0:18

Are

0:18

those my pantyhose? It's the social

0:20

dose. The social dose is your go to

0:23

podcast for a gorgeous dose of what's going

0:25

on in the world of social media. Brought to you now

0:27

every Tuesday and Thursday. Today is

0:29

Thursday, June 22nd and I'm Paris

0:31

Nicholson at Paris Nicholson on socials.

0:34

And I'm Michael Judson-Berry at M. Judson-Berry

0:37

on socials. And now let's get into

0:39

these headlines.

0:40

Today, here comes the hurricane,

0:43

bitch. No, this is not a weather report,

0:45

but it is a report on the heifer who stole

0:47

the show at Disney's first ever pride parade.

0:50

Clarabelle the dancing co-co-co-co-co-co-co-cow.

0:52

Oh, I

0:53

like that. Then move

0:56

over, Marxists. There's a new anti-capitalist

0:58

movement in town. They call themselves the

1:01

orcas of the ocean opposed to on

1:03

water obstacles. The oh, oh,

1:05

oh, oh, oh, or in whale speak,

1:08

the oooooooohhhh

1:11

at the we, bitch.

1:14

And finally, holes. We've

1:16

all got them, and I've put some particularly

1:18

interesting things inside mine. Today

1:20

we have a special segment celebrating all the

1:23

things I've put up my ass. But

1:26

all this breaking social

1:29

media and orifice news and more

1:31

coming up next on the social dose.

1:33

We'll get right back into our timelines after this brief

1:35

message from our sponsors.

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Kroger, fresh for everyone. I'm

2:09

Paris. And I'm Michael. And this is

2:11

The Social Dose. Let's get

2:13

into these headlines, shall we? Yes,

2:16

Barry. Have you seen

2:18

the There Are More Than Two Genders tweet

2:20

from At Terror Alarm?

2:23

I mean, I'm sure you have, because there

2:25

have been yes, because

2:27

you sent it to me. Yes,

2:30

you did. Please

2:32

explain to all of our friends at home who are

2:34

not part of the billions of people who've seen this

2:37

what we're talking about.

2:38

Yeah, listeners, this tweet literally has over

2:40

a billion views on Twitter, which

2:43

is wild. But it's from,

2:45

like, I honestly don't know exactly

2:47

what the source is. I have something

2:49

here in front of me that says from Terror Alarm, which

2:52

is giving AI generated news. I

2:54

don't know what the source is. But it's essentially

2:57

an infographic of all the different

2:59

genders you can be as depicted

3:02

by those two famous

3:04

little binary people we see on the bathroom

3:06

signs. You know, the little stick man with the round head

3:08

and then the little stick person with a dress that

3:10

we're supposed to know as female as a round head. Do

3:13

you know who the hell I'm talking about these two icons? Yes.

3:17

We've all seen those. And we've seen the ones where it's

3:19

like a man and woman. So it has, like, half

3:21

a little dress and then half a little pantsuit.

3:23

Yeah, for, like, the gender inclusive bathrooms. Well,

3:25

these have blown out of proportion.

3:28

We have a top man, bottom

3:30

woman. We have just the head

3:32

of a man with the body of a woman. We have the

3:35

skirt of a woman and the torso of a man.

3:38

Or my favorite,

3:38

the left arm of a man and the

3:40

rest is a woman. Yes,

3:43

and the way you know is because whenever it's, quote

3:45

unquote, the male part, it's in blue. And

3:47

then the female part is in pink. Because pink and blue

3:49

are famously the gender colors. Obviously. I like the

3:51

one where it's just the blue head and then an all pink

3:53

body. She's cute.

3:56

Think like a man. That's like a man, the

3:58

movie.

3:59

Yes. Well, here to offer

4:02

a third opinion on these and to help decode what these

4:04

images may mean. We have a medical

4:06

expert here with us today. I know we have an actual

4:09

expert with us. I'm sure you have seen this

4:11

wonderful, amazing, brilliant, hysterical human

4:13

being, Nurse Blake. Nurse Blake, thank

4:15

you for being here with us. Hi, Nurse

4:18

Blake. Thank you

4:19

so much for having me. Hi, Paris.

4:21

Hi, Michael. May I call

4:23

you Nurse? No,

4:25

you call me Blake. I'm

4:28

coming now. If I hear, hey, Nurse,

4:30

one more time. Hey, Nurse, hey, Nurse. I

4:32

do have to say this is for entertainment

4:34

purposes only. So if

4:36

you're using this as expert medical advice,

4:39

literally, I graduated from nursing school in

4:41

Florida.

4:42

So not that smart. But

4:48

yes, any advice, medical or otherwise

4:51

given by Nurse Blake on this podcast is

4:53

not to be taken seriously, listeners. Don't be

4:55

stupid. This is a podcast,

4:57

not a doctor's office. Much

5:01

like whenever we give political advice. Our

5:03

favorite word on this show is just allegedly. So

5:06

that's where we are. I like allegedly. I like allegedly.

