0:18

Your Honor, I oppose. It's

0:20

the social dose. The social dose is your

0:22

go to podcast for a gorgeous dose of what's

0:24

going on in the world of social media. Brought to you now

0:27

every Tuesday and Thursday. Today is

0:29

Tuesday, June 13th and I'm Paris

0:31

Nicholson at Paris Nicholson on socials.

0:33

And I'm Michael Judson-Berry at M. Judson-Berry

0:36

on socials. And let's get into

0:38

these headlines. Today,

0:41

Bestie, did you fuck up?

0:42

Don't worry, just write it off as a canon

0:44

event. We get into the Spider-Man inspired

0:47

trend. Then, what type

0:49

of type of girl are you? You know, like

0:51

what type of beach girl or makeup girl

0:53

or party girl? We break down the starter

0:56

pack adjacent craze. And finally,

0:58

break up with him. And then after you do, jump

1:01

on this trend and tell us all the deeds.

1:04

All this breaking social media news and

1:06

more coming up next on the social dose.

1:09

But first, a message from our sponsors.

1:12

Who's it going to be this time?

1:15

And we're back. Michaela,

1:18

we're deep in pride at this point. We are deep

1:20

into Pride Month. How has that been going

1:22

for you?

1:23

Great. I kicked it off at Stonewall,

1:26

which was a great event. It felt like a very

1:28

appropriate place to go to. Of course.

1:30

Appropriate place to begin pride. Paris,

1:32

how about you? How's your pride going?

1:34

Pretty good. Honestly, after the FDA

1:37

made the post about energy shots and poppers,

1:40

it's really been all uphill since that. Did

1:42

you see this on their official Instagram page?

1:45

You sent it to me. Of course I

1:47

did. They were literally like, this five-hour

1:49

energy looks deceptively like this bottle of

1:51

poppers. Don't drink poppers

1:53

or you could die. But they're also not saying

1:55

don't huff poppers because technically

1:58

it's legal because it's like a visa.

1:59

I had a poppers

2:02

phase with this one guy I dated. I'm not a huge

2:04

fan, but I'm also not a huge fan of five hour energy,

2:06

so I will not be worried about

2:08

this. Michael, have you ever drunk poppers? No,

2:11

I can't say I have. But

2:14

again, I'm not good at jumping on bandwagons. I've

2:16

never eaten a Tide Pod, I've

2:18

never done, oh, what was the one that

2:21

made people eat people's faces? Bath salts,

2:23

I was not there for that. I

2:25

missed out on all these, so I'm not surprised. But I

2:28

also am not a fan of these five hour energy,

2:29

like super rush energy

2:32

shots. It can't be good for you. They

2:34

just make me shaky. I tried one on a

2:36

drive once when I was really tired and I was like, I

2:38

gotta power through. And all it did was make

2:41

me shake and lose focus of the road, it just made

2:43

things worse. Like I thought I was stroking out. I

2:45

probably would be better at just drinking poppers.

2:48

I would probably have a better reaction, honestly.

2:51

Plus you probably have to shit immediately, which would

2:53

make you drive faster. This is true.

2:57

I just can't believe that the FDA felt the need

2:59

to actually

2:59

put this out there.

3:02

It felt homophobic. Like

3:04

I can't justify how that makes sense, but

3:06

I'm like just- I don't think that's homophobic. I

3:09

think it's them watching out. I think this was

3:11

a cheeky gay intern who thought this was funny.

3:13

I think so. And I think that cheeky gay

3:15

intern is a homophobe. No.

3:19

You think there's a cheeky gay intern at the FDA? I hope that's

3:22

true. I sincerely hope so. Like his

3:24

name is David and he like sits in a corner and he's like,

3:26

hmm, do we want to pass this drug or this

3:28

drug? I don't know. Is it cute?

3:33

And that drug was Ozempic.

3:40

This just in. You can thank me

3:42

for becoming a stupid bitch because if I didn't,

3:45

our universe would have collapsed. That's

3:47

because my becoming a stupid bitch was a canon

3:49

event. And social media users everywhere

3:52

are discovering the canon events in their lives.

3:54

Here's MJB with more. Yes.

3:57

So this canon event trend has

3:59

been going around.

