0:02

Welcome to This Is Important, a production

0:04

of iHeartRadio, the show where

0:07

we only talk about what is most

0:09

obviously, very crucially important

0:12

today.

0:12

On This is Important, I

0:15

want my foreskin back.

0:17

Just focus on the ass, please.

0:20

You go at it for about four days with your tightest

0:22

bros, and you'd come out stronger for it.

0:25

These guys did have a certain musculature

0:28

that made you want to grab them.

0:31

Let's go. I

0:34

was being called on stage and it was the first time there

0:36

were I was gonna headline, and

0:38

headline was at this bar.

0:39

I was like thirty minutes to do stand up.

0:41

And I'm pretty nervous,

0:44

and uh, I don't

0:46

know why I had a shit, but I caught

0:48

Oh.

0:49

It's a human behavior.

0:50

Yeah, you had digested biology.

0:52

Yeah.

0:52

I think I was nerves and got

0:55

the nervous poops and I sneezed

0:57

in a perfect log shot

0:59

out of my ass, a perfect

1:02

log pinched completely into

1:05

my pants, and I grabbed a bar. They're literally

1:07

bringing me up like this guy, he's

1:10

lives in Hollywood. He comes down here

1:12

to do stand up. We like him, give it up for and

1:14

I'm fishing this turd out of my pants. I

1:16

take it out with a bar napkin

1:19

and stick it in a potted plant, which

1:21

I'm right next to. I go on stage, I

1:23

do the thirty minutes. The show went great.

1:26

He was like, the the best show

1:28

I've had up to this point. And then I

1:30

go, uh, guys, to be perfectly honest, I

1:32

didn't think the show was gonna go great

1:35

because right before the show, I shit in that

1:37

potted plant and people

1:39

were like what And I go, hey, go

1:42

look at that potted plant. Tell me there's not a shit

1:44

wrapped up in a bar

1:46

napkin. And they're like, there's

1:48

a shit in here. And then I dropped

1:50

the microphone as if that's my ending

1:53

joke, and the place exploded. If

1:55

he was like the best ending bit, people

1:57

are like.

1:58

He's shit in the bar.

2:00

You got to bring that back.

2:01

That story started very loose butthole and

2:04

then ended tight butthole.

2:06

Oh good, good, good good.

2:09

I want my foreskin back.

2:11

Okay, now let's talk about this. You

2:15

can stretch your foreskin. You can stretch

2:17

it.

2:19

It takes years I've been thinking about doing

2:21

this.

2:22

So then maybe you really wait wait, hold on, now,

2:24

I hear a real truth

2:26

in Kyle's voice right now, and I'm

2:29

looking at him via zoom, and it

2:31

looks like this is an emotional

2:33

issue for you.

2:34

Well, I mean I had to go through this when I had

2:36

a son and decide if I'm going to cut part of

2:38

his wheat we off and I decided

2:41

not to.

2:42

I'm not going to do that, and

2:44

never too late.

2:45

Doing so, I realized that I

2:47

want mine back, like I

2:50

didn't have that choice.

2:51

None of us had that choice.

2:53

Are you jealous of your kid now, you weirdo

2:55

when you're changing his zeiper?

2:56

No that he doesn't have to have

2:58

this realization one day that somebody

3:01

else made the choice to cut part of his dick

3:03

off.

3:03

Yeah, okay, And I get that, But

3:06

isn't it weird that you

3:08

have to like peel your son's dick skin

3:10

back and clean.

3:11

I don't have to do anything. You just let it go.

3:13

But doesn't it get gross?

3:15

You gotta clean it at his age,

3:17

not when he's this little You know what you're

3:19

talking about?

3:20

None of you know dis in my

3:22

house? Well you don't know.

3:24

I do.

3:25

Are they circumcised?

3:26

Yeah, but they still got a little something. And I got

3:28

to like go, hey, guys, like.

3:30

There's sized You don't know what you're talking about?

3:32

But they still got a little something, so I so you got to pull their

3:34

speaking on a false platform.

3:36

You have no idea.

3:37

Wow, I'm

3:40

just saying none of us had a choice, so

3:42

it's easy to defend it.

3:44

Sure, sure, no. And when

3:46

I initially heard the argument, I believe we've had

3:48

this argument several times.

3:51

I thought it was a sanitary thing. But apparently

3:54

that's a myth of sorts.

3:56

That's no, it isn't a myth. But that's the same thing

3:58

I'm talking about. It's the thing in the past, like the butthole hair.

4:00

Well, is it a thing where?

4:02

Yeah?

4:02

Is it a caught with and without? Is there a

4:05

time when you're gonna need that foreskin? No?

4:07

Well, all you guys are fucking talking about how

4:10

you want bigger dicks, and when

4:12

you cut your foreskin off, it

4:14

does retract a little bit.

4:16

Okay, well I need much more than that.

4:17

Ods are if you didn't cut

4:20

your foreskin off, your dick would hang lower.

4:22

So but here's the deal, though, if you have a little dick

4:24

and you never got the force and cut off, you have no excuse.

4:27

Now I know that, Like I can go home to my wife

4:29

and go, look, do you know why it's so small.

4:32

I got circumcised and it retracted. Yeah,

4:34

I'm good to go.

4:35

Lay off me guys. With a quick

4:37

google, I found foreskin problems.

4:40

Okay, foreskin problems,

4:43

dryness, swelling, infection,

4:46

irritation, just just like that,

4:49

just right away, foreskin problems.

4:51

It's a campaign, man campaign

4:53

from Christianity. Dog, it's

4:56

a Christian Campaign's Christianity.

4:58

Look at the rest of the world, look at the global

5:01

statistics. I thought it was Judaism,

5:03

thought yeah, which was adopted by Christianity

5:06

as well.

5:07

Oh well, guess what. They were right on the money,

5:09

as they usually are. I

5:13

was watching rump Shaker very young.

5:15

Well, I mean, but Rumpshaker is

5:18

fucking tame compared

5:20

to WAP Wet Ass Pussy

5:23

totally.

5:23

Is there a video for Oh yeah.

5:25

I thought it couldn't get more vulgar like music

5:28

after like my neck, my back,

5:30

licked, my pussy and my crack. But

5:32

then WAP is just what about last.

5:34

Year they had a So you're such

5:37

a fucking ho I love it

5:39

like that.

5:40

That's pretty much not really,

5:42

I've got a wet ass pussy that's more

5:44

gnarly and vulgar than You're such a

5:46

fucking ho. I love it.

5:47

It's just what happens to the human body. Yeah,

5:50

that's true.

5:51

It's a reaction.

5:53

Yeah, I guess that was metal.

5:54

Yeah one of them is actually worse.

5:56

If dudes have been rapping for however long

5:58

about how their stroke.

5:59

Is and how like,

6:02

like, go ahead and rap about it like it

6:04

doesn't I don't care if

6:06

girls want to rap about how good they fucked

6:09

tight.

6:09

Yeah, I'm done with that. Sure, but

6:11

it is uh making me.

6:13

Hornyh

6:18

Yeah, sure, but uh, I don't want

6:20

to walk around with a boner in my regular

6:22

everyday life.

6:23

Yeah, when I'm jogging around the lake, I'm not

6:25

trying to get a fucking hard on.

6:28

But that's like back in the day, my mom would not

6:30

let me listen to MTV or watch

6:32

MTV because of that content. So

6:35

then I had a battle with fucking censorship

6:37

my entire life and was like, you.

6:39

Know what I mean, so what do you do? What

6:42

do you I don't know.

6:43

I think you just let them want. I mean my parents

6:45

didn't really shit. Uh

6:50

No, I could watch anything. I

6:52

could watch any R rated movie and listen

6:54

to anything. The only real uh

6:57

thing that they would stop me was

6:59

like porno like I couldn't

7:01

like if it was a nudity. Hey, we're

7:06

putting out the roadblock here on hardcore porno,

7:08

Adam turn it off.

7:12

Puberty, What a what a bizarre time?

7:15

Do you remember how my God.

7:17

Pincio is really a story of puberty

7:19

when you think about it.

7:20

I remember being so my dick was

7:22

hard all the time.

7:25

It was yours wasn't still.

7:27

Is was

7:31

was My dick does not work the same

7:33

way.

7:37

A minute, it doesn't work.

7:38

It used to be a problem, and

7:41

now it's it's it's a problem.

7:43

It's a problem.

7:44

You're damned if you're hard. You're damned if you're not. That's

7:48

soft, that's just it so soft.

7:50

It was definitely like there was the moment where you're

7:52

like, well, there go, sweatpants, can't do that anymore.

7:55

Yeah, Or if you got called up to the chalkboard

7:57

where you have like a boner in sweatpants

7:59

and you have to tuck your butt back and do a little

8:01

dance.

8:07

I have in my freshman year

8:10

of high school.

