0:00

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's

0:03

all I know how to do. Great. Good

0:05

to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories!

0:09

Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And

0:11

then the duck fell out of his bag! Hahaha!

0:15

Surfed up! And she

0:17

didn't even flush. Knock, knock. Who's there?

0:20

Mark, Norman and Joe List. Yeah! This is

0:22

Tuesdays with Stories everybody. Nah, that's terrible. This is

0:24

supposed to be cheesy. My radio is spitting

0:26

at man. Knock and choose... Yeehaw! Here

0:28

we are folks, we're back in the studio. Lunch

0:40

stuff seven, whatever this is called. I think we

0:42

haven't been here since like the 25th

0:45

or 26th of October and now it's January

0:47

3rd or January 6th. Woo! Yeah,

0:50

Biden was still alive when we recorded last. By

0:52

the way, I cleaned up some stuff. It looks

0:55

like this, but I cleaned up like two arms

0:57

full of stuff. But I realized some of the

0:59

stuff we can't clean up because it's got dicks

1:01

all over it. I mean, big chas in your

1:03

mouth. Like we're in an office. Like there's people

1:05

in suits. Yeah, but they won't know if it's

1:07

in the garbage. They won't know it's us. I know,

1:09

but I'm walking up the hallway with a giant car.

1:11

Yeah, I guess that's true. So I threw, and some

1:13

of it's, you know, a little... You've watched the nudes

1:15

there. I can't pick these up. No, no, those are...

1:17

They're covered in chuck gum. Yeah, chuck gum. There's a

1:19

zero percent chance Chuck is not coming in early and

1:21

coming all over stuff. By the way, I got here

1:23

like two hours ago because I went to the gym.

1:25

I was knocked. I had a knock because I'm just

1:28

I'm picturing Chuck with a thong on

1:30

his head. Railing some Jenny from the

1:32

blog. A six foot three poster of

1:34

an asshole. You

1:36

must be fucking in here, right? No fuck. Well,

1:39

I've been in here with no sex. Yeah, please

1:41

don't have sex in here. No vaginal.

1:44

Low job. Okay. 69 right on that

1:47

table. It felt sticky when I came in. Wow. 69

1:49

on a table would be tough because you got

1:51

to really keep the balance. That's true. Yes, yes.

1:53

If he saw something, say something. Well,

1:57

yeah, we've been all over. You've got to try.

2:00

You scared the hell out of me. You're like,

2:02

I'm in the hospital. I'm like, what the fuck?

2:04

I think I got a work removed. The doctor.

2:06

I'm going to the doctor. That's all. Just the

2:08

doctor. I got worried the baby fell down and

2:10

went gay. No, no, no. He's alive. But I

2:12

can tell you about this if you want to

2:14

just jump in it here. Let's jump. I got

2:16

a, I got a, between you and me, Elaine,

2:18

I got a foot on her problem. Well,

2:22

so I was, I'm nervous about bringing it up because

2:24

everyone's got to be like, you piece of shit. You're

2:26

disgusting. Kill yourself. Excuse

2:28

me. But, you

2:30

know, I go, I love the steam, a

2:32

big steam guy. Yes. Steamboat Willie. Well, I'm

2:35

just realizing, I guess when you're done working

2:37

out and then steaming, you're supposed to shower.

2:39

Are you familiar with this? Well,

2:42

you got to clean off the sweat. Right. And

2:44

then the jizz and everyone's in there

2:46

and everyone comes on each other. Yes.

2:48

Yes. Well, sometimes I shower. Sometimes I'm

2:50

going home. So you're in a hurry. You're in

2:53

a pinch. We're coming to the podcast. And

2:55

I think, well, it's just steam sweat. You know, you

2:57

just wipe it, put

2:59

the clothes on, yada, yada, yada.

3:01

I got the HPV on

3:04

my foot. Are you familiar with it? You

3:06

know about foot HPV? No.

3:08

Yeah. What can you fuck your foot?

3:10

Give it a Google, I don't know. A

3:13

guy with HPV came on my foot at some point.

3:15

I stepped and come, something happened. Can I see the

3:17

foot? If you want to see

3:19

the foot, I mean, I don't want to put

3:22

it on camera. I got toe nails. They're long.

3:24

They're yellow. We'll get demonetized. Feet are long. But

3:26

I'm being making a killing by putting her feet

3:28

on the podcast. Well, her foot doesn't have herpes

3:30

or whatever. It might. I don't know. I'll gnar

3:32

it off if it does. Yeah. So

3:35

I had HPV back in the

3:37

day because I'm a man. Well,

3:39

who doesn't? Chuck gives it to

3:41

everyone. Yeah. Well, Chuck's

3:43

got fucking 14 girlfriends at once.

3:45

He's got scurvy. Okay.

3:48

Okay. Anyway, two,

3:50

three. I don't know what happened. I

3:52

had a long weekend reflux. I haven't

3:54

slept. I would love your breath. I

3:57

don't even know your name. I'll take

3:59

it. But I

4:01

haven't slept. I was in DC and I've been

4:03

eating like shit. I'm gay and a

4:06

couple cigars here and there But

4:09

maybe I'm coming down with something I don't know

4:12

but I had dick warts years ago

4:14

Yes, as well as the herpes and the

4:16

warts you go to Planned Parenthood. They put

4:18

the little white out on it Yeah burns

4:20

a little then it's gone. You ever have

4:22

those now never did the board Yeah, it's

4:25

kind of fun and it's like you go

4:27

once it gets shriveled in black And

4:29

then you go back and then next

4:31

visit to gun really that's pretty

4:34

good So cut

4:36

to whatever eight nine years later. I figured

4:38

I'm done with HPV. I got one partner

4:40

and That's it.

4:43

And so I go to

4:45

the steam room whatever whatever all of

4:47

a sudden I got a little wart develop under the big

4:49

toe Interesting. Sarah goes. Oh, yeah those

4:51

happen. I don't know people get what people get warts.

4:53

Well, what is it? Don't we have a What

4:58

do you call that thing on the foot? Not

5:00

a callus. Bunyan. Bunyan. Bunyan. There's Bunyan. Yes.

5:02

No, I don't know what a Bunyan is

5:05

I think it's a collection of flesh tissue

5:08

that hardens. But isn't that a callus? Similar,

5:11

but I think it's more warty.

5:13

There's like blister mole callus Bunyan

5:15

and there's one more too. I

5:17

can't goiter. No. No. Bunyan

5:19

is bone. Oh, it's bone. Bunyan

5:21

bone bump BBB A

5:25

bony bump that forms in the joint at the base of

5:27

your big toe. Rub my bunya. I'll give Audrey a

5:29

quarter too Audrey Yes, there's another one. Give it. Give

5:31

it. Keep looking at the floor terminology. I got

5:33

the HPV foot stuff Oh, yeah, not good. Really?

5:35

It says planner warts are caused by planner warts.

5:37

That's what it's called So I had one under

5:40

the toe and you know, I run a lot.

5:42

I walk a lot. I'm like I'm at 20,000

5:45

steps a day. So I'm like, that's probably some

5:47

wear and tear whatever. Yes. It's a hard bump

5:50

That was under the toe. That one's no problem.

5:52

I mean I gotta get it out of there Then

5:54

I got one right on the

5:56

sole of the foot and it's like under a fucking

5:58

like and it

6:00

like shoots up into the toe, it's

6:02

painful. And so finally I went, let

6:05

me go to the dermatologist, I mentioned it before, I

6:07

have a dermatologist, the most attractive woman you've ever seen

6:09

in your life. Oh wow. Legitimately, top

6:11

five hottest women I've ever seen. Really?

6:13

Oh boy. It's a wild

6:15

scene. And I try to go

6:18

for the checkups, the Irish, the things, skin

6:20

cancer, Jimmy Buffett, whatever.

6:22

So I went, I said, hey, I got a couple of ding

6:25

dongs on my foot here, and she was like, yeah, that's,

6:28

I looked it up first, and it

6:30

came right up, Planner Wart, HPV, and

6:32

it says like, how do you get these? I'm like,

6:35

why do I have warts? Probably from running, probably I'm

6:37

in such good shape, cardio. There you

6:39

go. And it's like, no, human papillomavirus,

6:41

you get it from walking in gymnasiums,

6:43

steam rooms, or saunas. Wow. And I'm

6:46

like, well I do that every single

6:48

day. Look at that. And

6:50

people are like, well why don't you wear flip-flops?

6:52

Zero people at Equinox have flip-flops, and they got

6:54

me because it's such a nice gym. Yes, 380

6:56

a month. They're in

6:58

there mopping and glowing and spraying, and

7:00

no one else is wearing flip-flops, and

7:02

I'm like, maybe flip-flops are allowed. Because

7:04

there, I feel very inferior. I

7:08

don't belong there. Right. I'm dressed like this.

7:10

It's hot guys in suits. And just the

7:12

hottest women, and everyone has like real shorts.

7:14

I'm wearing, you know, my nephew's sweatpants. Yeah.

7:17

And the gap hoodie that I've had for

7:19

25 years. I'm looking at

7:21

a dick. Right, right. So I'm like,

7:23

I have a flip-flops are no good.

7:25

It's almost like a foot hemorrhoid. You

7:28

know, because it's just right there, and it's

7:30

hurting. It's hurting, and like I

7:32

said, I like warts themselves don't hurt, but

7:34

this is like deep. So I went two

7:37

months ago now, and they got to

7:40

fucking spray it off with the T-1000

7:42

from Terminator. Really? What's

7:44

it called? The, the, the- Freon?

7:47

No. The metal. Nitrogen. Nitrogen.

7:49

It's nitrogen, it's not pleasant. It's

7:51

like. Wow. It

7:54

stings, but now it's coming to the

7:56

surface. So it's hurting, it's bothering

7:58

me more when I'm walking. And

8:00

it stings more when they spray it.

8:03

Yes. Yes. So every three weeks. I

8:05

have like this beautiful woman Just spray

8:07

nitron on my wow, that could be

8:09

a fetish. I suppose so.

