Sunday night,

5:57

Oh boy got

6:00

dying? Oh what

6:09

did I? Oh

6:15

murder? Say what? That

6:21

was the craziest thing I've ever seen.

6:24

Which and I and You've seen a lot of

6:26

crazy. I've seen crazy.

6:29

I've seen you take an elevator. Yes,

6:33

I just saw you spent that Abbasaba and crystal

6:36

glass. You've seen me throw

6:38

a housecat off a bridge in San

6:40

Pedro. That

6:43

was um,

6:47

I can't believe. I just yea strike

6:49

that from the record, but I

6:51

hate house cats, ate the British. Yeah,

7:00

we're just gonna tell it like it is. But I mean that

7:02

we all witnessed. Most of us

7:05

slept yard. But I have a bit of good news that's

7:07

slightly related. I

7:10

think I'm hosting the Oscars next year. I

7:15

don't know, I

7:17

said, I think who

7:19

told you that you're hosting that? Well, they've reached out to

7:21

my people. I'm your people.

7:24

I know have they reached out to. Okay,

7:29

but they too,

7:33

I'm hoping they're going to reach out to. They start

7:35

with a shortlist and I'm figured I'm probably

7:37

on it and they have

7:39

to whittle it down and

7:41

it might happen. Um,

7:43

but I'm just gonna prepare

7:46

and hope and pray every

7:48

night that I get it. Uh,

7:50

but I want to be prepared when I get that phone

7:52

call. Uh. So I've been

7:54

working on some stand up um

7:58

for the Oscars, and if

8:00

you'll indulge

8:02

me, I'd love to try it out on you,

8:06

if that's all right, I want

8:08

to yeah, okay, Um,

8:10

and keep in mind this is a work in progress. I'm not

8:12

a professional stand up comedian. Uh

8:16

but uh

8:18

but anyway, you gotta

8:20

jump in the pool, right. Um.

8:23

So let's

8:26

see here. Get my cheaters

8:28

out, Oh, wear contacts during the Oscars,

8:30

don't worry, and

8:35

I'm not gonna belied looking like this, Just so you know, I'll

8:37

probably be in a golden maid jumpsuit.

8:43

Okay. Uh

8:45

alright, So please

8:53

welcome Ron Burgundy. Huh,

9:01

thank you, thank you. It's it's a pleasure

9:03

to be here hosting the h

9:09

I don't know what you're do they'll

9:11

they'll tell me it's

9:16

a pleasure to be here. We got a lot. How's

9:19

how's everyone doing tonight at the Oscars? Pretty

9:21

good? Yeah?

9:24

Uh, I see there's a category

9:28

for for best hair and makeup

9:32

and the winner is not g

9:34

I Jane two. No,

9:38

it's okay, it's okay. No one's good,

9:40

No one's here. It's okay, it's

9:44

okay. No one's gonna fight you, it's

9:46

okay, it's

9:49

all right. In

9:58

fact, there wasn't any hair and make up.

10:01

Everyone had shaved heads.

10:07

Okay. It

10:10

reminds me. I went to my barber

10:13

and I say, take a little off the top,

10:15

Pete. And he says how

10:17

much? And I say, not

10:19

as much as g I Jane too? Know

10:22

what? Okay, it's okay, it's okay.

10:25

No, no, it's here. You're

10:28

shadow boxing. It's fine,

10:32

No, I kid. G I Jane two is a great

10:35

movie.

10:39

Everyone loves it, unless

10:41

you happen to be headlines because

10:49

there's no hair I got we got and

10:52

they need an environment to thrive

10:54

in and has to be like feast

10:57

and yeah, m

11:01

okay, what else do I got here? M

11:04

hmmm, um

11:08

hey uh.

11:11

For our viewers at home,

11:13

there here in California. There's a place

11:15

called the Central Valley. Great,

11:23

why do they call it Sacramento? Do

11:27

they make sacred mentos there? You

11:36

guys remember mentos? Right? Those

11:40

old commercials they were weird. What

11:43

about kid Cat bars? Huh? Do you remember

11:45

kitcat bars? Yeah? What

11:48

if Bob Dylan did the

11:50

kid Cat Bar song? It

11:53

would go something like this, give

11:56

me a break, give

12:00

me a break, bring

12:04

me up a piece. Then it get

12:07

bad.

12:13

So circle that one. That's applause break

12:15

on that one. You'll

12:21

remember if I forget right for next

12:23

year's Oscar, will you be able to be on stage with me?

12:26

Oh? Because you're quite a security blanket.

12:30

What else? What else? What's in the news. Have

12:32

you heard about these self driving cars? Yeah?

12:39

Do you think they've not heard about him? Okay,

12:42

okay, um,

12:46

they have these cars now that drive

12:48

around without a driver. What

12:50

if you're Adam driver and

12:54

you're in the backseat of a driverless car and

12:56

a cop pulls you over he says,

12:59

are you the drive? Ever? How

13:02

confusing would that be? Okay?

13:14

That was that was like a seven Governor

13:20

rhn de Santis is at it again. Yea

13:24

yeah, oh

13:26

that would be great if they react that way.

13:31

That guy is so weird they should call him

13:33

Ron Dementos, right, I

13:38

called back Sacramento. Yeah,

13:42

anyway, he doesn't want teachers to say

13:44

the word gay in the classroom, like it's

13:47

a dirty word. The

13:49

only word dirt in the

13:52

only the only word, the

13:54

one hold

13:57

on, the only flirty

13:59

dirt in. God damn it fulls

14:06

together on. He

14:09

looked like a ass. Right now, you've

14:12

come this far, you're almost at the top of the mountain.

