0:01

Best career advice that I can give

0:03

Don't ever attach

0:05

yourself to a person , a place

0:07

, a company , an organisation

0:09

or a project . Attach yourself

0:11

to a mission , a calling , a

0:14

purpose . Only that's

0:16

how you keep your power and your peace . It's

0:19

worked pretty well for me thus far

0:21

, and that was reposted on

0:23

Instagram by Erica William Simon

0:25

. The handle is at Miss

0:28

E Will . Hello everybody

0:30

and welcome to a brand new episode

0:33

of the Toy Tools podcast . It's been a while . It's

0:35

been a while . I've got to admit

0:37

. It's been a few weeks and , to

0:39

be honest with you , I need to take some time out

0:41

because I was starting a new job , going

0:45

perm , trying to figure out

0:48

um , kind of like

0:50

a new routine , and that

0:52

you know doing my due diligence at work . I'm still doing

0:54

my due diligence . We're three weeks in um

0:57

and just you know , just getting used to

0:59

the change of a perm , because it's a

1:01

lot when you've been a contractor for seven years

1:03

and now you're

1:05

having to basically

1:08

invest in

1:10

one company where before you never

1:12

really invested . Now I

1:15

use the word invest because I think it's the best way to describe

1:17

going perm but not

1:19

invest in the way you think . I

1:21

mean just focus on

1:23

one role as opposed to

1:25

having several other clients or

1:28

just looking at the delivery aspect

1:30

of working for a particular client . I think

1:32

when you go perm , you're more

1:34

involved in the fabric of the organisation

1:37

. You are going to those town

1:39

halls , you're looking at your objectives for

1:41

the year're , definitely

1:43

um , focusing

1:46

on making sure that your due diligence

1:48

is done on a periodic basis

1:50

, as well as when you first start . You're

1:52

getting to know your team . You need to figure

1:54

out what the politics is and where

1:56

you're positioning yourself and ultimately

1:58

, working on your strategy about

2:00

your career and where you want to go to , and

2:02

that's a lot you know . So I

2:04

took it a couple of weeks off

2:06

and obviously in true form I

2:09

take a few weeks off and a lot happens in in

2:11

those times . But if you follow me on Instagram

2:13

, I do kind of talk about certain

2:15

things . I'm very active on Instagram more

2:17

than any other social media platform

2:19

, and that's because it's 24 hours

2:22

on stories . It's easy , it's

2:24

you know , it's just easy

2:26

. Tiktok is probably the second most used social

2:28

media platform that I use , but it's

2:30

short bursts of toy

2:33

talk , stuff , um . Snapchat

2:36

I use less , but I need to

2:38

actually use it more because I'm

2:41

now saving a lot of the videos from instagram

2:43

and I will be posting them on snapchat , and

2:45

snapchat is the birthplace of the toy talks platform

2:48

, so I will never not

2:50

be on snapchat . I just need to commit

2:52

myself to be on it more regularly . That

2:55

being said , so

2:57

I had a new role and , yeah

3:00

, like it's , it's going okay . Um , I

3:03

definitely really like my team

3:05

. We're all really , really different , but

3:07

it all works . My manager

3:09

is really lovely . He's not based in the UK

3:11

. He is coming over to the UK in two

3:13

weeks time , so we're gonna have like a team meeting

3:15

in person and we're going to dinner , which

3:18

, again , is different

3:20

for me . Number one , because it's not something

3:22

I usually do , but different also because now I have a

3:24

daughter , I'm a mum , so

3:26

I feel like networking

3:28

with my team or kind

3:31

of doing these things means

3:33

something different , even more so now that I'm a

3:35

mum , because all I want to do is get back

3:37

to my child . I'm not really interested in doing the dinner

3:39

. However , I recognize as

3:41

part of navigating , especially with

3:44

the organisation I'm working for . It's

3:47

important and

3:50

the organisation I'm working for

3:52

it's

3:54

a very flexible culture , but

3:56

you're still expected

3:59

to show up

4:01

. Show

4:09

up okay , um , and navigating , from what I've seen , is going to require me to give a little

4:11

of myself , obviously

4:14

never giving enough of myself

4:16

, but I'm pretty

4:18

happy and everything I've I

4:20

teach on the toy tools podcast is what I'm living

4:22

and I always say to you

4:25

, whether you're a contractor

4:27

or perm , you need to know what your objectives are

4:29

pretty early on . I've

4:31

been here three weeks and I've asked every week

4:33

for me and my boss to work through my objectives

4:36

and I've just

4:38

got . I've come in um

4:41

, at the opening of um

4:43

. What do you call it ? What

4:46

do you call it ? Bonus , bonus

4:48

year ? You know where . Now

4:50

they start looking at your deliverables . Are you

4:52

hitting your objectives ? And

4:57

then they'll start quantifying that with the percentage of bonus that you would basically

5:00

be awarded . So I'm using this as a really good opportunity to get to know my boss

