0:02

This is a Global Player

0:04

Original Podcast Mr

0:15

Whitehall is ready, Mrs Whitehall is

0:17

ready, Winston Whitehall is

0:19

ready, are you ready D'Als

0:21

for yes! Another

0:24

episode of The Wittering Whitehalls,

0:26

which is essentially an hour

0:28

of frivolous, flippant,

0:30

clever, amusing and playful

0:32

persiflage. Why

0:34

did that come? Persiflage,

0:37

do you want to know what it means? Light

0:40

bantering talk or writing

0:42

a frivolous or flippant style of treating

0:44

a subject. I think that sums up

0:46

The Wittering Whitehalls. I'm not sure

0:49

that Mr Whitehall always achieves that because sometimes he

0:51

can get quite bitty. OK let's

0:53

have a look at some of today's highlights. We

0:56

consider Winston's future. Up. 10,000

0:59

pounds. Up. No. Keep

1:02

going. 15,000 pounds. Up. 20,000

1:05

pounds. Up. It's

1:07

like the bidding room. Up. We

1:09

explore alternative medicine. No way would I want to

1:11

go have somebody fiddling around with my feet. And

1:15

we receive an encouraging update from

1:17

a delightful DL. I can't find

1:19

this lady's... You

1:22

have to see it in writing, do you? You

1:24

have to literally see it in writing and I

1:26

don't know what you've done with it. What do

1:28

you mean what I've done with it? There it is,

1:30

there. There. And

1:34

then we... Shall we just sit

1:36

in silent stills whilst he reads it?

1:38

Yeah. I

1:54

feel sorry for your... Um...

1:57

What do you call them? D.L.'s. Are

2:00

you looking away Michael from the microphone? You're looking

2:02

down at your shoe the wrong way. The

2:04

lovely D.L.s will not be able to hear

2:06

your mellifluous tones. You've

2:09

now introduced the topic I was going

2:11

to talk about. Which is? My new

2:13

shoes. Oh hello. Which

2:15

I bought in Kansas. Airport.

2:18

Airport. Yeah. I think we

2:20

did cover this. Very nice man. Yeah.

2:23

Yeah but the detail is that

2:25

I'm actually wearing these shoes. But

2:28

sadly the D.D.L.s and

2:30

the D.L.s. The D.D.O.dles. Are not going to

2:32

be able to see them because obviously we

2:34

don't have them. Well you could put your

2:36

foot up and it could be a clip

2:38

on social media. No. But

2:41

I will photograph him in his new shoes D.L.s.

2:43

But I am very pleased with them. Get it

2:45

on the socials. And the man

2:47

in the shop was so nice.

2:49

He was very nice actually. He looked like

2:51

a man who'd had another life. He

2:53

was a bit like a sort of university

2:56

professor or a lawyer.

2:58

Or he'd obviously had another life. He

3:00

was very bright and

3:02

engaging and engaged. And

3:04

I have never ever bought anything

3:06

from a shop in an airport.

3:09

I mean that's not strictly true. And certainly

3:11

not Kansas City Airport.

3:14

Kansas City. But they

3:17

are. I'm still confused about Kansas City

3:19

because it's actually in two states. Because

3:22

the dividing line between Kansas, the state

3:24

of Kansas and the state of Missouri,

3:27

goes right through the city. And

3:29

I don't know which state the airport's in. I think

3:31

it's in Missouri. But

3:34

I may be wrong. There's a

3:36

little, absolutely useless

3:38

fact for you D.L. Yeah, I

3:40

thought useless and also

3:42

probably of virtually no interest

3:44

to anyone who

3:47

is involved with either

3:50

listening, watching, hearing, this

3:52

podcast, probably couldn't

3:55

give a fuck where Kansas

3:57

was. Do You know what though? I'm

3:59

thinking we missed it. The trick when we hosted that

4:01

quiz not not as a great Chris question

4:03

which state is Kansas City and. Because.

4:06

Technically, it's in two states. Ha!

4:09

Ha. moments quite sensitive something

4:11

playing. I mean we did

4:13

Bitcoin is not in Bomb

4:15

within. We've done it now

4:17

says too late. Anyway, bombs

4:19

audience would be really that

4:21

interested in one state council

4:23

city and poll was. Just

4:26

I might be. maybe

4:28

there. Are we gonna

4:30

get a lot? We all got that. We are just. Gonna

4:32

say the deals with got Winston with us

4:34

today because his. Bidding. A

4:36

bit pk said his else

4:38

what peggy cause nurses is

4:40

no concern that's his and

4:42

actually because. Winston is here. I'm going to

4:45

kick off with email number one but I am

4:47

a that Michael read it. I

4:49

think it's that one there. Is

4:51

Islam as says how are you

4:53

both? Yes. It does right? Yes

4:55

Sir Michael, I'm going to just let

4:57

you. Take this one causes A couple of references

5:00

in here is also I think of slightly more

5:02

you than me. To

5:05

my dear. hmm yes.

5:09

Sir. Spilling How are you. Fine.

5:12

Thanks! How are you. See

5:14

what I did the have that I saw me. I

5:18

hope he'll keeping cozy in the

5:20

chilly weather. And.

