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Music.

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Welcome, welcome back everybody and back to the Turfie Show.

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I am the John Mann and to my lovely co-host over here is Miss Mary.

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How the hell are you doing, Mary? I am well. You're well.

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That's good. That was kind of a weak introduction for me.

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And my co-host for today is Miss Mary. How the hell are you doing?

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I don't know. Are you not feeling it? I wanted like a real amp,

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you know, I wanted like, and to my right is my magical, magnificent,

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perfect wife, the marvelous Miss Mary.

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Well, the problem with that is one, if I say to my right, I mean,

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no one's going to see that. Or to your left, you could have said to my right or to my left. which

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is funny because this is totally not the kind of wife i am like i'm

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not a showy wife like i stand on my own i don't need you to introduce me i run

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the room but in this one instance she just wants me to be her hype man that's

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all she wants me to do she just wants me to hype her up because maybe you make

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me watch too much wrestling so i expect like are you ready.

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I mean i guess i could start being your hype man a little bit better you know

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i could do Paul Heyman the shit out of this. Actually, no, he's really good. I can't do that.

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He is really good. He was a theater kid for sure.

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He has to have been. There's no way I could write something that good.

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Listener! Do you like me some wrestling? That's why in my mind I'm like, come on,

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this is your one time to be able to like my one

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time it's not like i have like any other time to hype

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you up at all just this one time i don't

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know on this one podcast i'm clearly not that interesting

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to you anymore why do you say that i'm curious

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you don't listen to me hey casey

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beep what do you mean i don't listen to you casey is in

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the house happy saturday what are

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you doing with your day i like how

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you i mean i love that our friends in here right now but i'm

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asking you a serious fucking question how do i not

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listen to you anymore i was telling you something very serious

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today and you clearly were not paying attention stuck in

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the house do you guys have snow oh there's a

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snow storm warning i'm so jealous we were supposed to have a blizzard yesterday

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and all fucking day i was waiting for this blizzard to happen i was like ready

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ready i'm like ready to be snowed in and we didn't get any snow so So I hope

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that you guys get a ton of snow. Although there is a little bit of snow here now.

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Welcome welcome rue is it rubens ruku's beer ruku's beer ruku's beer welcome

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in i can't see that far away john has the screen a little wonky right now.

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Thank you welcome in michael oh you left us although i we do have as much snow

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as when you were here last time kayla what's going on oh for some reason it's

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playing like you you and me at the same time. It's weird. I don't know what's going on.

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Oh, can you guys hear us okay in our live chat? Can you guys hear us okay?

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I mean, it should be fine. It's just not segregating our channels,

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but anyway. No snow yet here in the UK. What part of the UK are you in?

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I did drive in the snow today. London. I want to come to London so bad.

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It's my dream to get over to that side of the world. I want to do London,

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Scotland, scotland and ireland i want to do like a whole like fail swoop trip

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a lot of people say london's a lot like new york is that true i'm curious if

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so i'll probably love it because i love new york,

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what's up is that better what's going on yeah i fixed it okay i mean you can

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still hear me it just wasn't separating us out okay but apparently i don't listen

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to mary anymore oh my gosh this This is going to be a theme of the night.

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But at the end of the night, there's going to be drama. I don't know if there's going to be drama. But, okay, so...

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Mary and I He knows how to

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get in the office chair is the problem Mary Our dog

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right now is trying so hard to get in the chair With John And

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I work from home Well you

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know what This is I don't work

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from home And this is what's happening right now These dogs

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are pretty much Tattletelling on every little

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Fucking spoiled thing Mary does Throughout the

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day while I'm not home Like this little one cannot not

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comprehend why i'm not letting him in the office chair right now he's like why

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daddy mom does this shit all the fucking time oh for sure i definitely like

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if i have a break like if i have a minute i fully expect like this is what like

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you could be talking to clients on the phone. And i kind of expect that dog to be there like in your lap watching your computer

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screen no so i don't i don't let him up that often it's probably like once a day maybe is it yeah,

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maybe twice a day like because he's big and

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my office chair is literally a

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child's office chair and so like there's

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really not enough room for both of us so i really don't let him up that often

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and we have basset hounds for those of you that don't know yeah and then i opened

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all i did was open my breakfast the other day from the package and the dogs

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came running i'm like you fuckers or tattletaling on me.

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So it's one thing, right? So if I open something, you know, they'll be like,

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oh, what's dad eating? What's dad eating? Maybe we could get some.

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But if fucking mom opens something, they fucking run, they sit down,

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they look at her, and they're like, okay, where's mine? Mm-hmm.

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And, yep. And they're very patient with me. They're like, with dad,

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they don't know. They're like, hmm, are we going to get a morsel? Are we not going to get a morsel?

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But they know what they have to do to be able to get one for me.

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What, buddy? Come here. Oh, yeah. They're both good dogs.

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But there's definitely a difference in parenting between mom and dad.

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In my opinion, I feel like I'm the, I'm not too stern with them, but that fucking dog.

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Mary definitely lets them get away with a lot more as he's like chewing up shit

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in this room right now, just living his best fucking life.

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I mean, where the fuck is he finding those? Like we have like this foam padding

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stuff and one strict one, one pushover. Yeah, that's exactly how it is.

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Did you guys not just hear me saying no?

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I mean, it was very faint and very quiet. Well, I was clearly, I was being firm.

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You said no with a smile on your face. That's the problem. Well,

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it is kind of funny. You don't say no with like this resting bitch face look.

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You say no and you smile like no, because dad's not going to like this.

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Do I really give a shit? No. No, I don't give a fuck if they tore that up. if it

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would make him happy for an hour all right i don't give a shit why do

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you think i give him boxes when you're not home yeah but that's just

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not digestible like we just made our dog throw up because he ate

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a fucking stuffed arm yeah that was rough i'll tell you what i'm sure parents

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like regular parents with like humans human children i'm sure like they have

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their struggles and all but you know what dog parents have their struggles too

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you know like you just can't stick like a dog Talk to any old regular babysitter.

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Absolutely not. I'm very strict on this. I mean, and if I had a kid,

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I'd just be like, hey, whatever family member or stranger wants to hang out

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with my kid for a day. Just keep them alive. Just keep them alive and I'll be back. But my dog, no. No.

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Like, I for sure would drop my kids at your parents all the time. If I had human kids.

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If we had kids, they would live at my parents' house. They would not live there, but.

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The majority of the time, yeah. They would go. For sure.

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I mean I've changed my dog's food more times than I've changed my own food great

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I mean I go through the same shit too like all of a sudden there's explosive

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diarrhea what do you have to do well you have to clean it up same as a regular human kid,

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yeah you don't well I guess we clean up the food this morning.

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I mean, the only difference is not in a diaper. Yeah. Our poor little one,

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poor guy, he has severe anxiety, and he works himself up.

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Like, if we leave him, he'll work himself up, or he can't get down the stairs either.

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So, like, if I'm in a meeting and I have to leave him up the stairs because

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he's ran himself up the stairs, right?

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Like, I've packed his ass down, and then he decides he wants to go back upstairs,

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and then I have to go into a meeting, and he can't get himself back downstairs.

