0:00

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the

0:02

show. We are late and we

0:04

apologize for that because I was

0:07

coming back from the levity

0:09

live comedy club in the

0:12

Palisades mall. What a treat. And,

0:15

um, uh, you know,

0:17

it's a, it's a dump. It's a fun dump

0:19

and the audiences were fun. It's a, the

0:23

area is kind of a dud and I

0:25

was coming back and I was on the,

0:27

uh, FDR and I hit a big pothole.

0:31

With my car, which is a luxury

0:33

car. And, uh, and I was up

0:35

in Harlem when that happened. So

0:39

I turned off the, uh,

0:42

FDR drive onto a street

0:45

corner in Harlem, you know, with

0:47

this brand new, uh, Bentley car,

0:50

which the people in Harlem loved. To be

0:52

honest, we're very complimentary about it. Everyone that

0:54

was walking by was like, we

0:56

love the car. What kind of car is this? This

0:58

is very nice. Um, and,

1:01

uh, there were cops parked there who promptly

1:03

left. When I got there, they were

1:05

like, let's see what happens, which I would have done too,

1:07

if I was a cop, I would have sent it. I

1:10

would have said, it's not going to be any fun. If we

1:12

sit here on the corner, let's take

1:15

a loop and then see. Um,

1:17

and we couldn't get a tow truck till

1:20

4am and it was just me and my

1:22

opener. And we were sitting

1:24

in the Bentley and

1:26

it was on, we're on 145th street, uh,

1:30

142nd and fifth Avenue. And,

1:34

um, we were sitting there in the Bentley, uh,

1:36

and we would stand outside of it periodically from

1:38

time to time. And people would walk over and

1:40

talk to us and some people would look at

1:42

us and some people would, you know,

1:44

and then the one tow truck guy, we got

1:47

a pizza at one point and we're eating the

1:49

pizza. And one tow truck

1:51

guy came over, it was like a Dominican guy

1:53

and he's like, I can't tow it because it

1:55

needs a flatbed. And I was like,

1:57

yeah, that makes sense. You know, and he's like, you gotta watch.

2:00

these Venezuelans. I'm like, what? And

2:02

he goes, yeah, the Venezuelan migrants, they're robbing

2:04

everybody. They're just taking purses. And he goes,

2:07

there's one guy, he goes, he's on a

2:09

walkie talkie, tells him, go get me a

2:11

phone, go get me a phone. I'm like,

2:14

what's up? So, you know,

2:16

again, that's not me. I didn't say that. I

2:18

did. You know, that's a guy who's coming up

2:21

to me, a

2:23

Dominican guy in at 1am

2:26

in Harlem going, you got to watch out for the

2:28

Venezuelans. And which just

2:30

made me laugh. I

2:33

was like, where is that guy on the news?

2:35

But you know, you never see like, where is he?

2:37

Where is his react?

2:39

You know, you never see like the

2:41

Dominican tow truck driver reaction

2:43

to what's going on. But he, he

2:46

went on and on. He was going

2:48

on and on about Venezuelan migrants, gangs.

2:50

And, you know, I

2:52

was like, oh, well, we'll, you know,

2:54

we'll do our best. We

2:57

will do our best to

3:00

avoid. But you

3:02

know, we were sitting ducks. If anybody wanted the

3:04

car, they would have taken it. Nobody did. We

3:07

ended up getting it out of there. But

3:10

that's why we're late. So it's not and we

3:12

weren't in maybe that's important. We weren't in the

3:15

center of things. We're kind of off to the side. But

3:19

you know, it's not that bad. Fox

3:21

News. It's not

3:24

that bad. A new Bentley sat on

3:26

the corner on 142nd

3:28

and fifth. It looked like a sting. I think if

3:31

you wanted to steal a car, it looked like a sting. It

3:34

was like me and this other white kid standing

3:36

outside of the car, like two undercover

3:38

cops with this Bentley there eating

3:40

pizza, waiting to get jacked. So

3:44

I think it was one of those things

3:46

where like people are like, wait a minute,

3:48

you know, this is a little too. This

3:50

is a little too on the nose, maybe.

3:52

But the cops kept, you know,

3:54

like they would they would be like, you know, every

3:57

like hour, they'd be like, oh, you're still here. I'm

3:59

like, what is? What does that mean? I'm

4:01

like, this isn't such a bad area. They

4:03

were like, no, it's not good. But

4:06

nothing happened. But

4:09

what did happen was we did not get home

4:11

until 5 a.m.

4:13

and everybody, I was exhausted

4:15

and so I slept till like 1. And

4:18

now, of course, I'll lose the car for a month.

4:20

The thing about having these luxury cars, which

4:22

is stupid, I've kind of learned my lesson about them. I

4:25

think maybe the next things I

4:27

get when this is the least, when I turn

4:29

it back in, I think I'll just not do

4:31

this again because anything that goes wrong with any

4:33

of these cars is like the minimum of months

4:35

and you have to turn it in and it's

4:37

annoying. Now, obviously, it's not as annoying as other

4:40

things that people go through, right? This

4:42

is not – people are going to be like, what

4:44

about Gaza? I know, I'm aware.

4:47

That seems worse. But

4:50

it is annoying that you can't take this

4:52

to a regular – they don't

4:55

have a spare tire. In the bent,

4:57

there's none. There's no spare

4:59

tire. You're just out there like – and then you've got

5:01

to go through their people. You can't use triple A. You've

5:03

got to go through their whole thing. You

5:06

know, it's a very annoying

5:08

process, but what

5:11

is happening in Gaza is worse.

5:14

Is that okay? Is that okay

5:16

to say that the starvation, the mass starvation

5:18

now and the – you

5:20

know, and of course being in a tunnel, the people that

5:22

have been in that tunnel for a long time, the hostages

5:24

have been in that tunnel now for how long have they

5:26

been in that tunnel probably? About two

5:28

months since October? Three months? Four

5:31

months? Almost four, yeah. Four months in

5:33

the Hamas tunnel. And a lot of them have died

5:35

now. It's never going to

5:37

work over there. I mean, this is just my surmise from

5:39

the whole thing. It's just not going to work. And, you

5:42

know, we're not going to talk about it because, you

5:44

know, it's just not going to work. You know, eventually,

5:47

you just – you know, you have to accept that it isn't

5:49

going to work. You know, I remember

5:51

I had an uncle and an aunt, and they – you

5:53

know, it just didn't seem good. They

5:57

would show up to the – you know, the holiday

5:59

parties at different times. she would come later and bring

6:01

dessert. She would kind of not come for the dinner

6:03

and he would come for the dinner

6:05

and she would kind of

6:07

show up with like chocolate-covered strawberries, you

6:10

know three hours later and we were

6:12

like, oh something's up and something

6:15

was up because they are now

6:17

divorced and they both live happy

6:19

lives separately from

6:22

each other, but this is what I

6:24

think is happening over

6:26

there. Now obviously there was in my

6:28

uncle and aunt's case there was certainly

6:30

less violence. There is

6:33

more violence over in the Middle

6:35

East from my perspective with

6:37

my uncle and my aunt. My uncle and aunt, they

6:39

like made a lot of faces. It was

6:42

a lot of like scowls and kind

6:44

of, you know, and that was that's not

6:46

nothing but it certainly wasn't kind of the,

6:48

you know, the bombing of

6:50

the hospitals and everybody dying. That's a little

6:52

bit more that's a

6:54

little more depressing, you know, but

6:58

our president now, I think they're getting

7:00

into the they're getting into the final

7:04

stages of grief and

7:08

they got to get rid of this man. They

7:11

cannot run him. They are going to

7:13

lose if they run him. This is the scuttle, but

7:15

I talked to a lot of people that certainly

7:18

no more than I do and they're all basically

7:20

saying that this is not going to work. They

7:22

cannot run a guy who

7:26

is essentially in a

7:28

stage of mental decline. We all know

7:30

that. It's it's quite obvious to everyone.

