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Beyond Belief, "Property Bothers"

Beyond Belief, "Property Bothers"

Released Sunday, 26th November 2023
Good episode? Give it some love!
Beyond Belief, "Property Bothers"

Beyond Belief, "Property Bothers"

Beyond Belief, "Property Bothers"

Beyond Belief, "Property Bothers"

Sunday, 26th November 2023
Good episode? Give it some love!
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Episode Transcript

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details.

2:12

Hi, Adventure Coutures. It's Hal Loveland, your

2:14

favorite Portuguese player, with exciting news.

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The Thrilly Adventure Hour returns live on

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December 2nd, 2023 for two shows at the Bourbon

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Room in Hollywood. Better news!

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The 6.30 show and the 8.30 show will be two

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It's gonna be a blast. Tickets to both

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for tickets. Pow!

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Tonight,

3:22

we invite you

3:24

to begin your spooky summer with three tales too

3:26

terrifying to tell.

3:33

But tell them we shall, beginning

3:37

with this evening's first feature, Beyond Belief.

3:40

Meet Trolls and Troll Gods, the

3:43

ghost of the other

3:45

gods. Headliners on the society

3:54

pages of O.S., Ghostly Ghosts.

4:00

what ebola

4:10

getting them out a darling

4:16

joy noises

4:18

and i thought episode

4:21

her father our

4:25

story begins of of and

4:28

oh sweet of the plaza hotel

4:31

was just too

4:33

weak to

4:34

thank you return

4:36

ah never leave you again it was

4:38

an agonizing journey delivering chicken

4:40

soup to our chickenpox stricken them

4:42

that liquor delivery boy only

4:45

i'd had the chickenpox when i was

4:47

a girl i could have gone with you

4:49

without you was harrowing

4:51

enough i was just most ago

4:53

cornered in the elevator by something else

4:56

something's actually so very

4:58

early indeed by

5:00

what sort of some things frank

5:02

with a ghost so ghouls

5:04

or mood a gas

5:07

guzzler something

5:10

is by far i'm afraid brand

5:12

eyes and frayling her after me to join their poker

5:14

game so they just as a friend

5:16

of the mix and that he's weird and i'd fit

5:18

right in

5:20

charming old

5:22

fellow some ones not

5:24

some things you're

5:26

on the someone i need or want

5:34

city is a new glass

5:36

well perhaps very own

5:38

when i ask because our toes

5:40

seems to have opened a shimmering home and real with

5:42

his family

5:45

now frank you know that coronation

5:47

does not indicate causalities

5:50

doesn't s or

5:52

would you have you believe you'd have said that regardless

5:54

of my assertion

5:55

oh you i

5:58

will grant you that quincy

5:59

is hardly ever coincidental,

6:02

especially when portals are concerned.

6:05

However, look, someone's coming

6:07

through. Or something

6:09

is. Show

6:17

someone to me who me

6:19

would be thinking. Of

6:22

the strength of court.

6:24

You're

6:26

the mortals of this plane. We look

6:28

like you, but we are not you. Me

6:31

too.

6:32

Don't convulse their rational minds. I'm

6:35

easing them into it. Watch. Human

6:37

mortals! This, this

6:41

is your realm. And

6:43

there are realms beyond

6:46

your realm. Are

6:48

your rational minds

6:49

okay? That was a lot to take

6:52

in. We're from one

6:54

such distant realm. We

6:56

don't look like it because... Go down!

6:58

Let their rational minds freeze! Are

7:01

you human mortals with me so

7:04

far? Are your rational minds

7:06

tooth-tasting from your hands?

7:09

Sorry to interrupt you interrupting

7:12

our night, but let us speed this

7:14

along. May we assume by

7:16

your portal and your context that you're some

7:18

sort of extra-dimensional creatures?

7:20

Old ones or the like.

7:23

Now my mind is almost tooth-tasting

7:26

because mortals?

7:28

You just convulsed my

7:30

mind. We are

7:32

old ones. Eldritch horrors.