14:21

Bring it home, you coward with

14:23

nothing but a coward and a quarter a jacket

14:26

and look like a You got your ass

14:28

blowing in the wind. Just pull it together. The

14:34

only dirty word in

14:37

the state of Florida is the

14:39

santis.

14:43

Thank you. On with the rest

14:46

of the show. Um,

14:48

here's John Travolta and uh uh

14:53

uh Grrie

14:56

Mulligan. I don't know, I

15:01

know, I'm a big carry Amelegan fan. Well,

15:05

very great, that was great. That was

15:07

very valuable. I

15:09

feel like the message we wanted to give after

15:12

the Oscars on Sunday, And

15:14

if you guys are so inclined, you can stay it

15:16

with me. Hug it out, hug

15:19

it out, say it sincerely,

15:21

though, like, hey, hug

15:24

it out one to three

15:27

huge out. That feels

15:31

good. Well, do

15:33

you want to turn to your neighbor and just tug them

15:35

quickly? It's COVID.

15:38

Oh that's nice. People are doing it, doing it for

15:40

the listeners at home. There's

15:43

four people. People are now,

15:45

people are really getting into it. Shirt

15:48

answer, keep your shirt disgusting.

15:55

Well, uh, we should get

15:57

on with our show. Um,

15:59

you said that you were guessed. All

16:02

you said was personal and I didn't

16:04

want it, so I didn't want to ask because I didn't want to like overset

16:07

my Well, someone is

16:09

in town, a relative of

16:11

mine, and he asked to come on

16:13

the show. Yeah,

16:17

Um, are you okay? I'm

16:19

okay, Yes, I'm fine. In fact, it's

16:22

good. We haven't seen each other a while. Um,

16:24

it looks bad, but no, it's he's

16:27

fine. You know what, Let's just get him out here. Would

16:30

you please welcome my brother Billy

16:32

Burgundy?

16:45

Hi? Yeah, right,

16:49

Billy, wonder you have a seat all

16:51

right? Yeah? Yeah, I

16:54

don't know. I'll sit down right

16:56

now. He's

16:58

a little too high, if I'm honest,

17:01

right out of the gate, I

17:04

feel like I'm still kind of standing. Honestly,

17:07

it's a regular. It's just a club chair. It's a regular

17:10

chair cheer kind of playing a prank

17:12

on me, like, ha, you thought you sat down,

17:14

but you're just squatting and your thighs are doing

17:16

a lot of the work.

17:20

I don't know if you can really, I don't think you can

17:22

smoke up right now, I'm

17:26

doing it. I'm doing.

17:30

Just sit back in the sit

17:32

back in the chair, please, Yeah,

17:34

a little baby brother, Roddy

17:37

hot shot? Hot shot? Can

17:39

we curse? It's

17:42

too late now I'm

17:45

saying, I'll change my tone, like I'll

17:47

I'll like, I won't curse. I don't want

17:49

to have to call the fire marshal if you're

17:52

call them, call

17:54

the you know the number of the firemark

17:57

every people say that all the time. I all want

17:59

to call fire my call him? What do

18:01

you got his number in your phone? Oh?

18:03

I don't having you, but I have you.

18:06

I would get it quickly and Carolina

18:09

would call you it

18:11

doesn't have it, I have

18:14

it. Tell me what it is and I'll tell you.

18:17

You better tell him. You better tell

18:19

him right now? Your fire don't embarrassing? Okay,

18:23

what's his number? How

18:25

do we know that your number is the accurate

18:27

number? I got it from

18:29

a bunny mind. My buddy

18:32

is a fire. Marshal alright,

18:36

Oh I almost dropped my cigarettes. You can't imagine

18:38

what would have happened. Fire,

18:41

Probably a fire. I'm

18:44

sorry. There's a huge gap between

18:47

your two sensibilities. This

18:52

is what we're like, oil and water. We're

18:54

different. Ronnie, you know, Ronnie went

18:57

off and became you know, a little

19:00

shot? Is that me? Am I doing that?

19:03

I think that's yours? Is

19:07

is that me? Yeah? That's your

19:12

everybody? You go the

19:14

way? Now you go? Alright,

19:16

my turn. It

19:19

does seem like they was

19:21

always very good in audio visual

19:23

class. Didn't work.

19:27

It's okay, you

19:29

gotta relax, Billy.

19:33

It's just a microphone to talk it to go.

19:38

I know, you gott

19:41

if you're gonna stay here, you gotta take it down

19:43

or not. She just brought you a night. She's

19:47

you're like a hair trigger. You've always been that way.

19:49

I didn't know what it was. I was freaked

19:51

me. The didn't look like you that.

19:54

She's like, you take this dough. She

19:57

did all day dil though, and she wanted

19:59

me helper do. She didn't say a

20:01

word, I know, but it just felt

20:04

this looks like a dildo to you people, it's

20:06

a microphone vote. We vote

20:08

on it. No, we don't vote. We

20:12

all right vote that, we don't vote on it.

20:14

Fine, fine, But to

20:16

me, I felt in that situation

20:20

a lady was running to me, go and hide this

20:22

dildo. I stole it. That's

20:25

the story I concocted within

20:28

sec darn it, gosh,

20:32

darn it. Come

20:34

to think of it, last Easter, you did give me

20:36

a microphone shape dildo. Got

20:39

the wireless microphone shaped dildo.