8:10

I stood up and I had to tuck up and

8:13

and then there was like one of my buddies

8:15

called me out.

8:16

I was like, you just had to took his dick up.

8:18

And I I least snapped.

8:21

I was like, I have a boner, what's

8:24

it to you?

8:24

We all got him.

8:25

And I like kind of went off. And after

8:28

that it was a this is

8:30

a note for if you're in eighth grade, ninth grade and

8:32

you're getting a.

8:32

Lot of boners, call your boners out, get.

8:35

Ahead of it, get ahead of it.

8:37

Yes. Then as soon as I did that, all the kids

8:39

were like, Yeah, this guy's funny. He's

8:41

talking about boners. I'm like, so then I wouldn't shut

8:44

up about my boner anytime I got a boner.

8:46

And it was an announcement.

8:48

So let me get that cans.

8:49

On top of it.

8:50

You're gonna recommended children across America.

8:52

So I'm talking about what I'm saying.

8:54

Allegedly, take my advice word

8:57

for word. Allegedly, if

8:59

you have an direction, good job, or

9:01

you have let's say you're a girl

9:04

and you've got giant nipples or

9:06

something you got you got like really hard giant

9:08

nipples and it's and there's just it's

9:10

poking out, or your dick is always hard, whatever

9:12

it is, get in front of it. If

9:14

you're if you're like.

9:15

A fat kid, you have some fat

9:17

jokes in the back pocket.

9:19

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, hold

9:21

on, you went too far. Let's stick with the.

9:22

Nile kid with huge nipples

9:25

and constant bone saying if you have a

9:27

thing, because I was a crippled.

9:28

Kid in high school or in middle

9:30

school, if you have a thing that

9:33

is that, people are going to make fun of you about it.

9:35

I would just stick to cripple kids calling it

9:37

out, and then I think we're good.

9:39

No, not not just cripple kids, because

9:41

cripple kids, kids with boners all the time,

9:43

kids with hard nipples.

9:45

It's it's important that we as a people

9:47

are able to talk about this stuff

9:49

and not just make fun of each other. For you, you know

9:52

what I mean? Like what Adam did was diffuse the situation.

9:54

And it's like, why isn't that kid talking about

9:57

boners that you know, the dinner table with his family,

9:59

So it's not shouldn't be a thing?

10:01

Can we at least admit that the real hero

10:04

here is the friend in the classroom

10:06

who oughtibly said

10:08

you just tucked your boner up. You

10:12

notoriously have earth shattering

10:14

orgasms.

10:17

My gasms were well, shake the house,

10:19

yeah, the gas man.

10:20

I've definitely heard a couple of when we were roommates,

10:23

and it was it sounded like felt

10:25

hello good. I

10:33

could barely make it out over you blasting

10:36

red hot chili peppers every time?

10:39

What is the stadium Marcadium?

10:40

Yes, that was his go to.

10:42

It was weird, man, we would hear that all

10:44

the time.

10:45

Well, sorry, you guys weren't fucking well, bro,

10:47

it's cool, No.

10:48

We're quiet, We're just respectful.

10:51

You guys were making love, not me. I

10:53

was blasting stadium rcadium and going

10:55

to town.

10:56

You fuck, I'm like coitus.

10:58

It's the orgasms. He's got earth shattering

11:01

orgasms, dude.

11:01

See, I'm not trying to have extra feeling.

11:04

I'm trying to imagine that.

11:05

I will say that once I moved out and I had

11:08

privacy, my orgasms have become a

11:10

little bit more ground breaking, not

11:12

earth shattering. And

11:14

I think that it was the privacy. And it's a shame

11:17

that I was worried about what you guys thought

11:19

about what my orgasms sounded like

11:21

enough to keep it quiet, Adam, I got

11:23

respect for you for just doing you

11:25

bro.

11:27

Well, I you know, I out of a level and

11:29

I also respect you, and that's why I played

11:32

the Chili Peppers so loudly.

11:34

Right.

11:34

It's the perfect music

11:37

to play while having sex

11:39

because it's a roller coaster ride.

11:41

There's some they want stop

11:44

the dig and then every once in a while

11:46

they'll slow it down and.

11:47

Ye phone, so wait

11:50

you can you can go longer than one song? Wow?

11:52

Yeah? Bro?

11:53

We fuck on concept albums.

11:56

Wow.

11:56

Yeah, that's what's up nowadays. Back then,

11:58

no way, man.

12:00

No way, I gotta skip some trashy.

12:03

Oh yeah, there's

12:06

a few special tracks.

12:07

Definitely wait for the secret

12:09

song.

12:09

Ooh, the crescendo.

12:13

I really love myself. I have really

12:16

no problem with any of my features.

12:20

I in the year two thousand and two

12:22

put a few bids on the black

12:24

jeans that Anthony Michael Hall wore in Edward

12:27

Scissorhands lost out when they

12:29

went over one hundred and twenty dollars.

12:31

It was just a little too deep in my pockets.

12:32

Wow.

12:33

People that don't know who Anthony Michael Hall is,

12:35

which none of us really knew who

12:37

he was and we had to ask honders. He

12:40

is from Weird Science and along with other

12:42

John Hughes movies, and he was kind of a

12:44

nerd when he was a kid, and he must have

12:47

that must have waited on him. And

12:49

then he was like, I have to lift weights. I have

12:51

to be a joked ass I grow dude.

12:53

Hey look some people have to do that.

12:56

Okay, Well,

12:59

we actually did have a senior prom We had a

13:01

senior ball so that would have been called.

13:03

A ball king.

13:04

I don't know.

13:06

And I was the ball king. That's

13:10

what they called you. That's

13:12

what they called me. They called me at least because

13:15

I would go run and get the balls.

13:19

Let's say you come out and you're butt

13:21

naked, and now you need that little little

13:23

trim of hair around your asshole to keep you

13:25

warm or else you might die.

13:27

Hey, you're not wrong. I'm willing

13:29

to take that risk. I get that.

13:30

It's kind of like with a gun, you know, with butthole

13:33

hair. It's you'd rather be caught with than

13:35

without, because when you do need butthole hair,

13:37

it's super important.

13:39

I guess I'd rather be caught without a

13:41

gun in this situation.

13:44

Right, that's your choice. That's

13:46

your choice.

13:47

I'll tell you my weapon of choice is right here, palist.

13:51

He raised his fist.

13:52

If if someone puts a gun on me, I will

13:54

fist them.

13:56

Man that makes sense.

13:58

Can we talk about a blake just look absolutely

14:00

fucking insane for this podcast?

14:03

Okay, let's get a description.

14:04

With the mask with the one glove but

14:06

like a dentist's glove currently touching

14:09

his nostrils, wrap

14:11

around glasses, a mask,

14:14

and then a bucket hat with a

14:16

band that. I'm pretty positive he's

14:18

never listened to.

14:19

What you're trying to challenge my Grateful

14:21

Dead love? Come on, brother?

14:24

Oh yeah, what's your favorite Grateful Dead

14:26

song?

14:27

Don't question him, he knows this shit. Oh

14:29

please tell me your.

14:30

Favorite trucking trucking

14:32

baby, come on, let's go, thank

14:35

you?

14:35

What is it?

14:36

Trucking? No? No, no, no, yeah,

14:39

bro, speaking of trucks.

14:41

I live a truck lifestyle, y'all.

14:43

All right, So their most famous one,

14:45

well it's up there. You don't know a.

14:47

Deep cut at all?

14:48

What's the one with the video where it's just skeletons

14:50

playing, Yeah,

14:52

that's all.

14:53

That's the fucking jam dude.

14:55

They've got jams. They've got jams.

14:57

That song kicks.

14:58

But I saw a grateful Dead if John

15:00

Mayer.

15:01

Do you know Grateful Dead?

15:02

Bro? No? I don't know.

15:04

Yeah, so you just like projected on him and Blake

15:06

knows Grateful Dead.

15:07

He was like, he knows him.

15:09

I don't believe that Blake is a big grateful

15:11

dead.

15:11

I'm a deadhead. I'm a dead head. Brother.

15:13

I do not believe that he's a dead head.

15:15

I think that you need to know something because the other

15:17

day, like we were just talking and I was

15:19

working in the backyard and he's like, hey, man

15:22

flipped me Grateful Dead playlist

15:25

just to get in the mood.

15:26

Yeah, he was setting himself up for this because

15:29

he knew we were gonna call him out about the hat he's doing

15:31

the legwork.

15:33

Dude, do you remember we were like we went to some

15:35

like NASCAR event and Channing

15:37

Tatum was there, and the

15:39

way that like women were treating

15:42

him was flagrant. Like they would follow

15:44

him and like grab his ass and he'd be.

