Episode Transcript
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Hi, Adventure Coutures. It's Hal Loveland, your
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Tonight,
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we invite you
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to begin your spooky summer with three tales too
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terrifying to tell.
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But tell them we shall, beginning
3:37
with this evening's first feature, Beyond Belief.
3:40
Meet Trolls and Troll Gods, the
3:43
ghost of the other
3:45
gods. Headliners on the society
3:54
pages of O.S., Ghostly Ghosts.
4:00
what ebola
4:10
getting them out a darling
4:16
joy noises
4:18
and i thought episode
4:21
her father our
4:25
story begins of of and
4:28
oh sweet of the plaza hotel
4:31
was just too
4:33
weak to
4:34
thank you return
4:36
ah never leave you again it was
4:38
an agonizing journey delivering chicken
4:40
soup to our chickenpox stricken them
4:42
that liquor delivery boy only
4:45
i'd had the chickenpox when i was
4:47
a girl i could have gone with you
4:49
without you was harrowing
4:51
enough i was just most ago
4:53
cornered in the elevator by something else
4:56
something's actually so very
4:58
early indeed by
5:00
what sort of some things frank
5:02
with a ghost so ghouls
5:04
or mood a gas
5:07
guzzler something
5:10
is by far i'm afraid brand
5:12
eyes and frayling her after me to join their poker
5:14
game so they just as a friend
5:16
of the mix and that he's weird and i'd fit
5:18
right in
5:20
charming old
5:22
fellow some ones not
5:24
some things you're
5:26
on the someone i need or want
5:34
city is a new glass
5:36
well perhaps very own
5:38
when i ask because our toes
5:40
seems to have opened a shimmering home and real with
5:42
his family
5:45
now frank you know that coronation
5:47
does not indicate causalities
5:50
doesn't s or
5:52
would you have you believe you'd have said that regardless
5:54
of my assertion
5:55
oh you i
5:58
will grant you that quincy
5:59
is hardly ever coincidental,
6:02
especially when portals are concerned.
6:05
However, look, someone's coming
6:07
through. Or something
6:09
is. Show
6:17
someone to me who me
6:19
would be thinking. Of
6:22
the strength of court.
6:24
You're
6:26
the mortals of this plane. We look
6:28
like you, but we are not you. Me
6:31
too.
6:32
Don't convulse their rational minds. I'm
6:35
easing them into it. Watch. Human
6:37
mortals! This, this
6:41
is your realm. And
6:43
there are realms beyond
6:46
your realm. Are
6:48
your rational minds
6:49
okay? That was a lot to take
6:52
in. We're from one
6:54
such distant realm. We
6:56
don't look like it because... Go down!
6:58
Let their rational minds freeze! Are
7:01
you human mortals with me so
7:04
far? Are your rational minds
7:06
tooth-tasting from your hands?
7:09
Sorry to interrupt you interrupting
7:12
our night, but let us speed this
7:14
along. May we assume by
7:16
your portal and your context that you're some
7:18
sort of extra-dimensional creatures?
7:20
Old ones or the like.
7:23
Now my mind is almost tooth-tasting
7:26
because mortals?
7:28
You just convulsed my
7:30
mind. We are
7:32
old ones. Eldritch horrors.
7:34
We feast on sanity.
7:36
We're Frank and Sadie Doyle. We
7:39
feast on drinks. Would you like one? Yes,
7:42
thank you. I'd love the blood of the
7:45
innocent.
7:46
And I'd love the blood of the semi-innocent. No
7:50
blood on hand, I'm afraid.
7:51
Not any on offer, anyway.
7:53
You human mortals are
7:55
taking all this with a remarkable retention
7:58
of your sanity. We
7:59
get that a lot. I'm
8:00
not. Are you
8:02
the exalted rulers of this
8:04
realm? She is. She is.
8:09
She is as opposed to
8:11
you, we
8:13
get it. You're too discreet
8:15
for you. What
8:18
a long label differentiation of selfhood.
8:21
Speaking of, let us introduce
8:23
ourselves. Wait! This
8:26
is one of the most fragile realms.
8:29
Invoke a name that only exists in
8:31
three dimensions. Yipes, Mackayts!
8:34
Almost liquefied your eardrums with a five
8:36
dimensional name. Some first impression
8:39
that would have been.
8:40
Are you under the impression that it's going
8:42
great otherwise? Human
8:46
mortals are particular about their matter
8:49
states here. If you turn something to liquid,
8:51
that isn't usually liquid, they
8:53
get very mortal very quickly.
8:56
Okay, this realm
8:58
names. I'm already
9:01
wearing a this realm bodysuit,
9:03
isn't it accurate?
