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Welcome , welcome , welcome . This is Dr Eman

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Kaur , and each week we will bring you an

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important message as we explore

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how to detox toxic

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relationships . The aim of this podcast

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is for you to unlock your own

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inner knowing , your own inner

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greatness , so you can know how

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to heal from the impact of a toxic

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relationship , so you can get your life

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back on track and live your

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best life . After all , we

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are all worthy of loving our life

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. Part

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of healing from narcissistic relationships

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is allowing it or

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using it so it becomes

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part of our spiritual path

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. We can use narcissism

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as a means of finding our true

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self , so we can distinguish

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what is real from what is unreal

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, what is narcissistic

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, what is the truth ? What

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is an illusion ? What is real

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, what is gaslighting ? What

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is the truth ? It

1:08

enables us to actually get

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to the real reality , the truth

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of everything . A quick

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message before we dive in . You

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might be watching or listening to this , but you've

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not had a moment to subscribe

1:23

. Please , if you've

1:25

gained anything of value from

1:27

this series , it would mean so much

1:29

to me if you could subscribe right

1:31

now . You will support this channel

1:34

, not only so that you can

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get to the new releases first . You'll

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get notified when they come out , but

1:40

you will support others to find

1:42

this information . You will

1:45

be part of helping others

1:47

heal from narcissistic abuse

1:49

. This is really a community

1:52

. It's not something that we can do by

1:54

ourselves . It will help

1:56

me to continue to do this content

1:58

and I really want to thank everyone

2:01

that is supporting me . I do get a lot

2:03

of lovely messages from

2:05

people . It really means the world

2:07

to me . It really means so

2:10

much to me to be able to hear from

2:12

you that it is actually making

2:14

a difference . I

2:16

want to continue to do this work . So

2:19

if you can support not only

2:21

me doing the work but also

2:23

you actively supporting other

2:25

people to find this , then

2:27

please do subscribe or leave

2:30

a review . That'd be great . I

2:32

really appreciate that . So let's dive into

2:35

the conversation . So

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many spiritual teachings are

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stating that what is real is

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our true nature , is

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perfect . You are perfect

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and that is the truth around

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spiritual beings . The spiritual

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part of you is so

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beautiful , is so perfect . There

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is that part of you that is

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so perfect . What is unreal

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is the egoic

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part , and what is narcissism

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is the extreme egoic

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. All on this scale . We're

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all on this scale where we have a sense

3:12

of self . We have a little bit of narcissism

3:14

. We do have the ego . We don't

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want to make it into a bad thing , but

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with narcissism what

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we are we're going away from the truth

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in a big way . So

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narcissists have . They're

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disconnected from

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their truth , from the truth your

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books speak of . God is love

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. You know that

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God loves his children . If

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you don't believe in God but you believe

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in the universe , in essence

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, what we're saying is we're taking these teachings

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and saying that the

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universe is loving and

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it really won't feel like that right now

3:56

. When we've been in a toxic relationship

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, I can feel that it will

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be far from what you feel . Yeah

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, you know , if what we

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have experienced is full of suffering

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. So let's put that on hold for a moment

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. But let's just be aware that's what the spiritual

4:12

texts are saying . Toxic

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relationships we lose our sense

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of unity with ourself

4:20

or we lose

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our connection with the universe

4:24

and other people . We get out of flow

4:27

and people just don't understand

4:29

what we've been through . So we do feel

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disconnected from people

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. There's only so many people that we

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can speak to and

4:38

will understand without judgment

4:40

. So how could anyone

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understand that you

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know who hasn't been through something

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like this , that we have been addicted

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to somebody that hurts

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us emotionally and psychologically

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. It doesn't make sense

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, because , looking

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at who you are , you

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know you're much more deserving of

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that . You're a smart person , but

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you have lived with in

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a world that is so full

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of pain and we've had

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to pretend to be strong , we've

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had to pretend that we can handle

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it . We've had to put our hopes

5:18

and dreams into this narcissist

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, hoping that they will

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become the person who

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will show us the love that

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we know we are worthy of . But

