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You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy

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Podcast , where we discuss how to find

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ultimate intimacy in your relationship

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. We believe that , no matter how many

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years you've been married , you can achieve

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passion , romance , happiness and ultimate

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intimacy at any stage of your

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life . Join us as we talk

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to not only marriage experts , but

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couples just like yourself and people

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who are just flat out fun . The

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Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples

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who have a good relationship but want

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to make it even better .

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It's the Ultimate Intimacy

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Podcast with Nick

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and Amy . Welcome to the podcast

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today . And today's

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episode is titled Building

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a Comprehensive Plan for a

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Successful Marriage .

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Don't turn it off . Nick said

0:58

he's going to make it super entertaining today .

1:00

Yeah , don't turn this off .

1:02

We're going to be talking about the good stuff .

1:04

This is going to be a good one . I actually do

1:06

think this is going to be one of the really good

1:08

ones .

1:08

Nick has planned all this stuff to add

1:10

in . That's super funny .

1:12

Oh , I've been studying this for

1:14

hours and hours , and just I

1:16

mean like cramming for a test , right ?

1:19

I don't know , is that exaggerating ? It's been a lot

1:21

of years since we took a test .

1:22

That's exaggerating , for sure so

1:25

, but but it's important

1:27

Right . Absolutely

1:29

. Well , I like to . I

1:31

mean , I guess , consider this If you were going

1:33

to build a house , okay

1:37

, you have this perfect house

1:40

and vision of what your dream house is going

1:42

to look like the colors , the

1:44

landscaping , just

1:46

everything of what this amazing house

1:49

is going to look like . And

1:51

for most people

1:53

, in building that their dream

1:55

house , so to speak , they're

1:57

given a very detailed and comprehensive

2:00

plans and blueprints of

2:02

exactly every little step to

2:04

go through so that they build

2:06

that house not only exactly

2:08

the way it needs to be built , but safe , something

2:11

that's going to hold up over time . They're

2:13

going to stay within budget , hopefully , um

2:17

, but they follow those plans and it

2:19

makes that building process , you know

2:21

, right ? Or it should be fairly

2:23

simple , right ?

2:25

Right .

2:26

Simpler , simpler , and you end up

2:28

at the end of the day with a house that's exactly

2:30

like you envisioned , or

2:37

maybe even better , and it just turns out incredible . But imagine trying

2:40

to build that house without any blueprints or plans . I mean

2:42

, just ask Amy , what a piece of

2:44

Ikea furniture looks like . When I try

2:46

to put that together and I'm like , oh

2:48

, I don't need the plans , this thing's so

2:50

easy , it's just a couple shelves or whatever

2:53

.

2:53

And then words are coming out of Nick's mouth that he doesn't

2:55

normally . I'm just kidding . Like Amy's

2:57

, here I have to leave the room if he ever puts

3:00

well , we don't buy Ikea anymore because Nick gets

3:02

too upset and

3:04

we don't live by an Ikea .

3:05

That's true , but

3:07

what happens when I put a piece of

3:10

Ikea furniture together without even following

3:12

the plans ?

3:14

It doesn't well , it's

3:16

probably not stable and it probably

3:18

doesn't look right .

3:19

Half the time I've got to take it apart because I'm like

3:21

, oh , that's not what it's supposed

3:23

to finish like Ikea furniture is the worst . So

3:27

, yeah , then imagine that being like

3:29

a house , or even your life , and your

3:31

marriage is no different . I

3:34

think often we have these

3:36

visions of what our marriage

3:38

is going to look like in all different aspects , whether

3:40

it's money and finances , whether it's our

3:42

family , whether it's our sexual

3:44

intimacy , our emotional intimacy . We

3:48

have these visions of what that's supposed

3:50

to look like , but yet we don't have

3:52

any type of plan or we don't

3:55

have any type of blueprint

3:57

or tools to use

3:59

to make those as good

4:01

as we can make them . And

4:03

so that's what we're going to talk about today . We're going to cover

4:05

what we feel like are kind of the most important

4:08

things that typically most

4:10

marriages deal with

4:12

in their marriages and talk about

4:14

how you can put together a

4:17

good blueprint or a good plan for your marriage

4:19

so that each of these

4:21

aspects and areas of your marriage can

4:23

, you know , basically turn out

4:25

how you want them to turn out .

4:27

What if you've already been married 20 or 30 years

4:29

?

4:30

What if you've already been married 20 or 30

4:32

years ? Well , that would be called a remodel

4:35

.

4:35

Remodel you do get blueprints

4:37

for a remodel job . Absolutely .

4:40

So if you don't like what the house is looking like

4:42

, the wallpaper's just

4:44

not doing it for you . The cabinet's

4:46

outdated . If you don't

4:49

like what's in your house , that's called

4:51

a remodel .

4:52

So if you don't like the way your marriage

4:54

is going right now , let's remodel

4:57

it .

4:57

Let's throw a remodel in it . Exactly , throw a

4:59

remodel in it . It's never too late to

5:03

change course . I mean , even in our marriage , like

5:06

we've talked about , we went

5:08

from almost getting divorced to making

5:11

some drastic changes in our marriage , having

5:14

to hit the reset button

5:16

or do a total remodel for our marriage , so

5:19

to speak , and

5:21

I don't think it's whether you've been

5:23

married a year or whether

5:25

you've been married 50 years . I think it's never

5:28

, never too late to make these changes . In

5:30

fact , sorry I'm rambling

5:32

, but I remember we had a couple that reached

5:35

out to us and

5:37

just commented and they said you

5:39

know , these things have completely changed

5:41

our marriage and , in fact , our parents

5:43

have been listening to your podcasts

5:45

and different things

5:47

, and I don't remember exactly how long they've

5:49

been married , but it was something like 40 or 50 years

5:51

, and they , they

5:53

made the comment that they , their

5:55

marriage was completely transformed and

5:57

they had never been happier and they , just

5:59

because they were completely changing some

6:02

of the ways that and

6:04

things they're doing in their marriage . My point

6:07

is is not to

6:09

not to brag , because we don't

6:11

do that .

6:12

No , I'm , I'm , I mean all

6:14

right , just say it and I'll fix it yeah

6:17

, um , my my point is is it has nothing

6:19

to do with us .

6:20

Honestly , like my point is

6:22

is that it doesn't matter whether

6:24

you've been married a year or 50

6:26

years or , in our case , amy's

6:29

eyes , you know around 15 years it's

6:32

never 15 years no , when we made

6:34

the changes , when we started making the changes

6:36

, like it's never too late to make those changes

6:38

never , so how's

6:40

that Bergie ? no , and , and and

6:42

again , it's

6:45

nothing . Amy and I just

6:47

love sharing the things that we've learned

6:49

and hopefully

6:52

they can be beneficial for a lot

6:54

of people , but the thing is

6:56

that we still have to implement these all the time

6:58

. Oh , absolutely .