9:04
Very nice, the right number of tentacles
9:06
and everything. Right?
9:11
No tentacles is the usual
9:14
number, that's correct.
9:15
I daresay
9:17
if you leave before we learn your names, I won't
9:18
be upset. Too
9:22
late, mind's conniption.
9:26
Not a name. Hello
9:28
Connie. And
9:31
I'll be Esophagus.
9:32
Why
9:35
not?
9:37
Gah! Welcome, what
9:39
brings you to this realm? We're
9:42
looking for another ancient, he's
9:45
older than time. I mean,
9:47
we all are, but he really
9:48
is. He understands the sacrifice
9:51
of you visiting him, even though you have
9:53
a million, maybe not better, but
9:55
other things to do.
9:57
His sub-realm has this unrelenting...
10:00
smell its damp brimstone.
10:02
The three-dimensional word for him
10:04
is grandpa.
10:06
You old ones
10:08
have an even older old one?
10:11
We are the young old ones. He
10:14
is the ancients. The
10:17
ancients is at that age where
10:19
you have to keep an eye on him, or he might
10:21
wander off through planes of existence.
10:25
He rose here long ago.
10:26
This plane is familiar to him.
10:29
Can we believe he's here now? We worry about
10:31
him. He could get on the wrong human train,
10:34
or his presence could drive every species
10:36
in this realm violently mad, followed
10:38
by the lands and the seas, and the
10:40
what-you-call-it-the-everything-else. Eventually,
10:43
on making this entire realm, then
10:46
how would he get back?
10:48
You can't get back from a realm that
10:50
no longer is.
10:51
He's got to be here. Have
10:53
you noticed any fools speaking dark
10:56
truths,
10:57
or a hysterical paranoia
10:59
growing among the righteous?
11:02
Well, it's just
11:02
us here, but come to think of it, I
11:05
have noticed a low buzzing in the base
11:07
of my skull, and a befuddling of memories.
11:10
Well, I don't think that's the antediluvian
11:12
god of dread's fault, darling.
11:14
We
11:18
really
11:18
should find him. It might just take a few
11:21
of your hours before madness
11:22
engulfs this realm. How
11:24
will you be able
11:25
to tell? How long has your
11:27
pop-pop been missing? I'm
11:30
so bad at, uh, is
11:32
this dimension ahead or behind?
11:34
Ahead. Unless, is it daylight
11:37
saving?
11:37
There's no way we'd ever know. But
11:41
if we can't fix this in 18
11:43
to 22 minutes, then it can't be done.
11:55
The portal appears here. The
11:57
ancient is therefore here somewhere.
11:59
perhaps underneath
12:02
something or above
12:04
it? Try to consume all
12:07
of the things via looking
12:09
to find him where he is in
12:12
relation to them. I'm
12:14
certain we would have noticed if a deity
12:16
had gotten ends. Probably.
12:20
I don't suppose you've got the wrong apartment? I
12:23
don't follow. On the other side of these
12:25
walls are more rooms that
12:27
belong to other people.
12:29
Yikes, McYellip and Gikes!
12:32
Segmenting the physical
12:33
space and assigning ownership,
12:35
personal differentiation again, you're
12:38
obsessed! This
12:40
is why I love to travel. You meet all kinds
12:43
of beings and learn of their idiotic
12:45
traditions. Why
12:47
is that familiar? Yikes, McGikes.
12:50
Oh, the other one said it earlier.
12:52
We're not calling attention to it, darling,
12:55
due to manners.
12:56
Yikes, McGikes is
12:58
the six-dimensional name of the ancient.
13:01
He's so old it has become a, what?
13:03
A profane bellow in our realm.
13:06
It's safe to say here without tooth-pasting
13:09
your mind because it's divisible
13:11
by three.
13:13
Rule of three dimensions, you get
13:15
it. I do. Now.
13:17
And so it's just a question of properly summoning
13:20
some of our old ones.
13:24
Come on, sir, and come for me.
13:33
Well,
13:39
ho! Frank Neighbor inviting
13:42
us into his home. This
13:45
must be what that
13:46
feels like. You
13:49
know, I can't help but notice that your place is like
13:51
my place, but on the other side of the elevator
13:54
and all different inside.
13:55
With his
13:57
stuff instead of yours. Yes, and
13:59
his wife.
13:59
stuff which is probably the nicest stuff.
14:02
Speaking of who, hello Mrs.
14:04
Naber you look lovely.
14:06
Why thank you I am of
14:09
course. And
14:12
pretty nice,
14:13
where's your new friend? Where's the McGight? Yeah,
14:16
our buddy, hey, McGights, come
14:18
over we got someone we want you
14:20
should meet.
