0:15

I want to be afraid of

0:18

the shadows in the dark . They

0:20

will lead the way to

0:22

the hidden pathways of the void

0:24

, To one secret place

0:27

. That is where I find

0:29

my start .

0:31

Welcome to the Shadow and the Light

0:33

podcast with internationally renowned

0:36

meditation teacher , David G .

0:38

And heart healer and psychotherapist

0:40

Elizabeth Winkler , as we guide

0:42

you through our unique fusion of ancient

0:45

wisdom and modern psychology .

0:47

Get ready to awaken your true

0:50

essence , heal your wounds

0:52

and transform your shadow into

0:54

.

1:19

Hey , David G .

1:20

Oh , hello there , Elizabeth . So great

1:22

to be here with you and welcome everyone

1:24

to another episode of the Shadow

1:27

and the Light , and

1:29

that's us . We're here to dive deep

1:31

into all sorts of different

1:33

conversations that might touch you

1:35

, awaken you , poke you , trigger

1:38

you , heal you and

1:40

guide you to the memory

1:42

of your wholeness , so you can make better

1:44

decisions and so you can truly step

1:46

into your power and own your

1:49

impact . Before you joined

1:51

us here , we were talking about we were

1:53

talking about stagnancy . Stagnancy

1:56

. What a concept . Anybody ever been in

1:58

a rut ?

1:59

Or feel stuck .

2:01

Or find that you've plateaued in some aspect

2:04

of your life .

2:05

Feeling like you're in Groundhog Day

2:08

. I heard that a lot during COVID . We're

2:10

way beyond that now , but there may be areas

2:13

of your life that you

2:15

feel like you're not growing

2:17

or flowing and you

2:19

feel a bit stagnant . So we've

2:22

talked a lot about denial and

2:24

bringing light to the things that we aren't

2:26

. Well , it's hard to know what you're not conscious of

2:28

if you're in denial of it , right ? So maybe

2:31

this conversation is an invitation

2:33

for you to become more conscious

2:35

of something that you've been holding

2:37

on to that you didn't know was holding you back . So

2:40

I have this story that I often offer to

2:42

my clients , the metaphor

2:45

of the story that I offer to people

2:47

walking and they come upon

2:49

a river and they need to

2:51

cross this river and they're on a journey to

2:53

this mountain . But there's a river they need

2:55

to cross . There's two canoes , so they each take

2:57

their canoe across the river and

3:00

they are done crossing the river and

3:02

then they're going to go through this field to the mountain

3:04

. One of them takes the

3:06

canoe on their shoulders , the other

3:08

one puts their canoe down and the

3:11

person is holding on to their canoe because

3:13

it was really helpful and they're clinging to

3:15

it , thinking that they may still need it . The

3:17

other person has let it go . So

3:19

what I often say to people is has

3:22

this practice in your life , or

3:24

anything that you've been working with , become

3:27

a canoe ? Is it a canoe ? So what are the canoes ?

3:29

It's so unfair of you because I'm a hoarder

3:31

and so this is so perfect

3:34

for me . Do you know how many canoes

3:36

I have in the parking lot ? Do

3:39

you have any canoes I have strapped to the roof of my car ? Tell

3:41

me . I don't even know how you're sitting here with me

3:43

, because I have my canoe under

3:45

this table and I think it's impacting

3:47

the sound board . Oh

3:49

my , yeah , oh my

3:52

Again . As

3:54

we said before , how you do one thing is how you

3:56

do so many things in your life , and I think

3:58

that even if you say no , I

4:00

don't really have any other canoes that I'm

4:02

hauling around suddenly you

4:04

may realize there may be some aspect

4:07

of my life it may even just

4:09

be conceptual where

4:11

this is a piece of my past baggage

4:14

that I'm bringing with me into

4:16

this moment . This is not just

4:18

something like oh , probably not a bad idea

4:20

to have my phone charger with me because

4:22

my phone may run out of juice . We

4:25

can take this to an extreme . But

4:27

how many different components

4:29

of my past and my relationships

4:32

do I have mini canoes

4:34

and maybe speed dials

4:36

to canoes . It's not

4:38

even just the canoe , but can I

4:40

get a little access to the canoe if nobody's

4:43

looking so

4:47

the speed dial to the speed dial of the canoe , and then the larger question that I would ask

4:49

you not just to justify

4:51

, explain , defend or

4:53

insist . Not to Jedi

4:55

my response but is

4:57

it so bad to have a , perhaps

4:59

an extra canoe

5:01

hanging out ?

5:03

Nothing is better good , it's just limiting

5:05

potentially . So the way I look

5:07

at it , this doesn't have to be negative , positive

5:09

anything . I remember I

5:11

used to have a meditation practice that

5:14

became a canoe for me . I

5:16

was incredibly rigid about how

5:18

I did my particular practice . I

5:20

did this same practice every

5:23

single morning and after

5:25

a year of doing it I was very

5:27

my ego was very proud of it .