20:43

They exist. That's a fun word, dildo.

20:50

Right. We haven't laughed like that in a long time.

21:08

I got a big question for you, billy. What

21:11

what What are you doing here? You

21:14

mean when I'm doing do

21:17

the What do you want? Do you think? Do you

21:19

want money? Do you want money? Do you want a place

21:21

to stay? What? What's I mean? I'm

21:23

not here to Do you have money?

21:26

Do you have some cash? Got probably

21:28

some cash on me. I'll take some money. That's

21:31

not why I'm here. But if you're saying you

21:33

throw the money around, they'll

21:35

take some money. I'm here to be interviewed.

21:37

Isn't that what you do? You

21:39

really want to be interviewed by me? Yes, that's

21:42

why I'm holding this still though, so I can forget

21:45

the interviewed. I came out

21:47

of here. You know, you got all these people here, Ronnie

21:49

the hot shot, hot shot Ronnie

21:52

Burgundy that nobody gives it

21:54

about his big brother, Billy Burgundy.

21:57

So I'm out here to be interviewed. Let these people

21:59

know. Maybe I influenced

22:01

you in some way, all

22:05

right, fair enough, but you never

22:07

expressed an interest in my life this way. So what

22:11

would you say? This

22:15

is what you do in a podcast? What is a podcast?

22:17

By the way, Like, what is this actually?

22:21

Like? What do you do with it? I

22:23

still couldn't tell you. I

22:27

don't understand it. From a technical standpoint.

22:30

I initially thought we

22:33

recorded on a bunch of cassette tapes.

22:35

We had to drive him to

22:37

everyone's house, kind of like the old Netflix

22:39

model. That's what I thought, and

22:41

you pop them into a cassette and you listen to

22:43

him, and you you just hope, you pray to God

22:46

that enough people have boom boxes at home.

22:48

Still, that's what I

22:50

thought a podcast was. I get it. The fact that this

22:52

doesn't have a wire, I can't even knowing.

22:55

I don't trust it. I'll never use a chordless that's why

22:58

I go, I go wire, I

23:00

go, uh

23:03

do that as well? This

23:07

feels better. For some reason, this just feels

23:10

better. I don't know, like I'm plugged into

23:12

a system.

23:15

Billy, let me. I'll start by asking

23:17

you this. We we both we grew up

23:19

in Iowa.

23:22

Why do you have a Brooklyn accent? Why?

23:32

Why? And why is the question?

23:35

Look like we're from Brooks

23:37

We're from Brooklyn, Iowa. All

23:40

Brooklyn's of Brooklyn. It doesn't matter which

23:42

the state. It's in Brooklyn, Iowa's

23:45

Brooklyn. You look. You look like the Fons.

23:48

I love the Funds. I've always

23:50

worshiped the Fons. Every

23:52

time I would watch Happy Days, I was like, that's who

23:54

I'm gonna be when I grow up. And

23:56

I don't care. I don't care if the settings

23:59

and out of disappropriate. Don't care

24:01

if it costs you employment. I

24:03

don't care. Care if you can't.

24:07

I don't care if the settings and the people change

24:09

around me. I'm gonna be the Fauns

24:11

when I grow People feel awkward around

24:13

you constantly. Yeah, this makes

24:15

a statement. When I walk into a room, people are

24:17

like, even when I walked out here, people are like, this

24:20

guy's got something to say, look

24:23

at it, Look at this guy. This guy gets it?

24:27

Is that what people is that what you think people are

24:29

thinking? Did anybody

24:31

did anybody here think that? When I walked out,

24:36

some people clapped how one guy,

24:40

that young woman clapped the gates

24:42

and then the distinct voice was just a definite

24:45

declarative no, no, no,

24:47

no. Doing

24:49

of the audience says no, ye, some

24:52

people did clap, not as many numbers

24:54

as I was hoping, maybe three, maybe

24:57

three people possibly three one

25:00

distinct No. I

25:05

probably hate cigarettes. That's your thing. You're

25:07

like, well, I'm against you because most people

25:10

hate cigarettes. They do. It's

25:12

when since thirty

25:15

years ago, twenty years ago. I don't. I don't

25:17

know. You can't smoke anywhere. I

25:19

do it all the time. I know that walking

25:22

about what he says anything, They just let it

25:24

happen. They're like, I don't know. This guy looks like he knows

25:27

something. No,

25:29

No, this

25:33

is fun. I like this is fun. You like do this?

25:35

This is cool. This is a cool got

25:38

gig? You know? Is that what it's called a gig.

25:41

It's called a podcast. And we're

25:44

you know, we're just we're lucky enough to be doing it in front of a

25:46

live audience, and that's what's happenings, and

25:49

this is kind of this is one of

25:51

the things I do in my life. Well,

25:53

I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know because you don't call.

25:56

You know, right, let us

25:59

in high school. When you left town and

26:01

you didn't talk to anyone in the family for twenty years,

26:03

what happened? That's

26:06

your question. I come out here and you say,

26:08

why did I leave home? I

26:10

was eleven when I left home. I

26:13

was eleven, Ronnie,

26:16

I was I was

26:18

four. I was eleven, and I

26:20

was in high school. Was an accelerated class.

26:23

You were an accelerated student. I

26:25

didn't understand anything, but

26:28

I already had a mustache, so

26:30

they pushed me through, and I was You

26:34

think it's easy to be around them when people will

26:36

look at you only eleven, and look at

26:38

your brother's holding four and he's got a man's

26:40

mustache and he's in these

26:44

he's in these accelerated classes.

