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tftimemachine.com/iron filings. Here we go, here

1:03

we go, here we go, here we go. This

1:05

is it. This

1:08

is Top Flight Time Machine. I am Andy Hotbody Dawson,

1:10

pow, pow, pow. I am Sam

1:12

Nifty Delaney, so what? And

1:15

we begin. I

1:17

just said that before we started recording and I liked the

1:19

sound of it. So I thought I'd use it in the

1:21

episode. Begin the podcast. Yeah,

1:23

you think I could catch on? Activate

1:25

podcast record. Something like

1:27

that, yeah. Did

1:31

we ever talk about you getting a

1:33

giant lever? Like, you know,

1:35

that suddenly you push forward. It doesn't

1:38

have to actually be really connected to

1:40

anything. It can just be cosmetic, but

1:42

it would make you feel powerful and

1:45

it would make me and just the whole

1:47

thing seem like really sort of

1:49

pro. Like if you had a handle

1:52

and it was sort of a lever and you just like,

1:54

pushed it forward quite heavy. Like a

1:56

hyperspace, hyperspace kind of thing. in

2:00

Star Wars when they go into

2:02

hyperspace they always on the Millennium

2:04

Vulcan they always shout punch it!

2:08

Don't they punch it!

2:10

The lever's gonna have to have plenty

2:12

of resistance. It

2:15

should be heavy, it's a pneumatic sort

2:18

of system. There's got to be some

2:20

effort to go yeah yeah not like

2:22

power steering yeah yeah part

2:24

of them yeah all right and something

2:26

to think about

2:31

in it. We've got the 14th

2:34

of July 1984 issue of

2:36

Royal the Rovers to look at it is

2:38

of course the Melchester Odyssey Phil I mentioned

2:41

that. Sign please in

2:44

the middle pages they're not they're not giving

2:46

clues anymore you just look at it just

2:48

says to you Liverpool's John Walk. Walkie.

2:53

Great player Scottish player it

2:56

was around for a long time John Walk because it was

2:58

Ipswich then Liverpool then back to Ipswich

3:00

and I think he was still in Liverpool the early

3:02

90s kind of when Grim

3:04

Soonness was there. Nah he went to

3:06

Ipswich because he went he was I

3:10

remember him sort of playing up front for Liverpool

3:12

for a while and then he was a midfielder

3:15

and then I'm pretty sure in his

3:17

second spill at Ipswich he kept going backwards and

3:19

ended up as a sweeper. He

3:22

was a sweeper in the end yeah and what I liked most about

3:24

him. 75 to 84 Ipswich 84 to 88 Liverpool 88

3:30

to 90 Ipswich, 90 to

3:33

91 Middlesbrough, 91 to 97 fucking Ipswich

3:35

again. Fuck

3:38

me. I can't believe that

3:41

in 1997 John

3:43

Walk was still playing in

3:46

the Premier League actually because Ipswich

3:49

I think by that stage were back in

3:51

the Premier League. I can't

3:53

believe that throughout the Britpop era

3:56

the Cafferies era the Hoots era John

3:59

Walk a man sort of almost synonymous

4:01

with the early 80s was still

4:04

active but

4:07

it's nice to think about it. The one

4:09

thing about him is that and we've touched

4:11

upon this many moons ago is that he's

4:13

one of those footballers that you don't get

4:15

anymore, a footballer who looked like a monster.

4:18

He was obviously, he was almost the main

4:20

one. When you think of footballers who look

4:22

like monsters, John Walk is almost like he's

4:25

the benchmark isn't he? John Monster.

4:27

John Monster looked also really

4:29

like my mate Billy Gallagher,

4:32

his old man who was

4:34

a pretty nuts Glaswegian

4:37

really looked like John Walk.

