0:01

No, you'll be Even

0:05

when times get hard

0:07

and you feel you're in the dark,

0:12

you see just

0:15

how beautiful life can be. When

0:18

you saften your heart,

0:22

you can finally start

0:27

to live your truth

0:30

seious life. Hello everyone,

0:32

welcome back to The Truth Is Life. It's your host

0:35

Lisa Haim, and I'm

0:37

pretty excited to be on the mic and

0:39

touch base with all of you. I've

0:41

been on social break for I don't know,

0:44

like I think it's three weeks. I keep

0:46

saying that I don't know like where

0:48

I am in space and time. The

0:50

fact that it is April

0:53

right now is just overwhelmingly

0:57

to my brain. You know, a lot has happened

1:00

in the past year for me personally.

1:03

I know a lot of you are familiar, but just to kind

1:05

of like recap the events of

1:07

just six months, I had an

1:09

ectopic pregnancy, so that was a

1:11

loss, followed by my daughter

1:13

getting sick, a hospitalization, a

1:16

couple of months of waiting

1:19

and recovering from that, and then another sickness

1:22

and hospitalization. So I'm

1:24

coming out of the other side of that and there's

1:26

a lot there. I've mentioned it in this podcast,

1:29

and I don't want it to be overkilled by any means,

1:31

but I also don't want to

1:35

not give you some insight

1:37

as to what I'm going through. But more importantly,

1:40

like pretend that I'm fine. We don't

1:42

need more people pretending they're fine. We need, I

1:44

think, more people showing up when

1:47

they're kind of not fine, as long as they have a limited

1:49

capacity to do so, which in this moment I

1:51

do. But it has been a lot of taking

1:54

care of myself and my home, and

1:56

she's doing amazing. That's the question I get the

1:58

most and I'm happiest to answer, which is

2:01

solely is really doing phenomenal. We

2:03

do have a lot of question marks left

2:05

over and a lot of follow

2:08

up doctor's appointments, and so my

2:10

life has been kind of truncated

2:13

by that taking care of

2:15

myself and preparing

2:17

for the metreat, which we planned

2:19

months ago and is coming at actually a

2:22

really perfect time if you're

2:24

unfamiliar. Back in August

2:26

of twenty twenty two, I

2:28

took myself on my own retreat by myself,

2:31

scheduled a bunch of different healing modalities

2:33

and time where I could step away from my responsibilities

2:36

and dive inward to figure

2:38

out, like, who the heck am I now? After

2:41

all of the life changes that I've gone through. It

2:43

was incredible and I

2:46

felt called to create this for

2:49

other people as well. Has got a lot of demand for

2:51

oh, how can I create my own metreat?

2:53

And I was like, you know what, I'm feeling really

2:56

called to do a retreat this year.

2:58

So it is called the met Treat to Guatemala.

3:00

We have twenty participants going

3:03

down to Guatemala for a couple of days, and

3:05

within these couple of days, we are

3:08

doing a lot of yoga, somatic

3:10

yoga, leaning into our bodies, spirituality,

3:13

journaling, meditation, breathworks,

3:17

sound baths, connecting with each

3:19

other. One of the biggest concerns

3:21

that people had was going on a retreat that they found

3:23

out from the Internet and not knowing anybody

3:25

else there and being really afraid of like who

3:28

are these people. So one of the things that

3:30

we did, which has been super anchoring for me

3:32

as well, is we had a WhatsApp

3:34

group. We have a WhatsApp group, and the

3:36

WhatsApp group has been incredible

3:39

and sharing different parts of

3:41

ourselves over the last few months. I'll

3:43

often jump in with a prompt where people just

3:45

share really honestly what's going on or

3:48

somebody else just might chime in and say something really

3:50

positive or something honest. And

3:52

it's pretty incredible because none of us have met

3:55

before, and yet we are walking

3:57

into this trip with some sort of a solid foundation

4:00

of a friendship. And I'm really

4:02

excited for this to come to Fruition in a

4:04

little under two weeks now,

4:07

and I am a

4:09

host and a healer on it. I will be

4:12

providing some of the services, but I'm

4:14

also going to be sitting back to enjoy the magic

4:16

of the other activities

4:19

that are going to be going on that I'm not myself

4:21

leading. I will be teaching a little bit

4:23

of yoga, but I really wanted to

4:26

bring the magic of who I go to

4:28

when things get stormy, and

4:30

so I'm bringing one of my favorite yoga teachers,

4:32

Tracy Toomey McQuaid. She teaches

4:34

at Yoga Shanti, which you can stream, and

4:37

Tracy is magical. She's a voice of an angel.

4:39

She plays this harmonium and she has a

4:41

way of just seeing

4:44

such profound things that when you walk

4:46

away from the mat, like something just shifts

4:48

in your life and makes a little bit more sense now

4:51

than it did before. I'm

4:53

also bringing when I went on my own metreat.

4:55

I went to Florida because my best friend and her wife

4:58

were living there, staying there say

5:00

they live in London. And these two

5:02

women are incredible mirrors

5:05

reflectors in my life. They're always helping

5:07

me get through hard stuff by really just showing

5:09

up as mirrors, helping me see myself more clearly.