26:48

Don't take me back there, because

26:51

all I would do was squigger with

26:53

crayons, and they loved They kept

26:55

moving, loved me. I kept moving.

26:57

They were like this guy's like a

27:00

passa RANI was in college

27:02

by ten years old it was. I

27:07

left at eleven. I'm the youngest kid to

27:09

ever leave his house at the youngest age.

27:11

I looked it up. You

27:14

looked it up where the

27:17

library. I went to the library. And I

27:19

went to the library, and there's a book. There's

27:21

a book that chronicles how

27:23

early children leave their houses.

27:25

Yes, in the youngest before

27:28

me was twelve. I left it eleven. So

27:30

I got that. So you broke the record. I broke the

27:32

record

27:34

after all, for Billy Burgundy.

27:39

What kind of smokes are those? By the way,

27:44

That's okay. I'd rather do that than get it on these nice

27:46

chairs to make you stand up when you don't want to. Yeah,

27:52

I left home at eleven. I lived on trains.

27:56

I lived on a bunch of trains trains.

27:59

Yeah, you know what I did with fellow

28:01

hoboes. Yeah. And I had a stick

28:04

with a sack on the end of the kerchief.

28:06

And I gotta tell you can't put a lot of clothes

28:09

in there. You can maybe

28:11

put a half of sandwich. You can put half of sandwich

28:13

in, half of pair of jeans, one

28:16

leg of a g It's not like you can

28:18

put a wardrobe in the little chrischief. That's

28:21

a kerchief. You know. It signals

28:23

everyone that you hoped trains. Yeah,

28:25

I have trains and I'm eleven. People like that. Kids

28:27

shouldn't be hopping trains. Trains

28:29

for how long? And twenty years? Hopped

28:32

trains for twenty years until

28:34

you were thirty one? Yeah, I just kept

28:36

doing it. You know, once you're caught up in the

28:39

game of hopping trains, it's not a

28:41

game. You can't just get out. You

28:43

can't get out. You could get out anytime you want.

28:45

How was that a comfortable life? It wasn't.

28:48

I was. I'm a grizzled man

28:50

because of it. Mcgrizzled

28:52

Brooklyn Knight go

28:56

uh go hu Husky Huskies.

28:58

Who are the corn Huskers? What is

29:00

it? How? Guys? That's what

29:02

I said.

29:04

Guys, Yes, Iowa hack guys. In

29:07

Brooklyn we were the New

29:09

Jersey Nets hot guys.

29:12

Remember that high school where the New Jersey

29:14

Nets. We were the

29:16

Brooklyn Nets

29:19

guys. That's right, that was our high

29:21

school. And remember our fight song. Of course,

29:23

I do

29:26

breathe music

29:30

Net eyes Nets. We're

29:34

coming from your

29:37

throats out and what you bleed

29:40

on the floor. It

29:45

is our dest today

29:47

to prevail New

29:50

Jersey

29:51

nets nets.

29:55

Of course I remember it pretty again. Of

30:00

course I remember I fight song. I sing

30:02

it every night on those trains. Taught

30:05

all the hoboes. I said, listen to this and

30:07

I get to the pot about ripping out the throats

30:10

and the blood on the floor, and they loved

30:12

it. I'm still

30:14

confused. Who's they? My

30:17

hobo friends, Charlie,

30:21

mostly just me and Charlie. Look,

30:23

here's the reason I'm here. You wanted to do the truth.

30:26

There's another question I have for you

30:28

because our brother Lonnie, I saw

30:30

you in a pornographic movie. Talk

30:34

about that. Talk

30:36

about that. That's not I mean, what was what was

30:38

that period of your life? What was going on? Okay,

30:41

it's one thing that maybe I was or

30:43

was not in a pornographic film. It's another

30:46

thing that Lonnie's watching stuff like that.

30:49

What was he doing watching the thing? That? I

30:51

was a fair question Back

30:54

then, it was still old. Real to real, it was

30:56

real to real. You had to you had to

30:58

get a sixteen metal made a projector you

31:01

had to want it. You had to want it, but you had to

31:03

want it. You had to get it.

31:05

Didn't get it, didn't know pop up. It

31:08

was like I bought a ticket to see it

31:11

loop it through. Yeah, yeah,

31:13

that I need. I

31:16

needed some money and there was no sound. There

31:19

was no sound of corn A Kolani. I

31:22

didn't see it. So

31:24

you needed some money. I needed some money and I

31:26

did a little porn ated

31:28

by any chance. Yeah, that's how I got discovered.

31:31

Remember how Edward Furlong got discovered

31:33

for Terminator two. That's what happened

31:36

to me. But it was for a pornographic film.

31:39

I don't have that, that's the analogy.

31:43

I don't have some sort of play on the title

31:45

Terminator too. I just know

31:47

that that's how I got discovered. Someone said

31:49

you have a camera, and I said, hey,

31:52

I live on trains. That

31:54

was enough. That was enough to get me in the

31:56

door. So there

31:59

was a young enterp rising pornographic film

32:01

maker scouting for

32:03

his next actor

32:06

in a train yard. Yeah,

32:09

okay, you've been surprised. A lot of actors

32:11

come from train yards in

32:14

every in every genre. It's true.

