If I were a boy… I would reimagine Beyonce’s song to mean something similar but with a focus on sticking my imaginary penis in jars of peanut butter. Other high-brow topics of today’s episode include:

BrioGeo: it’s what I use for my hair. 

Fuckboi Theater: Quarantine Edition

Playing audio from the moment I found out I was a sperm donor baby and still not being able to properly process it. Who needs therapy when you can rant on a podcast, huh?

How do you stop having a terrible temper? Because I tried to help my boyfriend return his 116-pound toilet to the post office and lost my shit.

Ten tips to tame your temper courtesy of the elite website, Mayo Clinic. 

Expressing appreciation for famous women who were known to have a bad temper like me. 

My ideal three-way as well as an Amazon River Dolphin’s apparent three-way

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices