0:01

A no bey

0:04

even when times geitheard

0:08

and.

0:08

You feel you're in the.

0:12

C See just

0:15

how beautiful life can be when

0:18

you saften your heart,

0:22

you can finally start to

0:27

live your tu seious

0:30

life.

0:31

Hello everybody, welcome back to the Truthiest

0:33

Life. It's your host Lisa Haim and a little

0:36

intro before we get into this week's episode

0:38

where I'm sharing my top tips of

0:41

what helped me take parenting

0:43

in toddlerhood from complete chaos

0:45

and overwhelm to calm and.

0:47

Perhaps even joy.

0:49

Before I do, I just want to let you know that this

0:51

past week we kicked off Mind Body Mentorship.

0:54

It's my new program just for the month of March

0:56

where we meet live twice a week

0:58

as a group and we practice mindfulness,

1:01

go over mindfulness concepts, meditate,

1:04

journal together, and then we also

1:06

have the somatic component on Sundays that

1:08

includes yoga, movement,

1:10

breath work, but in a way that is

1:13

pairing it all together. The purpose

1:15

of this program is to create a safe space

1:17

for spiritual growth and learning nervous

1:20

system regulation that's absolutely

1:22

key and for embodied wisdom to

1:25

arise. It pairs a top down

1:27

approach mindfulness and meditation with a bottom

1:29

up approach, think movement and breathwork

1:31

to release the blockages, rewire

1:33

the nervous system, and reconnect to your true

1:36

self. It's done in a group setting, which

1:38

expedites the process, makes it fun,

1:40

and really creates a nourishing environment

1:43

where we can actually drop in deeper

1:45

and deeper and create a connection that lasts.

1:48

I shared all about this program in my last episode,

1:51

but this week it kicked off, and oh

1:53

my gosh, did it blow my mind in

1:55

the sense that I

1:57

felt proud of me for the first time in

1:59

a long time. I know that the second

2:02

I signed on to the first session and I saw all

2:04

the faces and the chat started going

2:06

and people started sharing, it felt

2:08

like I really listened to my

2:10

gut, my intuition. I didn't let things

2:12

get in my way when creating this. I didn't

2:14

worry about how many people would sign up, how much

2:17

money I would make, too much going into

2:19

even the marketing that went into it. I did

2:21

that all myself, all the branding,

2:24

and it just like came together really beautifully,

2:26

And I think it's a testament to what the program

2:28

actually is. When we're in mind body

2:30

connection, when we're connected to our source,

2:33

that creative, powerful,

2:36

forward moving version of ourself.

2:38

Things flow.

2:40

When we are not, things don't flow,

2:43

and it went so beautifully. I've heard

2:45

from so many incredible people that this is like exactly

2:47

what they needed, and I think it's

2:49

what a lot of us need. So just

2:52

because it kicked off does not mean that you've missed

2:54

the boat. You can still sign up.

2:56

I'll put the link below, and you can join all

2:58

our future sessions, which include every

3:00

Sunday and Tuesday for the rest of March.

3:03

You also have the option to do the drop in where

3:05

you just kind of test it out. If you know you

3:07

don't want to do a Tuesday and you can only make it to one

3:09

Sunday, go ahead and do the drop in option.

3:12

For the most part, the membership is probably going

3:14

to be the most financially

3:16

smart move because if you attend two

3:18

sessions, it ends up being less

3:21

money for the entire membership. So if

3:23

it's speaking to you, I just want to make sure that you know

3:25

you didn't miss the boat. We want to and

3:27

this is March only. It will definitely not be offered

3:30

in April, probably not May. April

3:32

is Camp Metreat Oh my gosh, a month away,

3:35

A lot of exciting things are coming through me, and

3:38

it feels really good to be in

3:40

my spiritual and serving

3:42

seat. I'm really anchoring

3:45

into that, not just because it's what I want to do,

3:47

but because it's how I feel my best.

3:50

And I also happen to be a girl that loves

3:52

Love is Blind And a new season came

3:54

out and I'm dying to watch it, but I know

3:57

that if I head in that direction, not that there's anything

3:59

wrong with that, but that show sucks

4:01

me in so dirty that I

4:03

can't afford to watch it right now. So I'm

4:05

putting that on hold until maybe

4:07

after the metreat when I just need my

4:09

brain to just kind of like out

4:12

give it a rest. But right now, I'm in the

4:14

driving seat, and I want to really contain

4:16

that connection and dive

4:18

a little bit deeper because it feels so good

4:20

to be serving in a way that is completely aligned

4:23

with me. If this program is offered

4:25

again, there will probably be an evolution of it, but

4:27

that's what we've got right now, so I'll put that link below.

4:30

Moving into this week's episode, I

4:33

had this worry after I recorded it that I

4:35

came from this like holier than now place

4:37

where like I've got it all figured out and this is what

4:39

you should do, and I listen back

4:41

and I don't think that's how I come across, but

4:43

I'm going to put an extra disclaimer here that

4:46

this is what's working for us. It

4:48

felt so empowering to

4:51

shift the way I see babies,

4:54

toddlers, and the whole

4:56

philosophy around raising them. I'm

4:59

somebody that felt com completely disempowered

5:01

when I had a baby, like though I still had

5:03

my intuition, I was so nervous that

5:05

I had no idea what to do as a

5:07

toddler mom. I feel so

5:09

much more empowered, trusting of my intuition

5:12

and grateful that these like pathways have opened

5:15

up that have showed me that there's more than one way

5:17

to do things. I think with babyhood,

5:19

I didn't feel that way. With toddlerhood,

5:21

I do, and I just want to put that extra

5:23

asterisk.

5:24

That I know I have it all figured out.

5:26

I absolutely lose my cool sometimes

5:29

I get extra stressed, out, overwhelmed,

5:31

exhausted. I don't know if any of that came

5:34

through in the episode, so I just want to make sure that that's

5:36

here too. I'm also going to make sure to

5:38

put the two resources

5:41

that I mentioned a bunch of times in the show Notes,

5:43

which is Janet Lansbury, her podcast,

5:46

her website. She has courses

5:48

that you can find within that and the

5:50

book Hunt Gather Parent. There

5:52

are tons of other resources out there,

5:54

but I feel like the two of these found

5:57

me at the right time and really expanded

5:59

my my brain and my capabilities

6:01

to be patient, feel

6:03

empowered, and really do things

6:05

differently. I said this in the episode, but

6:07

I want to say it one more time. When

6:10

you make change in your

6:12

life and it starts to be

6:15

not just like cognitive change, but like DNA

6:17

changes, like you believe what you're doing so

6:19

much. There's also

6:21

the backside of this coin that is not

6:23

often talked about, which is you

6:26

will be really frustrated in other

6:28

settings when you don't see this model

6:30

being done to other children or your

6:32

own child. More importantly, I

6:34

do not believe that there's one right way to

6:36

do anything, but when it comes

6:39

to these philosophies, which I believe are largely

6:41

rooted in respectful parenting, it

6:43

can be really hard when it's your own child and

6:45

there are grandparents or another parent

6:48

involved, or other caregivers that aren't

6:50

speaking to your child the same way. And not to say

6:52

they're doing anything wrong, but there are these

6:55

little things that you don't realize

6:57

that are not aligned

6:59

with who you are. So any change

7:02

comes with a shift from the other side,

7:04

and you have to become a really good communicator

7:06

to get people on board, to manage your own

7:09

emotions, and again just highlighting

7:11

the complexities of being a mother, being

7:13

a parent, evolving, sticking

7:15

to your wisdom, sticking to your truth, and

7:18

learning how to do so.

