0:01

Welcome to This is Important, a production

0:04

of I Heart Radio, the show where we

0:06

only talk about what's obviously

0:08

most crucially integral

0:10

to the fabric of our very nature.

0:13

Today we talk about I

0:15

jerked off into t J Max wants, isn't

0:18

that crazy? You make it to the toilet and you still

0:20

pass your pants? Sometimes I just

0:22

pushed too hard to fart and then you know, some

0:24

stuff comes out. We're gonna rab

0:26

the com slide the whole way.

0:28

Baby, here

0:33

we go. Start your engines

0:35

ring mingming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming, ming,

0:37

ming, ming, ming, ming, ming ming ming. This

0:41

is important. Blake,

0:46

did you masturbate on a

0:49

flight when you were a kid? Watching

0:51

uh, watching some movie? What's up coming

0:53

again? What where is this coming from?

0:55

Why are what is this? Gotcha journalism?

0:58

Right out the gate? Jeez, this has

1:00

got your journalism. Well, no, you

1:02

said it on another podcast. I'm wondering why

1:04

you're telling cool stories about masturbating

1:07

on planes on other podcasts

1:09

and you're not mentioning it on our podcast

1:11

when that's obviously a cool story. Well,

1:14

first off, I will shout out, yeah, that's

1:16

still a very friend of the pod, at

1:18

least from this square of

1:21

the circle. Uh. Yeah,

1:23

I told that story on their podcast

1:25

because we didn't have a podcast. Well what is there? What

1:27

is their podcast? You gotta call them out? Yeah,

1:31

but still is the podcast? Oh yeah,

1:33

but still? Oh I thought you were just I thought you

1:35

were just saying a phrase. Yeah,

1:37

Jack Wagner, Brandon Mordell, Yeah,

1:40

big shout out too the pod.

1:43

Okay, so you want to you want to give us that story

1:46

over here? Or is it it's you've already

1:48

burned it. Well now I feel like they should go

1:50

over to that pod and check it out there. But

1:52

did you just hit the friendship button for them or for us?

1:55

Yeah? What was that? For all of us? Is

1:57

happening? No? No, no, no no, no, no no no, this

1:59

is a ship family. I'm

2:02

feeling very interrogated right

2:04

now. Well, yeah, he jumped out the gate. He interrogated

2:06

you. I didn't mean to. I just I literally

2:09

like, you're pissed. You talked

2:11

down, came out hot, and I support

2:14

you. But this isn't I wasn't trying

2:16

to get at my guy. I was just wondering. I

2:18

just heard it. It was like five minutes ago. I heard

2:20

this little clip of Blake telling this funny story and

2:22

I'm like, why had he never told this story? I

2:24

feel like we've been telling jerk Off

2:27

stories, j O stories all the time on

2:29

this podcast, and I'm always telling some epic

2:31

tales and Blake had just left this

2:33

one in the cup. When I feel like this one's prime

2:36

for you

2:39

lose. Why

2:43

know the double discs? You

2:46

know, it came very organically

2:48

in that podcast. It wasn't like I was just like chomping

2:50

at the bit to tell about the time that

2:52

I j owed on an airplane in

2:54

my youth. This is pre this

2:57

is pre come. How

2:59

old were you, let's dive in. This

3:01

is pre pre yes,

3:04

this is pre pre what's pre pre

3:06

just the air the air shots. This is when

3:09

he were it was just dustin. Yeah, when he used

3:11

to just kind of by

3:14

the way. I feel like a lot of women, a

3:17

lot of females don't know that that was

3:19

a thing. Like I told Chloe, I was telling some story

3:22

a few weeks ago and I tell Chloe this, She's like,

3:24

what do you mean nothing came out? And I'm like, yeah, before

3:26

you hit puberty, it doesn't come

3:29

out. And I was a little late hitting puberty.

3:31

I was like kind of the smaller kid and so

3:34

so there was. I was like bummed when it started

3:36

to happen. I'm like, I gotta clean this up. Every time there

3:39

used to be no evidence. Now all of a sudden,

3:42

there's evidence everywhere. There's so much

3:44

evidence. There's so much.

3:47

Remember when it first starts, it's just like

3:49

one clear tear drop. Oh

3:52

really that's how you saw it? Well?

3:54

For me, yeah, it was like it was like my

3:56

dick cried one tear of

3:59

joy. Okay, you felt good.

4:02

You are bringing the back specific memories.

4:04

This is so weird. There's you didn't

4:06

you didn't do one single

4:09

tear drop, or you just started one day the

4:11

faucet turned on and you I

4:14

just said, you brought back like a very specific

4:16

memory from me of that exact thing. Oh

4:18

you had, so you you do remember

4:21

when you just had. I didn't

4:23

remember until just now, and I'm like, oh

4:25

yeah, it was like I think it was only

4:28

pre right. I think that was just what

4:30

it was. It wasn't like a it

4:32

wasn't a load important. I

4:35

don't know if there was a load. I think it was just like

4:37

pre I do

4:39

remember this too. I'm I'm thinking back

4:41

to the first initially there together

4:43

Kyle I remember yours, Yes, when

4:46

we were we looking at the same moon, Kyle, same

4:48

moon, Hoders. I

4:50

do believe that mine went

4:53

from like just only pre too,

4:58

a real just and wham bam,

5:00

thank you ma'am, like a real banger.

5:03

But how do you know that it's pre How do we I

5:05

think it's the clear because the consistency. You

5:07

know, come on, man, you've tasted your I mean you've seen

5:09

here. Yeah, but I mean like at

5:11

that time, was the pre coming at the end

5:14

or what I remember it coming at the end? I think

5:16

it was just a tiny load. So you know what the prefix

5:18

pre means, right, Yes, that

5:20

means before before. Yeah, but what

5:22

is pre stand for? It's probably Latin or

5:24

some ship premature. Yeah, yeah,

5:27

you figured it out. And that was a test Kyle.

5:29

Yes, and the smartest box

5:32

in the square. What

5:35

wait, what do you think he just came up with

5:37

premature premature ejaculation?

5:40

No, no, because several words have

5:42

pre and it pre is a prefix.

5:45

They maybe it's prefixed. Maybe that you

5:48

think pre you think what hold

5:51

on? What it's define? Not? Pre? Premature

5:54

is when you just before you thought

5:56

you wanted to so then pre come

5:58

like you couldn't like you couldn't control it. Premature

6:02

ejaculation. That's what pre come is, before

6:04

you really come. That's what pre come

6:06

is. So it's premature come. No, No,

6:09

what the funk? How is this tracking? Premature

6:11

ejaculation is like when

6:14

you bust too quick, Right,

6:16

that's premature ejaculation. But ejaculation

6:20

is like a verb, right, that's an action word.

6:22

Pre come is a noun, So it's premature

6:24

come. So what's pre coming? Kyle? Yeah,

6:30

that would be the same as like ejaculation, Buddy,

6:33

I gotta now. Hey, see, guys, why do you

6:35

think I'd come out the gates so hot? Because

6:37

then we start off like a fucking firecracker.

6:40

Fourth of July is coming up. Can't wait.

6:43

It's science dogs chasing our own pre

6:45

come tales here. So what are you saying that

6:47

pre come it's the stuff that comes

6:50

before the come. Yes,

6:52

prematurely premature, that's not premature

6:55

ejaculation. Hang one, My boys are

6:57

here hanging, My kids just walking and hang on, what do

6:59

you Yeah? Now, you know I don't

7:01

care, Just just don't eat it

7:04

anyway. Go ahead. You heard it from your uncle's now

7:06

you know, all right, Cat's out of the bag.

7:09

That's what pre come is. Okay, now shut up

7:11

about it. That's it's important. So pre

7:13

come is just pre come,

7:16

Isaac saying a preposition previous

7:19

two before, previous

7:22

come, previous,

7:24

previously on come like

7:27

it's it's just something that goes at

7:29

the beginning of a word that means previous, Like

7:32

how like un at the beginning

7:34

of a word like is that so it's the opposite

7:36

like unlocked means it's

7:38

not? Like God, how did words even

7:41

start? Though? Hey, let's

7:43

get into it. What let's really

7:45

unpack. I feel like we're the guys. Here's

7:48

here's I want to rewind a

7:50

second to when Blake was jerking off

7:52

on this airplane. Okay,

7:54

who are you with? By the way, yeah, how old

7:56

were you? Let's I want to I want some details

7:59

here. Maybe you don't to tell the whole story. Maybe

8:01

you're only going to get part of this story, but I think

8:03

it's important. Well, and what's wild? I just

8:05

got done texting my dad about how he listens

8:08

to the podcast while he

8:10

does his his biking, and

8:12

I'm like, okay, well the way this he's

8:14

a cyclists. Well

8:18

the way this came about is I used

8:20

to um because I

8:22

came from a divorce home, but I still would go

8:24

in between why don't you cry about it? My mother and

8:27

father's house, But

8:31

I would take a plane to see my dad because

8:33

he lived in southern California. So I was unintended

8:36

minor on planes quite a bit.

