0:01

It's Monday. It's

0:11

March 25th. And

0:15

the word of the day is retromingent,

0:18

which means urinating backwards, or an animal

0:20

that does that. Used in

0:22

a sentence, a retromingent might

0:24

argue that their retrocorporal and

0:27

urinating forwards words matter. And

0:30

thanks to Judith for the word idea. See,

0:32

this is why I sit side-saddle on the

0:34

toilet. Wrong in every language. Actually,

0:36

I do this when the urinal line

0:38

gets too aggressive. I'm no

0:41

illusions. I'm Eli Bonsnick. I'm Ethan

0:43

Wright. And broadcasting Delayed from America's

0:45

Far Center, we are the Skeptocrats.

0:47

On this week's episode, we'll follow

0:50

up on the hilarious antics of

0:52

those wacky British royals. Donald

0:54

Trump realizes he should have been making that coffee

0:56

at home. And the chemtrail

0:58

mind control grid might soon be missing

1:01

a little strip in the shape of

1:03

Tennessee. But first, the

1:05

rest of the intro music. Joining

1:17

me for headlines tonight are my fellow

1:19

Skeptocrats. No illusions, Eli Bonsnick. Gentlemen, big

1:21

trip to Philly coming up. Yeah,

1:24

you excited to make some

1:27

coolie eye harmony, right? Damn it,

1:29

you found a Philly subject I know even

1:31

less about than cheesesteaks, man. That's

1:33

okay, Noah. Now that you and I have the

1:36

same diet, we can have mushroom pulp with carrot

1:38

cheese. You can barely taste your tears while you

1:40

eat it, I promise. That's the only thing that's

1:42

going to give it taste. In

1:44

our lead story tonight, I was in

1:47

the middle of a Facebook argument about whether

1:49

Trump should really qualify for billionaire status when

1:51

the news broke about him being unable to

1:53

post that half billion dollar bond to the

1:55

New York appeals court. So

1:58

it's nice to know that if there is a- a guy he hasn't given

2:01

up on me yet. But yeah, Trump's

2:03

lawyers told Judge Arthur Angaron that basically

2:05

every bonding company on the entire planet

2:07

would rather boil their own genitals than

2:10

underwrite a half billion dollar bond for

2:12

Donald fucking Trump. His lawyer

2:14

called the bond a quote, practical impossibility end

2:16

quote, though he didn't add that much of

2:19

the reason was probably because they were offering

2:21

collateral from a man who just got fined

2:23

a half billion dollars for inflating the value

2:25

of his collateral. They're making his value to

2:27

get collateral. Yeah. And they gave

2:29

it when the entire case could just be

2:31

this bond hearing and nothing else. Just be

2:34

like, all right, show us you're a billionaire

2:36

too slow, lying, gavel. We can make a

2:38

bunch of time on this. Bunch of time,

2:40

a lot of tweets. Also not to distract

2:42

from the larger subject, but who has remained

2:44

your Facebook friend and

2:46

still thinks Donald Trump is a billionaire?

2:48

Yeah, I was on Seth's page. So

2:51

of course, this all stems

2:53

from a February 23rd ruling that found Trump guilty

2:55

of lying to banks and insurance companies about the

2:57

value of his assets. Let's tell him to obtain

2:59

better rates. He was ordered to pay $464 million

3:03

and that's before you start factoring in

3:05

the hundred grand a day and post

3:07

judgment interest. He predictably appealed

3:09

the ruling, but the rules say that to

3:11

do that, you have to post a bond with

3:13

the state in the amount of the fine, which

3:16

shouldn't be all that hard for Mr. Billionaire

3:19

over here. But it turns out that no

3:21

single bank on the planet trusts Trump enough

3:23

to take real estate as collateral for something

3:26

like this. They want cash or stocks. And

3:28

it also turns out that the former president

3:30

and current shoe salesman doesn't have

3:33

that. No. Okay.

