0:10

Hello, and welcome to the Soul

0:10

Garden. My name is Georgina

0:15

Langdale. And I'm really

0:15

delighted to have you here with

0:19

me today. So this week in the soul garden,

0:25

I am reflecting on the tyranny

0:31

of the And, what it is, what it

0:31

does to us. And how we might be

0:41

able to turn that around. What I

0:41

mean by the tyranny of the And,

0:48

is, it's the list of all the

0:48

things we do or think we are in

0:53

life. So if somebody says to

0:53

you, what is it you do? And you

1:02

say, Well, I do this, and this,

1:02

and this, and a little bit of

1:08

that, and you get the picture.

1:08

You know, suddenly, there's this

1:14

whole long train of things that

1:14

you do. Recently, someone said

1:20

to me, you're doing a lot. And I

1:20

realized that that wasn't

1:28

necessarily a compliment, that

1:28

doing a lot wasn't really

1:33

helping anybody. It's not

1:33

helping my customers. It's not

1:38

helping my clients. And it's not

1:38

helping me. I realize that you

1:48

are doing a lot meant that all

1:48

those ends I had, when I tried

1:54

to explain to someone what it

1:54

was I'm doing, we're tripping me

1:58

up, we're wearing me out, we're

1:58

spreading me too thin. There's

2:07

so much pressure in life, at the

2:07

moment to be so many things. And

2:16

there is a expectation that we

2:16

can start doing something and

2:22

straightaway, it'll be a

2:22

success. There's this idea of

2:27

really of instant gratification.

2:27

The reality is, life doesn't

2:32

work like that, talent doesn't

2:32

work like that building of

2:36

business doesn't work like that.

2:36

And so the more that we try and

2:42

reach for those shiny apples on

2:42

the tree, another and here and

2:49

neither and there, we can be the

2:49

ones that end up losing out. The

3:00

person who reflected to me that

3:00

I was doing a lot, and not in a

3:05

good way, really gave me a gift,

3:05

it made me start to think about

3:12

when does the and become too

3:12

much. And when do all these ands

3:21

that were that I'm trying to be

3:21

that we you know, all these ands

3:24

that we try to be? When do they

3:24

become tyranny rather than

3:31

opportunity, this can be a

3:31

really confronting thing to do.

3:34

But I really recommend that you

3:34

set aside some time and try it

3:41

for yourself. How do you

3:41

describe auditors, you do write

3:48

down everything that you do, how

3:48

many ends are there if you think

3:55

of the ends is the link in the

3:55

chain, all these bits of your

4:02

being and purpose, you're

4:02

probably going to find there are

4:05

quite a few ands there. So where there can be a sense of

4:15

tyranny in the and, because all

4:20

these ands that you do just end

4:20

up spreading you so thin, that

4:26

you don't have the energy to do

4:26

them or you get overwhelmed. And

4:30

if it's a business, your

4:30

customer starts to get confused.

4:35

You know, they don't know who

4:35

you are or what you are anymore

4:39

because you're this and this and

4:39

this and this and how can you be

4:44

all of that? This is the

4:44

question that starts to arise.

4:48

Now I'm saying all this and I am

4:48

so guilty. I am so guilty of

4:54

have multiple Ands, but I've

4:54

realized it is so stressful. So

5:01

having realized that I was

5:01

completely overwhelmed by the

5:05

and, that I had not stayed in my

5:05

lane, I was trying to drive

5:09

every lane in both directions on

5:09

a major freeway all at the same

5:13

time. The obvious question

5:13

arose, which was, what are you

5:18

gonna do about it. And the first

5:18

thing I thought of was, well, I

5:22

am just going to have to get rid

5:22

of some of those ands. Now, I am

5:31

a woman and midlife. I'm in my

5:31

mid late 50s, done them going

5:37

through menopause transition

5:37

thing. And this is it's a

5:42

brilliant time midlife for women

5:42

in midlife, this is a really

5:47

fantastic time to think about

5:47

who you are, what matters, where

5:55

you're going, or what you want

5:55

to do and be. Which also means

6:01

it's a really great time to

6:01

figure out the lane that you

6:06

want to be in, and the ads you

6:06

want to focus on and the ones

6:11

you want to let go of. So if

6:11

you're in midlife as a woman,

6:16

rather than feel the tyranny of

6:16

the menopause transition, for

6:21

example, all its symptoms and

6:21

things just sweeping you up and

6:26

carrying you away from who you

6:26

are. What have you worked with

6:31

that energy, and this moment,

6:31

this transitional moment in time

6:36

to think of all that you are,

6:36

and the best bits of that, to

6:42

take forward into this new phase

6:42

of life. Now, there are all

6:47

sorts of other moments in life

6:47

that you could apply this to as

6:50

well. relationship changes,

6:50

geographical changes, health

6:56

changes, all of these moments

6:56

can give you a really good

6:59

opportunity to examine how many

6:59

ands are there in my life and my

7:07

purpose? And which ones

7:07

resonate? For me truly,

7:11

and which ones do I really not

7:11

need? They're just a

7:14

distraction. Back to midlife, I

7:14

think that many of my listeners

7:23

I know, are women like me, in

7:23

midlife or beyond?