5:29

Right , so did you start into question that . Did

5:31

you tell other people too ? Was this

5:33

like a badge of honor or just an internal

5:36

no ?

5:36

it was within myself and I started to notice

5:38

and I was okay , this is becoming something

5:40

else , this is becoming dogmatic and

5:43

it's limiting . I knew it was limiting

5:45

me and so I just let it go and

5:47

I said I'm just , I'm gonna try something else

5:49

. That was one experience

5:52

for me , but often we could throw that away

5:54

and be like , oh , I can't ever do that practice

5:56

again . That's throwing the baby out with the bathwater

5:58

. It's like saying a teacher that you once learned

6:01

from is no longer good because you had a bad experience

6:03

with them . No , they brought you something . You learned something

6:05

. You don't throw the whole thing away . The canoe was

6:07

useful . That's why I talk about it as a canoe . It

6:10

got you across the river , but you don't necessarily

6:12

need it anymore . You're going through a field and you're gonna climb

6:14

a mountain . It's just gonna kind of hold you back

6:16

, it's gonna limit you . You can't move

6:18

beyond where you were .

6:20

I'm finding myself making

6:22

excuses . But what if suddenly it

6:25

started to snow ? I just watched the gray

6:27

with the Liam Neeson , and what if

6:29

we needed some kindling and to make a fire

6:31

because we were gonna be so cold , and

6:34

so thank God I had my

6:36

canoe to break it

6:38

up and burn it . But I

6:40

say this , elizabeth , because

6:43

that has been ways

6:45

that I have rationalized so many things

6:47

in my life . What's the

6:49

reason for this ? I think I mentioned

6:51

to you when I originally came to California

6:54

a bunch of years ago . I had over 700

6:56

boxes of stuff Poetry

6:59

from when I was in college , pictures of

7:01

my dead mother , notebooks

7:03

and all my diaries and

7:06

journals , and I

7:08

was a Franklin Day timer person

7:10

. So I had every single schedule

7:12

, but only for 20 years , every

7:15

single day of all those things that I have

7:17

on and on . When I first met Summer , I

7:19

said Summer , oh , by the way , I've never deleted

7:21

an email in my entire life . In fact

7:24

, every time my emails got too

7:27

full , in whatever job I

7:29

had , I asked the

7:31

tech person to please download

7:34

all the emails and put them on a drive for

7:36

me . And so I have the

7:38

drives of every email that

7:40

I've ever had in every job that

7:43

I've ever had in my entire life . Summer

7:45

worked with me because she's no Marie Kondo

7:47

. Summer was said to me . I think

7:49

you could let this one go , that email

7:51

that you've been saving for three years

7:53

, you could delete it . And so she worked

7:55

with me . You're

7:57

looking at me right now with this giant grin

7:59

on your face , summer . Yeah , it was a very long

8:02

and slow process and I do that

8:04

. Now I do delete and I'm down from my 700

8:06

boxes to about 300 . Now

8:09

that's 400 . Letting goes that

8:11

I've done page by page , book

8:13

by book , journal by journal . I did ultimately

8:16

part with all my Franklin Day timers and

8:18

I let go of some really old technology

8:21

where emails from 20 years ago

8:23

were stored on . It was a process and

8:25

I needed to feel safe in it and I

8:27

really needed to have real reassurances

8:30

that it was okay to let

8:32

go of the canoe by

8:35

someone who had let go of the canoe

8:37

and had a really

8:39

positive response from it .

8:41

Well , it just makes me think of trust . When

8:44

you asked about what if I

8:46

need the wood Trust

8:49

, that's

8:51

what you always say to me .

8:54

Trust the process , trust life or

8:57

fear , because I know I'm hanging out

8:59

with you and I have the canoe In case you couldn't

9:01

. Don't worry , I got the canoe

9:03

. I'm schlepping that canoe for both of us

9:05

.

9:06

Right , but so when did this begin ? Let's

9:09

do a little therapy . When did this begin

9:11

, this , holding on to things ?

9:12

Well , I could certainly say oh , obviously

9:15

, this began the day my mother

9:17

died .

9:18

Well , is that true ? That might not be true . May have started

9:20

when you were five , who knows .

9:21

Oh , I can never even go back , who

9:23

knows .

9:24

When do you first remember holding on to

9:26

things ?

9:26

I think it's a falsely embedded memory

9:28

that everything began when my mother died .

9:31

Okay , so when do you remember being

9:33

?

