0:00

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's

0:03

all I know how to do. Great. Good

0:05

to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories!

0:09

Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And

0:11

then the duck fell out of his bag! Hahaha!

0:15

Surfed up! And she

0:17

didn't even flush. Knock, knock. Who's there?

0:20

Mark, Norman and Joe List. Yeah! This is Tuesdays

0:22

with Stories everybody. Nah, that's terrible. This is supposed

0:24

to be cheesy. My radio is spitting at

0:27

me... I

0:31

can't choose what I wanna say.

0:38

Hah! Here we are! We're all

0:40

over the road. We're at a weird

0:42

place. This is a felty furry greenery

0:44

here. We got monitors! Yeah, I don't

0:46

like the monitor. I can see myself.

0:49

Although better to see it us than

0:51

Chuck. But hey, what can you do?

0:53

We're in the We Might Be

0:55

Drunk offshoot I've been

0:57

drinking. Gotham, right? Gotham Studios.

1:00

Is there like another Gotham studio? Everything's

1:02

called Gotham. There's a comedy club, there's

1:05

a Gotham City with Batman. There's a

1:07

few Gothams. I know what happened. I

1:09

did Luke Monises, started a new podcast, and I

1:11

got bumped up to the first guest. Isn't that

1:13

nice? When they got as much canned? Very flattering.

1:15

Then you do your episode and they go, we're

1:18

releasing this first. Cans. That's a

1:20

nice feeling. Cans Film Festival. Yes, Con.

1:22

But I think he type owed me.

1:25

He was like, hey, I'll be at the,

1:27

where are we? Gotham Studios. And I was

1:29

like, great, Midtown, suck my dick. Easy peasy.

1:31

And then he sends the address and it's

1:33

like, you know,

1:36

Staten Island. And I was

1:38

like, oh, that's not the right studio. He told

1:40

me the wrong studio. Yeah, do you have, I

1:42

mean, I live in Manhattan currently. So I get

1:44

the, will you do my podcast? And I always

1:46

go, all right, I'll do it. It's some homeless

1:48

guy. And he goes, all right, here it

1:50

is. And he sends it to me. And I'm

1:53

like, oh, thank God it's not Brooklyn. Always

1:56

thank God it's not Brooklyn. Well, that's because

1:58

you're dumb and you confirm. you saw the

2:00

address that's true that's no good i don't

2:02

know where the day the time you parent

2:05

that address any debate phone number just in

2:07

case someone goes wrong yeah and then if

2:09

it's anywhere outside of the story i think

2:11

they think you know thank you what

2:14

would make for positive story of well as big

2:16

ones sorrows okay and used

2:18

to be there that you know that uh...

2:20

and uh... and uh... uh...

2:23

mindful metal jacket sometimes the big three yep

2:25

the big ones well this is how funny

2:27

uh... we think we're disorganized you know we

2:29

got a a medley here

2:31

a bouquet uh... uh...

2:34

blueberry broiler luis

2:36

gomez texted being family goes hey podcast

2:39

uh... skanks tomorrow you in family i'm

2:41

in that they were the side that

2:43

we was where is it my go

2:45

to the stand he didn't know that

2:47

and it was what time i go

2:49

eight thirty so i'm telling the time he

2:52

would tell the time or the day or

2:54

their location and why didn't them tech the

2:56

guy who showed it i

2:58

think it'll be a little bit off the door

3:01

that is raising kids the fifth fighting neighbors all

3:03

he will bother louis i guess uh... now stripes

3:06

on the you can't see my camera i think for

3:09

all you are going to walk the i don't look

3:11

at him i got your knee i don't look at

3:13

that i look at you and then over there i

3:15

have a side won't there's definitely a walk it doesn't

3:17

read it vibrating it's

3:20

a sidewalk vibrate exactly so s

3:23

w v is

3:25

not that group s wv yeah who

3:28

that was a group s wv going

3:30

to check the m w single white

3:32

v mail uh... salty

3:35

wet the giant yeah sexy

3:38

wigger virgin well

3:42

about your other but uh... uh... uh...

3:46

and i know the group at the end of the other

3:49

thing that i'm gonna get it never gonna get it uh...

3:51

i didn't know that uh... abbreviation

3:54

i think yet the

3:56

p l c and s

3:58

uv yeah yeah and then

4:00

there's IUD. CSI, Miami. Yeah,

4:04

that's true. At the

4:06

U. It's a good

4:08

show. Anyway, so we're in this wonky, wacky

4:10

studio. We got Wrigley Field here. And it's

4:13

like the US Open or something. Oh, yeah, the

4:15

table's a little crooked. Oh,

4:18

yeah, it's drawn. Chuck is

4:20

dead. We fucked up. I fucked up. I

4:22

chucked up. He'll be back. Yeah,

4:25

sorry. But he'll be back. He's

4:27

coming. He's around. Two

4:29

checklist episodes, not on purpose. He was

4:31

on the cruise. And then I

4:34

don't know what happened today. You had a snafu.

4:36

I had a snafu. Well, what happened was I

4:38

was driving back. I stayed in Boston all weekend

4:40

to watch football and hang out. And then driving

4:43

back. Driving with the baby is a

4:45

different situation. He shits. You have to pull over. You got to

4:47

feed him. So it's like an hour. And I'm

4:49

all about making good time. Right. You can't make good time with

4:51

a baby. And the other time you get back, you woke up

4:53

at 6. And so we shifted to

4:55

today. Well, that's what's funny about you having

4:57

a baby. Because you're all about time. You're

4:59

all about management. You're all about a plan.

5:01

And a baby put the

5:04

pinky right in your B hole with

5:06

a plan, with anything. And you got

5:08

to deal with that now. I know.

5:10

It's rough. And I'm a very on-timey

5:12

guy. And I like to be, what's

5:15

the word for on-time? Be aggressive.

5:18

No. Punctual. Punctual. I like

5:20

being punctual. And what

5:23

are you going to do? And then now, when I go out and

5:25

do things, I left my wife sitting there barefoot

5:27

in the kitchen. So I got to get back. And she's got to

5:29

spot the whole thing. Oh, so you got

5:31

to get back so she can go do the spot.

5:33

I got to alleviate her so she can go do

5:35

some comedy. Got it. Oh, man. That is tough. Hold

5:37

on. I had a thing. And I lost it. You

5:40

got the kid. Kid. Be

5:43

aggressive. Chuck. New

5:45

studio. Oh, I lost it. Damn it. People are

5:47

going to be furious about these arms here. Oh,

5:50

you don't like it, huh? I don't mind. I'm

5:53

saying they're going to be furious. We

5:55

never had this before. A little intrusive. I

5:57

guess we had that at the original.

6:00

studio and labs. Did labs have

6:02

these? Yeah, I think they did. Oh yeah, and we

6:04

had cans too. And they're fun to

6:06

lean on at least. I don't know.

6:08

Yeah, I like to lean. But

6:10

wait, so you got the baby in the

6:13

end throwing off the whole rhythm. It's all

6:15

out of rhythm, circadian rhythm. Oh, I got

6:17

it back. Hit me with it please. So,

6:19

Salacuse has a child and we

6:21

were hanging out the other night or the other day and

6:24

he's like, I gotta go pick up my kid from school.

6:26

And I was like, oh, weird. All right, I'll

6:28

go with you. I don't know this world and

6:31

I'm not allowed to the school, but

6:33

I go by there. They don't recognize

6:35

me. And it's just thousands of kids

6:37

running around and parents going, hey, I'm

6:39

here. And then the kid runs up,

6:41

they hug and you leave with it.

6:43

And then there's a security guy at the

6:45

end going, all right, you look

6:47

enough like him. Then you get to leave, which very

6:50

loose system, very lax.

6:52

Yes. And then he takes

6:54

his kid to a playground where all the other

6:56

school kids are playing and he just goes run

6:59

free. And I was, I

7:01

was fascinated. It's a

7:03

weird world and it's crazy because I went

7:05

to my nephew's basketball game. He's seven by

7:07

the one of the teams just torch the

7:09

other team. When you watch sports, when

7:11

people are seven, because there's no tryouts, everyone's on

7:13

the team. Right. And some kids, they're just full

7:15

retired. They throw it up. It goes backwards. Yeah.

7:18

And you can tell who has an older brother

7:20

cause they're just raining shots. They can dribble. They're

7:22

going underneath and it's wacky. And you

7:24

know, you're next to the dad. You got to figure

7:26

out who you're next to. Yes. Yes. Cause you

7:28

gotta be like, please show me a sign. Cause you

7:30

want to be like, what's up with a rain man

7:33

out there? And then he's like, that's my son.

7:36

But that's a diagram. You gotta just hope your

7:38

kid isn't a special needs because then it's what's

7:41

the point of living completely or hoping black maybe

7:43

we'll make a point. But also

7:45

selling cues. I was like, I'm

7:47

freaking out. There's too many kids running around.

7:49

One kid hits a kid. They're fighting. They're,

7:51

they're making out over here. I'm like, this

7:53

is too much stimulus. I can't do it.

7:55

And he goes, well, my kid's eight. I've

7:57

had eight years of learning to be patient.

8:00

and I remember being like, oh yeah, that's

8:02

a good point. You had to condition yourself

8:04

over time to get yelled at, to change

8:06

dirty diapers, get pissed on, that whole thing,

8:08

and you're in the middle of it. But

8:11

I think, that was cute, you hear that? No.

8:14

No, I was squeaky farted. I was nice.

8:16

But I think Salic is though, he's a

8:18

modest guy, he's humble, he's gay, he's been

8:20

like that. Don't you think? Well,

8:22

I don't know, I didn't know him before, kid. But

8:25

I bet, I bet, it's not like he was a

8:27

high strung, where's much my gift? And

8:29

now he's as cool as a cucumber, that's who he

8:31

is. It's not like he had a seven

8:33

year old, and all of a sudden he likes confronting homeless

8:35

people. I'm about to have him

8:37

on my mental jacket, because I want to get to

8:39

the bottom of that guy. He's a butt inky, we

8:42

call him. Right. Because he likes to get in there.

8:44

He'll see a guy with a safe and a fucking,

8:47

what do you call that thing with the ears, the

8:49

doctor? Drill? No, the- Stethoscope?