5:02

, because I've really written . As a really good opportunity to get to know

5:04

my boss because I've already written down a couple

5:06

of things and have a few things in my mind

5:08

about what my objectives are going to be , but

5:10

allowing him to lead this because he's very much

5:12

wanting to be in control of this whole thing . But

5:15

we have to mutually agree what those objectives

5:17

are and also I'm linking

5:19

that into my job description and now I'm on

5:22

the ground actually seeing the viability

5:24

of actually achieving those objectives . So , working

5:26

with him , um to

5:28

come up with objectives

5:30

although I have my own and I'll be sharing

5:33

those with him and

5:35

also um using

5:37

bonus year to see how

5:40

he sees me , you

5:43

know , sometimes it's it's you're not always in

5:45

a situation where you know you

5:47

get to know someone really , really well

5:49

because you go to the office every day and you can see

5:51

the whites of their eyes . When you

5:53

have a boss who maybe isn't in the same

5:55

country as you or as myself

5:58

, a hundred percent remote and

6:01

building that relationship

6:03

requires you to really observe

6:06

and the due diligence has to be done quite

6:08

rapidly because you're not

6:10

getting to see the physical gestures

6:12

, you're not seeing him with

6:14

other people or her with other people

6:16

and therefore you're arriving

6:19

at an understanding of the character that you're

6:21

working with is quite

6:24

difficult if you don't allow yourself

6:26

the opportunity and time to really observe in

6:28

other situations . I've never been in

6:31

a meeting with my boss and my other stakeholders

6:33

, so I don't know if he's quite a confident

6:35

person or if he's quite

6:37

a forceful . I don't know these things , I just know that

6:39

with me he's been very nice , very accommodating

6:42

, but he's extremely busy . But but

6:44

this how he does decides my

6:46

bonus , how he quantifies the bonus

6:48

, how he communicates my bonus is

6:50

going to let me know a bit more about his character

6:52

in terms of his employment integrity

6:55

, and I feel like people don't talk about employment

6:57

integrity enough . And employment integrity is

7:00

something I have coined and it's

7:02

about how people operate

7:05

in their position of power and

7:07

how they exercise their power , that power

7:09

with junior members of staff , junior

7:12

to them , because in my organisation

7:14

I am senior but

7:17

obviously he is a director and

7:20

I could have been benched as well because

7:22

, consultancy style , I

7:26

could have been benched and I've been deployed onto a project

7:28

and I've also been

7:30

deployed onto another project . We're just

7:32

waiting for that to come through . I also

7:34

have a holiday coming up , so all

7:37

of this is going to be really interesting to see how

7:40

my boss deals with these things . You know

7:42

how I'm , how am I gonna be covered

7:44

when I'm not there , how

7:47

, like I said , he handles

7:49

the very nice what he , what he

7:51

apportions to my bonus , so the percentage

7:54

he gives me , and it would let

7:56

me know a little more about him and

7:58

how he views me and

8:01

then understand strategically how to navigate

8:03

in order to obtain what my personal

8:05

career objectives are , because he's going to be

8:07

fundamental to that . So

8:10

, yeah , I think it's important that

8:12

I share this , because no one exists

8:14

is no one is exempt from the strategy

8:16

of navigating work , irrespective of the position

8:18

you hold . In fact , the more senior you

8:20

are , the more political it becomes . And

8:23

then it's also about leveraging your

8:25

boss or senior members of staff to navigate

8:27

the political aspects of the world

8:30

of work and organization

8:32

that you work in . I

8:34

can't um open

8:37

this podcast without

8:39

discussing diane abbott . Now we

8:43

all know what was what has occurred

8:45

here in the UK and

8:47

effectively the largest Tory

8:50

donor is Frank Hester and

8:53

he has an estimated wealth

8:55

of 415 million and

8:59

over the last two years he's donated

9:01

10 million to the Tory

9:03

party . He's also profited

9:05

, and he's

9:08

profited by having been awarded

9:10

some contracts

9:12

. So 135 million

9:14

of the NHS contracts were awarded to him between

9:16

2019 and 2022 , which

9:18

was at the height of the pandemic . So

9:22

hopefully that

9:24

gives you a flavour of

9:26

the

9:28

type of money and

9:30

influence and wealth that we're talking about

9:32

when we talk about Tory donors , because Tory has several donors

9:34

, but he is the highest

9:37

um financially

9:39

, the highest Tory donor . So

9:44

Tory Hester has

9:46

been accused of and

9:50

ordinarily one would say allegedly

9:52

, but it's not really alleged , is it ? But

9:55

for the purposes of being politically correct

9:57

he has been accused

10:00

of saying that Diane

10:03

Abbott makes one

10:05

hate all black women and

10:09

that Diane Abbott

10:11

should be shot

10:13

. This is what is alleged that

10:15

Frank Hester has said . Now

10:17

this blew up in the media . It catapulted

10:20

the conversation of race

10:22

, the violence and recklessness

10:25

of words , the inciting

10:27

of hatred that's

10:29

underpinned by racism , and

10:33

it's really allowed us to see how

10:35

politics operates like , what

10:37

are the what , how . You

10:39

know we're talking about diversity and culture

10:41

and living here in the UK . I just want to

10:43

add that diane abbott is a 70

10:46

year old woman . She is the longest serving

10:48

mp in black british politics

10:50

. She has

10:52

been through a lot

10:54

like , we've seen a lot , and

10:57

I do need to caveat all of this by also

10:59

saying that diane abbott is currently

11:01

suspended from the labour party um

11:04

and she's been accused of anti-semitism

11:08

. So all this is

11:10

happening all at the same time . And

11:14

kia starmer I've always had issues

11:16

with kia starmer because I feel as though

11:18

kia starmer

11:20

is the labour party leader but behaves

11:22

like a conservative . Keir Starmer

11:24

is the Labour Party leader but behaves like a conservative

11:28

. Instead

11:33

of him to during the parliamentary questions . To Rishi Sunak , instead of Keir Starmer

11:35

, whose member of his party has been verbally attacked and

11:37

abused and discriminated against , instead

11:40

of him to have called upon

11:42

her , who had stood up 46

11:44

times during the parliamentary question

11:47

they were all talking about

11:49

her and she was there he

11:51

didn't once turn around and say

11:53

you know , my learning friend wishes to

11:55

make a statement . From

11:58

what we've heard from Diane Abbott , kiyosama

12:01

hasn't reached out to her . What

12:03

Kiyosama did in , in my opinion

12:05

, is use this to railroad his

12:08

political agenda , and

12:10

he did not safeguard

12:13

the interest or safeguard

12:15

Diane Abbott and

12:17

and and . What he was

12:19

condemning , and rightfully

12:22

so , was what was said , but

12:24

it was all performative because

12:28

we were literally watching the parliamentary

12:31

questions . Diane abbott was there . Kia

12:33

starman knew he . She was there . He didn't

12:35

want to turn to her . You're

12:37

trying to tell me . No one told him that she was there , standing

12:39

up 40 . Do you know how many times ? 46

12:41

times , how many minutes you must be standing up to

12:44

be standing 46 times ? And

12:46

not one person asked her to speak

12:49

. Rishi

12:52

Sunak said

12:55

that Frank

12:58

Hester has apologised . So

13:01

his apology if sincere , which

13:03

, which was sincere

13:05

, should be accepted . Do

13:08

you know how wild it is to tell a black

13:10

woman we

13:13

? You will be abused , you'll be

13:15

discriminated against , you will

13:17

be verbally assaulted and

13:19

if the person is sincere in their apology

13:21

, you should just accept it . Who

13:25

and what gives you the right to tell us what

13:27

we should and should not accept ? How

13:30

dare you ? Frank

13:33

hester apologized

13:35

if his words were . I think I can't

13:37

remember his exact words , but he said

13:39

that he apologized if his words were offensive

13:42

. Can you imagine ? That is

13:44

very different to apologising for

13:46

the act of being discriminatory

13:48

and verbally abusive . He did

13:50

not take accountability , and that is the problem

13:53

. And that lack of accountability

13:55

provides the licence for other

13:57

people to think it's okay to behave in that way

13:59

because there are no consequences . Ie

14:02

the complete condemning

14:05

of that behaviour . The

14:10

policing of black women is

14:13

violent . The assault

14:15

and the verbal aggression

14:17

and assault towards black women is very violent

14:19

and this is why

14:22

, if I feel

14:24

as though I'm being treated in a disadvantageous

14:26

way , I'm gonna talk . I

14:29

will never allow myself to be

14:31

oppressed by anyone , and very

14:33

least of all a white person and

14:35

very least of all a white man

14:37

. It's not gonna happen and I've shared

14:40

with you a podcast episode called closet

14:42

racist , where I

14:44

genuinely I genuinely feel as

14:47

though there are people out there , non-black

14:49

, who are

14:51

either intimidated by black women

14:53

or see us as an easy target

14:55

for abuse . And

14:57

this was an opportunity . What happened to diane

15:00

abbott was an opportunity for non-black

15:02

people to condemn the behaviour

15:04

and unite in a single voice

15:07

of understanding that this cannot happen

15:09

. This is no more different

15:11

to discriminating anyone for the race

15:13

and colour of their skin and their gender . If

15:17

Diane Abbott was a white man , he would not

15:21

say it . If Diane Abbott was

15:23

any other race and and a man , frank

15:26

hester would not have said what he did . It's

15:29

inciting hatred , it's

15:31

inciting violence what he said

15:33

. It is now under police investigation

15:36

and I'm really interested to see the outcome of

15:38

that investigation because by the

15:40

principles of the law and

15:43

the definition of verbal assault inciting

15:45

racial hatred and discrimination , a

15:47

crime here has been committed . So

15:51

we're waiting

15:53

. But what was very evident is a lot of

15:55

the political commentators who were black were

15:57

called , and

16:10

what was more disgusting is the way in which the media will weaponise black people who are skinfolk

16:13

but are not skinfolk , so skinfolk physically but in their minds they're still mentally

16:15

enslaved and having

16:17

the audacity to be

16:19

for hire , to

16:22

condemn Diane Abbott and talk about her

16:24

history or whatever . Whatever listen

16:27

, when , when an assault has happened

16:29

, when , when something has happened I don't give

16:31

a damn whether diane

16:33

abbott was disrespectful

16:35

in the house of commons or whatever it is and

16:37

I'm just giving an example here an act

16:40

has been committed that is racist

16:42

, it is verbally violent

16:45

and incites a level of violence

16:47

that is incomprehensible , that

16:50

needs to be addressed , but

16:52

for some reason , we convolute

16:55

issues in this country to avoid addressing

16:57

the vulnerability that

16:59

is placed upon black women by

17:02

removing up , attempting

17:04

to remove our ability

17:07

to feel safe and feel

17:09

safe to be able to express ourselves and feels

17:11

this country is is

17:14

just unbelievable . I

17:17

want to give you an example . We're still staying on

17:19

the topic of diana , but here I'm going to give you an example

17:21

of something um

17:23

, every sunday we take our daughter swimming right

17:26

, and there's parents there with

17:28

their kids , you know , and you've got other parents

17:30

sitting on the sidelines and it's

17:32

really beautiful and there's like an age group and it's

17:34

actually a swimming school . So my daughter will grow

17:36

up in this swimming school . Yeah

17:38

, so I

17:41

was sitting there and I

17:43

can sit here and say , I

17:45

mean , okay , there's

17:48

probably four black people that attend , right

17:50

, the swim school . It's a very diverse swim

17:52

school , to be honest with you , but

17:55

the objective of the swim school is to get

17:57

the babies , you know , in

18:02

the water , get them to start using their bodies and understand how to swim and teach