6:59

It's not like oh , our marriage is amazing , so now

7:02

we get to stop doing certain things

7:04

right , Like it's constant work

7:06

, especially working from home

7:08

every day , like you , oh , we

7:10

struggle with . There's things that come

7:12

up and it's like , oh my gosh , this is really

7:14

hard . So it's like a constant

7:16

I mean the weekly conversations

7:18

, the weekly marriage meetings , the weekly

7:21

date nights , the how

7:23

to have a correct argument , like all those things we talk

7:25

about . Like we have to do those every single

7:27

week because we're just a regular married

7:30

couple , too right , like you can't ever stop doing

7:32

those things or your marriage suffers from it

7:34

.

7:34

So no one's above that . Yeah , and oftentimes

7:36

we make mistakes as well . Like you know , we

7:39

practice what we preach , but we

7:41

fall short . We make mistakes . I mean it's

7:43

, it's a constant . I

7:46

don't want to say battle , but in a way it

7:48

is because by natural man .

7:50

It's easy for a natural man to take over , right like absolutely

7:53

it's natural to be selfish and

7:55

that takes constant , constant

7:57

effort to bet , to battle that .

7:59

It really is a battle yeah , we're battling

8:01

these things , just like a lot of you couples

8:04

out there are . We are no different than

8:06

you and we've faced

8:08

some really difficult challenges in

8:10

our marriage and again , our goal

8:13

is to just try to say , hey , we

8:15

were at a very low place and now

8:17

we feel like we've

8:19

learned so much , and we want to share

8:21

some of the things that we've learned in

8:23

our personal relationship with you , and

8:25

some of them may be applicable and some of them may not

8:28

be applicable . So today

8:31

we're going to cover the topics , like I said , that we

8:33

feel like most couples typically

8:35

struggle

8:37

with , or these are the areas where things

8:40

can typically go wrong , and we're

8:42

just going to put together a simple blueprint

8:44

or plan for each one of these areas that

8:47

we think can really help .

8:48

So an entire point is to find

8:50

ultimate intimacy in your marriage , because your marriage

8:52

should not be mediocre all

8:55

right , so let's dive in .

8:56

so let's talk about financial

8:58

or money matters . Obviously

9:02

, this can be a big source of contention

9:04

or create problems . If you've

9:06

heard our story , this was a big one for

9:08

Amy and I , so we

9:11

don't want to be boring and just go down this list

9:13

and say , oh , do this , and these are the things

9:16

you know like . You've heard a lot of these same

9:18

things . So hopefully we can , you

9:20

know , make it a look , make it exciting , which

9:22

I think we can , but first

9:25

you have to talk about

9:27

it . You've never

9:29

heard that before right , don't roll your eyes . You've

9:31

never heard that before . But

9:33

it doesn't mean just talking about

9:35

money . You need to have , like these real

9:37

deep openness , open and honest conversations

9:40

about what your financial goals

9:42

are , what are your concerns

9:44

. You need to have conversations about your spending

9:47

habits . Like in so many marriages , you

9:49

have one spouse that maybe is

9:51

a saver and another spouse that might be a

9:53

spender , one

9:55

spouse that maybe is okay with getting into debt

9:58

. The other spouse maybe doesn't want to be in debt

10:00

. You got to have those conversations and

10:02

find those balances so that you as a

10:04

couple can achieve those

10:06

goals . I think for most couples , if

10:08

you can eliminate the financial

10:11

stress , money

10:14

issues in your relationship debt , things

10:16

like that , like that can really

10:18

be such a weight on so many other

10:21

aspects of your marriage . If you can get rid

10:23

of that or get that under control , I think that will help

10:25

so many other aspects of the marriage . If you can get rid of that or get that under control , I think

10:27

that will help so many other aspects of the relationship . That was our case

10:29

.

10:30

I think this one is really hurting people

10:32

right now . Because of inflation and

10:34

prices , A lot of people haven't gotten into

10:36

a home . Both spouses

10:39

are working , which puts

10:41

a tremendous weight on your marriage right

10:43

.

10:43

Absolutely .

10:44

Just the stress , the pressure trying to make

10:46

it so many people hurting

10:49

right now financially . So totally

10:52

, totally get that this one is

10:54

not something you just overcome

10:57

. Sometimes it's not easy

11:00

to just go fix the problem right , Like a

11:02

lot of people are in debt , or just trying to make it every

11:04

month Like that's really really

11:06

hard . But if you can try

11:10

to live within your means , set a

11:12

budget , try to understand

11:15

how important it is to live within your

11:17

means , and you're both on . I think what makes

11:19

this one so hard is that people are not on

11:21

the same page and they don't talk about

11:23

it because money . They don't talk about it because it causes

11:25

a fight .

11:25

Absolutely , absolutely . So

11:28

you're exactly right . This is an area

11:30

you have to have a plan and a blueprint together

11:32

, because the decisions

11:34

you make now are also going to affect you into

11:37

retirement age and things like that , most likely

11:39

. So you've got to sit down , you've got

11:42

to set financial goals together

11:44

. You've got to establish like you've got to set financial goals

11:46

together , you've got to establish your short-term goals , your

11:48

long-term goals , budget . What are we going to spend

11:50

money on ? What are we going to put away for

11:53

retirement savings

11:56

? And everyone's situation is better

11:58

. Maybe

12:08

you're not in a situation where you can put away for retirement yet , and that's totally okay . Every marriage this blueprint

12:10

or game plan is going to look completely different for every marriage , and that's okay .

12:12

I think what's important here is that if one of the people spouses

12:15

is a spender and the other one's a

12:17

saver , I think it's really important

12:19

to sit down and be like this is

12:21

what's coming in , this is what's

12:23

going out , because a lot of couples that we

12:25

talk to they're

12:29

not being clear in that , like , one person's

12:31

kind of in charge of the bills and

12:33

does all that financial stuff and he's

12:35

like , whether it's the husband or the wife

12:37

a lot of wives do it too they're

12:40

just not on the same page , right , so

12:43

they're not seeing . Like , if both

12:45

people are sitting down and looking at the finances and

12:47

balancing things and looking

12:50

at the bank account weekly or daily

12:52

, whatever that looks like , I don't know that makes a big

12:54

difference , instead of one spouse being kind of checked

12:56

out and being like why are we on a budget ? Like

12:59

to really I don't know . I think that's really important

13:01

.

13:01

You bring up a great point , and that is both spouses

13:03

need to be involved or at

13:05

least know what's going on

13:07

. And that's where it really comes in

13:09

to designate

13:12

responsibilities , say , okay , who's

13:14

in charge of the bills , who's

13:16

in charge of this

13:18

, who's in charge of this ? Really

13:21

, have a plan and designate those responsibilities

13:23

, or maybe you do them jointly . Whatever you do

13:25

, again , every marriage is going to look different

13:28

.

