0:00

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon

0:02

show here. It is Thanksgiving weekend.

0:06

We are pre recording the show quite

0:08

a few days before the actual holiday. You

0:11

have many, many things to do. We've got a we've

0:13

got a a real special guest

0:16

coming up that'll

0:19

come out on Monday. Yeah.

0:23

Next week. Next week. And

0:26

then we're taking a we're taking a little holiday.

0:29

So you've got you're going to have two episodes

0:32

to binge. And

0:34

then we'll see it in December, probably,

0:37

or late November. However, that works.

0:42

And I'm very excited about this guest. Noah

0:46

Tishby coming back. Why

0:50

am I why would I stop? Why would

0:52

I ever stop? I'll never

0:55

stop. Try

0:57

to get Noah to come back on

0:59

the show and tank

1:02

it. Further

1:04

in views. That

1:07

episode tanked so badly that I

1:09

should have Hezbollah on

1:13

every day for a week because

1:15

that thing ate it. What

1:19

are you going to do, Timothee Chalamet? What's

1:22

going on over here in Japan? I

1:25

think he's promoting the Wonka film. I just

1:27

don't love this. Let's just take a look at this here.

1:39

I don't I mean, that is that are

1:41

they in the film? No. So

1:47

they're just making it

1:50

feels like

1:52

those children have been

1:54

they've they've had to do that and

1:57

food has been withheld from them. until

2:01

they did it just like that like

2:03

I feel like I don't even

2:05

he seems like he's like what's

2:09

what's going on Wow

2:11

yeah one more time here

2:16

she's uncomfortable

2:22

are they children or they like

2:24

do they have a disease where they're like 30 like

2:28

the dog like

2:31

I am I will never I am a huge

2:33

fan right now

2:34

of

2:37

is it Zao Zao and Wulong

2:40

get up Zao Zao and Wulong

2:45

Zao Zao is a 36 year old yeah

2:49

this one go to the third one down there this is a

2:51

good one

2:52

she is from a province in

2:54

China and she's big on Chinese

2:56

tick-tock and her friend Wulong is

2:59

kind of a hunchback and Zao Zao has her own issues

3:02

but and this

3:04

transgender presenter

3:08

in China it's kind

3:10

of fun like I know that we're all supposed

3:12

to be afraid of China but

3:15

if this is what's going on in China

3:18

count me in they've got

3:20

this transgender presenter who's very polished

3:22

and put together who

3:24

looks very good she's like going the full

3:26

you know she's really she's going

3:29

the full you know whatever

3:32

it is you know doing it I don't

3:34

want to say right doing

3:37

it well it's nice you

3:40

know I'm gonna get in trouble for saying this and

3:43

I and people are gonna get angry with me and I

3:45

don't know I'm just saying sometimes

3:48

it's nice to see a transgender person

3:51

really try you

3:53

understand what I mean

3:56

because I like effort in

3:59

every part of life

3:59

Do

4:00

you understand? It's not,

4:03

I'm only, I'm not simply requiring it

4:06

of someone who's transitioning

4:08

or changing genders. I

4:10

want it all over the place, but

4:13

I do like it when

4:15

I see someone who is transgender really

4:18

commit to it and

4:21

really try to the

4:23

best of their own financial ability, Mark Norman

4:25

used to have a great joke about that, where he was like, people

4:28

say this one's brave, she's just rich

4:30

or whatever, you know? But I

4:33

like to see somebody try, which this host

4:35

in China is doing. And this is kind of like,

4:38

I guess, a Chinese American idol in

4:40

a way. I don't

4:43

know. I don't know if that's what it is,

4:45

but let's give everyone

4:47

a taste of this. If you don't know who these people

4:49

are, this

4:52

will be cultural

4:55

prediction here. This

4:58

will be more common. We are going

5:00

to find people that are deformed.

5:04

This is kind of the final phase

5:07

of society where it's really the barbarism

5:10

is coming. Every week I try not to do this,

5:12

by the way, like every week I go, I drive

5:14

here and I go, you know, I know why I'm not

5:17

as big as like other people. It's just because it's

5:19

like, how much can you take of this? Right?

5:21

Like even me, like even me sometimes,

5:24

right? I'm like, how much can I take? Like

5:26

I want to do other things. Like I had a nice

5:28

friends giving. I talk about that. I

5:30

could talk about entertaining. I like

5:33

throwing parties and seeing people get

5:36

together. Who cares, right?

5:38

But I get it. Like I

5:40

was like today on the way here, I was like, I'm not going

5:42

to do the whole, it's all the empire

5:44

is falling in a class. I'm not

5:46

going to do it. But I really,

5:49

sometimes I don't want to do it. But

5:51

it's just, it's now what

5:54

is there. It's so

5:56

it's, it's, you know, there's

5:59

it's, it's hard to. infer anything

6:02

else from the news is my

6:04

point. It's difficult. I

6:06

tried to, to infer,

6:08

we're going to go later. Fox

6:10

news literally has an article that's like, here's

6:13

how you can have a Thanksgiving without

6:15

killing people that you know,

6:18

because they're so used to the people that watch

6:20

Fox news is being like, I guess,

6:23

like monsters that they

6:25

literally every line is like,

6:28

well, you know, you don't, you know, don't

6:30

keep a loaded gun at the table. Like it's

6:32

such a crazy article,

6:35

but what I mean here about Zhao Zhao and

6:37

Wu Lang, and I think why they're an important,

6:40

you know, I know that even

6:44

as I say this, it seems insane,

6:46

but what's important about Zhao Zhao and Wu Lang

6:48

is that

6:50

we're, I believe what's coming is

6:53

a real fascination with deformed

6:55

people

6:56

kind of freaks.

6:57

It's going back to the 1920s as

7:00

it was in the beginning, as

7:02

it shall be in the end. I

7:04

believe we are going back to the kind of tent

7:07

era

7:08

depression, tent

7:10

era, carnival side show circus.

7:14

This is what I believe. This is kind of

7:16

the final form of a

7:18

lot of the trends that we've seen on the internet.

7:22

These people are probably being abused

7:24

or being used, but they're getting their fame and, you

7:27

know, people are going to say, this is a good thing. You know,

7:29

people, people debate this.

7:31

They go, these are these people are being abused.

7:34

And then other people are no, they're

7:36

not. They love it.

7:38

And no one knows what's going on because

7:41

no one lives in this crazy province of China.

7:43

But

7:44

I think her family's probably like, we're making a little

7:46

bit of money here. People like to, she's an

7:49

oddity. She's an oddity. And

7:52

this was the thinking behind the freak shell,

7:54

right? This person is an oddity,

7:57

but why not pay?

8:00

money to see them because

8:03

so this is what

8:06

a lot of TikTok

8:09

has become.

8:10

We are putting humans

8:12

on display and human oddities

8:15

and we are

8:17

marveling at them.

8:19

We're gawking and

8:22

the latest manifestation of this is

8:24

Zhao Zhao and Wulong

8:27

who by the way I

8:29

feel an affection for both

8:31

of them and I enjoy

8:33

what they're doing. Zhao

8:36

Zhao is the kicks and

8:38

hits because she's often

8:40

angry at others

8:43

which I often feel very enraged and

8:45

I feel kind of

8:47

envious of her of her ability to kind of just kind

8:49

of

8:50

Wulong her friend

8:53

who only I've read about them for several

8:55

hours and

8:58

Wulong I had a party it's funny and

9:00

I had this friend's giving and I

9:04

you talk what I like about it is you don't talk

9:06

to anyone for that long you

9:08

do your little thing with everybody you

9:11

go over to Caitlyn Jenner how are you she's

9:13

talking about patriotism love it go

9:16

over to Barry Weiss what's your deal the Jews

9:19

good moving on we

9:21

go over to Tana Mojo like her what's

9:24

going on with the pussy

9:26

you just quick quick in and out

9:30

Bobby Lee lovely to meet your girl

9:32

this one that one that one you know Santino

9:35

a bunch of people came but

9:37

for a lot of the party I was reading about Zhao

9:39

Zhao and Wulong because I was kind of

9:41

transfixed and

9:43

they said this all

9:44

started because Zhao

9:46

Zhao they were

9:49

doing some type of benefit for Zhao Zhao they brought her out

9:51

she sang a song or people liked it supposedly

9:54

Wulong only spoke one word before

9:56

she started

9:58

doing social media These

10:02

are the Chinese D'Amelios. You

10:04

know how we have Charlie D'Amelio

10:07

and Dixie D'Amelio?