7:34

We feast on sanity.

7:36

We're Frank and Sadie Doyle. We

7:39

feast on drinks. Would you like one? Yes,

7:42

thank you. I'd love the blood of the

7:45

innocent.

7:46

And I'd love the blood of the semi-innocent. No

7:50

blood on hand, I'm afraid.

7:51

Not any on offer, anyway.

7:53

You human mortals are

7:55

taking all this with a remarkable retention

7:58

of your sanity. We

7:59

get that a lot. I'm

8:00

not. Are you

8:02

the exalted rulers of this

8:04

realm? She is. She is.

8:09

She is as opposed to

8:11

you, we

8:13

get it. You're too discreet

8:15

for you. What

8:18

a long label differentiation of selfhood.

8:21

Speaking of, let us introduce

8:23

ourselves. Wait! This

8:26

is one of the most fragile realms.

8:29

Invoke a name that only exists in

8:31

three dimensions. Yipes, Mackayts!

8:34

Almost liquefied your eardrums with a five

8:36

dimensional name. Some first impression

8:39

that would have been.

8:40

Are you under the impression that it's going

8:42

great otherwise? Human

8:46

mortals are particular about their matter

8:49

states here. If you turn something to liquid,

8:51

that isn't usually liquid, they

8:53

get very mortal very quickly.

8:56

Okay, this realm

8:58

names. I'm already

9:01

wearing a this realm bodysuit,

9:03

isn't it accurate?

9:04

Very nice, the right number of tentacles

9:06

and everything. Right?

9:11

No tentacles is the usual

9:14

number, that's correct.

9:15

I daresay

9:17

if you leave before we learn your names, I won't

9:18

be upset. Too

9:22

late, mind's conniption.

9:26

Not a name. Hello

9:28

Connie. And

9:31

I'll be Esophagus.

9:32

Why

9:35

not?

9:37

Gah! Welcome, what

9:39

brings you to this realm? We're

9:42

looking for another ancient, he's

9:45

older than time. I mean,

9:47

we all are, but he really

9:48

is. He understands the sacrifice

9:51

of you visiting him, even though you have

9:53

a million, maybe not better, but

9:55

other things to do.

9:57

His sub-realm has this unrelenting...

10:00

smell its damp brimstone.

10:02

The three-dimensional word for him

10:04

is grandpa.

10:06

You old ones

10:08

have an even older old one?

10:11

We are the young old ones. He

10:14

is the ancients. The

10:17

ancients is at that age where

10:19

you have to keep an eye on him, or he might

10:21

wander off through planes of existence.

10:25

He rose here long ago.

10:26

This plane is familiar to him.

10:29

Can we believe he's here now? We worry about

10:31

him. He could get on the wrong human train,

10:34

or his presence could drive every species

10:36

in this realm violently mad, followed

10:38

by the lands and the seas, and the

10:40

what-you-call-it-the-everything-else. Eventually,

10:43

on making this entire realm, then

10:46

how would he get back?

10:48

You can't get back from a realm that

10:50

no longer is.

10:51

He's got to be here. Have

10:53

you noticed any fools speaking dark

10:56

truths,

10:57

or a hysterical paranoia

10:59

growing among the righteous?

11:02

Well, it's just

11:02

us here, but come to think of it, I

11:05

have noticed a low buzzing in the base

11:07

of my skull, and a befuddling of memories.

11:10

Well, I don't think that's the antediluvian

11:12

god of dread's fault, darling.

11:14

We

11:18

really

11:18

should find him. It might just take a few

11:21

of your hours before madness

11:22

engulfs this realm. How

11:24

will you be able

11:25

to tell? How long has your

11:27

pop-pop been missing? I'm

11:30

so bad at, uh, is

11:32

this dimension ahead or behind?

11:34

Ahead. Unless, is it daylight

11:37

saving?

11:37

There's no way we'd ever know. But

11:41

if we can't fix this in 18

11:43

to 22 minutes, then it can't be done.

11:55

The portal appears here. The

11:57

ancient is therefore here somewhere.

