0:06

Hi, this is Liz think I'm and welcome to third

0:08

A podcast about people, embracing the

0:10

third Act of their lives with a new sense

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of purpose and Direction. The third

0:15

act begins when your script ends but your

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shows not finished. Hi

0:21

everyone. And welcome to third act. Today,

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I'm introducing a new podcast, voices

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in this podcast, Priscilla

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highlights the unique stories of some of

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the extraordinary women of the Athena

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Alliance on Today Show. She

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talked to Yvonne wassenaar. The CEO

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of puppet, a mother of three, kids, and

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a longtime friend of mine. Yvonne's,

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got a story, you're not going to want to mess enjoy

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the episode. And

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for those of you who don't know, both Priscilla, and

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I are sponsored by the athena the

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episodes of voices Athena in Today.

1:02

Show notes enjoy this episode.

1:11

everything is guest

1:13

doesn't mean that it's not painful it doesn't

1:15

mean that it's not hard those

1:17

are usually the biggest gift spears the ones

1:19

that you grow in the most if you're willing

1:22

and courageous enough to accept them

1:32

upon calculating the more personal side

1:34

of successful women make up the athena

1:36

alliance a learning community

1:38

for executive women i'm your

1:40

host priscilla been installed the

1:43

day we sit down divine was no

1:45

to talk about death the forgive

1:49

the people that are there to teach us and

1:51

hold us along the way

1:55

a blip about what we're doing here i

1:57

am so drip in my

1:59

story the tweet culture

2:01

the birth worker and afraid of birth

2:04

you know how to read carry a

2:06

history and how they sherry

2:08

morality actually storytelling

2:11

in past as city full the point that you

2:13

have three pillars in the village and that were

2:15

respected and now have that's

2:17

huge improves upon like it's

2:19

coming back up in the the other way

2:22

and i just been really focus

2:24

on that in lightning

2:26

people of stories that idea

2:28

everyone is like a favor a but

2:30

i'm really appreciated the game is where

2:32

i find interesting is an interesting

2:34

life in many different ways and

2:37

as i've gotten older i've been more open about

2:39

talking about different aspects and elements

2:41

of and it's

2:44

always amazing to me how

2:46

there's definitely felt as well how normal

2:49

my life seems to me because i live this

2:51

is how exceptional are extraordinary

2:54

it seems to other people and say that

2:56

in the context not like i'm amazing

2:58

but what often happens when you tell a story

3:00

of zaps or meaning is

3:03

it's reciprocated with a story

3:05

that is equally or even

3:07

more amazing but the holder

3:09

of story doesn't see it themselves just

3:12

like you don't always see it yourself and so think the worth

3:14

it doing is really court and because we

3:16

have shied away particularly

3:18

and leadership and talking about the

3:20

stories that gotten to where we are

3:22

and a think when i look at

3:25

my life the recent things

3:27

that happened earlier on in that

3:29

i had to figure out how to deal with that

3:31

has now in powered me to do

3:33

when i'm doing and if i can help unlock

3:36

fact somebody else

3:39

earlier in their life so they have more runway

3:41

with which to work i think it's incredibly powerful

3:43

nature com it like back and the dame

3:45

we had villages and he sat around the old

3:47

tree and you know the elders

3:49

the wise one seen they were name that

3:51

for reason and we've lost

3:53

a lot that so i think you're doing is really important

3:56

sitting here i'm happy to hear that and

3:58

i appreciate what you say oh

4:02

really

4:05

is that especially when leadership and

4:07

you know this is my personal life lives

4:10

to separately from this is making freshman

4:13

the today show even it down

4:15

showing them and them and things

4:17

can be learned we made

4:20

personal

4:21

period and no

4:24

not this not this keepers the stories

4:26

in a way that he said that us and think

4:28

of your life as normal you know until

4:30

you start speak about it and i'm thinking

4:32

about here and i'm really tired

4:34

of all excited about the opportunity

4:36

to deeply listen deeply and

4:39

ceo that says with your story

4:41

and then you presented feel

4:44

it away that i have even less you hear it

4:46

in a new fresh way and

4:48

gets you closer to honoring

4:51

that you are expected him

4:55

to ignore the that with them

4:57

and

5:02

elliott

5:05

eminent inspires you and often

5:08

when i'm contemplating think to

5:11

in a pseudo i want to emulate who want to

5:13

be like who inspires me the

5:15

news many people i feel fortunate that

5:17

i can call upon for that but if i

5:19

look at my treeless source of inspiration

5:22

it's really my daughters and

5:25

one thirteen and one's almost