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it never works that way . If

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something isn't real , how

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can it provide us with

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satisfaction on any shape

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or form ? Feeling

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that they are an illusion

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is so

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disheartening and so much

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full of pain , but

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at the same time it

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is so freeing

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. Because if the relationship

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is unreal and is

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an illusion , if

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it's narcissistic , it is not real

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, it was not real , it

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doesn't exist . If

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it doesn't exist , it

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has no real power over

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you . Now this

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relationship is not

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the source of happiness

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that you're looking for . Then

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, when you can come to terms and it

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is a process of coming to terms

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with that , then the narcissist

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can truly become irrelevant

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in your life . Then

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this relationship can

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become a source of great

6:45

, great learning . Spirituality

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speaks of lessons . That's

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how we learn , we grow

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, and it's when we have failed

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to learn you know we've

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gone through one experience but we haven't

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taken the learning from it

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that we will continue

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to be presented the same

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scenario , maybe even worse , again

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and again and again , the

7:12

purpose being that , where

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we might have made a mistake in

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choosing , making

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choices before , we

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can then have the opportunity to make

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a better choice . One

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of the most important ways of learning

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is learning how to choose what

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is best for you . If you haven't

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healed your emotional pain and psychological

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thinking , you will choose

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based on the emotions and

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the thinking , from the pain that you've

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endured , from the narcissistic

7:44

relationship in all areas of your life . So

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you will choose

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a relationship where you

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think they

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will stay with me , even though I know

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they're not worthy of me . There's

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a choice , there's a choice to be made

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, and there is a voice . There

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is a voice . Some people call it a gut

8:06

instinct , intuition , whatever

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you want to call it . There

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is a wisdom within

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you that is your own internal

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teacher , who instructs

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you , guides you , shows you red flags

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and leads you upon a path

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of letting go

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of everything . That is an illusion

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that the narcissist

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may place in front of us . But

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this means that we have to learn

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to trust

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our gut instinct or our intuition

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. So we see the red flags . You

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see , the narcissist is always going

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to take us down a route , a path

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that isn't going to be good for us

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. It's always going to lead us to pain

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. It's never , ever on

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our side . It gets

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us chasing love . It's

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like that carrot that we're constantly

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chasing after this love

9:05

and happiness , that it is an

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illusion , so it's always going to fail

9:09

. The narcissist wants us

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to be stuck in this never-ending

9:14

cycle of guilt

9:16

, shame and fear , so

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that we always are looking for

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that illusion , that hope

9:24

, that want of having something better

9:26

for healing . We

9:28

need to understand this cycle , that

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the cycle is guilt , shame

9:33

and fear that they want us to be

9:35

stuck in . You see , if

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we look at the cycle , you

9:40

know the cycle

9:42

begins with love bombing and then devaluation

9:45

, and we go through this cycle over

9:47

and over and over again . I

9:50

mean there is a hoovering , et cetera

9:52

, but just let's take those two elements

9:54

, the love bombing and devaluation , and

9:57

there is the obviously discard . That's an extreme

10:00

devaluation . If

10:03

we keep going through this cycle and

10:06

most of us have been through the love bombing

10:08

, devaluation cycle , sometimes

10:10

many times through the day . You

10:15

just don't know how many times you've been through

10:17

that cycle . It's

10:19

so confusing

10:21

in terms of as a mode of

10:23

attack one minute you're being loved , next

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minute devalued . It's the most

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confusing thing ever in terms of being

10:30

attacked . It leads us to feel

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compelled to think and feel that

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this pain that has been inflicted

10:38

on us is down

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to us . It's like it's my fault