4:41

Most footballers now,

4:43

they're all quite good looking aren't they? You

4:45

don't get many of them. Oh yeah. It's

4:48

weird isn't it? You know what, I tell you that's a

4:50

bit like a monster and I don't mean this in a

4:52

mean way but I think that

4:55

Harland looks a little bit like a sort

4:57

of a monster. I don't think Harland's a

4:59

human because he's a sleepless though. His gait

5:01

is monster like, do you know what I

5:03

mean? Not just his face which is a

5:05

very unique face. I'm not saying he's unattractive,

5:08

I'm just saying it's a unique, it's a

5:10

distinctive, he has distinctive features but it's more

5:12

like, you know he's got that kind of

5:14

lumbering gait. It's like a monster that

5:16

he sort of hunches forward doesn't he when he runs

5:19

and it's like how he runs exactly

5:21

like, if you look at the opening

5:23

titles of Scooby Doo, there's one particular

5:25

monster who chases them across the screen one

5:27

way and then back across the screen the

5:29

other way. Looks

5:31

just like Harland. Look

5:34

at Elle Neesh reference. Yeah. Did you see

5:36

when Harland let his hair down the other way at the end

5:38

of that match? I think they won the league or something. That

5:40

scares me. He looked like Jar Jar Binks. It

5:45

was fucking unsettling. Yeah, he's not

5:47

off as well. But I don't think he's looking

5:49

at some kind of hybrid or

5:52

possibly from the future like prints

5:55

and possibly sparks. Yeah. I think Harland

5:57

could be also a friend. the

6:00

future which is this fine it's legitimate you

6:02

know in the future of cochlear gonna have

6:05

a time machine but if you couldn't yeah

6:07

the ultimate crossover for you just forgot

6:09

to tell you this but you know who

6:11

loves spark Susanna

6:13

hoff's they're from the

6:16

same neighborhood whoa

6:20

I can't be chattering that I've been to

6:22

see sparks didn't I yeah cuz

6:24

she was talking that I've sorted you with a ticket

6:26

she was talking it wasn't your idea imagine

6:30

that I

6:33

still owe you money for that as well

6:35

I didn't sell her that either yeah Andy

6:38

sorted it out who was Andy didn't

6:40

answer that yeah I just remember I

6:42

still having money actually yeah you couldn't

6:44

lend me a bit could you see

6:46

that you must be doing all right

6:48

yourself your fucking husband's and still knocking

6:51

out the blockbuster movies don't

6:54

tell my husband I checked I

6:56

did I checked in because she was talking about the Albert Hall

6:59

and I just chapped in hours at the elbow

7:01

they have day watching sparks I

7:04

love sparks Brentwood

7:06

that's where she's from but not

7:08

in Essex Brentwood California yeah

7:10

the pudding rig should be yeah so we're going

7:13

from John

7:17

walk to Susanna hoff's way of

7:19

weirdly yeah weirdly indeed

7:22

but John walk is 39 when

7:24

you retired legend so

7:28

there you go that's John walk for you

7:30

John walk yeah he looks like what he

7:32

looks like most of all is he looks

7:34

like one

7:38

of the warriors in Braveheart doesn't he

7:41

the mustache the shaggy hair

7:43

the fearsome face you

7:46

will you will want to meet John walk

7:48

on a dark night as they used to

7:50

say they don't say that anymore do they because

7:52

it's got conversations mason mount yeah there's no there's

7:55

no footballer who did so you would want to

7:57

read him down a dark alley They'll...

8:01

sadly not. They don't say that

8:03

about fucking James Madison. You

8:06

might be able to hear Oscar barking in the background. Ah,

8:09

and he stopped. Okay. Ah,

8:12

so yeah, I have my left hand. It's

8:14

the 14th of July 1984 issue of Roy

8:16

the Rovers. We've, uh, fannied

8:18

about far too long. Let's get stuck

8:20

into it. Yeah. It's, uh,

8:22

that K.P. Skips free comics offer

8:25

is still running. But

8:27

of course you need to collect a lot

8:29

of packages of skips and a lot of

8:31

talkings for that. So obviously they're not just

8:33

giving that one week. But,

8:36

um, yeah, anyway, Roy

8:38

suspected that Carford City's brilliant

8:40

midfield player, Carl Hunt, had

8:43

lost his old dynamism, uh, following

8:47

a tackle, which had put another

8:49

player in hospital. But Roy

8:51

himself was in top form

8:53

against Redstoke during a

8:56

six-a-side tournament. And

8:58

there we see Roy, uh, just

9:02

pinging the ball. PING! Oh.