8:11

It's quite painful. I know some people like pain I'm

8:13

not one of them. Yeah. Well, what about the high

8:16

heel up your ass? That's true. All

8:18

right, we had that happen That's more up

8:20

here. I see well It's

8:23

like a rape fantasy. You don't want it to

8:25

happen, but it's fun to think about yes Okay.

8:27

Well, maybe can't they put the white out like

8:29

the dick on the foot? Well, I brought it

8:31

up which is also awkward because you know, first

8:33

of all You can't be one-on-one with a doctor

8:35

a lady doctor or a hot one Maybe if

8:37

she was ugly you can't but she's

8:39

too hot. There's like an extra lady in there.

8:42

It's all women at this place Yeah, and so

8:44

it's like this woman's over here this lady's over

8:46

here and I had

8:48

to be like I don't want to be weird here,

8:50

but I had Gentle warts and

8:52

those came right off and she's like, oh, yeah, those are

8:55

easy. They don't go as deep Again,

8:57

you just but there was part of it.

8:59

That's like You know, I had

9:02

gentle warts. Yeah, I'm cool.

9:04

Yeah, she knows about your dick now a little yeah, she

9:07

knows a little bit about the dick and so

9:09

I got to keep going but

9:11

it's brutal and then she like put Band-aid

9:14

she puts band-aids on put some whatever cream

9:16

They hit the scrape the dead skin off

9:18

and shit, which is disgusting Let's

9:21

put the band-aid she's like keep that on for

9:23

six hours and then shot take it off

9:25

and then shower But

9:27

this is where I'm a piece of shit. I have no

9:29

discipline. I hate myself You know me. I've been to the gym and

9:32

over a month and I can't go

9:34

to the gym without hitting that steam You're

9:37

back in the pamplova I'm

9:39

dying for steam so I go well I just

9:41

go steam and then the band-aid comes off because

9:43

the steam so now I'm I'm trying to hobble

9:45

and walk on my heels Fresh

9:47

wound and it hasn't been six hours only four So

9:51

I think it's gonna spread all over my nipples

9:53

and ass because I have no discipline Jerry you're

9:55

giving the whole place Pampla your

9:57

equal pot. I'm giving it back Yeah,

10:00

they gave what comes around goes around but

10:02

I had the band-aid on you have to

10:04

cram the band-aid And then you walk with

10:06

the towel under your foot You're

10:10

paying at work word Always

10:12

as a stress. Not bad. But yeah,

10:14

you're you're putting it back in the

10:16

system, but she said she's like gyms

10:19

are disgusting She's like all skin stuff.

10:21

Wow Ringworm disease. She's like you're

10:23

out of your mind. You shouldn't be going

10:25

to the gym I'm gonna use

10:27

that if I get a chlamydia at a gym.

10:29

I need to do yeah an elliptical Yeah, there

10:31

you go So now I go as soon as

10:34

I'm done I gotta add more time to the

10:36

yeah is it cuz I'm in the shower I

10:38

lay on my back in the shower with my

10:40

foot up and blasted off So now

10:42

I got you know ringworm and herpes on my

10:44

back. Well, can we get you a flip-flop? I'm

10:47

not that's your Christmas gift from old Papa Norm

10:49

here. I'll tell you no one's got flops over

10:51

there I'm getting you a flop. Yep. Are you

10:53

get me a flip? Flop

10:57

worse than Christ is movie But

11:00

so now I gotta go every three weeks and they just keep

11:02

blasting it off and she's like I'll give you a cream at

11:05

Home, but then you put on every day.

11:07

She's like it sucks and people forget. Yes. I

11:09

like going there like sooner Yeah, all right. Well, there's

11:11

always something, you know, you think you're out of the

11:14

woods You got a baby cooking you trying to do

11:16

some road stuff. We're running out of money Pandemic

11:20

now you got a foot wart foot warts and

11:23

What are you gonna do it could be worse but it

11:25

does suck in the shoe I've picked my shoe off a

11:27

lot I'll leave the sock on but you're like it Scrunch

11:30

is it in there and it's like it's like having

11:32

a nail in your foot That's what it feels especially

11:34

barefoot the more it gets to the surface, which is

11:36

progress Yes, but it feels like I have a fucking

11:38

tack in my foot Is it curable like will it

11:41

be fixed at the end of the day or is

11:43

it? Yeah Yeah, but like it takes up it could

11:45

take up to seven or eight sprays She

11:49

Dick why brother have other than 48

11:51

dick warts than one foot war you

11:53

get white out it Exactly. Yeah. Wow

11:55

interesting. So that disgusted everybody everybody hates

11:57

me. I shouldn't have said this whole

11:59

story Maybe on the pager, I

12:01

have a callus on the bottom of my foot, right under

12:03

the ball of the foot. So I

12:05

have to walk cockeyed. I have to kind

12:07

of rest on my morals on the right

12:09

side of my foot. And I took a

12:12

sander, a scraper, a paint thinner, I put it

12:14

all on there, and it just keeps coming back.

12:16

Are you sure it's not a wart? It might

12:18

be a wart. You should go to my

12:20

doctor. I should, but it feels like a collection of

12:22

hard skin that's just pushing up against the bone. That's

12:24

what this feels like. Oh, really? Yeah,

12:26

it's like a little hard thing.

12:29

Yeah, and I can get it off,

12:31

but it comes back. Maybe

12:33

I'll show you after. I don't want to scare the kids. Yeah,

12:35

show me. I'm happy to take a look. You

12:37

should see this doctor. It's really a sight to see.

12:39

Yeah, I got to get insurance. Well,

12:42

you can pay out of pocket. That's true. I

12:44

actually started to think that just paying out of

12:46

pocket is better. I think it might be better,

12:48

because it's a one-time deal. The insurance, it is

12:50

rapier for months and months and years and years.

12:53

This is like, all right, that was $500. That

12:55

stings, but you're going to pay $10,000

12:57

over a year. Yeah, and hospitals will work with you.

12:59

If you don't have insurance, they'll give us $300, whatever.

13:03

Yes, and someone had an idea. Sarah sell

13:05

this on a TikTok or some shit. So

13:07

my insurance is $1,700 a month. What?

13:11

That's insanity. That's fucking crazy. Oh,

13:13

I'm not good at that. So

13:16

someone said on TikTok or whatever, take

13:18

$700 a month, put it

13:21

in an account that's in the bank

13:23

or the crew. Whatever. And

13:25

then you just have it there. So you have all of a

13:27

sudden you have an account. After a year, you have an account

13:30

with whatever the money is, $17,000. That's

13:32

good. You go to the

13:34

doctor for a checkup to like, it's $250 and

13:36

take it right out of there. Meanwhile, it's making money. Yes. Instead

13:39

of just fucking dumping money down the toilet. And even

13:41

if it's not making money, you're going to spend less

13:43

over the year, and then you just take that out.

13:45

You're like, oh, I have whatever I put it accumulation-wise.

13:48

The problem is, as everyone will point

13:50

out, if the fucking ward on your

13:52

foot turns out to be ass cancer,

13:55

then you're in a lot of trouble. That's what they do. So

13:57

I don't know. And shit does

13:59

happen. but you're a relatively

14:01

healthy guy, you're sober, you're gay,

14:04

I think you're alright. Yeah, we'll

14:06

see. Alright, well hey, good to have you

14:08

back and I'm glad you're alright. I know, I gave all

14:10

my stories in the last epic one. I got no

14:12

st- actually I went to DC, I got some stuff. Okay,

14:15

yeah, I want to hear about DC. Salakis said he went

14:17

and- The DC Improv is one

14:20

of the great clubs, because it's right in

14:22

the heart of the city, you go down

14:24

those little stairs, it's right on that main drag,

14:26

and it just opens up to that low

14:28

ceiling, dark, wide room. I love

14:30

that room. Yeah, I love dark and

14:32

wide, I love uh- precious,

14:36

um- I

14:38

was wondering where you were gonna go there. By the

14:40

way, I saw the holdovers. Yeah,

14:44

no, Ronon raved, I was like, eh, it looked

14:46

a little shitty in the preview. Well,

14:49

what the hell, this guy hates everything, and

14:51

then he blows the holdover. Stickeroo,

14:53

I don't know, well we'll talk about it on

14:55

the movie park. Check out the movie park, because

14:57

we could've used you for that killer. Sorry, I

14:59

had to get back. You fucked

15:01

us. I got a callus. Could've really

15:03

blew up that pod, but- Well, I

15:05

can only do so much Ronon in

15:07

a day. Yeah, yeah. I gotta Ronon

15:09

meter. Yeah, you gotta- Well, I gotta

15:11

Ronon. Yeah, so let me

15:13

throw this at your uh, warded foot and see

15:15

if it falls off. I hope

15:18

so. Alright, so, don't

15:20

you love- to me I

15:22

love a good deal. I love when

15:24

something works out. So, here's

15:27

my scenario. Great pod. Me

15:30

and uh, Sean Murphy are doing-

15:33

he's opening for me, I got

15:35

a theater in Hartford on Friday,

15:37

and Concord, New Hampshire theater on

15:39

Saturday. Coming up or last week?

15:41

Last week. Gotcha. So,

15:43

I'm talking to the manager guy, he helps me with routing,

15:45

and how should we run a car, should we fly, how

15:47

do you want to work this, what's the best deal, what's

15:49

the best move. So I figure, okay, we'll

15:52

rent a car in New York City, we'll

15:54

drive to Hartford. That's two and a

15:56

half hours. So far, I'm on board. Okay, lunch,

15:58

easy peasy. Sean will meet me, we'll

16:00

go. Then we'll sleep at

16:02

a hotel, wake up on Saturday, drive

16:05

to Concord, which is two and a half

16:07

from Hartford. Easy again. Loving

16:09

it. Loving it. Then we

16:12

get to Concord, which is now

16:15

we're five hours up. Do

16:17

you drive the five hours back on

16:19

Saturday, then return the car, or do

16:21

we return the car in Concord

16:25

and fly back in an hour? Yes,

16:29

so this is the

16:31

options. This is tricky, okay. So

16:34

I mean, I'm probably gonna

16:36

drive back because the flight is annoying and

16:38

Concord, that's not even an airport, you gotta

16:40

get to Manchester. I assume, you gotta drive

16:42

to Manchester, drop the car in Manchester. Probably

16:45

right. I assume, or you could check my

16:47

status on that, but I don't think it's

16:49

a Concord airport, pretty sure. It might be

16:51

a little regional mini-me airport up there, a

16:53

little Brad Williams there, I don't know. Maybe

16:56

a private fucking Buddy Holly plane. I

16:58

think you gotta get yourself to Manchester now. It

17:00

says Concord Municipal Airport. Municipal. I don't

17:02

like that. That means government. I don't

17:04

know, yeah, municipal's like a- It says

17:06

public use airport, though. Okay. Okay, but

17:08

does that mean public private? Can I

17:10

get a Delta flight on Concord, New

17:13

Hampshire? That's the question. Yeah. Yeah.