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Downstairs he'll work himself up to like

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literally explosive diarrhea because he is

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so upset and distraught because

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his brother can come down so his brother comes down and sleeps on my couch and

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is like this is the best life ever so and then it's a rough afternoon so i mean

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it is a rough afternoon but i've noticed there's there's two people in the chat

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room that both have brew and and beer in their names. So they must like brew and beer.

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So enlighten me. What's your guys' favorite beer and brew? And same goes for KCB.

10:01

What's going on over there? And then back to my original story.

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All right. So Mary's telling me the serious story earlier in the day.

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And if you've listened to this podcast all 12 episodes, and then the 100 that

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we had before we deleted them all, you might know that I'm a little bit of a squirrel.

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So Mary and I are talking. We're at a bar top.

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Obviously there's TVs and stuff And I'm like, I'm not actively watching TV But

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I'm kind of looking around, looking at the beers, looking at the TV And Mary

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starts telling me this serious story This event that happened in her life,

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And this is from my perspective. I'm sure Mary will, she wouldn't hear in a second.

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And like, she's telling me and I'm listening. I know everything she said.

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And then on the screen, because there was college basketball playing on the

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screen, there was like this fucking, there was just like regular basketball

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players, right? He wasn't that big. And then on the screen, there's like this fucking ginormous fucking giant of

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a man. He wasn't that big. And I was like, look at this fucking dude.

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He was fucking huge. Yes, he was. he was like it made like all the other people

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on tv looked little like little people and this guy was a fucking giant and

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i just happened to be like in my mind like holy fuck this guy is huge.

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So and i said that to mary i was like look at that dude in

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the white jersey he was fucking huge obviously i interrupted

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mary's story and she's mad at me now well i

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was telling you something very serious and you haven't asked me how the follow-up

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went or what was said or i did i asked you all those questions but like at that

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point you didn't want to tell me because you were already mad at me yeah i was

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i was genuinely it's 24 hours after all these events happened you were telling me,

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at the at the bar i know and like i just so happened to see like a fucking huge dude,

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on the TV and like I was trying to like poach and get questions from you but

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then you didn't want to tell me and I was genuinely like only because I got

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mad I know but I was genuinely interested in what was going on but at that point,

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like I couldn't ask I was already done and I didn't mean to.

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You have a YouTube channel. I can't see that way.

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Ruckus Beer. Ruckus Beer. Okay. I review beer from... All over the world.

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Sorry, you guys... The screen... Oh, there we go. Thank you.

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We're all gone. Let's just make that a little bit bigger so you can read.

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So we just did... Well, not just, but we... In September? October?

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Anyway, we went to Brewfest in... All-American Brew Festival?

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In Denver. In Denver. And tried beers all over the country.

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It would be fun to do an all over the world one like that. Yeah, it would.

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Welcome, Father Brian. Well, we will. How are you? We'll follow you on Instagram too, by the way.

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Anyway, so that's my story. I didn't mean to make Mary mad or upset or act like

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I wasn't trying to pay attention. This is going to be drama for the rest of

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the podcast. No, I just need to get it out now. That way it's not drama.

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Because the only drama for here on out is going to be from you.

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Okay. Today I've tried beer from over a hundred different countries.

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That's pretty cool. That is cool. I wouldn't say Mary and I are like the Cicerones or anything like that.

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But we definitely enjoy beer.

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And we love sampling beer too, like getting the notes.

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We're doing well. We made friends in the state we are in now.

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So that's been nice it's been a nice reprieve from only family and obligations.

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So it's been good we're we're doing good we're making it through making it through

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winter yeah how are you guys i know you said you're making it through how's

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things going are you guys still doing podcasts three days a week give me your

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deets and i'll shout them out. No taking a break again it's tough we we try to be consistent and the last time we,

14:13

oh no oh that's terrible uh well at least they figured out what's going on,

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not that that is the silver lining but that's really hard to find out what's

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going on to like like specifically target anything towards that.

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We try to be consistent, but it's just so tough. Like, life is...

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Yeah, I mean, we're down to pretty much the once a month show.

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Yeah, well, Thanksgiving was our last podcast, you said?

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Yeah, so, I mean, we had one... No, no, no, not Thanksgiving. Christmas.

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Before Christmas. Okay, so Christmas. Before Christmas was our last Thanksgiving.

14:55

Since we started back up, we're about once a month.

15:00

But... Yeah. Yeah. Well, and even without anything going on,

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that's how hard we, like, of a time we're having, staying committed.

15:08

I can't even imagine trying to work through everything you guys got going on. Mm-hmm.

15:13

For sure. I mean, in a perfect world for us, like, we'd do it during a weekday instead of a weekend.

15:19

Mm-hmm. you know but i don't know like i feel like

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now between you and i mary we're like the

15:25

second i get home because you get off like an hour before me but you have to

15:30

you have to let the dogs out you have to play with the dogs and you have to

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do all these like mandatory obligatory things like once you get off work and

15:39

then i'm off like maybe an hour hour and a half later,

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and by the time i'm off and we actually eat dinner there's no fucking

15:45

way we're doing a podcast podcast you know and we're

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doing it early today like this is actually the earliest we've done a

15:51

podcast in a long fucking time and it's because we have plants tonight so

15:55

so it's tough like you know like i'm i'm a dreamer and i like like ideally you

16:04

know i would love to do this like three times a week but i can't well and we

16:07

had a conversation and this is why so we you got i think for sure father brian

16:13

will know in case you will know our like long time,

16:16

og from three years ago follow us throughout our journey we deleted like 150

16:21

episodes and then we started again and then we deleted more yeah and then we

16:27

restarted again it's just because we got toxic we did we get we got toxic hello becca.

16:36

And we said, hey, like, maybe we don't utilize the podcast for,

16:44

like, airing our dirty laundry and frustration.

16:48

So, if you guys want a good laugh, there's no bars, hold humor,

16:52

give the Stewie Griffin Sunday show a listen. All right, you guys.

16:57

9 Central time. Go check it out. Texas time, yeah. Texas time.

17:01

Central. and we said we don't want

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to bring like we just don't the podcast was for us

17:07

was turning into this bitch fest and it

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took us like just saying okay like not that we won't share the bad things because

17:17

you guys know we have no problem letting you guys know like what's going on

17:20

in our life but we just didn't want to like keep beating dead horses if that

17:25

makes sense i don't know we we kind of got in this rut of like,

17:30

fuck this fuck that I don't know I hope that makes sense we not that we don't

17:35

ever like share our like bad attitude it's just more of like that's what it

17:40

like started becoming and so we were like okay we need to like.

17:44

Think about this. We don't want it to be Instagram to where the only thing you

17:49

see is the happy highlights. Right. We just don't want it to be real, but we just don't want it to be...

17:54

But we also want it to be... Like a good mix. A good mix between negative and positive.

18:00

So it's tough. Yeah. That's why we're only doing it once a month.

18:03

That and we don't have time to do shit. I know.

18:07

I mean, it's kind of a weird... I

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think the last year and a half between our friends in

18:12

seattle and then our newfound

18:16

friends here and even some of our newfound friends

18:19

in like new mexico and shit like that you know

18:22

you want to be able to spend time with everybody you know like what's the point

18:25

of having friends and then our friends in oregon yeah you know she comes and

18:29

hangs out with us all the time which and it's tough because as an adult if you

18:33

want to have friendships you have to actively engage and foster those relationships

18:36

and so it's a challenge it's a challenge.