5:12

And I was afraid that being with them would

5:14

take away from my carved out alone time, but it

5:16

actually did the opposite. I was able

5:18

to dive more deeply into myself by having

5:21

them there to help me prompt

5:23

myself ask furthering, deepening questions.

5:26

And what I learned from that is that ametri does not

5:28

need to be done alone. And what these women

5:30

will shortly find out, if they haven't

5:32

already, is that by having people around,

5:34

we actually engage in conversations which take

5:36

us more deeply into ourselves.

5:39

And so Jerry's my best friend who

5:42

will not be able to come, but her wife Lulu is coming.

5:44

She's going to be one of the hosts. So

5:46

I'm just like so excited to bring these

5:49

group of women that trusts me immensely

5:52

into a healing safe space and

5:55

bring with me some human

5:58

energies that are some

6:00

of the best that I know. And when I say best

6:02

that I know, I don't just mean like overwhelming

6:04

happiness. I mean people

6:06

that, yes, they are the cheerleaders, they are going to

6:08

be the first ones wake and shaking when we do that every

6:10

morning, but they are just people

6:13

that also know how to help you get

6:15

through heavy things

6:17

and we'll be real with you, kind of like big

6:19

sisters type of a feeling. And I'm

6:22

just really really excited to go.

6:24

It definitely comes with fears

6:27

as well, but I

6:29

do trust that things are in place at

6:31

home, and I

6:33

am feeling secure to go on

6:36

this journey for all the people

6:38

that put trust in me and also for myself.

6:42

So today on Lisa Lately,

6:44

it's a little bit different of Lisa Lately.

6:46

I'm not going to cover four distinct topics.

6:49

Instead, I wanted to talk

6:51

a little bit about happiness. As

6:53

I've been on social media break, I

6:55

always kind of find interesting things

6:58

that inspire me that

7:01

otherwise, with the use of social media regularly

7:04

in my life, I might see not have

7:06

time to fully explore, or if I

7:08

fully explore it, I might not give it the full

7:11

brain attention and power that

7:13

I do when I go offline. I always find

7:15

when I go offline, like everything around

7:18

me becomes more brighter, louder, stronger,

7:21

Like my voice of myself becomes

7:23

louder. Looking outside the window, I

7:25

see colors that I've never seen before. You just everything

7:27

that is already there becomes amplified,

7:30

and it is just a beautiful reminder

7:32

to take breaks from your phone and

7:35

look up. My daughter is my inspiration

7:37

for that. Obviously she doesn't have a phone, and watching

7:40

her take in the world and be so excited

7:42

by seeing water drip off of a leaf. It's

7:45

so not a little thing to give

7:48

attention to what's around us and

7:50

to one thing, to not multitask.

7:53

You know, I know that there are a lot of podcasts

7:55

right now and in the wellness and

7:58

health industry giving us more about

8:00

things that we can do to be more efficient, to

8:02

get more of our tasks done, to build

8:05

on good habits and stack them and all of that. And

8:07

not to say there's not something positive within

8:09

those seeds of all the words

8:11

that I just said, but there's

8:13

something about not being efficient. There's

8:16

something about not stacking your

8:18

habits so that you've got everything done in

8:20

a day, and instead just like being

8:23

with a moment, and I recognize

8:25

that everything that I say is a privilege to

8:28

be able to do in our society,

8:30

especially a capitalistic society where

8:33

time is money and money is how

8:35

you stay safe and well. Like this, everything

8:38

I say comes with a huge asterisk

8:40

to also involve privilege, which

8:43

exists, but is sad that you need

8:45

privilege to like have a moment

8:47

to appreciate and soak

8:49

in or read and digest things.

8:53

That was a lot in a sentence, but I

8:55

just wanted to go

8:57

there. That's where my brain went, and I followed it. Okay,

9:00

So I wanted to talk a little bit about happiness

9:03

today because I read this article that

9:05

talked about the experts who

9:07

study happiness and it's a

9:09

very short article. It's on time. You

9:11

can even google it or I'll put it below, which

9:14

is called the Daily Habits of Happiness

9:16

Experts. And I think the word

9:18

happy is very subjective too,

9:20

so take everything that I say with a grain

9:22

of salt. But as

9:24

I read this article, I felt like

9:26

I was really like on the right

9:29

track of living in this

9:31

moment a happy quote

9:33

unquote life. That again, that word just feels really

9:35

wrong. I think I kind of want to change it for

9:38

what I experience, which is like moments

9:40

of contentment being really

9:43

okay in boredom.

9:46

I even crave boredom right

9:48

now and find it to be so fulfilling.