8:38

So how old were you when you started

8:41

jerking off on planes regularly? Well, so this

8:43

is what I was talking about on yeah about yeah,

8:45

but still as we were talking about how like Game

8:47

Pro magazines, there was a time when

8:49

like tomb Raider was the hot ship,

8:52

and like like virtual titties

8:54

were like yeah, they were all up

8:56

in the buildings. So I'd been flipping through the Game

8:59

Pro and I'd see like dead

9:01

or alive volleyball, which was like this

9:04

d o A remember yeah, where

9:06

it was just like fake video

9:08

game titties. But it got my young

9:11

dick on whoa

9:15

boy? And so once

9:17

again, how old?

9:20

So it was last year We're just

9:22

like, why aren't we circling the bowl here?

9:24

I know I'm trying to get any information

9:27

you're telling all the ship that we're not

9:29

asking about. Why I'm asking your eight I

9:31

like it, Blake, I like your story, Blake. I like

9:33

it too, I'm just saying he's being kg with

9:35

the details. I would probably say it was

9:37

in junior high. Right, that's probably when tomb

9:40

Raador was firing and I wasn't you

9:42

know, I'm still shooting blanks. Like what if

9:44

you can find out exactly what flight it was, because

9:46

there's like records of this, Right, you were shooting blanks

9:48

at junior high, bro, you

9:51

know that about me? I

9:53

was full blown loading. I was a late

9:56

bloomer, guys, big

9:58

time late bloom So

10:01

actually I think, like the Hentai titties

10:03

are pretty cool, but why is it that every

10:06

Hentai video, the like super

10:08

hot chicks with the giant titties also

10:10

have like a monster hog cock? What

10:13

is that? There's not just one straight

10:15

up? So I don't know. I don't know Hentai very well.

10:17

I apologize. I'm also not in that world.

10:20

It's like the c g I Porno where

10:22

you're like, you click on it and you

10:24

go this, this could be cool, and you're like, whoa,

10:26

look, how good the graphics have come. It's

10:28

pretty hot, and then it's just a giant

10:31

vanny hog on a on a woman

10:33

and you're like, it's not really my thing? Is

10:35

there any Yeah? Well it's some people's

10:37

thing, okay, don't kink shame, Okay,

10:40

but it's all of it. I'm saying, is there a

10:42

little something for the freaks like me that's

10:44

still like it? Natch natural

10:46

cartoon? Well, have you looked up Hentai woman

10:49

no dick? Yeah? Have you googled

10:51

that Hentai woman no

10:54

dick? That's too much. I don't want to get I don't want to start

10:56

googling. Then you're in the weeds. Then you're a hentai

10:58

guy. Okay, you don't want to be right, I don't

11:00

want to be a hentai guy. And no,

11:02

no offense to the hentai guy. Maybe try Google

11:04

and specifically what you'd like, you know. But like then

11:07

I'm like, he's an accidental He's

11:09

like, thank you Adam. Oops this

11:11

video? How did this come into the queue? I am

11:13

not a familiar What

11:19

is this demon fucking a woman?

11:21

Here? Let's click on that. Yes, this

11:24

is what. Here's what I'll say about any

11:26

animated pornography. It

11:28

gets weird quick. It's like a

11:31

portal to bizarre stuff,

11:33

you know, no king shaming, but it gets it

11:36

gets weird. It has a dark side to it as

11:38

well. Well, we can king shame, Yeah,

11:40

we can. King shames some stuf, some stuff

11:42

is you know, fucking bizarre, it's bizarre.

11:45

Saying it's bizarre doesn't necessarily mean it's

11:47

shameful. It's just saying it is. Right.

11:52

Let's well, let's dissect the word bizarre. The

11:54

route by that means to Tzarre

11:58

pre bizarre. Bazar was a king

12:00

or as sultan in uh

12:03

mid century Russia. Right

12:07

were you when you jerked off on flights,

12:09

Blake? I was, I

12:14

don't have a pinpoint day. I will try to find

12:16

the game pro and that got

12:18

me going. We will. Will you tell us about the

12:21

plane, the experience, the

12:23

equipment as they call it, what the

12:26

experience? What did you wait? Was it a nighttime

12:28

fly? Was this mid day? Were you going there in the middle

12:30

of the morning? Me about like the seats situation?

12:32

Who were you sitting next to? Is this like a

12:35

one seat on the other side and two on the other because

12:37

you're just flying from l A from

12:40

what airport to what? And

12:42

what kind of pants are you rock and sweatpantspants?

12:45

This middle school? You're unaccompanied? Who

12:47

are you sitting next to? There's details

12:50

that are foggy, but it was

12:52

not a night flight. It was like an afternoon

12:54

flight, afternoon

12:57

flight, afternoon fly,

13:00

and there was a gentleman sitting next

13:02

to me, but he was sleeping.

13:05

He was do

13:09

you sleep, attack gentleman sleeping?

13:11

There was a gentleman sleeping. Next year, I

13:13

know, I know for damn certain

13:16

you guys must have had an instant in

13:18

your teenage horny ist years

13:20

that you j owed a time

13:22

or place that was inappropriate

13:25

or you just should have kept it on. Sure,

13:27

Blake, we're not talking about us.

13:29

It's it's in the hundreds, if not thousands,

13:32

but we're talking about you right now. We

13:35

didn't go on another podcast to talk about

13:37

it. Okay, Hey, yeah, see

13:39

we bring our dirty stories to this podcast.

13:42

It was pre this is important. So

13:45

what does that mean before? Yes, it was before

13:47

we have thank you, thank you.

13:50

So you were prematurely sport

13:53

I was prematurely spilling my

13:55

j O beans on another podcast.

13:57

Wait, so this is so this is but this

13:59

is pre pre come or

14:01

this is pre Okay, So you just did an air

14:03

pop on an airplane. I did an air

14:06

pop on an airplane pre air

14:08

pods. So we know that's

14:10

the time frame. Well, that's the best time

14:12

to do something. Like that when you're dry popping.

14:15

Yeah, that's when you can get away with it.

14:17

Tell your kids, because you don't have to clean up anything.

14:19

Well, let's not let's not freeze it, like that's what you

14:21

can get away with it. No, this is what I'm gonna tell my

14:23

kids, though, And that's why we

14:26

are living in a worst time where

14:28

now children when they're alone

14:30

and they're just in their horny est state and they're

14:32

just that they're jiggling on the flight a little

14:34

bit and just the bounce is

14:37

making their balls just kind of just

14:39

trying to just right just the

14:42

air off the seat and the air pressure

14:44

is kind of wuck them up. And you

14:47

know, there's a stewardess there and she's

14:49

a living woman, so that's

14:51

crazy. She's a walking, talking woman.

14:54

And then there's a guy who's a sleep next

14:56

to you. Is that a weird thing

14:58

that turns you on for no reason?

15:00

That forearm hair, he's gonna if you're watching

15:02

space jam Lola, bunny. But nowadays

15:05

everyone has a goddamn video

15:09

camera in their pocket called the cell phone,

15:11

and the kids are not safe to jerk

15:13

off anymore, right, thank you. You can't

15:15

get away with nothing because what was the worst

15:17

thing that was gonna happen in the dare

15:20

I say best decade Blakey

15:22

the nineties, The worst thing that was gonna

15:24

happen is that guy's gonna wake up and just

15:26

see a little froey blake just

15:28

all throwed out, just yanking

15:31

his meat stick. I got

15:33

a big fucking boner, right, you know, And

15:35

that would be a weird encounter. You'd land,

15:37

we'd have a laugh about it, have a laugh,

15:40

he'd tell my dad. Next Yeah,

15:42

the guy next to you definitely just gives you a nod.

15:44

He's like, this is important. This

15:47

is also pre nine eleven. So he'd see

15:49

my father as soon as we got off the flight

15:51

and be like, dude, your son easy

15:55

iconom looking at Lara Croft, He's all right,

15:57

all right, They

15:59

all chest bump. He's

16:02

all yeah, he's

16:04

alright, alright, alright, cartoon

16:07

women. I guess he's all

16:09

right. I wish

16:12

the stores came by and was like, I

16:14

said something like is that your peanuts?

16:16

And you thought you said peanuts and you

16:18

like really freaked out, but your peanuts are

16:20

like on the ground. Well you know, that's the greatest

16:23

aventur a bit ever where she's like peanuts,

16:27

Well you can't. Don't you have it? Where it's like it's

16:29

kind of hefty, but I considered to carry on, don't you have

16:31

it? Yeah? I do have it? So it's bulky.