9:33

Or you know what , maybe before that , when my

9:36

first girlfriend broke up with me . So

9:38

, it's a loss . Oh , I'm

9:40

sure this is purely a abandonment or

9:43

loss that I'm overcompensating

9:45

for and have been for my entire

9:47

life , but I've had some reinforcement

9:49

of that . I remember I was like I'm

9:51

gonna let go of everything and I called up my sister

9:53

and I said listen , I'm going

9:55

through a box and it's got pictures of you and

9:57

me as little kids , and can I let go of

9:59

that ? And she was like I don't care

10:01

, of course you , can I go . Do

10:03

you have these hoarded in your past ? She

10:06

said no , I've thrown all those away . I

10:08

said , well then , there's no record . I must keep

10:10

them . Since you threw them away . I

10:13

need to do that with you . That's a really powerful

10:15

and important component . But she gave

10:17

me permission . She said you could throw out anything that you want

10:19

that has my name . I said you

10:21

sent me letters when I was really

10:23

young . What about those ? You

10:26

could throw them all away . So she gave me permission

10:28

. We went item by item throughout our entire

10:30

life because we've never really lived in the same place

10:32

. But she gave me permission to do all this

10:34

stuff in part with it and I was like okay

10:36

, and I got so enthusiastic and so

10:38

excited . I opened up my first box and it's oh

10:40

, it's a letter from my sister in the garbage . And

10:43

then you pick up the next thing and it's , oh , my sister's

10:45

high school yearbook in the garbage

10:48

. And I go , maybe I just take

10:50

out a whole bunch of these , I don't even have to look at them

10:52

anymore . And so I pick

10:54

up a giant stack of five things

10:56

, maybe five inches high , and I throw

10:59

it in the garbage . And I look down in the box

11:01

and it's a picture of my mother and

11:03

I'm like , oh my god , maybe

11:05

I just threw out a whole bunch of pictures of my mother and

11:07

she's been dead all these years and I don't

11:09

have a lot of pictures of her . I don't even remember her

11:11

voice . I don't have any videos of

11:13

her . I conjure up her voice , it's probably

11:16

not even her voice . And so suddenly this

11:18

massive loss , abandonment , all

11:20

that stuff . Then I dove back into that dumpster

11:22

, picked up those five inches of things that I went

11:24

through and went page by page and of course

11:26

nothing else was in there . But I was like , oh

11:29

, I could never go stacks at a time . I

11:31

have to go slice of paper

11:33

by slice of paper , for fear

11:35

what if I throw out another

11:37

photo of my mother

11:39

, and if you do , it would be okay

11:41

.

11:43

Perhaps it would be okay . Perhaps

11:45

, Because I think the fear of holding

11:48

on could be holding

11:52

you back more than allowing you

11:54

to release and experience

11:56

that grief , potentially

11:59

, that is being held in those

12:01

things you're holding on to , potentially

12:03

.

12:06

Yes , perhaps

12:09

that's true . I

12:11

remember in one of my books

12:14

. It's always a quote that I think of when

12:16

I hear sentiments like what you were

12:18

just saying . It's a quote by Anayis

12:20

Nin , and the day came when

12:22

the risk to remain tight in

12:24

a bud was more painful

12:26

than the risk it took

12:28

to blossom . But I'm not there yet

12:30

. As long as I have a place to hoard all

12:33

my boxes , I'm not really suffering

12:36

with that pain , but it wreaks havoc in

12:38

all other aspects of my life because

12:40

it's always filling up space and we can never accept

12:43

new things when we're filling up space

12:45

.

12:46

Well , I'm not you , so I don't understand your

12:48

experience , but we did

12:50

both lose our mothers at the exact same age

12:52

of 19 . And

12:54

so we do have that shared experience

12:56

of losing our mothers at the same time

12:58

. And my

13:01

biggest healing was I

13:03

didn't know it was going to be this , but

13:06

it was the healing of my heart around my

13:08

mother's loss which was working

13:10

with the dream which we talked about in a previous

13:12

episode . But really it was like a

13:14

back door . I was working with this fear

13:17

image so you could use

13:19

your boxes , which is where it's trapped

13:21

for you , potentially . Right , I don't

13:23

want to name that for you , but these boxes

13:26

, what you're hoarding , could be that

13:28

thing and you don't have to do it . You don't have

13:30

to burn them . You could do it in

13:32

a meditation . That could be a meditation . That's

13:35

what I did . I went into a meditative state

13:37

and I invited the rat

13:39

, which was the feared energy , and

13:42

I allowed the rats in

13:44

and they bit

13:47

me and licked me All these things you would not want

13:49

rats to do . But I was stayed in a relaxed state , a meditative

13:51

state , and by just

13:53

being with I can be with this . It's

13:55

okay , everything's fine . So

13:57

you could just imagine all

14:00

of that burning or whatever , and

14:02

see what happens in your body . What happens

14:04

? The body doesn't know anything , a difference

14:06

between imagined or reality

14:09

. Well , what happened inside of me was

14:11

all that fear turned to white light

14:13

in the hole I felt in my heart that

14:15

I was very aware of cleared

14:18

, and it's never been there again

14:20

. And that's when I changed everything

14:23

about the work I do . That's when I called Mindfulness

14:25

the Bullet Turn your Freedom , because it was the

14:27

energy that it activated inside . So

14:29

if it doesn't feel safe to do it in

14:32

your reality of Well

14:34

, it has spread into so many other aspects

14:37

.