17:16

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

17:18

All right. I thought you could use that in

17:20

like a Pixar movie for like a character. Yeah.

17:23

Yeah. He's got three eyes, he wiggles

17:25

by. Right. But I don't know,

17:27

I'm probably gonna drive. I like a drive, I'll

17:30

stop, I'll hike, something. All right,

17:32

well I figured I'm driving back five hours.

17:34

I'm with you. It's gonna suck. It's a

17:36

little, it's like four hours and

17:38

over. It just becomes annoying,

17:41

you know? But fuck it, we'll do it. And

17:43

it's a seven o'clock show, which changes everything. So

17:46

after the show, you're gonna drive home. After the

17:48

show, drive home. So get back that night, maybe two,

17:50

three in the morning. Okay. Too late? Well, it's interesting,

17:53

because I just did DC, and

17:55

I just, I'm in the old school mentality

17:57

of, when I was 25 and

17:59

you would drive. because it's cheaper, flying is

18:01

expensive, it's a whole thing, and

18:04

then not until the morning of was I like,

18:06

why the fuck am I driving to Washington

18:08

DC? It's five and a half hours with traffic.

18:11

Five hours back, I could have flown for 10 minutes,

18:14

and driving's expensive. All the

18:17

fucking tolls and gas. My

18:19

ass. So I'm coming off

18:21

of a regretful drive. Oh,

18:23

you drove. I drove. Oh.

18:26

But then you're in the car,

18:28

you got fucking, you know, the buzzcocks cranked

18:30

and Wayne and I are singing along, we're

18:32

high five and we're kissing, and we're doing

18:34

the, oh, you gotta hear this song, oh,

18:36

you don't know this band? So we're doing

18:38

that, so then it's all worth it. So

18:40

whatever you decide works out, I think. True,

18:42

true. But also, don't forget, you

18:45

know, he's my opener, Sean, so if

18:47

I fly, he flies. Right. If I

18:49

drive, he drives. So you gotta save

18:51

a little money on the non-flights, that's

18:53

two flights. Right. Versus one

18:55

car. That's true. So that's. But

18:57

I imagine that's a cheap flight. I

19:00

guess. But the one car, yeah.

19:02

But sometimes those regional municipality bullshit

19:04

are actually more money, because

19:07

no one flies out of there. There's no flights. Yeah.

19:09

So either way, so we got a

19:12

wrench, so we got a bit of a scenario here, and

19:14

Sean's like, whatever you want to do, well, I'm down. Jason

19:17

Katz, the

19:19

great filmer, editor, extraordinaire, most annoying guy

19:21

on the planet, says,

19:24

hey, you want me to film you in Hartford?

19:26

And I go, uh, oh, yeah. And he

19:28

goes, I'll just drive up and shoot you, and I'll

19:31

drive back. And I go, well, if you're driving up,

19:33

I'll ride with your fat ass. You'll

19:35

talk the whole way. You'll sweat. Then

19:38

I'll sleep in Hartford

19:40

and get a car, which will be way

19:42

cheaper in Hartford than it is in Manhattan.

19:44

So he's only going to Hartford? Yes. Ah.

19:48

So now you're doing something to

19:50

help me. Okay. Finally. So Katz goes, yeah,

19:52

I'll drive. So we jump in his car.

19:54

He, we just let him go.

19:56

I let him talk. He's like Teddy Ruxman. I pull

19:58

a string in the back. He talked for the

20:00

whole two and a half. He likes to communicate.

20:03

Great guy, funny guy, whatever. We

20:06

get to Hartford, he drops us at the hotel.

20:09

We shit shower and shave. He goes straight

20:11

to the venue, sets up the cameras, texts

20:13

me 800 times about thoughts he had. Then

20:16

we show up, we do the show, it's

20:18

killer! And we

20:20

all go out for cocktails after. He has

20:22

one beer, drives back, gets home by midnight

20:25

or whatever, and we wake up. We rent a

20:27

car on Saturday. It was $80. Nice,

20:30

electric car. Nah, never again. Fuck

20:33

you, E.V. And

20:36

then, drive to Concord, bomb,

20:38

drive back that night, got back at 1.45 in

20:40

the morning. Couldn't have

20:43

been better. Now let me ask you this, because

20:46

usually these small towns, the rent in one

20:48

place, drop off somewhere else. They don't care

20:50

for that. They didn't like it. Because then

20:52

it's extra money for that, and oftentimes now,

20:54

post-pandemic, they're like, we can't meet your needs.

20:56

Yeah, yeah, they had it. There is a

20:58

little of that, you do pay

21:00

up charge for dropping it off. But I

21:03

dropped it off in New York, which I

21:05

think is more helpful, because they're like,

21:07

we need some cars in New York. Right. So

21:09

that helped. But yeah, they don't like when you drop

21:12

off. But I'll tell you,

21:14

that car ride back was so fun, because Sean

21:16

doesn't drink. I like to get a couple of

21:18

road beers in the car, you know, especially for

21:20

five hours. A couple of roadies. But he doesn't

21:22

drink, so he goes, what if we get ice

21:24

cream? So now we go

21:27

to an ice cream place, we get

21:29

the cone, the cup, the whole thing.

21:31

We're just two fat dweebs in

21:33

there talking comedy, slurping

21:35

up Dairy Queen Blizzard, and we had

21:37

a great time. And we, the car

21:39

ride at night is a whole special

21:41

thing, because you got a little music

21:43

coming, and you can really connect. Yes.

21:46

We got, you know, you start off talking, hey, you see that

21:48

special boy, that Matt Rife's got some great arms. Here we go.

21:51

And then before you know it, he talked about it, he just moved

21:53

in with his girl. I'm talking about marriage. We're talking about life and

21:55

love and money, and what are you going to do with your career

21:59

and all that. good that the great thing

22:01

about the car right of the flight you

22:03

put your air pods a complete mask on

22:05

you build up your ass yet you go

22:07

to bed not to mention these fucking pieces

22:09

shit openers aren't sitting in our section if

22:12

you know what I mean but

22:15

the car you're you pretend to be

22:17

equals yeah yeah you know you let

22:19

them talk for a couple minutes and

22:22

you really have a you get to know

22:24

each other yeah live really by that that

22:26

ride flew by he had a chocolate mustache

22:29

he didn't even know it I never the heart to tell

22:31

him and then we we landed in

22:33

and I said how about this you fat

22:35

queef we'll go to my house and

22:37

I'll uber you to your house yeah you got to

22:39

do it yeah so great night and it's something fun

22:41

pulling up in Manhattan I pull up right to my

22:44

apartment it's 145 in the

22:46

morning so there's a bunch of spots it'll

22:48

roll over to Sunday no meter Sunday

22:50

rules Sunday rules and then

22:53

I uber him home and you just

22:55

like oh my god I'm sitting in

22:57

my bed or sit

22:59

my couch watching a movie I

23:01

finished some movie and I got a cocktail

23:04

I'm like this is living it's

23:06

good life and yeah we had similar weekend

23:08

you went north I went south I was

23:10

DC duck capital an old

23:12

joker sorry guy do black people

23:14

I thought DC stood for the capital that's

23:17

fun that's not great chocolate sit there well

23:19

the black folk like to add a D

23:21

to the front of the things like Deshaun

23:24

or a demarcus yeah

23:27

you see that a lot on

23:29

the football field that's true they

23:31

like a D detention well I'm

23:34

just thinking of that with

23:40

D divorce

23:42

yeah debris

23:45

Da Vinci code yeah

23:48

nah nah I tried to read the book but it

23:50

just sit on the back of the toilet yeah I'm

23:52

not into that it was funny when they put Tom

23:54

Hanks his face on the book yeah

23:57

you know like well he wasn't in the book well it

23:59

was an old but apple to look like a

24:01

result of our uh... it's that would they live they

24:03

write a book that they put the book out of

24:05

the make a movie than they really the book with

24:07

the movie poster uh... full people

24:10

a brett pitman's uh... great

24:15

that's hilarious book uh... uh...

24:18

gold but really funny but yeah that that way

24:21

and i had the drive down and we have

24:23

a mark a m and and he and feed

24:25

we're in the dmv uh...

24:27

d c maryland virginia all yes of a

24:30

mint apartment of motor vaginas uh... but i

24:32

don't know about a motor oil yesterday in

24:34

the traffic everyone also with the c everyone

24:36

the stranger the street like you're going to

24:38

be the don't drive right and you like

24:41

i'm driving on the piece of shit and

24:43

you have that they get going to the gig like

24:45

that bail on thursday that the baby so i

24:47

want to be with the baby and then you get

24:49

there for the weekend you have this you

24:52

get down in the weekend you're all excited the owner comes

24:54

in the lake i believe you kept this weekend the new

24:56

baby like ten days on should

24:59

i've canceled now i feel bad with the owner

25:01

was like what are you doing here yeah i

25:04

don't know well enough two

25:06

words pro-viding

25:10

yeah you know

25:12

you did that that that's how you do you

25:14

just write anything that we are you selling uh...

25:16

person that times where two in the morning i'm

25:18

providing for my family while making up a company

25:20

in sarah's have access to my bank account uh...

