0:42

Hey, everybody, welcome

0:42

back to unfriended. I hope

0:45

you've had an awesome week. And

0:45

hope you've all had a great

0:49

weekend. It is Monday for me as

0:49

I am talking to you right now.

0:54

So I thought I would mix it up a

0:54

little bit this week. And the

0:57

reason for that is the last

0:57

couple of episodes have been the

1:00

first two parts of the realities

1:00

of the American diet series. And

1:06

those topics in that series can

1:06

get a little bit heavy. So I

1:10

just thought I would lighten

1:10

things up a little bit this

1:12

week, and talk about something

1:12

completely unrelated. And we'll

1:15

get back to the to the series,

1:15

there are realities of the

1:18

American diet series, we'll get

1:18

back to that I've got a lot of

1:21

stuff coming at you about that.

1:21

And the next series, or the next

1:25

part of the series actually will

1:25

be with regarding the dairy

1:29

industry. So we're going to talk

1:29

a lot about the dairy industry.

1:32

But in the meantime, I thought I

1:32

would tell you a little story

1:35

about me and let that lead into

1:35

our topic for today. So if you

1:40

know me, you probably know that

1:40

music is a big part of my life,

1:46

you may think that is simply

1:46

because my partner Miguel, is a

1:50

professional musician, and a lot

1:50

of our friends are musicians.

1:53

What you might not know is that

1:53

in the 80s, and 90s, I myself

1:58

was a bass player, I played with

1:58

a couple of local bands in

2:02

upstate New York. And I have a

2:02

quite a creative background. And

2:07

it's that creativity and that

2:07

that pull toward the arts that

2:11

some of us have that I want to

2:11

talk about today. music,

2:15

literature, movies, and really,

2:15

art of all kinds is a huge part

2:20

of our culture. When I was

2:20

growing up, the arts and music

2:25

weren't a central focus for my

2:25

family, but it was always on the

2:29

periphery all the time. I can

2:29

recall sitting at my father's

2:33

funeral, and being very touched

2:33

and realizing how much his love

2:39

of music really influenced me. I

2:39

hadn't realized until this

2:43

moment, because I'm sitting

2:43

there and I'm listening to

2:46

people share fond memories of my

2:46

dad. And everyone talked about

2:53

his love of music. Now, my dad

2:53

wasn't a professional musician.

2:59

He was a carpenter. Now

2:59

something interesting is that my

3:02

grandmother, Grandma Lolly, as

3:02

everyone affectionately called

3:07

her. Her name was actually

3:07

Alice. I don't know why we

3:09

called her lolly. But we did. My

3:09

father's mom. She was a

3:14

published poet. She was a

3:14

painter. Her house was

3:18

absolutely every inch of the

3:18

walls in her home. And then some

3:23

were covered in her art. Some of

3:23

the local VFW type places

3:28

churches, and libraries and

3:28

things also displayed her work.

3:34

She was also a musician. And we

3:34

had old 78 have records at our

3:39

house of grandma Lally playing

3:39

the keys and singing. And yet,

3:45

Grandma Lolly was considered to

3:45

be eccentric. And she was she

3:49

wore these brightly colored pant

3:49

suits and too much Rouge. And

3:55

she left extra loud. And she was

3:55

just a lovely, lovely woman, but

4:01

you know, a little different,

4:01

and just incredibly creative and

4:07

full of joy. But interestingly,

4:07

even in speaking of her, my

4:14

parents would say, that's not,

4:14

he can't do that for a living.

4:19

She still had, she worked in a

4:19

factory when she was younger,

4:23

and did things like that on a

4:23

farm and in a factory and

4:26

whatever she did to pay the

4:26

bills, because it wasn't a

4:30

feasible to do all of those

4:30

wonderfully creative things that

4:34

she did and earn, earn a living

4:34

doing it. And that is what I

4:39

really want to talk about today.

4:39

This juxtaposition between our

4:47

love culturally for the arts,

4:47

and this belief that as a

4:55

profession, the arts are not

4:55

practical, or realistic. My mom

5:04

confessed to me a few years back

5:04

now my mother is 83 years old.