14:20
And a husband and
14:23
their friends
14:23
who we should also like to
14:25
meet. What
14:30
are you doing? Ah!
14:35
Ah! Ah! He's
14:38
lonely.
14:40
But when I talk about power, sometimes I'll tell
14:42
the police so please.
14:44
What will you do for the evening maybe?
14:47
And if you're in the world, huh? I think
14:49
you're just like yelling so much.
14:53
Will they do things here and now maybe?
14:56
When I was your age, it
14:58
was all emptiness and an
15:00
endless white void. And it
15:02
will be again when you're my age. Anyway,
15:06
your friends,
15:07
I'd love to meet them. Hello, hello. I
15:10
am Yikes McGight. I'm the
15:12
Cajada Nannya. I'm the
15:14
McGight.
15:16
I'm Sadie Doyle.
15:18
This is my husband Frank. You may or may
15:20
not recognize Connie and Gus.
15:22
Pops, it's us.
15:24
We say our names. We don't want to disrupt
15:26
anyone's delicious sanity.
15:28
You nearly disrupted our sanity
15:31
Pops. Do you know where you are?
15:34
No, no, I made a suit of flesh and then
15:36
went a tightly woven dye
15:38
wool by accident. The horse slipping
15:40
on the peel of the primordial fruit
15:43
and wound up here in the realm of
15:46
my youth.
15:47
While your sarcasm has driven beings to feverishly
15:50
eat their own flesh, I'm glad to
15:52
hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
15:54
I'm sure. Guys,
15:56
these are the ungrateful tragedy
15:58
I mentioned.
15:59
At least they're visiting.
16:06
Mine only call on birthdays. Their
16:09
birthdays. To
16:11
ask for money. At
16:14
least they call. At
16:18
most they call. Okay,
16:21
I'm going to fix half a dozen tricks.
16:24
Manners, Frank. Would anyone
16:26
else like one? I'll
16:33
have some
16:35
soup. What kind of soup?
16:41
What kind do you have? No
16:44
kind? Should
16:46
we all go get some soup? Is it too early
16:48
for soup? Hey, it's
16:50
4pm somewhere. Okay, let's
16:53
go get some soup. Does
16:55
anyone else feel something puffing under
16:57
their skin?
16:57
I do. Oh,
16:59
Frank, did a bee get in there?
17:01
That's just Magypes.
17:04
You get used to it. You don't?
17:09
You don't get used to it, which, not
17:12
getting used to it, you get used to it. Old
17:15
man
17:16
stuff. Welcome to the club, everyone.
17:19
Puff, you have to tell us
17:21
if you're planning to travel.
17:22
How really do I know? So,
17:25
you know, I'm not just wandering the realms. I'm
17:27
not that old a one. You're
17:30
the oldest one. My mind contains
17:33
infinities. Wait, you want
17:35
to just count them? For me to count them. Why?
17:39
We wouldn't be worried if you hadn't
17:41
wandered off before. You think we
17:43
want to have this conversation? Your
17:46
mind contains infinities, yes, but
17:48
how well does it contain them? Oh,
17:50
better than ever. Well, all
17:52
right, I had one episode once when
17:55
I forgot to eat and I went on a wander. But
17:57
eh, this is not the end of the world.
18:00
It was literally the end
18:02
of a world. This
18:05
is a conversation you can have on the other side
18:07
of a veil where it doesn't endanger our reality?
18:10
Yes, the only buzzing we want
18:12
is our usual kind. Pops!
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Let's get you home say goodbye to
20:02
your mortal
20:02
friend. Ah, goodbye, smug-eye. I'm
20:05
stayin'. You know you can't
20:07
stay.
20:09
He's a grown man who can
20:11
make his own decisions. Next
20:13
they try to take your cocky!
20:16
He
20:24
doesn't have
20:25
a car. Or keys. Or
20:27
hands or feet, not really. Fellows,
20:31
your new friend is the sort of friend who could drive
20:33
you insane.
20:34
What do you think this one does to me?
20:38
What do you think this one does to me?
20:42
No, darlings, what Frank means is
20:44
that Mr. McGipes is
20:46
an eldritch evil from
20:48
a realm of horrors. And
20:50
things are so nice here?
20:57
In a penthouse suite in the Plaza Hotel,
21:00
yes, they're nice. Yes,
21:02
yes, I'm gonna stay with
21:04
my friends. I dialed on my insanity
21:07
radiance, we're fine. Tell that to the skin
21:09
bees. Even
21:12
dialed down? Pops, do you really want
21:15
your friend's mortal realm to turn into
21:17
a nightmarish hellscape? Or
21:19
a hellish nightmarescape? Or
21:21
a nightscape-ish hellmare? Or,
21:24
I don't know, I think that's all of them. Now
21:27
tell me about realms.
