HE AD-DRESSING OF CATS

You've read of several kinds of Cat,And my opinion now is thatYou should need no interpreterTo understand their character.You now have learned enough to seeThat Cats are much like you and meAnd other people whom we findPossessed of various types of mind.For some are sane and some are madAnd some are good and some are badAnd some are better, some are worse—But all may be described in verse.You've seen them both at work and games,And learnt about their proper names,Their habits and their habitat:ButHow would you ad-dress a Cat?

So first, your memory I'll jog,And say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG.

Now Dogs pretend they like to fight;They often bark, more seldom bite;But yet a Dog is, on the whole,What you would call a simple soul.Of course I'm not including Pekes,And such fantastic canine freaks.The usual Dog about the TownIs much inclined to play the clown,And far from showing too much prideIs frequently undignified.He's very easily taken in—Just chuck him underneath the chinOr slap his back or shake his paw,And he will gambol and guffaw.He's such an easy-going lout,He'll answer any hail or shout.

Again I must remind you thatA Dog's a Dog—A CAT'S A CAT.

With Cats, some say, one rule is true:Don't speak till you are spoken to.Myself, I do not hold with that—I say, you should ad-dress a Cat.But always keep in mind that heResents familiarity.I bow, and taking off my hat,Ad-dress him in this form: O CAT!But if he is the Cat next door,Whom I have often met before(He comes to see me in my flat)I greet him with an OOPS A CAT!I think I've heard them call him James—But we've not got so far as names.

Before a Cat will condescendTo treat you as a trusted friend,Some little token of esteemIs needed, like a dish of cream;And you might now and then supplySome caviare, or Strassburg Pie,Some potted grouse, or salmon paste—He's sure to have his personal taste.(I know a Cat, who makes a habitOf eating nothing else but rabbit,And when he's finished, licks his pawsSo's not to waste the onion sauce.)A Cat's entitled to expectThese evidences of respect.And so in time you reach your aim,And finally call him by his NAME.

So this is this, and that is that:And there's how you AD-DRESS A CAT.