5:08

So she was probably about 80

5:08

years old at the time that she

5:14

had always wanted to learn to

5:14

play the piano. She absolutely

5:18

loved the piano and had a draw

5:18

to learn to play herself. But

5:24

you know, life got in the way

5:24

and she got married and had kids

5:27

and all of those things. And it

5:27

wasn't realistic for her didn't

5:32

work into her plan apparent And

5:32

so she just put it on the back

5:36

burner for years and years. And

5:36

now she's, you know, in her

5:40

mind, She's old, and she has arthritis. And

5:41

that dream that she had was long

5:44

gone. And I'll be honest with

5:44

you, that broke my heart a

5:48

little bit. Because here this

5:48

woman is in for all these years,

5:54

she's had this dream that she

5:54

just let go. And she did that

5:58

because of this belief. for her

5:58

and for my dad to working as a

6:05

musician, playing music or

6:05

painting or writing or whatever,

6:09

or things other people did.

6:09

Because for them, reality meant

6:14

getting a job and working hard

6:14

and saving money. And hopefully

6:19

someday retiring, and then you

6:19

get to enjoy your life. But for

6:24

so many people, that's, that's

6:24

like the American dream, right?

6:28

So why is it that we put so much

6:28

value on people who bring us the

6:37

arts, who create the music, who

6:37

bring the paintings to life? who

6:44

write the stories that we so

6:44

enjoy losing ourselves in, you

6:50

know, putting our nose in a good

6:50

book, or going on adventures in

6:54

the movie theater, and just

6:54

forgetting about real life,

6:58

quote, unquote, for a little

6:58

while? Why do we revere them so

7:02

much. And yet, we have this

7:02

belief that those professions,

7:06

those jobs are always for

7:06

someone else. I'll tell you, as

7:10

I grew up, in my teenage years,

7:10

and such, I, there was a lot of

7:15

discord in my house because I

7:15

wanted to be a musician, I

7:21

wanted to be an artist I wanted

7:21

to write and I would spend as a

7:27

child, and as a young adult, I

7:27

spent hours and hours and hours

7:31

every day doing all of those

7:31

things, because it was what was

7:35

where my heart was. And yet I

7:35

had this message constantly from

7:40

parents, and society in general,

7:40

teachers, whatever, telling me

7:46

that those things were

7:46

unrealistic, and that I needed

7:51

to get a real job. And you know,

7:51

what I gave in for several

7:55

years. And I did that. I went to

7:55

university, I got a degree, I

8:01

had a cushy office and worse

8:01

suit and did all the things. And

8:06

some of those things made me

8:06

money. And some of them didn't.

8:09

You know what, they all made me

8:09

miserable. And I say that now

8:14

not to complain or whatever. But

8:14

I say that because so many

8:19

people give up like my mom give

8:19

up on things that they really

8:26

want to do. They allow their

8:26

dreams to just float away and

8:31

pass by them. Because it's been

8:31

ingrained in them. That the

8:38

right thing to do is to get an

8:38

education and get a real job. We

8:44

are taught and then teach our

8:44

kids that writing and creating

8:51

works of art and making music

8:51

are not feasible means of

8:56

earning a living and they're not

8:56

quote real jobs. And yet people

9:01

who teach their children this

9:01

practically worshipped the

9:05

people who are providing these

9:05

creative works for them. You

9:11

know, as teenagers, we add rock

9:11

posters on our walls and stuff.

9:15

And you know, kids always do

9:15

that we have famous authors that

9:19

we love to read, you know, as

9:19

soon as a new book comes out,

9:22

oh, I have to read that new book

9:22

because I love that person's

9:25

writing movies. I love a certain

9:25

actor a really appreciate a

9:29

certain actors way of delivering

9:29

and their, the way they embody

9:34

their craft, or a screenwriter

9:34

or whatever. We love this stuff.

9:39

And we sink billions and

9:39

billions of dollars into it to

9:43

entertain us to make us feel

9:43

good when we don't, or to, you

9:48

know, give us an outlet for our

9:48

own emotions, by experiencing

9:53

them at a deeper level through

9:53

these creative works that other

9:58

people bring us. Some artists,

9:58

musicians included, have a way

10:04

of making us feel their sadness,

10:04

or their hope, or their love

10:11

through their work. And we love that we eat it up

10:14

and I know I can't even imagine

10:18

a world without it. But even the

10:18

most uncivilized and I use that

10:23

term very loosely, cultures and

10:23

natives, indigenous peoples make

10:29

music, they create art and they

10:29

do that to express feelings,

10:35

they do that to honor people.

10:35

They do that for spiritual

10:39

reasons. And there is a there's

10:39

a deep spirituality involved, I

10:45

think in the creation process.