10:10

This is what they have. And

10:12

I

10:12

take

10:14

these two over

10:16

the D'Amelios

10:17

any day of the week. Without further

10:20

ado, if

10:21

you don't know them, you will. They're

10:22

gonna be household names. Is

10:26

this show part of the problem or part of the solution?

10:28

I don't know. I don't know if there's

10:30

a real difference. Ziaozhou and Mulan.

10:32

Now if that's what

10:44

Wonka was, I'd watch it.

11:00

Ziaozhou and Mulan find them support them on other

11:03

channels. Mulan

11:05

doesn't sing often. She's chill, but

11:08

she does sing sometimes. You know, this

11:10

is what's happening. This is where life is going. Fox

11:14

News just read an article. Fox News likes

11:16

to run articles occasionally, where they're basically

11:18

like, listen, occasionally

11:22

you're going to go into the world and...

11:26

You know, a friend of mine lives down in Florida, just

11:28

opened a QAnon store. This

11:31

is true.

11:32

She opened a QAnon boutique in like

11:35

a... in a old motel.

11:38

In Florida, they just let you transact

11:41

business, which I like. So

11:43

they have these old motels. And

11:46

we'll talk about the commercial real estate crash in a little

11:48

bit too.

11:49

But

11:50

she opened this kind of... It's just a QAnon

11:52

store. It just looks like a hoarder's

11:55

house.

11:56

She's got like games

11:58

from the 90s.

12:01

that kids can buy like fun Trump sweatshirts.

12:04

It's just a QAnon boutique

12:06

in Florida,

12:08

from people that are older, that

12:10

are in the area and

12:12

want to go to the QAnon store.

12:14

You know? And

12:18

so what Fox News

12:20

has to do every now and then is run an article

12:22

where they're basically like, hey,

12:25

you're going to have relatives

12:27

that don't shop at your QAnon store.

12:30

And you're going to have to eat turkey

12:32

with them.

12:33

How do you do it? How

12:35

do you do it if someone,

12:38

it's very funny because the

12:40

whole premise of the whole thing is like someone's

12:42

coming to your house,

12:44

they don't agree with you.

12:47

How can you do it?

12:49

How to handle combative relatives during

12:52

the holidays. Welcome to attend

12:54

with conditions.

12:56

And this is on the Fox News

12:59

website because Fox News, by

13:01

the way, for years

13:04

has been promoting

13:08

all manner of crazy

13:10

things like a lot of news

13:12

organizations do. The

13:15

MSNBC, any of them, their job, if you

13:17

watch the prime time lineup, is not to

13:19

inform you. The job is

13:21

to wind you up

13:24

and send you out into the world

13:26

like a whirling dervish

13:30

where you are just

13:32

anywhere you can go spread the gospel.

13:35

But now they're right. Every now and then they'll throw

13:38

out an article where they're like,

13:39

hey, it's Thanksgiving.

13:43

So, okay. There might be people

13:45

that show up at your house that

13:47

do not, they're not, they

13:50

don't get it like you get it. They're

13:53

not in the program like you're in the program. They

13:55

don't know about the underground tunnels.

13:57

You do.

13:59

So you're gonna have to just make

14:02

a choice. You're gonna have to ban them

14:05

from speaking or you're

14:07

gonna have to set boundaries because it's

14:10

your house

14:11

and you get to decide what's real

14:15

and what's not

14:16

in your house. This is your reality.

14:19

They're stepping into

14:21

your reality. So

14:23

whatever you've decided is the

14:27

truth, they gotta subscribe

14:29

to that. Quote,

14:31

if you're worried about the possibility of

14:34

fights or quarrels or

14:36

over any number of topics during

14:38

the holiday season, mental

14:40

health experts, which by the way,

14:43

what a great term and God

14:46

only knows,

14:48

mental health experts shared strategies

14:50

and insights for how to diffuse

14:53

arguments and how to speak to relatives

14:55

about your concerns. Don't

14:59

buy into the belief that you have a perfect

15:01

family or that the holiday will be perfect.

15:05

Said Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist

15:08

and executive performance coach. Right,

15:11

right. Always, right, right.

15:14

Go back up.

15:17

Executive performance coach.

15:21

It's always something else when these

15:23

experts weigh in. It's never

15:25

like just some

15:27

type of doctor. It's

15:30

like doctor and

15:32

con artist, like psychotherapist

15:37

and

15:38

con artist and, you

15:41

know, Primerica. Executive.

15:44

It's a psychotherapist and

15:48

sells Mary Kay cosmetics.

15:50

This person has practices in Manhattan and Washington,

15:53

D.C. and author

15:55

of the book, Be Fearless, Change Your Life in 28

15:57

Days, which, you know, I'm sure has a lot of

15:59

people. valuable information

16:02

on being fearless and changing

16:04

your life in 28 days if you want to.

16:09

By adjusting your expectations you're less likely

16:11

to be disappointed in stress should something

16:14

not go according to plan and

16:16

you'll be able to take the pressure off yourself. If

16:19

you know in advance there's bad blood between

16:21

relatives what can you do?

16:24

Talk to people ahead of time.

16:25

Hold a conversation with them separately about

16:27

your expectations of their behavior. Said

16:30

Amy Morin a

16:32

psychotherapist and author of 13

16:34

Things Mentally Strong

16:36

People Don't Do. Also

16:39

Fox just tells you that we'll plug your

16:41

books. Just weigh in. Yeah.

16:44

Weigh into this article about how

16:47

people can behave. We

16:49

got to give advice to our regular viewers

16:52

about how they can behave like people

16:54

for two hours out of the year.

16:57

Weigh in here and

16:59

we'll plug your books about 13

17:02

things mentally

17:05

strong people don't do. Hit number 13.

17:11

Look at the poor. They

17:13

don't do it because they're

17:16

mentally strong.

17:18

Make it clear that they're welcome to attend but that arguing

17:21

or rude behavior won't be tolerated. After

17:23

all you have others to think about including

17:26

your loved ones and possibly your children

17:29

and many other people you care about

17:32

deeply. Refuse

17:34

to take sides. Reconsider

17:38

serving alcohol.

17:40

Can you ever just pick one relative over

17:42

another? Yes.

17:44

You can certainly just pick

17:47

one relative over the other. Sometimes

17:51

family riffs stem from serious issues

17:53

like childhood abuse crime

17:56

or substance abuse.

17:58

You don't have to invite people to your home just

17:59

because they are related to you. Right,

18:02

so if someone in your family

18:04

is raped everyone in the

18:06

family, Fox News is telling

18:09

you, you don't have to invite them. Well,

18:13

what if they agree with me? Well, that's

18:15

tough, that's hard. If

18:17

the rapist is on your side politically,

18:20

it becomes different, you know? You're

18:22

a neutral party who wants to invite everyone and you

18:24

aren't interested in listening to complaints about the other person.

18:28

You might decide to pick one relative because you

18:30

want them to feel emotionally safe or

18:32

because you want them to attend the gathering

18:34

and they wouldn't if the other person was there.

18:38

Do you warn both people to be on their best behavior

18:40

ahead of time?

18:43

Who is this for? Who

18:46

is this for?

18:48

What person

18:49

is sitting at home going, God,

18:52

I just, I don't know. I

18:54

don't know, I don't know how to do it. Look

18:56

at this, what if the relative isn't

18:59

at odds with a particular guest but just has

19:01

a combative personality? Fox

19:03

is, they're basically like, what if this

19:05

person

19:07

is gonna come there and

19:10

say something you're uncomfortable

19:12

with?

19:13

What do you do? What

19:15

can you do? How do you turn your

19:17

Thanksgiving table into a fascist

19:20

dictatorship of which

19:22

you are the dictator? That's really what it

19:24

comes down to.

19:26

That's the whole article. The whole article's like, how?

19:29

Because they bury it in the mental health

19:31

crap which they don't care about at all.

19:34

And they're basically like, yeah, how could

19:36

you avoid disagreement?

19:39

How could you avoid disagreement?

19:42

Now, several people have

19:44

the benefit of armies or intelligence services

19:47

that will disappear people that disagree

19:49

with them. Now, you may not have the

19:51

financial wherewithal to do that or

19:53

you may live in

19:56

a type of place where murdering

19:59

is out of control. outright illegal. So

20:01

what you have to do is find different

20:03

ways to shut down anyone

20:06

that would disagree

20:09

with you about anything.

20:11

Cause we here at Fox, we know what you want

20:13

to do.

20:14

We know what you want to do. You've hosted the event

20:17

and you've hosted the event because

20:19

you want to basically

20:22

get everyone around the table and,

20:24

and yell and scream about the Guatemalans.