5:27

sixteen aaron's there so

5:29

full of dreams and integrity

5:31

and carrots you're in the league that

5:34

they not only will but they must

5:36

make the world a better place and

5:38

it's everything from my oldest

5:41

becoming vegetarian because

5:44

she wants to reduce greenhouse gases

5:46

and not stopping at just her but

5:48

educating ass and being okay that made

5:50

me don't go completely the again but

5:52

can we reduce certain things to change

5:55

our carbon footprint and during

5:57

the pandemic seeing the one said

5:59

push to the out few protest

6:01

for black lives matters into see that

6:03

type of energy and

6:06

police and purpose and

6:08

people who are so young who

6:10

dreams so big you have that

6:12

surety are that anything is

6:14

possible i think his wife's not only inspires

6:17

me that gives me that hope that we will

6:19

succeed in headed improving

6:21

the world around us for everybody

6:24

i am presently nine months pregnant

6:27

unexpectedly

6:28

in some

6:30

, you a cheap share that

6:32

my santa have my hero he

6:34

reminds me of all of the hopes that i've ever

6:36

had a in in fairness i need to give shoutout

6:39

to my son can say he is a mama's boy

6:41

and i love him dearly his it's when said

6:43

to my thirteen year old daughter and he gives

6:45

me hope in the sense that he has a white

6:47

male kill has a great appreciation

6:49

of the power and meaning as being strong

6:51

regardless of what the colors of your

6:53

skin or your gender in fact

6:56

he was very offended by so

6:58

many awards ceremony is where he's like mom

7:00

he goes to song that they picked degrades

7:02

women in sexualizes mountain and i don't

7:04

think they should have one i was really proud

7:06

of him for that because that's it big statement

7:09

for a thirteen year old boy has

7:11

issued same and in probably not

7:13

the big deal and awareness by happened

7:15

in to do with with mother

7:19

you know masculinity is inherently

7:21

sacred not asleep at

7:23

six months and right encourage

7:25

men so could have to them

7:29

no are you singing karaoke

7:33

i love music i love all types

7:35

of music there's very few types

7:37

music that i don't like and enjoy

7:39

i think it was my escape from early on

7:41

as a child however i'm pains

7:43

and because my sister used to tell me i'm horrible

7:45

singer which my mother swears i am so

7:48

for some i've never done karaoke and would be

7:50

horrible but if but if to think about song

7:52

that my children will tell you that i sing allied

7:55

particularly in there were younger be on

7:57

seven announcement key alex

8:00

they will kings i sat

8:02

apple new ball then

8:04

somebody

8:07

and on basics i'm glad that

8:11

, great in any game with villages

8:14

bray i mean whatever anyone ever say

8:16

you don't answer you can thing i think

8:18

we just are all born that way but i knew

8:20

most people have a compass about

8:22

the and because the and sharing sharing

8:24

the easiest for me so

8:27

very brave

8:31

my what is your biggest fear

8:33

my initial make more sense

8:35

and leave that has it's my personal story

8:37

that my biggest fear is wasting time

8:39

the we had whatever

8:42

amount of time we have on this earth it

8:44

is one insane and don't know how much it is

8:46

then i feel tremendous need

8:49

and try to make the most development so

8:51

many different ways and so if i really

8:53

dig deep like either slate fear

8:55

heights but don't mind spiders

8:58

in our i'll pick them up a cop and put them outside

9:00

the house so when really

9:02

dug deep and have to say it's wasting time like

9:04

i just it's not a great characters it

9:07

makes it harder for me to relax

9:09

and read book and do things that don't

9:12

seem to have an immediate return so it's not

9:14

necessarily a healthier but it's

9:16

one that i'm working with managing

9:18

because think it's got strengths and it's

9:20

guys challenges i think that's like everything and a

9:23

given like sphere of hide it exists for a very

9:25

natural reason if you fall from somewhere

9:27

hot you could die so nature gave it

9:29

to it's for reason fear of wasting time

9:31

think as good fear it forces you want to be

9:33

productive but you also need to recharge

9:36

and take care of yourself sir getting that right balance

9:40

the mood in fear and thing that

9:42

you ever them there

9:45

is this classic cancer there's

9:47

a difference or like classic answer

9:49

is i just mentioned i have slight fear of heights

9:51

and when i was eighteen years

9:53

old i went paris shootings

9:56

i jumped out of a plane at and thousand feet

9:58

in the air i went static one versus

10:00

tandem felt was just made my

10:02

little feet were dangling out the side

10:04

of the plane is bad uk

10:07

and the instructor said go and i'm pretty

10:09

sure my hands were all

10:11

pretty tight on the side and think

10:13

somebody gave me little push but did go and

10:15

with superfan i took up hang gliding after that

10:17

is that wasn't the falling that was

10:19

the fly part which was monthly

10:21

fee for , and arrests

10:24

and for yourself like i'm afraid

10:26

of that than a duet or with it i

10:28

mean mean says i'm afraid

10:30

of place for eight and then victim

10:32

of plane is

10:34

it what you said it's a continual

10:36

testing of myself to conquer my fears

10:39

and if is very very active

10:41

process that i put myself

10:43

through which is interesting i never consciously

10:46

recognized at a later in life i

10:48

