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Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

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a weekly conversation about mental

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health, personal development, and

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all the small decisions we can make to

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become the best possible versions of ourselves.

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I'm your host, doctor joy Hard and

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Bradford, a licensed psychologist

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in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

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information or to find a therapist

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in your area, visit our website

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at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com.

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While I hope you love listening to and

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learning from the podcast, it is

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not meant to be a substitute for a

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relationship with a licensed mental health

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professional. Hey,

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y'all, thanks so much for joining me for

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session three forty nine of the Therapy for

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Black Girls podcast. Friday

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is International Women's Day, and our

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team at Therapy for Black Girls is thrilled

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to be participating in Iheart's International

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Women's Day initiative, Women

1:11

Take the Mic. International

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Women's Day is a day to be intentional

1:16

about celebrating the ways that women lead,

1:19

inspire, and change the world globally,

1:22

locally, and personally. You

1:25

may have heard me share here on the podcast

1:28

how inspired I was by Beyonce's

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Renaissance tour and the way it

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was able to give so many of us so much

1:34

joy and light in

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this past year. I've also

1:39

been inspired by my friend doctor ke Hallman,

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who has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs

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across the country seement their businesses,

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my friend Tanya Mason, who is

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successfully guiding young people into the

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future as a high school principal in

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my day, and her work to provide culturally

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relevant supplies to psychiatric hospitals,

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and so many other women who are achieving

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their wildest dreams and

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pouring back into the community. International

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Women's Day is also an opportunity

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to reflect on all the ways women

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have touched my life and had

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my back, and a reminder

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to me to continue to be a conduit

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for other women. My entire

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career has largely been possible because

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black women made it. So you

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heard about the podcast and then told

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your sister circle about it, You

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found your therapist and our therapist directory,

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and then you dropped it in the group jet. You

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grabbed your copy of my book, Sisterhood

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Heels, and then you couldn't

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wait to tell your book reading besties

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all about it. There

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is quite literally no part

2:47

of therapy for black girls that could exist

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without other women having my back. And

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I am so incredibly grateful.

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As we celebrate International Women's Day

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this year, I hope to continue

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you to highlight the brilliance and expertise

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of black women professionals in an effort

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to provide knowledge and resources to

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our community. I hope to continue

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to use my voice to chip away at the stigma

3:11

related to mental health. And I hope

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to continue to facilitate spaces

3:15

where Black women feel seen, heard

3:18

and affirmed. So

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here's a little confession that might not be

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so hard to guess, but I

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love being a girl's girl.

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When I think about celebrating women, one

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of the first things that comes to mind for me is

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being a girl's girl. That

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quote, be the woman who fixes

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another woman's crown without telling the world

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it was crooked, is one of my favorites.

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As when we talk about any concept, it's

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important to start with the definition. When

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I think.

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About being a girl's girl, I mean

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extending grace and generosity to

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other women as an instinct. I'm

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referring to offering support first

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and asking questions later. I'm

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referring to a default setting of

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I got you, don't worry about

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it. But of course my definition

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is only one of many, so I

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also ask some of the women on the Therapy for

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Black Girls team what it meant to them

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to be a girl's girl. Here's what they

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had to say. Karen, our creative

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director, shared, zero competition,

4:23

are hierarchy in the relationship, zero

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gatekeeping, admiration over

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envy, and feeling seen. Our

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podcast and creative producer at Least

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shared, I think real girls

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girls treat people how they want

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to be treated. The highest form of

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love is consideration, and those who

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value female relationships extend that

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love and respect to others not just

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because it's the right thing to do, but because

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it's an extension of the love and care they give

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themselves. Our community manager

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Jasmine shared understanding

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that every girl might not be your cup of tea,

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but we still write at dawn. She

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also said we're not competing against

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other women, correcting them in front of

5:06

company, making generalizations

5:08

about women from one bad experience. And

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finally, she shared, we're giving the girls

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the benefit of the doubt always and

5:15

giving grace where needed. Our

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community assistant Naisha shared, my

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first thought is ride or die.

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She also shared that a girl's girl is

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someone who's open with you about your weaknesses

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and strengths, someone who looks to help

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you advance and respect your boundaries.

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And our TVGU coordinator and

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TBGU podcast host Jana

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shared, a girl's girl is

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someone who's able to hold me accountable

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and who also allows for me to hold them

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accountable. So, now that we have

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a working definition, what does

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being a girl's girl look like in action?

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Here are a few of my thoughts and some

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share from our team members on where we

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can start. But of course

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I want to hear what you would add to

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the list. So number

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one and I wrote about this in the book

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Sisterhood Heels. Celebrate

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publicly and criticize

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privately. One

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of the ways we can cultivate affirming

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spaces is by being quick

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to celebrate loudly and

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being careful to offer criticism

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privately. Number

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two, be on the lookout

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for sisters who may need your help in

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an emergency situation. For

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example, if you're riding the bus or

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at a party. Is there a way

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you can safely intervene If you

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notice someone looking uncomfortable and

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you go up to them and say, hey, sis, do you have

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the time? Or Hey, can I borrow

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your phone to make a phone call? Any

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kind of small interaction that

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breaks up whatever is happening and gives

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them a chance to get out of the situation.

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Is all you have to do if you can do that

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safely. Three comes

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from my business manager Kia. Refrain

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from commenting on women's weight and

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appearance. What may

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seem well intentioned and complimentary

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to you may not be that at all

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for the recipient. He has

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shared that she tries to share compliments

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about things that capture their inner beauty

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instead. Number four. And

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I fully acknowledge that this one may be a

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little old school, but I still

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sincerely embrace it. If

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we came together, we're

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leaving together. If

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you rolle with me, I'm dropping

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you back off where I picked you up. So

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what you do after I drop you off is your

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business, but I will be delivering

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you back to where I picked you up at.

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And I hope that the younger sisters are still practicing

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this, y'all. Let me know on my social media

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channels if you are still practicing.

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If we came together, we leave together. Number

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five. If you get an SOS

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call, go get her first

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and get the details later. Now

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listen, I know that there are

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some calls we get and our first thought

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is what in the world

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is she doing over there. We've

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all been there. There is a

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time and a place for getting answers

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to all your questions. Consider

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that it probably took a lot for her to

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reach out and make this ask, and

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if you can go and get her, please

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do. Number

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six is a tried and true one. Ask

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to tuck in the tag if you see it

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out in the back of her shirt. Number

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seven comes from Zaria our

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podcast in turn, understand

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that romantic partners are significant, but

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so are other relationships than our lives.

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It is totally okay and good to make space

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for romantic love in our lives if we'd like to,

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but it's also important to make space

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for platonic love. Another

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one of our podcast producers, Cindy, shared

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that your girl should not be placeholders

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in your life. It's not okay to

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just brush them off when a new book comes into

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the picture. Number

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eight keep the door open

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behind you. Another

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one of my favorite quotes comes from Tony Morrison

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when she shared, when you

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get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly

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trained for, just remember

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that your real job is that if you are

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free, you need to free somebody

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else. If you have some

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power, then your job is to empower

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somebody else. That is

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the goal. If you know

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something, share it with others.

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This is how the collective becomes wiser

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and stronger. We all

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go further faster by

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collaborating instead of competing.

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Number nine. Share the

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names of colleagues when you aren't

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available for an opportunity. So

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if an organization or a person reaches

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out to me for a speaking engage or some other opportunity

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and I'm not available or think somebody

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else might be better suited for it, I

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offer up the names and contact information

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for those colleagues. This is a

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great way to increase the variety of voices

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in a space and to share abundance

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with others.

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More from our conversation after the break.

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Number ten. This is related to

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number nine. Look

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for ways to give a sister her big

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break or a critical stepping stone.

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I will never forget that my first major

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TV opportunity, co hosting

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MTV's Teen Mom Reunion, came

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from Ariel Dunbar, who was

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at the time a talent scout for MTV,

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and she found me on social media and

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put my name forward for this opportunity,

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and then while taping the reunion, one

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of the producers Satira Moore

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was so encouraging and affirming of

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me, and then years later

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booked me again to work with her on a

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Hondai commercial. You

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just never know what can happen by

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giving someone a shot, so do

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it as often as you can. Number

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eleven. Be intentional

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about celebrating each other's winds

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and important milestones. Mark

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it in the calendar, make yourself

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a sticky note. Do whatever you need

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to do to remember those big moments,

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whether it's a promotion, they

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face a new fear, they're doing

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a better job at setting boundaries. Celebrate

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all of it as much as you can. Number

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twelve. Apologize

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when you're wrong. Even

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when we think we're right ninety nine percent

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of the time, there are times

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when we are going to mess up, say

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something harsh, or make a miss step.

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It happens because we're human, But

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don't just rush past the mistake. Take

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time to apologize and ask for

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ways that you can repair any rupture

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that might have occurred. Number

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thirteen. Go the

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extra mile to show that you care on

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birthdays. Our senior

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podcast producer Frieda shared

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that it's her goal to make the women in her life

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smell extra hard on their birthdays.

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By doing something special and

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number fourteen manage

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any feelings of jealousy. This

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is the one I find that comes up

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quite often when people are talking about somebody

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not being a girl's girl is

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something related to jealousy. So

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you've likely heard me say this before,

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but being jealous is not a bad thing.

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It's an emotion just like any other emotion,

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and we feel it likely because there's

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some unmet need or desire in our

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own lives that's revealed

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when we see something someone else has

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or has achieved. It's

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not wrong to experience it, but

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you do want to be careful with how

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it's managed because it can

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cause ruptures in your relationships.

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So now it's your turn. I'd

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love for you to share with me on social what

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it means to you to be a girl's

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girl and what does this look

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like in practice. You can at

13:29

me personally I'm at Hello Doctor

13:31

Joy across social media channels, or

13:34

you can add us at Therapy for Black

13:36

Girls across the channels including

13:38

TikTok, and we'll be sharing some of

13:40

your responses. Don't

13:42

forget to text two of your girls and tell

13:45

them to check out the episode right now.

13:48

As I mentioned earlier, This episode

13:50

is a part of iHeartRadio's International

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Women's Day celebration, and if

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you want to check out more programming honoring

13:57

the incredible women at the network and worldwide,

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head over to iHeart Podcasts International

14:03

Women's Day Feed by searching Women

14:05

Take the Mic. Wherever you look for podcasts,

14:08

We're featured alongside incredible podcasts

14:11

like There Are No Girls on the Internet with Bridget

14:13

Todd and many others. That's

14:16

Women Take the Mic on the iHeartRadio

14:18

app or wherever you get your podcasts.

14:21

If you're looking for a therapist in your area,

14:24

check out our therapist directory at Therapy

14:26

for Blackgirls dot com slash directory.

14:29

And if you want to continue digging into this topic

14:32

or just be in community with other sisters,

14:34

come on over and join us in the Sister Circle.

14:37

It's our cozy corner of the Internet designed

14:39

just for black women. You can join

14:41

us at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls

14:44

dot com. This

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episode was produced by Frieda. Lucas,

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Elise Ellis, and Zaria Taylor. Editing

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was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank

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y'all so much for joining me again this week.

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I look forward to continuing this conversation

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with you all real soon Take

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good care