9:50

I think fulfilling is also a good word here when

9:52

it comes to happiness. I guess I keep

9:54

extracting the word happiness out of this because

9:57

when we learn to be happy, we think of a smile,

10:00

and to me, that's not really what like

10:02

happiness necessarily is. Maybe

10:05

on the outside, that might be what it

10:07

looks like sometimes, but

10:09

it's more of a feeling and sensations

10:11

in a body, or absence of sensations

10:14

in a body, right like anxiety can

10:16

steal happiness from us, and anxiety can

10:18

make us feel very buzzy and

10:21

clenched, and that

10:24

can impact how we physically feel in

10:26

our body, either chronically or

10:28

acutely. So recently,

10:32

finding home in my body again

10:34

has been something that I'm

10:37

very closely working

10:39

with. The last hospital visit was

10:42

very different than the first hospital visit. The first

10:44

hospital visit, I didn't know

10:46

what to expect, and it was like

10:49

Jack in the box. Like my nervous system was like jack

10:51

in the box, like all of me popped out

10:53

and stayed out, And then when we left

10:55

the hospital, I kind of put

10:57

that lid that Jack

11:00

back in the box and closed it up and work

11:02

to kind of settle, hoping that Jack would never kind

11:05

of like pop up again and you know, scare

11:07

me and be in that situation again. But when

11:09

I was put back into that situation, there

11:12

was a part of me that knew

11:14

what to expect from a hospital visit and

11:18

as a result, put on a

11:20

shield. I wrapped a shield around myself

11:22

because I knew that I was going to have to put

11:24

my daughter through painful, difficult things. I knew

11:26

that I had to consent on her behalf

11:29

and you know, holding a baby's

11:31

wrist to get blood work, you know, just anything

11:33

like that is just so terrible when you don't know what

11:36

it is. You know, from her point of view, you

11:38

don't know it's for your betterment or you're taken care

11:40

of. It truly feels like torture

11:42

for her. But emotionally I had to shield

11:45

myself of that because I knew I had to be strong

11:47

for her and get us through that. And

11:50

coming home from that now it was like

11:52

taking off this shield, like you

11:54

can't be hard anymore you have to or

11:57

you shouldn't be hard anymore. I don't want to walk around the

12:00

shield of we need to march on, you know, I

12:02

wanted to take that back off and reconnect

12:05

with compassion and empathy and all

12:07

of that. So, like,

12:09

I know that I'm sharing little bits of my own

12:12

life through this, but I want you to also

12:14

get a taste of, like I think why this article

12:16

spoke to me so much, and also

12:19

what my body, brain, and nervous

12:21

system are going through. So

12:23

that if and when you're ever in this situation,

12:26

which at some point of your life, like something

12:29

you're going to have a jack in the box moment right or

12:31

maybe two or three, that maybe

12:33

you know a little bit like what to expect,

12:36

how to make space for yourself, and

12:38

know that it's very quote unquote

12:41

normal to struggle

12:43

with all sorts of things, whether that's insomnia

12:45

or sleeping. More Like I said earlier

12:48

on, like I'm really struggling with a sense of disorientation

12:51

with time, Like I don't

12:53

know where in time I am. And it's

12:55

not just like oh it's April and I blink, like it's truly

12:57

in my mind, I'm struggling with time

13:01

and what I'm doing to

13:03

ground and know where I am in space

13:06

and time and mark all of that is really

13:08

really important, and I think it has played

13:10

a role in my quote unquote happiness

13:13

again, wrong word, but that

13:16

feeling of safety within myself that I'm that

13:18

I'm looking for. So

13:28

in this article, the first question

13:30

that they tackled is is happiness

13:33

a choice? And it says

13:36

it concludes and I agree that half

13:38

yes and half no. You know,

13:40

first of all, the half no is going to

13:42

be situational related

13:44

to mental health variables that may or may not

13:47

be within your own control. And there

13:49

is a big box that is like a

13:51

hard no. It's not just like we can all

13:53

be happy if we just put our minds to it. It's

13:56

way, way, way more complex

13:58

than that. But the other half of that

14:00

is half yes, and again

14:03

a million times they'll say this, it's not like the

14:06

word happiness fits perfectly for me on

14:08

this article, But there is a part

14:10

of self that we can work on to

14:13

feel what we're all in pursuit

14:15

of, whether that's safety, connection,

14:18

contentment, feeling just I

14:21

am okay in this moment.

14:23

So whatever word that is for you, peacefulness,

14:26

you know, just think about what

14:28

we're all in pursuit of, because I think this article

14:30

still provides really nice building blocks

14:33

of what we can include in our lives

14:35

to achieve that on

14:37

an intermittent basis. I say intermittent

14:40

because even as we find moments

14:42

of safety, contentment, peacefulness, happiness,

14:45

that is not a paved

14:47

road ahead. There are pebbles,

14:49

There are twists and turns

14:52

and potholes and all the things

14:54

as we go down this road. But

14:56

some of the building blocks that they

14:59

discuss, and I want to kind of get like a little bit more

15:01

deeply into all of them, is social

15:03

relationships, sleep, hobbies,

15:06

spending time in nature, exercise,

15:09

slash playing, sports, praying, engaging

15:12

with a support group, therapist, and spending

15:14

time with family outside

15:16

of the household. So I want to get back to those

15:18

in just a moment, to break them down a little

15:20

bit more as to how accidentally

15:22

impactful these things have been for me

15:25

in making me feel okay during

15:27

an okay time for self. But

15:30

ultimately, there are two things

15:32

about happiness that I think that we should

15:35

know that we don't or

15:37

we forget or we become disconnected

15:39

with when we find ourselves deeply

15:41

unhappy, whether that's depressed

15:44

or just like not happy.