13:28

And I think it's important too to realize that things

13:30

that are important to your spouse just because they're

13:32

not important to you doesn't make them not important

13:34

in your marriage . So like let me give a

13:36

quick example , because these are the kind of

13:38

little things that cause contention right so

13:41

Nick has no problem spending

13:43

money on food he

13:47

doesn , right so Nick has no problem spending money on food he doesn't like he . And I am NOT a huge

13:49

eater and I think food is kind of a waste of spent

13:51

. We just have different like opinions

13:54

on this . Right so Nick has no problem

13:56

on date night going and getting a nice steak or whatever

13:58

. And I'm just like let's go cheaper , let's

14:00

go to Burger King like like he'll

14:03

be all tight with the budget , with like other stuff

14:05

, and then he like has no problem spending money on eating

14:07

out , and so for it

14:09

was a little bit of a problem at a point

14:11

in our relationship when things were tight , because I

14:13

was and like a lot of women are like hey , I want

14:15

to go to Target or TJ Maxx or

14:17

go buy some new stuff

14:19

for the house or something , and a guy's not going to understand

14:22

that side of it , right , like he's like our

14:24

house is great , like why do we need some new whatever

14:27

pillows or whatever , like . It's just

14:29

important to realize that this is important

14:31

to you , this is important to me , and

14:33

we have different tastes and styles when it comes

14:35

to spending money and so sitting

14:38

down and trying to , it's not gonna be like

14:40

equal probably with most things

14:42

, but like try to . Or

14:44

. Let me throw out a better example golf

14:46

nick was a professional golfer

14:49

, so we never like had to pay for golf when we would go

14:51

back in the day . But a lot of wives

14:53

complain that their husbands send a ton of money on

14:55

like hobbies , like that it's expensive if you're

14:57

paying for that , right and

14:59

then , and then a lot of husbands don't understand , like

15:01

why do you need to go to the spa ? it's just those

15:03

kind of things that can cause contention . Like

15:06

you've got to step back , you've got to have

15:08

some spending money and I know that's really

15:11

hard for people who are super tight , but you've

15:13

still got to live . And so getting on

15:15

the same page and being like , how are we going

15:17

to still be able to live and

15:20

how are we going to balance this out ? Because I know this

15:22

is important to you and I know this is important

15:24

to you , and even though it's not important to me , I

15:27

don't know , I think that's really important to talk about and I

15:29

know that might be a silly example

15:31

, but it's the little things that trigger

15:33

people in marriage , the little things that cause

15:35

bigger problems , and

15:37

sometimes this is I

15:40

think a lot of people can resonate that , like , when it

15:42

comes to finances , it's super important

15:44

to be understanding of each other too . Not

15:46

just open to the finances and the budget

15:48

, but to have communication about

15:50

why things are important to you and and try

15:53

and understand your spouse's side

15:55

of things .

15:55

Yeah for sure , love it . Um , the

15:57

final kind of thing is really plan

16:00

for the unexpected too , like , okay , if

16:02

we have a job loss or medical

16:04

issue or you know something happens

16:07

, you know , how are we going to plan for that ? And I don't

16:09

I don't think a

16:11

lot of couples talk about that . I mean , I think

16:13

probably we , you know , we could

16:15

do a better job of that as well too .

16:17

Well , hold on when it goes to finances . A lot

16:19

of women are having to go to work

16:22

and a mom

16:24

is naturally the nurturer

16:26

, the home . Take care of

16:28

her .

16:29

I don't know how to even say that Home maker

16:31

, that's a new word you just came up with Home , take care of her

16:33

. Home , take care of her . Let's write that down .

16:34

Home take care of her . I think that it's

16:36

really important when it comes to finances that

16:38

if you're both working , everything

16:45

in the home is now equal responsibility , and that's been a shift

16:47

in our society that when

16:49

both people are working , you have to come back together

16:51

. After that , it

17:00

doesn't matter who's working longer or harder , whatever to really talk about . We're both bringing

17:02

something in , doesn't matter who's bringing them or what . We're a teammate , and so the household

17:05

and the kids and everything have to be an equal joint responsibility too , which

17:07

I know that's off topic that that

17:09

comes down to finances , because a lot of women are

17:12

having to go outside on work , and so that

17:14

that actually creates a lot of contention

17:16

where it doesn't need to . If

17:18

you just really talk about how to be a partnership

17:20

yeah , love it right , exactly

17:23

.

17:23

All right , let's talk about emotional intimacy . This

17:26

is an area we often

17:28

do polls on and people

17:30

are really struggling like with the emotional connection

17:32

.

17:32

So yes , well , I'm gonna start

17:34

out because you

17:36

talked about building a house or a blueprint

17:38

. Right , like you cannot build

17:41

, like everyone's

17:43

dream house is going to look different , okay , I'm just going

17:45

to call it your mansion . If that's tiny

17:47

little house , a tiny house or a mansion , I don't

17:49

know , but you're building this

17:51

beautiful mansion . That's your dream house . Okay

17:53

, it doesn't matter the size . You

17:55

have to have a strong foundation , even

17:57

if it's a tiny home , and this emotional intimacy

18:00

we probably should have started

18:02

the podcast out with that .

18:03

that is your foundation that's

18:06

deep , I , but I agree

18:08

100 percent your emotional no

18:10

everything is based upon emotional intimacy

18:12

.

18:12

But if we're building a house in our mind , that

18:15

is the foundation , your emotional intimacy . But

18:17

if we're building a house in our mind , that is the foundation . Your emotional

18:19

intimacy is your foundation . That is your respect level , your

18:21

love level , your kindness level , being

18:24

able to communicate , that is

18:27

your foundation , right ?

18:28

Agreed , agreed , okay . So

18:30

what does a good blueprint

18:32

look like for having good emotional

18:34

intimacy ?

18:39

good blueprint look like for having good emotional intimacy what do you think ?

18:41

I think number one is how you handle conflict , conflict resolution absolutely .

18:42

I think that's number one , if you haven't heard of the podcast

18:45

go to .

18:45

I think it's episode 111

18:47

, um , I think . Hopefully

18:50

I got that right I think it is

18:52

the best podcast ever

18:54

on conflict resolution . Go check it out

18:56

. It is awesome .

18:58

If you bicker and fight in

19:00

your marriage and like get mad at each other

19:02

and yell at each other . If any of that happens

19:04

often , wherever

19:07

that podcast episode is really , really

19:09

important we had an expert

19:11

on that gave some serious

19:14

, amazing advice .

19:15

Yeah .