5:22

You'll both guessing over the lug

5:24

he. Of the past

5:26

few weeks. Yes, Where we are over

5:28

the login of because. I'm going to

5:30

put this in few to either take our or not. The.

5:33

Chilly weather was a few weeks ago, but

5:35

we survived it. Is

5:38

still hanging around. Can I recommend

5:40

my mother's remedy which was a

5:42

piping hot baths always the save

5:44

in this house and a cup

5:46

of hot ball for or less

5:48

says move move Do not live

5:51

far from not an Art Basel

5:53

as and service is the idea

5:55

that you'd by having it in

5:57

the ball Yes. He get in the bath, the

5:59

funding of. Where the com bombers?

6:01

I'm not sure about the medicinal

6:03

properties of the bomb for all

6:06

I can assure you know. Ah,

6:09

But. It always makes me feel

6:11

a bit better just in case

6:14

any of the deals particular deals

6:16

from overseas ten and will pavle

6:18

is both. Is. A beast

6:20

extract that you it's like a paste

6:23

this only put in boiling water. You

6:25

can using cooking as well. But.

6:27

It is essentially derived from

6:29

base. Will have on

6:31

in in those nutrients and

6:33

minerals and vitamins. So.

6:36

Am I boring you? Quite.

6:40

Scary Really Well we've done so far we

6:42

done six minutes not board you twice now.

6:45

Carry On misspelling. Own reading this.

6:47

oh that. Pretty good title for

6:50

any. Food Any who is how

6:52

you say that men we have

6:54

not against men home and murder

6:56

a dead end issue. Any who

6:58

move his skull so slight an

7:01

issue. Could. Be. Sny.

7:03

Any who I'm a way to get

7:05

the message and. That

7:07

sort of for no such thing as. I.

7:11

Was listening to your podcast the

7:13

other day. And will eat

7:15

and will you were talking. To

7:18

have another. Rather I was listening

7:20

to your podcast the Holiday New

7:23

Good talking about Winston. He

7:25

was apparently on the sofa with

7:27

you. I mean, it's like

7:29

history repeating itself. Were in the

7:31

twilight zone where it days of the

7:34

disease. here again. Though

7:36

as a listener, that's tough to

7:38

verify. Okay to skin a put

7:40

it on the Seychelles That. He's

7:43

here. Be very good

7:45

boy. right? Yeah. It

7:48

got me wondering about wins

7:51

Mans future. As much

7:53

as I love you both,

7:55

it's inevitable that you won't

7:58

be around forever says. Hum

8:00

Sooner than others, you very

8:02

much sounder. She's

8:05

not an undertaker you'd and then moves

8:08

you might be taussig. there. there's I

8:10

don't know, As. Much as

8:12

I love you both, it's

8:15

inevitable. That. You won't

8:17

be around forever. Sorry, I

8:19

know it's not nice to

8:22

say and I wondered what

8:24

will become of Poll Winston

8:27

when that day, hopefully many

8:29

years from now. Come.

8:33

Wow will he be

8:35

considered a family heirloom.

8:39

I don't think as get very much of

8:41

a fight for been fired from our family

8:43

and hedgie might want him. Pulse

8:46

and not by then. Of course

8:48

we will he be specified in

8:50

your well. Oh. Well

8:53

your children be less to

8:55

fight over who takes costa.

8:58

Se I know. But once

9:00

the question popped into my

9:02

head, I had to ask.

9:05

Lots. Of love. Saundra.

9:09

Of his, I personally think Sondra

9:11

has opened up a very interesting

9:13

discussion point here. Technically

9:15

speaking, He belongs to. You.

9:19

But also Jack. That

9:21

I should explain to any deals who

9:23

are thinking. What? The

9:25

hell are they talking about? Were talking

9:27

about Winston? The look at Dell. From.

9:30

The series travels with my father. On.

9:32

Netflix. Find. It

9:35

is he can where Michael and Jack

9:37

travel the world. Doing silly things,

9:39

one of which was been given a looked

9:41

at dell which brings some good fortune. He's.

9:43

Still with us, still bringing good

9:46

fortune. And he is

9:48

on the podcast today. Now. I

9:50

think that chat with happily. Relinquish his

9:52

ownership of Winston. To.

9:54

One of his siblings. Or

9:57

one of his nieces nephews. Well,

9:59

maybe. He

10:15

remembered piece of brass and on

10:18

sandra is ha. Ha. that's quite

10:20

less sale. This for, Yes, I do.

10:22

You do. Movement. Slide.

10:25

Zola I. Think. The details would

10:27

love. To be enlightened about peace

10:29

process: Archie Andrews or even we

10:31

have talked about him before. But

10:34

let's refresh. Ah memories deals with

10:36

Michael's take on Archie Andrews and

10:38

Peter Broth. He's a brass

10:40

was a sort of middle aged. He'd

10:44

always dress in a suit and look

10:46

quite pass, but he wasn't Paul's. He.

10:49

Was what my mother would have called a big

10:51

common. I mean you know I'm

10:53

using that word the other day and spin

10:56

on it would say are you see it

10:58

slips I read during my mother would have

11:00

called on would never use that word. On

11:05

T and R C Andrews

11:07

did this radio program. Yeah,

11:10

he's a brass. On on

11:12

see Andrew Yeah it was

11:14

called Educating Artsy. Sickness.

11:16

Snappy title. And. It.

11:19

Was Huge. I

11:22

mean Absolutely Huge.

11:24

Yeah. On the front

11:26

of the Radio Times of all

11:28

the programs that was all that

11:30

weight. The would be a

11:32

picture of peace and broth and on chandra

11:34

is not every week of as they on

11:37

the from book. On all for

11:39

loss of them on the front. of

11:42

the and the same saying about piece of broth.

11:45

And Archie Andrews. Was

11:48

that they only appeared on Radio

11:50

A. K. On.

11:52

The thing about ventriloquism I

11:54

think is cool. Is.

11:58

That. Once. The have

12:00

to be able to master is

12:02

not moving your lips. Because.

12:05

You got a doll and you

12:07

are more sitting next to a

12:09

yeah doing a double act. But

12:11

the dole is speaking. But

12:14

actually your speaking but you're

12:16

so brilliant. That nobody

12:18

sees your lips moving And

12:20

that's what it's all about.

12:22

Our friend Polzer then. yep,

12:24

who's is there? Brilliant winner.

12:26

Of America's Got Talent. Yeah, I

12:29

have rarely at the rim. Raymond

12:31

I then attacked. Yeah and he

12:33

does. He. Have a an

12:35

he has some and on sometimes alba.

12:39

Of up he says introduced an

12:41

old man puppet yes but his

12:43

scale. Is yep. It's

12:46

a really really looks like it's

12:48

the voices coming from the doll.

12:50

Yep, With.

12:53

Piece of brass. Yeah,

12:55

the was. never for

12:57

one second. Any.

12:59

Sort. From. The orders.

13:01

And yeah, that it wasn't piece

13:04

of brass talking. Because.

13:06

He wouldn't do anything with it's

13:08

a main he would just say

13:10

oh hello aren't see how you

13:12

and he'd say i'm fine thank

13:14

you how you and as yes

13:16

I'm fine to on some Ramzi

13:18

get in a mandel because he

13:20

wasn't attempting to do any kind

13:22

of voice or doing anything with

13:25

his mouth. Cities. In Natives on the

13:27

Radio. Exactly. But.

13:29

What happened when the away and

13:31

lives because that's what he did

13:34

I we did oh yeah I

13:36

see was allied a big they

13:38

were at eyes and get will

13:41

all of his onstage arrive on

13:43

stage not television and. People.

13:45

one man so was happening who

13:47

is this man is man doing

13:50

that because he's not he isn't

13:52

a tempest and they knew his

13:54

lips but not as the lips

13:56

were moving he was quite clearly

13:58

talking on the puppet or

14:00

the doll was just

14:02

sitting there. But the

14:05

amazing thing was, how did

14:07

he achieve that fame in

14:10

those days? Well, radio

14:12

was huge, wasn't it? Radio was

14:14

huge because there was no alternative.

14:17

That was the entertainment du

14:19

jour. I mean, you said you

14:21

used to huddle around the radio listening to things.

14:23

Dick Barton, Special Agent, I think we've had you

14:25

sing the song. Linda, Linda, Linda,

14:27

Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda, Linda,

14:30

Linda, Linda, Linda. Do you want

14:32

to join in today? No, not today. Okay.

14:36

And... I

14:38

tried. The other thing I was

14:40

going to say about Archie Andrews,

14:42

because I researched this. Yes.

14:45

And that is that he,

14:47

in the end, and, Winston,

14:50

I don't want you to hear this. I'll

14:52

just cover his ears, okay. The

14:56

Archie Andrews doll was

15:00

sold in auction in

15:03

Taunton in 2005. Yeah.

15:07

And do you know how much it went for? I have no

15:09

idea. Have a guess. I

15:12

don't know. Up. Up.

15:17

No. Keep going. Up.

15:22

Up. Up.

15:26

Up. Down.

15:30

Is this about an hour and a half,

15:33

this particular one? Just

15:37

tell us, Michael. No.

15:43

And that's just from a bloody radio. I

15:46

know. In the 1950s. Fifties?

15:49

Fifties? I don't know. I don't know. I don't

15:51

know if I wasn't born. No. Fifties,

15:54

I think it was. Wowza! I'm

15:57

looking at Winston in a whole new light.

16:00

Winston, I think, if

16:03

I took him to, I probably wouldn't take

16:05

him to Tornton. No. He'd probably go somewhere

16:07

a bit more sort of

16:09

West Endy kind of. Yeah. I,

16:12

you know, you never know. We might get

16:14

50, 50 grand.

16:19

Nice. We could throw in a few costumes.

16:21

I'm gonna look, I'm looking at him in

16:23

a whole new light now. We've got shoes.