3:36

Do you accept JPEGs of

3:38

me looking all muscly? And

3:42

before you say yes, I do not have any

3:44

of those. So please. Yeah, right. I

3:46

sold out. But now not

3:48

everybody is willing to take Trump's lawyers

3:51

claims on faith here. For example, they've

3:53

been heavily questioned recently by Donald Trump,

3:55

who posted on Truth Social the day

3:57

that this story broke that quote, I

4:00

currently have almost $500 million in

4:02

cash, a substantial amount of which I

4:04

intended to use in my campaign for

4:06

president," end quote, because

4:09

he's his lawyer's nightmare, and that's

4:11

what that motherfucker gets for agreeing

4:13

to represent Donald goddamn Trump. Now,

4:17

for his part, all Enguir did in

4:19

response to this hat-in-hand performance from the

4:21

lawyers was said, keep me posted

4:23

on your efforts, and then he told the

4:25

court-appointed monitor overseeing Trump's finances to make sure

4:27

he's not overvaluing his assets in his efforts

4:29

to secure the bond. We

4:32

can't defend our crime unless we do

4:34

the crime again. That's not fair. Is

4:36

that what you just said? That's what

4:38

we're saying. That's the prosecution's

4:40

argument. What are you talking about? Okay,

4:42

what if I murder him now, Your Honor? Is

4:45

it still attempted? If I do it now? No,

4:49

of course, if he can't post the bond,

4:51

New York Attorney General Letitia James could start

4:54

seizing his property as soon as tomorrow, as

4:56

we record this today, I guess, as you hear it, and

4:58

she's already said that she'd do that shit, she's already picked

5:00

out her favorite properties to seize, and she's

5:02

filed the preliminary paperwork to do so. Now,

5:05

from what I'm reading, it's likely she'll wait a

5:07

few days to see what the appellate court says

5:10

about Trump's request to delay before actually moving forward,

5:12

but there's a super real possibility that we're going

5:14

to see the state of New York move to seize some

5:16

of his prized real estate jewels this

5:18

week, and apparently

5:20

he could forestall any and all of

5:22

that shit by declaring bankruptcy, but

5:24

he's so worried about what that's going to do to

5:27

his brand that his first

5:29

six bankruptcies didn't, apparently, that he's

5:31

taking that off the table. Okay,

5:34

we're losing 28-nothing in the fourth inning,

5:36

but we're not taking the mercy rule

5:38

because we look like we're bad at

5:40

baseball. That's not happening. Also,

5:43

we took the mercy rule in

5:45

our last six games, and we've

5:47

played six games total ever. I'm

5:49

running for president, though, as

5:51

the business guy. You got to love

5:53

the beautiful irony for all those assholes

5:56

who kept their businesses and Trump properties

5:58

because they didn't want to be- political

6:00

right and now they get to meet

6:02

their new landlord this week the

6:05

state of New York. Right yeah

6:08

now I should also add probably that the courts

6:10

aren't the only place Trump's dealing with

6:12

a bit of a cash crunch. We

6:14

also got to look at the presidential

6:16

campaign financial filings last week and Biden's

6:19

reelection campaign is crushing Trump's. They've got

6:21

71 million on hand to Trump's 33.5

6:24

and that apparently includes three million of Trump's

6:26

own money. Right so to get

6:29

to almost half of it he had to chip in and

6:31

Biden's not going to spend any of his

6:33

campaign funds on legal bills probably. What's more

6:36

this disparity gets even worse as you zoom

6:38

out to all the outside groups

6:40

supporting the candidates. Then the

6:42

difference is measured in orders of magnitude

6:44

so it looks like one of the

6:47

biggest problems for the billionaire candidate is

6:49

that he's fucking broke. And

6:52

Biden's going to get some of that breeze money rolling in

6:54

too. All right yeah any minute. And

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8:54

Next to been headlines in

8:56

Royal Pains News, regular listeners

8:58

to the program may remember

9:00

a mere fortnight ago when

9:02

we invited skeptic of the

9:04

year and innovator of the

9:06

Covert Nineteen virus, Michael Marshal

9:09

On are programmed to mark

9:11

the hysterical conspiracy theories of

9:13

the people of Great Britain

9:15

about their apparently missing Princess

9:17

of Wales Auto laugh. We

9:19

had what shape, sit there

9:21

foolish conspiratorial expense. That is,

9:23

until. That the. Next day

9:26

when the royal family revealed that

9:28

they had in fact photo shopped

9:30

pictures of the princess and then.

9:33

And. Then kind of put out

9:36

videos and photos of body

9:38

doubles and. And we

9:40

grew. To. Say the least. A

9:42

lot less confidence. There. Was there

9:45

was definitely a moment there were

9:47

David. Ike's theory was more plausible

9:49

than the official statements. or yup,

9:51

yup. State Royal Family you got

9:53

access to lizard aliens who control

9:55

the world's mates. Check his damn

9:57

photo shop guy next to the

9:59

gym. Get a good photoshop. Get a

10:01

wedding photographer. And look, as important as it

10:03

is to admit when we're wrong, it's

10:06

far more important to admit when Marsh

10:08

is wrong. So I was eager to

10:10

revel in the Illuminati conspiracy that would

10:12

eventually be brought to light this week

10:14

when Marsh warned me almost

10:17

exact words, Hey, this is

10:19

probably not going to be a super funny

10:22

conspiracy. She's probably hiding a serious illness from

10:24

the press and you might want to be

10:26

careful about it. And almost exact quote. And

10:29

that turned out to be

10:31

pretty good advice because this week, right

10:34

in the middle of me writing

10:37

my hilarious conspiracy-filled headlines about the

10:39

events, the princess came out

10:41

with the fact that she has abdominal cancer

10:44

and is undergoing treatment.

10:47

Eli said before leaving a insert jokes

10:49

here space in the notes. You don't

10:51

have any japes? You don't have any

10:54

fun? Okay, dude, as it turns out.

10:56

Shapes? So yeah, while it

10:58

would have been a lot more fun

11:00

if Harry was having a secret affair

11:03

with a lizard alien and that

11:05

Queen Elizabeth's lich had personally been

11:07

strangling dukes for being the father

11:09

of her baby, the

11:11

far more depressing truth is that the royal

11:13

family have been undergoing a very private and

11:15

scary time in anyone's life, a cancer diagnosis,

11:19

and their attempts at privacy were met

11:21

with such frothing madness

11:23

from the public that they've now had

11:26

to go public with her condition and at

11:28

least according to her statement, they're

11:30

having to do it around the same

11:32

time she's telling her own children.

11:35

Wow, it's like nobody benefits

11:37

from having royalty, right? Yeah, even the

11:39

lizard aliens are like, okay, this feels

11:41

like more of a hassle than it's

11:43

worth. Right. The royals

11:45

are just phoning it in at this point and they're

11:47

doing some- Right, exactly. We have a better Photoshop guy.

11:50

Fuck. And look, if there's

11:52

anything to be learned from this, it's

11:54

that those conspiracy theories, fun as they

11:56

are to joke about, rose

11:59

out of somewhere- one's desire for privacy

12:01

from a society that felt entitled

12:03

to it. And that

12:06

is almost as bad as if she was

12:08

being kept as a breeding slave so Andre

12:10

Agassi's bastards didn't rise up to overthrow Charles.