8:51

Yes, he's got the stethoscope up to

8:53

it, the ear thing in, and

8:55

he's got a flame thrower, and he's burning a hole

8:57

in a safe and sell it to the go-up and

8:59

go, excuse me, that's illegal. And

9:03

I'm like, what are you doing? I think I robbed the safe.

9:05

He's like a Karen. He's a Karen. I'm

9:07

a Karen, I love Karen. If Karen

9:09

is bad, I don't

9:11

want to be good. Karen is Karen. Whatever

9:13

it is, I'm all Karen all

9:16

the time. Well, you do need

9:18

a Karen, because sometimes people are

9:20

being unruly, sometimes

9:22

people are being illegal.

9:24

This whole idea of Karen bad, I

9:26

mean, oh, they call the cops, where

9:28

you're like, wow, you were beating up

9:30

my son out in my front yard.

9:32

Well, we've gone off the deep end

9:35

with the smash and grab. That's what

9:37

the kids are calling it. That's

9:39

where you fuck a girl and grab her tit. But

9:42

it's like, hey, well, CVS can afford it. You

9:44

know, I know, but that's not how

9:47

the society works. We're living in a society, Jerry.

9:49

How about I just hung out with Big Al

9:52

David, and he was in San Francisco, and

9:54

they went to the car, they were driving around

9:57

San Fran. They wanted to go check out the

9:59

waterfront. parking like half mile

10:01

away and they were like, ah,

10:03

there's all these smashing, everyone's crashing the

10:05

windows, whatever, there's glass everywhere. So

10:07

they asked the security guy, they go, what's

10:09

the, what's the best way? Tell us how serious is it? We want

10:12

to go to the water. We're going to get on there for an

10:14

hour. Is our car in danger? The guy goes, I'll

10:16

tell you how you do it. Three of

10:18

you go to stay with the car. And

10:21

then you switch. He's

10:24

like, that's the best way to do it. And

10:26

they said they literally watched a guy smash a

10:28

window like across the street. Go through

10:30

the car and then walk, not run, walk

10:32

away. Wow. That's San Francisco, which San Fran,

10:35

I love, and I talked about it recently.

10:37

I was there. If you have

10:39

a hotel and no car, you're

10:41

golden. Right. You take a lift, you walk

10:43

around, whatever you're fine. But if you have

10:45

a vehicle with your shit in it, forget

10:48

about it. That's interesting. Yeah. Cause I've had a

10:50

lot of comedians like, it's not that bad. I've

10:52

been there. I played there. It's fine. You go

10:54

out to eat, you do whatever. I'm like, but

10:57

yeah, you don't live there. You live for eight

10:59

hours. Yes. If you don't have a car and

11:01

you have a room, no sweat. But if you're

11:03

going to try to park somewhere, you got to

11:05

like empty the car, roll the windows down the

11:08

whole thing. I saw a thing on the news

11:10

about the toy story or the toy store where

11:12

toys, toy story is based on. I've been drinking.

11:15

Toy story based on a toy store. It's based

11:17

on a toy store. They went into

11:19

a toy store. They're like, wow, this place

11:21

is magical. It's kind of like FBO Schwartz,

11:23

but on the West coast. Gotcha. Toy story

11:25

is based on this toy store. Like the

11:27

toys come to life, that whole thing. They

11:30

got the idea in this toy store. It's like

11:32

89 years old. Everybody's been

11:34

there. They bring your kids there. It's part

11:36

of the community closed. Ah,

11:39

just closed. Because they steal the stuff or

11:41

because no one buys toys. It's Amazon. They

11:43

steal. They had

11:45

the theft. They closed the first In-N-Out.

11:47

Stop the steal. The original In-N-Out is

11:50

closed. Not the original, but the Oakland.

11:52

The Oakland episode is closed and they're

11:54

too much theft. They're stealing the animal

11:57

style, Jerry. They're taking the bus. Well

12:01

we gotta figure something out. We need some law and

12:03

order. I guess so. That's what

12:05

we need folks. Well speaking of which, I

12:07

got a story along the line. What's

12:12

that? Law and Order. TV

12:14

show. I was thinking Carne Affair.

12:17

Remember that one? That was alarming.

12:19

I kind

12:22

of like this studio. It's nice but I can get

12:24

in the walks. I told

12:26

you about the walks. You didn't believe me about the

12:28

walks. Visually impairing. For those

12:30

who can't see or tell you can see it

12:32

in your camera. Actually you can see it in

12:35

mine too actually. We got a little monitor. There's

12:37

multiple things happening here. One,

12:39

we have wonkies. Two, our producer

12:43

is out there. Now I like a producer

12:45

in the room. Not to interrupt us and

12:47

tell us what he thinks but it's nice

12:49

to have somebody that it feels like you're

12:52

talking to. Because otherwise we're just two psychopaths

12:54

just yelling out at 100,000 people

12:56

that aren't here. Yeah for an orgy or a

12:59

porno I'd want them out there but it's a

13:01

podcast. Like if we were fucking I'd be like

13:03

hey the guy's outside I know he's watching but

13:05

he's not I can't see him. Good

13:07

point. But for this you want to see the

13:09

guy. Well it's an odd thing I just did

13:11

a Mindful Metal jacket. Check out the podcast I'm

13:13

trying to make it work. I got a huge

13:16

guest coming up. Big

13:18

tease. And I

13:20

mean big. Come on. Bigger than

13:22

you're thinking. Trump? Now

13:24

smaller. All right, Elon.

13:28

Smaller than that. I went too big. But anyways

13:30

big guest coming. Big guest. But I just knew

13:32

it was Isabelle Hagan, little guest. And it's awkward

13:34

because we're in here and then the guy's like

13:36

all right we're gonna hit record and you guys

13:39

have fun and then the door closes. It feels

13:41

like a casting coach. It does. It

13:43

does. I mean I'm gonna put my hand on your

13:45

knee in a minute. Please don't.

13:47

All right. And there's literally a couch

13:49

with cameras. But anyways so check this story out. Where

13:51

are the cameras? What are you, spilling your face? A

13:54

little bit. Holy geez that was more

13:56

than I thought. Why is it beating? What kind of

13:58

sweatshirt is that? It's very uh what

14:00

the word close-knit with with that right

14:02

now man said all

14:06

that seeing that's nice but yeah i i

14:08

i i mean yeah it's that would have

14:11

denim have fiber with it but

14:13

that again driver something cotton is in the

14:15

car uh... remember that you

14:18

do your eyes not your hands that was a big thing

14:20

uh... and go let me see the toy

14:22

let me see yeah your eyes not your

14:24

hands that's right that you make a better

14:26

door the window uh... those

14:29

are huge and then i'm up here uh...

14:33

you look at that right at the pit for

14:35

the different of the day you get a lady

14:37

with full-on crazy cleavage then

14:39

they put glitter on the cleavage in the

14:41

nineties remember that and you look at if

14:43

you're like a weirdo you

14:46

get glitter in your tits but you know what

14:48

you do it but glitter in your forehead off their bed yeah

14:51

i think that's what let's get the

14:53

kids come on people you brought them

14:55

you want to get my dick to

14:57

fail or not all the thing out

14:59

you got it i don't know i

15:01

give me a minute before i pull it out at

15:03

least good point we fluff uh...

15:06

i took a test i recorded the podcast my

15:08

villem jacket go check it out big guest coming

15:10

up we do the episode i go

15:12

ahead with it to pull a we

15:14

go over to pull a now the

15:16

studio here is in the mid-town i

15:18

give too much away here at the

15:20

midtown yeah the thirty-four east where a

15:22

block from like where

15:25

a block from port authority

15:27

the a kook central a

15:29

couple blocks thirty we

15:31

go to the polly i

15:33

mean it is literally the kookiest kook situation

15:36

i've ever seen kook central station and we

15:38

always came back here to eat because it

15:40

was a guy walking up to everyone all

15:43

wacky and uh... he left like

15:45

i will sit down that we had a second guy

15:47

come in and he just walked up to everyone hey

15:49

can i have a few bucks can i have a

15:51

few bucks in the second eating and i'm sorry i

15:53

don't anything the third guy

15:56

walks in he's got like uh... he's

15:58

missing all his front teeth Crazy,

16:00

you know shit in his hair the whole

16:02

thing. I feel bad for him life is

16:04

not going great Sure, and you have empathy

16:06

but the same time you're in a dining

16:08

room eating a meal. Yes having a nice

16:10

conversation He doesn't think where

16:12

he just sits next to what the

16:15

long tail It's next

16:17

Isabel dead eye contact with me. Can

16:19

you help me? I said, I Got

16:22

a Chipotle gift card four bucks on it and he

16:24

doesn't really I can't understand him. He's like Yeah,

16:28

and I'm just painting a picture. Sorry, so I

16:30

give him the gift card I'm like this four

16:33

dollars and fifty cents here. That's that's something that's

16:35

half a burrito I mean five dollars

16:37

is a nice amount of money much. You don't

16:39

give a whole person five dollars Maybe a one

16:41

maybe change so I give it to him and he's

16:43

like I need more give me more And then

16:45

I have my phone on the more I had my

16:47

phone on the table So I kind of just grabbed

16:50

it cuz you know, you never know. Yeah, and

16:52

I put my buggies like can I have that? Can I

16:54

have that? Yeah, I was like my

16:56

iPhone. You don't even know the code. Yeah pictures

16:58

of my son and wife on here That's

17:01

gonna be give me at least 50 bucks for

17:04

that Yeah, so I take the phone then he

17:06

turns his attention to Isabel and he's like can

17:08

I have money? Can I have money and finally

17:10

she takes out a single give him a single?

