0:03

Hey, Leila. Hey, hello. Leila,

0:07

listen to this. Blackstone

0:09

Crack, the belief that we don't age

0:11

or get wrinkles, is one of the ways

0:13

that we embrace black beauty. This

0:16

is Patia Braithwaite. She

0:18

wrote this essay. For Refinery twenty

0:20

nine, it's titled BlackDoke

0:23

Crack is stressing me out. By

0:25

the time I was thirty four years old,

0:27

I thought I'd overcome my skin insecurities. Even

0:30

with the dark under eye circles that I've had since

0:33

birth, still got carter at gas

0:35

stations into my late twenties. But

0:37

a few weeks before my 35th birthday, something

0:39

was changing. I stared at

0:42

myself in the mirror each morning and wondered

0:44

if my skin was sagging. Then I

0:46

texted my best friend about whether or not I

0:48

should get fillers I'd scroll

0:50

through Instagram comparing myself to my

0:52

high school friends. I'd checked

0:54

Sephora for reviews for under

0:56

eye creams that promised to brighten

0:58

dark circle and erase fine lines,

1:01

I was suddenly aware that

1:03

my black might be cracking. And

1:06

that's what we wanna talk about today.

1:08

black don't crack?

1:11

Really?

1:13

Well, the black sure is doing

1:15

something. Mhmm.

1:18

We

1:18

gotta stoop this out.

1:25

The stoop. The stoop.

1:27

At the stoop. Stories

1:29

from across the black diaspora that

1:31

we need. My cousins were

1:33

water in greased girls, and I couldn't be

1:35

a water in greased girl. That's what I'm talking

1:37

about. Battle arena in the hood. We

1:38

be gotta get you on ninety people. Black

1:41

woman one looks up to the

1:43

desk in labor. What

1:46

preconceived notions do you have about her?

1:48

I didn't even know we had a hair sharp.

1:59

So today,

1:59

we're talking about that saying that

2:02

we grew up with Blackstone Crack.

2:04

I mean, I've heard it my entire life. My dad

2:07

would always be shouting it throughout the house. you

2:09

know, washing his face, black dumb crack,

2:11

all this pride.

2:13

Yeah. But then like you said,

2:15

the black is doing something I

2:18

mean, look. Look, Leila. Look.

2:20

Look at my face. So

2:23

this thing wasn't

2:25

there before -- Mhmm. -- and

2:27

this right here. Wasn't

2:29

there before? No. Did I have

2:31

that that

2:32

eleven between my

2:34

brows when I go like this,

2:36

c, You

2:37

said, you're rarely frown, so it's

2:39

okay, but I do I you know, I see

2:41

some There's some slight changes. but

2:44

they are there. They're

2:46

there. And and thank the Lord,

2:48

I mean, we are not alone. A lot

2:50

of black women are unpacking this

2:53

idea of

2:54

black don't crack, like

2:56

journalist Patia Breithwaite who we just

2:58

heard reading from her article about all

3:00

this.

3:01

Okay. Well, let's meet petia.

3:09

I think that from a very

3:11

early age, I understood that

3:13

like my social currency wasn't

3:15

going to come from my looks. So

3:19

I was bookish. I was I tried

3:21

to be smart. You know? I, like, worked at

3:23

that. I was

3:25

funny. but I understood from a very

3:27

early age that, nobody was

3:30

going to value

3:33

me for my beauty. And

3:36

I also think that I

3:39

didn't realize how much stock I put in youth.

3:41

I think that, like, when we

3:43

look at sort of mainstream culture and conversations,

3:46

youth is is really privileged. And I

3:48

don't think I realized that until I started

3:50

aging. But I think that

3:53

the compliments, the idea that,

3:55

like, agelessness is synonymous with

3:57

black fem beauty, creates

4:00

just a pressure cooker

4:02

that it was like always existing in the back of

4:04

my head. I think I sort of just

4:06

accepted black don't crack as

4:08

a truth.

4:09

Patia goes on to say

4:12

that when people say things like you look

4:14

young for your age, that it

4:16

doesn't always feel like a compliment.

