0:02

Halloween

0:02

traditions. There's pumpkin patches,

0:05

haunted houses, watching your favorite creepy

0:07

creature terrorized a small town for the umpteenth

0:09

time. Here, this is uncomfortable. We

0:12

like to get your skin crawling with some money

0:14

horror stories. Our

0:16

first tale of financial fright

0:18

comes

0:18

from Abigail.

0:24

Abigail

0:24

Keel's Day started out normally

0:26

enough, which is how a lot of horror films start.

0:28

Right? She was sitting in her office in

0:30

New York, just trying to power through those final

0:32

hours of work, with hours that feel like they might

0:34

never end. And as she's sitting at

0:36

her desk, her cell phone rings.

0:38

It's a number that I don't recognize, but

0:40

it does have a Missouri area

0:43

code. I'm from Saint Louis, Missouri.

0:46

So I noticed that, but I don't know the number,

0:48

and I'm like, don't answer numbers

0:50

you don't know. I ignored the call.

0:53

Fifteen minutes later, Abigail's in a meeting

0:55

when she looks down and sees another call from

0:57

the same number. She ignores the call

0:59

a second time. Then after

1:02

the meeting, she heads back to her desk and

1:04

she gets yet another call. Same number.

1:06

She started to wonder if someone from back home was

1:08

trying to contact her about something important.

1:11

So I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna pick this up.

1:13

And there on the other end of the

1:15

line is someone with news of something that

1:17

I've actually had nightmares about. Hello.

1:20

This is agent so and so with

1:22

the FBI. Don't wanna alarm

1:24

you, but your Social

1:27

Security number has been compromised

1:29

and then, you know, we've noticed

1:32

something wrong.

1:35

Abigail's mind immediately

1:37

started racing. Did someone break

1:39

into her accounts and take all of her money?

1:42

Someone racking up debt in her name? Oh

1:44

my god. She was already annoyed just thinking

1:46

about all the extra tedious work she'd have

1:48

to do to take care of this. errands

1:50

that are the worst kind of earns, like, getting

1:52

a new bank and, like, trying to switch your

1:55

money and, like, you know,

1:57

am I gonna have to wait in line at the Social Security

1:59

Office

1:59

to get a new Social Security number? The

2:02

FBI agent is talking fast. But fortunately,

2:05

he's also trying to be helpful. Just follow

2:07

my instructions, he tells her, we're gonna figure this

2:09

out. You do not worry. He transfers

2:11

her to a second agent who specializes in helping

2:13

people sort through this kind of thing. There

2:15

will be a police officer who

2:17

comes to your house tonight to kind of

2:19

go into this with you with more detail.

2:22

But for right now, like, I just need you to answer

2:24

my questions. And

2:25

the questions, this second agent asks her,

2:28

do make her worry.

2:29

So he's asking, did you ever live at this address?

2:32

No. Have you ever visited El Paso, Texas?

2:34

No. Okay. Well, we have car rental

2:36

that started in El Paso, and now we

2:38

found this car with drugs and

2:40

money in it. And, you know, have you had anything

2:42

to do with that car? At

2:44

this point, Abigail is freaking out.

2:47

There's a car in Texas with drugs

2:49

in it, but with my money, like,

2:51

what? Now she's not just thinking,

2:53

ugh, it's gonna be pain to change bank passwords

2:55

or get a new card. Now she's

2:57

worried, is the identity thief going to

2:59

get me in trouble with the FBI? I

3:01

definitely started to get, like, hot, started

3:04

to feel panicky, heart

3:06

rate escalating, But those

3:08

moments were scary

3:09

because you start thinking of all these worst case

3:11

scenarios.

3:12

Immediately. Yeah. Immediately. And you're

3:14

like, ugh, like everything was fine just five

3:16

minutes ago. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Like,

3:19

if my Social Security

3:20

number has been used in

3:22

these illicit activities, you

3:24

know, how

3:24

do I approve. That it wasn't

3:26

me. I'm

3:32

Mehdi Mehrese, and you're listening to this is

3:34

uncomfortable. a podcast from MarketPlace

3:36

about life and how money messes with

3:38

it. This week on the show, we are

3:40

sharing two money horror

3:41

stories. First,

3:43

Abigail's worst nightmare. And

3:45

then later in the show, a haunting wedding

3:48

tale, the kind of tale where someone you

3:50

love, someone who is perfectly nice and

3:52

you've known forever, suddenly seems

3:54

possessed by some unrecognizable force,

3:57

force that

3:57

will pull off the most immaculate night,

3:59

no matter

3:59

the cost. Both of

4:01

these stories center on trust and

4:03

what happens

4:04

when that trust is broken in the

4:06

most unexpected ways.

4:11

So

4:12

Abigail is sitting at her desk. Having just

4:14

been told someone in El Paso is committing

4:16

crimes with her identity, and it

4:18

gets worse. They tell her that person

4:20

seems to have also gotten access to your

4:22

bank accounts. There's a

4:24

clear sense of urgency in the agent's voice.

4:27

He's like, just listen to me and I'll guide you

4:28

through this entire process. Step

4:32

one, he tells her. Close all the

4:34

accounts, connect to the

4:37

Social Security number to, like,

4:39

cut off access for these criminals.

4:42

He says you, of course, will need to transfer the

4:44

money in your account out of that account. and then you

4:46

can shut it down. I think

4:48

I said like there's nine thousand

4:50

dollars in my account. And

4:52

he was like, okay, great. So

4:54

we need to figure out some way to, like, get

4:56

that money out of the account.