9:05

He's done a back-heeled shot. Yeah,

9:09

but what he's done is... He's

9:12

really... No, he hasn't. No, he's not. It's

9:14

a five-a-side goal and Roy is on the

9:17

edge of the D, which, let's be honest,

9:19

is about five yards away from the goal.

9:21

It's the club you can get, yeah. Fucking

9:23

whacked it. It's like me playing against my

9:25

son, but when my son was four. Do

9:28

you know what I mean? Yeah. When the

9:31

kids are still young and you're fucking pigging

9:33

them in from all sorts of angles, just

9:35

to make yourself feel good. That's what Roy's doing here.

9:39

That clip of Michael Owens scoring that goal against

9:41

the kids. Oh, yeah, with Neville Southall, yeah. Well

9:44

done. He's 13. A

9:49

few people sent us that clip after

9:51

our lording of Neville Southall

9:53

the other day. Did they? Oh,

9:55

good. Have you

9:57

seen this? Sorry. Yes,

10:00

we have. Everyone

10:02

has been offered by what has.

10:07

Ah yeah so that yes could see the

10:09

by the nanny where it's hard to tell

10:11

whether it was wrist. Basilio.

10:14

Not. As much as

10:17

much. Sway. With

10:19

credit said yes right they

10:21

did for to there's no

10:23

hope for read step down

10:25

Another losses Rovers have club

10:27

top of that group. Look

10:30

at Roo have way to celebrate in

10:32

in this makes people. That

10:35

you go wrong you does have

10:37

some of daily to roy. sometimes

10:39

looks really fucking different from one

10:42

place to the next. Never

10:44

thera their remit there were like is

10:46

like the twelve faces of Roy. You.

10:50

Know I'm giant. I knew that A.lie in

10:52

this eat. his body looks different. his face.

10:54

He said he looks like. It's

10:58

not Bruce Forsyth. He suddenly gotten

11:00

enormous protrude in. And

11:03

the behind the buzzing Chinese heads too big

11:05

for his body. It's fucking whiskey. must have

11:07

been pace when he drew this. Him

11:09

if he had like an apprentice who helped

11:11

out from. To. Sort out job

11:13

know our that subsystem business as he

11:16

thought okay watch out to draw idea

11:18

of just try sick. Coffee

11:20

or four months for fans no nos

11:23

are going on Thursday. his the for

11:25

obvious trained as a classic. I'm fucking

11:27

Pine Sol. This is just popped in

11:30

counseling. Probably. Not be

11:32

reduced to it probably. The drink

11:34

have a dog was simple our

11:36

to the Royal Society of our

11:38

schools are are did oil pipe

11:40

is allowable awful I was gonna

11:42

bring the next fourteen Rembrandt a

11:44

more am I. The.

11:46

Next coffin owes a blue did Fred

11:48

Baset while at library was on the

11:50

next one of a bit. of

11:53

not i don't tell you what robbed i

11:55

would as good as it does dogs are

11:57

actually quite out to draw a lot of

11:59

skill as it was the second artist

12:01

thing to draw a basset hound after a

12:03

hand, a human hand is almost impossible to

12:05

draw. And

12:09

I tell you what else is done, a horse and

12:11

that is why if you look back through all the

12:13

back issues a horse will never feature him while the

12:15

rovers because even my professor

12:17

at the Royal Society of Art

12:19

School he said never

12:21

ever whatever you fucking do try

12:23

to draw a horse not if

12:26

you're working for a climb and to deadline. If

12:29

you're in a real one if you're in

12:31

a tight spot you can draw around your

12:33

thumb and that actually does

12:36

look quite like a horse's head. The

12:39

thing about me is I don't even like football, I've

12:41

never ever been to a football match, I just

12:44

draw what I think it looks like and I seem to get

12:46

away with it so it's part of me

12:48

genius I suppose. It's your first

12:50

day, it's your first day, I

12:53

understand that, I understand I'm leaving

12:55

you with a lot of responsibility

12:57

and pressure but the key thing

12:59

is relax, remember what I

13:01

told you. Relax the hand. Relax,

13:04

if in doubt trace, avoid

13:06

horses and

13:08

if you're worried about hands just do

13:11

what I do and draw the character

13:13

with the hands behind his back, you

13:15

see. Over

13:19

the pitch. Yeah Roy does

13:21

look slightly different this way. There's

13:24

a close up of the

13:26

top of the second pitch which is just odd. His

13:30

face gets thin sometimes and then it

13:32

fills out again on the next side.