3:59

to the new Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse

4:02

movie. Don't worry, there will be no spoilers

4:05

because frankly, I haven't seen the

4:07

movie. We haven't seen it. But I've heard it's really

4:09

good. You don't need to see the movie to see the trend. Exactly,

4:12

this is a great example of like, you don't have

4:14

to know what the origin story was of this. People

4:17

have been making canon events posts

4:19

of those moments in your life that

4:22

are just, those life-changing

4:25

moments, much like Spider-Man

4:27

getting bitten by the spider, or I assume

4:29

that's what this

4:29

is referring to. Do you know what this is actually referring

4:32

to from the film? It's like a multiverse

4:34

movie, so it's like all different timelines. So

4:36

I think it's giving very like, butterfly effects during Ashton

4:38

Kutcher where like, you make one choice in this timeline

4:41

and it has all these ripple effects. So like,

4:43

a canon event is something that like, has

4:45

to happen, otherwise everything goes

4:48

out of whack.

4:49

Yes. It's like a thing, like,

4:52

Abraham Lincoln being shot at the thing

4:54

is probably like a canon event for history because

4:56

like, if that never happened, it would throw everything

4:58

out of whack. I was trying to think of any other presidential

5:01

ones. JFK getting shot is probably

5:03

also a canon event. I think anytime a president was

5:05

assassinated is probably a canon event for the planet. That

5:07

would definitely be, yeah,

5:10

probably. There,

5:13

slightly less political, and there's a fun one from at

5:16

Elise.Katherine, Katherine with a K, who

5:20

did one of these, and the music under it is really

5:22

fun. It's sort of like this haunting music

5:24

that goes with, I imagine, a Spider-Man movie, and

5:27

it's her standing there thinking, and the caption

5:29

on it is, me, when I see a bi-theater

5:31

girl fall for a gay man, and

5:34

then in parentheses, I can't interfere,

5:36

it's a canon event. It's her looking and then going,

5:38

and just running out of frame. And it's

5:40

so true. You can

5:43

interject in those relationships. I was literally just

5:45

talking to someone, and she was like, I spent

5:48

so much of my high school and college years dating gay

5:50

men and helping them just find themselves.

5:52

So she was witness to many canon events.

5:54

Yeah, and the thing is, like, you see something like

5:57

that happening, and you, being from your own

5:59

timeline, you're like.

5:59

like, oh, I know how this is going to end. Let me

6:02

stop them. But you mustn't intervene

6:04

with a canon event. Otherwise things just get worse.

6:07

Yeah.

6:07

And that's like the other one that we saw from

6:10

at Gio Rotten 333, who was a similar, like

6:13

watching a canon event being I can't get involved.

6:16

This one was me watching the young gay boy

6:18

starting to idolize the movie Mean Girls and changing

6:20

his personality to match Regina George. I

6:22

can't interfere, it's a canon event. And it's like, no,

6:25

don't be Regina. But it's like, you have to

6:27

go through the space. We all did it, Michael,

6:29

I did it. I know that. Oh, I never went

6:31

through Regina George. I went through a Miss Scarlet from

6:33

Clue phase, where I just bobbed my

6:35

hand around a lot saying a candlestick, what's

6:37

this for? And then sort of like running

6:40

around the house because she was the fastest one of the

6:42

bunch and that's why I liked her. And Michael, when do

6:44

we anticipate this phase ending?

6:47

I'm guessing

6:50

when I'm somewhere in my mid sixties. Incredible.

6:53

Yeah. Michael, what would

6:55

you say would be like the canon events in your own

6:57

life? The canon event for me,

7:00

oh, was seeing Beauty and the Beast

7:02

in Toronto when I was five years old and seeing

7:04

the candle, it all comes back to candlesticks,

7:07

honestly. Oh my God. And seeing the candlestick

7:09

and thinking one day, I wanna be just

7:11

like him. And it became, as I've gotten

7:13

older, very multi-layered. At first as a kid, it was

7:15

I just wanna be an actor and be on stage and sing

7:18

songs and wear fabulous clothes. But

7:20

also when you look into the candlestick a lot,

7:22

I think I wanted to be a lot

7:24

more than just that. You wanted to be French

7:26

and gay. Yes, basically.

7:29

We be.

7:30

So I'd say

7:32

that was probably the first big canon

7:35

event aside from just literally being born. How

7:37

about you?

7:38

Wow, being born is a canon event.

7:40

That one we can all relate to. It might be

7:43

the canon event. It is the canon event.

7:46

Your birth is your first canon event listeners.

7:50

Mine would probably be when I was at

7:52

SeaWorld in the early nineties, I was maybe like

7:54

five or six years old. And there's like

7:56

a part where you

7:58

run up. It was like.

7:59

the Orca show, it was like all the kids run

8:02

up to the glass and like the, like

8:04

Shamu, as they called him, was gonna

8:07

splash everybody or whatever. So like

8:09

I ran down there, I was so excited, my mom stayed back at her seat.