would say though that the deeper more

10:51

kind of existential gehring thing

10:54

that i think i did in my life was

10:56

i consciously i decided

10:58

to have my fiance street

11:00

kids sir idea after you pass with cancer

11:04

it was a not decision

11:06

i took lightly it was one

11:08

where i did lot of research on

11:11

what did it mean to be single mother and

11:13

what would it be like for their children and

11:15

there is plenty of single parents

11:18

and children who are

11:20

ways with just one parent for

11:22

whole host or even no parents

11:24

that's very different when you consciously

11:26

make the choice and so

11:28

for me i did lot of research

11:30

on different perspectives that reach sad

11:33

say his family members my family

11:35

members but ultimately

11:37

had my first child isabel and than i thought

11:39

since she didn't have loving father that

11:41

she should at least have siblings add little

11:44

bit of challenge getting pregnant second

11:46

time that ultimately got pregnant with twins

11:48

and very happily have three children now but

11:50

that to the lock is that sir forever

11:52

commitment that's not jumping out the plane

11:55

like one and done that sake you go

11:57

on that ship year not get off

11:59

and i am

12:03

uber brave a don't have an

12:05

understanding of your experience i

12:07

was separated from my partner when

12:09

my son and sixteen whole immigration

12:12

and so i raised my son

12:14

for the first four years nfl and

12:16

i guess what i wanted to share with that even

12:18

and from single parent is

12:20

loaded and it all on a single parent

12:23

in the traditional sense he named if

12:25

you join single mom scrupulous and they want to

12:27

talk about their partner they're

12:29

mad at for the by forcing

12:31

our other agreements about

12:33

who's then

12:37

i became than this day and

12:39

afghanistan in any

12:42

that framework like is

12:44

that essentially just making the decision

12:46

to be a single mother passes

12:48

be a single mother and and really novel

12:51

way that doesn't seem

12:53

like a model he doesn't

12:55

have a lot in other people's

12:57

look at who have any lot of

12:59

presumption that are put on yeah that's

13:02

pretty amazing

13:03

the i appreciate you sharing your story

13:05

is what you call out is so important

13:07

is that we tend characterize things

13:10

into the common and

13:12

so much of life is uncommon

13:14

in you can very quickly feel marginalized

13:16

are excluded or judged

13:19

and negative ways and for me it was big

13:21

decision failing to have my kids but

13:23

from the time they were born i was very

13:25

honest and transparent their father passed

13:27

with cancer and it's amazing

13:29

what kids do with that seeks

13:31

to them it's fact may just be

13:33

i can't my dad is dead mice

13:37

, it's yes know that is the truth but

13:39

it is interesting is mean there was are

13:41

definitely points as judgment along the way

13:44

where one teacher asked one of

13:46

my children in elementary school loan

13:48

it must be hard not having father

13:51

and know how are they able

13:53

to get certain experiences and god

13:55

bless my little child i only know this because

13:57

of another parent who was there who relate the story

14:00

but my child's should actually teacher and said

14:02

you don't know what you're talking about my

14:05

mother does all those things and all these other

14:07

things and i'm missing nothing

14:09

ah who ,

14:11

just really proud of them

14:13

in a sense and it's and lot of burden

14:15

that you're trying to be the best you can do for

14:17

your children that there's no one model

14:19

and how do that and i do think particularly

14:22

for kids if they don't fit that

14:24

sixty percent the average they

14:26

do get question by others not just

14:28

you know the other kids but even the

14:30

adults and the administrators and teachers

14:33

it's not ill will that it creates

14:35

different pressures and different things and you have

14:37

to deal with that are challenging

14:39

and sometimes challenging sometimes think and going back

14:42

to story time the more that we can share

14:44

my story your my know

14:46

your sons the worry it's important

14:48

for that you allies there's not a flavor

14:51

of weiss that's life is the richness

14:53

of the rainbow there's all these different shades

14:55

and ways it's being in it's not

14:58

what your family structure is what you look

15:00

like that it's how you show us that

15:02

think really defines the beauty of the planets

15:05

so beautiful and clay nine and

15:07

wholeheartedly

15:18

they needed question as to

15:20

tote around with a life more

15:24

life affirming moment and i feel a teacher

15:27

gave me everything think apartments

15:29

diving deeper that for

15:31

the something out say you had

15:34

wanted to share

15:35

you know it's it's interesting i

15:37

i have a few life altering

15:40

moments the one on briefly touched

15:42

on because i think it's important

15:44

and sets a core foundation

15:47

is who is am but not this whole

15:49

it's something from my child's head and

15:51

nine and nine that it's half little bit more

15:53

about my experience with my fiance decide

15:56

you feel that one thing me

15:58

we don't discuss in them the day

16:00

we did in times before

16:03

his the concept of death and

16:05

the experience of death but before

16:07

i dive into that for me my parents

16:09

immigrated to this country they'd grown

16:11

up in poland during the war may