19:15

I think that changed our marriage when she came

19:17

on and said some of those things . I don't even think we've ever

19:19

yelled or raised our tone

19:21

of voice like since that day

19:23

yeah , no it was life-changing , so

19:26

yeah , it was a good I think how you like

19:28

. We're building a strong emotional connection

19:31

. It means that you should be able to talk

19:33

and communicate with

19:35

love , even if you're upset

19:37

.

19:37

Even if you're just lit up

19:39

. Literally Like

19:41

a bomb ready to go off .

19:43

Literally Like if you're having the worst

19:45

day . The stress is at 10 and

19:48

a woman is .

19:51

I've never made you have a stress level

19:53

at 10 . You have you absolutely

19:55

have , I am probably like I probably

19:57

get you maybe to a half a percent or maybe

20:00

a one sometimes , right .

20:01

He's joking , I'm like not

20:03

now , but like back in the day

20:06

I was probably a 20 .

20:07

Oh , a 20 on a 10 ?

20:08

Holy smokes , oh my gosh , I couldn't even sleep at

20:10

night . Anyways , that was a long

20:12

story .

20:14

That was in another life , it's

20:16

been a different man . That was in another life , it's been a different man

20:18

. But anyways , we'll talk about the pillars about emotional

20:20

intimacy , and I think Amy hit the first

20:22

one , which is really , you know , conflict

20:25

resolution .

20:26

Oh good .

20:27

That was on your list . Learn how to resolve conflict , because

20:29

you're going to have it and conflict

20:32

is normal . If you have conflict

20:34

in a relationship , just know that you're perfectly normal

20:36

and that's healthy .

20:37

You are and it's okay to get mad . We're

20:40

not saying that you can't get mad at each other .

20:42

That's just how you resolve it .

20:44

It's how you do it . It's the Tony news , yeah

20:46

.

20:48

But you really need to share your feelings

20:50

as a couple . I

20:53

think that is so important . I

20:58

know Amy and I were both guilty of like bottling things up and weren't

21:00

sharing our feelings and we just were like a pressure cooker just

21:03

waiting to explode .

21:04

Well , you , can only share so much and they don't listen

21:06

until you just like finally start giving silent

21:08

treatment right , which is toxic .

21:10

Yeah , but you've got to share your feelings

21:12

, be open and honest about how you're feeling

21:14

. You know your hopes , your fears , just

21:16

all your desires . You got to be vulnerable

21:19

. That is a must , a

21:21

pillar for your blueprint , for

21:23

emotional intimacy . Um , I

21:27

really like to um express

21:30

appreciation . I

21:32

think I've said this before

21:34

, but I think , like appreciation

21:38

and gratitude kind of go hand in hand

21:40

, and I think one of the biggest sins we can commit

21:42

is being ungrateful or

21:44

not appreciative of things . And

21:47

so I think it's really important to be very

21:49

appreciative with your spouse , with each other

21:51

, appreciate the effort that they

21:53

put in the things they do and

21:55

just really expressing that appreciation

21:57

. There's just something about it when you

22:00

express appreciation , what it does to

22:02

your relationship .

22:03

It's just I don't know how to explain

22:05

it , but that's it

22:07

really is a game changer for your relationship

22:09

I think social media

22:12

is killing appreciation oh , I do too

22:14

, I think so many people are

22:16

swiping and and

22:19

comparing and coveting

22:21

and lusting that

22:23

they literally are like rewiring

22:26

their brain to not be grateful for what

22:28

they have like . I think the more you

22:30

see I wish I had that , or I wish I looked like

22:32

that , or I wish my spouse did that , or

22:34

I wish we could go there or like

22:37

. The more you do that to yourself , the more

22:39

ungrateful you become .

22:42

And then and then , nothing's going

22:44

to be good enough .

22:45

Nothing's going to be good enough and you're never going to look at your spouse

22:48

and be like I'm so grateful that you went

22:50

to work today and worked so hard . It's going to become

22:52

. Why can't you make more money ?

22:54

look at the people that you know in your

22:56

life . Look at the people that

22:58

are grateful , that show appreciation

23:00

, that are constantly saying thank you , versus

23:03

the people that aren't . I can promise you 100%

23:06

of the time , the people that are saying

23:08

thank you and appreciative

23:10

overall are gonna be happier people . The

23:13

people that are ungrateful nothing's's ever good

23:15

enough . They're miserable . They're always complaining

23:17

about something . Nothing can ever

23:19

be right . So

23:22

that is a great piece of advice to

23:24

just really be appreciative

23:26

and thankful for the things you have and express

23:28

that appreciation to your spouse

23:31

.

23:31

Right .

23:32

I really like this as well is

23:34

create rituals

23:37

for connection . These

23:39

should be like going on regular

23:41

date nights , having meals together

23:43

, going on walks , having nightly check-ins

23:46

. Turning your phone

23:48

off at a certain time

23:51

your relationship that are going to foster

23:53

a deeper emotional

23:55

connection and try to get rid of the things that

23:57

are going to you know cause further maybe

23:59

disconnection emotionally in a relationship

24:02

.

24:02

I think a big one that goes with this that we don't

24:04

talk about often is going to bed together

24:07

at the same time , oh for sure like I think

24:09

people chalk that off as like it's

24:11

not that important and I

24:13

understand so many work schedules like sometimes

24:15

that doesn't always work . But

24:17

the more you don't have

24:20

the same routine at

24:22

night together , the

24:24

more you're kind of killing your intimacy and it's

24:27

gonna look different for everyone . But the more

24:29

that you can climb into bed with

24:31

each other and

24:33

just talk or ask how

24:35

their day was , put your phones

24:38

down , just have that

24:40

connecting time , like that's really huge

24:42

for marriage because for a lot of couples that

24:45

is the only time during the day that they

24:47

even have time to literally talk

24:49

to each other .

24:49

Yeah , absolutely . There's

24:52

obviously a million other things we could really hit

24:54

on , but I think these are the pillars I'd say , following

24:56

with the last one is be be

24:59

empathetic to your spouse , you know . Put your put

25:01

yourself in their shoes , try to understand

25:03

why they're feeling about certain

25:05

things , um build

25:07

them up , um find compromise

25:10

, just

25:12

. We all need to show a bit more empathy to

25:14

each other rather than just flying

25:17

off the handle .

25:18

Right .

25:19

Right , Ooh , Amy's favorite

25:21

topic . The next one . What

25:23

is it ? What's your favorite topic

25:25

?

25:26

You're funny . Is it

25:28

Next favorite topic .

25:30

I bet you , I don't think the audience can

25:33

guess , Probably not . But following emotional

25:35

intimacy . We , of

25:37

course , have the blueprint

25:39

for sexual intimacy . We

25:42

talk about this all the time . We

25:45

don't need to spend much time on this , but

25:47

a blueprint for

25:49

successful sexual

25:52

intimacy . What does that look like ? What

25:55

do you think ? The first thing is not in order

25:57

.