5:09

Yes. But I have to say, I don't have

5:11

Twitter,

5:12

so I have not seen what y'all

5:14

are talking about.

5:15

Really? Okay. So now that you have it

5:17

in front of you, what

5:19

do you think? What are the ones that you're drawn to?

5:22

There's so much

5:24

going on at first. Like you

5:26

really had to break it down for me because I'm like, what is happening?

5:30

But I think my favorite is the

5:33

male body with the right

5:35

female leg. With

5:37

the right female leg. So

5:41

that one is me specifically whenever I'm trying

5:43

to hitchhike and I take one leg out

5:46

and there's like a fish net stocking on it and

5:48

I use that to hitch a ride. We've

5:51

all done that. Very Claudette Colbert.

5:53

I think that really explains it well. I

5:55

think

5:56

now it makes sense, but I,

5:59

but you do also. You do have a lady wrist. You

6:02

would also have a lady leg and a lady

6:04

arm. There's also a lady shoe in this scenario,

6:07

which isn't depicted

6:09

in the image here. Lady shoe. Oh,

6:12

man.

6:14

Have you seen the ones where people have been

6:16

comparing these to movie characters? Wasn't there one where it was one

6:18

of these and then Anne Hathaway, where

6:21

she was on the red carpet for something,

6:24

and she's wearing... It's very, very late 90s, early 2000s. And

6:28

I believe Hilary Duff as well, where she's wearing

6:30

a cute little sundress, but then baggy

6:32

jeans underneath. Oh, man.

6:35

The pink dress over the blue jeans. And they

6:37

took the one where it's the image

6:39

of the male... Where

6:41

it's blue from the waist up and then... Or no, sorry, pink from

6:43

the waist up, like the pink dress, but then the men legs, the blue

6:46

legs. And

6:48

they were like, this is actually this thing. She goes to that

6:50

bathroom. That's the one that she needs. This

6:53

makes me want to

6:54

Twitter. You have to get on Twitter, Blake. You

6:56

have to get on Twitter, Blake. You have to get on Twitter. Twitter

6:58

is the most chaotic queer space on social media right

7:00

now. It's the Wild West, yes.

7:04

Okay, I want to direct your attention to the

7:06

one that is a woman entirely,

7:09

but just the torso, like from

7:12

below the armpit and above the skirt, is

7:14

man. So it's giving like triangle

7:17

skirt but with a weird square body. And

7:19

somebody posted that one with a picture of Ms. Cracker

7:21

in her hairball look, where she had like the

7:23

boxiest torso. And obviously

7:26

we're not here to body shame, but that one made me laugh out loud because

7:28

she looks so feminine from like the neck up and the waist down,

7:31

but the body was just giving like boy body.

7:35

I actually got to hang out with Ms. Cracker a

7:37

few weeks ago and she is amazing.

7:40

I love her so much. She's not like Ms. Cracker.

7:42

Amazing. But based on that

7:44

picture you pointed out, no boobs

7:46

or boobs? Tits or no tits? I

7:48

think boobs. I think it's like a man

7:50

corset. No boobs.

7:53

Well, it was like a weird like hair bra

7:55

that she did that gave her no shape.

7:59

I saw this image in my first thought that

8:02

was like, man-corset, which I guess would

8:04

be like the opposite of an actual corset, where

8:06

like you're a woman, but then the version of a male corset, yeah,

8:08

it just sort of like is easy to breathe. You can

8:10

eat a lot and it gives you like a little bit of a gut,

8:13

like the opposite effect. They're

8:15

like, bar this man-corset, eat as much as you

8:17

want. Like, and

8:20

sit comfortably.

8:22

It makes you slouchy. It doesn't

8:24

improve your posture at all.

8:26

And then the last one we have here is full male, except

8:30

just the left arm from the shoulder down

8:32

is female. What is that giving?

8:37

It's giving like when I try to throw something with my left hand.

8:39

That's what I was gonna say. Like, it's like the

8:41

gay wrist. It's like just a... Yeah, or it's

8:44

just like a... ...gay wave. Like, yeah.

8:46

Oh, my thought was like a straight man, but when

8:48

he masturbates, he like names

8:50

his hand like Cheryl. And

8:52

he imagines... When he uses his left hand. Yeah, like

8:54

he gets manicures, but like just on

8:56

that one hand and he like moisturizes it so it's

8:58

soft and supple. And when he closes his eyes, he's like, thank

9:01

you, Denise, you know, like... Not

9:03

Denise. You forgot Mark, you forgot Michael,

9:06

the part where he sits on

9:07

that hand until it's asleep. So it feels like

9:09

a stranger. That's right,

9:11

sorry. The most essential part of that whole

9:13

process. And with that

9:15

besties, it's time to take a quick little break.

9:23

Globally, humans are facing massive

9:25

problems that are widely ignored by governments

9:27

and the media. Like personal space

9:30

invaders. Had it with these couples that

9:32

sit on the same side of the booth. Yak mouth.