18:05

them core skills . I believe swimming is a life skill . Yeah

18:07

, so

18:09

as I'm there , I

18:11

decided that I wanted to take pictures

18:13

of my daughter , because k is the one that goes

18:15

in the pool with our daughter . Our daughter is now 11

18:18

months . She started going swimming

18:21

at nine months . Um

18:23

, because it was just so difficult to get her into the

18:25

swim school , but , by the grace of god , I managed

18:27

to get her in the swim school . So so

18:32

, um , a

18:34

few weeks before , I did ask the swimming

18:36

instructor , the coach , can

18:38

I be taking pictures of my daughter ? And she

18:40

said , yeah , as long as it's of your daughter , there's

18:43

no problem . It's always nice to have the memories

18:45

. I said no problem , I'll make sure that if

18:47

I accidentally capture anybody else , I'll delete

18:49

it , but I will , you know , for me it's . You

18:51

know , I just want to take . So she goes , no problem . So

18:54

now we're in in a class and

18:56

this is probably my daughter's third or fourth class

18:58

. So as

19:00

case in with her , I say , it's okay , I'll bring

19:03

her closer . So I bend down and

19:06

as I'm about to take a picture , there is a man

19:08

that is also sitting on the side . Now , there's

19:10

a few parents on the side , but this one in particular

19:12

has a newborn baby in a car seat

19:15

and he is

19:17

a little bit close to me . His

19:20

wife , partner , concubine

19:23

, whoever she is and his son

19:25

are all the way on the other

19:27

side of the pool . So for me personally I don't

19:29

know why he's sitting there , because I don't see how he can see them

19:31

. But ah , should be . This is

19:33

a free country , see where you want . So

19:36

as I'm taking a picture of my daughter and I'm bending down

19:38

, this man says excuse

19:41

me , you're not supposed to be taking pictures

19:43

. You shouldn't be taking pictures . I

19:47

don't want you taking pictures . I says pardon . He

19:49

repeats himself . I

19:51

said what's your problem ? Before I could

19:54

say anything further , the swimming

19:56

coach comes over and

19:58

she says oh yeah , no , you're not supposed to be taking

20:00

pictures . I said excuse me , jenny , we've

20:02

had this conversation . And

20:05

she goes have we ? I said excuse me , jenny , we've had this conversation and she goes

20:07

, have we ? I said yeah , and the conversation went a little bit like I would like to be

20:09

taking pictures of my daughter and you encouraged

20:12

me that that would be a great idea for memories

20:14

, and you give me the parameters and the boundaries to take

20:16

those pictures . I said please

20:18

have a look at my phone . And she goes oh , that's

20:20

a lovely picture of your daughter . I said do you see anybody there ? She goes no , I

20:22

said that's because I was bending down to take those pictures of my daughter . She goes oh , that's a lovely

20:24

picture of your daughter . I said do you see anybody there ? She goes no , I said that's because I was bending down

20:26

to take those pictures of my daughter . She goes oh , there's nothing wrong with it . I

20:30

turned to the man with his baby

20:32

in the car seat . He's there rocking

20:35

it with his leg . I said , excuse me , you

20:37

don't get to police me . You know you

20:39

do not get to police me as a woman

20:42

or as a black woman . He goes oh

20:44

, here we go . I says I don't care , we're

20:46

going to go down that road . He

20:48

said , oh , he doesn't want anyone

20:50

taking pictures of his child . I said excuse me , your child and

20:53

your wife or your girlfriend or your concubine

20:55

are all the way on the other side . You

20:58

chose to sit here , so I want you to tell me how bending down

21:00

to take a picture of my child interferes with

21:02

taking a picture of your child . Tell me how

21:04

that makes sense . I said you know what it is . You're

21:06

a busybody and maybe

21:08

you don't have a voice in your house . You're coming here to command

21:10

somebody else . I said it's never gonna

21:12

be me . I said you see , today you've

21:15

picked the wrong one on the right day

21:17

. You don't want to respect the baby that you're rocking

21:19

here . Instead , it's me that you want to police

21:22

. That's not going to happen . I said maybe what

21:24

happened to diane abbott ? You think that all

21:26

black women must be treated like that ? It's not

21:28

going to happen . I said you don't get to command

21:30

me , you don't get to talk to me , you don't get

21:32

to control me , and if you don't like

21:34

what I'm doing , go make a formal complaint to the swim

21:36

school . But what you're not going to do is police

21:39

this black woman on this day or

21:41

any given day . Then

21:44

he was trying to say something and

21:46

I anyway I was just ignoring him and

21:48

then k obviously could see

21:51

my facial expressions and I speak with my

21:53

hands and he had our daughter

21:55

in his hand in his hands , still swimming

21:57

. He said is everything okay ? And

21:59

I said , yeah , everything's okay . This

22:01

, this man and his , his , his

22:03

baby car seat . He picks it up , walks

22:06

all the way to the other pool , other side of the

22:08

pool , to his wife I don't know what he's saying to her wife

22:10

, girlfriend , concubine , I don't know then

22:13

walks on the side , by the way over

22:16

to k , bends down and says , oh , there's no

22:18

problem . I said , excuse me , move

22:20

, move . Then

22:23

he comes and sits back . I said no , you're not sitting

22:25

there . I said because your job today

22:28

is to police a black woman , and it's this black

22:30

woman . You're not going to police and you're not sitting here . So

22:32

find where you're going to sit , but you're not sitting next to me

22:34

. You need to move . He

22:36

picked himself up and he walked out . He

22:40

walked out . I want

22:42

to say that I'm using a lot of passion to explain

22:44

what happened , because every time I think

22:46

about it I get irritated , but

22:51

I was very calm . I was very calm because I'm

22:53

very conscious that there's other kids there and

22:56

my daughter's there . However , I

22:58

have to defend myself where

23:01

anyone attempts to oppress me , especially

23:10

someone who attempts to oppress me because they think they

23:12

can . It's not gonna happen . His behavior till this day makes no

23:14

sense . When the swimming school had finished , there

23:16

was a lady , a white woman , and

23:19

she her husband is a as um

23:21

, a black man that comes to

23:23

the swim school as well , and they've got a little

23:25

boy , gorgeous little boy . So

23:28

, as as um , the swim school finishes

23:31

for the day . She comes over to

23:33

me . She says excuse me , why was that

23:35

man speaking to you like that ? I said , my dear , I don't

23:37

know she goes , but you were bending down

23:39

to take a picture of your child . If anyone should have the problem

23:41

, it should be me , but it was very obvious to me that

23:43

you were bent down . The only person you're going to be taking

23:45

a picture of is your child . Obvious to me that you're bent down

23:47

. The only person you're going to be taking a picture of is your child and , moreover , I don't have

