Uninhibited Podcast Shownotes

Season 2, Episode 2

Sharika

Welcome to Season Two of Uninhibited, a podcast with the mission to discuss taboo, multicultural, multi-generational, and multi-layered topics that matter to women. 

Our host, Dr. Makunda Abdul Mbacke, is an Ivy-League trained OBGYN, practicing medicine in rural America. She is a mother, career professional, part of Generation X, and so much more.

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1:00 - Today, Dr. Makunda is joined by Sharika, an outreach advocate with a local survivor response group. Sharika is going to discuss intimate partner violence (also known as IPV) in teens and young adults. Statistically, 1 out of 5 women and 1 out of 7 men have experienced intimate partner violence in their lifetimes, and most have experienced this before the age of 18.

2:52 - Sharika introduces herself and shares some information about her professional background. In doing some research for this podcast, Sharika found out some shocking statistics that indicate that IPV is still a present and increasing problem; for example, 80% of girls who have been physically abused in IPV relationships continue to date the abuser.

5:42 - Sharika shares some of the stories of teenagers that she’s worked with who have experienced IPV, and each case is very different from the next because this type of violence is so personal and painful. Although physical abuse is absolutely damaging, intimate partner violence also manifests in other ways, like controlling behavior, emotional manipulation, or isolating someone from their family and friends.

11:30 - What are some of the warning signs of violence to be on the lookout for? Warning signs are typically found within the behavioral and social aspects of our lives. Observe how a person acts with others in their life - friends, family - and see if it aligns with what they’ve told about their relationships with those people. Demonstrations of aggression, anti-social, and jealous behavior can also be warning signs; listen to what they say about past relationship, if they accept responsibility for their actions. These are indicators of how someone may act towards you.

14:56 - When does behavior cross the line from teenage-attachment kind of love to excessive and potentially dangerous? That point can be hard to pin down, but most people realize it when they can no longer have alone time, watch TV, do homework or have a little peace away from their partner.

15:58 - Dr. Makunda asks Sharika if there is a difference between how IPV manifests between younger couples vs. older couples. Sharika explains that the patterns of violence - control, manipulation, isolation - are very similar in abusers, despite age. So many people misinterpret constant texting, calling or demands on time as love and care, when really, it’s about control and fear.

20:47 - What are the warning signs that we can look for as parents, guardians, or other loved ones? Sharika explains that paying attention is key; there aren’t any specific warning signs to watch for, because each child, teen, and young adult is different. Observing prolonged personality differences, or changes in demeanor, then give them a standing offer to come to you or another trusted person with any problem they may have. 

25:15 - If you’re in a situation where you know abuse is happening to your child or loved one, but they are insistent on continuing to be in the abusive relationship, do not make every conversation about the abuser and your dislike of the situation. Rephrase the conversation away from negative comments to reassure your loved one that you are there to support them - “I love you,” “Home will always be a safe place for you,” and similar words of comfort. Prove the abuser wrong by showing love and support (and yes, we know this is hard).

30:48 - What can we do to ensure we are promoting healthy relationships? Re-evaluate our own relationships, refrain from the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do approach, and realize that teens and young people are aware of the actions of their elders. Show healthy relationships through communication and honesty; offer yourself to listen without interruption; be consistent with your probing questions that show support (how can I help, what do you need from me?).

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RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ | The nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. They organize and run a National Sexual Assault Hotline. Also, you can get the latest news on the work RAINN is doing every day to end sexual violence.

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