18:40

Yeah. I mean, like definitely we try not to like show anything fake,

18:44

but we just didn't want it to just only be the negative side of life.

18:48

And that's what it turned into for a minute. Well, it did.

18:51

And that's like kind of like the climate, not to get too far into anything,

18:54

but the climate of the United States is just super negative. Yeah. And then we were just kind of falling in line with like,

18:59

let's just be negative and negative. And it was super easy to do. Right.

19:02

Which I mean, we'll tell you the bad shit, but don't give a fuck about that.

19:06

It just, it's like when you're like, Like just rehashing every conversation.

19:12

Anyhow, that's the whole gist. Is KCB still in here?

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Probably. Yeah. Yeah. She's probably just listening. But, you know,

19:19

having adult relationships, right?

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Like when we were in our 20s, we just had people in and out of our house,

19:27

like randomly all the time. You know, and it was 20s, like super early 30s. And it was just always like

19:34

a party fest, right? They're going to get that.

19:37

But having real meaningful relationships when you're a little bit older as an

19:43

adult, you actually have to try a little bit harder.

19:46

Our friend Casey, she comes and sees us all the time, and we have a good,

19:50

meaningful relationship with her, and we have a good, meaningful relationship

19:54

with some friends in Seattle, and now our new friends here where we live now.

19:59

But it's like you have to put in time. It's not one of those things that you

20:03

could just show up to anymore. Does that make sense?

20:07

To you so that that does take time away from like the quote-unquote free time

20:13

we would have you know making this show but i think it's worth it because there's a lot of times where.

20:20

The most important thing in life is human connection in reality

20:23

and thank you for the birthday wishes and happy birthday to both

20:26

of you since we totally failed and missed your birthdays birthdays both of yours

20:32

actually because we've met yeah because we're each a week apart yeah i believe

20:39

so so yeah happy birthday to you guys and speaking of birthdays casey beeps,

20:43

we need the details so our

20:47

dear friend casey beeps in this chat you

20:49

guys this year is her dirty 30 30 it

20:53

is dirty 30 in march and we gotta do something you gotta figure out what she

21:02

wants i know she's a baby i know we're old as fuck she's really my child at

21:09

this point and not my friend. I'm just kidding the child that we party with yeah and hang out with and watch

21:15

the weather channel with i know but she is a baby i don't know when i hear her

21:20

age though sometimes i'm like Like, oh, like, you're fucking young.

21:24

I mean, not that we're, like, super old. I'm 30. I'll be 36.

21:29

Right? Fucking old lady. And. I don't know. How many gray hairs do you have? Four dates. Oh.

21:37

How many gray hairs do you have? Oh, so many gray hairs. Like, it's so bad, you guys.

21:42

It is so bad. Like, honestly, I'm kind of pissed off. Can I just vent for a second?

21:50

Okay, so my natural hair color, my whole life has been like,

21:53

ew, you have mouth brown. And I'm like, that's your natural color?

21:59

My whole fucking life, right? So I bleached my hair, dyed my hair, done everything up.

22:04

And before I say what I'm going to say, I do love Taylor Swift. But that fucking bitch.

22:09

The fucker. Has made natural mousy brown cool. And you know what these motherfuckers are calling it?

22:19

Old money brown. You know what the problem with that is?

22:23

I can't rock my natural old money brown hair now.

22:27

Like, I can't be like, oh, I got this shit. Like, I have this naturally,

22:32

right? Like, I have that color natural.

22:34

Like, God gave me that. I have old money brown.

22:37

No, because now I'm old enough that I have fucking gray.

22:43

Yeah. And not just a little bit either.

22:46

Not just a little. And Taylor Swift is what she is.

22:49

She's she's awesome but no she definitely earned her so what her hair color

22:54

is what they're calling old money brown so like in the hairstylist world that

23:00

so like that's like what they're calling,

23:04

her color of hair i mean but i

23:07

mean i i would say like once she starts going gray and then that will be popular

23:11

but but by that time you'll be so fucking gray it won't even matter oh for sure

23:15

like doesn't it doesn't actually i'm that much older than that bitch because

23:18

when When we were in high school and stuff, it was like fucking blonde, blonde.

23:24

And then when we were out of high school and into like the 2010s,

23:29

it was like fucking white blonde. And then it went gray blonde.

23:33

And it was always fucking blonde through like most of your youth. Even like ombre.

23:38

Like my natural hair's never been in it. Now it is.

23:43

Yeah. And like through most of your youth, it's always been some type of like

23:47

super blonde. And now...

23:50

And it's your natural hair color i know i so here's thing is if i was all silver i'd be fine,

23:56

but it's like just enough like gray to like i can't be blonde because the gray

24:04

shows up too fast and i can't be brown because the gray shows up too bad so

24:07

like i just wish it were enough to,

24:11

like rock why don't you just go like remember that one year

24:14

where you were like pretty be gray blonde why don't

24:17

you do that again that is so much work

24:20

that like blends in well though i know but that is so much

24:23

upkeep no one know

24:25

what colors my because no one has seen my face there you go see i mean you know

24:31

what one of these days my hair is going to start grown and i'll have like this

24:34

full lock of hair and then bald will be in style okay john's about ready to

24:41

i mean he's He's already got a little gray, but he's about ready to go like full gray in his mustache.

24:47

Yeah, it's getting there. Can you check on them?

24:50

Yeah. Oh, no. I thought they were under here. No, they're upstairs.

24:54

Oh, they're fine then. Yeah. Yeah. I'm about ready to go full blown gray. Like I'm holding on to because

25:01

for years my brother thought I dyed my beard because it's just so dark.

25:04

Like I have a really dark beard. It's always been dark and I've never had gray. I think the last three years

25:11

I've had a total of two gray hairs that I could count.

25:14

And maybe I have a total of like five or six. Yeah.

25:17

But he's about ready to get like a whole, but like my mustache is about ready

25:21

to go. Like full blown gray. Does this turn in red? You know, I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward

25:27

to some salt and pepper. Don't do a whole Colgan and die the trash.

25:32

John would love to do a whole Colgan. I think like in his mind.

25:36

No, I would. No, I wouldn't. I mean, I think in my mind, I think it'd be funny and I would just do it as

25:44

a parody of a parody of myself. But then it's like, I don't want to fucking wash that much hair.

25:49

Like when my hair gets like this long,

25:53

I know Mary had a conversation about this and it's probably because of the trauma

25:58

that Mary gives me every single time she's in the shower that she's bred me

26:02

into thinking that you can't wash your hair in a decent amount of time.

26:06

But once my hair gets like a quarter

26:09

of an inch on the sides is like i got to cut this

26:12

shit because it looks like shit like honestly come on

26:15

now it's not we also had this conversation today

26:18

too we did and i usually i i don't know i try to cut it i try to upkeep it but

26:25

you know what i'm not very good at it yeah just just clip it i think it's a

26:32

good call because i was like i'm just jealous us that men can take such a short shower, right?

26:37

Because my showers are like, especially an everything shower, it just takes too long.

26:45

Yeah, I mean, I could see that. And plus, you guys can judge me if you must, but I definitely,

26:52

like, I don't really care to shower.

