0:00

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim

0:02

Dillon Show. I have injured the side

0:04

of my mouth by

0:06

biting it. And if

0:08

you've ever done that, when you bite

0:10

the side of your mouth, it inflames

0:12

and it swells and you keep biting

0:15

it. And that is the Middle East. That's

0:18

all it'll ever be. That

0:20

is it. You don't have to read any books on

0:22

it. You don't have to take any courses. You

0:25

don't have to listen to your

0:27

friend's wife who saw a documentary.

0:30

It is biting the side of your cheek.

0:33

I get very excited. Sometimes when I eat,

0:36

I do not take my time. My

0:38

grandmother used to say, you don't know

0:40

your body has eaten. That's

0:43

why you keep eating. Your

0:45

mind doesn't know that

0:47

your body is full. So

0:49

when you bite the side of your mouth,

0:51

it inflames and it's there. And

0:54

you keep biting it. And then sometimes you'll get

0:56

a chunk of it in your mouth and release.

0:58

You'll go, that was close. Because

1:00

it could have been bad. That's

1:02

the entire Middle East. That's

1:05

it. There's nothing

1:07

else to do. You

1:10

can read. You can learn words

1:12

like Bedouin or whatever. It doesn't

1:14

matter. That's essentially what's

1:16

happening. We're in World War III.

1:19

I am on war footing. I

1:21

am ready to go. Are you? I

1:24

punched an Iranian woman today in the face in

1:27

Starbucks. The cops later told me she

1:29

was Greek. But she called me a

1:31

fat shit. And I was like,

1:33

this is what war looks like on the home

1:35

turf. You call me a

1:37

fat shit. I'm going to rock you. And

1:40

I rocked her. Now I have a court date. Which

1:43

I'll have to know. Of course,

1:45

that is kidding. I'm against violence

1:49

against women. Kind

1:51

of. But what

1:53

I think is important, I just

1:55

got back from a trip abroad.

1:58

I was abroad. And

2:00

with the great Sam Talent, nobody better

2:02

to travel with. We did it all.

2:06

I'm not going to name where we

2:08

were, but we were everywhere, and I

2:10

talked to everybody about everything. I

2:13

have all of the opinions from the

2:15

European continent for you. And

2:20

I have condensed them to one

2:22

sentence, because everybody

2:25

has a lot of things to say, but

2:28

we don't have the time. We're

2:30

not living in a time... So

2:33

I've condensed them. I've truncated all

2:36

of the different opinions from Scandinavia,

2:39

from the south of France,

2:42

from Glasgow, Scotland, the

2:44

rainy Glasgow, from

2:47

London. I've condensed

2:49

all the opinions from Finland on

2:51

the border of Russia.

2:55

I've condensed the opinions to

2:57

one sentence,

3:01

actually four words. What

3:03

I have learned after... And why

3:06

are you nervous? Everyone gets... The producer gets

3:08

nervous now, because he doesn't know what's about

3:10

to happen, because he's trying to... He's

3:12

trying to get lifestyle brands to advertise

3:14

on the show, and the scumbags who

3:17

he pay go, well, why doesn't he

3:19

post more lifestyle content? That guy posts

3:21

all the time. I post

3:23

pictures of pretty things all of the time

3:25

I post, but you don't like what

3:27

I say afterwards. I post

3:29

pictures of pretty things all the

3:31

time. Can I tell you what

3:33

I've learned after being on the

3:35

European continent? What I

3:38

have learned, okay? This

3:40

is what I have learned. This

3:43

is the headline. This

3:45

is the pull quote, okay?

3:48

Okay? Get ready. The

3:51

bit, okay? The

3:57

Holocaust? I'm

4:00

kidding. But that's... that's...

4:05

Here's what I'm... what I'm getting at. Israel

4:09

is not popular right now. They're

4:12

not popular right

4:16

now. They're having

4:19

image problems at

4:21

the moment. It's

4:23

the girl who's feeling herself

4:26

too much. We're

4:28

happy for... we're happy she

4:30

made a full recovery after

4:33

the car accident. Donna, we

4:35

love it. We're happy. We're

4:38

happy that you're up walking around and she lost

4:40

a little weight. And she

4:42

dyed her hair. And the kids

4:44

call this a glow up. But

4:47

it's a lot now, Donna. Donna,

4:49

it's a lot. It's

4:52

a girl who's feeling herself

4:54

a bit too much. She

4:56

has pain. We all have

4:58

pain. She has

5:00

pain. And she reminds you of her

5:02

pain. She'll tell you. She's

5:05

that girl with pain. And

5:08

it's very accessible. She can go

5:10

to the well of her pain. And

5:13

she knows. She's

5:15

been through it. She was bullied

5:17

in sixth grade bad. And people tell

5:19

you, they'll go, Donna man, oof. Sixth

5:23

grade was rough for Donna. Every

5:26

day, tough. She had

5:28

to get on that bus and they went

5:30

at her. They went at her throat. Everyone

5:34

knows someone like... we get it. Israel

5:37

has had pain. And I'm

5:39

not taking it away from them. But now they

5:42

are kind of feeling

5:44

themselves a bit

5:46

too much. They're doing what this...

5:49

They're doing the most, is what

5:51

the lexicon of the Internet would

5:53

say. And people

5:57

are... There

6:01

are a little, you know, there's

6:04

a level of, you

6:07

know, even the supporters

6:10

of Israel are kind

6:12

of going,

6:15

hey, it's

6:17

watching a friend make

6:21

a very bad decision. That is

6:23

like what I think what we're watching right now.

6:25

I understand the

6:27

problem. I understand the issues.

6:30

I'm not a child. I'm not

6:33

at the Columbia—what's that thing they're doing

6:35

now? Transfer Iran? The protest? Everyone's

6:37

mad at it? They're doing transfer Iran? Let them

6:39

do it! Let the kids

6:41

be transfer Iran if they want,

6:43

because that's the funny

6:45

of what the time we're living in.

6:48

The Iranians should have to have

6:51

trans allies in dog collars

6:53

with COVID masks on. That's

6:56

what they get. You don't always have

6:58

the fan base you want. Remember

7:01

when Trump was like, why is everyone here so

7:03

poor? He said there was AIDS.

7:05

He goes, why does everyone here look like shit? And

7:08

they go, well, you appeal to a lot of people that don't

7:10

have a lot going on. He didn't love that. You're

7:13

never going to get the fan base you necessarily

7:15

want, necessarily love, but you do

7:17

the best with it. You make it happen. You

7:20

make it work. They'll

7:22

make it work. The

7:25

biggest—the people right now

7:29

that are

7:31

very vocally pro-Iran

7:35

are a very

7:37

ragtag group of

7:40

malcontents and—I

7:42

have this quote from the Free

7:44

Press where they were

7:46

at some anti-war rally, and they have a

7:49

woman, and she's wearing dog collars, and she's

7:51

got a muzzle on. She

7:53

has a Protect Trans Kids shirt, and

7:56

she has a pink ass mask on

7:58

or something. in

8:00

combat boots at the San Francisco City Hall

8:02

or whatever, and, you

8:05

know, Iran is going to

8:07

have to confront that those are their

8:09

allies here. That doesn't mean

8:11

that all of those allies are terrible to have.

8:13

I'm just saying that's what you got. That's

8:16

what you got. Sure,

8:18

you want those 19 relatively handsome

8:21

hijackers from Saudi Arabia like you

8:23

had in 2001. Sure,

8:26

but times change. Things

8:28

move on. And

8:31

the anti-war movement in America is always kind

8:33

of – and they – there's

8:37

got to be some level of this that's engineered,

8:39

not all of it. But

8:41

there's got to be some level

8:43

of anybody in this country that

8:46

doesn't want a war, and

8:49

there's any kind of protest or rally. Within

8:53

minutes, the

8:56

craziest people you've ever seen

8:58

show up. I'm talking about

9:00

dwarves and like mythical

9:02

creatures from Middle Earth. People

9:04

are – like fawns show up, like

9:06

centaurs are at the rally. It's

9:09

so viscerally disturbing that

9:12

everybody's like, maybe we should just – maybe

9:15

we should just do the war. I've

9:18

got to stand here with these people? That's

9:20

a centaur. I

9:22

mean, go to some of these protests. Colombia

9:25

is doing a – what, a sit-in or

9:28

all the kids are camping out for – for

9:31

Palestine. And here's the deal. Because

9:35

Israel has been so aggressive in

9:39

the way it's prosecuted this war, and they've killed, I

9:41

believe, 40,000 people, and

9:44

it's all on TikTok, and you can watch this.

9:46

And the horrors are unfolding

9:48

in front of your face. It's

9:50

completely natural that people,

9:53

especially young people, have

9:55

a reaction the way that people are

9:57

having. They're revolted. by

10:00

this level of violence. And,

10:02

you know, nobody has the stomach for

10:05

this. And even

10:07

Israel's most ardent supporters, for the

10:09

most part, are

10:11

wondering if this is the right

10:13

course of action, because Israel has

10:15

suffered, and I'm a supporter of Israel's right

10:18

to exist, but Israel suffered

10:20

a tremendous

10:24

loss of prestige in

10:26

the world community. Now, some people go, well, they

10:28

don't care. The world community has

10:30

always hated Israel. Maybe there's some truth to that.