9:34

Stupid stick figure bumper stickers.

9:37

Almond milk. You cannot milk an almond.

9:39

Hi, I'm Jennifer. And I'm Angie. We

9:41

call her Pumps and we're the hosts of I've

9:43

Had It. Pumps, tell the listener where they can find

9:46

us. Apple, Spotify, Amazon,

9:48

or wherever you get your podcasts. Nailed

9:50

it. See you next Tuesday.

9:54

I'm Chris Morocco, food director

9:56

of Bon Appetit and Epicurious. And

9:58

this is It's Dinner SOS,

10:01

a new podcast from Bon Appetit. On

10:04

each episode, we'll take a call from a home cook

10:07

facing a real dinner emergency. Then,

10:10

I'll work with one of our editors or someone

10:12

from our amazing test kitchen to try and solve

10:14

it. Because cooking for the people

10:16

you love should inspire joy without

10:19

a side of stress. Make sure you're

10:21

following Dinner

10:22

SOS wherever you're listening now.

10:27

Oh my God, we're back, y'all.

10:30

To quote Coach Diana from Bring It, I'm

10:33

not putting no scrubs, I'm not putting no garbage,

10:36

I'm putting the baddest heifers on the floor.

10:38

And that's quite literally what the reanimated corpse

10:40

of Walt Disney did when he casted the star

10:43

of Disneyland's Pride Parade, Clarabelle

10:45

the Cow, Michael Judson Berry, with more.

10:48

Yes, who would have guessed that Clarabelle

10:50

the Cow would become such a superstar?

10:53

But here we are. In

10:55

case you missed it, Disney threw

10:57

their first ever Pride night at

11:00

Disneyland.

11:00

It was a fun,

11:02

wonderful, I think, retaliation

11:05

to the current governor of Florida. But

11:07

whatever, we'll take any support we can get.

11:09

It began with a three-hour pre-party mix-in

11:12

from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. and then a private

11:14

party that ran from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.

11:16

where guests got to ride some popular attractions

11:19

and just have like a gale time at Disney.

11:22

So Clarabelle, though, was in

11:24

the parade and in this amazing

11:27

rainbow dress. And if you

11:29

don't know Clarabelle, you'd recognize her. She's usually

11:31

like Goofy's main

11:32

squeeze or like she's Minnie's friend.

11:34

Like she's the cute female cow to like

11:36

Goofy's goofiness. She's amazing. She

11:39

was crafted in the 1920s and she looks fabulous. Clearly

11:41

she moisturizes. And she is

11:43

giving it in this Pride Parade and people have been laying

11:45

different music on it and it's just been, it's

11:48

amazing. I think she's our new gay icon. She

11:50

might be replacing the Babadook. I don't know. Have

11:53

you guys seen the various versions of

11:56

or various clips from this Pride Parade? I

11:58

gotta say I did see.

11:59

this video of this who I

12:02

think should be renamed Clarabelle the Conti cow, cause

12:04

she's giving Con-Con-Con-Con-Con-Con cow.

12:06

She is. But, Michael, I don't

12:08

recognize this bitch at all. This cow feels like they

12:10

just made her up all of a sudden. I've never

12:13

seen Clarabelle the cow. That feels

12:15

like a made up name. So I actually got

12:17

to work with Clarabelle. I got to

12:19

work with Clarabelle the cow. Oh my God, Blake.

12:22

Is she an ally? She's definitely

12:24

an ally. She is definitely a queen. She's

12:26

a gay icon and I saw her serve at

12:29

the Pride Parade.

12:29

Wait, you were there? She's always been this kind

12:32

of taken? Just online, just like on TikTok videos.

12:34

It was pretty epic. But if you don't

12:36

know, I'm from Orlando. And when you're

12:39

from Orlando and gay, you actually work at

12:41

Disney. Oh, that is required. And

12:43

then you go to nursing school and you become

12:45

a nurse. That's like the gay track. That's

12:47

the gay Florida pipeline. But I was actually

12:50

Peter Pan.

12:52

I can see that.

12:54

I was Peter Pan. You'd be so much cuter than Mary Martin.

12:57

I was Peter Pan. And so I would

12:59

do like the parade with Peter Pan, like the afternoon

13:01

and the evening. And between that, I would

13:03

have to change like as

13:06

a cowboy and do the hoedown with

13:08

Clarabelle the cow. And it's hilarious

13:11

because the actors that play

13:13

Carabelle the cow, what,

13:16

Carabelle the cow? Artically princes, Clarabelle

13:19

the cow. Oh, it's boys, so it's a duty in there.

13:21

They love it so

13:24

freaking much. Wow. Clarabelle

13:26

is famously played by gay men

13:29

on the inside.

13:30

Yes, and that's why she's serving. Good

13:32

for her. This makes sense.

13:34

Because those moves are amazing. Like some of them were straight

13:37

up like ballroom moves. Like I was very impressed,

13:39

especially like some of the handography. I was like,

13:42

oh, well, she knows what she's doing. She's

13:44

definitely dabbled in some voguing for sure.