8:11

And I just had the biggest smile on my face, I was like, I'm so ready

8:14

to get splashed by this huge whale. I

8:16

didn't know that

8:17

whales, even though they look like they're in

8:19

a pool, are actually in salt

8:21

water because I was six. So

8:24

my eyes were wide open, Diva. I

8:26

got doused and douched with salt

8:29

water from this whale, I wept,

8:31

I was blinded, I was crying trying

8:33

to climb back up to the stairs to find my mother,

8:36

couldn't find her, haven't seen her since. And

8:38

I feel like that really set off the trajectory of

8:40

my life. It sounds like you're

8:42

still searching.

8:43

Wait, I have another one. Ooh,

8:46

okay. Okay, this one's worse and this is definitely

8:48

an overshare. But when I,

8:50

and I'm gonna try to make this so brief, when I

8:52

was in summer camp, it was like a day camp,

8:55

we would go to this lake, Burling game in

8:57

Rhode Island. And the lake was like warm and

8:59

kind of yellow, so everybody was like, the lake is pee. This

9:02

one girl fainted and an ambulance had

9:04

to come and take her away. The rumor was amongst

9:06

all the children that an electric eel had electrocuted

9:09

her because she was peeing in the lake and the electricity

9:11

traveled through her pee stream underwater and that's how

9:13

she died. And we don't even know if she died. So

9:15

everyone was saying, you can't pee in the lake, otherwise you'll be taken

9:17

out by an ambulance, which we had all just witnessed. So I had

9:20

to pee so bad and I was running for my

9:22

life to get out of this lake and get to the

9:25

bathroom. But it was like a campground lake, so

9:27

everything was like wood chips and gravel and rocks and my

9:29

little bare feet, I was just running as fast as I could over like glass

9:31

and knives.

9:31

I finally get to the first

9:34

bathroom. I get on my tippy toes to try and reach

9:36

up to the urinal with my little ween and I

9:38

pull my ween up and like over, but

9:41

as I move it up, I accidentally pee

9:44

and pee all in my eyes, face and mouth, in

9:47

public for everyone to see.

9:48

Once again, blinded, running back

9:50

over the wood chips and into the lake so I can just

9:52

hold myself underwater for an indefinite amount

9:54

of time until everyone that saw that has died.

9:57

And to this day, I don't use urinals.

10:01

What? That's a canon event.

10:03

And I have the opposite of a piss-kink. I have

10:06

a piss-phobia. Oh my god.

10:08

As Jamie Lee Curtis would say, that just sounds like traumas.

10:11

It was, bitch. Okay. Friends,

10:14

besties, if you have any fun

10:17

canon events that you would like to share, that

10:19

we could share potentially on the show, please

10:22

share. Or on this note, if you have

10:24

any other fun camp stories, because those

10:27

can also just be great. And often

10:29

be canon stories without you even

10:31

realizing it. Mm-hmm. I didn't

10:33

realize

10:33

until today that this was a canon event. If

10:36

only I could go back and change it. If

10:38

I could turn back time

10:41

and not pee in my eyes.

10:43

Ha ha ha. Maybe I would stand

10:46

up now at the Yun-no.

10:48

Ew. Anyway, sorry, that

10:51

should have ended halfway through. We'll get back

10:53

into the trending news after this quick break.

10:55

Paris, you can go pee now.

10:57

Oh, thank god.

11:03

I'm Chris Morocco, food director

11:05

of Bon Appetit and Epicurious. And

11:07

this is Dinner SOS,

11:09

a new podcast from Bon Appetit.

11:12

On each episode, we'll take a call from a

11:15

home cook facing a real dinner emergency.

11:18

Then I'll work with one of our editors or someone

11:20

from our amazing test kitchen to try and solve

11:22

it. Because cooking for the people

11:25

you love should inspire joy without

11:27

a side of stress. Make sure you're

11:29

following Dinner SOS wherever you're listening

11:32

now.

11:34

Globally, humans are facing massive

11:36

problems that are widely ignored by governments

11:39

and the media. Like personal space

11:41

invaders. I had it with these couples that

11:43

sit on the same side of the booth. Yak mouth.

11:46

Stupid stick figure bumper stickers.

11:48

Almond milk. You cannot milk an almond.

11:50

Hi, I'm Jennifer. And I'm Angie. We

11:53

call her Pumps. And we're the hosts of I've

11:55

Had It. Pumps, tell the listener where they can find

11:57

us. Apple, Spotify, Amazon,

11:59

or wherever.