15:46

Like, like, pieces of that is my

15:48

But it's so cool though, Gosh, I wish

15:50

I was him. It is crazy. I mean, your

15:53

guys' asses probably get grabbed

15:55

quite a bit. Blake, You've

15:57

got a really really.

15:58

Nice Yeah, you gotta nice. Took us,

16:00

Oh, it took us publicly.

16:03

No, does it get grabbed. My ass

16:05

gets grabbed when I'm on the road doing stand

16:07

up, and I do those like meet

16:09

and greets afterwards, which I guess I'm probably.

16:11

Never gonna do again because COVID.

16:14

But when I would do those and you're meeting

16:16

people after the show, probably within

16:18

a line of I would cap it at one hundred people,

16:21

my ass would get grabbed twenty five times.

16:23

Wow, but you do have a

16:25

fucking dookie rot.

16:27

Yeah, it's totally meaty.

16:29

You got a dookie bro.

16:30

I got some meat back there that's got a body.

16:33

Your boody gets like to the party ten

16:35

minutes after you.

16:37

It's still coming.

16:39

What's up, dude, you're here? Your

16:42

is be fair?

16:43

Didn't you get cut out of a Domino's commercials?

16:49

Oh that was an insane Oh

16:52

that was insane. I forgot all about that. For

16:55

those of you that don't know, I had like a bad accident

16:57

when I was a kid. I was hit by a symmetric I couldn't walk

16:59

for almost two years, and I

17:02

was mostly worried about my boner and.

17:05

That it was.

17:06

I was worried about it, but I was like too young to like really

17:08

know. I was like going into sixth grade.

17:10

So that's right when boners are starting to peak. Your interest,

17:13

and you're like, what's going on down here? I

17:15

do remember this is a gnarly story. One

17:18

of the first times I ejaculated,

17:21

and I was taking a bath because I couldn't stand

17:23

in a shower. My mom had to pick me up out

17:25

of a wheelchair and place me in a bathtub.

17:27

And I'm listening, I'm jerking

17:29

off. Meanwhile I jerked off

17:32

like this, jerked off like.

17:33

His sho That

17:36

was the move, by the way, and then you get to a

17:38

full circle.

17:39

And then you go, ok, then you go two hands.

17:41

Never got there. I never got there,

17:44

but I was.

17:44

Drinking off at the bathtub.

17:47

Came in the bathtub good, you know good.

17:50

And then as soon as I came I

17:53

looked down and saw something floating in the

17:55

bathtub and it was my toe.

17:59

The fuck you have to come

18:01

to My

18:03

toe fell off, my baby

18:06

toe on my left foot. You guys know how I have a little

18:08

nub.

18:08

Yeah, my baby told my left foot was

18:10

like charred and they're like.

18:11

This will probably just fall off

18:13

at some point, and it fell off. Wasn't

18:15

And I started screaming and I'm naked, just

18:18

with just water in the bathtub, and my mom

18:20

comes running in and She's

18:22

like, oh my god, you're toe and I'm like, get.

18:24

Out of here, get out safe

18:27

for you.

18:28

Wait, so when you dizz the water, are you kind

18:30

of like scooting around to like dodge.

18:32

It and like the the the

18:34

water it's like coming after you.

18:36

And then like, yeah, it was like the first

18:38

time, so like I'd done it multiple times

18:40

before that were it nothing?

18:42

Yes, this is what we got to talk about, is the

18:44

pre able to come jerk off the.

18:47

Air coming out? Yeah, what the fuck?

18:49

Man?

18:50

That was weird.

18:51

Hey, So if any kids are listening this and you guys

18:53

are pre coming and you're not, there's no just coming

18:55

out, get ahead of it. Screaming

18:58

that from the rafter?

18:59

Is that your look? Middle school?

19:01

And if you're just this is important,

19:03

you know, it's very important.

19:05

This is important.

19:07

I was very good at climbing trees. I still am

19:09

to this day.

19:10

I could see you being really good.

19:11

I love that you were

19:13

that kid that's like, who's that this he

19:16

climbs trees.

19:17

It's as from someone all

19:19

the way to the top.

19:20

Yeah, he's always hiding from somebody all

19:22

the way at the top.

19:23

That's where my dad couldn't reach me.

19:25

You got to come over here during low quats these and climb

19:27

my tree and pick some low quats for me.

19:29

Buddy.

19:29

I'll just tell you, when you have a dad like mine at home,

19:32

you learn how to climb those trees.

19:33

Damn, got get a switchitch.

19:36

This is what I wanted to talk about now.

19:39

This is important. This root therapy.

19:43

I used my podcast as a therapy

19:45

session.

19:47

I feel like these are the kind of conspiracies I'd

19:49

like to be spending my time on. Like, is

19:51

there multiple marshmallows?

19:52

You've got to get off the conspiracies you're currently

19:55

on and get on this. Uh where where

19:57

is marshmallow conspiracy?

19:59

All right? I was just making a joke.

20:00

I don't need to be be

20:02

put on a freaking crucifix right

20:04

now.

20:05

Okay.

20:06

I'm not one who got but

20:08

I just said this would be a good Well.

20:10

You pointed the finger at me and I you

20:12

know.

20:13

Well, sometimes when someone reacts

20:15

like this, it's because some sort

20:17

of truth is coming out. What's going on?

20:19

Yes? Oh it's all so comedy. Come

20:21

on now, hahaha.

20:23

The world stage, Kyle.

20:26

You got to say is can we can we please

20:28

change the subject?

20:30

Can we change the subject?

20:32

I want to say that so much on this podcast.

20:35

That's a great call. I forgot about that. That's

20:37

awesome.

20:37

That's going to be the other name of the podcast

20:40

instead of this is important, which it is, which

20:42

everything we talk about is it is all important.

20:44

It's going to be change the subject.

20:45

Can we change the subject?

20:47

Please change the subject?

20:48

Can we please change the subject?

20:51

It's a real conversation killer for a

20:53

podcast.

20:54

We please change such a yeah, because it's like, okay,

20:58

subject kind of going on a run

21:00

there?

21:02

If they just had a gym that was all

21:04

just breakable shit

21:07

that you could just go in there and aggressively

21:09

smash shit. I feel like that'd be you do.

21:11

It's called a dump run, just like go pick

21:14

up people's trash and take it to the dump for them,

21:16

and you can just do whatever the hell you want over

21:18

there.

21:18

Wow, and you saved the planet.

21:22

How long do you guys brush your teeth for?

21:24

How long?

21:24

Yeah? And how much toothpaste do you use? Thirty

21:27

minutes?

21:28

Just a solid thirty, just a solid

21:31

thirty every night. I destroy

21:33

my toothbrushes. My tooth brushes are

21:35

absolutely insane. My wife it's

21:38

like crazy, so does my two year old.

21:40

It looks like fucking it

21:42

looks like Giles's hair from Street Fighter two.

21:45

My uh yeah, my my Denis

21:47

was like, yo, you cannot use your

21:49

rubbing the enamel of.

21:51

Your teeth off with your toothbrush.

21:53

What are you doing?

21:54

Because I would strumble.

21:55

The shit off.

21:55

Man. He's obviously getting out a lot of

21:57

anger.

21:58

So this is me circling back to how long you're doing

22:00

it? Like how long?

22:01

Because I see like commercials that are like, you

22:03

do thirty seconds, this thirty seconds

22:05

out side thirty seconds spot, I'm side thirty seconds,

22:07

and I'm like two minutes.

22:08

I do not brush my toeth for two minutes. I do I

22:11

brush my teeth for two minutes for two minutes.

22:13

Well, my electric toothbrush has a time.

22:15

Don't you guys have electric? Yeah, it tells

22:17

you when.

22:18

No, I just fucking I'm a hold school. I'm throwback.

22:19

Oh bro, you gotta get a sonic care.

22:21

No, I go myself. I

22:23

make the noise. It's so much work.

22:25

I put the batteries right about my huh.

22:26

What I like to put in that work, that little

22:28

elbow grease right before going to sleepies.

22:31

Obviously you're damaging your mouth.

22:34

This dude's like, oh another workout.

22:38

Wait, gotta get all this pent up energy. I might

22:40

snap on somebody, Well.

22:41

What's up with the flossing? How who out

22:43

of there is flossing? Who's doing that?

22:45

Know?

22:46

Never what I'm flossing

22:48

fashion wise? Almost daily? Yeah,

22:51

hell yeah, as everyone.

22:52

Knows, says floss. I never floss

22:54

my teeth, that's wild.

22:57

I don't do it as often as

22:59

I should, only if I get something stuck all

23:01

up in it.

23:02

It's a beef jerky day you got from

23:05

jerking a little hard.

23:06

That day we

23:08

did ghosts in the graveyard and cops

23:10

and robbers on bikes.

23:11

Cops and robbers was, oh

23:15

my god, it went down. That

23:17

doesn't even have rules. It's just like you just pretend

23:19

to shoot each.