25:57

I wonder if you did not put these in order I

26:00

. It doesn't matter what order

26:02

they're in okay , well , we're talking about building a

26:04

house , so but

26:07

yes , we're gonna jump around . So I'm

26:09

gonna put emotional intimacy as

26:11

your cement foundation

26:14

at the very bottom

26:16

, like those things we just talked about are

26:18

key to building a strong house

26:21

or a strong foundation in your marriage , right so that ?

26:23

would mean the sexual intimacy

26:25

would be like erecting

26:28

things upward right . No Like

26:30

the building of the

26:32

.

26:32

No , I would think , sexual intimacy is the roof .

26:34

The roof , okay , I would think sexual intimacy is the roof the roof okay .

26:36

I would put that as the very top

26:38

. Like that is the . That

26:41

is what you get when your house

26:43

is stable and strong . It's

26:45

like the cherry on top of the cupcake . That

26:48

is what happens when you find . Ultimate

26:50

intimacy in your marriage is the sexual intimacy

26:52

is great . Absolutely great Like because if

26:54

your emotional intimacy is strong and we're going to talk

26:56

about like , if we're

26:58

talking about blueprints , communication

27:02

, goals , setting goals .

27:05

Family .

27:06

The family , the money and the finances . I feel

27:08

like that's all like building the walls

27:10

, putting on the insides of the house , building

27:13

your structure right .

27:15

Yeah .

27:15

Like all those things that come with marriage

27:17

. I feel like sexual intimacy is like

27:19

that's amazing when

27:22

everything else is going well yeah

27:24

, I totally agree .

27:26

and if you obviously , for those of you that

27:28

listen to us , often listen to our polls you hear us

27:30

constantly talk about the polls

27:32

how you know 90 , whatever

27:35

percent , say that sexual good

27:37

, sexual intimacy , is vital to the happiness in

27:39

their marriage , and that's both men and women .

27:41

Well , you can't have a roof on a house . You cannot

27:43

have a house without a roof , right ?

27:45

Correct yep .

27:46

Or it just like

27:48

you , just it's not going to . I

27:50

don't . I'm trying

27:53

to like think .

27:53

How do I tie this like ?

27:54

my object lesson here . No , and I love your analogy . I think that to like think how do I tie this like my object lesson here .

27:56

No , and I love your analogy . I think that's so true

27:58

.

28:00

Like I guess if you were in an apartment

28:02

and someone was above you I

28:05

don't know , my mind's trying to . I'm trying to figure this out

28:07

.

28:07

You got like 20 more , 30 more minutes to think

28:10

about it .

28:10

I'm going to come up with the perfect object

28:12

lesson .

28:13

So she's going to be checked out of the rest of this podcast

28:15

. So

28:19

let's dive into the sexual intimacy . So

28:21

number one obviously comes down to

28:23

communication . Again , you have to talk openly

28:26

about your sexual desires

28:28

, your preferences , your boundaries

28:31

. You know everything and

28:33

if you've heard , if you're new to the podcast

28:36

or maybe

28:38

haven't heard previous podcast episodes

28:40

Amy's , my Story actually is a

28:42

little bit different , because most people start off with the

28:44

emotional intimacy to get better sexual intimacy

28:46

. Amy and I started

28:48

having tough conversations about sexual

28:50

intimacy , which then helped our emotional

28:53

intimacy as well , so we kind of did it bass-ackwards

28:55

, so to speak . Is

28:58

that a word ?

28:59

What .

29:01

Backwards , and that's

29:04

a new word I created . Uh , no

29:06

, I've heard that before , but anyways , we did it

29:08

kind of the back words

29:11

, the , the opposite way , but it still

29:13

, at the end of the day , created the same results

29:15

, right , so you gotta , you gotta , be able

29:17

to talk about it . If you can't talk about it , you're

29:20

you're in trouble . How can something get better

29:22

if you're not willing to talk about it ? Second

29:24

, um , explore together , you know

29:26

, be be creative , try

29:29

new things , be open to trying new things

29:31

in the bedroom . As amy always says , the bedroom

29:33

is the playground should be it

29:35

should be the playground should

29:38

be so , yeah

29:40

, um , making quality

29:43

time together . Again

29:45

, I don't want to beat what we talk about so often

29:47

, but if you

29:50

struggle with making time for sexual

29:52

intimacy or putting it on your priority list

29:54

, schedule it we

29:57

can't even begin to tell you how important

29:59

and how good that is . Make

30:03

the time for something that's important . You'll make the time to

30:05

go to lunch with your friends . You'll make the time for something that's important . You'll

30:08

make the time to go to lunch with your friends . You'll make the time for a business appointment

30:10

. You'll make the time for , so you know , soccer for the kids or so many things . Make

30:13

the time for sexual intimacy

30:15

with your spouse .

30:16

And make it enjoyable so that you enjoy it .

30:20

Yeah right , Exactly .

30:21

Like , if , like , if a wife I

30:23

don't know any husbands that don't enjoy it , never heard

30:25

of that but if your wife , if the wife isn't

30:28

enjoying it , there's things

30:30

to do to learn how to love it

30:32

yeah to make sure that it feels

30:34

good every single time and that you

30:36

literally are enjoying it , like that's

30:39

. What makes a marriage different from

30:41

just being another roommate is

30:43

sexual intimacy .

30:44

And if you talk about it , you can do that . I mean , that was

30:47

no different than us , right ? So you're like oh , I

30:49

just don't enjoy it . The reason why I don't like it as

30:51

much is because I don't enjoy it as

30:53

long as you do . And problem solved

30:55

. So that was easy . We talked about it , all

30:58

right , communication .

31:00

That's the walls . The walls

31:03

, the walls of your home . You

31:05

have your foundation , you

31:07

have the kindness , the love , the respect

31:10

, all those things we talk about like emotionally

31:12

, but communication

31:14

, like I feel like , is more the

31:17

inside of your home . I feel like communication

31:20

okay , you're building this house . I feel like communication okay , you're building

31:22

this house , but

31:25

communication is one of those things that always

31:27

has to be done

31:29

. So it's almost like maintaining your home . Pretend the

31:32

house is even done . The communication

31:34

is like constantly cleaning it after

31:36

it's done , right , Like it has to be always

31:39

.

31:43

Well , and the most important part of communication is listening . Like you , if you're not doing

31:46

the listening to your spouse and

31:48

really taking in what they're saying to you

31:50

, then it does pretty much nothing , right

31:52

, right , it's part of communication . A big part of it is

31:54

actively listening and really

31:57

also

31:59

expressing yourself clearly . I think

32:01

a lot of times people say , oh

32:03

, we talk about things but they misunderstand

32:06

or they don't . You

32:10

know they say something but they misinterpret

32:12

it or don't know what they're saying , or you know things like

32:14

that . So you've got to be really careful

32:16

and really clear as well , to be

32:18

very , very clear in what you're talking about and

32:21

what you are expressing to each other

32:23

.