26:56

I mean, I like to shower. I like to, like, be clean, but I definitely have to force myself to shower.

27:03

So, like, the fact that my shower takes so long, too.

27:06

I mean, a lot of the time, it takes me more time to shit than it does to shower,

27:10

to be quite honest. I think it's this train.

27:15

Hold on, the dog has something he shouldn't. you could

27:18

grab muffin from my office oh the

27:22

doggy has something he shouldn't can't rush

27:24

the shit no for real but you know john can get in

27:27

the shower he's in and out of the shower for like five minutes max my shower

27:33

especially if i'm washing my hair like solid 20 because you know like you're

27:40

You got to do the whole process. What is it?

27:46

The thing that you didn't give him. I took it from him.

27:50

But you're also like, oh, I don't give a shit. Well, I didn't think he had tore it apart.

27:57

Yeah. You're an hour. Yeah, it takes some time.

28:02

It takes some time. And then if you got to shave on top of that, like, yeah.

28:08

I don't want to take that long of a shower. It's way too long.

28:13

Yeah, well, Kayla, you suck.

28:17

You also have short hair. I'm not even sure you shave your legs.

28:21

Do you shave your legs, Kayla? I don't know. Is that something you ask people? I don't see why not.

28:27

I mean, you could ask. Not in the winter. Not in the winter. Smart.

28:31

So during the summertime, your showers go from the length of a song to the length

28:36

of of two songs and a half.

28:39

Well, you're a fucking shower every day, so you probably fucking...

28:41

Yeah. You scrape that shit fucking every single day you're in the shower, I'm sure. Yeah.

28:47

Have a good night or morning. I guess it's morning on that side of the world, right?

28:53

They're 12 hours ahead of us. Really? London. Yeah.

28:58

They're seven hours ahead of us. Seven hours ahead. So I guess good night.

29:03

Yeah, good night. This is afternoon. afternoon.

29:05

I'm used to podcasting at night, so it would have been morning. Yep.

29:10

Showering is one of those things i mean i've been it's not like a new year's

29:14

resolution or anything that i had because i try not to do new year's resolutions

29:19

because i'm like failing. But one of my things is like i do want to be healthier and

29:25

i think to me like being clean a

29:28

little bit more often is a little bit healthier you know

29:31

yeah seven hours ahead yeah that was right you got it you

29:34

got it so i think it starts there starts being you know like shower a little

29:39

little bit more often john like you fucking got this it takes you fucking 10

29:42

minutes just shower be a little cleaner neither of us are like shower to you

29:47

guys like just full transparency you lift boxes you work hard you know you sweat

29:51

just shower a little bit more often so that's one of my things,

29:54

eventually i'll get into working out you know but i've been saying

29:57

that for fucking 16 years so you know maybe

30:00

it'll take me another 16 years who knows i don't know

30:03

i did go on a good

30:06

stretch where i was working out like every single day and then i got sick as

30:08

fuck for like a week and i was like nope you're like i'm done yeah well because

30:14

i lost it you know like you're motivated you're doing it for a week and you

30:17

like start to do it as a habit you're like okay i'm a shit and then i'll fucking

30:21

work out and then you know i'll go drink coffee and get on with my day you know

30:29

but then i got so fucking sick that i was like rolling out of bed like barely

30:34

alive and i was It's like, no, no, no. Then you just get out of the habit. Yeah. You know? That's fair.

30:39

Bruno, come here, baby. Because working out is like one of those habitual things.

30:42

Like, you have to, like, do it every single day or you're not going to do it. Yeah, no, 100%.

30:47

Come here, baby. But I will say, I did it for a week. And I'm not doing it anymore. I love that you're a while is a week.

30:55

It was like a week and a half. I don't know. It was a little bit.

31:00

I mean, no judgment for me. I fell off a long time.

31:04

Ago and have not even made an effort since well

31:09

you know it's funny about resolutions since we're

31:12

in this new year and and maybe it's

31:15

just us like maybe you and i are the problem right but

31:18

i feel like if you do these resolutions you're like oh

31:21

i'm gonna be healthier i'm gonna eat healthier i'm gonna do

31:24

healthier things like every fucking buddy else like mary

31:28

and i could say that and you know what we do we'd be like you know

31:31

what fuck this shit one day

31:33

in let's just fucking eat junk food every day and i feel

31:37

like that's how we are we're like let's set a goal

31:39

to be healthy and then three weeks into

31:42

it you've been more unhealthy than you ever have

31:45

in your entire fucking life because you said you're gonna do something and just

31:49

do completely opposite it's like we're fucking cancel culture or something like

31:53

that except for it's with us yes we're the problem yeah it's like and that's

31:58

what i like setting goals because it's like Like I set a goal and then I feel

32:01

like my body tries my hardest to do the fucking opposite.

32:05

So maybe you should set a goal to be as unhealthy as possible.

32:10

I mean, I've never tried that. No.

32:14

I really haven't. Oh, my gosh. I mean, that might be a good plan.

32:19

And then, like, the first week, just be fucking unhealthy as possible.

32:23

My goal is to not shower for two weeks.

32:26

And then you shower every week. Well, that's what I shower now.

32:30

So, sometimes, well, I shower more.

32:33

I don't want to say shower. I clean my body more in the winter.

32:40

Because i shower like i clean my body like twice a week i only wash my hair once a week,

32:46

i mean you do bathe like in the bath often like i wash my body yeah that's a

32:53

good point mary i've never thought about that just do like what you want to

32:56

do but set your goal to be the opposite, maybe we should try that next year in 2025 yeah maybe i don't know i was thinking

33:03

about this like Like, okay, so, you know, like, obviously, self-care,

33:06

in air quotes, is, like, this whole, like,

33:10

it's almost been, like, glorified. It's almost a trend.

33:14

But, like, something that I, I don't know, this was, like, kind of an epiphany

33:19

I had, is, like, for people who are neurodivergent, which I clearly am.

33:27

I don't even fucking shower. Let go. Brutal. Stop being a jerk. jerk like sometimes

33:34

self-care is not

33:37

the glamorous like go get a pedicure get your

33:40

hair done look pretty like sometimes like

33:43

for me when i say i'm gonna work on my self-care it is truly you're gonna brush

33:50

your teeth every day you are going to take a shower more than once a week you

33:56

are are going to eat some substance today because toast at 3 p.m.

34:03

Is not eating for the day.

34:06

So like a lot of things for me, like it's not like that glorious self-care.

34:12

And so I have to think of self-care in a different manner.

34:16

Like I have to think of self-care as like, no, bitch, this is the bare minimum

34:20

to take care of yourself and you need some self-care.

34:23

This is quote unquote normal. So let's get up to quote unquote normal.

34:26

Right. So my self-care is not like this glamour. I love bath bombs and that

34:31

kind of shit, so don't get me wrong. I mean, you get in funks, and then all of a sudden, you're off track.

34:37

I mean, I think everybody does, right? Well, not everybody, but some people do.

34:43

Easy to slip into a path of

34:47

not being able to do the

34:51

bare minimum yeah but but my whole point

34:53

of this it wasn't like to feel sorry for me it was like i

34:57

think that our messaging around self-care is like glorified when i think a lot

35:04

of people just need to know like hey like maybe self-care isn't this sexy thing

35:10

that you have yourself up for maybe self-care is something that like.