16:13

last to kind of escape find new promise

16:15

in this world called america they

16:18

, three children which i'm the youngest they got divorced

16:20

when was or and my mom

16:22

remarried an alcoholic in

16:24

pieces man not intentionally

16:26

nobody ever does does was

16:28

sexually molested when i was in second grade

16:30

for a meaningful period time and

16:33

didn't really understand that at time since

16:35

idea you can look back and you can

16:37

put words on things but ultimately

16:40

what happens is created

16:42

in me when i learned later in

16:44

life is very few driven perspective

16:47

so driven actually found way

16:49

to graduate high school early

16:51

i graduated the age sixteen

16:53

which many people thought wishes to that was smart

16:56

but i just wanted to get hell outta dodge

16:58

and i went to college

17:00

in southern california and

17:02

in was determined to be independent

17:05

to determined to not follow

17:07

into the trap i saw my mother

17:09

in which was being dependent on somebody

17:11

she did not treat her well

17:14

and a large part of my

17:16

career was fueled

17:18

not by some great ambition to be successful

17:21

that by a gas it

17:23

need to feel safe

17:39

the nicer that because

17:41

i knew for a fact that so

17:43

many people look particularly people

17:45

from adverse can be no need similar

17:49

issue night worse and more challenging

17:51

experiences and yet so

17:53

often were not able to speak

17:55

about them because it becomes a tad do

17:57

a label and something that's negative

18:00

in some regards you become

18:02

blamed for being part the situation

18:04

that you had no control over and so

18:06

i put that out there because when i talk about

18:09

being a surge of in person and

18:11

having spent large front of my life conquering

18:13

my fears it comes from a very

18:15

early time in my life where all

18:17

those things that one expects

18:19

to be place to protect you let

18:21

you down and i i love my mother

18:24

dearly she's about to move down the street

18:26

from each and thrilled about i think she's

18:28

lot of very heroic life and

18:30

at the same time you know even

18:32

with all that she had despite her best

18:34

will in intention she couldn't prevent

18:36

what happening and going on and i think

18:38

we need to understand that from the societal

18:40

perspective and find this app for people

18:43

be supported and encouraged to get

18:45

beyond and clearly i've done fine

18:47

so there are opportunities to

18:49

to break out but i wanted to put that out there

18:51

and then i got it a different deep dive topic

18:54

but i thought i offer that

18:56

i'm so grateful it's

18:58

an easy thing to share that

19:00

it is an important thing to

19:02

have shared for the religious that the

19:04

form the

19:09

stories you

19:13

could , him sooner yeah no i

19:15

wish i had initially i have have

19:18

outlet for the even

19:21

sixty three days running

19:26

away from something as opposed to portland

19:28

thing and then hopefully on the way find

19:31

something works for

19:34

things like you'd be forgiven the

19:36

to today to do that and that

19:38

and easy to just do that

19:41

and the never mention the others and

19:43

let people believe all about i'm just really

19:45

harder or you know them and

19:47

what he said about your mom and the

19:49

ability to for gas and

19:52

time understanding on somebody that

19:54

you love most let you down and such a big

19:56

way but the see them especially easy

19:58

burrow as as subhuman doing

20:00

a be and into comes to years

20:03

and compassionately for a

20:05

was one of biggest guess the my life

20:07

to really is that burden of the

20:10

bad model or a bad person or

20:12

city to enough for you know so

20:14

interesting

20:16

yeah i know how currently in think you for sharing

20:18

elements of your story i i do think it's

20:20

important and i spent lotta time

20:22

thinking about it because again

20:24

back to the common story is a that we

20:26

tell on the tv shows and in the fairy

20:28

tale books there's wonderful life

20:30

said you're supposed to have and

20:32

so few people actually have that and even

20:35

if it looks like that from the outside it's usually

20:37

not like that from inside and

20:39

being a mother myself now we just

20:41

deepens the appreciation that i

20:43

have for all that my mother went through

20:46

and sacrifice that i didn't

20:48

necessarily understand at

20:50

time but to create be opportunities

20:52

in the way that she could and she's been

20:54

just an incredible grandmother

20:56

to my three kids and sister really

20:58

beautiful person and so i think finding that

21:00

leads you get through the disappointments

21:03

and understand what's controllable

21:05

which not control of on get piece

21:08

is a really powerful moment that

21:10

that allows you to go back

21:12

to enjoying my grandson and

21:14

others really profound

21:16

face and methods ,

21:18

a code and side of the a know

21:20

everything is in law

21:23

so much for sounds insane

21:26

and reflects the new shared already

21:28

warned you have fun i have lot of stories

21:33

the one that thought that i would share

21:36

with you today is interesting

21:38

because his story that deaths but it's also

21:40

story about empowerment and purpose

21:43

and if i turn the clock back

21:45

eighteen years i was in my mid

21:48

thirties and found the level of

21:50

my lights everything was coming

21:52

up roses incredible human

