0:00

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's

0:03

all I know how to do. Great. Good

0:05

to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories!

0:09

Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And

0:11

then the duck fell out of his bag! Hahaha!

0:15

Surfed up! And she

0:17

didn't even flush. Knock, knock. Who's there?

0:20

Mark, Norman and Joe List. Yeah! This is Tuesdays

0:22

with Stories everybody. Nah, that's terrible. This is supposed

0:24

to be cheesy. My radio is spitting at me.

0:26

And I can't choose why. Hahaha! Happy

0:28

New Year! Here we go, the lawyers back. We're

0:31

a little nervous. We just had Chipotle. What's cooking?

0:33

I forgot. He's been gone for like six

0:35

months. I just fucked me up. You shouldn't have mentioned it.

0:37

I forgot. We had it good. We didn't know how

0:39

good we had it. And then uh, Yellie McGee comes back. And now

0:41

we're... I should have said old yeller. But uh,

0:43

we had a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. We

0:45

had a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. We had

0:47

a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. We had a

0:49

lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. Good

0:55

name for a really old Chinese guy. But!

0:59

Yeah, we're back. We're here. We're

1:01

queer. How the hell are you, Fanny? You got

1:03

a son. I'm doing good. Yeah, the son will

1:05

come out tomorrow. Bet you bought him dollar. Don't

1:08

let your son go down on me. Uh...

1:10

Here comes the son. What was that

1:12

noise? What were you doing?

1:14

Erasing. Oh! Oh,

1:17

you're making Donald Duckie noise. Oh, oh, that was the

1:19

eraser. Alright. Eraserhead.

1:23

That was a movie. I

1:25

think that's David Lynch, right? Yeah, Flat Top. Is

1:27

that why? Yeah. And then there's

1:30

also Hellraiser. I confused Eraserhead and Hellraiser

1:32

because they were both like... Racer.

1:36

It was like a head thing. And the Speed Racer

1:38

and Eraser was an

1:41

Arnold Schwarzenegger joint. Oh, is

1:43

that right? Yeah, Eraser. I think with

1:45

Vanessa Williams. Vanessa Williams, the singer? Yeah!

1:49

You go and save the... Oh, and her

1:51

brother is Crazy Eye Killah. That's

1:53

right. How about that?

1:55

Boy, we just did a real IMDB

1:57

facial there. Oh, yeah. A bukkake of...

2:00

of uh... racing what it

2:02

could be back my life is uh... different

2:05

don't they do it would be it

2:08

out of that out and up back

2:10

into the left back

2:13

into the left uh... newman

2:15

shoot second appearance of the uh... yeah

2:17

his the first one was the old

2:21

that's all the jacket one of those other

2:23

than second appearance uh... was the back of

2:25

the left yet there was jerry so his

2:27

favorite episode of all time that's what he

2:29

said while the key to end of the

2:32

key to end of the other great moments

2:34

in that grab not drive in the airport

2:36

uh... yeah that's the and do with the

2:38

lane elaine date them elaine going out with

2:40

uh... you know the first thing about getting

2:42

the second bay yeah that's uh... jerry's jealous

2:45

of everybody what and then uh... craver newman

2:47

yeah what's funny is he's

2:49

my teeth i'm always like i get

2:51

that nervous what i say

2:53

how i've advanced the relationship that's not going

2:56

through that with him interested in a gotta

2:58

be careful because i was with one mike

3:00

becky all last night and he was out

3:02

with bargain fear new year's eve and i

3:04

think it took several calls from jerry area

3:07

may have been there there are both called

3:10

you know i don't know how to make

3:12

that boy really low-played beyond that could be

3:14

kept by the day how much started jerry

3:16

the like texting to the pervert call uh...

3:19

all of the navy use your intel data and

3:21

i i i i i i i i i i i i

3:23

i i i i i i i i like my wife right

3:25

in front of me well that's tough i would love to do

3:28

that but yeah i mean i could be a

3:30

rage that well-known

3:32

suture will play a little bad that no

3:34

whatever we're doing and i don't know ball

3:36

pickleball we gotta get back to pickleball that

3:38

doesn't take ninety-eight better uh...

3:40

gurken uh... better uh... pickle

3:45

i don't like it uh... but

3:47

i was a new character tod gurken

3:49

with the news that like it that

3:51

i don't know what that girk uh...

3:54

but anyway do you know we get the pickleball

3:56

court that i was really fun i did the

3:58

cardi I really enjoy if I don't about

4:00

the general no cardio for

4:02

me i get on that road

4:04

and forty second they don't like

4:06

that not will work out about

4:08

running or rolling any of those

4:10

monotonous things you just you

4:12

just start thinking evil shit

4:14

well at the gym because i don't

4:17

know the street that all the time

4:19

i'm i'm a big runner but optics

4:21

there things to look at exactly i

4:23

love a run and uh... if my

4:25

favorite thing to do of course but

4:27

at and the gmail i can't just

4:29

watch ted cop all while i'm

4:32

fucking jogging north dot gurken and

4:34

hope that that yeah similar haircut

4:36

that though that couple here was

4:38

really some else nightline i

4:41

can't do a couple but bread with the mean

4:43

couple uh... but but but but but but but

4:46

but but but but but but but but but

4:48

but but tonight and

4:50

that was that well that really fucked me

4:52

i hear any kind of news that current

4:54

affair all right all

4:57

that news that the picnic of sixty minutes

4:59

just gives me up panic attack just

5:02

go where kids it would be like north korea about

5:04

to bomb you to it uh... that's

5:06

true well now you don't get the ticket

5:08

ticket now just in your apple you go

5:10

you know your body like tokyo plane on

5:12

fire like or that that's

5:15

quite a korean barbecue i know i hate it

5:17

they didn't they uh... tokyo drift

5:20

drift that

5:22

makes sense for that but a fire out uh...

5:25

well but that is one

5:27

word to though that right there

5:29

were a drift like a breast you

5:32

could have uh... drift and

5:34

what is it about

5:37

that you brought up a drift of the

5:39

affiliate of the way with adrift i know

5:41

what a drift is drifted to drift

5:44

over something like the

5:46

ocean with smooth what are you saying that

5:48

the drift that the drift of adrift means

5:50

you're floating your drift yet in the no

5:53

That I would then think that I think

5:55

the similar with no space in it. It's

5:58

the action, it's you're in the action. Of

6:00

Adrift. Ah, but then you

6:02

go. That car. Is. A drill.

6:04

His address the telling a jar. Yes,

6:08

The door ajar the boat as the

6:10

drift they ago i think it's a

6:12

verb or as an adjective we're learning

6:14

and then your own you are and

6:17

where address process of drifting because others

6:19

drafting also. You could disrupt

6:21

the player in the raf behind a

6:23

race car. That's true. Draft and Drew

6:25

if we don't draft. Know

6:27

is going to cause a rift

6:29

as you go to a draft

6:32

at behalf We're here. Because

6:34

rugby I was there are a

6:36

shower I got to do at

6:38

our lottery October show. Alcohol: What's

6:40

going on to? Ah Article Fifteen

6:42

in Rockland Brewery. Where. Were you

6:45

were doing now the ago bail whole book

6:47

Fire department show April Thirteen we should come

6:49

up sometime of years run and. Are

6:51

more than twelve years? it's gotta be

6:53

Epstein Age Fifty years and people that

6:56

do it blow up here. Some of

6:58

the pack Obama had him, Dylan, Wow.

7:01

They barghouthi never of of Davos

7:03

out his eyes that aired Soder

7:05

Air big head may add these

7:07

ah I see that's the pretty

7:09

best I would go give your

7:11

ah of other ball auto branded

7:13

zag a loner for Salim. One.

7:15

And only black good. One

7:18

done after that I reckon. wow that are

7:20

hey there Massachusetts firemen that different deal with

7:22

multiple African American? No no but I mean

7:24

how wilde is that? Have a happy people

7:27

have done the show a fly on private.

7:29

even The Dell may soon as it all

7:31

blacks. my yes, You're

7:34

right area Nate. Nice talking to

7:36

Jerry. Apparently big time. At

7:38

the Died while you with a bad

7:41

that's what I heard really does is

7:43

sit on a narrative Scorsese Destiny is

7:45

not my name's you know how to

7:47

be friendly guy. You never go back.

7:49

I got news way of both the

7:52

you scum sucking pigs, some couple of

7:54

that Bollywood bozo, another in their hook

7:56

line and sector I'll be set not

7:58

the girls have a. I'm gonna jump

8:00

aboard. A way to going to be at

8:03

the Hollywood Bowl show that's my died You

8:05

going to come over the may go to

8:07

go see Seinfeld and Naden Sebastian Mantis, Delco

8:10

and Bill birth of a time year old

8:12

both euro less through is over there. say

8:14

that would do a lot of have you

8:16

ever notice a slightly longer would do in

8:19

the air dry and could I be fucked

8:21

harder by the was this was before I

8:23

go I would have a Netflix comedy festival

8:26

of my all my god what an accomplishment

8:28

this is huge a brow to. Be part

8:30

of it. the like, yeah, your on

8:32

Skid Row does family literally by shows

8:34

on Skid Row and that the same

8:36

time as the Big Five. Ah, you're

8:38

in the footnote ten or whatever it

8:40

is on Broadway and I'm gonna be

8:42

rough and you're going into Kook. Nucleus.