11:59

ever you get your podcasts. Nailed

12:02

it. See you next Tuesday.

12:06

Okay, I peed.

12:08

Oh, welcome back. Do you feel better? Did

12:10

you get it in the, was there a splash

12:12

zone warning? Ew, not the splash zone.

12:16

Oh man. Okay, we are not here to yuck. Anyone's

12:18

yums. The

12:21

days of Polyvore are long gone,

12:23

but the urge for the girlies to make cute

12:25

little collage slideshows about what type

12:27

of mushrooms they are remains. The

12:30

new which girl are you trend is filling the void in our hearts put

12:33

there by the end of scrapbooking unit in home ec.

12:35

Paris explains.

12:37

That's right besties. If you remember like the

12:39

starter packs trend in like 2015, 2017 ish, like remember

12:41

like the basic bitch starter

12:45

pack where it'd be like the Starbies, the Scrunchie,

12:48

the little turtle bracelet. It's

12:50

very much that. It has the same energy as that

12:53

trend. It's just kind of taken a new

12:55

form in the form of TikTok obviously.

12:58

And also remember Polyvore where girls would just like

13:00

curate old aesthetics in like the Tumblr era. This

13:02

is very Tumblr era coming back to

13:04

us. Did you see what type of rat girl

13:07

are you? From user Omgabi.

13:11

Rat girl summer. Yeah, rat girl

13:13

summer and I, I

13:14

have to say, I'm all about the rat girl

13:16

summer. I've been eating so much potato

13:18

salad. Okay. Ew. What?

13:22

She gave us permission. Okay. Yeah, no, but I just

13:24

think potato salad's gross. Oh, I love potatoes. Anything like

13:26

mayonnaise or gravy driven, I'm there

13:29

for it. Gravy, yes, mayonnaise, no.

13:31

Okay, tell me about the rat girls. Which one are you? I feel

13:33

like I'm a flying squirrel.

13:35

I could see what's in the flying squirrel one. What comes with

13:37

being a flying squirrel? Flying squirrel says, has

13:39

the heart of a rat, but always flying to

13:42

party abroad. And everyone's like, how? But

13:44

also respect. I

13:46

see that. I mean, I don't travel a lot, but

13:48

the energy is like a cute little wrap around

13:51

skirt, a glass of champagne or a martini,

13:54

a little Glossier gloss, and

13:56

then just like a hotel bathrobe, a passport, and

13:58

a cloche. Cloche.

13:59

is how I'm trying to live. At first I

14:02

was drawn to the classic rat, which is, you

14:04

know, a tank top, Starbucks,

14:06

Red Bull, bruised legs, a mini

14:09

skirt, a broken phone screen, and Taco

14:11

Bell, but they lost, and Snapchat is very

14:13

much open. They lost me

14:15

at Taco Bell though, because I can't do Taco

14:18

Bell. I can actually relate to that one. You

14:21

know what, I think I'm the mouse right

14:23

here. It says a former rat, but it's

14:25

sometimes in hiding these days because of a

14:27

boyfriend, a job or an internship, summer

14:29

school, something. Basically, she's after

14:32

that cheddar still though.

14:33

Oh bitch, that's me too actually. We are

14:35

retired rats, we are now field mice. These

14:38

are a lot of fun. Definitely go check out at

14:41

Gabby, U-M-G-A-B-I, and

14:43

go through all of these and decide for yourself what

14:45

kind of girly or rat you are. You

14:48

never know who you might identify with. You may surprise yourself.

14:50

You really never know, but now let's

14:52

do it gay. Let's identify the different types

14:54

of gays. Top of mind for

14:57

me, top of mind for me is Disney

14:59

gays for sure. What would that come with?

15:01

That's gonna come with your Mickey Mouse ears. It's gonna come

15:03

with your season pass to Disney whatever.

15:06

It's gonna come with probably a Crocs,

15:08

I think. It's gonna come with a gross

15:12

impotent little baby voice in bed probably.

15:15

Okay, so no judgment on this. Oh, I

15:17

hate Disney gays. The

15:19

first, and then you Disney villain laughed

15:21

at that. The

15:23

first one that sprung to mind for me is not an obvious

15:26

genre, because I think a lot of us already

15:28

know what would probably be in a bear pack, right?

15:30

It would probably be denim shorts with no shirt.

15:34

Flannel. Flannel.

15:37

Probably a beer, you know, a print

15:39

of food, but they're like, and a big hug.