7:33

Trump also confuses things and makes

7:37

missteps, but in nowhere near

7:40

the level that Biden has publicly.

7:44

And finally the special

7:47

counsel just released a report that

7:50

they're not really indicting Biden for these

7:52

documents that he had because

7:55

he doesn't know where he is. They

7:58

were basically like he's a, you know, this This is

8:00

a kindly old fellow

8:03

who doesn't know where he is or what

8:05

he's doing. He has a poor memory. There

8:08

was a quote that

8:10

basically said that, that, you know, alleviates

8:12

his responsibility. It would have been better

8:15

if he was indicted because people would

8:17

have went, oh, okay, you

8:19

know, the old dog can still fight, you know, at

8:21

least he can still lie to us. I mean, that's

8:23

all we really want our politicians

8:25

to be able to do is to be able

8:27

to lie. That's the job

8:29

requirement. That's the whole description

8:31

of a political figure primarily is

8:34

that they have the mental capacity

8:36

to lie, to make

8:38

things up, to manipulate.

8:41

That's what a politician does, and

8:44

he's too old to do

8:46

that. He's too confused to do

8:48

that. He's too forgetful. He

8:51

doesn't really know what happened, you

8:54

know, and the money

8:57

quote I think was it, yeah, he's an

8:59

elderly man with a poor memory, you know.

9:02

The jury would be sensitive to an elderly

9:04

man with a poor memory. The president did

9:07

not remember when he was vice president. Even

9:12

within several years when his son, Bo,

9:14

died, the memory appeared hazy when describing

9:16

the Afghanistan debate that was once so

9:19

important to him. So

9:21

I mean, this is the biggest, you

9:24

know, non-story because we know all of

9:26

this, but you know, now the people

9:28

are being forced to confront this, and

9:31

now there's not that many people. I mean, you

9:33

have Michelle Obama who, you know, half the country

9:35

is convinced is a man. You

9:38

know, I don't know if that, you know, hurts

9:40

her. I imagine that it could

9:42

help in certain areas, and certain

9:45

areas it might be a problem,

9:48

but she's kind of it. Gavin

9:50

Newsom is a hated charlatan

9:52

who lives on a vineyard and

9:55

manages a failed state from a vineyard

9:57

that is trying to be, I mean,

9:59

the plagues, biblical plagues

10:01

are descending upon California at a

10:03

rate that only suggests

10:05

that there is a God and that he

10:07

is not impartial to the

10:10

coast. He clearly prefers the East Coast,

10:12

which of course he would. If there

10:14

is a God, there's no way he

10:16

likes the West Coast better, you know.

10:18

There's no way. That

10:20

would imagine he's like the most superficial being

10:22

and he just cares that

10:25

it's pretty, you know. No,

10:27

I'm sure he's interested

10:29

in the flora and the fauna, but

10:32

he also likes the life, the

10:34

people that he's created. There's no way

10:36

that he's not disappointed in the West Coast.

10:38

There's just no way. Gavin

10:42

Newsom is a

10:44

hated figure. He's not liked. He's smarmy.

10:49

There's all the things about him. He's a

10:51

good looking kind of 50 year old fuckboy

10:54

that nobody trusts and no

10:56

one should. And he's presiding

10:58

over a state and when he had the

11:01

chance to really wipe the floor with Ron

11:03

DeSantis in the debate, he didn't. He didn't.

11:06

He kind of choked, you

11:08

know. And DeSantis is not like a

11:10

great debater. He's like a cop. DeSantis

11:12

is like a cop. Best

11:14

case, he's like a principal. He's like a

11:17

substitute math teacher who takes himself way too

11:19

seriously. We had a guy like that. We

11:21

had a substitute math teacher that was really

11:24

proud of his, that he was

11:26

a teacher and he was a coach and he

11:28

wasn't a full-time teacher and he was like

11:31

doing extra around the school to try

11:34

to get hired full-time and he'd call

11:36

you out if you were wearing a

11:38

hat in the hall. That's kind of

11:40

the vibe. So you could easily kind

11:43

of trounce Ron DeSantis, but Gavin Newsom didn't

11:45

do it. So I

11:47

don't think he's the move. And then you're

11:50

looking at the rest of the field

11:52

and nobody has name recognition. That's the

11:54

biggest problem. The biggest thing with the

11:56

political system in America is

11:58

you need name recognition. And

12:01

Michelle Obama has name recognition. She can come

12:04

in, and if she comes in,

12:06

I'm telling

12:08

you it's the only shot they have. It's

12:12

the only shot they have is if Michelle Obama

12:15

comes in and they do

12:17

the whole kind of –

12:20

because it is powerful, right? The

12:22

idea of like black female president,

12:25

you know? You

12:27

know, identity politics is annoying and

12:29

ultimately probably destructive. We know it's

12:31

destructive. But it

12:33

does have a certain visceral appeal,

12:36

and it always has a certain

12:38

visceral appeal. Even I catch myself.

12:40

I'm not a human being. When

12:42

I watch people and they're very

12:45

emotional about, you know, the

12:47

fact that they are taking steps that nobody in their

12:49

race has ever done.

12:51

Even though that's not true, like a

12:53

lot of these people,

12:55

like no one has ever done it, and it's

12:57

like no people have. They

12:59

erase a lot

13:02

of people, right? It's like Martin was

13:04

my favorite show growing up. It was

13:06

a great black sitcom, right? I mean,

13:08

the Cosby Show, Living Single, In Living

13:11

Color, there were a lot of – you know, sometimes people

13:13

get up on stage. They're

13:18

like, no one has been here

13:20

before me, and I want to

13:22

thank everyone who tried and

13:24

failed. And it's like it's an

13:26

odd – I

13:29

want to thank everyone who

13:31

tried to get here and

13:33

failed because this country was

13:35

always racist, but they couldn't

13:37

deny me, of course. My

13:40

talent couldn't be denied. The others,

13:43

you know, they tried, but

13:45

they lacked something, but I had it. And now

13:47

– but when you look at a lot of

13:49

these people, the gay people that get up and

13:51

do it, and they're like, I'm the first queer

13:53

person to ever – and it's never true, by

13:55

the way. All of these things are never true,

13:58

and people get away with it. But

14:00

they're never true. You can always find –

14:04

and you don't have to look that hard to

14:06

find people like Ray always brings up

14:09

that like – one

14:11

of the composers for the music of the Stanley Kubrick

14:13

movies was like a trans woman who – you

14:16

know, this legendary composer of all this music that

14:18

went in the Kubrick films. You

14:20

don't have to look that hard to find

14:22

somebody before you that also

14:24

did a thing. There was a gay comedian – I

14:26

don't know his name and I'm not going to find

14:28

it out – but there was a

14:30

gay comedian who performed for the military all

14:33

the time. And it was very difficult.