4:19

So, Leila, I think for me, when

4:21

I first thought about

4:24

looking my age, it was around

4:27

forty five, I would say

4:29

-- Mhmm. -- and it was this moment

4:31

when, you know, how I draw

4:33

my eyebrows in. I don't

4:35

have many much eyebrow hair,

4:38

and so I was drawing in my eyebrows

4:40

one day. And I

4:42

noticed that if I drew

4:44

with the pencil exactly

4:47

on the brow,

4:48

Mhmm.

4:49

One was lower than

4:52

the other. Like,

4:53

and they used to be Look of suspicion.

4:56

Yeah. and

4:57

they used to be, like, more

4:59

even, not perfectly even.

5:01

You know, nobody's like that, but

5:03

they were more even and I was starting

5:05

to notice that

5:07

one brow was

5:10

lower than the other. Okay. So

5:12

this was it because the skin was starting

5:14

to

5:15

droop a little bit. I'm talking your time. My

5:17

name is droop.

5:18

Yeah. And it

5:21

was

5:22

Honestly, it was a moment. It

5:24

shook me. Like many of

5:26

us do, we look at our mama's

5:29

skin to look for

5:31

signs of aging. And

5:34

that's what I was doing. And petitia

5:36

was doing that too.

5:38

My mother is aging gracefully and

5:40

I think looks far younger than she actually

5:42

is. I have aunts that are aging

5:44

well. Like, you know,

5:46

there are so many examples in black culture,

5:48

and so you kind of, you know, we make jokes that you

5:50

like, don't necessarily know a

5:52

black woman's age. You know, she

5:55

could be like twenty five or fifty

5:57

seven and you kinda don't know.

5:59

So

5:59

beyond the compliments, I think it was just something

6:02

that I grew up understanding as true

6:04

and I assumed it would be true for me.

6:06

And then when I started to notice

6:08

my own you know, evident I

6:10

started to, like, see evidence of age and my own my

6:12

own body and my own life. I started to

6:14

be, like, oh, wait. This is, like, is this

6:16

is this Is this a me thing? Is this

6:18

just something that we don't talk about as black women? Like,

6:21

what's happening here? And

6:22

so I asked Batya why

6:24

the black don't crack phrase?

6:26

was stressing her out. I

6:28

think it's as with

6:30

anything like black girl magic. As with any of

6:32

these things, it's up to us to keep

6:34

sight of our humanity. in the I

6:36

mean, like, just, you know,

6:38

under the backdrop of white supremacy, it's

6:40

up it's sadly up to us to

6:43

to to fight and maintain

6:45

our humanity. And so I don't think there's anything

6:47

inherently wrong with Black Don't Crack.

6:49

I just think you

6:51

know, we

6:52

have to, like, interrogate it a little bit and

6:55

use what's useful to us and

6:57

kinda let go of the the pressure inherent

6:59

in it.

7:00

You know, there's something

7:03

like this badge of honor of the

7:05

black don't crack phrase where everyone's like,

7:07

yeah, black don't crack and everyone's like, you know, doing each

7:09

other than that in the high five, you know,

7:11

high single skin sister. But at the

7:13

same time, it's like there

7:15

is this idea that You

7:17

know, we embrace as a community. We

7:19

embrace our elders and their knowledge and their

7:21

lines and their wrinkles. I mean,

7:23

there's something that's a little bit dismissed

7:26

about, you know, this natural

7:28

process for us. Right?

7:30

Yeah.

7:30

Yeah. Like, we,

7:32

though, are starting to

7:34

feel embarrassment about our

7:36

own

7:36

aging. But

7:39

at the same time, we're looking at our mamas and

7:41

we're loving their faces and

7:43

it's a positive

7:44

thing. You

7:45

know? But for us, sometimes

7:48

there's this shame

7:49

with looking older. and

7:52

petia was feeling

7:54

some of that.

7:55

The first few times that I've looked in the

7:57

mirror and noticed like,

8:00

gray hair or frown lines that

8:02

aren't going away, it

8:04

felt like failure.

8:08

there was like this anxiousness that

8:11

I would be a black woman who

8:14

cracked And

8:16

so this idea that, like,

8:18

we have to remain ageless forever.