15:43

But anyway, the one that

15:45

sprung to mind for me was the dolphin. I

15:47

don't know if this is his comment. Are you going

15:49

to drag me? No, well,

15:52

perhaps. I don't know, maybe you'll identify with it.

15:55

This I learned when I was in London. I met this

15:57

British guy, and he was like, we were talking about

15:59

type. And I was like, I don't know what I am. I

16:01

don't fi- I'm too big for an otter.

16:04

I'm not- I don't know what I am. And he was like, well, I'm

16:06

a dolphin. And

16:08

he said it like that to like sort of sultry. And

16:11

I was like, what the fuck is that? How

16:13

so? And he was like, well, I'm

16:15

tall and I have no body hair

16:17

and I'm very slick. Okay,

16:19

then that's literally me. But also

16:22

like, and he was slightly barrel chested. And he looked at me

16:24

and was like, he actually is kind of built like a dolphin

16:26

standing up. So for me, the dolphin

16:28

pack comes with a pretentious British

16:30

accent because it was very- the way he did

16:33

it was very like Severus named

16:35

type of voice. Ligubrious. Yes. With

16:37

like a lot of hair product,

16:39

a perfectly done suit, a perfectly

16:43

tailored suit. Probably a martini,

16:46

but also like a towel in the back because

16:48

he was just wet, you know. Hmm. Always

16:51

a little damp. He's a little damp. Okay.

16:53

Yeah. Okay. But what about an

16:56

undersung type of gay? And I've recently

16:58

been sort of unpacking these kinds of gays, but like the

17:01

sort of like back swamp gays, like the

17:03

Tiger King gays. Think of

17:05

like the more like mask, like

17:08

identifying sort of gays that grew up in like

17:10

an area or like a place where they kind of had to put on

17:12

more masculine things like getting into hunting

17:15

and like sports fishing and that kind of shit. But

17:18

then are still total dick pigs.

17:21

I think that's a really important type of gay, you know.

17:23

It's gonna come with like some wading boots, probably

17:26

like a cheap nasty beer. Yeah.

17:30

No box spring. No. A

17:32

weird grinder hookup and like it kind of smells

17:34

like trash. But

17:37

also like big dick. No

17:39

trimming whatsoever. All not like never trimmed

17:41

a pube in their life. The crocodile pen,

17:44

the chicken coop. Yeah.

17:47

Oh, speaking of chicken coop, real quick, chicken

17:49

wars ongoing. We've added animals. Real

17:52

quick. I'm going to digress for a hot moment. This

17:55

just in. This just in. The chicken

17:57

wars on TikTok are not over. If you listen

17:59

to us regularly.

17:59

you know we talked about chicken wars before, I got very

18:02

excited about it. The chicken

18:04

wars are ongoing. We have

18:06

now added elephants into the mix. Cattle

18:08

wars, flamingos, crabs.

18:12

There are many animals competing in this chicken

18:14

war. So it's still going. It's still

18:17

going on TikTok and it has gone beyond many things.

18:19

Just go to TikTok, put in chicken wars and see

18:21

the fun that comes up. I'm a little nervous for the people

18:23

that brought in the elephants because elephants are smarter than us.

18:26

So I mean, really who's in charge with

18:28

who there? We promised an update, that's the update.

18:30

Okay, back to the gays and what

18:32

their travel packs are. What about

18:34

the older gay? And it comes with like

18:37

sensible shoes. Me, it's sensible shoes.

18:39

A Judy Garland vinyl. A Judy

18:41

Garland vinyl. A candlestick. A

18:43

candlestick. Lots of Liza Minnelli

18:45

quotes just in their brain. Mm-hmm. Probably

18:48

a feather boa.

18:50

There's probably a feather boa or at least like whimsical

18:52

sunglasses. Every playbill

18:54

they've ever

18:56

collected. But also metamucil and ibuprofen.

19:00

And... Did

19:02

we say a practical shoe?

19:04

I said a practical shoe and probably

19:06

like an older single female friend

19:09

who dresses exactly the same and

19:11

she helps you get from A to B. Yeah, also

19:13

like maybe a haunted mansion.

19:16

A

19:16

haunted mansion?

19:19

I feel like all old show queens live in a haunted

19:21

mansion.

19:24

I've never thought about that but I wanna watch this

19:26

TV show now.

19:27

Don't you think? They have like a piano

19:29

with a candelabra on it. Oh, so they're

19:31

like an old queen with a budget. Yeah. Yeah.