7:19

While you're exhausted.

7:21

Okay, that's this intro a little bit long,

7:23

but I'm gonna put everything I just talked about in the show

7:25

notes below. And I hope this episode where

7:27

I shared almost fourteen changes that

7:29

I've made, really helps you feel

7:31

empowered, gives you tools to call on, because

7:34

that I think is the most important thing when

7:36

it comes to toddler motherhood

7:38

in my limited experience.

7:41

Thanks for listening, everybody, and I'll

7:43

see you soon. Hello

7:47

everybody, and welcome back to

7:49

the Truthiest Life.

7:51

It to host Lisahim.

7:53

And I know I said I'd be irregularly

7:56

popping back in, and this is one

7:58

of these moments that I want to irregularly pop

8:00

in. This is such a wonderful platform

8:02

to provide information and make

8:04

it accessible to all and communicate

8:07

it in a way that is very

8:09

natural for me. And admittedly

8:12

I've gotten caught up in sharing

8:14

on here because as a non

8:17

perfectionist, something I'm very proud

8:19

of, I've always brought a little bit of perfectionist

8:21

nature to this podcast. I don't

8:23

know why. It has always felt really

8:26

important when using my actual voice,

8:28

voice from my body, to

8:31

deliver information in

8:34

a way that is said really,

8:36

really well. And obviously that's important

8:38

with all forms of communication, but

8:41

it can also come to a point where it

8:43

becomes an obstacle because there's

8:45

no way to say things absolutely perfect

8:48

all the time. For whatever reason, when I

8:50

communicate on Instagram and social media,

8:53

it has always flowed through me the

8:55

way I would kind of like write in a journal

8:58

and fearlessly hit. And

9:00

I wouldn't even call it fearlessly because it didn't

9:03

feel fearlessly. It just felt such

9:05

an extension of me and it

9:08

was so natural and as

9:10

easy it is it is for me to speak and use

9:12

my voice. When you sit down with the microphone, things

9:15

kind of change. And I'm three years in,

9:18

Yes I'm more comfortable, but I

9:20

still get stuck on the same obstacles and

9:23

having gone back to social media for about four

9:25

weeks now I'm back.

9:27

But today specifically is

9:30

like a recalibration day for me, where

9:32

I'm asking myself questions, which

9:35

way do I want to go

9:37

instead of just cruising in the direction

9:40

that I am. Yesterday was

9:43

probably the most powerful full moon I've

9:45

ever seen. I don't know if any of you

9:47

noticed. Yesterday was February twenty

9:50

fifth, and it took

9:52

me to the point where I was googling about this full

9:54

moon and everything

9:56

about this specific moon said like, now

9:59

is the time to be introspective

10:01

and go inward and

10:04

see what you really need. And I

10:06

kind of felt annoyed by that because I

10:09

have been reflecting for months

10:11

and months and now it's like, oh, now

10:13

is the time to reflect. Where it's like I am really

10:15

tired of reflecting. A part

10:17

of me wants to be back in motion,

10:21

and reflecting is the stopping

10:23

point and often where we pivot. But

10:26

better me, bigger me, higher me knows

10:28

that if we don't listen to those polls,

10:31

that we have to go inward, and we want to just keep

10:33

going because we're afraid of what we'll find. We

10:35

will find ourselves in a worse place

10:38

down the line. So I

10:40

just got back from seven days of vacation,

10:42

so grateful for that time with my family.

10:45

Seven days is a lot of time to be

10:47

away for me, and it's a lot of time

10:49

for me to be disconnected from my practices,

10:52

especially the ones that have been so life

10:55

changing in the last six to eight months, that

10:57

have really helped me rEFInd my

11:00

hole, my center, live a much less

11:02

of an egoific life,

11:04

less of an adrenalated life.

11:06

All of that when it comes to these practices

11:09

yoga, pranayama, meditation, journaling,

11:12

I am of the mindset of it doesn't need

11:14

to be perfect, we just have to return back

11:16

to it because perfection

11:19

is what personally trips me up,

11:21

and it kind of previously historically

11:24

has thrown me into like throw in the towel mode

11:26

where it's like, Okay, well I don't do this practices anymore,

11:28

and then I don't return to them because my streak

11:30

is over. I used to talk about that a lot with healthy

11:33

eating and diet mentality. It's like, Okay,

11:35

you were eating really healthy and then you had the X that

11:37

you no longer think is healthy, so you know you

11:39

say I blew it and continue down the trajectory

11:42

of I blew it instead of just like, just

11:44

get back to what feels good and is nourishing

11:46

for your body. A little tangential

11:49

there, but I think the same thing can happen with

11:51

fitness, spirituality, and the things

11:53

that actually make us feel good. Fortunately,

11:57

I've stuck with these practices for long enough

11:59

that I love them and I

12:01

want to come back to them, which made

12:04

coming back to it this morning there was an obstacle,

12:06

still like it's not part of my routine. I haven't

12:09

been back to my pranayama setup

12:11

in a week and a half. But once

12:13

I dropped in, my body knew

12:15

what to do and it felt so nice

12:18

to find stillness and settling

12:20

after what was an amazing vacation with

12:22

my family, so much love, so much good food,

12:25

so much doing, so much heart

12:27

filling moments. But it was

12:29

also a lot of energy expenditure. And

12:31

the second I lied down and allowed

12:34

I do pranayama first and then a little bit of meditation,

12:37

which if people are interested and I would

12:39

like to share more of that, I'll get into down the line.

12:42

Oh, I just feels so good to settle back

12:44

into your truth, and yet

12:46

it's so much easier to keep going

12:48

with what you're doing

12:51

otherwise, even if you know that it's not your

12:53

healthiest The habits, the things

12:55

that produced serotonin and oxytocin

12:58

and dopamine but aren't necessarily

13:01

the best things for you.

13:03

I hope I'm being clear with that.

13:05

But today I'm showing up because

13:07

there's been a topic on my mind that

13:10

I am obviously not an expert in motherhood.