14:36

And if somebody knows who this is, they can message

14:38

me his

14:41

name. And he died, but he

14:43

was a gay comedian that would perform often

14:46

for the military, which is not obviously

14:48

always going to be the easiest crowd

14:51

for an openly gay comedian, and he died.

14:56

But he did it, and he went out and he said

14:58

– and he would win them over with material, and then

15:00

the middle of the set or towards the end or whatever,

15:02

he would come out of the closet. And

15:05

people wouldn't mind. It was just –

15:07

but it was a little awkward because

15:09

you're performing – and when he was

15:12

performing, attitudes about gay people

15:14

were more conservative

15:16

than they are now. But

15:19

he wasn't famous. This was not a famous

15:21

person, but he was out there as an

15:24

openly gay comedian doing what

15:26

he did. So

15:30

I've been lucky enough to get to a level – and I've

15:33

probably even said there's probably not too many gay

15:35

male comedians who've gotten to a level that I've

15:37

gotten. And there's a

15:39

few of them, and I've been lucky, and

15:42

that's the internet primarily because the internet has

15:44

allowed people to get involved in people's careers.

15:47

But the

15:49

reality is you can never claim to be –

15:51

you're not the first of anything in

15:53

2024. You're

15:57

not it. You

15:59

might be doing a great job. great job,

16:01

but you're probably not the

16:04

first – you

16:07

just maybe got more famous than

16:10

the other people, which is such

16:12

an empty way to

16:14

look at it. It doesn't mean you're better or you're

16:17

more deserving. It

16:19

just means that things worked out for you.

16:22

But there's a lot of people that – so it's always

16:24

interesting when these speeches go a

16:26

little overboard. They just – they

16:29

run that line between narcissism and

16:31

– because we get it.

16:33

It is good to break new ground. But

16:38

then it just gets – it always gets

16:40

a little uncomfortable towards the end. It's

16:43

a little uncomfortable towards the end of the speech when

16:45

the person's like, I

16:48

stand on the shoulders of giants to

16:51

be here tonight as the

16:54

only person of my group

16:56

to be

16:58

here, the only first

17:01

non-binary Pacific Islander to

17:04

be here with you tonight.

17:07

And I look at those other people that were

17:11

disgraced. Their lives

17:13

were horrible and they

17:15

were spit on. Their

17:18

whole lives, they just opened their mouths

17:20

and people shit in their mouths. And

17:22

when I got out of that limousine and I walked

17:24

on that red carpet in my dress and I got

17:27

taken – all these people

17:29

were taking photos of me. It was never

17:31

lost on me how horrible all

17:34

those other people's lives were and how

17:36

great it is for me even though there's

17:38

a lot more to do. And this

17:40

is no indication that it's over because it's not

17:42

over. It's actually in many

17:45

ways worse for me than those people

17:47

somehow even though I'm winning this. I

17:49

don't want to – I'm not handing – I'm not

17:51

handing you over the thing. I'm telling you it's still

17:54

bad and it's going to be bad. But

17:56

just as I was in my Valentino dress, I

17:58

got out of – and I just –

18:00

I thought about all those people whose

18:02

lives were terrible right before me, but

18:05

there is a visceral exciting thing

18:07

about identity pie is something Fun

18:10

about it. We all can get into it.

18:12

We go. Yeah good for you. I'm happy.

18:14

I'm happy when someone wins Right,

18:18

so I think Michelle Obama is

18:20

the only way and it's

18:23

gotta be big It has to be

18:25

big. It's gotta be Beyonce at the

18:27

convention. It has to be

18:29

big You've gotta it's gotta

18:31

be that you have to lean

18:34

You have to lean into it in

18:37

a way. That's you know, you gotta ride the

18:39

line between offensive I mean, it's got to be

18:41

Native American with the drums kind of drum circles

18:44

And it's got to be as

18:46

African like traditional African dance because that is a

18:48

nice dance You don't see that a

18:50

lot like the traditional kind of African dance They do

18:53

and I'm telling you this all seems racist none

18:55

of it is and that's what's interesting What's

18:58

interesting about it is that it all seems

19:00

right and genuinely Genuinely none of it

19:02

is and that I have to correct people

19:04

all the time because I'm telling her how to

19:07

win Telling her how to win and

19:09

in order to win you have I

19:11

want to see Minnesota delegates white

19:13

I mean gaunt white ghost people

19:16

that emerged from their shit snowy

19:20

towns in the Northeast and

19:23

They come into Great Lakes the Finger

19:25

Lakes region. They come out They

19:28

come out and they

19:30

are just kind of moving awkwardly at

19:32

the convention to some

19:35

great African drum beats Great

19:37

African drum beat and you just see

19:39

like the awkward swaying The

19:42

awkward swaying of a librarian

19:44

from Minnesota, you know, she's

19:46

just awkwardly Swinging and she's got

19:48

to bring the they got to bring the Jews and

19:50

the Muslims together And we can only

19:52

really do that at this point through kind of a kind

19:54

of a beat Kind of a dance

19:57

kind of a musical because it is gonna be

19:59

very awkward, right? Because, I mean, you've got to have

20:01

to – what do they do? That's the biggest issue for the

20:03

Democrats. Do they even bring it up? Do they even

20:05

bring it up at the convention? They're

20:07

going to maybe have to – but I'm telling you

20:09

right now, it's got to be

20:11

spectacle. They have to lean on spectacle. They

20:15

don't have – the Jew-Muslim thing is going to

20:17

be tough because it – you know, I mean,

20:21

they've got people of color. That's

20:23

one of their big demos,

20:26

and then they have Jewish people. That's another big

20:28

demo, okay? And

20:31

then they're going to have to get up, and they're going to go, oh,

20:33

boy, how do we handle this?

20:36

And the only way to handle it, the only

20:38

way to skate past it is spectacle. The

20:40

only way to skate past the border stuff is

20:42

spectacle. The strength of

20:44

this country is – you know, they really

20:47

just have to double down on

20:50

spectacle, and the only way to do that

20:53

is kind of with Michelle

20:55

Obama coming out

20:57

with Barack, star

20:59

power, star studded.

21:03

You bring everybody out. I mean, everybody is

21:05

on that stage. Doja Cat,

21:08

everyone. And you are

21:10

just – and no one

21:12

– because that's the only thing they're going to be

21:14

able to – they're not going to be able to

21:16

like logically – there's too

21:18

many contradictions in their platform. There's too

21:20

many groups in the room that hate

21:23

each other. Too many

21:25

people hate each other. And when

21:27

too many people hate each other, you

21:30

have to lean on spectacle.