19:34

Yeah, they have their townhouse on the Upper East Side. Well,

19:36

eventually all

19:37

gays get rich. Very

19:39

few gays die poor. Are

19:41

those the rules? Cause... Yeah, we're upwardly

19:43

mobile. We tend to not have children. We tend to make more

19:45

money than

19:47

other people. Gays are highly successful.

19:49

There's still hope for me yet. There is, Michael.

19:51

You will die in an old Victorian mansion. I

19:53

promise. Well, that's the goal. That really

19:55

is the goal. That's a promise. Another

19:58

Disney

19:58

film and laugh. Why

20:00

are you spooky today? I don't know,

20:03

I did see the Little Mermaid and I'm obsessed with it. That's

20:05

enough of the gays, pride's over. And

20:08

after all that bullshit, it's time

20:10

for another quick little break.

20:16

Celebrity feuds are high stakes.

20:19

You never know if you're just gonna end up on page six

20:21

or do moi or in court. I'm

20:24

Matt Bellassai.

20:24

And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host

20:27

of Wondery's new podcast, Dis and Tell,

20:29

where each episode we unpack a different iconic

20:32

celebrity feud. The first

20:33

season is packed with some pretty messy

20:35

pop culture drama, but none as drawn

20:37

out and personal as Britney and Jamie

20:39

Lynn Spears. Follow Dis and Tell wherever

20:42

you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free

20:44

on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.

20:46

Okay, we'll just start winging it.

20:50

Hello, I am esteemed documentary

20:52

maker, Louis Theroux. I have no shame, so

20:54

I just said that. And I have a brand new

20:56

podcast that's free and exclusive

20:59

to Spotify, where every Tuesday, I

21:01

speak to a range of fascinating guests from

21:04

all over the world. People like Tan

21:06

France, Nick Cave, and

21:08

kicking off the series, Shania

21:10

Twain. It's called, Wait

21:13

For It, the Louis Theroux

21:15

podcast.

21:19

And we're back.

21:23

We've all been dumped before, but

21:25

thanks to modern technology, we don't need to go

21:27

through that heartbreak alone. We

21:29

can share it with thousands of others

21:32

online. The latest example of this

21:34

masochism on main, this Twitter

21:36

thread titled, what's the worst way

21:38

you ever got dumped? Paris,

21:41

report. That's right, Michael. This

21:43

is a lovely little Twitter thread shared by user at

21:46

Shannon Woodard. It came around about

21:49

June 5th. It now has 46 million

21:51

views, 213 retweets,

21:53

7,232 quotes, and over 2,000 likes. These

21:58

are great. Everyone is sharing their...

22:00

saddest stories of breakups. Let's start

22:02

with the first one. From our

22:04

friend on Twitter, Joe is Millers. Joe

22:07

said this,

22:08

middle school, middle of the courtyard, Valentine's

22:11

Day. Presence ready for him in hand.

22:14

He comes up to me, puts his hand on my

22:16

shoulder, said, it's over, and

22:18

walked away. Never told me why.

22:21

Ruined love for me forever.

22:23

Damn Joe!

22:24

That's actually not that bad. I

22:27

mean, you could have been ghosted. But the cri-

22:29

that's true, but I love how the creator commented on

22:31

this. Not the shoulder pat. The

22:33

shoulder pat is really the, that's the

22:36

killing blow. That hurts. Like,

22:39

that, I can feel that. It's over.

22:42

It's over. It's not me. It's

22:44

you. It's very much you. That's what

22:46

the shoulder pat conveys. At Shannon Woodard,

22:48

again with the great comment on this, this creator, she's,

22:51

I love her, because at Cheryl

22:54

Morieux,

22:54

oh five, Moro, sorry, commented

22:58

a poorly written poem. And the creator

23:00

comments with the bai ku. Oh my

23:03

god, a bai ku is so funny.

23:05

Like a good bai haiku. A bai

23:08

ku. Okay, but then

23:10

wait, somebody tracked it down. Or no, wait, this

23:12

is just a bai ku that somebody included. Yeah. From

23:15

At Ear Box. It says, it's

23:17

not you, it's me.

23:19

Haha, babe, I'm just kidding.

23:22

It's totally you. That's

23:25

a good haiku. That's actually not a

23:27

bai ku. That's a good bai ku. Okay, Michael,

23:29

our producers have a game for us.

23:31

Yes. It's called breakup or

23:34

made up. Our social scientists

23:36

have put together a list of breakup scenarios.

