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3:03

Hi everybody, it's your old pal

3:05

Sarah Silverman and

3:09

my sister

3:09

Susie, Rabbi Susie,

3:11

has a good friend

3:14

who forwarded her a video

3:16

of her son Benji coming home from the dentist

3:18

and he is like hi from the dentist, one of

3:20

those videos, but he name

3:22

checks me and it's pretty exciting. So

3:25

let's, can we show it? It

3:27

usually did, like that's the same,

3:29

like where are they gonna go? I

3:31

guess that doesn't make sense.

3:34

Like I was thinking about

3:36

this in a shower this morning actually, and

3:39

there's just no way, I don't know.

3:41

What

3:43

do you think? Yeah, I

3:46

totally agree with you, it's the only way.

3:48

Yeah, I think Sarah

3:50

Silverman, she's hard,

3:55

and the best possible way is

3:57

every possible way. I'm

4:00

just gonna show them then.

4:03

And I just watched her comedy special on Netflix.

4:08

She was talking about, like...

4:12

When did I really know? I didn't know what

4:14

she was talking about. She's

4:18

so funny. She's so

4:20

funny. She talked about

4:22

her dad. And she's

4:25

like... She likes to play

4:27

games. But I like Six Flags.

4:31

Six Flags is fun. Six

4:34

Flags. Go to Six Flags.

4:38

Danny Hart. That's for you. I'm

4:42

playing in Six Flags. In

4:47

the village, the baseball

4:49

village, while I'm asleep.

4:53

I love at the end, he talks

4:55

about Six Flags. And then he's literally... And he's like, Hey,

4:58

I'm plugging Six Flags over here.

5:02

Oh, Benji, thank

5:04

you for that.

5:06

Absolute joy. I don't know

5:08

what special I was watching. It wasn't this latest one.

5:12

Because I think she sent this to me before

5:14

that came out. Must

5:16

have been one of my previous specials. Of

5:20

course, that's sweet that I'm talking

5:23

about my dad. All right, let's take

5:25

some voicemails.

5:28

You left me a message. Now

5:31

I'm playing it for the world. Let's

5:36

hear some voicemails.

5:42

Hi, Sarah. This is Sarah from

5:44

New York. I

5:46

called you once when I was pregnant about

5:49

two years ago. And I asked you what

5:52

the reason was for your last cry.

5:55

Now I'm calling because I'm wondering...

6:00

I've noticed that you have a very healthy

6:02

relationship with death and

6:05

with grief

6:07

and I'm just wondering how you got there and You

6:11

can speak on that a little bit

6:13

give us some insight Thank

6:16

you so much. I love

6:19

you Goodbye

6:23

Thank you. I look yeah,

6:25

you may notice that I have a healthy

6:28

relationship with with death and grief

6:31

But I will remind you that you

6:34

see me for a little less

6:36

than an hour a week And

6:38

I'm pretty much my best

6:41

self During

6:42

those times these times, but

6:44

yeah, I've had a lot of people

6:47

unfortunately die in my life

6:50

close close close people and

6:52

You know and

6:54

with my parents

6:59

Dying last month that

7:01

that last three weeks with them was just

7:07

I was consumed

7:09

with sadness just couldn't

7:11

my entire being and of

7:16

Course whilst all of that is going

7:18

on I'm also and all three

7:20

of my sisters all of us all hands on deck

7:23

are just doing non-stop Work,

7:26

you don't think about all the logistics that

7:28

come with a

7:29

Loved one dying, you know

7:32

dealing with the hospital dealing with hospice

7:34

workers payments What's covered

7:37

by this and what's not and what in mortuary

7:40

and the mortuary and the reaching out

7:42

to their friends the best we could which we

7:46

Whiffed in a lot of ways Organizing

7:49

care learning to do the care You

7:52

know, thank goodness, you

7:54

know There's four girls.

7:56

There's all of us sisters were there

7:59

and two nieces

7:59

and in a nephew, all adults.

8:02

And we were just all hands on deck, and still it

8:05

was an overwhelming

8:08

amount of work while

8:12

being just in an

8:15

intense level of sadness.

8:22

Grief, pre-grief, grief. But

8:25

boy, we were able to have some real

8:28

quality time with them, especially with Dad.

8:34

And we were lucky in that we were able to get

8:37

closure with them, you know, but

8:39

I just cling to the fact that

8:42

they shed their sick

8:44

ailing,

8:47

no longer functioning skin

8:49

suits,

8:51

and are now free.