17:12

Okay, five fifty. That's not nothing That's solid for

17:15

that's what I have six seconds of work Pretty

17:17

good. So he goes to the line. He's hitting everyone up

17:20

in the line and then all of a sudden I just

17:22

hear What the huh and

17:24

I look over he's got a full bowl Pile

17:27

of cheese avocado. He just went to the guy at

17:29

the register and just took the bowl

17:31

Whoa, someone else's bowl someone else's bowl and

17:33

I was like, I was kind of happy

17:35

for him like that's the move Yeah, it's

17:37

a super bowl. He just made 550 off

17:39

of us and got a full $18

17:43

bowl and out the door he goes and

17:45

it's kind of funny because the guy whose bowl it

17:47

was he was like What the hell is yeah blown

17:49

away and shocked and the chagrin which I understand But

17:51

you're also like Well, they

17:53

gotta make you another ball. Yeah, they'll get you another ball and

17:56

you almost think why and I guess it's easy for

17:58

me To say I'm a little roll cock piece of

18:00

shit but you're almost like i get what you can't

18:02

do it every day we like to pull a like

18:05

and make a mobile i guess so

18:07

they just have a lot of your food kitchen i

18:09

guess you can't do it yeah i think they've that's

18:11

gonna sound horrible but it's like don't feed the bears

18:13

the bear to keep coming right the football team

18:16

or the gays were fat but yeah i

18:18

think it never ends and then i

18:21

don't i don't know what to do if you want to

18:23

just hire a guy to just every time he comes in

18:26

use kick him in the face that he never comes back

18:28

well this is one of the tricky things and i don't

18:30

want to get too political to episode in a row but

18:32

you're like what are you supposed to do because the guys

18:34

behind the counter they just signed

18:36

up to make fifteen dollars an hour to

18:39

make burritos they're not gonna wrestle a homeless

18:41

man now and so and i'm sure that's

18:43

why they tell the third

18:45

yeah three guys came in in the twelve minutes

18:47

we're eating there one took a full burrito

18:49

and i will we're leaving there was another guy in there and

18:51

a woman was like i can help you out and

18:55

i don't know i don't know how you handle it

18:57

to do but they still made the other burritos so

18:59

the only losses to chipotle yet quite

19:01

a sight to just see a man walk up

19:04

take some food you feel like and

19:06

uh... uh... god

19:08

that's true if it feels like they own

19:10

the place a little bit you're scared of

19:13

all but then you don't also want to

19:15

look like an asshole so you're

19:17

not only you worry that they'll breathe on me

19:19

and give me aids but also i

19:21

don't want to get caught yelling at the guy

19:23

and be that guy so you're stuck between a

19:25

hobo and a hard dick and it's a hard

19:28

way at the top place to be i mean

19:30

that's like a great uh... john

19:32

primes on you just did but

19:34

yeah i don't know how you have other than packing

19:36

up and fucking moving and

19:39

it's hard because you try to be empathetic

19:41

you try to be a good guy a

19:43

good person but the same time you're like

19:46

i'm trying to go to a restaurant any

19:48

meal and i have three separate people getting

19:51

in my face taken my shit stealing food

19:53

totally and you're uncomfortable because you like i

19:55

don't know how this person's gonna react and

19:57

the obviously they're unwell i know but

20:00

imagine being some tourist from Kansas who's in town to

20:02

see Back to the Future on Ice or whatever the

20:05

hell is it Broadway? And then you

20:07

go to Chipotle to try to have a

20:09

quick burrito with your cute daughter and she's

20:11

sick and she's got a little lollipop

20:13

and all that. And then a guy with no teeth

20:15

is like, eh, I need more, I need

20:17

more, give me that lollipop. And she's like, what? And then

20:20

he takes a burrito. That's a

20:22

wild thing to see. It's terrifying. And

20:24

then it just puts an uncomfortable feeling

20:26

when you walk out where we're saying

20:28

goodbye and you're kind of like, uh,

20:30

yeah, and uh, yeah, I don't know. And then, yeah,

20:32

it's a lot. I feel like a lot of people

20:35

hate it. They live in a gated community. So like,

20:37

how could you treat them like that? Then they go

20:39

back to their big old house with, with a big

20:41

fucking arm in front of it that you got to

20:43

talk to a buzzer to get in. Exactly.

20:45

And, uh, yeah, all the people that are like, oh, it's

20:47

all right to me and write, you're a fucking dick face

20:49

or whatever. But you're like, I mean, I'm giving a guy

20:51

money. I don't know what you want me to do. I

20:53

gave a gift card, but that's the same. Yeah. And

20:56

these are the same people who wear a mask and be like, well, I don't want

20:58

anybody's germs. This guy has got shit

21:00

all over his face and fingers. And you're like,

21:03

wasn't that unsanitary? That's a great point.

21:05

Oh, I have a point. Nice. He

21:07

can wear a mask with those teeth, by the way. It'd be

21:09

nice. Tell him to wear a mask. Tell

21:11

him about the mask thing. Big mask. Hey,

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Damn right. Yeah. Well

23:53

anyways that happened and I had another crazy thing happen if

23:55

you want that. I mean I can talk

23:58

about this thing up for another six minutes. let's

24:00

go to the next week well we got

24:02

a good i wanna lead up to you

24:04

got some crazy shit let me just not

24:06

be a kid off the uh... the bra

24:08

but again the beacon is is is like

24:10

everything went great it was awesome so it's

24:12

not not really uh... banger i know but

24:14

still i want to hear all about i

24:16

want to have the morning the afternoon there

24:18

is the next day chair it's wild and

24:20

then you have the other thing you know

24:22

i had a lot to talk about that

24:24

well been drinking so we'll go nuts okay

24:26

great because uh... i think they've got that

24:29

but uh... worst in my life uh...

24:32

but i got that today but it but it is six days about

24:34

guys like did you hear about

24:37

this that you can't even

24:39

i'm not kidding man well i

24:41

i i i can't get the letter and

24:43

uh... i get the other job and stuff

24:45

and you don't look at the lovely yeah

24:47

i think that the link to tmv and

24:49

the cnews reddit you to twitter that's that's

24:51

why i would be alone yeah uh... but

24:53

what can you do is really alive so

24:56

i'm on my way here it's really a two

24:59

stories on a day of recording that's

25:01

true so i'm on the way here

25:03

again on the train and uh... which only take during

25:05

the day because the cooks in the crazies and

25:08

you put your air pods in which are noise

25:10

canceling now yeah i think that you

25:12

have nois canceling plus the podcast on top

25:14

of the noise cancel yes very

25:16

little very limited audio coming in exactly

25:18

so i'm listening to a podcast and

25:20

at every stop i kinda

25:23

tune into look look around the who's got

25:25

on the train be aware and on the

25:27

swivel swivel so i look at it all

25:29

looks hunky dory and uh... i

25:31

put my foot my head down to the to read

25:33

something and i just hear all my god screening

25:36

on a look at everybody scrambling and

25:39

jumping up so uh...

25:41

i'm not missing a a sense but

25:43

i got my years all wacky yet

25:45

yet so i see everyone jumping up

25:47

so i just jump up the mike

25:49

of the shooting at the bombing by

25:51

fathers gay i jump up in the

25:53

handrails right about bagel boom and

25:55

i had done that so now

25:58

i got chaos plus birds

26:00

and stars. So I'm walked out and I'm like

26:02

whoa but at the same time I'm like

26:07

I gotta get out of here because the shooting.

26:09

Yeah. So I look around at what's going on

26:11

people running on the train or running off the

26:14

train. All of a sudden you're in like high

26:16

alert. Oh yeah adrenaline's pumping fight or flight. So

26:18

I see people have run to the door and

26:20

I look out the window behind because I'm sitting

26:23

like this where this is the exit. Yeah. And

26:25

someone has fallen like their

26:27

leg in between there's like a little crack

26:29

there in between the train and

26:31

track. So they're like and the woman's

26:35

like oh my god I see

26:37

people pulling so I'm wonky and I go oh

26:39

shit and I go let me go help because

26:41

I see like two women helping her. So

26:44

I run out of the train to

26:46

go check out the situation and they

26:48

immediately like pull her up. She's like

26:51

and her shoes all fucked up in her bag.

26:55

And then you just hear like stand clear

26:57

the closing doors and the doors start closing.

26:59

I'm off the train. So I gotta like

27:01

stick my arm in and it closes on

27:03

me. I'm like yeah

27:06

it finally opens. I jumped on the train doors

27:08

closed and we just take off but it felt

27:10

like such a metaphor for life.

27:12

Yeah. City where you're like is it a

27:14

shooting? Am I gonna die? I banged my

27:16

head. Oh someone fell down the tracks. They're

27:18

gonna die. Oh they're safe. Oh I'm missing

27:20

the train. Yeah it's all quick. And

27:23

within literally four seconds we

27:25

are back in the train leaving.

27:27

And then just quiet back to podcast. Yeah and

27:30

everybody on the train just witnessed everyone was screaming and

27:32

it was crazy and I turned to this woman I'm

27:34

like I thought she fell on the track and this

27:36

woman literally just goes. She

27:39

was like a cute girl so I feel

27:41

like she thought I was gonna be like

27:43

hey right I was gonna go sit like

27:45

she was like I'm not interested and it's

27:48

so weird you're just we're all just back riding

27:51

the train and you just go well that's

27:53

over. Damn that's crazy that is a

27:55

good summation of New York City in

27:57

about 10 seconds. and

28:00

no good deed goes unpunished you try to go help the

28:02

lady now you're up the train you might lose the train.

28:04

I almost missed the train. Would you have been a better

28:06

story if I missed the train? but you're like, ahh. You

28:09

got the arm in. Again, I've always said that's

28:11

the difference between men and women. I watch women

28:13

run down the stairs, the train doors are closing

28:15

and they they have a window

28:17

to put the arm in but they won't do it. Right.

28:20

Because they don't want to inconvenience the train which is very

28:22

nice I guess. And men will go, whoop. But the men

28:24

will put their dick in there just to get something. But

28:26

don't you think the women just don't want to get their

28:28

arm chopped off? I don't think they're thought of thoughtfulness. Oh,

28:30

is that what it is? I think so. Because I put

28:32

my arm in there a million times, I've never been chopped.

28:35

Wow, I'm not saying your arms are going to be

28:37

chopped. I think that's what they're thinking. Oh, I never

28:39

thought about that. I don't think they're like, I don't

28:41

want to bother anyone. I think they're like, oh my

28:43

god, I'll die. I thought because there's all these studies

28:45

that say women aren't risk takers. So they're like, I'm

28:47

not going to put my arm in there but maybe

28:49

you're right. Maybe that's a risk to get it chopped.

28:51

You say women are or aren't risk-shopped? Are not. Yeah,

28:53

exactly. They don't want to rip their arm chopped. Interesting.

28:55

But they wouldn't design a door that would cut an

28:57

arm off. I know, but they're not thinking like that.

28:59

I guess more likely they're afraid or they're afraid to

29:01

get stuck and then they have to run along the

29:03

train. Oh, that would be funny. Yeah, classic comedy. Call

29:05

in, ladies, because I would love to know

29:07

why. Every, I'm talking 100%. I've never seen

29:09

a woman put the arm in. I've seen

29:11

women put the stroller in, though. Yikes! I

29:14

know. Well, that's a whole other bag of

29:16

jizz. Absolutely. I love a bag of jizz.