14:37

I have every book that I've ever bought

14:40

, so I've got

14:42

boxes of thousands

14:44

of books . I'm also a vinyl record

14:47

collector . I also have tons of CDs

14:49

. I don't have any ATRAC , so at least I've

14:52

at least some level of orchestrates . A

14:54

thin line between hoarder and collector

14:57

in my world , but

14:59

it's distinct and

15:01

as someone who

15:04

emotionally allows

15:06

things to pour in and pour back out

15:08

, I'm very receptive

15:10

and empathetic to energy from

15:12

people , but hard , tangible

15:14

things .

15:16

Taurus .

15:17

Isn't that interesting earth sign ? Is

15:19

that why it's an earthy thing ? Yeah

15:23

, as Omar Little in the Wired would say , do

15:25

tell .

15:27

Taurus energy is earth energy holding

15:29

on to things . I'm

15:31

a Taurus rising Taurus

15:33

is earth , so it's all

15:35

about more solidity

15:38

, material things . So

15:40

it'd be interesting to know where your moon

15:42

is as well . I understand

15:44

some of this because I have some of what you're talking

15:47

about . My moon is in the

15:49

second house , which is about , like , personal

15:52

, material things , so

15:54

I get that , but

15:57

I guess I would do an inquiry around it

15:59

. What is this all represent ? What is holding

16:01

on to Well , because it's so distinctly

16:03

different , physically and emotionally , emotionally

16:06

.

16:06

you throw shade on me . I can let that

16:08

in , breathe it in , have it ripple

16:11

through every fiber of my being and

16:13

release it .

16:14

But it sounds emotional .

16:15

And I'm not there at all Yet . Give

16:17

me a box full of potential things

16:19

that might be from my

16:22

past .

16:23

But isn't that emotional ? Sounds like

16:26

it's emotional .

16:27

As Dr David Simon would say , 90%

16:30

of your physical toxicity is

16:32

emotionally derived . The fact that I have

16:34

all these things that I've

16:36

written down and what you can't see right now , as

16:39

I'm holding up all my molluscene journals

16:41

. But if I didn't have

16:43

them then they wouldn't be sparking

16:46

me with great ideas

16:48

for our time together .

16:50

Well , maybe not .

16:53

So maybe not .

16:54

Maybe not , and I do think . I would

16:56

just question if

16:58

it's the emotional

17:00

, this emotional clarity

17:03

or flow . We're talking about stagnancy and

17:05

flow . You say you feel that flow in your emotional

17:07

life . If you have that in your emotional

17:09

life , if you can do it in one place , you

17:11

can do it any place . So if

17:13

you feel like you can allow this emotional stuff

17:15

to come in and go , well

17:18

, then why can't you bring it there ? Yeah

17:22

, yeah

17:25

, it's fascinating , well , but I just

17:27

think it's a shadow for you .

17:28

I think it's maybe a , of course , and you're

17:30

my light in this particular shadow .

17:32

So what are you willing to maybe

17:34

commit to ?

17:36

I'll throw this away before .

17:38

He's throwing up . He's holding up a napkin that

17:41

was in his pocket . This

17:43

is not a big stretch .

17:45

It's a start . Come on , it's

17:47

the beginning , bean by bean . There

17:50

are days where I have , when I've gone

17:52

through these deep things , where I'm in cleansing

17:54

mode and I'm pouring through boxes

17:56

I didn't let go of half a box a

17:58

day . There were weeks where

18:00

I just dedicated myself to

18:02

let me just release everything

18:05

in here . And again , it's not just

18:07

that picture of my mother . I think I'm using

18:09

that as an excuse , because that's like

18:11

a very understandable , oh , abandonment

18:14

, complex type of thing . They're all

18:16

canoes , elizabeth . They're all canoes as

18:19

I think about them . It's . I need this

18:21

because this could happen or

18:23

this might happen , and

18:25

I have a very clear understanding that the

18:27

canoes that I carry , I may

18:30

require them to

18:32

be bonfires at some point .

18:33

They're creating one .

18:35

There's a big bonfire ready to happen .

18:37

So there's a . You're making me think of a quote . That's one of

18:39

my favorite quotes Without worry

18:41

, we arrive at the

18:43

same place just more

18:45

pleasantly . You

18:48

could say about without worry

18:50

, because a canoe is kind of like a worry . Oh , this could

18:52

happen . This could happen without worry . We

18:55

arrive at the same places just

18:57

more pleasantly . We're

18:59

talking about anxiety , we're talking about worry , we're talking

19:01

about fear . That's what it is , and

19:03

you very clearly have said to me

19:06

many times two choices . What

19:08

are they again ? Fear and

19:11

trust . You've always said fear

19:13

or trust .

19:14

Why do you fear ? Because

19:16

you do not trust .

19:17

Yes , and fear is what Resistance . So

19:21

what are you resisting ?

19:23

My definition of fear has always been

19:25

false evidence appearing real , until I met

19:27

Elizabeth Winkler , and her definition

19:30

is friend existing

19:32

as resistance

19:34

.