23:19

Other, all right, but no, you had to.

23:21

It was essentially like group tag cops

23:23

over here, robbers over there. And there was like parameters

23:25

like the block, and we have like a school on our block,

23:28

so you could cut through the school yard and shit.

23:29

Can't you put people in jail and stuff too? And then

23:31

you can go save people exactly.

23:33

So then if a robber gets to jail when a

23:35

cop isn't there, they can tag you and then you're

23:37

free again.

23:38

Wow.

23:39

Yeah, the game.

23:40

I don't know how it ends. I guess it ends when the cops get

23:42

all the robbers, but like I don't know.

23:43

The robb There's never any like those

23:45

little kit games. There's never any ending,

23:48

you know what I mean. It just kept going until

23:50

you had to come home.

23:52

They were designed to just stay.

23:55

I never remember like winning at

23:57

Cops and Robbers or like

23:59

any of those like games that you sort

24:01

of make up your own neighborhood rules, right

24:03

our main shit, we were just like little

24:05

vandals and shit. We would literally just get

24:08

a bunch of rocks, climb in a tree, and then

24:10

throw rocks at cars that are driving tests.

24:12

Oh yeah, like happened all day long.

24:14

I remember I had to I

24:17

got called to like eat dinner, and

24:19

I hear my mom screaming my name down the street, and

24:21

so I had to go home. Eight dinner. I came

24:23

back, all of my friends are

24:26

handcuffed sitting on the side of

24:28

the street, and the police officer's right there.

24:30

It was like four of my friends right there and they

24:32

were getting handcuffed, and then the cop took

24:34

them back to their parents' house because they shattered

24:37

some guy's windshield by throwing a freaking

24:39

rock through his windshield. Damn freaking goofballs

24:42

backfired on them.

24:43

Did you guys ever have laser tag infiltrate

24:46

your groups of friends? Because that was like

24:48

something that really really changed

24:51

every game.

24:52

Like you guys had your own laser tag, like

24:54

in the neighborhood.

24:55

De a couple kids on the block had it.

24:57

Yeah, you could buy these vests that like toys

24:59

r us and yes, you know you had to charge him.

25:01

That was the hard part is always keep making sure that you

25:03

had batteries.

25:04

But like nothing's changed.

25:06

Huh, Yeah, totally.

25:09

He's a god.

25:10

Yeah he is. He's a god.

25:11

He was a god at that party of twenty

25:13

five people.

25:14

And the weird thing is he's not the coolest

25:16

brother Liam is.

25:18

That's right, Team Liam Luke, Team

25:20

Luke. Oh over

25:22

Liam.

25:23

Liam's way cool, dude.

25:25

I'm a Liam guy.

25:26

Sorry, Liam, I'm going with the brother I haven't

25:28

met yet.

25:29

Yeah, you've worked with Liam several times.

25:32

Yeah, I thought you were boys with Liam. That's weird

25:34

that you check that.

25:36

No, I am, I am, but for sure,

25:38

for sure the one I don't know is the coolest.

25:40

Yeah.

25:40

I like Liam, I like makes

25:42

sense.

25:42

I thought maybe some dirty shit happened on

25:44

set with you and Liam? Did you have beef? Was

25:47

it like you can't be on set together?

25:48

It was definitely a battle of who's the hottest on

25:51

set? Every time we walked on set. Every

25:53

time we walked on set, it was like real, oh for

25:55

sure, right, absolutely right,

25:57

give and take, push and pull of who is the

25:59

sexiest person on Sorry?

26:01

Yeah, do

26:04

you remember that website actually

26:06

like Hot or Not?

26:07

It was the fucking funniest thing.

26:10

Dude, I love it.

26:11

Weren't you You had to pick up Kyle?

26:13

What do you mean you had a picture of course?

26:15

Yeah, I loved it. I like lived by it.

26:17

I would check it every fucking three hours and be

26:19

like, dude seven point eight in high school,

26:22

would.

26:22

Got a home of mine on there and he was at like

26:24

a nine percent or something.

26:26

We have to bring that back, you

26:28

guys know, Hot or Not. It was like you put a picture

26:30

of yourself and then the community of.

26:32

This was like two thousand and two, two thousand and

26:34

three, like early Internet.

26:36

It was yeah, yeah, earlier Internet.

26:38

Do you think anybody popped off that.

26:40

You think anybody who was like the

26:42

hottest person like got

26:44

a call from a manager and then

26:47

was on.

26:47

Oh for sure, I bet you. Hollywood

26:50

was like.

26:51

That's how came to be?

26:54

He got Yeah,

26:56

They're like they're putting it. Lou Pearlman was

26:58

putting together ninety eight degree more.

27:00

I want more. I would be willing to bet

27:02

thousands of dollars that there's a maximum

27:04

hot or not issue, best of hot

27:06

or not?

27:07

Wait, what are you willing to bet?

27:08

I'm willing to bet.

27:09

How millions of dollars? Thousands?

27:12

Put a number on it.

27:13

Let's see, maybe one of us wants to take this action.

27:15

Yeah, let's do that.

27:16

There's a hot or not maxim issue.

27:19

So you're betting thousands? That is

27:22

your manager.

27:25

I don't like to intersect so

27:27

perfectly.

27:29

You should have been the editor. I

27:31

don't think they were doing that. That's why nobody reads

27:33

that.

27:34

All right, maybe not thousands, but they should

27:36

have.

27:38

This one's controversial. It's a double

27:40

There were two discs because the soundtrack was

27:42

so good.

27:43

Is the soundtrack to Days and Confused

27:46

better than the movie?

27:47

Oh?

27:48

Wow, that's interesting. That's a great

27:50

question.

27:51

Well, it's it's kind of uh

27:54

impossible to separate because the especially

27:56

on that movie, because that movie, the

27:59

sound track pushes the movie

28:01

along so well and also gets you in the

28:03

mood for those hot seventies James.

28:06

So is the accompaniment of the visual

28:09

better or not, That's

28:11

what I'm saying.

28:13

I actually didn't think the name Karen was

28:16

correct.

28:17

It's not fair because I have an aunt Karen, who's

28:20

just a really lovely laker.

28:21

I feel like Barb is like a closer

28:24

to what that is.

28:25

Susan Susan, I disagree.

28:27

I Susan, Susan's pretty good.

28:31

Kurt Russell, he's he's

28:33

he's this golden right. Yeah, he's the one who's still

28:35

kind of like, hey man, he's clean. I'm

28:37

here, Yeah, I'm steady.

28:39

I mean, if you're not against his lack of commitment,

28:42

put a ring on it already? Did he

28:44

marry Goldiehan spirit?

28:47

Come on, man, so you're a

28:49

traditionalist, do you believe in that?

28:50

I am a Christian values?

28:53

You don't have sex till you're married, that is true.

28:55

I forgot what the giant cross tattoo on

28:57

your back?

28:58

It's huge. Well,

29:00

not everybody's born to play.

29:02

I think I could hit one out at the Colisseum.

29:04

I bet you could?

29:06

You not?

29:07

Yeah?

29:08

I could not in a million years, could you?

29:10

If I have.

29:10

If I have three months to

29:12

practice, I'd hit it out.

29:13

All right, Kyle, Okay, start

29:16

practicing today, and in three

29:18

months, I guarantee you we could get you

29:20

on the green. Is that what they call it?

29:22

No, in the batter's box, on the diamond, off

29:25

the pitch in the batter's box, Get

29:27

me in the box. We'll get you in the box

29:30

at the Colisseum, and I want

29:32

to see this happen. I bet we can. Blake

29:34

has the end. He's played there twice.

29:36

You got pay for.

29:37

It, okay, okay, Yeah, what are

29:40

all right?

29:41

The Baseball's and sure

29:44

pay for what you gotta pay for access.

29:46

You gotta pay for it.

29:46

We're not gonna pay for it.

29:47

They're gonna let us do it. It's not gonna be during

29:49

a game.

29:50

You gotta pay for it. I'll do it, Kyle. You played

29:52

baseball, right? Is this true?

29:54

That like to hit it out of there?

29:56

Like the pitch needs to be at a certain sufficient

29:59

speed coming in.

30:00

Yeah, that's the biggest thing is I'd have to learn how

30:02

to hit like eighty miles an hour.

30:04

The turning on it is probably the hardest.

30:06

Well, you're the one who said you need three.

30:09

Months yeah, I think I could do that all

30:11

right.

30:12

I'm excited to see it.

30:13

It actually would trim up my waistline, which

30:15

I've been looking forward to doing.

30:18

Oh man, you gotta use that.

30:20

That's the torque that.

30:21

You need to get around on that ball. I

30:30

think I would full on liposuction

30:32

down to like five percent body fat, just

30:34

get rid of all of it, just like that.