21:29
I laid waste to realms half as mortal
21:31
as this one before you two were even
21:33
a twinkle in your mother's eternal
21:35
calamity. You two couldn't destroy
21:38
a mortal realm if you tried.
21:40
We could too, watch.
21:42
Ow! Oh,
21:46
you know what it is, this generation wants
21:48
everything handed to them. The
21:51
youth, we're all out of silver
21:53
platters. Either bring on
21:55
the apocalypse or take a hike! Perhaps let's
21:58
not change. I challenge the old
22:00
ones to destroy us too many times.
22:04
The whole zone was renouncing the bottom to
22:06
gold, but you cannot stay here. I
22:09
destroy.
22:11
I destroy. The
22:14
countless millennials. I
22:16
destroy. Now
22:18
the last time I made certain,
22:21
I can't remember. And I can
22:23
take the infinities that I mentioned.
22:26
And yet here, in this
22:28
meaningless realm, many
22:30
streets. Bring
22:35
your friends with you. I
22:38
can do that? Fellas? Fellas,
22:42
come to my place. I
22:44
don't know if I can go on a trip to hell
22:47
dimension just now. I'm about to
22:49
head to Florida for the season. Ah,
22:52
please. My realm is a thousand Florida's.
22:55
I'm in!
22:58
If you're in, I'm twice as in.
23:01
What are we waiting for? Let's go.
23:03
Honestly, I didn't think that would work.
23:05
A
23:07
bet your eyes from the gift hose is not.
23:10
Shall we let anyone know you are
23:12
away? Nobody
23:13
pays attention to us. If you paid attention
23:15
to us, you'd find out nobody pays attention to us.
23:18
That's mostly what we talk about.
23:21
I'd like to bring my blood pressure medication
23:23
and my gown. Now,
23:25
you need
23:26
it. It's a new conceptible
23:28
in our realm. Will I be able to call
23:30
my grandkids? I'd really, really knock
23:33
their socks off to hear I went all the way to another
23:35
dimension.
23:35
It can tell the recipients
23:37
of their dreams. With horrifying faces,
23:40
with smoothly eroding. There will to live.
23:44
I love it.
23:49
Bon voyage, darling.
23:50
The bees under
23:52
my skin are already quiet. Okay,
23:55
here's the portal. All mortals, keep
23:57
your eyes shut.
23:59
When you go through or you're cleaning
24:02
up your own I guess when we get there
24:04
all right bye bye now Bye
24:07
bye You got two,
24:09
you got 22 You got two, you
24:12
got 22 We
24:24
stayed
24:24
a 22 minutes or was even 15? Sadie
24:28
love I dare say we're getting better at this But
24:31
we were
24:31
already the best It
24:36
seems that Rankin
24:37
City Doles have
24:39
found that the old ways
24:46
Well well look who's come portalling back
24:49
We hadn't had the chance
24:51
to properly miss you all You
24:55
gotta take the mortal humans back it's not working
24:59
The Swiss party circus time works differently
25:01
in our realm Master of power
25:04
Neither I'll
25:07
surely regret asking but what
25:10
happened?
25:10
So everyone in our realm
25:12
died down their insanity radiances
25:15
to accommodate the visiting human's fragile minds Which
25:18
we appreciate, which
25:21
we told you we appreciate Then
25:25
they couldn't stop complaining about the temperature
25:27
It was chilly
25:32
Our dimension is mostly hell-fire It's
25:35
dry though Which
25:38
always feels chilly
25:39
They made us eat dinner at 4.30
25:41
every day
25:43
At
25:45
dinner time you're welcome They
25:49
made us make tuna exist You
25:54
cannot get good
25:57
tuna there
25:59
your tuna not
26:02
exactly the
26:05
water is different that's what it is
26:08
is that what it is
26:09
yes what
26:12
it means we used
26:14
to not eat at all we subsist
26:16
on the sanity bled from realms such
26:18
as this
26:19
and this is awful I'm not blaming
26:22
you she yells at
26:26
us I
26:29
don't yell
26:36
I can't with this one
26:38
oh you're
26:40
such a Britney what
26:44
used to be shrieking chaos has
26:46
become bickering
26:49
they're driving us completely
26:51
sane
26:53
what an unforeseeable turn
26:55
of events all right being honest
26:58
if a realm has to be corrupted so I
27:00
can spend time with my powers
27:02
I'd rather it be this one
27:04
perhaps prolonged visits
27:07
are not in a card moderation
27:09
we've heard great
27:11
things
27:16
maybe start with dinner say
27:18
once a week
27:19
as long as you don't stay too
27:21
long we'll all get to keep our realms
27:24
at the desire level of sanity
27:26
you mean not hang out and kibbitz
27:29
all day every day
27:32
we will all of us band together
27:35
to destroy you this kid
27:37
okay
27:38
why
27:41
not I'll see you Sunday at that
27:43
belly you like because it can't get good corn
27:46
beef in our realm it's the water
27:48
wow
27:51
here we are
27:53
and there you go so long fellas It
28:05
seems Frank and Sadie have found that old ways
28:08
die hard, though after several
28:12
weeks, things
28:21
that die hard sometimes
28:23
come back with a vengeance.
