Some of you have heard of him as the host on the Joe Schmo Show. For some, he is the co-host of the Hollywood Babble-On podcast with Kevin Smith, Director of objectively great movies like Clerks and Chasing Amy. For others, he is Captain Jack in Syfy’s Sharktopus, the movie that sparked the craze for Shark-themed disaster movies.

The Radio Announcer in Agent Carter, John Bennet’s Dad in the Rated R Comedy TED, Reggie in Al Pacino and Matthew McConaughey’s Two for the Money, Winning every gameshow imaginable when he was a mere bartender, or virtually every episode of Family Guy.

But right now, I want to mention his essential role on the world famous KROQ. The voice of entertainment news, Ralph Garman.

If you live in the SoCal Area, your ears may have perked up at the name. I don’t live in California, but I will miss hearing his voice in the mornings all the same.

As an aside, if you’ve never heard of the world famous KROQ, that’s just their name. Sure, you have the Rodney on the ROQ show, and Loveline, and some rock bands that they’ve introduced through the years, like the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, No Doubt, Rage against the Machine, Blink-182, System of a Down. You know; those bands. And they introduced some people to the public consciousness, too – Carson Daly, Adam Carolla, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, Chris Hardwick. Dr. Drew. Jimmy Kimmel. You know; those guys.

But there’s a theme to all of this. Those bands, those people. All from at least twenty years ago. It was world famous in the 70’s through 90’s. Today? Not so much.

Seth MacFarlane (left) and Ralph Garman (right) stand beside Adam West (1966’s Batman) as he is awarded his Walk of Fame star on April 5, 2012.

If there was something new and fresh about the radio today, it was the voice of Ralph Garman, and that’s a strange thing to say, when you factor in his age and the way he spoke. He took you back into the days of radio that hit a chord of nostalgia for you, even if you weren’t old enough to experience it yourself. He spoke like he belonged in a weekly serial, and he is a fan of those. Don’t get him started about Batman. Just type in Ralph Garman Batman, and the results that you will get are so much more fantastic, and creepier, than you could’ve fathomed.

It feels like I’m writing a eulogy for the guy. I’m not even covering a whole percent of his life, he has done so much, but I was introduced to him through his aforementioned podcast with Kevin Smith and I, clearly, loved it. But I followed him the next six years through the Kevin and Bean Show. Different Kevin, by the way, Kevin Ryder.

And this was the first clip I’ve seen of him on KROQ:

https://treandaj.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/2012-08-14-Ralph-The-Dark-Knight.mp3

Audio courtesy of the Kevin and Bean audio archive. If you want to know how he really feels, he also discussed his gripes with Kevin Smith (YouTube video removed). DC Movies were bad before it was popular for them to be bad, clearly.

Once an hour, five times a day, from 5:50 AM to 9:50 AM, he dished out the Hollywood news, reported the latest scandals, and generally, had fun with co-workers and the fans. Radio format dictates repetitiveness, and he knew how to make the same news fresh and interesting.

Kevin Ryder (left) and Ralph Garman (right) live on the air, outside of the Studio.

His last day on KROQ was on Thursday, November 30th. It’s instinctual to pay attention to the day, Thursday, an odd day to leave your job. It makes more sense to pay attention to the date, the 30th of the month, to make sure you’re not getting paid for December.

He was unceremoniously let go, after a staggering twenty years, not only in Radio, but on the Kevin and Bean Show. He started great on a World-Famous Show, and got even betterfrom then on. Happenstance being a roommate of Adam Carolla, he came in on a recommendation, replacing Jimmy Kimmel, and was originally introduced to the world as Thom Yorke (of Radiohead) and brought us one of the greatest pranks in Radio history. (They actually used an unreleased solo song for authenticity.)

https://treandaj.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/KROQ-Thom-York-Live-In-studio-1998-04-01-Ends-In-Altercation-With-Bean.mp3

He has some legendary rants, an amazing and kinda gross knowledge of sex, an extremely level-headed opinion when it comes to common sense, and an altruistic view of life and the friends around him. And, according to rumors, he has wicked Christmas parties.

Some of the more infamous moments in the Kevin and Bean Lexicon, including the time that he called the French President impersonating Jerry Lewis –

001_Jerry Lewis-2003-03-12-p_1-In-Studio_MP3002_Jerry Lewis-2003-03-12-p_2-Calls French President_MP3003_Jerry Lewis-2003-03-12-p_3-Actually Talks To French President_MP3004_JerryLewisCallsFrance-TheAftermath-2003-03-13part1005_JerryLewisCallsFrance-TheAftermath-2003-03-13-ShowBizNews006_JerryLewisCallsFrance-TheAftermath-2003-03-14

…another of my favorites had the actual Christian Bale calling into KROQ later.

https://treandaj.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Christian-Bale-apologizes-ft.-RG.mp3

He is an improv legend, a voice-impressionist extraordinaire, and an all-around good guy.

And yes, he and all of his co-workers stressed that he wasn’t forced out as a result of the purge on Hollywood’s creepiest. It’s just really bad timing. Most of the blame, presumably, goes to entercom, NOT his coworkers, but the business in Radio has always been sketchy in the way they let people go. Ralph was given a day to say good-bye, to thank his fans, and do what he loves doing one final time.