8:22

feels like a burden. It feels like

8:24

we're not allowed to to grow into

8:26

ourselves. We're not allowed to show signs

8:28

of of of living, you know,

8:31

And, yeah, it can feel it can feel

8:33

daunting. It can be daunting.

8:35

So

8:35

people around petia were starting

8:37

to do Botox. You

8:39

know, the injections that

8:42

relax the muscles in the face, and

8:44

then we're starting to do fillers

8:46

that give your skin a little

8:48

lift. So she started

8:50

thinking about all of

8:52

that, and she had a

8:54

decision to make.

8:55

so petia's trying to decide

8:58

if she's going to

9:00

do any cosmetic

9:02

procedures. Does

9:03

she do it? Mhmm. What does she what does she

9:05

do? Well, she's

9:07

on the fence so

9:09

far, but we're gonna find

9:11

out a

9:11

little later.

9:30

Our

9:30

melanated skin is like

9:32

a blessing that we are always

9:34

gonna be young.

9:34

We're gonna forever look young. Have

9:37

I heard the phrase black don't back. Yes,

9:39

I have. We're gonna look

9:41

amazing. We basically

9:43

don't age. We stay young no matter what we

9:45

go through and whatnot. We

9:47

always take the best of

9:49

everything in life. We always

9:51

we always prosper no matter

9:53

what, and we don't look like what we

9:55

go through.

9:56

So

9:59

the question,

9:59

would you ever get, you know, something

10:02

cosmetic done to your face?

10:03

That is a question that some

10:06

people are considering.

10:06

I mean, there's a ton of

10:08

stuff to scroll through. You've seen it right,

10:10

you know, on the Internet. Like, it's just like,

10:13

this is crazy. And so I was like, it's it's just

10:15

it's a lot.

10:16

But

10:18

when it comes to what's best for

10:20

our skin, one

10:22

of the best experts in

10:25

skin and black skin

10:26

is doctor Henry. My

10:28

name is doctor Michelle Henry.

10:30

I am a dermatologist and

10:32

dermatologic surgeon. I practice in

10:35

Manhattan, New York where I did a full range of

10:37

dermatology, so everything from acne,

10:39

to skin cancer and to fillers and liposuction

10:41

and hair transplant. And

10:43

so thank you for having me today. Dr.

10:45

Henry says she's seeing a lot more

10:47

black women coming in for

10:49

cosmetic procedures. All the

10:51

time, you know, I have patients in my office

10:53

that years ago

10:56

had come in for consultations

10:58

for lip reduction and are

11:00

now getting lip filler. And it is

11:02

just wild that every little girl watching

11:04

this realize that these things that people are telling

11:06

you about yourself that aren't good,

11:08

these things are trends, you know, hold on

11:10

to what indoors and what makes you feel

11:11

good.

11:12

No. I mean, when I was a kid

11:14

for years, I would, you know, suck in

11:17

my bottom lip because

11:19

everyone said my lips were too big.

11:20

So I, like, suck it in. Put my teeth

11:22

in the middle of it to bring it in.

11:24

Really? Yes.

11:25

Black

11:27

people said that? Yes.

11:28

Remember

11:29

people? And

11:30

lips spooty, all

11:32

these things we were once shamed

11:35

for. Yep. They're

11:36

all on trend, Dr. Henry

11:38

is saying, and when it comes to the

11:40

lip, over

11:40

time, it starts to

11:43

change. So

11:44

as we get older, even if you have a full

11:46

lip, your lips are gonna turn down. They're not gonna

11:48

have that nice cliff. We call it like a

11:50

little aversion that cliff at the upper

11:52

lip that is really beautiful and a sign of

11:54

use. That changes even in black and

11:56

blue full lips. So there are old

11:59

mature women. Why

11:59

is there women who come in?