11:59

perhaps underneath

12:02

something or above

12:04

it? Try to consume all

12:07

of the things via looking

12:09

to find him where he is in

12:12

relation to them. I'm

12:14

certain we would have noticed if a deity

12:16

had gotten ends. Probably.

12:20

I don't suppose you've got the wrong apartment? I

12:23

don't follow. On the other side of these

12:25

walls are more rooms that

12:27

belong to other people.

12:29

Yikes, McYellip and Gikes!

12:32

Segmenting the physical

12:33

space and assigning ownership,

12:35

personal differentiation again, you're

12:38

obsessed! This

12:40

is why I love to travel. You meet all kinds

12:43

of beings and learn of their idiotic

12:45

traditions. Why

12:47

is that familiar? Yikes, McGikes.

12:50

Oh, the other one said it earlier.

12:52

We're not calling attention to it, darling,

12:55

due to manners.

12:56

Yikes, McGikes is

12:58

the six-dimensional name of the ancient.

13:01

He's so old it has become a, what?

13:03

A profane bellow in our realm.

13:06

It's safe to say here without tooth-pasting

13:09

your mind because it's divisible

13:11

by three.

13:13

Rule of three dimensions, you get

13:15

it. I do. Now.

13:17

And so it's just a question of properly summoning

13:20

some of our old ones.

13:24

Come on, sir, and come for me.

13:33

Well,

13:39

ho! Frank Neighbor inviting

13:42

us into his home. This

13:45

must be what that

13:46

feels like. You

13:49

know, I can't help but notice that your place is like

13:51

my place, but on the other side of the elevator

13:54

and all different inside.

13:55

With his

13:57

stuff instead of yours. Yes, and

13:59

his wife.

13:59

stuff which is probably the nicest stuff.

14:02

Speaking of who, hello Mrs.

14:04

Naber you look lovely.

14:06

Why thank you I am of

14:09

course. And

14:12

pretty nice,

14:13

where's your new friend? Where's the McGight? Yeah,

14:16

our buddy, hey, McGights, come

14:18

over we got someone we want you

14:20

should meet.

14:20

And a husband and

14:23

their friends

14:23

who we should also like to

14:25

meet. What

14:30

are you doing? Ah!

14:35

Ah! Ah! He's

14:38

lonely.

14:40

But when I talk about power, sometimes I'll tell

14:42

the police so please.

14:44

What will you do for the evening maybe?

14:47

And if you're in the world, huh? I think

14:49

you're just like yelling so much.

14:53

Will they do things here and now maybe?

14:56

When I was your age, it

14:58

was all emptiness and an

15:00

endless white void. And it

15:02

will be again when you're my age. Anyway,

15:06

your friends,

15:07

I'd love to meet them. Hello, hello. I

15:10

am Yikes McGight. I'm the

15:12

Cajada Nannya. I'm the

15:14

McGight.

15:16

I'm Sadie Doyle.

15:18

This is my husband Frank. You may or may

15:20

not recognize Connie and Gus.

15:22

Pops, it's us.

15:24

We say our names. We don't want to disrupt

15:26

anyone's delicious sanity.

15:28

You nearly disrupted our sanity

15:31

Pops. Do you know where you are?

15:34

No, no, I made a suit of flesh and then

15:36

went a tightly woven dye

15:38

wool by accident. The horse slipping

15:40

on the peel of the primordial fruit

15:43

and wound up here in the realm of

15:46

my youth.

15:47

While your sarcasm has driven beings to feverishly

15:50

eat their own flesh, I'm glad to

15:52

hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

15:54

I'm sure. Guys,

15:56

these are the ungrateful tragedy

15:58

I mentioned.

15:59

At least they're visiting.

16:06

Mine only call on birthdays. Their

16:09

birthdays. To

16:11

ask for money. At

16:14

least they call. At

16:18

most they call. Okay,

16:21

I'm going to fix half a dozen tricks.

16:24

Manners, Frank. Would anyone

16:26

else like one? I'll

16:33

have some

16:35

soup. What kind of soup?