25:23

some like well it will

25:27

they got corporate gig in vegas got it

25:29

they get the uh... we go the pack

25:31

twelve championship i gotta go down there and

25:33

uh... yeah but that is that the rate

25:36

and i think i go back to a that's great

25:38

that they have ever let me play poker all day

25:40

they're gonna give me fifty thousand though

25:43

all the right back gotta do it that's

25:45

not a bad idea did the diapers that's

25:47

a pretty good idea we just came up

25:49

with here uh... i have something i gotta

25:51

get an Amsterdam all i

25:53

gotta get that the whorehouse in the red

25:56

light district they're raising money for

25:58

prostitute yes yes uh...

26:00

there that the kid i have a kid uh...

26:02

you know it's all there is a public Sunday

26:05

with uh... footwork that's not that that you know

26:07

and i have this bill which is a good

26:09

feeling and i hurt the mars feelings

26:11

of our contract guy funny guy he he asked

26:14

to feature a certain i don't know that way

26:16

and companies that will never get them see and

26:18

i said please and uh...

26:20

so that we're going down the gate and

26:22

that way they are we don't get some

26:24

annoying fuckin host among another good at that

26:26

host now the feature act for

26:28

those that aren't familiar they really got a there in

26:31

there with the host that

26:33

we're on stage for an hour every night twice

26:35

a night good for the feature and i'm fear

26:37

just in this you get a bad and see

26:39

the features what is suicidal ruin they really got

26:41

a can do with the tiny room it's like

26:43

this and they got a hangout for at least

26:45

two hours of right so good

26:47

no go watch the act every time

26:49

dot uh... so

26:52

we couple so we're

26:55

driving when i go to go down the fingers crossed and

26:57

i'm not we're there before like all well-known

27:00

posting dot dot yes i told the

27:02

story of what they're going to be

27:05

funny they forgot about promoting it all

27:07

that i don't know about you yeah

27:09

it's the uh... that's

27:12

reasonable but that's what you'll give you this one with a like

27:15

all right i did a pocket but that you didn't

27:17

listen to it with the dear

27:19

pocket it's eight million pocket i don't

27:21

know if they're exactly one year ever did right

27:23

now you're a friend i didn't hear that podcast

27:25

you're on bright i'd

27:28

like to use by the way alma fucked

27:30

me up for like twenty five hours because

27:33

i thought i was sorry we're talking and

27:35

see the ghettos it's so nice to have

27:37

a great and because of the umar does

27:39

own headlining sure killer feature but

27:41

he did want to hang yeah i was

27:43

grateful for but he was like yeah i

27:45

heard that i thought i was terrible one

27:47

and see that from years ago let's say

27:49

uh... who i just hated and

27:52

i really told the story i heard the story and i

27:54

was like i told you that you heard the

27:56

story is like you go on the podcast now and

27:58

i like what i didn't tell this part the guy

28:00

said this and this and this and he was

28:02

like yeah you told that on the podcast oh

28:04

and I was like that doesn't sound

28:06

like me I was like I just told this story

28:09

about the MC I just shit on him yeah and

28:11

he was like yeah yeah oh he's

28:13

like I listen every week taken down and I was

28:15

like that doesn't I don't that

28:18

sounds crazy and he's like yeah I listen

28:20

to it and he's like then he told

28:22

the whole story oh I was like oh

28:24

fuck well I feel terrible oh

28:27

we should get that bleep or

28:29

something no need next day I got a text

28:32

oh I'm a fucking idiot

28:34

we hung out in Philly you told me that I

28:38

was like why would I go on a podcast

28:40

yeah the MC this 19 year old

28:42

kid is a piece of shit well how did he

28:44

come to that real estate was he just showering going

28:46

oh wait that was Philly because he remembered me telling

28:48

the story and just assumed I haven't seen him that's

28:51

the party or the wedding whatever I

28:53

got it and so load

28:55

off my mind yeah load on my back there

28:58

you go but yeah great weekend

29:00

in DC like everyone says it's the

29:02

best club I hadn't done it since

29:04

oh six I featured for the Paulo

29:06

there which is funny because every vamp

29:09

revamped and then there's that door in the green

29:11

room from the comedian yes and Matt was like

29:13

what's this door is the bathroom I go down

29:15

that'll take you right to the stage check it

29:17

out he opens the door and there's just a

29:20

couple eating and that's

29:22

all revamped and of course comedian takes

29:24

place there which we love yeah great

29:27

did this Wayne no he met

29:29

briefly at

29:32

Magoob I see but they hit it off

29:34

I think hopefully yeah oh yeah they liked

29:36

each other all right and well they both

29:38

were we were all talking music and they're

29:40

on the sand whom are like opinionated all

29:43

the right way I get he can really

29:45

good mind on that Pakistani he can really get

29:47

in there yeah I don't care for his parents

29:50

religion but either guy and how

29:53

getting of course I'm joking it's a

29:55

joke yeah he had to do a

29:57

Pakistani they made him do a Pakistani

29:59

way writing right and he said that

30:01

was hell no booze no by the

30:03

day of the book full guard full

30:05

wacky robes and the poor white wife

30:08

got a pretend to like it and

30:10

they're eating with their hands and there's

30:12

an elephant there the

30:14

whole thing but anyway

30:16

yeah just a great weekend and then so

30:18

it's weird when you cancel a Thursday because

30:20

you lose a day I like having two

30:22

days in the town of course you're like

30:24

me I think I'd like comedy

30:26

I like being on the road yes love the

30:29

road every time I see stop rose he's like

30:31

by the way new episodes stop roses but that's

30:33

part of a dinner with him and Bobby and

30:35

my god we had a great hope you were

30:37

in the middle of a crisis

30:40

although the whole week coming on you there

30:42

like it Bobby then now it was a

30:44

real uh... they want that out of the

30:46

government body came in with the thanksgiving up

30:48

so everyone should check it out it was

30:51

uh... million laughs are really enjoyed all right

30:53

being over there but uh...

30:55

what the fuck was i say about uh... you did

30:57

to do one night in d c all your

30:59

devices dot is like i gotta get off the

31:01

rock can't wait to be all i don't live

31:03

like a normal person but a ball to more

31:05

and live a life and see

31:07

my mom and cook and go to bed

31:10

at night and like the worst thing ever

31:12

heard i think that the comedian thing like

31:15

all the uh... this family live in a house that

31:17

a little girl smoke coming out of the weather sitting

31:19

down for dinner that the candle lit a turkey dinner

31:21

and like how do we look like that yeah i

31:23

don't get a rock i want a home in a

31:25

yard in the neighborhood that uh... bill

31:28

crack at the parking don't like that but i

31:31

don't like going on the road on how

31:33

about the best it's very fun the hotel

31:35

the new town that no one does not

31:37

breathing down your neck and where are you you're

31:40

supposed to be here you're like i just you

31:42

just sit in a coffee shop at noon it's

31:44

wonderful by the way i mean i want to

31:46

feel like an asshead but or do i have

31:48

a night cook-in act right now it's

31:50

hot to try that right well d andseeshitwhichwasreallycookingthecrowdwerehotwesoldoutofshirtsonfridaywhileilovethatanduh...buti'lltrytoemaillistgoinandi'mtryingtodobusinessthethingsthataregoingtobeemailthatidon'tthinkwe'retalkingaboutwhatisthistotheothernightihadaqrcooftheemailthatgetonthefemalewiththatwasfunwe'retryingtopitchtheemails

32:19

so you don't know saturday we did that

32:21

i'll use right now that you've got a

32:23

two saturday everything sold which was

32:26

great and that saturday morning we woke up

32:28

early them all fucked up with sleep yeah

32:30

i got a nice breakfast at the hotel

32:32

to let go down the white house to

32:34

the uh... national christmas tree all

32:36

of it whatever uh... watch on the white

32:38

house is all that protesters that which is

32:41

fine because real cooks allia anytime any day

32:43

there are straight up coops at the white

32:45

house it's fun because you know that's true

32:47

but you get to you

32:49

got no jizz in the

32:51

fight here is what you get to observe these people

32:54

are we gotta get up we gotta make signs that

32:56

i put on a garb and go

32:58

out there and get angry was like six

33:00

people that are just like let's get rid

33:02

of nuclear weapons they just have like sheets

33:04

of paper that they like and wrote yeah

33:07

no nukes whatever and they really fixable and

33:09

what is it for i think it's just

33:11

a group i think it's like their a

33:13

or the air like

33:15

uh... podcast or they're like pickleball

33:17

yes yes the like

33:20

that the six of us will get together will get pad

33:22

the paper and the group

33:24

is like you watch these cult document is go

33:26

who is signing up with who is doing a

33:28

like people need a group yes we're lucky we're

33:30

very lucky very lucky for a social job i

33:32

love it if i'd with binoculars looking out and

33:34

going there i don't think it would be a little

33:36

bit uh... they're

33:40

out there again yeah i would i was uh...

33:42

doing it in seattle is five years ago i

33:44

was walking around the people or and there was a

33:46

bay protest big

33:49

holla talking five six hundred

33:51

people circumcision is be the

33:53

nation anybody who circumcise their kid is

33:55

a piece of attitude work right baby

34:00

You're like, what a way to spend a Saturday.

34:02

These people go crazy about circumcision. You're like, I'm

34:04

circumcised, I have no memory. No memory,

34:06

and I like it. It looks

34:08

fine, and every girl I talk to

34:11

hates the uncirc, so circ to soleil.

34:13

Absolutely. Yeah, people are like, you fucking

34:15

piece of shit, they're the animalistic. But

34:18

then I'm also like, well, the baby gets

34:20

17 needles up their ass also. They can't seem

34:22

to, they don't enjoy that. Yeah, we also cut

34:25

the M bill. Right, and I

34:27

also, you know, you fucking put q-tips in

34:29

their ear, you cut their toenails off, you

34:31

put things in their asshole. Right,

34:33

right. The woman's on heavy drugs, what

34:35

do you call that, dilate, or what's

34:37

that word? Violate. Not, what?

34:39

Violate women. Yes, what is that one?

34:43

She's an epidural. Ah, the epidural, that's

34:45

no joke. What does it mean? I

34:47

pretend to know what that means. It's a needle in

34:49

the back, they shove a needle right in the back. It's basically

34:51

an IV. And

34:53

then it goes in, it's like an IV into your spine.