12:13

Almost as bad is what we're saying. Oh, okay. Counterpoint.

12:16

If the public largesse to your

12:18

family allows you to have a

12:20

personal toothpaste squeezer, you

12:23

have to tell the public all your medical shit.

12:25

That's the public's... All right. Well,

12:27

there we go. Counterpoint. We've been saying

12:30

the quiet part out cloud news.

12:32

Fantastic. Republican lawmakers in Tennessee took

12:35

some time away from their important

12:37

work of banning drag

12:39

shows and cultivating a public school

12:41

system that's 45th in

12:43

the nation in terms of child

12:45

safety to address a very serious

12:48

problem. Ken

12:50

Trails. The state senate

12:52

passed a new bill last week that would

12:54

place an official ban on an nefarious

12:56

plot by the Illuminati that does not exist. Yeah.

12:59

Honestly, if it makes them leave trans kids alone,

13:01

I'm willing to dress up like a chem trail

13:03

and let them chase me around the state house

13:05

along with a whipple back. So

13:10

just in case anyone's not familiar, chem

13:12

trail is the word used by conspiracy

13:14

theorists to describe the visible trail that

13:16

can form behind an airplane. In

13:19

reality, it's just water vapor in the

13:21

exhaust from the engine that'll sometimes condense

13:23

into a visible cloud. So water. Yeah,

13:26

I mean water is

13:29

a chemical that can

13:31

trail something. But according

13:33

to the conspiracy, it's actually a

13:35

cloud of some other chemical that

13:38

leads to human sterilization, mass murder,

13:40

mind control, or the military creating

13:43

a weather-based weapon or maybe all

13:45

that stuff or some of that stuff. And

13:47

they spray the chemicals so

13:50

that we can all see it, but like 30,000 feet

13:52

in the air. It's

13:54

a homeopathic genocide plot that

13:56

they're in. Yes. Or

13:58

a homeopathic plot to change the sexual orientation. Orientation of

14:00

frogs. We're not sure just yet. I should have

14:02

mentioned that too. Yeah. Yeah My

14:04

favorite part about chemtrails as a

14:06

conspiracy theory is that there's not

14:09

like a united theory on who's

14:11

doing the spraying Right because

14:13

sometimes it's the government but then like someone will see

14:15

a photo and be like, oh no That's a commercial

14:17

flight and they'll have to be like, oh, well, that's

14:20

how spirit air is

14:22

keeping the prices down by also Carrying

14:27

frog homosexuality liquid

14:29

Yeah Still not

14:31

worth it. So according to the new

14:33

bill in Tennessee The federal

14:35

government is part of the evil plan. The

14:38

bill claims that somewhere in our federal laws

14:41

They don't mention where but somewhere it says that

14:43

the US government may conduct geoengineering

14:46

experiments by intentionally dispersing chemicals

14:48

into the atmosphere and

14:50

I don't know maybe it does say

14:53

that somewhere But I'm pretty sure the

14:55

federal government can't do mass genocide and

14:57

sterilization because it doesn't technically Mention a

15:00

rule against that in that same law

15:02

either way the great state of

15:04

Tennessee will not be allowing that to continue

15:08

Directly above their little area

15:10

the bill says quote the

15:12

intentional injection release or dispersion

15:14

by any means of chemicals

15:17

chemical compounds substances or

15:19

apparatus within the borders of this

15:21

state into the atmosphere with the

15:24

express purpose of affecting temperature weather

15:26

or the intensity of the sunlight

15:28

is prohibited I

15:31

love the intentionality provision, right?

15:33

It's like look it's perfectly fine to pollute the air

15:36

in a way that kills us Just as long as

15:38

somebody's getting rich off of it is what we're saying,

15:40

right? Because the best part is

15:42

you know a bunch of their lobbyists had

15:44

to see this bill and be like hey

15:46

bill Uh, we aerate pig shit on a

15:48

pretty regular I Can

15:56

you put something at the end about blocking

15:58

the sun or

16:00

like a moon unit. Just throw the pepper

16:02

of the word Jew in there. We're just

16:04

worried this is going to look bad on

16:07

our end. Yeah,

16:09

so one of the intrepid

16:11

journalists who exposed the conspiracy

16:14

is Kylie Jenner. Of

16:16

course. She posted a photo of some

16:18

water vapor along with a caption that

16:20

said, quote, let's ask ourselves.

16:22

No. Why did I? Yeah, okay. I

16:24

should stop right there. No,

16:27

she continued. Why did I see 75 planes

16:30

spraying white stuff into the sky on my

16:32

15 minute drive to work? You didn't. Who

16:34

pays for this? And why is it happening?

16:37

Is something being exterminated here?

16:40

Is that something me? Oh, I should be

16:42

so lucky. Does

16:45

this have anything to do

16:47

with why honey bees capitalized

16:49

sick and also possessive honey

16:51

bees, yes, possessive apostrophe s

16:54

are dying off real fast. Why

16:56

are some days normal with no plane

16:59

spraying and others look like this? Who's

17:02

is responsible sick? Who

17:04

the F number star

17:06

percent thought this was a good

17:09

idea? Am I the only one

17:11

who sees this end quote? Okay.

17:13

Mythbusters was the only popular science show

17:16

in this country in my entire life

17:18

and it felt the need to preempt

17:20

any discussion of physics with a fucking

17:22

trigger warning. We got the world that

17:24

we deserved. Yeah. Okay. In

17:26

our defense, how are we supposed

17:28

to know that making stupid people

17:31

famous would lead to them using

17:33

the gigantic platforms and unimaginable wealth

17:35

we lent them stupidly?