12:02

Just want to restore that,

12:04

those signs of beauty that we

12:06

recognize as youth. and there are women who are like,

12:08

you know, fuller lips are in and I want

12:10

them. When

12:10

she said that

12:11

little flip up at the top of the lip, I never thought

12:13

that that was a sign of use. I've

12:15

been just

12:16

like, oh, is it? I I didn't even do you did your

12:18

did your lip tag? No. No. I

12:20

don't

12:20

know. Girl, let me look. I don't have

12:23

a mirror where I am right now. Let me see if I

12:25

could see myself in this

12:26

phone. Slip it up. Slip it up. Slip

12:28

it up. It's fine as you're

12:30

off. I

12:31

mean,

12:32

I don't know. So doctor

12:33

Henry knows, but listen, on all

12:35

the numbers of black

12:37

Americans getting cosmetic procedures,

12:39

it it just

12:41

keeps rising. Right? mean,

12:43

we lose about one percent of our

12:46

collagen every year starting at twenty

12:48

two. So

12:49

Twenty two? starting

12:51

at twenty two. Wow.

12:53

You've been you've been leaking

12:55

collagen since twenty two. There

12:57

are some episodes where we don't need these

12:59

numbers. can you know, you gotta do your research

13:01

every single time, twenty two.

13:03

So you have this natural decrease

13:05

that causes a loss

13:07

of volume and saggy skin.

13:09

And that's

13:09

what Dr. Henry is talking about. But

13:12

not

13:12

so much the cracking though.

13:15

Right? No, not

13:15

so much the wrinkles. I always

13:17

say that, black

13:18

may not crack, but it does sink and

13:20

sag and dull. Right? And

13:23

so we wanna make sure that

13:25

we are maximizing all

13:27

of the benefits of our melanin. You

13:29

know? Yes, you may look ten years younger

13:31

than your wide contem counterparts

13:33

or contemporaries. But why

13:35

not look, fifteen years younger.

13:39

And then

13:40

we talk about women that are

13:41

a little bit wiser. And

13:43

in my office, I would say we don't stay

13:46

old. A little bit wiser.

13:48

we start talking about things like preventative Botox.

13:50

So I can't tell you the number of women, and I

13:52

think that language has become really

13:54

popular from social media. but many

13:56

coming in looking for baby talks. They

13:58

don't want those lines to etch in on their

14:01

foreheads. And that is

14:03

also important. Doctor

14:04

Henry says

14:05

the moment she started using BOTOX

14:07

was a

14:08

moment that she saw something hereditary

14:10

that, you know, started

14:12

speaking up on her. So before I

14:13

even saw it on me, I saw it on my

14:16

family. So we have

14:18

very little kind of petite foreheads and

14:20

everyone It's this very

14:22

dark deep crease across the forehead. And

14:24

I've been watching that. And when I turned

14:26

around, I'd

14:27

say, probably around twenty seven or twenty

14:29

eight, I was like, it's coming. I

14:31

see it. And so when it

14:33

started to get dark enough that I was like, you

14:35

know, my creams aren't working anymore. My

14:37

retinol is not working anymore now as the time is when

14:39

I start and it was kind of, you know, preventative before

14:41

it became so etched in that I knew it would

14:43

be really hard for me to erase it.

14:46

So that was my first sign is that I just

14:48

didn't want these deep lines that I

14:50

knew were on the horizon for

14:52

me when I started out really low.

14:54

And the good thing about starting out really

14:56

low when you first need it is that I've never gone

14:58

much higher. I use very few

15:00

units. I don't know if anyone's listening

15:02

about units from my entire forehead. I

15:04

probably used eight units. It's very, very

15:06

little. For comparison, the full

15:08

dose is forty units. Right? So

15:10

I probably use eight units. I've used that since

15:12

I

15:12

was twenty seven. So a very long time.

15:14

Yeah.

15:14

I've never had to go up, and that's because I did

15:16

it kind of almost progressively. And I've

15:18

just kind of stayed the core, stayed the core, stayed the

15:21

course. And so the good thing is that when you do it before

15:23

you really need a lies, if you also get to use

15:25

very little. Okay.

15:26

So but Lila, I wanted

15:28

to get back to what doctor Henry

15:30

was saying about the sag. I'm

15:32

still on the sag. You still are

15:34

you obsessed with the sag? I am.

15:37

Yeah. I I asked her.

15:38

There

15:39

of factors that will contribute to

15:41

sagging, and some of them are structural.