8:45

You're going to Cooper Who players

8:47

and their over the ball over

8:49

there in West Hollywood. or I

8:51

guess that's not quite. Was Agatha?

8:54

West Hollywood is like that in

8:56

between Molly tapes. Yeah, The Hollywood

8:58

Bowl. But Etti farts

9:00

readable up Fact: I'm going to sell eleven tickets

9:02

to hand out. By the way, What? We

9:05

shouldn't get too into a but the

9:08

Chappelle special with with Artemis off air

9:10

which zero the Governor's we deserve belongs

9:12

but dreamer the offices. And. What

9:14

bodies like! My first special. I

9:17

was outside handed out tickets, my.

9:20

That's. Gotta be a lie. Years ago would

9:22

do that. Now know that screw the

9:24

artist is handing out tickets through his

9:26

own H B O special. No way

9:29

that is true can't be true And

9:31

his wife was in the front row.

9:33

Of. The first tapering. We are pregnant. Not.

9:36

The second one. Votes. That

9:38

there's other backstage? That's true. Yes, brain a

9:41

limo are some for yeah. I thought it

9:43

was a great earnest, beautiful quote of the

9:45

beginning. The Wake Lot a great comedy special

9:47

start. Easy. Big. us

9:50

the some anyone any though i was

9:52

off of i really really really self

9:54

serious specials i think it's important to

9:56

really reflect on you do in life

9:58

in the middle of a special but

10:01

i can't williams take it easy check it

10:03

out had redid it the

10:05

row but i would article fifteen in rockland

10:07

massachusetts my family we have like a little

10:09

bit of a get together and they did

10:11

they lent us the the the venue well

10:14

for our family and they're given up the

10:16

venue for the whole brook show so check

10:18

out article fifteen great brewery of your on

10:20

the south shore massachusetts love it up a

10:22

shot we've got a we've got a uh...

10:24

cornhole in there ball all

10:27

of the other on god damn beer well

10:29

it did you get a rock dig around

10:31

april thirty will be doing the uh... bill

10:33

benefits of swing by their for a bro

10:35

tell of two days a story that you

10:37

got that right fanny and uh... and come

10:39

by the show yeah promote good lunch on

10:41

the patriot yet they should fill that puppy

10:43

throw it up on the patriot that's

10:45

not bad will never felt before it's a lot

10:48

of firemen with mustaches drunk beer in the stash

10:50

in a little spicy after so i don't know

10:52

we put on i've only done

10:54

three firemen shows what would you

10:56

would be about famous alarm going

10:58

off and i was a cat the

11:00

tree long island and uh... the second

11:02

one i did was with the dancing

11:05

germane a couple other guys everyone

11:07

bombed i'm talking these is like

11:10

north jersey mook mustache

11:12

the whole thing everyone bomb only

11:15

joke that i got the landed was

11:17

we were in front of all the bunk sir what

11:20

do you call those the cubbies other cubbies yeah

11:22

you know if you get the hell but i

11:24

thought with them the hanging jacket the boots uh...

11:26

and uh... i would uh... uh... low-level

11:28

there but i don't think they anyone

11:32

and it all the way she could

11:34

love that you know and

11:37

and and i bombed continuously after

11:39

that well that's more below that

11:41

yeah well then uh...

11:45

that's what i've ever do it again yet come to

11:47

the show april thirteenth cancel whatever arena you do

11:49

it and come to the firehouse is it a

11:51

weekend well yes that i think that

11:54

it's gonna be tough but i'd like to

11:56

call gerry there's forty bucks well

11:58

uh... we'll be here Oh

12:01

yeah, free beer, shots, the whole thing.

12:03

See guys, everything. That's nice. You

12:05

get in with those fighters, usually a couple of cops

12:07

there, get in with the cops. Love the firemen. Love

12:09

to get in with the guy. You get a card,

12:11

one of those, they give you that card, you get

12:13

pulled over, you show a picture of your mom's tits

12:15

and you get off. Professional Bowlers Association. I got one.

12:18

Okay, so what else happened

12:20

with the family? Well,

12:22

I might ask, because I got to get in to

12:24

Mexico, sit down. A lot going on. I got a

12:26

couple quick stories. I had another

12:28

real beef with a street

12:30

beef. I've had it before,

12:32

I give you diarrhea. I'm back at mixed martial arts because

12:34

I've been having too many beefs. Now that I have a

12:36

son, I'm fighting with every Tom,

12:39

Dick and Harry out there. Well, you're Liam

12:41

Neeson. Which by the way, I'm blown away.

12:43

There's like several people who are like, you

12:45

went too far with the leaf blower, you

12:47

piece of shit. So it was like you're

12:49

desecrating someone's property. I'm like, we put 14

12:51

leaves on their sidewalk. It's not even their

12:53

property. Yeah, come on, get out of here.

12:55

It's a leaf blower that's racking. It's a noise

12:57

pollution. If you own a building, you don't

12:59

own the sidewalk. You got

13:01

that right. I mean, am I right about that? I think so. It's

13:04

got to be right. You own the stoop. The stoop

13:07

is part of the building. The sidewalk is the sidewalk.

13:10

That's got to belong to the town. That's city property. You don't own

13:12

it, but you're responsible for keeping it clean and stuff. It's

13:16

like legally, because I got in trouble for

13:18

that. I went down to my house. Gee, I

13:20

got the comptroller over here. They were like,

13:22

yeah, you have to shovel the snow off

13:24

the walk within 24 hours of it snowing, or

13:26

12 hours, or something like that. Well, that

13:28

changes things. Well, the leaf will

13:30

blow the leaf. But anyways, I

13:33

don't know about leaves, but snow, because it's dangerous.

13:35

Leaves aren't dangerous. I didn't know that. It's noted.

13:40

So I was drinking a sip.

13:43

So, but I had the whole

13:45

Saris family in town, which is

13:47

a big to-do. Sure. Which,

13:50

by the way, you've got a two-bedroom apartment and nine

13:52

people in there, plus a baby. That's

13:55

the situation. Chaotic. It's not

13:57

easy, and the baby's like, who are these people?

14:01

uh... the whole to do all the jury so

14:03

uh... he was made that

14:06

the great uh... we go

14:08

down to did not all of

14:10

that take uh... that we go by the cus

14:16

uh... we probably went by their years ago

14:18

were on drugs maybe movies that i was

14:20

bolder however that the every double stop

14:23

by the good thing that the that

14:26

perfect that was strong well we were on painkillers

14:28

what but we do we see signed

14:31

no jason signs that i will we

14:33

uh... what that that was earlier but

14:37

like that alibis all you

14:39

know soul planer something who

14:41

the hell though whatever was we're all fucked up

14:43

and uh... review that i thought you're gonna have

14:45

to try to stop me to start of the

14:47

world at the moment uh...

14:49

i thought about the dutch soup dot

14:52

still without the ref what lives without that

14:59

virgin the

15:14

of the sobriety off

15:18

around that apartment like that one

15:22

of the great old days uh... and i

15:24

don't know what all our dollar drugs alcohol

15:26

with but why a lot of care that

15:28

was probably more there

15:31

then uh... you

15:33

know all fucked up any part so we go

15:35

down to get my the word about this uh...

15:37

bakery we go in there with by the way

15:39

we do it we go about it like christmas

15:42

e literally christmas eve uh... so that the

15:44

thousand people in line at the baker to

15:47

famous bakery over their ok You

15:49

get a lot of and that I have a little

15:51

bit like a twenty minute line. You get cupcakes, cookies

15:53

not get ever leaving about this lady the really go

15:55

they are to the boy I just want to get

15:57

a cake to wait the whole line. I

16:00

did a killer the cake exception see

16:02

like legos guess is always line always

16:05

that the weight low but a like

16:07

it's not like like for instance. There's.

16:10

I'm. What's. The sandwich

16:12

shop it started and sky no no

16:14

no, it's chain. You. Know

16:16

it, it's yellow. Fuckin. Now I'm

16:18

mcdonnell god for pot belly. Up

16:21

are piled I would have never gotten and I

16:23

go to pot belly. And I just

16:25

get a sugar cookie dough I don't get

16:27

in the long sandwich line your because they're

16:29

at the register the don't at the register

16:32

so I just go to a guy at

16:34

like okay bow bow. That makes sense because

16:36

the sandwich you sit there you order it

16:38

and they make it see weight from the

16:40

make the sale. Here you go down the

16:42

line exactly a bakery. They're not making your

16:45

thing to order. right? Oh she's

16:47

like as well get a cake to either way

16:49

to align your of course the threat was doing.

16:51

Yeah, they're all waiting in line to order just

16:53

a cake that's a big good during a bakery

16:55

that was a soldier. Yeah, well about this. No

16:58

limit on a bro. This is a beer and

17:00

taint. Schipol lay

17:02

the same line. Yes,

17:05

What if I want to? Just chips? Now.