10:34

But I'm just saying it is not –

10:39

yeah, so they're arresting these people.

10:41

Now, these people set up tents

10:43

at Columbia University. They've

10:46

done this a few times in the

10:48

past, and

10:50

they're doing this to show

10:52

solidarity with the people

10:56

in Palestine that are – and

10:58

they're encouraging Columbia to divest from

11:02

whatever. Can

11:05

I not – I don't want to be a delicate

11:07

here, but don't the Jews – and I mean, shut

11:09

it off for a minute. I'm not trying to be

11:11

delicate. Don't the Jews own Columbia? Like, my parents don't

11:13

own Columbia. I mean, I'm just not

11:15

trying to be delicate, but don't the kids know where

11:17

they are? Like, I

11:19

– I mean, I'm not trying – am

11:21

I – do I sound indelicate? Didn't

11:25

Jewish people buy Columbia? Aren't

11:28

most of the endowments coming from so

11:31

it's like kids? You

11:34

know, I'm not saying don't

11:38

set up the tents if

11:41

that's the way you feel. These

11:44

protests don't do much, by the way,

11:46

shutting down this Golden Gate Bridge. And

11:49

again, I'm not morally telling people not to

11:51

protest. I'm saying the

11:53

ruling class of the country doesn't

11:56

really care. They don't really care. It

11:59

does not – matter to them

12:02

if a bunch of kids at Columbia

12:05

get in a tent. So

12:09

can you explain at Columbia

12:12

University what's

12:15

happening? Yeah,

12:17

so you have over 100 students got arrested.

12:19

They've been basically doing like a sit-in about how

12:21

they don't – there were 15 students,

12:24

I think, that were either

12:26

removed from something because of their anti-Zionist

12:29

protests, and so then these are the

12:31

students supporting the students that got removed.

12:34

So these are all like pro-Palestinian people. But

12:36

people are mad about this. There's more going

12:38

on. It's a hotbed over there. People

12:41

are fighting with each other and spitting on

12:43

each other and beating each other up, I

12:45

think. I've heard. There's

12:48

violence. People are

12:50

angry. Well, I think it's

12:52

good for them, really. I think it's

12:54

good. I do. I

12:57

think a little excitement in

13:00

the quad is fine. I

13:03

do. I think it's fine.

13:06

I'm very happy about – I

13:08

don't – what

13:12

do they do? What is this, the Deaf to America Club? There's

13:17

something funny about it. Listen,

13:22

if we're going to be the

13:24

country that's all about free speech

13:26

and all the bullshit, you

13:29

have to respect people's rights to

13:31

do trans for Iran. You

13:33

have to. You have

13:35

to support male

13:39

men that are pregnant men

13:42

who support Iran. They're

13:44

allowed to. You can

13:46

be gay for Iran. And

13:52

everyone's like, well, in those countries, people

13:54

would – they would die. I'm like,

13:56

yeah, but people want to die. People

14:00

want to get stoned. People

14:02

like—people have a humiliation

14:04

fetish. People

14:06

want the things that don't accept them.

14:10

There's no fun in being gay in

14:13

Portland, Maine. You want

14:15

to be gay in Iran, where you

14:17

could get killed. You

14:20

know how funny it is to suck someone

14:22

off in Iran when no one knows? Because

14:25

outside of the door is your own death.

14:27

You know how boring it is to choke

14:29

down a cock in Portland, Maine? You can

14:31

do it at dinner. You can

14:33

choke down a cock in

14:36

Portland, Maine at a seafood restaurant. No

14:38

one would say anything to you. You

14:40

could suck someone off. You could take

14:42

out your pink cock, your little pink

14:44

cock, and someone could suck it off

14:47

while it barely stayed hard, and they

14:49

worked it with their hand and mouth

14:51

to try to get the fucking blood

14:53

flowing in your member at a seafood

14:55

restaurant. And the most that would happen

14:58

to you is the fat lesbian who's

15:00

shucking the oysters might roll her eyes.

15:03

That is the most that will happen to you. There's

15:05

no fun in that. The

15:08

fun is being gay in Saudi Arabia,

15:10

where you're literally getting sucked

15:12

off while you watch someone

15:14

get beheaded for getting sucked

15:16

off. Is

15:18

there anything more fun than coming while watching

15:20

a beheading of someone who's getting

15:23

beheaded for coming? You

15:25

feel alive. We've done

15:27

so much in this country to make people feel,

15:29

you know, I don't know, whatever

15:35

the term is, bored, and

15:39

they have this terminal boredom. And

15:43

what they're fantasizing about is

15:46

the secret police opening their door in the

15:48

middle of the night, ripping them out and

15:50

going, you've been a bad boy now, haven't

15:52

you? And

15:54

I think that's good. There's

15:57

nothing wrong with it. Yes,

15:59

it's a bad boy. Inconsistent,

16:02

perhaps. But

16:05

only if you don't understand human nature. Feminists want

16:07

to get punched in the face. They

16:09

want to get thrown in the back of a

16:11

car and driven to the woods of New Hampshire,

16:13

and they want their skin ripped off, and they

16:16

want someone to wear it and run around. That's

16:18

what it is. It's not

16:20

inconsistent if you know human nature. Nobody

16:23

wants the thing they say they want.

16:26

None of these people want a progressive

16:28

world where everybody's – they

16:30

just want to step on the throat of the people

16:32

that bother them. So the

16:34

people that are running around doing transfer

16:37

Iran, they don't care that Iran would

16:39

light them all on fire. They

16:41

just want to vanquish their enemy,

16:44

and their enemy of the moment

16:47

is the bagel head. Matzah

16:50

face. That's

16:53

their enemy at the moment. People

16:56

go, well, it's inconsistent. All their right-wingers are like,

16:58

it's inconsistent. And some of the left-wingers, you know,

17:01

the broad – and they're right if they're

17:04

– but again, if you're taking

17:06

them at their word, it's inconsistent. Well,

17:08

it's inconsistent. These feminists don't care

17:10

about women being right. No, they

17:12

don't. They don't because

17:15

they don't be, but they never did.

17:19

You took them at their word, dummy.

17:23

They all said, we want a world where

17:25

everyone – no, no, no, no,

17:27

no. They wanted a hierarchy where

17:30

they were at the top, and

17:33

they think if they figure out

17:35

– maybe if they

17:37

figure out a way to defeat Israel,

17:39

Iran will let them be trans in

17:42

Iran. Maybe Iran –

17:44

maybe the mullahs will go like, you know, listen,

17:46

we were – I mean, we were not into

17:49

this. Can you imagine like 15 years from now

17:51

somebody in Iran going, I mean, the

17:55

strides this country has made are

17:57

amazing. Our

18:02

allies were trans people

18:05

wearing leather harnesses

18:07

and N95 masks

18:10

in America, and they came over

18:12

and defeated the Jews somehow. And

18:15

now they run Iran. They just

18:17

want to be mullahs. All of these people in

18:20

the COVID masks, they just

18:22

want to be the mullahs. And

18:24

what we hope is that the mullahs like

18:27

their lives enough and their

18:30

power, and they always do, that

18:32

they're not going to get in any

18:34

type of regional war that

18:37

will sacrifice their power. Because

18:41

the citizens of these countries

18:43

care about the Palestinians. The governments

18:45

really don't. The governments

18:47

don't. The Saudi Arabia, the UAE,

18:50

Jordan, they just want money. They

18:52

want money. And they

18:54

don't want to do anything

18:56

that would jeopardize them getting money

19:00

or their positions in the Middle

19:02

East, their power, their

19:06

proximity to the

19:09

type of money

19:11

that they are

19:15

making with the United States. This

19:19

is the reality, but people are

19:21

looking after themselves. All these regimes

19:23

look after themselves. So

19:26

they're not fighting Israel over this shit. They don't

19:28

care. It's not their fight.

19:30

It isn't. Literally. It's not

19:32

their fight. Now, you

19:34

might go, well, I said, Jeddah, and you're sure,

19:36

but they don't care. That's Tuesday

19:39

over there. People

19:41

slaughter each other all the time. In America, it

19:44

is disturbing to see people in mass getting

19:46

killed. In other places,

19:48

they have a higher tolerance for that,

19:50

and they're not – they have no

19:52

strategic interest in getting in this war.

19:55

They don't. Russia's got their

19:57

own issues. Russia doesn't. Russia's dealing with it.

19:59

They're dealing with their own problems. China's

20:02

got their issue. This

20:04

Israel-Palestine issue is not an issue for

20:07

everybody. It's an issue

20:09

for – and by the

20:11

way, this is the – I'm not talking about –

20:13

you do whatever you want. You want to

20:15

put a – you want to do a

20:17

dance for the – great. I have no issue with

20:19

that. Voice your discontentment any way

20:21

you want. I have a platform. I speak to

20:23

millions of people a week, and

20:26

nothing I say matters, and it never will. Nothing

20:30

I say matters, and nothing you say will probably

20:32

matter. Sorry. Sorry. I

20:37

apologize for that. It's not

20:39

nice to hear that the transfer

20:41

I ran and sit in will probably be forgotten.