21:33

Everybody – it's kind of got to be a concert. It

21:35

has to be a coronation. It can't be like you're

21:38

going through the platform. No, no, no, no,

21:41

no, no, no, no,

21:43

no. Not going to work. You

21:45

cannot do it line by line, like

21:47

let's decide the party. That's got to

21:49

be done behind closed doors in secret

21:52

and silent, silent. Tracy

21:54

Chapman has to do

21:56

fast car. There can

21:58

be no – discussion

22:00

of anything. You bring

22:02

out Tracy Chapman, you

22:05

got a fast car. It doesn't

22:07

matter that Michelle Obama was raised

22:09

rich pretty much. Not rich, but middle

22:12

class. Fine, she's fine. You

22:15

know, Michelle Obama can just talk

22:17

about, she should just do

22:20

the lyrics to Fast Car, you

22:22

know. You know, you know, she

22:26

got up there, get the lyrics to Fast

22:28

Car, she got up there and

22:30

just poetically, she

22:33

was like, you've got a fast car and

22:36

everyone's clapping and I want

22:38

a ticket to anywhere, yeah!

22:40

Maybe we can make a

22:42

deal, maybe together we can

22:44

get somewhere, yeah! Starting

22:47

from zero we got nothing to

22:49

lose. Been working at the convenience

22:51

store, there's a lot of people out here

22:53

that managed to save just a little bit

22:55

of money. Clap, everyone's going

22:57

nuts. And we won't have to drive

23:00

too far just

23:02

across the border and into the city

23:04

and then someone's gonna yell, free Palestine!

23:06

And that, you know, you just have

23:08

to keep going, you know, and you

23:10

have to ignore it, you have to,

23:12

because you know that's gonna happen to,

23:14

they're gonna, they're already planning, they're already

23:16

planning that disruption. They're gonna go free

23:18

Palestine and then if she's good and

23:20

she's good, she'll just point at them,

23:22

you and I can both get

23:24

jobs, finally see what it means

23:26

to be living and everyone's clapping

23:28

and then she gets serious because my old

23:30

man's got a problem, he's

23:33

got a problem. He live

23:35

in the bottle, that's the way it is. He

23:37

said his body's too old for working and everyone's

23:39

nodding, you know the nodding, like, because you know

23:41

she's a wise black boy, it's what it is,

23:43

that's what it is. I live, whenever black women

23:45

talk to, I listen because they know more than

23:47

like a 17 year old white piece of shit.

23:50

So I always listen, they've been

23:52

through more as people than like

23:55

young, like, I never live, if you're not

23:57

hot on Instagram, you're like a young white

23:59

dude, I If you're hot, I just watch

24:01

it on mute. I

24:03

don't care at all what you're saying. If you're

24:05

a 20-year-old white dude and you're like, oh,

24:07

yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that's all

24:10

I hear. But if a black woman, no

24:12

matter what stage of her life, she's homeless,

24:14

I listen. A homeless black

24:16

woman who's like,

24:18

well, yeah, I will turn and listen to her

24:20

immediately because I just have more respect for their

24:22

base of what they've been through more shit. So

24:26

people in the audience are going to be enwrapped.

24:28

There's going to be like – is

24:31

that a word, enwrapped, enraptured? What am

24:33

I looking for? It

24:36

doesn't matter. The point is, what am I

24:38

– you know what I mean? They're going to be – and

24:42

then Michelle's going

24:44

to be at the convention, and she's going to be

24:46

like, his body's too young to look like this, and

24:48

everyone's going to start nodding. Now, here's

24:51

the deal. There are – maybe

24:53

certain people in the convention will know it's the lyrics

24:55

to Fast Car by Tracy Chapp, but it

24:57

won't matter. She'll

24:59

go, so Mama went off and left him. She

25:01

wanted more from life than he could give, and

25:03

I said, somebody's got to take care of it

25:05

and then everything, and it's a big applause line.

25:08

So I quit school, and that's what I did.

25:10

I'm telling you,

25:12

you have to lean on spectacle

25:14

at that convention. Biden

25:17

has to be taken out like

25:20

old yeller. They –

25:23

you know? Because Biden's

25:25

a racist criminal. He's

25:27

an old racist criminal, like many of our

25:30

politicians. Biden is a – he

25:32

called the city's jungles. He's a

25:34

– he's got shady

25:36

deals in the Ukraine. He's

25:38

got a crack-smoking son who's

25:41

fucking hookers with guns to

25:43

their head. Biden

25:45

has had it – I

25:48

mean, he's like

25:52

biography. I mean, it's just a

25:54

– Biden

25:57

is the senator from – Delaware,

26:00

which is the shadiest state, is

26:02

where every credit card company moves

26:05

to in America just

26:07

so they can fuck over

26:10

financially illiterate people by

26:12

calling them on the phone and saying, we're sending

26:14

credit cards to your house. And

26:16

they have these exorbitant activation

26:20

fees and crazy

26:22

interest. And the monthlies

26:24

are insane. And

26:27

they move to Delaware because there's very little

26:29

regulation and they can fuck over everyone. Joe

26:32

Biden's the senator from

26:34

that state, that

26:36

state, okay? He's

26:39

a shady guy. And he's

26:41

been one. He's been a lifelong

26:43

politician. He's stayed in there forever,

26:46

okay? Al

26:48

Franken got bounced because he did like a fake

26:50

little, he's like, oh, look at me. I'm

26:52

pretending to grow tits. He's out.

26:56

Biden has been around forever. It

26:58

gives you an idea of what

27:00

he's into or who he's

27:03

in with, that he's been

27:05

there forever. He's

27:07

a shady guy. He's just a shady guy. There's

27:09

no way around it. He's an

27:11

old racist criminal that

27:14

they have to put him out to pasture

27:16

nicely, like old Yeller. And

27:18

there's something beautiful about putting him

27:20

out to pasture and then having Michelle Obama come

27:22

in, in a real,

27:26

real electric way

27:29

that leans heavily on

27:31

symbolism, imagery, spectacle,

27:36

fun. And

27:38

that would be the Democrats only shot.

27:40

Make it a party. Throw a party.

27:44

You have to throw a party

27:47

right now for the next six

27:49

months to get someone to let it

27:51

has to be because Donald Trump is

27:54

throwing a party. He's

27:56

throwing a party. You may not like

27:58

the party. You may think the party is

28:02

not good for the country. You

28:04

may think the people at the party have

28:06

had too much to drink. You may think

28:08

some of them aren't mentally well. You

28:11

might think some of them are violent. You might

28:13

look around the party and go, some of these

28:15

people, this seems like a real powder keg. And

28:18

it might be, but it's a party. It is

28:20

a party. There's helicopter rides.

28:23

There's festivals. There's comedy

28:25

acts. He's out there on

28:28

the stump, roasting people, making you laugh. He's

28:31

throwing a party for his people. That's all we

28:33

have left in this country right now, by the

28:35

way. Don't kid yourself. It's a party. People just

28:37

want to go to the party. We know we're

28:39

kind of at the end, not to belabor a

28:41

point, not to keep going back

28:43

to the same theme. But we know that

28:47

we're entering a period of

28:49

turmoil, okay, in

28:51

many different ways. California

28:54

houses are just falling off the hill and to the

28:56

street. It's

28:59

a period of intense difficulty.

29:02

China, Russia, North

29:05

Korea. All of these countries are

29:08

enemies of us. We

29:11

have problems everywhere you

29:13

look. Some of it's unavoidable.