32:23

So our very first marriage retreat we ever had

32:25

, we talked about communication

32:27

and it was about hearing

32:30

each other . And so

32:32

they

32:35

had a couple go up in front of the room and

32:37

practice having a conversation about something

32:40

that was hard in in their marriage , and

32:42

I remember this was a couple years ago

32:44

. But the husband

32:46

stated what he was trying to say to

32:48

his wife and

32:50

then she she repeated it back

32:52

to him what I think that you're trying

32:55

to say is this , and

32:57

she put it back in her words , what she was understanding

33:00

from the conversation , and then he had

33:02

the opportunity to be like that's not quite what I was

33:04

trying to get at , and then , correct

33:06

, this is actually what I meant by that , and

33:09

so if , if you're not understanding

33:11

or actually hearing each other when it's an important

33:14

conversation I think that's a great thing to try

33:16

is I think what you're trying to tell me is

33:18

this is that correct ? And kind of

33:20

repeat it back so that you're understanding well

33:22

, that sounds silly , that sounds silly , that sounds

33:24

silly . But

33:28

I think with really important conversations or something that's really important to your spouse , that's

33:30

causing tension . I think that's important to do .

33:32

Well , a lot of times we assume that like

33:34

, oh , our spouse means this , or they're feeling a

33:36

certain way , and most of the time , when you assume

33:38

you're going to be wrong , right . So

33:40

we kind of already hit on this as well . But resolving

33:42

conflicts , you know , constructively

33:45

, the right way , obviously , and

33:47

then having regular check-ins , I think it's so

33:49

important to say like , okay , you

33:51

know , on every Sunday night or you know

33:53

, whatever , whatever it is for you have

33:56

your regular check-ins and conversations

33:58

to just say , okay , how are things going , how

34:01

was the week ? And just having that , making

34:03

sure everything is being

34:05

understood correctly and your communication is

34:07

really good . So pretty

34:09

, pretty self-explanatory , yep

34:12

, all right . I love the next

34:14

one Family

34:16

. I think this can be all-encompassing

34:18

, whether it's each other or

34:21

also your kids , obviously

34:24

, family dynamics can be really

34:27

complicated sometimes . You know

34:29

kids can cause , you

34:31

know , sometimes bring tough things

34:34

into the relationship or things like that . So

34:36

when it comes to family , you've got to have a

34:39

good blueprint and I think number

34:41

one which you and I talk about often

34:43

is you've got to set boundaries with

34:46

each other , within your marriage and with your

34:48

kids . You have to establish

34:50

what is okay and

34:52

not okay . What is what

34:54

is going to be acceptable or not acceptable

34:56

um within your marriage and

34:59

within your family .

35:00

Absolutely .

35:01

And this could revolve around you know

35:03

social media and you

35:05

know meeting or with

35:08

the opposite sex , or you know so many

35:10

different things .

35:11

You're going to have those kind of boundaries with

35:14

each other . You need to have boundaries

35:16

, like you said , with your extended family

35:18

, like this is how we're going

35:20

to handle holidays . This is how we're going to have family

35:23

dinners . This is how we're going to handle holidays . This is how

35:25

we're going to have family dinners . This is how we're going to handle relatives that live close

35:27

to us , time

35:29

with each family , those kind of things . And

35:31

then , like you said , you have to have boundaries , with

35:33

your kids Not sleeping

35:36

in your bed , your kids not taking over

35:38

intimate time , not over-scheduling

35:40

your kids and too much stuff that you don't have time for your marriage

35:43

, like

35:47

stuff like that , right , yeah , yeah look different to everybody , but it's important to talk about

35:49

. Yeah , exactly like we had to do that , especially when we moved

35:51

back and this family all lived here and we had to sit

35:53

down and be like how are we going to make this work

35:55

so that everybody's

35:58

happy right ? Exactly because , I

36:00

mean , there's a lot of couples that , like , live

36:02

by one side of the family and not the other side

36:04

of the family . You're gonna spend more time with them , you're gonna

36:06

spend more holidays with them . Like those

36:09

are conversations to be had yeah , absolutely

36:12

, I like .

36:13

I like the next one too , which is , you know

36:15

, kind of creating traditions for your own

36:18

family , and this could be whether

36:20

you have weekly dinners . It could be revolving

36:23

around the holidays , it could be vacations

36:26

that you're going to take , and things like that . I

36:29

think the point we're trying to make is just talk

36:31

about those things right , like , say

36:34

, how are we going to handle family vacations ? What

36:36

are things we want to do as a family

36:38

? A lot of families have weekly dinners

36:41

, like we're one of those . Like we have family

36:43

, sunday dinners with extended

36:45

family , like you know , talk about those

36:48

things together as a family and what you want

36:50

to do together and things like that . And

36:53

then I think , finally , is

36:57

support each other , be

36:59

each other's biggest

37:02

cheerleader . Like I want to see

37:04

Amy succeed , I

37:07

will cheer her on for anything that she does

37:09

and just , I guess , making

37:11

your spouse your

37:14

priority and we talk about this often

37:16

but putting your marriage first

37:18

, even above your kids , and

37:20

what does that look like for

37:23

you and your family ? Carving

37:25

out intimate time , doing

37:28

the 2-2-2 rule , which is , you

37:30

know a date every couple of weeks and you know

37:32

overnight or on a vacation , whatever , my

37:34

point is is , you know , talk

37:37

about that together as a couple and

37:39

identify what that means for

37:41

your relationship and your family .

37:43

Absolutely .

37:46

And the final one , which I

37:48

think is extremely

37:50

important too , is setting

37:52

a plan for short and long-term

37:54

goals together , and

37:58

I would guess this is probably an area that most

38:00

of us drop the ball on Setting

38:03

goals , short and long-term goals . We

38:09

just assume that , oh , we both want to be retired , we both want to travel , we

38:11

both want to do things . So you just go through your daily life and

38:13

you know , hope that someday that's what

38:15

you can do . But I think it's really important to share

38:18

short and long-term goals

38:20

together , and that includes , like , defining what your

38:22

vision is right . Like , my

38:25

vision might be a little bit different than yours

38:27

, but what are our

38:29

visions that we want together , right

38:31

?

38:32

And if our visions are different , how can

38:34

we find a balance with the

38:36

two , or how can we support each other with our

38:38

own visions , right ?

38:40

Yeah , I mean because

38:42

Amy and I , I I think we have the same

38:44

visions , but I think sometimes

38:46

we different

38:48

paths of getting there .