16:41

What kind do you have? No

16:44

kind? Should

16:46

we all go get some soup? Is it too early

16:48

for soup? Hey, it's

16:50

4pm somewhere. Okay, let's

16:53

go get some soup. Does

16:55

anyone else feel something puffing under

16:57

their skin?

16:57

I do. Oh,

16:59

Frank, did a bee get in there?

17:01

That's just Magypes.

17:04

You get used to it. You don't?

17:09

You don't get used to it, which, not

17:12

getting used to it, you get used to it. Old

17:15

man

17:16

stuff. Welcome to the club, everyone.

17:19

Puff, you have to tell us

17:21

if you're planning to travel.

17:22

How really do I know? So,

17:25

you know, I'm not just wandering the realms. I'm

17:27

not that old a one. You're

17:30

the oldest one. My mind contains

17:33

infinities. Wait, you want

17:35

to just count them? For me to count them. Why?

17:39

We wouldn't be worried if you hadn't

17:41

wandered off before. You think we

17:43

want to have this conversation? Your

17:46

mind contains infinities, yes, but

17:48

how well does it contain them? Oh,

17:50

better than ever. Well, all

17:52

right, I had one episode once when

17:55

I forgot to eat and I went on a wander. But

17:57

eh, this is not the end of the world.

18:00

It was literally the end

18:02

of a world. This

18:05

is a conversation you can have on the other side

18:07

of a veil where it doesn't endanger our reality?

18:10

Yes, the only buzzing we want

18:12

is our usual kind. Pops!

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20:00

Let's get you home say goodbye to

20:02

your mortal

20:02

friend. Ah, goodbye, smug-eye. I'm

20:05

stayin'. You know you can't

20:07

stay.

20:09

He's a grown man who can

20:11

make his own decisions. Next

20:13

they try to take your cocky!

20:16

He

20:24

doesn't have

20:25

a car. Or keys. Or

20:27

hands or feet, not really. Fellows,

20:31

your new friend is the sort of friend who could drive

20:33

you insane.

20:34

What do you think this one does to me?

20:38

What do you think this one does to me?

20:42

No, darlings, what Frank means is

20:44

that Mr. McGipes is

20:46

an eldritch evil from

20:48

a realm of horrors. And

20:50

things are so nice here?

20:57

In a penthouse suite in the Plaza Hotel,

21:00

yes, they're nice. Yes,

21:02

yes, I'm gonna stay with

21:04

my friends. I dialed on my insanity

21:07

radiance, we're fine. Tell that to the skin

21:09

bees. Even

21:12

dialed down? Pops, do you really want

21:15

your friend's mortal realm to turn into

21:17

a nightmarish hellscape? Or

21:19

a hellish nightmarescape? Or

21:21

a nightscape-ish hellmare? Or,

21:24

I don't know, I think that's all of them. Now

21:27

tell me about realms.

21:29

I laid waste to realms half as mortal

21:31

as this one before you two were even

21:33

a twinkle in your mother's eternal

21:35

calamity. You two couldn't destroy

21:38

a mortal realm if you tried.

21:40

We could too, watch.

21:42

Ow! Oh,

21:46

you know what it is, this generation wants

21:48

everything handed to them. The

21:51

youth, we're all out of silver

21:53

platters. Either bring on

21:55

the apocalypse or take a hike! Perhaps let's

21:58

not change. I challenge the old

22:00

ones to destroy us too many times.

22:04

The whole zone was renouncing the bottom to

22:06

gold, but you cannot stay here. I

22:09

destroy.

22:11

I destroy. The

22:14

countless millennials. I

22:16

destroy. Now

22:18

the last time I made certain,

22:21

I can't remember. And I can

22:23

take the infinities that I mentioned.

22:26

And yet here, in this

22:28

meaningless realm, many

22:30

streets. Bring

22:35

your friends with you. I

22:38

can do that? Fellas? Fellas,

22:42

come to my place. I

22:44

don't know if I can go on a trip to hell

22:47

dimension just now. I'm about to

22:49

head to Florida for the season. Ah,

22:52

please. My realm is a thousand Florida's.