19:35

Right . So it's a friend letting us know

19:37

that we're resisting something . So these boxes

19:39

are holding their friendly reminders

19:41

that there's maybe some resistance

19:44

. We know on the other side

19:46

of resistance is freedom . So

19:48

fear is not something to

19:50

run away from . It's actually a doorway to

19:53

your freedom . So

19:55

however you

19:57

want to navigate , that's your personal choice

19:59

. Every one of us has canoes

20:01

.

20:02

I feel so unproductive now just

20:04

sitting here talking to you when we could be

20:06

clearing out boxes .

20:08

We are . They're in your mind , they're in your heart . I

20:10

would recommend a meditation .

20:12

And if you're listening right now , do this process

20:14

with me . Go through this meditation

20:17

with me and allow

20:19

yourself to have some healing as well .

20:22

Doing a meditation of this , of

20:24

imagining that entire . This

20:27

might be going in the deep end , but I like to go in the deep

20:29

end . I had the rats just come in

20:31

and they were like licking and

20:33

biting . I didn't control this . This was just what my imagination

20:35

did and it cleared my entire heart . But

20:38

what if a torch went to

20:40

that area that's holding all those boxes and

20:43

it just went up in flames ? What

20:45

if that were to happen ?

20:47

What's that Japanese poet , the

20:50

haiku Barnes , burnt down

20:52

. Now I can see the moon Matsuhide

20:55

.

20:55

So we don't know what we can't see when we're limited

20:57

by these things . We don't know

21:00

what the canoe is holding back

21:02

when we're putting all

21:04

of this attention on keeping

21:06

it steady on our shoulder and it's breaking

21:09

our back and the other person's walking

21:11

very gleefully through the field and up the mountain

21:14

while we're being held back by this energy , whatever

21:16

it is . Now we all have these and

21:19

it's hard to see them . My barn

21:21

having burned down , I

21:23

can now see the moon Masuta

21:26

Masahide .

21:28

Right , nice . Thank you , summer . I'm

21:30

a hoarder and that's why I

21:32

watch hoarders on Netflix

21:34

, because a helicopter's not coming

21:37

to lift my roof off so I can get to the pizza

21:39

boxes under my bed . So I feel so

21:41

empowered , right , but I

21:43

watch hoarders . I'm like , damn , these

21:45

people are constricted . I'm

21:47

amazing . Right , I'm amazing as

21:50

I peer out from behind my boxes

21:53

. Yes , you're right , it's all related

21:55

. That's why it's shadow and light . My boxes

21:57

are my emotions . My deep breath

21:59

in is no different than my release

22:02

of the thing into the dumpster

22:04

.

22:04

And if anyone's listening and thinking oh , I

22:06

can't relate to this at all . We all are hoarding

22:09

something . We all are . Yours is

22:11

a physical box of things , of memories

22:13

or whatever it may be . We

22:16

all are holding on to things . When I created

22:18

that course hate

22:20

, healing , hate . The first

22:22

the H is what are you holding on to ? We're

22:25

all the only reason we're not enlightened .

22:26

Please walk everyone through your hate

22:29

acronym .

22:30

So hate is related to

22:32

our own doubt , fear , criticism

22:36

that we are all holding on to . So the

22:38

self-hate , the ways in which we judge

22:40

ourselves or others . So

22:42

the H is what are you holding on to

22:44

? Identifying that ? What

22:47

am I holding on to ? Finding

22:49

energy in your body , bringing

22:51

attention to it ? And the A is

22:53

can I accept this ? So

22:56

, david G , you're holding on to a lot of

22:58

boxes . Can you accept that ? Are

23:01

you willing to accept and

23:03

feel in your body the energy that

23:05

you're holding on to ? That's related to

23:07

that ? Can you accept this ? Yes

23:10

or no ? Yes , okay , we need to always get

23:12

into a yes or no on that and

23:14

then trust . Can you trust

23:16

that this , this energy , whatever

23:19

it is you're holding on to , has a path

23:21

to take in your body , has

23:23

wisdom ? Yes , I

23:26

believe every stat has wisdom , so

23:28

yes , and so this energy , can you

23:30

trust that it has a different path , that

23:32

it knows to take , that it's not the path that you've

23:35

been holding on to Well ?

23:36

this would be the classic ? Maybe not , but

23:38

this is where I would ask myself , what

23:40

if it wasn't true what I think ? Or

23:42

what if my master plan could

23:44

perhaps not necessarily be that

23:47

path ?

23:48

Right . So when we move to T , the

23:50

trust , can you trust that this energy has

23:52

a path to take ? That knows the path

23:54

? It's your relinquishing the

23:57

wheel . We've been holding on to the wheel of

23:59

that energy , saying I know which

24:01

way for it to go , and we're saying

24:04

I'm letting go of the wheel . I trust that this

24:06

energy knows the path to take

24:08

to complete itself .

24:10

Well , my sister , distinctly , has been

24:12

able to make that full on

24:14

trusting of that and not be

24:16

trapped by that choice .

24:19

So , yes , so I can trust .

24:21

I trust .