7:29

Who Who do you want to be in

7:29

midlife? How do you want to

7:34

describe yourself? Where do you

7:34

want to put your focus? And

7:40

another really good thing to do

7:40

to help answer that question is

7:46

think what feeds my soul? Not

7:46

what feeds my ego, or even

7:52

necessarily what feeds my bank

7:52

balance, although that is

7:57

important. Life is expensive.

7:57

But what feeds my soul, that

8:03

beautiful, sacred space within

8:03

me that finds beauty and meaning

8:09

in things in life, and work and

8:09

creativity? What are the things

8:15

that make my soul feel nourished

8:15

and nurtured? What I've been

8:21

doing and this might work for

8:21

you, why not give it a go, I

8:27

started to write down well at

8:27

night I started I even finished

8:33

it, which is kind of amazing

8:33

given given the overwhelm of

8:39

everything I wrote down, what do

8:39

I do? And I wrote down all the

8:45

ands. So rather than just going,

8:45

I do this. And then bullet point

8:51

a whole other things that you do

8:51

write an end, I do this and

8:57

blah, blah, blah, and blah,

8:57

blah, blah, and blah, blah,

9:03

blah. Then what I did was I

9:03

started to think about criteria

9:09

to judge my ends with things

9:09

like, is this and here, what is

9:15

this about? Is it is it just

9:15

about ego? Or is it a necessity?

9:21

Or is it just something that is

9:21

just I ended up doing because

9:27

I've always done it? Or is this

9:27

actually nice, but a complete

9:33

distraction, and I was able to

9:33

start to see which ands were

9:38

kind of a bit weak or a bit too

9:38

left field or or too much of a

9:45

distraction too far off course.

9:45

And then I would ask myself,

9:51

What is the worst thing that can

9:51

happen? If I stop during that

9:57

particular and, and are some of

9:57

them had quite dire consequences

10:03

like, well, we wouldn't be able

10:03

to pay our bills and put food on

10:09

the table. But they're actually

10:09

a lot of those ands, when I got

10:15

rid of them. What they did was

10:15

free me up, give me more time

10:21

took some pressure off. And I

10:21

started looking at them and go,

10:27

Ah, this is soul food, this is

10:27

really helping me see, I don't

10:33

have to do everything out, or I

10:33

absolutely don't have to do

10:39

everything all at once. So then

10:39

what I started to see, what are

10:45

the things that can go or

10:45

together go completely? Or what

10:51

are the things that I still want

10:51

to do, but maybe now is not the

10:57

right time to do them? And what

10:57

are the things that I might want

11:04

to do, but they're, they're kind

11:04

of time sensitive or time

11:09

specific. IE, these are things I

11:09

need to get done. Now, that

11:15

thing can wait for six months,

11:15

that thing will take me three

11:21

weeks. So just sit down and get

11:21

it done, you know, two hours a

11:27

day for the next three weeks,

11:27

we'll knock that one over. For

11:33

people who are solopreneurs,

11:33

running their own business,

11:39

doing everything, to keep

11:39

everything going this situation

11:44

adds a whole other layer to that

11:44

tyranny of the and. And so if

11:51

somebody says, could you do

11:51

this? Or could you do that we go

11:57

yes, yes. Because, oh, it could

11:57

be another income stream opening

12:03

up and, and there's a real

12:03

pressure as a small scale

12:08

solopreneur to never say no, to

12:08

something that might bring

12:14

income in. So you go, yeah,

12:14

sure, I can do that. And then

12:19

you get, we get another request

12:19

over there and another request

12:25

over there. And you're saying

12:25

yes to everything, no to

12:31

nothing. And you end up with

12:31

this long, tyrannical thread,

12:37

chain chain of ends. And then

12:37

you get burnt out and

12:42

overwhelmed and exhausted, and

12:42

no one wants those ands. I've

12:48

also been thinking around this

12:48

tyranny of and and being

12:53

confronted by my own ands, about

12:53

how to place things in life.

12:59

What is needed for my basic

12:59

health and well being what is

13:05

needed for my relationship, and

13:05

what is needed for my work, and

13:11

what is needed for my hobbies,

13:11

my creative life. So then I was

13:17

able to see what goes where, by

13:17

drawing up this picture of where

13:23

to place things in life, job,

13:23

creative pursuit, health and

13:29

well being relationship etc, you

13:29

can start to see where the

13:35

weight of the load you're

13:35

carrying is. And once you see

13:40

that, you have the power to

13:40

start to balance things out

13:46

more. I was reading the other

13:46

day about a woman who had built

13:52

a company. It was in the

13:52

cosmetics sector. And within a

13:57

few short years, really she had

13:57

made it into something very

14:03

valuable. And she sold it from

14:03

bucket load of money. And the

14:09

article I read was a bunch of

14:09

people who work in venture

14:14

capital and equity and mergers

14:14

and acquisitions. Saying what?