13:46

I would venture to say that this would qualify

13:48

as no-gang, but

13:51

she is hindered by the fact that she is a cow.

13:54

So I think we can kind of change

13:56

the bar for what we consider to be voguing.

14:00

I'm just thrilled to know that Clarabelle is in fact, just

14:02

a drag queen. This makes this even better.

14:05

Yeah, I just saw somebody put

14:07

the video to, here comes the hurricane

14:09

bitch. Oh, it was user

14:11

at Camille Rick. And literally

14:14

somebody wrote, I present to you

14:16

the iconic mother from the house of Disney,

14:18

Clarabelle. And

14:22

honestly, it's giving house mother because

14:24

like, again, I don't know this bitch from a can

14:26

of paint, but the way cow

14:29

seems to be like not that great of a character

14:31

to be. Also is goofy a cow? You said she's

14:33

goofy as

14:34

girlfriend? Oh yeah, so yeah,

14:37

typically she's girlfriends with goofy

14:39

or something. They're like close, I guess.

14:42

I think it would be funny if Clarabelle,

14:45

the cow, actually was the new Chick-fil-A

14:47

mascot. Oh,

14:50

wait, she used to work for Chick-fil-A, that's the gag.

14:53

She used to be the Chick-fil-A billboard girl. She

14:55

did. Was the OG

14:57

Chick-fil-A cow, she saved herself.

15:00

Came out, she can't spell, but she can

15:02

dance. I

15:05

love this storyline so much. This

15:07

is great, they need to make this movie. Honestly,

15:10

it's a great time to be a cow. They do need to make that

15:12

movie.

15:12

When is it not a great time to be a cow? I

15:15

really wanna have a pet cow. I don't know if I've told

15:17

you this, but this is my dream.

15:19

You have told us this, every week you have

15:21

a new farm animal you wanna raise. No,

15:23

but I've wanted this for a long time. I grew

15:25

up going to the state fair in New York and they

15:28

raffle off a baby cow, which I don't

15:30

know what a great idea that is, but there's a whole

15:32

cow barn and they seem really sweet and affectionate.

15:35

And one of my favorite viral videos

15:37

I ever saw was when all these cows that were kept

15:40

in a bad place were then put

15:42

into a good, rescued, and

15:44

they saw grass for

15:45

the first time, they literally danced. They

15:47

sort of like, frolicked around in

15:49

a cow kinda way. It's really adorable.

15:52

All cows are gay? Probably.

15:54

That's the science. Yeah, I mean their lashes

15:57

are too gay. Stunning. That's

15:59

true, the lashes.

15:59

on every cow are very long. Maybe

16:02

every cow is a drag queen. I like this.

16:05

Okay, other than Ms. Clarabelle y'all,

16:08

who else do we think are Disney's secret

16:10

allies? Because I never knew. I never

16:12

knew she was so fiercely down for the gays.

16:15

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good question.

16:18

I definitely think Hercules is. Well

16:20

Hercules I think is gay. He's gay in

16:22

my book. Meg though. Megara,

16:25

fierce ally. Oh yeah. Fierce ally.

16:28

She was like, yeah, I'll be your beard. I

16:30

think Yzma. Actually she's probably bi.

16:33

Oh Yzma. Yzma from the Emperor's

16:35

New Groove. Evil but stands hard

16:37

for the gays. Yes, for sure.

16:40

And you know when she was young, all her friends

16:42

were gay. And then now that she's a

16:44

thousand years old, she goes into gay bars and she loves

16:47

seeing men like do her in drag. Like

16:49

she's that. But she's like, oh

16:51

look, another one's doing me. How wonderful.

16:54

You look so fabulous that. Rrrrring.

16:57

Yeah. With her himbo assistant,

16:59

Kronk.

17:00

Kronk. Like. And

17:03

obviously she's surrounded by like Kronk,

17:05

who's obviously gay. So she's got her big buff gay

17:07

men around. Who's like, hey Yzma, I got

17:09

me a boyfriend. His name's Daryl. She's

17:11

like, hello Daryl. Bring

17:14

me the broccoli. I don't know. I'm just,

17:16

sorry. Never stop. This wasn't even

17:18

funny. I'm just riffing for my own personal

17:20

amusement. This was funny and

17:22

solid. No, it was great. I think there should

17:25

be a

17:25

Disney movie based on all the

17:27

allies. Yes. Yeah, Yzma for

17:30

sure. What do we think about Cruella? I feel like Cruella also

17:33

ally. You know she works

17:35

with the gay, she's a fashionista. I agree.

17:37

Oh yeah, well because she's based on Toulula Bankhead,

17:40

who famously was like big in the

17:42

gay scene. Who the fuck is Toulula Bankhead?

17:44

Toulula Bankhead, darling. She was a huge

17:46

Broadway movie star like in the 30s, 40s, 50s. She

17:50

was famous for being like openly bisexual.