16:25

Yep. We've got extra trousers. Jack's old baby

16:27

clothes. Yeah. There's trousers you messed up,

16:29

Winston. Do you remember? We had to

16:32

buy you an extra pair. That

16:34

was the suit from Thailand. Yeah, from Thailand.

16:36

The original suit from Thailand, which cost more

16:38

than your suit. Do

16:40

you remember the tailor? Yeah, we had

16:42

two identical suits. Yeah. And

16:45

this pale beige lightweight

16:47

suit. To be fair, I think

16:50

it was the same price as your suit. Yeah. And

16:54

I'm asking him how much the suit would be. And

16:56

he, well, the producer asking how much the suit would

16:58

be. And he told him and said,

17:00

and then what about the little matching one?

17:02

And he said, yeah, that'll be a

17:04

bit more. And he said, what? Oh,

17:07

I'll give you a bit more. He said, well,

17:09

because, you know, your suit's gonna

17:11

come on a standard sort of block. And,

17:15

where this would be

17:18

a very, very bespoke.

17:21

Because, and I said, well, you don't do

17:23

many suits for dolls, do you? He

17:26

said, no, we've never done one before. I

17:28

thought, you know, that joke did not land

17:30

very well. No, it didn't quite translate. No.

17:34

We have the same though with, you

17:36

had a suit from Walker Slater. And the producer

17:38

said, could you make one for Winston in the

17:40

same material, sort of same joke. Yeah. In a

17:42

winter version. Yeah. And

17:45

I think they were very clearly told

17:47

that they shouldn't worry too much about the quality

17:49

of it. They should just knock up a suit

17:51

from the same material. But of course, they'd looked

17:53

at the tie suit that he'd got and thought,

17:55

right, well, we're not going to be outdone by

17:57

some tie tailors. We're going to do a project.

18:00

suit and again it was several

18:02

hundred pounds that suit. It was. It

18:05

was ridiculous. I mean it was lovely

18:07

and your own walker Slater suit was

18:09

lovely but he's an expensive

18:11

doll to clothe. He were. Yes

18:13

bless him. Anyway we have to keep him with

18:15

us for the moment Michael because he's coming out on the wishing

18:17

white tools live probably tour as

18:20

it's now become known. Yeah

18:23

I'm calling it the

18:25

possibly live tour. Probably.

18:28

I'm calling it the probably. You're

18:30

calling it possibly now. We're definitely doing it

18:32

Michael. Not for any other reason that

18:34

I have made 85 pounds of marmalade

18:37

as giveaways as prizes for

18:40

the best question on the night. I

18:43

mean our seller here is

18:46

you can't get in it now for marmalade.

18:48

I've done nothing but made marmalade for the

18:50

entire month of January. We're bloody well going

18:52

on tour because I'm gonna give that marmalade

18:55

away. You said the

18:57

other day that you've enjoyed my marmalade. I

18:59

thought that marmalade thing was over.

19:01

It is. What do

19:04

you mean over? I couldn't

19:06

get into the kitchen the

19:08

other day. Yeah. Because you

19:10

were giving marmalade making less

19:13

to our next-door neighbor. Our Australian

19:16

next-door neighbor. She said oh

19:19

I've always wanted to make marmalade so I

19:21

said great we'll come in and I'll

19:23

teach you. She'd be very pleased with

19:25

that interpretation of her voice. She's

19:28

got a slightly lighter voice than me.

19:30

She's lovely. She did me a lot of

19:32

favors when we were away on the

19:34

travel. It was an all day job.

19:36

It was an all day job. I've

19:38

just got a sneeze coming on. Well

19:41

marmalade is an all day job. It's

19:43

a very laborious thing to make. Are

19:45

you sneezing? Well it hasn't come yet. Okay

19:47

I'll just keep talking about marmalade then. It

19:49

is a very... You see

19:52

again Dio's we've talked about this

19:54

yet another example. It's gone. Why he

19:56

can't do a quiet sneeze. We

19:58

have to have that ridiculous noise. Right.

20:02

Second proof of that. So this nice

20:05

lady next door is now going to

20:07

tell all her friends and

20:09

then they're all going to come here and want

20:11

marmalade lessons. No, because she can give the lessons

20:14

now because I've taught her how to make it.

20:17

In fact, I even videoed her being taught

20:19

how to make it so to give her

20:21

some aid memoir. So I may even put

20:23

some of that on the surface. It's very

20:25

good. Very successful batch that she made under

20:27

my tutelage. That's I

20:29

could get her working on the marmalade next

20:32

year. If we do this giveaway again, she

20:34

could be making the marmalade. Shall

20:36

we move on? Because I think we've

20:38

discussed Winston enough. The only thing I

20:41

could face another half an

20:43

hour talking about your marmalade. No, they're

20:46

charming. Winston

20:48

is that. Thank you. You've raised

20:50

the discussion point, which I will now have with

20:53

my children, but he ain't going anywhere yet. He's

20:55

safely ensconced with his mummy and daddy.

20:57

Is it just as a PS to

21:00

this? Yeah. There

21:02

are two films that I could

21:04

strongly recommend to you, not that you

21:07

want to be to recommend films to

21:09

you. Both

21:11

to do with a ventriloquist.