20:27

Now that's fine. But

20:30

someone might ruin this

20:33

by going, Hey, they're, they're people

20:35

kind of right. Like

20:37

the softest events, they

20:40

might provide like the thinnest

20:42

defense of,

20:45

for example,

20:46

like, like somebody at the

20:48

kitchen table might be like, you know, it feels

20:50

like 12,000

20:51

people, a lot of people to kill

20:54

in Gaza. They'd be like, you're out alive.

20:57

You're turning this holiday upside down.

20:59

You sick Fox.

21:02

Fox news. How do you turn your Thanksgiving

21:05

into a fascist dictatorship

21:08

where everyone is afraid to have a different

21:10

opinion? Look at this. I love this. How do you keep

21:12

hot topics out of the conversation? This

21:15

is very Fox. Cause this is very difficult

21:17

to do as we cannot control

21:19

other people. By the way, this is

21:21

not, there's no idea

21:24

here. Like, so we're supposed

21:26

to believe

21:27

that the person who's reading this

21:29

on Fox news.com is

21:33

just an innocent wallflower

21:36

who's terrified. This

21:38

is the Fox news watcher.

21:41

They're terrified about people coming

21:44

to their house and starting

21:46

up.

21:48

It's very difficult to do as we cannot control

21:50

other people.

21:53

However, if, and when hot

21:55

topics come up, you can set a boundary

21:57

by saying something like, let's

21:59

not get it.

21:59

into XYZ. It

22:02

can be controversial and we're all having a good

22:04

time. Why don't we talk about ABC

22:07

instead?

22:09

Can you say to a relative,

22:11

I can't have this in my home again. I can't

22:16

have this in my home again. Like last year and

22:19

by it, I mean your mixed race child.

22:23

I think it would be better if you visited another

22:25

day as challenging

22:27

as it may be to tell a relative not to come

22:29

to a holiday. It's just

22:32

the premise of this is hilarious. The

22:34

idea of a Fox news

22:36

watcher is like, well, we

22:38

just like to have a Thanksgiving. It's

22:41

uncomplicated, but then people come in with

22:43

all their ideas.

22:45

All their ideas. Me

22:47

and my husband just sit there and we're

22:50

just sitting there and serving everybody turkey

22:53

and reading mind comps. But

22:55

then these kids come in with their ideas.

22:59

Think about what is in the best interest of the group.

23:02

How Orwellian is all this. So

23:05

Orwellian

23:06

a conversation like this can lead to hard feelings,

23:08

but having a relative come over who does

23:11

not get along with other relatives can also lead the

23:13

hard feelings.

23:14

What is it like? What world

23:17

are we living in

23:18

where there's articles being written about

23:20

like, Hey man, someone

23:23

might come to your house

23:24

and you might have a disagreement.

23:27

Here's a 10 point plan

23:30

to make sure that doesn't happen. I

23:33

mean, how crazy is that?

23:36

And then everybody's like, well, everybody's in a

23:39

bubble.

23:40

Everyone's in a, why is everyone

23:41

in such a bubble?

23:43

Everyone's in a buff feedback loop.

23:46

Nobody's yeah,

23:47

because you have articles telling people

23:49

it's the mildest disagree.

23:52

Like make sure draw the lines,

23:54

draw the battle lines before they

23:56

get there. Let them know it's

23:59

the guys. Let shit fly.

24:01

Let it fucking happen. It's Thanksgiving.

24:04

That's what it's supposed to be. People

24:07

are supposed to disagree and fight.

24:09

It's supposed to be uncomfortable. People

24:12

are supposed to sit on a couch,

24:15

you know, in that trip to Fanhays,

24:18

you know, in a coma from the turkey, and

24:20

they're supposed to just, you know, start

24:24

fighting, you know, about nonsense.

24:27

That's the whole point of the holiday. They're supposed

24:29

to argue. Everybody's so

24:31

ill-informed at a holiday

24:34

party. It's great, and then they're all tired

24:36

and drunk, and they don't really know what they're

24:38

talking about, and that's when you get real

24:40

raw, fun collisions

24:43

of bad ideas that both

24:45

parties have. And that's

24:47

what we should do. Why are we trying to avoid

24:50

that? It's the literal point

24:52

of the holiday. It's the point of

24:54

the—you don't care about seeing your

24:56

cousin, for the most part.

24:59

It's fun to watch stuff pop off.

25:02

When my father and his wife brought their

25:04

dogs to

25:07

my grandmother's house, and my uncle

25:09

flipped out and screamed about it—and he was

25:11

in the right, by the way—you just stop bringing your dogs

25:14

places if they're not invited. It's

25:16

just what it is. I love my father and his wife, but I'm just

25:18

saying, in this particular instance,

25:21

I thought my uncle had a point there. You

25:24

know, I think that's good. Why avoid that?

25:30

You know, I grew up in an Irish family where

25:32

people fought a lot, sometimes

25:34

physically. There was

25:35

a

25:38

lot of loud people, a lot of opinions,

25:40

a lot of hostility being expressed.

25:42

I think that's incredibly healthy. I

25:45

don't think avoiding all of that

25:47

is good. I think it's part

25:49

of the fun. Part of the fun of the Thanksgiving

25:52

is to get it going. Like,

25:57

if you're a young person, tell them—tell them—

26:00

them you're in Hamas at

26:02

Thanksgiving. Go, I am in

26:04

Hamas.

26:07

Show up in a

26:09

hijab. Give

26:12

your grandmother a stroke.

26:15

And then just go, I'm kidding. Tell

26:19

them you converted to Islam

26:21

in the car on the way over. Have

26:24

fun.

26:26

You only live what these are the memories.

26:28

You're making memories. I

26:33

mean, what's the point?

26:37

Everything that has any value

26:40

is a controversial topic for the most

26:42

part. So

26:45

I mean, I guess you could just talk about yourselves like a

26:47

bunch of narcissists,

26:49

but immediately get it immediately

26:51

get into the Middle

26:52

East. It's why they're fighting over

26:54

there. So we can talk about it at

26:56

our Thanksgiving table. That's

26:58

why it's happening. What did

27:00

Hamas did it

27:02

with a bunch of power? You think they did it for

27:05

nothing.

27:05

They did it so that you can talk

27:08

about it while you stuff marshmallows in your

27:10

face.

27:11

That's the benefit

27:13

of living in America up until the point everybody

27:15

nukes us, which is coming. But

27:17

the benefit of living in America is

27:20

being able to discuss things that

27:23

have real consequences for other people.

27:25

And you get to discuss them quite flippantly

27:28

and casually. You get

27:30

to discuss life and death decisions pretty

27:33

casually with no information.

27:36

We're all it's all a kind of

27:38

game of Thronesy with the goblets

27:41

of wine and eating the turkey.

27:43

Well, you get better. You got to kill him.

27:45

You got to kill him. Good. Well, they have to

27:48

do it because they're in a hot. They're under the hospital.

27:51

That's why you don't know because they're in school.

27:54

Those people. So the kids

27:56

are in the school, but you got to kill the people

27:59

under the school. school, that's where it is.

28:02

That's what you have to do. This is the benefit of being

28:04

an American. The benefit of being an American is

28:07

that you get to engage

28:10

quite casually in

28:12

discussions and topics that are,

28:15

they have real consequences

28:18

for people all over the world and

28:21

you get to just sound

28:23

off on them. From the minute

28:25

you can talk, you're allowed to

28:27

do this and there's no better time

28:29

to do it than the holidays.

28:32

There's no better time. There's a captive

28:34

audience. Everybody's eating

28:36

and drinking. You don't see these people a lot. It's

28:38

good to see what they're into and about.

28:42

Why not? Why avoid

28:44

it? What are you going to fucking

28:46

talk about? It's

28:48

so boring if

28:50

you're going to like, I like

28:55

a little bit of, and

28:58

you know, we were pretty,

29:01

we would fight about personal things, my

29:03

family, more so than political.

29:07

But I don't think there's anything wrong

29:11

with having a knockdown drag

29:13

out by two ill-informed

29:16

people on either side

29:18

of an issue that don't really have any facts

29:21

and are arguing to mask the

29:24

emotional problems that they are having that

29:27

don't have anything to do with this issue that

29:29

they don't really care that much about.

29:32

I don't think there's anything wrong

29:34

with masking the

29:37

emotional pit of despair you're in

29:40

because you're in a loveless marriage by

29:42

screaming about Gaza.