17:08

Can I go to the Reds and

17:10

skip the line? Just ships have seen

17:12

it done. Ah. I. Think

17:15

just ships is pretty acceptable. Gotta

17:17

years a margarita. Them

17:19

under his and beers. That's true, I

17:21

forgot about the. Because. I think

17:23

that's okay. I think this is the

17:25

line for or getting your burritos made

17:28

and I do think it's it's of

17:30

is a long line. You're just getting

17:32

tips either. go to the fraud aura

17:35

desk thou I bakery though. Again, there's

17:37

it. Everything's everyone's just doing that. Yeah,

17:39

there's no mincing or the know division

17:41

in a bakery, right? A cookie is

17:44

a big. Yeah. Take as a

17:46

big. Zig. Big and I hope there

17:48

was. You know where it lies that we get

17:50

the the baked goods that we go to a

17:52

story a park and I'm driving. Once.

17:55

We depart, we hang up the park. it's been.

17:57

A part of the birth of drive up the street.

18:00

Take a corner. It's A It's

18:02

A. It's a quiet street but

18:04

as a lady just walking slowly

18:06

cross street mid thirties latino descent

18:08

just slowly strolling and so now

18:10

I'm in a car and I've

18:12

established I'm driving up the street.

18:15

So. You expect a little like works or

18:17

turn around, had back the sidewalk or

18:19

a jog through Hey Slaughter. See

18:21

this keeps stroll and as is looking

18:23

at are far less never going to

18:25

get a guild so I go. To

18:28

give. A quick hot ah boys aged

18:31

soon as she looks and goes leg.

18:34

Hurts you look at as a i go off.

18:37

I give her away. Yeah, you're the street.

18:40

And. The she does this. Know. Com.

18:42

Though it just

18:44

a slowdown. Relax?

18:46

Yes, yes, very

18:48

emasculating alone. Relax:

18:50

I go. Urine

18:53

straight? Yeah, And she does

18:55

the thing. I guess it does it again.

18:57

like this. ah than eyes as she walks

18:59

through the street. I. Roll down

19:01

my wind of us as far

19:03

as we all measure Batman. I

19:05

got the baby with us a

19:07

strap been. As. And Sarah's sister

19:09

in law is that he behind her and

19:11

now they are You from Texas So I

19:13

roll out the window and her sister loves

19:16

like woah woah woah start dojo dojo that

19:18

why you doing this oh pacific for going

19:20

to get shot was for stabbed again or

19:22

open carry over there so worse. I.

19:24

Just roll out the window and I went.

19:26

you're in the street I ask because I

19:28

can't fathom that you think you're in the

19:31

right right? Would. Inspire you walk into

19:33

the street. I get it, don't they have the

19:35

right away? the pedestrian. She's. A middle

19:37

of the street all across was not

19:39

a crossroads I got to sort out

19:41

know that was across. well right smack

19:44

yeah little of the road. She's walking

19:46

looking at her phone like and up

19:48

talking slow slow snare. Interesting. So now

19:50

have come. To. Lucky she's not

19:52

fuck and rolled over there, got one hundred

19:55

percent lego ear and the street and she

19:57

goes. Oh. i'm industries you're happy

19:59

holidays to you too and

20:02

i went yeah right happy holidays but you're standing

20:04

in the street uh... you might die you're in

20:06

the wrong you're in the wrong in the street

20:08

so i roll the window up and her sister

20:10

largest look like what are we doing the idea

20:12

and and sarah knows now he was like i

20:15

just let it be which is another delay at

20:17

the list now i got a little upset because

20:20

in those two weeks they feel like a mike you gotta

20:22

say that they are crazy she's in

20:24

the rock or in the right here she's on the street

20:26

and all i do is hey a when

20:29

street which to be that

20:31

the normal new york interaction share

20:33

you go a hunk they say fuck

20:35

you you say you're in the street

20:37

but you know happy holidays drop window

20:39

you keep moving that pretty that's new

20:42

york stand pretty standard nad the walk

20:44

in the park walk in the park

20:46

walk in the street well the course

20:49

now we go shop around we walk

20:51

around we go to poll you know me i want

20:53

to breed of you like the chip we

20:56

order the food it's about two twenty p

20:59

m we sit down in the dining

21:01

room we study every other yet the baby mmm

21:04

all of a they come out and they go

21:06

a folks i got a wrap-up the uh... dino

21:08

clothes i got

21:10

a room close is i got a good look

21:12

at what they go three of them close to

21:14

thirty okay with and two twenty two twenty two

21:16

twenty five okay and then i gave

21:19

a look now we're gonna finish our

21:21

food man you're on

21:23

one day well i want every day now

21:25

i guess well you can't just throw it

21:27

out of debt yeah that

21:29

that no one said anything right so i

21:31

just uh... politely but firmly that now we're

21:33

gonna finish our food here they

21:36

were all and they leave and we started eating

21:38

our food were annoyed now we're about

21:40

uh... ten minutes past about two thirty five

21:42

right i got about a third of a

21:44

burrito left a different person comes over goes

21:46

hey we got to ask you to leave

21:48

with the uh... and

21:51

i go uh... yeah we're still gonna finish our

21:53

our food and i go someone shows that the

21:55

more we order that i have done it and

21:57

she goes uh... they did What?

22:00

And now, like, I got like,

22:03

booooooo! Steam comes out, you know,

22:05

my eyes get wide, the glasses

22:07

start shaking. Whoa! I mean, you're

22:09

Liam Neeson! And I go, hey,

22:12

give me back my son. Whatever. You

22:15

got a special set of teeth. I

22:18

went to, I started to talk. I went like

22:20

that, and she went, did they not tell you? And

22:23

I went, yeah, nobody told me. I'm not

22:26

lying to you. That's crazy. Also weird to be

22:28

like, they told you. Did they

22:30

not tell you? You just told me they told

22:32

me. Yes. Come on.

22:34

Exactly. Like, they didn't tell me. Yeah. And

22:37

you close at 3, which I understand, and –

22:40

but it's 2.35. You

22:42

can't just wrap up. And now it's Christmas Eve,

22:44

and they're young people, so I understand. I go,

22:47

all right. Well, we're leaving. We're going to finish

22:49

our meal. But give me two minutes. No one

22:51

told me. And we'll still be out of here

22:53

20 minutes before you close. There you go. Everybody

22:56

wins. I felt like

22:58

I asserted, and they went, all right, what

23:00

are you going to do? So

23:02

then, what do you make of this? My

23:04

– I'm

23:06

nervous. That's what I make of it. Sarah's

23:09

best friend from high school – Jesus, firecracker.

23:11

I mean, sweet as pie. And a

23:13

hell of a babysitter, but a real

23:15

cracker of fire. But

23:18

she was the one in the back going, what are you doing with

23:20

the window now? So I think you changed her. Well,

23:23

I think exactly. I think I influenced her, but

23:25

she's from Texas, so she thought we were going

23:27

to get shot. But she's also grew up in

23:29

Philly. She's like a Delco. You know Delco? Yeah,

23:31

I know Delco. Well, she's a Delco lady. Oh,

23:33

you don't want to fuck with the Co. You're

23:36

goddamn right. I mean, she

23:38

is a spicy muffin. Delco

23:40

proper? Something like that.

23:42

You got the show? Yeah, that was the show. Sorry. So

23:44

I never saw the show, but I loved Tommy and

23:48

the other guy, Chris. Chris is O'Connor. But he's not

23:50

in the show. Ah, they were a pod. I'm sure

23:52

they threw him in. Love the pod.

23:54

A great pod. Great pod. Suicide one? The

23:56

violin. That's the one. The violin. But on

23:58

their couple of days. time great

24:01

guys hilarious guy that they have to get

24:03

out of the budget to the delco to

24:05

the thot is fucking hilarious but i don't

24:07

watch anything yet a lot of things that

24:10

i've been seeing one thing a billion so

24:12

that the principal tonight right but

24:16

that's all they that i

24:18

over and over yeah any part so

24:20

she's a firecracker she's inspired by

24:23

the what if it's a good she's

24:26

like what what these people like

24:28

them that crazy she takes them

24:30

chips dropped on the floor i

24:32

think the right all

24:34

right before a little bit of sour cream a little bit

24:37

of a no i don't know if

24:39

i can that we go over the trash

24:41

and throw trash we take the glass thing a coke

24:43

and just uh... on

24:45

the on

24:48

the calendar that is like who's got it

24:50

with me this is full on jerry mcguire

24:52

belt that and i was like all my

24:54

god i did i'd go out of the

24:56

place i did like a barrel rolled the

24:58

street and grab the bottom of the cab

25:01

like fucking prychobot yeah i love it all

25:03

by the way that the though it's terrified

25:05

but uh... that is next

25:07

level area with the spicy spicy

25:09

meatball and uh... it was one of the

25:11

like dot don't fuck

25:14

with that which i already felt anyway sure what

25:16

i have a lover to death but uh... that

25:18

when i felt like i thought i

25:21

had handled it pretty well yeah i think

25:23

so well here's the scary part of the

25:25

couple of uh... you to real tiktok with

25:27

this kind of shit happening uh... and it's

25:29

on the old the the tv of or

25:31

and a lot of them that canada with

25:33

the craze is one where they yelled a

25:35

lady at the register and the

25:37

woman got so bad the customer she took a

25:39

dump on the floor og

25:42

and i think it was in canada or

25:44

i don't know where but she was you

25:46

went viral she was plastered all over the

25:48

screen dog out well i think it wasn't

25:51

it doesn't it wasn't like super

25:53

egregious go to jail it

25:56

looked like it could have been a mistake uh...