10:45

But you know when it comes to

10:51

painting, and when it comes to

10:51

creating things from nothing

10:57

will say, or transforming bits

10:57

of, say tile or something just

11:04

wrapped very random, into

11:04

absolutely stunning works of art

11:10

on a tile floor or a wall or

11:10

just in sculpture, just it's

11:15

mind blowing what some people

11:15

do. But it's like, I know when I

11:19

write, and when I have created

11:19

music, or or painted, there's a

11:25

point where something shifts,

11:25

and you're not thinking with

11:32

your mind, you are just allowing

11:32

something to be created through

11:38

you. And that's an incredible

11:38

place to be. And I think that if

11:44

more people allowed themselves

11:44

and embraced their own creative

11:50

process, so that they could

11:50

achieve that moment of being in

11:56

the zone like that just complete surrender to the

11:57

creative process, I think the

12:03

world would look very different.

12:03

And I think it's, it's almost

12:07

shameful, that we suppress that

12:07

within ourselves, or that we

12:11

discourage our children from

12:11

being creative. Because the

12:16

kids, you know, some people are

12:16

just amazingly wonderful parents

12:21

not. I mean, everybody does

12:21

their their best. You know, I

12:25

believe that most parents do

12:25

their best for their kids. But

12:30

not everybody is in the same

12:30

place as far as awareness and

12:34

acceptance, and some people have

12:34

their own stuff to work through.

12:40

And, you know, you can only give

12:40

as much as you are aware and

12:45

accepting of yourself within. So

12:45

some parents are incredibly

12:51

encouraging of their kids who

12:51

show a pole toward the arts. And

12:59

I think that's wonderful. And

12:59

I've seen children just

13:03

absolutely thrive in their

13:03

chosen craft, because they have

13:10

that encouragement, because they

13:10

have that support. That

13:15

validation. That's so important.

13:15

And while some people don't have

13:20

that support, and encouragement,

13:20

or validation, or whatever, get

13:24

past that and have long,

13:24

beautiful, successful careers.

13:30

In the arts, I can only imagine

13:30

what they could have done or

13:36

would have done had they not had

13:36

to struggle through and overcome

13:40

that lack of support, or that

13:40

discouragement or what have you

13:44

first, we really, in today's

13:44

world, really appreciate the

13:50

people that bring these things

13:50

to life for us that create the

13:55

music we relate to, that makes

13:55

us feel something or makes us

14:00

want to dance, the art that

14:00

colors our world, and makes it

14:05

just a little bit more fun. And

14:05

I think that all of us really

14:11

deserve to live our lives with

14:11

passion and purpose, and not so

14:19

much with all of the shoulds

14:19

that we believe or that we've

14:23

been taught, need to be there, I

14:23

should go to school, I should

14:28

get a real job, I should make X

14:28

number of dollars to be

14:32

successful, I should be

14:32

successful. To be successful,

14:36

you, you know should do X, Y or

14:36

Z. Well says who I personally

14:41

believe that being successful

14:41

and having a fulfilling life

14:45

means doing something and

14:45

experiencing something that is

14:51

real and raw and 100% from my

14:51

heart, and anything less is a

14:57

compromise. And I don't think

14:57

that any of us deserve to go

15:01

through life having to

15:01

compromise in that way. And

15:04

while money is a necessity in

15:04

our society today, there are

15:10

ways for us to embrace the arts

15:10

if we are called to do so and

15:18

still earn a living. I know that

15:18

was something I used to say to

15:22

my parents when I was a

15:22

teenager. I remember a very

15:26

specific conversation actually.

15:26

And I worked I worked very hard

15:30

and I I had three jobs at one

15:30

point just so that I could save

15:34

money. And you know, because I

15:34

wanted to buy musical equipment

15:38

and I wanted to buy a car and I

15:38

wanted things I wanted to be

15:41

able to do things really my, my

15:41

draw was always freedom. I

15:47

wanted things that I felt

15:47

provided me with freedom. And so

15:52

I would say to my mom, or her, I

15:52

did say, during this particular

15:57

conversation, I would rather

15:57

sleep on a park bench with my

16:02

base than have a mansion and

16:02

have to go to a crummy job I

16:08

didn't like every day. And she

16:08

you know, she treated me as if,

16:11

well, you're just a silly kid,

16:11

and you don't know what you're

16:13

talking about? Well, you know,

16:13

I'm a silly kid who's almost 49

16:17

years old. And I still believe I

16:17

still to a point, you know, I

16:23

don't want to sleep on a park

16:23

bench. But I do believe that I

16:27

can I live with less. I'm a

16:27

minimalist, I live with few

16:30

things. My my partner, Meg and I

16:30

both have very little things we

16:36

do have, we either love or need

16:36

to need for daily use. And we

16:41

both make time to do the things

16:41

that bring us joy. Because we

16:48

believe that when we do the

16:48

things that bring us joy, we are

16:53

able to bring other people joy.