29:45

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think it's as

29:47

American as apple pie. If apple pie

29:49

is American,

29:51

going to Thanksgiving with your loveless wife,

29:54

your loveless marriage, your wife hates you and you

29:56

hate her and you just, you know, you're just doing

29:58

it. You're doing it. it because you've

30:01

been doing it for a while, but you know what's

30:03

coming to an end, you know dating after 40 ain't

30:05

great.

30:06

Then you know there's going to be a lot of lonely nights, you're going

30:08

to have to get back on the horse and you know your wife,

30:11

you know it's basically

30:13

she's going to rebound a lot quicker than you and that bothers

30:15

you too. And you know this,

30:18

you know it. And as you drive your

30:20

moderately expensive SUV to

30:24

your brother's house, you always had more money than

30:26

you, he was always a little better looking than

30:28

you. His family's a little better than yours,

30:31

he cheats on his wife, she doesn't really mind

30:33

or maybe she doesn't even know. She's

30:35

dumb, she's from the south, you should have married a southern

30:37

woman, but you didn't, you married a New Yorker

30:40

and she was smart,

30:41

you went to Vassar, she was smarter than you,

30:43

she pretended she didn't want or care about money,

30:45

but you know down deep she did. And you

30:47

know down deep she looked at your brother's house and his

30:49

car and things like that. All the things that you

30:51

pretended not to care about, well it turns

30:54

out she was a fucking liar because she makes

30:56

a lot of passive aggressive comments about your

30:58

income level and it bothers you.

31:01

And you don't find her attractive and you haven't had sex in eight

31:03

months and eight months ago it was, you

31:06

could barely get hard for her, you're just not into it anymore.

31:09

But you can't go into that

31:11

at

31:11

Thanksgiving, so you

31:13

have to scream and yell about

31:15

Gaza

31:18

or Trans Kids or

31:21

I don't know what's our guns

31:24

because you're in a pit of

31:26

emotional pain and despair. And

31:30

it can only be solved one way and

31:33

that way is by coming

31:35

in with talking points

31:37

and getting on a high

31:40

horse

31:40

and feeling morally superior

31:44

and there's nothing wrong with that, that's the

31:46

point of the holiday, is

31:48

to mask your pain. I

31:52

think it's a beautiful thing and you can, when

31:54

you were at your Thanksgiving, this has come out after Thanksgiving,

31:57

but you can tell somebody's getting really in.

32:00

into something go this isn't really about this

32:03

isn't about

32:04

you know

32:05

immigration is it this is about something

32:07

else you have other

32:10

issues but

32:12

listen there's nothing wrong with a passionate exchange of

32:14

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32:16

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32:19

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football terms. The commercial

35:29

real estate

35:30

crisis is deepening and

35:33

it's something that

35:35

suggests

35:38

a reckoning is coming.

35:41

After COVID people did not return

35:43

to work.

35:45

They didn't.

35:49

Vacancy rates are high.

35:51

What's

35:55

the big one that just went out of business? WeWork.

35:58

WeWork was like

36:00

Airbnb for companies,

36:03

they would just have these office

36:05

spaces, tens of thousands of

36:09

square feet for people that

36:11

needed to work. Now

36:13

everybody's working from home.

36:16

People don't go into offices as much.

36:19

People do

36:21

not have those

36:24

communities that they used to have. I mean,

36:27

offices are huge. There are workplace

36:29

comedies in America. There was a hit show

36:31

called The Office, right? You're

36:35

amputating a major part of American

36:37

culture if you just send everybody into

36:39

their house.

36:41

The office is where people meet their

36:44

friends, is where people meet people

36:46

they're going to marry,

36:47

it's where,

36:49

you know, they have a lot of the formative

36:52

experiences as

36:54

a younger intern or somebody.

36:56

You're looking at these old people in your office

36:58

and you're going, fuck,

37:00

I don't want to end up like that guy, or

37:02

God,

37:03

you know, what I wouldn't give to end up like

37:06

that guy. And I worked

37:08

in tons of them and I know exactly

37:10

that that is what's happening and I worked with them as a young

37:13

guy having those things.

37:15

When you,

37:17

it's very interesting to look at

37:20

the evolution of

37:24

physical society into a digital one,

37:26

which is what's happening, where

37:30

the new office is a Zoom meeting. It's

37:33

a Microsoft meetup

37:35

or whatever it's called, Google Hangout, whatever

37:37

these things are called. And

37:40

that's the new office and people

37:42

are not going into a physical structure and

37:44

they are

37:45

staying home and they are, you

37:47

know,

37:48

more isolated than they've

37:50

been. They don't know

37:53

their coworkers as well as

37:55

they would have if they sat next

37:57

to them or went to lunch with

37:59

them.

37:59

You are

38:00

face-to-face with somebody,

38:03

the relationship you build

38:05

is different than the one that you build digitally.

38:07

This is just Mark Zuckerberg might,

38:09

he might not want to hear that.

38:12

The people that are making billions of dollars

38:15

shutting everybody into their homes and, you know,

38:17

hooking them up to a computer like an

38:20

IV

38:20

don't want to hear that it

38:23

is significant to be in someone's

38:25

physical presence, sitting there, talking to

38:27

them, hearing them.

38:29

Instead,

38:31

diminishing everything to

38:34

online is, I

38:36

think, going to be quite a negative

38:39

for

38:42

people. I don't think it's good

38:44

for people to work. Number

38:47

one, I don't think it's good for people's marriages.

38:50

And this, we saw this during the pandemic, I

38:52

think people have to get out,

38:55

get out of their house. You

38:57

know, I have lots of friends at work from home and

38:59

some of them it works out, but

39:02

some of them, it's

39:04

not working out.

39:06

It's putting a strain

39:08

on the marriage

39:09

to be in

39:12

the same house

39:14

every minute of every day.

39:17

And they don't have this social,

39:20

you

39:21

know,

39:23

community that they had.

39:25

So commercial real estate

39:26

is going to, is probably going to

39:28

collapse.

39:30

People cannot get loans. The way the commercial

39:32

mortgages work is that

39:35

people are constantly refinancing

39:37

them, they're constantly modifying them.

39:40

And if they can't get new loans, those things are hard

39:42

to do and they head into foreclosure.

39:46

This is from the post, the commercial real estate market

39:48

is headed for a severe collapse due

39:51

to in large part sky high interest

39:53

rates and declining property values. Nobody

39:55

wants

39:57

these properties anymore.

39:59

because they know it's not boom times. They know they're

40:02

not going to get

40:03

the rents that they would want. They

40:06

know that a lot of these properties are going to sit vacant.

40:09

When asked when they believe the price of office properties

40:11

will hit bottom,

40:14

44% said they expected

40:16

that to happen in the second half of next year, while 22% said

40:18

it will be in the final six months of 2024.

40:22

Just 6%

40:24

of the 919 respondents

40:26

said that prices would bottom out this year. So

40:29

people think this is a long slide.

40:32

30% of

40:34

people are saying it won't bounce back till 2025 or beyond.

40:39

The Fed has raised rates aggressively over

40:41

and over again, and there

40:44

is just less, which is why, you know,

40:47

it's like, you know, my friend who's got

40:49

a little QAnon boutique in

40:51

Florida, you know,

40:54

it's in an old motel

40:56

and it's kind of clever what they're doing there

40:59

because they have this old motel where

41:02

you can set up a

41:05

boutique

41:07

of the MAGA shit and the QAnon

41:10

memorabilia regalia.

41:13

Why not?

41:14

Why not?

41:16

You know, I'm telling you right now,

41:19

some $270 billion in commercial

41:22

real estate loans held by banks are set to mature

41:24

in 2023.

41:25

According

41:27

to Trepp,

41:29

over the next four years, commercial real estate properties must

41:31

pay off debt maturities that will peak

41:33

at $550 billion, according to

41:37

analysts and Morgan Stanley.

41:40

Vacancy rates

41:42

are at 30 year highs in many

41:44

American cities.

41:47

Q1 of 2023, New York City vacancy rate 22.2%.

41:53

That is the

41:55

most dynamic city in the world, the

41:57

largest central business district in the world,

41:59

New York.

42:02

Wow.

42:03

San Francisco, I mean,

42:05

forget it. The

42:08

vacancy rate in San Francisco is,

42:11

I don't know exactly

42:13

what it is, but I imagine it's

42:16

very high. Oh, yeah. And

42:22

this is a bigger story,

42:24

I think, that people realize because

42:26

what it signifies is the

42:29

collapse of

42:31

a

42:33

way of life for many people

42:35

for a very long time. It doesn't mean that it's

42:37

going to be 33.9% vacancy rate, San

42:39

Francisco, 34%. Vacant

42:47

space, office buildings just sitting

42:49

there,

42:50

nobody working.