32:16

I know Gene Hackman came from a train yard. I

32:20

know he also did a stretch of time at Joliet

32:22

Prison. What

32:24

was that for? Why do you got to tell people about that? We're

32:26

doing an interview you wanted me to ask you about your

32:28

lives in Joliet, Joliet prison,

32:30

because I had I had signed up

32:32

for a kid's birthday party to do like clowns,

32:35

and I was doing the balloon animals type

32:37

stuff and I didn't know how to do it and

32:39

the dad. I I

32:41

got into a little scuffle with the dad. I was drinking

32:45

and think a lot of the kids are crying at

32:49

kids party. They were like eight,

32:51

and I thought these kids are too whole for him clown

32:53

and one of the kids like just made me a bluon

32:56

animal. I shoved, shoved the kid. Uh,

32:59

you can never it was the dad's kid. It was

33:01

the dad's kid, which I guess is always it's

33:04

always the dad's kids, and

33:06

whatever scenario, whoever the kid is, it's

33:09

always gonna be the dad's Still, it's

33:11

still a fairly low stake setting

33:15

to end up with Juliet. So continue.

33:18

Well, So I shoved the kid. I

33:21

shoved the kid. He pulls, he

33:24

pulls what I thought was a switch blade.

33:26

It was one of those crazy straws. I

33:29

thought it was a switch blade. So I pulled my

33:31

switch blade. Now we're

33:33

dancing, you know what I mean. He's

33:36

got a crazy straight yell out in another kid.

33:38

I go, tie our arms together, right,

33:41

tie our arms together? And the kid did

33:43

it, and another kid did it. Yeah.

33:47

The dad looks over. I'm trying to knife fight

33:49

his kid. He's got a crazy straw. I gotta

33:51

switch blade I had made

33:53

for giraffes. I don't know how to do the balloon

33:56

animal bullet and

33:59

I cut the kids. Billy

34:02

what it was a sanctioned fight?

34:05

He agree with that? Sanctioned by who?

34:08

Me and the kid who had the wire? Why

34:11

he had used the wire? Yeah,

34:13

he had a crazy shot. But the other kid had a wire

34:15

to tie our wrist together so that

34:17

he couldn't escape the fight. We

34:20

don't fight as much as you know. So this

34:23

is all I do it all the time, so

34:25

still to this day, to this day, I'll

34:27

go I'll go to a bar. I don't even. I

34:29

used to go to a bar and drunk and did insurable

34:34

Yeah no, no, no, Connie,

34:36

look at me, look at me. Is

34:38

the fons insurable? Obviously

34:42

not unless you go to a

34:44

Geico. Maybe. I don't

34:46

know. I've never had insurance. I don't know what it

34:48

takes. I wish and I don't know what it is. Look,

34:52

it's not all it's cracked up to be. I've never been

34:54

insured fine

34:57

all these years. Right, they

34:59

just rolled of dice. That's

35:01

what I do. I rolled the dice. I see

35:04

where it end where I end up. And so I got the

35:06

town tonight, and I said, I'm

35:08

gonna go down to Ronnie's things

35:13

up and

35:15

awkwardly stare this crowd down. That's

35:19

exactly right. Are you thinking

35:22

about that? No from section whatever?

35:24

That section him alone,

35:26

Leave him alone. You have a fight

35:28

anybody, No from

35:32

theies, because I

35:34

assure you it's not like fighting now, buddy,

35:37

don't dignify him, sir with

35:40

a response. You know

35:42

him, You know the guy that's saying that's saying

35:44

it in general. Okay, I'm protecting our

35:46

audience member from getting in a

35:48

fifties style gangster fight with

35:52

you. Let it be

35:54

known. I have a switchblade. Let

35:56

it be known. And not the cool kind where like you hit

35:58

the button and a comb comes No,

36:01

no, like a real knife,

36:04

A real knife comes out.

36:07

One time I thought it was a comb. I started

36:09

cutting my hair accidentally. True

36:16

story, yea, I that

36:19

one I believe, right,

36:22

Why are you really here? Why do you why

36:24

don't you tell everybody what you did?

36:27

I don't know what you're talking about. Eleven years

36:29

old. Before I left home, he's

36:31

and I left. Why did I

36:34

leave? Ronnie? Why did I leave?

36:38

Why did I leave? I

36:40

honestly don't know what

36:42

you're I was sports swings, sports swing.

36:46

I don't remember two homeworks that I had out.

36:51

I had to write an essay on Jane Eyre. I

36:55

think you know what you did with the porch swing. Dad

36:58

came out of the porch swing. The porch swing was

37:00

broken? And what did you say? As

37:02

a four year old kid, what'd you say? What do

37:05

you say? Ronnie? What'd you tell Dad?

37:07

What'd you tell Papa? I

37:11

said, bi wee?

37:13

Did it? Bai

37:16

boked the porch swing? Did

37:19

I? Did I break it? Or

37:21

did you break it? No?

37:25

That's right? And

37:30

then Dad said, Billy, did

37:32

you break this porch swing? And

37:35

I said, no, Ronnie

37:37

broke this porch swing? And he said, Billy,

37:39

you're a liar. Yes, all

37:42

you e a gonn amount to is a guy

37:44

who hops trains. Why don't

37:46

you get started on it? Now? So

37:53

I did. I'm

37:56

so sorry. I just panicked.

37:58

I oh is looked up to you? What I did.

38:02

I didn't want to. I knew you'd take the heat for

38:04

me. And but you really mean

38:06

now you really look from you? You really

38:09

don't you

38:12

mean when you say you take as much time

38:14

as you take us to

38:16

tell me, do you mean

38:18

that when you say used to look up to me, that you you

38:21

didn't used to look up to me. You didn't

38:23

look up to me. You you

38:26

were my son, you

38:30

were my moon, you

38:34

were my Saturn, my

38:36

Jupiter, my venus, my mercury.