8:54

And I hope, I know

8:56

that they are out of pain, and we're

8:58

the ones that hurt, we're the ones hurting,

9:01

which I take comfort in.

9:03

You know, I can handle my own pain. Seeing

9:07

them in pain was brutal, especially

9:10

Janice. And

9:12

knowing that they are no longer struggling,

9:15

that makes me

9:17

feel immense relief.

9:20

But it's, you know,

9:22

it's rough. My shrink

9:24

said something really great last week, because

9:28

we're going to go do

9:31

a picnic at their grave site, you know, and this weekend,

9:33

and my shrink said, and

9:40

he was quoting someone else, I think, but

9:42

he's like, when you go visit your

9:44

loved one at the cemetery, just know, they

9:47

are in the car with you on the way there, and

9:50

they leave with you on the way back home.

9:54

And

9:56

the grave site is just where their,

9:58

their bones are. But they're

10:00

with you, you know, so if it means

10:03

something to you and it does, it will mean something to us. It's

10:05

something we're doing for ourselves to

10:07

feel connected with them. But I mean, I think

10:09

kind of everything we do, it's like, you

10:12

know, that was Janice or that was

10:15

dad doing that or, you know, and we can assign

10:17

these meaningful things, which

10:19

I think is religion kind of at its

10:21

core. It's like assigning meaning

10:24

to to everyday things, you

10:27

know. And that's kind

10:29

of the nice part of religion, if

10:31

should you be religious, which I'm not, but this

10:34

feels religious. Anyway,

10:38

that's that's all I got for you. I don't

10:40

know if that was helpful at all. But yeah,

10:43

it's I'm just a person. And but

10:45

I'm trying to figure it out. And that one

10:47

thing is has always helped me with

10:49

death is that they are not suffering.

10:51

I'm we're suffering and that I

10:53

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Oh, tickle, darling.

11:59

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Sarah for $50 off your first purchase

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of $100 or more. And

13:13

we're back. Hey,

13:16

Sarah.

13:18

I am 24 years

13:20

old and I have been self-harming

13:22

since I was 13. More

13:26

specifically sweating. I'm hoping that people

13:28

who would be triggered by that click

13:31

out when they hear me say self-harm. I

13:35

can't stop. And I

13:40

feel like a child, like

13:43

I have a child problem and

13:45

I don't know how to grow the fuck

13:47

up and stop and

13:49

treat myself with love the

13:51

way I treat everybody else.

13:55

Have you ever struggled with this? Do you know anyone

13:58

who's struggled with this? Is

14:01

it all okay? Oh

14:05

my god, I just want to

14:07

hug you. Yeah, it's

14:09

all okay. I don't

14:11

know about this stuff really,

14:14

but it's interesting

14:16

you said I feel like a child, like there's a child's

14:19

problem. And you know what? One,

14:21

it's not. But two, it

14:24

is. I think all our problems are

14:28

child's problems. And

14:31

the way we can deal with them is by

14:34

being our own parenting

14:36

ourselves, by parenting ourselves. Again,

14:39

I don't know a lot about this, but I've

14:41

read a little bit about it. I know

14:43

that

14:46

the most common human condition

14:50

is feeling that we are not enough.

14:54

And I think

14:56

cutting and stuff like that stems

14:59

from that. And the good news

15:01

is you're not alone in feeling that way. That

15:03

is the human condition. And

15:07

we are enough, even

15:09

and especially you. I

15:13

think cutting is, I think,

15:17

like a release valve

15:20

for stress and anxiety

15:23

for distress. And I

15:25

think there are groups for this. I

15:27

know there are.

15:29

Which I think, again, is

15:31

always a

15:32

great, great way to work

15:35

on stuff like this.

15:37

To be in a group with other people

15:39

that know exactly what you're going

15:41

through and are in different stages

15:44

of getting well

15:46

and helping each other and

15:48

understanding

15:50

each other and really being able to help

15:52

each other is going to be,

15:56

as far as I know, your best bet.

15:58

And I hope you do that. And

16:01

you can do it by Zoom. I'm

16:03

pretty positive. I mean, this

16:05

is where I would go. I would search, and

16:08

then I would give you commas to say in between

16:10

words. I've recently learned that

16:12

commas are not read by

16:14

our computers.