34:57

Whoa. And you press a little

34:59

button and it soups you up with drugs. Oh,

35:01

is that right? It's quite something. Better than an

35:03

Eevee. It's just crazy that someone thought

35:05

of that. Yeah, they thought

35:07

of everything. We're in a nice time. I mean,

35:09

we really are. The end times, but still a

35:12

nice time overall. Well, we say the end time,

35:14

everybody's like, oh, the world is ending, it's all

35:16

on fire, and you know, division. But

35:19

I'm like, the reason you're allowed to have all these opinions

35:21

is because we live in a nice place. Right.

35:24

I know that's controversial. Right.

35:27

But also, everybody keeps moving here as well. So

35:29

that's got to tell you something. That's a hell

35:31

of a country. Nice cunt. Did you hear that?

35:34

Did you hear that Venezuelan migrants came

35:37

to Chicago and left? No.

35:39

Yeah, it's like a headline on the paper. It

35:42

was like migrants leave Chicago. They said it's a

35:44

horrible living condition. I was like, that can't be.

35:46

Is that like an onion thing? But it was

35:48

true. That's really funny. That's good stuff. It's like

35:50

a gag, like a Babylon B or something. That's

35:55

one of our best cities. That's what I thought.

35:57

I imagine they went to Baltimore and bumped into

35:59

Umar. you gotta fly right out

36:01

of there you see that he's like hey he looks

36:03

like us we gotta go but

36:06

yeah oh my great hang way great hang

36:08

out of the hell I was talking about

36:10

DC what I said oh we went saw

36:12

the holdovers yeah and just

36:15

sappy horse shit yeah I didn't get it

36:17

I didn't like it I don't care it

36:19

was fine I liked it I like whatever

36:21

you guys thought I thought okay but I

36:23

love a movie cuz now with a baby

36:26

everything is like whoa oh yeah yeah everything's

36:28

a treat as a field

36:31

trip that's very fun I love going to

36:33

the movies we hit Chipotle you walk around

36:36

you get your 20,000 steps in it's fucking

36:38

fantastic and those shows my god they kill

36:41

and they do it right they treat you

36:43

well you get a little meal in there

36:45

I love it did you stay right in

36:47

the in the city right now right across

36:50

the street may flower high class and then

36:52

so of course gay flower so Saturday or

36:55

Friday I'm sitting in the

36:57

hotel it's at the hotel oh Dustin

37:00

Nickerson I'm in DC too

37:02

and I go all right nice glad

37:05

to see you or a good whatever

37:07

nice yeah and then the

37:10

salicutes yeah I'm

37:12

with Dustin Nickerson hey what the hell's

37:15

going on here it's a party there

37:17

with Taylor Tomlinson over at the arena

37:19

shoot the big big boy at

37:21

the the Tyson

37:24

the right chicken yeah it's a bit of

37:26

a shangel did his soliloquy

37:31

what do you call that just

37:33

triple tiered crazy room I

37:35

know it's always funny when you're in a

37:37

city and you get the phone phone and

37:40

you're like hey what are you doing like

37:42

I'm doing the Georgetown basketball arena yeah I

37:45

know like I thought Schultz is in Melbourne

37:48

and Sam's in Melbourne oh yeah you

37:50

know Schultz is over there and he's

37:52

like yeah he's doing the Delta airplane

37:54

hangar you know okay doing for four

37:57

over there it's nine thousand nine hundred

37:59

thousand but anyways I

38:01

said hey well you guys gotta come by if

38:03

you want hang out whatever I'll be there and

38:05

they'll get us on the list which is just

38:08

like Dustin's posters all over them like I'll get

38:10

in yeah you'll be fine but

38:12

that's fun in between shows you get the

38:14

knock on the green room door and they

38:17

come in with they both got mustaches yeah

38:19

a pair it's like Mario Brothers that's fun

38:21

and we crammed in there Omar Dustin's Salak

38:23

use Wayne and we just had a bunch

38:26

of chuckles and you can always shoot on

38:28

Salak use he'll just take it he loves

38:30

it he loves it and he's such a

38:32

great laugh great laugh great present never in

38:34

a bad mood you ever seen him be

38:36

like yeah shit's just not going my way

38:38

no never once but he's got the Hawaiian

38:40

shirt he debuted a new shirt he's going

38:42

full Kramer by the way he's leaning in

38:44

and he loves it yeah and he's found

38:46

him like did you bring the camera I

38:48

got a show here tonight he goes nah

38:50

nah I left at the hotel and

38:53

like you could have really helped me out here but

38:55

yeah hey folks

38:57

Tuesdays with stories is a brought to you

39:00

by bluechoo if you want to

39:02

get it on you're

39:04

gonna have to get it up first and

39:06

I mean this shows been on the air for 11 years

39:09

so I gotta assume some of the folks at home have

39:11

a little trouble getting boner I wonder if anyone's been

39:13

on the show listen to show every year

39:15

the whole time uh-huh I'm sure so

39:18

there's gotta be some people in their 50s at

39:20

home listening to this I've seen some of you

39:22

come out you can't get it up I know

39:24

it oh yeah bluechoo can help you it's an

39:26

online service that delivers ED medicine right to your

39:29

door it's got the same active

39:31

ingredients as Viagra Cialis and Levitra

39:33

at just a fraction of the

39:35

cost I love bluechoo

39:39

I really love it this

39:41

stuff is great you take it and it

39:43

just works oh yeah it works doesn't it

39:45

works great you can chew it it works

39:47

quick never failed me I'm on it right

39:49

now yeah you go to a skank fest

39:51

everybody's got it who's got the blue choose

39:53

got the hookup everybody wants bluechoo everyone I've

39:55

ever heard that uses it absolutely

39:57

love it never heard a bad thing literally never

39:59

heard one single bad thing about

40:01

blue chillis it kills it kicks ass

40:03

it's the best it's easy to get

40:06

started sign up at blue chew.com and

40:08

talk to one of their license medical

40:10

providers what your peer approved you'll

40:13

get your prescription just a few days

40:15

everyone's everything's done on life i've got

40:17

the well everything's done online to get

40:19

all the way to the doctor's office

40:21

and all of the awkward conversations blue

40:23

shoe want to help you have better

40:25

sex discover your options at blue chew.com

40:29

and do it and a special

40:31

deal for two days of stories listeners

40:33

tribal issue free when you use promo

40:36

code to days at checkout just pay

40:38

five bucks shipping that's blue

40:40

chew.com promo code tuesdays to receive

40:42

your first month free visit blue

40:44

chew.com for more details and important

40:46

safety information thanks blue chew for

40:48

sponsoring our show here and

40:52

folks to do this story is brought to you by

40:54

she you know we love

40:56

the sheet that's time to talk about it the

40:59

best underwear out there i can

41:01

tell you that i'm wearing it right now because i literally

41:03

wear it every day look at this there's

41:06

the old emblem right there folks

41:10

it's got to pout as one for your nuts one for

41:12

your twig is way one of

41:14

your not the one for your twig keep

41:16

the stuff separated down there reduce shaving sweating

41:18

and give that extra support whether

41:20

you're out for a jog or lounging on

41:23

the couch she says you cover with both

41:25

comfort and style love sheet

41:27

where the right now what more can i say it's

41:29

all i wear through at all the

41:31

other bullshit the haines the fruit of the

41:33

jew whatever you go out there all god

41:36

get the hell out of here burned down

41:38

for the ladies in the audience it got that

41:40

we get the boxer briefs the bra let's the

41:43

boy short the bikinis and comfy

41:45

thongs news they'll be all

41:47

set no matter what the occasion but she

41:49

then where.com to gay

41:52

movement to get twenty percent of

41:54

your first order plus she's underwears

41:56

hundred-percent money-backed gary on t that

41:59

she skitchiesunaware.com, promo code TOOSGAYS,

42:01

get Cheese Unaware, support the

42:04

show, and support your cojones!

42:06

So what

42:09

do you think about this? I went

42:11

to the DC, I was open for Schumer

42:14

at some place, Lincoln, Lincoln, no,

42:16

D-A-R. I love that place, that place is amazing.

42:18

I think that's where Reif did his. And we

42:20

opened for Louis Special there. That's right. Which

42:23

we both appear in. And Chris Rock, and

42:25

I believe Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy, hilarious. So

42:28

I was over there years ago, and

42:31

we had a night off, and I said, hey,

42:33

I'm at this hot room with this hot comic,

42:35

let me pop down to the DC Improv, and

42:38

it was Pablo Francisco. So this is probably

42:40

2012, 13, so he was like a

42:42

hot ticket. Sold

42:47

out the whole weekend. And I've heard

42:49

all about him, you know, in a world. He's

42:51

the movie guy, movie voice. So

42:54

let me go watch some comedy. I

42:56

go in, and I go, hey, one

42:58

please, I'm a comedian. And

43:01

they go, yeah, that'll be $6,800 or whatever.

43:05

And I was like, I'm a comic, I'm at the D-A-R.

43:07

And they go, we don't care. And

43:09

I go, oh, I'm a comic, I thought that's how it went. Because

43:11

if the seller used to go in and go, I'm a comic, they'd

43:14

put you on the bench. Yes. But

43:16

I think that's over. Some comics have been on the bench for a

43:18

long time. Benchwarmers.

43:21

But I think that's done because there used to

43:23

be nine comics in America. Now there's nine million.

43:25

Yeah. I knew I could just get in. I

43:27

think maybe in a huge club with his empty

43:30

seat. But that DC improv is pretty tight. It's

43:33

pretty tight. And he was sold out to

43:35

the rafters. But I

43:37

was like, I'm a comic, I'm doing the D-A-R

43:39

with Schumer. And they were like, yeah,

43:42

who cares? But let me talk to the manager.

43:44

And this lady came out, and she goes, we're

43:47

not really in the business of giving out free seats.

