Remember this guy from high school?:

You know, the guy who missed every single Chemistry class so he could smoke weed under the bleachers. The guy who always seemed to be wearing a Bob Marley T-shirt even though he couldn’t tell the difference between reggae and hip hop. Have you heard from this guy lately? Well, you should go look him up on Facebook, I guarantee you’ll see something that looks like this:

Amazing! Not only has this guy managed to survive beyond high school, but he has become an expert biochemist, philanthropist, and policy analyst. This misunderstood loner who struggled for years to solve the complexities of the apple-bong in high school is now a great sage, ready to solve the world’s problems. How miraculous! It’s like Nikki Minaj turned into Nikola Tesla! Let’s take a closer look at his Facebook page to see if there are any clues that we might have missed the first time around that might help explain this breathtaking metamorphosis.

Ah. Suddenly everything makes sense. Why do you think your friend is sharing all these articles? Do you think he really cares about people with anxiety and glaucoma? Do you think he volunteers at the children’s hospital on the weekends? Does he even vote? The answer is no. Your friend is still the same moron you knew back in high school. He’s never donated a single penny to an organization that helps people deal with chronic illness. He’s just like every other stoner-activist; they all just want weed legalized so they can have easier access to it. That’s it. They only care about themselves and their pot, just like they did in high school.

This doesn’t mean that cannabis has no medicinal value. I have absolutely no problem with doctors doing whatever they need to in order to treat patients, but we all know our friends don’t really care about that. A person who is motivated to make the world a better place will search out information in an unbiased way to find the truth. There is a strong distinction between this type of person and the lackadaisical stoners flooding social media. One person is actually trying to find a solution to a problem, while the other is trying to find a problem for his solution. I hate these stupid weed activists and hope they all choke to death on pot brownies.