4:59

He tells her that could be

5:01

problem because most banks have

5:02

transfer limits.

5:04

So she conferenced in her bank and talked to

5:06

them as he quietly listened in. she

5:08

told them all of her account info and the bank confirmed.

5:11

She wasn't allowed to pull out that much at once.

5:13

So she

5:14

hung up with the bank feeling confused. If

5:16

she couldn't get the money out,

5:17

she couldn't close that account. But

5:20

the agent was still on the line and was like,

5:22

okay, we have a backup plan. Here's what

5:24

you can do.

5:25

So because

5:26

we're not gonna be able to, like, electronically

5:29

transfer all the money out of your account into

5:31

some other account right now, we're

5:33

gonna just try to get as much money out

5:35

as possible. He told her that the

5:37

FBI has a special relationship with

5:39

companies like Apple for situations

5:42

just like this. That Apple lets

5:44

people essentially buy gift cards as a way

5:46

to transfer money out of their accounts.

5:48

we'll be able to go back to them and

5:50

cash out that gift card later and

5:52

they kind of, you know, are in this system and

5:54

they know that sometimes we need do

5:56

this. So that's why there's these, like, limited number

5:58

of stores that, you

5:59

know, we could do this with.

6:02

At this point, Abigail is, like, Okay.

6:05

Like, this guy sounds official. He

6:07

seems to have a lot of answers. He's been

6:09

super helpful so far. But

6:12

Apple gift cards, it's

6:14

like she's starting to hear

6:15

the scary music creep in. Like,

6:18

maybe someone is in the basement. But

6:20

instead of of towing down the stairs with a flashlight,

6:23

she's sitting in front of her laptop, going

6:25

over his questions in her head. Like,

6:27

well, at no point did he ask me for my

6:29

Social Security number? Scamer

6:31

would ask for that. She looks at the

6:33

number he's calling from, types it into Google,

6:35

and yeah, it's an FBI number.

6:38

The agent interrupts her saluting

6:40

and says, look, we need to hurry and move your

6:42

money before the criminal drains your account. You

6:45

need to get the money out before the banks close

6:47

at five PM today. She

6:49

looks at her watch. It's

6:50

already three thirty. We have

6:52

an hour and a half to get this

6:54

done.

6:56

She grabs her coat, heads out of the

6:59

office, down the elevator, and speedwalks

7:01

toward the Apple store. I'm like

7:03

walking as fast as I can, down the

7:05

street, down fortieth

7:07

avenue towards Grand Central station

7:09

and it's cold and windy and

7:11

I'm like trying to stay on the phone with him talk to

7:13

him and the wind's in the receiver and it's

7:15

loud and people are,

7:17

like, walking past me, kind of, like,

7:19

looking at me because I'm, like, on this loud

7:21

phone call. As she's

7:23

rushing to the Apple store, he breaks down

7:25

the plan. I'm gonna need to purchase

7:28

gift cards, the maximum

7:30

amount of money that you can buy a gift

7:32

card for at an Apple store is two thousand

7:35

dollars. So I'm gonna ask

7:37

to buy

7:37

three gift cards.

7:39

She'd still have some money left in her account,

7:42

but they'd figure that out later. His

7:44

instructions are clear. Just three

7:46

gift cards, and he told her, look,

7:48

do not act weird. This is

7:49

an open investigation now, which means we need

7:51

you to keep everything I've told you so far to

7:53

yourself. So if the Apple employees

7:56

ask you why you're buying such expensive gift

7:58

cards, he was like, I think

7:59

you should tell them it's a

8:00

raffle at your work. And I was like,

8:03

okay,

8:03

that sounds good. And he was like, so say that

8:05

back to me. She now standing in front

8:07

of the Apple store dress rehearsing with the

8:09

FBI agent. I was gonna go up to

8:11

the counter, I was gonna say, hi, I'd like to

8:13

buy three Apple gift

8:15

cards for two thousand dollars each.

8:17

Yep. They're for a raffle at my work. And

8:20

as she's standing there, muttering to herself,

8:23

I'd like three gift cards. Oh, yeah. No.

8:25

They're they're for a raffle. I think it's just two thousand

8:26

each. She can't help but do

8:29

the math.

8:34

Like,

8:34

I'm about to

8:35

spend six thousand dollars. I've

8:38

never spent that much money in

8:40

one place ever in my life.

8:42

Probably the most money I'd

8:44

ever, you know, dropped in one

8:46

go was, like, rent and security

8:49

deposit for an apartment, which, you know,

8:51

that is a lot of money in New York, but

8:53

it wasn't six thousand.

8:55

And now she's not panicking about someone

8:57

stealing her money. she's panicking about

8:59

spending it. Everything

9:01

had been moving so quickly. The only

9:03

time she hadn't been on the phone with this agent in

9:05

the past couple hours, was when she took

9:07

the elevator right out of her office. In

9:09

every minute she'd spent on the phone with him,

9:11

she'd been terrified as he laid out all the

9:13

way she was about to lose everything. and

9:15

she the center of an official investigation.

9:18

But

9:18

six thousand, dollars that

9:21

was enough

9:21

to get her to call a time out.

9:24

Standing

9:24

next to the entrance of the Apple store,

9:26

she says, look, can I meet with

9:28

you or meet with the police or just

9:30

like anybody before I go spend all this

9:32

money? I

9:33

started to really, like, push back

9:35

and be like, I'm not actually

9:37

feeling comfortable with this. So

9:40

is there any other option? And he was

9:42

like, ma'am, are you are you

9:43

refusing to comply? And I was

9:45

like, no. I'm just asking you a question.