23:50

any problem . You should be free to do what you

23:52

want . I says , my dear , this is called policing

23:54

black women 101 . And she goes

23:56

. Definitely , I can see that it's

23:59

not right and it's not acceptable and he has

24:01

no right to talk to you like that and if it happens again

24:03

I'll be saying something . I said thank you , thank

24:05

you for , and she goes . I just wanted to make sure you was okay

24:07

. Let you know that you haven't done anything wrong . I said I know I haven't

24:10

, but I appreciate the support , thank you

24:12

. When a white woman is

24:14

coming to a defense of a black woman

24:16

against a white man , you

24:18

don't fuck up . You don't fuck the

24:21

hell up . Yeah , you fucked

24:23

up . You

24:26

see , I feel like and funny

24:28

enough , or not so funny enough . That

24:30

was a week after what happened to diane abbott , so

24:32

that was still very fresh on my mind . It

24:35

was very fresh on my mind . A

24:38

lot of us , as black women , we were triggered

24:40

by that because what happened to diane abbott

24:43

is a reflection of sometimes what we experience

24:45

in the workplace where , um

24:47

, you're working , maybe in white dominated

24:50

industries , especially with the fragility of

24:52

some white men not all some

24:54

feeling that

24:56

they have the audacity and the power

24:59

and the , the courage

25:01

to speak down to us

25:03

and , basically

25:05

, a certain authority . That is quite

25:07

oppressive , least in microaggression

25:10

, the , the foundation of which is

25:12

racism , but they don't want to

25:15

have that conversation . As soon as you mention race

25:17

they , they jump , because

25:19

you are now starting to , you

25:21

know , pull the table on

25:24

, on on the the foundation

25:27

of what they are talking about . When you shake

25:29

the table and you question the motive

25:31

, if it wasn't that , he would have said

25:33

that's got nothing to do with it . I apologize

25:36

if you think it is , but it's not . He could

25:38

have , but he didn't . And

25:40

one thing with me I'm going to let you know now I

25:43

have been through so much that

25:45

when I utilize my money for

25:47

enjoyment , like swim school , nobody

25:50

is going to stop me from doing that . If

25:52

you don't like to see black women enjoying

25:55

in any form of enjoyment or

25:57

luxury , you have a problem

25:59

. But it's not my problem to diagnose

26:01

your problem and it's not . I'm never going

26:03

to allow you to cheat me out of my enjoyment

26:06

, because if I took it where

26:08

he wanted it to go , I would have

26:10

cheated myself out of enjoying my daughter's women

26:12

. No , I was very clear with

26:15

him and I was very direct and also

26:17

I told him you're not sitting here Because what

26:19

I don't want now is my behaviour to change

26:21

or for me to feel uncomfortable or awkward to take

26:23

pictures of my child because of the fragility

26:25

of this white man who wants to police me

26:27

, this black woman , on no

26:29

given day will ever that will be the case

26:32

. Now I

26:34

caveat that by saying and

26:36

I shouldn't , but I will , for purposes of

26:38

just saying it again . So it's clear this

26:41

is not my experience of every white man , this

26:44

isn't , but I have had experiences

26:47

that are negative with white men

26:49

. So this is why it's important for

26:52

us to gather in a safe space to have

26:54

this conversation , because it's important

26:56

, as black women , that we are revived

26:58

in confidence to challenge

27:00

microaggressions , and

27:02

that challenging microaggressions

27:04

is challenging the person who is exhibiting

27:06

a microaggression to demonstrate

27:09

to us that if they , if , if what

27:11

we are saying isn't what it is , then

27:13

they should correct us . They

27:16

should correct us . When you don't correct

27:18

me is because I've shaken the table and

27:21

taken off the blinds of

27:24

what you're doing and I've brought it to the light . I've taken

27:26

it out of the blinds of the darkness and brought it to the

27:28

light . So for me , I

27:31

couldn't understand how I'm bending down to take a picture

27:33

of my kid . Your

27:36

, your concubine and your son are

27:38

on the other side of the pool and you're choosing

27:40

to sit next to me . That was your first mistake

27:42

. Have you come to observe your your child

27:44

swimming ? Or have you come to observe this black

27:46

woman enjoying family time with her family

27:49

? You see

27:51

, when , as black women

27:53

, we speak up , they

27:55

don't like it and that's why they label it

27:57

as us being aggressive . Because , you see , if

27:59

you label us as something , then what you

28:01

do is you strong arm us into silence

28:04

. And what does silence do ? Silence

28:06

allows you to suffer in

28:08

silence , and when you suffer

28:10

in silence , you empower

28:13

the person who is

28:15

being the aggressor to continue

28:18

. That can't happen . You cannot

28:20

silence me because

28:22

I have been silent for a long

28:24

time and

28:26

when toyah talks happened , it wasn't a conscious

28:29

thing . It was me sharing my experiences

28:31

of the world of work and people gathering

28:33

and sharing their experiences and

28:35

understanding that , collectively , this

28:38

is a problem and we need to find a strategic

28:40

way in which to navigate the world of work and

28:43

life whilst not

28:45

losing our voice as

28:47

black women . It's really easy for us to

28:49

lose our voice when society

28:52

will blatantly show

28:54

you like a situation like diane

28:56

abbott and you become almost

28:58

disappointed in the

29:00

lack of accountability and

29:02

condemnation of that behavior exhibited

29:05

towards diane abbott . That in itself

29:08

can strong arm us into silence , but

29:10

it's not going to happen when

29:13

you see it , you must call it out , and

29:16

it's the way you call it out . So sometimes you might

29:18

call it out as making a statement

29:21

, you may call

29:23

it out by making it formal

29:25

, you may call

29:27

it out by challenging the situation

29:29

whilst you're in it and

29:31

you may call it out by using the system

29:34

to support you ie

29:37

, you know , making a formal complaint

29:39

to hr , if you'd like , or , in

29:42

extreme circumstances such as diane Abbott

29:44

, reporting it to the police . But

29:48

living in a society which

29:52

continues to disrespect

29:55

black women and

29:57

then uses some

30:00

of the croners , some

30:02

of the puppets

30:04

that label themselves

30:07

what's it ? Cultural

30:09

commentators that look like

30:11

us , they will use people that look like us to

30:14

abuse us . That

30:16

in itself is also violent . What

30:20

diane abbott endured was racism

30:23

, threats of violence

30:25

, discrimination on

30:27

the basis of her gender and

30:29

disrespect of the highest

30:32

order . So

30:35

when I see other black women who are MPs

30:37

, I salute you , because

30:39

I couldn't do it . I

30:42

couldn't do it . I

30:47

believe it's Diane Butler . I

30:49

think her first name is Diane Diane Butler . Basically

30:54

, during the pandemic parliamentary

30:57

question or just after

30:59

the pandemic , I believe , she

31:02

accused Boris

31:05

of lying to them , of

31:07

lying to the public . The

31:09

way she was reprimanded

31:12

by the house speaker . They

31:15

asked her to leave I believe only

31:18

now to turn around that boris had

31:21

been lying about certain things . The

31:23

way they humiliated that woman

31:25

in the house of common . Honestly

31:28

I was like girl , this

31:30

is too much . The

31:33

house speaker watched diana

31:36

, but stand up 46 times

31:38

46

31:41

. A white man that is . He's

31:43

a house speaker . He's

31:51

a house speaker . Listen , my thing is this I'm done with trying to find a level playing field

31:54

. We need equality . I , you know , I I support that , but

31:56

I understand that we're

31:58

a long way off . So now I'm into

32:00

strategy and using the system that was created

32:02

by them , or use the system against them

32:04

to cover myself and

32:06

look after and protect myself because I feel very exposed

32:09

. What happened to diane abbott

32:11

really triggered a lot of us black women because

32:14

we felt exposed . We can imagine ourselves being

32:16

her . We know that in certain situations

32:18

we have been a diane abbott where we've been

32:20

ignored . Where we've been violated verbally

32:22

, we've been disrespected , disregarded micro

32:24

, macro aggressions used as a weapon to control us . Where we've been disrespected , disregarded

32:27

micro-macroaggressions used as a weapon to control us . Where

32:29

we have been silenced

32:31

. Where we come

32:33

out and tell people our experience and they

32:35

try to make us feel as though it's

32:37

not that serious or if an apology

32:40

has been rendered , we should just accept it without

32:42

the accountability . It's

32:46

just not on . I've

32:52

worked in an organization before but I was so disrespecting on a call and I weaponized

