God made the statement that it was not good for man to be alone. Notice howGod answers this dilemma. With a wife, not with children. Children are added later into a family that already exists. This does not diminish the value of a child. We just need to look at the pattern. God made the Garden of Eden and Adam was in the garden with God.

He had purpose, provision, everything he needed. And because he had perfect communion with God he was not lonely, as people often assume. But God's plan was for Adam to multiply other humans who would duplicate and expand the Garden of Eden across the earth. Thus, it was not good for Adam to be alone. God created the perfect partner, Eve, to help Adam take care of the garden and grow a family. This was God’s structure for family. First, the couple who have God's vision for the world, then children come into a safe place, a garden, and learn about God and His vision. Please listen, the husband andwife relationship, needs to be as secure as possible so that children can be safely added to it.

Notice also that the biblical model is one man and one woman. Variances on this model will have consequences, they will most likely weaken, the outcome of a child’s development. I am not here to discourage those who have been divorced; but, you must trust the Lord to help fill in the gaps or wounds left by divorce.

There are some things I want you to remember. First, work at keeping yourmarriage healthy. An unhealthy marriage will wound a child’s development. Second, be careful not to turn your focus away from your marriage and onto your children. Yes, they do need time and attention, but do not fall into the trap of a child-centered home. A child-centered home gives the child the authority to run the home and the marriage. This trains the child to become overly self-important and selfish. It fosters a disregard for human authority, and God’s authority. These parents become married to the children not to eachother. Once the children are gone, the husband and wife relationship will become empty.

In fact, it has been empty for years.

On the other hand, do not fall into the trap of becoming an authoritarian home.An authoritarian home will view children as a continual burden. Children will always fail to meet parental expectations. In fact, these parents convince themselves that their children will go on failing throughout life. Parents usually don’t realize their sins until it’s too late, when the children have grown up and left home. So then, when they want to re-ignite a lost relationship with the children, so much damage has been done that the children will not respond. Or the adult children will only remain acquaintances at best.

Questions

Where do children fit into the family?

How do parents become married to their children?

Why do some parents view kids as a burden?

What happens to a child-centered home once the children leave?

What happens in an authoritarian home once the children leave?

A practical application for this week is implementing something called “couch time.” Pick a time of day, probably after work, when you and your spouse can sit down for just 5 or 10 minutes to discuss your day. Don’t allow your children to interrupt. This may take several weeks of training; but, it will pay off. This does a couple of things. It will help your children to see that your relationship is strong, that your relationship is important, that your relationship is secure. It also sets good authority and leadership were it belongs, with the parents.

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