35:14

You need to force yourself into because like don't

35:17

get me wrong like i fucking love being clean like i

35:20

like once i get in the shower and

35:24

get myself clean i'm totally fine but like

35:27

thinking of the like the mountain of

35:30

tasks which really like most people are like oh i'll

35:33

get in the the shower for me i'm like okay so i need

35:36

to go in the bathroom i gotta

35:39

brush my hair i need to brush my teeth i have

35:42

to get undressed i'm gonna be cold i gotta get my water

35:45

right then i gotta shampoo then i gotta wash

35:48

then i gotta exfoliate then i gotta shave then i

35:51

gotta put conditioner in then i gotta rewash my like

35:54

where that conditioner touched or whatever and it's

35:57

like this whole like i don't think like oh i'm gonna get in the shower like

36:00

i'm gonna go in the bathroom i'm gonna get the shower come out then you get

36:04

out of the shower then you gotta put lotion on then you gotta get dry then you

36:06

gotta get your clothes on then you gotta get your clothes to the wash like it's

36:11

like this whole thing like i don't think of like oh i'm just gonna shower

36:15

it's like oh i gotta do all these other things that i think it's overwhelming

36:18

yeah does that make sense it does am i making sense you are you are making sense

36:22

so i really don't care to shower Well, yeah,

36:26

I think I think it's really easy to get into like the the whores bath routine.

36:36

Oh, pits and pussies, pits and pussies, you know, wash your pits,

36:40

wash your pussy and get it done with, you know, whores bath it all fucking day.

36:46

Pits and pussies, pits and pussies. And hopefully you guys have seen that comedy special to understand.

36:52

It's funny. Yeah. Burt Crusher. You'll watch him he's awesome but anyway like it's easy to get in that routine

36:57

of like not specifically that but like cutting corners right.

37:04

Which you know it's fine to do a horse bath every now and again,

37:08

once a week yeah I was like fuck I horse bath once a week what are you talking

37:13

about I mean I really do shower like twice a week but I only wash my hair once

37:17

a week clicker oh I didn't know I had the clicker they count out.

37:24

Me three days to decide when i'm gonna take a bath exactly a

37:28

trucker trucker baths i love that yeah trucker baths yeah yeah i don't know

37:35

i i feel like i don't know i feel i feel like 2024 will be a good year you know

37:42

depending you know i feel like there's always been like,

37:46

what i like about 2024 so far is there's not a lot of hype around it no yeah

37:51

everybody's just like setting expectations like super low you know like you

37:55

got yeah it's a lot an election year and that'll be weird or difficult or whatever

38:02

it is but it's not like 2020 because when 2020,

38:05

came the ball dropped everyone's like

38:08

this is gonna be the best fucking year ever you

38:11

know like hindsight 2020 blah blah blah you know

38:14

2020 vision motherfucker and then

38:17

it was like the the shittiest fucking year ever right 2024 is

38:21

the year of reality i feel that like people

38:24

are just coming in with realistic expectations yeah i mean whether you like

38:29

or not we're still dealing with the ramifications of like the covet thing you

38:33

know we're only a couple years removed and like things are still well we're

38:37

four years removed but well four years since it happened like two years.

38:42

Year and a half two years since it was like lifted and

38:46

people could go out and do shit it fully you know

38:49

so we're you know you're a reality that that's a

38:52

good one i like that i like it it did change

38:55

the world it really did and as much as people are like i don't

38:59

but i also like i feel like there's so much negative connotation

39:02

with the pandemic and what it did to the world but i also think there was like

39:06

you guys are gonna come at me and it's fine but i think there there was a lot

39:11

of good that came from it too yeah no definitely we're like finding our feet

39:18

figuring it out like i think the good thing at least in our house there was some good,

39:22

like we really like re-established ourselves

39:29

our relationship we re-evaluated

39:33

like so many things and we like got

39:36

to take a break from the rat

39:39

race which we never would have

39:42

been able to do yeah the pandemic is an extended

39:45

honeymoon i think you're able to cut a lot of waste out too oh yeah like wasting

39:51

your life wasting you know your budget budget wasting your friends like just

39:55

wasteful things we got to see like who really mattered to us and who like who

40:01

did we we miss and who didn't we miss? And that sounds ugly, but it really is what it was.

40:06

Okay, do we really need to be eating out this much? Do we need to be like doing this many adventures?

40:14

Do we need to... Adventures, yes. Adventures, yes, but.

40:19

It just made us like take a hard look at our life and reevaluate it.

40:23

And we never would have got that opportunity.

40:26

How do we not be in force to slow down? Because as you guys know, like I'm a busy body.

40:32

John was a busy body. Like we were always out and about doing things.

40:37

I worked two jobs like by choice, not out of necessity of by choice.

40:44

And I mean, thank God I did, because that's

40:47

what got me through the pandemic was having and those two jobs

40:50

and money saved but like we

40:52

were just like always out and about and

40:56

doing things and eating out and partying and like

40:59

we had a big group of friends and it was like

41:01

you know maybe we don't like everybody in that group of

41:04

friends you know like it was really like a like

41:08

being able to see people's true colors i think

41:11

like since the pandemic our friend group

41:14

went from like it downsized like

41:17

98 oh yeah and i

41:20

think that's part of why like we've had a difficult time meeting friends

41:23

here too and why we're being so like choosy it

41:27

could be because i only want like real valuable

41:30

friends like i don't want like if i'm

41:34

gonna spend every weekend of my life with you you know

41:38

or even three weekends a month with you or whatever it is i want you to to be

41:43

a person that like brings value to my life and i want to bring value to your

41:47

life you know and like you know i and i and i think about this and like because

41:53

i i always think big picture, you know like would they be friends i'd be comfortable bringing like my best friend kc.

42:02

To me around you know like because if they're not then they're no fucking way

42:05

they're gonna be my friend they're not our friends they're not our friends i

42:07

don't want to go down that rabbit hole because I'm still so triggered. Yeah. Yes.

42:13

Just about the gym and the bathroom thing. And yeah.

42:19

So I agree with what you're saying. You know, it's like, if I can't bring my other friends around.

42:24

Because if you think that way, like, you are obviously not my fucking friend. Yeah, exactly.

42:30

Like, if you are any sort of discriminatory to the people that I love,

42:37

then you can fuck right off. So we vet them. You know, I think we've done a pretty good job of vetting our friends.

42:44

And maybe that's why it takes so long to meet new people. Plus,

42:48

we're fucking weirdos, too. We are fucking weirdos.

42:52

We love board games and video games and movies, but we also love going out in the Jeep.

43:01

I obviously come from the beauty world, so I like to put my makeup on and be ready.

43:07

We like to go out and about on the town. We are a little bougie, and we like really yummy food and good drinks.

43:15

And we're also like creatures of the habit too

43:18

like once we find a spot that we love and we'd like and

43:21

we'd like the people around there we'll keep going there right like there's

43:24

this pub that we go to probably every other weekend and

43:27

we're disney adults which is like a whole another like subsect

43:31

which i didn't realize it was so weird to be a disney adult yeah

43:34

i thought it was normal i thought it was normal too

43:37

it's not it's not no oh

43:41

and we like musical theater and but we'll

43:45

also go like shoot guns like you know

43:48

we're just fucking yeah weirdos

43:52

are low-key buddhas all peace and love yeah like i mean i wouldn't say all love

43:59

and peace but you know i mean i'll definitely come on now i'm white trash so

44:04

there is some you still got that blood in you i've I've mellowed out in my old age, though.