16:35

Carry on, it's bulky, but I considered carry

16:37

on. There it was boom, like she's

16:39

taking your trash and she's like, can I grab

16:41

your nuts? And you're like excuse

16:43

me, right, and you're like the yeah,

16:45

the rapper and you're like, uh yeah,

16:48

yeah, of course. Do you mind if I lick

16:50

your nuts? Um?

16:53

What well? If you're not gonna eat them, I love

16:55

liking this, the salt off them. I don't want the calories. You

16:57

mind if I suck your cock? What

17:03

I mean? I

17:05

was talking to the farmer behind

17:07

you. That's what you wish.

17:10

I mean, when you're a teenage boy, all you're

17:12

thinking about is the possible porno situation

17:14

that could just when

17:16

you're a teenage age twenties to

17:19

also also when you're in your twenties too, right,

17:21

I mean that's true. Sometimes

17:23

I have drive through interactions where I'm like,

17:25

this is important. Kyle's over there, like I'm

17:27

not dead? Yeah yeah, I mean you're like yeah,

17:33

Okay, I'm allowed to imagine things

17:36

right where you're gonna take away my imagination already

17:39

took away as president. Yeah,

17:43

my god, oh

17:47

my god, thank you God, thanks.

17:50

You know it's crazy. We're so politically charged,

17:52

guys. I keep thinking about how charge we

17:54

are. Possibly Okay, oh, it's

17:57

incredible politically drive,

18:00

let's talk about it, Ross Pero, where

18:02

do we stand?

18:05

Can of finish? Fish? Kind of finish?

18:08

I want to get a lizard named Newt Gingrich.

18:11

What else is funny and just political?

18:15

We are? We're so grinch

18:18

who stole Christmas? The New

18:20

Green stole the election.

18:24

Wow, I'm

18:35

going to Chicago this weekend. Guys. Okay,

18:38

that's politically hot. Here we go, hot

18:40

button issue, the windy city. What

18:42

are you gonna do there? Yeah? What's going down?

18:45

I'm gonna mostly eat hot dogs

18:47

and then be with my family to okay

18:50

trip. Yeah, it's like a July fourth get back. I

18:52

haven't been to Evanston, Illinois in over

18:54

two years. Whoa, that's a long

18:57

time. Wait, so it's like summertime shy,

18:59

right, haven't we heard? Like that's where dreams

19:01

are. It's going off? Okay,

19:05

Basically, it seems because I've been in this

19:08

little bubble here in South Carolina,

19:11

um Charleston for three months,

19:13

and here COVID has been over for

19:15

a while, but elsewhere

19:18

less so so is Chicago,

19:20

like right back at it? Are they fully open? I

19:23

have friends in New York that are like, it's open,

19:25

it's open, but it's you know, it's a big city.

19:27

So like, I'm sure there could be like just a spike

19:30

and then everyone will be back throw masks

19:32

on. But you know, I feel like a lot of

19:34

a lot of people vexed throw a mask on. You

19:36

can still hit up a grocery store, or like they

19:39

might just because it's summertime, they might be like, no

19:41

dining indoors for a little bit. You know who,

19:44

that's my fauci.

19:46

You're gonna you're gonna find out with me and Adam

19:48

being on the South not to get freaking

19:50

politically charged, but we're over

19:53

here, do it, dude, that we can't

19:55

help it. Though we can't help it so

19:58

charged politically drives

20:01

I need to know, dude, the red, the

20:03

blue, the donkeys, the elephants.

20:06

For real, I guess green parties

20:08

of the bi partisan oh

20:11

gosh, the birthday party, Oh what's

20:13

next to the birthday party party?

20:18

Yes, that's funny. That

20:20

was on the tip of Kyle's tongue. That's my president.

20:23

Okay, thank you, Okay, we know, Blake,

20:26

what were you going to say? Seem pretty

20:28

charged over there about something kind

20:31

of cool down a little bit. No,

20:33

it's just like in the South, there's so much

20:36

no masking and like nobody

20:39

is really like the rules are about

20:42

it. Well, no, I'm starting to see my l A homies

20:44

starting to post this ship like, um,

20:47

I don't even fucking no Delta. I

20:49

haven't watched the news Delta variant.

20:51

Bro, it's political. They like we're masking

20:54

up again. I'm like, I

20:56

don't want to. I don't want to. I

20:58

don't think I'm gonna. I'm all good

21:00

on did you jerk off on ADULTA flight? That's

21:03

damn right, that's the Delta. I know there's

21:09

very something. I don't

21:11

know. It's just is weird having the perspective

21:13

of being like out of Los Angeles and you just

21:15

see how they really do head that

21:17

ship like I guess it comes from a good

21:20

place, like let's be safe, let's be careful,

21:22

let's protect everybody, but god, damn, I did

21:24

not want to see that shipping. That's because

21:26

there's about ten million people

21:29

all in a very small

21:31

area. Truly. Yeah,

21:34

I do believe it's about population. Blake

21:38

came and visited me this past weekend, and

21:42

uh, it was great. It

21:44

was no fair. It was very very fun. We

21:46

had a blast. And this is

21:48

what Blake does the night before

21:51

he's leaving. We go out, we party,

21:53

we have a great night. We drink until we

21:55

closed the bar down. It's like this bar

21:58

on the beach. There's a and plane.

22:00

We were sitting out by the beach. They were serving his drinks

22:03

like well after they should have been. We're

22:06

hammered. This is the way we drive

22:08

the golf cart back home. It's good. I'm

22:10

like, it's two thirty at night. I'm like, hey, time

22:12

to wind down. And Blake and I'm

22:14

like, should we smunk a join or something? And Blake goes, oh

22:17

fuck, dude, dog man,

22:20

shit, I'm still gonna send

22:22

it. And I go what's up? And he goes, I

22:25

didn't think they'd calm. I'm

22:27

gonna go, what's that now? And he goes,

22:30

I invited some people over and

22:32

I got I gotta go to bed, Dude,

22:34

I gotta drive five hours tomorrow

22:36

because he was going to the Atlanta Hawks game. He's driving

22:38

from Charleston to Atlanta. And I go, what,

22:41

all of a sudden, ding dong, there's

22:43

five people at three

22:46

am at my house. Blake goes, awesome,

22:49

good to see you. And I'm like, all right, I guess we'll just

22:51

like make our way to the backyard and sit

22:53

by the pool or whatever. And we make our way to the backyard.

22:56

All of a sudden, Blake is a ghosted us. Now

22:59

more people show up. What more, They've

23:01

invited people, and so more people are in

23:03

my backyard and this is your place. So now all

23:05

these these are randos. No, these aren't

23:08

randos with the party through the day

23:10

we've we've been partying with them and Blake

23:12

knew them from before and they were all very nice people.

23:15

Okay, so they are they are acquaintances.

23:17

These are not all right, But

23:20

but I had only met them this weekend.

23:22

It's not like i've I know. So it's a little much

23:24

that they know where you live. A little

23:27

much. Okay, Well, they're not locals. It

23:29

wasn't even that. It was the fact that it was three am.

23:32

And now now Chloe's like, well, I'm

23:34

going to bed. It's three am. So she

23:37

goes to bed, and now it's just me just

23:39

and I don't I'm you know, I'm just it's

23:42

now it's three am. We're all drunk. The only

23:44

thing you can do in that situation is

23:46

drained DNS. It's

23:48

just it's just drink until you've

23:51

ruined. The next day, like fully ruined, Like

23:53

you go to bed at three in the three am hour

23:56

you got, you can save her the next day, but

23:58

five six am, you're

24:00

fucked. Were they politically

24:02

charged or just regular people? Dude, there

24:05

wasn't that much charged nous. And I think that's

24:07

why I wasn't willing to stay up

24:09

until six or seven. It's tough sometimes

24:12

when you get in a good conversation, it's like going

24:14

back and forth politically, like the time just

24:16

flies. You know, just

24:20

what's the line you threw out? Did

24:22

you say, like, you know, guys, I'm gonna

24:24

I'm gonna call it and then everyone's

24:26

like okay, or you just know I went

24:28

the opposite I went the opposite

24:31

way. I was like trying to clear clean

24:33

my I have a whole fridge that's just beer.

24:36

It's stopped. I was like, maybe we try to

24:38

finish this motherfucker. Like I was like,

24:40

we're going for yeah.

24:42

I was like, what's the task at hand? And then they got to

24:44

like five am, and then I think they were like, Okay,

24:47

he's going harder than we want to go. Right,

24:49

We're Bailey and somehow these there's

24:52

not a in Charleston. The ubers

24:54

are like damn near possible. Somehow

24:57

they got an uber at five thirty

25:00

am to come pick them up and they're like, oh

25:02

good, this this super came. We had a few

25:05

that that did cancel all of a sudden.