17:52

She was a raging alcoholic and like drug

17:54

addict, but like obvious about

17:55

it. Bette Davis did a lot of the movie

17:57

versions of her plays and one time she got wasted.

17:59

I went to Bette Davis and was like, you've played

18:02

all the same roles as I have, but I

18:04

played them better. Like, oh,

18:07

I love that. That's gay behavior. She's

18:09

just weird. So Cruella is actually based

18:11

on her.

18:12

Incredible. So canonically an ally.

18:14

I didn't know that. Solifax. Yes. I

18:17

think Ursula is definitely an ally. Yeah.

18:20

From the Little Mermaid for sure. Ursula's a lesbian.

18:22

She is, you're right. Ursula's just

18:24

a lesbian. She reminds me of

18:26

my cousin who just came out. Amazing.

18:29

That's nice. Congratulations. Happy Pride.

18:32

42 years old, lesbian. Aw.

18:35

So she celebrated by getting her nose

18:38

pierced. Cute. Did she get a

18:40

step up piercing? And she actually lost,

18:41

no. But she lost her nose ring in

18:44

some girls. Oh, in

18:47

somebody's Clarabelle. Uh-oh.

18:49

Yeah, yeah, she did. Ooh. So

18:51

she got it re-pierced and

18:53

lost it again. No. In another

18:56

vagina? Yes. What? I

18:58

don't think she's doing it right. So some

19:00

girl in L.A.'s got two of my

19:03

cousins' nose rings in her Clarabelle.

19:05

Duh. Wait, you are a medical

19:07

professional. Can't you sit her down and be like, this

19:10

is how you do this without losing your jewelry? Well,

19:12

I don't know how to eat out of a vagina.

19:14

But you know the biology, not the biology,

19:17

the anatomy. Right? Very

19:21

little. Okay. Very little,

19:23

yes. Wow.

19:26

I appreciate,

19:26

I applaud the dedication. To

19:29

like really get up in there to be like, I am a lesbian now and I'm gonna

19:31

do this. And she's really like, that's how

19:33

you put your nose to the grindstone. And like

19:35

you get it done.

19:36

Ha ha ha.

19:39

Shifting from land to sea,

19:41

the fight against capitalism is going

19:44

swimmingly with the support of our

19:46

favorite apex predators, orcas.

19:49

Amateur marine biologist and professional

19:51

orca whisperer, Paris Nicholson, has

19:53

more.

19:54

Thank you, Michael. The working

19:56

theory on why the orcas have decided to chop

19:58

engines out of people's boats. is such. There

20:01

was an Orca named Gladys, who apparently

20:03

had a traumatic experience with a boat, possibly

20:05

she was trapped during an illegal fishing expedition.

20:08

She then began teaching other Orca's the

20:10

learned behavior of ramming into boats.

20:13

Yes, besties, the reason currently

20:15

in the lead for theories is revenge. The

20:17

attacks are mostly happening off of the coast of Spain and

20:19

Portugal. This event is isolated geographically,

20:22

but ultimately I'm team Orca in all

20:24

of this. I'm team revenge. I'm

20:26

team fuck them boats. I'm team fuck them

20:28

humans.

20:29

I have

20:31

no problems here. I think this is lovely. I love

20:34

Orca's. Why are we messing in their home, in

20:36

their ocean? I mean, there are times where I look

20:38

at them and it's like the way they like tease

20:40

their prey. Sometimes before they eat it feels like

20:43

a little unnecessarily mean. Sometimes

20:45

I'm like, They're smarter than us. So you're like the bitches

20:47

of the ocean. But in this

20:49

case, when they take on like people, especially

20:51

like I saw one where it was like a

20:54

pod was like the mother was literally teaching her

20:56

children how to ram boats. Yeah,

20:58

they're so smart. And I do love

21:00

that it was a vindictive move where some Orca

21:03

was like, I don't like you anymore. Like,

21:05

ouch. Like she got hit by a boat or something. It was just

21:07

like, no more, no more of this nonsense. And said,

21:09

you know what? Fuck you. She was an Aries

21:12

for sure. She was like, it's on

21:15

like Donkey Kong. People have been having a lot of

21:17

fun with this on social media. Like have you seen the

21:19

post from at blame tag who

21:21

said, have you guys seen JK Rowling's $19.2

21:25

million yacht? And by you guys, I

21:27

mean Orca's.

21:28

Take

21:31

it to Spain, JK Rowling. Take

21:33

it to Spain, chart on that bitch and get gone.

21:37

Or the new date idea from at Doth

21:39

the Doth who said, what if we kissed while watching

21:41

the Orca's take back the ocean? And

21:43

I love this idea of like sitting on a cliff,

21:45

the sun is setting and you're holding hands and you're just watching

21:48

Orca's take out fishing boats. You're like,

21:50

how romantic. That's so romantic.

21:52

Because the thing is some fishing boats are

21:55

ethical, but very few of them are.

21:57

And it's difficult to police and it's kind of nightmare.