38:49

I think yeah yeah , for sure yeah

38:51

yeah .

38:53

So define what your vision is , say this

38:55

is what our vision is , this is what we want

38:58

for you know personal interests

39:00

, lifestyle , what your lifestyle

39:02

is gonna be like , just every

39:04

aspect of your short and long-term goals

39:07

for your life . And I think

39:09

, how are we going to prioritize

39:11

those goals right ? For some people

39:13

, it might have to be okay we got to give up eating

39:16

out , or maybe we're eating out too much

39:18

. Or if

39:20

our goal is to get out of debt sooner , what

39:22

is the plan to do that ? And we

39:24

can't tell you what that plan is . We're just saying

39:27

you need to define a plan . Sit down together

39:29

and talk about what a plan

39:31

is for your marriage , because your marriage is going to look

39:33

completely different than maybe our

39:35

marriage , or someone else's as well

39:37

too .

39:38

And that's not just financial goals , just financial goals

39:40

. These are like all

39:43

sorts of goals , like spiritual goals

39:45

, date night goals um

39:53

, intimacy goals , exactly .

39:54

There's a lot of different goals that you have to talk about , right ? Yeah

39:56

?

39:56

short , long-term goals and every every aspect . We have a goal sheet on the app

39:58

under the printables , coupons and printable

40:00

section , and it um

40:03

separates each one of the areas that couples

40:05

should really be setting goals in , yeah , which

40:07

is really important .

40:08

Yep , write them down . There's something about writing it

40:10

down and just looking at it like all

40:13

the time , right , yes , um

40:15

, create a timeline too . Like don't

40:17

, don't leave it open ended and just say , oh

40:19

my , my goal is to eventually have this

40:21

. Like I think there's something about creating a timeline

40:23

. So what that looks

40:25

like is , you know , sit down and say , okay

40:27

, where do we want to be at in a year , where do we want

40:29

to be at in five years , where do we

40:31

want to be at in 10 years or 20 years ? And

40:34

really having those goals and then putting

40:37

a plan together to achieve those

40:39

goals . How are you going to achieve those goals ?

40:42

And I think weekly goals are important .

40:47

Let's just make it through the week .

40:48

Let's just how do we make it through the week . But I think that we need to simplify

40:51

. Actually , this isn't really . This is actually complicating

40:53

. Writing out goals

40:56

every single week might be a little more

40:58

complicated , but it's going

41:00

to simplify your marriage in the long run because

41:02

things turn into habits , right like , we all set goals

41:04

in january and half of us fail

41:07

by the end of january on a lot of things

41:09

and some people excel

41:11

their goals and they turn into habits , right

41:13

yeah and that's the whole point of like , setting

41:16

goals in marriage is for a lot of these simple

41:18

things like we're going to start doing better at date night , we're going

41:20

to start turning our phones off at a certain time , we're not gonna

41:22

eat with our phones at the table and we're

41:24

gonna communicate more and

41:27

we're gonna have more physical touch

41:29

in our marriage non-sexual

41:31

physical touch just during the date , like those

41:33

are the kind of things that you want to turn into

41:35

habits absolutely right , no

41:37

, totally , and that's the whole point of that is is

41:40

if you can set weekly goals together

41:43

, like let's try harder to

41:45

to

41:47

be more passionate this week , and this is

41:49

what this is gonna look like , or let's

41:51

step up our emotional intimacy this week

41:53

, I could use this . What could you use ? That

41:56

is , what's changing is if you do that

41:58

weekly yeah , exactly , and

42:01

I .

42:01

The last thing on this short

42:04

and long term goals for creating a

42:06

great blueprint and

42:08

I think this is one of the best

42:11

ones is you have to celebrate

42:13

your achievements , Like we

42:16

are wired to where , if we do certain

42:18

things , I think we want a reward

42:21

right .

42:22

Yeah .

42:22

Like that's just the way we are right .

42:24

So if , regardless

42:26

of what that looks like , I think

42:28

you can say no , but we go to work to get , we go

42:30

, we work to get paid yeah we

42:32

get married so that we can be intimate , things

42:35

like that . We're emotional intimacy , like

42:37

we right .

42:38

Yeah , we do things for

42:40

getting something , so to speak , in return

42:42

, and so it's important to celebrate your achievements

42:45

. You know , and that could look like and say

42:47

okay , you know , this year we're going to really

42:49

try to save and let's

42:51

make it our goal to save this much money

42:53

, and if we are able to save this much

42:55

money , we should treat ourselves to

42:57

a , you know , short vacation

43:00

or something or you know , whatever that is like

43:02

that that

43:04

makes it so that you are driven because

43:06

you know that there's something that you're going to

43:09

do together , there's going to be

43:11

a reward or something . So I think

43:13

it's really important to celebrate your achievements

43:15

and that's going to look different

43:18

for everyone , but whatever

43:20

that is , I think , like for Amy and I , it

43:22

might be like , oh , let's , if we can , if

43:24

we can do this , then let's plan on , you

43:27

know , taking a vacation or whatever , like

43:29

that's what we , we

43:31

enjoy , just because we love spending that time

43:33

together .

43:33

So you're smiling at me well

43:36

, you would want a vacation , I'd want a new couch things

43:38

like that .

43:39

Right , let's , let's so we have to

43:41

compromise let's go on a vacation to try to

43:43

find you a new . Yeah

43:47

, exactly . So , anyways

43:49

, we hope you enjoyed the podcast . We uh

43:51

feel like this is a really important

43:53

one , building a blueprint and a plan

43:55

to create a

43:57

happy marriage and

44:00

intimacy and ultimate intimacy . And

44:02

go check out podcast episode 157

44:05

as well . You know we talk about

44:07

why you should do this one thing as a couple , which I

44:09

think this would be a great podcast for you to

44:11

listen to also and uh

44:13

, yeah , anything to anything

44:16

to say before we wrap this up um

44:21

, still like trying

44:23

to figure out my whole object lesson

44:26

.

44:26

But I

44:28

just really think that if a couple

44:30

will really work on their

44:32

foundation and rebuild their marriage

44:34

with the emotional intimacy and really work

44:36

on just the simple

44:39

things like like

44:41

embracing your spouse

44:43

when they look like they're having a hard time and asking

44:46

them what can I do to be

44:48

a better spouse this week or today

44:50

, like those little simple

44:53

things . Or just

44:55

giving your a spouse a kiss

44:57

on the forehead every time you leave the house , like

44:59

it's the little tiny , simple things

45:02

that we do that really

45:04

change our entire , not

45:07

just our entire marriage , but our entire

45:09

attitude and

45:12

positivity and

45:14

everything right . Like I

45:17

think that we can get so stuck

45:19

in the daily routine and the daily grind

45:22

of life that we kind of forget that marriage

45:24

is actually supposed to be fun .