13:35

The third panel at the top where Roy's

13:37

doing his boot, they're taking his boot off

13:39

and he's just looking down, he looks like,

13:42

fuck knows who he looks like, he looks like a... A

13:46

prize camp. He does look like someone but I can't remember who

13:48

it is. Oh

13:51

never mind. He

13:53

says, hey Roy, what a great

13:56

chance of winning the tournament. So

13:58

why so serious? That's

14:01

how you win tournaments Blackie, serious this.

14:03

Serious this, no fucking about. No funny

14:05

about and win tournaments. He

14:08

said I've just spotted Alec Amor talking

14:11

to Carl Hunt, Blackie. Alec

14:13

Amor it says was the Robress temporary chairman. It's

14:15

been in that job for a while now, for

14:18

temporary. Roy says

14:20

he must have obtained Carford's permission to

14:23

approach him about transfer

14:25

terms. The

14:27

director see Hunt as the

14:29

driving force behind our European

14:31

Cup Winners Cup campaign next

14:33

season. But

14:37

you don't say Roy. Says

14:40

Blackie, perceptive as ever. Not

14:46

at the moment. Despite the way

14:49

Carl is playing in the tournament, I'm

14:51

convinced he's scared to commit himself to

14:53

a full-blooded tackle. So Roy's got

14:55

this theory about Carl Hunt, which Carl

14:58

Hunt is right now disproving

15:00

by the way he's playing football. So

15:03

I don't know where that leaves Roy to be honest. He's

15:06

haunted by what he did to Les Anderson.

15:09

Accident or not? What's

15:12

he suggesting now? It was deliberate.

15:16

And as Roy and Blackie leave this

15:18

six-a-side tournament, which seems to be going

15:20

on for fucking weeks, there's

15:23

a gang of Carford fans all

15:26

shouting, Carl Hunt, Carl Hunt, Carl

15:29

Hunt. I'm

15:31

sick of Carl Hunt. I mean, the whole

15:33

summer is just full of Carl Hunt. It's

15:35

become the Carl Hunt. It's called Roy the

15:37

Rovers, not Carl of the Rovers. It's driving

15:39

me mental. I'm surprised Roy's standing for it

15:42

as well, this focus on another individual. Is

15:45

they going to bring other characters in, like that

15:47

Australian bowler who was his

15:50

fucking nemesis? Or Artie Merrick, who

15:52

was also, I think, from Australia?

15:56

Whenever they interview a Bet

15:58

Noir, it's very off. and

16:00

Aussie, whoever like

16:02

I was, what's the opposite of

16:04

a dignified English man? I'll tell

16:06

you what it is, it's a

16:08

loud, brash and all too often

16:11

drunk Australian yob. Well

16:13

that's how we saw them back then, they were still

16:15

seen as the other, weren't they? The Australians, they hadn't

16:18

infested our culture in neighbours and in

16:20

excess. That's what a traditional Englishman would

16:22

have seen them as, but

16:25

they didn't know any better. And then we got

16:27

neighbours and realised that actually they

16:29

were just like us. They were nice, they

16:31

were a good laugh and all the women

16:33

were bang fit. And then we

16:35

sort of gave them to it. Even Helen Daniels. Even

16:38

what? Even Helen Daniels.

16:40

Oh yeah. Even

16:45

Mrs Mangle. What's happening? Even

16:47

Mrs Mangle. Yeah. You

16:51

know like if you look up

16:53

Mrs Mangle was actually at the

16:55

time when she

16:57

was in her Imperial phase. 36.

16:59

Yeah, she was like much younger than we are now.