24:22

Yeah . So the fourth and final

24:24

E is expand . I

24:26

give my body , my mind and my heart

24:28

and this energy permission to expand

24:30

however it wants , inside or out of my body . You've

24:33

taken the hand of the energy by saying I accept

24:35

. Then you say I trust you let it take

24:37

the wheel and then giving

24:39

permission for it to expand allows the energy

24:42

to alchemy into something new and

24:44

fresh and move beyond

24:46

the ways in which we've been running

24:49

our lives . Yeah , so

24:52

it's a step process

24:54

, it's a method that you work with

24:56

internally , meditatively

24:58

.

24:59

Yeah , I receive a lot of gifts and

25:01

a lot of cards and a lot of crystals

25:03

and a lot of bracelets and a

25:05

lot of t-shirts . I'm abundant in

25:07

all these things , but there are

25:09

t-shirts that distinctly don't

25:12

fit my spelt form

25:14

anymore , and every

25:16

time I open my drawers and go there

25:19

may be a day . One day I

25:21

would like to certainly lose

25:24

these 20 pounds and fit back into

25:26

that . I guess it was like three

25:29

months ago I started giving

25:32

myself permission to bring

25:35

some of my old swag to the Goodwill

25:37

Big . Oh yeah , summer's

25:39

looking at me with her eyes popping out of her head . Yeah , that's

25:42

huge . Yeah , so I

25:44

get it .

25:45

I get it and no buts .

25:47

I get it and I need a deeper dive

25:49

into the causes

25:51

of my holding

25:53

on , because it's not just those boxes .

25:56

Of course it isn't . When do you remember first

25:58

not wanting to let something go ? What's

26:01

your first memory ? Just take a moment

26:03

, close your eyes , remind me , tell

26:05

me .

26:07

It's early childhood .

26:08

Okay . Do you have a picture in your mind ? You

26:11

have a feeling in your body . If you don't have a picture

26:13

, that's okay . You have a feeling , you have a constriction

26:16

. Close your eyes , check it out . What

26:20

do you notice ?

26:22

It's a childhood thing .

26:24

Right , so this is the thing it sounds

26:26

. I hear your fear that you're going to implant something

26:29

and we're not doing that . You can just go to the physical

26:31

sensations that you're feeling

26:33

in your body , right ?

26:34

now .

26:35

Any tightness , any constriction , any

26:38

level of fear or anxiety . Just

26:40

notice , bring your awareness into the torso

26:43

.

26:43

No fear , just comfort in my belly

26:45

.

26:46

Just comfort in your belly .

26:47

Describe it as best you can .

26:49

If I were to draw it on a piece of paper , bring

26:52

your awareness to it and just find

26:54

its color , its

26:56

shape . Is it smooth

26:58

, is it rough ? Is it three-dimensional

27:01

, is it flat ? Is it moving ? Cold

27:04

, dark light .

27:08

Dull pain inside

27:11

my solar plexus .

27:14

Okay , and is it ? What shape is

27:16

?

27:16

it , constricting my breath .

27:18

Okay , and what is

27:20

the ? If I were to draw it , what shape

27:22

would it have ? What size is it ?

27:25

Sort of like a deflated , amoeba-like

27:28

basketball . Okay

27:30

, smaller , little smaller

27:32

.

27:32

Deflated . Deflated on the

27:35

front , or just .

27:36

Well , it's not like a round thing , it's

27:38

more like an amoeba-esque shape

27:41

of .

27:42

Okay , so , as best

27:44

you can . This is the first step of

27:46

the hate , just the H . What am I holding

27:48

on to ? This is the first step of . So can you

27:51

just bring your attention to it and just fill that

27:53

with awareness , like you're bringing breath to it , like

27:55

you're giving it light and just

27:57

saying can I accept that this is here

27:59

?

28:00

Oh yeah .

28:01

I accept that this is here and can you give

28:04

it attention and love like you would if it were

28:06

peaches ? Just

28:08

say hello to it .

28:09

Oh well , it's been in my life longer

28:11

than peaches Recently . I've had this canoe

28:14

for most of my life .

28:16

Okay , so greet

28:18

it with loving awareness , if you may

28:20

. So just bringing your loving

28:22

awareness to it and bringing that

28:24

breath into it , maybe into places

28:27

that hasn't seen breath for a while . Just

28:30

breathing into it , saying

28:32

yes , hello , I see you , I

28:35

hear you , I'm here . And

28:38

as you do that , does anything happen

28:40

? Anything may happen , something may

28:42

. Sometimes these things shift and change , sometimes

28:45

they don't

28:50

, sometimes they just breathe

28:52

, and sometimes they change or move

28:54

. But just simply

28:57

saying I accept , I accept

28:59

, I accept this energy and

29:03

as you stay with it and accept you

29:06

can move into , can I trust that this

29:08

energy has a path to

29:11

take in my body ? Can

29:14

I trust that this energy has wisdom for

29:16

me that

29:18

I may not be aware of ? Can

29:21

you trust that ? Can

29:24

you trust this energy ? And

29:28

as you maybe move into a yes , just

29:30

saying yes , I trust

29:33

. It's like when you it's been here

29:35

a long time you took its hand like it was

29:37

a younger version of you . Maybe I

29:40

accept your hand and

29:42

I trust that you know where to go

29:45

, what to do . I trust

29:47

, I trust . Let your breath

29:49

bring more levels of trust into

29:51

the energy . Just

29:56

notice as you communicate . I trust

29:58

, I trust , I

30:01

trust , I trust

30:04

, trust . What

30:07

are you noticing as you communicate ? That

30:09

Sometimes

30:15

the movement will occur . Changes

30:18

, different colors , vibration

30:21

Any

30:23

changes ? David G .