9:48

And he was like, you know, he

9:50

started talking and as he was talking,

9:52

I got an incoming call on my

9:54

phone.

9:55

Abigail looks down at her phone at the

9:58

caller ID. But, like, person who's calling

10:00

me is nine eleven. Nine eleven

10:02

is calling. Nine eleven is calling me.

10:05

And when I saw that, I was,

10:07

like, shit. Like, what?

10:10

Like, who is

10:11

this?

10:13

Her heart's

10:13

racing. looks down at

10:15

the call and then she looks up at everything

10:17

around her. There are police officers

10:19

on nearly every corner. She thought

10:21

at any moment maybe they'd all sort of mechanically

10:24

turn towards her. bring her in.

10:26

The

10:26

adrenaline

10:27

was so high that I think

10:29

somebody could have punched me in the face and I

10:31

wouldn't have flinched. She

10:34

picks up the call from nine eleven.

10:36

And on the other line is a

10:38

voice demanding to know if she's refusing to

10:40

comply with an official investigation.

10:42

I like, what are you talking about? I've

10:44

been complying with him for the last two hours.

10:47

And he's like, ma'am, if that's

10:49

the case, then we're gonna have to dispatch

10:51

agents to come like,

10:54

beforehand you. And

10:55

I was like, what do you

10:57

mean? Like, I'm just asking for

10:59

somebody to come hear and assist me

11:01

with this weird task that you've

11:03

given.

11:04

Yeah. But at the same

11:06

time, this third

11:08

person I'm talking to, I

11:10

actually

11:10

I'm recognizing his

11:12

voice.

11:16

THIS

11:16

PERSON CLAIMING TO BE A POLICE OFFICER

11:19

CALLING HER FROM nine eleven SOUND

11:21

SUSPICIOUSLY EXACTLY

11:23

LIKE THE VERY FIRST PERSON WHO

11:25

CALLED HER. before he handed her off to the FBI

11:27

agent who sent her to the Apple Store.

11:30

So at this point, I'm

11:32

talking to that police officer. I'm

11:34

realizing something's not right. I'm getting

11:36

another incoming call from the guy had been

11:38

talking to for two and a half hours. And he was

11:40

sort of like, did you just receive a call from the

11:42

police? And I was like, I guess,

11:44

and he was like, so are you willing to comply?

11:46

Okay. So this is this

11:48

is the moment where you start connecting the dog.

11:51

Yep. Yep.

11:52

And I

11:53

was like, no, I don't wanna go

11:56

into this Apple store. and

11:58

drop my debit card on the table and

11:59

spend six thousand dollars. And

12:02

I remember being like, if the police

12:04

need to come and get me,

12:06

then great.

12:07

Like, I would love to talk to them

12:09

about what's happening.

12:10

Yeah. I was like, send them. I was

12:12

like, I would like to see them.

12:17

Abigail,

12:17

who prides herself on being

12:19

discerning, skeptical even, you know, a

12:21

tough New Yorker. It's standing at

12:23

Grand Central Station in Manhattan, the

12:26

realization dawning on her. that

12:27

in fact, no. She is not as

12:30

discerning

12:30

as she thought she was. I

12:32

was like fuck you, man. Like, what is

12:34

this? And he just goes, fuck you.

12:36

And

12:41

then I knew I would that was the

12:43

moment where I was like, damage.

12:45

like this guy is

12:47

a scammer and this

12:50

three hour journey almost has

12:52

been, you know, all

12:55

all an attempt to get my money.

12:58

So now she

12:58

starts looking for real officers. She

13:01

spots a cop nearby explains the situation

13:03

feeling a little sheepish, explaining

13:05

why she believed the guy. What he

13:07

said he was part of the FBI and

13:11

you know, they called me from nine eleven and

13:13

then and then the police officer was like, hang on.

13:15

They called you from nine eleven. And

13:17

I was like, yeah. And he was like, no.

13:20

No. That's not possible. And I was

13:22

like, well, it happened. You know? And he was like,

13:24

no. No. If the police call you,

13:26

it's gonna be the local pre synced

13:28

number that shows up there. Right.

13:30

Nine eleven can't call you. That's a

13:31

scam.

13:33

Yeah. The scammer likely spoofed

13:35

the nine eleven number through an app.

13:37

I just remember him looking at me

13:38

like, lady

13:40

duh, you know. And I was like,

13:43

oh

13:43

oh,

13:44

this was obvious. you know, this

13:46

was obvious the whole time and I didn't see it.

13:48

There was something

13:51

about the sheer terror of thinking she was

13:53

about to lose everything. and possibly be

13:55

accused of any number of things

13:57

that did what fear does. By

13:59

evolutionary design

13:59

actually, it shuts down your

14:02

conscious brain

14:02

and shifts fight or flight into

14:04

high gear. Survival mode. And

14:06

survival mode doesn't come with a lot of

14:08

nuance.

14:09

It's just get to safety. or

14:11

die. And

14:12

so she missed all the clues.

14:15

Like, why would an FBI agent ask to be

14:17

on a call with her bank, but tell her not to

14:19

tell them that he's on the line? It took

14:21

something as absurd as six thousand

14:23

dollars in Apple gift cards to get her

14:25

brain out of survival mode and into

14:27

the, wait, what

14:27

mode? that saves us

14:29

from things like this. But

14:31

even knowing all of that, it did make

14:34

Abigail's second guess or judgment. Like,

14:36

really, I'm someone who could fall for this kind

14:38

of thing. I would identify as like

14:40

this very competent financial person

14:43

and just competent person

14:45

period. And so

14:47

that's not who falls for scams.