43:50

Wow. I

43:52

get that it's a business, but I'll stand in

43:54

the back. And she was like, OK. And

43:57

I just stood in the back. Now maybe he

43:59

had a. percentage deal and

44:01

his people didn't want people walking they

44:04

don't know that you know like back in

44:06

o six luwe was doing a sunday the

44:08

comic issues when he was breaking but hadn't

44:10

exploded uh... and uh... it was a

44:12

thing where i think they were a little

44:14

bit shy about giving a good

44:17

deal uh... and i think his

44:19

people you know you they were like we

44:21

want whatever was ninety percent of the door whatever

44:23

they had the uh...

44:25

the clicker every comic one to get in

44:27

for that like there's absolutely no hanging out

44:29

in the back while because the club was

44:31

going to be like they're

44:33

going to do it again the

44:36

deck dollars for that guy right here and i don't know

44:38

if the comic and so that was that might have been

44:40

it but and if they were told that i would have

44:42

understood but i'm at the time i like that's going to

44:44

be a little bit of the effort of i

44:47

was just thinking about we're in d c

44:49

together so many great memories you'll be often

44:51

in d c and a lot of great

44:54

memories of it that louis tour remember the

44:56

deal with austin often we walked across the

44:58

bridge we walked all in the south congress

45:00

and everybody out there and walk across that

45:02

bridge the but with that and we did

45:04

morgan murphy yet we did the uh... a

45:06

bill a feel of the city limb and

45:08

i was the uh... com should

45:11

tell the story but the the famous part of the

45:13

bed the part of the bed and i

45:15

worry that one though but that we had a moment i'll

45:18

be able to cut this but we're in the jet

45:20

and we're talking about all

45:22

that was a great one we're talking louis

45:24

speciality said right big hilarious maybe that's my

45:27

weakest special we both went what are you

45:29

crazy that's better comedy or that and

45:32

he goes out there to write it is great

45:34

because of the comedy stores my weakest and

45:36

both of us just looked out the

45:38

window of the other than a ride the

45:41

the other with by the way

45:43

i recently rewatch that comedy store one of them

45:45

are better than i remember really for summary i

45:47

was very disappointed i didn't know louis at the

45:50

time i was a huge louis fan i just

45:52

thought it was enough to snuff but i watched

45:54

it i was like this is better than i

45:56

remember i remember he had the the the wizard

45:58

of ozbit and i hated I like

46:00

that one now. Okay, maybe I'll rewatch. Yeah, I

46:02

rewatch. Well, the thing is, his bar was so

46:04

high. It was a high bar, and it felt

46:07

like him just kind of threw something together, is

46:09

what it felt like at the time. Exactly. We

46:12

were doing that hour a year thing that some say ruined comedy.

46:15

Yeah, I don't think that's what's ruined comedy,

46:17

but I

46:19

think it's the minute of day is what's

46:21

ruined in comedy. But

46:24

which it, it goes up to about an hour a year, by the

46:27

way. That's true. It says that

46:29

the clips are ruining it, and Seinfeld says

46:31

the hours are ruining it. So

46:33

everybody's got their opinion. Well, it's a weird thing

46:35

because, well, the clips, though, I

46:38

can make a much better argument that the clips

46:41

than the hour, how is an hour going to

46:43

ruin comedy? Well, because a special is not a

46:45

special, and everybody can put

46:47

one out on YouTube, so there's no gatekeeping.

46:50

And people are writing to get to

46:52

that hour, so the quality has gone down. That would

46:55

be the hour argument. Right, but to me, it's like

46:57

a bad hour is always going to be a bad

46:59

hour, and a good hour is always going to be

47:01

a good hour. Whereas the minute,

47:03

it just makes people want to get like,

47:06

it just makes people's attention spans shorter, and

47:08

it makes them go, ah, nothing's happened yet.

47:10

So it gives them a five second attention

47:12

span. Sure, sure. And plus,

47:14

it feels like with the thing of like,

47:16

I got to feed this, I need something

47:18

every day. Yeah, yeah. That's quality going down.

47:20

Big time. Because over the course of a

47:22

year, or a year and a half, two

47:24

years, you can put together an hour, but

47:26

the idea of like, give them something each

47:29

and every day, is like,

47:31

eventually, it's just going to be like, plus, you don't

47:33

want to give away the best stuff, because you

47:35

want to save that for your hour. Yeah. So then

47:37

you have these clips like we've talked about

47:39

before, where literally it's like a person kicking

47:41

somebody out. That's the clip.

47:44

They're literally like, get out of here, you

47:46

drunk, fucking beat it, and then date scroll.

47:48

And you're like, okay. But

47:51

both are bad. But also

47:54

it's crazy because there's just

47:56

so many hours. So many

47:58

hours and so many clips. It's

48:00

like you said, our feed used to be

48:02

sunset, baby, puking, hot lady,

48:05

and now it's just, where

48:07

you guys from? How long you been together? What

48:09

do you do for a living? And that's my whole feed now. Yeah,

48:12

I've seen people like picking stuff up off of

48:14

people's tables and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Where does this

48:16

end? I know. That's why

48:18

I always tell people, and now we're getting

48:20

too comedy inside, but I'm like, shoot an

48:22

hour and clip that, just so

48:24

you're not putting out you putting a salt shaker up

48:26

your ass from the funny bone. Right.

48:29

That, I mean, exactly. I mean, that to

48:31

me makes much more sense and material. But

48:33

also, I think this happens too, as people

48:35

get so into the crowd work, then they

48:37

see the material from the crowd work person,

48:39

they're like, what the fuck is

48:41

this? Short money. What the hell is going on

48:43

here? I know, you go out and see the guy at the

48:46

improv and you're like, that

48:48

was it? That was the act? Never again.

48:51

But, wait, what were we about

48:53

to say, Louie? Well, but anyway, that was funny,

48:55

because he was like, maybe that's my weakest, and

48:57

we just feel like we couldn't even

48:59

think of something to say. Yeah. Which

49:02

is also dangerous when you're trying to figure out your weakest hour. I

49:04

know. Eventually, you're going to have to

49:06

get to one that is the weakest. It's true. So

49:08

it was a little awkward, but looking back, it's much

49:10

better than I remember. Okay, well, I

49:12

do remember there was such a magical weekend and such

49:14

a... was that awesome or was that DC? That

49:17

was coming back from Austin. Okay, that was such a

49:19

great one. Maybe it's the DC, because that was when

49:21

we did a private jet, and he

49:23

cracked open this old ass whiskey. I mean, it

49:25

was like a 50-year-old whiskey, and he was saving

49:28

it for a special occasion. He felt so good.

49:30

Remember we did four? He did

49:32

four sets at the DAR, and

49:35

he wasn't happy with the first three, and the last

49:37

one, it was just magic. He just got it. Yes.

49:40

So it was like this special night. We fly

49:42

back, he cracks that whiskey, and

49:44

I remember in mid-air, whiskey

49:46

in hand, I had a little buzz going from

49:49

the two or three glasses of whiskey I had, and

49:51

just thinking, this is fucking about. I'm with

49:53

my pal. I'm with the greatest comic on

49:55

the planet. We're in a jet. I'm drinking an old

49:57

whiskey. It

50:00

was awesome. I don't know if you and Louie were pals at that point.

50:03

I was talking about you. I know, it was

50:05

a great old switcheroo. I did a switcheroo. But

50:08

yeah, that was really glorious. And

50:11

DC was so cool. Remember we watched, we had cigars,

50:13

we were talking to the Secret Service guy. That

50:16

was insane. We were throwing the orange back and

50:18

forth. That video still exists somewhere. I think Rachel

50:20

was on the show. Oh yeah. Or no, Lynn.

50:22

Lynn Coplin. We went to the Georgetown game. Berkowitz

50:25

got us tickets. Oh, we went to the open

50:27

mic at the Big Hunt. Oh, yes. Fat

50:30

Chris L was there and he told Louie he was

50:32

a genius and we all went, oh geez. Yeah, he

50:34

told us the same. Man,

50:37

it was just fucking glorious. And I was

50:39

there before with Louie and Michelle

50:41

Wolf. Because

50:44

that was later when I had become quite close

50:46

with Louie. But that was one of the first

50:48

weekends I did, the first gigs I did, was

50:50

me, Wolf, and Louie. And I remember we went

50:52

out to steak and Michelle had to go. And

50:55

I was like, I kept having these things,

50:57

Louie and I have a lot of things in common, obviously.

50:59

So I was like, yeah, you go, I'm going to walk.

51:01

I love D.C. I'm going to walk by the White House.

51:04

And he was like, oh, I like walking

51:06

around D.C. I'll come with you. And I remember

51:08

being like, oh my

51:10

god. And we talked, you know,

51:13

Nixon administration. And I was like, I know, that

51:15

was crazy. And Spiro Agnew, I don't know

51:18

how the fuck you say his name. And he's like, oh,

51:20

you know Agnew? And I was like, oh, I know Agnew.

51:23

And it was so exciting. I was like, oh my

51:25

god, I'm docking politics with Louie in D.C. This is crazy.

51:27

I remember when you started, we've covered all this before, but

51:29

I remember when we started working with him. He

51:32

went down and saw you and you

51:34

did the threesome joke. The threesome, that was big, yeah. And

51:36

he loved it. And then you guys went up and chatted.

51:38

And I remember being like, what,

51:41

this is all pre-cancel, pre-everything. So it was

51:43

like, this is Louie. Like,

51:45

this is a celebrity. This is a guy that's at

51:47

the Oscars. He's a filmmaker. He's

51:50

got the biggest TV show. Cover of Rolling

51:52

Stone. Cover of Rolling Stone, like Joe Walsh's

51:54

song. And you're sitting and

51:56

chatting with him. And you're a schmuck from

51:58

Whitman. come get a little

52:00

bit more little bit that

52:03

they were could do it with that the fish

52:05

it would have been there was wild and and

52:07

and then i think i recall your texting your

52:09

jerkin up on you because i don't like that

52:11

he was like that you have a you know

52:13

what the park at the barter or that i

52:15

would like it uh...

52:17

uh... uh...