16:53

And when you exude that, and you

16:59

surround yourself with people

16:59

who appreciate that energy that

17:03

you put out to the world,

17:03

appreciate you for simply doing

17:07

something that is an expression

17:07

of your authentic self. That is

17:13

amazing. It's amazing what you

17:13

get back. When you do that. And

17:19

to inspire other people through

17:19

that, through that action of

17:23

simply being and behaving in a

17:23

way that is authentic to you.

17:28

And that brings you joy. That's

17:28

magical. What a beautiful way to

17:34

go through life. It's, it's

17:34

awesome. I think that the world

17:37

would be a very different place,

17:37

if more of us embrace that, if

17:41

more of us stop telling

17:41

ourselves that that's

17:44

unrealistic. Because you know

17:44

what, I live it every day, so

17:48

does my partner. And we have so

17:48

many friends around us who do

17:53

live that every day. And it's

17:53

not unrealistic. And you don't

17:58

need to have a quote, real job,

17:58

or go to university if you

18:02

really aren't into that. I think

18:02

going to university and getting

18:06

a quote real job is highly

18:06

overrated, personally. And some

18:11

of you may disagree, and that's

18:11

okay. I've been there I've done

18:14

that. I have a degree to got me

18:14

nowhere made me miserable. All

18:19

of the things that it brought me

18:19

made me miserable. So what good

18:23

is that, you know, on top of the

18:23

debt, student loan debt, I'd

18:31

still rather just make music and

18:31

write and draw and have the few

18:37

little things around me and the

18:37

people around me that inspire me

18:42

and bring me joy. So on that

18:42

note, I would like to invite you

18:46

to just think about the things

18:46

that you choose to do every day.

18:50

Think about whether you're doing

18:50

something that is solely a means

18:54

to an end. If you can carve time

18:54

out in your day to do the things

18:59

that just light you up, and that

18:59

inspire you that make you feel

19:05

free. And is not just a should.

19:05

And I invite you to reach out to

19:10

me on social media or via email

19:10

at Donna at empowered

19:15

humans.org. And tell me about

19:15

that it's really down to what's

19:20

important to you, or your kids,

19:20

or whomever your friends is it

19:25

watching a few hours of Netflix

19:25

or is it picking up a paint

19:30

brush that you deeply miss but

19:30

feel like you don't have time

19:34

for is it working late every

19:34

night to bring home a little bit

19:38

of extra money? Is that

19:38

important? Or is dusting off

19:43

your your drum set or your

19:43

guitar or your piano your

19:48

keyboards or whatever a more

19:48

valuable use of your time. Like

19:52

just playing like you did when

19:52

you were a kid or doodling for

19:56

an hour and letting yourself

19:56

Daydream just because because it

19:59

feels good. And because

19:59

oftentimes that's where real

20:04

creativity is sparked. So I

20:04

invite you to do that I invite

20:08

you to surrender to whatever it

20:08

is creatively that makes you

20:14

you. And that part of you

20:14

deserves to just get lit. Just

20:18

do it. Do what lights you up. I

20:18

wish you much inspiration and

20:25

hope you have a playful, fun,

20:25

creative week.

20:30

See you next time. Hey infringed

20:30

is available on most of your

20:36

favorite podcast platforms and

20:36

you can also listen at Empower

20:40

humans.org Wherever you're

20:40

listening do me a solid and give

20:43

this episode a like and share it

20:43

with your friends on social

20:45

media. You can also support the

20:45

show at buy me a coffee.com

20:49

forward slash unfriend. I also

20:49

post links and resources on my

20:53

website at empowered humans.org.

20:53

So if you'd like to dig a little

20:57

deeper into any of the topics I

20:57

cover, that's where you're going

21:00

to find those. And I welcome you

21:00

to drop a comment on Facebook at

21:03

empowered humans Inc. Or you can

21:03

also send me an email directly

21:06

to Donna at empowered

21:06

humans.org. I appreciate your

21:10

support and I look forward to

21:10

hearing your feedback. Thanks

21:13

for listening