29:18

Sure. I keep a jar. I

29:22

got to get the bag. I guess it's more malleable.

29:25

Jizz jar. Boy, these monitors are tough.

29:27

Look at that dick and

29:29

pants. That is crazy. That's

29:32

not fun for the eyes. But yeah,

29:34

jeez, you got a wingspan. Look at

29:36

that thing. That's a full spread. Yeah,

29:39

it's pretty good. Yeah, headline news

29:41

in the New York Times. Full

29:43

spread. Whoo! Anyway,

29:45

all right, give me some stuff. I haven't seen you since

29:48

the 80s. You're at the beacon. You're on TMZ. I mean,

29:50

I don't even know who you are anymore. Well, we'll start

29:52

with the beak. Um...

29:55

Bwakkak! We'll start with the

29:57

beak of the chicken, but... First

30:01

off, we sell, we put on the

30:03

beacon. I'm gonna start from the beginning. Please. We put

30:06

the beacon on sale. I always got my agents, what

30:08

do you think about doing a show in New York

30:10

City? And I go, I don't know, I blow my

30:12

wad every night, I do four shows, I don't know

30:15

if it's gonna happen. They're like, what do

30:17

you think about Carnegie Hall? I'm like, that's crazy, I could never

30:19

do it. What do you think about Radio City? Ah, who am

30:21

I, Matt Rife? Get the hell out of here. What

30:23

about the beacon? It's not about the beacon,

30:25

Jerry. The beacon's the coolest. It's the coolest.

30:27

It buzzed, right when he said that, I

30:30

was like, oh, that one feels good, you

30:32

know, because it'd be nice

30:34

to do the Garden Theater, the Wamu,

30:36

whatever it's called, or Town Hall, or

30:38

Gramercy, or these are all cool and

30:40

great venues. But someone

30:42

had beacon, it's got a jizz

30:44

on it, it's got a genesee-quah. It

30:47

does. Genocide-quah. Yeah, there

30:49

you go. But that's the thing,

30:51

it's in a neighborhood, it's on

30:54

the Upper West Side, it's across

30:56

from the Ansonia, we've walked underneath

30:58

it, the podcast started there, it's

31:01

got the big marquee, Mark, and

31:03

the Funky Bunch, and

31:05

it's a video marquee, and it's

31:08

a beautiful little building. And for

31:10

me, like I said, I've seen

31:12

the Allman Brothers there, and Jenny

31:14

Lewis, and Jerry Seinfeld, and Eddie

31:16

Vedder, and I think Jackson Brown,

31:20

and all these great artists, and all this great

31:22

stuff, and a bunch of other shows there, Allman

31:24

Brothers, several times, I think I mentioned that, Tedeschi

31:27

Trucks Band. I've just been there a lot,

31:29

and it's one of the

31:31

great theaters, and it's so neighborhoody, you can take

31:33

the two train there, and you walk right up,

31:36

plus Burr does it, Seinfeld fucking

31:38

lives there, all those

31:40

guys, and it's so ornate, and

31:42

so beautiful, and wide, and big.

31:46

Radio City, as we've discussed, sucks, it's a

31:48

cool accomplishment, I'm not taking anything from it,

31:50

but the room itself is not great. Agreed.

31:53

Too far, too big, too weird, and

31:56

Carnegie's obviously unbelievable, although I've heard this sound, it's

31:58

not great, I think I'm repeating myself. feel

32:00

great but I

32:02

don't know the beacon is just so big

32:05

and gorgeous I agree and

32:07

it's a theater Radio City to me is

32:09

almost like a TV room yeah film things

32:12

in there and the Rockettes are on or

32:14

whatever it's like an event space yes where

32:16

the beacon is like this is where we

32:18

do rock music comedy

32:20

rap whatever the fuck so

32:22

fuck it all right we'll try the beacon this is

32:24

months and months ago maybe even a year ago and

32:27

then it kinda it's twenty two

32:29

thousand seven hundred fifty tickets okay

32:32

roughly and you're like it's a lot of

32:34

tickets okay then you know you hey a

32:36

month went by we sold a thousand a

32:38

month ago they sold fifteen hundred but it

32:41

never really got like oh I'm very confident

32:43

about this and my agent they do all

32:45

these numbers they crunch Jerry so he goes

32:47

I bet we could sell

32:49

another one but you're gonna have to push you're

32:51

gonna have to devote your life to selling it out and

32:53

you're like I'm okay with one it's

32:56

hard it's tricky because this is the

32:58

thing about it's a weird business because

33:00

you think tickets a number of tickets

33:02

but it's also like it's human being

33:05

yeah you got to convince human

33:07

beings to trick them does not just

33:09

want to see you but to also

33:11

be available yeah it's like to sell

33:14

five thousand tickets you gotta have 12,000

33:17

people that want to go good point

33:19

because half the people go I can't afford that or

33:22

go I can't get a sitter I gotta go to

33:24

movies that night I got a wedding I got a

33:26

work thing I got a osteoporosis

33:28

whatever it is so you know I

33:31

don't know about that whatever so they think I

33:33

can't say no anything so I go alright let's

33:36

do it and it's really

33:38

not moving like the first show is even

33:40

sold out and now we got like 200 sold

33:42

for the second one okay so clock

33:44

ticking then you get the

33:46

Danny punch up involved Danny Frank

33:49

oh yeah punch up live

33:51

live.com dot com and he's all over

33:53

and he's like you gotta post a

33:55

carousel now on Tuesday post a video

33:57

now on Thursday post a still photo

34:00

and it's just he's got the whole thing down

34:02

he's a guru and you're like all right

34:04

so we're doing room yeah we're doing

34:06

that we're doing this it's a lot

34:08

of work but your whole life was

34:11

just selling out that second show how

34:13

are we gonna do it so conference call

34:15

conference call what are we gonna do and it's

34:18

but now we're about half sold on the second one

34:20

okay but a lot of people it's a lot of

34:23

people and it doesn't it's easy that but if

34:25

you don't get it up to 2,000

34:28

2,200 it's you're gonna feel it in there you're

34:30

gonna feel it but I do feel like once

34:32

you get to 1,500 on the second show you

34:36

gotta show that it's not embarrassing

34:38

but I not great

34:41

yes yes yes so cut

34:44

to it's three days before I got

34:46

700 tickets a cell okay now you got

34:49

600 hey this guy tweeted about all

34:51

right now you got 550 but it's still getting

34:53

there and that TMZ shit

34:55

happened sold it out Wow so this

34:57

is wacky timing it all came together

35:00

it was like a movie we're like

35:02

how we gonna pull it out it was like a like

35:04

Rudy like oh although he didn't pull it off Rudy

35:07

pulls it off did he win Rudy

35:09

yeah well he gets a sack he

35:11

gets to play they win I went okay

35:14

yeah the team wins but it's all around

35:16

him and he gets it from what I've

35:18

heard it's all about him people hate him

35:20

okay well it's a big sack he got

35:22

the sack you sack up you'd play your

35:24

chips they won the game it's the same

35:26

thing it was like how are we gonna

35:28

pull this off right at the end something

35:30

happens you know when you're there watching the

35:32

action movie and you're like oh god he

35:34

was doing great but now the big boss is beating him

35:37

up and then before you know it the

35:39

big boss about this cut his head off and then he

35:41

gets shot in the head right that's what

35:43

it felt like save which was invented

35:45

they say in high noon is that

35:47

right yeah with Gary Cooper and people

35:50

were really upset about it John bless

35:52

you thank you I thought you'd get

35:54

shot John Wayne was very

35:56

upset because Gary Cooper no one will help him

35:58

and he's scared and his wife saves them.

36:01

John Wayne was like, what? This movie

36:03

sucks. Yeah. Wow. I didn't know

36:08

that. Yeah. And supposedly that's the creation of

36:10

the save. The other character comes in. You

36:12

don't know who saved them and boo boo

36:15

boo started with high noon. Well, there you

36:17

go. All right.

36:19

I'm high. But I got the save. We got

36:21

the save happened last minute. No one saw it

36:24

coming and you got a high five your

36:26

agent because you go, I don't know how you did it,

36:28

but you did it. I mean,

36:30

he didn't do it. TMZ did it, but still

36:32

it got done. And Danny Frankl and Danny Frankl.

36:34

And it was his idea and blah, blah, blah.

36:37

So Thursday or Friday

36:39

night, the first show, Stavros gave me

36:41

great advice. I go, Hey, you

36:43

just did the beacon and he tips and he goes, yes. You

36:48

go to, you go to salt lake city, you

36:51

get the Uber to the airport, you

36:53

fly, you check into the hotel, you

36:55

go to the green room of the

36:57

show. You think about the show the

36:59

whole day, the whole Uber flight hotel

37:01

is for this show. The beacon,

37:03

you take the subway, right? He's sleeping in your own

37:05

bed. So you're just, he said that he did three

37:07

at the beacon. He said he showed up and he

37:09

was like, Oh shit, I'm at

37:11

the beacon. If you think of it

37:13

as a New York spot, right. And he's like,

37:15

it took me to like the first show was

37:17

almost like a, Oh shit.

37:20

Uh, what, what was that? What's going on? What's my act?

37:22

And this, you know, I'm not, I'm not saying he fucked

37:24

up. I'm just saying like he was out of it a

37:26

little bit on the first show. Then the second show, he's

37:28

like, I knew what this was.

37:31

I prepped all day. I thought about

37:33

it all day. Whatever. Interesting. Great advice.

37:35

Good advice. So you got a hotel.

37:37

No, but I

37:39

thought about it and I stood on it and people

37:42

said, Hey, you want to, you want to make out?

37:44

And I said, no, no, I got the beacon tonight.

37:46

I'm thinking about it. You

37:48

know, and so I had

37:51

that going. So that helped wrote a bunch

37:53

of shit. And then I also wrote a

37:55

piece about the TMZ shit because they're going to

37:57

want to hear it. A piece of material. Yes. A piece sounds

37:59

like it's an hour. article for the atlantic all you

38:01

have a good point around the words i've

38:03

heard a joke uh... or a bit so

38:06

i wrote a bit about that but i had

38:09

to add that going to i got and i

38:11

listen to a set let's do an hour uh...