26:00

the floor of what i did look like regular drop

26:02

but i would like god

26:04

damn this is a g-d and

26:08

i think if they had said more she could have beat

26:10

the show of the she's got that like filly

26:13

irish he acted in a few

26:15

thirty yeah ron but uh... yeah

26:17

i was a spicy people those

26:20

were our little confrontation worldwide mike

26:22

out i was right way crazy than my thing instead of the

26:24

state was like i think that

26:27

the casual at the new york

26:29

hello that the standard new york yeah come on

26:31

any other reality that it's a little kind of

26:33

ended uh... with a little bit of a little

26:35

collected p c two with the holidays

26:38

now like very quickly because the if you could have

26:40

a very good that the true i got a lot

26:42

of and would be the jew but

26:45

uh... anyway so those are my spicy meatballs

26:47

that the do they while i got one

26:49

of the we should get around though yeah

26:52

i'll show them on okay

26:54

yeah i'm a little nervous around what the

26:57

but i'll get his mask on or something but

26:59

i should get the story she was folks that's

27:01

like if someone does something fucked up she's ready

27:03

to throw hand i think

27:05

i think the later they have on your side

27:09

yet definitely holy moly but it

27:11

was very they don't like that anymore

27:13

now not too much about not the

27:16

honky-daddy way the hockey ball that humbled

27:18

and uh... world war dot all these

27:20

days now that i want to get their feet

27:22

no i'm sorry sir i don't know i'm i'm

27:24

gay and i hate my father well enough cell

27:26

phone footage comes out of a care and you

27:28

know i don't be on the other end of

27:30

that puppy and lose my gym membership or

27:33

whatever yeah i don't know

27:36

what you're going to ship it nine and

27:38

all the month i'd take the the mexico

27:40

they are dying on the chipotle mexican grill

27:42

all the time but uh... i've been in

27:44

mexican city in a couple days may he

27:46

call it a start from the beginning please

27:48

so this was a you know

27:50

i'm doing eleven days off well

27:53

i did it that last night i've been that rough

27:55

the since colvin i feel that way i was out

27:57

of the fat black left that they've been about nine

28:00

days of my own that shit i mean we've

28:03

got a better everyday for the past seventy five

28:05

years and i i was walking on stage your

28:07

company called last night going i'd

28:09

do this i could be a wife

28:11

or i'd i'd open with a cut at steam client

28:13

joke it bob and then you what

28:15

little company had a good and

28:19

a little i think you know i did a thing

28:21

where i was like did the

28:23

second half of a joke i didn't do the first half

28:25

for it but made it made no sense i

28:28

was like boy uh... you know you

28:30

got the only one that hates women and they're

28:32

like who hates women the uh... yeah bucket and

28:34

you couldn't i couldn't go backwards i know that

28:36

i was so ashamed that they were like let

28:38

me watch the other comics and they all killed

28:40

they were all in control and and and i

28:43

had the audience of the palm of their hand

28:45

and i was like frazzled on

28:47

every punchline like that moment before the

28:49

laugh i'm like uh...

28:52

god you you wouldn't think that uh... you know

28:54

you're feeling a brand new comic it sucked but i

28:57

would say take a lot of off it feels weird

28:59

but then it only takes a that or two to

29:01

be like i'm back that's true that's true so

29:04

i was one so i need a couple of the

29:06

night or ultimately kill myself but uh... first off so

29:09

a little contentious with the wife

29:11

because i'm doing a show on

29:14

my thing and this is dude think like

29:17

we're gonna be together all christmas in

29:19

mexico for seven days new

29:21

year's fly back together we're

29:24

gonna be together for but i'm doing gigs

29:26

all the way up to christmas of doing

29:28

gigs on the twenty second twenty-third i

29:31

think that same thing okay what you like you

29:33

got this half a christmas i'm like i'm getting

29:35

there on christmas eve that we have christmas

29:37

they were the day after with a day after that they

29:40

would like to go yet i was

29:42

a little point of contention i feel the

29:44

same way okay so i'm with you the

29:46

problem is the gigs are in birmingham

29:50

alabama or that that's on

29:52

the twenty-third entryport louisiana or

29:54

that is not exactly hot

29:56

market though

29:59

applied on a birmingham and i

30:01

get the old jp leonard of

30:03

lafayette fame love jp about the

30:05

gracious with not that gracious generous

30:08

man yeah gracious great egg good

30:10

beard best hairline in comedy uh...

30:12

he drives up the birmingham we

30:14

do the gig at the theater

30:17

superfund we wake up the

30:19

next day drive six hours which i

30:21

did the about to be uh... for

30:24

and over is maybe like a lot now

30:27

i would get a safe for about as

30:30

far as you want to go the end

30:32

of the law victims dot three hours twice

30:35

at the flight l.a. that's chitler's list

30:37

and brave heart all

30:40

good point freedom

30:43

killers with the biggest list before i've

30:45

seen that though

30:47

are you yeah okay uh...

30:51

now we do the gig in three poor with

30:53

killer by the way that was a great that

30:55

that couple of the nash report we are talking

30:57

about and uh... we did that one

30:59

that was killer it was like a lot of what the

31:02

only do it here thanks for coming in the crazy nobody's

31:04

fault that you go to the downtown as you

31:07

get the date that's most of america i know

31:09

that you got that like don't go over here

31:12

that'll kill you don't go there you'll

31:14

get shot like how do you live

31:16

with strangely but thing about america is

31:18

that kind of uh... we

31:20

got some perks we got your

31:23

polly and uh... addiction what we got

31:25

a idea to get me there i

31:27

don't know i love america the national

31:29

park the grand canyon i always talk

31:32

about how beautiful it is but most

31:34

town literally most down the

31:36

other we'll really yikes yikes uh...

31:38

rue the anything photo you know

31:40

the hotel you look at it

31:42

nineteen sixty one bustling

31:44

booming town with code acting boush

31:47

and lowl and the other one

31:49

well-called or so we'll make

31:51

anything you got a yada and uh...

31:55

Bad data for the little that we are over the

31:57

last that you got the great bit but we have

31:59

a go. The. Most depression but a

32:01

low suicide rate. It's like so american ah

32:03

yes you that you've gotta gotta their brothers.

32:06

You. Gotta gotta noom algo gonna kill myself as

32:08

a another guy with a gun in his

32:10

mouth is like oh go on our own

32:12

as and it's really a great fit. Good

32:15

is underrated. I'd find very good. I'm a

32:17

fan for yes hard times out in America.

32:19

A really is especially these you know. Not.

32:21

So hot towel Luigi? gotta asked. Dinner

32:24

Chicago and Hayes is pop and but

32:26

you go to other places than eight?

32:28

A? pretty yes I'd So I. Fly.

32:32

Out now just to try to. Be.

32:34

Lessened trouble in the doghouse. I fly

32:36

out of Shreveport at five am on

32:39

Christmas Eve to get to been Town

32:41

and then eventually to Cape Cod. right?

32:44

So I got a day at a

32:46

meteor. This is Ron Ron Rudolph Nightmare

32:48

Travel. Get. At the

32:50

air giving the early Hoover. Get.

32:53

This report Airport. Fly.

32:55

To Atlanta Connected Atlanta Flight have

32:57

been town landed been down. Now

33:00

I get a good as goober

33:02

to Cape Cod. On. Christmas

33:04

Eve. That's insane. It was insane. I they

33:07

kept canceling army get the thing where the

33:09

card has gone in like do with the

33:11

spin and then it would blow up. Little

33:13

cartoon than a guy would shoot himself. they

33:15

would health. Finally got one of the hundred

33:17

bucks. Got. Him that low.

33:20

Even pretty low. I got lucky. I think

33:22

they kept canceling armies of allied with. Drama.

33:24

Bone on right ib? I don't know but I

33:27

finally get there and you know it's he always

33:29

expect to show up you drop your bags, it's

33:31

been like a twelve hour travel day or on

33:33

two hours of sleep with you want to buy

33:35

a hug? Yes! and in Haiti a president and

33:37

eggnog and kids the other cheek and it whoa

33:40

whoa whoa Sure you get there and it's. Hey.

33:43

Were you beds? Oh it out. Get

33:45

a crazy flight day? Well. The.

33:48

got a helpless with these bags or what

33:50

you know was his body i'd sorry adidas

33:52

guys slide right in the as a slide

33:55

and i hate sly and blighted you want

33:57

the present day so yeah give me a

33:59

little break little breathe especially with in-laws you

34:01

want to like you want to shuffle you into

34:03

the bedroom and lucky all

34:05

that show you the pet well that

34:07

you know tell him jerry still likes you

34:09

have a little bit of easy way to

34:12

it and then come out and present yet

34:14

look who's here and i don't give the

34:16

big applause and kids young the cheek on

34:19

the l they had your baby they

34:21

go you shouldn't though you got a dead you know

34:23

i don't know what they got a like

34:25

it you know and uh... and

34:28

that that's the holidays but we had a great time and i

34:30

got to tell you that they've been the

34:32

lady the wife sister has to little

34:35

kids and just that really lightens up

34:37

christmas that needed the running around at

34:39

the pajamas on the terry gift open

34:41

their play with trucks it

34:44

it it gives a little energy well that's the thing

34:46

i had dealt with this to a point kid

34:48

the only make holidays fun

34:50

it's so true it's why every halloween i

34:52

fly to gig harbor to be with children

34:55

the children on a halloween you're like what

34:57

we do it will be reading katie address

34:59

like a mommy of just watching murder and

35:01

rape which you do that after the kids

35:03

go to bed yeah that's not a thing

35:06

with christmas it's like my baby's two months

35:08

old and give a fuck about christmas share

35:10

another that it's just nine adults look at

35:12

each other looking at it but it's too

35:15

drunk and then a woman cries and uh...