30:37

Over day, just be wrapped over

30:39

day.

30:40

This dude just said over day.

30:42

Well, I'm not doing it overnight.

30:44

I know, but I love overday.

30:46

I'm not doing it overnight. I'm doing

30:49

it over at the daytime.

30:50

You go to like a store, they're like, we'll give you a Lobo

30:52

suction over day.

30:55

Two for one.

30:56

I'm not doing it overnight, though, I'm doing it, yeah,

30:59

over the day, That's that's cool. I'm not I'm

31:01

not going in at night time to get it done. And this is a daytime

31:03

procedure. I'm going to start in the morning and they're gonna work

31:06

however many hours it takes and get done probably

31:08

by lunchtime.

31:08

I'll go home and have a shredded ass six

31:11

pack and.

31:11

Back lingerie

31:14

football. And if you guys at home haven't watched

31:16

this shit. It's not just like girls

31:18

in underwear playing football.

31:21

They light each other.

31:22

These fucking jock women

31:25

in like scan not scanly clad,

31:27

but they're in like sports bras and like, uh, I

31:29

guess like underwear shaped shorts or

31:31

whatever, but they fucking light

31:34

each other up. These quarterbacks have cannons

31:36

and these women are catching balls, they're checking

31:39

people in the walls.

31:40

It's fucking there's YouTube that are

31:42

in town.

31:43

We found it when we lived at Hamblin and it was like

31:45

like scrolling through the direct TV, it's

31:48

like Lingerie Football League.

31:49

What is this? Click it on?

31:51

Do tell Yeah, and then it's like, holy

31:53

shit, this is like a great game.

31:55

This is really good.

31:57

It's speaking of ship talk.

31:58

One of those girls from from

32:00

that like Highlight Clip or whatever had the

32:02

best shit TG game. She was like, oh

32:04

my god, did you shoot your pants? To some of the

32:06

girl She's like, you fucking stink.

32:09

I was like, uh, she's in

32:11

her head.

32:12

Now, Oh man, what an ultimate

32:14

slam? Did you ship your pants?

32:17

I dream that we wire up

32:19

every player athlete and that's all they

32:21

say.

32:22

That'd be a great thing, Like even in

32:24

the NFL, if you're the guy that's wired

32:26

up, if you're constantly just going like, oh

32:28

my god, this guy's just sh his pants.

32:33

That's what they keep getting on CBS

32:35

or wherever it's airing.

32:37

That's hard knock, softball, hard knock.

32:39

It's just being like, oh, pu, dude, you ship

32:41

your pots.

32:43

Eventually, I believe that djane

32:46

at that caliber and that level will evolve

32:48

into you also are doing magic

32:51

and illusions.

32:53

Just magician DJs.

32:55

You're making people's money disappear to you.

32:57

That that's gonna be my new my next Disney

32:59

Plus.

33:00

That makes sense.

33:01

Magician DJ, magic

33:03

DJ, Yeah, magic DJ can't.

33:05

That makes so much sense. The drop of a DJ

33:07

is just like the reveal of a magician.

33:09

Yeah, doves fly out, come on.

33:11

Yeah, that's awesome.

33:12

Yeah, are you gonna do that?

33:14

Blake please please? Hot

33:16

dog Head, Hot

33:18

Doghead.

33:23

Did you guys get those those

33:26

nipple things when you were going through puberty?

33:28

What?

33:29

No? No, no, your nipples hurt?

33:31

Yeah dude, No, I didn't remember that.

33:37

Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I haven't though about him in.

33:38

Years, dude, I remember those. That's

33:41

why, like people would be like, oh this one here, they would grab

33:43

it.

33:43

Yes, yeah, that's yes.

33:46

Maybe I'm still waiting for my growth spurt

33:48

because I've never heard of it.

33:50

You never had that nipples right now,

33:53

right, they're

33:56

pretty soft at the end. Now, imagine a marble in

33:58

the tip and that's what it.

33:59

Used to be, bowl in the tip.

34:01

Yeah, I specifically remember,

34:03

like you also never

34:05

mind going He also like you didn't get

34:08

pit here until you were like I was a late bloomer,

34:10

get till college college.

34:13

That's why you guys are sot.

34:16

He's I just remember

34:18

grabbing either like Kyle or my

34:20

friend Teddy's nipples and

34:24

them flipping out, like dude,

34:26

that hurts really bad, and it was

34:28

like, whoa, I thought I thought this was something

34:30

we did.

34:30

Man.

34:33

I loved.

34:34

I loved how quiet you got when you're like I just

34:36

remember grabbing Kyle's or.

34:39

You know, pinching like you know, like amongst

34:42

friends we pinched nipples.

34:43

I just remember grabbing kylegedly.

34:47

I don't know, Kyle, how did

34:49

you feel when I did that?

34:51

No?

34:51

I haven't thought about him forever, and yet hurts

34:53

so fucking bad.

34:55

Man?

34:55

What are those things?

34:57

What is that

34:58

away?

34:59

That's a good your body being? Like are these

35:01

gonna be titties?

35:02

And then your other part of your body's like no, no, we're holding

35:04

off and it's like, wait, we were just trying to make so

35:06

that's that's scientific. Like the test

35:09

those are estrogen pods. So those could be estrogen

35:11

pods.

35:11

That's what it is.

35:12

And then the testosterone at that point is like nah,

35:15

yeah exactly.

35:15

And so what the fuck it forms

35:18

of marble that could also be wild milk.

35:20

Correct, Yeah, well this is no, no, no, are

35:22

you exactly what it is?

35:24

That's important?

35:25

It is?

35:26

That is important.

35:28

When I moved here, two of my friends

35:31

were in a softball league with Nitro

35:34

from American Gladiators.

35:35

They were like, we just want to meet people.

35:36

They joined up and they're like, dude, Nitro

35:39

is in our softball league and

35:41

I was like, we're in Hollywood, baby.

35:43

Whatever happened?

35:43

Didn't they try to bring back American

35:45

Gladiators and just sort of.

35:47

Yeah, it was back. It was good.

35:49

Yeah, what happened?

35:50

That sucks?

35:51

It was canceled too quickly, man, give it,

35:53

give it some time to shine.

35:55

Yeah.

35:55

It was kind of a band aid for the Writers Guild

35:57

strike and what oh RO

36:00

five or whatever that was. Oh, yeah, they like didn't

36:02

have any TV. They need a reality TV. They brought back

36:04

American Gladiators.

36:05

And said take that WGA.

36:09

Now, for those of you guys listening, WGA

36:11

is the writers killed of America, and

36:13

sometimes they go on strike and TV doesn't happen.

36:15

So American Gladiators happened to.

36:18

Go on strike again, and now it's the Rocks

36:20

Show, tightened games.

36:22

It's just okay that game.

36:24

I don't want to sound like a sociopath, but it's

36:27

too much like the personal story. I don't give

36:29

a fuck, like, go out

36:31

there and play against the gladiators.

36:33

That's what was awesome about American Gladiators

36:35

is you just before you knew it, you were

36:37

in the game, you were in the event.

36:39

Yeah, well that's why American Ninja Warrior

36:41

rules is because it's the same with

36:43

Gladiators. You're like, oh, I could do that,

36:46

even if you couldn't, even if you like probably

36:49

would just get dras kicked, you believe like, yeah,

36:51

you know what I would. I'd chew for the leg and

36:53

I'd take them down. I

36:56

watched Pinocchio.

36:57

Oh, terrifying.

37:00

Yeah, that's kind of.

37:00

Crazy, scariest movie, and

37:03

I was high. I was super I was like,

37:05

you know what, I want to watch Pinocchio and

37:08

just and just you know, ate like six

37:10

out of balls and smoked a joint to myself

37:12

and truly terrifying islands.

37:16

Yeah, it's a minute.

37:17

Here's the story breakdown, and

37:19

like quick beats.

37:22

It was a nineteen forties movie. It's so

37:24

old, very old.

37:26

And then so there's Geppetto,

37:29

super Italian kind of forgot how like

37:31

yeah, yeah he is even though his named

37:33

Scheppetto.

37:34

He's the basis of all Italian people.

37:37

From Yeah,

37:39

all the stereotypes is Gepetto.

37:41

And he's like really into he's kind of weirdo.

37:44

He's like really into woodworking and

37:46

just makes clocks and whenever he's trying to

37:48

party, he rocks

37:50

all the clocks at launch, which makes an insane,

37:53

pretty annoying noise, and him and

37:55

his cat dance. So he is carving.

37:58

That's how you meet the guy.

37:59

Yeah, this is he's covering.

38:00

This Pinocchio and he's like, hey, wish she was a real

38:02

boy. And then praise to like the star

38:05

this fairy comes down. It's like it's a real boy.

38:07

What did you wish upon a star?