22:00

out there. So, I'm very

22:02

much Team Orca in that, like, if you see

22:04

a fishing boat, fuck up a fishing boat. Because

22:06

you can't waste time being like, oh, is this

22:09

one of the sustainable ones? Because at this point, none

22:11

of it's sustainable, Janice. None of it.

22:13

How are they gonna undo this? Like, how

22:15

are they gonna make this better? Like, put the Orcas through,

22:17

like, an online learning program? Like...

22:19

-... Ooh. Like a rehab course for the Orcas. -... Can

22:22

you imagine? I

22:25

don't see this getting better. I

22:27

don't think they will or can.

22:29

And

22:29

I love that we don't have the power here.

22:32

I love it. It's great. As a species,

22:34

we need to be put in our place.

22:36

Oh, yeah. And then,

22:38

did you see the post from, uh, at

22:41

Celebrity Hot Tub, which, okay, who

22:44

said, took a meeting with the Orcas, we're so screwed, and

22:46

it's a video of a bear coming out of the ocean. And

22:49

I love this idea that, like,

22:51

they're, like, looping bears into this, too. Especially

22:53

since we have this new breed of bear, the polar bear-grizzly

22:56

bear blend in Canada.

22:59

OMG. Yeah. It has

23:01

a really cute name. It's called, like,

23:03

oh, I can't remember right now. If, friends,

23:05

Google the polar bear-grizzly bear blend, and then,

23:07

like, let us know at the socialdosepodcast.com. But it's, like,

23:09

has this cute little name, like Polar Fuzz

23:12

or something. But they're, like... Cute. ...crazy

23:14

dangerous. Yeah, the fact that a bear swam

23:17

out of the ocean, he definitely took a meeting with the Orcas. They're

23:19

definitely collaborating because the Orcas are like, hey, we can handle the

23:21

ocean, but they have

23:23

so much stuff on land that we can't even touch. So

23:26

we're gonna need to cross-reference. We're looping you

23:29

in just to get some

23:29

eyes on it. Um, and

23:32

I think we should all be afraid. Guess where that

23:34

was? Freaking Florida. It was.

23:36

Desti-Florida. Very Florida.

23:39

Of course. Only

23:41

in Florida does a bear just come out of the ocean. I

23:43

will say, y'all, the internet has been

23:45

speculating. You know, the submarine that's been missing and

23:48

everyone's been talking about it. Yeah. Everyone's

23:51

saying, what if the Orcas got them? Oh,

23:54

no. Oh, prob based off this

23:57

news. I don't think the Orcas did, though.

23:59

It's so funny.

23:59

because like SeaWorld would sell the orcas

24:02

like, oh, it's so cute and so pretty.

24:05

It'd be like it back in the day, it was like, SeaWorld

24:07

is about a great white shark. Like come

24:09

see a great white shark. It's going to be so cute

24:12

and amazing. But now they're like killing people.

24:14

Yeah.

24:15

Oh, it happens every day and it will continue to

24:17

happen here on planet earth. I've

24:20

never gone as long as we continue to be awful

24:22

human beings. Yeah. You're never

24:24

getting on a boat. Did you just say? I'm never

24:26

going to get on a boat. Absolutely not. Absolutely.

24:29

Not with their orcas out there hunting us. I mean, don't

24:31

get on a fishing boat for now. It is

24:33

fishing boats. Or a fucking submarine.

24:36

We'll never get on a fricking chintzy ass submarine

24:38

anyway. If

24:40

I'm getting on a submersible that's controlled by a

24:42

game boy, I'm going to rethink that life choice.

24:45

A

24:45

hundred percent.

24:47

To quote the queen, Nicki Minaj, no

24:49

one should be hopping the ass on a submarine talking

24:52

about they going down to the Titanic. There

24:54

you go. Couldn't have said it better myself. Yeah.

24:57

Divas. Yeah, that's some bullshit.

24:59

Besties. If you have any theories

25:02

as to why these orcas are out for blood

25:04

or any solutions as to what we can do besides

25:07

staying out of the water, hit us up at the social dose

25:09

podcast.com and let us know what you think.

25:11

And with that, wait, Michael, you take us into

25:14

a break. You never take us into a break. I never

25:16

do. I just leave it to you.

25:17

Cause you ramble. And if I don't,

25:19

no one will. Y'all get breaks. Fucking

25:21

nurses. We don't get breaks. You can't do a

25:24

one hour podcast without taking

25:26

three fucking breaks. I work 12 hours, no

25:28

breaks. I

25:30

know I've seen all your videos. Not

25:32

all heroes wear capes. Okay.

25:36

Um, on, on that

25:38

note, we're, we'll be right

25:40

back. This is why I don't do it.

25:43

We'll get right back into the timelines after

25:45

this quick break. I'm Delta work,

25:51

legendary Emmy award-winning drag queen

25:53

from RuPaul's drag race and the host of very Delta,

25:55

the world's premier luxury public access podcast.