20:45

I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm saying the

20:47

levers of power in this country and the people that

20:49

have their hands on them aren't

20:52

looking at campus discontentment

20:55

as a meter of what they should do.

20:58

Israel has exhausted everybody, everybody at the

21:00

State Department. I speak to a lot

21:02

of people. I'm not saying I know things

21:04

you don't, but I do. I don't

21:06

know a lot of things you don't, but I know

21:08

– I speak to maybe certain people that you don't

21:10

speak to who go,

21:12

everybody is exhausted right now with Israel

21:15

at the State Department. Most people are

21:17

exhausted. Everybody is kind of at the

21:19

end of their rope. They're at the

21:21

end of their rope a little –

21:23

they're going like, hey, hey, girl.

21:27

Hey, girl. I

21:29

mean, you know

21:32

what it is? It's the friend who just won't

21:34

stop with the photos. Line

21:37

up over there. Line up. Everyone line

21:39

up. It's my day. Hey,

21:41

hey. Sasha,

21:44

come here. Come here. Listen.

21:47

Your parents are getting tired. Your

21:49

mother is a cancer survivor. She just wants

21:52

to sit down. Line

21:54

up. It's my day. We're doing

21:56

photos. It's a

21:59

bridezilla. It's, uh, it's too

22:01

much. It's just not,

22:03

you know? And

22:06

I know the antisemitism's bad, but talking about

22:08

it will make it worse. Please

22:11

pipe down about it a

22:14

little bit, because it makes it

22:16

worse to keep running your mouth

22:18

about it. The

22:23

antisemitism... Yes,

22:25

yes, yes, there are... There

22:28

are people in the world. That

22:30

do not like Jews. Okay?

22:33

Several continents. That's

22:36

not ideal. That's not ideal.

22:39

But talking about endlessly bringing it

22:41

up every- it's not helping. Ignore

22:44

it! Pretend they like

22:46

you. Pretend they like you.

22:48

Because they kinda like you.

22:51

Saudi Arabia kinda likes you a

22:54

little. Not their people,

22:56

but their leaders do. Qatar,

22:59

you know? Mmm...

23:04

Jordan and Egypt are kinda like-

23:07

like you don't need- like this whole

23:09

like, Everyone in the world is against

23:11

me. They're

23:13

against me. It's

23:16

like, we gotta change that. Because

23:20

it's exhausting. Everyone is tired of

23:22

it. It's tiring. You'd hate it.

23:26

You'd hate it if it never ended. So,

23:31

my advice is to-

23:33

to everybody again. Let's

23:35

take it down. Let's

23:38

take- let's take- we got the

23:40

Olympics coming. Hey, idiots. We

23:43

got the Olympics coming up. Everybody

23:45

better get- the

23:47

Olympics? The Olympics

23:49

are coming. Let's be

23:52

nice. You're telling

23:54

me. The opening ceremony

23:56

of the Olympics. If

23:59

you- I'm telling you. I'm telling you right now, is

24:01

this the Winter Olympics or the summer? I really don't

24:03

know what's happening. Yeah, right, it's good. Summer. The

24:07

Summer Olympics. I was going to say something about

24:09

figure skating, but that's not going to work now.

24:11

So I have to find something else. Synchronized swimming.

24:15

If Israel and Palestine

24:17

do a synchronized swimming

24:21

at the Olympics in

24:23

Paris, and

24:28

everybody is in red because

24:31

everybody is, we let beauty win.

24:33

We let beauty win. We let

24:36

beauty win. We

24:40

get a bunch of hot Israelis and hot Palestinians,

24:42

the ones that are left, and

24:44

we get them, you know, good looking tan.

24:46

Not with the huge noses. I don't love

24:48

that, but enough of a nose to

24:50

know where they're from, right? We

24:53

get them. They're hot, and

24:55

we make them practice together, and

24:57

they do a

24:59

beautiful synchronized swimming

25:01

event at the

25:04

– because the Paris Olympics, by the way, they

25:07

might scale down the opening ceremonies

25:09

because everybody's trying

25:11

to blow it up. Get

25:17

that article up, the Emmanuel

25:20

Macron. Emmanuel Macron,

25:22

the leader of Paris, who everyone keeps saying his

25:24

wife's a man, but I don't think she is.

25:26

She's just an unfortunate-looking woman. Now,

25:32

this guy keeps going, hey, we're

25:34

trying to do the Olympics here,

25:36

and everybody

25:39

is trying to blow it up. And

25:42

this is why he said to Israel, I go,

25:45

guys, can we have a fucking Olympic Games

25:48

without you being nuts? Please.

25:52

How about the hostages are returned at

25:54

the Olympics? Bring them

25:56

at the Olympic Games. Hamas comes out

25:59

with – But with the hostages, at

26:02

the Olympics, there's no imagination

26:05

anymore in this fucking world. That's

26:08

why nothing can ever get done,

26:10

because nobody has any theatrical imagination.

26:13

Nobody understands the

26:17

power of an image,

26:21

and the image of the – imagine

26:24

this, the Olympic torch, right? The

26:28

hostages come out with it. Hamas

26:33

brings out the hostages, and

26:36

they have the torches, and

26:40

they light the Olympic torch.

26:46

And it's over, and it's over, and

26:49

it's a century of peace. Can

26:53

we get – can someone try to make that happen? Can

26:56

some – is that not – if

26:58

I worked at the State Department, I would

27:00

say, can we do this at the Olympics?

27:04

Let's do it at the Olympics. Get

27:07

those tunnels open. We're

27:10

here at the Olympics. We

27:13

do an Edith Piaf, that

27:15

song, La Vie en Rose

27:17

or whatever. They come out at the Olympics. The

27:20

hostages are eating baguettes because

27:22

it's fun, because it's France. They

27:25

come out to have croissants, to

27:28

have croissants. They look tough. They've

27:30

been in the tunnel for a while, but we get them,

27:32

dress them up. We have the top makeup people, top

27:35

people, right? But

27:38

of course, the Palestinian people

27:40

are also – have to be

27:42

there. They have to be involved.

27:46

And you're

27:49

telling me it's not a powerful moment? These

27:52

two countries that up until

27:54

a week ago, we're literally –

27:57

all they wanted was the other one to be dead. Now!

28:00

These really hostages are out and

28:03

they would you know hide somewhere in

28:05

Ohio you would hear this you

28:07

would hear you I

28:10

was in a southern accent it's not Ohio but you

28:13

know honey you're not gonna believe this get

28:16

in here what come

28:19

here I don't like the Olympics I'm

28:22

watching my psychic program come

28:24

in here now fine they

28:29

got the Israeli hostages are

28:31

a dirty the Olympics what

28:35

remember the hostages that were in the

28:37

tunnel there at the Olympics what's

28:39

in their hands baguettes

28:42

why cuz it's fucking

28:45

France this is fucking

28:47

nuts all right

28:50

anything else

28:52

no people around

28:54

the country would

28:56

believe in magic again there isn't just one

28:58

way to celebrate 420 and there isn't just

29:00

one way to enjoy your THC mood

29:02

can help you achieve the right high with

29:04

their federally legal flower gummies vapes and more

29:07

brows by different moods or get 20%

29:09

off your first order and

29:11

a free THC pre-roll with

29:14

promo code Tim at

29:16

hello mood.com all

29:19

my friends have been enjoying this product

29:21

mood and it's they've been talking about it like

29:23

we go out and they bring it up I'm

29:26

like why are you in such a good mood they're

29:28

like it's actually because of mood and

29:30

I go what mood and they go

29:32

no it's the things mood and it becomes a who's

29:34

on first but

29:36

here's the reality people love it for

29:39

date night just to hang

29:41

out with your friends it's it's it's

29:43

a relaxing like high people

29:45

are like chilling they're

29:48

not like you know what I mean cuz a lot of people's

29:51

energy now is very like that's

29:53

not this this is very

29:55

like A

30:01

lot of people now, when you encounter them in the

30:03

wild, they're kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but

30:06

that's not this. This is more like, moo'd

30:12

has 10 high-inducing strains, the

30:14

most potent they've ever offered.