25:07

I'm like, if you guys want to beer

25:09

for the road? Yeah,

25:11

I was going. And then the next day I go to like clean

25:14

up all the beers. I'm handing them so many different

25:16

beers. I'm handing them a bunch of Ashley and one.

25:21

I'm handing them all like the course lights

25:23

everything, and there was like everybody

25:25

drank like five SIPs of each beer.

25:28

You know, they were just all full. Yeah, there,

25:30

every everything was full because they

25:32

were just like sipping and meanwhile I'm like crushing,

25:34

going like another round, and

25:37

they're like, oh, we're good. It

25:39

sounds like you were being a great. Huh, Yeah, I was.

25:42

This doesn't sound like a bad thing. Yeah,

25:44

it's cool that you went like really hard, you

25:46

went great in the situation. Yeah, I did know

25:49

it worked out. But I'm saying I love that me

25:51

and Blake are close enough that he felt comfortable

25:53

leaving me in that situation. Now, Blake,

25:55

what's your perspective on the situation? How did you? How

25:57

did this? What you do? I mean, that's

26:00

that's about right. I mean I threw out the bat

26:02

signal to the homies we were partying with earlier,

26:05

like earlier in the night. I'm like, hey, we're out

26:07

at these bars, these bars, and then I guess

26:09

I was like, we're gonna head to Adams. But they

26:12

didn't get out there until I was like, my

26:14

head has to hit the pillow because

26:17

I had to drive all the way back to Atlanta,

26:19

and if I would have gone to bed at five,

26:21

I would have died on the drive for

26:24

sure. Yeah. It was. It was a really rough. It

26:26

was a really rough next day, How far has that drive?

26:28

Five hours? Yeah? Five hours? I

26:31

got I was talking to my homies other day

26:33

and they brought back a story of when they were driving

26:35

back from Madison to Chicago, mass

26:38

in Wisconsin, Chicago, they pulled Illinois.

26:41

What Illinois, Chicago? Illinois's

26:44

correct? Yes, Okay, I was just gonna get political, dude,

26:46

I'm charged. They were so hungover

26:49

they just pulled over on the side of the freeway and

26:51

went to sleep in like the ditch for

26:53

like an hour and a half. Dude, the thought

26:56

crossed my mind. I was so close

26:59

to doing because they were like, I can't. I'm

27:01

gonna bar I'm gonna I'm gonna crash.

27:03

Let's just pass that. That's how MJ's dad

27:05

was murdered. You can't do that. That's right. You

27:08

can't do that. No, not on the side of the road. No,

27:11

they didn't. They were in in the car. They went like to

27:13

sleep in the grass, so even safer

27:17

amongst the snakes. How

27:20

crazy is That's insane? You could have

27:22

done that. Yeah. But the thing is this is forty

27:26

old, was getting older. We're

27:28

making we need to be making a little bit better

27:30

decisions. I mean, I remember back in the day,

27:33

we mean Austin Anderson,

27:35

friend of the Pods. We would drive

27:38

up to Santa Barbara when we were like eighteen

27:40

years old, and we'd go to Santa Barbara, and then we'd

27:42

walk around and look for open houses

27:45

and meet the kids that were renting their rooms,

27:47

like on what is that main drag

27:49

called like playa vista, I think, and

27:52

would go and be like interested in

27:54

like renting a room, and then

27:56

would be like, well, what are you guys

27:59

doing tonight? Maybe we should a party and see our future

28:01

roommates and high speed

28:03

bro ban and then everyone

28:06

had parties. So we did that like five different

28:08

places, get

28:11

all these people's numbers, and then at that night

28:13

we would just like call each one

28:15

and be like what are you guys doing? And they're like, I made us at

28:17

this party. These guys might rent a room. We

28:20

had no We just wanted to go party, and

28:22

why did you want to do that up in Santa Barbara as

28:24

opposed to where you guys were in college because it was

28:27

a fun thing. It was a fun thing to go do because

28:29

we hadn't experienced Santa Barbara yet, so

28:31

we were just like, let's go up and then

28:33

we would end up. We

28:35

did this like three times and we ended up. Would you crash

28:38

at their houses? We we did twice and

28:40

one time this is what kind of

28:42

perculated his memory was. Once

28:45

I tried to sleep in the car

28:47

with Austin, Like we just pulled over on the side of

28:49

the road and just started to sleep, and

28:51

he was snoring so loudly that I just

28:54

slept in the yard next

28:56

to the car. The car, and

28:58

I remember like just people were like,

29:01

I remember just a girl was jogging at

29:03

like six thirty in the morning, and I'm like, Jesus

29:05

Christ just rocked.

29:09

You just roll over and start doing push ups, and you're like, you

29:11

gotta get after it. I'm a right, yeah,

29:14

and just seemed to get

29:16

the word I do push ups at my

29:18

own puke. There was a time when I was so drunk

29:21

and I drove down to Orange County

29:23

from l a goodbye,

29:26

allegedly drove down to see Blake at his father's

29:28

house. Uh, And I was so

29:31

wasted, and I think I did some cocaine

29:33

that night and then made

29:36

phone calls. I remember making phone

29:38

calls the whole way down and then finding a beach

29:41

and then sleeping on the beach. And

29:44

this is when the listeners go, Yep, that's

29:46

why he's the sober friend. Dude.

29:49

I slept on the beach and woke up at eleven

29:52

a m. And there was a volleyball game happening

29:54

like over me. That's amazing.

29:57

You need a fourth

29:59

man, super sunburned dude.

30:01

I was fully jeane jacketed out

30:03

too, Like I was fully I had Jeane

30:05

jacket on, sunglasses, pants,

30:07

and just like I bet you had a really sick trucker

30:10

hat during that time too. I remember,

30:12

I remember that. I feel like there's a detail you're

30:14

missing. What's the detail? Did you

30:16

not have like a fake silver

30:19

grill in your mouth like teeth? Yeah?

30:22

Probably due probably like you

30:24

might have woke up with some fake like a fake

30:26

grill in your mouth. Do you think they thought you washed

30:29

up from the shore? I thought you were a pirate,

30:31

Oh my god, a pirate from another time.

30:34

It's a shipwrecked man man

30:37

ship. It's a dirty brown water pirate.

30:40

Don't touch it. Pre

30:43

Carl from workoholic. So there's no explanation

30:46

other than you were an insane Captain

30:48

Jack Sparrow probably pre Captain Jack.

30:51

Yeah. I feel like when we were younger,

30:53

we were just more um willing

30:55

to sleep places that that weren't

30:58

reliable. Yeahah yeah. You

31:00

don't run the numbers in your head of survival.

31:02

You just go yeah, I'm gonna go to bed right here. I'm

31:05

betting that in the Ozarks, I'm

31:07

just gonna find a corner of wherever we're

31:09

sleeping, and I'm just gonna do the hands in the armpits,

31:11

just laying on the glory on the floor style

31:14

for you. That's it. I'm gonna just sleep in a little

31:16

owl's house, in a tree, fold

31:19

up in a little ball. Oh Adam

31:21

doesn't like owls at the batch. Sleeping at

31:23

a bachelor party is honestly the hardest thing to get

31:25

accomplished. Like you, you don't have a

31:28

room, you don't have anything. There's you don't

31:30

think about that when planning the bachelor party

31:32

and then like twenty people on

31:35

this house and you're like, what then are we doing? I

31:37

love the dude and the bachelor party emails,

31:40

there's like yeah, but for real though the

31:42

bed situation, what's the No.

31:46

Eight It's a

31:48

free for all? When you get the bachelor party

31:50

email chains are the funniest

31:53

thing because it's just it will be a

31:55

free for all. There is there is no special

31:57

treatment. Whoever gets there, whoever

32:00

gets off that bus or whatever.

32:02

We're using to pick all you guys up first

32:05

and gets into the rooms. That's

32:08

yours mine, it's yours. But but Adam,

32:10

what you're saying makes sense. But

32:12

bachelor parties don't make sense because somebody's

32:15

gonna knock out early and be in

32:17

your bed and you're gonna be like, right, and

32:19

that's when you throw. If you throw a piece of pizza

32:22

up my asshole, I'm

32:24

gonna gona kill you at your bachelor

32:27

party. But yeah, but that would

32:29

be good for the pod man. You

32:31

gotta do it for the pod that's true.

32:33

We're gonna live stream the entire thing for

32:36

the pod man that it's

32:39

important. Maybe I'll get like a fucking tent or something

32:41

and just like plan on going outside. Yeah,

32:43

that could be cool. Maybe that's the movie you think nobody's

32:45

gonna be in that tent. I'm gonna funk with you.