17:02

But like you regarded her as like an

17:05

elderly battle axe didn't you? No

17:08

Mangle first appeared in

17:10

1986. Fucking hell she was

17:12

on here for two and a half years. Wow, what

17:14

an impact she had. What an impression she

17:16

left. Yeah, Vivian

17:18

Gray who played Mrs Mangle. Well,

17:24

she was 62. Oh, okay. Okay,

17:27

I got that wrong. I thought it was one of

17:29

those ones. She was like, did you know that Mrs

17:31

Mangle was in fact 20? Yeah.

17:48

That's right. episodes

18:00

without the ads. I'm

19:01

looking now at a list of notable

19:03

people of Kleeathorps as well on the Wikipedia.

19:19

Michelle Detrice who played Frank Spencer's

19:21

wife and some others do. Betty.

19:24

She was a bit fit. Yeah, Betty. I

19:27

am. Patricia Hodge, the actress. Oh, Sheila's

19:29

around here. I see her

19:31

about. Does she? Oh, you wouldn't know she's from Kleeathorps.

19:33

She's very nice and great. Oh, oh no. She's

19:35

fucking very la-di-da. I see her down the

19:38

media half-mate. You're shaking. Yeah. I

19:41

will next time. I'm sorry. I've never heard of

19:43

Kleeathorps. You must have made that mistake. I don't know what you

19:45

mean. I was born in Kensington. I know your fucking words. You've

19:47

mixed me up with someone else, I'm sure. Fucking hell. I'm

19:50

not a fan of Kleeathorps. I'm not a fan of Kleeathorps. I'm not a

19:52

fan of Kleeathorps. Yeah,

20:01

that's pretty much it. You know the

20:03

woman who plays Betty from Some

20:06

Mothers Do Have Them? My

20:08

family, one of the many things that

20:10

they tease me relentlessly about in my

20:13

house is that I'm

20:15

always getting words and names incorrect.

20:18

Like really basic level stuff but

20:20

they absolutely find it hilarious. It's

20:22

not funny. Like just little things

20:25

like I keep calling this show we like Race

20:27

Across the World. I call it Race Against the

20:29

World. I don't know why, it just comes

20:31

out of the way and people find that very funny.

20:34

A lot of it goes back to that

20:36

time when I thought the wifi password at

20:38

that hotel was Uncle Harrington which

20:41

I do admit was quite funny. Do you remember

20:43

that? Uncle Harrington and

20:45

they always bring everything back to that

20:47

now. Right, they go, oh he's done

20:50

another Uncle Harrington. Right. I

20:54

mean that was funny because the actual

20:56

password had no relation to that whatsoever.

20:58

I still don't know where the term

21:00

Uncle Harrington came from. But

21:02

I was telling, I don't

21:04

know, Len about Some Mothers Do Have Them

21:06

and how it was really funny. One

21:09

of them. I don't know who it was.

21:12

My wife was overhearing this and

21:15

I was going, yeah he was really funny.

21:17

He was explaining some of his stuff. It's

21:19

about a fucking idiot. It's about an idiot

21:21

who was always breaking everything in his house,

21:23

that's it. And

21:26

he wore a beret and a map, no one

21:28

knew why. He was a fucking

21:30

clown and his wife

21:33

was surprisingly attractive and extremely

21:35

tolerant. And his cat's

21:37

rays, his cat's rays, his

21:39

wife was caught. He goes, what was his wife

21:41

called? And I don't know why I said it

21:44

but I said Wendy. And

21:48

then Anna overheard this, my wife overheard it and

21:50

she went, oh yeah, what was his cat's face

21:52

then? Because she'd heard me say Wendy.

21:54

And I went, oh it was, ooh

21:57

Wendy. And only when

21:59

I see it. Did I

22:01

realise how silly I had been?

22:03

Ooh Wendy just doesn't trip off the ton

22:05

like Oobetty does it? No,

22:08

it doesn't. I might get t-shirts printed

22:10

with Frank Spencer's face in the speech

22:12

rubble saying ooh Wendy. Ooh

22:14

Wendy. And Michelle Dutrice is actually

22:16

a widow as well. She was

22:19

famously married to Edward Woodward of

22:21

the equalizer. Edward Woodward, the

22:23

man whose name sounds like doing a fart

22:25

in the bath. Yeah.