32:54

those white tears that my white female

32:56

counterparts have shown me . And

32:58

there was another white man on the call and

33:01

I leveraged his ability and

33:03

his proximity to whiteness because our boss was

33:05

white to get him to

33:07

complain to my boss about

33:10

what had happened . But matt , the white

33:13

guy that had disrespected me , was spoken

33:15

to and honestly , that

33:17

that that um organization dealt with it

33:19

. Really well , I was very surprised they

33:22

dealt with it and I was a contractor , by the way . He

33:24

was instructed to render an apology

33:27

to me and the other guy me

33:29

. I was even confused . I said it was me that was disrespected

33:31

. What's the other guy got to do with it ? Obviously his , his

33:33

fragility , he said I he was

33:35

astonished on the call . So he had

33:37

this heightened sense of fight or flight . Ah

33:40

, these people use english grammar , or

33:42

me , I'll use this one . Fight or flight

33:44

, I will use that one . Yeah , I

33:46

was like ah , do

33:49

you know , to this very day , this man never

33:51

apologized . The guy that disrespected . He didn't

33:54

apologize , and the disrespect is when I was talking to

33:56

him , he was shouting . I told him to

33:58

shouting and then he's like taya , I'm gonna

34:00

let you know

34:03

who I am and and I don't need to come to you

34:05

and ask you what my contractual

34:08

position is , because I'm telling you that

34:11

I'm the stakeholder and , as far

34:13

as I'm concerned , I don't need anything from you

34:15

. Ah , the way he was talking , I said are

34:17

you a goblin ? What sort of ? Yeah

34:20

, what stupid . I

34:25

didn't care whether he apologized or not . I just wanted him

34:27

to put a notice that your

34:29

other senior managers now know that you're a thug

34:31

. So

34:33

you care about what your colleagues think

34:35

. And look at it , it was your fellow man

34:38

that went and snitched about your behavior towards

34:41

a black woman and towards him because

34:43

of his virginity . You know . I

34:45

just wanted it to be put on on record

34:48

that your behavior was deplorable . Whether

34:50

you apologize to me or not , I don't care . I

34:52

just needed him to know that it's never gonna be me and

34:55

you're not gonna get away with it . The way he was talking to me

34:57

thereafter ah , he was like um , you

35:00

know a puppy . Yeah

35:04

, he was like a puppy because he's embarrassed

35:06

now , isn't he ? He thought that was a call of just three

35:08

of us there . No , I brought it to the lights and

35:10

this is what I'm saying about bringing things to

35:12

the light and understanding strategically how to do

35:14

certain things . Apologies , they don't really do

35:16

much for me . It's changed behavior , but

35:19

your inability to render an apology shows

35:21

me that your ego is so

35:24

damn fragile that rendering an apology

35:26

makes you feel like you're weak . That

35:28

tells me more about you than it does about

35:30

anything else , and that's cool . But

35:32

the idea for him of apologising

35:35

and apologising to a woman better

35:37

yet a black woman he couldn't do it

35:39

, and this is how

35:41

we are in the workplace . So

35:45

Diane Abbott and what

35:47

she went through was utterly deplorable

35:50

. It was , it was disgusting

35:52

, it was just shocking

35:55

. And I know

35:57

for a lot of us we close our eyes and we remember

35:59

a situation where we've had

36:02

an adjacent feeling to what she could possibly be

36:04

feeling , but also recognizing

36:06

that what happens in politics usually finds

36:08

its way into life and that

36:11

almost shock that

36:13

this could happen on such a public scale and

36:16

what is the consequences ? What

36:19

are the police gonna do ? The

36:21

labour party are effectively her employer and

36:23

they haven't got her back . She

36:26

was literally in a situation where she

36:28

could talk about the effects of what happened , what

36:30

her belief is of what happened

36:32

. She was not even given a voice

36:34

to speak . They ignored her . They

36:37

ignored her . How many

36:39

of us have felt ignored or feeling

36:41

ignored in our workplaces where

36:43

you know that your voice is there but nothing is coming

36:45

out , there's no sound . That's crazy to me

36:47

and this is why I

36:50

will continue to advocate for us as

36:52

black women , advocate for myself in

36:54

my situations and also advise

36:57

you guys , teach you guys , give you guidance

36:59

of how to advocate for yourself when you find yourself

37:01

in certain predicaments that are

37:03

driven by the prejudice of people

37:05

who do not want to see black women be successful

37:08

, prosper or be happy . I will always

37:10

, always have to provide

37:12

an opportunity to share so

37:14

that , as black women , we can find the confidence

37:17

and the courage and the reassurance to go in the world

37:19

of work or go out in life and

37:21

use our voice . Grammar

37:24

, grammar . I

37:27

remember my first day at secondary school . My

37:30

dad had taken me . My dad was so proud , he was so happy

37:32

, and we was in assembly

37:35

and we had our

37:37

head teacher was mr shipley . Uh

37:40

, no , was it mr shipley ? Yes

37:42

, it was mr shipley , and

37:44

in the assembly he introduced himself

37:47

and he said I want everyone to stand up and repeat

37:49

after me education

37:52

, education , education

37:55

. And I think it was . Tony Bleda

37:57

said that as well . Well , mr

37:59

Shipley was a Labour supporter and

38:01

my dad was passionate . My dad made me repeat

38:04

it and I was thinking what the hell

38:06

? But you know when

38:08

I look back what that said to me . You

38:11

have to learn the ways of the land

38:13

in which you live . You

38:16

need to educate yourself

38:18

about

38:21

where you are , where you work

38:23

. Due diligence is an education

38:25

. You need to

38:27

be a subject matter expert . Read

38:29

around your subject education

38:32

. You need to understand

38:34

the ecosystem and where you work

38:37

. Education . You

38:39

need to be clued up to

38:41

what micro and macro aggressions

38:43

look like . Education . You

38:46

need to understand how

38:49

you are going to package

38:51

yourself . Education and

38:54

you need to open your mind

38:56

to learning education

38:59

. That's what that meant to me at

39:01

the age of 13 and now being 39

39:04

, that is what I I remember was

39:06

the beginning stage

39:08

of my formal education

39:11

into education and

39:13

the life of education , ie the

39:16

life we're living now . There

39:20

is a reason why they don't teach

39:22

us about mortgages , loans

39:24

, credit investment

39:26

. There

39:33

is a reason Brokerage accounts . You know they

39:35

don't teach us these things and if they're teaching them , they're not teaching

39:37

them in inner city schools , honey , where

39:39

I came from . It's

39:42

a form of control by

39:44

removing the access to

39:47

knowledge which will educate you

39:49

into the decisions you will make . There's

39:51

a reason why we are not taught these things

39:53

. Do

39:56

you think if I had a podcast back when I

39:58

was in my 20s ah , me

40:01

, me , what I suffer , I do

40:03

, me who has suffered

40:05

in the hands of people it

40:08

would have been a rap for everybody . Ah

40:11

, but

40:13

here we are , learning

40:15

from our mistakes , being students

40:18

of life and allowing ourselves

40:20

to be educated , and also

40:22

being students and learning from other people's

40:24

situation . Mistakes and winnings

40:26

that's what's important

40:28

. So

40:30

the question I ask in any situation

40:33

that happens is what have you learnt

40:35

from it ? So what's happened with Diane Abbott

40:37

? What did you learn ? I'll

40:40

go first . I

40:42

learnt that I have

40:44

a duty to myself , and now to

40:47

my daughter , to advocate

40:49

for myself in situations

40:52

that make me uncomfortable , because

40:55

in that swim school I felt uncomfortable Because

40:58

something so simple was made to

41:00

feel like it was wrong . I

41:04

also learned that you can stand

41:07

up 46 times and

41:09

people will ignore you sometimes

41:12

you have to use your ability

41:14

to use your voice and your platform to

41:16

advocate for yourself . You have

41:18

to use the tools around you to

41:21

be able to use your voice . Diane

41:24

Abbott played the political game

41:26

too unpopular opinion

41:28

. She could have done a

41:30

um instagram live

41:32

. She could have used social media , because right

41:34

now she has nothing to lose , and

41:37

she could have shared with us , number

41:40

one , what was said . How did she come

41:42

to know it was said , how it

41:44

made her feel and what she expects

41:46

from her , the Labour leader , keir Starmer

41:49

