Uninhibited Podcast Shownotes

Season 2, Episode 3: Annie Part 1

Welcome to Uninhibited, a podcast with the mission to discuss taboo, multicultural, multi-generational, and multi-layered topics that matter to women. 

Our host, Dr. Makunda Abdul Mbacke, is an Ivy-League trained OBGYN, practicing medicine in rural America. She is a mother, career professional, part of Generation X, and so much more.

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1:00 - Today, we are joined by Annie, a survivor of interpersonal violence. With October being Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Dr. Makunda wanted to feature Annie to share her story of overcoming her situation and taking back control. 

1:45 - Annie shares some about herself and her personal history of abuse, including physical and psychological abuse from her parents and her domestic partners. Annie had a negative relationship with her mother, who was very controlling, physically abusive, and socially isolated Annie. Annie’s father was an older man, a laid-off factory worker and rather removed from family interaction. 

6:07 - Despite her parents raising her in Depression-era mindset, Annie’s parents wanted her to get a good education and attend a private school. Annie faced a lot of bullying in public school, so she attended a boarding school for high school, where she lived full-time in her junior year. This was the time she started dating her first boyfriend, who would later become her husband.

8:25 - Dr. Makunda asks Annie what drew her to her boyfriend, which now she would read as warning signs. Annie describes that her boyfriend was not nice, often teasing and putting her down, and he didn’t offer kind or compassionate communication. He also isolated Annie from her friends and social events, especially when other men were involved. Resistance from her mother towards the relationship drove Annie to stay with this man even more. 

11:30 - Dr. Makunda reinforces that so much of what we see and experience as children can shape our future, and we should be mindful of what we expose our own kids to in their young lives. Annie missed the red flags in her partner because she saw that as normal behavior, as expressed by her mother.

12:55 - Annie was accepted at the University of Pennsylvania (UPenn) while her boyfriend went to Cornell, although she was afraid to end the relationship despite the distance. While she established a social life, Annie still felt the tension of her boyfriend telling her who she could interact with and he continued to place a lot of limitations and ultimations on what she could do.  

15:13 - Annie declared her major in Sociology and sub-matriculated into the Social Work program, which meant she could begin to take graduate studies at the same time as finishing her undergraduate degree. Her boyfriend was unhappy with that decision because she would be in Philadelphia longer and her parents were also disappointed because they expected that a prep school and Ivy League education would result in a more lucrative occupation. Annie’s parents ultimately withdrew their financial support because of her decision, and she had to figure out how to support herself in school.

19:38 - Under another ultimatum to come visit her boyfriend, Annie caught a ride with a friend to go see him when they got into a car accident. She suffered a bilateral concussion, several broken ribs, a lacerated liver, and a punctured lung, and had to be in the ICU for two weeks. Whenever she awoke in the hospital, she was surrounded by the people trying to manipulate and control her - the boyfriend and her parents. 

21:23 - After getting out of the hospital, Annie was caught between her parents, who would pay for school if she studied business and changed her living arrangements, and her boyfriend, who wanted her to live with him and switch to his university. She decided to live with her boyfriend, take a semester off, worked with different agencies, and got accepted into the Bachelor of Social Work next semester. 

26:02 - Annie describes living with her boyfriend at Cornell as a little bit of a honeymoon period, despite the controlling limitations he placed on her, like not allowing her to wear tie dye, volunteer or work with men, or contact her friends in Philadelphia. The manipulation her boyfriend exercised on her was framed by trying to help protect Annie from bad influences, and for her, he was a safe place at that time.

29:50 - Dr. Makunda asks if Annie’s boyfriend had a social life, even if she wasn’t allowed to. Annie says that many of his limits on her didn’t apply to him. He rushed a fraternity although he told her she couldn’t join a sorority; he had friends from a wide variety of activities and extracurriculars, despite telling her that she would ruin their relationship if she did the same. 

34:24 - Annie also experienced financial abuse from her partner, especially after she received a sizeable settlement from the car accident. She was pressured to spend excessively to fit in with his wealthy family, and she had the voices of her parents in her mind saying money will always be more important than happiness. Her settlement money disappeared quickly, and after they got married, she was assured that continuing to spend was okay because her husband would always have a job at his father’s company.

36:12 - Annie started to go to a gym, which she enjoyed, but she also found a group of people that she connected with socially. Her husband did not like these friendly relationships and did not allow her to interact with them socially - especially as her money was spent or shared with him and he exercised control over what she could do financially. 

39:00 - Thank you to Annie for sharing the details of your life story. Make sure you tune in for the next podcast to hear Part Two of Annie’s story.

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Find out more about the history of Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM): https://nrcdv.org/dvam/DVAM-history

RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ | The nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. They organize and run a National Sexual Assault Hotline. Also, you can get the latest news on the work RAINN is doing every day to end sexual violence.

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