42:53

They go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm good.

42:55

I'll do it from home. Yeah,

42:58

Donna came into work yesterday. She

43:00

got slashed. What?

43:03

You know Donna? Well, Donna

43:05

came into the office, she got slashed across her face.

43:08

Yeah. So, listen,

43:11

if you're going to come in, be careful. Yeah,

43:14

I think I'll just work from home. That's

43:16

fine too. But if you're going

43:18

to just come in, like, we're

43:20

telling everyone to use the market to treat entrants

43:22

because Donna

43:25

used the kind of main entrance and somebody

43:27

just came up to her and slashed

43:31

her. Thank God it wasn't

43:33

a knife, it was a pen, but

43:35

she has ink poisoning and they just kind of jabbed

43:37

at her with a pen a few times. But

43:40

Donna, she's not a small woman and she fought back.

43:42

So I mean, they're saying it's not nearly as bad

43:45

as it should have been. Well, anyway,

43:48

get me that report when you can. It's

43:50

not a good time in San Francisco to get

43:53

people into the office.

43:55

But I don't know where it is. Like, I don't know where it,

43:58

where people are, you know. Obviously

44:00

there's certain jobs you have to be in an office, but

44:03

there's a lot of jobs.

44:05

People are doing them on the fly. They're

44:08

not, they're going to, they're like, fuck it, dude. I'll work

44:10

from Starbucks. I don't give

44:12

a shit. I don't care.

44:15

It's going to be a thing of the past to go. You're

44:18

sit there. You have an office. People

44:20

used to take pride in their office.

44:24

They used to sit all

44:26

day and they'd fuck

44:28

their backup

44:29

and they'd order big lunches

44:32

and they do nothing

44:34

really. I mean, they would work for an hour or two

44:36

and then, but this was people's life.

44:39

This is a big part of the Americana.

44:42

Going to the office to crazy secretary,

44:46

the boss who's riding you,

44:49

your buddy Steve, the

44:52

fantasy football group,

44:55

crazy secretary, Doreen.

44:59

You know,

45:00

this is what

45:02

Americana, what we're losing

45:06

Americana,

45:09

the hot receptionist. You think

45:11

you got a shot with, but you don't.

45:14

All of these things are being traded in for

45:18

these sterile,

45:21

horrible zoom

45:24

culture. Where a

45:26

bunch of disheveled people

45:29

from their disgusting homes

45:32

log on to a hellscape.

45:37

It's, it's really depressing to me.

45:40

I was a, you know, I'm a big proponent

45:43

of work

45:44

and I think offices are great. You

45:47

know, a lot of people don't like that. My

45:51

socialist comrades hate

45:53

this because they envision

45:55

that work has no meaning and life would be better if no one had to

45:57

work. Just like during the pandemic.

45:59

pandemic when no one had a job.

46:01

Remember how peaceful that was? Remember

46:04

how peaceful and

46:06

ideal that was when nobody

46:08

worked? But

46:10

I love offices. I love them. I

46:12

like being in them. I like being in them now. And I know it's

46:15

a terribly unpopular thing to say. People

46:18

hate them. They're miserable. I've

46:21

been miserable in them too.

46:23

You got to plot your way out

46:26

or your way up or something,

46:28

but they're not nearly as bad as

46:31

it could be. When you look at the way, you

46:33

know, there's a hell of a lot of people in

46:35

developed countries, even

46:37

countries like Russia, the developed country, a

46:40

lot of those people would love to go do data entry

46:43

in a Long Island office and

46:45

drink a cup of coffee with

46:48

French vanilla creamer in it and sit

46:50

there fat ass in a chair and just

46:54

click. I mean, listen,

46:57

is it particularly inspiring?

47:00

No.

47:01

But when you look at the realities of lots of people's

47:03

lives, it gives you a purpose.

47:06

We had this guy George used to deliver mail.

47:09

He was like deformed, but, or

47:12

he had cancer like melanomas on him. But

47:15

he came every day. He was so happy

47:17

to deliver the mail to the office.

47:20

He wasn't some schmuck

47:22

delivering mail on the street. Those people are pedophiles.

47:25

He was delivering it to the office and sometimes

47:28

the big guy would come out and go, hey, George,

47:30

and they remembered his name.

47:33

And like, where do people like that

47:35

go?

47:36

Where do people like that fat Natalia? She

47:40

was so big,

47:42

but she waddled in and sat, and

47:44

she was good at what she did.

47:48

Where do these people go? Where do people

47:50

go who derive a sense

47:53

of purpose and belonging from

47:55

their job?

47:56

Which is again, something that

47:58

a lot of people do.

47:59

don't understand

48:01

because they live in a fantasy world

48:04

that everybody's going to have a Disney adventure

48:06

on the planet and

48:09

get absolutely everything they want.

48:11

And they have all of these passions that

48:14

they just, they're like, this job's keeping

48:16

me from my passion, man.

48:19

I got to go out there and show the world

48:22

how special I am. But

48:24

like a lot of people actually

48:27

derive

48:28

a certain amount of fulfillment and

48:30

meaning

48:32

from their job

48:34

in an office, doing nothing.

48:36

It's

48:37

not that important what they're doing.

48:40

They're

48:41

just not sitting in their kitchen.

48:44

It's forced social interaction for

48:46

a lot of these people. And

48:48

it worries me. Because

48:51

I think if you get rid of these spaces,

48:53

and you just send people back

48:58

to their kitchen tables and companies hire less

49:00

people, you

49:02

just end up with

49:03

a lot of disaffected, unemployed

49:08

people

49:10

that are even more isolated

49:12

than they were before.

49:15

And that bothers me.

49:17

It's not a bad world,

49:21

the corporate world in

49:24

the sense that it's miserable

49:26

in the way like I have friends in it and all they do is complain

49:29

how much they hate it. But

49:31

if you measure their lives against

49:33

people's lives all over the place, they have

49:36

superior lives.

49:39

They have superior

49:42

lives to a lot of not everybody,

49:45

but a lot of people.

49:47

And I know it's the coolest thing in the world to be like,

49:50

fuck the corporate sucks, everything

49:53

sucks, fucking elevator,

49:55

fucking loses guys on my back.

49:57

He wants this report or that.

50:01

But, you know, listen,

50:03

compared to what, what's the alternative?

50:07

What's the alternative? I don't know.

50:09

Sitting in your home?

50:12

Sitting in the office you've made in your den?

50:15

I don't know, dude.

50:17

That just seems...

50:20

I know people with a lot of freedom, and

50:22

sometimes too much freedom is a bad thing.

50:25

I would love, even though I do what I do here,

50:27

I would love to...

50:31

I would love to work a couple of days a week at a Geico.

50:34

I would love that. I would absolutely love

50:36

for a couple of days a week

50:38

to just work at

50:41

either a car insurance or

50:44

something to just kind of have a, to

50:46

have that feeling

50:48

of like getting in there, you get your cup of

50:51

coffee, sit down, you open

50:53

folders, you open a couple of files, you get on

50:55

the computer, here comes the emails,

50:58

we're all rolling eyes, looking

51:00

at each other, like can you fucking believe this? Can you

51:02

believe this? Can you believe

51:04

this cunt? You

51:07

know, you go out, you smoke a cigarette with somebody,

51:10

talk about the company, talk about the business.

51:14

Nothing better than that.

51:15

There's nothing better than being at a dead end job

51:18

with other losers. I'm telling you,

51:20

all I'm around right now is successful, wealthy people.

51:23

It's terrible. It's miserable and horrible.

51:26

Horrible. They all just want to take ayahuasca.

51:29

So all these people want to do is, they're all so

51:31

goddamn rich, all they want to do is take

51:34

ayahuasca and open their third eye

51:36

and fourth eye and fifth eye.

51:38

They want to all keep

51:40

just taking different forms

51:42

of DMT until the aliens get so sick

51:45

of them in hyperspace and keep going, you

51:47

again? These aliens are in the other

51:49

dimension going, will you go to work?

51:52

I got a job! All

51:55

these people are just every, every, every,

51:58

every, like, uh Every

52:01

need has been removed from

52:03

their lives, so they're just endlessly

52:06

trying to explore their inner child.

52:08

They're fingering their inner child all

52:10

the time. It's so

52:13

annoying. You can barely

52:15

have a real conversation with any

52:17

of them because they're

52:20

up their own ass so

52:23

far

52:24

that they're like, it's

52:26

crazy. But there's nothing

52:29

better than

52:30

being at a dead-end job with

52:33

broke losers who

52:36

have given up

52:38

because then you're going to actually have the best conversation.