32:47

Bro. If you're in a tent, talk, there'll be We're

32:50

cuddling, We're keeping each other warmed. What are

32:53

you talking about. There's

32:56

something's going to happen in that tent. I'm

33:00

excited for what goes down in the ten

33:04

d like one of those hammocks, like a pocket

33:06

hammock or something. That's probably that's a good move.

33:08

Yeah, those hammocks that are like nylon. Right, Oh

33:11

yeah, yeah, I'm yeah, five

33:13

guys will definitely piss on you. Just

33:16

kick me, just fucking kick me and try

33:19

to swing me around. And five late

33:21

thirties, damn near forty year old. I

33:24

like to practice my my drop kicks

33:26

on the dude in the hammock. Yeah, looking,

33:30

I'll be sleeping in here. There's a pile of shipping

33:32

here. Huh. Okay, all right, I guess I will be sleeping

33:34

somewhere else. Yeah, let's drop kick oak

33:38

hammocks. Ruined Okay, a

33:41

ruined tried to go to bed at nine o'clock.

33:46

Dude, fucking tired,

33:48

bro, I'm just bringing a pill I think I'm gonna bring

33:50

like a little camping pillow. It's all I dude,

33:52

hands and armpits passing. Well, Blake

33:55

just stayed here with me this past

33:57

weekend, and he didn't

33:59

undo the covers, didn't get under

34:01

the covers. He's a monster. He slept

34:04

on top of the covers. And it also doesn't

34:06

even look like he used a pillow. Well,

34:10

yeah, he didn't get under

34:12

the covers, and it seemed like he went out of the way

34:14

to not use pillows. But this is the same dude

34:17

who in hotels will not sleep on the bed.

34:19

He'll just sleep on the floor with like the comforter.

34:21

Oh yeah, what the fund is that he'll

34:24

sleep on the floor next to

34:27

the bed, Like he's the weirdest guy.

34:29

I know. The fact that he just invited

34:32

a bunch of people over the three yeah,

34:34

then goes to bed, then doesn't go

34:37

underneath the covers. Very nice,

34:39

it's a very nice house. These guest rooms are

34:41

are great. I could see if this is like a

34:44

dorm room or something and you're laying I don't

34:46

know, there might be all kinds of weird ship underneath. Here.

34:48

Was like, these are linen's, like you

34:50

could have slept with linen. These are linens

34:52

and things. Honestly, I think in my

34:55

mind I don't do it because I get

34:57

hot easily when I sleep, so I just

34:59

sleep on hot. Yeah. We also first

35:01

night explained to him how the thermostatic upstairs

35:04

worked. I was like, this as yours, so you can do

35:06

it whatever. If you like it really cool, you can just put

35:08

it really cold. And he's like, right on, but

35:11

did not touch the terms that slept

35:13

on top of the covers though, in

35:16

this close in his clothes. For sure.

35:19

I didn't feel down. It just didn't get comfortable,

35:21

Like, didn't even try to get comfortable. What's

35:23

up with that? I can't do that. I run

35:26

hot, I gotta get the clothes off. I

35:28

mean I was exhausted. I was

35:30

done. Yeah, we were going hard, man, Yeah

35:33

we went. Always sleep better under the covers, man,

35:35

It's true, like in a nice, cool room.

35:37

I don't know why I was so sorry. Yes,

35:40

sleep on the floor. I slepped in my jeans

35:42

on top of the bed. Dude. The more I

35:45

think, like that weird drunk sleep where you're

35:47

you're not awake, but you wake

35:49

up like you didn't sleep at all. It's

35:52

called alcohol poison and you're almost dead.

35:55

You know that weird sleep necessarily

35:58

but you can't move in the room. Is spending? You know that sleep

36:00

paralysis with

36:03

the grim Reaper visits you. You

36:06

know that, Yeah, we know, we

36:09

know. Well, we had a lot of fun

36:11

this weekend, that's all say. I

36:14

will say that it took like so long

36:16

to not be drunk for me that next day. Like,

36:18

I understand why you had to stop drinking,

36:20

because you drink until five six am. You

36:23

would have been drunk for part of that drive home.

36:26

And you don't want to do that, you know,

36:29

I was making the responsible choice

36:31

by going to bed at three in the morning. Yes, would

36:33

you even breakfast before you left?

36:35

How did you get your mind right? He

36:37

didn't. He didn't even grab coffee. We have coffee

36:40

here. Would you do for five hours? You hit a gas station?

36:42

I called him like like a half hour into

36:44

his drive when I woke up, He's like, yeah, I left

36:46

like a half hour for five minutes ago. So I'm like a and

36:48

I'm like, oh, cool, you get it. You

36:50

get anything to eat here? And he goes, no, I really

36:52

could use a coffee or something, though, Like

36:56

you didn't stop to get yourself something. He's

36:58

like, no, even before you left house leaves,

37:01

no trays this you don't. You

37:03

don't know where he's been, where he's

37:06

going. It's not malicious,

37:08

dude, I just don't think about it. You're

37:12

a stupid dumb aff It's

37:14

wild though, Like I forgot to eat last

37:16

week. Yeah, there's a kitchen there, there's coffee

37:18

pods right there. God, it would be nice. Look,

37:20

I had like half a can of Coke zero

37:23

in the car from the day before, so I

37:26

kind of weaned off of that. So you're

37:29

good to go. You're good to go. Wait,

37:31

so when you went to the gas station because it's a five hour

37:33

drive, you gotta go. You ain't

37:35

go inside and just get like a get

37:40

a game. Stop game. Yeah,

37:43

Blake, we've established you like to jerk off.

37:45

You weird scenarios.

37:48

Did you kick it in the car? Did you did

37:51

you do it? I'm reformed, man. That's not how

37:54

That's not how I get down anymore. That was junior

37:56

high. It's not how you are anymore. You didn't

37:58

get like Derito's or like a fucking

38:00

twigs or Skittles,

38:03

Skittles. I would have

38:05

loved the twigs. I would have loved skittles. Those

38:07

would have been delicious. But here's to punch.

38:10

I was headed straight for the Atlanta

38:12

Hawks game, and we had a box where

38:15

there was a hole, like going to be a whole buffet

38:18

five hours later after drinking all

38:21

day and all night. That's why your natural

38:23

hard parts. Were you able to stop and like clean up

38:25

or anything, or did you just go straight? Fair? You know what I would

38:27

have done. I would have stopped at a diner

38:30

by myself. H Yeah, I would have gotten

38:32

a weird Like what's great about the

38:35

South is you're driving on these bad country runs

38:37

and there's just like a legit old school

38:40

rons on the back

38:42

country roads, and there's

38:44

like legit old school cute diners.

38:46

Every momn loves cute diner. You could

38:48

have just stopped at one of them, had yourself

38:51

a pancake and egg, had a few

38:53

cups of coffee Southern

38:56

Slam, just some biscuits and graz and

38:58

then and then got on the Oh dude,

39:00

I know. I will say, like what

39:03

he did is he didn't stop, He didn't drink a

39:06

one drink of water. He just just

39:08

white knuckled it for five hours straight until

39:12

he was at the Atlanta Hawks. Well, because

39:14

I will say that on the drive up

39:17

to you in South Carolina,

39:19

I did like stop off to go to like a truck

39:21

stop like, oh, this will be cute, this little diner

39:23

or whatever. There's a big sign. I pulled

39:26

up and it just kind of wasn't

39:28

cute at all. It felt kind of backwards to me.