21:54

being by the name is kevin

21:56

to sign me things i couldn't

21:58

see in my sounds he told me not okay

22:00

how beautiful i was didn't matter

22:02

if i face it broken our my heroism

22:05

mass didn't matter was always beautiful

22:07

i was always special it was

22:10

the amazing lesson in how target

22:12

of affirmation can really

22:14

start to change what you believe yourself

22:19

the very innocently went in for surgery

22:21

for a deviated septum he was having hard

22:23

time breathing at night and we all thought

22:25

it related back to childhood

22:28

injuries playing ,

22:30

in the light hitting that knows maybe

22:32

one too many times but when they went

22:34

say to do the blood tests

22:37

they found that he had low platelet counts

22:39

and so they were able to go ahead and

22:41

into the surgery that they wanted him get

22:43

it checked out he did that a national whole

22:45

series of tests they found that

22:47

he had a very common be so on

22:49

on on that no worries me everything was

22:51

in be fine very common can

22:54

treat it with series

22:56

of our patients chemotherapy

22:58

sessions six to eight sessions

23:01

over that many month and

23:03

as he did decide

23:05

to go to a sperm

23:07

bank and advances the treatment

23:09

because the oncologist suggested

23:11

that there could be when fertility implications

23:14

and we were just at that point in life where we

23:16

were seriously contemplating having

23:18

kids and moving on to that stage

23:20

we have family and in beginning

23:22

everything was fine can go in

23:24

for his chemo i wouldn't travel that week for

23:26

work yeah you'd have nice and the like

23:29

by that everything seem to be okay

23:31

and then this one time

23:33

i was in london it was january

23:36

and got phone call he was really sick

23:38

and the i was how many of the chemo and i'd left

23:40

shortly after but started having you

23:42

tripping fevers and so i rushed

23:44

home from lunch and and we

23:46

checked into the hospital and

23:48

they to and bone marrow biopsy and they found

23:51

they had found he rare and dresses

23:53

she's selling from one night typically

23:55

showed up and younger asian men

23:57

in their twenties and sure he was

24:00

in his early fifties of irish

24:02

descent and , british citizen

24:04

so they didn't really know me they just didn't know who lot

24:06

about at the be offered us some aggressive

24:09

experimental treatment so we spend five

24:11

weeks living in the hospital it

24:13

is an intense experience to

24:15

never leave the hospital for five weeks

24:18

getting chemotherapy every single

24:20

day he had his spleen taken

24:22

out i slept on those chairs

24:24

that fold out and says pseudo beds

24:27

that oftentimes men familiar with from

24:29

maternity wards me wants to

24:31

lot of movies there times that

24:34

was very special time because there's

24:37

lot of fear in there was lot of intimacy

24:39

and discussion and thoughts ultimately

24:42

however after the side needs they

24:44

did another bone marrow biopsy and

24:46

a plan had been he has three surviving

24:49

brothers idol of all over the world so

24:51

they had flown in from china from the uk

24:53

to sample , both america's

24:56

the plan was kill off the bad

24:58

stuff to bone marrow transplant

25:00

but the results of the biopsy was not very

25:02

positive in so remember sitting

25:05

, the oncologist

25:08

i've been hit with friday morning she's

25:10

a lovely rating blinds haired

25:12

beautiful smile i don't know how

25:14

she managed to be so com

25:16

and cheerful working with such challenging

25:19

set of diseases and the world of cancer

25:21

in college but i remember

25:23

was sitting there is just the two of us kevin wasn't there

25:25

he there upstairs in was hospital died and she

25:28

leaned over to me and she said she hadn't

25:30

me yellow sheet paper and she'd

25:33

that offered out for treatment

25:35

that recommended against it because it wasn't gonna make

25:38

him better a we're gonna

25:40

go home with the help of hospice service

25:43

and when she handed handed of paper

25:45

she said this

25:48

is the number you call when he passes away

25:52

and it it

25:54

struck me like the

25:56

big rock wishes to rats

25:59

the stomach because i hadn't

26:02

actually process that

26:04

the end result of this with that my fiance

26:07

who i love so dearly was gonna die

26:10

it was horrendous experience and

26:12

challenging that we've become so close

26:14

and i mean it's obvious was gonna

26:16

die they'd fit betty just haven't consciously

26:20

that in so i

26:23

remember him looking after her kind

26:25

of in shock and then

26:27

she said i'm really sorry she goes

26:30

that the reality is is he most likely

26:32

won't survive weekend then

26:36

return for that it is over

26:39

fifty percent of his bone marrow cancerous

26:42

the didn't have enough bone marrow to create

26:45

the boy he needed to stay alive

26:49

in the hospital was getting blood transfusions

26:51

but you don't do that when you go home hospice

26:54

and so i asked her said well says

26:56

kevin millennial this they

26:58

don't know how we advise against

27:00

telling the patients how long we think

27:02

they might have cause you just never know and live

27:06

you won't see you could have the conversation

27:08

that we'd recommend against this

27:10

girl and enjoy the time that you have

27:12

and i remember somehow

27:15

we need home they're not

27:17

for your hospices amazing one of the

27:19