It was handled in an absolutely terrible way, however. The business-as-usual didn’t sit well with me. Why not have an in-studio party? Why not do a Party Machine? Play a little Rock Me Amadeus? Sing American Pie for the Man! Find a story about Jennifer Lopez barely fitting into something. Have a dedication Afro Line! Play some legendary clips? I’ve gathered some clips that absolutely should have played. Is he banned from the building? He could come in as a guest the next day, on a Friday, if they needed time to prepare. It’s not like they haven’t had former employees as guests.

(12/06/2017 EDIT: He explains this situation on the Hollywood Babble-On podcast (audio removed. I respect his decision, although I am seriously hating both Entercom and the whole goddamn show.)
(12/19/2017 EDIT: The episode has been deleted. Shenanigans has happened again. So I forced the Babble-On episode (which would have been 302) into the main feed in its entirety. You can download it at the bottom of the post.

Ralph: So I made the announcement and Bean said: Oh, wow, I’m sorry to hear that.
And I said : No, no, you don’t get to do that, man. Cause I know that you know. Cause I know that you were in on that conversation. You were in the decision-making before it ever got to me.
Bean: Oh, but yeah, I was, I’m still – sorry to hear it.
Ralph: This sets the tone for this entire good-bye.

“…. Early on I got a sort of a very perfunctory ‘I’m sorry’ email from both of them… and after that it was radio silence. Didn’t hear anything.”

Carting someone off, especially in Radio and News, is some of the most inhumane practices I’ve seen in America. Ralph was more of a professional, on his final day as a KROQ employee, tears and all, than the people deciding to cut budgets, and the people that sprung it on him and washed their hands clean of the incident. It famously happened to Lisa May and Doc on the Roq in 2015, and the tradition continues. We’re just supposed to be grateful for allowing Ralph to say goodbye on the radio, a rare luxury not afforded to most people.

It will only be a matter of time until it happens to Kevin and/or Bean, and as they on occasion joke about, we are one step closer to losing a legendary Rock radio, but a reformatting to #MúsicaMúsicaMúsica.

Ralph and his daughter, Olivia Garman, in-studio at KROQ

There were a lot of inside references in the past few paragraphs, and I apologize. (EDIT as of 12/06/2017) I won’t be boycotting the show, I will continue to try to enjoy it, although this is a definite end of an era. Kevin Ryder, Gene “Bean” Baxter, and Allie Mac Kay were clearly not happy about the news, and likely have their hands absolutely tied, so I’ll enjoy the show while it lasts, as they try to recover from such a loss. I’m honestly concerned that the show won’t last much longer, on a serious note.

And if he were ever to read this – Write a book. Please. I know you have so much more to give, lived one of the most fascinating lives I’ve ever heard, with major ups and downs (That I am deliberately not mentioning), and this is just another chapter in the legend that is Ralph Garman. And this probably feels like an insult, skipping over so much and condensing everything down to a few paragraphs.

It really feels like this is a Memorial, but it’s not. I know he has so much more to give, and so many outlets to let it out. Soon enough he’ll have his own channel on the Smodcast Network, I’m sure of it, and if he doesn’t, I’d happily host his podcast over here. Hit me up, man! The Garman Beat? Ralph Rants? I don’t know, but I’m sure to love it. I mean, I live in Georgia, but I’m sure we can make it work.

TL;DR – You’re a pretty cool dude, Ralph. Never change, and always evolve. Unlike Radio.

#NeverForgetLisaMay #TheyPutDocOnTheChopBlock #TheyDunFuckedItUpAgain #ShouldveFiredBeerMug

Before I finish this, I want to point all of you to one more clip – one of the most integral parts of Ralph’s career, and a key moment in American history. This is my generation’s version of Herbert Morrison reporting the Hindenburg disaster.

This is the report of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, as it happened.

https://treandaj.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Ralph-Doc-WTC-Terror-Attacks-Coverage.mp3

But unlike the urban legend of the firing of Morrison after the Hindenburg report, Doc on the Roq, and Ralph were unceremoniously fired later on. Oh, the humanity.

THE RALPH REPORT: https://www.patreon.com/theralphreport
Ralph’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/ralphgarman
Ralph’s BandCamp: https://ralphgarman.bandcamp.com
The Kevin and Bean Show: https://kroq.radio.com/shows/kevin-bean-show
Hollywood Babble-On: http://www.smodcast.com/channel/hollywoodbabbleon
Kevin and Bean Audio Archive: https://go.treandaj.com/kandb

This might not come as a surprise, but Ralph and Kevin Smith made me want to start a podcast in the first place. It was Kevin who once said “Just sit in front of a microphone with a buddy, and start talking.” The Kevin and Bean show re-inspired that idea in me. So I recently started this site, and am now hosting a podcast. All links are on top, or on the site. Listen now, or wait until we hit a stride and become competent, the choice is yours.

Take care, Ralph. Keep walking to your own beat.

Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman, on stage at Hollywood Babble-On

December 6, 2017 Update:
Yep, the episode is no longer available. Infer from that what you will, because when no one can fucking tell us anything, all we can do is speculate. And since there is no explanation (that I can easily find) from Ralph, Kevin Smith, K&B or KROQ, I’m just gonna put the episode up on my own feed. Come at me, entercom.

Edit: They came at me.

Edit: I’m kidding. Enjoy and download while you can.