39:30

So I'm like, no, I'm gonna go. And

39:32

then but that's the cool ship. Dude. You gotta get a little

39:34

backwards. You look like you act like I

39:37

know you don't think you fit in, But with that hair, dude,

39:39

you fit in. I don't know. I didn't see a lot

39:41

of long hairs out our way. No, no, no, no,

39:44

yeah, I've seen Easy Rider. Have you seen

39:46

Easy Rider? They get smoked just for being long

39:48

hairs in that movie that was, Oh

39:53

yeah, fucking Easy Rider. That ship's

39:55

troublesome again

39:58

half century ago. Oh ship,

40:02

that ship that did happen in a movie

40:05

fifty years is trouble

40:07

But here's what I'm thinking. Here's what I'm thinking. So

40:10

you got to the game. You went straight to the game,

40:12

as we've established, no shower,

40:15

no wipe your nuts, nothing,

40:17

right, No, he changed clothes. Blake

40:19

is a cleanly man. He did that. Yeah. But

40:22

as far as you get there, you didn't

40:24

eat first? Well,

40:28

oh good, you had a beer before you ate

40:31

anything? Right, Absolutely. I got out of

40:33

Niccolo Vultra they were free. And then what

40:35

did you eat? Well? They had a

40:37

nice bread. I had two hot dogs. I had two

40:39

slices of pizza, had some chicken,

40:42

had some cold slaw. I had a salad. And

40:45

then, hey, when you heard the dribbling

40:47

in those balls, did it get something inside of you just

40:49

couldn't go that you had to dip off from

40:51

the pathroom. No,

40:55

I don't go to the bat. I was just in the box

40:57

with everybody else. I just threw like one of the

41:00

free T shirts over my lap and then

41:02

he didn't get it done. Dude. Yeah,

41:04

everybody's like, why is he going to ape over

41:06

the free T shirt? Like

41:09

me? Readier, me, me,

41:11

me. They're like, I guess Blake

41:14

really wants this pretty shirt? Here you go, buddy, Can

41:18

I get another one? Oh? Yes, yes,

41:22

let me get a couple over here. Dude, I don't

41:24

know. Yeah, he just piled him out his lap and sits

41:26

right there. It's like it's

41:29

a joke. Keep sending him. It's funnier

41:31

the more I get, it's funnier. I

41:41

jerked off in at t J Max Wants and

41:44

this wasn't, Dagne.

41:48

I think we might be a little premature on the ending.

41:51

Wait did you because you remember like the most

41:53

legit hiding spot when you were like in

41:56

the cpartment stores was you'd go through

41:59

the clothes into the middle. Yeah, the best,

42:02

No, it wasn't. I must have been like the

42:04

twelve thirteen something like that. I was

42:06

at the register and was at

42:08

the register. I just locked eyes beautiful,

42:11

like look like a wolf, this dude, and

42:14

um no, I was I

42:17

was, uh sitting in a chair.

42:19

I'm like waiting for my mom to buy ship. Uh.

42:22

And there's it's just TJ Max.

42:25

There's just ship everywhere. There's not a lot of people

42:27

around. I'm like wearing a big jacket

42:29

and I'm like wearing a coat. You know, it's

42:32

it's winter in Nebraska. And

42:34

I just I just I just jerked off. It was I was

42:36

bored. It was out of boredom. It

42:38

was like a jerk off out of boredom. And

42:41

but then I noticed the security guard who was

42:44

kind of looking at me. And it's kind of hard

42:46

to jerk off and not like movie

42:49

move your art, so I

42:51

think I think he probably was like this motherfucker's

42:54

jerking off in this t J Max. But

42:58

then I couldn't stop because it was

43:00

I was too far down the process. So I just kept

43:02

going, even though I'm pretty sure I was already

43:05

spotted. Yeah, like spotted,

43:07

like you spotted your pants like you were the

43:12

Yeah, the pants were messed up. What I did is

43:14

I went in the bathroom

43:16

afterwards and threw them away. Oh

43:19

I've done that, and you're like, mom, I want to buy these

43:21

pants. I'm gonna wear them out of the d J Max.

43:26

You threw your pants away, not the

43:28

pants, the andies, the andes. Yes, yeah, I've

43:31

away when I sharted my Joe boxers, my Joe

43:33

box Oh Kyle, do tell about

43:35

your sharting. I'm

43:37

shart You were jacking off and then sharted.

43:40

Well, yeah, I was jacking off. That was all clean.

43:42

This was no dude, I've just thrown my indies

43:44

away because I have shipped myself before. Like,

43:47

wow, I want to shift at Brendan Theaters. Dude,

43:49

me too. We both ship pants at

43:51

the same job. Do you guys

43:53

think you ate something? Well, I think we threw

43:56

them out in the same place to right, like that next

43:59

door spot I love Terry. Did

44:02

thout you

44:05

guys ate a place? I love Terry HOCKI It

44:08

was bomb, dude. They give discounts to everybody

44:10

who worked at Brendan Theaters and it was very

44:12

delicious. But it was rich. It

44:15

was it was very rich. So you guys

44:18

like it's happened to me. It

44:20

must have been a few times, but just the one time that

44:22

I really remember it was the State

44:25

Up Comedy Night that I said in one of the very first podcasts

44:28

where yeah, the whole third came

44:30

out and I put in the pot of plant wrapped in a napkin.

44:33

Uh, but this, it sounds like it happens

44:35

fairly frequently to you. Count Uh,

44:38

why do you think that is? Do you think it's all the veggies?

44:40

Do you think maybe you need No, No, this

44:43

is something that's been going on since I was the

44:45

meat eater. I just have like leakage. Um,

44:48

oh you got a seepage situation. It's

44:50

a steep situation. Yeah, just like a loose

44:52

Oh what are we thinking? Like your spincters

44:55

lose? You blew your O ring? No. Sometimes

44:57

I just pushed too hard to fart and then you know,

44:59

some stuff comes out. You know, it's like that's what happened.

45:02

It is a delicate dance. And sometimes you're

45:04

like I got total control of Nope,

45:07

I just ship my pants. I have a fart right now.

45:09

If you guys would like to hear it, would you like to hear it? Yes?

45:11

Yes, yeah, I don't.

45:14

I don't dude.

45:20

Was that real stereo that

45:26

didn't sound real at all? Was

45:28

that real band? Smells real, bad smells

45:31

real. Yeah, yeah,

45:34

no, so I have I have great farts, like fantastic

45:37

farts, and I always want to hear them, and I always want

45:39

to give my best performative

45:42

and sometimes it's it's ship if

45:44

I may. I just want to say, like, based

45:47

on hearing the like slap, the snap,

45:49

crackle and pop of your butt hole, it does not sound

45:52

like it's very tight, Like I feel like things would

45:54

slip out of that. Correct, That's what I'm saying.

45:56

There was like extra clapp. It just just

45:58

from the audio could tell that

46:01

things could slide out. Yeah, I mean

46:03

it just had a flatness to it, you know, kind of like a

46:06

little too loose and slappy,

46:08

you know. Yeah, pop it

46:12

pops. Correct, yes, correct,

46:15

Yes, that's a correct assessment. And then you gave

46:17

it I thought it was all done, and then you gave it

46:19

extra yeah, which tells me that's when you're really

46:22

playing with fire. That's when seepage happens.

46:25

It's also when the funniest farts happened, When you think

46:27

you're done and then you hit him again, you know what I mean. Of

46:29

course, little pulsing action is good for the comedy,

46:32

it's science we're not saying it isn't right right,

46:35

but yes, it comes with a

46:37

raw deal where sometimes you shoot yourself.

46:40

Yeah, hey man, you play with fire, you get burned. Raw

46:43

deal every once in

46:45

a while. I agree, brother. Well you ever you know when

46:47

it started happening when I was like obsessed

46:49

with lighting my farts on fire, like

46:52

torking? Are we talking about trking? Wait, turkika,

46:56

is that what you call it? TORQUI yeah, we call

46:58

it torking. That's choreing and versus

47:00

torking. It's not torching. We

47:03

called it torquing. Why

47:05

did you call it that? This is just lighting your hearts

47:07

on fire? What's the reason? I don't know. That's why. That's how I learned

47:09

it at summer camp, and I used to fucking tork it

47:11

up. You know what I think happened. I think they

47:14

said torching. You said torquing.

47:16

No one told you otherwise. Then you took that

47:19

home from Southern as summer

47:21

camp. From Southern camp. Mama

47:25

out here talking to be more

47:27

sudden? Uh? Do

47:30

you think that because torquing doesn't make any

47:32

sense? Torching makes perfect sense. I

47:34

will say a couple of things. That's possible.

47:36

So that's possible. Secondly, secondly,

47:40

does it have to make sense? Half of this ship never

47:42

makes sense. Just what's what's chorking?

47:45

Chorking makes a lot of sense. What

47:49

is it? It's an a amonopia. Let's leave

47:51

it to the people out there, slides m

47:54

enough, torking is a thing? Is it corking

47:57

or is it torching? But yeah, that was a very

47:59

fun I'm not saying if it is one or

48:01

the other, because I'm sure there's variants out

48:03

there, like delta, there's variants. It's

48:05

the Delta variants. Whatever you want. It's

48:08

tight. If people have never heard of torking

48:10

before, let me know. T O R

48:13

K, I n G. It's that's something. Oh it's

48:15

a k. It's not even q Q yeah

48:19

down. Yeah. But I was very

48:21

good at lighting my thoughts on fire and where

48:24

I definitely did it every time I possibly could.

48:26

And this has been an episode. And

48:29

you guys, uh were I mean,

48:31

you guys were Bay Area like

48:34

that the suburbs forty five minutes

48:37

outside of the Bay Area and something area

48:43

forty five minutes away from Tom

48:46

Hanks is. But yeah,

48:48

but so you guys would sag

48:51

your pants down so fucking

48:53

far correct, So your whole asshole is

48:55

hanging out, and so there's just one

48:57

tiny little thin piece of fabric

49:00

between an open flame and you're

49:02

gaping gas leaking asshole.