38:40

You're gonna make me smoke this whole pack of cigaretos. Oh

38:45

I ever wanted. I was just known as Billy

38:47

burg and his younger brother, and

38:50

then you were God. And

38:52

I didn't know what to tell people. I didn't

38:54

know where you went, and no idea you were hopping trains,

38:58

those hopping trains. Hug

39:02

out, hug out,

39:05

hug it out, hug

39:07

it out, hu hug

39:11

it out. I don't think we could do this.

39:14

We're Burgundies. Don't

39:16

ever make hug

39:19

it out. Hug

39:24

How do you want to do? You

39:27

go high? I feel

39:29

like we're both going high. Oh,

39:37

thank you, you

39:41

heard me, Ronnie, Ronnie Hugny

39:44

trying to hurt your huck

40:07

I'm stuck

40:09

into your house. Wait

40:12

what, I'm stuck in the hoss before

40:16

I stuck in the house years ago, and

40:18

I jacked off in all your socks. Well,

40:22

I never told you, Okay,

40:25

I guess that could happen. I

40:28

don't hold it against you, at least, is that the only

40:31

thing you ever did to me? No,

40:35

So I jacked

40:38

off in so many different types

40:40

of clothes than you have. Okay, okay,

40:43

but it happened a long time ago though, right, it wasn't

40:45

recently. The socks were alonged like

40:48

two years ago, and then that

40:50

shirt was earlier today.

40:55

I'm sorry, Brian, I thought I

40:58

never thought we would hug like that. That's

41:01

okay, it's actually good for the shirt. Yeah,

41:09

yeah, yeah, Rayon

41:11

fibers respond to bodily.

41:15

Yeah. I think I read that somewhere. Also.

41:18

Discharge is good for them every now and then, any

41:23

sort of discharge, human or otherwise. All

41:27

right, I'm gonna thanks

41:29

for coming by wait for

41:31

me after the show. Of course, somewhere will get that money

41:33

you were talking about my

41:36

brother, Billy Burgundy. Everyone, thank

41:38

you, Billy

41:45

Burgundy. Everyone. That

41:52

was a lot to take in. I

41:54

did not expect to go there tonight. Honestly,

41:57

I feel like a lot of the situation I

41:59

blame on your dad, Yes,

42:01

thank you. The Portswing thing, like

42:04

he shouldn't have kicked Billy out of the house at

42:06

eleven for that, and he was so specific

42:09

with his plan. Yeah, for

42:12

Billy, it feels

42:14

like that was It's like it was premeditated, like

42:17

I want to get this loser out of my house and

42:19

on a train, trying to get him to train

42:21

hop for the rest of his life. Well,

42:40

this was such an amazing show, and oh

42:42

well, we're not done yet because

42:44

I planned something pretty

42:46

special. I

42:50

didn't tell you about this because you're

42:52

going to love it. I

42:56

don't know you people, but I

42:58

love spicy food. I just

43:01

love it. Um. Oh

43:04

good moving some things on

43:06

stage to create a little area. And

43:08

this guy is I

43:11

mean, he has created a special genre

43:14

genre that is uh,

43:17

very unique and super

43:20

exciting. Um

43:25

And I've been wanting to do an interview with this guy

43:29

for a long long time.

43:35

Please welcome Mr

43:38

Sean Evans with Nott once ha

43:43

a good Sean,

43:47

Thank you so much. Oh my god,

43:50

this is gonna be fun. Sean

43:52

Everts, everyone, thank you, thank

43:55

you. Should we move this a little

43:57

closer, we say

44:00

just a little there we go, Hey,

44:04

Chicago, is

44:07

that you're from Chicago? From Chicago? I

44:09

just didn't know if randomly yelling that

44:11

out, because I sometimes I'll do that,

44:14

just shot out Chicago. No, no, just any

44:16

city. I'll just walk into a place and go Houston.

44:21

It works, it works, no one. I'll

44:25

get my bagel and go. You know, Um,

44:31

this is pretty fun. So is

44:33

everyone familiar with hot ones? For?

44:37

For our our audience and our listeners

44:40

kind of described your the premise here. Sure.

44:43

So the show, what we do is we interview

44:45

celebrities. But the little twist in there is

44:47

that we have them eat increasingly spicy

44:50

chicken wings over the course of the

44:52

interview. So typically on the show

44:54

will do a ten wing lineup right today,

44:57

sort of a miniature version wings.

44:59

That's the good news. The bad news though, Ron,

45:02

very steep ramp up. It's

45:06

going to eleven right out of the game, right

45:08

out of the gate. You know, I'll

45:11

start off in a comfortable place, but it'll get

45:13

very hot, very quickly. Okay, were

45:15

you ready to start? Yes?

45:18

Alright, let's make some and

45:25

so we'll start with the classic and this is very

45:27

important, Ron, You're gonna want to start at the handle

45:30

over there. Start at the handle. Start at

45:32

the handle. Boy, I wish I had a nickel for every

45:34

time I've heard that. And

45:40

then we'll dive right in. Have you

45:42

ever been over to sin right

45:44

across the street, Right across the street they

45:48

have start at the handle tuesdays. Okay,

45:57

says we dive in in. Mm

46:01

hmmm mm hmmmm.