, and put him on a high jump . But

41:54

maybe she's just tired . These

41:57

several years in politics has possibly made

41:59

her tired and she probably thinks you know what ? I

42:02

can only give what I can give . I've done my best . Maybe

42:05

that's it , but I

42:07

wish you know . I know that there

42:09

was a rally in Hackney Is

42:11

it Hackney West ? I can't remember , but in Hackney

42:13

, which is her constituents

42:15

, and they really like , oh , they protested

42:18

for her . They really lifted

42:21

her on their shoulders . But even

42:23

then , when she was given the mic , I felt

42:25

like her answers were so political , the things she

42:27

said were so odd , like

42:32

I feel like she never really said what she really wanted to

42:34

say , and I feel like Diane Abbott , keir Starmer

42:37

, don't want you in the Labour Party , no more . You're still suspended

42:39

to this day and

42:41

I feel like what do you have to lose ? Because

42:44

there's other black women like myself and several

42:46

of us here that are looking to you

42:48

to almost advise

42:51

us and to teach

42:53

us what you have learned through this situation

42:55

and give us a

42:58

window to what this situation

43:00

actually is and means . But

43:02

I feel like maybe you feel like that's not your

43:04

job and that's cool , but

43:06

I want to hear from because I still don't feel

43:08

like we really heard from diana . But if I'm honest

43:10

, what

43:13

do you learn from that situation ? How

43:16

can you better improve yourself to

43:18

place yourself in a situation whereby you

43:21

can better handle difficult situations or uncomfortable

43:24

situations ? Because , as black women , I'd

43:26

like to . I'd you know , you know it is . I'd

43:28

like to just exist without

43:30

feeling policed or

43:33

without being made to feel uncomfortable , and this

43:35

is the reason why I opened my mouth at swim school

43:37

. There's

43:39

some situations that happen where I'm just like , oh , not today

43:41

, but because

43:44

of what's happened with diana . But I feel like what

43:46

happens in politics will find its way into life usually

43:48

and you have to nip it in the bud

43:51

to let them know now when you put on

43:53

your tv , you're not going to come and live EastEnders

43:55

out here , mate , absolutely not . Also

43:59

as well . I want to just mention

44:02

very briefly , because I know that Celebrity

44:04

Boob Brother has finished now

44:06

, but Louis Walsh and ZZ Mills . Louis

44:09

Walsh , within the first 48 hours

44:11

of entering the Big Brother house

44:13

and he met ZZ Mills . He was in

44:15

the diary room and he nominated

44:17

ZZ Mills to

44:20

be evicted from the Big Brother

44:22

house and his reason was that she's

44:24

sure of herself and she's full of herself

44:26

. And

44:32

his reason was is that she's sure of herself and she's

44:35

full of herself ? He

44:37

said that she thinks that she's famous

44:40

but nobody knows who she is

44:42

. And blah , blah , blah . I always say

44:44

to you that being a subject

44:47

matter expert is your superpower . The

44:50

reason I say that is the

44:52

confidence you gain from

44:55

knowing something well , leveraging

44:58

it to navigate the world of work and earn

45:00

yourself more money in senior positions

45:02

is what makes people like Louis

45:04

Walsh uncomfortable , because

45:07

he's been conditioned to think either

45:09

only him or people that look like him

45:11

have

45:13

access to that . His

45:16

inflated self-importance comes

45:18

from being

45:21

affirmed by society that

45:24

he is important and no one else is , or

45:28

people that look like him are more important

45:30

than when

45:33

I heard that , I thought there

45:35

it is . When

45:38

a black woman is confident , she's

45:41

labelled arrogant . When

45:44

a black woman speaks up

45:46

, she's called confrontational

45:49

. Sassy is sometimes

45:51

what they use because it's on the cusp

45:53

. When

45:56

they meet an educated black woman , they

45:59

will ask us to prove that education

46:01

because , as black women , we couldn't possibly

46:03

educate ourselves enough to

46:06

find ourselves in this position . So how did we get

46:08

here ? As

46:10

black women , we have a duty to

46:15

rise and soar , because

46:18

being oppressed or to continue

46:20

to be oppressed is not an option . If

46:24

you want to attain true success and

46:27

define success as what it means

46:29

to you , you have to allow yourself

46:32

the opportunity to be

46:34

the best in class at what you do . Where

46:38

I'm currently working , I am the only

46:40

black woman on the team . Now

46:43

, it's a diverse organization

46:45

, but I am the only black woman on my team

46:47

and

46:51

I don't remember

46:53

it or it doesn't come to my

46:55

mind . It's just

46:57

something that I'm aware of because , as black

46:59

women , we're hyper aware of our environment

47:01

, aren't we , and how

47:03

we and what masks

47:05

we're putting on , but

47:09

I've been

47:11

put in the deep end really

47:14

and truly . When you start somewhere new , you

47:16

should be benched . And

47:18

then consultancy environment . You should be

47:20

benched at least for a week or two , as

47:23

you were climatized to your environment . But

47:25

I wasn't . I was

47:27

deployed . I

47:30

don't do procurement . I find it really

47:32

boring . I can't stand it . To be

47:34

honest , but

47:37

every time and everywhere I worked , I

47:39

always found myself in a procurement team doing

47:41

commercial contracts . So

47:44

in I'm about

47:46

to say 1998

47:49

, in 2017

47:51

, 2018 , I decided to do my

47:53

level four sips in procurement and supply . It

47:58

was the best thing I ever did , the hardest

48:00

as well , because it was going back into education

48:03

after having my master's for several

48:05

years . It was a lot and balancing that

48:07

with work , but it was

48:09

, for me , a great opportunity for

48:11

me to do . I had nothing else to

48:13

do apart from work and stuff and I was figuring

48:15

life out . So why not ? And

48:19

one of the reasons I did it is because , in order

48:21

to kind of be good at what I did

48:23

, I needed to understand the steps that happened before

48:25

in the procurement cycle . So what better than to educate

48:28

myself through formal education

48:30

? Do

48:32

you know where I've been deployed before

48:35

we get to the bulk of what I need to do . I have

48:37

to . I'm involved now in the procurement cycle

48:39

and

48:41

I'm having to add value

48:43

from day one . Do

48:47

you know that my boss had

48:49

a meeting with

48:52

one of my key stakeholders ? Now , as part

48:54

of my due diligence , I know who my key stakeholders

48:56

are . I have a very good relationship with them . They're

48:59

very inclusive , I must say . They make

49:01

me feel part of the team . They introduce

49:03

me , they ask me for my opinion . They're lovely . They're

49:05

really really nice people and very learned

49:08

, very educated . They are , you

49:10

know , best in class at what they do . Anyway

49:13

, one of our key stakeholders went to my manager

49:15

um , my boss had a conversation

49:18

because obviously we need to

49:20

know pipeline and stuff , and

49:23

he said toy is brilliant

49:25

, she's a team

49:27

player and

49:29

she is uh , she really

49:31

thinks things through , she doesn't just talk

49:34

for the sake of it , and

49:36

she's added so much value and

49:39

I'm really looking forward to working with her going forward

49:41

. You

49:45

know , for me , when

49:47

my boss came back to tell me which I thought was

49:49

lovely because he didn't have to do , you know

49:51

what I picked from that . It's

49:54

really important to read around your subject matter

49:56

. So if you're still

49:58

figuring out a career , whatever

50:00

you land on , you need to

50:02

read around what you do . You need to do further

50:05

education , further learning . When

50:09

you go somewhere new or even if

50:11

you're an existing place now , you

50:14

need to know who are your influential

50:16

stakeholders , who

50:18

are the ones that have influence

50:21

, and you need to find

50:23

a way to work with them . Remember

50:25

, I didn't say you have to find a way to like them . That's not

50:27

what I said . I said you have to find a way to like

50:29

them . That's not what I said . I said you have to find

50:32

a way to work with them . You may not like me

50:34

, but you're gonna respect me . I've

50:38

spent a lot of time understanding or trying

50:40

to figure out how to navigate , formulating

50:43

strategies to be able to obtain

50:46

certain things , to be able to do my work , and this is

50:48

where , as black women , we will

50:50

excel if we allow

50:52

ourselves to do the due diligence required

50:54

to navigate successfully . Before

50:58

I close this podcast episode , I