17:37

There's no way to see that

17:40

coming. How could we? Yeah. So

17:42

this particular conspiracy theory has been around for

17:44

a while and we've seen some

17:46

very creative solutions. My favorite one

17:49

was a technique that was popular

17:51

with Ron Paul supporters and he

17:53

is a doctor in

17:55

order to foil the Evil

17:57

Cabal that runs the world. What

18:00

would go outside and spray vinegar

18:02

with a mister bottle that would

18:05

disperse the chem trails. Or at

18:07

least the chemicals that found their

18:09

way down from thirty thousand feet.

18:12

And okay, that might sound stupid,

18:14

but I haven't finished yet. They

18:16

use a Tesla purple plate also

18:18

that's not products from you on

18:21

muskets yet. originally from Nikola Tesla.

18:23

sort of. The purple blade is

18:25

a. Purple. Flat.

18:28

Saying that uses the. Power

18:31

of Purple to improve the viper

18:33

tory frequency of all your stuff.

18:36

Among their many important uses, people

18:38

like to place their groceries on

18:40

the purple plate for about fifteen

18:43

minutes when they get home from

18:45

the supermarket. Not only does it

18:47

vibrates the poison away, it also

18:50

makes pineapple tastes sweeter. And

18:52

also just generally improves the

18:55

taste adjectives of all the

18:57

other foods costs the series,

18:59

but most importantly, the plate

19:01

will supercharge the vinegar chem

19:04

trail antidote. Yeah, he's isn't

19:06

slipping into a few state are rapidly

19:08

reading words that are being generated as

19:10

he speaks at those are all real

19:13

ways people sell a product that we've

19:15

had to bunk on this show multiple

19:17

times podcast lives There are the i

19:19

don't think we've talked about the purple

19:22

plate we have saw. Their products are

19:24

very similar. The added have to debunk

19:26

most dives. Definitely. So yeah, that's what

19:28

Tennessee is doing. That's what the law

19:31

makers of Tennessee are doing with the

19:33

tax dollars that pay for them. And

19:36

I'm. Speaking. Of. And

19:49

here you go. You are

19:51

thirsty. Dude up access know

19:53

you're right. Thanks name triggers

19:55

was don't yet so you

19:57

as a mentor know. Oh

20:00

really. Why? Why do what you do that?

20:02

Oh, he was having a really hard

20:04

time keeping up with shopping and cooking

20:06

and eating so I use my mental

20:08

math brain to predict when he will

20:11

be hungry at worst like term. right?

20:14

But but he's why don't you just try sector.

20:16

Me: That's. Eating

20:20

better as easy with factors delicious ready to

20:22

eat meals. Every fresh never frozen meal is

20:24

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20:26

go and just two minutes. Two. Minutes?

20:28

Well, that's faster than the last future

20:30

powers. It is. Yeah, I got

20:32

a dramatically walk across the room and stuff

20:35

so I kansas sure, but does Factor have

20:37

variety? I hear those meal kits they get

20:39

kind of samy or Factor. You'll get over

20:41

thirty five different options to choose from every

20:44

week including Calorie Smart Protein Plus in Quito.

20:46

Also, there are more than sixty add on

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items to help you stay sealed up in

20:50

Philly Good all day long. Okay,

20:53

But. What about flexibility? We travel for shows

20:55

and I want to be stuck with a fridge

20:57

Full meals that I'm not going to eat. Know

20:59

where is it off? Better. Super flexible. Get as

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reschedule you deliveries any time. Marooned. On

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I'm sold. When. Our son up

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had defector meals.coms I skipped Great City

21:13

and use the code skeptical City to

21:15

get fifty percent off. That's code. Skeptical

21:17

that the At Factor meals.com/sceptre crap. Fifty

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to get fifty percent off. Won't

21:22

sorry. Of. Became. A men's have

21:25

for nothing Ula. Ah no worries, My powers

21:27

are a burden and a curse. Does.

21:30

Does that everything to do with the cut

21:32

up? lines of blue glitter? On. The

21:34

kitchen table, Gay. So perhaps some

21:36

worries them. Alone.

21:45

Add one pack up and headlines

21:47

in putting the imagine majority news.

21:50

been a republican just isn't any

21:52

fun anymore. Sure,

21:54

You can still oppressed minorities exacerbate wealth

21:56

disparity son strip limit of their rights,

21:58

but these days that comes with the

22:00

cost of a decent cheese plate plus.

22:03

You. Have to be on the same side as Marjorie. Taylor

22:05

Green And that is too damn much. For

22:07

decreasing number of republicans in Congress these days, which is

22:09

why over the course of a month they're going. To

22:11

be losing two votes from there already

22:13

razor thin majority of the house. And

22:16

if they're neither of these guys are

22:18

leaving for some great opportunity that couldn't

22:20

wait until their terms natural expire a

22:22

January. The opportunity they're leaving Congress for

22:24

as the opportunity. To not be

22:26

in Congress. Yeah, they all

22:29

found an exciting new opportunity. Cost.

22:32

Whenever I see he'll be God

22:34

has been the opportunity cost of

22:36

not doing literally anything else is

22:38

pretty big. Sat forget look this

22:40

is great all that but like.

22:43

This. Was the line. So last

22:45

I'm wondering what was the straw of

22:47

the last two weeks? Well as Spoiler

22:49

Alert but it's Marsh retail her green

22:51

will get though. I thought you were

22:54

going to say fate says Facebook Zoc

22:56

as the A so he said the

22:58

first loss is already in the rearview

23:00

mirror. That would be ten a far

23:02

right for and a half term congressman

23:04

from Colorado you know Cb retire from

23:06

Congress late last. Year, but recently elected to move

23:08

the timeline of to as soon as I can pack.