greatest gifts on this planet the nurses

27:22

he came to work with us the

27:24

services they provided for really beautiful

27:26

and his brother is had come over my sister

27:29

lives in holland she'd come over our best friends

27:31

from london to come over the

27:33

center with a lot of time together with

27:35

people and that i remember one night

27:37

haven't woke up and three

27:40

the morning he couldn't fall back asleep what

27:44

are you the issue british you you'd have a cappuccino

27:46

vicky and so she hasn't

27:49

had cappuccino city but we were

27:51

talking and he

27:55

he was really fan

27:57

because he hadn't lived his life therefore

28:00

he felt he could have he was an

28:03

amazing artist and

28:06

he didn't knew that doing commercial

28:09

make money versus the are it that was

28:11

truly in his heart and passion and

28:14

it will just this

28:17

is horrible to be with somebody

28:19

loves you on their deathbed

28:21

was having reflection around and not

28:23

having lived there for a slice and

28:26

he had an amazing life in he did amazing

28:28

things and now has three incredible children on

28:30

this planet but in that point in time

28:33

the lesson was not about

28:35

how i needed skilled and kevin

28:38

about how amazing his life was

28:41

but it really was a

28:43

guest that he was giving

28:45

me the ensure that

28:47

i would make the most out of the

28:49

time and i had here however short or

28:51

long it was that

28:54

with a life altering

28:56

moment the other couple

28:58

things that are a say to fill in story

29:01

one is that there was another time

29:04

that we were up talking and

29:06

everybody had left the house he

29:09

was having really hard time when

29:11

i inquired what

29:13

was wrong the

29:15

just turned any what's and been he said

29:17

well we're

29:19

all sitting around talking about that

29:22

and i mean only one dying and it feels

29:25

really still

29:27

brings tears to my eyes but

29:29

it's really in

29:32

in spain it is it's

29:34

an intense thing to be losing someone

29:36

you love it's an intense

29:38

things in be the person moving

29:41

on to whatever that next place

29:43

is and to be able

29:45

to three and

29:47

have the dialogues through

29:50

our life to to paris for that time

29:52

i just believe is so important and

29:55

it's wired talk to my children about

29:57

their father passing away from the time they were

29:59

born the i don't want dash

30:01

can be horrible scary thing

30:04

i was actually with kevin

30:07

when he passed away was one of the most

30:09

beautiful moments in my life along

30:12

, the birth of his children and

30:14

unlike what the doctors had predicted he actually

30:17

lives for five weeks then i

30:19

could feel his spirit rising up

30:22

then was really warm and beautiful mom

30:26

sure that because we have a lot of tv

30:29

, know gory horrible

30:32

experiences and there is no one

30:34

flavor of death or somebody passing

30:36

and sometimes it is really traumatic

30:38

but in my case it was just yet

30:41

another guest hundred

30:43

and man the that i

30:45

didn't have to worry about him that

30:47

he was gonna continue to take care of

30:49

me and has to this day wonderful things

30:52

happen my life and i always look

30:54

up

31:14

though

31:16

your bong bong and i feel like it's too

31:18

much of your story to ban because

31:20

of your reflection on

31:22

the worst thing that happens

31:25

when he says really important with i'm

31:27

i remember that the eu law and are studying be coming

31:29

us via when my grandfather

31:31

who i'm extraordinary close to she was

31:33

visiting a nice change

31:35

real quick understanding that he was he

31:37

always been very healthy and active but

31:39

i just knew him for

31:42

the last year and hippo

31:44

know what you mean about that

31:47

and hm and

31:50

the long term for my son at time right

31:52

so my son and for years old been

31:54

through that process as well he was just

31:56

me and my grandfather my son has no

31:58

other family it we

32:01

live preparing for it the

32:04

weather and would ring and indeed

32:08

and it talking about that process and

32:10

taking them out to the car where they would

32:12

and

32:13

no parts of the garden and where we could

32:15

go and look at our and say oh

32:18

this lizard fertilize the flower

32:20

and it's now the flower and he has

32:22

that when we go out and is he

32:24

he's about there some of his hands

32:27

and i feel like that was one of the biggest

32:29

guess that i've never given

32:33

even as the church and is

32:35

tibetan food the that and i

32:37

think we've got play through everything

32:40

the freer than time

32:43

you know the barrier in

32:45

the biggest fear and then you

32:47

don't allow the were dying to talk about it

32:50

the prophet said to spend time

32:52

in a to sit in that reflect in

32:54

it and anything the

32:56

window during

32:59

the com that person in

33:01

portland story the

33:03

important story and and think it's remarkable

33:05

that you have children latest

33:07

man then i'm sure

33:09

there trade in characteristics

33:12

of features that very

33:14

closely really

33:16

to hand and then you are to have been sick

33:18

kids and nice again

33:20

bring him life again and as in this way

33:24

a , ray ray such

33:26

an act of love and

33:29

i did lobbyists story of on beautiful

33:34

as we talked about early on when you share these stories

33:36

they get reciprocate i think your story

33:38