16:16

But

16:18

to be in a group

16:21

for cutting where you are with people

16:24

in different phases of recovery, I think would be

16:26

a really, really smart,

16:29

helpful move for you.

16:31

So

16:31

number one, I would get into a group

16:34

therapy situation for cutters,

16:36

for self-harm.

16:37

And I've read that there are ways to

16:39

try to trick the mind, and that's so

16:42

much of what we do to cope,

16:44

to trick the mind away from stuff like cutting,

16:47

and these are probably,

16:49

this may not

16:51

be helpful, because they're simple, kind

16:53

of a change of like

16:58

going outside or running,

17:02

exercise. When I feel extreme anxiety

17:04

or rage, boy,

17:07

I love to just run and run. I'm lying.

17:09

I'm a power walker. I don't run. But

17:12

sometimes I run,

17:15

like I live near a hill, and boy,

17:17

I've just been really ragey

17:19

and frustrated and just gone and just run

17:22

as fast as I can up that hill until

17:24

I can't anymore. And it just,

17:27

boy, it helps. Or a hot

17:29

bath was a suggestion. I

17:31

don't know that that is the cure for you.

17:34

But I do remember seeing that.

17:36

My instinct is that maybe you've got some

17:39

shame around your

17:41

depression or your sadness, your hurt. And

17:44

our instinct when we are hurt

17:47

is to make someone else feel that

17:50

hurt. And I think

17:52

with people who self-harm, you're

17:54

your own someone else.

17:58

Would you say that's true? I don't know. This is

18:00

potentially a very ignorant

18:03

theory. I'm not sure but But

18:05

you're inflicting pain in order to feel

18:08

in control

18:10

I do believe that that self-harm that

18:13

cutting is a um Is

18:16

a symptom of when you feel A

18:19

lack of control in your life. So,

18:21

you know when you're

18:23

Having feelings of no control. Yeah, I

18:25

get and I understand that I think

18:27

a lot of people understand And

18:29

have different coping mechanisms for feeling

18:31

a lack of control over their lives And

18:35

and this one has taken hold with

18:37

you

18:37

And boy, the feeling of having no

18:40

control is so scary

18:42

and I wonder if making friends with

18:44

that

18:47

Is something to try

18:49

Instead of fearing it, you know try

18:51

to be on the edge of your seat about

18:53

it about not knowing what's next

18:56

in this life

18:58

You know I mean, it's so funny because we

19:01

hate that life is a roller coaster

19:03

and yet we pay money to ride roller

19:05

coasters Like there's a real

19:08

love hate vibe Of

19:11

this feeling that we have no control

19:14

so maybe try to make friends with

19:16

that with that feeling

19:18

try to see the fear as

19:21

Kind of shift the fear into exhilaration

19:24

I mean i'm talking out of my ass as always

19:26

but I think there might be something to that because

19:29

it is what is But

19:32

more than that whilst you are open

19:34

to advice ask someone who knows

19:37

join a therapy group Um

19:39

for self-harm will you do that i'd

19:41

be so happy if you did that

19:43

And you sound so wonderful and and

19:45

maybe check back in and and let us

19:47

know how How you're doing in a

19:49

in a few months or six months

19:51

or a year?

19:53

I'd love to hear back from you. You

19:55

know, listen, I only just heard your

19:57

your beautiful vulnerable,

20:01

brave, honest voice.

20:03

And I love you. So

20:07

good luck. And you know what? We'll,

20:09

we'll post a helpline

20:12

or anything we can find that might help you or

20:15

anyone else. Let's do that.

20:19

Here it is. I'm pointing to it. Am I? I don't know.

20:21

Okay. What else? Hello. I

20:24

have a personal question. You

20:27

seem a very friendly,

20:30

very nice person, a person

20:33

who can deal

20:35

with any kind of people

20:37

and

20:40

I'd like to know about you. And

20:43

is there any situation when you

20:46

feel, when you don't feel friendly

20:49

at all? Yes.

20:50

Yes. I mean, listen, I have, um,

20:53

I have my moments certainly, but I am,

20:55

uh, I am a people person in general.

20:58

I love being alone, but

21:00

when I'm out, I'm usually I'm interested

21:03

in people. I like talking to strangers and stuff.