30:16

Moo'd puts an end to guessing games in

30:18

federally legal forms of THC extracted from hemp

30:21

plants. All of their products are regularly tested

30:23

in third-party labs. Source from

30:25

small family farms, it's all pesticide-free. It's

30:28

tested and tailored by in-house experts, different

30:30

strains for specific moods from euphoric to

30:33

energized, creative to chill, and

30:35

plenty of versatile products that go with whatever

30:37

mood you're preparing for or going for. Great

30:40

for both beginner and veteran users, great

30:43

tasting gummies, classic flour, convenient pre-rolls, so

30:45

much more. Celebrate 4.20 exactly how you

30:48

want with Moo'd. Get

30:50

20% off your first order, plus

30:52

a free THC pre-roll at hellamoo.com

30:54

with promo code T-I-M. How

30:57

many people you know right now are getting into

30:59

car accidents? The weather is getting wild. Climate

31:01

change is out and about. It is

31:04

raining, it is windy, cars are blowing all over

31:06

the highway, people are smashing them

31:08

up, and what are they doing? They're leaving

31:10

money on the table. They're leaving

31:12

money on the table because they don't know who

31:14

to call. Do you call Ghostbusters? No, you don't.

31:16

No, you don't. No, you don't.

31:19

You call Morgan and Morgan. They're America's

31:21

largest injury law firm. They have 100

31:23

offices nationwide, more than 1,000 lawyers, with over

31:25

$20 billion recovered for over 500,000 clients. Morgan

31:29

and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting

31:31

to get you full and fair compensation. The

31:34

other day my friend flipped his car on

31:36

the Southern State Parkway in Long Island. He

31:38

was literally suspended upside down wearing his seatbelt

31:40

with blood in his mouth. And

31:42

as he, the first two words he said

31:45

while he gargled the blood were Morgan and

31:47

Morgan because he knows where his bread is

31:49

buttered. Okay? No

31:51

matter what happens, your first idea should

31:54

be Morgan and Morgan. Okay? It

31:57

is the way to get that cash.

32:00

that paper. By the way, they only

32:02

collect if you win. Get it? They

32:05

only win if you win. They only win

32:07

if you win. They only win if you win.

32:09

If you're

32:12

not winning, they're not winning. Submitting

32:14

an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan is so easy.

32:16

Life is hard. If

32:19

you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their

32:21

fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to

32:23

forthepeople.com or dial pound

32:25

law, pound 529 from your cell

32:27

phone. That's for the people.com/Tim or dial

32:29

pound law, pound 529 from

32:31

your cell. This is a paid advertisement. I

32:34

want to shout out my

32:36

girls, my gals,

32:39

my plus-sized park hoppers. I've

32:42

talked about them on Patreon. There are

32:44

four morbidly obese women who review restaurants at Disney World

32:46

to see if they can fit. Really,

32:49

I mean, they look at the plans. They look at the blueprints

32:54

of the restaurants. They're talking

32:56

about the beams. They

32:58

go there. They're

33:01

talking about what's

33:03

a load-bearing column and what's not.

33:06

People are mad at them because there's

33:09

a whole genre of the internet now

33:11

where fat people are cringe. Then

33:14

people get mad at them. They're like, stop eating

33:16

pizza! That's a whole

33:18

genre. It's a whole column

33:21

of online behavior now. It's

33:23

like someone who's 700 pounds dipping

33:26

a garlic breadstick

33:28

into something and then like

33:30

a million comments sort of like, you're gonna

33:32

die! Stop doing it! From

33:36

people that are slightly less fat. Now,

33:39

I support these women. By the way, these are the

33:41

only people that ever should be at Disney World. No

33:43

one should be at Disney World. If

33:46

you take your kids to Disney World, do

33:48

it one time. If you do it all

33:50

the time, you have no imagination. You're disgusting

33:52

and you should have your kids taken by

33:54

CPS. The dumbest, least interesting people I know

33:56

constantly bring their kids to Disney World to

33:58

get molested by the characters. You

34:00

take them one time take them when they're five if

34:02

they ask to go back. Oh, we don't do that

34:05

You know why cuz mom and

34:07

dad have brains so we've planned vacations where

34:09

we can learn a little something, too Okay,

34:12

it's not all gonna be big puppets

34:14

and People dressed in

34:16

costumes. We're gonna go to different places

34:18

and different countries and we're gonna learn

34:21

So Disney World should be filled

34:23

with morbidly obese singles

34:27

sliding into booths eating

34:29

buffalo wild wings level

34:32

food and Watching

34:34

fireworks displays while

34:36

they digest What

34:38

I like about the plus-size Park Hoppers is they

34:40

go to each restaurant and they tell you if

34:42

you can fit in it After

34:46

that they then review the food, but this one

34:48

they didn't fit in Usually

34:50

they fit in it and when

34:52

they fit in it, they actually are quite kind they're

34:55

like Jessica got the

34:58

breadsticks. They were really warm and good.

35:00

They came with a spicy dipping sauce That was

35:02

a little too spicy for me But

35:05

it bounced really well with the Caesar salad

35:07

that was served in an Asiago cheese ball

35:10

I ate the entire bowl while no one was looking

35:12

and it felt really good The

35:14

next course we had was a pot

35:16

roast that came like in a traditional

35:19

1950s style pot there was

35:21

not enough Jew and the meat was a little

35:24

dry But I still choked it down with a

35:26

strawberry milkshake Which I got from another

35:28

restaurant and I kept with me for most of

35:30

the day Even though it

35:32

was warm. It provided the lubrication I needed

35:34

to get the pot roast down my throat

35:37

Then I ate a churro I found on

35:39

the floor 15 m&m's and then I left

35:41

like so now The

35:44

plus-size Park Hoppers are

35:46

unhappy They're unhappy

35:49

now They Don't

35:51

fit in this restaurant. So they get very nasty about

35:54

the food Here's what you have to

35:56

remember about the plus park operas all of

35:58

the food in Disney World is bad like every everything

36:00

it is, it's bad. It's bad.

36:02

The rides aren't even good. Nothing's

36:04

good. The reason you think it's

36:06

good is because you're stupid. That's

36:09

why you think it's good. Even if

36:11

you have children, you should be rolling your eyes. Your

36:14

kids should be happy. You should take a few. I'm

36:16

not a heartless person. The kids

36:18

should be happy. The Mickey Mouse hugs your

36:20

son or daughter or your non-binary child,

36:23

and you take a photo of them and you're happy. But

36:25

that should last a few minutes and then you

36:27

should go, it's hot, lines, it's hot. The

36:30

Mickey Mouse. Immediately, if

36:33

anyone's like, this is the most magical place in the world,

36:35

anyone who says that, I want so far away from me,

36:37

I want so far away from

36:39

me when anyone says, I have a

36:41

friend who I actually really like. Him and his wife

36:43

go to Disney World, they go on Disney Cruises. I

36:46

think there's something wrong with them. They have

36:48

a beautiful family. I love this

36:50

guy, he was like a brother to me growing up. But

36:53

him and his wife, they said it

36:55

the other day, they're like, we're going to Disney

36:57

again. They keep going to Disney World. They go

36:59

on the Cruises. They will not leave their house

37:01

unless Disney World is involved. Disney picks them up

37:04

in the shuttle. There's Disney

37:06

planes, there's Disney fairies. They don't

37:08

do anything that's not Disney. Everything

37:10

is Disney World. To me,

37:15

it is disgusting. It

37:17

is disgusting. You should

37:19

be teaching your children about culture, about

37:22

the world. You take them

37:24

to Scandinavia. You take

37:26

them to places like that. You take

37:29

them to Europe. You take them

37:31

to China. You

37:33

do not continually keep taking them

37:35

to the fucking Magic Kingdom to

37:37

go to Epcot. Take them to

37:39

France. Don't take them to Epcot.

37:42

Plus sized Park Hoppers. Let's see them get mean. I

37:45

need to eat at the quietest restaurant on Disney property,

37:47

but you weren't sure if you'd like it. Hey everyone,

37:49

we're Plus sized Park Hoppers and we range in sizes

37:52

from 2X to 5X. Be sure

37:54

you like this video and follow us for more Plus

37:56

sized Disney tips and tricks. On this episode of

37:58

If I Fit, Psi Fits, we visit... sci-fi dining

38:00

in Hollywood Studios. This restaurant takes you

38:02

back in time to a 1950s

38:05

drive-in where you dine under the stars while

38:07

watching short sci-fi clips. So seating at this

38:09

restaurant is a mixture of picnic tables, car

38:11

booths, and cars with tables in it. I'm

38:13

gonna start out by saying that the ambiance

38:16

here is a 10 out of

38:18

10. We were initially seated at a car booth

38:20

and we fit but it was a tight squeeze

38:22

so we opted for a picnic table. It also

38:24

would have been super awkward as a party of

38:26

three as there are two people per row. Ashley

38:28

would have had to sit behind us and it

38:30

would be pretty difficult to talk to her.

38:32

Unfortunately these butts are not adjustable. Picket

38:34

tables were fine but they were picnic tables.

38:36

I would like to note that the picnic

38:38

table chairs cannot be moved. The menu here

38:41

is pretty small with mostly burger options. Katie

38:43

and I started out with the milkshakes. They

38:45

kind of tasted like a frosty but not

38:47

as good. Ashley and I got the black

38:49

garlic Caesar salad. I couldn't taste any garlic

38:52

over all of the salt on the lettuce.