about your grandfather your son

33:40

that's what we need more of is that sharing

33:43

and understanding memories concepts that

33:45

seem really terrifies are

33:47

, of just a cycle of who

33:49

we are as beings on this planet

33:51

there is birth there's a deaths and there's

33:54

a lot of stuff that goes on the middle but

33:56

if we can learn to cherish those events i actually

33:58

had my my the kids but

34:00

the natural childbirth with dollars and midwives

34:03

and my twins were actually born at

34:05

home which was a little bit of his feet because

34:07

i was almost forty years old

34:09

so i was high risk my twins were

34:11

two weeks overdue the hustler

34:13

kept wanting to induce me in my mid was released

34:16

soon asia jerseys

34:19

and how do you feel your children doing bad

34:21

doing had to beautiful wonderful

34:24

children born at home with many different

34:26

dunes in midwives the rounds and it

34:28

was it was lovely experience but i

34:30

think that whole ability arms in

34:32

a similar with birthday i love the work that

34:34

you're doing there because i i did have incredible

34:37

midwife then do a shoe

34:39

helps me understand that if you go back through

34:41

time you know giving

34:43

birth is a very natural simon any

34:46

fourteen sure that is process

34:48

one of the best things whether

34:50

several great things i learned from my midwife one

34:52

of them was the not be

34:55

selfish and think about contractions

34:57

pain that could be

34:59

generous and think about contractions

35:02

as sharing your child on

35:04

on this journey into world and

35:07

that shift in mind that was so

35:09

powerful just and how i experienced

35:12

the moment when you're a you'll do anything

35:14

for your children and when you change

35:16

that focus to what's the guess that you can guess

35:19

it's really powerful another one

35:21

was never fear that any one

35:23

else will lead your child's more or that your child

35:25

will love anyone else more than you your

35:28

job as a mother is to bring

35:30

as much alive and year life is

35:32

possible and the ability to live is unlimited

35:35

the thing put guess that is that

35:37

they can last night just you but all

35:39

these other people all these other people can buy

35:41

famine i think these lessons

35:43

are super important life because

35:46

how i been able it can be a

35:48

successful there's this

35:50

woman and the single mother

35:52

herbs three children is the

35:55

had been incredible woman

35:57

by the name is julia she's been my nanny

35:59

since my first was

36:02

six weeks old and i went back to work and

36:04

they call her mom and

36:06

you know if anything ever happens to me they will go

36:09

live with her and that doesn't

36:11

threaten me they don't love me any less they

36:13

just have more aware than i think the more love

36:15

who can create the world's the better well

36:18

london in one sense you about the

36:20

country since and rethinking you

36:23

know sk the new not

36:25

everybody in in my birth for

36:27

an list of my for for i'm actually i'm sitting

36:29

in their that the giving birth and very

36:33

know everybody is ready to receive both were

36:36

you don't know everybody has that ,

36:40

mean would you mean

36:42

i guess what do you mean it's not pain

36:44

or with the mean that scene

36:46

the constructor and an idea

36:48

to say expectations and

36:50

think all of what are the

36:52

fuck some from

36:54

can you give my allowing the the here of

36:56

much your story is that he

36:58

to be that a framework for everything

37:00

you've said now it again

37:03

the letter hidden maybe in faces

37:06

they don't ordinarily seem like they have

37:09

gifts to offer and your

37:11

ability you see that

37:14

you make the most out of town and to be

37:16

inspired by them didn't

37:18

you do the could easily

37:22

neither ball or say the difference in

37:24

the have him to me before going

37:26

fix them mo he didn't

37:28

happen to me and it happened he listened

37:30

and funny and you've done something

37:32

the ball you think and all these instances

37:35

where of be really easy to the

37:37

give up and finding the miracle independent

37:40

shop and for me there's pay

37:42

for this have and

37:44

it's interesting to hear you replay that i

37:46

think the important thing to recognize

37:48

along the way that i don't

37:50

wanna come across as superhuman

37:52

as i didn't do that on my own then

37:55

i think it's really important acknowledge

37:57

him call out the teachers

38:00

they had to when was a young little

38:02

girl saw something in me that

38:04

i couldn't see myself and

38:07

the people who i worked with

38:09

who saw something in me and

38:12

rarely me up to levels that i never aspired

38:14

to be myself into

38:17

, breathing july's and the

38:19

the lovely people the hospice service

38:22

and my family members

38:24

and my friends and my

38:26

mother and only people who how

38:29

can we are naturally it

38:31

has to get to that place where

38:33

one and look at

38:35

your own life look at once on my

38:37

how i look at my life in terms and

38:39

everything is a guest it

38:41

doesn't mean that it's not painful it doesn't

38:43

mean that it's not hard but

38:45

those are usually the biggest skipped spears are the

38:47

ones that you grow the most if you're

38:49

willing and courageous enough to accept

38:52

them and often times you

38:54

need that support and encouragement and

38:56

think your point spot on i was

38:58

very i've been challenged with lasers