14:20

What that woman that business

14:20

and the deal that she got for

14:26

her when she sold her business,

14:26

what it showed them and a number

14:33

of the people interviewed said

14:33

it shows the power of staying in

14:39

her lane. She knew exactly what

14:39

the purpose of her business was,

14:45

what its mission was, who its

14:45

customers were and she just

14:51

stuck to that. So she was able

14:51

to grow things with clarity and

14:57

with speed because she didn't

14:57

start editing In a whole chain

15:03

of ends, she just kept that

15:03

focus she stayed in her lane.

15:18

So often, we forget to stay in

15:18

our lane, and we end up with

15:23

overwhelm, or customers or our

15:23

clients or our family or our

15:29

friends, we all end up in the

15:29

sense of overwhelm. What are you

15:36

doing? Where's the focus? How do

15:36

I fit into this? What do you

15:42

really want? All of these

15:42

questions come up because of the

15:47

tyranny of the and. I'm a woman

15:47

in midlife. And the majority of

15:54

my customer base and client

15:54

base, are women in midlife and

16:00

beyond. They're either moving

16:00

through or have passed through

16:06

the menopause transition, and

16:06

we're in this entering or are

16:11

now in this whole new phase of

16:11

life. This is a really fantastic

16:18

moment to address the tyranny of

16:18

the end in your own life, it's a

16:24

time to get clear about the fact

16:24

that too much busyness, too many

16:31

ands, isn't doing you any favors

16:31

at all? isn't doing anyone any

16:37

favors at all? And that you have

16:37

a wonderful opportunity to say,

16:43

hey, what do I want this phase

16:43

of life to really look like?

16:49

Where do I want to focus my

16:49

attention and energy? How do I

16:55

want to live? What do I want to

16:55

do? What? What can I do with the

17:02

experience I've gained over the

17:02

decades of my life so far? What

17:08

can I take from my life and

17:08

professional experience to

17:13

really make good choices about

17:13

how I use my time in this next

17:19

phase of life. And part of those

17:19

good choices are getting rid of

17:26

a whole bunch of ends, that

17:26

actually don't serve me or

17:31

anybody else very well.

17:39

When we get to those moments,

17:39

when we hit a wall,

17:45

figuratively, when we reach

17:45

those moments of complete

17:51

overwhelm, these are also

17:51

moments for transformation. When

17:58

these moments come upon us, yes,

17:58

we can shed a few tears and, and

18:05

feel frustrated for a while. But

18:05

we've also been given a gift.

18:12

We've been given a nudge from

18:12

the universe to say, it doesn't

18:19

need to be this busy. Figure out

18:19

the things that serve you and

18:26

your family, or your customers

18:26

or your clients well. And focus

18:33

on that. Keep it simple. Stay in

18:33

your lane. And if there are a

18:40

few ands that you wish to

18:40

explore, you don't have to do

18:47

them all at once. They don't all

18:47

have to be overnight sensations.

18:54

And they don't all have to take

18:54

front of mind space in your

19:01

life. We don't have to be

19:01

overwhelmed by the tyranny of

19:07

and because once we see it for

19:07

what it is, we have the power

19:14

within us to do something about

19:14

it. We each have the ability to

19:21

be magnificent and wonderful in

19:21

our own unique ways.

19:33

The flip side of the coin of the

19:33

tyranny of the and is the power

19:40

of No. I mentioned before this

19:40

you know when we're a small

19:46

business solopreneur it's

19:46

freelancer, consultant. It is

19:52

very hard to say no to things if

19:52

we're a people pleaser. It is

19:59

very is very hard to say no. But

19:59

once you've been able to

20:05

identify the tyranny of your

20:05

ands, and we were your best

20:11

place to place your focus on

20:11

things, then you get to wield

20:17

the power of No. You don't have

20:17

to say yes to everything. And if

20:24

you are about to say yes to

20:24

something else, stop for a

20:30

minute and think it's not

20:30

serving me well. I'm going to

20:36

wield the power of no if you're

20:36

thinking yeah, this I'd love to

20:43

do this, but I need somebody to

20:43

help me through this process or

20:50

I need a place held for me to

20:50

really be able to consider my

20:56

ends and the power of No, then

20:56

maybe I can help you with that.

21:03

With my I offer coaching, one on

21:03

one coaching and mentoring. And

21:10

you can find links to that on my

21:10

website at Georginalangdale.com

21:16

and at archeus.nz. So that's it

21:16

for me. This week in the Soul

21:23

Garden. Go Well, get clear. Stay

21:23

in your lane be magnificent. And

21:30

I'll talk to you next week. Bye