38:54

And the lettuce was bitter. Then Ashley got

38:56

the banh mi burger. The whole burger was

38:58

soggy and the flavor was lackluster. I got

39:00

the classic American burger which I actually really

39:03

liked and the sauce on the side was

39:05

delicious. I liked this much better than the

39:07

salad. Katie got the grilled chicken citrus salad

39:09

and also found her salad to be salty.

39:13

I think you guys are salty because you didn't fat.

39:15

Have you been dying to eat at the I

39:18

love my girls. My plus-sized park hoppers.

39:21

That's exact by the way it's so funny

39:23

to watch the Disney people get mad in

39:26

the comments. It's like that's what this is.

39:28

What do you think it is? What do

39:30

you think it is? Who do you think should be

39:33

there? Okay. Somebody

39:38

goes, first they had four beautiful young girls like you

39:40

instead of taking care of yourselves to start to create

39:42

an Instagram account to review among other things if you

39:45

can fit in restaurants at Disney parks. Come

39:47

on. You were in the best moment of

39:49

your life. Take advantage of your passion for

39:52

parks and try to enjoy them being more

39:54

fit healthy instead of this. So he's more

39:56

insane than them. Do you feel the commenters

39:58

more crazy than them? Take your passion. for

40:00

parks, they're fucking adults! They're

40:03

adults! There's people in

40:05

the park, it's based off a cricket.

40:07

The guy that started it was a

40:09

Nazi! He was a Nazi! People

40:12

are walking around, it's like, he's

40:16

crazier than they are! You

40:18

should be enjoying these parks as a

40:21

fit person! What?

40:24

Imagine getting in great shape and

40:26

then going to Disney, like going

40:28

back? Now

40:31

I only eat a quarter of the

40:33

shit burger at the fucking pedophile Nazi

40:35

land! It's a horrible

40:37

place! Anyone who

40:39

likes Disney World, and I want them

40:41

so far away from me! I

40:44

love this article I read that the

40:46

cool ant stereotype, study finds ants play

40:48

a critical support role to LGBTQ youth.

40:52

Let's talk about this cool ant thing for

40:54

a little bit, because I have a lot

40:56

to say about this, by the way. Because

40:58

it dovetails into a lot of what I

41:00

talk about, which is kind

41:04

of this reverse

41:06

engineering people

41:09

who actually have very, very tragic

41:11

lives into these

41:15

folk heroes.

41:18

My friend had a cool ant, her name was Aunt Deb. She

41:22

was single, she had a leather jacket, she drank

41:24

and smoked cigarettes all day. When

41:26

you're 13 we thought she was the best. She

41:29

had this guy she was kind of in and

41:31

out of her relationship with. She

41:34

would list a Fleetwood Mac real loud, and

41:36

she would smoke cigarettes on her toilet. We

41:39

thought that was great. She'd get high in her

41:41

backyard, and she'd get in the hot tub, and

41:44

she'd blast the song Dreams by

41:46

Fleetwood Mac. When the weather was

41:49

shazzy, clean your

41:52

nose. Thunder only

41:54

happens when it's

41:56

raining. And she would just

41:58

smoke her butt, and she would just... dance at

42:01

this bar called the

42:03

Irish Circle. Players only

42:05

love you when they're

42:07

playing. And we'd go, what

42:09

a cool ad. Here's what it really was. She

42:11

was living in hell. She

42:13

was living in. Players

42:20

only love you

42:23

when they're playing.

42:25

Drink and drive, you have

42:28

no kids to kill. Go

42:32

home and take that

42:34

bottle of pills. So

42:37

this idea, this cool ad,

42:39

we invented this term to

42:42

make people's lives less

42:45

terrible. And by the way, there's

42:47

nothing wrong with it either, because not everybody is

42:49

going to have, I mean, everybody's life has a

42:52

degree of tragedy, some more than others. But

42:54

this cool ant that

42:58

we never care about really, no

43:01

one checks on her. Nobody

43:03

checks on the cool ant. Hey,

43:06

are you OK? No one says

43:08

that. No one says

43:10

that to the cool ant. The

43:12

cool ant is just kind of there to be cool.

43:18

You can sneak a cigarette with your cool ant.

43:21

You could tell your cool ant you suck someone

43:23

off at the park. Your

43:26

cool. You

43:28

can. I suck someone off at

43:30

the park. Yeah, if I

43:33

have a dollar for everyone, I suck on

43:35

their park. When

43:38

the rain washes you

43:40

clean, you'll know. Every

43:43

cool ant listens to dreams

43:45

by Fleetwood Mac while fisting herself.

43:48

Every cool ant is

43:51

in her bed with a vibrator, listening to

43:53

dreams by Fleetwood Mac. The

43:55

room smells like weed. Every

43:58

cool ant. Well. The

44:01

marine washes you clean your

44:03

nose. Thunder only

44:05

happens when it's raining. Every

44:08

coolant shows up to the wedding a

44:10

little late cause

44:13

she put on a nice buzz

44:15

the night before. She

44:18

put on a nice buzz the night before. Every

44:21

coolant has a story of like

44:23

her best friend killing themselves

44:25

or something. They always have

44:27

like a locket or something and she's

44:30

like that's my friend Sarah. She was

44:32

my best friend. She was

44:34

gonna be a ballerina. She killed

44:36

herself. She's dead now.

44:40

Put on Fleetwood Mac. We

44:45

saw Fleetwood Mac together and then Sarah

44:47

drove home and she was hit by

44:49

a drunk. That's why I

44:51

drive drunk. To dull the

44:54

pain. Every coolant's best friend

44:56

was murdered in front of her. She

45:00

always had some quasi-lesbo relationship with a woman

45:02

who was beheaded in front of her. I

45:06

had a dad jet and she said pills. She like

45:09

asks for money for drugs. She was

45:11

the coolant. She like now, like

45:13

they've taken her children. You know what I

45:15

mean? Like the government comes into her house

45:17

with battering rams now. She

45:20

was the coolant. She

45:22

was cool. You could tell her anything. We

45:25

can tell her anything. Now

45:28

she's like, all of her kids are trans.

45:30

She made them all trans. She

45:32

told them they were trans. She's like,

45:35

you're all trans. Mommy

45:37

loves her trans babies. When

45:40

the rain washes you

45:42

clean. Thunder

45:45

only happens when

45:48

it's raining. My

45:51

kids are all trans.

45:53

There's no explaining. The

45:58

teachers called CP. P.S.

46:00

on me. They call her...

46:03

This is the natural end of the coolant. The

46:06

natural end of the coolant. I

46:08

didn't answer fake-drowned death. I'm not even gonna go through

46:10

this. I'm just saying it's funny. What

46:14

does this article say? Ants play a

46:16

surprisingly critical role in supporting LGBTQ youth.

46:23

By the way, aren't most, and I don't want

46:25

to sound indelicate or offensive to people. I

46:27

know people have real problems out there. But

46:30

at this point, aren't a lot of LGBTQ

46:32

outside of very religious families or stuff or

46:34

people, you know, people that don't like you.

46:37

But, you know, like, it's not just your

46:39

coolant anymore. I mean, there is more acceptance

46:41

than just a coolant. The researchers

46:43

interviewed 83 LGBTQ

46:46

youth in South Texas and the Inland

46:48

Empire of California, who reported

46:50

ambivalence or low support from their parents

46:52

regarding their identity. Of

46:54

those mentioned, 38 mentioned their aunts when

46:57

asked to identify their most supportive nonparental. Yeah, because your

46:59

aunt doesn't care what you do, nor should

47:01

they. Here's

47:04

the deal. If you come out as gay and your

47:06

parents hate you, they're pieces of shit. If

47:08

you come out as trans and your parents hate

47:11

you, like, really trans, then

47:13

they're pieces of shit, or

47:15

maybe they just need some time. But

47:18

if you're gonna be one of these people who's constantly

47:20

confusing everyone with 18 identities every

47:23

other minute, you can't

47:25

expect everybody to validate and affirm you

47:27

all the time. And I

47:29

think maybe this is what they're

47:31

running into here. You

47:33

know, I don't know. I'm sure there are people that come out and go,

47:35

I'm gay and their parents don't like them. And

47:39

their aunt's like, you

47:41

know, one of my friends is gay. His

47:43

name is Jimmy. They're always kind of drunk,

47:46

your aunt. They always kind

47:48

of have like a neurological disorder a

47:50

little bit. When it

47:52

comes out when they drink, they kind of start to

47:54

have MS a little when they drink. And all

47:57

the coolants are like, they always have a little bit

47:59

of sex. like a um they're always

48:01

like wise they think they're like wise beyond

48:03

their years you know what i

48:05

mean they're like an old car but it's cool

48:08

it smells like sigs my

48:10

friend jimmy was gay he's

48:12

dead he died

48:15

on the beach no one knows

48:17

how you

48:21

want to go to a movie with me me your

48:25

mother was always different than i

48:27

was real prom queen type i

48:31

like my job at the local paper i write

48:34

the obituaries my

48:36

friend jimmy was gay he was

48:39

in a relationship with his own father i

48:46

mean you

48:49

could just tell how much it meant for them to have this

48:51

adult family member this aunt who saw them for who they were

48:53

loved them for who they are and will do anything for them

48:58

i think we often miss this because so

49:00

much research focuses on the parent child dynamic

49:02

or parents rejecting their child we're missing that

49:04

there are actually adult family members such as

49:06

ants who are deeply supporting and loving by

49:08

the way totally agree that there's i

49:10

think we got to get moved beyond

49:13

the parent moved beyond the aunt how

49:15

about the boss how about the boss how

49:19

about a little capitalism i'm gonna let

49:21

capitalism air oh

49:24

if you're a killer at your job they don't

49:26

care who you fuck how

49:28

about that how

49:31

about that you

49:33

know how about

49:36

that define yourself by

49:38

what you do not who you are be

49:41

a unit of production stop

49:48

with people accepting you first of all guys

49:50

can we stop with this crap people

49:54

accepting you and validating you

49:56

it's like i don't know what

49:58

happened when i was growing up literally it was Everybody

50:00

was like, be who you are. And if

50:02

people aren't on board with that, fuck them. You

50:05

can be an individual. Then it

50:07

became like – somewhere it became like

50:09

this – it became like your job

50:11

is to convince everyone that lives on

50:14

this earth to vocally

50:16

support you at all times. And

50:18

you're like, well, that sounds exhausting and counterproductive.