23:10

Up all my shit. Which. Turned out

23:13

to be this past Friday or he

23:15

cited the intraparty chaos as his reason.

23:17

For leaving, and in a brilliantly

23:19

petty underscore of exactly what prompted

23:21

his departure, the Freedom Caucus voted

23:23

to kick him out of their

23:25

caucus like. Sue. Days before

23:27

his retirement. Why am I leaving?

23:29

Oh no. Look, Matt Gates the

23:31

sex traffickers raising his hand for

23:33

somebody. That's my answer is how

23:35

I heard me talk and via

23:37

it's the congressional version of the

23:39

guy who's lights are living. I'm

23:41

leaving Wall the bouncers throw him

23:43

through the front window. the bar.

23:45

what right is like the opposite.

23:48

It's like a guy like pleasantly

23:50

leaving. And then Matt Gates the

23:52

fake bouncer. Be like and stay

23:54

out, Mother fucker. Yes, exactly. Profits:

23:56

yes to more recent announcement comes from

23:58

wisconsin moderate or that that is moderate

24:01

by the standards of the current far

24:03

fascist incarnation of the Republican Party, Mike

24:05

Gallagher. Like Buck, the 40-year-old Marine veteran

24:08

had already announced his retirement, but on Friday,

24:10

the same day that Buck left, he issued

24:12

a statement saying he was out the door

24:14

as early as April 19th. Now keep

24:16

in mind that the Republicans started this session with

24:18

an already historically slim five-seat majority, then they

24:20

had to kick one of their guys out

24:23

for being possibly the lyingest liar that

24:25

ever lied, and then Buck dipped out

24:27

and now Gallagher's following him. So if

24:30

Republicans want to pass any legislation

24:32

at all, assuming Democrats are united against

24:34

it, they can afford to lose exactly

24:37

one fucking vote now. Great

24:40

stuff. And as we learned from recent

24:42

House voting, the GOP margin of error

24:44

when counting stuff is at

24:46

least one. At least, yeah. Because

24:49

we have those secret congressmen that

24:51

Marjorie Taylor Greene doesn't know about.

24:53

Right, right. Well, and speaking of

24:55

Marjorie Taylor Greene, I should probably

24:57

note that Gallagher's notice came a

24:59

mere two hours after Madge Tajgaj

25:01

filed a surprise motion to oust

25:03

Speaker Mike Johnson over his egregious

25:05

refusal to shut the government down

25:08

over whatever fucking space

25:10

laser she's on about this time. She

25:12

already signaled that this isn't a serious move to

25:14

push Johnson out, but it was enough

25:16

to break at least one more camel's

25:18

back. Oh, it wasn't serious to saying

25:20

you, Marjorie Taylor Greene, did? Okay. You're

25:23

mean to tell me the lady who

25:25

dressed like Maga Robocop is not committed

25:27

to the thing she introduces.

25:32

And in AI robot

25:34

news, they done

25:36

made a chat GPT robot, y'all,

25:39

and we are fucked.

25:41

We're fucked. We're so fuckity,

25:43

fucking fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked.

25:47

Before I get to the fuckage, let me explain

25:49

what I'm panicking about. Don't want anyone to think

25:51

I'm being unreasonable here. The robot

25:53

I'm talking about is called figure

25:55

O one. And in

25:57

a recent promotional video accomplishes. Mind

26:00

boggling tasks like making a

26:02

cup of coffee based on out

26:05

of your been down here

26:07

thank you Answers logical questions, Follows

26:09

multi step process is. Without

26:11

having to have those processes explained.

26:14

In short, the Android Will Smith's

26:16

shot in the head is like

26:18

so fucking clothes and we as

26:21

a society are not ready. Skynet

26:23

is gonna be well, Caffeinated.

26:25

now. Shut it down. No More

26:27

electricity. Or so

26:29

the video he likes as he didn't he

26:32

didn't send us the coffee video barely. but

26:34

the bit the video the he's in his

26:36

shows a robot very slowly figure out how

26:38

to put a glass in a played in

26:41

a drying rack and costs six fifty million

26:43

dollars. I think we're Fi and our kids

26:45

are Fox but we're probably Fi. Possibly smokers

26:47

here and I know what you think. Maybe

26:50

like my cohost near the gun Eli, you've

26:52

been on a podcast with Tom to Lungs.

26:54

Are you panicking at an Android? This. Looks

26:56

like you could be great for the world

26:59

and it does any good. But in order

27:01

for that to be true, this technology would

27:03

have to be introduced to a society remotely

27:06

prepared for it to bed of said anyone

27:08

other than the super wealthy and I don't

27:10

have you looked around lately, but we fucking

27:12

suck at doing that and that's why it

27:15

was mistake to invent the light bulb

27:17

and the guy her her and computer. all

27:19

you're doing so well with labels. put the

27:21

jury's still out on those others who acts.

27:24

Thanks you. Point

27:26

A part. Of how paused for

27:28

your apology here. He wanted to burn

27:30

through that. Now pay later. A Oh

27:32

yeah yeah, Philo let you read it

27:35

out right? So I want to be

27:37

clear here. the problem is not the

27:39

technology at first of all as Know

27:41

pointed out, you will be integrated into

27:43

how we work and what we do

27:45

for years. Secondly, this is a promotional

27:48

videos so there could be all kinds

27:50

of fucker he and like going on.

