0:01

You're listening to Two Pints with Will and

0:03

Ralph, the Swift Half. You

0:05

know what we were talking about before about how

0:07

the levels of people who, you know, you

0:10

recognise, yes. Who's the

0:12

most famous person you've met? Arnold

0:17

Schwarzenegger. Have you met Arnie? Yeah. You

0:20

never told me that. Yeah, met him in, er,

0:23

was in LA in 2008 and I went to a Damien Hurst

0:27

opening party exhibition. You speak to him? Yeah. What did he say?

0:30

LIE! He did the job! LIE! I said, er, oh

0:32

hey, nice to meet you anyway. OK,

0:36

great. It's very nice to meet

0:38

you too. I

0:41

could hear you talking from over there because I've

0:43

got the masters in my ears. It's

0:48

the worst. If he was in here

0:50

now, he'd sound nothing like that. He'd

0:52

be like, I don't sound anything like

0:55

that. You don't even get

0:57

it right. I'm not

0:59

even a chopper. I just know the

1:01

chopper to get to. We

1:05

could be here all day. Mate, somebody put on,

1:07

on Instagram, they were like, Chewbacca,

1:10

but if voiced by Arnie. And it's

1:12

Chewy going, but it's just Arnie

1:14

going, ahh! I

1:16

watched it 27 times and I still can't

1:18

stop laughing about it. Was he nice? He

1:21

was lovely and shorter than I expected. He's a

1:23

little bit shorter than me. You expect him to

1:25

be like... He's not. He's 6 foot 4. I

1:28

don't... I distinctly remember him being... He's massive, isn't he?

1:30

Look, I don't want to look this up and it turns out

1:32

he's 6'2", because obviously that's taller

1:34

than me, but I distinctly remember... Yeah, but you liked

1:36

the heels on that day. Yeah, I did, yeah. I

1:39

was in me stillies. But I

1:41

definitely... I remember like he was massive, but I don't...

1:43

I remember thinking I was expecting him to be just

1:45

this man mountain, like the

1:47

Rockers, and he wasn't. He was sort of a fairly

1:49

normal like size guy, but he was absolutely...

1:51

I mean, 30 seconds I met him, but

1:54

he was charming and friendly and lovely and just

1:57

an absolute dude. Yeah. I remember... I told you

1:59

this. story I think on the podcast when I met

2:01

Bridget Neilston she came on to me and asked me to go

2:04

and have sex with her in a hotel room. She

2:07

said send the driver for him.

2:09

Don't get him like I was some piece of meat. I

2:12

was terrified. I bet you were really offended. Do

2:14

you know when you think, you know when you're

2:16

younger, like if you watch Red Sonia and you

2:18

think one day or Cobra,

2:21

one day she's gonna come on to

2:23

me and I'm gonna shit myself. Because at

2:26

the time you'd be thinking oh hi, oh look

2:28

at her beautiful, oh my god she's like six

2:30

foot whatever her boobs

2:32

were so big and she just buried my head

2:35

in her boobs when oh look at you like

2:37

I was so little plaything. I then

2:39

just sort of went sending

2:42

my number to my hotel and

2:44

taking it like I'll give it

2:46

even later. Dip the boy in

2:48

Listerine and having a look at

2:51

the centre of my door. I'll tip him like

2:53

a teabag. I'll tip him in wanted I'll

2:57

throw it away. So you've

2:59

met Bridget Neilston but who's

3:01

the most famous? No I'm

3:03

saying that was one of those stories. I

3:07

don't know I mean I

3:10

was in a lift with Samuel L Jackson. Yeah

3:12

that's Bola. But I was at the premiere for

3:14

Jackie Brown and so I don't know

3:16

why I was so shocked that he

3:18

was there. Yeah you were like oh. Yeah I got

3:20

in the lift and I had this

3:22

long matrix style leather coat

3:25

I don't know why. Well we've already talked about

3:27

how we were knobbards when we were younger so

3:29

yeah that'll do that. And I got in

3:31

the lift

3:34

and I sort of looked at him and I went oh hi mate and

3:36

didn't clock it with someone. Do you think he knows

3:38

someone? Yeah and I went oh hey. Not close to

3:40

God. I'm not sure at

3:47

all. Anyway and then he complimented me Jackie. I'm not

3:49

going to try and do an impression. And

3:52

then I said what do you think of the movie? And I went it

3:56

felt quite long because I wanted to have a piss. That's

3:58

what I said. I said I needed a

4:00

piss so it felt long to me but nobody

4:03

was really good. He

4:05

went, hey I'm going to lie to you. Yeah thanks, yeah.

4:07

I walked off and I was like fucking dickhead man he

4:09

just go, oh it was great you were amazing I loved

4:11

you and poof. I just, all I did was felt quite

4:13

long because I needed a piss. Yeah well that's not as

4:15

bad as what I said to Tom Hanks is it? I've

4:17

told you that story. You've met Tom Hanks? I've

4:19

never told you my Tom Hanks story. What have you said to Tom Hanks?

4:23

I don't think I'm, I don't think I

4:25

can tell you the Tom Hanks story. Why?

4:28

One it's too long, two it's my best anecdote, we're going to

4:30

have to save it for like a Will and Ralph 100 set

4:32

of stories. It's my best celebrity anecdote. Tell it on tour. I'll

4:35

tell it on tour. Come to the tour and

4:37

see the Tom Hanks story. Have you caught me?

4:40

Yeah, yeah I do actually. I'll

4:43

tell you the Tom Hanks story, it's quite

4:45

long but my god it's the

4:47

most humiliating and embarrassing moment of my

4:49

life because of entirely my fault because

4:51

of what I said and

4:54

it makes your Samuel L Jackson story look like

4:56

child's life. What does she just show you? I'm

4:58

actually wondering that I don't want to tell it on the podcast because

5:01

if I ever get to go on Graham Norton I have this

5:03

fantasy that I'll be on Graham Norton at the same time as

5:05

Tom Hanks and I can tell the story.