15:46

And number one is that happiness

15:49

we feel, according to the article, depends

15:51

on the control that we feel.

15:54

And I love that because I

15:56

think a lot of time, when shit

15:59

hits the fan, it is when we

16:01

lose control of things, a

16:03

lot of our happiness goes out the

16:05

door. For myself, my daughter getting

16:08

sick was a huge lack of control

16:10

that I lost. When we lose

16:12

people in our lives, that is a huge loss

16:14

of control when something's

16:16

going on with our health, whether we are sick

16:19

or we don't know what we have or we're like those

16:21

are all feelings of loss of control.

16:23

And when we feel that way,

16:26

a lot of the happiness goes out of the door

16:28

because a lot of the stability and

16:30

ground that we walk beneath that feels

16:32

safe and unshaky, gets

16:35

pulled out from under us. And so

16:37

in those moments where we do lose

16:39

control, because we don't really ever have control,

16:41

we sometimes feel like we do. I

16:44

think it's helpful to bring that reminder

16:47

to us that it feels

16:49

okay to not feel happy right now because I

16:51

feel out of control about this, because I am

16:54

out of control about this, and

16:56

just like having that wrapped up in a bow

16:58

in some way. If we can bring

17:00

that to the moments, the hard moments,

17:03

I think we can kind of have one of those hand to heart moments

17:06

where we breathe a little bit more deeply

17:09

into what is and

17:11

suddenly we gain a little bit

17:13

more comfort with not

17:16

having control, realizing

17:19

that any control that we sometimes

17:22

have is maybe an illusion, and that

17:24

it's normal to feel this way when

17:26

that perceived control is taken from

17:29

us. That was really helpful

17:31

for me to read remember and

17:33

kind of hold on to. The other

17:35

thing about happiness that we should know

17:37

but we don't or we forget, is

17:40

that happiness is actually about being

17:42

true to ourselves and allowing

17:44

emotions to come up again.

17:47

I think we think of happiness as just a smiley

17:49

face and this outward projection

17:51

of happiness. But interestingly

17:54

enough, my yoga mat going to other

17:56

people's classes has been

17:58

incredibly healing for me to unpack

18:01

my emotions as they come up. And I'm

18:04

really proud of myself because I realized

18:06

in class one day, as I was crying for like the

18:08

one hundredth time, that the difference

18:10

between me now and young

18:12

Lisa, well, young Lisa didn't have any tools,

18:15

but without any of the tools, like any

18:17

of my emotions just got buried and tucked away and

18:19

hidden in my body somewhere whereas

18:21

emotions, as they are coming in and

18:24

experiences are coming in, I revisit

18:26

them a lot, even though they're painful. But

18:28

with that I am folding

18:31

them up and storing them into my body somewhere

18:33

where I know where they are, or I'm

18:35

releasing them back into the universe

18:38

in a way that says I don't need to hold onto

18:40

this anymore. And I thought this

18:42

was really interesting because, like I said, I've

18:45

been crying a lot in yoga, and it's not necessarily

18:47

like the yoga. It's the stillness. It's

18:49

the safe place that I go to, and

18:51

it's like allowing my a place where I get

18:54

to go to unravel. It's not like downwhere

18:56

dog does it. It could be any specific

18:58

pose. And I share that because

19:01

if you don't do yoga doesn't mean that this isn't

19:03

inaccessible to you, but it is hard

19:05

to find a place where you feel safe

19:08

enough to unravel. But

19:11

it's been really beautiful because as I

19:13

keep showing up to yoga my safe place, and

19:15

the tears are streaming down my face at

19:18

any moment, in any pose, I

19:20

don't feel sad like I look sad,

19:23

right, because again we have these ideas that's not crying

19:25

is sad and smiley face is happy.

19:28

You know. I have that look

19:31

on my face and body of somebody who's hysterically

19:33

crying shaking a little bit. But

19:36

I don't feel sadness

19:38

in those moments. I feel pain

19:40

to a degree, but it feels

19:42

much more of a relief and a release, which I

19:44

guess is really you know, no surprise, everything we

19:46

do is on purpose, including crying.

19:49

But when you were crying and you were actively

19:51

allowing yourself to feel an emotion, not

19:54

stifle it because you're in public, or because

19:56

crying makes you weak, like, it is a very

19:58

different exp experience to have.