15:43

So in many black

15:46

women and just women of color in general,

15:48

we can be a little bit flatter in the mid phase,

15:51

like just

15:51

the bony structure is flatter. And

15:54

because of that, that structure

15:56

allows when we start to lose fat,

15:58

we start to naturally stop making

15:59

as much collagen, we don't have as

16:02

much reinforcement. So the skin

16:04

starts to sag. And so often say

16:06

it's like if the bones are

16:08

your deep structures are a table and your skin is a table

16:10

cloth. It's like the table got

16:12

smaller, but the table cloth stay the same.

16:14

Right? And so now that table cloth is just

16:16

dragging and dry shaping and we're getting

16:18

jowling, and that happens because in certain

16:20

areas of the face, we may have

16:22

less bony structure. And so that

16:24

can lead to some of the In certain

16:26

areas, we have more, but in certain areas,

16:28

especially the mid phase, which I always say,

16:30

aging on the lower phase starts in the mid phase. Once we

16:32

lose that structure, everything just sags

16:35

down. And so some of those things

16:36

contribute to why we may start to sag

16:38

a little bit sooner. What

16:40

would you suggest for black

16:42

women that want to prevent that kind of

16:44

slow

16:44

sagging that starts to happen. So some

16:46

kind of non invasive things that

16:48

we can do. Always thinking about

16:51

our college stimulation. So things that help

16:53

in skincare to improve collagen

16:55

stimulation are things like retinoid, so

16:57

retinol

16:58

over the counter. things

17:00

like the peptide. So peptides

17:02

are like these little molecules that can actually penetrate the

17:05

skin and help to stimulate collagen.

17:08

Sunscreen, not only because it's going to

17:10

help to keep us from having

17:13

hyperpigmentation and uneven skin tone and of course

17:15

concerns about skin cancer. But it

17:17

also helps to protect this front

17:19

and those are the creation of those

17:21

react to the oxygen species that

17:23

can damage our collagen. So whenever we're

17:25

outside, those pollutants, UV

17:27

light, when it interacts skinny, creates these

17:29

little free radicals that try

17:31

to stabilize themselves by gobbling up our

17:33

collagen. Right? And so that's why we use sunscreen,

17:35

that's why we use vitamin C. So all of

17:37

the antioxidants that we use. Like vitamin

17:39

C, they just kind of squelch those little

17:42

bad actors that are trying to

17:44

stabilize themselves by damaging our

17:46

collagen. So

17:47

those are some of the things

17:49

that can stop that sag,

17:51

the

17:51

peptides, the sunscreen, vitamin

17:54

c, right now. Lila, why are you

17:56

looking at me?

17:58

You know, I'm

17:59

just making sure you're taking notes,

18:02

the peptides, of sunscreen. Why do you

18:04

see mirror? Trying to find something

18:06

clear. sunscreen. But your skin

18:08

is flawless.

18:09

Oh, lingula.

18:12

Thank you. But,

18:13

you know, I was thinking we know that

18:15

we lose collagen as we

18:18

age. That's been established.

18:20

But, you know, I was using one

18:22

of these collagen creams, you

18:25

know. And I

18:26

read some research that actually

18:29

These creams may not be doing what we

18:31

think they're doing. Right? Have you read

18:33

that? Yes. There

18:34

are studies that show that

18:36

the molecules aren't big enough to

18:39

penetrate into the skin, to

18:40

stimulate collagen. That's

18:43

why she was saying peptides are are better

18:45

because they're smaller and can penetrate

18:47

the skin. But it's also

18:49

interesting the research that Dr. Henry is

18:51

doing around black

18:53

skin, especially when it comes to

18:56

techniques for hyper

18:58

pigmentation, which is -- Mhmm. -- something

19:00

that affects black skin. Mhmm. Quite a

19:02

bit. We

19:02

study lasers and fillers and all these

19:05

aesthetic procedures that oftentimes aren't

19:07

studied on on black and brown skin, and

19:09

they're coming to market, and then people are trying

19:11

to figure out and retrofit these products

19:13

that didn't begin with us at

19:15

in mind to

19:18

customers and patients. And what happens is that

19:20

some of them will get burned, some of them will have

19:22

negative because we're not optimizing

19:24

these products before they get to the market. So that's

19:26

a big part of what I do.