25:59

and YouTube talk show where

26:02

I look gorgeous, speak extemporaneously,

26:05

and invite fascinating guests to sit on the couch

26:07

and get Very Delta. New episodes of Very Delta

26:10

come out every Monday and you can find them by

26:12

searching Very Delta wherever

26:14

you get your podcasts, or

26:16

watch it on the Mom Podcast YouTube

26:18

channel. Hi there, I'm Gavin

26:20

Crawford. I'm a writer, an actor,

26:22

and a comedian. And for the last

26:25

eight or nine years I have been navigating

26:27

life with my mother's increasing dementia.

26:30

Has it been sad? Yeah. Has

26:33

it been funny? Also, yeah.

26:36

That's what my brand new podcast series Let's Not Be

26:38

Kidding is about. It's the true

26:40

story of my life as a comedian, my

26:43

mom, and dementia. Let's

26:46

Not Be Kidding with me, Gavin

26:48

Crawford. A new seven part series from

26:50

CBC Podcasts, available

26:52

now.

27:00

And we're back.

27:03

Nurses see it all. Blood,

27:05

vomit, and the stuff people put up their

27:07

asses. To honor our guest

27:09

Nurse Blake and to celebrate Pride Month,

27:12

today we're playing a game called Did Paris

27:15

Put This Up His Ass. Paris,

27:19

I'm so

27:19

excited and nervous to play this with

27:21

you. That's

27:24

right, Michael. I will give Nurse Blake an object

27:26

and he will have to guess whether or not I

27:28

have indeed put that object up my ass. And

27:31

disclaimer, and this is bold and in red from

27:34

our producers, this is not an

27:36

endorsement to put anything up your ass. This

27:39

is also not an endorsement to not

27:42

put anything up your ass. How very cheeky of them. Entertainment

27:46

purposes only. Exactly. This

27:49

is satire

27:49

divas. These objects may

27:51

or may not have ever actually been in my ass. Okay.

27:56

Great. So, yeah, so Blake, you have to guess.

27:58

Okay, Paris.

27:59

We start this off. So I'm gonna list

28:02

these objects and then you tell me if I've put them

28:04

up my butt. Are you ready? Yeah, let's do

28:06

it. Okay.

28:07

Ping pong ball. That's a definite

28:09

yes. That's

28:12

scary. So you

28:14

did like a pool table ball?

28:16

Yes, it was a cue ball. That's

28:19

the cue ball. I had a friend,

28:22

that's how you scratch it. I had a friend who

28:24

did put a ping pong ball up his butt and it like got sucked

28:26

in there, which he didn't expect. He was on

28:28

a cruise ship. And then he was freaked

28:31

out. And then when he finally got it out, he was sitting on

28:33

the toilet and it was like, boof, and shot down

28:35

and ended up messing up the plumbing on the boat.

28:37

Oh, on the cruise? Jesus. Yeah,

28:40

cause you're not supposed

28:40

to flush anything like that down. I bet

28:42

those orcas were pissed.

28:46

Okay, object number two, sharpie.

28:50

No. Actually,

28:52

yeah, when I was like 12. Paris,

28:54

a sharpie? Yeah.

28:56

Was the cat on? The back end. The back end.

28:59

Okay. Perfect. It's a great

29:01

starter kit. It was a dolly.

29:04

It wasn't a sharpie. Oh gosh. Yeah.

29:07

Next, candle. From

29:10

Bed Bath and Beyond? Yankee candle?

29:12

Maybe. Yankee candle. A candle?

29:15

Oh gee. A three wick candle? Okay, like a regular

29:17

candle or one of those like praying candles that are

29:19

like super thin and just like one inch

29:21

diameter. Or like a whole candle opera.

29:24

You tell me, Blake. What is the x-ray

29:26

show? Okay, you put a candle up your butt. You

29:28

put a candle up your butt. It was, yes, it was the

29:30

full candelabra. You put

29:32

it up your ass? No, not

29:35

the candle, no. Oh shh. Damn

29:37

it. Next up,

29:38

just a little finger now and again. Oh,

29:40

I thought that said fist. Okay, no,

29:43

it definitely says finger. Definitely

29:45

you put a finger up there now and again. What a Freudian

29:47

slip. Yes, and I recommend

29:49

everyone does.

29:52

Next, mason jar. Oh, absolutely

29:55

not. Have

29:57

you all seen that video? Yes. No, that was

29:59

not.

29:59

me thank you.

30:02

Next hot dog. Okay

30:05

okay okay this is like a hot dog with a

30:07

bun or just like that

30:10

like does it have condiments on it? Is it just

30:12

the hot dog? Did you relish it?

30:14

Like literally? What were the toppings? Just the

30:16

meat. Just the meat right? And

30:19

was it frozen or not? No, fully dressed. Because I

30:22

heard about a woman who did that with a frozen

30:24

one but then obviously it thought out inside her broke and then

30:26

she had to go in and have part of it removed. The

30:28

bit that got stuck up there. There's

30:29

a friend of mine who works in an ER told me that one. Paris,

30:32

you did not put a hot dog up your

30:34

butt. I sure did not

30:36

Devos. I feel like I know you. Okay

30:39

next up, several chopsticks at

30:41

once. Not several chopsticks at

30:44

once. I would say yes.