38:08

Yeah?

38:09

Who's who's wishing? Okay,

38:12

cricket is.

38:13

Cricket he's like the host of the movie.

38:15

Yeah, he's the.

38:17

Conscience and let your

38:20

guy you have a little whistle, Yes.

38:23

I remember.

38:24

So anyway, so he becomes a real boy.

38:26

The first thing Geppetto does, which is an insane

38:28

move, is he goes, guess what you got

38:30

to go to school today? First day this kid's alive.

38:33

Doesn't even spend a day like go and have some

38:35

fun, going to the water park or something, working

38:38

man.

38:39

I guess yeah, yeah, I

38:41

mean it was the middle of the night that this kid came alive.

38:43

You don't even kick with the kids. So anyways, he goes

38:45

bad father.

38:47

Yeah, that is weird. He's like, my one wish is that you're

38:49

a real boy. Okay, get the fuck out of my hair.

38:53

Wants to go to real school. Yeah.

38:55

So then he doesn't even walk him to school.

38:57

He doesn't even walk the kid to school. This is

38:59

a child, This is a wooden child. First

39:02

day alive.

39:03

He's a real boy.

39:03

You as he's not yet he is a real

39:06

right, that's the whole plot of the movie, right, he wants

39:08

to be real.

39:08

Is that what it is is not actually real because he still

39:11

wouldn't.

39:11

He's still yeah school,

39:13

Then this like Gnarley Fox comes and

39:16

was like, oh shit, I'm going to sell this guy to slavery,

39:18

allegedly does sells him

39:20

into like this this marionette

39:23

like puppeteer guy who's a psychopath,

39:25

locks him in a cage.

39:26

Jiminy Cricket gets them, they sneak out, then

39:28

they get.

39:29

Spoilers, then they get nineteen

39:32

forty spoiler coming in hot, welcome.

39:34

To this is Disney Movies.

39:38

Letting the whole room know that there's

39:40

your poop in that potted plant is

39:42

something of I don't what

39:45

is that?

39:45

Well, it was the confidence that was built through

39:47

that half hour to where I

39:49

got a rapport with this audience and

39:52

it was it was going great. It was a great

39:54

show, and they were fully on board with

39:56

everything I was doing.

39:57

So you just were like, I'm unstoppable,

39:59

guys.

40:00

I got to be honest. It was a great night, and

40:04

you.

40:04

Know, just the honesty that I was trying to have

40:07

with this crowd and just admitting like, hey, I

40:09

didn't think it was gonna go well because I

40:11

shit in that potted plant right before getting on

40:13

stage, and people were like, what why

40:15

throw a weird lie? After he's

40:17

built this rapport with us right

40:20

now. And then I was like, yo, go

40:22

check that potted plant. Someone did

40:24

and he's like, there's a shit in here.

40:27

I just remember somebody telling a story about

40:29

how they're like in their bed with their girlfriend at the time

40:31

and the rats were like under their

40:34

beds scratching around that.

40:35

And they were like, what was that noise? It was like, oh, no,

40:37

that's just good.

40:38

That was me and my my ex girlfriend,

40:41

and I remember I told her it was the

40:43

pipes because you heard

40:45

like like on the hardwood floor.

40:47

You heard like the rat like.

40:50

On the way in.

40:51

And she was like, what's that? And I go, oh,

40:54

an old.

40:55

House, It's just old pipes.

40:57

You just were like rats, rats, rattling

40:59

pot rat.

41:03

That was dude.

41:04

Can you imagine if it was a rat suy who

41:06

like jumped in your hair and like taught you how to funk?

41:08

Right there we go, rat

41:11

too.

41:14

Idea.

41:17

I just watched Ratatui for the first

41:19

time very recently.

41:20

What is a rat to Tui?

41:22

Well, it's I.

41:24

Thought it was a food Okay,

41:26

great, but where where where you?

41:29

I said, it's a Pixar movie and you said right, but I

41:31

thought it was you also, do you know it was both

41:33

of those.

41:33

But you also said that it lands in the back of your

41:35

hair and tells you how to funk, and you called it a ratatu

41:38

wei and I'm like, how does the dish land in the back.

41:40

Of your hair?

41:41

Have you seen rat? I

41:44

do understand.

41:45

It's a movie that starts a mouse. Is the mouse

41:47

named rattus a rat?

41:49

And no, no, no, no, no, hold on, it's

41:51

the mouse named it's a rat named

41:53

rattatu basically basically,

41:55

don't know bullshit?

41:57

Is it known as a rat?

41:59

Tattoo? We eat? He name e

42:01

t well, no.

42:03

One knows what should

42:05

we name the male Karen

42:08

and like, Kyle was always on the list.

42:10

And yeah, well it's the hard k It's

42:12

the sound that.

42:14

I thought Chad is a better choice. I honestly

42:17

thought Chad is the one.

42:18

I talk about Chad and Derek's for like twenty

42:21

minutes on in my stand up special Todd

42:23

Todd's It's all Todd.

42:25

Yeah, I feel like Chad is a bro.

42:27

Well Todd to me sounds like a dumb

42:29

guy, like, oh, good one, Todd.

42:31

Yeah, Todd's an idiot, good one, Todd.

42:33

But that's who these people are. These people are idiots, right,

42:35

that's that's the.

42:36

Whole thing for sure.

42:37

Chad is more agros young from

42:39

in my mind, he's a young soul.

42:42

Okay, oh wow, interesting

42:44

Chad is a young soul to.

42:45

Oh wait, were we not talking about souls?

42:48

You don't know.

42:49

I actually want to transition to souls.

42:51

That's why the thing's always

42:54

talking souls.

42:54

Yeah.

42:54

I don't have one, so I just like to talk

42:57

about it all.

42:58

Baby, Come on, give yourself some

43:00

credit. You got a beautiful heart in there.

43:03

Somewhere.

43:06

There should be one bully

43:09

for high school, and you run for it, just like you run

43:11

for prompting.

43:14

He gets to bully. He's the funniest bully.

43:16

What he says is usually true that you

43:18

are ugly, and

43:22

he gets a ride on the.

43:23

Back of everyone's wheelchair.

43:25

Yeah, they would. They'd

43:27

always take my wheelchair and push that ship. I'm

43:29

like, this isn't your job, man.

43:30

You if you had an electric wheelchair

43:33

in my high school, you were somebody's ride

43:35

to class.

43:36

That was just the the deal you made with the environment.

43:39

I never got the I think my parents didn't have

43:41

enough money to to spring for the electric one.

43:43

They were like, yeah, well someone's pushing you.

43:47

I don't want this chiseled ass. Chris Hemsworth

43:49

ordering pizza. I want Adam to Vine

43:52

with a donk ordering pizza.

43:54

No, he's delivering it.

43:56

Are you were delivering it?

43:57

Well, I wasn't ordering. I was a pizza delivery

43:59

guy.

44:00

That's okay because I was once a delivery guy. And

44:02

I know how you sneak slices in the car.

44:04

Bro I mean it's all good. You would

44:06

eat the pizza couple

44:09

toppings.

44:09

Yeah, here and there?

44:11

I was you serious?

44:12

I was also a pizza delivery guy. And you

44:14

have broken code.

44:15

You are going to hell?

44:17

That is breaking code.

44:18

Well, I mean I didn't come on. Guys, everybody

44:20

takes a little topic here and there.

44:22

Come on, how dare you.

44:27

Come on?

44:28

That is breaking code? They trust you with

44:30

the pizza.

44:31

Well, I don't do it anymore. I don't deliver anymore.

44:33

So this is like God, you get it

44:35

off your chest. You're getting it off your chest. I got you.

44:38

You gotta be prepared for what's gonna

44:40

happen.

44:41

Yes, are you guys talking to silver civil

44:43

war? That's gonna silver war?

44:45

Hey, No, that's what people are talking about.

44:47

No, I said civil, I said civil.

44:49

But we're talking about silver have you noticed.

44:52

Hey, hey, rewind the podcast.

44:55

Rewind the podcast and

44:58

listen. See if I said silver or

45:00

civil I

45:02

think it's about to be a goddamn civil war

45:04

in this podcast booth right now.

45:06

I want to say, you said silver war in

45:08

Workaholics. I think Adam Demant said

45:11

that once.

45:11

Yeah, No, that's it. What's great about

45:13

playing this dumb ass character of Adam Demant

45:16

is I got messed up and say a lot of stupid shit

45:18

that just ended up in the show.

45:20

We're keeping it. Yeah.

45:22

I think my best trick was the

45:25

skig.

45:26

Oh my god, dude, I could just lay

45:28

some fucking.

45:29

I could skid for days.

45:31

I was the hardest skidter on

45:33

the block.

45:35

That was the best way to arise.

45:36

You're still laying skid marks, right.

45:37

Yeah, baby, laying a little tire on the pavement.