29:15

Some of it can maybe be fixed. But

29:18

we know all the things

29:22

coming down the pike, AI, automation,

29:25

climate, it's not going to

29:27

be easy. It won't be

29:29

easy. We know. We just want to

29:31

go to a party. You

29:34

have to throw a party. The

29:38

Biden candidacy is

29:41

not a party. The

29:43

only person in the Biden group

29:46

that is Hunter and he's partied

29:48

too much. It's like we all

29:50

have that friend where it's like, this is too much. Hey,

29:55

this is too much. Like, that's

29:57

not a fun party. Hunters

29:59

over. did it. He overdid

30:01

it. And the

30:04

Biden candidacy isn't fun. Here's what

30:06

the Biden candidacy is. Trump's

30:10

party is a party maybe

30:12

in a big desert mansion in Arizona.

30:14

Can we say that? And everybody's

30:18

out in the backyard. Everybody's getting

30:20

fucked up. It's crazy.

30:22

It's a turquoise colored pool. The

30:24

desert lights are out. Everybody's just

30:27

really fucked up. The party is

30:29

the point. The party is

30:31

the point, right? Biden's

30:34

party is like you go to this

30:36

rich kids house and he keeps telling

30:39

you about all the things

30:41

that are going to happen at the party. And none

30:43

of it really happens. And

30:46

you're like, is this guy confused?

30:48

Is this guy lying to us?

30:50

Is this guy, is this even real? And

30:53

it never gets off the ground. It just

30:55

kind of sits there and it's

30:59

kind of a dud. But

31:01

the Trump party, the party is the

31:03

point. Everything he's, all

31:06

the experiences you're going to have,

31:08

you're having. You're having. That's kind

31:10

of the fun of the Trump candidacy. Yes,

31:12

he promises things that may or may not

31:15

happen, but they're never the point. They're

31:17

never the actual point. Biden's,

31:21

it's the point. He's like, oh, we're going to,

31:23

these girls said, the central high school, well,

31:26

the girls said they're coming and

31:29

give me your phone. What was

31:31

her name? Tracy Tina? Who

31:33

is that? Oh, she was a

31:36

hottie and she's coming. And then she said she was

31:38

like, is it the party you get

31:40

to the Trump party? And he's like, isn't this the

31:42

best party in the world? And everybody's clapping like, well,

31:44

I guess it is. It

31:46

seems like the best party in the world. Everybody's fucked up.

31:49

And yes, it's a Trump party. Few people die. Few

31:52

people die, probably. A few people

31:54

die. And then, you know, he

31:56

eulogizes them. He goes, they

31:58

died. They were at the party. And everyone goes,

32:00

yeah, they were at the party. Who cares?

32:02

There's the party, you know, the

32:04

Biden Party's safe. You know,

32:06

Biden's telling you not to get too close to the

32:08

cliff. Trump's like, get the get

32:11

the picture. Get the picture.

32:14

Get that fucking Instagram photo. Who

32:16

cares? So Michelle

32:18

Obama has and the Democratic

32:20

Party has in their, in

32:24

their ability, their ability right now

32:26

to throw a fucking

32:29

rager. But

32:32

it's got to be big. It's

32:35

got to be big. It's got to be

32:37

nineties liberalism that was fun when

32:40

all the white people wanted to be black, even

32:42

though that was gross then because we all know that

32:45

that was in the middle of mass incarceration. But you know

32:47

what I mean? What I mean by that is that it's

32:49

got to be fun. It's got to feel fun. If

32:52

you want to win, I'm telling you how to win.

32:54

And I know people listen to this show that have

32:56

some influence. You have to throw some

32:58

type of event. It

33:01

is this campaign has to feel

33:03

new and electric and exciting. It's

33:06

got to feel like a party. And if it

33:08

doesn't, it's never going to

33:10

work. So take my advice at that

33:12

convention. I'm talking about African

33:15

dance or maybe it's an eighties

33:17

themed, eighties, nineties breakdance

33:19

with the big boom boxes. I don't,

33:21

again, you're like, Oh my God, this

33:23

is right. It isn't. I'm

33:26

just wondering what theme are

33:29

we going to go with here? What theme

33:32

is it? Gen X 90 slacker.

33:34

Are we doing that? Is

33:36

it friends? Is it

33:38

like a friend theme? Like, is

33:40

that the theme where it's

33:42

like we're all looking out for each other. We're

33:44

all friends here. Michelle's our

33:47

friend and we're all

33:49

friends. And does she walk out

33:51

with Aniston and Kudrow and all the, I'm not

33:53

kidding. And, and do we, do we

33:56

all put, do we like pour out

33:58

hot tub water for Matthew Perry? And do

34:00

we all put our fingers to the sky? I don't

34:03

know what we do. I don't

34:06

know if we do that. I don't know if

34:08

that's wise to have a Friends convention where we

34:11

memorialize Matthew Perry. That's

34:13

out there, sure. That might not be

34:15

one that they take from this episode,

34:17

but I will say, do

34:19

you have – do we reunite the cast of Martin?

34:23

Do we reunite with Tisha Campbell? Kind

34:25

of what the Emmys did. The

34:28

Emmys got a couple more viewers

34:30

than they usually do. Do we get

34:32

Tashina Arnold, Tisha Campbell, Martin, Cole

34:35

Anthony Payne? This was one of the greatest comedy

34:37

shows. Do we do that? Does

34:40

Britney Griner come out and just

34:42

start three-point? I don't know. I

34:45

don't know. I don't know. I'm

34:48

saying Trump is going to have

34:50

his version of that. He's going

34:52

to be doing the White Olympics

34:55

opening ceremony. You have to

34:57

give liberals. They've

34:59

got to feel cool. People have to start

35:02

looking at them and going, this is cool.

35:04

This isn't just green-haired

35:06

people that are angry

35:08

in Wisconsin. This feels

35:11

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picksix.draftkings.com. Polyamory is

37:45

a big thing now, everybody is polyamorous.

37:47

Or not everybody, but they're pushing it hard.

37:53

Even long time married people are doing it, from

37:56

triads to quads. More

37:59

people are choosing. polyamory over

38:01

monogamy, but it's not all rosy participants

38:03

say. This

38:06

is one of these articles where it's quite

38:09

obvious to everyone what it's going to

38:11

say, where it's like, you

38:15

know, at first the whole

38:17

poly concept sounded flaky. Married

38:21

happily for 26 years to a guy she met

38:23

when she was 19. Cherise always had this, what?

38:30

What is this word? Are you

38:32

serious? Is

38:35

that a real word? I

38:37

believe it is, but I wouldn't say it. Are

38:40

you crazy? We can have

38:42

the computer say it. The word in

38:44

it? What publication is that?

38:48

The National Post. Can

38:53

I spell this word? Cherise

38:56

always had this N-I-G-G-L-I-N-G.

39:02

Cherise always had this N-I-G-G-L-I-N-G

39:04

thing. What?