30:47

It's actually no but I did see a video

30:49

on Twitter the other day of like several

30:51

dozen chopsticks in an ass. You

30:54

can't get a spinner. No they were the plastic

30:56

ones. I'm sure they were the plastic ones. Okay. That's a place

30:59

where you imagine. But they said it was

31:01

like this is a good way to like if you're like stretching

31:03

and whatnot and like working on I don't know. Pick up six.

31:06

Yeah because it's like one

31:08

at a time little by little

31:10

but I've never seen so many chopsticks up in an ass. But

31:12

no sadly it was not me.

31:14

Okay two, three left. Rapid fire. Fist.

31:18

No.

31:21

Yeah no somebody tried but it didn't happen. It didn't happen.

31:24

Lamp. With

31:26

a bulb? Like

31:29

a light bulb? And when I open

31:31

my mouth you can see it. Oh my

31:34

god. I'm gonna say no on the

31:36

lamp. Lamp

31:38

is no for sure. I have never put an entire

31:40

lamp in my ass. And then the

31:43

last one. This is a real brain teaser.

31:45

A real head tickler. Penis.

31:48

It's like the average size. A small one.

31:50

A big one. I'm just gonna say yes.

31:52

That is correct. Yes for sure. All of the above.

31:55

Yes. Blake

31:57

you did it. I know I did it. You

32:00

did it Paris. You did it.

32:02

I sure did. So the

32:04

craziest thing, I've seen up someone's

32:06

butt.

32:07

Oh my God, what is it? What? I was gonna say,

32:10

please tell us. Da da da da, a Febreze

32:12

can. What? No. Oh,

32:15

okay, I mean I could see that. Spring Meadow scent,

32:18

Febreze can. We're like, what?

32:21

Why does it smell like this in the ER?

32:24

And sure enough,

32:27

it was up there. Stuck. It was surgery.

32:30

Wow. Wait, was it bottom first? Or did they

32:32

put the top part in? It was bottom first,

32:34

because every time they would flinch, it

32:36

would squirt a little. Oh my God,

32:38

that's so funny. Spring Meadows. Every time they laugh

32:40

at Febreze. Yeah. That's hilarious.

32:43

I mean, at least there's a nice little side

32:45

effect to that. Like you walk in, you're like,

32:48

wow, it smells so fresh in here. As opposed to

32:50

usually the scents that come out of one's rectum.

32:53

Usually don't smell like Febreze. So what

32:56

a nice little problem to have.

32:57

Mine do. I

32:59

don't know what you got going on, Michael. Yeah, mine do too, Michael. You

33:01

should probably get that checked out. Check out my house.

33:03

Sorry, I guess that's just a meat thing. Yeah.

33:08

I could see somebody thinking if a Febreze can was a good idea,

33:11

but I would at least put a condom on it first. You

33:13

don't know where it's been. Safety first, period.

33:16

Yeah, that's the actual advice that we

33:18

can give people. Literally safety

33:20

first, besties. You'll notice the things

33:22

that I put in my ass were small and not

33:24

made of glass or metal. Just easy

33:26

little things

33:27

you can slip in and out, just

33:29

to peek, just to find out. Just to find out the office store. Yeah,

33:32

something you might have lying around. That

33:36

just made me think of that video, like all the different

33:38

versions of that one viral video where this woman comes

33:40

like running out of staples and she's like, oh my God,

33:43

staples actually sell staples. And

33:45

then she just takes off at a dicks. Oh.

33:49

I wish. I thought that was funny. I

33:51

wish, I wish.

33:53

Oh man. Well,

33:55

that was fun. O'Paris, we learned some new things about

33:57

you. There's an outro that we forgot.

34:00

Yes, we did, Michael. We did learn new things

34:02

about me that we forgot. And that's all the time we have

34:04

for today. Now, Blake, thank you

34:06

so much for joining us. Let our listeners

34:08

know where they can find you online so they can

34:10

keep up with all of your latest happenings. You

34:12

can follow me everywhere but Twitter.

34:15

You can also check out my website.

34:17

I'm touring this year to over 100 cities

34:20

on my shock advice tour. So you can get tickets

34:22

on nurseblake.com.

34:24

Ooh, OK, but wait, where can they follow you? What is your handle?

34:26

Oh, yeah. Just at Nurse

34:29

Blake. There might be a dot in there. TikTok,

34:32

Instagram.

34:34

Search Nurse Blake wherever podcasts

34:37

are sold. Ancestry.com. Oh,

34:40

and check out your shoes. Those shoes

34:42

look really comfy that you have. Oh, thank you. Yeah. If you're

34:45

a nurse and need comfy shoes, it's nurseblake.com.

34:48

Anything. Oh, selling the merch?

34:50

Yeah. Yes.

34:53

And besties, thank you.