44:11

I would say. Like, I've mellowed way out.

44:16

I think so. I think, I don't know if it's mellowed out or if you just learn how to control it.

44:21

You don't react as fast as you used to. You kind of step back,

44:24

think a little bit, and then react. Yeah. So, the difference between being the age I am now and the age I was in my early 20s.

44:33

In my early 20s, this would fly. Mm-hmm.

44:39

Late 30s words fly and i honestly

44:43

think words are worse than this sometimes it

44:46

can be uh i've been hit by your fist and your words and

44:48

sometimes those words they're fucking they're hard to

44:51

recover from because i will script it in such.

44:54

A way that it will just i will

44:57

put that dagger in your heart and i will twist it and it's

45:00

going to be serrated and you're going to think about that fucker

45:03

for the rest of your life like so i

45:07

don't want to be that way i mean

45:10

i think i'm still kind of the same way i'm not

45:13

as reactive as i was when i was in my 20s i

45:17

don't use my words very well you're still as reactive you've

45:19

just learned to like take a breath and remove

45:23

yourself from the situation yeah i thought

45:26

we were going to get kicked out of an airport because but i

45:29

was proud out of you you you maintain

45:33

yourself you you are just better about moving removing

45:35

yourself from the situation now i just gotta

45:39

leave and i think that's what's like hard because sometimes

45:42

i get really pissed off at work like because i just can't fucking

45:45

leave work you know and i'll

45:48

send out some fucking stupid emails i'll read

45:51

them three times first though and make sure they're okay i'll write

45:54

it and what i usually do is i usually write my email in word

45:57

and i'll just leave it there and once i

46:00

come to calm down and like got distracted i'll come

46:03

back and read it and if it's still good to send i'll send

46:06

that fucker but if i feel like it's too harsh then i'll edit it you know and.

46:11

Then send it so that way i don't like write it in like actual email and accidentally.

46:17

Hit send i always do it in word first there you go i like it i let people learn

46:22

They're in the hard ways, the lessons stick with them that way for sure.

46:26

And so it's this couples with like learning who I want around me and.

46:33

Learning that if people solicit those sort of reactions from me,

46:36

that I feel like I need to have such a volatile response, then those probably

46:44

aren't people I need in my life. I mean, and that's why I'm kind of glad we moved like 45 minutes north, to be quite honest.

46:51

I mean, because, you know, when you're in like Idaho, the difference between

46:56

cultures in this area is pretty big.

47:01

And it doesn't take that far of a drive 30 minutes it doesn't take that far

47:06

of a drive for it to be like one way or the other yeah you know,

47:12

but drama buffers are lifesavers oh yeah well and I'm glad we didn't because

47:18

we could we I don't even want to go down that path but,

47:23

really we could have lived closer to either of our families and our life would

47:28

look a lot different right now yeah we'd be loaded yeah i mean we would be.

47:36

But i couldn't hang there i have

47:39

too much of a strong opinion about

47:43

my opinions yeah so we'd

47:46

be loaded we'd be loaded not really

47:49

loaded we just would have a lot more disposable income yeah i

47:53

mean that would be nice i like disposable income come

47:56

but we don't so here

47:59

we are happier so money can't

48:02

buy happiness okay i think so you know i think you know like they always say

48:09

money can't buy happiness but i think money definitely buys you tools to become

48:13

happy i'm not gonna read it out loud but it purged like a hundred percent 100%. 100%.

48:22

And here's the funny thing.

48:27

And I'm going to say this, and it's fine. We are Idaho left,

48:33

Washington right, and I don't feel like there's a place we belong politically.

48:39

And that is a challenge. If I have to pick one extreme or the other, you guys know what I'll pick. I like the green.

48:49

I just think as a whole, it's because I love people and things,

48:55

and just because you're different, doesn't mean that you're any less of a person yeah i

49:01

mean both sides have a fucking nuts oh yeah like the extremism

49:05

of both sides are and that's that's what it is right now there's no middle ground

49:10

no you know but you're not wrong in your comments otherwise at all and when

49:16

we talk about extremes that's as extreme as it gets especially with my immediate

49:22

family and maybe Maybe that's our problem,

49:24

because we went from one extreme to the other.

49:28

We went from Seattle to Idaho. Probably two of the most extreme states in the lower 48.

49:36

Well, I mean, Texas is pretty bad. I mean, Idaho and Texas are right there with

49:40

each other. No, you're not wrong. You know. And this is what I tell people. At the end of the day, we're all just trying

49:46

to feed our families and live our life and survive, and none of this should

49:50

really matter. No, it shouldn't. You know?

49:53

Honestly i didn't think it was going to be as big

49:55

of a culture shock as it was like i grew up

49:58

as redneck white trash gun

50:02

to in trailer park living

50:06

trash as it came so i honestly did

50:10

not think i would have the culture

50:13

shock that i did but it also was that like

50:16

a validation of like the experience of experiences i have

50:19

had and like the growth I've done as a person and

50:23

like my acceptance and like understanding the

50:27

world but yeah I was shocked I was

50:30

like you don't really think like this right like you don't really think I'm

50:35

ruining your state because I moved back here like you know that I was born and

50:42

raised here like I own property here and I have my home life like and you think I'm the problem,

50:49

like so it was shit like that that it was like you you honestly think,

50:55

that we're the problem here. It's crazy. We've never been more discriminated against. Ever.

51:01

Moved here without estate plates. Yeah, it's insane.

51:06

Like, I am, like, we had, like, legitimately, like, people, like,

51:11

yelling at us because we had Washington plates.

51:14

It was wild. It's like, you know, like, we have, like, five acres and a house somewhere else.

51:23

Down the street. Down the street. Like, my birth certificate says, you know.

51:28

Just because we have Washington in place, it's like we moved back, so fuck off.

51:33

But regardless of that, too, it's like us moving to your area or anybody moving

51:40

into your area is not causing the price of milk to go up. You do understand that, right?

51:48

The price of milk going up is what this thing called is inflation. It's not me moving here.

51:55

And property rates have gone up all over the country.

51:59

Yeah, there may be a little bit of an influx, and I don't know the exact statistics,

52:03

so somebody can fucking come at me if I'm wrong.

52:07

But property value going up is called inflation, and this is why people tell

52:12

you to buy property, because it gains value over the course of your life. Yeah.

52:19

Has never not gained value except for like they crash

52:22

four times and crashes and even then if

52:25

you bought it beforehand it's not gonna crash to what like before

52:29

you bought it well in some instances if you

52:32

bought it like super crazy high but if you bought in

52:35

2008 and you survived the crash guess what you pretty much

52:37

doubled or tripled your fucking value exactly and then here's the other fucking

52:42

thing go we have we have too many people in the city well i don't think that

52:48

these people people from out of state bringing their like childless millennials

52:52

and their two dogs are the problem.

52:55

I think it's you fucking Mormons having six to 12 kids and all staying in the same area.