38:13

and it went great i got so they're

38:15

opening i had a weiner open out and donnelly

38:17

hosting and i think he knows in town the

38:20

great sentini and i said

38:22

uh... a one-year setting with more do

38:24

i and he showed up how

38:26

much time do you want to add i'd like to

38:28

get to a stable and uh... but uh...

38:30

super cold to be in the bowels of

38:32

that place we had open bar we had

38:34

back to get that look used on the

38:36

one that is a good day to get

38:39

through all the footage and

38:41

the a a ladies their your agent there

38:43

at the jet that just fun that is

38:45

uh... special night i want to know

38:47

more about this so you didn't

38:49

did you take the subway did you get a

38:51

ride would you do i took the subway uh...

38:53

they made me get there early that we we

38:55

sold posters and i get their early thing final

38:57

posters gotcha and then cat is like let me

38:59

know when you're coming i wanna film it is

39:01

like a dad is out there with the fucking

39:04

camcorder on his shoulder and you show

39:06

up and i hold on he's walking backwards that he

39:08

had to cook and uh... we

39:10

get the whole thing and it's fun

39:12

to walk through the beacon empty and

39:15

be like i was gonna fill up

39:17

right you know that all these grips

39:19

and stage hands walking around the union

39:23

union jerry and the delhi dumb union rules were

39:25

i think i did a cocktail like we're not

39:27

like she loved a poor you one back here

39:29

but we can go by you want to put

39:31

a sippy cup you bring a guy what are

39:33

we doing it's really wacky i think i i

39:35

i i i that that blue my mind starting

39:37

to be at some of these shows these places

39:39

of the union they throw yet they literally throw

39:41

the artist out its wacky they hate you yeah

39:43

you sell the whole place out they go what's

39:45

next move it along yet walking

39:47

so what time you get in there so

39:49

i got there six thirty for an eight

39:52

o'clock show well not too crazy but crazy

39:55

and uh... i would say the more time like we

39:57

did konin the more time you there the more the

39:59

anxiety around investor So

40:01

you want it to go great whatever so

40:04

the New York Times is there Don Lemon

40:06

showed up what yeah He's apparently a fan.

40:08

Oh my god. That's all that coming this

40:10

black gay CNN reporter. Oh my god. I

40:12

think we've Shit on him before oh

40:15

boy But

40:18

you know how the way we are yeah, I hope

40:20

lemons not too sour but

40:24

Yeah, so Co-workers are

40:26

from high school or hitting you up. Hey,

40:28

I'm in town this guy Chris the teacher

40:30

all these guys Hey, not about for 30

40:32

years. Love Chris the teacher good

40:34

good egg and yeah, so

40:38

Do it Maddie goes up or

40:40

Donnelly goes up does great Maddie kills it

40:42

then soda killed it and it's

40:44

good vibes everywhere Jeffrey Gurion shows up. He's

40:46

trying to do interviews and you're like I

40:50

love Gurion a that keep the comedy New

40:52

York staple. You have to have him He

40:55

really is and he's a beautiful man beautiful

40:57

hair great smile. Oh, and just he brought

40:59

a hot little black chick with him She

41:01

must have been 11 years old and

41:04

we had a great time So

41:07

yeah show is great you go out there

41:09

Yeah, you you get to do all the

41:11

bits you worked on in the shit clubs

41:15

and you you know you get to You

41:17

get to hear a like a roar in that

41:19

town. Yeah, you see him blossom you see him

41:21

bloom now What's the last time you worked, New

41:23

York? What was the last real, New York gig

41:25

you did? I've only opened I've never really done

41:27

like a like we'll do the Gramercy or something,

41:29

but never really Did

41:31

the town never did the headlining yeah, that's

41:33

what's weird cuz Gotham and Caroline are gone

41:35

Yeah, I used to headline God, but that

41:37

we would work six years ago five years

41:40

ago Yeah, that's really weird that if you

41:42

want to work if you're a working headliner

41:45

There now is no room to do in New

41:47

York right Gotham's there. No Gotham does showcases now.

41:49

They don't do that anymore They don't do weekends.

41:52

They do weekend showcase shows. They stopped doing a

41:54

headliners a long time ago. I saw Sebastian

41:56

there I saw Joe koi there. I saw

41:58

all these big like shoe would do

42:00

it they stopped doing that although I saw

42:02

that's where I over Jake Johansson that's where

42:04

Schumer gave me all that money when we

42:06

opened for Bobby yeah that was amazing I'm

42:09

still forever grateful yeah yeah but no

42:11

they stopped doing that a while ago because

42:13

I think Gotham realized we can sell out

42:15

we sell at any show why give a

42:17

headliner 20 grand thousand dollars whatever when we

42:19

can just have Tom Dick and Harry whoa

42:22

that's kind of a bummer cuz I mean

42:24

they they've really that felt like the stepping

42:26

stones like oh this guy's gonna be big

42:28

right well it's nice for us cuz now

42:30

we can do spots if you're home on

42:32

a weekend and I believe they pay better

42:34

than any club I was just told a

42:37

friend of ours a little Dominican

42:39

fella from Queens told me

42:41

that he's like yeah I just they he's like

42:43

I don't know why no one works these like you got to

42:45

work there we can give like twice the amount of money and

42:47

it's packed he's like it's sold out every show always

42:50

packed on the weekends and good crowd

42:52

smart kind of up there like more

42:54

upper crust yes I think they're more

42:56

local too yes yes but Caroline's is

42:58

gone so there's no place to headline

43:01

unless you're doing a big room which I'll

43:03

just tease I'm doing a headlining and later

43:05

on I can't really talk about it yet

43:08

which I'm exciting worried about selling myself it's

43:10

the same thing you're like you got to

43:12

get a lot of people

43:14

I know bless you you'll sell

43:18

I mean you gotta get a lot of runway and

43:20

you don't work New York either headline oh the only

43:23

time I headline New York is to shoot a special

43:25

which is on a Sunday night typically at the VU

43:27

I'll back it up so we'll do a

43:30

Saturday night and an un disclosed location in

43:32

time well I know the room and it's

43:35

a beauty it's a dandy it's a dabble

43:37

do you yeah yeah so this is I

43:39

mean I don't want to give too much

43:41

away but I open for Louie there years

43:44

ago and I remember being like oh my

43:46

god this was that was an honor to

43:48

not only over him but like in

43:51

that room come on and it's

43:53

a venue that's the Seinfeld episode

43:55

so that's fun yeah

43:58

well I will talk I don't want to give

44:00

it all away, give it away, give it away, give it away now.

44:03

It's exciting. But, alright, so,

44:05

Donnelly goes up, he kills. He

44:07

does great. And he hosts. He

44:09

hosts, yeah. And he was happy to do it.

44:12

I was nervous to ask him, you know, he's like,

44:14

he's the quintessential New York host, but he's

44:16

like, I just want to do spots. I'm

44:18

good at hosting, but I'd like to be known as a

44:20

comedian. He's a great comic. Of course. So,

44:22

he goes up, does, he's a pro, kills

44:25

it. Mattie Wiener. And it's

44:27

cool to see that these are headliners. They're doing 10. Right.

44:31

So it's just, bam, top of the

44:33

line, grade A, hard stuff. Nothing stepped

44:35

on, no baby powder, pure Bolivian shale,

44:37

and killing. And then

44:40

Sodor goes up, he's a fucking monster. He

44:42

destroys. One of the best ever. And

44:45

then Santino was a draw, he was a sequel.

44:47

We got a little pop in, and he

44:49

went out, he's famous. Of course. I

44:51

mean, the place went eight years. Huge. So he

44:53

did 10, and he's got like a cool jacket on, and he's

44:55

a fun guy. Yeah, good boy. Very

44:58

handsome, good looking ginger. By the way, him and Sodor

45:00

backstage, I was just watching him, I was like, if

45:02

I was a girl, I'd blow both of them. Really?

45:06

Well, they're both tall, and they're just so... I'm

45:08

weak. Tall. All right, well, they're

45:10

both handsome, and they're quick, and they're like, it's

45:13

almost like two battle rappers going at it

45:15

with the zings and the jokes and the

45:18

scenarios and voices. And

45:21

you just watch it when you swoon. I

45:23

suppose so. The voices are a little much for me, but what

45:25

are you going to do? I

45:28

don't like it. The centeno do the voices

45:30

too. He does voice, he does characters, he's

45:32

up and at them, he's doing scenarios and

45:34

making their doing a whole... They're doing our

45:36

town, right there. Can I do voices? No,

45:38

don't do it. Nailed it. I

45:40

did a wookie. Yeah. I did it all

45:42

for the wookie. Come on,

45:45

the wookie. So,

45:50

then you get to go out there, hot crowd,

45:52

fun time. Here we are, and I opened the

45:54

whole Seinfeld thing, I opened for him. Did he

45:56

come to detect him? He's on the road, he's

45:58

on the road. I thought for

46:00

sure he was gonna open. What are you

46:03

doing? He's like, I'm a comedian. I'm working

46:05

That makes sense. I

46:07

also Saturday was really embarrassed I got texted Shea like hey you

46:10

want to do a set he was like, I don't know if

46:12

you're aware I do a show on Saturday night. I work Saturday

46:16

Well, they do take fucking 48 weeks

46:18

a year off that's Let's be

46:20

honest. Everybody's hard. It is to work at SNL.

46:22

They're like we're off for three weeks We're off

46:24

to six months. We don't work during the election.

46:26

We don't work in November or just boy I

46:28

heard Shane got hired. I haven't seen him on

46:30

there yet, but So,

46:36

yeah great time You

46:39

wrap it up. You have a couple of pops you

46:41

live it up great you go back You just take

46:43

the subway back home that the whole thing's very surreal

46:45

It's like doing Letterman you just do it and then

46:47

they kick you out you're next to a bag of

46:49

garbage by a bodega It's awkward. I mean, I remember

46:51

I told the story many times but open for In

46:54

practical jokers at Radio City and I left I'm

46:56

just on the D train and it's just me

46:59

in a suit It's just me sitting there

47:01

and I'm like I just performed for 6,000 people.