10:43

, but the key to recovery

10:46

is whether we feel

10:48

like we're good enough is

10:50

to see the value within

10:53

yourself and then to heal

10:55

. The worst thing

10:57

is when we no longer value

10:59

or think we are worth healing

11:02

. Then life becomes

11:04

extremely gloomy and that's

11:06

when I feel it's so sad

11:09

that so many people live

11:11

in this . They live

11:13

thinking they're not worth healing

11:16

when we keep going through

11:18

the same cycle within ourselves

11:20

. So , even if the narcissist is

11:22

out of our relationship , out

11:25

of our life and not in a relationship

11:27

with them , sometimes we

11:30

will feel so positive

11:32

and we'll be like encouraging ourselves yes

11:34

, you can do it , you can achieve

11:36

your goals , I'm gonna do this . And

11:39

then the smallest thing happens

11:41

and we give ourselves a hard time we

11:43

become the worst critic

11:46

and we're down again and

11:48

we're actually not moving anywhere . We're just

11:50

going round this cycle continuously

11:53

. We're not actually moving forward

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in our life with tangible results

11:57

in our life where we can see yes , I'm

11:59

moving forward , we are . We're

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afraid to go ahead with our life

12:04

. We're afraid to face the

12:06

pain that they've created

12:08

, and the way to heal

12:11

is through cultivating love . You

12:14

might . If you've been listening to my podcast

12:16

, you'll know that I'm

12:18

big on love . Making

12:20

choices from a place of love

12:22

rather than fear is the way

12:25

to release the guilt and shame . It's

12:27

like you're actively looking at how

12:31

do I release this guilt and shame

12:33

, release the fear ? We don't need

12:35

to defend , explain or

12:37

justify yourself ever . You

12:41

are free to forgive yourself

12:43

for getting into the relationship . Then

12:45

You're free to release

12:47

these painful emotions . Love

12:49

is the most transformative

12:52

power in the world . In

12:55

the end , our love changes

12:57

the us faster

13:00

than putting pressure

13:02

and blame and criticism

13:05

on us within ourself . The

13:07

most , I think , healing

13:10

thing you can do in the world is

13:12

be there for someone with

13:15

real conviction and

13:17

to be able to look at somebody and say you

13:20

are not a bad person , you're worthy

13:22

. You're worthy of love , to

13:25

actually be able to do that for somebody is

13:27

the best gift that you can give

13:29

them . I'm not talking about you doing that to the narcissist

13:31

, because it really won't matter what you do . Unfortunately

13:36

it doesn't work . But

13:38

if you see someone that

13:40

you know that could get up , who

13:43

has empathy , if

13:45

you tell them that they're

13:47

worthy and

13:49

that they're a good person and they're worthy

13:52

of love , the difference it will

13:54

make to them is huge . See

13:57

what you are

13:59

worthy of in your life , and

14:01

when you start to feel worthy

14:04

in your life , opportunities will

14:06

start to open up for you . The

14:08

narcissist cultivates people to

14:10

feel lonely , defend and attack

14:13

them . They separate you

14:15

from who you are and separate

14:17

you from other people in lots

14:20

of different ways , where you start isolating

14:22

yourself because

14:24

we feel secretly guilty

14:27

for the thoughts and feelings that we have . Now

14:29

. Even you've got to understand

14:32

hating the narcissist is difficult

14:34

as well for you . You're probably a really decent

14:37

human being and you don't wanna hate

14:39

this person . This is not what you're about

14:41

. You have to forgive yourself

14:44

and start healing so

14:46

that you can start living your

14:48

best life . If you

14:51

want to move forward and you want

14:53

to heal , then maybe the Heal

14:55

to Five program is for you , it's intensive

14:58

, it's four months and it may

15:00

well be right for you . Do look

15:02

in the resources section . I only

15:04

take on a limited number of people every

15:06

month . So if you want

15:08

to heal 2024

15:11

and you want it to be different for you , do

15:13

look in the resources section . If you're interested

15:16

in investing in yourself , and

15:19

look to watch the masterclass and

15:21

see if you're aligned with the Heal

15:24

to Thrive program . In the meantime

15:26

, please do keep being loving

15:29

to yourself and I wish you a wonderful

15:31

2024 and

15:33

New Year celebrations and I'll see

15:35

you next time in the New Year

15:37

.