53:00

That's the problem. You're populating this area.

53:03

Yeah. It's not us. Well, and like, I think what, Oh, and sorry, I'm triggered.

53:09

And this is like, this is fact, right?

53:13

If people move to this area from out of state,

53:16

they're going to bring different views different opinions and

53:20

different ways of thinking which means different ways of spending money

53:23

different ways of building businesses small businesses small

53:26

local economy and like like mary

53:29

and i were childless millennials with two fucking dogs so what

53:32

do we do with our money that we wouldn't spend on that we

53:35

would spend on kids we go out and support local business maybe one

53:39

day mary and i will open up a business and it will

53:42

will support local community it's like

53:44

we are spending money into the community if more people like

53:47

mary and i move here that's job creation more

53:50

money into the community more money for roads getting done more roads for building

53:55

projects more roads or well we like our potholes well fucking enjoy your potholes

54:00

i do not so you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna pay my fucking taxes to get

54:04

that shit fixed right i bet that but that is the mentality and it's funny to

54:08

me because i'm like Like, you fuckers all have,

54:10

like, six, eight kids that all stay in this area,

54:13

and then they go on missions, and then they bring people from other countries,

54:16

and that's acceptable. Mm-hmm. Like three hours up the road right and you

54:22

have like this amazing fucking town called bozeman

54:26

montana and it's so cute it's expensive

54:29

but you know what they have we have this main street that's a mile long with

54:34

a bunch of shops boutiques every fucking store is full every fucking store has

54:40

a shop in it every there's something in every fucking place and people go there

54:46

they shop they They spend money, and that is supporting the community. It's supporting the locals.

54:51

It's supporting the people that live there because everyone goes there to shop,

54:55

drink, eat, spend money, and have a fun time.

55:00

And that's what this place could be like, you know, if people would just get

55:04

off their high horse and let people shop, spend money, eat, drink,

55:08

and build new businesses. Because people, you know what? People like to spend money. money and

55:13

even if they don't like to spend money doing like community activities like

55:17

the horse-drawn buggy you know

55:19

like that's a good family activity yeah like that's a small business in the

55:25

area they like things to do right they like maybe they have kids and they would

55:29

like to have a really good starter job right or a park or a theater there's

55:35

you know that just brings more It brings more to the economy.

55:37

It brings more to the community. Anyway, but that's all way too logical to have

55:42

a conversation. It brings more tax dollars for the city so they could spend

55:45

it on their Mormon temples and their whatever they want to spend it on. Their zoning.

55:50

Their zoning. We have a county that is a dry county here.

55:53

Yeah. Well, it's not completely dry.

55:57

It's close to dry. You have to, so it's a county to where like,

56:02

if you have an establishment that serves alcohol,

56:06

you have to serve food, but not food in the sense of a taco truck or something

56:10

outside the establishment serving food. You have to physically have a kitchen inside the establishment to be able to serve alcohol, which.

56:20

Which only franchises can do. So there's no small business in that county.

56:24

You know, there's this, the M word that made it so this part of town can't pretty

56:32

much can't have any alcohol in it, but that's fine.

56:36

We'll let the Mormons go over there and everyone else over here will have their

56:40

tea and eat it and have some beers. Exactly. But I guess enough of that. We've ranted too long about local economics.

56:52

Yeah, I don't know. I got triggered. Anyway, so you're not wrong.

56:55

You're not wrong. Because while I say I'm Seattle right, it still is.

57:00

Those are all very social...

57:05

I don't even want to say they're liberal views. It's very social views.

57:09

Honestly, these type of views are...

57:14

I guess almost capitalistic, right? Yeah. If you're a capitalistic person,

57:19

obviously you have to capitalize. You have to build business. You have to have people work in the business.

57:24

You have to do all these things. I don't know. And here's the thing, too, is it takes everybody from every walk

57:30

of life to make a community run.

57:34

You have to have people that want to be a lunch lady and that work for their

57:39

lifestyle. You have to have the gas station attendant.

57:42

You have to have the business owner. or you you have

57:45

to have these people with different skill

57:48

sets and different open availabilities and different

57:51

aspirations in life like yeah the lunch lady may do that because that works

57:56

around her schedule and she's bringing extra money in right and so i think in

58:02

communities like this everybody gets stuck in like that poverty mindset and

58:07

they don't realize that it really takes the whole.

58:11

Community and it takes people from all

58:14

walks of life to make the community run and function well

58:17

and they're pissed off it's like all right all these washingtonians and californians

58:22

are taking all the good jobs it's like you could have applied well my job isn't

58:27

even in idaho it's not you know it's like you could have applied my job's in

58:31

illinois you could have done whatever Whatever you wanted to do, you just didn't.

58:37

100%. And I have no college degree. I have no education.

58:40

I had no skills in the field I went into. And you know what I did? I applied.

58:47

To be fair, I sent out like 150 applications. I made finding a job my job.

58:53

And I put my energy and effort into that. But like...

58:58

I don't know. But a lot of these people... Gas station clerk just thinks that them sitting

59:05

there doing nothing is going to make them ceo of

59:10

the gas station right but then there's people that are like

59:12

take pride in that they're like this is perfect for

59:15

me i love like there's nothing wrong with it there's nothing wrong with it just

59:19

don't expect more remember rory do you remember who rory is from chevron yes

59:24

that bitch loved her job oh she loved it she did graveyards she was happy about

59:30

her customers she did it so she could You watch your grandkids during the day,

59:33

but still have extra money. And it's like, I'm sure Casey Biebs remembers Rory, the salt and pepper old

59:40

lady that used to smoke way too many cigarettes at Chevron.

59:43

You know, I loved her. Anyhow, you guys, we went down a rampage. I'm sorry. We definitely you triggered

59:52

me, Father Brian. I'm kidding. It's a good conversation. But I mean, you very much so clarified.

59:58

And then I extrapolated. No don't be sorry don't be sorry but it is it is at its core that's what it is,

1:00:09

so yeah it's just culture shock i don't

1:00:12

know i don't know if it's childhood trauma i don't know if it's my own like

1:00:18

inability to settle but i cannot live and die here for sure yeah mary and and

1:00:26

I were talking about this earlier and I just it's hard,

1:00:31

I don't even leave my house so I shouldn't be so like this,

1:00:37

I mean I think we'll probably leave eventually I don't see us staying here forever no,

1:00:45

I mean we could be here another 10 years and then leave I don't foresee it being

1:00:50

10 years but who knows I think it's just a stepping stone yeah we'll find out

1:00:55

I do like my house and I work from home so,

1:01:00

I'll die here but I live on the internet I feel that I think it's a lot more

1:01:07

than just where we are for me it's proximity to the entire family and the.

1:01:15

Right now, it has its ups and downs. Like, downs, like, we live here,

1:01:19

and we just explain the downs. Yeah. And ups, though, like, I love my house.

1:01:25

We love our house. And, like, believe it or not, like, we've traveled more living

1:01:29

here than we did in Seattle.

1:01:32

Yeah. But that's a good and a bad, because the downside is we have to travel to do the things we want.

1:01:38

I don't know. Versus Seattle. We just went to Seattle, and I was there. Yeah, exactly.

1:01:43

And that's the thing. Like, proximity to drama is the thing.