47:03

Nobody has any idea No one has any

47:05

it's very it's a chappelle say it's Superman

47:07

Clark Kent moment. What was that an adderman

47:10

story? Remember him? He did

47:12

Letterman James

47:14

Smith told me this story in Adderman did

47:17

Letterman He's sitting

47:19

on a curb out on West 3rd

47:21

Street by the Boston and James

47:23

Smith goes Oh my god, you're Dan. He just moved

47:25

there from Australia. You just did Letterman. He goes $1,100

47:29

and look where I am and it to me that

47:31

sums it all up. Oh, that's fun You know you

47:33

go from biggest show on CBS That's

47:36

it not a curb Well, I did I had that

47:38

one when I opened for Louie at MSG and I

47:40

hadn't done a set for like four days Whatever reason

47:42

my family or something. So I wanted to just

47:44

get the dust off So let me go do a spot

47:47

and this guy had a spot. What was

47:49

the place? Right down

47:51

the street from MSG. It had like

47:53

horses on the sign. These do improv

47:55

downstairs Mustang Sally

47:58

mustang Sally's and I

48:01

was like I forget whose show it was but I was like

48:03

can I just do time I just want to get up Yeah,

48:05

and I was like down there bombing for 11 people and I

48:07

was like at this time tomorrow I'll

48:09

be two blocks up at Madison Square

48:11

Garden. It's the wackiest bit I mean

48:13

we all know the lol bill burr

48:15

story Hit me with it

48:17

Oh bill burr was doing the garden much

48:20

like yourself and he goes I want

48:22

to get the rust off So he

48:24

goes what's the club? Oh, I'm staying in Midtown

48:26

somebody text me There's a club called lol, which

48:28

is notoriously like one of the worst rooms in

48:30

the city Absolutely takes the elevator up and he

48:33

goes Hey

48:35

Charlie, I'd love to get some time and

48:37

they go You have to get

48:39

in line buddy. You know, you can't just skip the line.

48:41

We don't know who you are He's like, well,

48:44

I am a established comedian. I'd like

48:46

just can I just get like 10 minutes? I know you

48:48

got a show here It's Friday night. It was like, oh,

48:50

you don't know how welcome to New York pal. This is

48:52

not how it works Yeah, you got to do open

48:54

mics. You got to make clips. You got to get followers

48:57

and he was like, all right I'm out of here Wow

48:59

and all the cops like wait Charlie

49:04

yeah. Yeah. Good point Charlie these immigrants they

49:06

changed their names But

49:08

any story so it's all wonky and

49:11

wacky. So you take the subway back.

49:13

Yeah Yeah, and I made the cardinal

49:15

mistake, which I don't know what that

49:17

means Cardinal rule

49:19

I think it's big like

49:22

a big red Bird

49:25

this Cardinal beak and there.

49:27

Yeah. Well, there's Cardinal directions. That's like Northeast

49:30

Southwest Oh, I know that I think they're

49:32

called Cardinal then there's a Cardinal who's like

49:34

a religious guy. He's a Cardinal Yeah,

49:36

and there's a st. Louis Cardinals,

49:39

right? Right. So Cardinal must

49:41

mean something. Yeah, it's one of the guys just

49:43

taken I don't know what it means. It was

49:45

like I have the Cardinal rule a Cardinal sin.

49:47

Maybe it's like Admiral Cardinal

49:49

Admiral, maybe the admiral's big

49:51

Colin So a cardinal

49:53

mistake of drinking too much. So now I

49:56

wake up I'm hung over

49:58

and I'm like, oh I got another show tonight I

50:00

should have prepped I should have my head in the game. What am

50:02

I doing? So you spend the whole

50:04

day killing the hangover Pedialyte doing

50:06

some push-ups trying to sweat it out. Whatever Saturday

50:10

I gotta say by about five o'clock. I'm

50:12

feeling better get to the club Get

50:15

to the theater bring the wife Jason

50:19

cats out there like a dad. Hey, all

50:21

right. Let me take that again. Can you

50:23

walk walk up again? Come out of the

50:25

subway. Okay, here we go. Slow down slow

50:27

down. I'm walking backwards that whole thing You

50:29

do that we get there. We signed some

50:32

more posters got the lady there She's dressed

50:34

to the nine Salicu shows up and now

50:36

you're your feet are wet, of

50:38

course now You know what you're doing. You know what

50:40

you're doing. You know the ropes, you know the alleys

50:42

the whole thing and This

50:45

was the crowd that bought tickets quick Right,

50:48

you know first show first show this ain't no TMZ

50:50

shit This is fans

50:52

who want to come or audience or comedy

50:54

lovers whatever you want to call it That's

50:56

something I learned from touring with Louie the

50:59

first show to sell is the best show

51:01

hundred percent so Now

51:04

mind you I've asked 900

51:06

people to be on this show, but

51:08

there was it's a weekend. Everybody's working

51:10

Yeah, I asked you Sam Veter Roy

51:13

wood Ronnie Chang Ronnie Chang is that

51:16

Radio City that night is that right? Yeah,

51:18

so we both sold out That's how many

51:20

people are living this fucking city who love

51:22

comedy Wow and Asians Oh

51:28

So, yeah So I

51:30

go hey, you know who's my oldest pal in

51:32

comedy first guy ever been comedy Gary Veter second

51:34

guy met Ruby That was first guy

51:36

met in New York. Really? Yeah. Hey, so

51:39

me soda and Ruby was like a gang

51:41

Yeah, that's crazy. That is wild. So I

51:43

text Ruby. He's like What

51:46

I he gets his best Indiana Jones

51:48

had that a bolo tie a piece.

51:50

Yeah, so he shows up What

51:53

about the hand man hand man

51:55

the hand man's killed it all over

51:57

Instagram. Oh, I said hand hand Han.

52:01

Yes, solo. So

52:03

he's uh, he's like, yeah, I'll do it. I

52:05

texted Mateo. He's like, I would, but he showed

52:07

me his schedule. It's like 805, 810, 815,

52:10

819. He's at the cellar every room. Now

52:15

he's on that beacon. Oh, has he? I

52:18

believe so. Yeah. I think he must

52:20

have. I think he did it fucking

52:22

11 times. It's Chicago theater. He's huge.

52:25

Massive. Killer, funny guy, talented guy, handsome

52:27

and ripped. Yeah. What can he do?

52:29

He like, he sing. vagina. He paints.

52:33

But I bet he can fuck. Probably. He's got

52:35

the abs, the core strength. Yeah. If you gotta

52:37

fuck a man, you can fuck a woman. I

52:40

guess that's true. Yeah, it's not. But maybe he can't get

52:42

it up. Nah, you

52:44

can take a pill. That's true. Blue Chew. Lord

52:47

knows what I do. So uh,

52:49

he's uh, he couldn't do

52:51

it, but yeah, I called everybody. So these are

52:53

the last guys who were available. And

52:55

uh, I'm just kidding. And then, you know, I

52:57

thought who is the host at the cellar? You

52:59

see where you go. Thank God he's hosting. It's

53:02

not a rambly, goes too

53:04

long, doesn't do jokes, all crowd work.

53:06

Who's the guy you go? He's hosting.

53:08

I'm gonna, I'm gonna do

53:11

all right. Mike yard. He

53:14

was busy. Uh, let me think of

53:16

another one. It is mattering. Also

53:19

booked, but think a little out

53:22

of the pocket. Out of the

53:24

pocket. John Laster. Also working. Um,

53:27

I've been a seller in a long time. I mean, he's

53:30

old school. John fish.

53:33

You got it. Wow. John

53:36

fish. Talk about old friends. I've

53:38

known John fish for 24

53:40

years. He was the guy in Boston

53:42

and got me my first work at

53:44

the comedy, uh, whatever it

53:46

was called comedy blossom or China blossom.

53:49

There you go. Wow. Fisher

53:51

rule. Great guy. And then I

53:53

had a Boston killer act and

53:56

no one's talking about him. He's one of

53:58

the best ever. I mean, I mean that guy blew. When

54:00

I was a young boy, and it's funny, I looked

54:02

back, he was like three years in, but I was

54:04

like, holy shit, because when I started, he had just

54:07

done new faces, and he fucking, he was the talk

54:09

of the town up there. Same, I always loved his

54:11

stuff, his album is really great. I wish I could

54:13

remember the name of it. There's something about sushi. I

54:16

can't remember either. Google John Fish with a C

54:18

in there. He's the reason I moved to Astoria.

54:20

I was like, that's where John Fish lives, that's

54:22

where I'll go. There you go. So

54:24

he hosted, brought up, he killed, brought up Ru-

54:26

and he does a lot of New York stuff.

54:29

Which is great for the beacon, because

54:31

you got all the Long Island, the

54:33

Jersey, the Manhattanites, the Brooklynites, the Queensanites,

54:35

the Westchesterites, the Bronxanites. They go, oh

54:37

yeah, we know this. This is hometown

54:39

shit. Days and nights. And

54:42

then Samsonites. And then

54:44

Ruby went up, killed,

54:47

picked the right material, really just nailed it,

54:49

had a big ending, the whole thing, and

54:51

then Phil Hanley went up, and you know,

54:53

Hanley's a fucking gay gunslinger. Just

54:56

zinger, zinger, zinger. One of the best.

54:58

Gunsinger. I was

55:00

thinking about guys like Hanley and Big J,

55:02

who were the best crowd work, correct? Oh,

55:05

incredible. And now everything's crowd work. It's got

55:07

to be like, great. Here

55:09

we go. My bread and butter. I mean, Hanley's

55:11

been doing this for a long time, and he's

55:13

the king. He's the king, and I checked his

55:16

Instagram. His last video's got like 15 million views,

55:18

and you're like, well, there you go. He's cooking

55:20

now. He's huge. I remember one point him asking

55:22

me advice. I mean, when you're asking me Instagram

55:24

advice, things are not going great. And now he's

55:26

like, tripled me up. I forget about it. Shooting

55:28

star and a handsome son of a B.

55:31

Yes, absolutely. Good dresser. Good

55:34

dresser. Ah! He used to

55:36

be. He used to be. I think we

55:39

shit on him too much. Now he wears

55:41

like Grateful Dead tank tops. Yeah, he was

55:43

wearing a pants that looked like a train

55:45

conductor. They're big and pinstripe. But killed it.