35:18

and a break that enters that that's a very

35:20

strange thing yet not fun that was the cookies

35:23

out there like said it could eat though the

35:25

new day of writing it that i came down

35:27

early to divide out of that

35:29

gingerbread hobo and uh... the kid believed

35:31

it that's what they're very stupid you

35:33

gotta leave some crumbs around the and

35:36

you're a dick exactly would you think

35:38

it it's a you're

35:40

right kids make it so and plus

35:43

i gotta get out of it you

35:45

know i got all the standard shit that's fun

35:47

but what you would you see a kid light

35:50

up with the train that that's what it's all

35:52

about yeah look forward to it and

35:55

folks to the stories brought to my

35:57

blue chew if you had trouble

35:59

getting confetti to pop this new year's

36:01

eve, well you gotta try the blue chew.

36:04

It's an online service that delivers ED medicine

36:06

with the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis

36:08

and La Vitra. Right to your door for

36:11

that whore. They come in these

36:13

chewable tablets just pop one 30

36:15

to 60 minutes before getting down

36:17

and nasty. I like

36:20

the blue chew, comes in a

36:22

sleek black pouch, you put that

36:24

puppy anywhere, nobody knows the wiser.

36:26

It's very discreet plus the candy itself

36:28

and I call it candy because it

36:30

tastes great, it's chewable and it works

36:32

pretty damn quick and it's never failed

36:34

me. It's not like I've ever gotten

36:37

a dud or a bad one,

36:39

they always work. Sometimes they work too well.

36:41

You get a boner at the funeral of

36:43

the playground but it works baby and it's

36:45

cheap, it's quick and it's easy and might

36:47

as well play it safe. You can take them

36:49

anywhere and it's easy to get a prescription just

36:51

sign up at bluechew.com, talk with

36:53

your licensed medical provider and get your

36:56

prescription within days. Blue Chew wants to

36:58

help you have better sex. Discover your

37:00

options at bluechew.com, chew it and do

37:02

it. We've got a special deal for

37:04

our listeners, try Blue Chew for free when you

37:06

use promo code Tuesday to check out and

37:09

pay five bucks for the shipping. You

37:11

just got to cover the goddamn handling

37:13

and then you're gonna get some handling.

37:15

That's bluechew.com, promo code Tuesday to receive

37:17

your first month free. Visit bluechew.com for

37:19

more details and safety information. Thank you

37:21

Blue Chew for sponsoring the pod.

37:27

Alright so now we're getting to the

37:29

nitty-gritty. That was a little Christmas horseshit.

37:31

This is the meat of it. So

37:35

fly to Mexico City from Boston. Direct?

37:38

You wish. I

37:41

wish. So we got to

37:43

connect to Atlanta. Then you

37:48

got to go to CDMX. C-D-M-X.

37:53

Cuedad Mexico. Cuedad

37:56

means city. See you Dad. There you

37:58

go. Yeah. Better. So we

38:00

fly, we try to board in

38:03

Logan and they go, there's

38:05

gonna be a 30 minute delay. And I go, hey, we got a

38:07

tight connection. They go, we'll make it up in the air. And

38:10

I go, all right. And they go, yeah,

38:12

there's a problem with the plane. You're like,

38:14

huh, this seems fishy. They keep opening the door,

38:16

closing the door. All the Bostonites are getting angry.

38:18

You know how these Irish get. Sure

38:20

do. And so we board about 30, 35 minutes late.

38:24

Okay. I overhear the flight

38:26

attendant going, can you believe

38:29

that fucking idiot left his luggage on the plane?

38:31

They set his back 40 minutes. So

38:34

they fucked up. Who fucked

38:36

up? The pilot? Well, some guy left his

38:38

luggage on the plane. So the guy was like, you gotta

38:40

let me go back on. They could have a bomb in

38:42

it. So they gotta get it out of there. And that's

38:44

the 9-11 airport. That's

38:46

right. So they got a little

38:49

touchy. Good point. Muhammad, hallelujah. Yeah.

38:52

Whatever your name is. Ata. Ata?

38:55

Ata, boy. I don't know ata. Ata, ho, ho,

38:57

ho, ho. Muhammad Ata, he's the guy, he's like

38:59

the leader. Boy, they gotta get to get some

39:02

new names over there. Muhammad, most popular name in

39:04

the world. That's right. I tried to

39:06

do a bit about that. It never worked. No.

39:08

No, no, no one cared. But,

39:12

what was the bit they got? I can't remember. Ah,

39:15

shit. Muhammad Ata. Muhammad

39:17

ata. No, no, it was probably the name

39:19

of the world. Ah, shit, I'll come

39:22

up with it. But, so,

39:24

now we land in Atlanta. We missed the flight.

39:27

We missed the connection. Ah. This is

39:29

where I'm talking to the flight attendant like, are we gonna make

39:31

it? He's like, it's still good on the app. You're gonna make

39:33

it, you're gonna make it. We land at the time, it says

39:35

boarding. And then you gotta get off the

39:37

plane. Then you gotta run there. A different

39:39

terminal. Different terminal. A national terminal. Had to take the tram.