14:49

Like, elderly folks or

14:51

people who don't have a clear

14:53

grasp of reality for whatever

14:55

using, like, those are the people who

14:58

this happens to not me.

15:01

Surprisingly though, there are a lot of studies

15:03

out there that tell us younger people are in

15:05

fact more likely to fall for phone scams, even

15:07

though older folks tend to lose

15:09

more. even though

15:10

the scammers didn't steal her money or

15:13

identity. For a

15:13

while, Abigail was too scared to tell

15:16

anyone. Let alone publicize it on

15:18

a podcast. I was scared to even call my

15:20

bank and tell them because I was like, they're

15:22

gonna think I'm so stupid. And what

15:24

if I did lose my own money

15:26

this way? Like, and I'm

15:28

gonna have to admit that to,

15:30

like, other grown adults. On

15:33

top of the embarrassment and shame she

15:35

felt she was still spooked by the idea of

15:37

maybe this fake FBI guy someday

15:39

getting a hold of her account, even though

15:41

she'd already shut it down. but

15:43

that's the lingering effect of these sort of events.

15:46

They can make you more wary and less

15:48

trusting of yourself and of

15:50

others. But after this whole saga,

15:52

Abigail at least trust herself to

15:54

not pick up any more random

15:56

calls.

15:59

After the break, a wedding

16:02

story where love and something

16:04

absolutely terrifying

16:05

are in there.

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18:25

In college,

18:26

Zinsley Sibando wasn't a best

18:28

friendship worthy of its own kind of BFF

18:31

rom com. it was clear the two of them had

18:33

something special. I mean, we would

18:35

say it like she was like, I think you're gonna be

18:37

the godmother of

18:39

my child, and I'll tell her

18:41

that too. I mean, this is like

18:43

a long term friendship, a

18:45

forever friendship. We're gonna call her

18:47

best friend Sofia, though that's not her

18:49

real name. As undergrads, it

18:51

was rare to see one of them without the other.

18:53

They'd hang out all the time, sometimes even

18:55

show up in nearly identical outfits.

18:57

We were

18:58

like two peas in the pot. Definitely.

19:00

When Zinsalei's

19:01

mom passed away in twenty

19:04

sixteen, Sofia was there at

19:06

every moment. She was the one that was, like,

19:08

calling my family. She was the one

19:10

that packed

19:12

my clothes for me. was the

19:14

one that when I got to the airport and

19:16

I was like, I don't wanna wait for the

19:18

airplane alone, the school got her a pass so that

19:20

she could stay with me until I got on

19:23

the airplane. Oh, wow. Yeah.

19:25

She was the one that was literally held

19:27

me up at that time. And the recurring

19:29

theme in this friendship came

19:31

with the soundtrack of wedding belts.

19:33

They'd often

19:35

find themselves fantasizing

19:36

about their future

19:38

weddings, looking through Pinterest boards, weighing crucial decisions

19:40

like, what color scheme would they want? Or

19:42

if they'd opt for an outdoor wedding or

19:44

big banquet hall? Pretty

19:46

much from the time that we met, we were always

19:48

talking about how we wanted each other's to be

19:50

in our weddings, bridesmaids, do

19:53

all of that.

19:55

So it was basically inevitable that when

19:58

Sofia got engaged in twenty

20:00

nineteen, she made Zinsilei her

20:02

chief bridesmaid. Chief

20:04

bridesmaid for Sofia's ultimate three day

20:06

wedding. Saturday, Sunday, and

20:08

Monday. To be fair, Sofia

20:10

and her husband share a cultural background

20:12

where an extended wedding celebration is

20:14

kind of the norm. Still,

20:17

Sofia had big expectations, and

20:19

Zenilei was starting to notice just how much

20:21

the planning was consuming her friend.

20:24

If Zinsilei had to use three words to describe

20:26

Sofia's dream wedding,

20:29

extravagant, elegant, and

20:32

curated curated

20:34

most of all.

20:35

I think with her vision,

20:38

what maybe mattered more

20:40

was probably how she looked how

20:42

her bridesmaids looked and

20:43

in the pictures. The bridesmaids

20:45

would wear the same exact dresses, same

20:48

jewelry, the same

20:48

gold smoky eye shadow. But

20:51

but very subtle excuse me. A

20:53

very subtle gold smoky

20:55

eye shadow. and they would all wear

20:57

specific hairstyles. And they were

20:59

gonna almost be the opposite of what she

21:01

had. So on day one, when the

21:03

bride's Sofia

21:03

wore an two, the bride's maids wear their hair

21:06

down. When Sofia wore hers

21:07

down on day two, theirs would be slipped

21:09

back in a ponytail. In

21:11

the third day, the bridesmaids would have braids with

21:14

hair extensions.

21:15

Sofia planned at least five

21:17

photoshoots over

21:18

the three days of her wedding. so

21:19

the look had to be perfect down to

21:21

the very last detail. But

21:24

of course, to be part of an immaculate wedding,

21:26

especially as the Chief Bride's made, Zinsalei was

21:28

gonna have to pay a chilling amount

21:30

of money. For starters, three

21:32

days meant three different dresses,

21:34

which in total would cost about six

21:37

hundred dollars. But of course, those

21:39

are

21:39

just the dresses. Buying your

21:40

shoes, paying for alterations, paying

21:43

for your makeup, paying

21:45

for your hair, paying for

21:47

your own jewelry. And so how

21:49

much money in total do you think you

21:51

spent as a bridesmaid?