52:41

Some of the deepest,

52:44

realest conversations I've

52:46

ever had with anybody

52:48

have – certainly not at my friend's giving,

52:51

but

52:53

the deepest, realest conversation I've

52:55

had with anybody has been outside

52:57

of like a call center or

53:00

a mortgage office or whatever, smoking

53:03

a cigarette in an empty parking lot,

53:06

going, what the fuck are we

53:08

gonna do?

53:09

How are – how does – you

53:12

become like war buddies

53:15

in a shitty job

53:17

where people aren't going anywhere.

53:20

You actually have – it

53:22

becomes fun.

53:25

Now, yes, there's negatives to that.

53:29

I'm not an idiot. But

53:31

what I am saying is like

53:33

you close down all the offices, you

53:36

throw away all the French vanilla creamer, you

53:38

throw away all the Keurigs.

53:40

What do you think happens? What

53:43

do you think happens to people

53:45

when you send them back to their domiciles

53:48

and tell them to work from home?

53:50

We would have fundraisers and stuff.

53:53

This is –

53:57

people hate it. People hate it. roundly

54:02

criticized as

54:04

being a meaningless way to spend your life. What

54:09

a meaningless way to spend your life in

54:11

a corporate America? It's

54:14

meaningless. It's so mean

54:16

to provide for your wife and

54:19

kids.

54:20

God, it's meaningless.

54:22

Didn't you ever want to paint? And

54:25

this idea that everybody is just

54:28

shoving all their dreams down

54:31

deep into them and then going... And there's some of that

54:34

for sure. But also, we're running

54:36

a society here.

54:39

Someone's got to work.

54:42

Not everyone can fuck around all the time. Not

54:44

everyone's going to be a millionaire because they

54:47

invented a sock company. People

54:49

are going to need to work.

54:52

Someone's got to be a cog in a machine.

54:55

Someone's got to be that guy.

54:58

Someone's got to be the guy that walks into the office and goes, oh,

55:00

God, it's him. Someone's got

55:02

to be that. Someone's got

55:04

to be that the male guy.

55:07

George, who's happy to give you the mail.

55:10

Where do these

55:12

people go? Everybody's

55:14

not going... This whole ethos

55:17

of online hustler

55:19

culture that we think that everybody

55:22

is just one crap

55:25

psychology book away from being the CEO

55:28

of their own empire has got to stop.

55:31

It's got to go. A convention

55:34

is nice. Going to

55:37

a corporate convention with

55:39

other losers is

55:42

nice.

55:43

Trying to get laid in

55:45

a corporate convention in Cleveland,

55:48

Ohio is a good

55:50

life.

55:52

You're not going to be a Kardashian. It's just

55:54

not happening. It's

55:57

not going to happen. things

56:00

that are good, the most

56:02

fun you're gonna have is at a bar

56:05

in Cleveland, Ohio, at the

56:08

convention for

56:10

paralegals. I don't know what people do.

56:12

But the point is, this is

56:15

a good thing. I'm telling you that the

56:17

demise of commercial real estate is bad. I

56:19

worry about it.

56:21

Nothing would make me happier than

56:23

for a day or two to

56:25

just be part of a corporate culture

56:28

again, to

56:29

go in and get an email,

56:32

get an email,

56:35

turn around to my buddy like, hey man,

56:37

he

56:38

goes, you were out yesterday.

56:42

Oof, Deb was on a tear.

56:45

Deb was on a tear. Dude,

56:47

Deb was on a fucking tear.

56:50

Maybe trouble at home or something, but that bitch is sick.

56:53

Sick. Like

56:56

those conversations never happen. You're

56:59

not allowed, it's like

57:01

when you work in those jobs, you're

57:03

allowed to hate.

57:05

It's encouraged. You're allowed to hate. You're

57:08

allowed to be bitter, resentful.

57:10

And then, you know,

57:12

how are you gonna do that at home?

57:15

That'll ruin your marriage. Your

57:17

wife doesn't care about your job. She doesn't want to hear about how

57:20

much I hate everybody.

57:22

That's why you have an office. You have friends, your buddies.

57:25

You

57:25

get a cocktail after work. I

57:28

mean, that's gotta go somewhere. That

57:31

resentment, that ball of anger you

57:33

have inside of you. It's gotta go somewhere. It's

57:35

gotta go to your buddies to the left, to the right. What's

57:37

wrong with Deb? She's a sick bitch. Deb's

57:40

a sick fuck.

57:42

She's sick. A

57:43

couple of weeks ago, she thought she was having a stroke. That's

57:46

how fucking wound up she gets. One day she

57:48

is gonna have a stroke, because

57:49

she's sick, man. That

57:52

has to go somewhere. You

57:55

can't say that to your wife at

57:57

your house.

57:59

Remember, Deb! Deb!

58:01

She's

58:03

an underwriter. Well,

58:05

she's sick. No,

58:07

not, not, no, not physically.

58:10

She's some, something's wrong

58:12

with her. I hate her. I

58:15

hate her. Will you talk to me about how much

58:17

I hate?

58:18

It'll never work. It'll never, you'll be on a street. Your

58:21

wife will leave. Your wife will say something

58:23

like, maybe she's going through something and you're

58:25

like, oh god, oh god, well

58:27

what's this? I'm telling you, people

58:29

go, oh it's just a commercial real estate crisis. It

58:31

is amputating an essential

58:34

part of the American society and civilization.

58:37

That is not, it'll only be replaced

58:39

by the way, by further

58:42

entering the dark Hamas tunnel of the internet,

58:44

which is not good. We're

58:47

at, we're at 55 already? Yeah. God,

58:49

so much else I want to talk about.

58:53

But does anything I'm saying make sense? It

58:55

does. This is a great

58:58

defense here of dead end

59:00

jobs. They're important, but they

59:02

are important. Yeah. They

59:05

are really important. And I know that

59:07

you don't agree with anything I say because

59:09

you, you know, you drink the Kool-Aid.

59:12

What

59:12

do you mean?

59:13

Meaning that people,

59:16

your generation has been, everything I'm

59:18

saying about the embrace

59:20

of the dead end job, the

59:23

embrace of the sterile corporate culture

59:25

is antithetical to everything

59:28

that you've been told and everything that I have been told

59:30

too, which is to follow your dream and the

59:32

rest of all that horseshit. Right.

59:34

We're supposed to aspire. Yeah. Right. But

59:36

don't you, but don't you agree with me?

59:40

Yeah. I mean, there's got to be a Pons too. I mean,

59:42

we all heard that phrase. It's not even about Pons.

59:44

It's the happiest you'll ever be in your

59:47

life. Try telling you. Well,

59:49

if anyone listened to me, the

59:52

happiest you'll ever be in your life, dead

59:54

end job, you go, you know, Deb, I hope Deb

59:56

gets shot in the head. I

59:59

would. to see her shot

1:00:01

in the head. Everyone's laughing.

1:00:04

Nothing's better than a laugh at work.

1:00:08

A laugh at work. Your buddy's go,

1:00:10

Chuck's hilarious.

1:00:12

He did this whole thing. He acted out dead getting raped.

1:00:15

But I'm just telling you, I'm telling

1:00:17

you right now, I

1:00:20

wish

1:00:22

to God I wasn't rich

1:00:26

and I didn't live in this goddamn mansion. I

1:00:28

wish to God I worked at Geico.

1:00:33

What

1:00:36

do you mean stop?

1:00:38

I'm here. Why do you mean there's no way?

1:00:40

You don't understand anything

1:00:42

about human nature, the complexities of it. You

1:00:45

want to go back is what you're saying.

1:00:47

If I could just work

1:00:49

in a corporate environment,

1:00:55

I'm just saying

1:00:57

for a day or day or two, I'm saying

1:01:02

I would

1:01:05

love to get a fun

1:01:07

laugh and

1:01:09

it's a corporate environment. We're all

1:01:11

in there. This fucking company, not

1:01:13

what it was, we're all sitting there. We go. It's

1:01:15

not what it was, this company.

1:01:19

Used to work here. Used to be treated differently. They don't

1:01:21

treat us well anymore. Just to be

1:01:23

a bunch of bitter losers, bitter resentful losers

1:01:26

again, getting mad at a company

1:01:28

they barely understand,

1:01:31

being angry, eating big sandwiches and being angry

1:01:33

with people hating. Fuck that person.

1:01:35

Fuck him. How did he get that deal? Well, his

1:01:37

father is of course, god damn it

1:01:39

of course.