45:40

Hello, if you saw

45:42

what if you saw a homie from like across

45:45

the playground and you just darted over to him

45:47

and then went like like a shit, You're

45:49

like, what's up?

45:50

That was always the movie. Yeah, you had

45:52

to like see who could skid the longest?

45:54

Oh yeah, and you're.

45:55

Talking about from like turning to the side, too, Not

45:58

right, not just like the straights.

46:00

A bomb.

46:00

Oh that's a nurse. Yeah you

46:03

turn, yeah, you turn, and you fucking you

46:05

tail it over.

46:07

You guys ever fuck with some super sockers?

46:09

Oh dude, hell you mean by laramie?

46:11

Laramie?

46:11

What did you?

46:12

What did you guys have? You

46:14

just had the stand?

46:15

Everybody had a fifty.

46:16

Yeah, you start with the fifty.

46:18

Had you had to have the fifty and that's that's what you

46:20

would tuck in your pants. And then you would

46:22

have the five hundred, the double

46:24

banger.

46:25

That was the two hundred two tanks whatever

46:27

that one was.

46:28

The five hundred had the backpack or was that the

46:30

thousands?

46:31

Can we just go from the bottom up and

46:33

like, let me get reminded of this.

46:35

By the way, super soccer does not exist anymore,

46:38

didn't we? We looked this up in the workholics writer's

46:40

room.

46:40

It like doesn't exist.

46:42

Why not?

46:43

Maybe they're sitting on it till some guy pays four

46:45

million dollars for back

46:48

into it.

46:48

This is important, That's

46:51

something I would collect.

46:52

Uh yeah, I want to say that there was a five,

46:54

ten, fifteen, thirty, There

46:56

was for sure fifty, a seventy five and

46:58

one hundred, and then the two hundred.

47:00

Okay, So the seventy five was what what color

47:02

was that?

47:03

Orange and yellow?

47:04

That was the orange and yellow one. So the hundred was the

47:06

green one.

47:07

No, blue, one hundred was blue?

47:09

Or was that? The fifty?

47:10

The hundred was blue and yellow?

47:11

Okay?

47:12

The fifty was green bottle yellow

47:15

gun. That was the entry one

47:17

everybody had.

47:17

The fifty fifty was just the first because

47:20

it was called the super Sooker fifty because it shot fifty feet.

47:22

Oh shit, I never knew that.

47:23

Oh what happened was NERF bought

47:26

super soaker and kind of ruined it.

47:28

If we're being real, NERF tried to nervous

47:30

eye.

47:31

They nerved their.

47:32

Soaker and then just turned it into some

47:34

some nerve shit.

47:35

Man, What did they do to it?

47:36

It just it looks like it doesn't hold

47:38

as much water. It's just kind of whack as hell.

47:40

People also started putting like bleach and

47:43

urine in them and shooting fifty feet and taking

47:45

off like shooting convertibles.

47:47

I'd like to apologize early for doing

47:49

that. A teenager did she I'm

47:51

just I'm lying. Poonerism's

47:54

rock. They're very funny, fucking nuts,

47:56

knucking futs there's a bumper stick out.

47:58

It's a spoonery sunking go nuts.

48:00

Tuck my sits.

48:04

Yeah, that that's that to Wait.

48:06

What did you say my sits?

48:09

You said what took my sits?

48:13

You get it?

48:16

Kind of suck

48:18

my fits?

48:18

So tuck my sits.

48:21

Tuck

48:21

talk. He's

48:23

writing, suck my f.

48:32

I was fast. Nobody could

48:35

tag me.

48:36

I have a sneaking suspicion that everyone

48:38

fast wasn't playing tag they were

48:41

playing real sports.

48:43

Yeah, Blake, never, you didn't

48:45

go to the track.

48:46

On the track, no one could tag me, motherfucker.

48:49

They're out playing flag football.

48:52

M okay, Well

48:55

there were other there were other

48:57

activities that weren't sanctioned

48:59

sports that you had to be good at. On my

49:01

block, one was tagged. The other was steal

49:04

the bacon, and I was nasty on that.

49:06

Yo, steal the bacon? God so

49:08

ruthless.

49:09

You want to know the other one? Kick the can?

49:11

Can I ever play that? That game was damn

49:14

ruthless.

49:15

Hey, did you grow up in the fifties.

49:16

I know, I grew up in a field in Iowa.

49:18

Adams getting Adams getting like shanked

49:21

with knives and you're like kicking cans.

49:23

Bro, we lived in a court like you can

49:25

play games like that?

49:26

What is take the can?

49:27

Yeah?

49:27

Kick the can is so tight.

49:32

I caught myself just like touching people,

49:34

probably more than I normally would like.

49:36

Crew guys.

49:37

I was just like, kind of.

49:39

Oh because of lack of human contact.

49:41

And I know that they don't have it and

49:43

you haven't touched another person, and so goddamn.

49:46

Long, yes, soon as you get the green light,

49:48

your cansy.

49:49

These guys did have a certain musculature

49:52

that made you want to grab them.

49:53

Oh my god, these these professional

49:56

shark divers.

49:56

Can we talk about a fucking hot they were?

49:58

Please do I'm over give

50:02

me the descriptions.

50:04

Long there

50:07

was no for real. There was this dude

50:10

that was I mean he a local

50:12

bahaman, gentleman,

50:15

bahamanam uh

50:20

ripped dude just like and

50:22

he had like this wet suit.

50:26

Wet suit so much cooler.

50:30

Why don't we all have trucks, trucks

50:32

freaking rock dude, let's

50:34

get some flatbed. I want to be

50:37

flatbed boystbed. Yeah

50:39

he does. I've been on it a few times.

50:43

My gosh.

50:45

Yeah, when does wine mouth kick in?

50:47

When does it kick in?

50:48

It could be two bottles.

50:49

If you're drinking like shitty wine,

50:52

I want to say, maybe it like leaves a film,

50:54

or maybe it's a sign of grape wine.

50:57

Yeah, that's the good stuff.

50:59

It could also be like a black light for

51:02

brushing teeth if like the.

51:04

While yes, the

51:07

Tarzan listerine guy hasn't swung through

51:09

that mouth, that's another.

51:10

Uh, it's

51:13

a ginger bis indicator.

51:14

So you're always going to get rimshot.

51:16

Hey, guys, how to avoid wine

51:18

mouth. Brush your teeth before eating, not after

51:21

the tannin's in the wine, cling to any plaque

51:23

on your teeth. So technically, if

51:25

you've got more plaque on your teeth, you're gonna get more

51:27

wine mouth.

51:28

This just made it so much worse.

51:30

This mosfucker doesn't brush.

51:32

It is it's the wine mouth is the black

51:35

light of oral hygiene.

51:38

You know what video I get sent every

51:41

once in a while is, uh,

51:44

who gets the dog?

51:46

Damn the dog?

51:48

Dude?

51:50

We won a dog? Me

51:53

Kyle and our old roommate Teddy, we

51:56

want a dog? On a TV show called

51:58

Who Gets the Dog? Where three

52:00

groups of like family or friends,

52:03

three different groups battle

52:05

over like who the dog likes more and who

52:07

they feel would be the best fit for this dog.

52:10

And then we ended up winning.

52:11

And I'm like, I got on all fours because I'm

52:14

a fucking cheese dick Ham and acted

52:16

like a dog to like win.

52:18

I was like, yeah, it was really a testament

52:20

to our acting, like being like, we want

52:23

to win so bad, will put

52:25

on whatever, We'll say whatever, we have to

52:27

holl the heart strings of America.

52:30

And you won the dog.

52:31

Yeah, one the dog.

52:32

And then they we have

52:34

this this dog, Rocky who now lives.

52:37

With uh with Teddy's family.

52:39

I think, oh, yeah,

52:42

what's the deal.

52:42

Are you eating sushi off for people?

52:45

Yes, you can't do that right now. They're sanitized.

52:48

What is the fish? The fish

52:50

is sanitized the people.

52:51

You put the fish on and eat it all.

52:57

Out where I live, like sometimes in the middle

52:59

of the night, the pack of coyotes will get something

53:02

and they will just go crazy,

53:06

like crazy, and you hear the animal.

53:08

That they got, like screaming and stuff. It is

53:10

the most like.

53:11

Fucking leave me alone, Leave me the fuck

53:13

alone.

53:14

No, don't kill me.

53:15

Oh not my face, don't eat my face

53:17

first?

53:18

Yeah, eat my ass first.

53:20

Oh, just please eat my my ass.

53:24

Honey, honey. The coyotes

53:26

are out there again.

53:27

Eat my ass.

53:29

Please eat my ass first? Oh

53:31

god, why not my face?

53:33

Just focus on the ass.

53:36

Please? What are you doing out there?