51:02

want to end with this statement you

51:05

need to bet on yourself . You need to bet on yourself

51:07

because if you don't bet on yourself , nobody . You need to bet

51:09

on yourself Because if you don't bet

51:11

on yourself , nobody else is going to do it . Betting

51:15

on yourself is you need

51:17

to know that you are

51:20

worthy . If

51:22

you don't believe in your worthiness , no

51:24

one else is going to believe it . Imposter

51:27

syndrome is real . I suffer from imposter

51:30

syndrome sometimes , even where I'm at now . Do

51:32

you think I haven't had times where I'm like , oh

51:34

my god , I'm working with these amazing minds

51:36

like you know . Am

51:38

I gonna get found out that I'm not as advanced

51:40

as them ? Actually , no , I may

51:43

not be as advanced as them , but I deserve to be

51:45

here and I'm gonna learn from every one of

51:47

these people so that one day

51:49

I'm on par with every one of them . I

51:52

think that imposter syndrome in moderation

51:54

is quite humbling , but

51:57

the key word is moderation . So

52:03

there's a singer called Ray and

52:06

she left her label Polydor

52:09

and went independent and she shared that how

52:11

she felt as though she wasn't

52:13

. You know , they

52:15

didn't really believe in who she was

52:17

as an artist and they downplayed

52:20

her . She was like

52:22

a lot of her music was shelved

52:24

. She was writing for other people but she wasn't

52:26

actually getting what she needed from the label

52:28

. She was made to feel that if she left

52:30

, her career would be over . She

52:34

had the most Brit

52:36

nominations and Brit wins in

52:39

the Brit Awards this year . She

52:42

has successfully paved

52:44

the way for herself as a singer and

52:47

now I know her to be a songwriter . What

52:50

I learnt from Ray is if you bet on

52:52

yourself , you are always going to win . You

52:56

can't expect other people to bet on you if

52:58

you don't have the self-confidence in yourself to know

53:00

that you deserve . There's

53:03

an episode at the beginning of the podcast

53:05

series called your manager is not the key to your

53:07

success . That's because

53:09

you are the key to your success . You

53:12

have to know that you're worthy and you're

53:15

good enough and be in a continuous

53:17

cycle of learning

53:19

, because that's the only way . I

53:23

have a dilemma that I want

53:25

to quickly read before

53:28

my battery dies . What

53:30

is it with apple phones and the battery

53:32

life ? Like , seriously , oh

53:34

, maybe a new phone is coming out me . I

53:36

need some headphones . I want to get them headphones , but

53:39

I'm waiting for new colors anyway . Sorry , I digress

53:42

. Let me read the dilemma , so

53:45

it's entitled dilemma . Hello

53:48

, toy , I hope you're . My greetings to

53:50

you and your family . I have a dilemma

53:52

which I wish

53:54

to seek advice on . I started a

53:56

role as a deputy head teacher

53:58

in a brand new school . I decided to

54:00

take the leap and apply with only three years of teaching

54:03

experience

54:05

. I have done some locum

54:08

work with this school and aware of how the school

54:11

runs . I started some

54:14

months ago and the team are predominantly black

54:16

, just two white colleagues . Okay

54:22

, since

54:24

I started I've got really bad vibes from

54:26

two junior members of staff . I

54:28

decided to keep my distance from these two . The

54:36

two then became very disrespectful and tried to undermine me . I'll give you an example

54:38

. One questioned why I delegated her a specific task . I did say to her

54:41

you will do it and that's all . Her

54:43

friend then jumped in and asked me is

54:45

that necessary ? I ignored both and

54:48

walked away . These two ladies were

54:50

, who are African and much older

54:52

than me , again tried to be disrespectful

54:55

, questioning why I've delegated them

54:57

tasks , making excuses as to why they couldn't

54:59

do it . I was firm and said you

55:01

will do it . Another

55:04

day , one came storming in saying it's

55:06

not nice that you've done what

55:08

you've done . I said to her you can

55:10

raise your concerns with management and I cut

55:12

her off . She then reported me

55:14

that I'm picking on her the

55:16

cheek of it . I then messaged

55:18

my manager stating how concerned I

55:20

was with the two ladies behaviour . My manager

55:23

is afraid of them . She is white . She

55:25

asked me if I discussed it , if

55:29

I wanted to discuss it . I said no . She

55:31

then said they want your job and feel threatened

55:33

because before I came they

55:35

were doing my role for free . I

55:37

stated that it's not my concern . Their behavior

55:40

won't be tolerated and is inappropriate . My

55:42

manager said I should deal with it and

55:44

speak to them on my own , which I don't

55:46

think is appropriate . I left it . All

55:49

this I have documented again

55:51

. One was very disrespectful during a team

55:53

meeting . I reported this to the manager , stating

55:55

I'd like to have a meeting with the three of

55:57

us to discuss her behaviour . I did follow

55:59

up with this in an email . I

56:02

was told I would have the

56:04

meeting the next day , and this was three

56:06

weeks ago . The meeting hasn't happened . I

56:08

have been told by several people . These

56:11

two ladies have been constantly downgrading

56:14

me , stating I'm no good at the job . I

56:16

wish to remain professional , but I need to deal with

56:18

these two ladies once and for all . I'm not

56:20

on probation . I'm not on probation

56:23

past that . I am new and

56:25

I have training to undertake

56:27

. These ladies are going on

56:29

every single training you can think

56:32

of beyond their role , trying to compete

56:34

with me . These two ladies

56:36

are now doing my role , but for free . They

56:38

are being used to fill a gap and feel

56:41

they are something they are not , that's

56:43

like . What's ironic is both ladies recently

56:45

interviewed for my role elsewhere at multiple

56:47

schools , and both were rejected . God

56:50

don't like ugly , laugh out . I

56:52

have all that's um transpired

56:54

in my burn folder . I now only speak to these

56:57

ladies if I have to , other than when I

56:59

will pass them um . When

57:01

I see them , I'd like advice

57:03

on what to do next . Sorry for the long story . I wanted

57:05

to give you context to the story . Okay

57:10

, you

57:14

are a deputy head teacher

57:16

of a school . Can we just give you your

57:18

flowers just

57:25

because they're skin folk ? Honey , don't

57:28

mean nothing . And

57:31

I say don't mean nothing because

57:34

if you're placing emphasis that they're your

57:36

fellow black women , these are your fellow black

57:38

women that are disrespecting you , undermining

57:40

you and effectively questioning why you've been given

57:42

the job . They're actually poison

57:44

. They're seeping poison into the

57:46

minds of other people who are watching

57:49

them seemingly get away with the behaviour they're

57:51

exhibiting . And you

57:53

don't want a mutiny on your hands , because what

57:56

is it that happens in politics ? A vote of no confidence

57:58

. That's what you don't want . This

58:01

is the advice I will give you . You

58:04

have to use your position to your advantage

58:06

. My love , you are

58:08

a deputy , a teacher , so

58:11

that means that you're not just managing the school , you're

58:13

managing the staff members . You

58:16

have to use the policies that you have

58:18

to deal with these women . Every

58:22

interaction that is verbal must

58:24

be followed up in writing , and you know this

58:26

. Come on , if you've got a burn folder

58:28

then . I know you listen to the podcast , you know all of this

58:31

. I think

58:33

that if you have enough evidence in your burn

58:35

folder , I think that you

58:37

should use the hr

58:40

system , because obviously I don't know how hr works in

58:42

schools , but I think that you

58:44

need to pull them up for misconduct . If

58:48

their behavior can be evidenced

58:50

, then you need to , because

58:52

what the message is , what that you're sending to the other

58:54

members of staff is insubordination

58:57

, disrespect and a disregard

59:00

for your authority

59:03

will not be tolerated because

59:06

they've taken it to an extreme . Now . If

59:10

they're doing your job for free , how

59:12

long do you think it's going to be before you don't even have

59:15

a job ? Sis , when

59:18

we talk about safeguarding , we have to safeguard our career

59:20

. You have to protect it , and

59:24

I need you to remove the

59:26

fact that they're black women , because

59:28

it doesn't mean much to them for

59:32

the fact that they're black women , because it doesn't mean

59:34

much to them . I've

59:37

worked in a place before where somebody had interviewed for the job , who had been