13:12

I am a first time mom with a

13:14

two and a half year old. But I

13:17

think what I see in myself

13:19

different than a lot of people that I know,

13:22

is that I am obsessed

13:25

with being a toddler mom. I

13:28

find it so fascinating to

13:31

study their minds and watch

13:34

them and observe and

13:37

tweak the things that I do or I say,

13:39

and see how she my daughter reacts.

13:43

And one of the things that I'm really

13:45

passionate about is

13:48

helping mothers maybe

13:50

see that it can be more

13:52

fun and playful and

13:55

delicious.

13:56

And yes, it is absolutely.

13:58

Exhausting on so many fronts, so

14:00

many dead ends where life

14:02

feels absolutely impossible

14:05

and like what do I even do with my child?

14:07

And like there's just so many of those

14:09

moments where you just want to throw up your hands. But

14:12

I think that if we fill in the

14:14

other moments with more

14:16

joy, a lot of the things that feel

14:18

daunting are really good

14:21

and healthy for us. This

14:23

summer, in particularly when I went offline,

14:26

I feel like I got really lucky with

14:29

her age and the literature

14:31

and people that fell into my life that

14:34

armed me, if you will, with tools

14:37

that I didn't have prior.

14:39

To be a really.

14:41

Good mom, and by that I mean present,

14:43

attuned to her, willing to

14:46

try new things, recognize

14:48

my own things that I was doing that

14:50

I wasn't that weren't feeling right to me.

14:53

I make pivoting choices to try

14:55

new things, going offline, taking

14:58

a break from work. All of that felt like a beautiful

15:00

time to be like, how can I step into this

15:02

role? Many of you know that baby

15:05

life was really challenging for

15:07

me, and I look back now and I'm like, oh my gosh,

15:09

like I had no idea, and

15:11

me having no idea made me so reliant

15:14

on other people around me that I

15:16

thought were experts and sure,

15:18

maybe they could help me, but a

15:21

lot of the times it wasn't in truth with

15:23

how if I have another child?

15:25

I will be with baby.

15:28

I've just learned so much through this phase

15:31

of toddler life that applies to babyhood.

15:33

So I also just want to say, if you're listening to this at

15:36

any age of motherhood, I

15:38

think that it will be really helpful to really

15:41

think about things differently. So

15:55

the two most I

15:57

think critical people books

16:00

things in my life that kind of emerged

16:02

at the same time. And I want to first credit

16:04

my friend Leah, who has three

16:06

kids under six, and we met

16:08

actually by way of the Internet. She had a

16:10

burner account that she used to message me from

16:13

to the point where I thought this person was creepy and I

16:15

almost blocked them. I might have like restricted them,

16:17

which is a function. And then I ended

16:19

up meeting her in real life at a restaurant.

16:21

And this woman has become my best friend over the last

16:23

couple of years. Like I travel to California

16:25

to see her, we go on family vacations,

16:28

and she's so wise when it

16:30

comes to motherhood and she's doing things so

16:32

differently. So she's the one that introduced me

16:34

to this woman, Janet Lansberry,

16:37

who you may or may not be familiar with. And

16:39

whenever I have a question about Soley I always

16:41

like check it with her and she has such an

16:43

interesting response that I

16:45

wouldn't have thought of. And I think

16:48

that this age, or any age

16:50

in general, like having tools to navigate

16:52

hard times makes you feel so much

16:54

more empowered as a parent, and

16:56

then that allows for less burnout

16:59

or less like shame. I think a lot of us feel

17:01

shameful when we can't get our kid

17:03

to stop crying, we can't get them to sleep, when

17:05

we can't figure out why they're hitting or why they're

17:07

not eating their food right. Like, we can cycle

17:09

a vicious cycle very quickly.

17:12

That's hard to get out of. But if you feel like you just have one

17:14

tool in your pocket, whether it's a phrase

17:16

to say differently or just anything,

17:19

it goes so far in feeling

17:22

empowered and.

17:22

Like you got this.

17:23

And you do have to feel like you got this as

17:26

a mother, because you are the

17:28

safe space for your child. And that's

17:30

something that's really important for me,

17:33

you know, and my own personal life. I work on resourcing

17:35

getting myself back to safety, but

17:38

a child is completely codependent

17:40

emotionally, and so I need.

17:42

To appear and be You can't just appear,

17:44

you have to be.

17:45

Solid in your confidence

17:48

in self, because otherwise the child gets that

17:50

energy. So the two concepts,

17:52

books, people, whatever, that have kind of emerged

17:54

for me are number one, respectful

17:56

parenting. Janet Landsbury being

17:59

the charge on that for me. Her practices

18:01

come from Magda Gerber, but her podcast

18:04

and her website like you can

18:06

put in any topic that you're dealing with and she has

18:08

written about it in a way that is so

18:10

beautiful and respectful parenting to me

18:13

is the philosophy

18:15

that lands the best with me more than

18:17

like intentional or conscious and all

18:19

of that is wonderful, but respectful

18:22

really distills how

18:24

I believe a child, a baby, a

18:26

toddler, an adult, any person

18:29

should be treated. And for some reason

18:31

in our culture, whether we're dealing with babies

18:33

that can't speak or elders that you know

18:35

are less cognizant for aging reasons, we

18:38

stop treating them respectfully.

18:40

And it's very subtle, but once

18:42

you see it or feel it, you can't unsee

18:44

it. But we talk about them as if

18:46

they're not there right. Sometimes we talk to

18:48

babies and like baby voices, we treat them

18:51

differently. We don't tell them things that

18:53

are happening in their life. We just do them quickly,

18:55

and with elders, you could, you know, imagine the way

18:57

that we treat elders in our societ.

19:00

But focusing on the babies for a moment. When

19:02

I when I started reading about respectful parenting, I started

19:05

to have a lot of regrets

19:07

about things that I did in the

19:09

baby life, and specifically,

19:13

you know, Solely is a child

19:15

that gets very very high fevers and medicine

19:17

has been how I have to keep them at

19:19

bay because she's been hospitalized

19:22

twice history of febrill seizures, and

19:24

I get very triggered by her fevers.

19:27

She has also at the same time, of course,

19:29

hates medicine, so many

19:31

times I had to force medicine into

19:33

her, whether that was like my mouth trying to like sneak

19:36

it attack through these LIKESI pacifier

19:38

things where you stick the liquid in or suppositories.

19:41

You know, it's really really challenging.

19:43

And I'm like rubbing my eyes as I say this because I feel

19:45

so stressed about it. It

19:47

was one of those cruks in parenting where I was like, I need

19:49

to take care of you, but you're not letting me take care of you, so

19:51

I have to get it into you. And of

19:54

course going back, you still have to get the medicine

19:56

in. But the respectful thing is to

19:58

tell them everything that's happening to them, from

20:00

I'm going to be changing your diaper to just

20:03

talking to them. I think a lot of people

20:05

have babies and they think they can't understand.