23:38

We'll have to guess if these breakups actually

23:40

happened. Breakup. Or

23:44

if they're totally made up. Made up. All

23:47

right, Michael, here's the first one. Okay. My

23:49

friend once saw that her boyfriend was with one

23:51

of her sorority sisters on Snapchat

23:54

maps. She was like, do you think

23:56

they're fucking? And I was like, no way.

23:58

Then he called her and

23:59

was like, I just fucked so-and-so

24:02

and we're breaking up. Oh God. Oh

24:05

no. This kind

24:07

of sounds like that thing that happened on TikTok. Remember when they

24:09

were like watching the video or whatever and

24:11

they like saw one of the girls'

24:13

boyfriends talking to some other girl in a video? I

24:15

actually don't remember what I'm talking about. Oh, I

24:18

know what you're talking about. We, yes. Yes,

24:20

I think you decided after the fact that you thought it was

24:22

staged though. Yeah, I did. I did decide that that was staged.

24:24

But okay, but do you think this really happened? I

24:27

have to read this again because I got distracted

24:29

when I heard Sorority Sisters on Snapchat maps

24:31

and it was like, Snapchat maps. I-

24:34

So Snapchat maps, like you can go on the map and see where

24:36

your friends are through Snapchat.

24:38

That's terrifying. I think this is hilarious and

24:40

I actually do kind of hope this happened. Really?

24:43

Yeah. I would love to believe that this man

24:45

came right out with the truth and said,

24:47

hey, I just fucked this person, let's break up. Because

24:50

that's what you should do if you do make that sort of decision.

24:52

But

24:53

I don't believe a man had the

24:55

balls to actually own up to it. So I

24:57

think this one's fake. Break up. Oh

25:00

my God, it really happened? It happened.

25:04

Look, Paris, there are good men

25:06

out there who when they cheat, they tell you. That's

25:08

how you know it's a quality man. There's

25:11

hope, yes. There's hope for humanity,

25:13

yes. Okay, you got the second one? Okay,

25:15

situation numero dos. One time

25:18

a guy sent me flowers and in the card said

25:20

he was breaking up with me.

25:22

I think this is real. That just feels mean.

25:25

No, that's a courtesy. That's a courtesy.

25:28

To send somebody beautiful break up flowers?

25:30

Yeah. Would you rather be broken up

25:32

with no flowers or with flowers? I

25:35

don't know, I feel like I'd rather be broken up with

25:37

a Cheesecake Factory gift certificate. Okay,

25:39

well that's the next one. Somewhere where I can properly

25:42

get into my sorrows. I feel like flowers,

25:44

I'm just gonna be like, well these are pretty and then they're gonna die and I'm

25:46

gonna be sad twice. I think it's a

25:48

nice courtesy and I wanna believe that

25:50

this is true. What about you? Okay, I don't

25:52

believe this is true. I'm gonna say false. Okay.

25:55

Made up. Oh my God, this never

25:57

happened? Somebody

25:58

somewhere did this.

25:59

I mean, maybe somewhere somebody did this,

26:02

but not within our little group of folks.

26:05

Damn. This is a good idea though. This

26:08

is a good way to break up. I support this.

26:11

Okay. Situation

26:13

three. I one

26:15

time broke up with a guy, said we'd keep in contact

26:18

only to flee the country not 24 hours

26:20

later and leave him unread to this day.

26:24

This has to be real. Wow. Also

26:27

like well done literally leaving the country.

26:29

Honestly, yeah. Cause they'll always

26:31

say like, oh, we'll keep in touch. Like I haven't,

26:34

I haven't asked. I actually don't know if they listened to this, but

26:36

maybe. I have an ex and I distinctly

26:38

remember like we broke up, we left blah, blah, blah.

26:40

And it was like, oh, we'll always love each other type of thing.

26:43

And like, obviously like you feel that for awhile, but

26:45

then like you definitely stop feeling that

26:47

after awhile. And like he still always

26:49

sends me like memes and bullshit

26:52

and videos and stuff that I just don't care about.

26:54

I ended up muting them. I've kind of started blocking

26:56

them on places. I'm like, I get that

26:58

you're still in love with me, none

27:00

of these videos are funny. And I

27:02

wouldn't pee on you if you were on fire. Oh, oh

27:05

dear. Well, I appreciate the lie

27:07

here and then the full commitment to leaving the country.

27:10

I just had a thought Paris was like, even if he was on

27:12

fire and you tried, would it just go straight into your face anyway?

27:15

Oh no. I

27:18

hate you. Nice try.

27:21

I

27:23

believe this did happen. Yes. I do too. Breakup.