39:10

It's a

39:13

word. This is the craziest, there

39:15

was no other word, this made it through an editor. All

39:18

right, so I'm going to say it if it's a word. Cherise

39:21

always had this niggling thing, a curiosity

39:24

about women that she never had the opportunity

39:26

to explore. Who

39:29

cares? White chicks, you know, I mean listen, some

39:31

people are bi. I'm not saying it's just white

39:33

chicks, but I

39:37

don't, you know folks, I'm

39:39

stuck on this word now. This is crazy that they

39:41

let this word even get. Here's

39:45

the deal. Polyamory doesn't

39:49

work. Here's why. People

39:52

get jealous. Jealousy's

39:57

real, right? So

40:00

we all know what polyamory is. It's we're all

40:02

gonna fuck everybody and everyone's gonna be cool about

40:05

it. You're gonna have sex

40:07

with people. I'll have sex with people. Maybe

40:10

we'll be in a throuple, which seems

40:12

absurd. People are in a

40:14

throuple. They're in a relationship with two other people.

40:18

I mean it's crazy. We're

40:21

gonna have romantic comedies now with quads

40:24

with four people. We're gonna have groups of folks. Folks,

40:27

we've tried this. It's called cults. It's called

40:30

cults. I mean truly. A

40:33

bunch of people living together and fucking or not

40:36

even living together, it's called a cult. It

40:38

doesn't really work. Everyone has to

40:41

drink poison at the end or they

40:43

make a documentary about you on YouTube, but

40:46

that's really what it comes down to. You

40:48

mean these are like – the

40:51

idea that this is gonna work is crazy. People

40:54

– the idea of

40:56

it sounds good, but the happiest people

40:58

I know are – they're

41:02

building something with their wife or

41:04

husband or partner, a significant other

41:06

or whatever. Like when you are

41:08

building something, you

41:11

have to like

41:15

subordinate all

41:17

of the desires you have for

41:20

the greater good. The

41:22

greater good is you're building something

41:24

with a person, and you

41:27

can't gratify every

41:30

base need that you're having all the

41:32

time. This isn't a

41:35

productive way to live. The

41:38

reason that the media

41:41

has fallen in love with

41:43

polyamory is that a lot

41:45

of people in the media are losers, and

41:48

losers – this is an attractive philosophy

41:50

to losers. And

41:52

a lot of people that are in the media

41:54

are losers. The people that

41:56

are writing these articles that

41:59

are like cocooners. in their apartments all

42:01

day, you know, eating Chinese

42:03

food, eating bao buns and writing

42:06

about how you should proceed with your

42:08

love life are losers and they're

42:12

incapable of being in any type

42:14

of productive relationship. They're incapable

42:18

of finding a partner that they enjoy and that

42:20

they want to build something with. So they tell

42:22

you that no one should have these things. They

42:25

say to the media, they tell you that they don't

42:27

have any money. No one should have any money. No

42:30

one can make any money. They

42:33

tell you that they can't find a partner.

42:35

Well, then no one should. Everyone, they say

42:37

if they can't be attractive, no one should

42:39

be attractive. It's the ideal that's the problem.

42:42

The ideal is the problem. If they don't have a six pack,

42:44

no one can have a six pack, you know? And

42:47

that's what the

42:49

media often does. They often go, well,

42:52

this is our experience. We're miserable. We

42:54

live in New York. We don't have

42:56

any money. We live in these tiny

42:58

little apartments. You don't need a suburb

43:00

sock. You don't need that backyard. You

43:02

don't need all that land. You should

43:04

be like me. Miserable

43:06

in Brooklyn. I'm 46 and

43:10

I'm miserable. I'm single. I've, you

43:13

know, I live in a emerge

43:16

in a section of Brooklyn

43:19

that's coming up. I'm 46.

43:21

The time to do that's when you're 19,

43:23

you know? But that's why

43:26

this stuff is all catching. There's no, there's no,

43:28

there's polyamory stuff, but it's all that feels

43:30

like engineered. I don't know anyone. I

43:33

don't know anybody who's polyamory. I know, I know

43:36

people that are not, it's my

43:38

godsend. Should we answer? Should

43:44

we answer my godsend? Should I be on the pod? Sure.

43:46

It'd be kind of interesting to have them

43:48

on the podcast. My

43:50

godsend was watching the Tucker interview

43:52

with Putin and clapping. I

43:54

don't know what it means. I don't know what it means. But

44:01

I watched that whole interview. I'll tell you what I think about that.

44:04

It's very hard to me because Putin—I've known him

44:06

for a very long time and we have a

44:08

lot of social—our social circle is— Hi.

44:12

Roland, say hello on the podcast.

44:16

He said he wanted to go to

44:18

Timmy. You

44:20

want to go to my house, Roland? You can take him to

44:22

the pool. You can

44:24

go to the pool if you want. Take him to the pool. China!

44:27

China! Play him the interview

44:30

with Vladimir Putin. Tucker

44:35

Carlson just did an interview with Vladimir Putin. It's

44:37

very important for him to watch because that is

44:39

his ally. Putin

44:41

is your ally. Hi.

44:44

Putin is your ally. He wants to

44:46

go today, Roland. He's so happy. You

44:49

can take him to the pool and then play him Putin.

44:51

He was going in the hall, he

44:53

was in the van. All

44:56

right. Well, I'm in the middle. I do have

44:58

to finish this podcast, but goodbye, Roland. Putin. It's

45:05

interesting because Putin called me, and

45:07

we don't talk as much as we used

45:09

to, and it is fun when he calls.

45:13

And he calls—and he has. Here's the thing about

45:15

him. He has a subtle—a very subtle sense of

45:17

humor. And I appreciate that

45:19

because I'm more precarious than Vladimir. And that's

45:21

why it always worked as a friendship because

45:23

friendships need to kind of have those opposite

45:26

components. And his plan is from St. Petersburg,

45:28

and I know more people in Moscow, but

45:30

we do have—certainly there's an overlap. And

45:33

he called me and said, I'm going to have Tucker on. And I said,

45:35

I said, go. I said, you know what? I

45:38

said, do a whole thing. I said,

45:40

give him a dissertation. And he goes,

45:42

no. I go do it. And he did it. That's

45:48

for the people that think that I really

45:51

know Putin, that there are people that watch

45:53

your show that think like Russia pays me, because

45:55

I've questioned the—I've

45:58

questioned our audience. our

46:00

policy, our dedicated policy of nuclear

46:02

war. The

46:05

American defense establishment's dedicated policy

46:07

of more nuclear war. I

46:11

watched the interview, favorite part was when

46:13

Putin was like, hey, he said

46:16

to Tucker, he goes, hey, thank

46:19

God you didn't get into the CIA, because

46:21

Putin doesn't respect anyone who doesn't have real

46:23

power and what's cool

46:25

about that moment is Putin actually respects like

46:27

the CIA because

46:29

he said, they were always our enemies, but he

46:31

goes, a job's a job, and he kind of

46:33

smiles, because

46:36

if all you fight against is

46:38

the CIA, you

46:41

kind of have a respect for them. Because

46:43

with Putin, his entire life, he's been fighting

46:45

against this one group of people, right?

46:49

And the way he said that to Tucker, he's got –

46:51

Putin doesn't care about people in the media. He

46:54

doesn't – I don't think he really respects the

46:56

media. This

46:58

is not – so when he said

47:00

that, he said, oh, thank God you didn't get into the

47:03

CIA, he was basically like, I

47:05

would have respected you if you were here

47:07

to poison me, because that's

47:09

the type of guy he is, and that's

47:12

the thing. Here's why Putin

47:15

is – even though he murders

47:17

people, here's what's interesting

47:20

about Putin. He's not on TikTok.