39:42

You get there, the door's closing. Oh, we're going to Mexico

39:44

City for new years. We just made it. The guy lifted

39:46

back on the plane. And they go, fuck you. They hand

39:48

you a baby. They go, he shit himself. And you gotta

39:50

eat it. And you go, all right. So then they go,

39:52

go talk to customer service. They'll put you on a new

39:55

flight, no problem. Go to customer

39:57

service. She's the angry lady. She

39:59

goes. beep beep beep i got

40:01

a six forty five i

40:04

will put you on that it's new so

40:06

we're talking about the city like to now

40:08

i get there like eleven it's the worst

40:11

but the the so you accept your fate

40:13

the better i know i've got

40:15

a few hours of atlanta airport go to check

40:17

the lane and they're going to starbucks you ride

40:19

the train you can walk around you can parking

40:22

the bathroom i guess but this is

40:24

this is six hours the kill six

40:26

and a half even though i've been

40:28

there it's like so we go to

40:30

the lounge thank god of the lounge

40:32

i start pounding booze she's eaten cookies

40:34

and i go you would call how

40:36

is there not a bit of another flight

40:38

for six hours i call i'm

40:41

on hold on hold the

40:45

flight twenty minutes come on you got a

40:47

delta she got me on it because it

40:49

says flying out here it's gonna connect in

40:51

san antonio they gotta connect again i'm gonna

40:54

go to mexico city and i said i'll

40:56

take it that's better well

40:58

we're gonna get there at seven seven eleven okay

41:02

uh... something that i'd be worried about getting

41:04

stuck over the alamo dr true

41:08

okay i think that the connection connect we take it

41:10

we run to the gate they let us all we

41:13

get all the way to the back of the plane

41:15

i'll take it then we gotta get off we

41:17

get in to the

41:20

san antonio airport were flying air

41:22

bay he called all boy

41:24

and i put it in first class well

41:26

not pretty good and that fifteen dollar about

41:28

to give it work by the way i

41:30

tried it it just a half today at

41:32

taco bell here we go i'm

41:34

going to mexico i get my stomach prep

41:36

for this toxic waste is so they go

41:38

we don't think that shit or maybe it

41:40

only worth thirty-five middle-income will get you know

41:42

you know a peanut what that fifteen dollars

41:44

on the ticket i know about fifteen dollars

41:46

all in all their porn i

41:50

think that they'll deal here after

41:52

you're on board all down on the flight

41:54

voucher i don't know about your i don't

41:57

know lady gave me i think either

42:00

way we got to Mexico City I mean

42:02

it was grueling it was just such a

42:04

bitch it was four flights to get there

42:06

we're supposed to get there too we get

42:08

there at 730 you land in Mexico City

42:10

and it's on baby everything's in Spanish no

42:12

one looks at you there's a cockfight in

42:14

the lobby it's crazy we get to an

42:16

uber and right when you get there

42:18

you're like we're here this is it this is

42:21

fucking awesome you drive over

42:23

what a wild place because there's

42:25

less regulation there of course so

42:27

everything's topsy-turvy and it's

42:30

beautiful it's buzzing it's fun but

42:33

here's the clinker click me you

42:36

drive in all you see these giant and look

42:38

I'm coming from a place of love I'm going

42:40

back I love it I've never been before I'm

42:42

in awe I'm in heaven but all

42:45

you see is disappear Oh posters

42:48

posters as far as the Mexican

42:50

eye can see and it

42:52

just disappear disappear on your like ha and

42:55

I'm reading all this shit like don't take a

42:57

cab to get in the cabin abducted always uber

43:00

and you're like man this is crazy

43:02

but there's no trash there's no hobos

43:04

there's very little crime but you can abduct

43:07

interesting cuz the cartel yes

43:10

and there's police everywhere so you're like what's going on

43:12

with the police and cocktail they get along they hate

43:14

each other I mean cahoots and then you can't

43:16

drink the water right there's no

43:18

litter which is great there's no

43:21

hobos great but I can't have a sip

43:23

of tap water all right you gotta buy

43:25

bottle water right we bought a gillion

43:27

jug the bottle water but it's so hard to remember

43:29

don't you find that I fucked it up anytime I

43:32

told you I was an Ecuador I made a big

43:34

cup of tea and I didn't boil it all the

43:36

way to the tea cup and I shit 55

43:39

times in three seconds you got it oh

43:41

the worst sick I've ever been in my life really

43:43

an Ecuador which I don't know that's nicer or better

43:45

than or worse than Mexico I

43:47

think it's a little worse that

43:50

was bad booming all right wow well

43:53

we landed we it was like you

43:55

with the prostitutes I was like we

43:57

are getting dinner we have a

43:59

reservation get your fat ass up,

44:01

put some blackface on, we're hitting the

44:04

town. Alright. So we hit the town,

44:06

we had a great dinner, and she's

44:08

like, loopy and wonky,

44:10

she was already a little fevery, a

44:12

little sick from the Christmas, all

44:15

the kids are sick, everybody's whooping coughing

44:17

and shitting blood. Everybody, yeah, my

44:19

sister's got strep throat, my father has AIDS. Everybody,

44:22

everybody's fucked. By the way, loopy, that's the name

44:24

of the waitress. Hello folks. So

44:28

we get there, we have

44:30

the dinner, we go home, we pass out, and

44:32

we had a great time, we went to New

44:34

Year's. I don't know where to begin, I have

44:36

so much, but she got the Montezuma. What's

44:39

Montezuma? That's what they call it when you get the parasite

44:41

and you just start shitting like crazy. Oh

44:43

no. I'm eating street tacos, I'm

44:45

fucking hookers, I'm blowing donkeys, I'm drinking the

44:47

water, I drink the water on accident, I

44:49

was brushing my teeth and I went... And

44:54

I swallowed it and she goes, what are you doing? I go, oh,

44:56

I forgot, so now I'm going, I'm trying

44:58

to get it out of there, but I was fine.

45:00

I've done the same thing, I think even brushing your

45:02

teeth with the water is bad. All bad. It

45:05

absorbs through the gums like coke. Yes, but

45:07

what the hell man? It's 2023, get a

45:09

filter in here. Well,

45:12

I think they've got problems down

45:14

there. It's a little, they're poor, they've

45:16

got drugs, the cartel, David Tell has

45:18

enough battery bears down there. Sure,

45:20

sure. Who knows? Okay,

45:23

who knows what's going on? So, but

45:25

we stayed in this place called Juarez

45:27

and we stayed in Cadessa, Roma, it's

45:30

so lush. Wait, Juarez, the city? It's

45:32

a town or it's a neighborhood. Oh,

45:35

okay. There is a Juarez city. Juarez, the

45:37

city next El Paso. Sure, this is Juarez,

45:39

all the neighborhoods have little names, kind of

45:41

like Soho or whatever. Like a story

45:44

of Oregon and a story of New York.

45:46

There you go, Portland, Portland. So...

45:49

Huh? Put the coin. There

45:51

you go. Boston to

45:53

Portland, they flipped the coin. Oh,

45:56

that's right. Yeah. That's fun. So,

45:58

we go, first of all, we don't know what to do. we

46:00

don't live there, we don't know anybody there, so we go, how

46:02

are we going to get into these places? Because we want to

46:04

go to a New Year's party. But where

46:06

do you go? I don't know.

46:08

Feliz Ano Nuevo. She has

46:11

a membership to the Soho House. Yes,

46:13

I always hear about the Soho House, only

46:15

for you about her. Very exclusive. I'm not

46:17

one of these club sign

46:20

up membership guys, but she likes

46:22

all that shit. Sure. She's

46:24

a socialite. Yes. So, they're

46:26

having a big New Year's party. We

46:29

go try to buy tickets. They go, bleh. These

46:32

things sold out eight years ago. It's the

46:34

hottest party in town. It's an Andy Warhol

46:36

theme. You got to dress up. People

46:38

bought these tickets in the 80s. And you go, Jesus Christ. Wow. So,

46:42

I go, well, I guess that's that. I guess we got

46:44

to go. So, now I'm literally walking around. We're in bars.

46:46

We're in restaurants. I'm going to the waiter. What are you

46:48

doing for New Year's? And he's like, I am going to

46:50

jail. I'm like, okay, we don't want to do that. So,

46:52

I'm asking everybody. I'm asking people on the street. People go,

46:55

Tuesdays. It's all pipes. They go,

46:57

what do you do for New Year's? They're like, I'm having a

46:59

party with my mom. I go, ah, I already fucked her. Fuck

47:01

that. So, then we go,

47:03

let's try to get in the so house. So, we email

47:06

them. And they're like, no, no dice. It's sold out. So,

47:08

the lady, May, she goes, how about this?

47:10

I'll pretend to be your manager. I don't

47:16

know if I should say this. Oh, boy. What

47:20

do you mean, ah? I don't know the story. Well, you're

47:22

like the guy who's driving. You're like, park here. I'm like,

47:24

it says no parking. You're like, ah, park here. Ah, shit.

47:26

Well, I got to know what happened. Well, they email me.

47:28

All right, all right. I'll flip it if we think it's bad. All right, all

47:31

right. I'll put it on the Patreon. So,

47:33

she, we go have dinner there one night. And

47:36

she talks to one of the ladies who works there.

47:41

And she's like, oh, we try to get to the

47:43

New Year's party. They go, yeah, it's sold out. Here's

47:46

my DM shit if you want to. Maybe

47:49

if somebody doesn't show up, I'll message you,

47:51

which is a no. Okay, fair. So, now

47:53

she has the DM lady. So, she DMs

47:55

her. Hey, I'm Mark

48:00

Norman's manager. He's on

48:03

Netflix. He's gay. He's been

48:05

around. This

48:08

is all gravy. Can

48:11

I get him in? Or can we get in?

48:13

He feels unsafe walking around as a celebrity. It's

48:15

all, we're laughing while we're writing in. We're like,

48:17

this is crazy. Come on. And we put a

48:19

picture of me like with the

48:22

Netflix behind me and all that. Two

48:25

hours later, hey, we got you

48:27

in. This is totally fine. What's

48:29

bad about this? She lied. She lied. She

48:32

didn't lie. You're Mark Norman. She manages you.

48:34

That's true. Okay. She bought some outfits for

48:36

you or whatever. You give her 10% of

48:38

your cash. Well, what about more than that?

48:40

But what if they revoke her membership for

48:42

the lying? They're not going to

48:45

revoke her membership. They're not going

48:47

to revoke. They're not going to, A, they're

48:49

not going to listen. B, she could

48:51

be your manager. Why not? All right.

48:54

She's your manager. Yeah, it's close enough to

48:56

the truth, right? A

48:58

wife and a manager are the same. I

49:00

think you're not Mark

49:02

Norman. That's true. If you

49:04

were fucking David Foster Wallace saying I'm

49:06

Mark Norman, that would be something. Yeah,

49:08

the most important part of the story

49:10

are true. Yeah. You're

49:13

Mark Norman, you're gay, and you were scared. You wanted

49:15

to go to the party. It's her

49:17

membership, not mine. I don't want

49:19

to be the reason she loses it. I think she'll be

49:21

all right. Yeah, she'll be fine. Plus, they

49:24

wanted, why did they have you in? Because they wanted

49:27

you there. Right. I

49:30

mean, that's the crux of this. They said there was no ticket, but

49:32

we could make room for Mark Norman. You're Mark

49:34

Norman. All right. Don't

49:37

you think? I guess. I don't want

49:39

to jeopardize her membership. I

49:41

think that's all. I think they'll give her a free

49:43

membership. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Why would they do that?

49:46

Because you're a hero. You're a celebrity. Because she connected

49:48

them to you. All right. Well, we

49:50

got it. Okay. Okay.

49:52

I'm nervous. And it was

49:54

awesome. I understand you're nervous. I

49:56

don't think we've done anything wrong here. All right. anything

50:00

wrong okay well we go

50:02

there will first we get all that we

50:04

go to the costume shop to buy the

50:06

ridiculous andy warro outfits which is a lot

50:09

of fun to get all gussied up so

50:11

i go there and it's gorgeous fire fire

50:13

display the only lose their

50:15

in the light and beautiful the band

50:17

and the jesus music that they close

50:20

all celebrities fighting or

50:22

will never get let me get to my work

50:24

and i had no and they met now

50:27

now they had that american

50:29

okay big actually big and

50:31

flat actually very fit good-looking

50:33

guy uh... you get three get

50:35

that i think

50:37

five all the five brad that

50:40

now that that big big

50:43

maybe what actually not even that

50:45

big dot but just even the comedy world

50:47

or that now but i get more of

50:49

the level of ok okay

50:51

that well i mean the first one that

50:54

i did i i was that the practice

50:57

uh... out that the man yet

50:59

outfit comedy elk a

51:03

uh... david dying bird no

51:06

bigger yeah uh...