46:05

And my my first question for you, Ron, Oh

46:07

good god, Okay,

46:10

oh my god. Oh

46:15

already it's

46:17

the first wing. No way, I'm not doing that,

46:19

Carolina. You gotta do it. You

46:22

have to do it. You gotta

46:25

do it, or I'm fired. You're fired. I'm

46:28

already fired. But you got God,

46:31

that is awful. Well, I did

46:34

have questions for for you, great

46:38

Carolina. She's a smart cookie. She can

46:40

handle it. She can handle it. You

46:44

gotta answer the questions. Okay, okay,

46:46

okay, but you didn't

46:48

just take a bite out of that wing. But I'll uh

46:52

continue. Okay, this

46:55

is all right, Carolina, thank

46:58

you, alright, alright,

47:01

alright, I can. I'm sure I can answer

47:03

your questions, so I'll ask.

47:05

I did have questions prepared for you, Ron,

47:08

So you're outsourcing not only

47:10

the wing eating, but also the answering of your

47:12

own questions. I

47:15

mean, I think this will be one of the one and one

47:17

and a kind of experience, you know, very different.

47:20

She can handle it. She's she who.

47:23

Okay, all right, let's start. We're doing

47:25

it. It's happening. My mouth is on fire.

47:28

That is like, I am okay, I

47:30

am doing this for the salary right now. That

47:32

is what I'm gonna tell you, which is cauldron

47:35

in my belly right now. I'm

47:39

awake to start things off. I'm

47:41

curious, Uh, why did you

47:43

decide to step out of retirement and start

47:45

a podcast? Go ahead,

47:52

I'm podcasting is fun. I

47:56

have a mustache. I like the

47:58

news. That's a dumb answer. I

48:02

am so sorry. This is crazy. Okay, okay,

48:04

I can do the next. I'll be more sophisticated

48:07

answers, I promise. All right, let's

48:10

let's pivot a little bit. What would you say, is

48:12

the biggest news story that you've ever covered?

48:15

Oh, this is easy. You

48:18

know this one. You know this one.

48:24

Yell

48:29

sprecka se Deutsche Hell.

48:40

Okay, okay, okay,

48:43

I think that was good. That was good. Okay.

48:45

And then let's let's shift to something maybe a little more

48:47

topical. You know, I'm curious your thoughts

48:50

on the current media landscape, Like when you

48:52

watch Anchorman on the cable news

48:54

channels, Fox News, CNN, what do

48:56

you think of them? What do you think them

48:59

on news channels? Are there for clickbait

49:01

headlines? And I delivered real

49:05

heartfelt news. That's

49:07

pretty good. Yes, yes, do

49:10

I do? I go the next wing. Yeah, that's

49:14

that's to move on to the next wing.

49:16

So this next one is Lose Calientes.

49:18

Typically in their lineup, it'll be the fifth

49:21

Sauce, but today going

49:24

steeping step towards the

49:26

peak of Mount Scoville onto

49:29

the fifth sauce, the Turning Sauce, the

49:33

Turning Sauce. It's the Turning Poor

49:35

all right, that's another featured

49:38

night. It's in turn

49:42

Sauce. Hello, okay, okay,

49:46

yeah, we are here at a party. Oh

49:50

my goodness. That is um uh

49:54

opening everything up. I'm

49:58

feeling that one. Huh. Okay, I'm

50:00

so glad I got out of this. What's

50:04

your question for Ron? Sure? Sure?

50:06

Um? Do you have an all

50:08

time favorite celebrity interview? Why

50:13

do you know this? God,

50:15

you're blowing it so hard right now? Uh,

50:23

I can't think I want

50:26

Russian, Russian head of state, the Russian

50:28

head of state in what year?

50:31

I don't know why I asked that. I don't know what Russian

50:34

head of state. Oh my gosh,

50:38

whoo whoo, whoo whoo. I

50:41

really want that milk. Okay, um, same

50:46

same first name as the current British

50:48

Prime Minister, Boris. It's

50:53

my most favorite interview, even

50:56

though I didn't have a translator that day. It's not just winging

50:58

it with the Russian Okay,

51:06

Oh

51:10

my god, y just race the

51:13

tiniest blossom milk I poured for myself.

51:16

It just started making me think how delicious

51:19

cold ice cold milk tastes.

51:23

Buttery ice cold milk. There's it's

51:26

so incredibly thirst quitch it

51:29

hits, especially after those spicy wings ron

51:32

I can only imagine. Okay,

51:37

one more, um, I'll take

51:39

this one. There is that enough?

51:42

It was perfect, Thank you so much. Okay, Okay,

51:44

I'm doing good. I'm alive. I'm here. You

51:47

were going good. Your question

51:53

okay, okay, if you could host a dinner

51:55

party from any time in history, who would

51:57

you invite? Uh

52:00

uh the the

52:04

Pam Greer. No, no,

52:08

no, Pam greer. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Um.

52:13

I'm going to think of the name and try to transfer

52:15

it into your brain. Evil kin evil good two

52:17

for two. Um.

52:21

Who oh my god, oh my god,

52:23

oh my god. The person

52:26

you like that your next door neighbor who has all those

52:28

birds? Glenn? Probably

52:32

not Glenn. Okay,

52:35

let's go what's the last wing? Let's let's

52:37

let's gas pedal this. This

52:40

is the last ab. We call it the last Ab

52:42

Carolina because it's tradition around here to put a little

52:44

extra on the last wing. You don't have to, though, if

52:47

you don't want to do it. I wanted

52:49

that Christmas bonus, Christmas.