30:30

It's not

30:33

its texture , but its makeup was

30:36

more dense and now it's arier

30:43

lighter

30:46

. From

30:49

heavy to lighter , from

30:52

more dense to wispier

30:56

.

30:56

Like sometimes they spread or

30:59

thin .

31:01

When I said basketball , I was thinking of

31:03

like a basketball texture , that

31:06

leathery rubbery , thicker

31:09

, heavier , but

31:12

now it's not

31:16

that lighter , arier

31:19

, spacier .

31:21

So now you can just move into . I

31:24

trust that this energy knows what

31:26

to do . I trust

31:28

it has a path , that has

31:31

its own wisdom , which it

31:33

can communicate to me now and as

31:36

I move on and

31:38

I give it permission to expand however

31:41

it would like , inside or

31:43

outside of my body , and

31:45

I give my body , my

31:47

mind and heart permission to

31:50

allow this expansion to happen

31:52

, however the

31:55

energy would like . And

31:58

just permission

32:00

is key and

32:04

, as that happens , allowing

32:07

. Sometimes the energy moves out

32:09

, sometimes it resides because

32:12

it needs to inhabit some

32:14

other place , and all

32:16

we're doing is just staying present with

32:18

this , just kind of

32:20

watching it , like the weather . What

32:28

are you noticing ?

32:38

It's dissipating .

32:41

Just stay with the dissipation , just

32:47

watching it . This

32:51

is the wisdom

32:53

of the wound . The

32:57

wound is the way , allowing

33:02

this energy just to transmute . What

33:06

are you noticing now in that area ?

33:10

The red .

33:11

Color red .

33:13

Didn't have a color before . Well , that was very

33:15

dark , shadowy , maybe

33:18

dark brown .

33:20

So now it's red Red . What

33:23

else do

33:25

you ?

33:26

notice it's not

33:28

the shape of a deflated basketball

33:30

, no Sort of , just

33:32

clouds , different

33:35

colors of red , being

33:39

in and out itself , but that

33:41

consistency now of a cloud .

33:44

So , just accepting and trusting and

33:46

allowing these things to

33:48

expand however they would like . You

33:51

are the sky . These clouds are

33:53

moving through , moving

33:56

by . Accept , trust

33:58

, give permission

34:00

for them just to continue to do

34:03

their dance . They know what to do . All

34:06

you need to do is just be there . Hold

34:10

space , hold awareness , be

34:17

the space . What

34:20

are you noticing ?

34:23

It's moved from my solar

34:26

plexus into my throat .

34:30

Okay , so this often happens , that these energies

34:33

move into different areas , and if you , we

34:36

can go to the throat . But let's just go back to

34:38

the solar plexus . What's at the solar plexus

34:40

? Is it empty and open , or is there anything

34:42

there ?

34:46

There's the residue

34:48

of some

34:50

physical pain there , okay

34:53

, but not that overwhelming

34:56

blanket of congestion

34:59

that was there .

35:01

So we can stay with the residue if

35:03

you would like , or we can move to the throat

35:05

. It's your choice .

35:11

Let's go to the throat , okay .

35:14

Go there . What do you notice there ?

35:21

It's being released with each exhale . My

35:24

inhale fills it , but

35:29

sky filled with smoke , with

35:33

the breeze coming in and dissipating it , lessening

35:36

it , lightening it , cleansing it , but

35:41

it's dependent upon the exiles .

35:46

Maybe not Just give permission

35:48

for the energy to expand , accept

35:51

and trust and expand that I

35:53

have nothing I need to do . It

35:56

knows what to do . I don't have to

35:58

do anything , just be here

36:01

. Just be

36:03

here .

36:04

Colors changing from yellow to green .

36:07

In the throat . So

36:10

just be a witness . Just be a witness

36:12

to the color change . It's kind

36:14

of like you're . You get to discover something

36:16

new in each moment . Just be a witness

36:18

. You

36:21

get to watch a light show or a

36:23

shadow dance , or whatever it may

36:25

be . What

36:27

are you witnessing , what are you noticing , knowing

36:32

that you have nothing to do but to watch and

36:36

allow ?

36:36

Yeah , yellowish , green and

36:42

just the lightest

36:47

aspects wisps

36:50

of clouds , clouds

36:53

doesn't really describe it . It's

36:57

sort of like , after there's been like a whole bunch

36:59

of fireworks , sky's

37:01

filled and then , just as you watch

37:04

it just .