52:20

you know that we are all that that

52:22

that is crazy that the ever

52:24

thank uh... and now

52:26

i get a little will will

52:28

completely but uh... that

52:31

flight back that happened the day

52:33

our thing happened not

52:35

all that was filled whatever you fly to

52:38

buro you get to a car you go

52:40

to your house it's all over we've had

52:42

a million nights like that a million clubs

52:44

a million hotels a million flights they

52:46

all did fluff

52:49

away their fluffed away all that's really

52:51

the moment here is also pretty good

52:53

by the way through but don't you

52:55

wish you had a i've

52:57

got one day i like about the phone cameras i hate

52:59

all the filming and all the ratty people out all the

53:02

care and all that shit like it

53:04

is nice to have a lot of that documented yeah

53:07

of course i thought i might go on these

53:09

trips like i'm taking photos if some you post

53:11

of course but a lot you take just for

53:13

the memory as when i did the that whole

53:16

twenty seventeen tour we went to europe and everything

53:19

and i took photos of every single hotel

53:21

room just so you can go back to

53:23

the room look like yeah i'm not showing

53:25

anyone or posting it but you'd like all

53:27

while i remember that bad yeah that clock

53:30

and uh... boy i mean i was unbelievable

53:33

and now you just continue to be friends

53:35

of the people now you see louis you're

53:37

like hey what's up louis or should we

53:40

like a baby doin right it's it's pretty

53:42

unbelievable it really is also i

53:45

don't know when this time will be but

53:47

anytime we want we can go back and

53:49

relive our own telling of the story because

53:51

of the podcast that i have a little

53:53

at ten year diary that great point you

53:56

ever you want to spin a wheel

53:58

and go like old 2015.

54:01

Oh wow, I did Columbus

54:04

and I got heckled and I banged that

54:06

guy or whatever. You want to

54:10

see that because it just goes away. You forgot and

54:12

you lived that moment. That all happened and it's gone.

54:14

Well you know what would be fun is when's the

54:16

first mention of May? Like May had to come

54:19

into the podcast at some point. That's true.

54:21

Yeah, you're right. And you have like engagement

54:24

stories and pregnancy and shoomer

54:26

and like we weren't even headlining when we

54:28

were doing this thing which is crazy. Oh

54:30

my god, that's wild. I mean I think...

54:33

I'm getting misty. I mean it's

54:35

pretty crazy. I mean I don't

54:38

know when... well I guess we started it

54:40

late in 2013 because I'm like we did like Hartford.

54:42

You featured for me at City Steer. I know, I

54:44

know. Which is crazy which I think that was pre-podcast.

54:46

But the day you wish we had that I'm like,

54:49

boy you really killed with that 20 men. Oh

54:51

my god, we got hammered after and I think

54:53

we yelled at the guy because he wouldn't give

54:55

us more beer. Yeah. The crowd sucked, they

54:58

didn't throw anyone out. Then we had two old

55:00

bags in a hotel room one time.

55:02

That was something... I forgot about that.

55:04

A couple of 52 year old ladies

55:07

with like pantyhose and... Yeah. I

55:09

mean they were like, grandma, I remember one at

55:11

her foot. It was like Mrs. Robinson sitting there. You

55:13

went in the bathroom for a minute. Yeah, yeah, I

55:15

was doing some fingering. It was dusty. That was pre-podcast.

55:19

That was a while. She was talking about the Civil War.

55:21

It was crazy. But

55:23

yeah, those are some wild... that was in Midtown

55:25

too. We just went right up to

55:27

their hotel and they're like, oh yeah, I'm knitting. Sorry

55:30

about my macrame. I think

55:32

it was after like a private gig at

55:34

Caroline. Yeah, it was. We took these two

55:36

old bags up to their suite. Oh,

55:39

that's funky. Also we did Providence together. Remember what

55:41

we did? It was like a rock band

55:44

too. We got Shithouse in the Biltmore

55:46

Hotel. Oh. We were hammered.

55:48

I played you the Charlie Chaplin video. I did

55:50

that to 50 people. I got yelled at the

55:52

next day. Yeah, we watched the Chaplin video and

55:54

we were in like a suite. Yeah. We were

55:56

being hammered. I was all fucked up. I remember

55:58

being like, do you like... me? Am I

56:00

annoying? I kept showing you Chaplin videos

56:03

and I was like, what's the genius

56:05

he is? Are you looking? And you

56:07

were like, oh yeah. And I was

56:09

like, you hate me? What's happening? And

56:11

then there was, you know, my old

56:14

apartment, the Samoan. The Samoan with the

56:16

Groucho Marx films, the weed and the

56:18

sleepovers. We watched when stand-up stood out

56:20

one time. Yes, yes. We went

56:23

the next day, we went to Applebee's and then we

56:25

went and bought you an air conditioning. Oh

56:28

yeah. At JP Morgan or JP, what's it

56:30

called? PC Richard. PC Richard. I was confused.

56:33

JP Morgan, PC Richard. Very. This is one

56:35

of my doing well financially. I

56:38

dropped off $50,000 on an air conditioner at

56:40

PC Richard. Could that be a bit? Probably

56:42

not. I think it's a local thing. PC

56:44

Rich. Oh, is it? Yeah, I didn't have

56:46

that when I was begging. Oh, all right.

56:49

And then Chuck came into the pod. What

56:51

was that? Four years ago? Five years ago?

56:53

I think like two. Two years ago? Well,

56:55

it feels like eight. I always

56:58

do that list too. It's

57:00

like Becky, Benji, Sharon, Friedman,

57:02

who you forget. Wow. Shelby,

57:06

Black Lou for 10 minutes. Oh

57:08

yeah. Back to Shelby again. Yeah.

57:11

Chuck, then Shelby again. Yeah.

57:18

That's wild. It's been a wild ride and it just, it

57:21

all comes and goes, but it's sometimes I'll get,

57:23

you know, they say in a flight because your

57:26

altitude is high, you get more emotional. Fun

57:28

fact, I don't know what that's about. They

57:30

also say food loses flavor. Is

57:33

that right? Yeah, that's a fun fact or

57:36

effect, but I'm such

57:38

a phone addict that I'm, I have

57:40

no wifi and no one's texting me.

57:42

Then I'll just go through photos. I

57:44

do the same thing. Sometimes you get

57:46

to 2014, and you're like

57:49

Nick Turner. That's me and him like, you know,

57:51

and that was a huge part of my life.

57:53

A guy I knew and he's gone and has

57:55

kids and the whole thing's wacky. I do that

57:58

all the time. I had this yesterday. I

58:00

look at photos because I'm trying to stay away

58:02

from social media as much as I can. It's

58:04

difficult. So I'll look at photos and

58:06

it has the thing where it pops up faces. You

58:08

can click on a face. Oh yeah. And

58:10

I have photos of us in Montreal, whatever

58:12

year that was, 2010. Oh,

58:17

that was the first time we went there. Those aren't

58:19

on the phone. That was crazy. That was when I

58:21

learned a lot about you that weekend. Uh-oh. That was

58:23

when we were going up and I was like, we're

58:25

going to have so much fun. This is going to

58:27

be great. And I didn't see you one time. I

58:29

was like, texting. I'm like, where are you? What is

58:31

going on? I think I was knee deep in gas.

58:33

I was with John Dustin O'Fear, Eisenberg, and I was

58:36

like, you got to meet Norman. He's the craziest. He's

58:38

the best. We're the best buds. And I was like,

58:40

where the fuck are you? It's like that poof of

58:42

smoke that Homer Simpson has when they're like, you know,

58:44

there's free clams at the bar. Well

58:47

then we had, of course, the Burent and

58:50

the St. Patrick's Day. That was the first

58:52

real, that's where you're like, I'll be there.

58:54

I'm not going. And I thought,

58:56

I'm only going because you're going. Ah,

58:59

the Grammy Teenies. Yeah, you fucked me up.

59:01

That was a different one. Welcome blew off.

59:03

Yeah. But then we drove to Boston the

59:05

next day and really hit it off. Yeah,

59:08

that was a car, back to car ride, full

59:10

circle. You can really chop it up in a

59:12

vehicle. Well, I always say you're never really friends

59:14

with a comic or whatever

59:16

job you have, probably, when you go

59:18

for a car ride. True. It

59:21

really is true. Because you just find the, you have to find the

59:23

common ground. You're in a car. You have

59:25

to. You have to make it work. It's kind

59:27

of a symbol for America because before everybody would

59:29

just sit together. And now

59:31

we're all included, not included, what's

59:33

the word, secluded, in our

59:35

phones. And people don't even know

59:37

how to interact anymore. There's like the dating world is fucked

59:39

up. People are having suicide, depression's

59:41

way up. There's no social. We're social beings.

59:43

So the best way to get two people

59:46

to agree is to put them in a

59:48

car. Maybe we need to take Jews and

59:50

Palestinians and put them in a small piece

59:52

of land. I love it. They'll start to

59:54

get along. Yes, land. Crammall in a small

59:56

space. Yes, that's... That's not bad. Never had

59:58

a problem with the space. land over

1:00:00

there uh... boy

1:00:03

what other fun memories do we have by the way i have to

1:00:05

say because the people got a right to us not

1:00:08

your watch it's i think it's doctor hook

1:00:10

hello sorry that right look at i think

1:00:12

you probably right i think it's doctor hook

1:00:14

in the medicine show role is what is

1:00:16

the only one hit the

1:00:18

one-hit one another they've been made the cover of

1:00:20

stone uh... in the

1:00:22

medicine show american rock band for

1:00:24

me in union city new jersey did they make the

1:00:27

rocker so that you like the today

1:00:29

yep his single city silvia's mother and the

1:00:31

cover of rolling stone even though some of

1:00:33

the other i like it was a horror

1:00:35

we get a couple bars of silvia's mother

1:00:38

there was a there was a bunch of single though it says silvia's

1:00:41

mother cover of rolling stone only sixteen a little

1:00:43

bit more sharing the night together when you're in

1:00:45

love with the beautiful women sixteen well better love

1:00:47

next time in sexy i i'm going to go

1:00:49

in there and look at the list i would

1:00:51

know the one why did i think it was

1:00:53

joe walsh he has other along the

1:00:56

uh... well

1:00:58

that will change but sometimes i

1:01:01

still don't like the video to

1:01:03

me uh... from

1:01:06

the same time similar wonderful like sarcastic

1:01:08

yeah but it doesn't have a rolling

1:01:10

stone lyric in there and

1:01:12

maybe not i'm reaching i don't know

1:01:14

it's got uh... lucky

1:01:17

of the uh...