21:14

One, and I can't remember the title

21:16

of either of them. I can remember

21:18

the title of one of them. The

21:20

first one was with an actor called

21:23

Michael Redgrave, who's very, very famous. He

21:25

got knighted for his services to

21:27

Pherter and film

21:30

and everything. And

21:36

so that was filmed. Sorry. And

21:38

film number two, looking up

21:40

the film, I realized Anthony Hopkins. That was

21:42

cool. Anthony, who is a great friend of

21:44

ours and that, well, we don't see him

21:46

very much now because he lives in America,

21:49

but we used to see a lot of

21:52

absolutely. I

21:54

would almost say my favorite actor. I

21:56

think he isn't the most

21:58

brilliant actor. a

22:01

similar film also and

22:03

it's called magic.

22:07

The thing about these kind

22:09

of ventriloquist kind of slightly

22:11

dark films

22:13

that I really like is

22:15

because the

22:18

dummy takes over

22:20

the character of the

22:22

ventriloquist. That's what

22:25

makes it creepy and yeah. So

22:28

the Michael Redgrave one is called dead of

22:30

night. Yes. And do you know who else

22:32

is in it Michael? One of my favourite

22:34

actresses mainly because of her name. Lilinkish.

22:39

No. Are you ready? Yeah. Googie

22:42

Withers. Oh yeah. Yeah. Such

22:45

a good name. And

22:47

the other... It's called magic.

22:49

It's called magic. Yeah. That's

22:52

the murderous ventriloquist doll. Yeah. Except

22:55

it's obviously Anthony Hopkins doing the

22:57

murders. He's doing the murders as

22:59

the ventriloquist. Yeah. So

23:02

very good films. Very good. I'm

23:19

going to move on to something else here because I'm going to read

23:21

out. D.L.s you have surpassed

23:23

yourself. We have had some lovely letters

23:26

from you. We talked about you writing

23:28

and we gave you an address and

23:30

you have written. And I thought actually it

23:32

might be a national feature to just read

23:34

the odd one out periodically. So I

23:36

am going to do one in this episode and

23:39

I'm also going to just giving you a little bit of

23:41

a heads up and a bit of a spoiler alert. I'm

23:43

going to read one on the bonus episode

23:46

as well for various reasons. But this is

23:48

a short one which I'm going to read

23:50

Michael and it's from West Yorkshire. Hello. Yes.

23:53

From Suzanne. Whereabouts in

23:56

West Yorkshire. Farsley. Do

23:59

you know Farsley? No. It's

24:01

got an LS postcode. I'll look

24:04

it up in a minute. Anyway, let

24:06

me read what Suzanne is quite short,

24:08

but it's very sweet. And

24:10

she has a lot of stuff literally

24:12

directed at you here because it's all

24:14

about writing. Okay? Dear

24:17

Michael and Hilary, oh what a joy Mr. White will

24:19

to write to you properly. I am rarely

24:21

able to send a letter on smooth monde

24:23

blonde paper using my glittering Jacques

24:25

Fermat emerald ink with my

24:27

Visconti van Gogh fountain pen.

24:31

Sorry to make you get your chops around all of that

24:33

if you can read this out. It's

24:35

actually me getting my chops around it Suzanne because

24:37

I knew that it would be too much for

24:39

Mr. White or at 10 o'clock in the morning.

24:42

I am an avid DL now based in

24:44

Yorkshire, but I grew up in Putney and

24:46

Kingston. Many a night in the

24:48

half moon with Ralph MacTell. Oh

24:51

hello Suzanne you devil you. I

24:54

love your world including Hilary's water cooler

24:56

stories. Are you quite comfortable there Michael?

24:58

You're moving around. I've got too much

25:00

in my pocket. Okay I'm trying to

25:02

read a letter. A diary, a telephone.

25:06

Oh fidget, a fidget. Can

25:10

you just get comfortable? Alright.

25:14

In your own time. Do you want me to remove a cushion? That

25:17

might help. Yes I think that's the

25:19

problem. Oh the logistic. Over cushion. Over

25:21

cushion. Here we go how's that? Yeah

25:23

that's much better. Can I continue with

25:25

you? Sorry Winston. Have you even listened

25:27

to this letter? Concentrate.

25:30

Right. Ready, steady,

25:32

go. Just let you know Dios this is

25:35

what happens in our lives now. If I

25:37

really want Michael to take in information I

25:39

have to get him in my, literally in

25:41

my crosshair sites. Michael you were reading me

25:43

later. I am I'm just telling him about

25:45

our lives. I have to get him in

25:47

my crosshair sites. I

25:49

say look in my eyes, watch

25:52

my face, put the

25:54

oven on at 180 at nine o'clock. Otherwise

25:59

I know he won't listen. What a

26:01

cross hair sight. Well,

26:03

we'll come on to that on another

26:05

email, which is upcoming. I

26:08

am an avid DL, but based in Yorkshire,

26:11

but I grew up in Putney in Kingston, many

26:13

a night in the half moon with Ralph McTell.