21:05

I mean, it's a little

21:07

different, the dynamic because some

21:10

people know who I am or they, you

21:12

know, and then it changes the chemistry

21:14

a little and, and sometimes that's wonderful and

21:16

sometimes it's a bummer, but, um,

21:18

in terms of being unfriendly to people, not

21:22

usually, but yes, sometimes

21:24

I am, sometimes my gut

21:26

says, do not be open with this

21:28

person and just keep it going

21:31

and moving right along. And it has served

21:33

me well.

21:35

And I think that's okay. I'm fine

21:37

with it. What else? Hi,

21:40

Sarah. This is blank. Um,

21:43

these men have been yelled at for

21:45

peeing on the seat, but I'm not

21:47

sure if you've noticed, but women

21:50

pee

21:50

under the seat. So if you lift

21:52

up the

21:53

seat, you'll notice on the underside that

21:55

there's drips on there and

21:56

still your pee. No, I clean it

21:59

off often.

22:01

Now it makes me think that those seats

22:03

that are horseshoes that are missing the front portion

22:06

was not only for

22:08

giving men room for their balls.

22:10

Oh. Wait. But

22:12

maybe it's also to prevent women from peeing

22:15

under the seat. So maybe we missed that.

22:18

First of all, I think he said his name was Blank.

22:22

Or maybe he said it was Frank. That's

22:24

like my friend Carrie's dad was like, she's

22:27

like, dad, I'm going outside. And he was like, bloutside.

22:30

What's that?

22:31

Why? I don't know what to say. First

22:33

of all, I never thought about this. There

22:35

is the horseshoe kind of toilet

22:38

seat. And then there's the all the way around kind.

22:40

The horseshoe is for what? Is for

22:43

men's balls? Where does that, where do the

22:45

balls go?

22:46

That little lip,

22:49

that little open area.

22:52

What? Where are your balls?

22:55

Guys, do you, Roger, you have

22:57

anything here? I don't know.

23:00

I've, you know, this is the first I've heard of this theory,

23:02

A, that women pee under seats. I've never

23:04

heard it.

23:04

I think that's guys pee. Don't

23:07

think I've seen evidence of it personally, but I

23:09

don't know. The horseshoe thing, I,

23:12

that's a pretty, that's a high minority

23:14

of toilet seats. I'm talking, maybe 10% of

23:16

toilet seats are horseshoe, I think. So I don't

23:19

think it's a popular toilet seat.

23:21

But toilet seat covers look

23:23

like the horseshoe. Yeah.

23:25

I don't. But I put them the

23:28

other way. That's true. They

23:30

do. They are like horseshoe. That's true.

23:33

Yeah. You rip out that thing. I

23:35

guess I found this guy amusing. I'm not sure his

23:37

theories make a lot of sense. Yeah. I

23:40

mean, like, what he's talking about with the balls.

23:42

One, why does a horseshoe

23:44

toilet seat make room for your balls? I'd

23:47

love to know that. I'd love to know

23:49

how a woman peeing out of a vagina

23:52

into a

23:53

bowl would touch the rim

23:55

of said bowl. But you know, I

23:58

mean, listen, sometimes if I push really hard.

23:59

It does it kind of

24:02

there's a mist there's like a sea breeze Now

24:08

you're admitting to your cop into it, but I

24:10

don't I mean not really I mean,

24:12

I don't know but um Hold

24:14

on I didn't ever and oh I will say

24:16

and and Roy's not gonna like this And he said if you're

24:19

gonna talk about me at least run it by me first

24:21

But I'm just gonna say this when I

24:23

get up in the morning to pee There are like

24:25

one to three

24:26

Drops on the floor and I

24:29

said Rory if you pee in the middle of the night Just

24:31

sit down and pee and he said I will never

24:33

I

24:34

Will never do that and I was

24:37

just like that's some I feel like that's some

24:39

Toxic masculinity

24:42

talking like why are you

24:44

why is there shame around? Sitting

24:47

down to pee if you're a man, like

24:49

I guess that's a thing like good, but that guy

24:52

fucking sits down to pee But

24:54

I see no shame in it. I mean

24:57

just like you're

24:58

just you don't have to be hero.