1:01:19

i got a car in the drive-in i

1:01:21

got a mario radi does one eighty five

1:01:23

i lost my dry license now i don't

1:01:25

drive it's not there's not much to

1:01:28

it musically but it's a fun little

1:01:30

buddy yeah well it's tough to handle

1:01:32

this fortunate fame everybody so different i

1:01:34

haven't changed i'll go where yes the

1:01:36

latest he's good he's good you know

1:01:38

he went after che once you see

1:01:41

that what him and ship michael che

1:01:43

at us best back twitter

1:01:46

no kidding his jay will go at it

1:01:48

with the pay really well he said hockett

1:01:50

at honky and i think

1:01:52

i'll hurt with the state you all said

1:01:54

how could you do they are the i can't

1:01:56

say the n word really yeah i got

1:01:58

a good you

1:02:01

know that's hilarious and then

1:02:03

I think chase said you're a

1:02:05

stupid and work well try will

1:02:07

troll a little bit all

1:02:09

the troll I open for Jay's first headlining

1:02:12

together I'm sure until that story also we're

1:02:14

doing a real memory lane puppy couldn't check

1:02:16

in the hotel because he had no credit

1:02:18

card he has a different last name wow

1:02:20

he was looking at me I'm like this

1:02:22

is embarrassing well there's something funny about cot

1:02:24

where I got no insurance my license plate

1:02:26

is this expired since you know before I

1:02:29

bought the car and you know Norm

1:02:31

McDonald can't drive a neighbor

1:02:33

got the can't spell I mean we're all over the ball

1:02:35

I got 248 million dollars

1:02:37

in a checking account if I lose my debit

1:02:39

card I mean forget about it

1:02:41

I'm like they never use debit never

1:02:45

use debit because what if it gets

1:02:47

stolen so it steals your debit

1:02:49

card you don't get that back so

1:02:51

it steals your credit card they they ring up

1:02:53

a bunch of bullshit you can cover

1:02:55

that no I think you can fight a

1:02:57

charge I'm pretty sure you can fight debit

1:02:59

charges I don't know give it a go pretty

1:03:02

sure if you say hey that's not me I

1:03:04

think they take it off yeah they can

1:03:06

someone okay someone stole five thousand dollars from

1:03:08

my checking account sorry about that it

1:03:10

was right was I guess it was from a check

1:03:12

it would make a difference between the debit and the

1:03:14

check all right I feel like that's

1:03:16

just money gone the money is gone where credit is

1:03:19

liquid or whatever yeah I know it's easier but they

1:03:21

did they had it back in my account okay I

1:03:24

think also I can't you like me

1:03:26

I can't follow directions I can't put

1:03:28

things together oh yeah forget about

1:03:30

it like step one take the the hibbit

1:03:32

and the hobbit and put the hibbit inside

1:03:34

yeah yeah what are you talking about if

1:03:37

it's tangible it's a little easier

1:03:41

I'm like holding the nut and holding the

1:03:44

bolt I'm like okay put that together that's

1:03:46

a little better but if it goes okay

1:03:48

go to settings then we hit

1:03:50

applications then from applications hit privacy

1:03:52

then from privacy hit and I'm

1:03:54

like I just shit blood it's

1:03:56

very difficult and it puts us

1:03:58

at a disadvantage this business because

1:04:01

I don't know how anything works.

1:04:03

Yeah, yeah, it's tough with the

1:04:05

phone and everything. We came from

1:04:07

a different time. Yeah, I'm such

1:04:09

a tard that I'll, like my

1:04:11

lawyer or accountant or somebody, I'll

1:04:13

be like, you gotta sign

1:04:15

this. If you don't sign this, none

1:04:17

of your money will go through. It'll

1:04:19

all go to Afghanistan and it funds

1:04:22

the Hezbollah. I'm like, okay, okay. So

1:04:24

I open it and I'm like, okay.

1:04:26

And I'm like putting my finger on the screen

1:04:28

to try to sign on the line. And they're

1:04:30

like, no, no, you gotta go to DocuSign. Then

1:04:33

sign up for a DocuSign. I go, I

1:04:35

just give it to Hezbollah. I'm out. I'm

1:04:37

the same exact way. And Ronan, God bless

1:04:39

this man, he taught me how to

1:04:42

like download, then

1:04:44

download a second time and then you

1:04:46

can write on a document. Oh, really?

1:04:48

Oh, wow. Yeah. Something. I'm already lost.

1:04:50

But then some people have the DocuSign

1:04:52

that's like easy and then they get

1:04:54

furious. The bill that's not easy. It

1:04:56

has like a yellow fucking sticker and

1:04:58

you click it and you just type

1:05:01

Joe List and it signs. So

1:05:03

now that I've seen that everybody that has

1:05:05

the old thing, I'm like, fuck your mother

1:05:07

and your parents in the ass until they

1:05:10

die. And sometimes people are like,

1:05:12

someone just goes like, oh, they don't understand.

1:05:14

They're like, just give us a W-9 and you're all

1:05:16

set. Yeah. I just did. I mean,

1:05:18

God bless her. One of my closest friends, one

1:05:20

of the most talented people I've ever met. I

1:05:22

did Isabelle Hagen's film. She's making a feature film.

1:05:24

I believe her. Had a part in it. Very

1:05:26

exciting. Cool. Tell that story. I should have told

1:05:29

that story. I'll do it next week. She's funny.

1:05:31

She's great. And I love her

1:05:33

and she means a lot to me.

1:05:35

Appreciate her. But it's

1:05:37

a film. So a film is like a

1:05:39

company and so you can't just like palm

1:05:41

someone $200. It's like you have to incorporate

1:05:43

the whole film and all that. We dealt

1:05:45

with it. And then so I had to

1:05:47

sign 17 pieces

1:05:50

of paper and now it's a low budget

1:05:52

sag. So it's for like $41 and

1:05:57

it's like 17 signature. I had to upload

1:05:59

a picture. picture of my birth certificate my

1:06:01

son's birth certificate a picture of my dad's

1:06:04

cock yeah thumbprint from my penis i

1:06:06

have a your head shot yeah and i

1:06:08

i think i couldn't and i got halfway

1:06:10

through and then my manager like hey email

1:06:12

in the i'll take care of it no

1:06:16

they go once you've started the artist

1:06:18

process you can't have the

1:06:20

manager do it i

1:06:22

mean i was in my i'm not joking i'd

1:06:25

make out of my basement with the fucking headlamp

1:06:27

going through five and i had

1:06:29

to pull out not my birth certificate my uh...

1:06:31

source security kalia and i live in every bit

1:06:33

of a dot but literally would go through a

1:06:35

filing cabinet and i like your all that and

1:06:37

i got thirty

1:06:39

three-dollar forty eight that come through

1:06:42

and uh... but anyways and a great picture of the

1:06:44

body that this is the easiest it ever been to

1:06:47

do all these they ever got so you said to

1:06:49

go down the notary then you had to go to

1:06:51

the irs and file a claim on a mike so

1:06:54

that it feels harder yes well that's the thing to

1:06:56

a mike just have the

1:06:59

fucking paperwork on set i

1:07:01

know i'll not gonna i know you exactly

1:07:04

but in their mind i got a new deal

1:07:06

is one email like one email got thirty emails

1:07:09

i can't keep track of i just remembered i

1:07:11

have like a big thing like this

1:07:13

that you might know about my email now that's

1:07:16

daunting is in it are

1:07:18

we gonna wrap up uh...

1:07:20

great to be about the fun now the

1:07:23

one that that little run their uh...

1:07:25

jen i'm off the road for a bit

1:07:27

uh... but january eleven to the thirteenth i'm

1:07:29

in takoma the weekend at that you're in

1:07:32

nineteen twenty on the pikipsi like local big

1:07:34

hell yeah and uh... fuck i should be

1:07:36

looking at my but our and change away

1:07:38

you back that night let me look at

1:07:40

my book uh...

1:07:43

g old-fashioned no digital folks i started

1:07:45

a long time ago all often i'm

1:07:47

in the mother ship uh... every eight

1:07:49

to the tenth hell yeah that's gonna

1:07:51

be fun you don't do

1:07:53

some part do in the whole weekend and

1:07:56

uh... springfield missouri i'm coming back there i

1:07:59

mimic about it February

1:08:02

22nd to the 24th good nights

1:08:04

in Raleigh March 14 through 16

1:08:07

Pittsburgh improv March 28th and 30 so

1:08:10

I'm going back out next

1:08:12

year and I'll be out a bunch so hell yeah

1:08:15

and check out mindful

1:08:17

mental jack I never plug it mindful metal

1:08:19

jacket and Joe and Ron on talk movies

1:08:21

nice and watch the

1:08:23

YouTube's yeah please for

1:08:25

God's sake hey bunch of dates

1:08:28

mark Norman comedy calm coming to

1:08:30

you all over the country a lot

1:08:32

of big theater tour cooking we might

1:08:35

be drunk bodega cat I don't know

1:08:37

just check it out get on the

1:08:39

patreon get yourself a mug happy holidays

1:08:42

queef it up tell the people

1:08:44

you love them take photos and what do

1:08:46

you got see dog check out my podcast

1:08:48

fun bearable we just had the cast of

1:08:50

Futurama whoa yeah it's a

1:08:53

goal not not Katie goggles

1:08:55

but the voice of fry bender Farnsworth

1:08:57

all the main characters except for her

1:08:59

underrated show it's a very well-written show

1:09:01

like super smart but yeah fun bearable

1:09:03

pod.com they talk a lot about they

1:09:05

just got renewed for two more seasons

1:09:07

Oh I don't know how many shows

1:09:09

have gotten canceled six times and yeah

1:09:11

it was awesome it was very fun

1:09:13

so check it out hell yeah what happens with that