20:07

So I'm not going to talk until they could talk, or

20:09

making like made up words. But I

20:11

know I talked to her a lot, but I also

20:14

kind of like expended my energy too hard

20:16

in the wrong places. I would just make sure

20:18

to tell her everything that was ever going to happen

20:21

to her, from going to the doctor and shots

20:23

and all of that. I think it's really important

20:25

to find your fine line of telling them

20:28

without like and it's going to be scary

20:30

and it's gonna hurt, like you don't want to do that, but

20:32

you want to be like the strong place. So just

20:35

an example of what respectful parenting

20:37

means to me is really treating them as

20:39

you would another human being. Yeah,

20:41

Janet Lands very huge, amazing resource

20:44

for that. You can find so much free materials. At

20:46

the same time, I stumbled upon a book called

20:49

Hunt Gather Parent.

20:50

I still to this.

20:51

Day, I don't think I've made it through fifty percent of this book,

20:53

but what I took away from the fifty percent changed

20:56

my life. And again it's about having

20:58

those tools. And I I think that I

21:00

found this book and really started

21:02

to shift the.

21:03

Way I parent at the exact

21:05

right time.

21:06

She was a little under two, shifting into

21:08

toddlerhood and things were getting a lot

21:11

harder quote unquote, meltdowns were

21:13

ensuing, and I didn't know

21:15

how to support her and help her

21:17

and how to do it. I want to put

21:19

a huge asterisk here that

21:22

changing the way you see toddlers

21:25

and babies and seeing them as human

21:27

beings is not one

21:30

hundred percent cherry pie. It

21:32

actually is really really hard because you

21:34

can't unsee the way other people do

21:36

it and the way other people speak to your

21:38

child, whether that's grandparents, other

21:41

caregivers in their life, and you start to

21:43

get really uncomfortable when other people are

21:45

not doing it as you want them

21:47

to be because they're not being respectful.

21:50

So this has also been really challenging

21:52

for me in my home life, even

21:54

with Evan, the other caregiver, and my husband,

21:57

because it's like I'm changing the

21:59

way I'm doing it. I'm seeing all the benefits

22:01

in the way, and then how do I communicate

22:03

that in a way to him without me telling him

22:05

what to do things I've been navigating

22:08

for six months, and I just want to put that

22:10

caveat here that once you get what I call

22:12

Janet lands buried, like, it's very

22:14

hard to be Unjanet lands buried. And

22:17

then it also gets even harder because in

22:19

my opinion, the way children are

22:21

treated in our culture, in very

22:24

subtle ways, is a little bit

22:26

abusive. And I don't mean abusive that the parents

22:29

need to be jailed. Even the things that I did,

22:31

I would say are abusive in some way, just

22:33

not treating them like people. That's what I define

22:35

as abusive. So take

22:37

that with a grain of salt. But it's very

22:40

hard to unsee once you see

22:42

it. This book Hunt Gather Parent

22:44

and really immersing myself in Janet

22:46

lands Bury's podcasts, books, all of

22:48

that were really transformative

22:51

to me. So I wanted to include a list

22:54

of things that I

22:56

have done changed my mindset

22:59

on that have made

23:01

parenting so much more joyful

23:04

and so much easier. I

23:07

think that and this is largely

23:09

informed by Hunt Gathered Parent. We

23:11

have this idea as Americans

23:14

in our culture and our society that like

23:17

it's about control and our kids have to

23:19

behave and if they misbehave, they're

23:21

not listening to us. And then we go like so far

23:23

into the distance about like what kind of adults

23:26

they're going to be, when in reality, like children

23:28

are children. Their brains are forming, and sometimes

23:31

they do things that are not behaving. But

23:33

it's not necessarily the time

23:37

or the exact moment to like

23:39

be the disciplinarian. It's

23:41

a time to show love and educate and

23:44

do so in a way that recognizes

23:46

this is their first time here

23:48

doing this that. And

23:51

I think we get carried away with the story of like what

23:53

kind of people they're going to become if we don't discipline

23:55

them, And I don't know in my limited

23:57

experience, I've found an opposite appro which

24:00

to be just so much more helpful.

24:03

So breathe easy, everybody like a parents'

24:06

moms dads like allow for

24:09

knowing that your child

24:11

will grow into a beautiful person,

24:14

sorry, grow into a beautiful adult.

24:15

They are a person. See a tripped up there.

24:18

If we treat them like

24:20

people and we don't make it about control

24:23

and authoritarian ways

24:25

of controlling the situation, you

24:28

have to treat them a little bit more like equals.

24:31

So one of the things that immediately

24:34

made my life so much easier was

24:36

including her and stuff. Like I said, this found

24:38

me at the perfect age to almost

24:41

two becomes an age where they really want

24:43

to help. They want to sweep, they

24:45

want to do dishes, and obviously they can't do

24:47

them as well as we can, but we can

24:49

include them in those

24:52

things more than we think. Obviously

24:54

not with knives and unsafe things, but

24:56

they can definitely. I have this little like it called the tower

24:58

that goes by the sink, and having her next

25:01

to me do the dishes is much easier

25:03

than me putting her in front of a screen or

25:05

in front of twins saying play alone. I

25:07

think that we also oftentimes think that they need

25:10

to be occupied while we do our things.

25:12

But I found that including her in

25:14

stuff, getting her a little broom like a real

25:16

one, like a little sweeping pan, actually

25:19

allowed for so many things to be easier.

25:21

And they're also learning that they're part of

25:24

the responsibility in the house, and

25:27

I find that part to be really interesting too. And a hunt

25:29

gathered parent talked about it a lot. Is

25:31

we come up with these reward systems of

25:33

like if you help me do this, then you get a star.

25:36

But then we're not really teaching our children

25:38

to be active helpers around the house to

25:40

look for what needs to be done. We're teaching

25:43

them how to simply do a chore because it

25:45

needs to get done. What I want to raise is

25:47

somebody who is helpful, and they talk about

25:49

this concept called accommodido in the book

25:51

which she travels to different cultures and sees

25:54

how they do things, and the idea is how

25:56

to be helpful without having to point

25:58

out this is what I need help with. And that's

26:00

such a beautiful skill

26:03

to have, especially in the world where we're sucked

26:05

in by our phones and easily distracted and in

26:07

our heads, to raise somebody

26:09

that wants to help because they see that something

26:11

needs to be done. So I highly recommend

26:14

including your children in your

26:16

chores that you have to do around the house.

26:19

Energy saving.

26:20

I talked about this a little bit earlier, but

26:22

I feel like.

26:22

I expended so much energy

26:25

in the beginning by thinking that I had

26:27

to entertain her talk so much

26:30

sportscast, as Janet Lansbury describes

26:32

it, which is like, oh, you're building the

26:34

block, so high, and this is the red one

26:37

and this is the purple one, and every second just like

26:39

speaking about what they're doing because they need to be educated.

26:42

We don't have to do that.