55:47

The wife was swooning. Yada, yada. And then

55:50

I went up, and it was one of those, you know,

55:52

when the first line hits, you're like, oh,

55:54

it's going to be a good hour. The first

55:56

show was like, this is good. We're doing

55:58

it. This was like, oh, fuck. fuck magic

56:00

right and then when they're better you're better and

56:02

it was just a hot one and then they

56:04

told me the guy from the New York Times

56:06

is in the crowd so that thank God for

56:08

that on that show not the first show did

56:11

a Q&A at the end really

56:13

really had a good time then we

56:16

went to the after-party JP Buck was

56:18

there wow of course I do yeah

56:20

he's a good egg and just

56:22

fun met the lady who books the beacon who

56:24

was like thank you and you're like this

56:27

is so weird that's crazy I should

56:29

be eating you out but she

56:31

was nice hope you didn't hear that and then

56:34

yeah then you know took home

56:36

the wife had a nice plow

56:38

and they call me mr. plow

56:41

and that's that I've been giving you

56:43

a big chat like a six foot

56:45

jack three feet and they with a

56:47

big signature on it you're tucking underneath

56:50

yeah that is some kind

56:52

of weekend crazy weekend and

56:54

you just it went

56:56

well it went great it could it went as good as

56:59

it could have gone unless you guys were all there that

57:01

would have been nice but we're all working

57:03

but I'm glad it's over absolutely

57:06

of course as as good as

57:08

fun as it was it is magical as it was

57:11

I'm just glad it's done and I can put that

57:13

behind me and it's all downhill from here it's weird

57:15

cuz then you have to like you're like okay now

57:17

you just go back to the stand the cellar and

57:19

do spots and feel normal but then like it

57:22

comes all back around again I'm

57:24

a beacon with all different stuff how that

57:26

and then this next time you'll do for but isn't

57:29

that kind of the point of life is just kind

57:31

of taking a breather then all right let's do the

57:33

thing again like you have a special ramping up you

57:35

know that feeling and you're like all right then we

57:37

got to record it sell the tickets then we

57:39

got to edit it and then we got to put

57:41

it out then you got to promote it right and it's just

57:43

so many steps but then then it's

57:45

like all right we're done the water is

57:47

calm now right and then a year later

57:50

it's all ups and downs it goes and comes back

57:53

around and what an exciting

57:55

job we have I know

57:57

that it's so fun and

57:59

stressful as it is and frustrating as

58:01

it can be, it's like, okay, now I

58:03

got to create more stuff by doing my

58:05

favorite thing. Exactly. And it

58:07

is really something we talked on the phone a

58:09

little bit on Sunday. But

58:13

it's hard to even like connect

58:16

to it. It feels so funny. I

58:18

know. And I was saying to you, it's

58:20

like the metaphor I came up with is like, you don't notice

58:22

yourself aging. Yes. Because you look in

58:24

the mirror every day. It's hard to, because the

58:26

thing has been so slow, we've been with

58:28

each other every day, all of us. It's

58:32

so wild to be like, you did two

58:34

at the Beacon Theater? Yeah, it's bananas. It

58:36

doesn't make any sense. You know what did

58:38

it for me was hanging out with Sam

58:40

Morrill, and he was showing me his Raya

58:42

account back when he was single. I don't

58:44

know what that is. That's like the top

58:46

notch, you got to be recommended, you got

58:48

to be hot, you got to be really

58:50

dating apt. You got to be

58:52

somebody. It's almost like a verified. I remember Sodor was

58:54

on that. Sodor's a hot guy. When he was showing

58:56

me the women, I'm like, maybe

59:01

bleep that. But he was showing me the

59:03

women, I'm like, what? These are

59:05

the women? He's also a 6'3 hunk

59:07

of Jew face. I'm just saying,

59:10

I was like, oh, we're

59:12

in a different world now. This is crazy.

59:15

Yeah, it's a strange thing. And

59:17

like I was saying to you, it's like you're selling

59:19

more tickets than almost all of our

59:21

favorite comedians ever did. That's

59:25

wacky. But like Geraldo was not

59:27

doing, rest in peace, all I do

59:29

respect, was not doing two beacons. It

59:32

should have been. It's crazy, of course. I

59:34

mean, now it's such a different animal. Back

59:36

then, I'm like, I don't know how you

59:39

could sell big big. It's a weird thing. You

59:41

had to get on the Daily Show, the Tonight

59:44

Show, Comedy Central Presents. You had to get on

59:46

a roast of some guy. It was a different

59:48

world. It's crazy to think about,

59:50

but I mean, I'm beyond

59:52

proud of you. But it's confusing. It doesn't, and

59:54

you're like, I saw that photo

59:56

and I'm like, this is bananas. grabbed

1:00:00

doesn't compute it's it's really something special

1:00:02

I said you too I'm like I

1:00:04

gotta like sit in a room and

1:00:06

like meditate on this because it's it's

1:00:09

all wacky and then you just adapt to things

1:00:11

yeah yeah you had dinner with Seinfeld and then

1:00:13

you just got your brain just kind of like

1:00:16

okay you have dinner with Seinfeld and

1:00:18

so true you I had that with you

1:00:20

and Louie yeah you're out with Louie the

1:00:23

biggest comic on the planet the best comic

1:00:25

working you're out with him yeah you

1:00:27

got you're like Louie's gone that's

1:00:29

annoying you know like that's crazy well not

1:00:31

annoying but yeah I just I'm like I

1:00:34

texted today I'm like a couple people

1:00:39

coming over Sunday if you want to come by and

1:00:41

it's like it's wonky and and then

1:00:45

the money and all the stuff it's just it's

1:00:47

just really crazy and it shows

1:00:49

if you just keep doing something every

1:00:51

day and you're passionate about it and it's

1:00:55

great it's like the great Conan quote JP

1:00:57

Buck where he said on his

1:00:59

last tonight show nobody gets exactly what they

1:01:01

want in their life but if you work

1:01:04

really hard and you're kind amazing things will

1:01:06

happen it's kind of like that's

1:01:08

like it's crazy and now we're into

1:01:10

like this territory that and I

1:01:13

know people say like beyond my wildest dreams

1:01:15

I'm like I literally didn't dream about

1:01:17

this stuff you know we hate

1:01:19

ourselves and all that but we're just

1:01:21

doing clubs and not having a day

1:01:23

job it's great I mean I remember like

1:01:26

featuring for DiPalo and be like man if I

1:01:28

could do the funny bone yeah oh my honey

1:01:30

bow wouldn't not do something and I'm still grateful

1:01:32

to do that Roman I don't really sell

1:01:35

that market frankly but but

1:01:37

it is it's just it's unbelievable and

1:01:39

yeah you just one day at a

1:01:41

time head down keep doing it and

1:01:44

all of a sudden you

1:01:46

look and it's like they say like the only thing worth

1:01:49

comparing yourself to the own person what's comparing herself

1:01:51

to is your younger self yes and you're like

1:01:53

you look at you just did two sold-out shows

1:01:55

of the beacon and then

1:01:57

you just think about meeting you at Barcelona Bar and

1:02:00

uh... and uh... and i don't have

1:02:02

to like open it motley's yes yes

1:02:05

this uh... it's just unbelievable so it's

1:02:07

all wackadoo uh... we got about eight

1:02:09

minutes or eight seconds off of the

1:02:11

other other story real quick no

1:02:14

it was out of conduct uh...

1:02:17

basically uh... friend of mine

1:02:19

she's working for some company and she

1:02:21

goes the company like comedy

1:02:23

they want to go viral uh...