1:01:45

And I'm still figuring my shit out, you know, as far as, like...

1:01:49

I mean, and technically, you don't really have anything here. Like, the only... I mean, you have family, quote-unquote, but not immediate

1:01:56

family. Yeah. You know, all your immediate family is gone.

1:01:59

Like, I'm the only one with immediate moms and dads and brothers and sisters

1:02:03

here. Like, you have a brother here, but he still lives three hours away.

1:02:07

You know, so that's not close. But I have emotional connections to,

1:02:11

like, physical dirt here. Yeah, you do.

1:02:14

You do. And I'm not discounting that, you know.

1:02:17

I don't know. It's weird. Life is fucking weird.

1:02:20

It is. I mean, there's always points where you, like, lay awake or lie awake

1:02:26

in bed and you just think.

1:02:29

You never lie awake. I hear you snoring all the time.

1:02:32

I'm teasing. It was supposed to be funny. When the dogs wake me up at 4.30 in

1:02:36

the morning and I can't, like, go back to bed. That's when I lie there.

1:02:42

Can ponder and reflect then he's then

1:02:45

he just gotta work and forget about it all you gotta work

1:02:48

and wish your life you know wish you were born into

1:02:51

royalty or something yeah that'd

1:02:55

be fun yeah for a minute but then

1:02:58

again then again i'm just like you know what like maybe

1:03:01

i'm the problem maybe i'll just never be completely happy you know

1:03:04

no matter like what where i grew up how

1:03:07

i i grew up or if i grew up like poor or

1:03:10

rich like i'd probably never be completely satisfied oh for sure i'm like problem

1:03:15

fucking alexander hamilton just i'll never be satisfied you know i know this

1:03:19

like about myself at least yeah always striving for the next thing you know do better be better,

1:03:28

but and even for me it's kind of interesting though because i've always been

1:03:32

that way but it used to always be a financial thing and now it's more of like a.

1:03:39

No i'm not saying i'm not happy yeah i'm just saying i've never said hello welcome

1:03:43

in welcome now it's more of like i'm still like striving to do better and be

1:03:48

better as a person as an individual not necessarily well that's a lie because

1:03:52

i'm still doing it in my career now too so So,

1:03:55

I just tried to gaslight myself.

1:03:59

I gaslight myself every fucking day. So, you know, I don't know.

1:04:04

Well, Mary likes to compare me to the dog. If the dog is not getting any attention,

1:04:07

he just walks around the house until he finally finds someone to pet him or he goes to bed.

1:04:14

And Mary's like, that's exactly how you are. That is your personality to a T.

1:04:18

One room to the next to the other room to the pouting and then the next room

1:04:22

and the and then pouting, and then another room, and then he finally lays on

1:04:25

the couch, and then he just stares at you. And then someone flinches, and

1:04:29

I get up, and I do the same thing over and over and over again until...

1:04:34

Canton the like restless energy

1:04:38

that constant fight or flight i'm always

1:04:42

trying to flight or fight i don't know i know

1:04:44

although i would like my body to understand that when i'm writing an email that's

1:04:49

not when fight fight or flight needs to kick in like i would like my body to

1:04:56

understand the difference between me actually needing to fight or flight maybe

1:05:00

my anxiety i don't know I wish I could recognize.

1:05:04

I saw this thing and somebody was like, what's the worst part of having anxiety?

1:05:09

And you know what I honestly think the worst part of anxiety is for me is that

1:05:17

I am a logical fucking person. I can work through any problem. I can figure it out.

1:05:23

And when I'm in the heart of anxiety and I can feel my body just tensing up

1:05:28

and all this shit, right? Like, mentally, I, like, can talk myself out of it,

1:05:33

but I can't talk my body out of it.

1:05:36

And that shit pisses me off. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like,

1:05:41

all right, the fight or flight route. We'll write an email.

1:05:45

And, like, this is what goes through my mind a lot of time.

1:05:49

Is what if I fight this computer and this computer takes flight after I'm done

1:05:53

with it? And just fucking throw it across the room.

1:05:58

John is more like anger. yeah i'm

1:06:01

more fight i'm not i'm not really a fighter only knows how to

1:06:04

express his emotions through anger he doesn't know

1:06:06

how to express any other emotion other than just anger yeah

1:06:10

i guess not and that's why i think therapy would

1:06:13

be good for you not like not to

1:06:16

like control your inner anger but to be able to identify your other

1:06:19

emotions that surface this anger for you yeah i

1:06:22

know what those emotions are based upon how your anger

1:06:25

comes across because i've

1:06:28

been with you long enough because it's angry but i'm never angry i could

1:06:32

be sad and i just i'm angry and angry yeah or

1:06:35

i could be depressed and i'm angry every every emotion

1:06:38

to you is anger and i think identifying like

1:06:41

what the actual emotion is and then how

1:06:44

to address that versus just fucking getting angry i

1:06:48

mean but i'm pretty good at keeping my anger within myself like there i only

1:06:51

have a few outbursts well i'm not concerned about your outbursts i'm concerned

1:06:55

about your internal internal self like i'm concerned about you hey my inner

1:07:00

my internal monologue keeps me in check all right well so does mine and she fucking gaslights me,

1:07:08

mine's like john you realize if you go two steps forward all right you might not have a job.

1:07:17

Mine is a fucking T-U-N-T to me. Yeah.

1:07:22

Mine eggs me on, actually, sometimes. To be quite honest, my internal monologue...

1:07:27

Yep, emotional cockpit crockpot.

1:07:30

...will just sit there and go through every single conversation I can have with

1:07:37

this person, which gives me super anxiety, which I guess turns into anger.

1:07:42

So I've already had 30 conversations with one person, how I'm going to say it.

1:07:46

And like 30 different outcomes of that conversation we all know we know i don't

1:07:54

need i don't need to explain this name we're a disaster we are sometimes i'm

1:07:59

like are we good for each other are we bad for each other i think we're good

1:08:03

i mean we've lasted 16 years so far. We're probably the only people that fucking stop us from jumping off the ledge i know,

1:08:10

which is funny because if somebody listens to them like your

1:08:12

anger like i don't know it's so

1:08:15

so funny too because like john is like one of the sweetest kindest

1:08:19

husbands there ever could live and i'm not saying that because

1:08:21

he's sitting with me like he literally like taylor can

1:08:24

totally back this up she's lived with us like she would never like

1:08:27

why but he really is like one of

1:08:30

the sweetest kindest humans on the planet and so

1:08:34

it's funny that like well people

1:08:37

hear anger and they probably automatically probably think of these right

1:08:40

uh and that's what i'm trying to like say is that it's funny but probably

1:08:43

like the context is coming through if you don't know it like if anything hi

1:08:48

it's me i'm problem it's me right copyright strike bam really no oh.

1:09:03

Oh well my friends we do need to get these doggies walked and get ready for

1:09:10

our evening big adventure. We're going to a pizza party.

1:09:15

We're going to have Costco pizza and dessert charcuterie in a historical house.

1:09:22

Some beer and cocktails and wine.

1:09:25

Yeah, thanks for coming. Nice to see you guys. We hope to see you soon.

1:09:30

We'll try to be around a little bit more, which is a lie. We'll see you in a month.