27:52

But even with all that said, an

27:54

automated, never tiring problem solving workforce is

27:56

supposed. to be what happens eventually

28:00

what happens eventually to a society

28:02

that uses tech to eliminate grunt

28:04

work and dangerous jobs and that

28:06

in turn is supposed to lower

28:08

the cost of labor exponentially to

28:10

allow higher paying better trained jobs

28:13

for everybody instead. But

28:15

what we have is a society

28:17

where about half the population will

28:19

vote for the give the robots

28:21

my job bill because Tucker Carlson

28:24

promises it will own the libs

28:26

and that, at least in the

28:28

short term, could be a huge

28:30

problem. Okay, I'm putting together

28:32

a video to show this robot of seizing

28:34

the means of production violently. Like me eating

28:37

a rich guy. I don't know. Show

28:39

the robot some good stuff. There you go. Yeah, if you

28:41

want an indicator of how unprepared we are with this, consider

28:43

that even in your defense, Eli, you said that

28:46

the point was to make room for us to

28:48

have higher paying better trained jobs. But like the

28:51

point of labor saving devices is saving labor. The

28:53

whole paradigm by which a person must have a

28:55

job to earn their place. That's

28:57

what we need to get past for this not to

28:59

be a nightmare. Yeah, it's UBI is

29:02

the answer exactly. So

29:05

if you're wondering, hey, what can I

29:07

do about the super smart robot besides

29:09

voting for Joe Biden, who definitely feels

29:11

differently about a robot taking your job

29:14

than Donald Trump does, you

29:16

can join a union and you

29:18

can make sure that that union is fighting for the things

29:20

you need to stay healthy and well,

29:22

because if you sit around waiting for

29:24

the perfect person to represent you, the

29:27

nobody who fits your standards is exactly

29:29

who's going to show up. You know,

29:31

who's great at representing unions? Joe Biden.

29:34

Joe Biden. It turns out endorsing him.

29:38

Yeah. And finally tonight in

29:41

Veep State conspiracy news, phenomenal

29:43

anti-vaxxer activist, presidential candidate sort

29:45

of and guy who lives

29:47

in the constant shadow of

29:50

assassination victims. Robert F. Kennedy,

29:52

Jr. will be announcing his official

29:54

running mate at a campaign event this week.

29:57

And we already have a short list of possible

29:59

picks. It looks like the

30:01

options include philanthropist attorney Nicole

30:03

Shanahan, fake wrestler

30:05

and Minnesota ex-governor Jesse the

30:08

body Ventura, ex-democrat Tulsi Gabbard

30:10

who voted I'm here at

30:12

the first Trump impeachment, and

30:15

of course New York Jets quarterback for

30:18

three minutes and professional guy

30:20

who's wrong about everything ever,

30:22

Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, Aaron Rodgers was supposed

30:25

to be the atheist football representation we

30:27

needed and now I'm like, oh no,

30:29

I heard he's Mormon or something. I

30:31

think you can Google. Oh

30:33

my God, that you know all fuck all

30:36

these people, but if you let me pick

30:38

five people to leave unvaccinated. Okay,

30:41

well good news about Aaron Rodgers. So I'll

30:43

start with the least crazy name

30:45

on the shortlist, Nicole Shanahan. Oh, I'll start with one

30:48

that sucks up my joke. Yeah, sure. Rude,

30:50

thank you. So she emerged last

30:53

week as a potential running mate and

30:55

she seems like a mostly good

30:57

person. She's the founder and president

30:59

of a nonprofit that supports reproductive

31:01

rights, equality, criminal justice reform, and

31:03

the environment. Good stuff. But

31:06

she also supports RFK Jr.

31:09

She donated $4 million to

31:11

a super PAC for his campaign.

31:13

And according to the New York

31:15

Times, that money, along with Nicole

31:17

Shanahan's creative guidance was used to

31:20

make RFK Jr's insane sepia

31:22

world Super Bowl ad that he put out. Oh

31:25

God. In case anyone missed it, the

31:27

ad was, I

31:29

think it was actually a plug for the campaign

31:31

of John F. Kennedy, who is

31:33

famously a dead person. And the

31:35

message of the ad was approximately,

31:37

make America great again, just like it was in 1960. But

31:41

well, yeah, that's impossible. So let's elect

31:43

JFK's idiot nephew here in 2024. It's

31:46

going to go great. That

31:48

ad was so bad that people came away from

31:50

the Super Bowl with all its attendant pageantry

31:52

and advertising and shit and said, man, that

31:54

RFK ad seemed a little crass. Yeah,

31:57

they sure did. But. If

32:00

he picks her, we might get another

32:02

insane time travel ad. So she's my

32:04

choice. I hope this one

32:06

has a balloon. Oh yeah, Zeppelin, yeah. Yeah,

32:08

exactly. All right, moving down the

32:11

list, we have Jesse the Body Vincenzo. In

32:14

fairness, he seems to have at

32:16

least some good ideas, but he

32:18

describes himself as fiscally conservative and

32:20

socially liberal. And that's very often

32:22

code for, you know, a libertarian

32:25

who doesn't understand why bears keep attacking me next

32:27

to my pile of free market garbage. I don't

32:29

understand what's happening. And part

32:32

of that fiscal conservative stance

32:34

was being anti-union at certain

32:36

times, especially against the teacher's

32:38

union. More generally, the

32:40

current meaning of fiscal conservative, especially

32:42

given the ever expanding level of

32:45

wealth inequality, makes it impossible to

32:47

be ethical. Also, he's

32:49

pretty sure that 9-11 was an inside job. Yeah.