50:21

That sounds like odd. They're like,

50:24

no. It's literally

50:26

your job to make everybody

50:28

around you believe the

50:30

things you believe. The

50:33

job of a cool ant, okay,

50:36

is to present an option

50:39

for you. That life is

50:41

an option. There's worse lives. There's getting your

50:43

hijab ripped off in Iran and getting acid

50:45

thrown in your face. That's

50:48

much worse than being the cool

50:50

ant. The cool ant's an option.

50:52

Her job is to

50:54

present that option. When

50:57

you are a teenager, all the

50:59

friends that you have that are adults are there to

51:01

present an option of how to live. You

51:04

can be like mommy. You can

51:06

be like daddy. You can be

51:08

like Aunt Jolene. You

51:12

can be like your cousin. That's soccer

51:14

dyke at

51:16

the state school. He's a

51:18

little too peped up all the time and

51:20

happy. She's really in the – we

51:23

had red night, blue night, red team,

51:25

blue team. And I was on the blue team in

51:27

the last year. I was on the red team. And it's

51:29

really fun because we all get involved. We all play sports.

51:31

We all drink and I eat pussy. And I

51:34

drink all the time, and everything's about being on

51:36

a sports team and doing games and fun stuff.

51:40

Do you want to go to the fucking rec

51:42

center and party? I hope I never leave school.

51:44

Be like me. My name is Krista. My

51:47

name is Krista. I have frizzy hair and a

51:49

big bush. I pretend to like

51:51

cock. You can be her. You

51:54

can be her if you want. Or

51:57

you can be Aunt Deb. That's

52:03

one day. We had another aunt who was not

52:05

a cool aunt, who I kind of liked a

52:07

little better, whose husband had

52:09

divorced her. And she lived in

52:11

a big house upstate. And she

52:14

was terrifying. She was kind of like, I

52:16

don't know, she had like a side shabob

52:18

energy. And she, she

52:22

would just open the door if

52:25

me and her kids were there, like, we'd

52:27

have sleepover, she'd just open the door. And

52:29

she would just, she would just go, go

52:31

to sleep, shut your mouth, shut

52:33

your mouth, go to sleep. She

52:35

would say to like gritted teeth, she'd go, shut up,

52:39

I'm going to

52:41

sleep, shut up. And her sister was across the street and she

52:43

had more money. So she like

52:45

hated her a little bit, but she didn't, but

52:47

she like resented her. She happened

52:50

to sleep. Everybody's going

52:52

to sleep now. The

52:55

day is over, she used to say it. The

52:57

day is over. But um, so that's

52:59

the job. The job of any cool aunt is to

53:01

present to you an option for how

53:04

you can live. When you're 14, and you're

53:06

looking around at the world, you're like, all

53:08

right, there's people that are rich, there's people

53:10

that are happy, there's people that are broke

53:12

and happy and rich and miserable. There's people

53:14

that are deadly serious about everything. There's people

53:16

that are kind of goofy and clownish. There's

53:18

people that seem to have secrets and they're

53:20

mysterious and they have layers. Some of those

53:22

people actually have those things. Many of them

53:25

are just very boring. You realize that later.

53:27

Some of the secret mysterious people are actually just

53:29

incredibly dull. You learn that as you grow up

53:31

in life, you're like, Oh, no, I thought you

53:33

were cool. You were spy. It's like, they're not

53:35

no spy. And it's

53:37

all options. And you take it all in as a

53:40

child. And um, you

53:43

know, you take it all in, but the cool aunt is

53:45

an option. She goes, this is what

53:47

happens if you allow a

53:49

song to be,

53:51

can you get that non-copyrighted? Is there any way?

53:54

I can try. The

53:57

cool aunt is if you allow the song dreams

53:59

from would Mac to

54:01

become your personality in life. Okay?

54:05

A coolant is about a Sunday 4.30

54:09

p.m. vibe. She's got a

54:11

margarita. She's at a

54:13

bar. She's tan. She's

54:15

a little chunky. She's

54:17

having a few pops. She's

54:19

having a few pops. Maybe

54:22

she's got a burger with some potato

54:24

chips, not fries. She's

54:26

a wild card. She

54:28

likes chips with a burger.

54:30

Okay? It's

54:34

every coolant. It's the song

54:36

Dreams by Fleetwood Mac. Is

54:40

this real? Could this be real? No copyright?

54:42

No, these are all like techno versions. We'll

54:44

get dinged really hard. I mean, I know.

54:46

If we play Dreams by Fleetwood Mac right

54:48

now, here's what will happen. YouTube will run

54:50

in the studio and they will

54:53

kill me. Everyone that visits me and in

54:55

any of the places that I've ever lived

54:57

has always said, why are these mattresses so

54:59

comfortable? I go to Helix Midnight Deluxe. It's

55:01

the best mattress in America. Mattress shopping is

55:04

literally the most insane thing you can ever

55:06

do. You walk through a half-abandoned mall, hope

55:08

somebody there is not a Looney Toon, go

55:10

to a mattress store and some freak watches you

55:13

sleep. Okay? You want to lay down

55:15

in front of a bunch of strangers or do

55:17

you want to just take the Helix quiz, find

55:19

out which bed is best for you. Okay? My

55:21

family constantly calls me and goes, what was that

55:23

bed? I go, it's the Helix and

55:25

then they're like, you have a promo code

55:27

and I give it to them because nothing's

55:29

enough for these people. But I'll tell you

55:31

this, Helix genuinely is the best mattress you

55:33

can get. Everybody loves it. I

55:35

advertise a lot of products on the show.

55:38

Helix is the one that most consistently people

55:40

in my real life have asked me about

55:42

because they have exposure to it because it's

55:44

a bed and all of the

55:47

beds I have are Helix beds. I'm telling

55:49

you, it's a 20-second quiz. It's not

55:51

that long. They find out what kind of sleeper you

55:53

are and they basically design the

55:56

best mattress for you. When they're offering 20% off

55:58

all mattress orders and to two free

56:00

pillows for our listeners. Go to

56:02

helixsleep.com/Tim D and use code

56:04

HELIXPARTNER20. This is their best

56:06

offer yet and it won't last long. With Helix, better

56:09

sleep starts now. Everybody's trying to get

56:11

a hard dick around here. And

56:14

you know what you do? You do hymns. Your

56:17

sex life is important, but your schedule is busy. You don't

56:20

have time to go to a doctor's office to get treated

56:22

for your erectile dysfunction. Through hymns, now you can get treated

56:24

for ED without stepping foot outside your door. Ever

56:26

feel like you need a little boost in the bedroom? With

56:28

hymns, you will feel confident knowing you can get hard and

56:31

stay hard whenever you're in the mood. Sick

56:33

of the one size fits all method, especially when

56:35

it comes to erectile dysfunction treatment? Well, good news,

56:37

now you've got options with hymns. Hymns

56:40

is changing men's healthcare by providing

56:42

access to affordable sexual health treatments from the

56:44

comfort of your cat. Hymns

56:46

provides access to doctor trusted ED treatment

56:48

options such as chewable, hard mince brain

56:50

name treatments like Viagra or generic alternatives

56:52

up to 95% cheaper. The

56:55

process is simple and 100% online. No

56:57

uncomfortable doctor's visits. If ED is getting you

57:00

down, it's time to join the hundreds of

57:02

thousands of trusted hymns subscribers to get treated

57:04

and get you up. If

57:06

ED is getting you down, hymns is getting you up.