20:01

And so when I keep returning back, I

20:03

don't show up with why am I still crying? Why am I not

20:05

over it yet? Like it's just a

20:07

very different way to approach all

20:10

the emotions, which I believe is

20:12

allowing me to feel more peace

20:15

on the other side. I also mention the word

20:17

of shaking when I do this, because when you cry,

20:19

you shake, and as many

20:21

of you know, I am passionate about wake and shake, where

20:23

you get up and you shake your body. But if

20:26

we really do look at the animal world, and it's something

20:28

I continue to study even more and more

20:30

because we are animals. You

20:32

know, talk and we do all these things, but we are animals

20:35

at the end of the day, I believe even

20:37

though we're humans, we're just a form

20:39

of an animal here when we look at animals,

20:41

they don't live within our social rules

20:44

and society that we have set up,

20:47

and so everything that they do is

20:49

for such a primal reason for their

20:51

biological survivalship,

20:54

for them, for their biology to stay alive, to stay

20:56

well, and shaking without

21:00

tension, Like their bodies actually go into

21:02

a shaking modality a lot of the time

21:04

to release energy. A lot of the

21:06

times it will be after an animal goes into kind

21:08

of more of a catonic state. It stems

21:10

from like if an animal is chasing them, they

21:12

kind of like play dead for a while. And I

21:14

don't know if they're really playing dead, but their brains really

21:16

shift into a place where they just like deeply rest,

21:18

where you would think that they're dead, and then once

21:20

they're no longer in danger, they wake up and they shake the

21:22

energy off and they're not like reading books

21:25

on how to stay well and release energy. They are

21:27

just doing it. So

21:29

when I shake, you know, I'm not scared of it's

21:32

it's really like, wow, my

21:34

body knows what to do and

21:37

breaking free of the confines of like this

21:39

is embarrassing. I don't want somebody to see me

21:42

like I need to go grab a box of tissues, like

21:44

just like letting it all just be like snotty,

21:46

and what it is is so freeing

21:48

because it is what we are meant

21:51

to do. So I loved that reminder

21:54

that happiness is about being true

21:56

to self and allowing emotions to come

21:59

up. Happiness is not just marching

22:02

on putting a smiley face on your face,

22:04

putting a big smile on your face, laughing

22:07

all of that. I mean, laughter is of course important,

22:10

but key ingredients here to

22:12

happiness go beyond the

22:15

obvious laughter and all

22:18

of that. So that just spoke very

22:20

deeply to me as I'm kind of on

22:22

my journey of reputting back the pieces

22:25

of contentment into my life.

22:35

So going back to those building blocks,

22:38

the first one is social relationships,

22:41

friendship, partners, and belonging to a community

22:43

outside of the work setting, I

22:46

think we're all tired of like talking about the pandemic,

22:48

but I think that there's so much to talk

22:50

about about the side effects of the

22:52

pandemic that we've all lived through, you

22:55

know. And I think that that looked different depending on where

22:57

you live and where you live during

22:59

the time of the last three

23:02

years. But for me, there was a major

23:04

impact unknowingly on my mental

23:06

health by way of loss of seeing

23:09

human beings. I maintain

23:11

friendships over you know, text messages,

23:14

but having a pregnancy

23:16

during like I felt like I think maybe the height of

23:18

COVID and then afterwards wanting to protect

23:21

her. There was a long period of my life

23:23

where I really didn't do

23:25

a lot of the things that I socially used

23:27

to do in person with other

23:30

people. I

23:32

think that there is so much to having

23:34

a community outside of

23:37

your work or home setting, whether

23:39

that's girlfriends or within your

23:41

community, that truly

23:43

provides so like,

23:45

I don't even think there's an English word for what

23:48

social relationships do for

23:50

our heart, soul and feeling happy.

23:53

And it doesn't always need to be like deep

23:56

one Like I'm a person that when I have friendships,

23:58

they are deep and they are like you're my

24:00

sole person, and we know everything about each

24:02

other, and there's not a secret to my name, and

24:04

there's not an emotion you don't know, and you

24:06

know things like that. But what I have

24:09

found in the last couple of months

24:12

is that walking in my town, seeing

24:14

familiar faces, going to the

24:16

same yoga studio, not even knowing people's

24:18

names, but just like bodies that I

24:21

familiarize with, these

24:23

are really important pillars to

24:25

my day today. And it's being part

24:27

of a community that feels really

24:30

really good. Okay,

24:32

getting seven or more hours of sleep

24:35

another building block. Sleep is incredibly

24:37

important because it is going to affect

24:40

everything from mood to choosing

24:42

what we eat, which then goes back to mood

24:44

and choose and how well

24:47

we sleep, like the all these things play into each other.