1:02:27

will you do a show something crazy will happen

1:02:29

you riff on it and

1:02:32

uh... they'll though you

1:02:35

to go viral i think i have a really might

1:02:37

think it is a car please would really help them

1:02:39

try to get in with the company they don't know

1:02:41

the comedians i know you that they had

1:02:43

good bridge okay and i think what what the

1:02:45

show she was like just do it go and

1:02:47

i think if you let me headline and

1:02:50

fell out of show i'll do it because i get

1:02:52

the i'll go on before the beacon again

1:02:54

at that it so she's a

1:02:56

guy so i'll figure out

1:02:58

that out so we they sold out new york comedy

1:03:00

club so i could do forty five so i called

1:03:02

only again i go you wanna host he's hosting so

1:03:05

they are going to get an hour setting in

1:03:07

the city make a little they will

1:03:09

go they will love get down tonight but she

1:03:11

was like something crazy gonna happen i would like

1:03:13

i saw private heckled a riff on it and

1:03:15

then they will get a clip out of that

1:03:17

okay so they are out there i

1:03:21

show up it's crazy production

1:03:23

grips catering jibs lighting rigs

1:03:25

i was like all this is because i was

1:03:27

on an iphone but whatever i can do a

1:03:29

half an hour forty five minutes so

1:03:32

i go up donald kill good crowd

1:03:34

i'm ripping up working on new i

1:03:36

got a hot show in the city and

1:03:39

uh... then they won't tell me

1:03:41

what the thing is going to be so

1:03:43

i come crazy happen sizes to probably get

1:03:45

heckled right cut told i suck

1:03:47

or something so i got a right

1:03:50

they will tell me what it is they want to be natural so

1:03:52

they are okay so then i'm doing natural

1:03:54

guy yeah you know me not

1:03:57

robotic not autistic guy

1:03:59

walks on stage And I was so

1:04:01

into the set I was like, oh What's

1:04:04

going on here? I thought he was like

1:04:06

trying to get past me to get out to the bathroom or

1:04:08

something and I really oh this must be the Thing so

1:04:10

I start trying to riff on him and I'm

1:04:13

like, hey, what do you are? We running out

1:04:15

of place put migrants dew tunnel some joke and

1:04:18

then a girl walks on stage And

1:04:20

no one's really doing anything people in the crowd

1:04:22

like what the hell's happening. What's going on? So

1:04:24

the crowd is a regular crowd regular crowd and

1:04:26

then they go to me the security guard is

1:04:29

right here And he goes Come

1:04:31

on. Come on. So then the crowd's like oh,

1:04:33

no, these guys must be dangerous this must be

1:04:35

some kind of thing because they're taking the comedian

1:04:37

off and A lady was filming

1:04:40

it on her phone in the front row

1:04:42

and that's what made it go viral all

1:04:44

the other shit was a big waste They

1:04:47

would spend all this money on giant 10k

1:04:49

cameras and grips and and maintenance guys and

1:04:51

all this shit It

1:04:53

went viral because a woman filmed it and all you see

1:04:55

is me being pulled off stage with

1:04:58

a guy on stage Right so the internet

1:05:00

just went ape shit and spotted and did

1:05:02

what they do where they make incredibly false

1:05:04

statements with pure confidence Right. Yeah, I mean

1:05:06

there was crazy stuff in because you say

1:05:09

someone got tased so there was all these

1:05:12

Taste there you go, which is hilarious

1:05:14

and then people were like cops ran

1:05:16

through be like no cops no cops

1:05:18

No cops at all and

1:05:20

I also was taken by the fact because everyone was

1:05:23

messaging I got literally the most calls I've ever got

1:05:25

in my life. I mean like Family

1:05:27

members comics people from high

1:05:29

school Celebrity

1:05:31

comedians they were crazy and

1:05:34

everyone's like is he okay? And I mean,

1:05:36

maybe I'm crazy. I watch the video I'm

1:05:39

like, it doesn't look particularly nervous No, you're

1:05:41

literally smiling and and I said

1:05:43

to people I'm like if this had been a serious

1:05:45

thing that was really Like someone

1:05:47

just ran on stage. The natural thing would be

1:05:49

either to Defend yourself or

1:05:51

create distance. Yes. Yes. Like no one is

1:05:54

just going like Look

1:05:56

at it. I mean like if somebody came on stage, I

1:05:59

would be like, let me me just go ahead and move out

1:06:01

of the way. And so I was getting

1:06:03

frustrated because it's like, people, is he dying? Is

1:06:05

he okay? Was it a bomb? Did he get

1:06:07

shot? And I'm watching being

1:06:09

like, he looks pretty healthy to me. That

1:06:11

was fine. But the unknown kicks in. Everybody's

1:06:13

curiosity sparks up. And then you remember the

1:06:16

Chappelle thing, the Chris Rock thing. So you're

1:06:18

like, is it one of those? And

1:06:21

then no one will tell them. So I feel

1:06:23

for the the public, they're just like, what is

1:06:25

it? And then TMZ picks it up. They're calling

1:06:27

me like crazy. Page Six, all these other things.

1:06:30

And if you go on YouTube and put my name in it, it's just

1:06:32

the whole feed is just like, was he abducted?

1:06:34

Was it an alien? Was it a

1:06:36

terrorism? Was it whatever? So it was

1:06:39

all a big, fat nothing. But the thing that

1:06:41

bugged me was I just got off stage and

1:06:43

ran to another show. Yeah. Thank you. We did

1:06:45

it. Good. All right. I'm gonna run out. They

1:06:48

did like, they evacuated the audience. So

1:06:51

then it makes it look like it's a legit scary

1:06:54

thing. Well, is that for those people from the

1:06:56

production company? Because I haven't been to the New

1:06:58

York Comedy Club in a minute. Do those people

1:07:00

work there? Who? The people that came on at

1:07:02

the end and said, okay, we need you to

1:07:04

leave. Oh, they were part of the production. That's

1:07:06

what I thought. I'm like, I don't recognize these

1:07:08

people. No, no, no. Well, that lady seemed actually

1:07:10

scared. The lady that gets on the microphone. I

1:07:13

don't think she was. But I don't think she was

1:07:15

either. But I'm saying like she at least did a

1:07:17

thing where she was like, yeah,

1:07:20

so all's well ends well,

1:07:22

no one got hurt. It was all a big

1:07:24

ruse to get traffic to Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

1:07:28

What works? Yeah. I mean, my God, it

1:07:30

was, I mean, that's the biggest thing anyone's

1:07:32

ever been a part of. That was bigger

1:07:34

than fucking Watergate. I'm talking

1:07:36

comics. Oh, yeah. I mean, that was

1:07:39

bigger than Chris Rock's lap. I think

1:07:41

is bigger. I'm talking you, me, Sam,

1:07:43

Kramer, the butler. I mean, that was

1:07:46

bigger than certainly, you know, whatever.

1:07:48

Sure. Sure. Yeah. TMZ wasn't like

1:07:51

new Sam areal special. Now they

1:07:53

never do. It'd be nice. Wouldn't

1:07:55

be bad. Poke fun at that

1:07:57

or poke fun. Blow that up.

1:08:00

nbc news cbs daily mail

1:08:02

urine uh... like the daily

1:08:04

mirror some crazy and it

1:08:06

was wild yeah yeah

1:08:08

i can't know i had people celebrity

1:08:11

guy i don't want to say that we dm

1:08:13

to me like just tell me what is the leave you

1:08:15

alone like you know that we don't get it yet to

1:08:18

tell you what i'm just dying to know yeah i think

1:08:20

uh... the mystery but yeah i mean people really they

1:08:22

were mills were really cooking yeah yeah yeah

1:08:24

so i didn't know what it was going

1:08:26

to be and uh... just play it all

1:08:28

played ball and got the hell out of

1:08:30

their i just want to accept but uh...

1:08:33

that became a whole to

1:08:35

do well it worked out it worked

1:08:37

out but you know i don't want to be

1:08:39

like the andy cochran guy is he gonna go

1:08:41

up and do a thing now you write so

1:08:43

that part sucks but they set the whole

1:08:45

thing up i don't know but i get

1:08:47

the work yeah absolutely well we

1:08:50

got a wrap this fucking thing up but

1:08:52

uh... what a weekend in say we could create

1:08:55

that you did to it the beacon and it

1:08:57

wasn't even close to being the biggest most talk

1:08:59

about thing you did how

1:09:01

weird is that yeah that's a weird

1:09:03

three days that showbiz uh...

1:09:05

that is i mean i guess the

1:09:08

new york times was at the beacon that

1:09:10

helps that also that the very not i

1:09:12

hope i he's i think in the process

1:09:14

of the he's gentle those guys can be

1:09:16

harsh but the minimum yeah i thought a

1:09:18

lot of fucked up shit as a as

1:09:20

you do as a comedian course but then

1:09:22

sunday i went in west side and bob

1:09:25

when right next door the block away

1:09:27

and literally i mean across street literally and

1:09:29

it was a people there like who are

1:09:31

you what do you think that that like

1:09:34

that with the tech now the of the

1:09:37

uh... are we gonna wrap this up uh...

1:09:39

go all my gala of camera ship

1:09:41

for that one uh...

1:09:44

dole get tickets to the show for

1:09:46

the life started i don't have to

1:09:48

say it on the page here it's

1:09:50

not patreon punch up live i a

1:09:52

little subscription based bonus

1:09:55

and it's got like my final jack but it's just me

1:09:57

on the road with uh... any henriksen

1:10:00

that way whoever i'm with is that

1:10:02

luke monez and it's not just bullshitting for extra

1:10:04

content five bucks a month if you want to

1:10:06

join and do it and solo ones do no

1:10:09

pressure people get upset when you fucking

1:10:11

had a very mad a little doubt

1:10:13

they don't have to but uh...

1:10:15

there's a really good stuff at the great conversations

1:10:17

and funny stuff a lot of me and that

1:10:19

way in talking music talking mental health making fun

1:10:21

of people get on there if

1:10:23

you want big my momentum jacket guest coming

1:10:25

up and uh... some really great episode is

1:10:27

israel hagan to check it out get in

1:10:29

there and uh... may

1:10:33

planner second and a

1:10:35

second regent theater los angeles please buy those

1:10:37

tickets for god's thanks we got a few

1:10:39

months to sell it but uh... we have

1:10:41

a second out there the

1:10:44

third i know i thought you're there a

1:10:46

second to a thought you're going to nate's and then come

1:10:48

by or whatever yeah i'll come by but i thought that's what

1:10:50

you could do a live pod they told

1:10:52

me the fifth uh... only available to fit well

1:10:55

we're not that was you are available till monday but

1:10:57

i was one of the people said the store what

1:10:59

to do it the company store and they're they give

1:11:01

it the fifth the only offer was

1:11:03

may second at midnight and i think they said

1:11:05

with the fifth but i was told it was

1:11:07

your availability well that's what i

1:11:10

was told okay i'll do that i'll do the fourth

1:11:13

may the fourth be with you yes but

1:11:16

i was a saturday i mean i i would do the

1:11:18

fourth to the middle of the annual like five or something

1:11:21

but i really said monday monday six day

1:11:23

off for yeah i

1:11:25

think i could be in l.a. for a

1:11:28

week and child child will figure it out

1:11:30

uh... but yeah i couldn't i want to

1:11:32

midnight the night cuz midnight is three a

1:11:34

m i got a bit of a good

1:11:36

point i'm like i was gonna create but

1:11:38

anyways will figure that out uh... may second

1:11:40

regent theater go to punch up live sign

1:11:42

up for the email is all my tickets

1:11:44

are on their punch up live.com joe slash

1:11:47

list or whatever and uh... the

1:11:49

some else i want to fucking plug it

1:11:51

remember columbia missouri uh... all

1:11:54

the stuff buffalo going everywhere so please uh... get

1:11:57

yourself a ticket come on out watch the special

1:12:00

blah blah. Hey yes yes a

1:12:02

bunch of dates Mark at omencomedy.com go to punch

1:12:05

up as well I put a story on my

1:12:07

Instagram every week with the link coming

1:12:10

to your town Austin San Antonio

1:12:12

Houston Tucson Phoenix

1:12:15

Charlotte Charlottesville Charleston

1:12:17

all the other ones that sound

1:12:19

the same and yeah

1:12:21

check out our specials

1:12:23

get on the patreon it's cooking oh

1:12:26

big stuff on the patreon we did

1:12:28

a grove 34 our

1:12:30

Bell lect chuck was away but

1:12:32

Lex filled everything to me three

1:12:35

I think four bonus days from that

1:12:37

I mean it was great we had

1:12:39

a full diner hang with Alec you

1:12:41

Shavone came in we got a backstage

1:12:43

hang we got us riffing on stage

1:12:46

yeah we got a whole

1:12:48

bunch of walk around Astoria yes yes it

1:12:50

was really something to hit with a shit

1:12:52

isn't that the crazy oh it was a

1:12:54

decent shitter here it just came on just

1:12:57

right there so now is a

1:12:59

great time to sign the patreon we always say

1:13:01

it but people love the video

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stuff they love hot gay sets this is us

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we're gonna do another one there's gonna be a

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lot of hot gay sets coming up

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so get on that and then the other

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bonuses have just been us doing another 30

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minutes of podcast which a lot of people

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love so get on if you want 30

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minutes extra podcast a week you want the

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podcast early a week you want an ad

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free a week you want videos of us

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on stage backstage only place you can find

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it is on the patreon you got it

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baby we'll see you all in hell praise

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Allah