25:00

This isn't target practice Anyway,

25:03

there you go. What else? Hey best

25:05

friend Sarah So

25:08

I'll try to make it succinct I Made

25:14

a friend about six years ago and

25:19

Spent a lot of time together A

25:22

girl best friend and After

25:27

a couple years Shit

25:31

started to look weird with her turns

25:34

out she's a complete fraud and total

25:37

piece of shit. I had no idea I Thought

25:41

she was great. So Never

25:44

one I feel really stupid because

25:46

there I had a few friends that sort

25:49

of questioned I

25:53

Helping her I suppose they're like, well,

25:56

you know, it sounds a little weird and blah blah blah blah. So

25:58

that's why I'm calling you But

26:00

really what I want to know is number one, is

26:04

something like this ever happened to you? Is he

26:06

caused from inside a bird cage? You're like a famous

26:09

and rich person, so people are trying to fraud

26:12

you, I would imagine sometimes. I'm

26:17

comfortable, I'm not wealthy or anything, and this

26:19

is not. I mean, I'm

26:21

out a little bit, but it was more about

26:23

my time, and that kind

26:25

of thing. Secondly,

26:28

how do you vet

26:30

people into your life? Well,

26:32

I'm sorry that that happened to you. It

26:38

sounds like you had some good times with her, maybe

26:41

it was worth it, maybe you got a high

26:43

quality lesson out of it. Yeah,

26:46

I got bamboozled a couple of times when I

26:48

first lived in New York City, and then once

26:51

out here from someone in my apartment building.

26:53

But for the most part, I have a

26:55

pretty good, I

26:58

think maybe from those things actually,

27:01

I have grown a pretty good bullshit

27:04

detector,

27:05

and I've learned to trust my gut

27:08

completely. And

27:10

that's how I navigate that stuff. I

27:12

don't have much more else to say, but

27:15

that use this as

27:18

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27:20

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27:23

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27:25

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about the food you feed your dog Hi,

30:37

Sarah. I just wanted

30:40

to

30:41

catch up with you about

30:44

When it's important to be honest with

30:46

people about issues

30:49

that are deeply private I

30:51

Have two health

30:53

issues Um

30:54

One of which

30:56

is not as serious as the other but

30:58

they both Create some distance

31:01

around me and other people

31:03

The first health

31:05

issue is a mental illness

31:08

and it's one of the dramatic ones I

31:11

take very good care of myself

31:13

and You

31:16

can't have it completely under control but

31:19

I'm

31:20

In pretty good shape.

31:22

So but I have been shunned

31:25

when I have told people this or they have

31:27

used it as an excuse When

31:29

we have a disagreement It's

31:32

not the facts the

31:34

circumstances. It's the fact of my

31:36

illness that has caused a disagreement so

31:39

when

31:40

I meet new people it takes me a

31:42

while to tell them and Then

31:44

sometimes it feels like oh my god I haven't

31:47

told them

31:48

in all this time and now I'm gonna hurt

31:50

their feelings when I Reveal

31:52

this big secret. So that's one illness.

31:55

And the other is I have herpes and it's just

31:57

killed my sex life and and

32:02

I'm overwhelmed and tons of research.

32:05

There's no perfect way of protecting

32:07

somebody, but it's created

32:10

this barrier,

32:11

and I'd really like some help

32:14

about how to discuss that. So

32:16

anyway, thank you so much. I

32:19

really appreciate it. Listen,

32:23

everyone has things. Everyone,

32:27

every single person has

32:30

things. I

32:33

don't know what your mental health issue is. You said

32:35

it was pretty heavy. You know, I'm just, my

32:37

brain's going to schizophrenia or bipolar,

32:40

both of which can be managed with medication.

32:44

You do not have to share that with anyone if you

32:47

don't feel comfortable sharing it with anyone. I

32:49

mean, it's a piece of you.

32:51

It's a part of what makes you a beautiful,

32:54

unique,

32:55

human

32:57

being and a part of humanity.

33:01

And I would say if you're in

33:03

a relationship with someone,

33:05

that they should know, but

33:08

it shouldn't matter. And with the right person, it

33:11

won't matter.

33:12

I always say like those kinds of things,

33:14

if they drive people away, good. It's

33:17

a good screening system for people who are not

33:19

going to be there for the long haul. As

33:21

for herpes,

33:23

I think one in four people have

33:26

it Um, isn't

33:28

that right, Raj? Let's

33:30

see, there's four of us here. Me,

33:35

Travis, Raj. I,

33:38

I'm just from a quick Google, it says that

33:41

one in four women have herpes

33:44

and one in eight men do. One in

33:46

four women have herpes and one

33:48

in eight men do? Yeah, it

33:50

kind of seems. That makes me so angry

33:52

because I guarantee you most

33:55

of those women got it from men. Maybe

33:58

not, but. I'm going to guess they did.