22:29

Edward Woodward? Pffft.

22:33

Please let's return to the right of the room. No we

22:35

don't like fart chat but Edward

22:37

Woodward being dead to shame isn't it? The

22:39

equalizer was good, my dude equalizer films are

22:42

even better. Yeah

22:45

he was f-f-fucking hell he was 79 when

22:47

he died though so you know. Had

22:50

a good run. You've done alright for himself. Alright

22:54

so yeah Carl

22:58

Hunt is addressing the Carford fans

23:01

and Royce

23:04

says hello Blackie says there anyway he

23:07

may have turned down Alex Offer. Why

23:09

would he turn down Alex Offer? Why would he turn

23:12

down the chance to come to Melchester? Blackie

23:14

says come by Blackie I'll check it out

23:16

with the chairman tomorrow. No

23:19

I should leave it till tomorrow you know you could

23:22

ring him tonight but don't. As

23:24

Roy headed for Alex home the next day always doing it

23:26

face to face. Fucking

23:29

hell. Darn it I clean forgot. We're

23:32

signing young Mark Butler this morning there's

23:34

a photo session at the stadium. What

23:37

who? Mark Butler? Who?

23:41

Roy appears

23:43

once at the pitch as Mark Butler

23:45

in an all yellow Melchester away kit.

23:47

Doing some keep the uppies for the

23:49

sort of gentleman of the press. And

23:53

who's that? Is that Ben Galloway? Is Ben

23:55

Galloway still there? Yeah he is isn't he? I think

23:57

that's Ben Galloway. And he says ah he is Roy.

24:00

Here's Roy ladies and gentlemen, we can get started now. Roy

24:03

doesn't like to get started until he's here.

24:06

Yeah. The last time I- You can start taking

24:08

your photographs now. Roy wants it

24:10

to be very clear that my role

24:13

here is entirely cosmetic and

24:15

that he is the real puller of strings and

24:17

I'm happy to admit that. The

24:20

last time I started a press conference

24:22

before he arrived, he later that day,

24:24

and this is classic Roy, he's such

24:26

a joker, he locked me in a

24:28

station recoupled and I don't mean a

24:30

station recoupled like a rum, I mean

24:32

an actual cabinet, very small dimensions. He

24:34

locked me in there for six

24:36

hours and I was boiling, I

24:39

was so hot that I passed out and

24:41

I also unfortunately

24:43

urinated in my

24:45

suit trousers. But that's

24:48

Roy, he's a stickler and

24:50

he loves a practical joke so I won't

24:52

be making that mistake again. He

24:55

was right to do it, we've never discussed

24:57

it since. Let's have

24:59

some good action shots Mark. This

25:01

is one of the photographers. The

25:04

youngster was about to sign as a

25:06

full professional after being snapped up from

25:08

Holverton. I've forgotten

25:10

his name already. Mark Butler,

25:12

alright there he is. And

25:14

he's weaving with a ball in

25:17

and out of some poles. Beautiful

25:19

control. One

25:22

of the press men and others says he

25:24

looks lazy but he's got deceptive speed and

25:26

control. And good touch

25:29

in vertical on the ball, it

25:31

can curl his shots like a

25:33

Brazilian. That's brilliant isn't it? In

25:37

that era, they

25:39

used to call it a banana shot because

25:41

it was so banana. But it

25:44

was literally still, even in the 80s,

25:46

it was considered like witchcraft. We

25:49

are British, we kick the ball straight,

25:52

straight lines only. Ideally,

25:55

straight ahead, that's vertical.