37:06

So trust , whatever's releasing

37:08

, whatever's passing through , it's all just

37:10

part of the dance , part

37:12

of this purification

37:15

process . We don't need to

37:17

understand it . The wisdom

37:19

is within . All

37:21

the best thing we can do is get out of the way . We

37:24

do that by accepting and trusting in the

37:26

reality , just

37:29

saying yes . Just say yes

37:31

A gentle . Yes , not

37:34

an authoritative . Yes A gentle

37:36

, yes , pretty

37:39

sure . I don't have a clue . Exactly what

37:44

are you noticing now ?

37:47

Lightness in my body , in

37:50

my belly , in my torso , in my chest

37:52

. My

37:54

throat's a little sore from this

37:56

releasing

37:59

.

38:02

So you might just , if you would like you

38:04

can drop in to . I'm

38:06

open and available to any wisdom

38:08

that this energy wants to gift . I'm

38:11

open to the wisdom of this wound . It may not

38:13

rise in this moment . You may get

38:15

a word , you may not , but

38:17

as you move into the rest of your

38:19

day and evening , when

38:22

you invite that , you often

38:24

are gifted with lots of messages In

38:28

your dreams , through songs

38:30

, in

38:32

lots of different ways . Just awareness

38:35

, anything else you

38:37

want to share .

38:39

I am open to

38:41

the wisdom Good .

38:44

How's your solar plexus now ?

38:47

Great .

38:47

Really Okay

38:50

. So now you can go back

38:52

to that original thing we were

38:54

working with and we can see

38:56

how the wound is away and this shadow

38:59

is such a wonderful teacher

39:01

and that fear is a friend , existing

39:04

as resistance , because

39:06

it was a friend saying , hey , come

39:08

hang out with me , I know the

39:11

way . Just

39:13

come , take my hand , accept

39:15

trust and expand

39:17

, so

39:21

honoring that within

39:24

you and others Break

39:28

, okay

39:30

, take

39:32

your time to stay with

39:35

that , or , when you're ready , to come

39:37

back into their eyes

39:40

, open , if you like , how

39:42

those boxes feeling lighter .

39:45

What boxes ?

39:49

We'll go have a bonfire later .

39:52

Wow , hopefully you had

39:54

a similar catharsis to mine

39:56

, and this is why it's so important

39:59

to have a guide , because

40:02

, of course , all this work can

40:04

be done on your own , but to have a guide

40:07

allowed me to really fully

40:09

surrender and having you

40:11

as my trusted guide .

40:14

No .

40:15

Yeah .

40:16

My honor .

40:16

Feels great . Yeah

40:18

, feel lighter .

40:19

Good yeah , the

40:23

shadow and the light .

40:26

Join us on our next podcast , the lightness

40:29

and the heavy .

40:32

Thank you for sharing your inner explorations

40:34

Wow .

40:35

Yeah , how long was that ?

40:37

40 minutes .

40:38

Wow .

40:38

Yeah , but that's important .

40:40

Well , I think that , had you rushed it , I

40:43

was very aware that I had all the time

40:45

in the world .

40:46

Well , you had to . You can't rush that . Yeah

40:48

. So the canoes . How are you feeling

40:50

about your canoes ?

40:51

now . Oh yeah , the canoes , so

40:53

you ready to put that canoe down .

40:55

A few of them . We just set

40:57

some down in that .

40:58

Oh , we , totally . I don't want to make it generic . I

41:00

absolutely put down a few canoes

41:03

there and it wasn't that

41:05

I just put them down . Some canoes

41:07

still got a couple of canoes , but I

41:10

really released a bunch of canoes

41:12

. I no longer believe that

41:15

I will need to burn them

41:17

to keep me warm

41:19

when the snow comes .

41:22

Wow , that's amazing . What

41:25

did you come to know to be true ?

41:28

Nothing .

41:30

What do you mean ?

41:31

Nothing and everything . That's really what

41:34

happened . Suddenly , it was like all right , you should have

41:36

some canoes , but you don't need a fleet . So

41:41

I released the majority of the fleet

41:44

and I could have figured out

41:46

well , I could have been in the canoe selling business

41:48

and that probably would have made it a lot more worthwhile

41:51

, but no , it was powerful

41:54

. So if you've just joined us

41:56

for this our longest episode ever on

41:58

the shadow and the light I

42:01

would encourage you to listen again , because

42:03

, whatever your canoe

42:05

is , Elizabeth

42:08

Winkler will guide you through a

42:10

powerful putting it down , setting

42:12

it down , letting it go or at least

42:14

giving yourself permission to

42:17

begin that journey . This

42:19

is David G , One canoe

42:21

lighter and the

42:23

transformational alchemist , Elizabeth

42:26

Winkler . Thank you for joining the shadow

42:28

and the light podcast . We'll

42:30

see you on the next episode . In

42:33

the meantime , put down your

42:35

canoes .

43:19

Thank you , thank

43:56

you , thank

44:01

you , thank

44:31

you .