51:08

more relevant okay okay

51:11

hold on hold on the right i got

51:13

it i got it i got it seven

51:15

hundred-year-old i got it i got it who's

51:17

the guy it's a wild card will be

51:19

curveball and the sambar no

51:22

but not bad okay

51:25

what's the other than the cake mikey

51:27

day now i would never recognize

51:30

him from a photograph uh...

51:34

and the for five right here i was

51:36

one more cap williams i

51:39

wish i loved it williams duchen truffle now that

51:41

i have been in that uh... one

51:45

well give you a huge

51:47

clue okay from forest hills

51:50

from forest hill child i know where

51:52

people are from that's my weird so

51:54

you are among now billy eichner or

51:57

the fuck billy i have billy

52:00

on the street industry all over the

52:02

street he showed a difficult people

52:04

he was in the movie bros uh...

52:07

a fellow new sitcom to

52:09

write a little people okay yeah

52:12

and i think it was only parks and records

52:14

something more to do it but

52:17

the pin yeah i'm not saying

52:19

i'm uh... by the album that is

52:21

saying it was fun to see an

52:23

american celeb right and your bill bigger

52:25

than billy eichner no which

52:28

is pretty big what i think that

52:30

he's big big he's going all the

52:32

party in everything now well that

52:35

that that that we're i

52:38

don't know if we're still by the way about the guy

52:40

yeah uh... they would

52:42

be there you know i am not

52:44

going to the manager i don't want to bother

52:46

him but i had a couple things locked in

52:49

a lot of about the bill that is a

52:51

and out of a like a poor bill or

52:53

like a difficult people but

52:55

we're in the no uh... uh... you

52:57

know seven inches whatever so uh... that

53:00

was cool we have a great time to

53:02

take a look trumes we live

53:04

it up fun

53:06

with the next day we go to

53:08

the lucha libre midget wrestling all

53:11

incredible i mean people come

53:13

out of a gabby gabby over there it

53:16

is crazy yelling way go away go that little

53:18

guys name it would tackle a guy hanging

53:21

out that either that

53:23

later it should get the big beer that

53:25

was is very uh... i

53:27

want to say whoa wow like Symptoms

53:29

on word milder etc like

53:33

gabby Dirolle arena sits orAgainst

53:37

seen a that rhymed but this is

53:39

like dingy you

53:42

Satoshi blingerinaarshu for a performance

53:45

and it uh... it's just your you can't get

53:47

away from a midget being tossed and i think

53:50

the photos of it it was wild well in

53:52

the car money they got like what we got

53:54

like fifty bucks or the like a couple paper

53:56

that i have really twenty five bucks each of

53:58

the beers are like a dollar and you

54:00

can get popcorn and nachos and

54:02

it's low rent. Now are these

54:04

the big guys? These are big.

54:07

Or are these just happening everywhere? Are these

54:09

celebrities in Mexico? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I

54:11

mean they're walking to the crowd like Elvis.

54:13

You know they throw the cape off and

54:15

the fucking flame shoot up. It's crazy. Interesting.

54:18

Super fun. Just getting out of

54:20

your element. Like I would never really go to a WWE. I

54:22

got nothing against it but it doesn't bend

54:26

my pipe. But you know this

54:28

was just super cool and then the next

54:30

day we go to the canals. Check out

54:32

my Instagram. I got all this up there.

54:34

Canal. We go to the canals.

54:36

It's about an hour out and you get on a

54:38

boat. Very primitive. There's a guy on the back of

54:40

a boat, a scruffy Mexican guy with a giant bamboo

54:43

pole and he's just pushing you through the canal

54:46

and you bump into other boats. They got

54:48

a party going on. There's a mariachi band.

54:50

A little canoe pulls up. You buy a

54:52

margarita guy shaking it. Margarita. You

54:55

just dole it out cash and everything's so

54:57

cheap. You know 500 pesos is

54:59

like 20 bucks. Wow. Something

55:03

like that. So they got to be like 400. I'm

55:05

like, there you go. Fatty, get out of here. Spend that in

55:07

one place. And

55:10

then a taco canoe pulls up. The guy's

55:12

got a little grill on there. It's all

55:15

unregulated and I loved it. A taco

55:18

canoe. That is living. Yes. That sounds

55:20

like a sex move. Like every old

55:22

taco canoe. Put a

55:24

little extra cheese on there. She came in my

55:26

face. Oh yeah. So we just had

55:28

a great time and then finally the last

55:31

day we kind of rode hard, put away

55:33

wet and I guess she had a couple

55:35

of cocktails with ice in it

55:38

and she woke up and it was

55:40

like a civil rights fire hose. Now

55:43

is this the second time or is

55:46

this the one you alluded to earlier?

55:48

I alluded. Okay. Same shit.

55:50

And when I say she must have

55:52

shit 50 times in

55:54

a day, I am not exaggerating. Like we

55:56

would walk, she would shit in a Starbucks

55:59

or whatever. we get out of there for

56:02

ten minutes like i got a shit again and

56:04

it was a yellow bile horseshit that

56:06

exactly what happened to me and i could work

56:08

with pulled a gas station i would share the

56:10

car will be a sub of the next gas

56:13

station it's fucking crazy it's crazy but that it

56:15

happens just from eating the food or like i'd

56:17

get out of the the dishware yet our bodies

56:19

are all fucked up is all different micro biome

56:22

in every different country exactly could have been a

56:24

lot of people say it's the lettuce you get

56:26

on the left of the wash it and then

56:28

they eat it was great they go but

56:32

you might do well it was that you were looking at the uh...

56:37

i think that real quick if i made a

56:39

ball really like a nerd diverged her digress

56:42

mmm diode coke

56:46

uh... local light i was in uh...

56:49

methods we're eating pizza and bullshit all the

56:51

shit you have a your whole life i've

56:53

never had this ever i

56:56

got up the next day we had like stoffers

56:58

mac and cheese some pizza salad i don't know

57:00

what did it got the next day hang

57:03

with the baby had to ship and i like let

57:05

me take a shit out

57:08

of my ass all like a property pet but

57:10

no fever

57:12

e gail wet cramps

57:16

thought it would be a regular shit it was just like i

57:20

think that's normal and i was like what the

57:22

hell it was yellow and murky and mucky went

57:26

back to the next it was normal and

57:28

happens but normally don't you have that you have

57:30

the sweet you have a job through that's

57:33

true and you're like oh my god but i'm

57:35

fucked up this is just like that i got

57:37

a shit it was water back to normal yeah

57:40

yeah that happens i think you got this i got some evil

57:42

in your body that we got to get rid of this but

57:45

i think that the touch of the old don't

57:47

know the sweat right over in the cramps right

57:49

give my life watery shit and have a move

57:51

on yeah that happens alright sometimes i

57:53

have a bad day of the law often i'll

57:55

take a shit i'm like all my body was

57:57

working on something here and i got it out

58:00

i got that right now i got a

58:02

nice soft burrito boiling uh... what

58:24

we do it because we thought it would pass and

58:26

i think i'm going to the pharmacy and

58:29

i just go up to the guy and i think

58:31

an old action guide seven in the morning only person

58:33

in their big pharmacy i go wife

58:35

o she diarrhea

58:38

o i did what all all into this

58:40

whole thing and i did realize diarrhea the

58:42

same word yes banish subcom

58:44

explaining like toilet though explode o disgusting

58:46

o and he's like i thought that

58:48

that i go eventually have to twenty

58:51

that they go diarrhea you know value

58:53

yeah and it worked

58:55

of the people i think it's also because of

58:57

what you talked about that left ruled

59:00

the regular yes good for years i was

59:02

in bulgaria and i had the shit and

59:04

i went to play playing pharmacy the other

59:07

thing about their area diarrhea and they gave

59:09

me some she's like this will help and

59:11

then it was both i call them ball

59:13

gary and poo pills anytime i had the

59:15

ship i took one of these bulgaria and

59:17

the bbp and it was a

59:19

dot they go i think that it was like

59:21

four bucks right because they don't have the counters

59:23

there you know like prescription right into one county

59:26

they go there you get i

59:29

exactly i buy all my uh... valcrix

59:31

overseas uh... you know need

59:34

nothing they go so uh... yeah

59:36

real good time had a blast lucha

59:38

libre we went to a free to

59:40

callows house who's free to callow she's

59:42

an artist with the a go reverend

59:44

they were a married couple that if

59:46

you thought now that spain

59:49

okay what do you do any part of the

59:51

market like the i'm fun play with it so

59:54

uh... we got a free to callows that she was made

59:56

a deal over and he was a big uh... big

59:59

uh... artist of the fig He did the 30 Rock. You

1:00:02

walk into 30 Rock, there's all these murals. Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:00:04

That's Diego. I always get that 30 Rock. A couple weeks

1:00:06

ago. I walk by there today. There you go. I

1:00:09

tried to do the 30 Rock. I

1:00:13

couldn't do it. But

1:00:15

Diego, they were a little power couple.

1:00:17

Beautiful home. You got to walk through it. You

1:00:19

see her wheelchair. She's got a crazy life. She

1:00:23

got polio as a kid, lost her

1:00:25

leg. Then she got over polio, got

1:00:27

into a car accident. Wheelchair. Wow.

1:00:29

I think I see that leg came back. No,

1:00:32

I wish. But she would paint

1:00:34

upside down. She was bedridden. So they show

1:00:36

the bed, and the wheelchair, and the riddance.