25:58

Sometimes, if you're Ray Wilkins. horizontally

26:02

and for the very flamboyant although

26:04

I don't encourage this diagonally that's

26:06

for your Glenhodels of this world

26:09

but never ever attempt to curl

26:11

the ball because you don't know

26:13

what happened. Glenhodel

26:15

curled the shot once and he were banned

26:18

for three games. He accepted that,

26:20

he knew it weren't on. Now we

26:22

sometimes do play friendly internationals and you will

26:25

get the Brazilians of this world they will

26:27

curl the ball. The important thing is if

26:29

you see someone curling the ball do not

26:31

ever look directly at the curled ball because

26:34

it may blind you. Ring

26:37

your local council and they will sense them out

26:40

in a van and they will confiscate the ball

26:42

and destroy it humanely. And

26:44

they will imprison the

26:46

perpetrator of the banana shot until

26:50

he can produce certain

26:52

papers and documents. Until

26:56

he has produced a blood sample. They

26:58

will be put on a prison ship off the coast

27:00

of Kent. Of

27:04

course the banana shot was outlawed when

27:07

we joined the EU and we

27:09

all had straight bananas. Straight

27:11

bananas, straight shots. Wasn't that one

27:13

of the hot phrases of Farage

27:15

during the Brexit campaign? Straight bananas,

27:17

straight shots. Yeah

27:20

and now that we're out of the EU

27:22

that's what we've got. We haven't even got

27:25

fucking any bananas at the minute. Is

27:28

there a banana storage? How does that

27:30

what bananas don't even come from Europe?

27:33

I haven't got any in the house. Oh okay. That's

27:36

all I meant. I get some later on.

27:39

I wish you good luck. Thank

27:42

you. Roy

27:44

says okay Mark That's enough. Stop

27:47

fucking showing off your cunt. Alright

27:49

flash baller. Put that fucking ball away. Are you

27:51

fucking banana shots? I could do a banana shot

27:54

but I won't because I've got more respect than

27:56

that. He says that's

27:58

enough. It's time

28:00

for the great moment. What? Great

28:03

moment time. It's great moment

28:06

time. Da da da. Mark's

28:08

parents have come along to see their Sun Sider contract and

28:11

they're dressed as if they're going to a wedding. Look

28:14

at the state of them.

28:17

Mark's dad looks like Lord Lucan. His

28:19

mom looks like, let's say, Lady Lucan. They've

28:25

been interviewed, as was customary

28:27

back then. I don't

28:29

think. This

28:31

must be a very proud and happy day for you, Mr.

28:33

Butler. You bet. That's

28:36

Mr. Butler. We're all

28:38

going to be fucking raking it down. We're

28:40

all getting our powder flex out of this deal,

28:42

I can tell you. I

28:45

was aged as well, you know. Yes.

28:48

You bet, Mark. Couldn't be signing for a better club. And

28:51

his wife says, oh, plenty good, Drew Butler manager.

28:54

I got a banana shop cause, but it

28:56

is contract too. Roy

28:59

Race is well known for never reading the small

29:01

print. It means every

29:03

time he does a banana shop, not only will

29:05

he not be penalised, he'll get a bonus. So

29:12

he's signing on the dotted line on what is

29:14

a very, very shiny desk. Roy's

29:17

desk, I guess. And

29:19

that's Roy. There's Ben Galloway looking on. Welcome

29:21

to the squad, Mark, as Roy shakes his

29:24

hand. The rest is up to

29:26

you now. I know,

29:28

boss. I won't let you down, says

29:30

Mark Butler. At that moment,

29:33

in walks Alec Yemore. Ah,

29:36

just finished, eh? Sorry I'm late. Hello,

29:39

Alec. We've just signed our Suzz

29:41

and you right-sided midfield player. Ha

29:43

ha. Alright, cunt, look what

29:45

I just bought. Well,

29:48

should you have cleared that with the board first? Maybe,

29:50

but it's done now. Nope.

29:53

Oh well. Oh

29:56

well, temporary chairman. And

29:58

Alec Yemore says, oh, and we'll be back. While you're here,

30:00

there may soon be another new face at

30:02

the Rovers. I've been having a chat with

30:04

Carl Hunt and Roy says, What?

30:09

Yo, absolute fucking

30:11

con. Backpage.

30:15

Roy is furious. That's

30:19

another clash with the board of

30:21

Melchester. Don't worry,

30:23

Roy. Says here more. Petrified.

30:25

The final decision will be yours, of course.