21:55

Probably

21:55

almost two thousand dollars. Two

21:57

thousand dollars to be part of her best

21:59

friend's wedding. Apparently, the

22:01

average bride's maid in the US spends

22:04

about twelve hundred on a friend's wedding. Now,

22:06

Zinsley did not have that kind of money.

22:08

She was working at a non profit when

22:10

the wedding planning began. But

22:12

as the big day got closer, she lost that job.

22:15

Sheena partner had to move into a cheaper

22:17

apartment, cut back on their expenses, So

22:19

two thousand dollars for a

22:22

wedding, and it did feel a little bit painful,

22:24

but I was like, you know what? It's my best

22:26

friend and This is

22:28

a once in a lifetime

22:29

thing, so I

22:31

have no problem

22:34

paying that money. Yeah. It's like, this

22:36

is what you do. Yeah. Sofia

22:38

tried

22:38

to be supportive. Like, after

22:40

they went to the tailor together for

22:42

dress alterations, a two hundred dollar

22:44

appointment Zinsley sat crying in her car

22:47

afterwards. Sofia noticed and

22:48

later Venmoed her a couple hundred dollars to

22:51

cover the cost. So wasn't

22:53

like blind to it. You know, she was very

22:55

much aware, and that was a big

22:58

help. Wedding dresses, specific

23:00

hairstyles, jewelry, a

23:02

bit much. but Zensilei was doing her

23:04

best to manage it. That

23:05

is until one more thing

23:07

got added to the pile, not

23:09

by Sofia. but by Zinsley's

23:12

body.

23:13

It all started

23:15

about a year before the wedding. The first

23:18

thing Zinsley noticed were her

23:20

periods. they were

23:21

heavier, more excruciating.

23:23

Like my cramps were really bad to the point, like,

23:25

I'll feel them radiate in my back. And

23:27

I would experience it, and I'm like,

23:30

doubling over. And

23:32

within several months, she'd gained about forty

23:34

pounds even though nothing about her

23:36

lifestyle had changed. changed. She finally

23:38

went to the doctor who diagnosed her

23:40

with PCOS, polycystic ovarian

23:42

syndrome, relatively common

23:43

hormonal disorder, The doctor

23:45

prescribed her some medication. It was

23:47

a feeling of relief because I was like, finally, I

23:49

can know what's wrong with me, and now

23:52

I would find a

23:53

way to get better. But

23:55

before

23:55

things got better, the medication that

23:58

doctor put her on made things

23:59

worse. Like,

24:00

my hair was a big

24:03

one. I had this

24:06

patch of no

24:08

hair in the middle of my head.

24:10

I noticed it. And I was like,

24:12

what the heck? as if my hair

24:14

had been pulled out. Like, somebody

24:17

came with a tweezer and, like, plucked out my

24:19

hair. Zinsalei was

24:21

emotionally attached to her hair. she

24:23

loved how long and beautiful it

24:24

was. Now she barely

24:26

even recognized it. It looked terrible.

24:28

It had thinned out like

24:30

it looked hard.

24:32

hard So after weighing

24:34

the decision for several weeks, she felt

24:36

like she had no other option but to chop

24:38

it off. She set the appointment

24:39

for just a few days before the

24:42

wedding. When

24:42

Zenilei told Sofia, she replied, cool.

24:45

You'll

24:45

rock it. And

24:46

so plans moved along. For

24:48

the wedding, for the haircut that she hoped would

24:50

save her hair, Until

24:52

just a few days before the

24:55

wedding, since the lake got

24:56

a text. It was

24:58

Sofia.

24:58

was sofia

24:59

June seventh twenty twenty

25:02

one, things blew

25:03

up.

25:07

Sofia texted Zulu and said,

25:10

hey, about that haircut.

25:12

I wonder if you could hold off for a few days

25:14

until after the wedding since these dials

25:16

like the slick back look and the braided hair have

25:18

been agreed upon so far in advance.

25:20

But for Zincile, it

25:23

wasn't just about cutting her

25:25

hair. It was also about the things she'd have to do

25:27

to it for the wedding that could ruin what little

25:29

health her hair did have.

25:32

Zenilei shot a text back to Sofia

25:33

right away. And I was like, oh,

25:35

I don't want

25:36

blow drying my hair and I don't want

25:38

to straighten it either or

25:41

putting, like, any kind of jowl on this extra

25:43

attention on it because it will

25:45

be more damaged and less likely to

25:47

salvage. I'm cutting it so that it can be healthy, and

25:49

I can have some confidence.

25:50

Safia

25:51

responded saying, I hear you,

25:53

but I was taken aback when he decided all

25:55

this just days before the wedding. She

25:57

goes on to say that they can be more flexible

25:59

with how

25:59

they style her hair, but she wants the

26:02

bridesmaids look to

26:02

at least be cohesive.

26:04

But Zinsilei wasn't gonna

26:07

budge. She picked

26:07

up her phone and sent Sofia

26:10

a text. I will be cutting my hair as

26:11

planned on Thursday.

26:14

Zinsilei told

26:14

her it was hard enough to get an appointment

26:16

last minute and she didn't wanna risk

26:18

damaging her

26:19

hair even more just so she could look like

26:21

a clone and wedding pictures.