1:01:41

It's great.

1:01:44

I ruined my goddamn life.

1:01:48

I want to go back. I

1:01:50

want to work for a shady financial

1:01:53

comp, not like really bad, but just

1:01:55

kind of like,

1:01:57

just have those moments again.

1:01:59

corporate mall man, your lunches

1:02:02

arrived. Your lunches arrived.

1:02:06

Your lunches arrived. Chicken cutlet,

1:02:09

honey pesto mayo, roasted

1:02:11

red peppers on ciabatta, a

1:02:14

little side of macaroni salad or tomato

1:02:16

salad, and hatred,

1:02:19

hatred and anger, and

1:02:23

pomposity to be pompous

1:02:25

and to know better. And when the young guys

1:02:28

come in, you go, you don't really know how it works. I'll

1:02:30

tell you how it works. You seem like a good kid. Like

1:02:33

the paramilitary structure of it

1:02:35

all. It's beautiful. It's

1:02:37

fucking, it's actually, it's

1:02:40

actually beautiful.

1:02:43

Compared to Hamas, compared

1:02:46

to

1:02:47

the other options,

1:02:49

you know?

1:02:51

Sex trafficking in Thailand or whatever.

1:02:56

Yeah, I'm telling you.

1:02:59

In certain countries, they put their own children

1:03:01

in sex trafficking.

1:03:04

I think it's better to work

1:03:07

at IBM. I

1:03:09

know it crushes your dreams. I know you want to be Fiona

1:03:11

Apple.

1:03:14

And everybody wants to be Fiona Apple

1:03:17

out there. And everybody

1:03:19

just wants to go to Fiona Apple

1:03:22

and be deep.

1:03:25

I know. Or Phoebe Bridger.

1:03:28

I'd respect Phoebe Bridger

1:03:32

as more.

1:03:40

She worked

1:03:42

at IBM,

1:03:44

personally.

1:03:47

If she had all the talent she did, but still,

1:03:49

she worked at, she would never collect, she wouldn't

1:03:52

quit. She worked at American Express. Like

1:03:56

Phoebe Bridger is, and she sold the American

1:03:58

Express cards at her concerts.

1:03:59

Like all these people you know wandered in and

1:04:02

they're all sad and she's got great music

1:04:04

but she's making them sadder with that you know Sullivan

1:04:07

or whatever she sings that street song about

1:04:09

the street and it's very good it's like a nice sad

1:04:11

Christmas song she's got a bunch of them

1:04:13

and she's like after that and then she goes and

1:04:16

then she goes now you all know also know

1:04:19

that I work at American Express and

1:04:21

everyone's and

1:04:24

she goes I want to tell you about a few

1:04:27

of the benefits of this card

1:04:30

and then she like you know

1:04:32

starts doing interest rates and points

1:04:34

and everything and why

1:04:35

do you have to why do you have to choose one or the other why

1:04:38

do you have to choose one or the other Kevin

1:04:41

Hart's not he's based Chase he's got

1:04:43

a card out now he's got a card at

1:04:45

your god I'd love a card what about the Dylan

1:04:47

card

1:04:48

Chase wouldn't do it who would do

1:04:50

it hey Max no we'd

1:04:52

have to go we we gotta go we gotta go low

1:04:56

we gotta find like a teacher like

1:04:58

a teacher's credit union

1:05:00

for like you know I mean we gotta find like some

1:05:02

real scumbag arrangement

1:05:07

I'm just telling you like I this was a very the depth

1:05:09

of this episode is gonna escape people because

1:05:14

people don't know how lucky they are this is my

1:05:16

point my point is this and it's pretty it's

1:05:18

a pretty salient point people

1:05:21

do not know how lucky they are

1:05:24

when they're this this this mundane

1:05:27

life that you've created is

1:05:30

actually great this life

1:05:32

of nothing

1:05:34

is actually good

1:05:36

this life of like oh someone brought donuts

1:05:39

is actually good it's actually peak civilization

1:05:42

how about that about

1:05:43

that it's

1:05:44

actually peak civilization to just

1:05:47

get up roll out of bed head into

1:05:50

some office with a bunch of clowns eat a donut

1:05:54

and then just email somebody that they've been denied

1:05:56

for new liver or whatever whatever

1:05:58

the

1:05:59

whatever the work is

1:05:59

It doesn't even matter what the work is. You

1:06:02

just email someone, you go, we're not paying for that operation.

1:06:05

Figure it out. And then you have

1:06:07

a lunch with the guys. This is peak. It's

1:06:11

peak. Now

1:06:12

we're past peak.

1:06:13

Not to be the bearer of

1:06:15

bad news, but that's peak.

1:06:18

Peak civilization is like, I'm bored

1:06:20

at work. I'm

1:06:21

bored. Don't you think that people in Gaza

1:06:23

want to be bored at work? Don't

1:06:26

you think they want to be the choosing which coffee

1:06:28

creamer to use?

1:06:30

You know?

1:06:31

It really is. Sometimes

1:06:35

I think I'm too smart for them to

1:06:37

communicate with others and that I should just sit

1:06:40

kind of like the giver. Remember him

1:06:42

that even speak? No. He just took

1:06:44

it all in. And that's where I think sometimes I am

1:06:46

because I keep trying to

1:06:48

communicate with others and I'm at a loss because

1:06:50

who would defend American Express? Who

1:06:53

would defend Geico? Who would say that that's

1:06:55

the meaning of life? But

1:06:57

it is. All these people write about the

1:06:59

meaning of life. It really is to work

1:07:02

at Geico. That's the meaning

1:07:04

of life, like the meaning of life.

1:07:06

Not, not, you know.

1:07:10

You know, there's a lot of meanings of life, but one

1:07:12

of the meanings of life is to figure

1:07:16

it out. To

1:07:18

figure out how to just have food and

1:07:21

shelter. You need – you

1:07:23

have basic needs that need to get met. And

1:07:26

sometimes you meet – like no matter what

1:07:29

you end up doing, there's going to be periods

1:07:31

of your life that you're going to work at places you

1:07:33

don't like.

1:07:35

You know, this is what's going to happen. Everybody's

1:07:38

not going to be –

1:07:40

I don't know. The people on Stranger

1:07:42

Things, those kids.

1:07:44

And they're going to pay later. They're

1:07:47

going to pay later. Everyone pays.

1:07:50

Everyone pays. You don't get out without paying, you know?

1:07:54

So what I'm

1:07:56

saying, and a lot of people might disagree with me,

1:07:58

is that a dead-ass – corporate

1:08:01

gig where

1:08:02

you're not too low and you're not too high

1:08:04

and you're just kind of riding in the middle

1:08:07

and you're

1:08:09

going

1:08:11

you got a couple of free tickets to the game you're taking

1:08:13

some client he's a real schmuck

1:08:16

but you know he might re-up with you. You

1:08:19

realize that's it that is every you

1:08:21

did it you did it because the war in the world

1:08:23

is war and hell and famine and chaos

1:08:26

and

1:08:27

you know or people

1:08:29

take an ayahuasca in their Rolls Royce

1:08:32

try to figure out how

1:08:33

deep is it how do I

1:08:35

I need to actualize

1:08:38

ah but

1:08:40

that's what it comes down to so when you look at the

1:08:42

state of chaos it's all over the world

1:08:44

the idea that you have some boring dead-end corporate

1:08:47

job

1:08:48

is actually quite an accomplishment not only

1:08:50

of you but around the people around you yes or

1:08:52

yes

1:08:54

be happy with those things fight

1:08:56

for them

1:08:57

fight for the office we're

1:09:00

going back we're going

1:09:02

back we're where's that

1:09:04

energy it's all for Israel

1:09:07

and the Palestine where's the energy

1:09:09

to go back into the office to crawl

1:09:11

back into it crawl

1:09:14

into it we're going back

1:09:16

we're going back protest

1:09:21

get your fat ass back

1:09:23

in the office because Deb

1:09:25

is a sick bitch and

1:09:28

you want to tell someone about it you

1:09:30

I'm telling your life will not get better fight

1:09:33

for this no one's going to listen to me

1:09:36

God they'll play this years from now

1:09:39

years from now after the people in this town have had

1:09:41

me killed years from now

1:09:43

someone will hear this and they go God right

1:09:46

God he was right we should have fought for

1:09:49

the shitty little deli in

1:09:51

the basement of the building

1:09:52

we should have fought

1:09:54

for our office we should have fought for

1:09:56

the break room we should have fought

1:09:58

for it for civil

1:10:01

We should have fought when we had the chance we

1:10:03

didn't because we were all pompous

1:10:06

and We all thought we

1:10:08

were better than that and we didn't

1:10:10

need it We didn't need to see each other in

1:10:12

the flesh or talk to

1:10:14

each other that Life

1:10:16

was a series of gigs or schemes

1:10:20

Jobs were for losers

1:10:23

Schemes were better gigs

1:10:26

were better Even though they

1:10:28

only enriched the fucking apps on

1:10:30

our phones and kept us on

1:10:32

a perpetual wheel offered

1:10:34

us nothing in the way of cohesive

1:10:37

social environments We all

1:10:39

became lonely freaks in

1:10:42

our cars or houses or apartments

1:10:44

on messenger bikes Task rabbits

1:10:46

showing up installing a TV

1:10:48

and then leaving

1:10:50

All of this stuff we didn't

1:10:53

fight

1:10:54

for the great

1:10:55

American office the

1:10:58

great dead-end job

1:11:00

the great middle-class mediocre

1:11:03

god I wish I had fucking applied myself

1:11:05

in college and I wouldn't be in this

1:11:07

dump the great backyard

1:11:11

beer

1:11:12

with your neighbor

1:11:14

Fuck this place 30 years.