27:28

Oh my God. Finally. It was our producer Sunny

27:30

that did this. Incredible. Okay.

27:33

Situation number

27:36

four. My cousin left her

27:38

then to be husband at the altar after

27:40

having a mental breakdown when he casually

27:42

mentioned he didn't want to have pets. Okay.

27:45

This sounds like something that could have come from a writer's room,

27:48

but depending on my mental

27:50

state at any given moment, sounds like me. Wait,

27:53

but I just went at it. When did, when did this

27:55

conversation come up? After he said he didn't want to have pets,

27:58

but they broke up on the altar. So like was this

27:59

This is in his vows where he was like, I vowed

28:02

to love you in sickness and in health unless we have

28:04

pets, in which case I don't want them. It was

28:06

like the night before, it was probably like the rehearsal dinner

28:08

or something. Or like,

28:09

oh, that would make more

28:11

sense. And this person was just stewing and

28:13

stewing. Sent into a spiral.

28:16

Wow. Because clearly it wasn't just about the pets, you

28:18

know what I mean? But the pets were

28:20

indicative, it was a catalyst, it was a trigger.

28:23

I just wish I was at this wedding. Could you imagine

28:25

the reception after everyone being like, can you

28:28

imagine? Yes. The

28:30

family gossip after this party would just

28:32

be so worth it.

28:35

Yeah. Yeah. I wanna believe

28:37

this is true, Michael, what about you? I wanna

28:39

believe this is true too. Made up.

28:42

Oh, God damn it. Damn, that's a good one

28:44

though. It is a good one. Okay, last

28:46

one.

28:47

In college, I thought my boyfriend was proposing,

28:50

but he actually was breaking up with me to go

28:52

to Harvard Law School. Bitch, this

28:54

is the premise of Legally Blonde. Okay,

28:57

this one's a gag. Oh my God,

28:59

oh my God, you guys.

29:03

I'm gonna say this really did happen to

29:05

my good Judy L. Woods. Or

29:07

could you imagine if Legally Blonde actually is

29:09

a true story? Yes, I can. This

29:12

is what happened to Hillary Clinton. I

29:15

want

29:15

this to be true, also I just wanna go watch

29:17

Legally Blonde now and also listen to the Legally Blonde

29:19

musical soundtrack because

29:21

I love it. Incredible soundtrack. Great soundtrack. Yeah.

29:24

Yeah. Okay, can we confirm this

29:27

is a fabrication? Made up.

29:29

This is in fact a plot of Legally Blonde.

29:33

Pairs, do you have an interesting,

29:35

do you have a breakup story, like a wild breakup story that

29:37

you would put on this Twitter thread?

29:39

Not really, I've actually never been broken up with. I

29:42

broke up with my first college boyfriend because I was like,

29:44

hi, I

29:44

lost my virginity to you and I think we both know

29:47

you're not gonna be the only person I ever have sex with in

29:49

my life, so let's

29:51

get started with that. Thank you for teaching

29:53

me how to have sex because that's actually, I've always said this,

29:55

the key is your first person you

29:57

have sex with have a ton of sex with them. Have fun.

29:59

all the different kinds of sex so you can get good at

30:02

sex and figure out what you like and what you're into and

30:04

what you don't like and what works for you. Then when

30:06

you go out into the single world dating pool, you're just great

30:08

at sex.

30:09

Sage advice, you've got it here. It's

30:12

gotten me this far.

30:13

Gotten me this far. And look at you. Yeah,

30:16

and now you're engaged. So clearly you did something

30:18

right. I did someone right.

30:22

All right, besties, that's all the time we have for

30:24

today. Thank you so much for joining

30:27

us and don't forget to catch up with us at the Social Dose

30:29

podcast.com. Leave us a voice message

30:31

or a written message and we'll read it aloud on the show.

30:34

With that being said, I need to go convince someone to

30:36

break up with their boyfriend for the plot. And I must

30:38

continue to sit on a box in a bathroom recording

30:40

this podcast, which I'm now realizing is

30:42

a Canon event.

30:43

Perhaps one day I'll buy a chair.

30:46

Happy scrolling. Happy scrolling.

30:51

The Social Dose is a Sony Music Entertainment production.

30:54

The EPs are Sarita Wesley and Jasmine Henley

30:56

Brown. Daniel Jones Wesley is Senior Producer,

30:58

Chelsea Jacobson is Producer, and Sunny Balkan is

31:00

Associate Producer. This show is engineered by Gulliver

31:03

Lawrence Tickle and John Scott. Music by

31:05

Dom Jones.