26:23

We reached out to Sofia, by the way,

26:25

but she didn't respond. Based on

26:27

their tax exchanges though, Sofia

26:29

was clearly annoyed. She

26:31

didn't understand why Zincile couldn't

26:33

wait a few days to get a

26:35

haircut. especially

26:35

when Zinsile was actually the one who proposed

26:37

to Sofia

26:37

that they do those specific hairstyles.

26:41

Zinsile's

26:41

stress about her health, about her

26:44

hair, collided with Sofia's wedding

26:46

stress. And

26:47

with these competing anxieties,

26:49

neither wanted to bend.

26:51

They

26:51

texted back and forth a couple more times,

26:54

until Sofia finally sent

26:56

inside one

26:56

last text, and it was a

26:58

long one.

27:00

So This was the message that I

27:02

got. After our recent conversations, I'd

27:04

like to remind you of my boundaries. I've

27:06

been very accommodating and graceful, but

27:08

I can't allow you to disrespect me.

27:10

As you know, my wedding has been something I've

27:12

dreamt off for many years. My

27:14

husband and I Sofia went on to remind Zensilei

27:16

of the time and money they've invested.

27:18

How upsetting the timing for haircut

27:20

decision was? It turns me. And I while

27:22

I sympathize with your health concerns, I'm not

27:24

willing to compromise my vision or to

27:27

accommodate you or anyone else. you could

27:29

have informed me in advance and we could have found a

27:31

better solution. Since this is something

27:33

you can no longer commit to fully, I

27:35

need you to please step down from

27:37

participating in my wedding You and Luke may

27:39

attend the wedding festivities as guests,

27:41

but you will not be included as part of my

27:43

bridal party. Thank you for understanding and thank you for

27:45

everything

27:45

that you've contributed. Oh

27:47

my god. What was

27:48

your first reaction? Oh,

27:51

I was so angry. And then I tried to call

27:53

her. She didn't

27:54

pick up. And

27:56

I was, like, inconsistencies,

27:58

I have

27:59

showed up to every single thing that you

28:02

have demanded of us. I have gone above and

28:04

beyond for you. It felt

28:06

like this utterly surreal moment,

28:08

like her best friend had been possessed by

28:10

someone she didn't even recognize. Even

28:13

though she was furious, since they

28:15

desperately wanted to talk with Sofia to try

28:17

to work things out. The

28:18

wedding was just two days away.

28:20

But

28:20

Sofia didn't return her calls

28:23

or her texts. I remember I called

28:25

my aunt and my sister crying because I was like,

28:26

this is excuse my language

28:29

on bullshit. I thought

28:30

that she would be. What matters most is

28:32

that my best understanding beside me,

28:34

she feels comfortable, she feels good,

28:36

and she's happy. couple hours

28:39

passed and still no response from

28:41

Sofia. Zincile

28:42

weighed her options. and

28:45

then she shot Sofia a text. I was like, I'm not

28:47

gonna show up to your wedding as a guest.

28:50

Yeah. You don't and and a message like

28:52

this, you don't wanna be my friend.

28:54

I was

28:54

like, I may I don't want you to Like, this is

28:56

not what a friend would do. Like, I

28:59

good I'm good.

29:03

As Zinsilei

29:05

sat there with no best friend, no

29:07

wedding she'd been so excited about,

29:09

she also realized the one thing she

29:11

does have now is a

29:13

pile of useless wedding clothes, jewelry,

29:15

and shoes. Things that

29:17

cost

29:17

her a lot of money, money that

29:19

could have gone toward basic necessities instead

29:21

of

29:21

shimmery gold heels. She calculated

29:24

the exact cost of all the things she would have

29:26

worn, so to be clear that does not include

29:28

money spent on the bridal shower or other

29:31

festivities. It was eight hundred and eight

29:33

dollars and ninety four cents. In

29:35

her fury, she was doing the math

29:37

down to the penny. That's like

29:39

fuck it. I want my money

29:41

back.

29:41

So she picked up her phone and

29:43

she texted Sofia. I

29:44

was like, okay, thank you. I will

29:46

be sending you a full invoice of the money spent

29:48

on dresses and alterations, and then I

29:51

will be dropping them off to you at your

29:53

earliest convenience. Sophia didn't

29:55

acknowledge her text about the invoice.

29:57

The next day, Zynzely

29:59

was venting to a friend about all of

30:02

this, and her friend who's a

30:05

paralegal turned to her and said,

30:06

you

30:07

could take her to court. And he just mentioned

30:09

that Willy Noovie. Oh. And I was like, but

30:12

what court would take this? I was like, I

30:14

in my mind, I was like, judge Judy, because

30:17

that's what I knew. I was like,

30:19

Do I apply for judge Judy? And

30:21

he

30:21

was like, no. He was like, you can just

30:23

do Minnesota's small claims court, conciliation

30:26

court. It's less than fifteen thousand that

30:28

she owes you. You just have to put it

30:30

in and just see if you can get

30:33

your money. And I was like,

30:36

Sure. Zinsilei wanted the

30:38

money, but she also wanted

30:40

justice. I kinda just

30:42

wanted quote unquote my day in

30:44

court. She was

30:44

gonna do it. I

30:46

sent her a message

30:48

being like seeing as you've not responded to me.

30:50

I will be submitting a small claims court

30:53

file And, yeah, I guess I'll see you in

30:55

court. Sofia also

30:57

didn't respond to that. The

30:59

courts didn't set a date for the hearing

31:01

until six months later. And because of

31:03

the pandemic, it'd be virtual. So

31:05

my friend that's a paralegal gave me advice. He was

31:07

like, what you need to prove is

31:10

that you kind of kept in

31:12

contract. Even though we don't have a written contract,

31:14

you kept in contract with her.