53:38

That's what I'm definitely saying that.

53:40

I'm definitely saying that when I if I

53:42

get attacked by anything, it's.

53:44

Just like, please eat my ass first, then

53:46

eat what.

53:46

Kyle just walks into the woods, Just ass

53:49

first, just ready to get gobbled.

53:52

Are you going out to the woods again.

53:54

I'm laying traps. I'm laying more traps.

53:56

Just eat my ass, Eat my ass.

54:00

That's why I hope my ghost says in

54:02

the afterlife.

54:04

What was on these mixtapes?

54:06

And who were you giving them to?

54:07

Because I know you and your friends weren't fucking in high

54:09

school.

54:09

Yeah, if there was no Jill

54:11

Scott in there, you're disqualified.

54:14

It's true.

54:15

I know.

54:16

I know their whole crew.

54:17

That wasn't a high school fucking crew right now,

54:19

not at all.

54:20

No dish there.

54:21

We did go to script clubs though, a lot.

54:23

Of magic the gathering, Yeah,

54:27

gathering.

54:28

I remember when I think I must have been living

54:30

with Teddy or something, but I remember

54:33

at Camden when we lived together, he

54:36

came over and like

54:38

your friends came in town and I was

54:40

like, oh shit, we're gonna party and everything.

54:42

And then you guys played Magic the Gathering for

54:45

four days, s right, And

54:48

I don't know how to play, and so it's just me

54:50

kind of drinking, sitting around the outside of the circle

54:52

being like, does it anyone, Yeah, dude,

54:55

trying to go do anything, like no, we're

54:57

this mage is. I don't even know how

54:59

to make fun of it because I truly don't

55:01

know Magic.

55:02

The Gathering at all.

55:03

So you found yourself knee deep

55:05

in a booster draft. Brother, you buy

55:07

a box, you make a deck, you go at it

55:09

for about four days with your tightest bros,

55:11

and you'd come out stronger for it.

55:14

It's a bro bond.

55:18

We're talking about the cameras at the front

55:20

of the house to make sure people aren't

55:22

shitting on your doorstep for any weird stuff.

55:24

Home security cameras, right,

55:26

the cameras at the front of your house and

55:29

the.

55:29

Back and all around and inside

55:31

for some people I know, Isaac,

55:33

Oh yeah.

55:34

Well, I got robbed like a handful of years

55:36

ago.

55:36

That's when I put mine up and my neighbor told

55:38

me, this is how shitty

55:40

neighbors are in Los Angeles, like they truly

55:43

don't give a fuck. The guy my

55:46

neighbor was like, oh yeah, I told

55:48

him I got robbed, and he was like, oh yeah, I saw

55:50

someone digging through your trash wearing scream

55:52

masks. What two

55:54

guys? And I'm like, you didn't think to

55:57

call the police, and goes na, I just figured

55:59

it was someone just looking for

56:01

cans or something.

56:02

And I'm like, in a scream mask.

56:03

That's so terrifying, that's amazing.

56:06

Yeah, they were actually robbing your house in scream

56:08

masks.

56:08

Apparently that's kind of fucking baller.

56:13

Off the charge.

56:14

Until you're stabbed to death.

56:15

By the way your neighbor robbed you and then

56:17

told you there were some people with scream

56:19

masks going through your garbage, so that you're

56:22

totally thrown Oh yeah, oh yeah,

56:25

because the first thing you're thinking is,

56:27

well, it's definitely not this asshole who just saw them.

56:29

It didn't tell me, right, look at me, sherlock

56:32

home.

56:32

Oh, all of a sudden, I

56:35

just hear him playing on a Casio keyboard

56:37

holding an antique rifle.

56:39

Is that what's taken from you?

56:41

Yeah, there's like two things got stolen.

56:43

Who plays a keyboard you play keyboard My.

56:45

Uh yeah, man, I took the ivory.

56:48

They're not ivories or plastic on a keyboard player.

56:50

Well, dude, these are This was elite level

56:53

Cassio busty.

56:54

Damn.

56:55

You kill the elephant, you

56:57

get like toilet paper and remnants there,

56:59

and I'm like, get it out of there.

57:03

Maybe allegedly there was tons

57:05

of threesomes happening between the maid

57:07

the wife, right, maybe the animals are

57:09

in there, they're watching. I'm not sure.

57:11

My opinion from my own opinion

57:13

from the outside, I don't like that.

57:16

I don't like that. So he's kind of a piece

57:18

of shit.

57:21

I wear spandex shorts and I get after

57:23

it. There

57:25

is penile enlargement surgery

57:28

and it's fifteen thousand dollars with an ump

57:30

front.

57:31

One thousand dollars.

57:31

That's a deal about

57:34

seven eight inches.

57:35

We should make a bet and whoever

57:38

wins the bet, we all pitch in and

57:40

get that person a bigger dick.

57:42

Oh that'd be fun. I like

57:44

that.

57:45

But do we do a percentage wise or like

57:47

you automatically have to add four inches?

57:49

I think it's you're gonna work with whatever they say.

57:52

They could give you, is that what it is? I don't. I

57:54

don't think they can say. I don't think you

57:56

could go. I want four inches.

57:58

Right, They kind of pieces

58:00

of skin from your body and add

58:02

it all up into a pile.

58:06

Okay. It says that it can increase

58:09

length and girth measurement around the penis,

58:11

which is girth of about one and

58:13

a half to two and a.

58:14

Half inches while flaccid and erect.

58:17

That's a lot an extra two

58:19

and a half inches. I don't like a

58:21

fourteen inch dick.

58:22

Okay, alright, that

58:28

is crazy, Adam. What about you? What's your surgery?

58:31

You know?

58:31

I don't know, I think for

58:33

sure.

58:35

But also beyond that, I

58:37

feel like all of us want that.

58:39

I think you say it's dick, and

58:41

then you get it's a two fer. It's a two fer you

58:43

get. Yeah, if you get the dick, you get the other one

58:45

for free.

58:46

If you can get an extra two and a half inches,

58:48

that's a jambone right there.

58:51

I don't want it.

58:52

This motherfucker call back.

58:56

I don't know.

58:56

Probably, I say, I'm

58:58

not losing my hair yet, but I know I've

59:00

seen my father, and I see all the men in

59:02

my family, and they're all pretty fucking bald.

59:05

Mother's dad was bald.

59:06

He died when he was like forty, and

59:09

he still had hair. Like the photos, he still

59:11

had hair. But I'm like, is that just how he's

59:13

combing it?

59:13

I don't know.

59:14

My mom said he had a full head, but there was not a lot

59:16

of photos.

59:17

I just want what's cool is that You're like, I'm

59:19

worried about my hair falling out, But my mom's dad

59:22

he died at forty, but I'm not worried about

59:24

the health and publications.

59:28

It's an elective surgery.

59:29

He had a heart attack because he was like

59:31

he was like an alcoholic, you know, so

59:34

I'm not stopping drinking.

59:38

Yeah.

59:38

Wow, remember

59:40

I Workaholics When we had a dog eat

59:43

my ass.

59:43

And it was like, oh yeah what it was

59:45

the bulldog.

59:46

From Modern Family. That was like, well

59:49

it licked mountain dew code red out of your butt.

59:51

Crack. Wait that was that was the

59:53

episode.

59:54

That was the entire episode?

59:57

Now what was what was the plot?

1:00:00

It was the one where we went back to school and I was

1:00:02

teasing the National.

1:00:04

Guard or the Coast Guard.

1:00:05

The Coast Guard yeah, oh sure, sure,

1:00:08

they like tracked me.

1:00:09

Down with their dog and they're like pour code, read down

1:00:11

his buck crack and make the dog with it, and

1:00:13

like in a TV show, you're

1:00:15

like, hah, that's that's funny.

1:00:17

How are we practically doing this? And everyone's

1:00:19

like.

1:00:20

We're putting peanut butter on your butt

1:00:22

and then we're gonna have a dog.

1:00:25

That's practical. Movie

1:00:28

magic Baby.

1:00:29

We did you the justice of not putting it in near

1:00:31

the hole. It was like on your cheek.

1:00:32

Right, the justice probably felt

1:00:35

hella good, yeah.

1:00:37

The service. Yeah, but you

1:00:39

think the dog's and be like, oh, I'll be right over

1:00:41

here.

1:00:41

Yeah.

1:00:41

No, he went for it.

1:00:43

He's lived the credit card.

1:00:44

I was on set.

1:00:45

That was a good morning. That was a really good

1:00:47

morning. I remember, fantastic

1:00:50

morning.

1:00:50

I'm surprised the animal people weren't

1:00:53

like, absolutely no way,

1:00:55

because they're they're pretty fucking weird.

1:00:57

And if you're just this is important,

1:01:00

Oh, it's very important.

1:01:01

This is important.

1:01:05

M