24:49

But I truly believe that sleep is the most

24:51

important thing, and yet it is the thing that

24:53

we do the least well of

24:56

It's not prioritized. And I've

24:58

been saying this, you know, for a year. I remember

25:01

when I got into the online wellness world, everybody

25:03

was always talking about like their morning routine

25:05

that was like the hot thing and on Instagram, like a couple

25:07

of years ago, and I'm like, I don't have

25:10

a freaking morning routine, because you

25:12

need to have a good night routine in order

25:14

to have a morning routine. And at the time, my

25:17

deepest struggle was with

25:19

sleep, and sleep will always or still

25:21

is a problem of mine, but it's one I've worked

25:23

on so much and so intimately

25:26

with to improve after a lifetime

25:28

of insomnia and sleep anxiety and

25:31

all these things. But as somebody

25:33

who doesn't just pass out on the

25:35

couch like I've never ever passed out on the couch,

25:37

or not in a very long time, at least, I don't

25:40

just pass out in bed like, as somebody that

25:42

really, really really understands sleep difficulties,

25:45

I can tell you that when I prioritize

25:47

good sleep and bedtime habit and I

25:49

get quality sleep, the next day is

25:51

infinitely different. The world

25:54

looks like it's just like looking through life

25:56

from a different lens. And at

25:58

the same time, it's really hard to

26:00

get seven or more hours of sleep, especially my

26:02

new moms out there that are breastfeeding or

26:05

just not sleeping because their babies aren't sleeping.

26:08

There are plenty of reasons and seasons

26:10

of life when this just simply isn't going

26:12

to happen, and I think it's important to

26:15

recognize, like why you feel

26:17

crappy the next day, not necessarily that you

26:19

should get more sleep if you can't, but get

26:21

some insight as to what is

26:23

affecting how you feel. And

26:26

maybe that means making some changes

26:28

if you can, or maybe it means being

26:30

more compassionate about with yourself about

26:33

why you feel so cranky the next day. Next

26:36

is a hobby, the building

26:38

block of getting a personal hobby,

26:40

and in this article they include cooking,

26:42

writing, music, reading. And I found this one

26:45

to be so illuminating

26:47

for me because in the past year, I've

26:49

finally, finally, finally

26:52

leaned into hobbies. So you

26:54

know, you guys know that I have been

26:57

learning how to sew again, something

26:59

that I used to know how to do on my sewing machine,

27:02

and it's something that I prioritize this year

27:04

to refined myself, and

27:06

with that has come so much

27:09

contentment. And again I

27:11

am very aware that like this

27:13

is a privileged thing to say and do, because

27:16

who has time for hobbies when you need to pay

27:18

the bills and all the things

27:20

that we do. But I also argue

27:23

that a lot of the people that say

27:25

they don't have time, might have time

27:27

squashed in other areas. Some might really

27:29

not have time, and it's just like privileged to have the

27:32

hobbies and they can't do that right now.

27:34

But if you can do something

27:37

not for money but for self

27:39

whatever, whether that's reading, sewing,

27:43

just something that's like just so for you,

27:46

not selling it, not doing anything, it

27:48

just feels so good to have

27:51

that hobby. And again, I

27:53

think that like even the wellness culture

27:56

can be so cutthroat about

27:58

everything that you're doing for wellness and

28:00

the green juices and the supplements, and again,

28:02

you guys know, I love a green juice and my supplements are

28:04

pretty a huge staple for

28:06

me and staying well. But

28:10

that doesn't mean that there's not room for

28:12

flow and undoings.

28:15

Time where you're not doing any of the things and you're letting

28:17

your mind wander as you partake

28:20

in something just for pleasure, it's

28:22

pretty wonderful. Next

28:24

is spending time in nature.

28:27

I think we all know that we feel infinitely better

28:29

when we spend time in nature,

28:32

but a lot of us don't have access to that

28:34

year round or in general, whether

28:37

we live in cities or different

28:39

climates. But again, I think

28:41

it's important to recognize how big

28:43

of an impact nature has on our

28:46

well being and mood, whether it means simply

28:48

looking outside your window, which I'm doing right now,

28:50

and taking in all the trees

28:52

that have like suddenly bloomed, and

28:54

seeing the metaphor of life to how fast

28:57

change happens and how it's really always

28:59

happening. But we don't realize there's

29:01

just so much in nature that helps

29:03

us breathe more deeply and more connected

29:06

to ourselves, walks

29:08

in nature and doing anything with our

29:10

physical bodies. I think that, really, you know,

29:12

some of my best ideas have happened in

29:15

nature. My most creative

29:17

moments are there. And there's something really

29:19

nice about getting out of our shelters or homes

29:21

we're not supposed to be living and working indoors

29:24

all day that is truly huge

29:26

for us. Exercise slash

29:28

playing sports. I'm going to just call this

29:30

like moving your body in a way that feels good for

29:32

you. And I'm going to kind of like go back to

29:34

all of these in a second, because I think they all

29:36

deserve like something really important

29:39

to say about them as a whole. And then praying.

29:42

And I know that this one comes with a

29:44

huge asterisk so I'll revisit it in just a

29:46

moment. And then they say another

29:48

building block is engaging with support groups

29:50

or therapists and can't

29:53

say enough how great it is to whether

29:56

I think group therapy is wonderful, although in my

29:58

experience hard to find, like have a place

30:00

where you can discuss with others and use them

30:02

as your mirrors, or to feel less

30:04

alone, or having a therapist like one

30:07

carved out time where you can just spill

30:09

it out without apologizing, and especially

30:12

if your life is super busy, to have that one hour

30:14

carved out. Maybe you don't do yoga where I like

30:16

continuously unpack my stuff,

30:18

but with your therapist you get one hour to

30:21

just like lay it all out there. And

30:23

then the last building block is spending time

30:25

with family outside of the household.