22:55

I'm in!

22:58

If you're in, I'm twice as in.

23:01

What are we waiting for? Let's go.

23:03

Honestly, I didn't think that would work.

23:05

A

23:07

bet your eyes from the gift hose is not.

23:10

Shall we let anyone know you are

23:12

away? Nobody

23:13

pays attention to us. If you paid attention

23:15

to us, you'd find out nobody pays attention to us.

23:18

That's mostly what we talk about.

23:21

I'd like to bring my blood pressure medication

23:23

and my gown. Now,

23:25

you need

23:26

it. It's a new conceptible

23:28

in our realm. Will I be able to call

23:30

my grandkids? I'd really, really knock

23:33

their socks off to hear I went all the way to another

23:35

dimension.

23:35

It can tell the recipients

23:37

of their dreams. With horrifying faces,

23:40

with smoothly eroding. There will to live.

23:44

I love it.

23:49

Bon voyage, darling.

23:50

The bees under

23:52

my skin are already quiet. Okay,

23:55

here's the portal. All mortals, keep

23:57

your eyes shut.

23:59

When you go through or you're cleaning

24:02

up your own I guess when we get there

24:04

all right bye bye now Bye

24:07

bye You got two,

24:09

you got 22 You got two, you

24:12

got 22 We

24:24

stayed

24:24

a 22 minutes or was even 15? Sadie

24:28

love I dare say we're getting better at this But

24:31

we were

24:31

already the best It

24:36

seems that Rankin

24:37

City Doles have

24:39

found that the old ways

24:46

Well well look who's come portalling back

24:49

We hadn't had the chance

24:51

to properly miss you all You

24:55

gotta take the mortal humans back it's not working

24:59

The Swiss party circus time works differently

25:01

in our realm Master of power

25:04

Neither I'll

25:07

surely regret asking but what

25:10

happened?

25:10

So everyone in our realm

25:12

died down their insanity radiances

25:15

to accommodate the visiting human's fragile minds Which

25:18

we appreciate, which

25:21

we told you we appreciate Then

25:25

they couldn't stop complaining about the temperature

25:27

It was chilly

25:32

Our dimension is mostly hell-fire It's

25:35

dry though Which

25:38

always feels chilly

25:39

They made us eat dinner at 4.30

25:41

every day

25:43

At

25:45

dinner time you're welcome They

25:49

made us make tuna exist You

25:54

cannot get good

25:57

tuna there

25:59

your tuna not

26:02

exactly the

26:05

water is different that's what it is

26:08

is that what it is

26:09

yes what

26:12

it means we used

26:14

to not eat at all we subsist

26:16

on the sanity bled from realms such

26:18

as this

26:19

and this is awful I'm not blaming

26:22

you she yells at

26:26

us I

26:29

don't yell

26:36

I can't with this one

26:38

oh you're

26:40

such a Britney what

26:44

used to be shrieking chaos has

26:46

become bickering

26:49

they're driving us completely

26:51

sane

26:53

what an unforeseeable turn

26:55

of events all right being honest

26:58

if a realm has to be corrupted so I

27:00

can spend time with my powers

27:02

I'd rather it be this one

27:04

perhaps prolonged visits

27:07

are not in a card moderation

27:09

we've heard great

27:11

things

27:16

maybe start with dinner say

27:18

once a week

27:19

as long as you don't stay too

27:21

long we'll all get to keep our realms

27:24

at the desire level of sanity

27:26

you mean not hang out and kibbitz

27:29

all day every day

27:32

we will all of us band together

27:35

to destroy you this kid

27:37

okay

27:38

why

27:41

not I'll see you Sunday at that

27:43

belly you like because it can't get good corn

27:46

beef in our realm it's the water

27:48

wow

27:51

here we are

27:53

and there you go so long fellas It

28:05

seems Frank and Sadie have found that old ways

28:08

die hard, though after several

28:12

weeks, things

28:21

that die hard sometimes

28:23

come back with a vengeance.