26:44

Yes, we can be their educators and assist

26:46

and point things out at certain times, but

26:48

we don't need to be an actor in this life.

26:50

And the most beautiful gift

26:53

that Janet Lansbury and my friendly have

26:55

given me is to observe

26:58

and notice how much you want to jump

27:01

in whether they're doing something quote

27:03

unquote wrong or you just want

27:05

to say good job, right, like just

27:08

listen, just sit back and observe more

27:10

and more. And it's a scale that I'm constantly

27:12

refining, especially the good job.

27:14

One good job.

27:15

I feel like that's its own bullet point here. Of

27:17

course, we want to build self esteem and

27:20

applaud them, but saying good job,

27:22

first of all, becomes just this word that we're throwing

27:25

out all of the time and not with

27:27

true meaning. But it also

27:30

can turn them into little bits of performers,

27:32

so they're doing a good job for the applause instead

27:34

of just doing the thing that they

27:36

need to do. Obviously, it's kind of a tricky

27:38

one because I do believe in celebrating them, and it's

27:40

so fun when you see their self esteem growing. But

27:43

I think that like good job after everything

27:45

that we say is such a knee jerk reaction that

27:48

it's one that can be called back and

27:50

also a place to just observe.

27:53

On that note, i think it's

27:55

been really freeing to not correct

27:58

everything that she does.

28:00

So if she looked, you.

28:01

Know, over time, if she looks at the color,

28:04

you know, purple and she calls it blue,

28:06

I'm not like, no, this is purple. Like she's

28:08

learning her colors. And yes, there's opportunity

28:11

at times to correct or

28:13

share what is right,

28:16

what is you know, the right way of doing

28:18

it or the right exact you know, color or number

28:21

or whatever, but there's also

28:23

time to just be like, just sit back, let

28:25

her call it that. She's not going to go to college and call

28:27

it purple bread. So I'm going

28:29

to make it to elementary school knowing that, and

28:32

so just like really trusting that bigger

28:34

picture process that they

28:37

are going to learn it and we don't need

28:39

to step in every step of the way has

28:41

been really really really really really.

28:43

Freeing for me.

28:45

And it is a form of respect, right

28:47

Like when people misspeak or misspell, and

28:49

we call out everything that they do that

28:52

is rude. It's not how you would treat a

28:54

person. Hopefully you wouldn't at least,

28:56

And the same kind of applies here. There are teaching

28:58

moments and there are non teaching

29:01

moments. Hitting and hurting.

29:03

That's one in our house that has been I wouldn't

29:06

call it a problem, but has happened on occasion.

29:09

And Leah, oh my gosh, my best friend

29:11

equipped me with like the best sentence to say,

29:14

because if you start to scold

29:16

or ridicule or say no, don't

29:18

do that right Like oftentimes they find

29:21

it funny and that can actually send

29:23

both of you into a vish and can

29:25

send me into like this vicious loop of like she

29:27

thinks it's.

29:28

Funny that she's hitting me. She can't know that she's hitting me.

29:30

She can't go to school and hit people.

29:31

And you run again, like so far into

29:34

the distance that you miss what's happening in

29:36

the moment. And I remember one night Slowly

29:38

was hitting me and I didn't know what

29:40

to do, and I was getting mad because first of all, it was hurting,

29:43

and she was pulling my hair, and it was like, how

29:45

do I get her to stop. I'm using my

29:47

words. It's not working. And I

29:49

ran back what I did to my friend Leah,

29:52

and she I can't remember exactly what I did,

29:54

but she's like, so what I would do is I would,

29:56

you know, let her know that that really

29:58

hurts my body. If you do it again,

30:00

I'm going to have to remove my body from

30:02

you to keep myself safe. Or

30:05

if she's like throwing a toy, right, I'm gonna have to put

30:07

this toy away to keep everybody safe.

30:09

And you say it calm, and you say it

30:12

with truth and with confidence, but

30:14

you don't say it with like a punishing

30:17

tone. I don't say it with a punishing

30:19

tone. And after that first time, I have

30:21

to remove my body and i'd walked out of the room, you know,

30:23

put her in a safe place. I think at the time she was in a crib.

30:25

So placed her in her crib and said, I have to leave the room to

30:27

keep my body safe. You know, I left for

30:29

a minute too, like maybe less an

30:32

earshot away from her. And you come back,

30:34

you know, you have to come back. You don't want to make them

30:36

feel fearful of that. But this

30:39

sentence alone has been like it's in

30:41

my pocket at all times as we go through

30:43

toddlerhood, and I really really like it,

30:45

so I wanted to offer it to you. Keep my body

30:47

safe, keep people safe, all of that. And

30:49

it's not in a threatening tone. It's not in a punitive

30:52

tone, but it's a matter of a fact

30:54

tone. It's really important too,

30:57

as I believe Janet talks

30:59

about when you are going through a

31:02

hitting situation, it has to

31:04

be like addressed in that moment, not many

31:06

minutes after you kind of like lose

31:08

the momentum. And I've also found

31:10

and this is just something that I personally do,

31:12

and we haven't had any issues with her doing

31:14

anything in public settings to other.

31:16

Kids or anything.

31:17

But I sometimes

31:19

recognize that she's really tired

31:22

and what she is doing is not a reflection

31:24

of what she knows to be right or wrong. I

31:27

think that a lot of what is

31:29

so hard about toddlerism is

31:31

that if they're napping or they're not, and their

31:33

sleep cycles are messed up and they are really

31:36

overtired, and at the same time they have these

31:38

new gross motor skills and fine motor skills.

31:40

They can pick up a ball and throw it right like a baby

31:42

camp, and so sometimes it's just like

31:45

they're firing wrong

31:47

and I see that and I feel

31:49

that, and if I know she's really exhausted,

31:52

exhausted and we're getting to bedtime, it's

31:54

not the time to have the conversation about

31:56

hitting.

31:57

I don't know.

31:57

This is my personal philosophy, and it seems to kind

32:00

of work for us. But I kind of just

32:02

recognize, like, this is not you at your best

32:04

or your high knowing, this is like you need to get

32:06

to sleep. And I think this with window

32:09

of toddlersm is really a large

32:11

window of a lot of them not getting

32:13

a lot of sleep. Whether they're going to daycare or

32:15

schools or programs.

32:16

We're starting to put.

32:17

Them on like regular human

32:20

life schedules and they're not necessarily

32:22

ready for that, or they're not ready for it.

32:25

Every day.

32:25

One of the moms at pickup, I was talking to

32:27

her about it, and a lot of the kids solely's

32:30

age are you know, she's two and a half. A lot of the

32:32

kids in her grade, if you will, her class,

32:34

are three, and so they're dropping that

32:36

last nap and Soley rarely

32:38

has it, but she does have it some days. She

32:41

has low sleep needs compared to most kids, is

32:43

what I've learned. Unfortunately built

32:46

unfortunate for me, I should say. And

32:48

the thing is is like we make these decisions and then

32:50

they're kind of like permanent ish or around here,

32:52

that's how people do.