49:05

Yes, well we thought that was the safe way

49:07

to do it, because Blake didn't your dad have a horror story

49:09

about like when he did it bear ass and

49:12

his asshole actually sucked the Yeah,

49:14

you don't do it. You do it through your pants too.

49:16

You could do it through your gene. His asshole actually sucked

49:19

the I don't know if it was your dad who did this, but some one

49:21

of his friends. Well, this is what I was

49:23

about to ask you guys. Well, we now that

49:25

we know your dad listens to the

49:27

podcast, so I'm pretty

49:29

sure as your dad that this happened to dad.

49:33

It wasn't. No,

49:35

that was what I was about to ask you, dudes.

49:38

Was I was like, did you hear the urban like legend

49:40

where some kid kind

49:43

of was trying to light his fart on fire and

49:45

the flames sucked up into his

49:47

asshole and burned his intestines? And

49:50

I believe that you do. Yeah,

49:52

no, And I thought that was your dad that that happened

49:54

to know, my dad's asshole is fully

49:56

functioning to my knowledge. Good.

50:00

See, so I thought I was being safe by

50:03

going through the pants, but I

50:05

think I might have funked up my ass and caused

50:07

sept So this is the route you

50:10

had, like a charred hole. Wait, yeah,

50:14

I think I'm driving this. That's

50:17

right. I can draw a

50:19

correlation between lighting my farts

50:21

on fire, and I can draw

50:23

a picture of my butthole free, free

50:26

hand from memory, and it's

50:28

just a black blob. Just squat

50:31

over a mirror and give me a charcoal drawing

50:33

everything. I could draw

50:35

a picture of a bottle pre

50:37

and like holding your nuts up and

50:40

just kind of just yeah,

50:43

I think it caused seepage. Be careful out their kids.

50:45

Just be careful and careful torquing or torching

50:48

or whatever you call it, and do it. If you're

50:50

gonna do it, do it through your underwear and your

50:53

shorts or pants, or at least underwear.

50:55

At least underwear. So I jerk off into j

50:59

Blake is in worrious airplane,

51:01

joy Kyle's

51:05

ships his pants more often

51:07

than not. What's up? What's

51:09

what's what's your thing? When? Where did you jerk

51:12

off? For? What happened with your poops

51:14

or what's your deep dark secret? Just

51:17

kissed on your yourself all the time? Piece

51:19

you gotta drip drop piece do I do

51:22

love this podcast? Um? I

51:25

don't know the one like Ruth

51:27

the dare like a little girl?

51:30

Hey else? Were you grosser?

51:32

Violating it? The one

51:34

thing that pops in my head. I think I told the story

51:36

about when I shipped at south By Southwest in

51:39

the shower and then later at the

51:41

like converse like giveaway story

51:43

we were at oh when we were all together? Yeah,

51:46

yes, yeah, what happened. Though I don't know what happened.

51:49

I was there. I didn't tell the story. I do remember this.

51:51

And this is adulthood too, so this

51:53

isn't this isn't even we were telling

51:56

like you're starting the career. Is we're targeting

51:58

just as like eight years ago or something. After drinking

52:00

beers for like forty eight hours, you know you're an awesome

52:03

you're pounding some lone stars. So

52:08

getting ready for the day because we kind of get like important

52:11

that we get carted around, right, we get card

52:13

around all this stuff. There's kind of like an agenda, so like hey,

52:15

shower, met us down here. It's like all right, I'm in

52:17

the shower like Kyle, I'm like, all

52:19

right, I got fart. IM just gonna rip it. And

52:21

then I just shipped into the shower and I

52:23

was like just kind

52:25

of I think this is why I don't shoot, and I'm

52:29

never forcing farts out. Farts sometimes

52:31

leak out of me. I think that's the issue. Yeah,

52:33

but I didn't. I didn't want to. That's well

52:36

that's leaking anyway. Um,

52:38

but diarrhea in the shower is like die.

52:43

So then we go to this converse

52:46

like giveaway thing

52:48

and it's set up in like a house or something. Right, do you guys

52:50

remember this? They had like an American flagman out of

52:52

white and blue shoes, and there's two

52:55

cute installment. There's two bathrooms.

52:57

One has a line and I'm like, ship

53:00

my pants. Uh. The other one,

53:03

um has no line. Right, So I go

53:05

in that woman that's just got a toilet and

53:07

I'm like, well, I'll go I'll take a piss because we were just slamming

53:09

beers. So I piss and I'm

53:12

like while I'm pissing, I just ship

53:15

my underwear, right, And

53:17

so it's just a

53:19

toilet. There's not even a sink in there.

53:22

There's not even a garbage can, right,

53:25

And I'm like, I'm laughing extra hard because I know, out

53:27

of the four of us, dirs would

53:29

be the funniest to have this situation happened to full

53:32

full and it's like it's like derees

53:35

And I'm like, okay, So I get my underwear off and

53:38

I just bunch them up in my hand and

53:40

then I go and I like, stay

53:43

onome to Isaac, I go, yeah,

53:45

I tossed with my manager. I say, manage this,

53:49

um. And

53:52

then or maybe i'd kept them on. Fuck,

53:54

I don't know. But I go and stand in the other

53:56

line for the other bathroom because I see that it's

53:58

got like full every thing in there. Um.

54:01

And then I get in there, peanut, but

54:04

the underwear off, bury it under like all

54:06

the paper towels that are there, wash my hands

54:08

and get the funk out of there. And then I was just freeballing

54:10

it for the rest of the day, um, fully

54:13

chafing. You know, no thigh

54:15

gap here, So sounds

54:19

like you handled it like a birl. Sounds like you mgiver

54:21

your diarrhea. Well done. But here's

54:23

here's the one that's stuck out of my memories

54:27

is that I was at church one

54:29

time, right, and the

54:32

one time went to church well,

54:34

now my favorite my parents took me to the hell at church as

54:36

a kid. Um, I just didn't believe it.

54:39

So it

54:41

was it was not fun for anybody, including

54:43

the people there. But so

54:47

we were like we were like singing

54:50

and I wiped my ass. We

54:53

were getting ready for like singing or choir

54:55

or something like that, right, and I'm like, hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom

54:58

so I can just bail. And They're like, okay, hurry

55:00

back. So I go to the bathroom and they have urinals

55:02

that go all the way down to the floor, you know those ones,

55:04

right, the best ones, and they put

55:06

ice in the bottom of them. Yeah, I love pissing

55:09

on that ice. This church not

55:11

in this Lord's this lord's house. Uh,

55:13

it wasn't a sports stadium. So I'm in sweatpants

55:16

because I'm like ten, I guess,

55:19

and I just point my dick straight down. I'm

55:21

like looking up at the ceiling like you're

55:23

in sweatpants at church. It's

55:25

like a youth like daytime. It's

55:28

like a youth thing. Yeah, you might do a climbing wall or

55:30

what kind of a church. Is this that doesn't check? U?

55:33

I don't know. It's like you're a liar. Yeah,

55:36

sweatpants at church, not at my church?

55:38

All right? Anyway, everyone

55:40

at homes like this story is so boring? Can we just get

55:42

through it? Uh? So,

55:45

I I'm I'm taking a piss, like pointing

55:47

down at the bottom of the urinal and I just like I'm look up

55:49

the ceiling and then I looked down when

55:52

I'm done pissing, and I pissed all

55:54

over my sweatpants almost

55:58

entirely right, and I'm like, I feel like I've

56:00

had that. Fuck. So

56:03

I got like a long shirt because it's blake. What decade

56:05

is it? Nineties? Baby? It's

56:09

so I'm like stretching the shirt. There's

56:11

no way to fucking dry it. I gotta go back in

56:13

there. I go back to like this room

56:15

where they're doing choir whatever, and I just

56:17

sit and I pulled my shirt over my knees

56:19

like they used to do in the nineties

56:25

kids stretched there or whatever. And so they

56:27

were like, Okay, We're gonna like get up and do choir.

56:29

And I was like, I'm not doing it, and they

56:31

were like, what is problem? What's your problem. I'm like I don't

56:33

want to do it, but I'm like covering my whatever.

56:36

It's like, fine, you stay there, and then

56:38

they like when did it like in

56:40

front of me, like all like rehearsing the thing.

56:43

Then like finally she's like, you know what, I've had

56:45

enough and it's been it's probably been twenty minutes

56:48

or a half a pants and

56:50

she like grabs my arm, she

56:52

pulls me. Oh. And I looked down

56:55

and it's fully dried, and

56:57

thank you God, Max.