30:29

Then I can give it to you now.

30:31

I don't want anything to do with Carl

30:33

Hunt. I mean,

30:35

he kind of backpedals a bit. He's a nice

30:37

chap and a great player. What? Oh,

30:40

fair's fair. Don't get me wrong.

30:42

But, lovely fella. Let's be honest.

30:46

Carl Hunt by name, Carl Hunt by nature.

30:48

You see what I'm trying to say to

30:50

you, Mr. A-Maw? Work

30:53

it out. Go on, have a think. Cunt.

30:55

C-Hunt. Cunt. Carl Hunt. He's a

30:58

cunt. He's a cunt and so are you.

31:00

That's what I'm trying to say here. Sorry that

31:02

I've had to spell it out so brutally. But

31:04

that's the situation you put me in. He

31:08

says, he's a nice chap and a great player. But

31:11

he isn't as great as he used to be. He's

31:13

got a hang up about Les Anderson. And I think

31:15

it will find him out when he gets back to

31:17

first division football. Pressman.

31:19

Pig face. What

31:22

are you saying? Hunt is finished as a

31:24

world class player, Roy? Not

31:27

exactly. In time he

31:29

could stop blaming himself for wrecking Les

31:31

Anderson's career and they all run out the

31:33

door. They don't want to get the rest of the sentence.

31:35

Oh, well that's a nice way. That's Roy. Roy.

31:38

Race. I can see it now. Race.

31:41

He wrecked Les Anderson's... Hunt wreck... Can

31:43

we use the word cunt on the

31:45

cover? Hasn't been done before. He hasn't. But

31:49

we're all about pushing the boundaries of this newspaper.

31:51

It's what the people want. It's what our readers

31:54

want. It's what our readers say that word every

31:56

day. So why shouldn't we? Race.

31:59

That cunt really... Anderson's career what

32:01

a headline what a splash look at

32:03

the one running out of the door

32:05

because they've got what they need thanks

32:07

Roy what a story let's go we

32:11

can stitch him right up with that

32:14

half remembered quote it's

32:16

gonna be like when those scenes in a hotel for you

32:18

where there's loads of telephone running each

32:20

one and in airplane they all run in at once and

32:22

it falls over on the ground yeah

32:27

Roy goes oh now wait a minute

32:29

all this was off the record no what you never

32:33

said that right surely you're not

32:35

gonna quote me yeah fucking

32:39

up you have to say the

32:41

following is off the record before

32:43

you say it either that will

32:45

record all your conversations but

32:47

the following morning two back pages there one

32:49

on sport one on the

32:52

bugle Roy writes off call

32:54

hunt hunt haunted by

32:56

Anderson injury claims Roy race Roy

33:02

sitting at the breakfast table again

33:06

not looking like Roy race looking like someone else

33:09

and the state of penny first thing in the

33:11

morning Jesus oh

33:15

no I've been misquoted in the past but

33:17

this is ridiculous yeah

33:20

it looks as if I'm saying that hunt is washed

33:22

up penny

33:25

pouring a black coffee says there's something

33:28

tells me that he's good try prove

33:30

that he isn't Roy and you could

33:32

be the first to get the message right

33:34

it's about the play Colin

33:39

god damn pen I've

33:43

told you not to follow football it's

33:45

confusing and it it kind of

33:48

blurs the lines between my home life

33:50

and my work life which I really

33:53

don't like it's all it disconcerts

33:55

me so

33:59

stick See your ploddle but that's what I get

34:01

them for yeah And

34:06

you're knitting So

34:08

there it is, that's the end of that one I mean

34:10

Mark's out of 10, are you giving that? Oh,

34:13

erm I'll

34:16

give it a 9 Alright,

34:20

I'll give it a 9 as well I had a

34:22

lot going on Just tell us what's Yeah,

34:24

next week it just says Roy comes face to face with

34:27

Karl Hunt so Roy

34:29

might have dug his own grave a little bit there Against

34:32

the clearly mentally unstable Karl Hunt But

34:36

we'll find out what happens there next time Thank

34:38

you everyone for listening And that's it

34:40

and goodbye Goodbye That's

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