31:16

And so that was my proving that I

31:18

kept in contract and that I had met

31:21

every single one of her requirements

31:23

off us. I see. It was like being a

31:25

bridesmaid essentially. Of being a bridesmaids

31:27

essentially. She collected the

31:29

necessary

31:29

receipts, the damning

31:31

screenshots, and she compiled them in

31:33

a neat document that included several exhibits to demonstrate

31:36

her case.

31:39

The

31:39

day of the hearing, she is sitting at her

31:41

dining room table wearing a white blouse, a

31:44

crisp black blazer, and

31:46

sweatpants. She could

31:47

feel her heart racing as she clicked

31:49

the button, join

31:50

meeting meeting. And

31:51

almost immediately, she's directed to

31:53

a virtual room with Sofia, the defendant,

31:56

to see if they can reach a settlement.

31:58

It was just me and her.

31:59

There wasn't even anyone else in

32:02

that room. It

32:02

was like they were in

32:03

this parallel universe.

32:05

The one person, Zenilei used to confide

32:07

in, the

32:07

person who comforted her when her

32:09

mom had passed. was now sitting

32:10

in opposition to her in a virtual courtroom.

32:14

Sofia said nothing. So since

32:16

late took a deep breath, and

32:18

tiptoed in. I was like, what are you willing to

32:21

pay? And she said, I'm not willing to

32:23

pay anything.

32:25

she was like, this is so stupid. I don't know why you're

32:27

taking to

32:27

court. And I said, I

32:28

was like, because I

32:31

spent so much money on

32:33

dress isn't shoes that I'm not going to wear. I do not want

32:35

to wear. They were getting no further

32:37

on the Zoom than they had over text

32:39

before the wedding. After two

32:41

minutes of failed negotiations, they

32:43

were redirected

32:44

to the actual hearing with

32:45

the court administrator. The

32:48

administrator welcomed them and informed them they'd each have five

32:50

to ten minutes to plead

32:51

their case. Zenilei

32:53

went first. I was going through my

32:55

exhibit saying that this proof that

32:57

I had kept up with every single

33:00

requirement that she wanted as

33:02

bridesmaids? She pointed to her

33:04

first exhibit. Here are copies of the physical

33:06

receipts she told the court administrator. This

33:08

is proof of my purchases. Scroll

33:10

down to exhibit two, so you

33:12

can see. So the first dress for the ceremony

33:15

was, I would say, probably like a

33:17

chiffon and then we had a pair of

33:19

nude strappy heels. from

33:22

Target, and then She proceeded to

33:24

exhibit three. Text exchanges between the two of

33:26

them to demonstrate her commitment as a bride's

33:29

main. Exhibitor four showed the progression of her hair

33:31

loss. Exhibit five included wedding

33:32

and spoke pics sent from Sofia,

33:34

the defendant. In exhibit six,

33:36

more tax exchanges demonstrating the

33:38

petitioners full commitment of time, money, and

33:40

energy to nearly all bridal events.

33:44

then it was Sofia's turn to make her case.

33:47

She then brought up that I

33:49

had told her too late

33:51

that I was cutting my hair

33:53

And then a weird thing that she did was that she included

33:55

a screenshot of me wearing a wig for

33:57

my birthday after the wedding.

33:59

because I was wearing a wig, but my sister had

34:02

bought that for me as a

34:04

birthday

34:04

gift. Sofia

34:06

had combed

34:06

through Zenslei's Instagram for that picture.

34:09

Essentially, her argument was that since a had

34:11

been intentionally difficult. She was the one

34:14

who proposed the hairstyles and she

34:16

refused to comply even though

34:17

she could have. then

34:19

the court administrator asked, she ever verbally say that

34:21

you would kick out of bridesmaid if

34:23

they did not agree to

34:26

your requirements and she answered no. Then

34:28

the hearing came to an end.

34:30

It would take at least ninety days

34:32

to receive a decision. Zinsalei

34:35

waited and waited.

34:37

And

34:37

then one afternoon on May fifth,

34:40

she was sitting at her desk when an email

34:42

notification popped up on

34:44

her phone. It was from the court. Oh, my hands were shaking and I

34:45

was like, I don't even know. I was like, I

34:48

don't even know. So

34:48

I was like, if you document

34:51

I clicked the view document, I'm like download link,

34:54

I'm reading, and then I'm like, oh my

34:56

gosh. Oh

34:58

my gosh.

35:02

Zinsile had one. I

35:04

called my

35:04

husband and I was like, hey, one.

35:05

And he was like, you want a what?

35:08

Like, one the case

35:10

she owes

35:10

me, I'd get my money back. And were you expecting

35:12

to win? No.

35:14

No. I was like, the courts are

35:16

gonna

35:16

look at this and be like, yeah, it kinda is

35:19

a stupid case. Right. They're gonna

35:21

be, like, neither of y'all weddings.

35:23

Yeah.

35:23

Weddings. Exactly. because it to me, I was like, this

35:25

is giving judge duty. not like

35:27

an actual court. This is giving the

35:30

cases on

35:31

Judge Judy. Yeah.