34:01

Anyway, a substantial

34:04

amount of the population has it. And

34:07

if you're careful, it doesn't have to be an issue.

34:09

I just know because I had a boyfriend in my 20s who

34:13

had oral herpes

34:15

and he could always tell. And

34:18

by the way, he got it from his first

34:21

kiss when he was 15, which is so heartbreaking

34:25

and adorable. But he always could

34:28

tell. He

34:30

had a sensation if one would, before

34:32

it even became visible at all,

34:35

he could feel it like a tingle and

34:39

he would steer clear of me. He was very

34:41

responsible. It wasn't something

34:43

I had to remember. Even if I forgot

34:46

and went to kiss him, he would stop me. He was very, very, very conscious

34:49

of it. And

34:51

we were together for a few years and he never gave it to

34:53

me. And

34:55

I felt really safe because he was so conscious

34:58

of it. And

35:02

so this doesn't feel

35:04

like the right word, anal about it. But it doesn't

35:07

have to be a thing. And

35:11

again, it's a great screening system. You know,

35:13

like the person who stays with

35:17

you is gonna

35:19

love you and you're lovable and worthy of love. And

35:24

you are most certainly not the

35:26

only person

35:28

with

35:28

bipolar or schizophrenia or depression or

35:31

whatever mental health issue, big

35:34

mental health issue that you said you had. And herpes, you're

35:36

not the only one with

35:39

both of those things, not by a long shot.

35:42

Know that.

35:45

Know that. Okay,

35:48

what else? Hey Sarah, how are you? I just saw

35:50

your show. It was awesome. It was awesome.

35:53

And I got to meet you backstage. And

35:56

while I wanna remain anonymous, I will say,

35:58

we were the group that you had that ext...

35:59

about the Green Flannel shirt.

36:02

I just wore it yesterday. It was a blast

36:05

and we loved it. Anyway,

36:06

I am calling with a bit of a dilemma. We

36:09

have a friend in our circle

36:12

of friends who's a wonderful,

36:15

devoted, compassionate,

36:17

hilarious life of the

36:19

party friend. Wonderful.

36:21

Especially been there for my partner

36:24

through some of her darkest days, but

36:26

she is extremely

36:29

hard on people in romantic

36:32

relationships. And in our community,

36:34

people sort of date around, they date each

36:37

other, they break up, and they'll date someone else in

36:39

our friend group. So we do know

36:41

some of her exes who

36:43

have categorized these

36:46

relationships as a bit emotionally abusive.

36:49

And people can't figure out why we're

36:51

still friends with this person,

36:52

but she's a lovely friend and it's such a dilemma

36:55

to me. I don't quite know

36:58

what to do about it or if I should

37:00

be friends with this person still, who I love,

37:03

or if

37:04

I should honor the experience

37:06

of our other friends and not be friends with

37:08

this person. So I wonder what you

37:10

think about that. Thanks. Ah,

37:14

of course I remember you, by the way. I wore

37:17

that green plaid shirt

37:19

yesterday. I can't get it to look as

37:21

good on me as it was on your friend. But,

37:26

oh, I love it, it's so soft. Anyway,

37:30

listen, I think it

37:32

is okay to stay friends with

37:34

someone who's a great friend

37:37

and who is shitty in relationship.

37:39

I have many, many comedian friends

37:42

who I love with my

37:44

entire heart that I would not

37:46

fix up with someone

37:49

I cared about in a million years

37:51

because they cheat and they're shitty in relationship.

37:54

They're not good in romantic relationship.

37:57

We're living in this time

37:59

where... everyone must be wonderful in

38:02

all aspects of life to warrant love.

38:05

You know, it's like, you

38:08

know, I don't know.

38:11

I don't know if that's if this is right

38:13

or wrong advice, but this is how I

38:15

do it, you know.

38:18

Now, I don't know which friend is closer

38:21

or if,

38:23

you know, this is going to be a problem with your friends

38:25

that are exes with your this

38:28

person. So you may have to do like

38:30

a pros versus cons list.

38:33

But yeah, I get it. The lesbian community

38:35

is just like the standup community. And they,

38:37

of course, in the Venn diagram of both

38:40

overlap because there are many lesbian comedians.