52:52

Do it, do it,

52:54

do it, last

52:57

wing, last wing. This

52:59

is gonna curl your eyelashes. Young

53:01

lady, that's gonna

53:03

pop your wig right off your head. Guy,

53:06

it's the craziest sauce I've ever had. Oh

53:12

where are you feel

53:14

it? In the cockles? That's all

53:16

in the cockles. Okay, what's the

53:18

question? Okay, by

53:20

the way, you know, this spring is gonna be a horrible allergy

53:23

season, one

53:25

of the worst on records. Let's get to the question. It's

53:29

a little, it's a little is there tech

53:32

on on hand? And it's

53:35

a little awkward as I as I wrote

53:37

the interview for Ron, but I'll ask the question.

53:41

I know that you're a very particular

53:44

Carolina. I know

53:46

that you're a very particular man. How

53:48

do you romance a woman? You

53:51

are nice, You're honest, you'd

53:54

take a nice places. Say here

53:56

the movies, but firs and jewels.

53:59

First jewel. You're

54:03

nice, story dad, You're nice to your mom. Play

54:05

a little jazz flute. You

54:10

play jazz flute. I

54:16

just went to a dark place, all

54:18

right, Mac, Mike drop,

54:22

let's make some noise. You're

54:24

to get it. Wow,

54:29

you are definitely getting a Christmas bonus this

54:31

year. I love

54:33

you. Guys who staying with me. You're

54:38

gonna have a little that milk too. Wow. And

54:42

you know that's Yak's milk, so everyone knows

54:46

we did not harm a cow. It's

54:49

pure Yak's milk, which

54:52

is the best kind of milk. Sean.

54:55

We can't thank you enough for coming out here. Ever,

54:59

everyone you

55:02

did awesome. You did awesome, Thank

55:05

you, sir, Ron, valiant efforts,

55:08

purgeous. Look it was not my

55:10

thing, ultimately, Carolina,

55:16

great John. I

55:23

thought you were gonna lay a tart on that one, but you didn't.

55:28

Don't forget backstage.

55:32

We're gonna have some of my special for

55:34

Alarm Chili. Save

55:37

room for that, folks.

55:41

We're at the end of our show. Um,

55:44

but I have one final segment I'd like to call

55:47

my take, So

55:50

if you indulge me, this is run

55:53

Burgundy with my take. So

55:57

should I just get out of here? Yah?

56:02

Yesterday I asked Carolina if she

56:04

had ever seen the movie Gone with the Wind.

56:08

She shook her head and looked confused, and then

56:10

said, what's a movie? It

56:18

got me thinking our movies

56:21

dead. I remember the first

56:23

movie I ever saw. It was called

56:25

Hot Boobs. But

56:30

I'm not going to talk about that movie. It

56:33

wouldn't be appropriate. However,

56:36

the second movie I saw was called

56:38

How the West Was One. Kevin

56:41

Costner had referenced watching How the West

56:44

Was Won and as a child,

56:46

he said, how transformative it

56:48

was. Well, the same thing happened

56:50

to me. Sitting there

56:53

in the dark. I was introduced to a whole new

56:55

world, a world of wondrous make believe.

56:58

And right next to me as

57:00

I looked over at the seat was

57:03

an old prospector named Gus Chickens.

57:10

He was a folksy old fellow who

57:12

had brought his mule into the theater, and during

57:16

the intermission he had turned to me and said, I'm gush

57:18

chickens. That's

57:21

the way he talked. He

57:23

said, I sure do love a Western.

57:27

It beats beans for breakfast, if you know what I

57:29

mean. I

57:32

didn't, so

57:35

I asked him why he talks

57:37

in that funny way, and he said, I

57:40

grew up in Compton, California, where

57:44

Kevin Costner came from. I

57:47

spent my whole life around them rascally

57:49

movie folk. Me and my

57:52

mule went to shin digs up there in

57:54

them Hollywood Hills. I

57:56

ate at them there, fancy restaurants, chewing

57:59

on meal and wet in my whistle on

58:02

bottles of wide. I

58:05

said that that didn't make sense. If

58:08

he grew up in southern California around sophisticated

58:10

Hollywood people, why did he talk

58:12

in such a folksy, down home way. He

58:15

looked at me and said, ah, finnel sticks,

58:19

And just like that, he grabbed his mule and left.

58:26

Carolina sits around watching TikTok

58:28

toes and YouTube's on

58:32

her phone like a lot of simpletons these

58:34

days. Maybe movies

58:36

are dead, or maybe like

58:38

the cultural around us, they're just changing

58:41

into something new, and it's scares

58:43

a lot of people. I'm not afraid

58:46

of change. I'm afraid of

58:48

Jello and

58:51

wild boars and

58:53

Canadians, but

58:56

not change. These

58:59

days, there are a lot of old men invoking the

59:01

past, mainly on Fox News.

59:06

The past was really good for me. I I

59:08

drank a bottle of scotch every day and woke

59:11

up naked in more city parks than I can remember.

59:16

But the past wasn't great for everyone. Once

59:19

again, our movie is dead. I

59:21

don't think so, but maybe

59:23

we can make them better. I'm

59:26

Ron Burgundy and that's my take. Thank

59:29

you everyone right,

59:32

thanks for every getting got

59:35

right, he says, because

59:37

he gets no stuck up to be so light.

59:40

He tried like a suck, seemed like a plank.

59:42

We solid younger will try

59:44

so we never getting the guy brank

59:48

so to get up a lot of band winds

59:50

and he's a god. He ain't no stand

59:52

and he doesn't have He's on a night sized

59:54

stand, which because everybody knows he's banded.

59:57

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