45:27

Yeah , it really is Like

45:29

it's supposed to make you happy .

45:31

It's supposed to make you happy Like your wedding day

45:33

, like that was a great date

45:35

, but like that should never have to end

45:37

Like we let it end , like we just

45:39

literally start being lazy . I really

45:41

think that complacency is my favorite word

45:44

for this I agree because I think we

45:46

just get , we

45:49

let ourselves get bored in marriage , we

45:51

let everything

45:53

start overtaking and then we realize

45:55

, oh I , I miss those feelings

45:58

we used to have , but I'm not really willing to

46:00

do the work to get them back .

46:01

Like I love that word complacency

46:04

like .

46:05

I think if we're going to rebuild

46:08

our structures and our emotional intimacy , we

46:10

need to to think about the word complacency

46:13

and be like where am I being complacent in my marriage

46:15

? Where am I just settling ? Why

46:17

? Why are we settling ? Why are we not having awesome ? Why ? Why are we settling

46:19

? Why are we not having awesome sex ? Why

46:21

are ? Why are we not looking forward to the bedroom

46:23

? Why are we not looking forward

46:25

to date nights , Like going out and having

46:28

fun together and having awesome conversations

46:30

? Like there's been times in our

46:32

life where it's like , oh , it's just another date night , I guess

46:34

we'll go talk about the kids and work . Like that's

46:36

our fault . That's our

46:38

fault . And

46:42

if I'm just like , oh , I gotta go do it again because it's important to him , that's

46:44

my fault . Like I'm being complacent

46:46

in those areas . And so I think we

46:49

just need to step it up and realize marriage is supposed

46:51

to be awesome , it's supposed to be fun

46:53

. And if it's not , then just

46:55

fix it . Like

47:00

you fell in love for a reason . Like you love each other . You're still with each other because

47:02

you deeply love each other . If the fun and the friendship and the emotional

47:05

intimacy isn't strong , fix it . Like

47:08

we're capable human beings like like

47:10

if something's wrong with our kid , our

47:12

child or or anything

47:15

else in our life , we go , go and fix it right , like we're

47:17

not happy with our body we go to the gym

47:19

If we're not happy with our

47:22

job , like a

47:24

lot of people will try and search for something else

47:27

. Right , like we try and fix things except

47:29

for everyone's kind of stuck in unhappy marriages

47:31

and they just kind of like let life go by

47:33

.

47:33

Well , I think the attitude is and I think the world

47:35

just kind of jokes around and leads us to believe

47:38

that . Oh

47:41

, attitude is , and I think the world's just kind of jokes around and leads us to believe that , oh , that's just the way marriage is . You're

47:43

married now , that's the way it is . For that's so sad and I think you know , obviously was we talk about as

47:45

well , like Satan's really trying to

47:47

destroy marriages and he's trying to destroy

47:49

families and he's doing everything

47:52

that he can . And , at the end of the

47:54

day , all these things we

47:56

talk about like yeah , marriage is hard

47:58

, but to have the difference

48:00

between an unhappy marriage and a happy

48:02

marriage isn't that

48:04

much . It's actually

48:06

like doing just simple little things

48:09

. Most people think it's like , oh , I've got to climb

48:11

this mount everest and it's going to be virtually

48:14

impossible . I just don't ever think I can get there

48:16

. It's not . It really isn't

48:18

that difficult , but it does take a little bit of effort

48:20

and it takes constant effort

48:22

. I mean , it's something you're always going to

48:25

be doing . But oh man

48:27

, it's just like I think we're fooled to

48:29

where Satan just wants us to believe

48:31

that we're just going to be miserable and

48:34

it really , again , it isn't . It isn't that

48:36

much to change your marriage

48:38

around , like we've talked about , like

48:40

Amy and I were at a very dark place and now

48:42

we're at a really good place , and it wasn't

48:44

like it wasn't life-changing things

48:47

. Yeah , it really wasn't life-changing things . We actually

48:49

never .

48:50

I don't know if this is the right thing to say , but we actually

48:52

never went to therapy . We literally

48:54

got to a place where , like our marriage sucks

48:57

, and we sat down and we looked at each other and

48:59

I'm like , is this what you signed up ?

49:00

for what are we going to do about it ?

49:01

No , but is this what you signed up for ? This isn't

49:03

what I signed up for . We're not on the same page . Like

49:05

this isn't even fun anymore . Like we're just bickering

49:08

, we're not really setting goals . We're kind of going

49:10

in opposite directions . We're

49:13

just you want it . No , that's not what I wanted either

49:16

. Let's just fix it . Let's start tomorrow .

49:18

And we put a plan together . Right Now , the

49:20

plan might've looked a little bit differently than this

49:22

, but we said , okay , what are we going to do to fix this

49:24

? What are we going to do to fix this ? And we really

49:26

talked about it and put a plan together and we said

49:28

, okay , here's what we're going to do .

49:29

Simple goals on day one , and

49:32

it was . It was like we have

49:34

to start putting effort in this , this , this , this

49:36

and this , and it has to be every day and

49:38

we have to be accountable at the end of every

49:40

day and have a check-in . That's

49:43

how you make change , right .

49:45

Yeah , so don't get overwhelmed and feel like , oh

49:47

, this is something that's going to be so

49:49

hard to overcome , because it's not , and

49:51

I think too . Obviously you have to

49:53

have both of you wanting change

49:56

, right . If one of you doesn't want change

49:58

, unfortunately there's not much

50:00

you can do if you have a spouse . You can change

50:02

yourself . Yep , you can't change someone else , but

50:04

you can change yourself , and a lot of times , changing

50:06

yourself will enact

50:08

changes in your spouse or in other

50:10

ways as well too . All you can control is yourself

50:13

, but if you do have a spouse where the both

50:15

of you are like , yeah , we , we both want these

50:17

changes , you are in such

50:19

a great place , like there's so

50:21

much hope and and

50:23

even if you have a great , a good marriage

50:25

, it can get so much better . It can always

50:27

be getting better right but

50:30

it does take work . So anyways

50:32

, yeah , we really

50:34

hope you enjoyed the podcast today . We hope this can

50:37

be beneficial for you

50:39

. Please leave us a review

50:41

. As we've said in one of the previous episodes

50:43

, We'd appreciate

50:45

it . We'd very much appreciate it . In fact , if you

50:47

leave us a review , take a screenshot , send

50:49

it to us and we'll send you a

50:52

discount code to get discounts in our shop

50:54

. So happy to do that .

50:56

Yeah , happy to do that .

51:05

Want you to have good products , want you

51:08

to have a good marriage

51:10

? Yep , exactly so until next time . Hope each of you find ultimate intimacy in

51:12

your relationship .