1:00:39

Oh, that was fun. It was fun. Rittenhouse.

1:00:41

Rittenhouse. Yeah, Rittenhouse. Yeah, Rittenhouse. So

1:00:44

that was great. Went to Trotsky's house. Trotsky.

1:00:47

Remember him? He's a communist. You look

1:00:49

like Trotsky. Good. Isn't he

1:00:51

Russian? Yeah. He moved

1:00:53

there. He exiled. Oh, I see.

1:00:55

Communism. No kidding. Real red flag.

1:00:58

Has anyone done that? Communism's a

1:01:01

red flag? Somebody would

1:01:03

have that. Maybe. I mean, they did a

1:01:05

very well-read of Cher. I

1:01:07

don't know red flag. I'll tweet it.

1:01:09

He's a communist. That's a big red flag. Somebody's

1:01:12

got to have that. Maybe. Maybe. I'll

1:01:14

tweet it, and get yelled at, and kicked out

1:01:16

of comedy. Yeah. It's OK. But hand

1:01:18

it to the wife. The next night, I would

1:01:20

wake up every two minutes, and I just heard,

1:01:23

like, toilet flush. Toilet

1:01:25

flush. She got no sleep. We got on

1:01:27

the flight. Straight shot back.

1:01:29

We made it. And she's ship-shaped.

1:01:31

It's all worth it, though, because the next

1:01:33

day, you feel so good. The relief of

1:01:35

feeling good again. Yeah. When you

1:01:38

finally take a nice, solid balloon

1:01:40

animal again, it just feels so good. You're

1:01:42

like, I'm back. Yeah.

1:01:44

It's worth being sick if you get healthy

1:01:46

again. Yeah, and she did not miss a

1:01:48

beat, so I got to hand it to

1:01:50

her. I think these masked people, they're very

1:01:52

stoic. She's not like, oh,

1:01:55

I'm in pain. This sucks. And she's not making a meal

1:01:57

out of it. And I think that goes back to the

1:01:59

end. the bean town roots all-man

1:02:02

yes other than that no

1:02:05

attitude that you're in that now

1:02:08

that i'm a bro uh... yeah i

1:02:10

think so i think you gotta be all right

1:02:12

i mean i don't know if i think they

1:02:14

can she got a just embraced you gotta brave

1:02:16

it could you can't lose a day of the

1:02:18

case for god's sake now you really can't receive

1:02:20

international and uh... yeah we got back

1:02:22

we got back to the you fly out of the

1:02:24

level of activity or goodbye p.m. you're like they would

1:02:27

be like that was pretty good and

1:02:29

it yet a great time i've

1:02:32

been in love with that town the

1:02:34

about mexico i always say if i

1:02:37

ran over a kid could

1:02:39

i uh...

1:02:41

evacuated live here and be happy the

1:02:45

next to collect in a in hiding right

1:02:48

yeah i think so i mean you know that the kill a kid you could

1:02:50

just get cancelled or ever

1:02:52

live there i

1:02:55

guess uh... i think about this all the

1:02:57

time i always want my wife to die

1:02:59

you're my parents to kill each other something

1:03:01

big where i'm like i'm not a comedy

1:03:03

i need to go live in the mountains

1:03:05

for a few days and grow a beard

1:03:07

and uh... children or whatever she her share

1:03:09

here well where would you go i mean

1:03:11

i think i got off the grid a little you can

1:03:13

go to like pittsburgh i'm talking you gotta get out there

1:03:15

where would you you'd wanna

1:03:17

live you will buy one go uh...

1:03:20

english-speaking i'm fond of self america i

1:03:22

spent a bit of time in peru

1:03:24

and ecuador i love that i loved

1:03:26

wales but that's the only english-speaking is

1:03:28

nice and i think i'm all i

1:03:30

think about it getting out get yeah

1:03:33

and uh... i don't know maybe

1:03:36

uh... yet well fireland

1:03:39

that's not bad england to the thing

1:03:41

i like parallic live in paris very

1:03:43

loft and right novel and

1:03:46

uh... self america anywhere but uh...

1:03:48

africa or uh... uh...

1:03:51

it would be nice i like to have

1:03:53

a little japan about food g yeah food

1:03:55

dot korea really be excited about you have

1:03:57

the chat of north korea scary all

1:04:00

yet and you know okay

1:04:03

well yeah so uh... highly recommend going

1:04:05

but again very homogenous about

1:04:08

and in this everyone is just

1:04:10

ever read back there's a lot of

1:04:12

black asian uh... career that

1:04:14

just it's a lot of mexican and you know

1:04:16

you got any country you know who your

1:04:18

mexicans and they go polish uh...

1:04:21

they fix our shit they mow the lawn their

1:04:24

mexicans are back at the yeah i was back

1:04:26

to get at wild and

1:04:29

uh... it's fun but that i thought

1:04:31

couple of fuck off green goes uh...

1:04:34

repair the gringo and you gotta go

1:04:36

that's about us that the gringo it

1:04:38

your baby uh... so

1:04:41

yeah you heard it here first books love that he co

1:04:44

i'm a fan of i'd like that way to that we're

1:04:46

doing a short back to get it up on the

1:04:48

street so i'm going back that the night yeah go

1:04:51

down to mexico city do a show about it also know

1:04:53

that we'd love to have you tha it will bring them

1:04:55

what or theirsql alternatively organising

1:04:59

the idea are heard about the

1:05:02

web looking for that uh...ded

1:05:05

on yel Additional the

1:05:17

bigome about whereby i think that i'm

1:05:20

in particular this weekend thought that

1:05:22

it could be laffin up on the phone

1:05:24

and uh... of course uh...

1:05:26

comedy mother ship that we're a into the

1:05:29

test what that

1:05:31

i got raleigh history but pittsburgh

1:05:35

uh... the uncle dale benefits

1:05:37

show coming up uh... burlington

1:05:39

vermont april twelve and

1:05:43

uh... budget fund a so go check those

1:05:45

out and check out

1:05:47

punch up live.com inside of my email list

1:05:49

over there and i had up to you

1:05:51

to have done the videos on you to

1:05:54

special watch enough for everybody that the god

1:05:56

damn patriot we are rocking the role of

1:05:58

their value some fun

1:06:00

stuff cooking. Yeah, we got a lot of

1:06:03

food cooking. Yeah, all right, I'm all over

1:06:05

the road. Tampa! Love

1:06:07

that Tampa, going to the Tampa Theater.

1:06:10

Oh, that already passed, fuck me. Columbus,

1:06:13

Ohio, Indianapolis, Beacon,

1:06:16

Theater, added a second show,

1:06:18

please God, let's sell that

1:06:20

out. Danny at Punch Up

1:06:22

is cooking with gas. He's

1:06:25

good. He's good. The Lexington,

1:06:27

Kentucky, Charlotte, North Carolina, San

1:06:31

Antonio, Houston, Salt

1:06:33

Lake, Sitte, Boise, Idaho, Atlanta, Georgia, and

1:06:35

Raleigh, North Carolina, to name a few.

1:06:37

Get on the Patreon, get a mug,

1:06:39

get a poster. I'm sure we're sold

1:06:41

out of those. We got stuff, get

1:06:44

a shirt. Who knows where that merch

1:06:46

buddy's going, but hey, support

1:06:48

the show and support your balls. We

1:06:50

should get a new shirt, the HTB

1:06:52

guys. HTB? Yeah,

1:06:55

that's who you hooked me up with. Ah! Hide

1:06:57

the bodies. Hide the bodies. I thought HTB was

1:06:59

a joke we had. No,

1:07:01

I got HTB. All

1:07:04

right, well yeah, thanks folks. You heard it here first, and we'll see

1:07:06

you at health. Chuck, what do you got? Speaking

1:07:08

of midget wrestling, check out the

1:07:11

new show and discovery channel called Big

1:07:13

Little Brawlers that just debuted, and I

1:07:16

was tasked with directing the sizzle, and very

1:07:18

psyched I got picked up by Discovery. That

1:07:20

just started like last week, so check it

1:07:22

out. And check out

1:07:24

my podcast, Fun Bearable, with

1:07:26

comedian Ray Harrington and improv

1:07:29

douche, Brad Rohr. A

1:07:31

lot of fun stuff. Hell yeah.

1:07:34

The new episode I'm going to, I just

1:07:36

found out that I got gifted a cabin

1:07:38

on the Impractical Jokers cruise. Whoa! So.

1:07:41

Whoa, that's big. Hot dog. So Ray, who

1:07:43

has done a ton of international cruises over

1:07:45

the past two years, gives me the rundown

1:07:47

of what I am to expect. Although

1:07:49

he's in the crew barracks. When he

1:07:52

performs. Crew barracks. Yeah, it's way different.

1:07:54

He's like, it's so small, it's insane.

1:07:56

Yeah, that's horrible. It's different than being

1:07:58

like, you know. regular one but

1:08:00

the fun to have fun bearable here

1:08:04

fun bearable to date with stories hit

1:08:06

up the uh... the patriot and follow

1:08:08

up and watch the specials you to

1:08:10

netflix yet we're all over the place

1:08:12

come by god damn ticket the up

1:08:14

on the road that's our bread melted

1:08:17

butter yeah butter