59:39

working there for a long time , didn't get it . I came in and she made it her sole mission

59:41

to make sure I lose that job . She even complained

59:44

about me that I was bullying her . How

59:47

can somebody who is giving up their time to train

59:49

you be bullying you ? Simply

59:51

because I asked her if she had completed

59:53

a piece of work that I had given her ? She

59:56

said that I said it in front of people . Well , am

59:58

I going to say it in secret ? My

1:00:03

boss came to talk to me about it . I said don't

1:00:05

talk to me about this . This is rubbish . If

1:00:07

she has a problem , she should make

1:00:09

a formal complaint against me . But what I'm

1:00:11

not going to have is a smear campaign because

1:00:14

it's it's leaving poison everywhere

1:00:16

. I don't want it . Do

1:00:19

you know that when you do

1:00:21

things to the children of god with

1:00:24

clean hands ? When

1:00:27

god said , vengeance is his , the ancestors

1:00:29

said oh yeah , hmm . When

1:00:32

our team was taken over by a new manager

1:00:35

, what do you think is going to happen ? Redundancies

1:00:38

. And guess who was on top of the list of the

1:00:40

redundancies ? The very same lady

1:00:42

that I was training that accused me of bullying

1:00:45

that one . Do you know

1:00:47

that this girl came to confess to me ? She asked me if she could

1:00:49

speak to me in private . Do you

1:00:51

know that this girl came to confess to me ? She asked me if I

1:00:53

could , she can speak to me in private . This is where she apologized

1:00:55

for how she's treating me , that it's not me that she's angry

1:00:57

with , it's the organization . And she applied

1:01:00

for my job . She didn't get it and then I came to do

1:01:02

the job and now she's my admin

1:01:04

assistant that she felt disrespected . I

1:01:06

said but I didn't disrespect you , I wasn't involved . I wasn't here

1:01:08

, darling , it's nothing to do with me . Then

1:01:10

she went on to start crying that she's now being made redundant

1:01:13

. Can I put in a word for her ? Absolutely

1:01:16

. I told her I can't put in a word for you because I wasn't involved

1:01:18

in the redundancy and also , as well

1:01:20

, you know you made a

1:01:22

complaint against me to the boss

1:01:24

. I was bullying you . You

1:01:26

didn't formalize it , but I'm

1:01:29

not sure . Are you gonna retract that statement

1:01:32

that you made ? She's actually gonna retract it . I'll

1:01:34

say thank you . Can

1:01:36

you imagine that's a fellow black woman

1:01:38

just like me ? Sometimes

1:01:41

you have to challenge the system you work

1:01:43

in by using the system you work in

1:01:45

. I think that it's high

1:01:47

time that you exercise your ability

1:01:49

to be a deputy headteacher and

1:01:51

show the headteacher how it's done , because

1:01:54

she doesn't want to do it , because she's scared of them

1:01:56

, so you

1:01:58

do it . Show her what it is to be

1:02:00

a headteacher . You've got a burn folder

1:02:02

. Do you think that you're here to collect burn folders just so

1:02:04

you can look at it ? I tell people all the time , collecting

1:02:08

a burn folder is not just to look inside to make

1:02:10

sure there's things in there . That burn

1:02:12

folder is an

1:02:14

evidence of continuous

1:02:18

behaviour that makes

1:02:20

your job difficult . That can

1:02:22

be used to support any

1:02:24

accusation that you make as

1:02:27

a result of their bad behaviour , so

1:02:29

use it . You

1:02:36

make as a result of their bad behaviour , so use it . If you listen to Closet Racist

1:02:38

, I even outlined a complaint that I made . That's how you should do it . It should

1:02:40

be a very organised

1:02:42

succinct . That's how

1:02:44

you do it . They

1:02:47

need to be reprimanded for their behaviour , even

1:02:49

if it's a formal warning on their record . They're

1:02:52

interviewing everywhere . They didn't get the job . So

1:02:55

what do you think they're going to do ? Come back and see you and smile

1:02:57

. They're going to be angry and laying more poison

1:02:59

. So , my dear , you've

1:03:02

got something to do . Get busy , sis . Let

1:03:05

us know the outcome and I hope

1:03:07

that you'll continue to build

1:03:09

that burn folder , but now you're going to use it . Now it's

1:03:12

time to use that burn folder . Keep us updated

1:03:14

and again , remember

1:03:16

who you are . You are a deputy

1:03:18

head teacher , whether

1:03:21

you've been training for three years , four years , whatever

1:03:23

, they believe that you are a safe pair of hands

1:03:25

and that you can do the job . This is your first

1:03:27

task . This is your

1:03:29

first big deputy head

1:03:31

teacher task . It's

1:03:33

called human resources . The

1:03:36

people that are being resourced have

1:03:40

fallen short of an expectation

1:03:42

of what's required to do the job . Now

1:03:45

is your opportunity to get

1:03:48

them in line . Now is your opportunity

1:03:50

to get them in line . If you would like to follow me on

1:03:52

social media Instagram

1:03:55

Toya underscore Washington . If

1:03:57

you want to follow me on TikTok , it's Toya underscore

1:04:00

Washington . If you would like to follow

1:04:02

me on Snapchat , it's Toya Washington . All

1:04:04

one word . If

1:04:08

you have a work-related dilemma

1:04:10

or a life-related dilemma , email me In the subject box

1:04:12

. Write us a dilemma . Dilemma . Keep it short , brief and straight to the

1:04:14

point . Hello at toyotalkscom . Of course , you know that we have

1:04:17

the masterclasses on the toyotalkscom

1:04:20

website . Good , yeah , and

1:04:23

start investing in yourself , okay

1:04:25

, thank you so much for listening

1:04:27

. If you are are on Spotify

1:04:29

or Apple Podcasts listening to this podcast

1:04:31

, please leave your comments

1:04:33

, because I listen to all of them , listen

1:04:37

, I read all of them and

1:04:39

, unfortunately , I can't reply , but it

1:04:41

really helps me in terms of charting and

1:04:43

ranking of the podcasts and

1:04:46

I really appreciate you all listening and

1:04:48

supporting . I do have some pre-recorded

1:04:50

episodes that I've pre-recorded a

1:04:53

few months ago , so I'll be editing them and

1:04:55

uploading those as well , because the messagings are

1:04:57

pertinent and I know

1:04:59

that you will want to listen

1:05:01

. But I want to thank each and every one of you for your

1:05:03

support , your love , your

1:05:05

positivity , your DMs

1:05:07

, your comments that you leave

1:05:10

on the podcast platforms that you listen to

1:05:12

. It's very much appreciated . Your group

1:05:14

chats . Thank you , take

1:05:17

care of yourself and each other and make

1:05:19

sure you take your vitamins . My

1:05:22

name is toyah washington and you

1:05:24

have been listening to the toyah

1:05:26

talks podcast .