19:28

Yeah.

19:28

And, Lila, you know, as I'm scrolling

19:31

through these procedures, you

19:33

know, you scroll through

19:35

these disastrous laser treatments.

19:37

And it's, you know,

19:38

it's made me think, is this

19:41

Is it even

19:41

made for us? Mhmm. I mean,

19:43

well, that's something Dr.

19:46

Henry's researching, looking at how

19:48

to make laser is more compatible

19:50

for dark skin and to

19:52

pay more attention to the wavelength,

19:54

you know, so that the lasers have a wavelength.

19:57

Yeah. was saying that the laser should

19:59

have like a

19:59

really quick pulse to

20:02

generate less heat and to

20:04

prevent burning.

20:05

So it's

20:05

just in and out. It shatters pigment. It

20:08

shatters whatever it's doing, but it's not they're

20:10

long enough to cause collateral damage.

20:12

So

20:12

it's about either taking the lasers

20:14

and playing around with them and trying to make them work like that

20:16

or using the new lasers that are better

20:19

positioned and safer for black skin.

20:21

Mhmm. And

20:23

Leila, listening to doctor Henry,

20:25

you know, she by the way

20:27

is not ashamed to say she's had

20:29

plenty of cosmetic procedures on

20:31

her face. Right? Right. Yeah.

20:33

She mentioned Botox in her twenties

20:35

and she's now in her forties. No

20:37

shame at all. No shame. And

20:39

so

20:39

that gets me thinking about what we were

20:41

talking about earlier. You know, like,

20:44

where this shame actually

20:46

comes from? Like, yeah,

20:48

there's this pride

20:50

in us having this melanin

20:52

that protects us. But honestly,

20:55

also the shame may be around the fact

20:57

that cosmetic surgery for

20:59

our parents generation was basically a

21:02

white person's privilege they didn't

21:04

have access to any of this.

21:06

Right? And it's interesting because earlier, Patia

21:08

was saying, you know, it's

21:10

this burden that she felt that she can't

21:12

show signs of living.

21:15

You know? Mhmm. I asked doctor Henry

21:17

what she thought about the phrase

21:19

black don't crack, you know, and

21:21

what this does for black people.

21:24

and

21:24

she said this. I feel the same

21:26

way about black belt crack as I feel about

21:28

a strong black woman.

21:29

Right? Like, yes, we can be

21:31

very strong and yes, we are gifted

21:34

in many ways that we have

21:36

resiliency,

21:36

but we also are allowed to be human.

21:38

We're also allowed to be fragile

21:40

and feel and talk. And

21:41

that's how I feel about like bone crack, it

21:43

creates this expectation of, like,

21:45

infection. But what if your black is cracking? Well,

21:47

we're all telling you black bone crack that

21:49

you're watching your black craft. What do you do? Do you

21:51

feel ashamed? Do you say, like, I am

21:53

genetically inferior to all of my, you

21:55

know, other black folks. Right?

21:58

like, these it's a it's a high

21:59

five. And when you're black this crack, you shouldn't

22:02

feel ashamed about it. You shouldn't feel

22:04

like you have somehow let

22:06

down your people and the

22:08

ancestors because your black is cracked.

22:10

And so it's like a it's

22:12

a it's a level of action that's

22:14

inaccurate and not sustainable. And while it

22:16

is a nice little tagline

22:17

to smile at and and to

22:19

hold our hands and feel joyous that our

22:22

willingness protective is protective and preventative

22:24

against aging. It eventually happens and we

22:26

shouldn't feel like we should not use these interventions because

22:28

it's something that we don't do or that

22:30

we don't need.

22:31

More

22:34

people cry and I do skin cancer

22:36

surgery and I do all sorts of conditions.

22:38

More people cry when they've had

22:41

beautiful filler and they feel they feel better than they've

22:43

ever felt in their lives. And then they're now in

22:45

their forties, and they wish they did it twenty years

22:47

ago, you know. More people

22:49

cry because of that that

22:51

I have the

22:51

patients cry over true

22:53

medical issues. And it just

22:55

speaks to when you feel better, you do better, you

22:57

move differently

22:58

throughout the world. You know,

23:00

our My white

23:01

female patients have zero shade. And

23:03

I wish that we also had the confidence to do

23:05

things that made us feel better, you know.