32:53

It's like, okay, we drop the nap.

32:54

Now the baby, the toddler doesn't nap, But

32:56

in reality, it's like some days a toddler needs

32:58

a napp, sometimes they don't. But because we're

33:00

trying to get them back on our schedules and it's

33:03

have a plan and a routine, that

33:05

we fail to realize that they're still

33:07

going through these huge leaps and some days they're

33:09

tired and some days there's not. Just because we decided

33:11

to cut their nap because we thought it was appropriate

33:14

one day doesn't mean that it's appropriate

33:16

all days. So I think that just like really

33:18

recognizing that they're get tired, they

33:21

get overtired easily, and that's usually

33:23

when I see the most quote unquote problems

33:25

in our house, and therefore those aren't

33:27

the ones that I choose to correct.

33:29

Again, it's just like freeing energy for me

33:32

to know that, like I recognize she's overtired

33:34

and that I don't need to like worry so much

33:36

about if she's a hitter or a hair

33:38

puller. All of that that being said,

33:41

during daytime, normal hours, if we are going

33:43

through something, that's where I'm going to, you

33:45

know, have the discussion with her. And she's

33:48

learning at school a lot too, you know, no hitting,

33:50

no biting, they learn all of that, and she understands

33:52

it. Shays, we never ever hit, we

33:54

never ever bite, we never ever. It's

33:56

really really really cute, but

33:58

she understands the concept without having

34:00

it be punitive. Punishments

34:04

don't land with me. When I was pregnant,

34:06

I never thought like, oh am I going to be a parent that punishes

34:09

or it doesn't punish, And now that I'm here,

34:11

that just doesn't sound right for me.

34:13

I know as a child how punishments made

34:15

me feel, especially like going to my

34:18

room or time out like it didn't

34:20

work well for me. It didn't make me feel safe,

34:22

it didn't make me feel hurt, it didn't teach

34:24

me a lesson. I absolutely do

34:26

not subscribe to hitting or harming

34:28

of a child to get them to listen. I know that

34:30

that is still unfortunately happening, which

34:33

literally hurts my soul to think about because

34:35

of all these reasons of like I'm talking about, a child

34:38

just can't advocate for itself. I can't tell anybody

34:40

that a toddler or a baby. That

34:43

is for another topic that I will never

34:45

probably discuss on here, but that really

34:47

hurts me.

34:48

I also believe in.

34:50

Telling them everything that's happening. Like I said

34:53

in the beginning, like if I could go back and talk

34:55

more to her about I'm going to change your diaper, and all

34:57

these little things that are happening to their bodies. They

35:00

are things that I might have been singing

35:02

to her or doing other nice pleasantries.

35:04

But I think informing them of the what's

35:07

happening to their bodies and what's happening

35:09

at all times is really important. Balancing

35:12

that with not sportscasting and

35:15

not burnning yourself out. I think

35:17

that it's really hard as a parent, and one of the things

35:19

that I've adjusted to is finding

35:21

a rhythm of talking to them that doesn't

35:24

feel absolutely exhausting,

35:26

and doing so in a way that makes sense

35:28

for you.

35:29

Apologizing apologizing.

35:43

I think a lot of times we want our kids to say

35:46

sorry, and yet we're not saying

35:48

sorry. So when I

35:50

have my breaking moments or I

35:53

do something in a way that just doesn't

35:55

feel right.

35:56

I apologize to her.

35:57

I don't believe I read this one in either of the book

36:00

or people that I mentioned, but it's

36:02

something that I feel is not really reflected

36:05

in my life with lots

36:07

of people, and it's something that I

36:09

think is really important for them to hear.

36:12

And it's not mommy sorry, it's

36:14

I'm sorry. Piggybacking on that

36:17

is talking in the third person. Obviously,

36:19

there's a time and a place for a baby

36:22

and to learn, like saying their

36:24

name and saying your name or your mommy

36:26

mommy loves you or daddy loves you, or

36:28

mommy loves solely or does solely want

36:30

them something to eat or solely do want

36:32

this, or solely sully soly. But they learn

36:34

their name pretty fast, and then we can transition to

36:37

you, do you want something to eat? Instead

36:39

of Mommy loves you, I love you. I'm

36:42

sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you, not

36:44

Mommy sorry that she hurts solely? Right,

36:46

do you hear the ownership in the difference

36:48

in the ownership As I say that, this

36:51

is just something that feels right to me, and

36:54

I hope that it's important

36:56

because also when I say I'm sorry, I'm really

36:58

owning whatever I did or didn't do

37:01

or felt that I didn't do correctly, And

37:03

the emotion is really behind that

37:05

in a way that feels much more powerful

37:07

and more than words. What do we all

37:09

respond more to energy? And

37:12

when energy is backed by real emotion

37:14

with ownership, I mean, there's

37:16

nothing more powerful. And that applies to adulthood

37:19

relationships as well. Not I

37:22

guess that could be a whole other topic, right, but you

37:24

get what I'm saying there. Next

37:27

is singing. We have

37:29

had the privilege to go

37:31

to a Waldorf school. She doesn't

37:33

go full time to a Waldorf, but Waldorf

37:36

starts at three actually for school. But we

37:38

go to this parent child's class thing on

37:40

Saturdays and it's a two hour class

37:42

and I feel like, again I could go into

37:44

a whole other topic about how incredible this program

37:47

has been for me, for her, for us, But

37:50

what I have taken away most from this program

37:52

is how much toddlers

37:55

love repetition. And you go

37:57

there, you do the same thing, and a lot of the different

37:59

things that you do, whether it's rolling the bread,

38:01

baking the bread, cleaning the table.

38:04

There's a song for each thing, and

38:06

they're really nice songs, and

38:08

solely loves them, and Evan

38:11

loves them, and I love them, and I started

38:13

to realize the power of repetition and song

38:16

to do things, and songs

38:19

are really important for me, especially

38:22

when doing the hard stuff. And last

38:24

night I was doing one of my songs and Evan goes,

38:26

did you make that one up? And I go yeah, and he goes, I think that's

38:28

like your best work as a parent, and

38:30

I really think that it might be. And I have two

38:32

songs that really get us through hard times,

38:35

and the songs are about choices

38:37

and the other one is when she's going to

38:39

school, and we'll talk about that one second. But

38:43

I have a child that is really knows

38:45

what she wants and what she doesn't want, and I don't like

38:47

to do things to her when she doesn't want to.