38:43

And I know

38:44

it is a totally incestuous

38:47

community, you know, that's like, you

38:49

know, I lost my virginity to a

38:52

comedian and slept

38:54

with comedians. Cons were

38:56

my pool of boyfriends and they

38:58

all still exist in my world because we're comics.

39:02

We see each other on the road all the time.

39:04

It's the same. It's very similar.

39:07

So I get that you are

39:09

in that same pool, you

39:11

know, but it's

39:14

a pool of people you're going to date with in and it's

39:16

a pool of people that are going to be your friends forever.

39:19

And there's always going to be that stuff.

39:22

So good luck. Listen, I

39:24

have friends

39:25

that aren't perfect. Can you imagine? Can

39:28

you even believe it? I have friends

39:30

that have not figured out a

39:33

healthy relationship. I have friends

39:35

that are shitty and other

39:37

aspects of life. And

39:40

I still love them. Can

39:42

you imagine? And good luck. And

39:45

I really loved meeting you, by the way. I remember

39:47

it was like they were like, oh, there

39:49

are some like people from

39:51

the board of the theater that you have to meet.

39:53

And I was like, oh, like in my mind, I had

39:56

such a different vision. And then I met you guys

39:58

and I was like, oh.

39:59

We would be friends. Like I know

40:02

you. Like, you know, we're

40:04

we're the same kind of ilk.

40:07

So that I had a real nice time meeting you guys.

40:09

Y'all. All right. What

40:11

else? Hi, Sarah. Um,

40:15

I was I had a question

40:17

on what your take is

40:20

on leading a sort

40:22

of self-destructive lifestyle that

40:25

a lot of young people and even older people,

40:27

you know, kind of get stuck in

40:29

as far as drugs and alcohol. Um,

40:33

I recently had an

40:35

altercation with officers while I was

40:38

blacked out on the room. And I

40:42

thought I had a better idea of how to handle

40:44

it from seeing my own father, who was an alcoholic

40:47

and dozens of other

40:49

Native Americans on the reservation

40:51

I grew up on.

40:53

So seeing all that, it made

40:55

me feel like I can go into

40:58

it, you know, and

41:01

sort of like have better control of myself.

41:03

But after seeing this, I can see that I'm still

41:05

kind of growing up. And,

41:08

you know, the first thing I did when

41:10

I got home was I drew my shot glasses away. I'm

41:12

done with shots. And I guess

41:15

I just kind of wondering, like, if

41:20

you've ever had a type of like point

41:22

in your life where, you know, the things you did were self-destructive,

41:25

how did you sort of overcome it?

41:28

And, you know, if you ever had problems

41:30

with the law, like, I don't know, it's just, I

41:32

don't know. I guess my basic question is, how

41:34

do you think I can improve myself from

41:37

being self-destructive? I guess,

41:39

you know, to sum it up. I think this

41:42

is huge. You know, just just seeing

41:44

the pattern is huge. This

41:48

is the stuff. There are people that don't even see

41:50

that, you know.

41:51

Now you have to break the pattern.

41:54

And boy, I, you know, the

41:58

AA is a great. way

42:00

to do it. Why? Because it's just

42:04

you have support. You're with

42:06

a room of people going through the same thing

42:09

at various stages of it. The

42:12

people farther ahead of you are going to

42:14

be your support system. The

42:16

people newer

42:17

than you, you're going to be a support

42:20

system for and all of it just helps stay

42:22

sober. So

42:24

I'm glad you threw away your shot glasses. If you're

42:26

really looking to be sober, you

42:28

got to throw it all away and

42:32

find other ways to

42:35

get relief. It's

42:38

above my pay grade to talk about the

42:41

systemic abuses

42:44

and traumas for

42:47

an entire people that has led

42:49

to a lot of alcoholism

42:52

within is a thing. And it's

42:55

a thing that I don't

42:57

know enough to talk about, but

43:00

to just kind of reference and say,

43:03

I know there's a whole other layer to

43:06

it, you know, that is cultural and put

43:08

upon you

43:10

culturally.

43:13

And

43:17

I'm just proud of you for seeing

43:20

a pattern that you don't want for yourself and

43:24

making a change. But it sounds like you're

43:26

really, you're

43:30

really on the right track. That's

43:32

all I've got. I'm sorry. Your question was

43:34

smarter and more insightful than my answer. Truly.

43:37

Call me. Let me know how it's going. All right.

43:40

Good luck.