23:07

And we didn't feel like any

23:09

alteration of ourselves sales was saying

23:12

that we didn't like who we are, we didn't like our race.

23:14

You know, there's a big difference between hating

23:16

your race and doing things to make you

23:18

feel better. And I wish that that line was very clear for more

23:20

people who would benefit from

23:22

a little spruce that would make them

23:24

feel better in the world.

23:26

Okay. So we need to find

23:28

out about petia. Are we are we gonna find

23:30

out does she ever do any fillers,

23:33

give any botox with the verdict? What does she tell you

23:35

she's gonna

23:35

do? Oh, I don't. I didn't. I

23:37

didn't decide. I don't know. It

23:39

just doesn't feel necessary

23:41

for me. yet.

23:44

So that's a no.

23:45

Well, not exactly. I

23:48

reserve the right that

23:49

if I ever look in the mirror and I

23:51

feel deeply unhappy that III

23:53

want to change it than I will. But,

23:57

yeah, it just doesn't feel area

23:59

yet. And I think that, like, if

24:01

I'm honest, at every phase in my life,

24:03

I've looked in the mirror and felt some level

24:05

of unhappiness about something. And

24:08

so the work

24:10

feels more internal than external.

24:12

And if that

24:14

changes, then I will book an

24:16

appointment.

24:18

there is

24:18

this feeling of, like, if there are

24:21

things that we don't like,

24:22

we can we can work through them, we

24:24

can modify

24:25

them, we can we can find ways

24:27

to who we are in this moment, you know.

24:29

Like, I'm just I feel a lot more

24:31

acceptance for the journey. Mhmm.

24:33

Okay. I hear that. I

24:35

hear him. Mhmm. And, you know,

24:38

petia makes a lot of

24:40

sense. I totally agree

24:42

with what she's saying. Like, why can't

24:44

we accept the changes

24:46

we see? Right? But if

24:48

we want a little spruce,

24:50

we should give ourselves grace.

24:52

great and

24:53

permission to do something about it.

24:55

Why not? Why

24:56

not? Does that mean you'll be booking an appointment?

24:58

Talking about your eleven's It's

25:02

your

25:02

wisdom lines for

25:05

now. It is, I guess, it's

25:07

wisdom.

25:08

You know, but you

25:10

know, I'm gonna be like

25:13

Bahia,

25:13

and keep my options open.

25:16

How about that? And we ask some

25:18

people what they might do. Would I

25:20

ever get a cosmetic procedure?

25:22

Yes. I would consider doing

25:25

lipo. I'm a man. I'm

25:27

okay. Somebody on that before. How I

25:29

am? A little

25:29

nip in shock because I don't hurt nobody.

25:32

I know there's I've read certain things

25:34

about, like, getting hauler and

25:36

it's, like, very pain so I don't think I

25:38

would put myself through that. No,

25:40

Phil. No, no, no, no, no, especially not

25:43

on my face. Do I have any fear of

25:45

aging? The older you get, the wiser

25:47

you get, Would be I, I

25:49

would say, any

25:49

male hair loss.

25:51

Challenges about aging is

25:53

the eight. So

25:56

the pay that may come with it. And as

25:58

you get older, there's also discrimination

26:00

with older people. The

26:01

older you get, the wiser you get are

26:03

full as if light little crowd.

26:13

And that's

26:13

the stoop. The stoop

26:15

is a

26:16

proud member of

26:17

radiotopia from

26:20

PRX. The soup

26:21

family includes producer, Natalie

26:23

Perrette, engineer, Chris Hoff, art

26:25

by Nima Iyer, social media

26:27

by Summer

26:28

Williams. special thanks to

26:31

California Communities, a nonprofit

26:33

partner of the NEH find them at

26:35

calhome dot org, and

26:36

special thanks to the NPR

26:38

Story Bye.

26:40

I'm gonna go book my appointment.

26:57

Radio

26:58

to p. From

27:03

PRX.