57:10

Start your free online visit

57:13

today at hymns.com/Tim. That's hims.com/g-i-m

57:15

for your personalized ED treatment

57:17

options, hymns.com/Tim. Hard mince or

57:20

chewable compounded products which are not

57:22

approved or verified for safety or effectiveness by

57:24

the FDA. Prescriptions require an

57:26

online consultation with a healthcare provider who

57:29

will determine if appropriate restrictions apply to

57:31

your website for details and important

57:33

safety information. Subscription required price varies based

57:35

on product and subscription plan. Some

57:39

people just know it's easy to get

57:42

Allstate's best price online. They

57:44

also know where to get half-off pizzas on

57:46

Mondays, courtside seats

57:48

at nosebleed prices, and

57:52

they know you can easily get Allstate's

57:54

lowest price on auto insurance at allstate.com.

58:00

Prices vary, including based on how you buy.

58:02

Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire

58:05

and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook,

58:07

Illinois. Okay, quick math. The

58:09

less your business spends on operations, on

58:11

multiple systems, on delivering your product or

58:13

service, the more margin you have and

58:15

the more money you keep. Obvious.

58:18

But with higher expenses on materials,

58:20

employees, distribution, and borrowing, everything costs

58:23

more. So to reduce costs

58:25

and headaches, smart businesses are graduating to NetSuite by

58:27

Oracle. NetSuite is the number

58:29

one cloud financial system bringing accounting

58:31

financial management inventory HR into one

58:33

platform with one source of truth. With

58:35

NetSuite, you reduce IT costs because NetSuite

58:37

lives in the cloud with no hardware

58:40

required. Access from anywhere. You

58:42

cut the cost of maintaining multiple systems

58:44

because you've got one unified business management

58:46

suite and you're improving efficiency by bringing

58:48

all your major business processes into one

58:50

platform, slashing manual tasks and errors. Over

58:53

37,000 companies have already made the move. So

58:55

do the math. See how you'll profit with

58:58

NetSuite. Back by popular

59:00

demand, NetSuite has extended its

59:02

one-of-a-kind flexible financing program for

59:04

a few more weeks. Head

59:06

to netsuite.com/stereo. netsuite.com/stereo. Can

59:08

you get the lyrics up?

59:11

The lyrics of Dreams by Fleetwood Mac

59:14

are all cool ants. All

59:16

cool ants are Irish, no matter what nationality

59:18

they are. They're all Irish. They're deeply tragic

59:20

and they like to party. Folks,

59:24

when I read this, when I read these fucking

59:27

lyrics, this is every coolant. Now

59:29

here you go again. You say you want

59:31

your freedom. Well, who am I

59:33

to keep you down? It's only right

59:35

that you should play it the way you feel

59:37

it. But listen carefully to the

59:39

sound of your loneliness. Like

59:41

a heartbeat drives you mad in

59:43

the stillness of remembering what you

59:45

had and what you lost. And

59:48

what you had and what you lost.

59:51

Thunder only happens when it's

59:53

raining. Players only love you

59:55

when they're playing. Say women, they will come

59:57

and they will go. When the rain... you

1:00:00

clean, you'll know. So

1:00:03

this is the

1:00:05

anthem of the coolant. She

1:00:07

puts it on in her car. Back

1:00:10

then they used to drive, you

1:00:12

know, fun cars. I don't know

1:00:14

what they would drive now. I

1:00:16

don't know what the coolants would drive

1:00:18

now. I had a friend she had a

1:00:21

coolant named Aunt Ally. They all have names like

1:00:23

that, Aunt Ally. And they're all fun. And

1:00:25

then sometimes the coolants have kids and they change.

1:00:30

But the real coolant can't have a kid.

1:00:33

She has to go it alone.

1:00:35

She has to stare down death

1:00:37

alone. It is what she has

1:00:39

chosen to do. The coolant must

1:00:42

stare down the specter of

1:00:45

her mortality alone. She

1:00:49

must. It is her

1:00:51

calling. It is her calling

1:00:54

to stare down. She

1:00:56

must smoke a joint. She

1:00:59

must have a friend

1:01:01

named Fran or Darlene.

1:01:04

And this person must

1:01:06

accompany her to the local

1:01:08

hole. The local

1:01:10

gin mill. The local blood box.

1:01:14

They must knock them back. She

1:01:16

must talk about her family. The coolant

1:01:20

has a lot of opinions

1:01:22

about the family. She's

1:01:24

been fucked over. She didn't get what she had

1:01:26

coming to her. No

1:01:29

one took care of dad like the coolant.

1:01:33

Dad always loved her. And

1:01:35

she should have got more than she did, you know.

1:01:39

She'll talk about the man

1:01:41

who got away. She'll talk

1:01:43

about that man. The coolant always

1:01:45

had one great love. And that

1:01:47

man didn't stick around. He's

1:01:50

gone. She loves

1:01:53

her nieces and nephews. Of course.

1:01:56

She's the coolant that come out to where they got non-binary. She

1:01:58

goes, good for you. She goes, I read an article. article about

1:02:00

that. I'm cool with it. Sounds cool to

1:02:02

me. And she'll

1:02:06

just scrounge around looking for a

1:02:08

lighter. Maybe she's vaping now. Cool

1:02:10

Ants vape. They

1:02:13

vape. You know, she goes,

1:02:15

you got to do what makes you happy. Got

1:02:18

to do what makes you happy. And

1:02:20

she's not wrong. But

1:02:23

she's wrong. Do you understand that?

1:02:25

You understand that? That

1:02:27

you should do what makes you happy

1:02:29

to a point, to a point. Everything's

1:02:31

to a point. Israel. You

1:02:36

should do what makes you happy to a point. You

1:02:39

can't always do what makes you

1:02:41

happy. So

1:02:44

whether that's, you know, chocolate

1:02:46

cake for breakfast, a little champagne in

1:02:48

the afternoon, a boozy lunch with your

1:02:50

friend Tara, you

1:02:52

know, pretending

1:02:55

you have breast cancer to

1:02:57

get attention during Christmas or

1:02:59

invading Rafa and killing another 20,000 people, whatever you

1:03:01

want to do,

1:03:04

you can't always do it.

1:03:06

God, I got a lot

1:03:08

to say about the cool. The cool was a big part of my life. They

1:03:11

part of the lives of me and all my

1:03:13

friends. They are there to give and your kids

1:03:15

should know them. Your kids should know them and

1:03:17

they should know. You should say to them, you

1:03:19

can live like that. You

1:03:22

can live like that. If you want, you

1:03:25

can live the way she does.

1:03:27

You can live the way

1:03:29

she does. She

1:03:31

doesn't get anywhere on time, you rant.

1:03:34

I love your aunt, but she doesn't get

1:03:36

anywhere on time. She

1:03:38

chooses herself. Of course, she's seen

1:03:40

the best concerts. The coolant

1:03:42

always sees the best concert. She doesn't have anything

1:03:45

else to do. She looks

1:03:47

like she has more money because she's got no one

1:03:49

to spend it on. She goes

1:03:51

on great vacations, your coolant, with

1:03:53

her friends and they burn their

1:03:56

melanoma skin burns in the hot

1:03:58

Puerto Rican side. Um... She's

1:04:02

always somewhere tropical, you cool ant. She'll tell

1:04:04

ya. She'll tell ya.

1:04:08

I just got back. To

1:04:10

Puerto Rico. With my girlfriend. The

1:04:13

Owens, the Barre, the Garret, the House. She

1:04:16

has the freedom you think you want as a child.

1:04:19

The freedom you think you need.

1:04:21

The freedom that will make everything okay.

1:04:24

She can smoke, drink, do whatever

1:04:27

she wants. She's got a

1:04:29

fun little condo. In

1:04:31

a little community of condos. She

1:04:35

tells you it's added 70,000 in

1:04:37

value in the past 36 months. She's

1:04:40

happy about that. She

1:04:42

has something called equity in her condo. She

1:04:45

talks about it as she lights another stick.

1:04:49

She does everything you wish you could do,

1:04:51

but as you get older, you

1:04:54

see her as kind of a samurai sword. She's

1:04:56

like, she's a monk. She's

1:04:58

a religious figure. The cool ant's a religious

1:05:00

figure. She's got a religion. And

1:05:03

she does exactly everything she's supposed to do. That's

1:05:07

what's so interesting about life as you get older.

1:05:09

You realize that people are actually doing everything they're

1:05:11

supposed to do. No one's actually... No

1:05:14

one's at Morgan & Morgan. There it is. Here it comes.

1:05:17

Look at that. And

1:05:20

if your ant hits someone in her car, and she will,

1:05:22

you'll call Morgan & Morgan. But people

1:05:27

are predictable. This

1:05:29

is interesting about life. This is simply why life cannot go

1:05:32

on forever, by the way. Because

1:05:34

you notice the predictability, the patterns, you know?

1:05:36

If you want to live to 300, you'd

1:05:39

be sitting here, be going, Is there a...

1:05:42

Can you believe it? They're at

1:05:44

it again. They're at

1:05:46

it again. They're firing lasers. When

1:05:51

the weapons get so advanced, they're going to

1:05:53

be teleporting into the

1:05:55

place. People from Gaza will

1:05:57

be teleporting into Israel, blowing themselves out. Come

1:06:01

on now, come on! I'm

1:06:04

just saying, people are

1:06:06

predictable. Things get predictable. You start noticing the

1:06:08

patterns in the simulation, the little Truman Show.