57:00

And I was like this, God, guy's

57:02

pretty cool. Oh my god, he's

57:05

got my back. That is the

57:07

way the Lord works. Did you believe

57:09

after that? Know? What I found

57:11

out was that there was a guy

57:13

in the urinal holding holding my dick

57:16

down that I didn't see, and then the

57:18

same guy was under my chair the whole time

57:20

blowing it dry. Oh my god,

57:23

he's in jail. Yeah, now this checks

57:25

out. This is important. We

57:27

go. This was an elder. But

57:29

I could not believe it was dropped. It was critical.

57:32

I was like, I would say that would

57:34

drive a man to believe in Lord.

57:36

The Lord works, and mysterious wis I

57:39

have done? Because

57:41

I got I got these big gass thoughts.

57:43

Right. So sometimes me,

57:47

sometimes when I'm sitting on in toilet, they pressed

57:49

together and then it's like wedges my

57:51

dick up. My dick goes like shriek

57:53

underneath me. And so then I

57:57

what underneath you? Hold on a second, will

57:59

you draw that guy? Well, no, I'm trying to drop. I'm trying

58:01

to figure that out. What are you saying, Kyle, draw

58:04

me like one of your butt holes? Show us, just

58:06

show us, like how Blake showed us the fruit basket. I

58:09

can't really it wedges

58:11

your dick up underneath your bum? Yeah,

58:13

because because my legs are pressing

58:15

together and I do my best to stick it all the way

58:17

down, but I'm looking at my phone. I'm not doing you know, And

58:20

so like this happens to me, right,

58:22

I know exactly. And you shoot through the seats

58:24

and you shoot through the seat and the

58:27

bottom and then it hoses the back of your

58:29

pants. Yeah, so it's

58:31

you pissed yourself but somehow in the back that

58:34

I will then uh grab

58:37

a hair drop drive.

58:40

So I think, like I've had at parties before

58:42

where people think I'm just in there blow drying

58:45

my hair for like five minutes right out. Yeah,

58:47

and like the funk, and I'm like, you

58:50

know, you just act like you pissed yourself.

58:52

Fix it fix in my hair? Oh

58:55

you mean like, oh I pissed myself. I'm using

58:57

the hair drawing. Yeah. Sure, I

59:00

kissed myself really

59:03

in there trying the back of my pants

59:05

because I kissed myself because I got fastized,

59:09

which my ta up any points

59:11

directly through and

59:13

the pee out the little tiny hole between

59:16

the top and the bottle. If it's any consolation

59:18

that it happens to everybody, like, it's not, I don't

59:20

think it has to do with your thoughts. Well, these guys are asking,

59:23

like acting like it's never happened. It's not happening

59:25

to me. That's because I think it's because the way you're describing

59:27

it, it's like inconsequential,

59:30

like it doesn't just if you're taking a piss

59:32

more about your thighs. Yeah, well

59:34

that's how I what I imagine why what the

59:37

issue was It's

59:39

happened to you, Kyle, because you looked at

59:41

me like I was a fucking lunatic a

59:43

minute ago. You guys didn't see the look at home. No,

59:46

I just didn't quite get I didn't

59:48

quite get the visual I didn't

59:51

quite get okay, but now that you get it, have

59:53

you done that to your so? I mean I have? Yes,

59:55

Yes, I've missed the mark. Yes, yeah, okay,

59:58

I like that where Peer enturing Kyle into

1:00:01

admitting he's pissed his pants. Yes

1:00:03

you have, Yes, you have you

1:00:05

No, I haven't just pissed on my pants

1:00:07

while sitting and taking a ship. Sure, yes,

1:00:09

you sucked it up, like yes, isn't

1:00:12

that crazy? You make it to the toilet and you still piss

1:00:14

your paints your pants. Yeah, that's

1:00:16

fucking nuts. That's life. Brother. Has

1:00:18

that happened to you, That's happened to you before? Yeah,

1:00:20

I've I've been sitting peen and piste through the seat.

1:00:23

Okay, that's it's important. Yes. So this is

1:00:25

like a global phenomenon that

1:00:27

the men aren't talking about. And this is

1:00:30

why we have this platform, guys, so we

1:00:32

can really get out in front of these hot

1:00:34

button issues. Yeah, what's

1:00:36

the fix politically? Yeah? You

1:00:38

don't charge me up? Charge it up?

1:00:41

Man, do not charge me up? How do

1:00:43

you fix this? Who's which party is going

1:00:45

to fix this? Okay? I don't know? Left,

1:00:47

right up down? Who knows? Charge?

1:00:50

Before we get to politically charged here.

1:00:53

Does anybody have any uh take

1:00:55

back to your apologies, handouts,

1:00:58

handouts refunds. I would

1:01:00

like to apologize right up top by.

1:01:02

I didn't mean to come at him. You know,

1:01:04

I wasn't trying to come at him. I was just trying

1:01:07

to get a fun topic going. I just listened

1:01:09

to a snippet of the other podcast where Blake

1:01:12

told the jerking off to

1:01:14

tomb Writer's story, and I'm like, I

1:01:16

was like, well, he should talk about that on our podcast.

1:01:19

That's fertile ground.

1:01:21

I wasn't. I wasn't trying to come after you, And

1:01:23

so I would like to apologize to

1:01:25

Blake because I knew he was on his

1:01:27

heels right away. Right guys,

1:01:30

we were all kind of going at him, and it feels like he

1:01:33

was on his heels, and I don't want him to feel like that. No,

1:01:35

it's okay, it's okay. It's just I know, when

1:01:37

we kick off a pod with Come, we're

1:01:40

going to rab the comb slide the whole way,

1:01:42

baby, true,

1:01:45

true, true true, And those

1:01:47

are some of the best this. I

1:01:49

mean, the name of this one should just be coming

1:01:52

ship right coming ship, This

1:01:55

is coming important. Oh my god, we're

1:01:57

sick, ride the comb slide with the bull.

1:02:01

We need help. Hey, we're kind of nasty.

1:02:05

I'll apologize to Adam, my

1:02:07

bad for just peacing out

1:02:09

on the party right when the

1:02:11

people I invited got to your place.

1:02:14

I had to get that Hawks game. But it sounds like

1:02:16

you handled it like a champion, So I'm

1:02:18

proud to say you're my friend. I think I handled it okay,

1:02:21

Yeah, do you think that? Maybe?

1:02:23

And uh, you know, I'm not I

1:02:26

haven't gone to any counseling. But maybe there

1:02:28

was some deep seated thing about that that that's

1:02:30

why I came at you unintentionally,

1:02:33

maybe a little harder man. Maybe that was a

1:02:35

vengeance that and I didn't

1:02:38

even realize that, you know. Maybe I

1:02:40

don't know, Adam. You refuse to go to any

1:02:42

sort of therapy, so I don't know. I've

1:02:46

never done therapy. I don't know. And well,

1:02:49

I don't know how that beautiful mind works. Bread

1:02:52

that maybe you

1:02:54

got me. I'll

1:02:56

compliment you, wonders, uh for

1:02:59

handling that shart attack like with grace

1:03:01

and um just being

1:03:03

wonderful out there in Austin. I was right there next year,

1:03:05

and I don't remember it. And I just can't

1:03:08

believe that you handled it and did all

1:03:10

that and just yeah, I told you guys, like after

1:03:12

the fact, I was also, don't I

1:03:14

don't listen to you that often. Yes, I remember

1:03:17

this story, but vaguely, just

1:03:19

because you you played it so cool. Grace

1:03:22

is grace

1:03:25

and composure like killer grace and composure

1:03:27

under shark attack. I

1:03:30

feel like South Buys a pretty good place

1:03:32

to have it go down because everyone's

1:03:35

wrong. Yeah, a lot of people have shipped their pants

1:03:37

at South Southwest. Yeah, most

1:03:39

people have. If I would, if people have, yeah,

1:03:42

if I had to guess, it was for sure,

1:03:45

I'm shooting my pants of my

1:03:47

life, beautiful. I

1:03:49

do have a take back. I

1:03:52

just want to take back all the time I

1:03:54

spent in church if I could, if

1:03:56

I could just get that back. Wow,

1:04:00

even as the bard reached down

1:04:02

with his hot breath and dried your little boy

1:04:05

sweatpants off, and and

1:04:07

look, and here's the deal, Like, do I

1:04:09

appreciate this is when he's carrying you. This

1:04:11

is when there's one fotprint in the sand, one footprint

1:04:14

in the puddle. Look, I appreciate it. It

1:04:17

was it was nice, It was a

1:04:20

nice try. But it didn't get me okay,

1:04:22

thank you God, perfect, all right, hey

1:04:24

guys, and this has been another episode

1:04:27

of This Is