47:24

This is what we like about

47:26

Putin. He's a relic of another

47:28

age. Let's

47:30

say that about him. He's

47:33

an armchair philosopher. He's

47:35

grandpa. If,

47:38

you know, grandpa had hundreds

47:41

of nuclear weapons. He's

47:43

a relic. He's not really

47:46

interested in the

47:50

new media landscape. We

47:53

can say that. That's not – he's not interested

47:55

in that. Would Putin – Putin

47:58

orients himself from – In his

48:00

position, the first answer was 30 minutes.

48:03

This is why I believe what I believe. Is

48:05

it junk? Was he filibustering? Is

48:08

it whatever? None of

48:10

that matters because this is the guy,

48:12

this is his perspective. You don't live

48:14

in Russia. So the

48:16

reality of the situation is, my interest is

48:18

that America doesn't go to

48:20

war with Russia in a capacity

48:23

with nuclear weapons. And

48:26

my interest is that America doesn't instigate

48:29

a wider

48:31

war in that part of the world that

48:33

becomes a war that we're fighting. This is

48:35

my instinct. This

48:38

is not a veneration

48:40

of his worldview per se, although there are certain

48:42

things he says, which I completely get it. And

48:45

there's certain things he says where I go, okay, I

48:47

was a debate guy. I know kind of what he's

48:49

doing. But that moment was my

48:51

favorite when he kind of has that aw

48:53

shucks moment because the fun of his life is over,

48:56

by the way. The fun of his, like he's at

48:58

the top of the mountain. It's

49:01

very lonely. He's got the big desk. But

49:06

I'm not comparing myself to Putin. I

49:08

wish that if I was on a zimpic and it

49:10

really worked, perhaps. But no,

49:13

what basically the thing

49:15

about Putin is at this point, he's

49:18

only living for Russia or

49:20

what he thinks Russia is. The key, you

49:22

know, his friends are all

49:24

older. They're all dying. The

49:27

excitement of his life, being

49:29

a spy, climbing the

49:32

ranks, fucking the women, killing

49:34

the people, your life

49:36

almost being taken all the time.

49:39

That's kind of over. That's over. It's

49:43

now become now he's of course trying to

49:45

out run these coups. That's

49:49

why the Progosion thing he probably felt alive again for the first

49:51

time. He's like, oh, I got to kind of take

49:54

this plane and a mosque. He probably felt

49:56

alive. He said, this feels like the old,

49:58

I guarantee you. At

50:00

some point to one of his friends, he said something

50:02

like, whoops, he looks like the old days. He

50:05

looks like the old days. Because he's had

50:07

absolute power over there for a while. And

50:10

he gets boring. And

50:12

that's why people are like, oh,

50:14

this interview is boring. That's what

50:16

everyone said. It's boring. I don't

50:19

like it. It's not fun. That

50:22

was the critique of the interview. It's

50:24

boring. It's not fun.

50:26

It's not interesting. It's

50:28

boring. Where's the

50:31

back and forth? Where's the

50:33

yelling? I want

50:35

them to yell at each other. Yeah,

50:38

it's a little dry. It's a little dry, but

50:40

that's what it is. What

50:44

do you think Putin, like all these people,

50:47

this is what's interesting about the QAnon

50:49

cult. The QAnon people, again,

50:52

not all wrong. We know that. But

50:58

they're wildly speculative

51:00

about most things.

51:02

And they're just

51:04

downright insane about others. They're

51:08

body doubles. People have died, but

51:11

they've been replaced. JFK Jr. is

51:13

coming back. But

51:15

by the way, you want to talk about if JFK

51:18

Jr. is alive and he comes back and he runs

51:20

with Michelle Obama. It's over. It will

51:22

be over. What

51:24

I mean by the QAnon cult is that politics,

51:28

by its very nature, is boring. I

51:31

think the hardest thing for us in

51:33

our society to wrap our heads around

51:35

is that there is

51:38

a banality to the evil

51:40

that we see in the world. It

51:42

is not nearly as exciting as we

51:44

think. It's ancient blood cults and shape-shifting

51:47

lizards and all the things. But

51:49

what it really is is the

51:52

cold marble floors of

51:54

a bank in Geneva.

51:57

It's the high heels of a

51:59

woman. walking across the cold

52:01

marble floors of a bank in

52:03

Geneva. It's a

52:05

very short phone call on

52:08

a line that people assure each

52:11

other isn't being tapped. It's

52:15

a lunch where people are very

52:17

vague about their intentions, but there's

52:19

an underlying discomfort. There

52:23

is a banality to it. That's where, obviously, the

52:25

phrase, the banality of evil, and

52:27

we just aren't built like that. So

52:30

much of American culture has

52:33

been imagined by Hollywood in

52:37

spurts of two hours,

52:40

and hours on TV, or half hours

52:42

even, story lines

52:44

that have beginning, middle, and end,

52:46

and they are filled

52:48

with intrigue. It's not

52:51

to say that there is an intrigue in the world.

52:53

It's not to say that things aren't interesting, but that's

52:55

really what it is. It's

52:59

not these – it's this guy's

53:01

talking about Czars. He's talking about

53:06

Vladimir being – this guy being

53:08

baptized. The

53:11

greatest – one of the other great moments is Tucker's like, where are

53:13

we now? And Putin's like, 1500s. He's like, 1500s.

53:19

You know, you will fall

53:21

asleep. That

53:23

is – most of the things where

53:27

people are being killed, if

53:29

you were to get a full accounting of them, you would go to

53:31

sleep. This is not

53:34

an episode of a show you like. This

53:37

is not White Lotus, where at

53:39

the end of eight episodes we're like, who

53:41

kills who? White Lotus,

53:43

you know the body's there. It's in episode one,

53:45

so you know it's all heading somewhere in episode

53:47

eight. But if I were

53:49

to sit down – not that I would do

53:51

it, but if a scholar were to explain to you

53:54

the Israel-Palestine conflict, or Russia, Ukraine, you would be in

53:56

bed. You'd be in bed. Tilling

54:00

each other? Wait, what? Prince

54:04

Philip? Vladimir

54:08

being baptized? The Cossacks or

54:10

whatever? It's boring.

54:12

And then

54:14

I think people just have this idea, and

54:17

you could see there were certain moments in the Putin

54:19

interview, because my interest is in politics,

54:21

it's always the human angle. There was just certain moments,

54:23

and that was really one of them, where Putin was

54:25

like, a job's a job. And the way he said

54:27

that, he was basically saying,

54:30

that was the fun of my

54:32

life. That was the excitement

54:34

of my life. The

54:37

funnest part of when you're a comedian, a

54:39

lot of times, is when you're running around

54:41

open mics, not knowing what will happen. And

54:44

you have all these people, and you're all on the same

54:46

level, and you're all running around eating slices of pizza, and

54:48

you're all broke, and you're all trying to figure out how

54:50

to be a comedian. Not to say that

54:53

you don't find fun throughout your career,

54:55

you do. But it changes. There's more

54:58

pressure, there are expectations, sacrifices

55:00

are greater, they're more real. In

55:02

the very beginning, you sacrifice almost

55:04

nothing. The expectations

55:06

are very low, you're having a lot of fun.