28:26

It's

28:29

been a few weeks already, come in. You got

28:32

to

28:32

help me.

28:41

Those mortal humans, they're driving

28:43

me basically bananas. I can't do it anymore.

28:46

I can't do it. Time

28:49

is structure and I'm chaos. It

28:51

feels like I eat corned beef and listen to them

28:54

complain every other second.

28:56

Let's stand, I can feel it.

29:00

I'll let them in, you just tell

29:03

them how you feel. Nothing

29:05

says let's not spend any more time together

29:07

than precisely that. What

29:11

is he doing here? Oh,

29:13

you three are friends now. I can't

29:15

tell who's the Judas here, but it's someone. Hi,

29:18

Mrs. Neighbor.

29:20

Hello, tell

29:22

them. Guys,

29:26

I think we need to pause our dinners. It's nothing

29:29

personal except that

29:31

it very is. Oh,

29:35

look who wants to pause our dinners now. Look

29:37

who, it's nothing personal but

29:40

it very is. At

29:42

first, your relentless negativity was invigorating.

29:46

I can't really hear any more about how everyone

29:49

wears hats wrong now.

29:55

It's just an observation.

29:59

Like you're a bunch of

30:02

Macy's Day balloons to be

30:04

around. Many

30:07

times, we

30:09

had to hear about the city isn't what

30:11

it used to be because it exists

30:13

now. And this bodega

30:16

used to be a lava flow. And

30:20

this atmosphere used to be

30:23

poisonous. Well,

30:25

smart guy, we would just come in here to see about

30:27

getting out of seeing you so much too. How

30:30

does that feel?

30:31

Bad? Because that's

30:33

how finding out you don't want to see

30:36

us feels.

30:38

It does feel bad. Should

30:40

we keep having dinner then?

30:44

I guess we should. Yeah, yeah. Sadie,

30:47

this isn't working. They keep seeing each

30:49

other. They'll keep coming back. Perhaps

30:51

weekly outings were too

30:53

ambitious. What if you planned

30:55

something once in a while? A bit

30:58

further out.

31:01

I could do that. Sounds perfect. Yeah, okay.

31:03

Yeah, yeah. What do you think

31:07

of how your hours work? You

31:09

carried the one six, you got 500, then six. What

31:13

do you say, 500 years from now?

31:16

We'll be dead, sure. Well,

31:19

listen, I can find you in any hell dimension.

31:23

Yeah, I can't completely commit.

31:25

Maybe I have something that day. So

31:29

don't plan anything for that day.

31:32

Remind me not to. I will.

31:46

All right, all right.

31:49

I will see you in 500 years. I look

31:52

forward to it. 500 years? Yes.

31:54

For a thing who is bad from a place that is

31:56

worse, you're all right. You

31:59

too. You know, maybe I'll visit you in

32:01

your nightmares. Steal your sanity

32:03

sometime. I'd like that.

32:13

I'll miss that guy, but on the whole

32:15

I feel like this foolishness has

32:18

brought us closer as neighbors.

32:20

Nearly too close for comfort.

32:22

Now, fellas, if you'll excuse us, Sidney and I would

32:24

like you to excuse us.

32:26

That's what

32:28

I like about you, buddy boy.

32:30

I know where I stand! Yes, on

32:32

the other side of the door. I

32:40

see you around, Mr. and Mrs.

32:42

Neighbor.

32:51

Sheesh, he's never opened the door

32:53

again. Except for right now.

32:56

Frank, has your sanity eroded

32:58

after all? My love, it's been weeks. The liquor delivery

33:01

boy is all better. I'll get the door in

33:03

the house and the...

33:07

It seems the Doyles have

33:09

learned that good neighbors

33:12

make offenses, but

33:14

that all portals living in the city

33:17

that the brave

33:18

pursue.

33:19

Join us next time when they once

33:22

again walk beyond belief

33:25

in a spooky tale titled

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