1:11:16

They tell you to fuck off at the end

1:11:19

I'm telling you

1:11:20

you didn't fight for it when you had the

1:11:22

chance

1:11:24

The biggest regret of my

1:11:26

life is that I don't work

1:11:30

in an insurance company

1:11:33

in Ohio

1:11:36

the privilege the

1:11:38

privilege You think

1:11:40

I like driving this Bentley?

1:11:45

It ruins every other car

1:11:47

I'm in a rental right now. It's insane

1:11:51

It's

1:11:51

an infinity. It's insane. I

1:11:54

Don't even know how it even happens

1:11:57

infinity truck is horrible

1:12:02

My greatest regret in my life

1:12:04

is that I do not work in insurance

1:12:07

in Ohio.

1:12:10

Be smart.

1:12:13

Fight

1:12:13

for these things. I'm telling you, so

1:12:16

many of you are not smart enough to understand this episode. It's very

1:12:18

hard. It's very hard for

1:12:20

me. How do I have a career at all?

1:12:24

You're

1:12:25

right, because now I was

1:12:27

killed in a tunnel

1:12:30

by MR6

1:12:32

and the Mossad.

1:12:35

Alright, alright. You keep doing this all the

1:12:37

time.

1:12:39

But you're right. I actually believe

1:12:41

that

1:12:43

the happiest I've ever been is

1:12:45

not when I was going to Africa pretending to

1:12:47

care about the babies. The

1:12:49

happiest I've ever been was when

1:12:51

I was in a bank with my girlfriends

1:12:55

and we was all talking about who had bigger

1:12:57

dicks. All the bankers.

1:13:00

Which banker had the biggest dick? That was

1:13:02

really fun. I didn't like Africa. It was depressing.

1:13:05

That's

1:13:05

Princess Diana saying

1:13:08

what we all know.

1:13:10

Well I hope, do you understand what I'm saying?

1:13:12

You shook your head multiple times. It's

1:13:15

so hard I think

1:13:17

to fully grasp if you're not a full

1:13:20

genius.

1:13:21

I'm not as enlightened

1:13:23

as you, but I do see where you're coming

1:13:25

from. I do see how

1:13:27

the mundanity can be

1:13:30

enjoyable.

1:13:31

It is. Not only is it enjoyable,

1:13:33

it is it. That is it. That is

1:13:35

it. That is it. Enjoy that.

1:13:38

There's a few great moments and a few terrible ones,

1:13:40

but in that, in what you do every

1:13:42

day is what your life is. People

1:13:45

don't realize that. And they don't realize the purpose

1:13:47

it serves. They're always looking for something else. It's very American

1:13:49

to do that by the way. This holiday season,

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1:14:06

had really cool stuff in it. I had this little

1:14:09

mini candle that was

1:14:11

really cool, like a little candle, like a fall

1:14:13

with a fall scent.

1:14:15

And

1:14:21

it was really beautiful to have

1:14:23

it.

1:14:23

And I enjoyed it. And it also had, I had

1:14:26

a pack of nuts, like mixed nuts,

1:14:29

the way they do them with the fall,

1:14:32

kind of fall smokey and sweet,

1:14:34

the flavors.

1:14:35

And I had

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1:14:46

what the other third thing I had. White, white

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Because I can't get another job,

1:17:39

although I'd love to,

1:17:42

I would like you to go to timdylandcomedy.com

1:17:47

and see the shows

1:17:48

on the rest of the tour.

1:17:52

Detroit, Toronto, Austin,

1:17:55

Braille at New Year's, Columbus,

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Ohio, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Washington, DC, Northfield,

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Ohio, San Antonio, Antonio, Texas, Dallas, Texas, Atlanta,

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Georgia, San Luis, Missouri, Indianapolis, Indiana,

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Boston, Massachusetts, and Foxwoods in Connecticut.

1:18:06

We've also added Schomburg, improv, and the Danie improv

1:18:09

in Florida. This should be on sale, I believe. Schomburg's

1:18:11

in Chicago. Danie Beach

1:18:13

is in Florida.

1:18:17

I sincerely hope everybody had a great

1:18:19

Thanksgiving, and I sincerely hope everybody found

1:18:21

ways to navigate the

1:18:24

social climate at your parties.

1:18:30

We're recording an episode with

1:18:32

our special guest, surprise guest, hopefully it will make

1:18:35

some people happy, and some people won't be happy,

1:18:37

and these are, this is the thing, right?

1:18:40

Isn't that the thing?

1:18:42

And I'm gonna sign off now, but I wish, let

1:18:45

me tell you what I wish I was doing.

1:18:47

What I wish I was doing.

1:18:49

I wish I was logging out of my

1:18:51

computer, pushing

1:18:52

back, I

1:18:54

still have a similar chair, I have a very similar chair to my office,

1:18:57

pushing back from my desk,

1:19:00

getting up,

1:19:02

you know?

1:19:03

Someone's looking at me, they go, oh, quitting time,

1:19:05

huh?

1:19:06

I go, yeah.

1:19:08

You go, yeah, you're in late tonight. You know, 6.15,

1:19:10

they're being a wise ass. Oh, you're

1:19:12

late tonight, I'm burning the midnight oil.

1:19:15

Yeah, you know, we're just a couple of guys who are gonna

1:19:17

go get a drink.

1:19:19

Go, yeah. You walk

1:19:21

out, you stand in that parking

1:19:24

lot, that kind of empty parking

1:19:26

lot, you get in your car, it's not the nicest,

1:19:28

but it's not the worst.

1:19:32

You turn on the radio and your song's

1:19:34

on, and one of the songs that you like is on that you really

1:19:36

enjoy, and you try and you listen to classic

1:19:38

rock, and you drive out of the little

1:19:40

industrial park, and

1:19:42

it's a pretty good day.

1:19:44

It's a pretty good day, because

1:19:47

you live in your dream, and

1:19:49

you don't even realize it.

1:19:51

You don't even realize that you're living your dream.

1:19:53

That's actually the only dreams you can live are the ones

1:19:55

you don't realize. And

1:19:58

you

1:19:59

drive.

1:19:59

your car and you're happy and this is not gonna

1:20:02

end with you getting killed on the highway which is every

1:20:04

story I tell ends with like oh you're sideswiped on the highway.

1:20:08

But

1:20:09

you get to the bar and there's a couple of the guys

1:20:12

at the bar and you're sitting there and you have a cocktail

1:20:14

and you have a drink and you know you're sitting

1:20:16

there and you're you're

1:20:17

just joking around about

1:20:20

nothing and

1:20:22

you're like it's all nothing everything we

1:20:24

do is nothing

1:20:26

and the breeze hits you in a certain

1:20:28

way and you

1:20:30

put

1:20:32

your phone down for a minute and you're

1:20:34

just kind of watching the game having

1:20:36

drinks with a few people and

1:20:39

maybe you got a couple of kids maybe not maybe got

1:20:41

a wife maybe not maybe there's a maybe you're a single

1:20:43

guy and you're young you're starting a thing out maybe you're in between

1:20:45

people or whatever but for the moment

1:20:48

things are fine you're you're

1:20:51

there you're alive

1:20:54

and you need nothing else on

1:20:56

the planet that's all you

1:20:59

need and all we have

1:21:01

done is told people that they need

1:21:03

much much more than that that's

1:21:06

the problem

1:21:08

all you need is life that's not

1:21:10

all I need but it's

1:21:12

all you need

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