28:26
It's
28:29
been a few weeks already, come in. You got
28:32
to
28:32
help me.
28:41
Those mortal humans, they're driving
28:43
me basically bananas. I can't do it anymore.
28:46
I can't do it. Time
28:49
is structure and I'm chaos. It
28:51
feels like I eat corned beef and listen to them
28:54
complain every other second.
28:56
Let's stand, I can feel it.
29:00
I'll let them in, you just tell
29:03
them how you feel. Nothing
29:05
says let's not spend any more time together
29:07
than precisely that. What
29:11
is he doing here? Oh,
29:13
you three are friends now. I can't
29:15
tell who's the Judas here, but it's someone. Hi,
29:18
Mrs. Neighbor.
29:20
Hello, tell
29:22
them. Guys,
29:26
I think we need to pause our dinners. It's nothing
29:29
personal except that
29:31
it very is. Oh,
29:35
look who wants to pause our dinners now. Look
29:37
who, it's nothing personal but
29:40
it very is. At
29:42
first, your relentless negativity was invigorating.
29:46
I can't really hear any more about how everyone
29:49
wears hats wrong now.
29:55
It's just an observation.
29:59
Like you're a bunch of
30:02
Macy's Day balloons to be
30:04
around. Many
30:07
times, we
30:09
had to hear about the city isn't what
30:11
it used to be because it exists
30:13
now. And this bodega
30:16
used to be a lava flow. And
30:20
this atmosphere used to be
30:23
poisonous. Well,
30:25
smart guy, we would just come in here to see about
30:27
getting out of seeing you so much too. How
30:30
does that feel?
30:31
Bad? Because that's
30:33
how finding out you don't want to see
30:36
us feels.
30:38
It does feel bad. Should
30:40
we keep having dinner then?
30:44
I guess we should. Yeah, yeah. Sadie,
30:47
this isn't working. They keep seeing each
30:49
other. They'll keep coming back. Perhaps
30:51
weekly outings were too
30:53
ambitious. What if you planned
30:55
something once in a while? A bit
30:58
further out.
31:01
I could do that. Sounds perfect. Yeah, okay.
31:03
Yeah, yeah. What do you think
31:07
of how your hours work? You
31:09
carried the one six, you got 500, then six. What
31:13
do you say, 500 years from now?
31:16
We'll be dead, sure. Well,
31:19
listen, I can find you in any hell dimension.
31:23
Yeah, I can't completely commit.
31:25
Maybe I have something that day. So
31:29
don't plan anything for that day.
31:32
Remind me not to. I will.
31:46
All right, all right.
31:49
I will see you in 500 years. I look
31:52
forward to it. 500 years? Yes.
31:54
For a thing who is bad from a place that is
31:56
worse, you're all right. You
31:59
too. You know, maybe I'll visit you in
32:01
your nightmares. Steal your sanity
32:03
sometime. I'd like that.
32:13
I'll miss that guy, but on the whole
32:15
I feel like this foolishness has
32:18
brought us closer as neighbors.
32:20
Nearly too close for comfort.
32:22
Now, fellas, if you'll excuse us, Sidney and I would
32:24
like you to excuse us.
32:26
That's what
32:28
I like about you, buddy boy.
32:30
I know where I stand! Yes, on
32:32
the other side of the door. I
32:40
see you around, Mr. and Mrs.
32:42
Neighbor.
32:51
Sheesh, he's never opened the door
32:53
again. Except for right now.
32:56
Frank, has your sanity eroded
32:58
after all? My love, it's been weeks. The liquor delivery
33:01
boy is all better. I'll get the door in
33:03
the house and the...
33:07
It seems the Doyles have
33:09
learned that good neighbors
33:12
make offenses, but
33:14
that all portals living in the city
33:17
that the brave
33:18
pursue.
33:19
Join us next time when they once
33:22
again walk beyond belief
33:25
in a spooky tale titled
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