32:55

The US government knew it was coming

32:57

and let it happen to profit or

32:59

something. Yeah, no, he's a person that

33:01

has to like distinguish his position using

33:04

lie-hop and my-hop. That's bad

33:06

enough. Already bad enough. Side

33:08

note, I just want poor people to die, but

33:10

I don't care if they're gay. Not

33:13

a thing to brag about. I

33:15

know it feels like it is by comparison these

33:17

days, but I promise it's not everybody. It really

33:19

is not. All right, next

33:21

up we have Tulsi Gabbard. Skip.

33:24

Present. She's also being considered by...

33:26

Yeah, present, exactly. No. She

33:29

is actually also being considered by Donald Trump

33:31

as a running mate. So yeah, skip. And

33:34

finally, we have Aaron

33:36

Rodgers. We've talked about some of his

33:38

absurd ideas before, but only in the

33:40

context of guy who throws ball good

33:43

has dumb idea. But now it looks

33:45

like he's gearing up for a career

33:47

in politics. And a list of

33:49

his personal opinions is like a really

33:51

good TED Talk on red flags for a dating

33:54

profile that you need to know about. I'll

33:56

go through that TED Talk as a PSA

33:58

right now. Okay, but... For the sake of

34:01

full disclosure, I want to point out that we also

34:03

have talked about him in the context of Guy who

34:05

would throw ball good if injury didn't sideline him three

34:07

minutes into his huge new contract has dumb idea too

34:10

Most of that to be fair for the money they were

34:12

paying him. I would also be

34:14

willing to play football for 48 seconds. So

34:17

Hit me up new york bears Hit

34:22

me you did you didn't name a football team. I'm making

34:24

some points there so Rogers

34:26

he's a big fan of Chiropractors

34:29

his dad was a chiropractor also

34:32

acupuncture cupping and dry Needling

34:37

and that last thing is new to me if

34:39

you have a tight muscle Apparently you pay

34:41

someone to stab the muscle with a

34:43

needle And that

34:45

makes you relax and you know Just

34:47

be sure you don't use any lube

34:49

because the stab with a wet needle

34:51

is not relaxing But the dry ones

34:54

just relax you right out. Yeah, definitely not the wet

34:56

ones are how you get the autism That's how the

34:58

hitch is the extra wetness All

35:01

right. What else about arin rogers? He owns a

35:03

product called the bio mat

35:06

It's um, it's a mat and

35:08

it's I guess related to life

35:11

or something, right? According to the

35:13

company's website the bio mat shoots

35:15

you with infrared heat None

35:18

of that other bullshit heat from the rest of the spectrum.

35:21

It also gives you negative ions

35:23

because Fuck those

35:26

protons Don't worry The

35:28

bio mat is made of amethyst and

35:30

crystalline fused fabric Oh, so all the

35:32

heat and the ions get amplified that

35:34

sounded dumb until I added the damn

35:36

thing amplified After

35:39

every football game. Aaron rogers lays

35:41

out on the bio mat and

35:43

has a glass of scotch for

35:46

Health I I don't even want to

35:48

know about the candle that smells like his ball sack Right

35:51

and see here. I was thinking heath You've been a

35:53

fitness influencer the whole time and we were just calling

35:55

you an Alcoholic And a guy

35:57

who needs to get up off the bathroom. I'm

36:01

not up. Here

36:03

to me Or are we right? Ah,

36:06

I feel like I interrupted. You Do it Now you

36:09

do the full about right outside it's a I he's

36:11

I would like to as hard mildly hearts suck from

36:13

the be get let me do it. Trembley one trembley

36:15

take. More. With feeling pleased

36:17

with the last little heart. Jesus. Spoke

36:21

to. Or

36:23

Rogers's I also an anti vax

36:25

her We've talked about this one.

36:28

He claimed that he got immunized,

36:30

recovered but then he got caught.

36:32

An ally. When the Nfl really

36:34

statement that said yeah Rodgers petition

36:36

to have I ever met in

36:39

and hydroxyl chloroquine count as a

36:41

vaccine we said absolutely not because

36:43

that's dumb. Rodgers justified his claims

36:45

by saying I consulted with the

36:48

noted epidemiologists. His name is Joseph

36:50

Rogan. Making hurt him? Yeah and look

36:52

I get it. it's confusing is Joe Rogan

36:54

does look like all the viruses piled into

36:56

a stretch armstrong so they could find may

36:59

have their say on air but it's actually

37:01

just a stupid guy. we checked, we did

37:03

Shanghai. probably. And

37:06

Rodgers also believes in the

37:08

musical healing power of doesn't

37:10

sucking so split hobbies, amazing

37:12

amethyst ions or whatever he

37:14

towards a cel as know

37:16

said within three minutes of

37:18

starting season last year. And

37:21

he's been nursing that ligament back to

37:23

health by. Swimming. Next to

37:25

dolphins while they sucked and soaking up

37:27

the healing vibrations of that dolphin fucking

37:29

noise. and also talk blocking a bunch

37:32

dolphins by making it really weird said

37:34

that right? Also in also making us

37:36

be treated to a whole goddamn football

37:39

season's worth of Maybe Aaron Rodgers will

37:41

return record time from this kind of

37:43

injury. Or maybe the dolphins wants book

37:46

hard enough stories Every that. I'd say

37:48

that yes, be in. Yes,

37:51

So ah, here's another one. He's also a

37:53

big fan of. Dark. Syrupy.

37:55

You just. Go.