30:27

So when I look at all of these, it's

30:30

like, no wonder there is

30:32

so much sickness, so much

30:34

unwellness in our world.

30:36

You know. The first one social relationships,

30:39

building community outside of our work setting.

30:41

Most of us, by the pandemic have been really

30:43

hindered by doing so, and we

30:45

feel fearful even being in groups.

30:48

A lot of us have carried some of that fear around

30:50

with us, and that is totally normal,

30:53

but it's important to recognize how

30:55

our social relationships have been deeply impacted

30:58

by the pandemic. On

31:00

top of just like the lives

31:02

that we live, which are so much more on our computers

31:04

and phones and not around other people sleep.

31:08

Most people truly cannot get seven hours

31:10

of sleep, whether they have work obligations

31:12

to do or household chores, whatever that

31:15

is, it is really hard to get that sleep and

31:17

that sleep quality. Personal

31:19

hobby I kind of talked about here is really

31:22

a huge privilege, and I recognize

31:24

that although I'm pushing for anybody

31:26

who can to get more hobby time in, but

31:28

for the majority of our country,

31:30

like having a hobby is probably not

31:32

accessible. Spending time

31:34

in nature, same thing, like

31:37

having that off time to just like roam and

31:39

be or travel not very accessible

31:42

to everybody. And also a

31:44

lot of us that live over here in the Northeast.

31:46

If you're like me, having access to it certain

31:48

times of year, there's a huge

31:50

difference in my mood spring summer to

31:53

fall winter. I know this about

31:55

myself, and that is helpful to know, but it's

31:58

really there. Exercise slash

32:00

play sports is what they call that, and

32:02

I think that these are the happiness

32:05

experts and failing to realize how

32:07

both of those word choices

32:09

exercise slash play sports might even be

32:12

triggering to people because exercise is

32:14

so equated with weight and

32:16

doing and metrics and how much did

32:18

you walk today and how much did you burn today? And

32:21

playing sports is largely inaccessible

32:24

to adults, or if you're never good at sports, you

32:26

hate sports, or any of that.

32:28

So I think the language here is

32:31

really needs to be spoken about so

32:33

delicately when it comes to movement, because

32:36

there's so much loaded into these words

32:38

for different people that

32:41

makes them think, oh, I don't want to do any of that. I hate exercise,

32:43

I hate going to the gym, I hate soccer.

32:45

Right, but do you hate going

32:47

for walks outside in nature? Do

32:49

you hate rollerblading? Do you hate

32:52

dancing? Like there's some sort of a

32:54

movement that I believe feels

32:56

good for everybody but doesn't neatly fit

32:58

into these boxes of exercise, slash

33:00

playing sports, praying.

33:04

I feel like I really had to just leave it

33:06

at praying when I listed it, and then like revisit

33:08

it here. So many people have complicated relationships

33:10

to God or religion and

33:13

As I've gotten older, I've

33:15

certainly explored my own you know, religion,

33:18

And while lots of facets don't really speak

33:20

to me there, I think that a lot of people

33:22

benefit from

33:24

realizing that there's a higher power. That being

33:26

said, if you don't right now,

33:29

there might be a moment where you come to. There

33:31

have been plenty of moments in my life where I

33:34

come to and I get

33:36

such a strong sign that there is

33:38

a higher power and something

33:40

beyond me. And praying and

33:42

it's not asking for anything. I think I've said

33:44

this a lot on the podcast. Prayer to me is

33:47

rarely asking for things, but more

33:49

thankfulness, which then kind of

33:51

brings us a little arrow to the right over here

33:53

to really just talking about gratitude. Like if

33:56

none of the religion, spirituality stuff

33:58

speaks to you, always gratitude

34:01

as a huge tenant of our happiness.

34:04

So again in this article and they say praying, I think

34:06

we can't just leave it at praying. We have to break down

34:08

what is prayer, Why is it good for us? And

34:10

where does it stem from in a way that fits good in

34:12

our life. So if everything relating

34:15

to praying just feels wrong to you, how

34:17

does gratitude feel for you, what

34:19

are you grateful for? And how

34:21

can you really expand

34:24

that into your day to day Because when we are truly

34:26

grateful, it shifts the dimension that we're

34:29

living within. I remember very vividly

34:31

in a very early yoga class when I was starting

34:33

my practice, probably ten twelve years ago

34:35

now, the practice of yoga

34:38

opened up my heart in a way that had me feeling very

34:40

grateful after I don't know what went

34:43

on in that yoga session or what the teacher said or

34:45

anything like that, but I just felt so immensely

34:47

grateful and I was like, Wow, this

34:49

feels so different from my brain

34:52

circuitry that is usually talking

34:54

about what I lack or why things aren't fair,

34:56

And nothing had changed about what I lacked

34:58

or what wasn't fair, but yet I like elevated

35:01

into this other dimension by way of gratitude.