38:49

But there are certain times in parents where

38:52

parenthood where you need to do things and you need

38:54

to take the approach

38:56

of Okay, well, this has to be done even though you don't

38:58

like it. But I don't like that wording, right,

39:01

I don't like you don't like it, but we have to

39:03

do it anyway. And sometimes when children

39:05

are resisting. That's when we really

39:07

put our back against the wall and we get frustrated

39:10

and we start to amp

39:12

up that we need to do this. You're not listening and

39:14

you throw up our arms right. And when you sing,

39:17

it's not just enjoyed by child,

39:19

it's like enjoyed by you. It allows your

39:21

nervous system to make this a fun thing. And

39:24

singing and humming and all of this

39:26

is so good for a nervous system. And

39:28

if you make it a song that you like and everybody

39:30

likes, it just changes it. So last

39:33

night, and like many nights, she doesn't

39:35

like to put on her pajamas, has to sleep

39:37

in pajamas because it's cold and

39:40

it's not cold, but you know, I don't want her to get cold in the

39:43

night. Pajamas are non negotiable

39:45

in our house. If I say it's a non negotiable,

39:47

that language is a little miss for her. So

39:49

I came up with the Choices song, which goes, there

39:51

are choices and not choices,

39:54

and this is not

39:56

a choice. And then I'll maybe

39:59

like branch out into what choices. You know, do

40:01

you like chocolate or vanilla or you know, different

40:03

things like that. But she knows when I start

40:06

singing that song like time to participate

40:08

in putting on your pull up and your pajamas

40:11

and all.

40:11

Of that stuff.

40:12

And she starts singing, and what starts as

40:14

like could turn into a fight resistance

40:17

completely exhaust me, just turns

40:19

into this like fun activity where we're all singing.

40:21

There are choices and not choices.

40:25

So you know, I was not a natural at

40:28

any of this, like the singing, the songs

40:30

that this I felt so ridiculous when I

40:32

stepped into motherhood and now it feels so natural

40:34

to me to come up with these songs. And I do come up

40:36

with bangers, I admit it, But

40:39

really I think that like I've just like

40:41

fallen into motherhood in a way that just

40:44

it flows from me, and I allowed for it

40:46

to flow from me. Going to school

40:49

that was a big transition

40:51

for us. But the part she doesn't like is me not

40:53

coming. So I'd say, do not

40:55

want to go because you want to stay with

40:57

me? And she would say yeah,

41:00

And I'd say, oh, I'd love to come. Thank

41:02

you so much for inviting me, But camp is

41:04

just for kids, so have so much fun

41:06

and I'll pick you up when you're done, and started to

41:08

be like, oh, I'd love to come, but camp

41:10

is just for And then she'd say kids. I'd

41:13

say, so have so much and she'd say fun.

41:15

And I'd say and I'll pick you up when you're and she'd say

41:17

done, and it'd shift her mood and while

41:21

acknowledging that this

41:23

is a hard transition. And I have another

41:25

song in the car where a lot of morning she sing, I don't want

41:27

to go to school now. And I try not to probe,

41:29

but I do sometimes say is it because

41:31

you want to stay home and play with your toys or play

41:33

with the mom whatever it is. I'd say it in one of

41:35

those ways, and I'd say, either I'd love to come, or I'd

41:38

love to be with you, but school

41:40

or camp is just for kids, so have so much fun.

41:42

Whatever. And I always tell her, if, like, you know you're going through a

41:44

hard time, your teacher will call me. You let her know,

41:47

and again just like communicating that,

41:49

like it is kind of scary to be dropped

41:51

off somewhere and you have no connection to she

41:53

doesn't have phone, she doesn't have a way to alert me, but

41:56

letting her know that there is an alert

41:58

system and the same thing, you know, she

42:00

just can get nervous on the line because a transition

42:03

is coming up the car line have to drop her off

42:05

on.

42:05

We have to wait on this line, which is so hard to do.

42:07

It really builds up the leaving

42:09

me process. So we come up with songs to sing,

42:11

and whatever it is we sing about, Chickadee's

42:14

on our fingers and it's not to distract

42:16

her, but it's to first, I'll

42:18

just regulate her a little bit because she's starting to get

42:20

to get nervous, and it just totally changes

42:22

like the dynamic for us while

42:25

letting her know I hear you and you're safe

42:28

and I'm here. On that note, it's

42:30

really fun to give them mantras.

42:32

Another song that I came up was kind of a

42:34

mantra one just you know. I started to notice before

42:37

she could use the word scared, that she would feel scared

42:39

when I at night, if I was leaving her room,

42:41

and i'd rub her chest or show her how to rub

42:43

her chest. I'm doing it right now, like your palm over your

42:45

chest, and I'd say, I am.

42:47

Safe, I am whole, I

42:50

am safe, and I am whole.

42:52

Tap tap tap and we tap tap tap,

42:54

and you know, now she's old enough to sing that and

42:56

she'll sing it with me, or if she's feeling scared, she

42:58

sings that too. And it was one of the things

43:00

that I never expected to be

43:02

such a hit and more importantly,

43:04

like such a beautiful tool for her to resource

43:07

herself and know that she's feeling scared

43:09

and like have something to do to

43:12

a tool in her toolbox, right, Like, that's

43:14

what I want to build for her

43:16

her own knowing that life

43:19

is hard, it is scary, and I wish that I had

43:21

any tools, Like I didn't even start gathering

43:23

my tools so I was like twenty five, and

43:26

just to instill them early and on is

43:28

really nice. And to recognize

43:30

that like night is scary, sleeping alone

43:32

is scary, all those things instead of don't

43:34

be scared, right like, I just

43:36

let her know that that she's safe and then also

43:39

give her a tool to return to and any

43:41

mantras that work for you and your home. Just don't

43:43

be afraid to get a little bit silly

43:45

with it. And honestly it's a good one for me

43:48

too. I use it sometimes when I'm feeling scared,

43:51

Okay, going all in, I

43:53

think this is such an important one yesterday

43:55

we went to a huge

43:58

play space, and I

44:00

feel like me in my twenties is laughing

44:03

at me in my thirties because what was I doing in my

44:05

twenties going to like boozy brunches, had no idea

44:07

how to talk to kids, And me and my thirties

44:09

getting older, I'm like knees deep in a ballpit

44:12

chasing a child while like hunching over to fit

44:14

in this jungle gym thing whatever.

