Here’s an actual e-mail from The Untitled Beatles Podcast to M.P.L., sent on The Fifth of November, 2023:

Hi Sir Paul or Freda! We are the Untitled Beatles Podcast, America’s foremost discussion of profound, focused Beatles scholarship. With the holidays around the corner (AMERICAN ONES, LIKE CHRISTMAS! USA! USA! USA!) we wanted to represent all Beatles and Macca fans with this wish list for 2024:

First off, please, absolutely do not deliver long-delayed remasters of “London Town” and “Back To The Egg”. Who needs’ em! The most “recent” ones from 1993, with their harsh compression and lack of any meaningful bonus tracks, have held up JUST GREAT.

But, please do make us buy “Band On The Run” again! Only this time, change things up. Maybe put the songs in a different order? Take away all of the beautiful arrangements that are baked into this album’s legacy? Just one thing: please, do not include “Helen Wheels”. Feel me, holmes?

We at the UBP - the home of Producer Casey’s exclusive re-mix of your old band’s most famous single, “The Movie Medley”, as you’re well aware from your cruel lawsuit - guarantee that even the most skeptical fan will find this to be a stunning reissue we never knew we needed. Your skilled team can give this album an intimacy and rawness that somehow elevates the these already great songs. What do you think? Are you in? And while we have a minute with you Sir Paul, or Freda:

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 What’s your favorite old porno rag: Screw? Naked? Stripped? Underdubbed? Cracked? Stacked? Smothered? Covered? Or Chunked? #TruffleShuffle

🎻 Is Tony Visconti the Phil Spector of producer/arrangers who don’t kill people?

👍❌ Is the BTS K-Pop smash “Dyno-mite” a fitting or, quite frankly (#StephenASmith) insulting tribute to “Good Times” legend Jimmie Walker?

Thank you, Sir Paul, or Freda, for liking and subscribing to our show like decent/non-awful people do! And, because we’re writing this on Sunday, 11/5/23 (Remember??), and it’s Daylight Savings Time, it’s probably already Meat Free Monday where you are. As they say at NEMS, Mazel Tov!

With Kisses On Your Bottom,

Tony, T.J., Producer Casey, and P3Z-Nutz

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