26:16

Do you know who Ralph McTell

26:18

is? No, I don't. Let me take you to the

26:20

streets of London was his big, streets

26:23

of London was his big hit, and

26:25

he lived in Putney, near us in our

26:27

old home. He lived in St Mary's Grove.

26:29

And he ran a pub. No, no, he was

26:31

a musician and I guess he used to do gigs at

26:33

the half moon, which is a music pub at

26:35

the end of our street. Right. Okay.

26:38

I love your world, including Hillary's water cooler

26:41

stories. I love the colour they add, even

26:43

to the extent of Philly's anal gland problems.

26:46

My darling Heidi, now gone, a Shih

26:48

Tzu had them. And our current darling

26:50

Westie called Fetch has given

26:52

us quite a few clown shield wearing weeks

26:55

to clown shield wearing weeks. Not quite

26:57

sure what that means. Anyway, bless you

26:59

both, Suzanne. Suzanne, thank you for

27:01

taking the time to write in. Sorry,

27:03

Mr. Whitehall didn't concentrate on reading one.

27:06

He's with it now. Very

27:08

nice that she wrote. Yeah. Maybe

27:10

we should encourage our listeners.

27:13

Are they called listeners? T.L.'s. No,

27:16

no, but I mean, is it

27:18

the listeners, the general word?

27:21

Yes. Yeah. We

27:23

should encourage them to write in

27:25

as many people as possible to

27:27

write in to our show and

27:30

go into as much detail as

27:33

possible about their dog's

27:36

anal gland problems. Nice. Yes,

27:38

I like it. We could have a sort of

27:40

poll of anal glands. We could do a whole episode

27:42

about anal glands. That's what I was going to suggest. About your

27:45

anal glands. Oh, excuse me. So gross

27:47

you are. Right. Can

27:49

we carry on? Right. I'm going

27:52

to read email number two, Michael, because I think we've withered

27:54

quite a lot. this

28:00

morning on and I'm not

28:02

sure that we're going to fit three in if we go at

28:04

this rate. Anyway, here we go. Dear

28:06

Hillary and Michael, I hope this email finds

28:08

you both well. I am a loud and proud

28:10

doddle and frequently recommend your witterings to anyone that

28:13

I think needs a bit of cheering up. Well,

28:15

thank you. I thought

28:17

you might have some interesting insights into my

28:19

current conundrum. I come from

28:21

a family which is very convinced in the

28:23

power of more holistic healing methods and alternative

28:25

medicines. My mum is a

28:28

trained osteopath and acupuncturist, so I

28:30

grew up being very given various

28:32

herbal remedies and alternative treatments for

28:34

any ailments. My

28:36

partner comes from a very different background.

28:38

Both of his parents are GPs and

28:41

he has had little experience of anything

28:43

but Western medicine. My partner

28:45

refuses to try alternative medicines or treatments

28:47

even alongside more traditional ones. This grates

28:49

on me as I've always been of

28:52

the perspective that even if it doesn't

28:54

help, it won't do any harm. I

28:57

would love to hear of any experiences

29:00

either of you have had in the

29:02

field of alternative treatments or any advice

29:04

you have for my predicament. Thank

29:06

you so much for all the hilarity and

29:09

cheer the podcast brings. May it last

29:11

a long time yet. All the best,

29:13

Georgina. Oh Georgina, well I think you

29:15

know what answer you're going to get from the right

29:17

of me here. How are

29:19

you, Michael, on alternative, complementary medicine?

29:23

The holistic approach, the whole

29:25

body approach. Where do

29:27

you stand on this, Mr Whitehall? I've

29:31

only got one thing to say

29:33

really. Yeah. I'm not going

29:35

to make a big deal out of

29:38

this but I've just got one thing

29:40

to say. Okay. I was once talked

29:43

into going to

29:45

see an acupuncturist. Who

29:48

was that by? The

29:50

lady on my left. Oh

29:54

I think Acupunctur would be good. I had

29:56

this terrible pain in my leg and she

29:58

said, oh no I think I

30:01

said there is absolutely no way. I

30:04

mean, you know, it's not that bad to be honest, but

30:07

I certainly don't want to go to some

30:09

weird... anyway. I mean it must have been

30:11

bad for me to shift it, because you

30:13

probably were groaning on about it, moaning and

30:15

groaning about it. She forced me to go

30:17

and see this person. And

30:19

it was all sort of

30:22

the candles lit everywhere and

30:24

weird music. Bongy music, yes.

30:27

Oh, it was... Bongy music.

30:30

I just tried to walk in and

30:32

see my doctor, have a chat with

30:34

him maybe meeting at the gallery club

30:36

for dinner one evening. Guys, yes. Yeah,

30:39

that sort of thing. I don't

30:42

want sort of flowers and squirting

30:44

stuff. Squirting stuff?