44:17

And I think that the

44:19

gift that I've given to myself is like

44:22

going all in. She's in another class

44:24

where the moms come and they do

44:26

they help their babies, like play on the bars

44:29

and the other thing. And like I'm on the bars with her

44:31

and I'm having the silliest time

44:33

and it is really fun. But it's only fun

44:35

because like I'm all in, my cell phone

44:37

is tucked away, and it's

44:40

like, this is where I'm at in life

44:42

as a parent. And if you try to like be

44:44

an adult and then a full high

44:46

functioning adult, the serious one and

44:49

not be silly, I think that's

44:51

where the crux kind of happens. When you go

44:53

all in, you get your hands dirty. It

44:56

is super liberating and it's

44:58

funny. I said to Evan, like none of us wanted

45:00

to be there yesterday, and I was like I kind of liked being there,

45:02

and I'm like, yeah, I did too, And that's because

45:04

like our mindsets are like, this is where I'm

45:06

at, Like our Sundays are not

45:09

about adulty things at this

45:11

time. And obviously there's

45:13

something also to be said about like just doing kid things,

45:15

like that's not what I'm saying at all, but

45:17

our focus is on her, and

45:20

when we do do kid focused activities,

45:23

we go all in and it's really

45:25

really really makes it much easier

45:27

than kind of being half in trying to also do your

45:29

work emails at the same time you get frustrated

45:32

by the kid's stuff. But if you really

45:34

say to yourself, this is the time when

45:36

I'm with my child and I'm present for

45:39

it, things really shift

45:41

and it's silly and it's fun. And again it's

45:43

just about like filling the gaps with

45:45

making this as enjoyable as possible

45:47

and reaping the benefits of the

45:50

good parts, because there are also the

45:52

really hard meltdowns and all of that monitoring

45:55

urgency in your tone. This summer,

45:57

I feel like we were like peak transitioning

46:00

into toddlerhood, and I was really

46:02

struggling with how to

46:04

get things done that couldn't be done

46:07

quickly. And I have really

46:09

noticed how urgency is built into

46:11

our tone. And I kind of would joke

46:13

like if I had to write a book about toddler's

46:15

which I am not an expert, so that probably will

46:18

not be happening, it would be called you can't rush

46:20

a toddler, because you cannot rush

46:22

a toddler. They go at their own speed. You

46:24

try to rush them, you only get set back further.

46:27

So really building a lot of space and time

46:29

into things, whether it's putting shoes on and all

46:31

of that. Obviously there are times where you have to get out the door,

46:34

and there is, but it's really built into.

46:36

Like come on, going on one, let's do this quick, let's

46:38

go, let's go, let's go.

46:39

And all that does is

46:41

create terrible energy in my own body

46:44

and a terrible relationship to time

46:46

that I never want her to have. The

46:48

times that I feel most free in my life

46:51

is when time feels spacious, and

46:54

the opposite is true when I feel rushed.

46:57

Yet oftentimes we are rushing for no reason

47:00

too, just because we think things are going to take a long

47:02

time, and let's just do it and get them done. But

47:04

for a toddler, like everything is part of the process,

47:07

putting the shoe on vell crewing

47:09

it and so really recognizing when

47:11

urgency isn't there, how we put it in and

47:13

being mindful of that has been

47:16

really helpful for me. And it's a part

47:18

of that going all in thing is just

47:20

like this is where we're at in

47:22

life, and so I'm going to move slower

47:25

and things are going to take more time.

47:27

But I really have to catch myself all the time

47:29

with that language. Because we live in

47:31

an urgency culture. I

47:34

think I'm met lastly here is that know

47:37

that they need you and

47:39

we need them. The other night, I was putting her to

47:41

sleep, and I noticed how good it felt to

47:44

be next to her, like the

47:46

chemicals firing in my body felt so good.

47:49

And I did not sleep train, I did

47:51

not do cry it out. I have lost

47:54

a lot of sleep over the last couple of years. And nothing

47:57

to be said about if you did do that and

47:59

your home, you know, however it works

48:01

for you. But I started to just really

48:04

realize that I'm so glad

48:06

that so many of the things the books and the experts

48:08

told me to do.

48:10

I didn't do both for me and for

48:12

her.

48:12

I think that mothers miss

48:14

out a lot of the times on the good

48:17

parts of parenting because of societies,

48:20

norms and things that we have to do. The

48:23

sleep conversation in particular, when

48:26

a lot of our rebalancing of hormones

48:28

and neurotransmitters really come through

48:31

being in close proximity to our

48:34

children. And so I just want

48:36

to encourage anybody, whatever

48:38

stage you're in, to really

48:40

tune into how your body responds

48:42

to the things that you're doing and you're not doing,

48:45

and that applies to sleep or any topics.

48:47

If anything that you're doing feels

48:51

weird in your body or your mind,

48:54

take a step back and recognize there might

48:56

be a better way to do it,

48:58

a better way, an easier way, more fulfilling

49:00

way, a way that feels better for you.

49:02

That's what I mean.

49:03

And it really takes zooming out

49:05

a lot because we want

49:07

to raise children wonderfully, and

49:10

we defer to experts for a lot of

49:12

things, but the true expert

49:14

lies in each and every one of us.

49:16

Knowing that our children are unique, We

49:19

are unique, Your situation is

49:21

unique, your home is unique, Your

49:23

dynamics are unique, your living

49:25

situations are unique. Everything is

49:28

different, and there is not a one size

49:30

fits all. So doing what is best for

49:32

you. Even if everything I said in

49:34

this episode does not resonate

49:37

with you, then that might not be right

49:39

for you for your child where they're development

49:41

mentally, at where they're cognitively at. But

49:44

I just wanted to share things that I feel

49:46

like have really helped me lean

49:49

into the hard parts of toddlerism.

49:52

Has been really soaking in the joys

49:55

that come with them too, and looking

49:57

back at all the things that I used to do and all

49:59

the energy that I needlessly expended

50:03

really comes to mind. I

50:05

think respectful and joyful parenting really

50:07

comes from being more of an observer.

50:10

The last thing that I forgot to say is the importance

50:12

of independent play. It's something that I'm

50:14

working on more here. Especially. It's

50:16

a little bit harder because Solly is an only

50:18

child, and when her grandparents

50:20

come over i'm with her. I always think like she needs to be entertained

50:23

or played with. But there's something really beautiful,

50:25

as may Randlea has taught me and important

50:27

about independent play. Setting

50:29

them up with something safe to do and

50:32

having time for yourself and letting them know

50:35

that you're here doing that if they need

50:37

anything, but also giving them, you know, space

50:39

to do so themselves. I think it just goes

50:41

back again into that idea of children need to be entertained,

50:45

when really this is such a beautiful time

50:47

for imagination and exploration

50:49

and non interference by way

50:51

of adults. So

50:53

those are my thoughts. I probably annoyed

50:55

a lot of you because I know toddler life is

50:57

really exhausting for a lot of people, and

51:00

perhaps hearing that I enjoy it

51:02

and love it most of the times annoys

51:04

you the way maybe when I wish that I

51:06

was really good with babies the way other people, you know,

51:08

other people just naturally were. But

51:11

however, this lands. Thanks for listening, Thanks

51:13

for being part of the truthiest life

51:16

and helping me get over my own obstacles, for recording

51:18

things that just feel good. Things do not have

51:20

to be perfect, but I believe if they come from the

51:23

heart and the soul and the moment that you are

51:25

feeling that energetic rise which I was today,

51:28

you pour it do onto the universe and hopefully it

51:30

just makes somebody's life a little bit better. Thanks

51:32

all for listening, and I'll see you back here on the

51:34

truthiest life.