35:03

And it was one of those like aha moments in my life

35:05

that I'll never forget because again,

35:08

not that happiness is a choice, but there

35:11

is a choice component to it that

35:13

we can activate then

35:16

engaging with support groups or therapists. I mean,

35:18

most people don't have access to a therapist financially,

35:20

don't know where to even begin with the process. Have had

35:22

bad experiences with therapists, and

35:25

I think that there's also

35:27

a lot of stigma when it comes to therapy,

35:29

where people think that there has to be something wrong

35:31

with them to go. There are so many roadblocks

35:34

to developing a regular

35:36

practice with a therapist or a

35:38

form of therapy. When I say therapy

35:40

here, I mean talk therapy. That majority

35:43

of people are going to see support group therapists

35:45

and like just kind of just be like, well, that'll

35:47

never be me, And I think that it

35:49

can be all of us hopefully if

35:51

you know, insurance can come through for more

35:53

people too, or or through

35:55

workplaces, therapy can be provided in

35:58

a way that everybody has access

36:00

to this because it is the

36:02

things that I'm dealing with, by the way, I know

36:04

that I share them here, and maybe it feels

36:06

like I think that I'm the center of the universe,

36:09

but it's truly not the case. I share what's

36:11

going on with me because you guys come to hear with me,

36:13

and I share that. But I mean what

36:16

other people go through in this world,

36:18

the magnitude of the pain that every person

36:21

carries. I in no way I think that I carry

36:24

more of that if anything, I think that these

36:26

moments humble me and realizing

36:29

that most people are walking around with so much

36:31

pain, feelings of stuckness, lack

36:33

of autonomy over their lives, whether

36:36

they're in relationships that

36:38

are abusive, and I've just I feel like

36:41

I've just been witnessed to a lot of these types of things

36:43

lately. And it's why

36:45

I bring up this topic today,

36:48

not because me, me, me, me me, but because

36:50

of we we we we we like all of

36:52

us are going through something hard

36:55

while also being okay slash not okay

36:58

or we will be there in a point of time and

37:00

we will have family there and friends there, our

37:02

acquaintance is there. And re

37:04

gooing back to the building blocks of how

37:07

can I feel a little bit more? Okay? I

37:09

want them to be available. I want them to be reminders.

37:12

And that doesn't mean that we go through all of these right

37:14

like who has time for all of these to get them

37:16

all right right now? But can

37:18

we you know, right in our gratitude journal a couple

37:20

things that we're grateful for, can we

37:23

throw our bodies on the bath mat,

37:25

not even a yoga mat, and just give our time,

37:27

ourself time to express our emotions

37:30

can we set up a dinner with our friends, or

37:32

go for a walk with a friend, or walk out in

37:34

nature and put our phone behind like

37:36

one of these things can and will make

37:38

a huge difference in our lives for just a moment

37:41

even But that moment matters because

37:44

I said, happiness is not a current like a paved

37:46

road, and oh, I'm happy right now, it's

37:48

I'm happy, and then I'm kind of sad, and I'm

37:50

happy, and I'm kind of sad because there is

37:52

a lot of sadness around us, and pretending

37:55

that it's not would be this false version of happiness

37:57

that wouldn't suit any of us. So

38:00

in some I think that, of

38:03

course we're going to have a happiness problem, because there

38:05

are deep problems in this world and in

38:07

our lives and all around us. But

38:09

there are also building blocks that we can

38:11

put into place so that we can

38:14

feel okay enough to live

38:17

out our purpose and our authentic

38:20

lives. So in some the

38:22

article says that the perfect

38:24

cocktail of happiness comes from

38:26

a sense of control or autonomy

38:28

over one's life, is guided by meaning

38:31

and purpose and connecting with others.

38:34

And on that note, I feel extra excited

38:36

to go on the met treat because that's

38:38

exactly what all of us are

38:41

going to get out of this. We're

38:43

going to connect and refine

38:45

or clarify our own purpose,

38:48

and we're going to connect with others to get

38:50

that. I certainly hope that I'll

38:52

have the opportunity to lead more,

38:55

if not like Bigger less Destination

38:57

Y for destination Ye me treat versions

39:00

because I think, well, I guess

39:02

I will wait to see how the mutree goes before

39:05

I say what I think. But I believe

39:07

that there's incredible power in

39:09

coming together as a community, unraveling

39:12

to come back together, and showing

39:15

parts of our hearts that we otherwise tuck

39:17

away in a space that feels really

39:19

safe to be. So I

39:22

want to thank you for hanging in with this podcast

39:25

with me and being here

39:27

for a season of Wonky

39:29

WONKYSM for me where a lot

39:32

of the time I'm really all over the place,

39:34

and yeah, being part of our family here

39:37

at the Truthiest Life. I hope you all

39:39

have a great week. I

39:41

can't believe we're wrapping up April. That is absolutely

39:43

mind blowing. But May is a beautiful

39:46

month. My husband is turning forty, We have a lot

39:48

going on in this household, and

39:50

I am leaning into all of

39:52

the little things going on, so

39:55

I will see you here back in May two