35:34

Yeah. Zinsilei recently received her

35:35

check-in the mail, eight hundred and eight

35:37

dollars and ninety four cents,

35:40

and redemption. Well,

35:43

yeah sort of. There are

35:44

also times when she feels

35:45

a pain of sadness. Times where she wishes she could

35:47

just call up Sofia and share what's going on

35:49

in her life. Sophia

35:52

understood her

35:52

in ways that most people don't,

35:54

and she

35:55

misses that. Sometimes she replays

35:57

the events in her head. Wondering

35:59

how what felt like a dream, seeing all the

36:01

plans they'd made in college come to

36:03

life, how quickly it mutated into

36:05

this bad nightmare. Sometimes,

36:07

you know, I'll go back and I'll read the message

36:09

of her saying, like, I'm not compromising. Maybe

36:11

it wasn't directly speaking to me

36:14

being, like, Lindsay has compromised for

36:16

you enough. I think maybe she was feeling like, no. I've

36:18

compromised so much on the entire vision of my

36:20

wedding that I'm

36:22

done compromising

36:23

I would like to

36:24

believe that she must have been dealing

36:26

with a lot. And that's been the

36:28

most painful part of all of this.

36:30

the fact that Zincile didn't earnestly try to understand

36:33

where Sofia was coming from. I

36:35

think it has

36:36

made me realized

36:40

that I

36:43

shouldn't assume

36:44

whether negative

36:45

or positive on

36:48

how what somebody's thinking,

36:50

what somebody's feeling, and

36:52

that I should ask because I

36:54

think I missed folded to sometimes where

36:58

I come to the

36:59

conclusion myself

37:01

in my head. I

37:03

think a lot of times friendships

37:05

and relationships fall apart because there

37:08

was no transparency because

37:10

you didn't decide to be vulnerable you

37:12

didn't decide to

37:13

have those really serious conversations. Mhmm. Dude,

37:15

interpersonal

37:16

relationships can be

37:18

hard. Yes.

37:20

And so oh my gosh.

37:22

After talking with Zenilei,

37:25

for weeks, I kept thinking

37:27

about this whole saga. out first glance, it's

37:29

this petty drama worthy of a Judge Judy show,

37:31

which, side note, ironically enough, when

37:34

all of this

37:36

went down, Zinsile had posted her story on Reddit, and a producer from

37:38

Judge Judy actually approached her

37:40

asking if they wanted to come on the

37:42

show. She

37:43

said no. But

37:45

thinking about this story, what seems

37:47

to have happened here is that two

37:49

best friends had really big

37:52

feelings about two different emotional things in their lives that happen to

37:54

collide at the same time. And it

37:56

can be really hard in

37:57

those kind of moments. When the stakes

37:59

and the emotions

37:59

feel high, to just like

38:02

hit the pause button, to actually

38:04

talk about the thing instead of

38:06

escalating or quickly casting each

38:07

other off as irrational

38:08

no are in consider or inconsiderate.

38:10

So,

38:10

yeah, maybe the next time your best friend gets married, asks you

38:13

to spend two thousand dollars on their dream

38:15

wedding while

38:15

you struggle through some health problems and you

38:17

think the request are

38:20

horrifyingly bonkers and illogical and you just wanna write them

38:22

off. Maybe you can just

38:24

take a second, ask questions, be

38:28

curious. And

38:28

if that fails, then yeah.

38:31

Sure. Hit up.

38:32

you

38:34

Judge Judy. Alright.

38:44

That is all

38:46

for our show

38:48

this week. If you wanna reach out

38:50

to me and the team by the way

38:53

to share any thoughts or share your own story.

38:55

You can always email us

38:56

at uncomfortablemarketplace dot

38:59

org. We love hearing from

39:01

y'all. Also, do not forget to sign up

39:02

for our weekly newsletter if you haven't already. There's

39:05

always great recs in there for things to read

39:07

or listen to or watch In this

39:09

week's newsletter, I write about my own money horror story,

39:11

which unfortunately involves a car accident and

39:13

some core decision

39:16

making. We'll also share a few more stories we collected from listeners and folks on

39:18

social media. So be sure to check that out

39:20

by signing up for our newsletter at

39:22

marketplace dot org

39:25

comfort. This episode was lead produced

39:27

by me, Marchegrene, and hosted

39:30

by Rima Crayce. Rima and

39:32

I wrote the

39:34

script together. The episode got additional support for

39:36

producers Alice Wilder and Peter Belan on

39:38

Frozen. Zooey Saunders is our

39:40

senior producer.

39:42

Our editor is Karen Defin. I'm also our digital

39:45

producer with help from Tony

39:47

Wagner. Our intern is

39:50

Canal Patel. Sound design and audio engineering by

39:53

Drew Jossett. Donna Tam is

39:55

a director on demand. Franchesca

39:58

Levy is our executive director of digital,

40:00

and our theme music is

40:02

by Wonderley. This is uncomfortable, it's supported

40:04

in part by the size Sims Foundation,

40:06

partnering with organizations and people working

40:08

for a better and more just future

40:11

since nineteen eighty five.

40:14

Alright. One

40:16

more

40:17

thing

40:18

before we go. the

40:22

reality sunk in. It was instantly

40:24

like, oh god, what did I just

40:26

do? Like almost

40:28

instant remorse. Next time

40:29

on the show, one coach with

40:32

no pay and very few

40:34

resources, tries to lead a ragtag

40:36

group of gamers

40:38

to victory. we

40:38

work like all these random misfit people coming

40:41

together to play a game. That's

40:43

next

40:43

week on this is uncomfortable.

40:45

Alright. We'll

40:46

catch you all.

40:52

then.