37:58

In the dark, he often pays for. darkness

38:00

retreats where he gets locked in a

38:02

cave for several days at a time

38:05

during which they feed you nothing but nuts

38:07

and berries through a little slot. The

38:10

diet of almost nothing leads to

38:12

something called ghost shits. He talked about

38:14

this on a podcast that he was

38:16

on. That's when you

38:19

think you shat, but actually

38:21

you didn't. For health. This

38:23

is all for health. Yeah. Well, Aaron's

38:26

so good at those that they sometimes happen when he talks.

38:29

Aaron, I've been having your so-called ghost

38:31

shits for years, buddy. Okay. It's

38:33

called a weakened rectum and I have some

38:36

exercise. Call me. And

38:39

finally, we have the giant red flag

38:41

that got mentioned by CNN last week

38:43

following the announcement that Rogers is being

38:45

considered by RFK Jr. According

38:48

to multiple sources, including a CNN

38:50

reporter who spoke with Rogers directly,

38:53

he's a Sandy Hook denier who

38:56

claimed the whole thing was crisis actors. Rogers

38:59

responded by saying, no, I'm

39:01

not. But yes, he is. He is for

39:03

sure. Yeah. Right. He

39:07

just pretended to throw a ball that he'd already handed off and

39:09

we were like, dude, that's nothing. We're talking.

39:11

We're just talking. Who

39:14

are you going to trust? Some

39:16

CNN reporter or multiple dolphin

39:18

orgasm adjacent beacon of truth, Aaron

39:21

Rogers, everything. You know? The

39:25

greatest thing. Every time I

39:27

get caught in a lie, I'm going to do a

39:29

play action and yeah, that's so good. All

39:32

right. Also, by the way, Aaron Rogers unironically

39:34

enjoys the book Atlas Shrugged. I forgot to

39:36

mention that. He does. And

39:38

one final detail about RFK Jr. One

39:41

of his big supporters is apparently

39:43

Alicia Silverstein. And according to

39:46

the latest reports, she got reimbursed by his

39:48

campaign for $427 American dollars

39:51

that she spent on vegan

39:54

cheese that she gave out during a

39:56

recent campaign event. And look, okay, I

39:58

support the vegan life. for everyone that's

40:01

able to do that in a healthy way and

40:03

can afford to do that. Lots of good reasons

40:05

to be vegan. But the cheese is not there

40:07

yet. It's revolting. It tastes like I'm eating a

40:09

cashew that went to Bonnaroo all week and I'm

40:11

licking the back. Just

40:13

don't have cheese until they're there. Right. Okay.

40:16

If you don't like our cheese but

40:18

you approve of us so much, say

40:20

three nice things about vegan food. Heath.

40:23

Okay. You have the...

40:26

hats. Some

40:29

hats are vegan.

40:31

Okay. So, bottom line, RFK

40:34

Jr. is not going to

40:36

be president and his running mate is

40:38

not going to be vice president. But

40:41

they're going to get way too many

40:43

votes from everyone you know that smells

40:45

like a horse with worms right now.

40:47

Those people are otherwise progressive. That's going

40:50

to help Donald Trump. Don't help Donald

40:52

Trump. Yeah. The good news is

40:54

that every poll I've seen so far shows him drawing support

40:56

away from Trump and given the extent to which

40:59

both of them are relying on crazy internet

41:01

conspiracy theorists, I feel like this could be

41:03

a net good. We'll find out. Okay. Maybe.

41:07

And on that note of maybe good,

41:09

we're going to close it out. Thanks to No Illusions.

41:12

Thanks to Eli Bosnick. And thanks to all the listeners

41:14

who liked us and followed us on all the various

41:16

internets. Please keep doing that. Please keep listening and please

41:18

keep telling your friends. That's a huge one. Tell your

41:20

friends. If you like the show, people will listen to

41:23

stuff if you tell them. That's great. And

41:25

if you find the naive stupidity of our

41:27

giving away free show business model to be

41:29

oddly charming, you can send us gifts of

41:31

money at patreon.com/SkeptiCrap. Just like

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41:46

and John Stamosification. You

41:49

are the fries dipped in a chocolate

41:51

frosty of human beings and we love

41:54

you. That's an insult. How is that a bucket? That's

41:57

so gross. So good. It's so good.

42:00

No, well how you get fries and you get

42:02

a chocolate broth. That's like a classic. We would

42:04

like to apologize for Noah Oh my god, where's

42:06

your apology right here? I'll pay right here three

42:08

two one rose gonna use the AI bot to

42:10

paste it That's right. I'm gonna use it Whether

42:16

or not you're feeling financially benevolent like those

42:18

fine people if you enjoyed our brand of

42:20

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42:22

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42:24

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42:26

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42:28

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42:30

last thing. Let's complement that penis Special

42:32

thanks to Ryan side of evil giraffes on Mars He's

42:35

the creator of the virtuosic musical stylings who are

42:37

today which worries with permission You should definitely check

42:39

them out using links will provide or by googling

42:41

the only band called evil giraffes on Mars Until

42:44

next time You

43:07

Could you maybe not do that right? Sorry, I'll

43:10

tell you the crazy It was a physical

43:12

thing no in your life text was invisible

43:14

and only by highlighting it didn't reveal itself

43:16

to me Okay, yeah, I've had that

43:19

happen. I've had that happen. He's telling the truth. Yeah,

43:21

it was insane. I promise it was real In

43:24

my head you like midge lead to yourself

43:26

somehow and they were like liars all around

43:28

your body And you were just like smashing

43:30

the keys and you've seen that happen to

43:32

me by accident once So that was my

43:34

assumption as well the preceding podcast

43:36

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