1:06:12

These articles, I love these articles. The coolant's

1:06:14

there for the LGBTQ youth. Good! But

1:06:16

don't forget about her and her needs.

1:06:20

The coolant! But

1:06:23

you do actually have to forget about her and her needs.

1:06:27

That's the fun of it. You actually

1:06:29

do. You actually do.

1:06:31

Because she's locked herself up. She's constructed her

1:06:33

own prison and lives in it quite happily.

1:06:36

Quite happily. She doesn't know any other way. She doesn't know

1:06:38

anything else. I

1:06:40

love all the coolants out there. Pour

1:06:42

one out for them. Pour a glass of Santa

1:06:45

Margherita. Pour a

1:06:47

glass of Santa Margherita. Pino Grigio out

1:06:49

for the coolant. Light a Marlboro light

1:06:52

for the coolant. Okay.

1:06:55

Buy a Kia for the

1:06:57

coolant. Drive 75

1:06:59

on a highway where you listen to a little,

1:07:01

ah… Well, you listen

1:07:03

to the song Good by Los Lobos

1:07:06

for the coolant. Listen

1:07:09

to the song Good by Los Lobos. Isn't

1:07:11

it Los Lobos? Los Lomibos

1:07:14

or Los Lobos? The

1:07:16

coolant loves Los Lobos. But the song

1:07:18

Good… Oh, Better Than Azra. Better

1:07:20

Than Azra. You listen to the song Good by Better

1:07:22

Than Azra for the coolant. Okay.

1:07:27

I'm telling you right now, I might

1:07:29

put together a coolant next

1:07:32

tape. An anthology. Dreams by

1:07:34

Fleetwood Mac. Good by Better Than

1:07:36

Azra. Los Lobos or

1:07:39

Los Lomibos or whatever. Um…

1:07:47

Dave Matthews song, but I can't figure

1:07:49

which one. Maybe

1:07:52

Crush. Lisa

1:07:55

Loebs on there. I can't in

1:07:57

the heart. I can't pay attention to this.

1:08:01

Anyway, anyway, can't understand if you

1:08:03

really care. Only hear it like

1:08:05

that. But

1:08:07

the cool aunt likes, she likes a party song.

1:08:11

Because life is a party until

1:08:13

it's not. And

1:08:16

here's the deal, she's an isolated woman.

1:08:21

But she's proud. She's tough. And

1:08:25

if she comes at you, she lashes out. She

1:08:28

lashes out. And she shows her teeth. She's

1:08:30

damaged your mother. Your mother said

1:08:33

a few things and the cool aunt goes, right

1:08:35

to her throat. Your mother

1:08:37

will cry and walk inside because she's

1:08:40

had an argument with the cool aunt. And

1:08:44

Israel is kind of that cool aunt right now. She's

1:08:47

kind of that cool aunt. She's

1:08:49

increasingly isolated. She's smoking

1:08:51

her cigs. She's listening to Fleetwood Mac. She's

1:08:53

driving on the highway. And she's going to

1:08:55

get there a little late. And

1:08:57

she's going to kill everyone once she does. And

1:09:02

all I'm saying to Israel is it's

1:09:05

Christmas. OK? Sometimes

1:09:09

you got to put down the sword, walk

1:09:12

in, look at

1:09:14

everyone around. By the way, I imagine

1:09:16

the people that really believe

1:09:19

this is like a new show. People

1:09:21

do watch this. Like it's a new. I

1:09:24

hope it's shown to other countries. Because

1:09:26

I was in Europe watching BBC News. And it's

1:09:28

just like, there were 14 people killed

1:09:32

last hour by an airstrike. It's

1:09:34

so exact. And then there's this.

1:09:38

But it's true. Israel right now

1:09:40

has cool aunt vibes. But

1:09:43

it's too much. Because

1:09:46

we're all starting to go like, hey,

1:09:48

hey girl. Girl, I

1:09:51

know you got your pain. I

1:09:53

know you got your pain. I

1:09:55

know your friend killed herself. But

1:09:57

you can't use that as an excuse to constantly.

1:10:00

brutalize. Mom! You

1:10:06

guys got to get along. Stop biting your cheek.

1:10:09

Stop biting your cheek. It's not gonna get

1:10:11

better. Stop putting the sandwich

1:10:13

in so far. Keep hurting

1:10:16

your mouth. It's a

1:10:18

big fat cheek. You keep

1:10:21

biting it. It's not nice.

1:10:23

You keep using that

1:10:26

mouthwash that says it's from mouth source. Does

1:10:28

that even help? No

1:10:30

one knows. This

1:10:32

is what I mean. And all we've

1:10:35

got left is the Olympics. I fear, I fear

1:10:37

if it's a wasted opportunity we're not gonna get it back.

1:10:39

We'll have to wait four years. All

1:10:43

we've got left is

1:10:45

a well-coordinated ceasefire to

1:10:48

be celebrated at the

1:10:50

Olympics with a ceremony

1:10:54

where Israel and Palestine

1:10:58

can fucking put down the

1:11:00

sort when people can just

1:11:02

be people again. A great

1:11:06

showing of sport. It's

1:11:08

what we need. It's what we need. It's

1:11:11

what the world needs. You know

1:11:13

I've been vocal in the past and I've said things

1:11:15

like I don't think the Olympics are gonna get people

1:11:18

to really abandon their

1:11:20

bad feelings. There's a lot of people out

1:11:22

there that you know are

1:11:25

you know they're not you

1:11:27

know there's a lot of like you know

1:11:30

it's a genocide and we're not gonna

1:11:32

forget it and we're gonna keep fighting. But

1:11:36

there I think there are those people that

1:11:38

like me are I'm very

1:11:40

susceptible to the emotional appeal

1:11:43

you know like

1:11:45

it like emotional moment and

1:11:48

if you have an

1:11:52

Israeli hostage little

1:11:54

child lighting

1:11:56

the torch with

1:11:59

a Palestinian who who has like one arm because

1:12:01

of the rocket. One

1:12:03

arm Palestinian baby, little toddler, and

1:12:06

an Israeli toddler, and

1:12:09

they light. And

1:12:11

it would help if the Israeli had one arm as well, to

1:12:14

be honest. I'm

1:12:16

not saying take the arm off, but let's find, we can

1:12:18

do it, let's find two

1:12:22

children that have one arm. If

1:12:26

you see two, an Israeli and a Palestinian

1:12:28

toddler, and they each have one arm, and

1:12:30

they're holding those arms together,

1:12:34

and there's an Olympic torch, and

1:12:39

you don't tear

1:12:41

up a little bit, you're a sick fuck. Because

1:12:45

that type of thing, that'll make

1:12:48

the hardest bitch you know weep. That'll

1:12:50

make the cool ant weep,

1:12:54

and she'll show it to people. That's the

1:12:56

thing's cool ants do. So

1:12:59

they remember the Olympics in 2024 in

1:13:01

France, because

1:13:04

you'll be like, you'll be like, you

1:13:06

know Todd doesn't really like me anymore.

1:13:09

He doesn't even want to talk to me. And

1:13:11

your cool ant goes listen, listen, don't

1:13:14

worry about that. There were these

1:13:16

countries called Israel and Palestine, and they hated

1:13:18

each other. Palestine kidnapped

1:13:20

a bunch of Israelis and raped them, and

1:13:22

then Israel killed like a bunch of their

1:13:24

people. And then there was the Olympics,

1:13:28

and a one armed Palestinian child, and

1:13:30

a one armed Israeli lit the fucking

1:13:32

torch, and everybody looked at them and

1:13:34

realized the most important thing, that

1:13:36

life is bullshit, and we

1:13:38

all just gotta make the best of it. And

1:13:42

you're gonna be like fuck, my ant

1:13:44

is the smartest person that I've ever

1:13:46

met in my whole entire life. And

1:13:49

then later on that night, your mother will tell you, you

1:13:52

know she lives in her car. Some

1:13:56

people just know it's easy to get

1:13:58

Allstate's best price online. They

1:14:00

also know where to get half off pizzas on

1:14:02

Mondays, court side

1:14:05

seats at nosebleed prices, and

1:14:08

they know you can easily get

1:14:10

Allstate's lowest price on autoinsurance at

1:14:12

allstate.com. Prices

1:14:15

vary, including based on how you buy. Prices

1:14:17

vary, including based on how you buy, subject

1:14:19

to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and

1:14:21

Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, North Park, Illinois.

1:14:25

Some people just know it's easy to

1:14:28

get Allstate's best price online. They

1:14:31

also know where to get half off pizzas on

1:14:33

Mondays, court side

1:14:35

seats at nosebleed prices, and

1:14:38

they know you can easily get

1:14:40

Allstate's lowest price on autoinsurance at

1:14:43

allstate.com. Prices

1:14:47

vary, including based on how you buy, subject

1:14:49

to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire and

1:14:51

Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, North Park, Illinois.