39:00

my life i was very lucky when came to

39:02

birthing it had very fast laborers

39:05

i had i lot of things out at went very easily

39:07

and i had friends during labor

39:09

for three a's so very different experience

39:12

and it's not judgmental not not to

39:14

say they had my mindset they would had a fast

39:16

will even some things are just the experiences

39:19

that you are intended to have for

39:21

whatever reason your intended to have them and so i always

39:23

try to tell people is just like not every death

39:25

is like the one the experienced with kevin it's

39:27

not judgmental not just is what it what

39:30

from me at the time and was one where

39:32

i needed it was my challenge it was my

39:34

aperture you listen i guess you never be else

39:36

will find around that by sharing

39:39

the opportunities the opportunities so what

39:41

you originally from pull out the common thread

39:43

of what is communal versus what it's

39:46

the that we can find those that swung

39:48

so frightening

40:01

i want close with one more question

40:03

is not the line video

40:06

and and for director so would you be doing

40:08

probably teaching my dad was professor

40:11

of my mom taught at different stages

40:13

in her career it's a wonderful thing

40:15

to do because it's one of those symbiotic

40:17

situations where you're able to give

40:20

but you also get so much

40:22

and when i think back on my lies the most

40:25

transformational people were often times

40:27

my teachers and some of them probably

40:29

don't even know what a huge impact

40:31

they had on me the thing that i wanted

40:33

says and with to tie in bulk

40:35

as we sneeze crossed many different

40:37

topics but i do think there are

40:39

some really com the when

40:42

is your own these different stories

40:44

my life has taught me than i'm stronger

40:46

than i think i am at times we're

40:49

all stronger than we think we are eyes if

40:51

somebody would have told me was enormous through

40:53

my fiance passing away from drawback

40:56

chemo and through all that heartbreak i

40:58

would not have thought it was possible and yet

41:00

at the moment in time we just do it and

41:03

so i think just acknowledging

41:05

that me that me are stronger than we

41:07

realize it when we have purpose and meaning

41:09

that comes out the second thing is that

41:12

that purpose really matters that lesson that guests

41:14

said that kevin gave me as yours that

41:17

i do you ever since i'm in my work

41:19

in my personal life and how i reflect

41:21

and meditate and then the final thing

41:24

is there's much as we think

41:26

we now we don't know that much like don't let

41:28

facts her new

41:30

asset trying something or doing something

41:33

kevin wasn't supposed to survive at

41:35

weekends no medical

41:37

explanation for how he lived five weeks

41:39

i live in he had purpose in desire

41:42

claire without some things that for him you have

41:44

done and to me that has always

41:46

stuck with me and the and colleges to

41:48

who i luxury he was blown

41:51

away she's like the we just this

41:53

is one of those things we just cannot explain

41:56

think that been putting setting so many times

41:59

we can feel that factor the data suggests

42:01

that we're not going to have that opportunity or

42:03

not gonna be able do those things but

42:05

if you realize that maybe those facts datasets

42:07

incomplete then ,

42:10

can have a different degree

42:12

of hope in energy and inspiration there's

42:16

an ending any i'm i'm grateful that you taking

42:18

the time the be curious to wanna

42:20

hear stories to give me space to tell

42:22

mine but more importantly to capture

42:24

some many others the think

42:26

you're right i think we've lost the human face

42:29

the society and so many ways i

42:32

believe there's a different there's a different type

42:34

of leader that carries us forward

42:37

and it's more human

42:40

we're and it's nine more

42:42

women leaders are her i think it's

42:44

sweet we can talk about more feminine characteristics

42:46

that finding ways to bland

42:48

are humanness in

42:50

the gaps so that we're just not a two dimensional

42:53

business leaders is driving profits

42:55

and trying to conquer the world

42:58

dominate markets that that we

43:00

have a soul and heart and lessons in tears

43:02

his answer the journey with and

43:04

yvonne

43:07

currently feel a bit and board director

43:09

for stern and a plane

43:11

he has brought experience dealing diversifying

43:14

and transforming businesses throughout the america

43:16

europe and asia the market

43:19

impact has earned for recognition as a woman

43:21

of influence in silicone valley the

43:23

board messed up twenty

43:25

san francisco business times public

43:27

company see iowa award winner

43:29

and as wall street journal woman

43:31

of know

43:32

tapper that's monitor and key our

43:35

candid with cheating i

43:37

sat apple

43:41

thank you for joining me i laid a tune

43:43

next week we'll talk about service

43:46

and resiliency with linden empire

43:48

a one star general an independent

43:50

director at pnc and scans america

43:53

if you might to be featured on an episode

43:55

of voices athena these reach out

43:58

to me at priscilla at athena lion

44:00

dot your story

44:02

matters

44:05

thanks joining me today listen to the third act

44:08

podcast you can find show notes guest

44:10

and more at third act podcast dot

44:12

com if you enjoyed our show today

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