55:09

I think in Putin's world, when he was

55:11

a spy, and he didn't know that the

55:13

future of Russia is resting on

55:15

his shoulders and his mind, he had a

55:18

lot more fun. It was a lot more

55:20

fun. And you could see that when

55:22

he goes, they were always our enemies, but

55:24

job is a job. He's like, they, without

55:26

them, what are we? What

55:29

are we? What are we? He

55:32

has a respect for the enemy.

55:35

He does not respect media. He does

55:37

not respect interview. He does not care. In the

55:39

beginning, he goes, are we having a show? We're

55:41

gonna have a talk. So if we're gonna have

55:44

a talk, I'm gonna talk for 30 minutes, you're

55:46

gonna be bored. Some of your viewers

55:48

will tune out. I don't care. I don't

55:50

respect you and I don't respect them because

55:52

I'm one of the very few people on

55:55

the planet that has a nuclear arsenal. I

55:57

respect those people. Just like

55:59

when he said, I don't speak to Biden, but

56:01

our agencies talk. We have communication.

56:04

They say to me, that nuclear test

56:06

is not about you. I say the

56:08

same thing to them. Our agencies talk.

56:10

They talk. So

56:14

seeing the kind of

56:16

light, his eyes lit up only a few

56:19

times, but during the interview when

56:21

he said, yeah, they were always our enemies, but

56:23

a job's a job. You could tell. And I

56:25

felt, dare I say,

56:27

oh no, they're coming for

56:31

me now. I said, dare

56:34

I say, I felt a little sorry

56:37

for him because

56:39

he's locked away in that palace. He's

56:42

locked away in the palace and

56:44

he's basically got in

56:46

his mind the history

56:49

of the Russian state on

56:53

his shoulders. And

56:56

it's not that much fun probably.

56:59

He's not having that much fun. And

57:02

then for that second, he remembered back

57:05

when it was fun, me and the guys, people

57:08

are trying to kill us. We're trying to

57:10

kill them. We're trying to turn assets. They're

57:13

trying to turn us. It's a deadly game,

57:15

but it's their game. It's their game.

57:17

And he goes, yeah, job's a job. He respects that.

57:20

There was something interesting to me about that. I'm familiar

57:22

with his rationale for the Ukraine war. I didn't need

57:24

to know that. I'm familiar with that. I'm familiar with

57:26

most of it. His history lesson in the beginning obviously

57:28

came as a little bit of a surprise. I don't

57:30

know all of that, but I

57:32

kind of know exactly why his worldview I'm

57:34

aware of it. But

57:36

the human moments that dripped out where he goes,

57:38

yeah, it was a fun, we

57:41

had fun. A job's a job.

57:43

They were always our enemy. We were always going against them.

57:46

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here it is and I want you to

1:02:03

watch Vladimir Putin's eyes here because they come

1:02:05

alive like a kid on Christmas morning. ...committed

1:02:10

a coup in Kiev. What

1:02:13

is that supposed to mean? Who do

1:02:15

you think you are? I wanted

1:02:17

to ask then U.S. leadership.

1:02:21

With the backing of whom? With

1:02:27

the backing of CIA, of course. The

1:02:29

organization you wanted to join back in the

1:02:31

day, as I understand. We

1:02:34

should thank God they didn't let you in. Although

1:02:37

it is a serious organization. I

1:02:40

understand. My former

1:02:42

vis-a-vis in the sense that I

1:02:44

served in the first main directorate,

1:02:46

Soviet Union's intelligence service. They have

1:02:48

always been our opponents. A

1:02:51

job is a job. Yes!

1:02:53

Love that! He goes,

1:02:55

but that is a serious organization. Like what

1:02:57

you're doing interviewing me, this ain't it. We

1:03:01

don't respect none of this. Let's

1:03:05

hear it for everyone in the shadows, folks.

1:03:07

The FSB, the CIA, the Stasi, everyone. All

1:03:09

of the people in the shadows murdering, torturing,

1:03:12

killing. I know it's a controversial thing to

1:03:14

say. Everybody. The IDF, Hamas.

1:03:16

Everyone in the shadows, in the tunnels, in the

1:03:18

dark. I

1:03:22

get... People see me, they go, I'm a fan

1:03:24

and that's still so nice. And these guys never hear it. They never

1:03:26

hear it. They never hear that. They never hear

1:03:28

that. These intelligence agencies, they never

1:03:31

hear that anyone's a fan of them.

1:03:33

They have to kill, maim, torture. The

1:03:36

shadows forever. It's not easy. They

1:03:38

have this little group of people. They

1:03:41

have this little fraternity of people that

1:03:43

respect each other. A job is a job, Vladimir

1:03:46

Putin says. A little fraternity of people. Let's hear

1:03:48

it for all of them. Let's hear it for...

1:03:50

I don't care if they killed you or your

1:03:52

family. Listen. Let us

1:03:54

hear a job is a job. That

1:03:57

is what we have to remember. And that's what

1:04:00

we have to tell machine. Obama. Maybe Tempest Bledsoe

1:04:02

comes out. I don't know. But

1:04:04

it's a spectacle. There's drums,

1:04:07

steel drums. Is it an island feel?

1:04:09

Is it a Jamaican feel? I don't

1:04:11

know. It's got to be cool again.

1:04:13

I want to see white people

1:04:15

from the Great Lakes region

1:04:18

swaying awkwardly to

1:04:20

the music. Sway

1:04:22

awkwardly to the music. And everybody's

1:04:24

clapping. And Michelle Obama goes, you

1:04:26

got a fast car. And together

1:04:29

we can get in that car.

1:04:31

And everybody's clapping. And Tracy

1:04:34

Chapman. And

1:04:37

she's got the guitar out. I'm telling

1:04:39

you, that's what it is. Because

1:04:41

the Democrats need to do their job. A job

1:04:43

is a job. Vladimir Putin just said it. He

1:04:46

just fucking said it.

1:04:49

I don't know if he even knew how profound that was at the

1:04:51

end. But a job is a job.

1:04:53

And the Democrats have to do their job. They're not

1:04:55

doing their job. They're running a guy that's old and

1:04:57

decrepit. And he's not fun. And it's not a party.

1:05:00

And you're running him against a guy

1:05:03

that maybe throws the best party in

1:05:05

politics. It's not going to

1:05:07

work. If you,

1:05:09

if they're going to throw a party in

1:05:11

the back of the house in Arizona that

1:05:13

looks like a macaroni grill with a turquoise

1:05:15

pool and a bunch of fentanyl vapes, you

1:05:18

better throw a fucking rager

1:05:20

outside of Boston in a

1:05:22

big old Victorian in Hingham,

1:05:24

Massachusetts with a bunch of

1:05:26

polyamorous Lesbos fingering each other

1:05:28

in the middle of

1:05:31

a circle. And Tracy Chapman has

1:05:33

to be playing fast fucking car

1:05:35

or you're going to lose. A

1:05:37

job is a job.