30:46

Yeah, that was squirting

30:49

perfumes and... You mean

30:51

essential oils? It was like being

30:54

in a vaping shop. It

30:57

was absolutely ghastly. Anyway,

30:59

I came out and got

31:02

home and Hillary said, how are

31:04

you? And I said... I

31:07

explained to her that it really wasn't for me. And

31:10

the woman talked a load of absolute bollocks

31:12

to me all the time. And I said,

31:14

just shut the fuck up. You're going to

31:16

do all this. I didn't say that, but

31:19

I wanted to say it. I hope you

31:21

didn't. Yes, I should hope not. Anyway,

31:24

got back and then we

31:27

were going out, I remember, somewhere. And

31:29

I'd put a suit on for this

31:31

woman, which I thought was extremely nice

31:33

of me. And

31:36

I got up to

31:38

the bedroom. I took my jacket

31:41

off. And I took

31:43

my trousers off and I got

31:45

this terrible pain shot right up

31:47

my leg. I mean,

31:50

I fell over. The pain was so

31:52

bad. And I thought, what

31:54

has this woman done to me? And

31:57

it turned out she'd left all the pain.

32:01

She'd left a couple of them.

32:03

She'd left two pins in my...

32:05

needles. I think they're

32:07

called needles, Michael. I

32:09

was pulling at these needles in

32:12

my leg. It was unfortunate that she

32:14

had, indeed, deals. I will say this

32:16

is an absolutely true story. She'd left

32:18

a couple of needles down

32:20

there, down by his ankles. And I'm now

32:22

going to give you a few details about

32:25

her, her name, her phone number, and keep

32:27

ringing her constantly all

32:30

day and then cancelling

32:32

the appointment. And

32:34

her name is... Can

32:36

I just say, D.L.s, the other day I

32:38

had a session

32:41

of reflexology, which I loved, because

32:44

I mean, what is nicer than lying on a

32:46

couch, having somebody fiddle with your feet, massage

32:49

your feet? It's lovely. And

32:51

then she gave me a sort of rundown of

32:53

what was not working properly, most of it,

32:55

to be honest. I loved it. So

32:57

I thought, oh, I think Michael might like this. It'd

33:00

be very good for Michael. So I booked him an

33:02

appointment. He said, I mean, no

33:04

way would I want to go

33:06

and somebody's fiddling around with my

33:08

feet. I

33:12

mean, that said, I hadn't

33:14

thought it through properly because his

33:16

feet are a nightmare. As

33:18

we have discussed, the buying of shoes

33:21

is a drama every time. They're

33:23

so sensitive. I can't even touch

33:25

his feet without him sort of leaping off the

33:28

bed. There was a mo... I mean,

33:30

there are moments, Michael, I have to say it. I'm

33:32

going to just share something. I'm going to overshare now.

33:36

There are moments when you've asked me to cut

33:38

your toenails. Well that's... I

33:40

mean, that is not... First of all, it's not

33:43

true. It's

33:45

a vicious... As if I

33:47

would lie on national podcasts,

33:49

Al. Because it's an exaggeration.

33:52

Occasionally there

33:54

will be a toenail that I'm

33:57

unable to access. Because

34:00

if I bend down too far...

34:02

You get dizzy. No,

34:04

I don't get dizzy, but

34:06

it is very uncomfortable, particularly

34:09

with scissors in my hand.

34:12

And I have been known occasionally,

34:14

but very occasionally, to say to

34:16

you, would you mind

34:18

just cutting that? Tying up the tail.

34:20

I'm sorry to ask you, because it's

34:22

a horrible thing to do. And

34:25

I have a huge

34:28

admiration for people who do that

34:30

sort of work. The lovely John

34:32

Durkin. Who is such a nice

34:34

man. A foot specialist, but he's

34:36

also a shroppodist. I

34:40

admire him enormously for spending

34:42

most of his life around

34:44

people's feet. Because

34:47

it certainly wouldn't be my first choice. Would

34:49

you rather be a shroppodist or a dentist

34:51

dealing with people's feet? I wouldn't want to

34:53

be any of those things. But

34:56

I do admire what they do. But

35:00

if my day was pulling people's

35:02

teeth out, no,

35:04

I couldn't cope. I

35:06

have cut your toenails in the past. The feet are

35:08

a nightmare, because the minute I even touch them, he

35:11

leaps off the bed. He's a nightmare. I mean, I'm

35:13

so un-troubled. I didn't think it through. I don't even

35:15

on the bed. I'm sitting on the bed. I'm not

35:17

even on the bed. I mean, what you think the

35:19

oil we're doing is in the bed. I'm

35:21

sitting on the bed. I'm lying

35:24

in bed, asleep, and you're coming up

35:26

at the bottom of the thing with

35:28

a pair of nail scissors. Nail

35:30

scissors? They're way too flimsy. I

35:33

need one of those clipper things to

35:35

get through your toenails. Right. Just

35:38

saying. I don't think the

35:40

audience really wanted to listen to all

35:42

this stuff. I haven't pulled it through.

35:44

Reflexology, not a good choice. think

36:00

though that acupuncture is quite good for

36:03

muscular skeletal things because

36:06

I talked to my brother who was a GP as

36:08

you know the lovely Andrew yeah and

36:10

his wife Amanda hmm when

36:12

they were GPs they actually trained as

36:15

acupuncturists because he thought that there were

36:17

some good benefits for skeletal muscular skeletal

36:19

things so he actually was a

36:21

big advocate which is me beyond my abilities at the

36:23

moment I beg your pardon how

36:27

very dare you interrupt our podcasting he

36:30

was a GP who did embrace

36:32

it but as to what this lady is

36:34

going to do Georgina I don't know what

36:36

she's gonna do with that husband because he

36:39

sounds like you I think you've

36:41

got I think you've got your work cut out

36:43

Georgina if I'm honest yeah

36:45

he's just gonna have it's gonna have to be

36:48

a drip feed situation maybe start with a sort

36:50

of slightly less invasive one maybe

36:52

not acupuncture but maybe a reflexology

36:55

or indeed I see that one of your

36:57

one of your your mother was a osteopath

37:00

bit of osteopathy you quite like a bit

37:02

of osteopathy don't you do I the

37:04

lovely oh yes

37:07

your osteopath because I have a bad neck

37:11

osteopathy being I think I

37:13

don't quite me deals on this but I think it

37:16

is considered to be slightly outside the

37:18

conventional medicine situation there is a

37:20

college of osteopathy in London various

37:22

other places but

37:24

it's a very handy practice

37:29

osteopathy I think start with that

37:31

that's my Georgina it's baby

37:33

steps if you'll excuse

37:35

the pun with to do with reflexology

37:37

start with osteopathy and reflexology and then

37:40

you maybe you can move on to

37:42

other things and I

37:44

I'm with you Georgina if it's it's not invasive

37:46

it's not gonna do you any harm is it

37:48

why not try it I just

37:50

want to finish on one other email

37:53

Michael which I'm I'm

37:55

really very pleased and proud

37:57

about okay I

38:01

am proud. You know the public service

38:03

broadcasting situation that we have, okay? I'm

38:05

going to read you this email. It's an

38:08

update email deal. So you're pleased to hear,

38:10

we do hear back from people because I

38:12

often say to people, let me know

38:14

how you get on. Somebody has let me know how

38:16

they got on. So are you

38:18

ready? Yeah. Hello again,

38:20

Mr and Mrs Whitehall. I emailed in

38:22

about a year ago about my boyfriend who

38:25

cheated on me and I didn't know what

38:27

to do. Hillary told me to put Gloria

38:29

Gaynor on, a fave song of

38:31

mine, yes, to which I

38:33

did and got out of there. Unfortunately

38:36

things got worse with his behaviour.

38:38

But I am now

38:40

in a very, very happy, safe and

38:43

loving relationship with John. Hearing

38:45

you tell me to put that song

38:47

on and go honestly saved my life.

38:49

If it wasn't for my internal strength

38:52

and your words of wisdom, I wouldn't

38:54

be here. Hope you guys are well.

38:56

Mr Jack Show in Stockton, lots

38:58

of love, Ellie Amy. Ellie

39:01

Amy, thank you for letting us know and if

39:04

I'd known you were going to Stockton, I

39:06

would have come up to Stockton and seen

39:08

you, to pat you on the back and

39:10

give you a big hug and say, well

39:12

done. Have you got anything to say, Mr

39:14

Whitehall? No, I can't find this lady's thing.

39:17

You have to see it in writing, do you?

39:19

You have to literally see it in writing and

39:21

I don't know what you've done with it. What do

39:23

you mean what I've done with it? There it is, there it

39:26

is, it's there. There.

39:29

And then we just

39:31

sit in silence still, whilst he

39:33

reads it. Yeah, that's

39:35

sweet. Yeah. Being strong

39:38

and thinking this isn't right, because if

39:40

you've got reservations about a relationship, have

39:42

a good old think about it and if

39:44

it's not right, ship out is

39:46

my advice. If

39:49

somebody cheats them. Several people said to

39:51

me, I'd ship out about you, Michael.

39:54

Which relationship? Mum.

39:57

Who are these people? Mum. I

40:00

do remember your ex-business partner saying, Michael I'm

40:04

like your dog, Philly. I'm very,

40:06

very loyal You're a one-man

40:09

dog I do remember your

40:11

ex-business partner saying when we met, Nigel

40:13

Haver's It'll all be over by Christmas

40:16

And I said, as you well know, DL's, he

40:18

didn't specify which Christmas, of course And here we

40:20

are, nearly 40 years later, still here 40

40:24

Christmases later Yes, and I'm in the not-ship

40:27

now And it's still not over You

40:30

notice I got the Nigel Haver's mention in there, just

40:32

as we come out of the episode DL's,

40:35

I'm going to wrap this up I

40:37

hope you've enjoyed our ludicrous witters today

40:40

And I hope you agree that

40:42

it was indeed a wonderful example

40:44

of Perciflage

40:49

It was a good 40 minutes of Perciflage

40:51

We achieved our aim We'll be

40:54

back on Thursday with a bonus app In

40:56

the meantime, please rate, please review, please subscribe,

40:58

please share, please tell your friends Please keep the

41:01

emails coming, the beating heart of the podcast, as

41:03

you all know So, from

41:05

Winston, it's a farewell From

41:07

me, it's a farewell And from Mr. Whitehall,

41:09

it's a farewell